#i need to pay my friend for the new years trip as soon as possible

[landinhos]

im genuinely scared to open my bank app and see how much money i spent this month

[coldfanbou]

Manor: Progression

The second part is here; we're progressing the story just slightly and adding in new characters. Also, the picture isn't exactly related to the piece; I just needed a picture of Taeyeon.

Length 2.4K

Taeyeon x Mreader

Previous Part

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Having heard of your parent's motive for the newly hired maids, you decided to have as little contact with them as possible.  As you leave the shower and change, your thoughts return to the maids Tzuyu, Yuna, Chuu, Umji, and Wonyoung. The main idea is that they all just want a part of the fortune your family has attained. You shake your head; there's no way of knowing if that was their goal. You just knew it was your father's. To clear your head further, you step out into the back garden. Sitting on the bench, you watch the setting sun come down. You let your head hang back, close your eyes and stretch your body. Your eyes open slowly as you feel a tap on your shoulder. "I'm sorry for touching you without your permission, young master, but head maid Taeyeon sent me to tell you to come inside."

"I'll come in soon. Please, go back inside." You say without so much as looking at who it is. You can feel them nervously shift their weight on the wooden patio.

"Um, head maid Taeyeon said I shouldn't leave you alone until you're inside. S-so if you wouldn't mind coming inside, young master." You take in a deep breath before turning to see it was Wonyoung standing there. She fiddles with her fingers while continuing to look at you. "C-could you please come inside with me? Mi-Head Maid Taeyeon will be angry with me if I don't come in with you." 

You stand up slowly, "Alright. I know how Taeyeon can be. Let's head inside." You lazily try to reassure Wonyoung. Somehow it works as her previously anxious expression is replaced with a smile.

"Thank you, young master." You try to pay her no mind as you walk inside. Stepping through the door first, you see Taeyeon watching the doorway with a notepad in her hand. Seeing Wonyoung come after you, she nods. Taeyeon writes something down before pulling Wonyoung aside to say something. In the meantime, you begin to head back to your room. The house seems busier than usual as many of the other maids are hurrying from one area to the other. Watching the others, you don't see one of the older serving maids as she crashes into you, sending clothes all over the floor. 

"Oh! Young master, I'm so sorry I didn't see you there." You stand up quickly and help her up. 

"No, no, it was my fault Hani. Why is everyone dashing around, though?" You ask while helping pick up the clothes.

"Did you not notice your father's business partner came in with his family earlier?"

"No, I must have been in the shower, or outside, for that matter. I suppose we're taking care of them?"

"Yes, we are."

"Which partner is it?" As you ask that, you feel a pair of hands cover your eyes. 

"Guess who?" A voice asks. You can't recognize it, however.

"Um…"

"You really can't recognize your best friend? It hasn't been that long since we last saw each other." With mild annoyance in their voice, you uncover your eyes and turn around to see Nayeon. She brings you into a hug. "It’s been a while, hasn't it?"

"You're sending a lot of mixed messages, Nayeon. And how was I supposed to guess it was you when you had my eyes covered?" You ask while patting her back.

"You should've just known." She says. "It’s been what? Ten years?"

"Since we last saw each other? Yeah." 

Nayeon taps you with her elbow, "well? Show me your room. I want to see how it's changed." You wave her arm away from you. 

"Yeah, yeah. I'll show you." You turn back around, "I'll talk to you later, Hani. I hope things calm down for everyone."

"I sure hope so, young master. I appreciate your help." Hani leaves to finish her tasks while you lead Nayeon to your room. You think it's quite a coincidence that Nayeon returns at the same time you get new hires. Then the thought comes that Nayeon's family had probably planned this trip for a while now. Nayeon skips ahead of you and waits beside your door.

"Come on, hurry!" She exclaims.

"Relax, Nayeon. You're acting like something amazing is going on." You try to open the door as you reach it. Hwasa was on the other side of the door when you tried.

"Hey! Oh, it's you, master." She says, her demeanor changing as soon as she sees your face. "I was just cleaning up your room." Hwasa's eyes furrow as she spots Nayeon. "Master, who is this?" 

"Oh, this is Nayeon. She was a friend of mine from years back."

"So this is the Nayeon mentioned by your parents." Hwasa gives her a simple nod. "I'm just about done, master; please give me a moment to finish."

"I-Sure, Hwasa."  She closes the door leaving you and Nayeon standing outside. 

"Is she new?" Nayeon asks. "I don't remember her being here."

"She's one of the older members of the team. Hwasa, I think, got here three or four years ago. We have five new hires today." Nayeon tilts her head.

"Is that so? Do you like any of them?"

"I mean, they seem like good people."

"But do you like them?" Nayeon says, pressing you on the matter. 

"No? I mean, I broke up with my ex not that long ago."

"You were dating someone?" Nayeon asks, continuing her interrogation. You're saved by Hwasa opening the door. 

"All done, master."

"Thank you, Hwasa." Nayeon passes by the two of you, jumping onto your bed. 

While she's not looking, Hwasa gets on her toes and gives you a quick kiss on the cheek. "All set, master. Don't forget I'll be here if you ever need some help.'" Her hands linger on you as she walks away. You watch Hwasa walk away, her hips swaying with each step. She turns her head to see you staring. Hwasa smiles at you and winks before turning the corner. As you step inside and close the door behind you, you see Nayeon kicking her feet while looking at you. 

"So you broke up with your girlfriend?" 

You sigh, "yeah, I did." 

"Sorry to hear that, but that just means no one will be angry when we hang out."

"...right. I mean no offense, but, Nayeon, you're acting as if nothing has changed." Nayeon changes her position and sits on your bed.

"Nothing has changed." She says in a deadly serious voice. 

"Nayeon, it’s been ten years." 

"I've thought of you every day for those ten years." She responds quickly. You're unsure of how to respond to her. A long pause develops between you as you stare at each other. She's the first to break eye contact, "I-I didn't want to move away. I cried my eyes out thinking about you. I missed you. So sorry for acting like nothing's changed, but I just want things to be how they were before." Nayeon's eyes start to get watery, and she stands up, ready to leave.

Feeling bad, you stop her from leaving and hug her. "It's alright, no need to cry. I'm just a bit sensitive regarding the topic of my ex. I didn't mean to be rude." Nayeon holds onto you for a moment before pulling away. 

"I'm going to go to my room." She says dejectedly as she leaves. You sit on your bed, sighing about making Nayeon sad. You lay in bed for the night, thinking too much has happened. As you nearly fall asleep, a knock at the door causes you to stir. 

"Who is it?" You yell.

"Young master, it's me, Taeyeon."

"Come in." The door opens slowly, and Taeyeon pokes her head in.

 "Young master, I noticed Miss Nayeon came out of your room looking sad. Is everything alright?"

"Things will be fine, Taeyeon. It's just that I said something in a rude way. I'll apologize tomorrow; it's best to let her go for now." 

Taeyeon takes a seat next to you and puts her hand on top of yours. "I know you've been going through a tough time, young master. But you have to be careful when you speak to a lady."

"I know Taeyeon, we've had this talk before." You respond while trying to escape her grip.

"Yes, I know, but you're a man now. We had that talk a long time ago. You have to consider your actions and words. You can't just go out with anyone." You sit there in silence while Taeyeon continues to lecture you. A part of you thinks about turning things around on her and saying you'd like to be with her. The thought continues, it wouldn't be that bad to marry Taeyeon. She was always caring toward you, and she was stunning. You were slowly convincing yourself that Taeyeon was quite a catch. Your thoughts are cut off as Taeyeon snaps her fingers in front of your face. "Are you listening to me? Young master, I asked if you're listening to me?" 

You turn to face Taeyeon, "Taeyeon, are you single?" Her eyes widen as she hears your question. 

"I-young master," Taeyeon stumbles over her words, and you cut her off. 

"Taeyeon, are you single?" You stare into her eyes, causing her to look away from you. She shyly nods her head. 

"But I-." You cut her off again.

"You say I can't date just anyone; what about you? Can I date you?" Taeyeon's face goes red as she covers her face with her hands. 

"I-I don't think that's appropriate young master." 

You inch closer to Taeyeon, "You're so reliable, so kind, beautiful." Taeyeon presses her face against her hands, trying to disappear. "So? Can I date you?" At this point, you had worked the idea into your head that dating Taeyeon would be the best option.

"I-I," Taeyeon spreads her fingers to peek at you without fully uncovering her face. Taking a deep breath, she removes her hands and has a serious look. With all the professionalism she could muster, Taeyeon begins speaking, "Young master, I understand that your break up has left you wanting a woman's touch. I'm flattered that you would consider me an option as someone to date, but I have to decline. I will, however, help you get your…urges under." Having said that, Taeyeon reaches down to your crotch and rubs your cock through your pants. You let out a small grunt as you feel her touch. "Just let me take care of you, young master." She unbuttons your pants and pulls them down. Seeing your half-hard cock she gulps, surprised at its size. Taeyeon hesitantly reaches for your cock; she strokes it slowly at first before gaining confidence and speed. 

As you groan from her touch, she tells you to lay back. "How are you so good at this, Taeyeon?" You moan. 

"You shouldn't kiss and tell, young master." She replies as she continues to stroke your cock. Taeyeon leans over you and lets saliva fall from her mouth onto your cock. The added lubrication allows her hand glides up and down. As your moans grow louder, you see Taeyeon pull at her collar and lick her lips. You pull her closer and, kissing her neck, unbutton her top. Taeyeon gasps, getting excited, and her strokes get quicker. Only occasionally stopping to use her thumb to play with the tip of your cock. Once enough buttons have been undone, you slip your hand under her bra and play with her modest tits. In response, Taeyeon captures your lips before whispering in your ear, "Cum for me, young master. Dirty my hands with your semen." At that moment, you buck your hips, and semen spurts out, coating her hand. As you recover from your orgasm, you watch as Taeyeon licks her hands clean. Sticking her fingers in her mouth, Taeyeon's tongue swirls around each finger; slight moans escape her as she finishes. Seeing that you're still rock hard, Taeyeon smiles, "looks like I still have a little more work to do, young master." 

She removes her maid outfit, "it's been so long since I've ridden such a bull." Taeyeon pushes you onto your back and climbs over you. She aligns your cock with her entrance before letting it slide inside. There's no hesitation from her as her pussy swallows your cock. You both moan, feeling nothing but pleasure from the other. Taeyeon slowly rises before dropping herself on your cock. Her breasts bounce slightly as your cock impales her. "Oh, young master. I never knew just how big you were." She moans while continuing to ride you. A slight bulge in her stomach appears and disappears as Taeyeon falls and rises. You hold onto her waist, helping her along.

"You're so tight, Taeyeon." You groan as she bounces. You're quickly driven to your orgasm as you focus on Taeyeon's pussy squeezing you as she tenses her muscles. Taeyeon's upper half falls onto you, bucking upwards as you begin to thrust into her. Your moans fill the room as Taeyeon's pussy coils around you. You feel your cock begin to throb, and your balls tighten as you get ready to cum.

