aurbataokuch

[wheeeee-dot-png]

e er ee er ee er

[mxdarling]

[inside the closet, it's full of rainbows]

or how the astral express crew react to you coming out to them.

found family astral express, ooc astral express crew, fluff post, lowercase, definitely rushed, platonic, not proofread, 1.8k wc, reader could be trailblazer or not, spoiler free, reader's gender/sexuality is left ambiguous.

[a/n; soooo... pride month, yes, it's gay mfs, i initially wanted to get this out earlier but uh- i forgot to write it??? so um- i'm very sorry!! this might be like a whole month late? but it's never too late to say happy pride month!! <33 also repost bcs IT AIN'T SHOWING UP IN THE TAGS???]

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ :March 7th;

➮ okay hear me out, her first reaction is either gonna be "WHAT!?" or "HAHA I KNEW IT!!"

➮ because if you're super lowkey about your sexuality/gender then she probably never even thought of the possibility of you being part of the skittle squad like- she's literally mouth gaping bcs SHE HAD ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA THAT YOU WEREN'T STRAIGHT/CISGENDER???

➮ she probably got the vibe that maybe you weren't straight/cisgender?? like maybe the way you dress or the way you act to certain gender/sex that gave her the idea but she didn't wanna assume nor did you say anything to confirm or deny her thoughts so she kinda just dropped it but she still held some curiosity but just didn't act upon it y'know- pretty girls respect privacy!!

➮ ORR if you're less secretive about your gender/sexuality, wearing pride pins, your flag colors, saying jokes implying your gender/sexuality, your romantic/lack of interests towards a certain gender/multiple genders/anything romantic or sexual, etc. without ever really saying it directly then she probably got the hint (or multiple OBVIOUS hints to be exact) so when you finally confirmed it she reacts like she knew from the very beginning (like a detective having their suspicions on a person proven true, it's cute loll)

➮ now honestly speaking, no matter what gender/sexuality she's gonna be so so supportive you!! doing everything she can to make you comfortable in expressing yourself around her and the astral express! she also asks you questions about your gender/sexuality which might leave you overwhelmed if she bombers you with them but she'll back off if you verbally/clearly express signs of discomfort

➮ IF EVER you need help with clothes, like wanting to be comfortable but also stylish, finding what style suits your appearance the best, what accessories to buy, finding clothes your size, etc. your girl march has got your back!! she can't be a pretty girl without a sense of fashion!! you bet you two are gonna have the best photoshoot of your life, march gets all your best angles, not a single one is a bad photo and if you're feeling camera shy she joins in the photoshoot with you!! matching clothes is a must so you two can be cute together!!

➮ she's totally gonna drag you to most, if not all, her shopping sprees!! i'm sorry if you aren't one to go to clothes shopping often but she cannot have you miss this opportunity to try on clothes with her!! she promises you to make it worth your while (or she just begs and begs until your eventually agree LOLL)

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ :Dan Heng;

➮ this guys is either a low "i knew that" or a moment of silence before speaking up, "yeah that makes sense"

➮ LIKEE he probably had an inkling feeling that you were a little fruity, like a scratching gut feeling that you weren't straight/cisgender just didn't say anything, he knows that if you wanted him to know you would've said something so he waited for you to tell him yourself to not pressure you into doing something you weren't comfortable. he understands things such as these are private matters, if you don't wanna share it then it's fine—if you do then it won't change how he views and treats you as a friend! he's does feel a little bit happy that you trust him with this information (he's very much happy loll)

➮ he's definitely a lot more perceptive than march so he's more likely to pick up behavior habits or hints that would probably be "normal" in other people's eyes, like i said he says nothing about this to you or anyone, he kinda just- remembers them??? like its stored in his head in case he'll bring it up in the future for unknown reasons cause like march he doesn't wanna assume or jump to conclusions about you sooo he brushes off his curiosity until he sort of buries it deep down??? idk its hard to read the guy okay

➮ there were probably moments wherein you did something that made dan heng raise an eyebrow like this emoji "🤨" EXCEPT its more stoic and less obvious that your action made him A LITTLE suspicious... for the first few times he doesn't think about it too much because those could be coincidences or accidents, everyone has those moments (right? right??? yeah.) but if those "coincidences" and "accidents" happen a bit more often than his gayradar goes off brr

