#i only am mutuals with people I've checked out a bit and sat around a little while‚ I wait and observe before i follow (and a couple of you

[scrappertywasp]

um friendly reminder that if you're my mutual I love and adore you and i consider you not just a mutual but a creature and a friend /ref and bc of that I'll treat you like we've been friends forever and we have a lifelong bond so if you don't want me to hug and kiss and make out with you (/j and /p ofc,,) then please let me know if it makes you uncomfy and i'll not say "ily" or call you sweet things and stuff like that in reblogs or just general stuff ok !! <3

um also lmk if this doesn't make any sucken sense I feel super incoherent tonight but I still mean it ehe !!

[estrxlar]

The Ghost Of You

01 - You’re Familiar

This chapters songs:

Daughter Of A Cop; TV Girl

I Hope To Be Around; Men I Trust

Weird Fishes/Arpeggi; Radiohead

—

— Y. L. Perspective

My breath got louder and louder each second I ran. With my bento box hitting my hips, bag tossing around, and my skirt flying up, there was no way things could get any worse.

But luckily just around the corner, I spotted students climbing onto it, which made my feet run even faster.

Near late on my first day? Damn, Y/n, way to start your year.

   Just then, I heard the sharp hiss of the engine, sending me faster towards the vehicle than I had been pacing myself before. But still, the driver was ignorant, obviously not caring how much I needed this. It wasn't like my parents would take me anyways.

"WAIT..! PLEASE WAIT!" I started on the side of the bus, running side to side with the wheels. After a few seconds of loud disruption, it finally stopped. The break was hard, and students inside were heard making remarks of protest.

Sure, I felt bad for the people who had to get a brake check, but I on the other hand was completely out of breath and near dead. Couldn't they spare me?

"I'm, I'm so.. I'm so sorry I.." My breath is short, and loud while I breathe in and out, trying my best to try and explain my tardiness to the driver. He simply sighs, gesturing for me to seat myself already.

While I stumbled down the aisle, I received a few weird glances from fellow students. Some familiar and some new. I couldn't tell if it was because of my reputation, or because I looked like a hot mess. Either way, it was too early in the morning for one to give a damn. And so, I seat myself next to another student, finally resting from the marathon I had just run.

I sighed, rolling my head back, and placed my fingers on my temples. 'I probably look like a mess right now.' I thought, letting out a huge sigh. Once I sat my fingers back down onto my lap, I observed more of the people I was surrounded by.

Some third years I was familiar with, a few that wouldn't dare speak to me, and some that were strangers. Other second and first years I didn't know at all; throughout high school, I thought it'd be best to stay hidden and introverted, especially if I were to become popular in the music industry. Lots of young stars still went to school, and usually got dirt easily thrown onto their title and that's exactly what I would avoid this year.

Bringing me back to reality, I capture a peek coming from the boy I was seated next to. He had fluffy gray hair and seemed just as tired as me. But the bus was so dark, I couldn't completely make out his features.

"Something wrong?" I said to him.

He jumped a little, adjusting his eyes back down to his phone. "S-sorry, I didn't mean to stare. I just- I think I know you from somewhere."

"Lots of people know me, buddy—" I lifted my head, facing him. 'Hey, this guy does pretty familiar. But there's no way I'd forget a face like his. Then again, I have the memory of an 80-year-old woman.' I think to myself, examining his features in an awkward mood.

"Wow, it is you. (Y/n), it's been quite a while!" He smiled widely, reaching a hand out to me. I only froze, too confused to comprehend the situation. "You have no idea how glad I am to see you're doing well!"

"I-Im sorry?" I question, wondering why a stranger would confront me this way. But something was off— I knew him, I just couldn't remember where from. Maybe from previous classes, or from a concert?

He turns slightly, growing a smile on his pale face. "I was trying to figure out if it was you or not, but it is! It's great to see you're better. How are you?"

"Who are you?" I ask back, a bit frightened.

"Uhm, well, I sat next to you in math class during my first year. Remember? I was a little ditzy, kind of annoying, I never shut up about volleyball..?" He asks, hoping to get a hint of nostalgia. "Come on, you've gotta recognize me, right?"

"Wait, Sugawara!" My finger jumps out, pointing to his sitting figure. "I'm sorry I couldn't recognize you! It sure has been quite a while. But I definitely remember you, now! You were one of the people who talked to me during my first year.. thanks for that. Anyways, how've you been?"

"I think that's my line, L/n." Suga pats my shoulder, then places his hand onto his lap. "You've changed so much! I've gotta know how you're doing!"

"I-I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing in your perspective, but thanks anyway. I've been doing just fine." I explain before a yawn escapes my mouth. Sure, this conversation was energetic, but I certainly wasn't.

"Again, so very sorry for being so forgetful. I don't remember much from first year, especially not anything in math, but I sure do recognize you now." I say, hoping my rudeness from before wouldn't have any effect on how he viewed me. Not that I cared, of course.

Luckily, Sugawara was forgiving that day. With a wide grin, he replies, "No need to apologize. People change drastically during high school; we're no exceptions. Although, I would've enjoyed being mutuals with you throughout most of it! I wonder why I haven't seen you around until today... I believe the last time we had talked was around the last day of first year."

"Yeah, we didn't have any classes together. If we had, I'm sure we would have stirred up a discussion. You seem very kind. " I gently smile, rubbing the nape of my neck. I tend to forget any bad memories, and the beginning of high school sure was a fat one.

"What a shame, you too seem wonderful.." He comments, gazing towards me for a split second, before reverting his focus. "A-anyways, it's a bit of a surprise I saw you here. Have you always ridden the bus? I usually take it in the mornings as well."

"I've actually just moved into this neighborhood. My parents work more hours than ever, so they decided it's best if I'm closer to school so that I can get to school and back quickly." I explain, tapping the sage green bento in my lap, before setting it on my side.

Sugawara nods, understanding the circumstances. "That makes sense. I'm sure you'll enjoy it now that you've got a friend in the neighborhood. Although, a girl like you must be quite familiar, right?"

'Is that intended to be disrespectful, or am I just tripping?' I think to myself, asking him to spell out the meaning of that remark. "I'm sorry, what? A girl like me?"

"Oh, crap! I didn't mean that to sound rude— I meant because of your band! I understand you guys are the talk around school, considering you're getting pretty popular in the field."

A sigh of relief leaves my lips, preparatory to my correction. "Oh, my band. I'm not sure I necessarily make friends, more like connections and acquaintances. Only a couple of students know about the band, and usually just the down-low ones. But enough about me, what about you, hm? I assume still volleyball obsessed."

I had obviously steered in the wrong direction with our conversation, for Suga's aura quickly altered at the mention of the sport. "Eh, I'm not as excited about it as I used to be." He says, along with a hint of dissatisfaction in his raspy voice.

"No way. What happened to cheerful Sugawara who asked me, the lamest, to join the girls' team?" I ask, hoping a bit of that childish personality was still inside the older version of Suga. The one which was taller, more masculine, more of a man than before.

"Honestly, can't tell you. 'Teams has been a mess ever since I've joined." He leans back in his seat, stretching his arms out, before placing them around his neck from behind. "We're hanging on my a very thin thread."

"Dang, that really sucks. You never know, things can always turn out better." I say, doing as he did, and resting against the leather seats.

"Yeah, of course. I guess it's pretty hard to keep going after so many fails, haha." A sad chuckle leaves his mouth, as he sighs.

"Anyway, nice talking. I'm outta take a quick power nap; I barely got sleep last night. Mind waking me up when we get to school?"

"Yeah, of course," Sugawara replies. With that, I'm left with laying music in my ears like always, and nodded off to slumber.

—

"Hey, sleepyhead. We're at school," I hear someone say, feeling a tap of a cold finger on my nose. Almost immediately, I shoot up from my position, standing directly above Sugawara while students leave the bus with their bags, having loud discussions of excitement. Was there anything more embarrassing than falling asleep on someone who ghosted you as a friend?

"Dear God, I'm terribly sorry." I panic, brushing down my blue skirt. "That happens on rides, it was a mistake."

"Oh, it's no big deal! Don't worry—" Suga chuckles, standing up from sitting. But before I could let him talk anymore, I started making my way towards the exit of the bus.

"Uhm, I've gotta go! Great talking, though. I'll catch you later, have a good day," I mumble, before frantically leaving the vehicle. 'What a morning.'

— K. S. Perspective

Before I could grant Y/n a polite goodbye, she'd disappeared in just a few seconds. But even so, the measly to,e I'd discussed with her was quite enjoyable. I couldn't believe how much she'd changed.

Long ago, the beginning of high school, Y/n was the type of girl you could barely see, as if she were invisible. I think the only reason I ever even noticed her was because we were seated next to each other in math class, and she immediately caught my attention. But thank goodness I had at least tried making an effort to talk to her, or else we wouldn't have had our conversation this morning. But it wasn't her fault she was so gloomy; supposedly she had lost someone close to her the year before.

Although our talk was brief, it still meant a lot to me. Especially since I was informed that she was finally happy. Looking down at the seat she used, there was a small box with a handle at the top, and a few anime stickers covering it.

'Is this what was making that loud tapping noise on the way here?' I asked myself, examining the box more. Small initials marked 'Y.L.' We're at the bottom, informing me it was Y/n's. At first, I considered handing it to our bus driver, but for the few years I've known him I learned he doesn't return lost things. And so, I leave the bus with it in my hands, ready to start my morning.

"Suga!" I hear a familiar voice call out to me. Looking up, I see my friend, Daichi, and another fellow behind him, Tanaka. The two of them jog towards me, with their scarfs unfolding in the wind. Both I had met in volleyball, and they've been my buddies ever since.

"Hey, Sugawara!" Tanaka exclaims, roughly slapping my back. The bento tosses in my hands, thankfully not spilling onto the floor. Unfortunately, he notices the box and snatches it right out of my hold. "Wow, feeling a bit girly, are we?"

I laugh in response, quickly taking it back. "It's not mine, it belongs to the person who sat next to me today. Hopefully, if I see her again I can give return it."

"Hopefully?" Daichi teases, as we all begin our walk towards the school doors. "Do you know her name?"

"Yeah, her name's Y/n. Know her?"

He lights up at the mention of their name, replying "Oh, I know her! That girl you never shut up about I in first year, correct?"

"Ha, yeah."

Tanaka doesn't understand, digging deeper into the situation. "What?! I've never known good ole' Suga to genuinely have feelings for a girl, unless it was some fling."

"I don't! I used to. There's a difference." I say, as we enter the building.

"If she rides your bus, then why don't you just give it to the driver? She'll probably go looking for it later at the end of the day. That is unless you wanna see her again.." Daichi teases me.

"You see, I would. But the bus driver is sort of a thief, and this girl has had a rough morning as it is. I just wanna be nice." I explain to him. Though a part of me did want to see her again and hope that we could talk longer than we did before.

"Sure you do," Tanaka says, patting our backs. "Listen, this is my stop. I'll catch you guys at practice?"

"Sure thing, bye." We say our farewells, and make our way towards the third-year halls. "What about you, Daichi? Got anything exciting happening this hour?"

"If stressing about volleyball counts, then yes! Most definitely.." He says, clearing his throat. "Watch, like, two people show up."

"Actually, Kiyoko informed us in the group chat that we've got at least four! That's better than last year, right?" I try my best to cheer him up, but it only made him even more nervous. I couldn't blame him. Too much was even more of a burden, but too little was a disappointment and would leave us exactly where we left off.

"It's okay, Suga. I have a lot of faith in our team. I know it's been rough lately, but as long as we try our best, we'll work this out." Daichi smiles, turning towards a separate hallway than mine. "I'm off to homeroom. See you later!"

