#i need to make jax cry so badly it's insane

[starrysmiling]

my theory on jax's parents

i've been sitting on this one for a long while and finally got the push to write this up. i want to write about this in the future, but there's bits here that have got to wait until cube corp releases, so... i'm just going to talk about it while i'm here.

anyway. as we all know, jax seems to be raised by arthur, and neither of them ever mention his parents.

so where. the fuck. are they.

spoiler alert: just between you and me, i think they're dead. not that it's confirmed or anything...

so... let's begin with a preword. the jax in my canon is 22, since unlike ace and the player, he doesn't have a canon-implied age. (this did not stop me from making fern 21.)

this makes him just slightly older than the meteorite strike on crater town, which happened 20 years ago. it's important to note this, because he needs to be alive for his parents to die in the aftermath of the meteorite strike.

whoops. did i just say that?

let's just change tracks for a bit.

arthur is training jax to be the next champion. that's quite obvious from the story, he says it outright, there isn't any question about that. but i think that originally, arthur wanted his own child to succeed him. it's also something to think about if you consider that he stepped down from the champion's seat before the events of the game, which prompts me to think that he wanted a successor before he stepped down, but he couldn't train jax in time bc jax was still too young.

so let's go with that: arthur intended for his child to succeed him as the next champion after he steps down. thus: arthur's child, and one of jax's parents, would likely be a ferociously strong trainer.

i'd like to think that they met someone while they were training or journeying, fell in love, eventually decided to marry them, and have a child. why didn't they decide to become champion? this is just a hc, but considering elias is Still there and the league hasn't found a replacement and arabella is working there because her dad doesn't make money... yeah, i think the league is kinda understaffed. hell, i make fern struggle with his champion duties, but even if arthur is a better fit for the role, being the champion's child means they would be able to see how harsh the role is on arthur. and maybe they don't really want to be the champion just yet, when arthur still can do his job well.

and they're still young, after all. they want to have a bit of fun in their life, journey around as a trainer, raise their kid with lots of care, then maybe go get that champion role once arthur's done his term.

so now, little jax is two years old. the meteorite has just been shattered over valley city, and the residents have been transported back to help clean up the town. volunteers and volunteer pokemon from nearby cities, like dresco town, are called to help with the restoration efforts.

and jax's parents are part of those volunteers, naturally. they're both pokemon trainers, after all.

and here's where it starts going to shit.

remember that two pokemon came down to earth with the meteor? jirachi was sealed away after the residents realised its power, but another pokemon landed a little to the northeast.

and deoxys is powerful. pksp red, one of the strongest trainers, if not the strongest in the series, is almost powerless against deoxys when he first battles it. it takes him a bit of a bond with a rogue mewtwo and several tough battles, some difficult enough to shatter his mentality, to defeat it, and even then, it's an uphill struggle for him.

that's the pokemon that jax's parents find: a ridiculously strong pokemon from outer space that nobody's seen or recorded before. remember, it immediately fights you if you talk to it, so i suppose... they fight. and if they can see the utter destruction that could come out of deoxys's power, there's no way they're letting that pokemon get to the town, where unarmed people are working on clearing the rubble. so they fight, and they fight, but deoxys is strong, and clearly not even two people are a good enough fight against it, and soon their pokemon are worn out and deoxys's attacks are injuring the pair themselves.

they put together a plan. one holds off the strange pokemon from outer space — for the sake of my canon, this is the stronger one, arthur's daughter — and the other runs back to the town to alert the guardian of borrius, who is overseeing the restoration efforts. if anyone can beat this pokemon, it's the legendary aros.

and so jax's father flies back to crater town. he'd been persuaded to go, being more heavily injured by the fight, and desperately searches for aros, explains the situation, and immediately brings him to the crater where they found deoxys.

but it's too late by then.

they find jax's mother, barely conscious and mortally wounded, being fiercely protected by her pokemon who are only barely standing. aros thanks her, and with their combined efforts, barely manage to defeat deoxys and seal it in sleep. jax's father returns to his wife's side, only for her to sigh her last breaths before they can treat her wounds.

aros notices that jax's father's wounds can still be treated, but though aros hurries him back to town... perhaps the loss of his wife weighs too deeply on him, and he doesn't make it.

and jax, still only two years old, is left in the care of his grandfather.

his parents are called heroes — they fought so that crater town would not suffer a second disaster in quick succession, and that's why jax in my canon is so set on being a hero. his admiration for aros is also partly from seeing how he handled the incident, making sure that he didn't take the credit for holding off deoxys and ensuring that people wouldn't forget that jax's parents died in order to keep the town safe.

and, also, aros is basically the local superhero. he's cool as hell. no wonder he's kinda jax's idol.

anyway. i really want to write more about this concept, and there's a scene where i want jax to meet aros and for aros to tell him, properly, about his parents. that'll be the first time that i've ever written jax crying in canonverse, because hearing aros, his idol, apologise to him for not being able to save his parents and recount that they genuinely were heroes in his eyes is a lot to process. (it's also really funny considering that jax hasn't cried in front of fern, but he has cried in front of fern's dad.)

as a way of finishing this arc of jax's life, i really also want to suggest that after fern captures jirachi, jax tags along with him to fight deoxys.

and this fight — this is jax's fight. fern can tell that this jax is different from seeing him stare down deoxys across the crater. there's something twisted about the fact that jax is now facing it with his own partner, twenty years later.

jax, heightened by raw emotion, seems to fall back into his more reckless, daring tactics. he plays fern's hyper-offensive role, actually, and fern plays jax's support, making sure that jax doesn't run himself ragged, following up after his strikes, covering when they're in trouble. it's not like they made a name for themselves as an unstoppable duo for nothing.

the conclusion of this arc is jax's capture of deoxys, after a grueling battle that whittles at his strength and mental state. in a way, earning deoxys's respect, being able to capture it in a ball, and being able to say that he finally, finally defeated the pokemon that killed his parents, is a sort of closure that he probably didn't know he needed.

did you see that, mom, dad?

i beat it. you can rest easy now.

[geminifeed1]

Revival (M)

Warnings: Language. 

angst. 

Pairing: Changkyun x reader.

WC: 1K

Author’s note: Finally! I’ve been struggling to choose how i should end it. I had multiple endings in my head but i decided to go with this one. This is the hardest part I’ve written because i wasn’t sure how i should go with it.

