#i never expected anything less than a doomed narrative so i am still happily on this ship

[forlouren]

Leslye's recent interview might seem like she's stepping on our sandcastle, but this just makes me more concrete on the Knights Of Ren's theory, personally. The Kylo Ren theme was said to be purposeful, and we still haven't been told as to why. I highly doubt that if the story continues, Osha and Qimir will remain Sith.

[feysandandnyx]

I think it is very wrong to think that Rhysand is only imperfect through the POV of Nesta. Rhysand was never a perfect character, he was always morally grey, so I just love his ability to be spiteful. We see this a lot with your inability to forgive Tamlin or Nesta. I am happy to know that Feyre has happily found people for whom she is the first option. I love to know that Rhysand will always defend, be loyal and stand by her. Someone who will worry if she is hurt. Rhysand never hid how he felt about Nesta. Rhysand has always been arrogant too. Rhysand owes absolutely nothing to Nesta and the only thing that bound him to her until the end of acosf was always Feyre and Cassian.

Feyre plays a huge role in Nesta's story, because if Feyre had given up, maybe even Cassian would have turned her back. Just remember that it was Feyre who talked to Cassian when things went bad after Camp Illyriano or Feyre who explained to Cassian how Nesta thought or even Amaren, who advised Cassian to always keep an outstretched hand. I think a very bad narrative of the story told in acosf was created when that book was published. Some people were quick to want to vilify the characters to prove how Nesta was a victim of them. But people like Amaren, Feyre and even Rhysand, were instrumental in their healing process. ACOSF is not a single book, the first in a series. It is a continuity and is connected with the previous books. You can't just want to throw away the construction of the other characters in the trash. You can understand their behavior with Nesta if you look back.

As I said, Rhysand was never a perfect character and you don't need Nesta to understand that. Nesta also hates him for no apparent reason, as if he was wrong to dislike her because of Feyre. I even saw people saying that it was difficult to change when everyone judged her mistakes. This in an attempt to show how the IC was wrong. But you know, no one is at odds with Nesta without a reason. It is not as if people are being hypocritical with her, I venture to say that it is the other way around. Nesta doesn't like Rhysand for example, but she lives with her money. She doesn't want to work for him because according to her, Rhysand does it for Feyre's happiness and not because he loves her. Amaren is another example. Nesta is not talking to Amaren because according to her, Amaren chose Feyre. The same with Elain, whom she criticizes for not being by her side, when Nesta herself was the first to push her away. She also wants to hurt Cassian on purpose, without Mor being uncomfortable with it. Her point of view is biased at many times (about the IC) and as readers we have to be aware of this because we simply have 4 previous books to confront. She was also biased when she told Feyre about the pregnancy, making her believe that Rhysand would let Feyre die without knowing the risk of pregnancy. However, if you remember, Rhysand was trying to save Feyre's life and even Nesta acknowledged that he would do anything to save her sister

Consequently, what I see in many posts are people judging Rhysand because he chose to let Feyre die without knowing the risk, when at no time was that said. All Rhysand said was that he still hadn't found the courage to take that happiness away from Feyre. Although we don't have his point of view, for me Rhysand was behaving the same way he did when he hid the mating Bond. He might have been trying to tell, but Feyre's happiness and excitement made him lose his courage "to take that happiness from her".

Why did Feyre forgive Rhysand so quickly? Feyre was living with Rhysand. She saw things about him that the narrative is omitting because we don't have her point of view. Does this mean that Rhysand was right to hesitate? No. But you can understand why he is hesitating. There were too many things to take in. It was something he was supposed to tell, and that's probably why he forbade others to speak to Feyre about it. Because it wasn't just the life of Feyre and the baby, it was his life and the future of the night court. He would simply have to say that the three would die, that the peaceful world they had died to build would no longer exist, that his court would be divided among the rest and that they would simply die again.

I'll give you a personal example. I met a family in which the mother had cancer. When they found out, the doctors informed her that she would not survive, it was a matter of months. The children chose not to tell her that there was no hope and she died without knowing that she was always doomed. One of this mother's daughters was pregnant. The brothers hid the truth about cancer only because she was pregnant and in love with her mother. However, when they told her, she did not react well and her daughter was born six months. When her mother died, she was in the hospital fighting for her daughter's life and still developed postpartum depression. I was an expectant. And it was not up to me to judge.

