#i need to just go for it....but its a lot of mental power to do more than wake up in the morning
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joshuamj · 5 days ago
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yall im almost filled my sketchbook, and this is gonna be the first time in a literal decade that ive done that my god.
Might post some pages from it once its done.. I feel like this is the first time ive really done a sketchbook "right." Before i always felt pressured to just fill it with finished pieces, but thats;; not really what a sketchbook is for. Its for practicing! Trying out things! Etc.! So with this sketchbook i gave myself a really hard challenge: draw almost entirely in pen. I always hate drawing with pens cuz, yknow. cant erase if you make mistakes. So whenever im inking something im a nervous wreck the entire time. but now i was gonna do *everything* in pen. All my mistakes with be left there, all guiding lines and such will show. And this was very hard to do at first, but now its really natural! I actually like doing it this way now, which is kinda crazy to say. And i've filled it with a variety of things! There's me practicing things, just drawing random characters, lots of pages of me playing around with character designs, many pages of animatic plans, and some that were literally just me smearing paint on the page to test the colors or how it behaved. I even have a few sticky notes in it, and ive taped a couple of things in! A while back i was trying out acrylics for the first time, so i ripped out a few pages to experiment with trying to fill the whole page with paint and see how the paper would fare. And they look atrocious, cuz i really didn't know how those paints worked, but hey! It was me trying things out! So despite me being slightly tempted to just throw them out, i actually taped them back in. And another time I didn't have my sketchbook with me when I was hit with inspiration for a character design, so i drew it on index cards and taped em in so all my design notes would be in one place. But more than one index card didn't really fit on the page, so i had to cut the others into weird pieces so they could fit. And these sorts of pages are my favorites! Its satisfying to flip thru my sketchbook and come across very different or "out of place" pages. Im hoping to do more stuff like that with the next one!
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wutheringmights · 9 months ago
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#my digestive issues are literally under the most control they have ever been in my life and they are still ruining my life#woke up fine today. went to a coffee shop. had to leave after an hour#i had so many plans for today and now i'm stuck at home because i can't be too far away from a bathroom#i didn't eat anything that would trigger this. my gut just hates me i guess#earlier this month i have a risk food but i thought i took enough precautions to be safe and it fucked me up for like#2 weeks straight#i wonder what its like for people to not have to wonder about bathroom access every time they leave the house#i wonder what its like to eat normal foods without calculating how sick its going to make you#i wonder what its like to not have entire plans tossed out the window for reasons beyond your control#fucking sucks man#i hate ibs#in exchange for my terrible gut i do have a fantastic immune system somehow but weirdly that means i never take time off work?#ok so i am so good at just managing my issues that i just power through whenever im sick.#it's not like i can afford to take time off whenever i feel sick anyway and besides once you have to take multiple AP tests in high school#while in the middle of an episode you grow a lot of tolerance for being functional while sick#but then. i just i could have excuses to take days off because i have a cold or something. get a rest every now and then#but what illnesses i get beyond digestion issues are so slight that i can just. power through. i am never ill enough to take time off#and i get so worried that one day I will need that PTO that I can't convince myself to use it for like mental health days and ugh#this is more of a personal problem than anything but still. i wish i got sick like a normal person
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batemanofficial · 1 year ago
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i need weed. i need a medical card so bad or im gonna go out of my fuckign GOURD
#speak friend and enter#let me preface this by saying that im doing everything in my power to not let mental illness wipe its greasy hands on me#however. im insane in the membrane and i can feel myself slipping back into lunatic mode#i have to go for an mri next week and i genuinely don't know if i can do it. i am so fucking terrified you have no idea#i'll spare y'all the grisly details but i was chronically ill as a kid (and not just like sick a lot it was touch and go there for a bit)#and as a result of certain procedures i had to undergo to abate the aforementioned chronic illness#i developed ptsd that manifests as an irrational but obscenely debilitating fear of hospitals#like i can't go in a hospital without having a psychotic episode. like clinically i just can't do it#but as part of my yearly post-whatever care i have to get imaging done and this year that entails an mri and. im just scared#i spent a significant portion of my time immediately post ptsd symptom presentation believing that my doctors were trying to kill me#like for sport. like i thought there was some larger deep state esque plan in place to enact further medical barbarism upon me for giggles#and obviously you and i both know that's a delusion with no basis in reality but that doesn't mean i can stop myself from believing it.