"Yeah, see ya!" I'm left by myself, giving me more time to focus on what should happen today. - 1st, I have to go through each class and say hi to a couple of familiars, and hopefully not see anyone I've had a conflict with.

- 2nd, I had to give Y/ns bento back to them, but that could only happen if we happened to have a class with each other before, or if we had the same lunch.

- 3rd, volleyball tryouts were this afternoon. I had to make sure and represent myself as a role model, and make it clear I was vice-captain. I wanted nothing more than for the new players to feel safe.

But internally, I knew none of those plans would work out. Especially if I wasn't focused on them. Currently, all I could think about was Y/n, and how refreshing it felt to be around her again. When I was first around her was at the same time when things in my life started to fall apart, and my little crush on her made me feel better about it all. I guess you could say she was my comfort corner, even if she talked to me only once or twice during the week. And sometimes on her bad days, I would be able to at least get a laugh out of her, even if it meant making a complete fool out of myself.

All I wanted was for her not to harm herself or feel lonely, which took a quick turn towards me once the year had ended. Not only had my thing for her end, but my family soon fell apart after my mother had passed away. Of course, I still had my responsibilities like volleyball club and helping my younger sister and my father get through it. But it seemed that everyone would do their own thing, so I did the same. And for a while, I was lonely and didn't cope with the loss very well. Just like Y/n, I distanced myself.

This went on throughout my entire second year of high school, while she on the other hand started to get her life together. She started her band, made and covered a couple of songs, and finally healed from her hard year. Honestly, I didn't even really believe that she was in such a good state, but I was proven wrong today. Ultimately, she truly inspired me to pick myself up and start fresh. And now that she popped up so suddenly, I was back to square one.

'It's been a while, Y/n'

—

HEYYY SHAWTYYYS.

Give me notes.

SO, I've finally rewritten the first chapter of my fanfiction!! It took a while, but I did it. If you didn't know, I started this story about eight months ago, and I had no writing experience. Now that I'm reaching the climax of this story, I decided I should edit the chapter, especially since they sucked ass! Nothing much was changed, just far more detailing and extra feelings.

Overall, thanks so much for reading the first chapter. Please vote if you enjoyed it!! It helps others know that it's worth reading. And if not, no worries. Thanks anyways. I love you all so much!

- your friendly Suga simp

[queenmylovely]

congratulations on 800 love!! idk if you write for lucy (if you don't you can just write for rog or ben instead, whatever you prefer) but i've had this idea in my mind for weeks now about going on a date with lucy for the first time (i'm thinking dinner? even though it's super cliche lmao) and it's like super romantic and intimate 🥺 maybe you could make this a blurb or hc? 🤭

Oh my gosh, yes I write for Lucy! At least, I do now as this is the first thing I’ve written for her. The concept is not cliche, it’s perfect and this made me so soft, thanks for sending it in 💖 (under the cut cause it’s 1.5k, just fluff)

Masterlist 

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Getting out of your uber, you smoothed down your dress and exhaled slowly to calm the nerves you were feeling. The nerves were due to the fact that you were going on your first date with a friend of a friend, Lucy. But the excitement you felt overpowered the nerves. You had already met her once before, at a dinner party at your mutual friend, Gwil’s place. The two of you had instantly caught each other’s eye and made flirty eye contact from either end of the table all night. By the time everyone was leaving, you had worked up the courage to ask for her number and had made plans for the next weekend.

You were walking to the doors of the restaurant, wondering whether Lucy was already inside or if she was still on her way. The latter seemed to be true when you looked around the waiting area and didn’t see her. There was a short line leading to the host station so you went to the end and stood there, glancing at your watch to see that you were exactly two minutes early.

Standing there, you looked around the restaurant and were pleased that you had told Lucy to choose where you went since it looked very nice; the perfect ambience and atmosphere. You were only there for about a minute when you heard your name.

Turning, you saw Lucy walking over to you and smiled brightly to match hers. She came up next to you, scooting past the person in line behind you and pressed a quick kiss to your cheek.

“Have you been waiting long?” she asked, adjusting her purse on her shoulder. Then she looked at you expectantly.

You realized you had just been staring at her, admiring the way her hair framed her face perfectly, the flattering cut of her dress and how she was just a tad taller than you in her heels. Smiling sheepishly you told her, “No, just a minute. You look beautiful by the way.”

Lucy smiled, looking at you happily as her cheeks became a very cute shade of pink, “Thank you, so do you.”

By then, you were at the front of the line and Lucy relayed the reservation information, then the host took you to your table. You sat down across from each other and then started to look at the menu.

“I know we literally just started looking, but do you have an idea of what you want? They have a great red or white if you want to pair it with your meal,” Lucy offered and you grimaced a little. Lucy joked, “What, am I being too controlling?”

“No, not at all. I just don’t like wine,” you said with a laugh.

“Oh, thinking back I do remember you having a G&T instead of Gwil’s rosé,” Lucy replied with a knowing look. “Is that your go-to?”

“Well it’s what most people have stuff for,” you answered. “But I’ll go for a mojito if I can. Like I think I’m gonna go with this peach one.”

“Ooo that looks good,” Lucy said, looking on her menu where you were pointing. “I think I’ll join you.”

A few minutes later, you had your drinks and had ordered your food. The two of you were chatting about work and upcoming projects. Lucy was happy to answer your questions about the films and shows she was working on, but was happier hearing about your job.

“Wow, as someone who’s always just working with someone else’s ideas, it’s wild to me that you actually create everything you do,” she said, her eyes wide.

“Well, we have a group that works on every project, but yeah, a lot of what I do is on my own,” you amended, feeling a rush of pride for what you did based on Lucy’s interest. “But acting definitely takes a bit of creativity, right? Like you have to decide how you’re going to do things.”

“That’s true,” Lucy said with a nod, “You seem to understand a lot of it for someone who said she didn’t ever do any acting.”

“I may have never done any formal acting, nor do I want to,” you shook your head, “However, I’ve been running lines with Gwil since the first year of uni.”

Lucy burst into laughter and you laughed with her but found yourself feeling an inexplicable amount of adoration for her as you did.

“Tell me,” she said with a conspiratorial look and through a few giggles. She leaned closer, her voice getting softer and the scent of her perfume growing stronger, “Has he always been this… pretentious?”

You looked at her in excited shock, reaching over and touching her arm, “Oh my gosh, you think so too?”

She let out a relieved laugh, quickly looking down at your hand, “Yes, but I swear no one else sees it!”

“It’s his ability to charm the shit out of everybody he meets. Never really worked on me though, as much as I love him,” you admitted, lifting your hand to gesture to yourself.

“No, me neither,” Lucy agreed, looking at you so intently that your heartbeat sped up.

“Let’s just say that his 20 minute spiel about the rosé was a repeat performance from one in uni, only then the bottle was worth $8 instead of $35,” you said with a smirk.

Lucy’s face broke into a smile as she laughed, her eyes sparkling. She hit your shoulder lightly, “You’re so bad!” but the look on her face told you she thought anything but.

Half an hour later, the food was eaten and you were looking at the dessert menu together.

“Okay, but the real question is do you like lemons? Because they have an amazing lemon soufflé with a raspberry sauce that is to die for,” Lucy suggested hopefully.

“Sounds perfect,” you told her with a smile.

When the dessert came, you dug into it together, and Lucy tried to ignore the bolt of heat that went through her when you moaned at the taste.

“This is so fucking good,” you said through a half-full mouth and Lucy chuckled. You swallowed your bite and continued, “You know, you have incredible taste. This restaurant, your outfit, this dessert!”

“You,” she added and you felt your cheeks heat up at the compliment, shoving another bite of raspberry covered lemony dessert into your mouth to keep you from saying something dumb.

The two of you continued eating and chatting, playfully using your spoons to fight for the best bites. As she smiled and laughed yet again you felt yourself stumble further down the path of falling in love with her already.

When the check came, you told her that since you were the one that had asked her out you were going to pay and if she wanted to pay then she’d just have to ask you out another time. She looked determined when she said she would.

Since neither of you had driven, you decided to share a car. It allowed for you to sit closer together than any other point in the evening, with your hands resting next to each other’s on the seat and your pinkies brushing together.

You took turns pointing out different things like good restaurants, a hidden shop full of local artist’s work, and eventually just random places you had been as an excuse to lean closer to the other.

The car arrived at your place first since it was closer to the restaurant and Lucy offered to walk you to your door. As you climbed out and fished for your keys, she leaned in the window and told the driver to wait.

She went with you to the entrance of the building and the two of you stood a little to the side to be out of the way.

“I had a really good time tonight,” you said with a soft smile.

“Me too,” Lucy told you. “You’re a great first date. And I’m sure you’ll be an even better second one.”  

Your smile grew, already excited for more.

“And you’re so cute,” Lucy added, unable to help herself when you smiled.

You were about to compliment her as well when she leaned forward and kissed you. Her lips were soft and warm and when you didn’t pull away, she brought her right hand to your waist and her left to your cheek to keep you close. Feeling her tongue slide along your lower lip, you opened your mouth for her and brought your left hand to her shoulder and your right one to hold hers in place.

Sighing into the kiss, you enjoyed what you hoped was the first of many, many kisses to come. After a minute, you pulled back and her lips followed yours so you pressed another quick kiss to them.

“The car’s still waiting,” you pointed out.

Lucy blushed, “Oh right, I should--”

“Tell them to leave and then come in with me,” you said, looking at her suggestively.

Lucy was surprised that you were being so forward, but as surprised as she was, she loved it even more and nodded quickly.

“I’ll go do that. Be right back,” she told you, sneaking another little kiss before she turned and rushed down the path back to the car.

You saw the driver shift into gear and start to drive away as Lucy looked back and smiled at you. She was back next to you in a moment, and she grabbed your hand as you unlocked the door with the other.

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[littlemsstark3000]

Whatever It Takes

Avengers: Endgame - IronWidow fix

Something happened.

Tony knew it. He figured it out through the empty space beside him, the discarded pillows, his bare body under the sheets, and her scent mixed with the vodka which they shared.

Natasha was there. And she was gone before he woke up.

He shut his eyes again. Scenes from the previous night started replaying in his mind. They had more than enough liquor but they were not drunk, he was sure of that. He was aware of what was happening from the time he leaned dangerously closer towards her and planted a chaste kiss on the corner of her lips. If she tried to stop him, he would have backed off. She did not.

He groaned, mind blurred of what to do next.

Was he supposed to call or message her? Check where she was? Ask why she just left? Say he was sorry?

But he wasn't a bit sorry for what happened. He wanted it... since when, only heaven knew. The question was if she wanted it the same way, or she has regretted it the moment she woke up and realized what they have done.

Eight months ago, they lost to Thanos. He snapped and gone was 50% of the living, including the closest people to him and to her. Peter was dusted in his arms in Titan. Clint lost his whole family, which eventually led to Natasha losing her bestfriend in him also.

When Tony was rescued in space by Nebula and Captain Marvel, he returned to a very quiet compound. Natasha, Steve, Bruce and Thor were the only ones left there. Rhodey and Pepper came the soonest they got the word about his return. They arrived as he lay in the med bay with the only female Avenger left watching over him.

The reunion was a lull before the storm that was his confrontation with Steve. The pain, the betrayal, the anger he harbored in his chest for their Cap since Siberia made him snap, too. What remained of his belief that they could avenge for the earth when they could not protect it - dusted. That night, Natasha went to his room and apologized for the hurt that she also caused him. He has long forgiven and understood her, and he let her stay until he slept.

The next day, he learned that the team has traced Thanos and attacked him to retrieve the infinity stones, in high hopes that they could still revert what happened. They did not get them... not even one.

Days later, Tony got well and chose to move on, opting to live alone this time in a lakehouse far from the city. He worked for Stark Industries, his own company still managed by Pepper, remotely. He enjoyed a more private life.