➮ he's very much supportive just not as loud as march is, he does basically everything march does but in a more subtle manner like he's researching all night about your gender/sexuality to make sure he doesn't say anything insensitive or make a wrong assumption about your gender/sexuality, reading materials that contain your gender/sexuality so he can understand how you feel better, etc. he also asks you some of his questions directly but he doesn't really wanna bother you or come off as 'too much' so he got most of his knowledge from other sources

➮ he may be quiet about his support but do not doubt that this man will defend you to hell and back if someone were to ever ever disrespect you and your boundaries, he will fight back and he will not go easy on said person or people, he MIGHT hold back if you tell him very nicely, might okay he doesn't take lightly to those that insult people who are dear to him, no way will he remain a bystander to the sight of people stepping over you like some doormat!!

➮ he doesn't do it often but he'll gift you trinkets that are the colors of your flag, like maybe not exactly the colors but he tries to find the closest one that resembles your colors flag y'know, plus he's not really good with words so this is one of the ways of showing that he loves you and you're important to him no matter what <33

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ :Himeko;

➮ honestly i feel like it's just one reaction, and it's just a soft smile and a expression that screams "i'm glad you were comfortable enough to tell me" LIKE IT'S SO SOFT AND CARING OMGGHDJHSH

➮ sorry guys himeko is just so sweet, caring, understanding, patient, emotional available i feel like she's the one you told way before anyone else because of how comfortable you are with her. SHE'S LITERALLY PERFECT WHAT ELSE CAN I SAY-

➮ i feel as though she doesn't put much thought into your personal matters because she knows that there are things that don't need to be said at all and she understands that, she won't force nor rush anything, she'll let you pick your pace, take your time, and choose when you wanna be vulnerable with her and/or the crew. she also doesn't make any bold assumptions about your gender/sexuality on her end because that's not what defines you, rather she gives her thoughts on what she DOES know about you—as a person, as a nameless, as someone dear to her.

➮ supportive mother all the way!! she does whatever makes you comfortable, like she slowly eases you in how you want to express yourself and how you feel about yourself, how you want to be address, it's just a very slow but caring process with himeko <33

➮ she feels like the type of person you'd gossip with, himeko and her black bitter coffee, you and your (favorite drink), maybe not exactly gossip but you'd tell her about certain incidents surrounding your gender/sexuality (like how you'd tell your friend/s about a new crush you developed, how the new outfit you’ve discovered makes you feel more confident, etc. etc.) like idk how to explain it but you guys see the vision?? you yapping about something and himeko just peacefully listening despite not talking much, idk i find it very sweet <33 she's definitely the type to make you your favorite food and drink if you happen to be in a bad mood because of someone else :((

➮ while she might not fully understand what it's like in your shoes, she can try to sympathize with you and be the shoulder to cry on when you feel overwhelmed with your emotions or need to let those feelings out so they don't eat you up from the inside. sometimes just being by each other's side is enough of comfort, no words are needed, just the presence and the knowledge that someone is there for you at your lowest.

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ :Welt Yang;

➮ dude feels like a old man, i'm sorry i feel like he's the one that's not the most knowledgeable about lgbtq+?? like he knows about it, he doesn't know a lot about it you get what i mean? like he'll look at you a little confused on what you said but still is accepting just needs time for you to explain to him what exactly is your gender/sexuality, he's trying he swears!!

➮ he's the clueless one, i'm not just saying this because he's an old man and stuff but i feel like he's mind is always either on the safety of the crew, the next location, or the current trailblaze mission, if he DOES have the time to not think about those things it's probably to reminisce about the past or something y'know? so he's the one that had absolutely NO IDEA you weren't straight/cisgender!!???

➮ he'll still ask questions about your gender/sexuality just to make sure he hasn't gotten anything wrong or assumed something bad about your gender/sexuality, his approach to gaining more information is kind of like a mix of march and dan heng where he'll ask questions to you and search for sources on his own.

➮ honestly idk what else to add but the fact he's definitely trying his best loll, he's still getting used to addressing you the way you wanted to be address, or he's still surprised by the way you dress yourself up but don't take any of it negative—it's just the change will catch him off guard but nevertheless supports these changes!! if it makes you comfortable and more yourself than do it! if it's not hurting you in any way, why should he stop and ruin your fun?