"Fill me with your cum, young master. Do it." Taeyeon whispers before kissing your neck. Unable to hold on, you press Taeyeon against your body, making sure she gets every last bit of cum as you begin to orgasm. Your orgasm triggers hers, Taeyeon gasps, her back arcs upwards as she holds onto your shoulders. "That’s it, young master! Fill me up with your cum!" Taeyeon's walls tense and loosen as she orgasms, milking you of your semen. Taeyeon collapses on your chest after her orgasm. "That…that was such a big load. I feel so full. Full of nice warm cum." Taeyeon smiles as she rests her head on your chest. You both catch your breath, and your cock softens before slipping out of Taeyeon. "Looks like I've satisfied your needs, young master." Taeyeon kisses your cheek.

"If you're ever in need of relief, I'm more than happy to help you. Oh, and young master, please find someone appropriate to date." As Taeyeon recovers, she slips on her panties and the rest of her clothing. "You should just sleep, young master. It's quite late. So you can shower in the morning." She leaves the room after her final words. You lay in bed thinking about the sudden change in life. The new hires, sex with Hwasa, Nayeon's return, and then sex with Taeyeon, it was all a sudden change. Add that your father wants you to marry as a reason for the new hires, and it's a lot to take in. You just hope things don't become too much of a mess.

[babydollmarauders]

MAROON — JACK HUGHES

jack hughes x fem!reader

part of the Midnights Fic List

summary: in which y/n and her best friend, Jack, get drunk on cheap wine and finally confess their feelings in her New York apartment.

specific lyrics: “‘how’d we end up on the floor anyway?’ you say, ‘your roommate’s cheap-ass screw top rosé, that’s how.’” and “the burgundy on my t-shirt when you splashed your wine into me and how the blood rushed into my cheeks” and “i chose you, the one i was dancing with in New York..”

warnings: light profanity, alcohol

notes: i’ve been so excited to write this one. if you guys can’t tell from my other fics, best friends to lovers is my favorite trope so this one was so fun for me to write!

i’ve known the Hughes family my entire life. with my mom and Ellen Hughes being best friends from playing hockey together, i grew up spending my summers at the Hughes lake house and visiting whenever possible. so, of course, i grew close to the three brothers.

Quinn, the oldest, is three years older than me. growing up he was always like the annoying, protective older brother i never had, and he still is.

Luke, the youngest, is a year younger than me. he’s my buddy, the one i go to when i need something set straight for me, and the only guy i know that would sit in his bedroom and miss a party at his own house just so he could comfort me over the phone.

and lastly, Jack. a year older than me, and my best friend since i was born, i guess. my mom and Ellen have always said that as soon as i was born, it was like Jack knew we were meant to be best friends. they claim that when i was a baby and he was one, he would cry until they put him in my crib with me, in which case they swear that it would instantly put a smile on my face. but no matter if those stories are true or not, we have indeed been best friends since diapers.

Jack and i’s friendship has always been different than the ones i have with his brothers, especially when i turned thirteen and started really paying attention to guys. that was the fateful year that Jack graduated from not only being my best friend but also my biggest crush. i started noticing not only how cute he really is, but how sweet he could be, and how comfortable i am with him.

which brings us to now, in my New York apartment, where i’m currently sat on the floor with the guy i’m head over heels in love with, sharing a bottle of wine. it’s the first week of the off-season and he had originally came over to help me pack for the annual lake house trip, but then my roommate popped her head in to ask if we wanted a couple bottles of rosé that she bought on sale. she was about to leave for the airport for her flight back home for the summer and couldn’t bring them with her. so Jack and i shared a quick glance and said yes, and now here we are.

i’m sat with my back against the coffee table, my feet in Jack’s lap.

“hey, do you remember that time- when uh- when Luke jumped into the lake from the rope swing, and just completely belly flopped?” Jack’s words were broken up between fits of laughter, and i burst out in laughter, as well, at the memory.

“oh my god yes! his entire chest and stomach were red!” it’s a wonder how we’ve yet to get a noise complaint from my neighbors by now. as our laughter dies down, Jack shifts around.

“my ass is numb from the hardwood.” he tells me, and the casual announcement makes me double over in laughter once more.

“how’d we end up on the floor, anyway?” i wonder out loud.

“your roommates cheap-ass screw top rosé, that’s how!” he exclaims through giggles. i don’t laugh with him, instead i stay silent, studying him. he’s so beautiful.

Jack stands from the floor, letting my feet roll of his lap and land with a thump. grabbing the empty wine bottle and our glasses from the coffee table, he goes into the kitchen. i watch him as he grabs my bottle of red wine from the fridge, refilling our glasses before walking back to me. he bends down to hand me my glass, but in his inebriated state, he doesn’t pay attention to his own glass in his hand and his wine splashes onto my white t-shirt. the burgundy liquid staining and leaving the shirt slightly see through, clinging to my braless chest.

“oh shit, sorry y/n/n!” his eyes go wide and he stares at my chest. logically, i know he’s just looking at the stain and not my breasts, but blood rushes into my cheeks at the thought of him eyeing my chest.

“it’s fine!” i wave it off, as i stand to go change. “i’ll be right back.”

i go into my bedroom and ruffle through the shirts that i don’t have packed for the summer, picking out an old USA Hockey shirt of Jack’s.

i step back out into the living room to find Jack had put on one of my vinyl’s, i watch as he dances around my living room to the sound of Photograph by Ed Sheeran. a smile breaks across my face as he just spins around the room. finally spotting me, he walks over and holds his hand out.

“dance with me, belle.” my heart flutters at his use of the nickname he started calling me in high school. he never explained why he started calling me ‘belle’, all i know is that one day when i had met him after his french class and my spanish class, he said he had a new nickname for me, and he’s called me ‘belle’ ever since. usually the nickname seems to be reserved for special moments or when it’s just the two of us.

i slip my hand in his, allowing him to pull me closer. his hands take hold of my arms, sliding them up onto his shoulders, and he wraps his arms around my waist, swaying us around the living room. he gazes down at me, a soft smile on his face and an unreadable emotion present in his eyes.

“hi.” his voice is barely a whisper.

“hi.” i reply in the same low volume. his eyes flicker over my face and his cheeks turn pink. making me ask- “what are you thinking?”

“i’m thinking that i’ve wanted to be in this position since high school.” his words confuse me. but my heart speeds up, as if it knows what he means before my brain does.

“dancing?” i laugh halfheartedly.

“you in my arms. just the two of us.” he clarifies and i can feel myself blush for the second time tonight.

“if you wanted me to yourself, you could’ve just asked.” i joke.

“i don’t just want you to myself.” he whispers. “i want you to be mine.”

his reply causes me to stumble a step, and my heart feels like it might beat out of my chest.

“don’t say things you don’t mean, Jack.” i tell him. suddenly, i feel insecure and afraid. i’ve never felt this way with him. other guys, sure. but never him.

“why would you think i don’t mean what i’m saying?” he stops our dancing and i only just realize that the song has changed. my arms slip off his shoulders, dropping back down to my sides, but his hands never leave my hips. “y/n, do you think i would say something like that if i don’t mean it?”

“i don’t know.” i mumble, shrugging my shoulders. he brings a hand up to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, before letting it fall back down to my hip.

“i’ve been in love with you since high school, y/n/n. i thought by now you would’ve caught on, but i guess that’s on me because you always have been pretty oblivious when it comes to flirting.” he laughs.

“wait, what?” i ask. please don’t be messing with me. please be telling the truth.

“did you really not know? look if this is too much, if you don’t like me like that, then just tell me. straight out. because i don’t want to compromise our friendship with this confession. we can just forget it ever happened.” that sobers me up real quickly.

“wait, no, hold on. i never said i didn’t like you.” i rebut.

“what are you saying?” by the smirk on his face, i know he knows what i’m saying, but i take a deep breath and clarify anyways.

“jack, i’ve liked you since i was thirteen.” i confess. “i didn’t think you thought of me as anything more than your annoying best friend though.”

“y/n, i literally gave you a nickname that translates to ‘beautiful’ and you thought i was looking at you like ‘oh yeah that’s my best friend, she’s so annoying’?” he asks.

“what? is that what that means?” my tone is incredulous. i assumed he was calling me ‘belle’ like princess belle because i like to read.

“oh my god, you really had no idea? i literally gave you that nickname after we learned the word in french class. you were the first thing that popped in my head when we learned it.”

i can’t take any more talking. Jack starts to say something else but i cut him off by pressing my lips against his. it doesn’t take him more than a second to start kissing back, his lips locking with mine.

i pull back, breathless and anxious, but the smile Jack wears eases my nerves.

“so you like me, huh?” he jokes.

“oh shut up.” i roll my eyes, giving his shoulder a playful shoulder.

**BONUS SCENE**

we’ve been at the lake house for three days and so far, no one has even noticed that Jack and i are officially dating. have we really always been this touchy?

Jack and i have made a game out of it, guessing who the first person to notice will be. he says Ellen or my mom, but i say Quinn or Luke. we both know our dads don’t pay enough attention to catch onto anything.

i walk down the stairs, prepared to grab a snack before us ‘kids’ head out on the boat. Ellen and my mom sit in the kitchen talking, but go silent as soon as i walk in.

“heyyy.” i drag out, eyeing them suspiciously.

“hi, honey.” Ellen gives me a kiss on the forehead as i stop in front of them.

“what were you two talking about?” i ask.

“nothing.” they say in unison, shaking their heads.

“i believe you, not at all.” i joke, opening a cupboard to grab a granola bar. “what was it?”

“they were talking about you and Jack.” Luke says, walking out from the walk-in pantry. “mom was saying she thinks they should set you guys up on a blind date with each other.”

“Luke Warren Hughes! how long have you been in there?!” Ellen scolds, not even bothering to deny his claims.

“i was looking for something to eat, you’re the ones who came in gossiping.” he shrugs. before Ellen can refute, Jack walks in from the same way i came. wrapping an arm around my shoulders, he stops next to me.

“what are you guys talking about?” Jack asks.

“our moms wanted to set us up on a blind date.” i say, a sly smile on my lips as i look up at him.

Jack lets out a chuckle before directing his gaze to his mom.

“sorry, no can do mom. i’ve got a girlfriend.” he smiles, and i have to bite back a grin. it’s the first time he’s called me his girlfriend. i like it.

“you what?!” Ellen exclaims. “why have i not met her? or even heard about her?”

“it’s a recent development.” Jack shrugs. “anyways, i’m gonna steal y/n/n here. Quinn is waiting for us at the boat. Luke, c’mon.”

before i can even think to take a step, Jack sweeps my feet off the ground, throwing me over his shoulder and walking away. i smack at his back with my free hand while one still clutches my granola bar.

“Jack Rowden Hughes, put me down! right now!” he barks out a laugh and i can feel his neck shift against me like he’s moving his head around before he lands a smack against my ass. “HEY!”

he ignores my struggles, walking down to the dock, all the way to the boat before finally setting me down.

“i can walk. i have legs.” i laugh.

“i know, but i wanted to carry you.” he grins down at me. i scan the dock for Quinn, but with no sight of him i relax.

“you just wanted an excuse to stare at my ass.” i joke. Jack hooks his fingers through the front belt loops on my shorts, tugging me closer so that i’m pressed up against him.

“and is that a crime?” he asks. i smile up at him, sending one last glance toward the house over his shoulder, not seeing Quinn or Luke. i lean up, planting a kiss on his lips.

“what the fuck?!!” the exclamation comes from behind me and i pull back, spinning around quickly to find Quinn stood on the boat. he’s leaned over the side, staring at Jack and i with a dropped jaw.