However, I think this is an example of how we are able to hide things because we don't want those we love to suffer even more. Now a truth about me: in this Feyre story, Rhysand was less wrong for me than Nesta. He hid it because he cared. Did Feyre deserve to know? Yes, but I can understand why he is hesitating and I really think his intention was never to let her die without knowing it. That was simply the version that Nesta gave in a moment of anger. However, I have a bigger problem with the role of Nesta here. This was the only character that Rhysand did not ask to keep secret. She simply pledged herself. She promised and trusted him to save Feyre. She is shaken when she finds out, but that was all. Nesta is not losing sleep over Feyre or is not trying to save her life, something she would have done for Elain. Then, in a moment of anger, where she realized she was getting worse in a fight, she simply used Feyre's risk of pregnancy to hurt Amaren, Rhysand and FEYRE.

She simply could have used that information to try to build something positive with her sister, but it was the other way around. Again Nesta crosses a line and hurts Feyre because she is angry with other people. It doesn't matter how much you say that at least she did. Her intentions just weren't the best. She was more concerned with hurting regardless of the consequences. That is why she loses forgiveness. I would very much like to know why Feyre hesitated. What she thought. Was she surprised that Nesta is apologizing? Did she see any changes? Or was she deciding whether she should forgive her or not? For the time being Feyre said that Nesta told her because she felt cornered by the IC, Rhysand disagreed. And Nesta just confirmed that he was right. Nesta spoke because she was angry? Yes, but it had a lot more to do with her constant need to hurt people when she felt she didn't have the upper hand on any issue. Nesta also conspired with Rhysand and the IC, until she decided to use the information as a weapon against Amaren. It is only from this that Nesta reflects and tries not to hurt people anymore. She realizes that this was simply the most wrong thing about her.

So I also understand Rhysand when he asks Nesta to be kind to the priestesses. Rhysand knew the story / traumas of each, including Gwyn. He knew how delicate a territory was and he also knew that Nesta had a tendency to hurt people cruelly. Why shouldn't he fear when she did this to her own sister or Cassian? Can we understand Nesta's motives? Yes. But it is very possible to understand Rhysand's behavior in this book without him appearing to be the great villain of Nesta's story.

[sometimesrosy]

is it bad that part of the reason I want bellarke to happen is out of spite to the antis

nope.

join the club.

i mean of course i want bellarke to happen, i love this story and i love THEIR story. And I want to see it come to fruition and resolve in a way that’s satisfying and rounds out the entire story AND their relationship.

but those assholes have harassed us so much, me probably more than most people, but not just me. they have RUINED the show for us, and they never had to do it at all. 

no one has to tell someone the show or ship or character they love sucks and is doomed and is delusional or whatever they think is evil. WTF? i’m trying to enjoy a broadcast sff tv show over here, not right the wrongs of the world. and if i DID want to watch a show that was ethically progressive, this is actually not a bad show to watch. is it perfect? no of course not. nothing is. but at least this show ASKS the questions addressing the ills of the world, like tribalism and bigotry and abuse and tyranny and the cycle of violence and homophobia and colonialism and ecological disaster.

does it have all the answers? of course not. for some of these things there ARE no answers.

and is BELLARKE perfect? 

once again, of course not. but having flaws does not mean that a show or a ship or a character or a writer or a person is worth less. Is this a generational thing? that kids these days think people and content has to be PURE GOOD in order to be AT ALL good? My son thinks this way too, and it is INCREDIBLY damaging to the way he thinks about himself. 

It’s a damaging way to think in general.

And these antis are thinking it all the time. Bellarke is [fill in the blank] so it’s trash. The 100 is not [fill in the blank] so it’s trash. JR is [fill in the blank] so he’s evil. Bob is [fill in the blank] so he should be reviled. Eliza is [fill in the blank] so she’s trash. Bellarkers are [fill in the blank] so they should die.