➮ like himeko, he'll be the listener to your yapping, might have a harder time keeping up with what you're saying sometimes if you're the type to talk really fast or jump from topic to topic but he'll still listen. he'll even surprise you by remembering the stuff you've said, even if you just mentioned it once, he still remembered it.

➮ he tries his best to give the best advice you need in your current situation, he tries not to sugarcoat his words and be as honest as he possibly can—though he can't guarantee he won't hurt your feelings, sometimes advice are words you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear.

PLEASE DO NOT COPY, REPOST, SHARE, TRANSLATE OR REUPLOAD ANY OF MY WORKS TO OTHER SITES WITHOUT MY PERMISSION + REBLOGS AND COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED.

[jett-dawson]

🔥 RUBY ANDERSON HEADCANONS

(some i came up with on my own... some i got inspired by via @the-skittles-squad i love your headcanons im so sorry)

- Bisexual (check her eyes & her vibe)

- she definitely radiates Aries energy

- she is the second tallest out of the main six

- she loves to throw her hair up into a ponytail when she’s hard at work or exercising

- she’s got big feet & she’s proud!!

- she was always the chatty kid in class who constantly got moved by the teacher

- never leaves home without a flannel (duh)

- she’s loved skating! specifically skateboarding but she loves to rollerblade as well

- she listens to alternative type music! she liked twenty one pilots until she found out about them being a-holes

- she’s got perfect teeth! she’s never needed braces and she’s thankful for that lol

- has very little screentime on her phone! she likes to just vibe and live her life. but she likes to post on insta some of her looks & designs

- she’s got good relationships all around. with family, friends, teachers, etc.

- unironically listens to girl in red idc

- she’s definitely a dog person but she vibes with cats tbh

- loves the autumn time. not too hot... not too cold... perfect flannel weather.

- when she was younger, she got in a fight with a boy in her neighborhood for bullying the new girl on the block. she later because good friends with the girl and still talks to her from time to time. she was her gay awakening lol

- she loves to talk with people ofc! unfortunately, her social battery runs out very fast. she enjoys her alone time.

- she’s reaaally good at flirting and often relies on her verbal displays of affection since she doesnt quite know how to be physically expressive with lovers

- lol okay rainbow dash kinnie

[thewhiterabbit42]

The Messenger’s Messenger

PART 1

Written for: @authoressskr Request: Gadreel x reader x Gabriel, outdoor garden, hot pink

Warnings/tags: established relationship, polyamory, non-angelcest, some angst

Word Count: 1k-ish

Author’s Note: so this drabble became a mini series WHO SAW THAT COMING.  This part is unbeta’d.  All mistakes are mine.  

Also, I don’t have poly tags, so if you’re on a squad and don’t want to be tagged, let me know.

Special thanks to @nobodys-baby-now for help with the title so I could post something for y’all sooner rather than later.

***Please do not repost or copy my work to any other site without my written permission.  Giving credit does NOT count.  Reblogging is ok.***

Next Chapter>>

You sat on your bed, back against the headboard, as you perused an ancient grimoire on tracking magic.  Your eyes remained riveted to the page, but you were having a hard time concentrating, most of your energy spent on ignoring the angel perched at the foot of your mattress.  

Gadreel, however, was unruffled by your pointed disregard.

“I have a surprise for you,” he baited, finally breaking the silence.  You glared over the top of the spellbook.  Whatever it was, you weren’t biting.  You knew it was just another ploy to try and coax you out of your room.  Nevermind you hadn’t left your house in days or taken a case in even longer.  Fresh air was overrated anyway.  

“Unless it’s playing a game of pin the angel blade on the archangel, I will leave when I’m damn well ready,” you grumbled.  And not a moment sooner.  

He sighed, appearing in the blink of an eye next to you.  “You can’t stay angry forever.”  

You snorted.  That showed what he knew.

He hooked a finger beneath your chin, gently forcing you to look at him.  “Or stabby,” he chided.

You pouted.  You knew you were being childish, refusing to let go like this, but how did he expect you to feel when half of your heart had up and vanished?  

Part of you could acknowledge you should’ve been grateful to have even experienced a relationship with a celestial being, let alone two.  How Gadreel and Gabriel had come to love you enough to share you was a mystery you doubted you’d ever solve.  Then again, maybe it the great cosmic enigma you made it out to be.  Maybe it was as simple as Gabriel had never loved you enough to care.  That was the implication, considering you’d woken up one morning to a half-empty bed and a haphazardly scrawled message on the whiteboard attached to your fridge.  