“oh- hi, Quinny.” i smile, painting on a face of innocence. Quinn’s eyes dart between me and Jack.

“when the hell did this happen?” he asks. “i knew i never should’ve let you move to New York. he’s corrupted you. i should’ve insisted you moved to Vancouver, but no, i said ‘if New York is where she wants to be, i won’t push.’ i should’ve pushed.”

i look over to Jack, sharing an amused smile with my boyfriend as his brother rambles on.

“Quinn.” i interrupt. he stops, throwing me a raised brow before giving a side eye to his younger brother. “did you really think this wouldn’t happen eventually?”

he sighs, before nodding.

“i know. i expected this. i prepared for this.” it’s my turn to quirk a brow now.

“you prepared for this?” i ask. he nods and hops onto the dock.

“okay, it’s time for us to talk. Jack, y/n, when a man and a woman love each other very much, sometimes-”

“oH MY GOD.” i shout. plugging my fingers in my ears. “la la la la la i can’t hear you! i am not currently getting the sex talk from my boyfriends older brother! la la la la la.”

Quinn’s face lights up and he burst out in laughter. i take my fingers out of my ears, eyeing him.

“oh, that was good! you should’ve seen your faces!” he laughs. i turn to look at Jack, who still wears a disgusted grimace. i pat his chest and let out a sigh. “seriously, i’ll be right back though.”

Quinn takes off in a jog towards the lake house, but before he disappears inside, i hear him yell.

“MOM! YOU’LL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAW!”

Jack finally unfreezes from his state of disgust. pulling out his wallet and handing me a twenty dollar bill.

“you won.”

[allys-corner]

Part 1

Summary: You and Eddie have known eachother since childhood, though a falling out between the two of you has led to you guys becoming distant. Can Uncle Wayne and your parent's meddling solve this issue?

Pairing: Eddie Munson x reader

A/N: Sorry it's been so long since I posted, but I don't have much motivation atm. If you wanna send any requests, please feel free! Anyways, hope you enjoy :)

<><><>

When Wayne told Eddie to wear something nice, he thought maybe Wayne was bringing home a lady friend, but not this. Wayne had invited the family from across the street over, and with them their daughter, you.

These dinners used to consist of a younger you and Eddie scheming on one side of the table while the adults conversed on the other, but you hadn’t really talked to each other in years. Mostly because of high school. Eddie didn’t like your taste in friends, and he never really invited you around his either. I wonder what made her decide to come. Must have been her parents blackmailing her of some kind.

Eddie fully walks into the living room and takes his place by Wayne’s side. He greets your family politely before awkwardly saying hi to you as well. You give him a half-smile before turning back to the others.

“Alright everyone,” Wayne claps, “who is ready to eat? Eddie, can you go grab the ham for me?” Eddie nods as he sees your mother whisper in your ear before pushing you towards the kitchen as well. Eddie tries to pay it no mind as he enters the room and heads towards the drawer holding the potholders. He reaches the drawer just as you enter the kitchen.

“Hey, my mom said you might need help carrying stuff?” you question looking around at the dishes on the counter.

“That’s okay, I got it” Eddie dismisses before grabbing the two handles on the dish. It would take him more trips but he didn’t really want you in his way.

“What about these green be-”

“Yeah sure” Eddie cuts you off as he walks out the door. You give a weak glare at his back before grabbing the food and returning to the dinner table.

Dinner is fairly uneventful other than the subtle brags from both sets of parents. You put it down as your mom trying to get brownie points for having a good kid. Wayne mainly bragged about Eddie’s band and his new job at the local mechanic shop. This was news to you since the last you heard of Eddie, he was working at Family Video.

During the night, as the adults bordered on a little too tipsy, your parents and Wayne stopped focusing on you two and were engaged in conversation amongst themselves. Choosing to break the silence, rather than wallow in the awkwardness, you turn towards Eddie who Wayne had seated right across from you.

“So… how are you liking the new job?” you ask politely, hoping for an easy connection, but Eddie never made it easy for you.

“It’s alright I guess,” he stabs the food on his plate muttering, “I don’t think you’d really know what I was talking about if I told you anything else” he dismisses turning back to the meal. You are unfettered by his comments as you continue,

“Oh well, what made you wanna work there?” you ask.

“I got sick of Steve being my manager, so I quit. Just so happens that Wayne knew this guy that owns the shop, and he got me a job there.” He explains quickly as if trying to get out of the conversation as soon as possible.

Feeling dejected by his replies, you give a quick “well, that’s nice” before going back to eating silently. Neither of your parents seemed to have noticed the exchange between you two, as the atmosphere doesn’t change much after.

Finally, it was time for the awkward goodbyes and waves before you were hopping in your dad’s chevy and headed home. You barely made it into bed before you were fast asleep hoping to forget the weird night you just had.

<><><>

Saturday came as a blessing, as you were finally allowed to catch up on some much-needed rest. Crawling out of your cocoon at around 11, you walk downstairs to an empty house. Looking out the living room window, you see that both of their cars are gone. A large yellow piece of paper draws your eyes as you wander through the kitchen doorway. Picking up the note, you begin to read:

Hey Hun, me and your father have some stuff that we need to get done today so we won’t be back until late. Don’t forget that Aunt Janice should be getting there at around 3 pm so please make sure the house is clean when she gets there. Love you!

-Mom

You groan out loud before slamming the paper back down. It took you a couple hours to finish cleaning the house. You plop your exhausted body down on the couch right before the doorbell goes off. Struggling to stand, you slump to the door. Opening the curtains reveals the face of Eddie Munson equipped with a shiny red toolbox in hand. You shoot him a confused look, but open the door anyway. He walks in, casually hanging his jacket, before turning to explain.

"Uncle Wayne sent me here. He said you were having a problem with your car and to come look at it." he says imploringly impatient. You don't give him time to say anything more before you're already bounding off towards the garage with a wide grin (with a hesitant Eddie following behind).

<><><>

“Maybe you should try to convince him to go to prom with you?” you teased.

“Yeah, probably not,” he dismisses while turning back to the car. Wow, he actually looked at me for longer than two seconds this time. I think that’s a record.

“Plus, I’m not even going to prom, so it won’t matter much.” The statement cuts through your thoughts abruptly, but your reply is quick.

“Wait, you're missing your senior prom again?”

“y/n, you know this is my second senior year, I don’t think it matters much anymore.” He replies easily while grabbing a tool from the box behind him.

“Yeah, but this could be your last one and you haven’t been to prom since your junior year!” you exclaim quickly as you move into his sight to give him a disappointed look, “and didn’t you say that this was your year, it can’t be your year, if you don’t do all the typical high school things,” you reason with him.

You don’t know why you have decided that you needed Eddie to go to prom so badly. Maybe it's that thought that if he was there, you wouldn’t feel so alone or weird or that you’d at least have someone to talk to when your friends ignore you all night. Before you could say anything more though, the doorbell rings throughout the house, muffled by the garage door. With that, your conversation with Eddie is cut short as you leave the garage and head towards the front door.

Upon reaching it you look through the fogged glass and recognize your Aunt Janice’s bright white fur coat. Taking a minute and a breath, you open the door with the biggest smile you can muster.

“Hey Aunt Janice, you made it!” you welcome as you automatically reach to help her with her suitcases.

“Oh hello dear, lovely to see you again.” She responds not giving you much notice as she steps into the house. Her eyes seemed to be searching for all the small new things she could bring up about the place. It only took her a few minutes for her to find something that she disliked, commenting that the new rug would probably look better if it was donated. You chuckle along, as you feed her small comments and information to tide her over.

“Well Aunt Janice, I’m gonna go put these in your room for you.” You tell her as you make hast towards the guest room. Taking a breather while you set her stuff down, you try and decide if you should tell her about Eddie being here or not, and also what you should say to Eddie as well.

<><><>

Aunt Janice had been a bitch your whole life, but you'd think she would at least have some restraint when strangers were around. I guess maybe she didn't see Eddie as much of a stranger since she wasn't holding back.

"Are those the clothes you are gonna be wearing tonight?" She said, haughtily. Aunt Janice had always seemed to dislike you the most out of the family. No matter how primped and polished you are, there's always something wrong for her to comment on. This time it seemed to be the outfit choice that you had picked, although this was a casual setting and you hadn't left the house at all. This wouldn't have made you think twice if it was just family around.

"No," you blush, looking down at your outfit embarrassed.

"I don't know what I'm gonna wear to the party yet. I haven't given it much thought."

"Clearly girl, if you ever want people to take you seriously you have to dress the part." she leaves the room before returning quickly with an expensive looking blouse, "Here, you can wear this. It probably costs more than your whole wardrobe so be careful with it."

You begin to reach for the blouse before Eddie's hand stops you. You look up at him confused, but he's already stepping up beside you with a hard gaze pointed at Janice.

"I think she looks just fine in what she's wearing, but if she wants to change that's her choice," He pushes the shirt back towards Janice's shell shocked face.

"I also think that the price of the thing doesn't always mean that it's better." He gives a shark-like grin before turning back towards you. Before he can speak, Janice cuts him off loudly.

"I don't think anybody asked what you thought, boy."

Oh no, Eddie was in for it now.

<><><>

[docholligay]

So something amazing has happened to me. Truly, really.

My mother has been saving for her 60th birthday for the last ten years. She was never sure what she wanted to do, or if she wanted to buy a brand new car, or take her and her boyfriend to Mexico, or whatever. Briefly, sh thought she wanted to go to the UK to go to Eurovision, but we couldn't get tickets, and I wrote it all off.

She comes to me. She says that she's thought about what she wanted to do, and she really would like to see the UK, specifically the Christmas Markets in the UK--despite her being Jewish--and so could I possibly plan a trip to the UK for December?

Yes, of course I can do that. I love to plan travel. I am the travel agent for my family, I have helped multiple friends plan trips, it brings me genuine joy.

It comes out that she doesn't want to take her boyfriend. She wants to take me.

I tell her I'm very flattered, but Jill and I blew our wad going to the UK for Verb and Cockatiel's wedding last year, which we turned into a whole honeymoon-we-never-had, and we'd saved quite awhile for that. I don't have the cash.

My mother is paying for both of us to go on a fucking luxury trip to the UK.

Obviously, I am screaming, but I do have to cover some expenses: ANything I need for the trip (an umbrella for starters), covering my bills (I am on it), and I want to pay for some things, but roughly this trip is only 20% of what it would normally cost me.

uhhhh so, things will be for sale soon!

[tauforged]

do you have any tips for someone who wants to get into warframe for the first time?

- don’t start with the duviri/drifter quest when given the option. it’s cool, don’t get me wrong, but it will be very confusing and you won’t revisit any of the stuff that’s touched upon until way way later in the game. start off in the origin system, the story progresses a lot more naturally from that start point. i don’t really know why they made this an option.

- you dont HAVE to buy platinum. they start you off with like 50 i think? it’s not necessary for anything aside from buying additional warframe/weapon slots. everything else is cosmetic or optional. you can get mroe plat later on by trading with other players (if you do want to buy plat for cosmetics or whatever, i recommend waiting until you get a discount as your daily login bonus. iirc they range from 25, 50, or 75% off. they’re pretty much entirely random though so don’t feel obligated to use one if you do get it and don’t need plat at the moment so it goes to waste. you’ll get another)

- even if you decide you don’t like a weapon you end up crafting, you’ll be better off if you level it up to the maximum rank (30) before selling it rather than trashing it outright, that way you won’t have to go back and get it again later on in the game in order to complete it. the more stuff you level in full, the faster you progress through mastery ranks, and some stuff is mastery rank locked so you’re gonna wanna pay attention to your progress.