I mean. Really? Like we’re not allowed to be imperfect, any of us, because it means we are trash and should be thrown out and cancelled. IN WHAT WORLD IS THAT A FUNCTIONING WAY TO EXIST? No one is perfect. And when people repress anything they think is a flaw, it tends to come out in uncontrolled ways. Violence. Abuse. Sordid secrets. Hypocrisy. Harassment. Self hate. 

TBH, IF bellarke doesn’t end up as endgame, I will be disappointed in the show and in JR. I still think it’s in the narrative and leading towards bellarke endgame, although i’m not as sure about a HAPPY bellarke endgame. I am even MORE sure that it will be confirmed as canon, (which basically means a kiss, a confession of love with the word love, and/or sex,) because I believe it already IS canon with development towards all three over the last (especially) three seasons, in dialogue, action, narrative, cinematography, direction, acting, symbolism etc. i know a lot of people who don’t know as much about film, literature, fiction or storytelling don’t see it, but that’s not my problem and it doesn’t mean it’s not happening. it means it’s going on over their heads, like the dirty jokes in old kids cartoons.

BUT if it doesn’t end up canon, endgame or bittersweet happily ever after, I can get over it. It’s just a tv show and I don’t define myself by whether a show gives me my OTP or ends the way I want it to. And I also do not base my self esteem on being right or this theory or that theory. If i’m wrong, I take it as a learning opportunity and reevaluate my interpretation. I might decide that the writer/s betrayed their story and weren’t up to the challenge of bringing it all together, like GOT, or I might decide I interpreted it wrong and go back and try and see how it all fits. Or I might drop it and move on. Or I might reassess and decide that even if the story didn’t end up how I thought it would, it’s still a satisfying ending that wraps up the story. I mean, Buffy wasn’t good for shipping, but I still loved the end.

So for the story itself, I REALLY want a bellarke canon and marperly ever after ending.

But for all their bad behavior and bullying and harassment and jackassery I want it to shove it in their faces.

I honestly believe it’s going to be canon bellarke at least,  but if it isn’t, I KNOW all the antis will come at me to shove it in my face, even though I never practiced bad behavior, bullying, harassment or jackassery, I just  minded my own business and enjoyed my ship and. So it’s not like I’ll have a choice in that matter. I’ll probably have to take a break from this place if it does. Just because I figure it will be relentless, even though I’ve blocked so MANY people over the years.

Truth is, I won’t shove it in anyone’s faces, either. I’ll just stay in my lane and be happy about bellarke and feel vindicated.

I know it’s too much to expect the antis to do the same if it doesn’t work out in our favor.

[ramblingrachell]

Have You Read This? The Election of 2020

Like many of us, I watched Hamilton on July 4th, 2020 – our nation’s birthday. I met the day with mixed emotions as the spirit and character of our nation as of late did not seem appropriate to celebrate.

As I watched the story about many of the nation’s founding fathers and first leaders unfold, I was struck by the parts of their personal trials and tribulations that went beyond their contribution to the nation. Hamilton was the first politician to be involved in a sex scandal; Layfette – an immigrant, unafraid to step in and become America’s favorite fighting Frenchmen; Washington – a slave owner willing to admit “it probable that I may have committed many errors;” Jefferson – gained wealth profiting from the work of slaves, one of which he fathered six children with after making her his mistress. Burr – the untried murderer of Alexander Hamilton, whom he killed while still holding office as the third Vice President of the United States. In short, a hot mess of moral contradictions. I have been listening to the Hamilton soundtrack ever since my first viewing on July 4th, and realized a number of lines in various songs could be strung together to reflect my perception (key word: my) of the current political climate. Over the last week or so, I finally sat down to string all of those poignant lines together (with a few liberties for relevant context), a lyrical short story I have dubbed, The Election of 2020 (seen further down, further down). The beauty of democracy that is reborn during election seasons is our ability to get a fresh start, gain new perspectives, correct past wrongs, and continually better this land of the free for generations to come. I saw a quote recently that described voting as not so much like trying to find the perfect partner for marriage, but rather like using a bus for public transport. Voting is a map of bus routes that you must choose from in order to get from point A to point B. There may not be one specific bus that is going to your exact destination, but that doesn’t mean you stay at home and give up on travel entirely. Voting is not about waiting for “the one” candidate who is absolutely perfect. Instead, you choose to get on the bus that gets you closest to where you want to be. I know and love many republicans and democrats that have used the privilege of voting to get us all closer to where we want the nation to be. To me, where we are right now does not seem to fit under either traditional party umbrella – no, it’s much more like an umbrella that has been turned inside out and torn apart by a calculated hurricane of divisive and selfish endeavors. Perhaps more than ever before, this is the time to reassess our voting bus routes that will get us from point A to point B. Are we moving from indifference to tolerance? Hate to love? Despair to hope? Chaos to consistency? Negligence to protection? Moreover, before you get on your bus of choice, remember the route is designed to get the whole of our nation where we want it to be. Not just for me and not just for you. For all of US – as in, all of the United States. We will never all agree, I know this, but in spite of these disagreements, I am reminded of the hope that comes from the story of Hamilton. Even 244 years into this nation’s story, despite many dramatic peaks and valleys, the journey to our shared, happily ever after epilogue lives on. It lives on in me, in you, and in every vote cast to get us where we want to be. Regardless of how your vote is cast, the courage to reexamine your route and get on that bus… well, that would be enough.