If you had been an angel yourself, the entire county would’ve been without power for a week.  The jerk could have at least pretended to give a shit and snapped up a halfway decent Dear John letter, given a false apology, given any attempt at an explanation.  Even it’s not you, it’s me was better than This was a mistake.  Don’t come after me.   

“Don’t,” Gadreel warned.  “To hold anger is one thing, but I will not allow bitterness to take root in your heart.”

You scowled at him.  Mostly because he was right.  You may have felt like half of you was missing, but the other half was still sitting right next to you, unfailingly patient, as always.

With a sigh, you let your features relax, your eyes dropping sheepishly to your lap.  “I’m sorry,” you told him, threading your fingers through his.  “I just…”

“Miss him?”  He guessed.  

“I was going to say want to light him on fire with holy oil and toast some marshmallows over his sorry ass, but sure,” you admitted, sadness bleeding over the sullen edge in your tone.  “That too.”  

“I miss you,” he declared, cupping your cheek with his free hand.  He stroked along your face, sage green orbs gazing longingly at you before his thumb deviated course.  It dipped lower, tracing the contour of your bottom lip, and it wasn’t until something sparked low in your stomach, pushing back against your grief and frustration that you realized just how much you missed him, too.  

As soon as Gabriel had disappeared, Gad had followed suit, though his absence was far more noble.  At least you assumed it was.  He hadn’t spoken a word about it, but where else could he be other than trying to track down his ass of a brother to get answers?

You hadn’t asked him to.  He just had, and between his frequent absences and your foul mood, you hadn’t touched each other since the breakup.    

He leaned forward, pressing his mouth to yours in a way that was wholly Gadreel: sweet and unobtrusive; filled to the brim with intense yet tender sentiment.  There was always so much carefully contained beneath his calm exterior, and today he felt filled to the brim.  Yet, he didn’t push for anything more, simply savored the contact, using it to dismantle your fury kiss by gentle kiss until only a few embers of it remained.  

“Come with me,” he breathed, resting his forehead against yours.  “Let me help fix this.”  

There was nothing to fix, though you appreciated how much he wanted to help.  He could do just as much by staying in with you and maybe giving you one of his infamous backrubs.  You drew back to tell him as much, but the look on his face stole the breath from your lungs.  It was as if you were everything, like nothing else existed in that moment for him except for you, and it expertly masked the tiredness clinging to the darks of his eyes.

“My heart, please.”  

Well, shit.  There went your plan to set a new record on how many days you could go without wearing pants.

“No more arguments.  No questions.  Just trust me.  Deal?”  

Gadreel had to be one of the most persuasive people you knew for many reasons.  He was a good study of others.  He held a deep empathy for other beings, allowing him to get into their mind set more easily.  He was genuine and respectful, and had a way of putting people at ease.  Most of all, he was trustworthy, so much so that any mention of trust had simply become a trump card with you, and often all he had to do was ask for something.  It seemed unnecessary that he would use it now, and he rarely did anything that was unnecessary.  

You regarded him a little more closely.  “What’s going on?”

The look he gave you suggested if you spent one more minute in bed fighting him, he’d be smothering you with one of the pillows.  

You put your hands up in surrender.  “Alright fine, but I catch wind of any funny business, and I’m reneging,” you warned.  

Next Chapter>>

ALL the tags:

@girl-next-door-writes @fand0maniac @feelmyroarrrr @omgreganlove @li0nh34rt @baritonechick @lucifer-in-leather @stone-met @blondecoffeecake  @raspberrypuddle @ourloveisforthelovely @the-moose-of-baskerville @tistai @room-with-a-cat @authoressskr @revwinchester @flufy07 @greieba  @whinywingedwinchester @tardis-is-mine @jadesid @ccasnovak @tangle-of-ivy @luciferseclipse @mrswhozeewhatsis @protectivedestiel @angelofwinchester17 @crowleys-poppet-queen-of-assgard @phantomwarrior12 @jeanjeaniethings @wontlookaway @copperseraphim

Gabe Squad:

@bloodstained-porcelain-doll @lacqueluster @samikitten @a-vast-african-plain @kazosa @carryon-wayward-winchester @nobodys-baby-now @acarpouschimerical @ludwigs-a-monster @archangelgabriellives @a-wing-and-a-pen @tricksterxangel @cipherwheeldecoder @thinkwritexpress-official @megasimpleplan4ever @azlinh @troubletrumble @randommotions @the-bleeding-rose @fruitiplierq @gabrielthemessanger  @pizzamanteachings @lady-phoenix-of-tardis @spnimpalaimagines @koithings @booknerd1324 @the-kryomancer @rachdubs @thislittlewhitelight @hiddles-and-skittles @karichanarts @sherlockedtash88 @multy-fandom-lover @archangelashiah @calamitychaos @kissmeimadragonlord @somanyfandomstochoosefrom @erisunderthemoon

[lesbianskylor]

*slides you five bucks* holly,,,,holly,,,pls give me greenlove headcanons,,,,the world Must Know

greenlove hcs

so . greenlove is this super poly ship a lot of my friends and i came up with. we basically all made an oc and plopped them into a poly ship with lloyd uwu

so, ill explain the ocs to you first!

micah (owner - tumblr: witchlightsands ao3: whichlights) he/him bi flower boy. he a flower boy baby!!!! hes a flirty mess of a bi and is constantly supportive of lloyd. also he loves puns. bastard nerd

rhian (owner - tumblr: cynicalmiles ao3 - cynicalmiles) nb she/her ace pan. she has the elemental power of magic! she also has two dads (nyx and max) and a bro named jayden (owner - tumblr: lightning-jay23 ao3: lightning_jay23). good at makeup. the shortest lol. she’s in the exact middle of the bastard/nerd/dumbass/valid scale

myan (owner - tumblr: qibliwinter/lesbianskylor (HEHEHEHE ME) ao3: hollyus) he/they pan. depending on the au, he’s a vet student or a volunteer or owner of a shelter! he has a dog named scritch and he’s pretty much, besides micah, the most normal one of the greenlove gang. valid nerd

bo (owner - ao3: Nagasha) she/her grayace demiro. she’s a coolass serpentine (hypnobrai)!! she grew up in a group of serpentine girls and she met lloyd at a p young age. probably the most down to earth one of the group. at the very top of valid nerd

ver (owner - tumblr: terezi-kin) he/they demiboy polysexual aro. ABSOLUTE meme trash. ASKJNDLSDFDK jokes are like, his defining personality trait at this point honestly. tall bitch but not the tallest. chaotic good dumbass bastard

celestien (owner - tumblr: iwillheckingfightyou/anywaylloydgarmadonistrans ao3: i_will_fight_you) nb they/them and arospec multisexual. tol long haired redhead, punches transphobes. they have two moms

also: here are more specific ship names

micah/lloyd - brightshipping

rhian/lloyd - emeraldshipping

rhian/micah/lloyd - sparkleshipping

myan/micah - m&mshipping

thats,, kind of all we have so far rip

OKAY - now we get into the actual hcs (which im SORRY miles youve probably heard them all in the discord nsdjkfldk)

rhian and myan are the shortest of the group, celestien and ver are the tallest

SO, rhian and myan totally ride on their shoulders and have a nerf gun fight

(in the circumstance his family is an owner of a shelter) myan and micah totally meet before meeting the others because myan has a shelter that’s like across the street from micah’s flower shop

at some point micah adopts a cat named skittles from the shelter and he cries when he first sees her bc shes so cute.

she’s around 2 years old and she’s a brown tabby with a white muzzle, paws, tip of tail, chest and stomach

she’s affectionate af

lloyd used to be single as fuck before greenlove and everybody made fun of him, so when he gets SIX WHOLE DATEMATES he laughs in their face

after the whole harumi fiasco the ninja DEFINITELY keep their eye on his datemates.

kai, to all of them: hey? hey! you hurt lloyd i hurt you

nya: (pulls out her samurai x dual swords) ill let you figure it out!

cole: ok yall seem chill but if you ever treat lloyd badly…youll regret the day you were born. anyways who likes video games here

jay: you better watch out…you better watch out…yOU BETTER WATCH OUT… YOU BETTER WATCH

zane: (gives off sense of intense protecting of lloyd)

anyways, it is eventually proven that the greenlove squad are all also extremely protective of lloyd (esp after all the shit he went through) and would never hurt him intentionally so all the ninja become cool with them

greenlove is the lloyd protection squad.