- you’re gonna wanna join a clan as soon as possible. you can find some via the recruiting channel, or probably by asking around on social media, idk. i started my own (not recommended unless you’ve got a group of friends you can rally or feel like recruiting to fill out your ranks in order to actually get stuff done) so i don’t really know what the clan recruiting scene looks like. having access to a clan dojo makes life a lot easier (and can make finding people to play with less of a hassle too)

- the story itself doesn’t really pick up steam until you start the ‘natah’ quest. in between the start and there, you’ll mostly be doing a lot of running around trying to familiarize yourself with the setting and playing catch-up. don’t worry too much about all the stuff they throw at you all at once. almost all the quests are replayable through your codex if you ever want to refresh your memory, and for those that aren’t, the wiki is… usually a pretty decent source as far as summaries go. i’d take it with a grain of salt though.

- this one especially tripped my sister up so i’m gonna touch on it: you’re going to be required to do the ‘heart of deimos’ quest in order to progress past mars on the star chart. IMHO, this quest REALLY should not be mandatory so early on in the game — you aren’t going to be able to make heads or tails of anything anyone is telling you. don’t be afraid to breeze thru it w/o paying much attention and circle back around later in the game, preferably sometime after you finish the war within or at LEAST the second dream. i genuinely don’t know why they’re throwing baby tenno to the wolves on this one. just know it’ll all make sense later i prommy

- don’t worry too much about the open world areas like the orb vallis, the plains of eidolon, or the cambion drift at first. they’re very cool (and you’ll be introduced to them via their respective quests) but they can be overwhelming to new players and the difficulty spike might be frustrating, especially before you’ve unlocked a majority of the tools available to you.

- this game has been ongoing for over ten years at this point - there’s a LOT going on. take your time progressing at a comfortable pace. don’t be afraid to ask around for help if you’re stuck on something or getting frustrated trying to farm a specific part or material.

- if people try to talk down on you for being a lower mastery rank or w/e they’re literally just being an asshole. MR isn’t indicative of skill so much as it is a representation of how much gear you’ve leveled, which is basically just an indicator of how much time you’ve spent playing - a chimp smacking a keyboard can feasibly hit legendary after enough attempts. you’re fine. hell, i’ve been here since 2013 and i’m only MR 19 LMAO

- the ‘meta’ for this game is wildly subjective due to the vast customizability of builds. take everyone’s opinions with several grains of salt and don’t be afraid to experiment on your own to see what works for you

- dont read general chat. it’s not worth it. nobody in there is as funny as they think they are

- the most important part of being a tenno is having fun and being yourself :)

[prettymonnica]

How?

It's Monnica here from @feminizationofm. Thank you for following along so far. ❤️. It's been an exciting time for Goddess Violet and I, as we venture into some unknown territory together, and tackle trying to make a few dollars from O/our real life very erotic and creative lifestyle.

We began the journey together about 6 years ago, but really began to apply into taking my masc persona and implementing a femme one about 5 years ago now. Obviously, stay tuned, because W/we both still have a lot of content that W/we are either editing from the past, or creating from new. We really appreciate the support. 💋

I think the biggest question I get asked personally is "How did you ever find a Feminatrix like Goddess Violet, and find yourself in such a wonderful relationship with Her?"

Like most males into sissy femdom, I too spent years looking to find someone who would understand me, and yes, would consider even becoming my Domme as well as life partner, best friend, and (coming soon) Female Led Relationship Leader and Wife.

What can I say, it certainly is not easy, but hopefully this advice can help you on your journey, because it is possible.

The way not to:. Well, sending rando pics of yourself to online Dommes begging them for attention is one. Paying a lot for things like keyholding, online domination, inbox suggestions, or engaging with professionals, may temporarily date the urge, but at the end of the day, has a very, very low success rate.

For every real life, natural, organically created Feminatrix, there are probably 10 thousand sissies, born with the desire to be with one.

I didn't win the lotto with Goddess Violet. But, I did actively pursue finding Her, and upon realizing She was my real life person, decided to stop doing what I had always done in my relationships, and covered my tracks and lied about having the deep desire to be a real life sissy.

About 5 years prior to meeting Goddess V, I was married to a fairly masculine female, and we had a (not quite) 2 year old son. We had a solid friendship, and good working marriage. She made a lot more than I did, but we made it work.

We weren't terribly intimate with each other, but again, it seemed like a strong platform for me. I thought it was just the way it was. Behind the scenes, I had several online personas going on, and I had a little bag of lingerie that I kept hidden away. I just sort of dealt with the sissy urge quietly, on my own, online mostly. I had quietly been cross dressing since puberty, but was an Alpha sort, a retired professional athlete, a multi sport playing, well built, competitive sort that worked running a medium sized business.

Nobody expected it, including her. While on a three week business trip, I came home excited, to get home, see my family, and I arrived home to my belongings on the front step, with my laptop open to several of the sites I looked at pictures, interacted with others, watched videos, and lived out sissy fantasies on my own.

She had discovered me, and, had begun divorce proceedings immediately. No quarter was given. No understanding was offered. To her, I had lied. I had cheated on her. It was over.

Here is where you need to listen, especially if you are presently hiding it from your partner. I lied. I had become a professional liar. Lying by omission, is still lying.

So, it was here that I began to tell any partner I was with that I was a cross dresser. Yes, to be honest, some could not manage it, but not all. But I just knew in my heart that I had been in hiding long enough, and, I wasn't going to be able to manage being in a relationship with anyone, if it wasn't on the table. That I wanted to wear panties, have sex in lingerie, and was submissive. That my dream partner was a Dominant female.

See, you can't find it, if you aren't honest about the fact that you are looking for it. I did spend times single over the next few years, prior to meeting my Goddess. I worked as a webcam girl, escort, online presence. I did experiment with males, obviously. But something inside me told me that I was actually just doing it to quash my internal feelings of wanting a Domme partner.

Out of a last ditch effort, I tried a local vanilla dating site. In my profile, I put that my likes were "Gin, Cheesecake, and Kinky Sex."

One day, a very sweet lady (Goddess V) reached out to me, and asked me about cheesecake. Lol.

But do you see that I had put it out there that I was an inner weirdo and let Her decide whether to interact or not.

She was not vanilla, and yes, was a reasonably assertive female on Her own, but really had a base working knowledge of what a Dominatrix really was. The ice had been pre broken, and She knew in advance, so it was a matter of telling Her what "it" was.

Now, I went into it to find my person and soul mate first, a kinky sexual partner second. I was lonely. Afraid. A bit lost.

She, went into it for the very same, and we fell deeply in love. We dated, with masc me. We got to know each other in real life, and wrote poems, and gave each other flowers. We laughed together, cried together, built a real thing together.

After three months, it was time to tell Her. To show it to Her, and no, there is no easy way to do this. There is also a lot of fear involved in confessing the entirety, and She would tell you that I did some of that wrong, trying to slowly bring Her up to speed on what the desire to be a sissy to a Domme looks like. There is no real blueprint to confess wanting to be spanked, chastized, dominated, humiliated, bound, and teased and tormented in the way a sissy really likes it.

But more than that, I am hopeful you will consider your approach. It's ok to be on a vanilla dating site and indicate you prefer Alpha females, or an assertive female, or a partner that wants to be in charge.

They are out there, and they are looking too. My Goddess had never really been with a partner that openly relented control, but She was still basically in control of the working parts of all of Her past relationships. They may not realize that they are looking for someone like you. They may not know that they have an inner Domme in them, that is trying to get out.

My point, and hopefully your takeaway, be very honest in what you are looking for, search first for a partner, friend, confidante, and second for a sexual freak, and you can find Her.

Once you do, be very honest, don't lie, don't hide, and don't go around Her. Women hate that stuff. Invest in Her instead of an online persona that will never pay off anyway. Give it all you have with an open heart.

Teach Her, explain what it is, why you want it. Tell Her everything about where it all began for you, and why it does it for you. Understand that you are likely several years ahead of Her in terms of what you know, and how it works, and be very patient as She learns. Give Her resources, love letters, links, and let Her learn as you both grow.

The key, is to go out there and find your person, and trust Her to want to be yours too. Don't try to win the lotto. Plant a seed, and tend it so that it can grow. ❤️

It's out there for all of us little sissies. Trust me. Good luck.

Feel free to leave questions or comments.

M.

[theopteryx]

12,18,22

22. Favorite place you visited this year?

answering this first because it'll come up in all of these (and is not a surprise to anyone who knows me because I haven't shut up about it since I got back!) but I got to go to japan for two weeks earlier this year and I still think about it all the time. a few specific memories: the fushimi inari shrines in kyoto - we visited very early in the morning, before it was too crowded, and we hiked what felt like a thousand steps up that mountain but it was beautiful. my friend lost his mother earlier in the year and specifically wanted to go as part of mourning her, and it was really moving to get to be there with him. i also think about the weird airbnb we stayed in in osaka with a decibel meter in it that would sound an alarm if we talked too loud, the little park by our place in shinjuku, the little dive bar where the bartender heard me tell someone i was from new orleans and put new orleans jazz on for the whole bar, the night we went clubbing and my friend got so out of his mind drunk we couldn't put him in a cab and the trains weren't running so my other friend and i looped our arms through his and army marched him like two miles back through tokyo to our place as the sun rose, singing songs to keep him moving, and feeling so happy. a million places. i can't wait to go back one day.

12. Talk about a new friend you made this year

so the reason the japan trip was able to happen at all was because one of my best friends won a bunch of money and wanted to help pay for part of the trip and invited me along; I knew a lot of the people going on the trip but not everybody, and I knew there was the possibility (as there always is in situations like this) of personalities rubbing the wrong way. traveling with people is weird! especially people you don't know. there was someone on the trip i hadn't known before, but i know that anyone who my friend likes enough to invite on a trip like this is a good egg. but even knowing that, we did NOT start out on the best foot - i got a bad first impression of her, and there were a few situations where i ended up VERY frustrated, we did NOT mesh, and at some point i snapped at her in front of everyone harsher than i meant to. long story short, a few days in we ended up split off from the group at one point in a big museum and we had this moment where realized that a lot of her behavior was because her anxiety was just absolutely out of control, and that she really just needed a buddy, and i had to step back and reengage with her in a different way, and after that we were a team. we became each other's travel buddy and there were several little adventures that she and i ended up having together that were some of my favorites of the whole trip, and wouldn't have happened if we hadn't figured out how to mesh, and i'm so grateful!