_______________________

Part1 / Part2 / Part3 / Part4 / Part5 / Part6   (Complete) 

“What are doing here? You got some nerve showing up again..” 

“I just need to talk to you.” 

“There’s nothing to be said. Even if there was, you lost the right 2 years ago. You can leave now.” 

“There was a lot i wanted to say to you. I just...” 

"your silence said more than enough"

“I wanted to come and see you, to tell you how sorry i am for all the hell i’ve put you through.” 

“You give yourself too much credit.” 

He smiled.. That damn smile.. “I missed your snarkiness.... i missed you.” 

“Stop it Changkyun...” 

“I did. I missed you more than i've ever missed anything before.“ 

I’m just looking at him.. i know i must look ice cold to him but.. i’m breaking inside.. i hate that he still have effect on me.. i took a deep breath.. i don’t know how i should feel or react. I wanted to hear that so badly, but.. it’s too late now. 

“Will you please just hear me out? i know i don’t Deserve it....” 

“You’re damn right about that.”

“..I know if i don’t, i’m gonna regret it for the rest of my life.”

“As you should.” 

He smiled and looked down at floor then back at me.. “so.. can i come in please? You don’t have to say anything, just listen.” 

Don’t give in don’t give in, close the door now “UGH!.. fine..” must be that smile goddamn it.. I open the door wider for him to come in. “Five minutes counting now.” 

He walked in slowly, as if he was unsure what to do or say, his mind is everywhere and i can tell that he’s nervous. He sat down gathering his thoughts. and i sat on the opposite couch. I can see my friends peeking their heads from my bedroom.. my gosh.. i tried to keep straight face.. thank god his back was toward them.. 

“I know that what i’m about to say isn’t an excuse for what i did but.. i’m gonna say it anyway because i owe it to you. when you first came into my life and we started seeing each other, i wasn’t really planning to fall for you, i’m not a one-girl type of guy, i don’t get feelings by choice. But that night i saw you in Jooheon’s studio.. i didn’t know what’s gotten into me, i couldn’t bear the thought of you with someone else, and i hated it.. i hated that i was changing.. i hated that you became my first thought in the morning.. I hated that while working and doing the only thing i love, i was thinking when can i run home to you. not being able to see and touch you while i was away drove me insane, it scared me. i’ve never felt this way before. i thought i was going crazy ” 

“Thats a lot of hate.” 

“It is! such a dark life i was living right?” giving me a little smile.. he’s trying not to cry.. i don’t think i’ve ever seen Changkyun cry... “I didn’t see the light that was in front of me like the idiot i am.... the fact that i was careless with your feelings and i could see how bad it hurt you, made me feel like shit. I hated that every moment i say or do something that hurts you, i think to myself that i didn’t deserve to be with you because you deserve someone better, can you believe it, me Changkyun, thinking there’s someone better than me!.. but that night when you told me.. how you felt i...  i panicked.. i knew i needed to let you go your own way, and i knew you wouldn’t let go just like that, you’d find a way to fix us, like you always do.. god i was so stupid.. the only thing i could think of to hurt you to the point where you wouldn't look back was Ji.....”

"Don’t say her name!” I didn’t realize i was tearing up until i felt a tear going down my cheek.. i wiped it off with my hand.. “You were never mine anyway. Not really"

He sighed "..I hate that it took me losing you to realize how madly in love i was with you.. When i saw you last night, laughing and smiling with your friends.. reminding me of what i lost.. we didn’t need words to speak, we just looked at each other and smiled.. it kills me now that i'm not the reason behind that smile anymore.” 

"..you had it all. you had it all and you dumbed it in the first trash like it was nothing"

"I know.. I fucked up y/n.."

"You could've had a chance you know.. in the two years you didn't reach out to beg for my forgiveness.. i was half out of my mind with love that i would've giving it to you." wiping more tears.

“I was a coward. And i’m sorry, for everything, for treating you like property when you deserve so much more. I’m sorry for lying about my feelings when i knew exactly how i felt about you. I’m sorry for... well, being a dick. If i didn’t fucked up that night...”

“Maybe everything would be different... but its not.” 

“...even if you never look my way again, i’ll never love anyone else the way i love you.”

I didn’t expect the thing that i was desperately wanting to hear would hurt this much.. it too late now.. everything is different now.. even me.. when i look back at what we were it pains me.. but what’s the point of looking back now. Two years ago i may have chosen him.. but i’m choosing myself this time. 

 “Well, I don’t love you anymore.. but thank you, for giving me that closure i was waiting for. Took long enough.” 

When we reached the door, before he left i asked what i was curious about ever since he told me..

“Wait.. the first night we met, at my birthday.. the blue peonies, you said it means something..” 

“It wasn’t our first time meeting each other you know..”

“What do you mean?” 

“I met you a while back before your birthday, we talked for a bit and i think i asked you if i can see you again, but you said “If you’re lucky” and left without looking back. So when i saw you at a party talking with Jooheony i thought that maybe i was really lucky.. what are the odds.. then i asked him to bring me with him to your birthday, but i was disappointed when you didn’t remember me. Blue peonies represent luck. I thought i was being smart.” He grinned at me. 

“But not smart enough.” I grinned back.

“You’re right, a smart man wouldn’t make my mistake. A smart man would’ve known better. Goodbye y/n, i really was lucky that i met you. and i wish you a very lucky and happy life. The happiest.”  

He smiled at me one last time before turning his back to me.. I can tell that he was holding his tears back, I watch him walk away, i know he’s crying now and i’m crying too..  and as i close the door, it hit me.. i’m not just closing the door of my apartment but also the door of the last chapter in our story.. i felt it all at once. Sadness and hurt but also thankful.. I can’t stop crying.. the scar on my heart never healed like i thought it did.. all these flowers that were dead inside of me started to revive again...

 Oh my god.. i still love him...

________________________

The End.

AN : I think i’m gonna end it here, i hope everyone enjoyed the ride. And i apologize for any mistakes or warnings i should've included. This was my first fanfic. I worked hard on it. Let me know all your thoughts, and see you on the next one.

Jaxness.

[maxattack-powell]

Top 5 male LI in Choices and why?? 😊

Yay! I get to gush about my boys 😁 thanks @carinacassiopeiae!