all of the greenlove squad minus lloyd: i am the lloyd guardian. guardian of the lloyd

the ninja: morro quivers before them!

greenlove gang minus greenie to morro: FUCK OFF

ver constantly tortures micah with memes and jokes

though,,, they do bond over puns

ver: you wanna go?

lloyd: yea

ver: on a date with me?

ver: OH YOU DO

ver: OHHHH

lloyd: YOU ACT LIKE I FELL FOR A CUNNING PRANK IM YOUR BOYFRIEND YOU EGG

lloyd: turtles turn up

myan: hell yeah go turtles

lloyd: dead on beaches

myan: oh dear god

greenlove: (just doing shit)

ver: wait

ver: so bo’s a snake person yeah

bo: …well, the term is serpentine, but..yeah??

micah: yea- oh god ver no

ver: we’re all scalies

bo: oh, um? i dont quite get what you mean, but his name is skales! not sure how he would react to you calling him, uh, skalie?

lloyd: (wheeze)

myan has, lots of grandchildren and children

(hint: they’re all animals)

myan, when a cat gives birth: hey guys look! its our 34th grandchild :)

rhian’s basically besties with nya

whenever she goes out on a date with lloyd, nya does her makeup, and kai does lloyd’s makeup (since nya and kai are makeup masters obvs)

any love song that’s sweet and nice: plays

all of the greenlove members simultaneously: HOLY SHIT ITS OUR SONG-

celestien: happy one year babe!

ver: 

ver: im 18

celestien is ur friendly neighborhood anarchist :)

they have a discord with the ninja & co (aka adding on skylor and pixal) named “0 days since our last nonsense”

ver: @everybody

kai: i will kick your ass if you tag everybody again

ver: @here

kai: bitch

ver: (feigning innocence) but you didn’t say dont tag here :) :)

kai: fucker

nobody ever. ever. EVER gives ver mod/admin permissions. it happened once and theyll never make the same mistake again

my hc shortest from tallest is rhian, myan, bo, lloyd, micah, ver, celestien

celestien when they’re around tiny animals: (tearing up) you are so small? i could crush you? you’re just? so tiny?

micah dramatically during christmas: ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS , IS YOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUU

bo: micah i know you’ve been telling us this again and again for the like past 6 hours?

ver: you know what’s my music taste? youtube channel historyteachers.

ver, yelling at the top of their lungs: this plague is bubonic! B-U-B-O-N-I-C

ver: im factkin with the lady thats always singing in those videos

he listens to it so much that all his s/os can recite renaissance man to you on instant if you asked them to

myan: love is dead. you leave me as i lay here sick and festering. you have betrayed me

lloyd: woah whats up?

myan: my dog stole my fuckign popcorn

their older siblings/parents trade embarrassing stories about them and its just terrible for them but really amusing for their older siblings/parents

kai (lloyd), nyx, max (rhians dads), the reols parents (micah), myans parents, vers parents, the snake girl gang (bo), and celestiens moms: (cackling evilly)

bo: so, i was doing this and my friend-

micah: wait

bo: what

micah: oh my god myan and rhian rhyme,

rhian (before they started dating): writes her name on something

myan: holy SHIT THATS HOW YOU SPELL IT?

celestien nickname cel and rhian nickname rhi cause its cute

thATS MY HCS FOR GREENLOVE WHICH I LOVE!!!!!!!! sorry for taking for fucking ever

also if yall want to request hcs then Sure but from now on with hcs being put onto my inbox ill take them as suggestions- meaning, ill delete them if i dont feel like doing them (if you ask off anon ill post privately that i dont want to do it, if on anon ill just delete it lol)

[tortuga-aak]

19 unwritten restaurant rules you should avoid breaking

The INSIDER Summary: Don't be that couple that aggressively starts making out in the restaurant. If you're kid is throwing a tantrum, chances are you're ruining other guests' dining experience. Whether you're dining among Michelin stars or 5 feet away from a rustic handcrafted backgammon set at a Cracker Barrel, it's a combo of common courtesy and modest respect for unspoken social contracts that keeps our collective dining culture intact. As Cracker Barrel Founder Dan Evins himself once famously quipped, "Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use."

Actually, that might have been Emily Post.

At any rate, after weeks of deliberation, presented are the 19 unwritten rules of dining in restaurants... except, I guess now they are actually written. So, this is kind of embarrassing. Look, maybe you should just go ahead and start reading the list. And remember before you comment: Judge not lest ye be judged even harder, OK?