18. A memorable meal this year?

so PART of my friend paying for part of this trip was that he made all the decisions about where we were gonna stay, which we were happy to let him do especially because he'd been to japan before. he really wanted us to go to a ryokan in a hot springs town (something he'd done before), but none of us had ever been before or really knew anything about it, so when he kept telling us that there was this DINNER that was happening we all just were like, sounds great! well we fucked up because we're idiots and read the train schedule wrong, and we realized that we were actually going to get into the mountain town about four hours later than we were supposed to, which meant we were going to get into the ryokan not just after our arrival window, but way after dinner time. and my friend kept being like. THE DINNER....BUT THE DINNER. and all of us were like, it's ok!! we'll just get something when we get there! trying to be cool but he was so sad. like the ONE thing he had his heart set on. the amount of times he'd say 'and they have this DINNER...' and trail off. so we're going to be late, and as soon as we realized he called them to apologize profusely and the staff was VERY disappointed on the phone and were like, well, you might just have to eat noodles in the cafe because it will be so late, and we of course have no expectations AND felt terrible about being late so we're like, that's fine!!!!!! we're happy to!!!!!!! we're so sorry!!!!!!!! anyway - cut to us finally getting into this town. it's late. it's beautiful. it's cold. the place is lit up. we have to take cabs up the hill winding up this road through the trees and you can see the lights near the river below us. it's this sprawling property woven into the trees. stunning. and we're all exhausted and we're expecting to get a keycard and eat train snacks from our bag for dinner and pass out. but we get to the ryokan and a bunch of the staff had waited up for us which - mortifying!! so kind!! but they were so, so, so lovely, and helped us pick out our yukata to take to our rooms and we thought that was it, but the attendant was like - no, we have your dinner! we kept it warm for you. get dressed! and we were like ?? okay ?? and hurriedly got dressed in our yukatas and followed her back down the hallway (it was late, so it was so quiet, we felt like we were sneaking around after hours) and she took us through this winding historical building with all these VIEWS and then suddenly into a beautiful room with a table just absolutely laid out in a feast, carefully covered with paper until we got there. and my friend was like. I. TOLD. Y'ALL. THERE. WAS. A. DINNER. which does not even begin to cover what a kaiseki meal is, with multiple courses and beautiful dishware and fresh sashimi and your own little grill, and and and. it's not just dinner!! we thought it was just - dinner!! but it was one of the best meals of my entire life - we were so tired we were loopy, the plum wine was amazing, the staff were so kind, every dish was beautiful. i kept the printed japanese menu they gave us and brought it home and pressed it into a scrapbook like a nerd. you have to be!! more!! clear!!!!!!!!!! about what 'dinner' means!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but also, WHAT a memory, what a surprise, what a meal.

[soft-epilogue-continues]

12.22.2023

Not going to lie, it's been a really hard year.

We started off with New Year's Eve 2022 in the middle of the night needing to call an ambulance because my husband couldn't breathe (pneumonia!). He spent the night and day in the ER.

A day or so later my cat started breathing heavily and not acting like his usual self. We took him to the veterinary hospital where he was put on oxygen. The vet could do nothing for him (xrays showed pockets of infection or cancer in his lungs) and so we had to put him to sleep.

A couple of days later my husband went to his doctor for the ER follow up and he had not at all improved so he was admitted into the hospital this time and spent a very shitty three days in there. He now has asthma as a result of the pneumonia that wouldn't go away. And of course we are still paying off his medical bills a year later.

I got into a lot of fights with my mom this year about childcare. She couldn't watch my youngest enough and while I tried to make it work, my performance at work was seen as unsatisfactory.

People treated me terribly at work. Sexism reared its ugly head, not that HR would own up to it though, because of course fucking not.

I was placed on a Performance Improvement Plan (which I'm realizing now I shouldn't have signed, but hindsight is what it is).

At this point followed four months of absolute hell at work. I had to cancel my week long trip to Italy to see my friend in this flailing attempt to keep my job.

It all culminated with me finishing the PIP with lukewarm indications that they might extend it. The feedback I kept getting to my face was that my performance was improving. The feedback that was written in the official documentation was that I was constantly failing. My manager and the HR person who were collaborating on this particular torture would lie and stretch the truth about my performance to paint me in the worst light possible.

I finally quit.

Now two months later I'm still looking for a job. Luckily we have savings but those savings run out in February so I need to get a job soon.

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

I am so fed up.

I’ve had a headache for two days straight, I was already sore and tired from stuff I did, and my ankle came up lame on me. I’m having crazy powerful anxiety spells about my brother planning to show up sometime in the next week or so to judge if I’ve done enough. Still, I was going to take it easy for a few hours before I collapse.

Suddenly someone offered to loan me a mower, and I had to go get it right then. I couldn’t afford to turn it down, what with not being up for another two days of swing blade work right now.

Going to get it the pickup went into low fuel.

Then the car went into low fuel.

And I need to buy gas for the mower.

I had $40 to last me until June 7th.

Great.

I got as little gas as possible, and ran out. I was exhausted, melted, and my ankle bleeding, but damn it I was going to finish, so more gas.

And the mower wouldn’t start!

Okay, so I remember now that last year when I ran out using it it wouldn’t restart for days after refilling. Dunno why, but damn.

I spent half an hour trying to start it. I pulled a muscle pulling yanking at that damn starter cord.

I haven’t finish mowing. My friend’s mower isn’t starting, and I can’t return it like that. I’m hurting . My headache is keeping me from thinking, well except for worrying about all the things I’m going to get yelled at by my brother for not doing. I’m broke for weeks.

Then I get a letter from the bank. They are ending the refillable cards like I use. I got it because I didn’t get a debit card when I got this checking account**, and I couldn’t find a way to request one on their website. Replacements, yes, new ones, no.

They have ways if you are setting up a new checking account, and they even suggest I set up a second one….with a second set of fees ?!? No monthly fees if you “only” have $500 in it at the end of the month, but I NEVER have that much left!!!! And they expect you to deposit $100 a month, so I’d have to be moving money around just to tick boxes. I can’t open another checking account, and for complicated reasons closing the other one isn’t an option.

I search the bank’s site for anything I missed. I Google. The advice I see online must be outdated because it doesn’t match what I see on my screen. I get more frustrated and anxious.

My headache hammers at the back of my head. “Remember me? I’m the one that’s supposed to be torturing your head today!! Stop thinking about this!”

But I need some sort of debit card or something. I have to pay my phone bill and a bunch of other stuff I can’t use cash or a check for. And I need to sort this stuff out fast, before they end this one.

At this point it looks like I need to go physically to the bank and talk to a human. I have incredible anxiety about this, plus I will be burning gas on the 20mile round trip just when I don’t have money to buy more!

I’m trying to remember what it’s like to have someone hug me and be encouraging, but I can’t. I can’t even imagine a hug anymore! To be fair, I’ve been having trouble imagining anything anymore. I’ve even stopped sculpting most nights.

I’m just so tired. Broke, worried, and alone too. But mostly just so, so tired.

**Back then I had a credit card and assumed that I could always just write a check. I didn’t want some card linked directly to my bank account to worry about. Little did I know not only would I not have a credit card soon, I would discover may places either don’t take checks or charge you a fee if you do!

[halfwayt0sanity]

I met Andi in 1977 at the Hockey Club THC Mettmann in the Zweite-Herren — men's second division. Andi was also allowed to play in the first division, he was a good striker. I, on the other hand, was a goalkeeper in the second division. I didn't think it was so bad to play in the second division because they drank more alcohol than those in the first division, who took the sport very seriously. After training, the older guys used to buy rounds of beer, the two of us never had to pay for anything. I regularly rode home from the club on a small motorcycle that leaned sideways, which I inherited from my brother Mike. My father was worried that the sport would cause blood circulation problems to his boy.

The motorcycle thing was less dangerous than it sounds. My small Fantic motorcycle only reached 23 km/h since Mini Frielinghaus tried to increase the previous top speed of a dishonorable 45 km/h by improving it. Mini only said: "It's an Italian model. Nothing can be done."

The second problem with the motorcycle was that it wasn't a normal size, but rather it seemed to be made for children. It had very small wheels and was painted in candy color, snail's pace no longer made a big difference. When Andi and I came back from training, he used to ride his bike faster. He lived in Schillerstraße street, less than 500 metres from my house. We visited each other almost every afternoon and I showed him my new vinyls. As I went to school in Düsseldorf, I had an advantage over my friends from Mettmann when it came to music. My trusted salesman, from the Rock On vinyl store on Schadow Street, received new merchandise direct from London every Friday. The tall Wolla would then reach over his counter bar and whisper confidentially: "Hey Andreas, the new Devo stuff arrives in yellow vinyl next Friday, there's only 1000 copies. Shall I reserve one for you?"

The new Devo stuff in yellow? Not bad; on the other hand, I still needed Fulham Fallout by The Lurkers and I only had 20 DM left until next month. I helped my mother at home by picking blackcurrants, increased my budget to 30 DM and bought both vinyls. The very limited yellow copies of Devo remained in the shop for three more years and were soon available at half price.

On the other hand, Andi and I — two kids with acne and spiky hairstyles. We dyed each other's hair with cheap dyes, which we found in the supermarket and always made us look sick. We were never accompanied by girls, but always by our Ramones vinyls in plastic bags. Maybe we were boys to look twice, but Mettmann's girls never looked at you a second time.

For the summer vacations of 1979, we got BritRail tickets, which we used to travel free of charge on every train in Britain. As much as we had been planning the trip for weeks, it wasn't until two hours before departure that I started packing my backpack. Obviously, half of the clothes, which I put in at the last minute, turned out to be useless in the end. Can opener, corkscrew, cutlery, toothpaste — all that I had to borrow from Andi. Anyway, I packed my father's very old four-person tent, which he probably still had from the Second World War. Unfortunately, at the train station in Düsseldorf, the tent turned out to be too heavy, so we left it lying on the platform.

We wanted to travel throughout England at all costs. Our stated goal was to see as many Punk bands in as short a time as possible. After getting off the ferry at Dover and passing through security checkpoint, we went to the nearest newsagent to buy the New Musical Express, which was the best weekly music magazine in England. Unlike German music magazines like BRAVO or Musikexpress, the NME, as it was called, had a serious newspaper format. It was our reliable compass in the sea of new Punk bands constantly emerging from England. You could also get the NME in Düsseldorf at the train station, but the newest issue was always the previous week's edition.

On the train from Dover to London, we opened the most important page for us: Nationwide Gig Guide, to find out which band was playing when and where. The Piranhas in Brighton on Monday, UK Subs in Leeds on Tuesday, The Extras in London on Wednesday, Adam & The Ants in York on Thursday, Sham 69 in London again on Saturday, etc. In the capital, the Punk movement was leaving its peak behind and the first bands, such as the Sex Pistols, had already broken up again. In other cities, things were just getting started.

Punks with their radical attitude to class struggle contrasted staunchly and with vociferous resistance to "Maggie" Thatcher's Britain. Punk was perceived worldwide, but in the late '70s it was a very English and thoroughly political issue. They shouted No future against the Hippie slogan Love & Peace. The concerts weren't meant to be just nice evenings with music, they served as a meeting place for those who were disgruntled. Not only with their lives, but with everything: the lousy job, the shitty flat, the incomprehension of their parents shaking their heads. They wanted to fight against all that, no matter how they sang: No more heroes and Do something. They started occupying buildings and founding organisations such as Rock against Racism and the Anti Nazi League. In 1977, that stance hit me like a bombshell. I felt like a blind man who could suddenly see. I went to the hairdresser, paid 5 DM, got my hair cut and took part.

Our clothes were our uniform and sympathisers recognised each other immediately, even if they had never seen each other before.

Sitting on the London Underground with Andi, we were approached by a group of Punks: "Alright, lads? You got some fags?"