Among the then-Avengers, it was only with Natasha that he communicated. Bruce and Thor disappeared to somewhere he did not mind knowing about. They needed to rest, too. Steve stayed behind but opted to lie-low from being a supersoldier. While she, keeping herself together, continued to do work and organized a new team which could look after what was left of the world. With much respect for her choice, he made it clear that even if they were already far from being teammates, he was just a stone throw away especially for her, always.

And it was because of that mutual understanding that Natasha knocked on his door last night and broke down after a few glasses. Both of them were still grieving for their losses, no matter how hard they hid it. Both of them were still looking for answers even if it looked like they have moved on. Both of them, at the back of their minds, were still hoping that they could bring everyone else back.

Vulnerable, they succumbed to the temporary aid which they could get from each other on his bed. It wasn't hurried, but every touch, every move, every moan was desperate to satisfy their need for comfort. Once was not enough. They gave in again. And again...

Tony cleared his head with a cold shower then decided to go to her at the compound. He did not know what to say; he just had to see her first.

Natasha sat on her work desk, going through whatever she was doing on her laptop, when he entered her office.

"Tash," he stood before her table.

"What's up, Stark?" She did not even look up to him.

It felt like a kick on his gut. "So we're back to surnames only. That's cool," he replied with pure sarcasm.

"If you're here to talk about what happened, you shouldn't have bothered."

"Why not?"

She chuckled. "We're two consenting adults. It's done and over."

He followed her with confused stare and rising irritation as she walked to the side table and made a sandwich.

"What the fuck did you just say?"

Natasha raised her eyebrows to him. "Why? Oh don't act too modest on me. That's the least I will expect, especially from you."

His fists balled inside his pockets, he filled his lungs with much-needed air. "I'm not here to say I am sorry for what happened because really, I am not."

"Then? Don't tell me you worry about me getting..." She paused but he got it. "You know that's impossible."

"Natasha -"

"I'm not gonna run after you because of what happened, Stark. It was just good sex."

His face heated up and his teeth clenched so tight that it already hurt - whichever hurt more, his jaw or his heart, he didn't care. Before he could do something he would regret more, he turned to leave immediately, shutting the door loudly behind him... missing to catch Natasha's rattled expression, trembling lips and teary eyes.

That was the last time they saw each other.

*****

Four years later, Natasha appeared at his doorstep again - this time, with Steve and Scott Lang, presenting a possible way to get back what they lost to Thanos.

Quantum realm. Time heist.

"The stones are in the past. We can go back. We can get them," Steve said.

"We can snap our own fingers. We can bring everybody back," she added.

"Or screw it up worse than he already has, right?" he quickly countered, eyes bore into green ones.

His two other guests tried to justify some more, but each argument, he had an answer to.

Finally, Natasha spoke again. "Tony, we have to take a stand."

Great, she just called him by his first name again, reminding him of the good relationship they shattered with one steamy night followed by a more heated encounter.

"We did stand. And yet, here we are," he couldn't help being straightforward.

She turned her head, looking away.

He sighed. "I wish you'd come here to ask me something else. Anything else."

Natasha never looked at him again until the three of them left. His chest tightened even if it was him who declined their proposal. He knew he hurt her by crushing her hope. But he was actually scared to try again and fail. There was a bit of probability that they might do it right but he could not risk, could he? It would be too painful, if they would be lucky to even live after, that is.

When he lied down that night, in the same room where they spent that one night together, Tony still could not rest his case. He remembered Peter. He remembered Clint's lovely family. He thought about Natasha... and how she would have looked happier if he said yes to their idea that afternoon.

Those thoughts and the tiny bit of probability pulled him up from his bed to his little workshop.

*****

He made it work and they did it. They, the Avengers, won this time around.

After they collected the infinity stones from the past, with Clint's inevitable sacrifice in Vormir, and despite the accident that brought Thanos and his troop to the present, they managed to pull through in the battle. Bruce as the Hulk snapped with the gauntlet that Tony made and the bad guys turned to dust.

They lost two heroes in one day... but the ones who have returned, together with the four Avengers left, swore to their gravestone that the earth, with their loved ones in it, would be protected again at all cost.

Steve went back to the past to return the stones in their respective places. But he did not come back. They should have figured it out when he said goodbye to Bucky and left his shield to Sam before he stepped into the time heist.

Thor, sober and with renewed determination after he has spoken with Almother, led the New Asgard with Valkyrie.

Tony and Natasha promised to keep the rest of their team together whatever it takes. But it had to start by fixing what was between the two of them...

Like the night of Tony's return from space five years ago, she went up to him. He was awakened by movement on the bed in his room in the compound. The next thing he realized, the redhead was snuggled up on him, her arms around his neck, hands clasped on his nape.

"Tash..." He called her name softly and kissed her hair.

"Thank you, Tony."

Natasha looked up to him, and as his eyes adjusted to the dim light, he caught her eyes shiny with tears.

"I don't and won't ever take full credit of our win, if that's what you are thankful for," he smiled as he wiped her eyes with his thumb.

She shook her head. "I thank you for trying one more time. It wasn't a simple decision, I know. You've left this life behind for a more peaceful one and moved on," she caressed his cheek. "Now you're back here with us."

Tony shifted their positions so he was half hovering comfortably over her.

"When I was trying to figure out how we could pull off that quote-unquote time heist, you know what was on my mind?"

"What?"

"Oh, it wasn't a what but a who," he tapped his point finger on the tip of her nose. "You."

"Tony..."

"I haven't said it yet but I really like it better when you call me by my first name."

She sighed. "I'm serious."

"Same here. So serious about you that I risked screwing up reality."

She fell silent as she just stared into his eyes.

"Guess that's another way of saying I love you, Natasha. I've always cared so much about you... Damn it, I can't even stay mad at you for 24 hours straight."

"I'm not good with words, Tony."

"Not a problem."

His hand trailed from her side to her hips to the small of her back and pulled her closer to him, the same time that Natasha lifted her face to meet his lips that instantly opened up to hers.

That one night long time ago was never enough. They gave in again. And again. And again.

[beneathawesternsky]

Hi I've never done this before but could I please request a smutty fic with Ben Hardy?? I recently discovered that we have a mutual friend (he went to drama school with my friend from high school!) and would love the idea of meeting at a party and not wasting any time getting to know each other ;) (sorry I'm so unimaginative!) My name is Kasia, I'm half Polish and I actually play bass guitar... so I love Deaky, but Ben is far too hot to ignore ;) thank you!

Alright, my dear… It took me forever, but work is crazy for me in the winter months, and we were down two staff members, so I was pulling quite a few long days. But this little blurb was always getting worked on… and then, whoops, it turned into ≥4,400 words. So here it is. Thank you so much for submitting a self-insert request. (oh, and I changed the setting a little bit… I like to let my creativity flow, and this is where it took me this time)

To all others, YES, I am still taking self-insert requests. See my blog for details.

You plopped down into the airport seat with appreciation—you had just walked what seemed like a half a mile through the airport your connecting flight was going through, and your feet were killing you. It didn’t help that your footwear was less than practical. Still, heels were best for job interviews, and you would have no time to change when you landed before your interview.

You settled in, pulling out your airport distraction of choice—“The Captive Mind” by Czesław Miłosz, in Polish. You’d been wanting to brush up on your Polish language skills. You were a fine conversationalist, having spoken with half your family in their native tongue your whole life, but you decided that 2019 was the year of challenges.

You weren’t very far into the first chapter when the man sitting two seats away from you spoke to you.

“Light reading?” he asked. You looked up, and over at him. His face struck you for a moment. Was he who you thought he was? He couldn’t be.

Your mouth gaped a moment before you looked down at the book, putting the receipt in as a bookmark. You gave a half smile. “It’ll probably take me six months, but I’m always up for a challenge.”

He squinted, and looked at the spine. “Polish?” he asked.

“Ah,” you said, nodding. “One of my parents is Polish. I just wanted to brush up on my reading skills is all.”

He nodded in understanding. “Well, I won’t bother you, I’ll let you get back to it,” he said, turning to his iPhone.

It was his small smile that struck a chord with you. “No, no… I’m glad for the distraction.”

The smile stayed at the corners of his mouth, and that’s when you remembered how you knew him.

“You’re… Ben Hardy, aren’t you?” you asked, tucking your hair behind your ear. You mentally reminded yourself to keep your hands away from your hair. You always did that when you were talking with someone you found attractive.

He demurred, and looked back over at you, ready for the onslaught of questions or requests for selfies. But he was too polite to ever complain. It just came with the territory, now that Bohemian Rhapsody had been so successful.

“Yeah,” he said, “guilty.”

You smiled, showing your teeth. “We’ve actually got a friend in common.”

His eyebrows knit together a moment. He seemed surprised. Relieved even.

“Do we?” he asked, leaning into your conversation with his body, his elbow up on the armrest.

“Yeah,” you said, setting your book down on the empty seat beside you. “Tracy Young. She went to college with you. She and I went to high school together.”

His face lit up. “Oh wow, what a small world. How is she these days? Do you two keep in touch?”

“Occasionally, when we’re both home on holiday or when we’re in the same city,” you replied. “She’s doing alright. She’s making the move to LA soon, but she’s not had the level of success you’ve had. Just a few bit parts, but she’s done well enough to warrant moving.”

“That’s great,” he said, his eyes unconsciously flicking downward to take in the rest of you. The action was not lost on you. Your heart picked up a half a beat. “And what about you? What do you do?”

You proceeded to tell him what you studied, and what you were doing now.

“In fact,” you said, “I’m on my way to an interview for a new job.”

“I’m sure you’ll nail it…” he said, suddenly looking out the window. “But I’m still not convinced we’ll be taking off in this weather.”

You looked out with him. It was just a spot of rain, or at least you had told yourself that when you landed from your first flight.

“God, I hope it’s not canceled,” you said, suddenly worried you were going to make a terrible impression before your interview. Surely they would understand if a flight was canceled?

You two shared a moment of silence, maintaining eye contact. God, how was it possible that a man could make you feel that way with just a look? You crossed your legs, hoping to quell the feeling.

“So…” you said, hoping to distract yourself from the worsening weather, and the feeling you were starting to have difficulty suppressing. “Where are you headed?”

“Home,” he said simply. “Just getting back from LA, and I get to finally relax a little.”

You chuckled. “Oh my god, that’s right, the… Oscars, they were last weekend.” You can’t believe you just said that. This was getting unreal. It was so easy to forget the weight of who he was. He was just that disarming.

He nodded, beaming a bit, but suppressing it.

“Are you pinching yourself just a little bit still?” you asked with a small chuckle.

“God yes,” he said, and the two of you shared a laugh.

“I was really pleased for you all,” you said. “I couldn’t think of anyone more deserving than Rami, and all of you.”

“Thank you,” he said, blushing slightly.

You opened your mouth to say something else, when the flight attendant’s voice came over the PA system announcing that due to weather, all flights coming in or going out of your connecting airport had been canceled.

“No,” you groaned, putting your hand through your hair. “Shit.”

Ben merely smirked, and pulled out his phone. “Guess it’s time to get a hotel squared away.”

You sighed, frozen for a moment in disbelief. “Yeah.”

“I’ve got a booking site pulled up now,” he said, looking up at you with his face still slightly downward. “You can bet the good rooms are going to go quick. There’s not much to choose from around these parts, but this one’s fairly close to the airport.”

You nodded, pulling out your phone, going to your favored booking site, and found only four hotels in the area, with all surprisingly similar price points. You started to wonder for a moment where Ben might be staying, but you told yourself not to be a creep. He would bolt the second you asked.

“Where are you booking?” he asked, reading your mind, a sly confidence behind his words.