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1. Know the difference between a server and a busboy

A busser's job is best described as "overall mucky." Which is to say, not good. And while they attempt to drag a bus bucket filled with lobster guts and soiled napkins back to the kitchen, they don't need the added weight of some slack-jawed sweater jackal grabbing them by the elbow and starting to ramble off an order. This is pretty much the most "dad" thing you can do at a restaurant -- aside from replying, "It's OK, so am I," when the server warns that your incoming plate might be too hot to handle.

2. Never snap your fingers at a server. Or busboy. Or anyone.

Unless you're choking, trying to wake someone up, or thoroughly enjoying a new bossa nova-themed Cuban fusion concept, there is absolutely no excuse for snapping your fingers at anyone or anything in a restaurant setting. But normally, it's No. 1 on "shit that pisses servers off," so this is as much an unwritten rule as an outright warning. Simply put: If you do it, you might be asking for a loogie glaze on your creme brulee. Also, if you're choking, just use the international hand symbol or hope there's an imposter British nanny around.

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3. Respect your reservation time

If you are more than 15 minutes late on your reservation, there is absolutely no room to get indignant if a restaurant gives your table away. Ninety-five percent of Americans own mobile phones (so, you can give them a heads up, en route), and 100% of Americans who are cognizant enough to plan ahead and make reservations should be able to follow through on this very-much-so important social contract. Ghosting on your res is even worse, and a cardinal sin in the service industry: It really screws things up for everyone. Just call them! Even made-up excuses will suffice. Tell them either: A) Your sister is giving birth (!) or B) Your date has diarrhea. Either way, they won't ask anymore questions.

4. You can't treat wait times as an exact science

There's a reason why every host/hostess ever will immediately precede their estimated wait time with a hard "umm, about... " There's no way to know exactly how long it will take Great Aunt Linda to polish off her lima beans. Not even Great Aunt Linda really knows. And "about 10-15 minutes" can easily turn into 45. It's simply one of the many inconvenient truths of dining out. Remember: Patience is a virtue, and yelling at restaurant employees is a one-way ticket to never getting a table. And if you are truly too important to even waste a few minutes on a lagging restaurant, there's an app for that, naturally. Luckily, many restaurants have long-implemented a "hold this buzzer-thing till it flashes red" system to give diners-in-waiting a slice of hope to literally hold onto.

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5. Don't be that couple that sits in the same side of an otherwise empty booth

A restaurant is not a venue for your performative cuteness. What's the endgame here? Under-the-table hand-holding? Lady and the Tramp-ing your way through a plate of pasta? You're weirding out the entire establishment, and, as Steve Carell knows, subjecting yourself to cripplingly weird neck angles.

6. Definitely don't be that couple that sits in the same side of a booth and starts aggressively making out

Because it's really not the appropriate venue. Though if you DO witness such a happening, don't make it worse by making a scene, like this lady. It's SO much worse to be that lady. Just snicker about it quietly and talk about them later like a normal person.

7. A communal table is not an invitation to make new friends

While the virtues of "communal seating" (and its slightly less annoying cousin, the super-close table arrangement) are still up in the air, one thing is certain: Group and/or tight seating means you'll be eating uncomfortably close to other people. But there's a big difference between eating next to someone and with someone. Exchanging pleasantries with the stranger you happen to be rubbing elbows with is fine... and maybe even courteous. Acting like you're at the kids table at grandma's can interrupt other diners' experiences. The whole point of going out to restaurants is to be around people without actually having to interact with them, right? Read the room. Be aware of your surroundings. And for God's sake, never broach a private convo with "I couldn't help but overhear you, but... "

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8. If your phone is distracting other tables, it's a problem

It's 2017, and complaining about people Instagramming their food and other conventional mid-meal smartphone uses reached "old man yells at cloud" status a long time ago. That said, if your flash is popping off repeatedly in a darkened restaurant, your 15-person birthday dinner is pausing mid-meal to take 150 different variations of a group photo on 12 different phones, or your conversation with your sister about her thyroid problem is grabbing the attention of wide swaths of the restaurant, well, maybe you're a cloud who deserves to be yelled at.