"Sorry, we're not smoking...", Andi replied. We struck up a conversation with the group and one of them asked where we were going. His hair was shaved and dyed leopard print and he wore an angry red leather jacket.

"To the Rainbow to see Sham 69.", I replied.

"To see Sham? Are you crazy? A bunch of Skinheads from the National Front announced their presence tonight and there's going to be a lot of fuss. Come with us. We're going out to Ashford to see the UK Subs. We'll all be there tonight." As intimidated as we were, Andi and I didn't hesitate for too long.

"No, thanks. We have to go there today.", I replied. Another guy shook his head and said: "Don't do it... but it's your decision. We warned you. If you change your mind, just go later. The Subs take the stage at nine p.m."

They got off the train at the next station and Andi and I continued alone to Finsbury Park, where the Rainbow Theatre was. Sham 69 was one of my favourite bands. Unfortunately, they decided to split up. It became impossible for them to do a show without massive violent fights because also the Skinhead scene demanded Sham and their singer Jimmy Pursey for themselves. That's why during the shows there were real battles for the band. Pursey and his musicians tried to pacify the groups and came up with a song called If the Kids are United, but the attempt failed brutally. Before long, Sham 69 had the same problem as English football clubs at the stadiums. This didn't detract from their legend.

"Andi, if they end up killing us over there... We have to see that band once in our lives. I'd never forgive myself if we don't go now because we're cowards."

"I'm going with you.", Andi replied and with that he anticipated the future credo of the Hosen Alle oder keiner (Everyone or no one), and so we hesitantly walked along Seven Sisters Road to the Rainbow Theatre. Originally, this theatre had been a gigantic cinema with a capacity of almost three thousand spectators. There were already a lot of people outside: Skins, Rockers, also ordinary people, but, as the guy in the underground had predicted, unfortunately very few Punks. We picked up our tickets at the pre-sale and passed through the entrance control without any problems. All quiet so far. I thought nothing could happen to us once we were inside. The security at the Rainbow was going to keep an eye on things.

How wrong I was! As much as they had a bunch of tough guys and boxers among them, security guards didn't even stand a chance. The night got off to a quiet start. A band called The Low Numbers put in a lot of effort, but the disinterested people stayed at the beer stands and preferred to sing football chants. Andi and I stood downstairs in the centre of the room, above us was a huge balcony packed with fans and sometimes a glass of beer would fly down. Good mood.

Until Sham 69 took the stage and all hell broke loose. Right in front of the stage everyone was moshing, but only a few metres further back, in the dark part of the hall, wild fights broke out, in which different groups were involved. Sometimes, the ones who were downstairs tried to storm the balcony and the ones who were upstairs jumped to the ground floor and made their way to the stage, punches were flying everywhere.

Escaping to the exit now seemed impossible, all the ways were blocked. The only ones who seemed to remain untouchable in this mess were a group of biker-rockers, who apparently nobody wanted to mess with. Fifteen to twenty people, long hair, leather caps, thick rings on their fingers and easily ten years older than anyone here. They were standing relaxed with their girlfriends in the background against a wall and watching what was going on calmly and in anticipation.

Andi and I stood next to them and struck up a conversation with one of them. He had tattooed neck and arms and was 6'2" tall. We tried to look like we belonged to their group. Surely they must have found it amusing.

"It's a bit of a rough evening, isn't it? We're from Germany, we don't know what's going on." The rocker smiled at us. Big crooked teeth, also some golden ones among them. He inmediately understood what was going on. "You stay with us, mate.", he said and put us behind him and among his friends.

All around us, panic was spreading. After five songs, in the middle of Hersham Boys, the band had to stop their show. Jimmy Pursey shouted into the microphone for them to stop fighting and left the stage with his band. The situation calmed down for a moment, the thugs seemed hesitant: punching or live music? After that pause and a few more messages, Sham 69 tried to continue with their show. Hardly had they reached the second chorus and it was all one big massive battle again.

Jimmy Pursey angrily shouted: "We tried to give you everything. You fucking cunts will never understand! You fucking ruined it all!"

He turned around, ripped the drum off the bottom of the drum kit and threw it into the crowd. Chaos! They pulled down an iron curtain in front of the stage, security guards took cover at the back, the fights in the hall continued and slowly moved outside.

At an opportune moment, Andi and I said goodbye to the rockers and ran through the emergency exits, into the street and to the underground station, but the police had already closed it as a precaution. We kept running down the street until we could get on a bus, which stopped at a traffic light. Behind us, there were still chase scenes, but we had made it. A skinhead, who was also at the concert, got on the bus with us. Apparently, he wanted nothing to do with the trouble.

He gasped: "What a waste. It was Arsenal against Chelsea fans. The gooners won." Apparently, the Arsenal Skins wouldn't tolerate Chelsea fans on their turf. Andi and I looked at each other shaking our heads. Maybe we should have gone with the London Punks to see the UK Subs, but then we had to laugh at ourselves. Sham 69 — we saw them!

However, from now on only Punk shows, no Skinheads, please, because it was always like that, no matter where we went, we always felt part of a group. Among us Punks there was an implicit solidarity, also in this context was Us and them, us against all the others, as I got to know later at away games in football. As soon as a patrol car turned the corner to check on us, the whole group gathered closer together, closing ranks. We knew that if they tried to take just one of us, we would all be in the same bag.

As we wanted to invest all our money in concert tickets and vinyls, unfortunately there was no money planned for accommodation in the budget. We planned to have my father's tent. We had to get a new one in London, an early blow to our travel savings. Over the next few weeks, the new and much lighter tent went into action in various places: on a golf course in Scotland, in the front garden of a house in Brighton or in York City Park — even though the Yorkshire Ripper, the serial killer, supposedly was around at the time.

A good alternative to the tent was to sleep on trains. We once went on the Flying Scotsman to Edinburgh, only to return to London the same night. That way we also went to Liverpool, where we stayed at the station for a few hours. Lime Street Station was the first, and for the moment the only, thing I knew of Liverpool. To explore the city, we lacked the money, and neither talk about having to watch a football match, plus it was summer and football was in recess.

So we took a train back to the south and slept for a few hours. We brushed our teeth and the most important things of personal hygiene in public toilets, that's why we preferred cities on the coast, where the conditions usually were better. Sometimes, we also went to the sea and had breakfast on the beach. Our breakfast was white bread and jam for 14 days, but Andi dropped the jar of jam on the sand on the second day and, as we didn't want to invest two precious pounds to buy another one, from now on it crunched between our teeth when we chewed it. Two pounds could have been two vinyl "Singles" in a Record-&-Tape-Exchange shop. After the trip, I didn't eat any more jam for many years.

There were also days when no band we were interested in was playing in the whole of Britain. On those days, we spent our time with a very special game: In the morning, we would bet on where we would end the night and whoever's bet got closest to the destination train station, which we had chosen by rolling a dice, would win. There were tough negotiations.

Andi: I'll bet my new Single Tommy Gun by The Clash on Exeter. If I win, I get your Buzzcocks."

Me: "Are you crazy? Buzzcocks? It's limited. If you win, I'll give you la Cortinas — that's enough! Anyway, we're going to end up in Ipswich."

So we sat on the platform. Two teenagers from Germany wearing torn t-shirts and carrying heavy backpacks and big bags with vinyls inside. We took two dice, first to sort out the platform we were going to get on and then the number of stops we were going to travel. So, sometimes, we ended up taking the slow, regional train to a suburb of London, nothing more, but it also took us to the north of Scotland, to Inverness. The lightness of simple being.

From Campino's book 'Hope Street: Wie ich einmal englischer Meister wurde' (2020)

[casspurrjoybell-26]

The Contract - Chapter 22

*Warning: Adult Content*

Finishing on set for the last day of filming, everyone was celebrating, oblivious to the vibe in the room.

Since Amanda and I locked lips by my trailer, she's not spoken to me or looked at me, she did only when we have a scene together, other than that, she was ignoring me.

I fucked up and now people have noticed a rift between her and me because I fucking kissed her, like an idiot.

It's even reached gossip websites online that she and I are having a 'lovers quarrel' after someone on set leaked that we were close and then suddenly not talking to the press.

It's been four months since then and the rumors are getting worse, making it impossible to leave my new apartment without being hounded by the press.

Everyone's celebrating finishing the show and all I want to do is leave... I can't take this day any longer, I'm tired and honestly at my lowest, considering what today also is... Today may be the last day of filming but it's also the anniversary of my dad's death.

It's been hard the last few months, my schedule has been packed to the point where I've not had a single day off to myself.

I've not seen Donovan since, I moved agencies, which I really didn't want but I couldn't see any other way around it than leaving Desire and finding another agency to take me on.

Luckily, the show was doing so well that I had lots of offers until I settled on one to represent me.

I'm sending monthly checks from my earnings from the ads I've been in, to the show appearances I've attended, just so I can pay back the money to Donovan.

"What's next for you then Evan?" Rose asks, an extra on the show. "I heard a rumor you're going to be in an action movie with Tom Dean," she says, coming closer.

I smile politely and shrug, shifting in my seat.

Where did she hear that?

"I'm going to take time for myself but that could happen, I'm up for anything, as long as I'm fully dressed this time," I say, making her blush.

"Evan," Chrissy sits down, looking tipsy. "We're all gonna miss you. Let's hope for a second season next year."

I smile, praying for anything but a second season, wanting to get out of here as soon as possible.

Chrissy became a friend here.

She's a stuntwoman and one of the most down-to-earth girls I've met in the industry so far.

"Well, if you miss me, I'm always a call away," I joke, trying my best to smile.

Chrissy looks are me and then smiles sadly, before wrapping her arms around me in a hug.

"I'm so sorry about your dad," she says softly in my ear. "Nobody will look twice if you left early, we're all here for you Evan," she says, rubbing my back.

I nod my head and then pull away, when I look around I notice that everyone was eating cake and talking amongst themselves.

She's right, I should go.

It's getting harder and harder to just sit here and ruin the fun for everyone else.

Besides, I needed to pick up the flowers and then drive down to the cemetery in my hometown outside NY.

"Thanks, Chris. Have a good weekend."

We say our goodbyes and then I take this opportunity to leave, saying 'bye' and 'thank you' along the way as I pass crewmembers.

I get into my new smart car and drive out of the studio lot and make my way towards my apartment, then to the flower shop.

I don't even have to guess if my mom will show up. I know she won't.

She's never been the same since my dad got in a car accident and died.

My dad, Richard Beckett died after some drunk driver crashed into him and then drove off without a single injury or dent in their car.

He was coming home after a fishing trip and some drunk asshole left him in an upside-down car, passed out with a piece of car lodged in his chest, for hours until someone found him.

The drunk driver was never found and his case was a cold one, meaning.. they had given up trying and just forgotten about him.

This day... this day has always been hard for me, every year since his death I make my way back home outside NY and honor his memory by doing things he loved doing together.

Despite my fame and all the friends I've made in the past few months, I have never felt more lonely.

They never tell you once you make it, that it's this bad and that it's just you, on your own to deal with it alone.

Once I make it home and get freshened up, I pick up the flowers for his grave and then drive down to where he's buried.

Coming to the empty graveyard made everything I feel ten times worse but as usual, I kept it together, not wanting to show weakness, not here... Not today.

I find his grave and then bend down and place the flowers in front of his headstone, before sitting down, thinking of all the things I want to say to him and where to start.