The Election of 2020

“America, you great unfinished symphony A place where even orphan immigrants Can leave their fingerprints and rise up We’re running out of time Eyes up Time's up Wise up He's not the choice I would have gone with History will prove him wrong Winning was easy for him Governing's harder Welcome, folks, to a dysfunctional administration! He stands only for himself It's what he does I can't apologize because it's true Have it all, lose it all The President is gonna bring the nation to the brink He’s the villain in our history Frankly, it's a little disquieting that so many are blind to this reality He doesn’t have an ounce of regret He accumulates debt, he accumulates power Yet in our hour of need, he forgets Ardently abuses his post It's hard to listen to him with a straight face Watching the tension grow He cannot be left alone to his devices Indecisive, from crisis to crisis Stay alive 'til this horror show is past We're gonna fly a lot of flags half-mast Chaos and bloodshed already haunt us How many died because he was inexperienced and ruinous? We're too fragile to start another fight Where do we draw the line? Someone oughta remind him We're running a real nation Him and his words, obsessed with his own legacy His sentences border on senseless And he is paranoid in every paragraph How they perceive him Let future historians wonder How he tore so much apart And watched it all burn I wish I could say what was happening in his brain He's not very forthcoming on any particular stances Ask him a question: he glances off, he obfuscates, he dances I will not equivocate on my opinion I didn't say anything that wasn't true His father's a scoundrel, and so, it seems, is this dude He is uniquely situated by virtue of his position Though 'virtue' is not a word I’d apply to this situation He seeks financial gain, straying from his sacred mission And the evidence suggests he’s engaged in speculation Why does he assume he’s the smartest in the room? Soon that attitude will be his doom He knows nothing of loyalty Smells like new money, dresses like fake royalty Desperate to rise above his station Everything he does betrays the ideals of our nation See how he lies Look at his eyes Follow the scent of his enterprise If we don't stop him, we aid and abet it Watching him grabbin' at power and kissin' it Somebody has to stand up to his mouth What do we stall for?  If we stand for nothing, what'll we fall for?