#it's like a word-of-god thing. i know logically that it's not true but there's a voice in my head screaming 'they want to flay you alive'#and i am currently between therapists and also unmedicated bc my last therapist was too focused on inner child work#to give me the prozac and weed card i really need#like that's great that you think healing my inner child will solve this but my inner child is covered in her own viscera. can we pivot mayb#but anyway for the moment im just wallowing in my own fear and im doubly scared bc im finding myself falling into rabbit holes again#like empirically the worst thing that's gonna happen as a result of this mri is that they're gonna say i have to have another surgery#and the technology has advanced to a point where its way less invasive than what ive had previously#but the constant dull roar of my thoughts about the whole deal is just. increasingly delusional nonsense#and not to be overly morbid or anything but i decided a long time ago that if i ever had to be admitted to the hospital again i would rathe#well you know. and i don't wanna die. honestly i don't. but the idea of wading through that particular brand of hell again is torture#and im not gonna kill myself. im not. ive been working on that impulse for a long time and i don't want to undo all of that work#but im scared and i dont wanna spend the rest of my life in n out of the hospital or as a substance-abusing recluse. is that so much to ask#i want to fix this. i do. i don't wanna live in a hole anymore as fantastic mr fox would say. but the horrors persist#and i often find myself increasingly unable to cope. hence why i need the weed#anyway i'll be fine. eventually. i hope. but in the meantime i do want to say i appreciate you all. i mean it#i tend to regard myself (fairly or otherwise) as difficult to get along with in real life so despite the fact that i don't talk w y'all muc#i do appreciate y'all being there and making me feel like more of a person than i feel like i am lately <3
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phagodyke · 6 months ago
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SUDDENLY STARTED RAINING SO HARD WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK
#i was like huh whats that noise. bc i can normally NEVER hear anything over my headphones but it was the rain fucking shattering it down#my bed is WET the window was only open a few inches 😭#anyway had no signal at work again today smfh. but at least they let me on the bus free on the way there this morning#still a bit wobbly im in the baby deer phase of post major depressive episode#roommate asked how i was doing when she got home and i very very nearly started crying but i didnt i was so brave#my insane insecurity and anger swings post rsd episode have mostly faded too thank fuck. only took 4 days which is pretty good for me#but im still so so tired it takes everything out of me...#when im recovered + can talk abt it without making myself upset again im promising myself i will talk to her abt the rsd if nothing else#but i really really dont want to make her feel bad abt it at all its genuinely not anyones fault. but its important to me that i say smth#just so we can avoid it happening again where possible bc it does really suck so bad. for everyone im sure but mostly me here#and i would like to be able to care abt ppl and have close friends without risking my entire mental (+ physical..) wellbeing 😭#i think if im still struggling w mood once my meds stabilise i might ask if there are options to help w that too#like i think ive gone as far as i can w therapeutic techniques rn. its just too overwhelmingly intense and reflexive for me to apply that#and i dont feel like i live my life around it or in fear of it anymore like generally i have been a lot better#but when im vulnerable and it DOES strike i have no defense against it whatsoever and it can tank everything for weeks#its just high stakes. and it'll help to make sure ppl know abt it and might be able to support etc but it would be nice to never worry abt#so worth trying meds for it maybe. i just dont rly wanna have the conversations w medical ppl in order to get it in the first place#like i wouldnt feel safe telling a doctor abt it bc the idea of someone with that authority having power over me is terrifying#ah well this isnt a problem for right now. plus stimulants might help me w it anyway once im finished titrating so we'll see#got so distracted typing this i forgot what i was gonna do.... i need to check my planner#and then ill probably read and go to sleep early i think zzzzz#ahhh.. and the birds are singing outside now the rain has stopped :-)#.diaries
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"But don't let its beauty fool you. This plant can be processed into a powerful neurotoxin which can cause near permanent madness unless treated!"