Your mouth hung open a second. “I, I don’t know…”

“Well, I’m booking at the Hilton,” he said, pausing a moment. “Look, I hope this isn’t too forward, but I’d love to keep talking with you. Maybe take you out for dinner?”

Your heart skipped a beat, and you were sure your face was beet red. “I’d like that,” you said, nodding, and the two of you smiled. You both proceeded to go through the steps online of booking your own hotel room. When you were finished, you and Ben stood, ready to move on to the next juncture.

“I’ve got to call the people interviewing me really quickly,” you said, hiking your carry-on bag up your shoulder a bit. “Tell them I’m not going to be there today.”

He nodded. “Of course…. Er, I don’t think I got your name.” He blushed, and your stomach flipped at that fact. You two had been talking so effortlessly that you couldn’t believe you’d left that out.

“Kasia,” you said, extending a hand, which he took gladly.

He shook your hand, and your skin tingled where he touched you.

“Kasia. That’s lovely,” he said. You two looked at each other a moment longer, before he stepped back a step. “Alright, Kasia, I’ll wait over here.”

Your heart hammered as you called your potential employers, and they were perfectly understanding. They told you to keep them updated on the status of your flight, and that they would rearrange things to meet with you tomorrow.

When you met back up with Ben, you and he walked out to the taxi line, knowing you would be sharing a cab to your hotel, without either of you having to say as much.

Ben told the cab driver where you were going, and the two of you talked the whole way there. You were struck by how easilyconversation with him came. When the cab pulled up to the hotel, you two made the mad dash to the entrance through the rain, and when you got inside, you couldn’t believe how soaked you got from that short time in the rain.

You two laughed, and shook yourselves off as you checked in, each of you getting your own card keys. Now your plans couldn’t be delayed any longer as you two neared the elevator. “Well,” he said, pushing his wet hair back, regarding you thoughtfully. “How about we meet down at the hotel bar at seven?” he asked.

You nodded as the elevator stopped on your floor. “Great,” he said in a gentle tone. You got off the elevator reluctantly, pausing before the door and holding his gaze while the door closed again.

When you were sure it was closed, and he was out of hearing range, you made a strained squeal, and shook your whole body a bit in excitement. You took measured breaths as you walked to your room and put your key in the door.

You looked at your phone, seeing that you had another hour to kill before you met up with him. You sat on your bed, considering what had just happened, and what was going to happen.

He had been nothing but sweet to you, so you couldn’t be sure things were headed where you thought they might be… but then you shook yourself, telling yourself that of course things were moving in that direction. He wouldn’t have suggested you stay in the same hotel otherwise.

But did you want things to move that fast? You weren’t in the habit of one-night-stands. You hoped it wouldn’t be a one-night-stand, but would accept it if it were. So, with determination, you opened your overnight bag, pulling out your toiletries, taking special care that you would be prepared for hotel sex.

–

You pulled your shirt down, much more comfortable in your black skinny jeans and white long-sleeved shirt than you were in your business casual attire. You’d let your hair down, and touched up your makeup a bit, darkening it for night time. Yeah. You knew exactly where things were going tonight.

But all that confidence fled for a moment when you saw Ben standing in the lobby, waiting for you. Of course he looked amazing. But rather than comment on feeling woefully underdressed, you walked over to him confidently.

“Hi,” you said coolly, when beneath it all, you felt anything but cool.

“You look great,” he said, regarding you a moment.

“Thanks,” you said, and the two of you walked to the hotel bar, the dim lights a welcome comfort. The host greeted you, and when you were being taken to your table, Ben surprised you by putting his hand on the small of your back. You were ready to fall apart right then.

You sat down, and ordered your drinks. You two easily slipped back into conversation, spurred on by excitement and anticipation.

“So what do you do for fun, Ben?” you asked, taking a sip of your drink.

“I’m a bit of a slave to my dog now,” he said, scratching at his neck a moment. “She and I go for walks around town, in parks. Anything outdoors, and I’m happy. And after learning drums for the movie, I quite enjoy that now.”

You lit up at that. “So you’d call yourself a musician now?”

He nodded. “What about you? What does Kasia do in her free time, other than read Polish prose?”

You laughed, and told him all of the interests that came to mind. “And… I do play base guitar.”

“Do you?” he said, lighting up. “I’d love to hear you play sometime,” he said, and your stomach did another backflip. So this wasn’t just a one-time thing… you hoped he meant that.

“I’d like that too,” you said, spinning your drink on the table.

“You know,” Ben said near the end of dinner, “if you don’t get that job, I’m going to be very disappointed.”

You blushed and locked eyes with him. “Me too,” you said.

When dinner was over, the two of you reluctantly made your way out of the restaurant.

The two of you neared the elevators, and he finally said what he’d been thinking. “At this point, I’d be asking you to take a walk around town with me, but this weather is just shit.” He sounded disappointed.

When you pressed the up button, and while you waited for the lift to come down, you were suddenly overcome with bravery.

“As an alternative… you could just come up to my room,” you said, and the doors opened. You stepped in, and Ben stood there dumbstruck. It warmed your heart that he seemed genuinely surprised. “Well?” you prompted, shaking him from his daze.

He got into the elevator, and the second the doors closed, he was on you, pulling you into a kiss, his hands on the back of your neck, tipping your head upwards to meet him. You held onto his waist, feeling just how solid he truly was. He teased your lips with his tongue, and you opened your mouth, letting him kiss you a moment before responding. Despite descending on you so quickly, he was surprisingly gentle, but passionate.

The elevator opened, pulling you from your haze. He took a half step back, and you swayed a little on your feet—and you’d only had two drinks.

You let out a breath of air, and Ben took you by the hand, leading you out of the elevator. He wasted no time, pressing you against the wall beside the elevator for another deep kiss. This time, his hands rested on your lower back, pressing your hips into his. You ran your hands up his chest, ready to tear his shirt off him right there, but your desire for privacy prompted you to push him away slightly. He made a small sound at your separation, but happily followed you as you took his hand and guided him to your room. You fished your card key out of your back pocket, and stuck it into the card reader, only to have it flash red. You tried once more, and it flashed red again.

Ben took this opportunity to press himself into your back, his hand on your stomach, his mouth on your neck as he put your hair to the side. He hit a spot on the back of your neck that made you melt, and you arched your back into him, moaning instantly, and cursing under your breath. You took a steadying breath, and slowly put the key into the card reader, and it finally read green. You turned the handle, and when the door closed behind you, Ben had you against the wall again, turning you to face him.

His face hovered before yours, his lips almost touching yours.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked.

You breathed shakily, feeling the heat radiate off him as he braced himself on the wall on either side of you. He pressed his hips into yours, and tucked his knee between your thighs, putting pressure on your core. You could barely form a coherent thought. All you wanted was him. So you nodded.

“Is that a yes?” he asked, pressing his knee harder into you, causing you to moan slightly.

“Yes,” you said, and that was all he needed to hear. His mouth came down on yours, and you wrapped your arms around his neck. Quickly, he took his hands, grabbed your wrists, and moved them to the wall above you, pinning them there. He kissed you slower then, and you flexed your fingers a moment.

When he pulled back to look down into your eyes, you enjoyed the feeling of his gaze boring into you. It was almost as if he was considering something. He looked up at his hands holding your wrists to the wall, and then back down at you.

“Do you like this?” he asked.

Your heart pounded. Yes, you absolutely did… if you said yes, though, how much more would you be inviting upon yourself? You looked down at his bottom lip, which he drew under his teeth a second, and then decided you wanted more of what he obviously was holding back.

“Mhmm,” you hummed, pressing your hips forward into his. It was game on. This seemed to please him, and he smiled, letting your wrists go, and pulled away from the wall. You ached at the absence of his touch, and your body followed his, hoping to close the gap.

He put his hands on your hips to steady you, and started walking you backwards into your hotel room. When your thighs hit the bed, he kissed your neck, and his voice came into your ear, a gravely tone deeper than you thought could come out of him.

“Take your clothes off and get on the bed,” he said, and stepped away from you. You stood there frozen as he pulled a chair from the desk over to the foot of the bed. He sat, his legs spread wide. He raised his eyebrows, and at that you thrilled. You’d never been bossed around like this before. You wondered if he was always like this, or if it was just the fact that you were having hotel sex with a virtual stranger.

So, you complied, and started stripping, watching his eyes as each article of clothing met the floor. You paused slightly when you were down to a bra and panties, and he smirked knowingly.

“Everything,” he said, and his hand came to the bulge in his pants, gripping himself through the fabric.

You undid your bra, and slid your panties down to your feet, and stepped out of them, getting on the bed as he’d told you. You kept your legs slightly closed, feeling so totally vulnerable with all your clothes off, and his on.

He smirked, and began undoing his belt, still leaning back in his chair, with his legs spread.

“Open your legs, Kasia,” he said, chuckling at your hesitation. “And I want you to touch yourself.”

Your breath left you a moment as he undid his pants, and put his hand inside. “Go on,”  he said gently, but you knew he wouldn’t say it gently a second time, so you opened your legs and exposed yourself completely, bringing your hand down to your core, feeling at the wetness that had pooled there already.

You sighed when you felt how wet he’d made you, and he grunted in pleasure as he pulled his length out completely, stroking slowly.

“Beautiful,” he said, pulling his bottom lip under his teeth. With his free hand, he began unbuttoning his shirt, and shrugged out of it.

“Now use your middle finger, and put it in slowly,” he said, gripping the arm of the chair with one hand, and stroking his cock with the other.

You did as he asked, and your mouth opened slightly, wanting more than what he was telling you to do. He could tell you wanted more, and he shook his head with a smile.

“Add a second,” he said, and you knew then that he was taking it easy on you.

You did what he said, and moaned in relief. You closed your eyes and enjoyed the thrill of being this exposed to someone, and having him love it so much. You were so wrapped up in what you were doing that you didn’t notice he had stripped down completely until he told you your next instruction.

“Take them out,” he said, “and play with your clit.”

You whimpered in want for him, not satisfied with just doing this to yourself, and when you looked up, he was standing at the foot of the bed, stroking himself. He let you do this a minute longer before he knelt on the bed between your legs, and grabbed your hand, putting your fingers in his mouth greedily. He ran his tongue up them a moment, and then sucked them gently.

“Ben,” you said, your voice dripping with desperation.

“What do you want, Kasia?” he asked, still on his knees between your legs, putting his hands on your knees, and massaging your thighs.

“You,” you said, gripping the pillow above your head.

“Me, ‘what’?” he asked, letting one of his hands find your core, running up your center, feeling at your wetness. Your hips bucked involuntarily, and you cried out at finally being touched by him.

“So wet for me,” he said, playing with your folds, occasionally grazing your clit, slowly building up to pressing his ring and middle fingers into you. “Now tell me, Kasia,” he intoned, “what do you want me to do?”

You pivoted your hips, hoping he would put his fingers inside you. Beyond that, you could see all the things you wanted. But right now, you just wanted him to fuck you.

“I want you to fuck me, Ben,” you said, and he merely responded by pushing his fingers into you.

You cried out, and reached for his arm, grabbing it for dear life while he watched your face as he pleasured you.

“Oh, I will,” he said, the look in his eye telling you that you were in for the best kind of trouble. “But not just yet.”

He shifted his body downward, and placed himself on the ground at the foot of the bed, kneeling so his upper body rested on the bed. He grabbed you by your thighs and pulled you further down the bed so he had full access to you. You cried out in surprise, and giggled a little.

He positioned your legs so they were resting on his shoulders, and he admired you, flattening his fingers on your pussy, reveling in how wet you were. He leaned in, and licked either side of you, so close but so far away from where you really wanted his tongue.