Be careful with that one He will do what it takes to survive No one knows who he is or what he does His pride will be the death of us all God, we hope he’s satisfied This man has poisoned our political pursuits Destroyed our reputation I can almost see the headline, his “career” is done Ya best go run back where ya come from! This dude is out! You ever see somebody ruin their own life? History obliterates In every picture it paints It paints him and all of his mistakes It's him against us, the world will never be the same He better get ready for the moment of adrenaline Try not to crack under the stress When he finally faces his opponent They’ve fought on like seventy-five different fronts He smacks others in the press and doesn’t print retractions We're breaking down like fractions But when all is said and all is done I have beliefs, he has none Gotta get us out of the mess he’s got us in There’s a reason no one trusts him No one knows what he believes I get no satisfaction witnessing his fits of passion The way he primps and preens and dresses like the pits of fashion Our poorest citizens, our farmers, live ration to ration As Wall Street robs 'em blind in search of chips to cash in He’s askin' for someone to bring him to task While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket But the sun comes up And the world still spins I hear wailing in the streets There is suffering too terrible to name This is not a moment, it's a movement Are we a nation of states? What's the state of our nation? The issue on the table: We are engaged in a battle for our nation's very soul I’m past patiently waitin'. Let’s passionately smash every expectation For the first time, I’m thinkin' past tomorrow. We're gonna rise up - time to take a shot This nation better rise up Raise a glass to freedom Something they can never take away No matter what he tells us Look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now But we'll never be truly free Until those in bondage have the same rights as you and me Seek out injustice in the world and correct it Life doesn't discriminate Between the sinners And the saints It takes and it takes and it takes And we keep living anyway We laugh and we cry And we break But can l be real for a second? For just a millisecond? We gotta make an all-out stand Get him out of power So he holds no office We are a powder keg about to explode We gotta stop 'em and rob 'em of his advantages Let's take a stand with the stamina God has granted us We pick and choose our battles and places to take a stand We will fight for this land Summon all the courage that’s required Be a part of the narrative The story they will write someday How we emerged victorious Leaving the battlefield waving Betsy Ross' flag higher No one has more resilience Let’s move under cover and move as one We have one shot to live another day Don’t throw away this shot We will fight up close, seize the moment and stay in it And so the American experiment begins again We bleed and fight for the next generation We'll make it right for them If we lay a strong enough foundation We'll pass it on to them, we'll give the world to them For a strong central democracy We may never all agree, but There's only one man and woman Who can give us a command so we can rise up Throwing verbal rocks at his mediocrities What do you stall for? What was it all for? We studied and we fought For the notion of a nation we now get to rebuild Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness We fought for these ideals; we shouldn't settle for less I don't pretend to know All the challenges we’re facing But this once, take a stand with pride This is not the time to stand to the side Stand with us in the land of the free To get the people that we need to lead We need the votes We need bold strokes When there’s skin in the game, stay in the game We don't get a win unless we play in the game We may get love for it We may get hate for it We get nothing if we wait for it I wanna build something that's gonna outlive me I dream of a brand new start I want real leaders that can save the day We won't be invisible We won't be denied If we get this right The nation can start to move on It outlives us when we’re gone We are the one thing in life we can control We are inimitable, true originals We can’t stand still Or lie in wait We don't wanna fight, but We won't apologize for doing what's right Together we can turn the tide If we manage to get this right They'll surrender by early light We have no control Who lives, who dies, who tells our story But I know that we can win I know that greatness lies within us But remember from here on in History has its eyes on me and History has its eyes on you”

(All Lyric Credits: Hamilton: An America Musical. Performances by Lin-Manuel Miranda, Daveed Diggs, Renée Elise Goldsberry, Jonathan Groff, Christopher Jackson, Jasmine Cephas Jones, Leslie Odom Jr., Okieriete Onaodowan, Anthony Ramos  Phillipa Soo, and Original Cast Company. Atlantic Records, 2015.)

[laufire]

ENDGAME

Okay. I definitely won’t be able to sleep today, so I might as well pour out all my Endgame feelings right now.

First thing first, I was probably in the WORST POSSIBLE HEADSPACE to watch this film; national elections where fascists could take over Congress (spoiler alert, they didn’t. I literally just cried with relief for over ten minutes) AND being extremely concerned about characters you over-identify with on the same day, all after the worst year of your life, apparently don’t mix well. Who would have thunk.

(btw, I was spoiled as I was voting about That Very Big Thing; everyone who follows me probably can guess what I’m talking about. I almost threw hands tbh. Then almost cried over a dozen times on the way to the theatre because the stress of the day was killing me ugh).

All this to say, my head is a mess right now, I don’t even know if this post is going to make any sense, and I will probably take time to process certain things and have a definite opinion on them LOL. But well, here is now.

And err. Warning for a brief mention of suicide ideation?