9. If your kids are distracting other tables, you're a problem

Kids and restaurants are way too varied to make a one-size-fits-all proclamation as to whether or not they ought to be present -- that's up to individual restaurants. But if precious little Braxton throws a category-five tantrum and you haven't whisked him outside in the first 30 seconds, you're making him everyone's problem. And if that's a regular occurrence with Braxton, maybe wait a few years before making Friday night steakhouse dinners a regular thing.

10. The menu is not a blank canvas for your creativity

Substituting a side salad with rice alongside your duck à l'orange is probably fine. Asking to substitute fresh ground beef for the duck and a pack of melted green Skittles for the citrus sauce is going too far. While that's an unrealistic scenario, there's a line here that can't be crossed. If you are augmenting more than half of an order's ingredients, maybe you should opt for something else. Restaurants should be willing to cater to you, of course, but you can't expect them to act like your own personal chef. If you want that, get rich.

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11. Don't make servers split the check 15 ways

Entire articles could be written on this very topic (and actually have) but it boils down to this: You're an adult, you probably have Venmo, and you definitely have access to an ATM. Just use modern technology to your advantage, dude.

12. You can't send food back just because you suck at ordering

There are real, legitimate reasons for sending a plate of food back to the kitchen. The fact that you were too distracted thinking about your sister's thyroid problem to ask what "chitarra" was and it turned out to be pasta and even though you're not "gluten-free" or anything you've been trying to avoid carbs on every other weekday is... definitely not one of them.

13. Never blame a server for a kitchen mistake

If your server accidentally told the kitchen to make your ribeye a teeth-shattering, flames of Hades "super-well-done" instead of the requested "medium-rare," that's one thing. But it's highly unlikely they asked the cooks to make your broccoli soggy, and it's certainly not their fault if the restaurant runs out of salmon. That's like berating the dude who sells popcorn at the movie theater because you thought Suicide Squad sucked.

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14. Fibbing to get free food is not OK

Some well-meaning restaurants give out free food (or discounts) based on birthdays, military service, or just because they're good people. If you try to score some of said free food through some manipulation of the truth, you're either a shitty teenager showing off for his shitty friends (Braxton's future?), or an even worse adult. The servers already have to sacrifice their dignity when they halfheartedly serenade you around your one-candle sundae. Don't sacrifice yours.

15. Don't use the restaurant as your personal supermarket

If you are taking more than three packets of condiments in your to-go box and/or purse, you are the reason we can't have nice things -- or in this case, freely available ketchup -- anymore. And yes, this rule applies even if you are old. Sorry, grandma. Your days of stocking up on jelly at the IHOP are over.

16. No lingering in a busy restaurant

While restaurants shouldn't be trying to hurry you through your meal in the interest of turning tables over, it goes both ways. If it goes a way that involves a 20-minute conversation after the bill is paid when no one has anything but water in front of them as people salivate hungrily in the waiting area for your table, it's gone a bad, bad way.

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17. Cheap food does not equal a cheap tip

This issue was most pronounced in the heyday of Groupon and other imitators like the one your friend's cousin was trying to get you to invest in (dodged a bullet there). But the fact remains: Whether it's a coupon, a gift card, or 10-cent wing night, if you paid less for the food, the server didn't do any less work. Tip on the full amount. Especially if the establishment in question has low prices to begin with. If you're busting out the old tip calculator to figure out what exactly 15% of a $19 tab is, you're a mathematically precise monster. Put another way: If you received table service you shouldn't ever be tipping less than two bucks.

18. Don't show up and order food five minutes before closing

Picture this: You've worked a long, hard day at the office, but now you are literally five minutes away from heading home. Yay! Then, all of a sudden, your boss dumps a DJ Khaled-high stack of documents on your desk and tells you to parse through them all and create a brief PowerPoint on what you've learned... immediately. This is what it's like when you waltz into a restaurant five minutes before the designated closing time expecting to be served. Just because Google says they are open till 11 doesn't mean it's cool to order the rack of lamb at 10:57. Remember: Restaurant workers are people with lives, families, and breaking points, too.

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19. Coffee and desserts are group decisions. Always.

If an entire table was prepared to forego dessert and move on with their lives and then you chime in to order yourself some tiramisu and an espresso, you deserve to have the whole crew desert you. Get it?! But for real, hopefully they leave you alone with just the one make-out couple and the piercing shrieks of little Braxton. Dessert is a "we" decision, not an "I" decision.

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