He hummed in appreciation as he tasted you. “Amazing,” he said, and finally found your clitoris, causing your hips to buck. He held your hips down firmly, and you knew he was only using a small portion of the strength you knew he had.

Your hands shot to his hair, and laced into it. He found a pattern that made you hold your breath, and knew that was the one that would take you over the edge, so he did it harder. When you came, you cried his name, and gripped his hair. You tried to push him away when your clitoris became too sensitive, and in defiance, he held your hips in place even tighter, continuing his work, drawing your orgasm out longer. You were practically on the verge of screaming when he finally relented, and put his hands beneath your back, picking you up and tossing you further up the bed like you were a ragdoll.

He crawled up the bed to find his place between your legs, and kissed you sweetly as you panted and said incoherent words as you recovered from your orgasm.

He was kissing your breasts when you had recovered enough to speak.

“God, you’re amazing at that,” you said, and put your hands on the back of his neck, drawing him up to kiss you again. You could taste yourself on his lips, and it turned you on even more.

He was positioned at your entrance, and angled his hips so his cock slid over your wet folds. He was getting himself wet before he slid into you, but both of you were enjoying it too much to stop.

When he had had enough, he slowed to a halt, and stayed at your entrance, ready to slide home. He pulled his head back a bit and took in your expression, waiting for you to object to him not wearing a condom.

“Do you want this?” he whispered against your lips. “Do you want it this way?”

You stifled a small moan. You knew the smart thing was to use a condom—but you’d be damned if this wasn’t the hottest sex of your life, and you weren’t going to stop now. You nodded slightly, just enough that he was sure you meant it.

He buried his head in the crook of your shoulder as he pressed forward and buried himself completely. The two of you moaned at your joining, feeling every sensation. He moved slowly, but didn’t wait long to start. He had exercised extraordinary restraint by not taking you as quickly as he wanted, but sheathed inside you he was barely holding on.

Your hips matched his thrusts, and he picked up his pace, intensifying how hard he thrust into you. You grabbed his ass and held on, urging him on.

“Let go, Ben,” you said, and moved your hands to his lower back, ready for him to let go. “Fuck me like I know you want to,” you whispered into his ear.

He let out one solitary chuckle, and pressed a kiss to your shoulder before he drew his hips back further and thrust into you harder, snapping his hips up and hitting your g-spot as he did so.

You cried out as he supported himself on his forearms to free up his hips. You came instantly, tensing around his cock. His breathing picked up, and he was groaning into your shoulder, letting go, not worrying about lasting forever, but just wanting to come inside you now.

He came shortly after you, and you felt him spill inside you. He tensed, and whined as you purposely clenched your kegel muscles around his cock to help him along. When he stopped moving in you, he let his body weight down, and let himself recover in your arms.

After a minute or so, he pulled back slightly and kissed your lips sweetly.

“I have never been more thankful for bad weather,” he said, and the two of you laughed weakly.

He pulled out of you, and he pulled the covers down on your bed, bringing you with him under them. He pulled you to his chest, still breathing a little fast.

“I really hope you get that job,” he said, and you buried your face in his chest a moment before looking back up at him. His face was honest and open, so different from the dominant Ben you had just met.

“Me too.”

[aroselane]

Beside You Ch. 5: Gone

Chapter Five: Gone

It was Thursday, and I already had an unnecessary amount of anxiety over the uniforms.

I had put it on today for school, and I was far too nervous for comfort.

Benny was putting her uniform on, so I took the opportunity to use her full-length mirror.

I stared back at myself, and I frowned.

My uniform looked strange on me. I wore the pink flats with a pink skirt and a white button-down short-sleeved shirt. I didn’t want to wear the matching pink tie, but I didn’t really have a choice. I was told I had to wear the silver bracelet. It had my name and my school ID number on it.

The skirt ended a little above my knees, but unless it was to my ankles, it would feel too short for me. 

I had to wear the identification bracelet outside of school too, just in case something happened to me. The number for the school was on the underside of it, as well as my name.

Even though I was frowning about the uniform, I knew that I would have to wear it all day, every day.

The only thing that kept coming to mind other than the ghastly thing I was wearing, was that I actually had a day pass today, and I was going to use it.

I was still studying my reflection in my uniform when I heard Benny curse under her breath.

"What is it?" I asked her. "These damn uniforms," she hissed. I turned around to see her in her second uniform. It was a dress. Uniform one consisted of a skirt and a button-up shirt, and uniform two had a dress. Uniform three was a short skirt to wear during fitness. “These things in no way, shape, or form are sexy.”

She looked good, though. The dress was pale pink, with pink flat shoes. The same bracelet was around her wrist.

"I knew the uniforms were going to be ridiculous," she groaned. We both pretty much knew that they were going to be, but we have to wear them anyway. "We should head out," Benny said, "Class is about to start." I nodded before grabbing my bag. "I feel like I belong in a cartoon," Benny stated, "Then at least I would have an excuse to feel this stupid." I turned to smile at her. "You're going to be fine." She looked uneasy. "We'll get through it," I said, "We have to." She hesitated before nodding.

Benny was quick to grab her bag, then we were out of there.

 ++++++++++

 I am pretty sure today sucked. This morning I was so optimistic, and I was going to grin and bear it, but today sucked. The constant snarky remarks and pissy attitudes only managed to work my nerves.

I know I wasn’t completely optimistic, I worried, but I felt better once I saw Benny in her uniform. It made me feel brave.

I sat through Home Economics with Benny, and we were both too irritated to talk about it. She was really growing on me, and I feel like I was meant to come here to meet her. I never knew anyone like her before. It’s been maybe a week, and she was already my best friend. All three of them were, but to them, I might just be the new girl. I made a face when the bell rang. I had been enjoying our mutual silence. She turned to me and smiled weakly, "I'll see you later." I nodded at her, and I stood up to head to Fitness. I went into the bathroom after grabbing my clothes from my locker, and I changed in there. Today I didn't get to take it easy. I had to run around the field twice for extra credit. The first one was mandatory. The second was extra credit. To think I actually got to take it easy all week.

What bullshit that was. I could always use the extra credit, and it didn't hurt me to run a second one. The other kids were running three or four laps.

I walked my second lap, and I just felt like I was in a daze. I thought about the mini-golfing on Saturday, and I just kept wondering how much fun it was going to be. Not too long after I got done with my second lap, I could hear the sound of laughter. I glanced up to see a few girls laughing and pointing in my direction. "She won't even change in the locker room," one said. "What is her deal?" another one asked. I felt the need to roll my eyes but decided against it.

I sat down in my usual spot and sighed. I couldn’t wait to leave campus. I could have a break from some of these judgmental bitches.

I pulled my phone from my pocket to see if I had any messages, but there were none. I turned to look through the black gate, and I could see Michael smoking a cigarette with a few other people around him. There was a girl with long blonde hair at his side, and he was definitely ignoring her. I just pulled my phone back out of my pocket, and I initiated the first text. To: Michael - 'Howdy.' I turned back to face the locker room, and I waited for my phone to buzz. This time he didn't respond as fast as he usually does. I turned around to see him pull his phone out, and the girl next to him grabbed it. Good thing I didn't say anything weird. He snatched the phone away from her. She tried to move back to put a little space between her and Michael, but I watched as she fell over, and part of me felt bad for the poor girl. He used the grass under him to put out his cigarette, and he typed on his phone. I turned away from him. From: Michael - 'Long time no talk.' I stared at the message, my heart beat faster involuntarily. To: Michael - 'You seem to be having quite a bit of fun.' I felt like a jealous idiot, but it was small talk, and it was all I really had in me. I could clearly remember the last time we spoke and felt my cheeks grow red. From: Michael - 'Does it really look that way? They only help pass the time.' I made a face at the message. It made me wonder if he really does seem to hate everybody. So then why didn't he hate me? To: Michael - 'Are you excited about Saturday?' I knew I was, and I remembered what Benny said about him really wanting to mini-golf. My phone buzzed, and I checked it. From: Michael - 'I'm not sure excited is the right word, but I am looking forward to it.' I smiled at his message. I realized too late that I used the word excited. Of course, he wouldn't use the word excited without it meaning something sexual. To: Michael - 'You and I use the word excited in completely different ways.' I turned around to look at him again, and everyone he was with is a little further away, and he was completely singled out. From: Michael - 'If you want me excited, I can try.' I made a face at the small screen. To: Michael - 'Your version of excited or mine?' From: Michael - 'Both.' I frowned. I don't think I could handle another phone session with him. I would surely die. I didn't know what to say, yeah, I would like to do it again but at the same time, I didn't. My phone buzzed before I had the chance to respond. From: Michael - 'So how do you like the new uniform?' I was glad that he changed the subject. To: Michael - 'I don't particularly enjoy them.' I glanced back at him, and he was laughing. Why the hell was he laughing? From: Michael - 'I've seen quite a bit of pink today, I thought you and Benny might be miserable.' To: Michael - 'Well you sir are very right.' The sweat pants I wore were dark gray, so I was able to tolerate the light pink short-sleeved shirt I wore. Pink still wasn't my color. I just didn’t like that it showed off the birthmark on my right arm. From: Michael - 'I'm sure you look just fine.' I made a face at the message. The bell rang, and I was quick to put my phone back into my pocket.

I made my way to the locker room, and I dressed in the bathroom. The girls were talking about random stuff, and most of them lagged because this is the last class for the day. I headed for my room before stopping, it was 4:00 PM now, and the post office didn't stay open very late. Should I change? I shook my head quickly as I went into the room, and I left my bag on my bed before I grabbed my purse and made sure I had my day pass. Once I made sure I had everything I needed, I left the room. Benny knew I was going to leave campus after school, but I decided to text her to let her know that I was leaving. To: Benny – 'I'm going to head to the post office before it closes, do you need anything while I'm out?' I was at the front gate, getting glared at when I felt my phone go off. I handed the man at the front gate my day pass, and he looked it over before handing it back to me. I stood behind him while he unlocked the gate and held it open for me to step through it.

"Thank you," I mumbled. He simply nodded, and I walked out and took my phone out of my pocket. From: Benny – 'Okay. I think I'm good until tomorrow, thanks :].' I smiled at the small face at the end of her message. I went through my phone, and I saw I had another text message. I pressed back on the phone and saw a number one next to the name 'Michael King.' I made sure I was on the bus before I read it. From: Michael – 'Do you guys also have to wear those stupid ID bracelets?' I felt like an ass for not responding earlier. To: Michael – 'Yeah, I kind of like them though. Do you have any weird uniform things?' I realized I sounded like an idiot, but it was fine. The bus was about to stop at the Town Square, and I felt my phone buzz again. From: Michael – 'And here I was thinking I was being ignored. And yes, we have the ID bracelets too.' I didn't see him wearing one before. To: Michael – 'Did you guys just get them?' I put my phone away once the bus stopped and I headed for the post office. The only thing I could do was sigh. Mom told me it was important that I got this. A man held the door open for me once he walked out and I thanked him, he only nodded before walking away. I walked up to the counter and told the woman my name, and she walked to the back. I looked at my phone and saw another message. Before I had the chance to read it, the woman came back and set the box on the counter.

I studied it, it wasn’t very big, but I wouldn’t exactly call it small either.

"This is for Ren Graham, right?" She looked at the shipping address. "Ren Graham," she nodded, "You attend that lady school and mail any bigger than an envelope can't be delivered there." I nodded as I took the box into my hands, "Thank you." She nodded and talked to the girl behind me. I stared down at the box and frowned. Part of me didn't want to open it at all. I wasn't ready to open it, so I just headed for the bus again. It wasn't that late, and it made me wonder if I was even ready to go back to campus yet. No, of course, I wasn't ready to go back yet. I looked around the parking lot, and I saw a Good Will store, and I found myself smiling. I hadn't been to one in a while.