I think we all know what my first one is going to be 🤣 but I’ll put them all out there and play fair. Honestly, a lot of these are probably paired together for 1st, 2nd and 3rd place... no real 4th or 5th haha.

Top Five

1. Chris Powell

Why? TF was the first book I ever played in Choices and he was so sweet to MC when he first met (crashed into) her (“oh no, your outfit!” *runs to get napkins*)... I guess I fell for him haha. He wasn’t perfect at first, but he worked hard to right his wrongs and is very thoughtful/caring when it comes to his friends and family. He’s very understanding, tries ridiculously hard on things he attempts, and believes there is good in everyone. All of this reminds me of another great man, one Steve Rogers, aka Captain America. I love a loyal, honest Cap.

2. Ernest Sinclaire

Why? He’s basically Darcy lol. And I love me some Darcy. This poor guy has been burned, badly... though we don’t find out for quite some time. Which means his initial impression is rough, but when he starts to trust again and opens up, it’s breathtaking. I feel like he’s one of the best 180 character developments in Choices, because once you crack him open, he’s a completely different person. He’s so tender, so caring (the women/children!), so proud of MC and everything she does, so supportive, so devoted... *blissful sigh* He’s a sweet and proper Darcy man.

3. Adrian Raines

Why? Well, he’s an extremely complicated character. He was loving man and proud father, living a simple life and loving it... before he lost it all. Becoming a vampire changed that, but eventually he realized what he had become and hated it. So he worked hard to transform into a great man. He would sacrifice himself for the greater good if needed. He’s attentive, hyper aware, very smart and calculating, but most of all he wants to be good with a passion and that makes him honorable and trustworthy. I mean... Kamilah trusts him with her life - that says a lot.

4. Hayden Young/Damien Nazario

I know I typed two - but hear me out: I can’t choose between them, and here’s why...

Hayden - the way this man loves, and I mean MC, others and most importantly, life itself... is amazing. It’s indescribable. Sure, he’s not technically a biological man, but he has the heart and mind of one. A great one. Watching him experience life, more so after he gets woke, is a wonderful experience. It’s almost like seeing the world through the eyes of a child... so innocent, so pure. He understands just how fleeting life is, because he’s been fighting for his since he was first turned on. The pain in his eyes when he realizes he wasn’t a “real” man, but the way the fog vanishes from them once he learns to live and love again... it’s beautiful.

Damien - he’s just about Hayden’s polar opposite, but that’s only part of why I can’t choose between them. This man is real, like painfully real. He’s stubborn, he’s brutally honest, he’s blunt and to the point, but he also knows what’s right and he will die fighting for it. For them - because he knows how dark the world can be and he won’t let it get them if he can help it. But that’s what makes him so endearing, because he chooses to still let MC, Nadia and Hayden into his world despite all of that. Despite his frustrating past and failures. He knows what’s worth the risk, and he never gives up. Ever.

5. Liam Rys/Drake Walker

I know, another shared LI lol. I can’t choose because they are each ideal in different situations. Both are kinda perfect (to me) and here’s why...

Liam - he’s a prince for crying out loud. Disney has worked hard to make many little girls grow up wanting to be a princess. But besides all of that, the man is amazing. Being a political figure is difficult - but being a royal, yikes. Still, this man has such a level head, and talk about loyalty. He knew Leo wasn’t cut out for the job, but someone had to do it. He stepped up and sacrificed so his brother could be free, knowing what it would mean for his own life in return. Liam is loyal to a fault - to his country and it’s people, his family, his friends and of course (eventually) his love. Some of which never deserve it, but he gives it anyway. Look at how he cares for publicly sour people like Drake and Olivia - he can see the good in eveyone and he tries to be who others expect him to be while never losing who he really is inside. He’s fair, he’s just and he’s made of steel. He’s basically Superman.

Drake - in the beginning, this guy is salty, but he honestly has a few reasons to be. People can be rude, snobbish and down right shitty when they think someone isn’t worthy. But Liam could always see his true value, his true character just like Drake could see his. This man loves his best friend, and he knows the pressures Liam endures, so he sacrifices his own comforts, his own desires to stay close and be there for him. Whenever. Wherever. Dispite what others think of him. That is loyalty you can’t buy, and Liam knows it. Once you crack through Drake’s crusty shell, you are gifted with such a sweet and kind soul. He loves animals (horses yay!) and is ridiculously kind. He looks after MC even though he knows she’s supposed to be doing it for Liam - and even when he tells her he has feelings for her (or she tells him), he denies himself... because he loves Liam that much.

Honorable Mentions

Zig Ortega

I love this guy, and if it wasn’t for Chris, who kept me diamond broke and distracted with his blue eyes and cute smirk... Zig would have been a big contender. I feel like I still have so much to learn about him. I never gave him enough time because I was always guilty when I didn’t choose Chris lmao.

Ethan Ramsey

This man is an onion. Layers, upon layers, upon layers... I haven’t read through Open Heart many times, but I’m pretty sure I would fall for him pretty hard if so. He’s an interesting character, very intense while somehow incredibly soft. He just needs to be peeled...!

Logan NoName

One can assume he has no last name because he’s basically a runaway who got caught up in the auto theft world. It hasn’t been an easy life - he has scars, both physical and emotional, and they run deep. He’s good at this life, but it’s because he had to be. And he loves his crew, but that’s because it’s the only family hes truly ever known. He deserves so much more.

Flynn O’Malley

This guy is a pitbull. He fights for what’s right, and never lets go. He’s also very sweet, and insanely loyal. He’s also pretty sassy and I love his “John Bender” attitude haha. I’ve always been sad we only got to see him and the Veil of Secrets crew for one book...

Jax Matsuo

This guy is old school, in every way. If tradition had a picture next to it in the dictionary, you’d find one of Jax. He doesn’t forgive and forget easily, but I honestly don’t blame him. It’s hard to be cheerful when people are constantly trying to kill you off. Even so, he stands up for what’s right, he stands up for “the little guy” even if he doesn’t know them. He is justice.

[dazzlingfantasiesblogs]

Hurricane P11

Happy Lowman x Reader

Warning/Triggers: Abuse, hospital setting, death talk. Smut talk/hints. 18+ Only. If under kindly un-follow me.

