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write-rhiwind-blog · 8 years ago

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The Con: End

Recently I’ve been somewhat trapped. I trapped myself in a relationship with a boy, I met through our mutual friend at a sushi restaurant, and I fell instantly. Everything else around me disappeared. We became quick friends because we got along great. Plenty of common interests and laughing. The three of us became quite close smoking and skating together along with other hooliganry. In fact the first night I even met him. We all almost went to jail, like I said hooligans. But we didn’t. So we celebrated by getting more fucked up and skating down hill at top speeds with sliding gloves. Well, he did anyway. Mutual friend and I stayed back and drove the car down to meet him. Only to find out he biffed it right at the bottom and tore his elbow up. Of course being the caring person I am. I jump to tend to his wounds. After laughing and taking pictures of course. Later after he injured himself again. All three of us hanging out turned into him and I hanging out every single day, even at least a little bit even when we told ourselves we wouldn’t. We ended up in bed quite fast. Faster than I’d like to admit.. it didn’t matter that he had a girlfriend at the time for some reason. And I’m not normally that type of girl.. He had told me about her, she was constantly belittling him, stressing him out. He showed me messages of how rude she would be sometimes. But their situation prevented him from being able to leave her.. I got so upset every single time I’d see or hear of her treating him like trash then kissing up to get what she wanted from him. I hated the way she manipulated him. So I always calmed him down, made sure he was comfortable and taken care of. He’s kind of a health nut, so he’s constantly drinking water. Honestly this boy is so nuts about water, it’s kind of adorable. Only purified drinking water though. So I always made sure he had some when he was thirsty. He also really likes natural medicines like flower concentrates and coconut oil. So I’d just listen to him spew off facts about that and any other little thing he learned on Reddit. I loved it though. I’m getting off topic. I always wanted him to be happy, I wanted to be his happy place. Eventually his girlfriend who is also cheating on him, just like he was her.. decides she would rather go hangout with another guy than him. (Again) It broke his heart. Because despite the way she treated him. For some odd reason he was still so in love with her. But it hurt him really really badly, more than he would admit at the time.. And he ended up staying with me that night. We just hung out with my roommates, trying to keep his mind off of it smoking and laughing yanno. I can’t remember but Im pretty sure we just cuddled and held each other real close all night.. now that he was free from the relationship that stressed him every time it was even brought up. We were together, all the time. Neither of us had jobs. He had been struggling for some months, and I was newly unemployed due to the massive amount of turmoil erupting in my life. So it was just us. Living off what we had. Kind of just messing around all the time. Having fun, going to sprouts just to look around and get a sandwich. He loved sprouts, so he would always tell me little facts about this drink or that organic coffee. But hes also kind of an expert thief.. he doesn’t do anything more than little trinkets or alcohol. But he’s good. Real good. And the two of us were Bonnie and Clyde with out a doubt (yes I am ashamed of my actions but it was exhilarating and new. Wild and spontaneous, judge me). So if we weren’t doing that we were celebrating. Or driving to wherever just to chill and smoke a joint, because he was also an expert at rolling. Or laid up at my apartment watching movies or playing GTA. Well he was. I just laid in his lap and cheered him on, he’s really fricken good at that game. We even cooked dinner for us and my roommates. Cleaned up the kitchen afterwards like real adults. It was amazing. We took my pupper to the dog park. Who actually ended up being more his son than my dog anymore. It was so great, everything about him was so great. My dog loved him, I’d introduced him to my entire family (which says a lot because my family is full of interesting and unsavory characters) and they all loved him and he loved them.. we never ever argued. Not a single time, it was almost like we just understood each other. I knew when he was uncomfortable. Like certain social situations. I saw this boy in so many different lights, a million different sides. His hungry side, because trust me, he isn’t himself on an empty stomach. A man completely motivated by food. Yet, he was still fit and lean. I’d seen his charming and cleaned up version. His silly stoned, reckless character. His comedic side, which is almost always prominent. I always fell even harder for him when he’d take a silly joke too far. Others made fun of him or stared awkwardly but I lived for it. His silly jokes taken too far were always my favorite, even though I’d never