I pulled open the door and headed to the books. It was always strange to see what kind of books were here, there were always different genres, and some were in excellent condition while others weren't so much. I glanced over the titles just to see which ones there were. None really caught my attention, so I just walked around. Shoes, I didn't need any. Pants, I won’t be able to wear any during school hours, so I didn't need any more. Maybe I could look for another white shirt? I went to the clothes, and I looked at the white shirts they had, but again none really seemed to interest me. My gaze left the small section of whites, and I saw the dresses. Do I act like Saturday is a date, or do I just dress normally? I didn't know, but it also didn't hurt just to look. I stood in front of the semi-long line of dresses. There were clearly prom dresses, cocktail dresses, and even costumes. I moved the dresses over, but I stopped once I saw something that was bright yellow. I pulled the long dress from the rack, and I studied it. It looked like a day gown. The material felt like it was meant to be pajamas. I strangely wanted it. I nodded to myself, and I headed for the counter. There were four people in front of me, so I decided to check my phone. From: Michael - 'The bracelets are new, it’s better than the ankle one.' I frowned, he had to wear an ankle bracelet before? To: Michael - 'An ankle bracelet sounds just as miserable as a bright pink school uniform.' It was my turn to pay so again I sheathed my phone in my pocket. The current time 4:47 PM. The man smiled warmly at me and rang up my ten-dollar dress. "Can I get a bigger bag?" I asked him. He looked at the box I was carrying and nodded as he pulled a bigger bag out to put the dress in. I gave him my card before I put the box into the bag. I had to show him my ID, and then I was out of there. Instead of going back to campus just yet, I figured I would get something to eat, but I would have to take the bus again. I waited for a few minutes at the stop once the tram pulled up, I was quick inside. The stop after this was the mall, and they had quite a few places to choose from. I stood as I stared out the window, this thing needed more seats if it was going to have this many people on it. The longer I stood, the more paranoid I felt, it was almost like someone was watching me. I didn't care much for this feeling. I turned my head, and I heard a hiss behind me.

“Fucking pervert,” I heard a voice growl.

I was quick to turn around, and I was surprised. Michael snatched some guys’ phone and looked at the screen. "Michael?" I asked. I was so confused. How long was he here? Why didn’t he say anything sooner?

Most importantly, what the hell just happened?

He looked at me pissed off, and the man next to him was sweating bullets. Michael stared at the phone screen, and his face nearly went red with anger. The tram stopped, and Michael got off, not bothering to return the phone. The man didn't even try to take it back. I rushed out to see him throw the phone on the floor and stomp on it. "What the hell are you doing?" I demanded, "You just took that man’s phone." "What kind of a person cuts their own thighs?" he hissed. I felt panic rise in my chest. How the hell did he know? "Next time, wear a fucking pair of shorts," he growled. Hold on a second... What? "What the hell?" I demanded. "That guy on the bus," Michael pointed at the empty space the tram used to be, "Slipped his phone under your skirt and took several pictures of your panties." I made a face, I felt paranoid for a reason then. I was mortified. "I don't have any shorts," I admitted.

I always wore pants, sometimes I wore basketball shorts, but those were too big to wear under my skirt. He looked angry, and I didn't know why he was angry. I was the one who was just violated. Twice. "Let's go," he said. I went blank. "Go where?" I asked. "To get you some fucking shorts." I frowned. Why was he acting this way? "Michael," I said. He stopped, "That's unattractive, what the hell would possess you into thinking it was okay to fucking do that to yourself?" I was angry this time. I wasn't possessed, I was depressed, I was sad, I was angry, and I needed something to get me through it. I didn't kill myself, I just cut, and I regret it. So, I don't need to hear his stupid lecture. "Ren," he seethed, "Why?" I ground my teeth. "When was the last time you cut yourself?" "Why should it matter?" I hissed, "It's my body." "How fucking childish," he growled at me "Have you already forgotten that we worry about you?" Oh no, I could feel the tears again. "I won’t say anything to Benny," he said, "But you have to tell me when the last time was."

I stopped, and he was quick to turn around. "Were you here?" he asked, "Or were you at home?" I stared at his school uniform, and I felt empty.

The black dickies ended just over the laces of black Converse, and the long white sleeve shirt he wore had the sleeves folded up nearly to his elbows. He still wore his uniform black tie.

His black metal ID bracelet was in clear view now. 

"Ren," he said. “It was a few days before I left home,” I admitted, “I got into a huge fight with my mom, and we both said horrible things to each other.”

I know it wasn’t a valid excuse, but cutting gave me a way to escape my mental pain.

He stared down at me.

I could see that he was trying not to get mad. "Why are you even here?" I asked him, "I thought you couldn't leave campus yet?" "It’s Thursday," he stated, "I can leave now." I nodded slowly. "I'm still buying you shorts," he said, "Don't even try to get out of it." "I can buy my own shorts" I tried not to shout. "Too bad," he said before walking again. I frowned, but I followed him. "You have more baggage than I thought you did," he stated. It irritated me that he felt it was necessary to say that. "I'm clearly more damaged than you would think," I stated. He didn't say anything this time. I just followed him into the first clothing store we saw. I found it kind of funny as I watched him walk through and scan the women's clothes. He looked very determined. He walked up to me and held a pair of shorts to my waist. I didn't care anymore. I just stood there like a shell. He looked at me and made a face, "Go back to normal. I don't care much for this Ren." I didn't move, I barely acknowledged that he spoke at all. "I'm sorry," Michael said, "I understand more than you know, but stop acting like this." He stood right in front of me, and his dark sapphire blue eyes stared back at me concerned.

Maybe this was the real me. That might explain why I was so tired all the time. Smiling like it was nothing, laughing like I wasn't in any pain. "I don't want to see you like this," he stated. I didn't feel anything right now, and it felt good. I was tired of feeling, and I just didn't want to deal with it all anymore. He grabbed my face roughly with his right hand, and I flinched at the tight grip. "Stop it," he hissed, "Or I'll do something you won’t want me to do." I just stared at him and tried not to let the pain bother me. "I just want to sleep," I sighed "I'm so tired." His expression changed, and his eyes went wide. He dropped his hand, and he walked back to the rack of clothes. He was getting tired of me too. I think that feeling hurt far more than the grip he had on my chin. I watched as he pulled almost every pair of shorts off the rack that were black or gray, and he went to another one. What the hell was he doing? A woman walked up to him and smiled. She was trying to get him to notice her. He barely looked in her direction, and she touched his shoulder. He said something I couldn't hear, and she walked off. What did he say to her? Did he make her cry? It didn't take long for her to come back, and she had a small cart with her. Michael dropped the clothes in the cart and said something else to her. She made a face.

He turned to look at me, and I felt strangely irritated with the girl he was near. "Come on, Ren," he said to me. I was a burden to him, he was going out of his way to help me, and I was being a brat. My feet moved, even though my brain told me to stop. I was next to him, and the woman looked confused. "So this is your type now?" the girl asked, "She looks far more damaged than you." Why? I felt this anger towards her, and it wasn't because she called me damaged, but because she said he was.

The blank expression I had before was gone. My gaze went to her, and I knew how I looked, I looked scary. The glare I shot at her made her look scared. "Michael is not damaged," I seethed, "You are." She looked pissed that I even tried to talk to her. "What was that?" she hissed. I was about to say something back, but I felt a hand close over mine. "This is my type now," Michael stated, "Scary and damaged." I looked at him, and he was smiling at me. It was more of a smirk, the way his mouth angled.

My heart was beating like crazy. "I guess two fucked up people deserve each other," the girl said, "You won’t be this nice to her in a week, so just get over yourself, Michael." I glared at the girl again. She was very close to getting hit. "Say whatever you want," Michael stated, "This one is different." I felt my body tremble at his words, and my hand began to sweat in his grasp. "Go do what you do best," Michael said to her, "Find men who are willing to fund your drug addiction." He pushed the cart with one hand, and I tried to take my hand away so it would be easier for him to maneuver the cart, but he squeezed my hand tight. "You aren't getting away," he stated. "I'm not going anywhere," I stated, "You can barely push the cart." He looked at me before releasing my hand. "Don't disappear like that again," he said. I nodded slowly. He began to walk again, and he stopped at dresses. Why were we over here? "Do you like dresses?" he asked. I didn't really know. "I'm not sure," I admitted, "I've never owned one, but I got one at the Good Will." He turned to look at me "Let me buy one for you." "You are already doing more than enough," I said. "Please," he said, "Let me buy you a new one." Why did he want to? Why wouldn't he just let me say no? "W-What kind of dress?" I stuttered. He walked forward and scanned the dresses, why did he want to buy me things? I could take care of it myself. I was too busy wondering about it, that when he called my name, I didn't hear him. "Ren?" he asked. My head shot up, and he almost looked scared. "Sorry," I smiled lightly, "Just got lost in my own mind."

He held out a short red dress. It looked like it would stop right above my knees. "How about this one?" I moved forward to touch the dress, and I smiled. It was definitely a beautiful dress. "Should I try it on?" I asked. He showed me another smile, and it had the same effect.

"Go for it," he said awkwardly, not meeting my gaze. "Wait outside the dressing room so I can show it to you," I said before handing him my bag. I felt happy, and I didn't want this feeling to go away. I knew I was acting childish, but I couldn’t help myself.

How often did I try on dresses? I really never owned one, and that in itself is just plain sad.

I walked into the dressing room stall, and I was quick to pull the clothes I had on, off. The skirt dropped, and I glared at the pink fabric as it laid there on the floor. I stepped in the red dress before pulling the side zipper up.

Michael grabbed the right size, which I thought was quite lucky. I stepped out and saw him looking at his phone. The girl who was supposed to be helping customers was trying to talk to Michael, and he made it quite apparent that he wasn't interested in her existence. "Michael," I called. He looked up at me, and he looked blank for a minute. I spun around to show him all of it, and I smiled wide. It was a lovely dress. It made me feel beautiful. His eyes were glued to me, and the girl looked at me irritated.

It was a second later that I noticed her eyes running down my arm. I hated it when I got that once-over look from people. A look of revulsion was almost always right after.

Not from them. Benny hasn’t looked at me like that.

He grinned back at me, "That's the one." I went back into the dressing room and changed my clothes, and I made sure to put the dress back on its hanger.

Michael didn’t look like my discolored skin bothered him in the slightest. Once I was all set, I walked out, and the girl was still trying to talk to him. How shameless. I walked up to the cart and folded the dress in half before placing it in the cart. "Ready to go?" Michael asked. "Didn't you hear me?" the girl asked. "I heard you," Michael stated, "I just hoped that you would be smart enough to get the hint, but apparently not." He pushed the cart forward, and I walked next to him. "Girls hit on you a lot," I stated. He didn't say anything. "Michael?" I asked. "I have some stuff to get at another store," he said, "Will you come with me?" I nodded as I looked at him. He avoided looking directly at me. He stood in line, and I watched as he checked his phone. "Is everything alright?" I asked. "Gus won’t stop calling me," he sighed. "So answer it," I said. He shook his head. What was up with him? "Are you okay?" I asked.

He finally turned to look at me “I am in a strangely great mood. I just don’t want to hear anything that might piss me off.”

I smiled at him, and he frowned. "What?" he demanded. “I was just thinking something similar.”

He looked away from me again, and he was next in line. I watched as he placed all the shorts on the counter, and the woman rang them up. I watched as the price said $5.99 over and over until she scanned the dress. The price of the dress was $69.99.

I gasped, "I don't need the dress." I said quickly. The girl was about to take it off the computer, but Michael shook his head. "I'm buying you the dress." I felt this bad feeling in my stomach. I didn't want him to feel obligated just because I liked it. He scanned his card, and we stood there while she bagged the clothing.