(crossposted to dreamwidth, livejournal, and pillowfort)

TONY (& CO)

– In case it wasn’t obvious, the thing I was spoiled about? Yeah, it was Tony’s death. FML. I mean, even if I wasn’t spoiled, I would’ve seen it coming as soon as we saw him after the five years jump, lbr (happily off-screen married to Pepper? With an adorable daughter? Pepper resigned to the possibility of losing him instead of begging him to stay like in IW? And then the movie kept hammering it home LMAO; that and a lot of things for the mains that I kind of saw coming from less than a third into the movie, which IDK if it’s because I was particularly intuitive, or the foreshadowing was that heavy handed xD).

Obviously, I’m not rocking your world if I tell you I’m extremely heartbroken, I guess. Especially because, as I said, my emotions were already all over the place. And seeing a character I adore, and in who I project a lot of my issues on –including, yes, suicidal issues–, sacrifice their lives (no matter how poignant, and moving, and well-written it might be) was incredibly hard for me. So, yeah. I’m going to have to deal with that for a while I guess. Which I plan to do by writing a bunch of Fix-It and Not Actually Fix-It fics ASAP.

But. I mean, out of all the endings Tony could have, this was always my second choice for him. And he was grandiose in this film. He figured out time travel. He created a gauntlet capable of holding the Infinity stones. Beings far more powerful than him were trying to carry that gauntlet to the van and none of them thought to use it, but he did. He was completely vindicated. He is the Saviour of the Universe.

And he looked gorgeous the entire time, which is truly important for me.

– In all seriousness, the thing I take to heart the most is that

his legacy remains intact

, and it’s inspiring, and heroic, and poetic, and prosperous. Clearly, without him, my enthusiasm for the universe will never be the same, but one thing that worried me is that I wouldn’t want anything to do with Marvel for a while after this film, and that’s not how I’m feeling; I’m very much looking forward to further parallels and homages to him in my ever-growing list :P

Tho, honestly, I’m kind of side-eyeing myself for the fact that, the one time!!! I go and fall in love with a male lead character, he happens to be genuinely heroic and self-sacrificing, instead of just using those concepts as lip-service and getting to have his cake and eat it too LMAO. I mean, sure, given my reactions to those characters, the AeJons Snowrgaryens of the world, I wouldn’t have liked him so much if it was the case, but dammit. It’d be nice to experience that high sometime xD

– The Iron Fam is the best part of this movie for me. Tony’s relationship with Morgan was way too adorable to handle it; Pepper was enormous and so poised (and the scene where they circle around each other in their armors… poetic cinema); I didn’t get enough Iron Husbands to satiate me (Rhodey’s caress should have been skin to skin!), but I loved what we got; Happy is an assholes who made me cry ABOUT CHEESEBURGERS.

And let’s not talk about Peter, OMG. My heart. And Harley appeared to Tony’s funeral! Though, honestly, the person I missed the most there was Christine Everhart, who should have been there just on the basis that I like her (plus, ya know, IMO she was important to Tony’s origin dammit).

I’m going to consider Nebula an honorary member, tbh. Her scenes with Tony in space cut me deep; and she and Rhodey are buddies!

Natasha and Fury (I loved his appearance *sniffs*) are honorary members too, because fuck it. They both appeared first vis a vis Tony on his movies, and have two of my favourite relationships with him, and I say so.

– Related to that, one Failure™ of this movie, is not providing a Nat & Tony one-on-one scene. Seriously, I can’t believe they didn’t realize how necessary that was. But I ADORED the scene where they and Bruce are lying down bouncing ideas about the stones (it made me softly whisper “ot3” LOL); it was possibly the only “Avengers” moment that worked for me –other than Clintasha, but that’s on a different league tbh.

I wanted more Nebula & Tony scenes too; I would’ve loved to see Tony interact with Past!Nebula. Yes, realistically, he would probably had made her LOL, but. I needed it. it’s definitely on my to-write-list :P

– I wanted just some positive interaction between Carol & Tony to counteract Current Comics Bullshit and I got Carol rescuing him, smiling beatifically at him, and Tony basically saying she was Da Bomb and the Avengers should follow her lead instead of keep sucking xDD So that was nice.

– I loved the scene at the beginning where he fucking SNAPS, and goes for Steve’s throat. It was probably my favourite scene. It’s resolution with everyone’s reactions and after the flashforward kind of… totally sucked, but whatever. Still amazing.