Notes: *squeels*

Gifs and Pics are not mine, Credit goes to owners!

You where not responding to anything. Kozik walked over, seeing you motionless. “No….no… no…” He grabbed Happys shoulder and pushed his face into your neck. Chibs and Tig walked over, both aiming their guns at the joint where the ceiling was and your chains held. Each shot one and the chain fell, Tig catching it before it landed on everyone. “Lad.. let me check da lass..” Chibs gently rubbed Happy’s shoulder. Chibs pressed his pointer and middle finger to your pulse point on your neck. Happy looked at what he was doing, sure you were gone from this cruel world. How would he tell Kozy? How would he tell his Tacoma brothers? Happy started to feel darkness over take him. “Da lass is alive..”  

“Ha…” you coughed. Your throat was terribly dry. He looked at you smiling and shocked. His heart was filled with joy at your will to survive. You slowly opened your eyes to see the man you loved holding you. His eyes filled with tears, dried ones on his cheeks. He looked into y/c/e thinking it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. “Sis..” you moved your head slightly seeing Kozik who’s eyes where puffy and red from crying. “Brother…” he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Please.. don’t leave us!”

Jax ran into the room. Only thing he could see is your legs covers in cuts and bruises. “Y/N..” Happy turned around, you looked at Jax giving him a weak smile. “Oh my gosh..” Jax jogged over, looking at you. “We gut this motherfucker!” Jax yelled. “Jax.. do you have any water in your satchel on your bike.?” Kozik asked for you. He nodded. Happy following him, holding you tightly. “Kozik, hold her real quick..” you felt your body transfer to a familiar form. Your brothers. Happy took off his shirt, sliding his kutte back on. “Chibs, help me put this on her.” Chibs nodded gently grabbing one of your hands, sliding on one hole of the shirt. “Wait..” Juice ran up the stairs stopping at the sight of you. He took a deep breath knowing he needed to be strong for you, for his brothers. HE walked over holding a key. He gently held your arms as he undid the cuffs. As they fell to the ground with a thud you jumped slightly. “Shh.. its ok..” Chibs finished helping you in the shirt. Kozik gently placed you back in Happys arms. Usually he would carry you, but he knew with a broken rib he might not get far. Tig and Juice looped an arm around Kozik, helping him down the stairs, they followed you two. Making it outside you felt the cool air shivering a bit. “Here doll..” Jax ran over with a bottle of water opening it. Happy grabbed it, sitting down in the grass holding you as he tried to give you the water. The water spilled as you could barley drank it. Slightly coughing. Tears sprung to your eyes from the broken ribs. “Lad.. give it her from a kiss.” Happy looked at Chibs confused. Was this like some movie move? He drank the water and pressed his lips to your dry ones. He let the water drip into your mouth, drinking slowly. He kept repeating the process till it was done. “Thank….. you..” was all you could say before falling asleep in his arms.

Happy sat in he waiting room as the doctors examined you. It took three brothers to pull him away from ypu and to sit down. Kozik sat next to him after being seen. Two broken ribs and some bruises. “Y/N” Happy and Kozik stood, Jax and Chibs behind him. They walked to the beige and plain room sitting down. The doctor put a few images on a screen. “Four ribs are broken, the rest badly bruised. Her wrists are bandaged from the swelling and bleeding. One of the broke ribs punctured a lung. We went in and took care of it. She is going to need to rest and go to physical therapy. She is going to need a strong family to bring her back from this!” The doctor looked at Happy who had his head in his hands, crying continuously. The man who was looked at as a killer was brought to his knees by you. Each thing the doctor mentioned, he felt a stab twist in his heart harder. “Can we see her?” Kozik looked up to the doctor. “Yes, she is getting out of surgery, we are waiting for her to wake up. Only two in the room please.” Kozik nodded, rubbing his brothers back. The only two you needed was them.

“Stop getting in terrible situations!” Happy yelled as you washed out a glass pan. “Shut the fuck up!” you threw the sponge at him. The soap going all over his face. You started to laugh hard at the shock on his face. Laughing so strongly you snorted causing Happy to laugh hard. “Did you just fucking snort?” nodding no you let another snort go. “Fuck!” Happy walked over to you. Grabbing a handful of suds you threw it at them. “That’s it little girl!” ducking under him, he sprinted after you, tackling you to the bed. He held yoru soap covered hands above you. “Your crazy…” he whispered into your cleavage. “Your insane!” he laughed laying on top of you.

Happy walked into the room with Kozik. He looked at your cleaner body. The blood had been wiped from your face and arms. He grabbed the chair, laying his head on the bed. “Why do I feel like we have been here too much?” Kozik laughed a bit sitting on your other side. “We have.. for all three of us.” Happy nodded seeing you sleeping peacefully. Happy looked over your face, the swelling had went down considerably.

The next morning

Humming to the Angry Beavers theme song, you watched the show religiously with Happy on Saturdays when you where dating. To see it was still on in the mornings was a nice thing to wake up too. Happy felt a rumble under his arms and face as he slept. Groaning he lifted his head to see you laughing at something. “Y/N..!” Happy stood up looking your in the eyes. “Hey T.K.” Happy’s face fell slightly. You had not called him that since before you where dating years ago. Amnesia…? Was his first thought. “Babe.. why are you looking at me like that..? Do I look that bad.? Do you still want me?” Happy felt his stomach leap when you called him ‘babe’.  “No.. you just have not called me T.K in a long.. long time. Since before we where dating..” he pressed his lips to yours gently, his hands holding your jaw. You looked into his eyes, tears swelled in them. “I thought I lost you… for good…” He pressed another kiss to your lips. “Naw… just.. for a bit..” Happy looked at you slightly confused. “They didn’t.. tell you..” internally you kicked yourself over and over. He would freak out if he found you died on the table when they where doing surgery. “What do you mean?” He looked at you worried. “I ugh…. Died on the table.. they brought me back..” “WHAT!” the sheer thought made Happy sit down, taking deep breaths in and out. “They didn’t tell me!” you rolled your eyes slightly. “I wonder why..” He looked at you shocked. “He said it was because my body was exhausted.. I came back right away…” you coughed a bit, Happy sprung up, giving you water. You took a sip of it, some dripping down you lips. Happy quickly wiped it away. “SIS!” You looked to see Kozik run in. Hugging you tightly.  You smiled hugging him weakly. “I talked to the doctor. Said you can leave in a couple days. I gave them St. Thomas contact. You will have physical therapy three times a week.  You should not drive for a week.” “Who is going to drive the Jeep back?” “I will.” Happy smiled at you kissing your hand. “Hun.. your bike..” he sighed a bit. “Jax is renting a van.” You looked at Kozik and nodded smiling.