I didn’t feel right, this didn’t feel right.

He took the bags, and the feeling in my stomach only got worse.

Michael walked towards the exit, and I followed behind him.

"Michael," I said, "The dress was a lot, you didn't have to get it." "Quit being stupid," he said plainly. I looked at him, confused. "If it meant seeing you with that kind of smile," he said, "And that happy, I would have spent much more on a dress." I felt the red in my cheeks. "Thank you," I said, not being able to meet his gaze, "Thank you." "Wear it on Saturday," he said, "Tell Benny to dress up, and we'll have a real date night." I felt myself smiling wide, "Okay." "Do you own any heels?" he asked. I glared at him, "We're done buying me things." He didn't seem fazed, "What size shoe do you wear?" “No,” I said quickly, “I can buy my own shoes.”

He didn't look like he wanted to discuss this. "Either you try on shoes, or I buy every red and black pair I can find." I made a face. Why was he doing this? "Let me spoil you today," he said, "I have more than enough money, so you don't need to worry about that." I felt terrible when people did things for me, this wasn't any different. I didn't want him to dote on me even a little. It made me feel like I was useless and that I couldn't do anything for myself. It also made me feel like a burden. I don't want him to ever think I want him for his money, because that wouldn't be true.

I had to stop when I thought that. Did I want him? We walked through the mall, and he pointed to the shoe store. "Start looking for a pair of heels, I just need to grab something really quick from the store next door."

I looked at him for a minute. I nodded slowly and took some of the bags he had. I walked into the shoe store, and immediately I was greeted by someone. "Good afternoon," the man smiled wide, "Can I help you find anything?" I made a face, "I'm just trying to find a cheap pair of heels." He smiled wider, "What size?" "I can look for them," I said. The man frowned but nodded, "If you need any help, my name is Alex." I smiled lightly. "Thank you."

“And you are?” he asked me.

I looked at him for a minute, this dude was going beyond the typical polite worker.

“Ren,” I stated.

He moved a little closer to me, and I took that as my chance to walk away. This whole situation was a little too awkward for me.

My eyes wandered the sizes on the sides of the aisles. Once I saw the section I was looking for, I turned. What color shoes should I wear? I looked at the different color heels, and I picked up a black pair and checked the price. I almost threw the box away from me, but I slowly put the shoe back in the box then back on the shelf. I really didn't want to choose one. "Ren?" I looked up, hoping to see Michael, but it wasn't him. Alex stood there a little awkwardly. "Hey," I said. "I noticed you in the eights, so I grabbed a pair I thought you might like." I took the outstretched box, and I smiled lightly at him.

I pulled the lid off the box so I could get a good look at the shoes.

The heels were black and very shiny. I wasn't sure how to feel about them. "Ren?" I heard a further voice call. "Eight," I called back. I watched as Michael turned down the aisle I was in. Alex turned to see who came down. "Michael," Alex said. "Alex," Michael said. "Uh, you guys know each other?" I asked. "How is Benny?" Alex asked. "Benny is none of your fucking business," Michael said simply. "I see you changed types," Alex stated, "It’s a shame, really. I planned on fucking her in the back room."

Michael looked irritated by what Alex said.

“I would have to cover that fucked up spot on her face first,” he said, “That might make her a little hotter.” I made a face before I grabbed Alex by the back of his shirt to make him face me. "Did I offend you?" he asked, amused. I glared at the man, “If you wanted to fuck me, you should have said so.”

He looked surprised before smirking at Michael. Michael looked pretty mad. "Really?" Alex asked, "Well, I do." I grinned at him as I moved closer, as soon as I was right in front of him, I brought my knee up roughly against his groin. He went down hard, and I glared at him on the floor. "Don't talk about Benny, don't talk about Michael, don't talk about Gus," I spat "And shut the fuck up about me."

I looked up at Michael, and he looked surprised this time. "Damn Ren," he said, trying not to smile, "I'm impressed." I smiled sheepishly at him, "I've learned how to deal with guys like him." "Guys like me?" Alex spat, "Michael is so much worse!" I wasn't bothered by his accusation, "So I've heard." Michael just stood there looking down at Alex. I knelt down to smile at him. Of course, it wasn't a happy one. "I don't like when people insult my friends," I said, keeping the same smile, "Would you like to find out what happens when I get really mad?"

Alex was quick to shake his head. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Alex hissed.

"It would be a shame if you broke that dick of yours," Michael stated.

Alex glared up at him, but Michael didn't look at him. He was scanning the shelf. "I found a pair," Michael said, pulling the box from the shelf and handing it to me. I looked down at the red heels. "Red?" I asked. "Red is your color," he shrugged. I couldn't help but smile, the shoes were shiny red, and I thought they fit quite well with the dress. "Let’s check out," Michael said. "I should try them on first," I said. "They fit," he stated. I walked near the front, and I pulled the flat black shoe I wore off so I could try on the red heel. He was right, it fit perfectly. I looked up at him, how did he know? The dress was a perfect fit, so were the shoes? I narrowed my eyes at him. I was in an aisle of size eight, so naturally, he would be able to guess my size. I studied the box, and I saw the number 8 1/2. What the hell? "Ren." I looked up to see him at the register. I quickly handed him the box. The older man behind the counter brought up something about a sale, and Michael shook his head before thanking him. We walked out with all the stuff, and I made a face when I actually stopped to look at all the bags. My Good Will bag, two from the first store full of shorts and the dress, the shoe bag, and he had another one. "What'd you sneak off for?" I asked. He turned to shrug, "I just wanted to look at the lighters." I glared at him. "Are you hungry?" he asked. I went blank. I was going to get food after I left the Good Will, how long had it been? I nodded. He smiled, "Subway?" I nodded again. We headed for a place to sit, and we set the bags down. "Same as last time?" he asked. "Yes, please," I smiled. He nodded before he walked off. I sat down, and I decided to check the time. 6:24 PM. Well crap. Under that, I could see the missed call from Benny. I unlocked my phone before calling her. "Are you alright!" Benny shouted. "I'm alright," I said, "Are you okay?" She sighed, "You worried me. I even had Gus try to call Michael to see if he's seen you." I smiled as I looked up at Michael, pointing at the different ingredients. "He's here," I said, "I ran into him on the bus, and he asked if I would shop with him." She was silent. "Benny?" I asked. "I was just thinking," I heard her laugh, "You should probably hang up before he sees. We'll talk when you get back. Bye!" She spoke so fast I didn't have the chance to say anything. I stared blankly at the screen. "What is it?" I looked up to see Michael. "It was Benny," I said. "Is everything alright?" he asked, setting my food in front of me before sitting down. "She was worried about me," I said, "I was only supposed to go to the post office, so she expected me back sooner." He nodded, "That explains why Gus was blowing up my phone." I nodded. He pulled something from his pocket and set it on the table. I looked at the red metal lighter. It had barely visible red stars all over it. I picked it up to open it. "I think it was a good find," Michael stated. "It’s very pretty," I said, shutting it and placing it back on the table.

“I thought so too,” he said, taking it into his left hand. He opened the lid and then flicked his wrist to let the momentum shut it. I couldn’t help but notice the scar on his hand.

It was between his left index and middle fingers. It almost went passed his knuckle.

He put the lighter in his pocket and brought his attention to his food.

There were a few minutes of silence as we ate. "So if I'm going to wear heels, does that mean that we aren't going to go mini-golfing?" He looked up at me, still chewing, and I couldn't help but chuckle. "Of course we are still going to golf," he said after swallowing, "The heels are just for after." I nodded slowly, "Okay." I took another bite, and I couldn't help but wonder. "So, are you guys going to dress up too?" "Your mouth is full," Michael stated. I frowned. It wasn't like I just chewed and talked; I moved the food to the side of my mouth first. I chewed faster before I spoke again. "So are you?" "Should we?" he asked. "Well, if Benny and I are," I said, "Yeah." "Alright," he said, "I'll tell Gus that pants are mandatory." I didn't mean pants, I thought with a frown. He laughed, "I know what you meant, fancy men clothes." I nodded. "Do I have to wear a tie?" he asked, looking down at the tie on his chest. "You don't have to wear a tie," I said, "Just treat it like a date." "I don't dress up for dates," he stated. I stared at him, "Why not?" He avoided my gaze, "Are you trying to ruin the mood?" I frowned, "I was just wondering." "I don't treat the girls I fuck," he stated, "With them, the relationship is literally just sex." I shrugged, "Okay." He stared at me. His gaze was starting to make me shake. "I was expecting you to get mad and insult me." I looked up to finally meet his eyes. He didn't want me to get mad. "I'm not mad," I sighed, "It isn't fair for me to get mad at you over stuff like that."

Of course, on the inside, I was irritated, and maybe just a little bit jealous.

"Maybe I want you to get mad," he stated. I felt the red increase in my cheeks. "Why would you want me to be mad?" I asked. "Say that you don't want other girls to touch me," he said, "Say that you want me to want you instead." I made a face as my body shivered under his gaze. "W-Why would I say something like that?" "I don't know," he shrugged before going to his food. What the hell? I looked up at him, and he just looked at his food as he ate. Did he think he could buy sex from me? It was starting to hurt, I kept thinking that. He only wanted to sleep with me. He thought being kind to me would make my legs open, didn't he? "Is that why you were so adamant about buying me things today?" He looked at me, first confused, then angry. I felt hurt more than anything. His glare only became more intense. "What do you think?" I didn't know what I thought. "I didn't want you to buy me anything," I stated, "So if you bought me the dress, thinking that I would sleep with you. That would really hurt my feelings." "I don't have a one-track mind Ren," he stated, "I don't only think about ways to get myself off." I felt worse. "If something ever were to happen between us," he said, "It would be because you begged me to." I was angry now. This time jealousy was not the cause. He was the one that didn't want this mood ruined, and he goes and obliterates it. "Are you done shopping?" I asked him. I didn't want him to see how pissed off I was. Why would I beg him for anything? It wasn't going to happen. I didn't want to be another name on his ‘fucked’ list. "Yes," was all he said. I folded up the half of my sandwich I didn't eat. I put the sandwich on top of the box I got from my mother. He looked like he was still eating, so I might as well open the damn thing to avoid feeling like this.

I pulled the box from the bag, and I set it in from of me on the table. He looked up to see what I was doing. I tried to rip the tape off, but every time I tried, only a little came off before it tore. Michael stood up as he took something from his pocket, and I watched as the knife tore through the tape, and he made sure to cut the tape on the sides too.

He folded the blade until it looked like a simple credit card. Could knives really do that? "Thank you," I mumbled as I watched him sit back down. I pulled the flaps open, and I stared at the different letters, folded up drawings, and another box. The first one I grabbed was a postcard. It looks like they are on vacation. I felt mad at them. While they were off having fun, I was being punished. The next one I grabbed was a letter. I scanned the letter quickly before I saw the words 'I'm pregnant' and not too long after 'cleaned out your room for the new baby.' I willed myself not to feel as I kept reading 'all your stuff was put into storage.' Damn it. I closed the letter, and I dropped it back in the box. I was too angry to read anymore. Was angry even the right word? I felt hurt more than anything. "Bad news?" I looked up at Michael, and to be honest, I had forgotten where I was just now. I took the envelope out and handed it to him, "You tell me." I was passed the point of caring what he thought about me, he would eventually find out I was even more damaged. At least he would know part of the reason why.

He took the paper and read through it. His expression changed the more he read through the letter. First, it was curiosity, then he just looked pissed off.

"This is from your mother?" he asked.