"Hi dad, it's me, Evan," I start by saying, putting my hand on his headstone.

"I just came from the studio... I made it dad... I finally made my dream come true, just like you always said I would if I just never gave up," I force out my voice breaking.

"I wish you were here dad."

Tears fall down my face as I grip my head while my heart feels like it's breaking apart and start crying into my sleeve.

I didn't want to come here and cry like this, not here, not in front of him... If he was here, he'd tell me it was normal to cry and then wrap his arms around me telling me he's proud of me.

I don't know how much time had passed since I arrived here,but it's pitch black and one a.m. when I look at the time.

Spending the rest of the day next to my dad's grave made me realize just how much everything had changed and how little I haven't changed.

Turning my phone on, I see that I've gotten a few missed calls from Robbie.

Robbie knew I'd be here but it doesn't stop him from checking up on me.

I have other messages but I don't look at them and turn my phone off again.

I don't want to go back just yet... there's nothing to go back to but an empty apartment anyways, so I choose to stay, nobody will care if I stay.

I rest my back against his headstone and close my eyes, listening to the owls and insects all around me talking as let it calm me down.

It's so peaceful here... unlike the city, where I'm followed around on a daily basis by Connor Whitlock fans and hounded by people with cameras, reporting to some news or gossip website.

I let the sounds of the graveyard take over my exhausted body, feeling as if all the weight off my shoulders is finally lifted and then allow my body to rest, with the image of my dad next to me, telling me to sleep.

[surrealsunday]

1/2

Oh Jaime, you have no idea how much your message meant to me 🥹💞 I think about you and your fics an unhealthy -let's admit it by now lol-amount of time so it truly warms my heart to know sometime little old silly me pops in your mind too 🥺💞

Things are not getting much better if I have to be honest, and I’m constantly feeling like I don’t have enough hours or energy in a day to do all the things I have to do and the shit I need to figure out as soon as possible but *wears a clown mask* somehow I still managed to squeeze some time to reread Hollow Edge 🙈🙊

(paying for a therapist: expensive

reading about all the ways those two idiots had overcome their personal issues and filled each other voids and built a family together: free -you just pay with crying sessions, but i say: a win is win 🤭-)

I don't even remember why or what led me there, probably saw some content on SM that reminded me the vibe or most likely a specific scene or line popped in my brain -it'd be like that- and I just HAD to read it again which of course led to read all the rest of the fic; it’s been super nice cause unlike your other fics, I’ve never got the occasion to read HE again nor recently although one cannot ever forget some of its iconic scene ("Princelinnn, bring me ice cream"), lines ("it's you. it's different.") and how they made you feel.. oh if I could bottle the first time I read "the first time Lucas sees the idiot”.. ‘cause a thing about me is that when I first approached the world of Elu fics, I was careful to dodge any AUs (I know, I KNOW: my loss. you don’t have to tell me 😭) but when I eventually started to run out of fics and I was still on the peak of my fixation, I traced my steps back, took a leap of faith and jumped on the most popular Elu au. which was Tempo. which of course turned out to be the best thing ever happened to me. totally rocked my world overnight, set the bar higher, ruined me for anyone else and altered the chemistry of my brain forever. Reading Tempo was the equivalent of opening a lockbox full of precious gems, the dizzying thrill of being Columbus discovering America in the duality that it felt something new and fresh and never-seen-before, and yet it’s always been there all along, in a corner of the world, long before my eyes set on it. I’m just so fond of it, just think about it feels like a cozy blanket and it makes me quietly hum in content, feeling the same as when you’re getting ready to see your best friend: you know you’re gonna have fun, a marvelous time. I don’t know, I guess.. it’s just such a comfort fic for me, you know? 🌈*aggressively suppress the memory of Lucas curled in the shower, quietly crying, after he had to end things with Eliott. Don’t even get me started on when Eliott allowed himself to grab Lucas before he stepped out of the coffee shop to hold him tightly to his chest with shaky sighs because he thought that was the very last time he could have do it.. that was one of the moments while reading Tempo where I just knew this fic was on a whole other level, I can’t even put it fully into words* 🌈. Just the other day Instagram reminded me through the archive stories that this time last year I was reading it for the first time; I can frame the timing precisely because it was the week of my first trip abroad after covid, and- oh gosh, I remember I purposefully left the ao3 tab with the chapter open on my phone so I could read it during the flight if I wanted to (I hereby state I don’t have the habit to read anything when traveling -it makes me feel sick-, I usually just listen to music or try to sleep a bit, so that alone should tell how far gone I was for ‘Tempo’ already), which I did. or at least, tried to. uhm, the thing is.. it was set on the morning after the press party, when Eliott was so tired he ended up sleeping in Lucas’s bed and- well, I guess we all know what happened the morning after 🤭 funny thing is: I swear until that very moment I wasn’t aware of the rating, I didn’t even notice it when I first dive in the fic and so far the interaction between Elu has been pretty innocent (just like me, one could say AHAHAH. no but truly: I do hope to not make it weird when I say everything I know about queer sex now I owe it to you; for example I’ve read other quite explicit queer fics in another fandom right before Elu and there was certain passages I didn’t quite get back then, so yeah, you and your works are doing a great job in raising an educated chunk of readers lol. I remember a particularly late brunch with my best friend last spring with her asking life advice and me replying “you really shouldn’t look up at me, apparently all I do in life lately is having breakdowns and read erotic explicit queer fics. *sips*. which is now an area where I hold very specific knowledge.”

and she laughed so hard she almost rolled down the chair but I was dead ass serious 💀💀), so really, you have to picture my reaction when I naively unlocked the screen with a satisfied hum in a public space, expecting to read some harmless cute PG13 banter whereas the chapter literally started with a bang. right there and then. Squeezed between two passengers so close to me, they could’ve easily read any word on my screen. On broad daylight. In economic class. Oh sweet jesus. It literally felt like when you’re enjoying a movie whose been pretty chill so far and then one of your parents step in the room and of fucking course suddenly there’s a random sex scene playing on the screen ‘cause that’s my life and god doesn’t exist 🤣 lol I was so worried the passenger sat next to me would look at my screen and read something compromising, in the end I just skipped that scene and tucked it for later 👀🤭 now I definitely know better than open ao3 in public, and I definitely know what to expect from you especially 😂 in fact, as the spoiled spoiled brat I am, towards the ending of 10Things I was like “guys, this is really cute and fun and everything I could ever ask for but where’s my spicy cajun chicken? It should’ve been served by now”: i am what you made me, and now you have to deal with it, Mary Shelley 😭

(And then you served chapter 10, which is one of the best thing i’ve ever read and i do truly shouldn’t be surprise by now but you always know how to amaze me. oh yes. my peri peri chicken. chef’s kiss.)

My friendddddd - I love your asks so much. The way they make me laugh too lmao. You are truly the best. I'm sorry I didn't get to responding before I left on holiday but I wanted to have the time to do so properly! So here we go!

Gonna put your other asks under the cut so everything is in sequence and I can properly reply!

2/2

Anyway, as I was saying, I had a marvelous time that week, but no matter how busy and physically exhausting were the days and the evenings: the nights belonged to ‘Tempo’, and no one could take it away from me. No matter how late was, I’d crawl in bed and read till my eyes gave up. To me, there aren’t a lot of things in life as exquisite as finding the perfect fic, and the thrill of having it there in your hands ready to be read whenever you want to, like a treat tailored for your specific taste. Nothing beats that. To be in your favorite city and do all the things you love the most like go to concerts and see friends and have good food and have a great time, and still a part of you it’s so excited when it’s time to call it a day so you can go back to bed and get comfy, shut the world outside and continue to read that fic that makes you giggle and rip your heart out in the same heartbeat. That was Tempo for me, the perfect fic on top of the perfect week. So imagine my surprise when you said that you had receive some criticism on your works; i’m gonna respond to the tumblr posts as soon as possible, but that part really struck me, mostly because every single time I’ve ever seen someone referring to you in my twt or tumblr timeline is just to say nice things about your works (AS THEY SHOULD 💅🏻👑) so I do truly thought that -I’m speaking factually- we as society collectively acknowledged long time ago that you’re without a doubt the best thing ever happened to skamfr right after the casting of maxel and we all should be eternally grateful for your service to the fandom. I do truly cannot conceive how someone can possibly have anything remotely bad to say about your fics when they’re the most perfect piece of literature a fandom can ever ask 😭 (i’m so serious right now! like, I’m not watching KinnPorsche and yet I envy that fandom for having YOU to write stuff for them like, those guys have truly hit jackpot with you and I hope they know it 😭🎰).

Anyway, as I was saying before all this Tempo digression, is that whenever ‘Hollow Edge’ popped on the top list of ao3, I somehow got the idea it was set during the Dark Age (I’m not much for historical pièce); but of course after ‘Tempo’ I was willing to read anything written by you, even grocery lists, so that led me straight to Hollow Edge. And bam, that opening line: “the first time Lucas sees the idiot [..]” and I knew it. That was it. All it takes was that line and I was immediately sold, I knew I was in for a good ride *insert that meme of the chubby black guy in a yellow suit rubbing his hands with a naughty face behind a tree. that was me. totally me.*

And what a ride. I have to say it, after 10Things it's been quite a shock to get a reminder of how long your chapters used to be, you really poured sweat tears and blood in your works 😭🙇🏻‍♀️💞 Especially considering that Hollow Edge is so pregnant of sociopolitical matters, you must have been doing a lot of research! And I don't think I've ever mention it before but chapeau for Eliott's drawings: | remember the first time I saw them I was like "wow, where did she find those drawings? they fit so well in the narrative!" and then you said they were yours and it was so mind blowing, truly, is there anything you can't do?? 😭🧎🏻‍♀️✨

And by the way, you’re so sweet but I’m absolutely nowhere near being flawless speaking English 😭 it used to be better when I was in high school, now I feel like my brain is leaking and I need to double check every basic word or tense in a structure, and although writing is one of the things I love the most and it brings me pure joy and a sense of fulfillment (chatting and over analyze with no control nor time limits about that specific piece of media my brain is over obsessing about? yup, sounds like me), it also drains me, especially when I’ve just finished to type out a long ass comment or paragraph that took me hours to write down and then it just deletes itself in unexplainable feather touch and I stare at the now blank screen like 👁️👄👁️. one thing about me: I cannot be trusted with technology (technology being: a simple touch screen phone), especially late at night.

I guess there’s always room to improve, and reading your fics helped me a lot, I’ve learned a lot of new ways of speaking and expressions thanks to you ❤️.

Anyway, thanks for all your kindness, I hope life is treating you nicely 💞✨.

So, it's been a while since you send this (I dunno exactly... I live in a time warp and have no sense of time), and I'm hoping things have gotten easier in your life. But I wholeheartedly support reading fic to cope lol. I write fic for the same reason 😂.

And a re-read of Hollow Edge? I love! I was thinking about that one recently because someone else is reading it for the first time and it brings me right back to the story when someone comments on it.

When I first started reading fic I totally didn't understand au's, so I completely get why you wouldn't read them intially. But omg I am so glad you did and found my fics! Truly once you go au, you don't go back (for me anyways... obviously lol). But PLEASE the way you describe reading Tempo for the first time... I'm crying 😭😭😭. It means so much, truly. And as an aside, YOU ARE SO POETIC ABOUT IT I SQUEALED. One of my absolute favourite things is hearing which moments stuck out for readers and I am eating up hearing about those moments in Tempo for you. I have such an emotional connection to that fic, as well, it is unbelievably satisfying to know the moments that meant so much to me when I wrote them, had an impact on you as well.