Two days later.

Helping you into the passengers side, you hugged Josh the VP. He handed you your laptop. Nodding to him you sighed a bit. Jax came and whispered in Happys ears. “We are taking Tommy back to charming.” He nodded to Jax getting in the drivers side. Kozy jumped up to the front, licking all over you face. “I am here baby boy..” “I told you I would get mom!” Happy rubbed the dogs head starting the Jeep.

Jax lead the Calvary back to charming, every so often you would stop and grab something to eat. You decided to stop at a diner in Utah. “Hap.. Can you help me up..” He stood up grabbing your hand, gently to be careful of your wrists. He slid his arm around your waist to secure you to him. You limped to the restroom, the whole club watching you from afar. “Geez..” Tig mumbled watching you. “Don’t.” Kozik looked him in the eyes. “Don’t show her you feel remorse. When we where in that room, she said she regretted nothing. Do not make her feel like shit.” Jax nodded to him, watching you and Happy walk back. Wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt you snuggled into Happys chest as he ate chicken fingers. “Baby.. eat..” he handed you a fry. Opening your mouth he set the fry in. you chewed it squinting in pain. “Doll whats wrong?” Jax looked over to you. “Nothing Prince.. jaw is sore..” “Hey waitress.. can I get a chocolate shake?” The waitress nodded nervously at the bikers. With in a few minutes she set it in front of Jaxs who slid it to you, pointing the straw at your lips. “Here..” nodding you took a sip. Your eyes opened wide at how good it tasted. “Good?” nodding you kept drinking it. The waitress came right back with the check. “No need to be scared of the sons.” You looked up to her. “They will watch your back no matter what.” You seen her shoulders visibly relax, smiling to you. Often she seen different SONS charters come in there.

It was a few hours to Charming. Happy seen you asleep. He noticed you shaking slightly, he turned on the heat. Seeing your frame damaged killed him side, he had never loved anyone or anything more than you. Happy grabbed his burner and texted his mom.

Happy: “Mom.. can I bring y/n over?”

Mom: “You got back with her?! She took you back?!”

Happy: “Thanks mom… but yes.”

Mom: “She is such an amazing girl. Yes. Is she ok?”

Happy: “I just rethought that.. do you think you can come stay with me for a week..? Long story short she is very hurt and I need someone I can trust with her.. Someone she won’t fight with and someone she feels comfortable with.”

Mom: “Sure baby.”

Happy smiled a bit knowing his mom loved you as much as he did. He pulled into his drive way, shutting off your Jeep. The guys parking on the street. “We will get your bike down..” Happy nodded opening the garage since it was raining. The guys pushing it into the garage. They watched as their brother carefully picked you up. Kozik opening the door for him. “Watch over her. I will be over tomorrow. Please call me if anything happens or she needs me..” Kozik nodded handing your phone to Happy. “It was on Tommy.” Nodding he slid it in his back pocket. “Mom is coming tomorrow to help with YN.” Kozik laughed nodding. “Good, that will help her.” Kozik still followed as Happy laid you in the bed. He took off your flats and pulled the fluffy red comforter around you. Kozik wanted to leave, but couldn’t bring him self to do it.

“Brother, come have a beer with me.” Kozik nodded following him to the dining room, grabbing a few beers for the two of them. Sitting on the chair, Happy opened them. “Did you know she died on the table during surgery.” Kozik choked on his beer looking at him. “WHAT?!” nodding Happy sighed. “I hurd doctors talking about bringing someone back to life.. it was her?” Kozik finished his beer. “Ugh..” “We need to get her away from this life..” “No one is getting me away from anything!” you walked in gazing at them. “Trying to get rid of me already.” Leaning against the wall, you originally came for water. “Babe..” He stood up walking towards you. “No.. Just.. Stop. One thing goes wrong and your wanting me to be fucking gone. It wasn’t even the club, the guy was a fucking criminal! It could have happened at any business.” “Sis, calm down.. We just almost lost it.. you..” Kozik looked at you, his eyes tired and written with sadness. “I realize that brother.. but I am here. Thanks to the club!” the only family you ever really felt was SOA. 

Walking to the kitchen your legs gave out. Kozik stood up running to your side. “Sis.. take it easy.” Happy on your other side, both of them putting an arm around your waist setting you on the couch. “We want you safe..” you looked at both of them pleading. “I realize that. It has always been us.” You grabbed each one of their hands. “I just.. stop making this worse than it already is.. please..” 

Both of them nodding. To break the tension Kozik threw one of the couch pillows at Happy. Happy grunted as you laughed carefully not to upset your ribs. An alarm dinged. “Pills.” Happy mumbled walking to your luggage. Shifting through it he pulled out you pills. Kozy hopping on the couch taking Happys spot. Leaning back you petted Kozy and leaned your head on Koziks shoulder. “I love you brother..” you mumbled almost falling asleep right away. “I love you too.” He reached over kissing your forehead. “Always be us..” He grabbed your hand, holding it tightly. He rubbed the top of your hand with his thumb. Happy walked back in with water and the pills. He seen in the four minutes he was gone, you had fallen asleep on Koziks shoulder, Kozys head on your lap. He smiled seeing you safe with your boys. “Babe..” He shook your knee. You sat up taking your pills. “Let me get you back in bed..” “No.. let me sleep out here.. please…” Happy knew this voice. You didn’t want to be alone.