let him know that. I’d also seen him cry because of the guilt that haunts him because he knows he’s a sinner and how he wants to change himself but is unsure how. Being so interested in psychology, I was so fascinated by such a character as him. We came from slightly similar backgrounds. He even compared me to him when he was 18 several times. He is 20, I am 18. I felt perfectly content with him, I was comfortable in my own skin around him. I felt safe and happy, everything I could ask for was there. Eventually he got hired as a server at a nice restaurant, perfect for his charismatic self. Things were working out. I gave him the space he needed to cope and be comfortable. Completely understanding that he doesn’t trust easily.. but a little over a month after him and her had broken up. He had to move back in with her. The situation that I mentioned prior, well he lived with her and her parents. He owed them rent money and needed to pay it off.. I trusted him with my whole heart at this point. Of course I didn’t want him to move away from what we had started. But he reassured me that nothing would change him and I would still see each other and he would come back and we could live together again. I had no reason not to believe him. Over just 2 months of knowing him at this point. I had already started to fall for him and everything he was. He moved back in. We hung out still just like he said. The first night I dropped him back off at home, he kissed me goodbye for a real long time and told me he was happy to see where this was going with us. The next day he came over same as before. We took a shower together after lunch. He got out early to go get something from the store. And when I got out, I saw he had left his phone. I wanted to take a cute picture for him as I do often. I never ever would have thought to look through his phone. I trusted him and saw no reason for it. But when I unlocked his phone.. it was already all right there for me to see.. they had started talking again. Not romantically. Sexually. And reading the sexts between the two of them made me physically ill. My heart shattered in that very instant. Along with my trust, that would never be fully repaired. And that’s how it started. The downfall and the falling out of love. After that he didn’t hesitate to mention that we hadn’t yet put an official label on us. Even though he was living at my apartment, driving my car, we went on dates, he told people at the restaurants we dine n dashed I was his girlfriend. But nope, it wasn’t official. After this my heart broke over and over again. Because he started to lie to me, he’d never done that before.. he continued to lie to me. Over and over. I had watched him smooth talk waiters and anyone else. He was a magnificent con artist to put it in harsher terms. but when he started to lie to me, I felt no more important than the Apple bee’s waitress he finessed into free food that one night.. I tried so hard to believe him but my gut told me otherwise. I caught him and I got my feelings hurt every single time. At some point I threatened to tell her about him and I, because she still didn’t know.. would I have done it? No. Probably not. But I wanted him to see how hurt I was by his actions and understand how far he was pushing me. I wanted him to feel the consequences of playing these games.. after this he never saw me the same I don’t think. Because our drama drags out for another 2 months up until this very moment as I type this. At some point. My voice became annoying to him, the way I “talk at him” when I’m upset and ranting. I don’t ever know the right time or place for things. I just couldn’t please him anymore. That’s how it felt. I still wanted to make sure he was taken care of, I still wanted to make him happy. But my feelings kept getting hurt when he continued to choose her. I was working and trying for him so much harder than she was. I still took him to work, even moments after wiping my tears from an argument that we’d just had.. I still wanted him to succeed. I didn’t want to stress him out but after being sidelined for so long it just built up. This goes on for what seems like forever. And outside sources started to tell me I should give up on him, “just let him go” “why do you still try” “he’s using you” “he doesn’t care”. Because after learning bits and pieces of so many different things about him, I know that no one ever treated him the way he deserved. I knew that he had to fend for himself. He had to lie for his own survival in the lifestyle he had.. I didn’t want to give up on him like every one else. I wanted to prove to him that he can be loved. There are people who will treat him right. But as time went on, my feelings for him got more invested and more hurt. Me trying to talk about things became me being upset all the time and arguing because he refused to talk about these things. I just became one of his stressors. The one thing I never wanted to be. And that was exactly what I became. Over 4 months, I have fallen in love, fallen apart, fallen out of love. And now I’m putting myself back together again.

((1/14/17))

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