He spoke with quiet anger, nothing like I had seen from him before. His anger has always been evident and loud. He put it back into the box with a frown. I nodded as I reached into the box, and I pulled out a photo. It was of the ultrasound. Is she trying to hurt me? Michael stood behind me to see what I was looking at. "That's cruel," he stated. It was, but she had to know that I would always forgive her. Even if I was hurt as badly as I was. I placed the picture back into the box, and I saw the storage key. She wasn't kidding? I stared blankly into the box before I grabbed the small wrapped box inside. It had a green bow on it. I pulled the paper off, and I smiled at the small notebooks. There was a small card on top of them. 'Please forgive me.' I sighed before muttering, "Always." I felt hands tightly grab my shoulders.

"Are you kidding?" I was feeling empty again, and I didn't want him to see it. "Ren?" he asked. I couldn't respond. He pulled my chair back so he could see my face. "You said you wouldn't do it again," he said, "Snap out of it." "I'm sorry," I murmured. Or at least I think I did.

 ++++++++++

To be honest, I don’t remember how I got back to campus after that, but I found myself in a dark room. The bed under me wasn’t very comfortable, but I felt so tired.

-

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Song: 

Blake Rose - Gone

[elricwest]

For all those Nalu fans out there, here is my newest fanfic. Chapters are posted on fanfiction.net if you want to read there.

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"Things are looking up, oh finally…" For the first time in Lucy's life, things were actually really great. She had a great job as an editor for a publishing firm in the city she always dreamed of living in, Crocus. Her apartment wasn't what she'd always imagined she'd live in but it was a lot better than some of the places around town. But, her proudest achievement, she was in a solid relationship!

So many guys had come along but none had made the cut. From wish washy to self absorbed to complete asshole, Lucy had pretty much dated them all and had sworn off men… until she met him. They met through a friend and seemed to click immediately.

He was kind and sweet, considerate and doted on her every minute they were together… which most times wasn't long because of his job, according to him. He claimed he was some manager of the stars or at least of some important people.

They had been dating now for nearly eight months and Lucy deemed it time for the next step… meeting the parents. Or at least parent. Her mother had died a long time ago in a car accident when she young but her father, Jude, was still around. The small town she grew up in, Magnolia, was having their annual town festival and with many of Lucy's childhood friends coming home, it was the perfect time to introduce him. Her prince charming… Dan Straight.

She switched between humming and singing along to the Paramore song as she packed her bags for the week long trip. She hadn't been home in quite some time but she felt ready, well, namely all the expected check marks were checked off the list and no one could berate her anymore!

The sound of chimes tore her attention away from her suitcase momentarily. The familiar tone coming from her phone sitting on the dresser behind her alerted her who was calling. Ecstatic, Lucy picked up the phone, "Levy-chan!"

"Lu-chan! It's so good to hear from you! We haven't talked in a few weeks!" Lucy chuckled at her best friend. If you bottled pure joy into a bottle and mixed in some sunshine, that was Levy to a T. "Are you excited about the festival?"

Lucy held the phone between her cheek and her shoulder so she could continue packing. "Yes I am! I mean I am finally bringing a man along with me so everyone can stop asking me when I am going to find someone."

"Oh I know, I'm bringing Gajeel with me so he can join in the amazing pastimes of our quaint little town."

"You mean sitting around drinking alcohol and talking about one another?"

Levy paused before responding, " Umm… yeah pretty much." Lucy giggled in response. "so who is this mystery man you're bringing home?"

"I'm not telling…" Lucy replied coyly.

"Whaaaaa… not fair. I told you who I was bringing."

"You and Gajeel have been dating for months know that's no surprise."

"True, True. Hey! You excited for a good ol' Fairy Tail reunion?!"

Fairy Tail High… the place where teens of Magnolia discovered who they were and where that would lead them in life. Mostly for Lucy it was a time to break away from the dramatic life she lived. Her dad was constantly working and became a bit of a hermit after her mother died. What made it worse were the murmurs around town about her and her family, her only solace was her friends at school. But unfortunately they all went their separate ways after they graduated. This trip would be the first time in 5 years they would all be together!

Her feet mindlessly moved her away from the suitcase and towards the bookshelf in the other room. She pulled the familiar yearbook from its place on the shelf and sat down onto the nearest chair.

"Did you hear that Erza and Jellal confirmed?" Levy stated.

"Really? I thought they couldn't with their kids?"

"Erza's mom was able to babysit for them so they are coming out!" Lucy flipped through her senior year book, her eyes falling on a picture of Jellal and Erza. They always were the power couple. Her eyes landed on a picture of Juvia laughing right after she slammed a whip cream pie into Gray's face. "And Juiva and Gray are coming… has he asked her out yet?"

"I think their relationship is a mutual pining." Levy explained. "I heard Natsu confirmed."

Lucy's heart stopped… Natsu, her best friend growing up. The two of them were inseparable since they first met at the age of 5. They used to live right next door to one another, that is until her father's business went belly up and they had to move. Well, that and her father's health hasn't been the best lately so he moved into a two-bedroom house with their caretaker Mrs. Spetzo.

He defended her against the vicious bullies in the second grade, he taught her how to ride a bike when she was 7, he helped her make her volcano for her science project in the 5th grade, he stole her first kiss when she was 13, he had helped her through her mother's passing when she was 16… they vowed to stay in contact with one another after graduation… but what happened?

"Oh…" was all her mouth could seem to udder. She turned the page to see a picture of the two of them flexing their arms at the Field Day event.

A honk from outside drew her attention away from the book. Lucy stood up in such a hurry, she didn't notice the book fall to the floor. Lucy peered out the front window to see Dan sitting in his brand new convertible. She waved and signaled she'd be down in a second but Dan just waved her off.

"I gotta go, Levy-chan, my ride is here."

"Ooooh, enjoy, I will see you soon!" Lucy hung up, quickly grabbed her jacket and purse and took off out the door. Lucy practically skipped all the way to the car, a huge grin adorning her face.

"Hey babe!" she yelled as she opened the door and took a seat on the passenger side. Dan didn't seem to react to her presence at all so she decided to take her frustration out on the door. "Watch it!" Dan yelled. Lucy stared at him in shock. "Be gentle with her, she's new," Dan cooed as he leaned over her lap to pet the car door.

Lucy, obviously annoyed, said, "So where are we going tonight?" an straightened back up and began to drive away, "The fanciest restaurant in town."

"That sounds romantic!"

The ride to the restaurant was mostly silence mixed in with a splash of awkward conversation, mostly about Dan's new car. Lucy was happy to step foot out of it, hoping without the car Dan would actually take the time and talk to her.

"How many sir?" the hostess asked.

Dan wrapped an arm around Lucy's waist as he spoke, "Two and I believe I have a reservation under Straight." Lucy (pretended) not to notice his wink after talking to her and the blush of the hostess. As the two waited to be sat, Lucy took the time to look around the restaurant. The décor was beautiful and serene, an excellent place to go on a date.

"Dan?! Is that you?" The blonde turned to see an unknown man and woman walking up to Dan. "W-what are you guys doing here?"

"We are celebrating our anniversary tonight. Oh are you here with Angel?"

"Uhh…"

Lucy stepped forward and peered around Dan's shoulder. "Hello, I'm Lucy." The couple seemed very surprised to see her but was even more surprised when the male began to reach out to take her extended hand but the woman swatted it away. "Who are you?" she questioned.

"Lu…cy, I'm Dan's girlfriend."

The woman froze before slowly growing angry, "Interesting, considering Dan is married."

It didn't take two seconds before Lucy stormed out of the restaurant and began walking down the street back to her apartment. "Lucy! Lucy wait!" she heard in the distance. Lucy wrapped her jacket around her tighter and began walking faster. "Lucy, stop!"

"Why?!" she yelled as she whipped around to face the man she thought was 'the one.'

"We need to talk about this."

"About what?! How you deceived me for 8 months. Ugh, and to think I wanted to marry you!"

"Well, if I told you I was married, you never would have slept with me!" She snapped… Lucy balled up her fist as tight as she could, until her knuckles turned white, and she swung as hard as she could towards his stupid, cheating face. The impact sent Dan flying back onto the ground and left him knocked out cold.

…

Lucy threw open her apartment door, ran to her bedroom and collapsed on her bed. She couldn't hold it in any longer as the tears flowed from her eyes. It looks like her track record for men still held true; well, now she could add cheater to the list. Why was her dating life so bad?! Was she doomed to be single the rest of her life?!

Her phone next to her began to chime. She glanced up long enough to see it was her father calling. Lucy reached up, grabbed the phone from the nightstand and declined the call. She let her face fall back into the pillow, not caring of the mascara that was definitely running down her cheeks and onto the pillow.

Within a few seconds, her phone sounded again. Lucy looked at the phone and saw her father's image on the screen. With a loud groan and as much enthusiasm as she could muster, she accepted the call. "Hey, Dad." She loved her dad, really, just sometimes he was a bit pushy with his expectations of her. Also… now really wasn't the time.

"Hi, honey, all packed for the trip?"

Lucy looked down at her thrown together suitcase, "Almost."

"I'm so glad you are coming home. It feels like it's been forever since you've been here."

"Yeah it's been some time…" Lucy said throwing a sigh in there.

"You know… I've been thinking…" Ugh! Not this again, she thought as she sat up.

When her dad though it was usually about her future, specifically with relationships. "You're almost 27 now and you're getting to that point where you've reached your peak physical attraction level…"

"Oh my Mavis, Dad!"

"What?! I just want my daughter to not be single for the rest of her life." Lucy face palmed, great way to bring this up.

"Why are you so invested in my dating life anyway?!" she yelled back. This was the last straw; she was tired of all the pressure to get married. When she was younger, it was about arranged marriages to better the company but since it went under its been about letting her pick who she married but it had to be sooner rather than later.

She had had enough of the constant nagging, I was time to take a stand.

"Because I would like to at least meet my future son-in-law before I die!" Lucy paused.

"What do you mean?"

Her father's sigh was audible on her end of the phone. "I met with the specialist today… He said it's the Big C and terminal."

"B-but you were doing great last week…" Lucy almost couldn't believe what she was hearing. She reverted to what she knew… logic.

"I have good days and bad days, but they seem to be few and far between nowadays." Lucy couldn't do much but stare down at the ground. Her mind was blank, her chest tight, and she couldn't seem to breathe.

"All I want, as a man in my last few days, is to meet the man you are going to spend the rest of your life with… to make sure you're taken care of after I'm gone."

"Dad…"

"But at least there's hope, right? This man you're bringing to the festival…" Crap! She forgot about that for a second. What was she gonna tell him?! "Dad… about that…" I was dating a married man so at least he would know the tips and tricks to a great marriage, right?! Ugh…

She took a deep breath to respond to her father, hopefully the truth wouldn't break his heart. As she breathed in, her foot hit something hard. Confused, Lucy looked down to see her yearbook she was looking at earlier face down on the ground. With a sigh, she bent down to pick it up.

"This 'mystery man…' Is he the one for you?" he asked. Lucy grabbed the book and stood up to place it back on the shelf, which only released some loose papers inside of it. Lucy sighed even harder before stooping down to pick them up.

Lucy turned over the first picture to see it was a collage of pictures of herself and Natsu throughout their lives. Her father continued going on about something in her hear but she was captivated by the images in front of her. She glanced over a photo of the two of them in a kiddie pool when they were younger, of Natsu in his football uniform and her in her cheerleader uniform… Her eyes lanced over all the photos until she flipped the paper over. The backside was covered with a handwritten letter from Natsu, his 'goodbye' letter which is customarily written in the yearbooks themselves.

Her eyes looked at every word before the signature on the bottom… the name she knew all too well. Beside the signature was a selfie he had taken of the two of the their senior year. Her head was slightly down and she was laughing because Natsu was kissing her temple. She smiled at the memory… she was so happy around him.

Her eyes began to widen, and her head turned and raised. Before she could think about what she was doing, she spoke, "Dad… what if I told you, you've already met him?"