You woke up crying hard. Happy was gone at work and you could not handle being alone after a terrible dream. Then it hit, the cramps almost dropping you. Every few months you would have terrible cramps. You laid in bed, yelping in pain. Tears springing to your eyes. Your phone went off. Barley stretching to grab it. “Hello..” you whimpered. “Baby what is wrong?!” you choked out a sob. You where embarrassed, not by the fact you where bleeding but the pain. “On.. my monthly… in pain..” “Be right there.” You hung up the phone, laying in the bed, grasping Happys pillow. About forty-five minutes later, Happy walked in to see you squeezing his pillow tightly. He took out your favorite pop that was ice cold and two Midol. “Baby here..” you seen Happy and the Midol. Taking it like it was candy, you chugged the pop. “Here. Got your favorite ice cream, Subway and Kozik told me you like Hot coacoa and mint tea. I also picked up some pizza, bath salts and tampons. “Baby..” you smiled as tears fell down your crimson cheeks. “ I am here baby, let me put the food away.” You nodded to him. Happy put the ice cream and frozen pizzas in the freezer. He normally would never do such a thing, but he was head over heels in love with you. You always loved the small things, you said and hearing you crying made his heart shrink. Kozik explained how bad the cramps could get. Using the description you told him. “What if someone grabbed your balls so hard it caused a stabbing pain.” Fortunately that was all Happy needed to hear before he left work. He took off his boots, walking into the room. He seen you eating your sandwich sitting against the head board. “Do you want me to run you a warm bath?” smiling you nodded to him. “Only if you stay with me..” “Any chance to see your beautiful body.” He smirked walking to the bathroom. He started the water in your clawfoot bath tub, pouring some of the salts in, watching the pink cherry blossom crystals disappear in the warm water. He grabbed your bath soap, pouring in a lot. “Baby.. done.” You walked in with a towel around you. He grabbed the towel and slowly helped you in. You moaned slightly at the relaxing feeling against your tense muscles. You laid your head on the inflatable baby blue pillow. Happy left and came back in with the laptop. He turned on Family Guy and sat on a comfortable rolling computer chair, putting his feet on the side of the tub. “ I love you Happy.” He smiled, leaning over kissing your head. “I love you too my thick hurricane.” Smiling at your nickname you relaxed. “Why do you call me.. thick hurricane?” Happy popped a piece of candy in his mouth. “Your thick.. and your crazy. My perfect.. perfect crazy.” “Do you dislike me being the way I am.. physically and  Mentally?” Happy quickly shook his head. “You are everything I would ever want. I am not just saying that because you are not feeling well. You and I.. have been through a lot already. I could not see anyone by my side but you.”

After eating the pizza, Happy stayed by your side for the next few days. Begging for him to be close. He gladly obliged

“Ok baby. Let me put the ottomans here so you and Kozik can rest. Nodding Happy grabbed the ottomans that extended the couch. Putting your legs up you patted your foot, Kozy moving to lay at your feet. Happy came back out of your shared bedroom with your blanket and pillows. “Kozik and I will be right here hunny, lay down.” Kozik nodded to you as you laid down, Kozy then following your feet again, annoyed you kept disturbing his sleep. Resting your head on the pillow you quickly fell asleep. Happy and Kozik keeping a close eye on you. Hearing a knock at the door. Kozik got up, seeing Jax and the club was still outside in the garage waiting patiently talking. “Sorry! Forgot you guys. I am going to stay with these two for a bit. Keep Tommy chained.” Jax nodded. “Happy, lets deal with him in the AM.” “Alright Pres.”

The next morning you woke up to a kiss on the head from Happy. “Hey baby.. look who is here..” you opened your eyes fully to see Happys mom sitting next to you with a smile. “Mom!” you went to get up and winced at your broken ribs. “No Mija.. calm down. We will need to rewrap those.” “I got to go deal with somethings. My Mom is going to help you today.” Even if she was Happys mom he was glad to share with you. “I do not want to bother you..” “Nonsense.. I am glad your back in this ones life. He is.. well was, always bitching about you being gone.. idiot..” Happy turned around “Yall can talk shit while I am gone.” “PLAN ON IT!” you both yelled at the same time laughing.

“This is my mom..” Happy introduced you to his mother. You held out your hand nervous. Never in your life had you been this scared. The Tacoma Killers mother. Fuck you.. “Hello I am..” “Y/N” she said with a smile. “Happy never shuts up about you.. finally someone he has settled down with. Maybe one day I will get some grandkids!” you laughed a bit nodding. “Come darling, sit down. Lets have some coffee. Happy go start a pot.” Happy squinted his eyes a bit at you two. “Wha..” “What did your mother just say?!” Happy turned around like a toddler who just got scolded and was being sent to timeout. “See..” she winked to you. Chuckling at how he acted. “Keep them always on a leesh!” She smirked laughing at her sons mumbling as he made coffee. Happy looked back at you two. His mother in her summer dresses and you in a shirt and ripped jeans. Both so different but so the same when it came to attitude.. “Geez.. you really do fall for someone like your mom..” He shook his head pouring three cups.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 15th July 2018

God, this first bit is going to be heavily ironic now, isn’t it?

Top 10

If you’ve been following the World Cup, you’d know that Britain got into the semi-finals before being beaten by Croatia and then Belgium, leaving us in fourth place, which isn’t too bad, but it is kind of sad when you realise that the day after we got beaten by Croatia, the unofficial World Cup anthem “Three Lions” by David Baddiel, Frank Skinner and the Lightning Seeds leaped up 23 spaces to number-one, at its 27th week in the chart, and not the first spent at #1, as it has had four different runs at the top of the UK Singles Chart since it was released 22 years ago – “Nice for What” by Drake is the first to break that record in the US, only a few months after its release. Talking about Drake...

That’s a segue I hope to never use again because I don’t want to talk about Drake ever again, to be honest with you. He’s so bad in such a boring way. That has absolutely no relevance to our number-two spot, “Shotgun” by George Ezra, pushed back to the runner-up spot because of “Three Lions”, but I wanted to mention that, especially since I have to talk about him today. More on that later.

“Solo” by Clean Bandit featuring Demi Lovato isn’t moving at number-three.

Oh, Drake. We meet again sooner than I thought. “In My Feelings”, thanks to a dancing challenge meme and Drake’s album (in which this song is probably one of the worst from), has debuted at number-four. Delightful.

Oh, hey, more Drake! Fantastic! “Don’t Matter to Me” featuring Michael Jackson is STILL in the top five, specifically at number-five after being pushed back three spaces by his own song.

Also thanks to an album, Years & Years’ “If You’re Over Me” is up three spots to number-six, barely missing out on the top five – thanks to Drake. Am I coming off as some anti-Drake protester? If so, I’m sorry, I like Drake for the most part, but his chart prowess kind of baffles me.