The way I just DIED imagining you traveling, innocently having THAT chapter of Tempo open and not realizing the rating of the fic was explicit adlfkjalsdkfj. That is so amazing I am laughing and truly love it so much. But I am very glad that the sex scenes work even when unfamiliar with the intricacies or logistics of queer sex. Tbh writing sex scenes will literally always be one of the most challenging things for me because those logistics are important to me. I want it to make sense. There is nothing more frustrating to me than reading a sexy scene and being like, 'Wait... where is his arm? What is happening with that leg?!!!' 😂😂. So those details are important to me, but I would also be bored to tears just writing the sexy bits, if there weren't some emotional gravity to bulk those scenes up. So yeah, they are a labour of love in every way.

You said that to your friend aldjflaksdjf. You are the best omg. That sounds like something I would say to a friend lmao. "i am what you made me, and now you have to deal with it, Mary Shelley" STOP ALSKFJSDLKFJ 😂😂😂😂😂💀💀💀💀. Ok but you knowing I will likely not give a reader cheese without spicing it up with either smut or snark or both is just *chefs kiss* all I could ask for.

(Btw - the gifs you add make me laugh so hard.)

I know just how you feel when you describe curling up with a fic you love. It still feels surreal to me that people are talking about something I wrote when they describe feeling that way. I will never get over how incredible that is to me and the way it makes me feel every time 🥹🥹🥹❤️❤️❤️.

"so I do truly thought that -I’m speaking factually- we as society collectively acknowledged long time ago that you’re without a doubt the best thing ever happened to skamfr right after the casting of maxel and we all should be eternally grateful for your service to the fandom." alsdkf;jalksdfjasdklfjd PLEASE that is so sweet I am both laughing and blushing. When it comes to any mean messages or hate I've recieved (so, not including fair and constructive criticism people may have given me over the years) I never posted the asks. So yes, I think there was definitely an impression I recieved nothing but love, which ironically also made some people angry lolol. I can definitely be sensitive, but thankfully when it comes to stuff like this, I do have my head in the right place. This is fun for me and an outlet and I have literally the most wonderful people who have read my fics (you're included in that!) so I just can't be bothered with anyone being rude or mean without reason. It is what it is but it ain't gonna bring me down!

Ok I actually kinda forgot about the first line of Hollow Edge LOL. The funny thing is that in literally all of my fics, the first line has been immediate. I've never had to think about it which always feels right. And yeah, I won't lie, writing definitely is where I pour a lot of myself. It depletes me entirely, but not in a bad way. I absolutely love doing it and I love what I get out of it. And then on top of already finding so much joy in writing, it brought really lovely, incredible people to me. I'm eternally thankful for that. But the fics that required more work bts (Hollow Edge and Mood Tattoo)... yeah... they were beasts. I cursed my brain for deciding to glom onto topics that required more research endlessly lol.

Omg yes the art in Hollow Edge! Thank you!!!! That was so much fun to create and I honestly can't even remember when or how I suddenly decided I would do it. But I loveddddd including visual art as part of the process.

I forget EVERY TIME that english isn't your first language until you mention it again. HOW?! You are seriously so impressive and freaking POETIC in english, I am amazed. And for the record, you would not believe the amount of time I spend crafting particular sentances because my brain will not provide the words I want... like I'll know they exist in english but they just won't come to me lol. It happens allllll the time. And then - we are very similar this way - I obsess over every sentance when they're written so yeah, I definitely understand what you mean when you say it drains you.

P.S. I have written the longest replies to asks before (like... essays!) and accidentally hit something on my keyboard and closed the browser and when I tell you I nearly cry every time. You should see me replying right now, being so careful about where the mouse is and how I'm typing 😂😂

Anyways, as always you are an absolute delight and I love you endlessly for taking the time to send these thoughts. I can't express the level of joy they give me. I apologize again for taking so long to reply. I'm trying to get back into routine in my life right now so hopefully I won't be so MIA.

Sending you all the love and hugs! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[stormears]

hinata voice: jaPAN

Planning to meet up w/2 friends soon, the ones who said they want to go on a trip to Japan with me (2 other friends I asked last year bowed out...) We need to sit down and talk out logistics of the trip and go into detail about the places we want to visit.

They don't know it yet, but I will be spearheading this meeting by preparing a google doc with possible itineraries, timelines, pics and prices of possible hotels, and printouts of much of this info for easy viewing. I will present all this on my laptop + at the table at our lunch date. I'm READY to get into the nitty gritty of this trip planning. I have already saved more than half the total I wanted to set aside for this trip.

I'm secretly hoping they'll be able to agree to a fall trip this year, instead of spring next year like they originally told me. Airfare has gone way down since the new year started. Tickets used to START at 1600, even the shitty long layover ones, but now things start at 1100. Needing to save several hundred FEWER dollars for airfare (plus me paying a much bigger proportion of hotel costs than them...) might make the difference.

[jessicarobertojournal]

December 23, 2024

Hi love! 

I started this on December 22, in the morning, but now it is the afternoon of December 23, I always want to begin writing you as soon as I read your beautiful words, and I often do! I just don’t finish it! I was saying that I think there will be a device that allows for seamless communication without anything other than thought. Translate and interpreting each other instantaneously. 

It was a little emotional for me to hear that you are addicted to stress, because I know it is not necessarily healthy for you, and for your lifespan. It is interesting to me to think that you know that you are not going to live as long as me, and you don’t think you are going to live super long! I always want to take care of you. I will always want to. I think you can have a long beautiful life. I think that meeting your soulmate might lengthen your life! :) 

New Year’s Resolutions

DarkMozart! Yes, my love, I want to get this off and running!! I really do! Definitely two performances are possible! Peter's house and Chembach in May/June!

I want to learn a new skill that can earn me a salary remotely starting January 2026 or sooner! At the party, I talked to a guy that I have seen a few times at Doug and Sarah's. I cannot remember his name, but he works remotely. From his home, for a company in California. He pointed me toward a website where I can take online bootcamps for different technological careers, cybersecurity, user design (UX Design), engineers, and computer programmers. Then it helps you network and create a portfolio that is attractive to recruiters. I will check it out. And I am also excited to get on Preply! I want to get good at teaching English. 

Social Media- I want to start posting on social media!!! I want to discuss teaching. I want to discuss the psychology and business side of teaching on Instagram and TikTok. I want to put myself out there! Could be fun!

Save $3,500,000.00 ($3.5M) in cash. This is how much I want to have saved by December 31, 2025! I think it could be higher, but this is my goal. In 2026, I want to pay off the rest of the $1.4M mortgage that will be owed for Casa 5. That leaves us with $2.1M. We can put a deposit down on a other property, and invest the money you won't have to spend each month on the payments on the US market and/or use it towards the mortgage! It makes me breathe a little easier that we are okay. But I will work 7 days a week like I have been doing when I am not home with you. 

Cut down on unnecessary spending. There is an online trend called NoBuy2025. People are posting about all of the things they will not buy next year. No new clothing: unless I need something replaced. Including shoes. Grocery and restaurant limits, etc. I need to think about what I want to include. Hahaha soulmate, you don't have to do this trend! 

Get back into exercise ASAP. Starting this up tomorrow! I want to get back to walking. Soulmate, when I have taken off this much time from walking I don't feel too good about myself hahaha you might have noticed I am not shirtless as much hahaha 

LEARN MUCH MORE SPANISH. This is super important to me, so I will make the time to do this. I want to communicate to the community, future students, your parents, friends and you at a much more proficient level! 

Continue to cultivate the ability to calm my body and mind so I can always take care of us.

My love, I love your goals! I am not sure if you can make it to the United States 3 times next year especially if we travel elsewhere next year! My sister’s wedding in July or August for a road trip if the visa doesn’t come in time. And then Christmas/New Years next year? 13 days! Maybe we can figure out a way to make that higher! 

Your English is really great my love! It’s getting stronger and stronger. I want you to talk to my friend Nathália. I told her all about you when I talked to her a week ago.

I am proud of your exercise and it inspires me! You look so beautiful and relaxed after going to Mouv! Yes I know you are exhausted but there is a glow about you. 💪😘

Less than 6 days until we are back together! Until I can kiss your lips, your neck, your legs, feet, and hands. Until I can hug you and rememorize my soulmate’s body. 

Haha I would write more but I just got a message from you saying you want to read me right now! I will write you more tomorrow when I travel to Washington DC. Te amo!

[jerseyoklahomo]

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

Six months ago I started working toward a new life. I had the intent of starting the new year with sobriety being a priority in my life. I did not get a strong start, but had all the things in place to make it happen. I acquired very good health insurance, helped my mother get settled, and kind of began cutting ties with old associations. After a few weeks of trying to do it on my own, I finally made the realization that I needed to do things the way I had learned and been told to do them. Of course, I saw the light at the end of the tunnel in this way of thinking---and may have chosen this path as a "way out"---but I'm finding it was definitely not the EASY way out.

Around the end of the month, almost exactly 7 years after the day of my Dad's memorial service in 2017, I made a trip to the home where I grew up. It has changed. I had a small breakdown, and for a while it was the last time I was able to really feel emotions. I knew it was time to move on from my mourning period and use my grief as a tool rather than a crutch. I finally felt ready and on my own time.

I made the call to some treatment centers immediately that day. I knew it was time to make some changes in life, and knew that stagnation in my home town living on my mother's couch was not the way to get any of that done. I had a job paying the least amount of money I have made since 2008 and had to drive 70 miles round trip in my BMW that used premium gas to get there---talk about totally out of touch with reality. HA! Anyway...I made the call to some treatment centers in my bratty mindset of wanting them to be as comfortable and fancy as possible, and even made a last minute change from the original one because I was scared the housing wouldn't be up to my standards! Either way, I made it to the treatment center I landed at on January 29, 2024. I spent the entire weekend prior to that getting my affairs in order (all the while doing my last bit of "controlled" drinking). I packed a bag and packed many of my things away in totes and put into storage or left at my mother's house. I also have a large amount of things at a friend's house in Norman---and should probably make it a priority to get those things returned or at least contact the friend about those things. One step at a time.

I went to a detox center then on to the treatment center after flying into Newark Airport---drinking the entire way there. My final drink was on the airplane between Atlanta and Newark on January 29. I was in the detox for several days and then went on to a less than thrilling and caring treatment center (should have stuck with the first one). While at the treatment center I started having some stomach issues that I though were related to my detox and withdrawal, but they did not get better and started to increase. I decided to have them looked at professionally, and it was brought to my attention that I had gallbladder issues. I was never formally told what was going on, but I know that a couple of days later I was being told that I was being released as soon as I had housing available. WOW! I had made the decision to stay as long as needed and as long as the professionals had recommended in the treatment center---but was now being forced out. I was bittersweet about the turn of events. For one, I was ready to get this show on the road, but was also dealing with medical issues and a whole new world. During my time in treatment, I was without a cell phone or any contact to the outside world. This was wonderful, except it did not give me any way to plan for my future. I was about to be turned loose in a new city, in a new state, in a new state of mind, in a new home, and with no financial security. I was almost set up for doom.