– The only part of his storyline that I HATED, and I mean absolutely loathed, was his scene with Howard. Jesus Fucking Christ. They went with the most simplistic take they could have, didn’t they. I haven’t felt more insulted in the theatre in my entire life, and my family made me watch both Ocho apellidos movies with them, so Marvel? That’s a feat. The moment where he says his father hit him with a belt so we (Tony included) are supposed to think, well, at least Howard wasn’t physically violent with his son, hooray?

And I think we’re supposed to take his “wouldn’t want my son to turn like me” as motivation for Tony’s actions and like… newsflash, but Tony has “put the worlds’ needs over his own gain” since Iron Man. Fucking. One. It’s literally what he does in this film, because we’re shown that, despite having achieved his happy ending, he was still trying to figure out time travel even if it meant risking his future.

Seriously, if they wanted me to be moved, they should’ve used Maria. Or hell, Edwin Jarvis was right there. And if whitewashing of Howard’s abuse becomes one of those MCU things that ends up bleeding into the comics, I’m gonna riot. Ugh.

BTW, just thought about this. Has anyone confirmed what the H. of Morgan’s second name stands for? Because my immediate idea was that it was for Happy, but now the fear that it might relate to Howard has entered my brain and I need someone to drive it out.

OTHER FAVES :P

– I am a lot more heartbroken over Natasha’s death than I expected to be. I like her character on paper a lot, but sometimes the writing or the acting don’t agree with me; neither was the case in this movie. I thought she was incredible. I loved the scene where she’s leading the post-dusting council. So losing her in this movie, of all movies, really hurts. And I understand why people who love her would be unhappy, and even furious –to some extent, so am I, tbh; specially because I don’t think she was properly honoured by the other characters after the fact–, but I do think it was extremely fitting for her arc.

– I loved Nebula’s storyline; how she was able to form new relationships, and what I know will be enduring friendships. Her interactions with her younger self were fascinating too; I loved that she perfectly followed the time-travel mumbo-jumbo. And she was so adorable at the beginning. Her bond with Tony didn’t have as much screen time as I wish it had, but the rest of the movie really shows how much his kindness touched her, and I love it. I’m a bit sad she didn’t get to kill any Thanos, tho.

– Okay, putting him in the “faves” section doesn’t exactly feel right, but whatever: I maintain that Thanos is a great villain. I don’t know what people that say otherwise are thinking. He’s the perfect foil for so many characters, and he is genuinely villainous; he is so delusional and self-righteous (seriously, his “solution” for the Snap 2.0 was… o.0) his plans feel sincerely menacing. He perfectly spells out his own doom; narratively speaking? He’s a joy of a villain to me. And I loved how he reacted to the information about the future; specifically, that upon learning about Nebula’s “betrayal”, his tactic was SOFTENING towards past!Nebula to make her even more eager to please him.

– Carol didn’t have much screen time, but I liked what she got (like, nothing too deep, but I didn’t expect much). I liked the Carol/Rhodey nod, even if I’m not sure how I feel about the ship in this incarnation. I wanted to hear something about Maria, but welp.

And on a shallow note, I kind of love that fandom absolutely freaked out about her wearing lipstick on a scene (while praising the “~natural no-make-up make up, effortlessly feminine without looking like you’re actually trying” look that she sported on CM, and disregarding that while yes, it was a troubling look that fitted a pattern across movies, A4 was made first so it was hardly a “betrayal” of the semi-grunge style), for the movie to go and give her the butchest look she’s ever gonna get on film lmao (and I will be pleasantly surprised if they’d keep a look like this for a movie where she’s the lead and not a supporting character, tbh).

– Sam and Bucky were So Soft™ with each other OMG. If their show doesn’t have at least ONE episode centred on them going undercover as a married couple, I’ll write it myself, because they are perfect for it (especially if you add some of the early banter/antagonism).

Btw, Sam getting the shield? The only good part of that mess at the end LMAO.

– I have mixed feelings for the Alt!Gamora development. I just… really loved the GOTG-IW versions of her character and her ship, and she’s gone and just… :( And that type of pseudo-amnesia/relationship do-over thing can be so badly written sometimes… But she’s back, and if done right, the role-reversal between her and Nebula could be gr10 for GOTG 3. We’ll see.