Hell, just to prove I’m not too bothered by Drake generally, I get to thank Drake and Years & Years for not letting this next piece of trash get to the top five, or any higher, really. At number-seven, after a four-space boost up to the top ten, we have “Rise” by Jonas Blue featuring Jacksfilms and Jack Black.

“Girls Like You” by Maroon 5 featuring Cardi B continues to go up and up the charts, bouncing up two spots to number-eight this week.

Funnily enough, Cardi outdid herself this week, as she pushes down her own song “I Like It” featuring Bad Bunny and J Balvin a spot to number-nine.

Finally, down four spots from last week, we have “2002” by Anne-Marie at number-ten, where, frankly, it deserves to be more than in the top five – this is inoffensive enough to be a hit but I do not see the appeal in such a smash hit.

Climbers

This week on the US Hot 100, “Jackie Chan” by Tiesto and Dzeko featuring Preme and Post Malone just debuted at #88 – why did it take so long for this to cross over to the states? In fact, it went up five spaces to #12 this week on the UK Singles Chart, and it’s doing well globally. I know the US is really late to EDM, but, come on, it has Post Malone! Why are you guys so slow to this?

Some debuts from the week before last week are recovering from Drake – “Only You” by Cheat Codes and Little Mix is up 12 spots to #28, while “Ring Ring” by Jax Jones featuring Mabel and Rich the Kid is up seven spots to #29. Otherwise, there’s nothing really of note here to discuss.

Fallers

Former chart-topper “I’ll be There” by Jess Glynne is at freefall at this point, as it’s down six spots to #13. Drake’s “Nonstop” will obviously take a hit, going down 11 spaces to #15. The late XXXTENTACION also suffered, with “SAD!” down four spots to #18 and “Moonlight” down six positions to #37. Liam Payne and J Balvin’s “Familiar” took an unexpected but definitely deserved ten-space shove down to #30. “no tears left to cry” by Ariana Grande and “Paradise” by George Ezra are both down six to #35 and #34 respectively, seemingly ending their runs – that is, of course, until Sweetener releases soon.

Dropouts

Okay, so the biggest drop ever out of the charts is from #2, and I think “Last Christmas” by Wham! holds it. Of course, “Three Lions”, our current #1 will probably break that record, but a drop out from #5 is still impressive, and Drake’s “Emotionless” featuring a sample from Mariah Carey has done just that. Of course, the one I like the most has the least longevity.

We have quite a few other dropouts too: “This is Me” by Keala Settle and The Greatest Showman Ensemble, finally out from #39, “Flames” by David Guetta and Sia out from #34, “changes” by XXXTENTACION out from #37 and “Girls” by Rita Ora, Charli XCX, Bebe Rexha and Cardi B out from #38.

Returning Entries

Former #1 “These Days” by Rudimental featuring Macklemore, Dan Caplen and Jess Glynne is back to #40 for some reason, but that surely doesn’t matter when we have a much more important return.

So, recently, the current President of the United States – you all know him – Donald Trump, visited the United Kingdom to talk to our current Prime Minister, Theresa May. I don’t really like to get political on this show, but let me just say I’m incredibly happy that people started a campaign to get this to return to the charts this week.

#25 – “American Idiot” – Green Day

So, let me clear up a few things first – this song isn’t about Trump, at all. In fact, it’s pretty much about a President in title only. It’s actually about the American media circa 2004, when George W. Bush was re-elected. Billie Joe Armstrong just bluntly makes fun of rednecks and propaganda in his signature insane, loud and sometimes unintelligible delivery over a now classic guitar riff with a subtle megaphone filtering effect similar to Damon Albarn on “Feel Good, Inc.” at about the same time. The verses are meaningful and packed with political punch while still being catchy enough to sing along, which Armstrong even demands the audience to do in the second verse. The cuts in the instrumental during the verses and after the chorus are pretty intense, mostly due to Tré Cool’s fantastic drumming, which is simplistic but incredibly effective and powerful. Mike Dirnt’s short guitar solo is pretty amazing, too, and all the members come together to make a modern punk-rock anthem that will be remembered for decades to come. These guys were in their 30’s when they made this too, this isn’t from an exciting youthful band, they’d been around for years when the great album this track is from (also titled American Idiot) took the world by storm in 2004.

For curiosity’s sake, I checked when this charted, and it peaked at #3 in the UK 14 years ago, and becoming Green Day’s first ever Hot 100 entry at #61. It also debuted at #1 in Canada! It is funny how a song about criticising America took advantage of the controversy to much lesser effects in the idiot nation itself, huh.

NEW ARRIVALS

Now for the much less exciting songs, I suppose.

#39 – “Panic Room” (CamelPhat remix) – Au/Ra

So, CamelPhat are the guys from last year’s “Cola” which charted at #18 over in the UK, and would have made my best list if they had crossed over to the States. I like these dudes’ other work too, so I was pretty excited when I saw them chart in the top 40 again. Au/Ra, however I have no idea about. From what I can gather on her Spotify bio, she’s an indie pop artist who had her song “Panic Room” remixed (twice, may I add) by CamelPhat, leading her to have her first top 40 hit. There are also four other remixes, as well as an acoustic version, so, yes, there are eight versions of this ONE song. I’ve listened to all of them – excluding CamelPhat’s second remix since it’s just a club mix, so I’ll just say what I think of each one in a sentence or two.

The original by Au/Ra is boring as sin during the verses, although I kinda dig the pitched-down vocals, and it gets much more exciting in the drop with the buzzing synths. It’s also when I listened to this version that I realised this is from an advertisement, which explains why she’s in the top 40 without a Wikipedia page. This version is alright, though, but I understand why it needs a remix.

The acoustic version is a slow painful death. This is also barely acoustic, there’s a pretty blatant digitally-added filter on Au/Ra’s voice at several points.

The Jonas Rathsman remix is seven glorious minutes of 1980’s dance music. I’m not even kidding, this is wonderful. I love the random sounds they add throughout too, they all add up to a pretty cool listen. Au/Ra doesn’t come in until about five minutes, though, and even then, her vocals are chopped-up a bit to fit the instrumental.

The KDA “Stop Saying You Were at Trade When You Weren’t” remix is pretty fun too with some pretty unique percussion, and much shorter than Rathsman’s, but Au/Ra’s vocals are mixed horribly and it never really has a good climax or drop, it’s just a bit of a slog. I like it, but it definitely needs some work.

The Denis First and Reznikov remix is some of the blandest house music I’ve heard. It’s also much shorter and the vocals are mixed pretty badly, once again.

The Sway Gray remix is much better in its vocal mixing, but it feels way too safe – even if the drop is one of the best things I’ve heard in mainstream dance this year, it just doesn’t keep up his momentum throughout. It’s worth listening to for that drop, though.

Now the CamelPhat remix is the one used in the advert, and yeah, these guys have struck the barrel again. Like “Cola”, it’s intense but also damn fun, with a pumping beat, pretty nice synths and pretty interesting echo effects put onto Au/Ra’s voice, including in the anti-drop, where it continues to build up when you think it climaxes – something KDA didn’t really grasp – in fact, during the actual drop, which has a similar buzzing synth to Rathsman’s mix, it’s still building up. The whole thing feels like a hike on top of a mountain, and the vocal manipulation in the drop and crazy synth work during the second build-up are the obstacles that come your way, until you get to what is nearly the tip, relax for a second when Au/Ra’s vocals come back in and the white noise starts to somehow harmonise with time-stretched beeping noises and a nice deep wobble, for the final drop where you take the last steps but it never feels satisfactory. You never get to the top, you just stay right next to it for a while and you’re fine with that because you’ve gotten so far. Like “Cola”, the ending of the song is very abrupt and anti-climactic.

The CamelPhat remix of this song is easily the best one, because it feels like an exciting journey portrayed via house music. I love this. Listen to this, like, right now. CamelPhat are Goddamn geniuses, I tell you.

#38 – “Fine Girl” (remix) – ZieZie

Oh, delightful. ANOTHER remix. ZieZie is another musician without a Wikipedia page who hasn’t had a top 40 hit until today thanks to a remix, but I’m not exactly sure which one out of the four that exist, especially since BBC has made the artwork the original single’s cover. So, naturally, I’ve listened to them all, and I’m counting the original version as the hit single.

So, before we talk about the songs, let’s just make it clear that ZieZie is an incredibly incompetent British rapper – so incompetent in fact that his single “Low Life” has been listed as “ZieZie- Low Life” on Spotify – and that’s just the title. It is listed, on Spotify, no joke as “ZieZie- Low Life by ZieZie”. Now that’s stupid! If you want proof, here you go: https://open.spotify.com/album/5mZIWWiqFQBEGlcdXfojVf?si=uLweMtHjQs6yQHA0Vg0T0Q.

Okay, so the T. Matthias remix isn’t too bad, it has a nice piano melody and it’s a pretty generic but decently-produced house track, with a deep, overbearing drop. The profanity is censored, as normal with EDM songs recently (think “Solo” and “FRIENDS”). Nothing more than what it is and nothing less.

The James Hype remix is more Caribbean-influenced with steel pans, but otherwise is basically the exact same as the Matthias remix for the first few seconds, until the pretty stiff synth melody and bassline kicks in, with some nice vocal chopping, even if it kind of sounds like it sampled Super Mario 64.

There’s another remix without a producer name that just adds a couple pretty decent rappers to the original track. It’s okay.

The ADP remix is also like that, except the guest rappers have much worse flows for the most part.

Now, the actual track – I do like the production here, with the cowbell(?) and typical dancehall production, except being oddly minimalistic with the clicks and pretty cool synth sample, hell, I even like ZieZie here, as he sings the catchy autotuned hook with a decent melody and fun ad-libs, as well as some pretty funny lyrics throughout. He references Chief Keef in the hook, even replicating his signature “bang bang” ad-lib, the fact that he’s proud in ignoring the woman’s body entirely for the fact that she has a nice butt, and how he just kind of uses a lot of nonsense words as metaphors (or just bluntly stating fact) in some lines, like “booty jiggle-jiggle like Jello” and “she wanna tick-tock if you got time” (which, also, despite the fact that it oddly references someone else having time free, unlike the other lines which refer to him having fun with this girl, actually makes sense, because throughout the hook, he’s recommending the girl to someone else). He also HEAVILY channels Fetty Wap, so it’s pretty fitting that in the bridge, he mentions his name and sings Fetty’s  signature “yeah, baby” croon that he uses in songs like “679” and “$ave Dat Money”. Yes, he doesn’t only interpolate songs; he basically interpolates two artists’ whole discography, more than once, in the same song. The references to other trap artists and some filler lines are pretty lazy but I do like how he integrates not only Patois but French in an otherwise English song, while referencing African-American artists and the Congo, as well as making fun of British YouTube prankster Jack Jones crying after being hit by a slice of pizza... yeah, I don’t get it either. If anything, this is actually pretty culturally diverse, and catchy, so I don’t mind this and it’s probably the best dancehall song we’ve covered on this show.

#4 – “In My Feelings” – Drake featuring City Girls

Remember last week when I said I thought I’d be done with Drake? Well, lucky me.

Now, this song is hilariously awful. It’s not lazy like “Nonstop” or so-bad-it’s-good like “Ratchet Happy Birthday”, it’s just bloody pathetic and that kind of makes it enjoyable, if you’re into hearing Drake on the edge of insanity over a bunch of chopped samples and pretty bland R&B-trap production. The intro is kind of funny, too, as is the hook which is just him desperately moaning to other women, asking them if they love him and if they’re riding. There’s a few hand-claps in the singular verse too, that try to add any intensity to this, which kind of make it even worse because it proves that effort was put in, when it really doesn’t sound like it. City Girls have a short bridge before the absolutely-hellish breakdown, where Drake’s vocals are all over the place with samples from Magnolia Shawty being repeated and chopped to the point of sounding like a damn parrot, before it abruptly stops and we get treated to Lil Wayne joining the party with a lazy sample from “Lollipop”. The way Drake delivers everything is really funny in this song, especially how he says “TrapMoneyBenny”. It’s kind of like “Fake Love” in a way, everything is just so unintentionally joyful despite how horrible it is. There’s some extra percussion and a sample from an episode of Atlanta too? God, this is a mess.

Conclusion

What do you think? Seriously, you think I’m gonna give Best of the Week to that ZieZie guy? Hell, no, you can figure out who gets what pretty damn easily. See ya next week!

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