THE BAD™

– I know if I walked up right now to the Russos, and asked them why they hate Thor so much, they wouldn’t even understand the question. They would say, but we love Thor?? He’s such a fun character?? Or some version of the sort. They can fool themselves, but not me. You don’t do this to a character for whom you feel a modicum of respect, IMO.

Like, the fat-phobic jokes? The way they dealt with his substance abuse? How his arc about stepping up and assuming responsibilities ended by… him throwing away his responsibilities. Losing his hammer was a turning point for him to relearn the lessons about value and worthiness and power he’d been taught, and then… this movie. I couldn’t even fully enjoy his scenes with Frigga because I was so appalled by it all.

His only great scene, IMO, was how horrified and out of it he sounded after killing Thanos. I really felt that.

I didn’t even enjoy that he passed his power to Valkyrie because… unlike with Sam, that basically came out of nowhere. If they at least had given them ONE more scene at the beginning; seriously, it writes itself: just put her in the room when Bruce and Rocket are trying to convince him to go with them, and have her being the one that does it. Make her help him the way HE helped HER in Ragnarok; show her trying to help him and getting angry and frustrated. IDK, something.

And I know I’m probably alone in this because everyone around me practically creamed their pants when it happened but… having Steve control Mjolnir felt like adding insult to injury. Not just lifting it (which I would’ve been annoyed by too, given that they rewrote the new Asgardian mythology just to have this scene lol), but commanding it as only Thor did. Just. How much more are you going to take from Thor, people.

I want to make it clear that my problem is with the execution, not with Thor going through this; that, written differently, with more care, I could have loved.

– I’ve always been conflicted with MCU Steve. I loved the Captain America old comics I read as a child, and 616 Steve was A Hero. So I wanted to love MCU Steve just as much but… it often felt that he just didn’t measure up.

Well, conflict over. I don’t like the guy. Reading Man Out of Time just a few months ago probably isn’t helping (and yeah, that’s not a fair comparison, but it illustrates why I look at 616 Steve, and I adore him, and then I turn to MCU Steve and just… this guy is not worth my time).

I couldn’t even enjoy the ship, because my feelings for it come solely from my love for Peggy, and she didn’t even get to say a word? Add to that the fact that an endless loop of “OMG HE MADE OUT WITH YOUR NIECE. NOW HIS NIECE. RUN” was going through my head the entire time (the fact that Sharon was absent from the funeral when EVC acted in half of the MCU Russos films is hilarious in light of this xDD).

 MISC

– I really enjoyed some of the heist shenanigans. Especially Tony’s plan for a distraction being GIVING HIS PAST SELF A HEART ATTACK. How extra and edgy can my man be xD Tony and Scott are A Duo.

– I was thinking that Alt!Loki might make an appearance in GOTG3 if Thor is really a part of it, and how that might mix, but then a friend reminded me about his show, so I guess that’s where they’re going? IDK, The Avengers’ Loki is probably the one I liked the least out of all his appearances, so unless I hear something really good about it, I’m not picking it up.

– IDK if it’s because I was desensitized, but the white suits and Clint’s hairdo didn’t look as ugly on the final product?

– So THAT was the gay character Feige went on about. I knew he was going to be an unnamed nobody with less than five lines LMAO. Stop being cowards and give us Danbeau and WinterFalcon.

– I was very touched about Ned and Peter’s hug (MY BBYS), but isn’t Ned supposed to be five years older? AKA out of high school? I mean, he looked like he had missed Peter, not like he had disappeared with him too? And the entire class is going on a trip in FFH? Is it because of nostalgia/a friends thing? Were all of them dusted? Because poor teacher then xDD

– I think a lot of emotional threads were unceremoniously dropped, but other than the ones I’ve mentioned, I’m more indifferent towards their recipients so… eh. A great example is the fact that Bruce’s conflicting journey with Hulk was solved off-screen LMAO. Some of the humour felt extra-cringy too tbh.

– I have Tony-related fanart as my lock screen, my computer background, and my phone background. I get teary eyed with just looking at them. I should think of changing them, but I wont xD

– I know I’m forgetting things but whatevs, I can talk about them later.