Professor Calculus, upon developing a state-of-the-art automated hydroponics and pesticides delivery system, has been invited to judge a prestigious international flower show at the largest botanical garden in Belgium.
Botany experts and amateurs from around the world attend - Professor Zalamea is there to showcase his bizarre genetically modified bioluminescent blue oranges, Nash is displaying some of his explorations into living sculpture, and Castafiore is geared up to perform in the evening. Most controversially of all, Professor Fang Hsi Ying, a world leading expert on mental health, is showcasing his research on the Rajaijah plant, a plant historically used to produce madness poison.
It's this exhibit that causes a stir at the event. Security is on high alert. After the poison was used a few years ago in several high profile drug smuggling cases that were embroiled in politics, the plant is anticipated to be a subject of fear and Orientalism. Protestors calling for its destruction flock the event, and there are rumours of a plot to steal the rare plant. The organisers hope that the controversy will generate ticket sales and revenue.
Tintin and Chang are there to report on the goings on, having just confessed their feelings for each other. They're not sure what they are just yet - but even without a madness poison, Tintin's head is in a spin!
I had the idea to bring back Rajaijah juice for some time and was intially going to set it at a garden party, but I received this message from anon some time ago:
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And I just loved the Drama of a botanical garden a whole lot more!
Because of the time it takes for me to make stuff and the planning that goes into my posts I do take a very long time to respond to messages, and sometimes multiple people send similar messages anticipating stuff I already have planned, so if I come across as standoffish I apologise, I just have a lot on my plate (by my own design tbh)!
I love every message I receive, I started this blog intending to respond to every message but that's becoming unrealistic ;_; I keep your messages to read back whenever I need motivation, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you if you've sent me an ask!
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aquaticmercy · 2 months ago
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Beautiful Mess
Summary : Bucky tries to cook you a food you’ve been craving. It goes wrong, but it also goes right.
Pairing : Bucky Barnes x Reader (she/her) 
Warnings : food, mild cursing? and lots and lots of fluff! 
Requested by : anon 
Word count : 1.5k
Note : It’s my first fic in 4 years and boy I forgot how good it felt writing for fun. Thank you to the anon who requested this! (I said it would be >1k word blurb but I got over the limit and I hope you don’t mind!) Enjoy!
Requests are open!
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“Shut up,” Bucky grumbled, aggressively poking at the smoke alarm with the end of his rifle case. He stretched on his toes, metal arm whirring as he tried to reach the obnoxiously tall ceiling. 
‘Oh this is wonderful,’ you had been giddy with joy when the two of you viewed this apartment, ‘I love the high ceilings, don't you, Buck?’
He had chuckled and agreed that day. For all he cared, the ceiling could be as high as the atmosphere allowed if it meant it made you happy. But now he was thinking maybe your next place should have, at the very least, a reachable ceiling on his tip toes. 
The shrill beeping had been going on for what felt like an eternity. Bucky Barnes has never been known for his patience, and now it was wearing dangerously thin.
Clearly, he hadn't thought any of his actions through. The rifle case was too flimsy, and it bent under the pressure of each jab. If the alarm didn’t stop soon, it wouldn’t just be his sanity at stake— the neighbours would probably come knocking on the door asking if they needed to evacuate.
"Great idea, Barnes. Brilliant," he muttered to himself, throwing a desperate scan around the room. His eyes landed on the bo staff you kept in the corner— a weapon from your training collection. 
“Perfect,” he said to himself, practically lunging for it. Surely, you wouldn’t mind him using it just this once. It was just a stick, right?
Grabbing the staff, he reached up again, tapping the alarm with its tip. His strength— which usually worked in his favour— became his single greatest enemy. With a loud snap, the white disk detached completely, wires dangling from the ceiling as the alarm finally went silent. A part of him took in the quiet bliss for a moment before realising the repercussions. He��d have to contact the building super, then pay the fees, and since he’s off for a mission in a couple of days, he had unintentionally given you a bit more life admin work around the house.
He cursed under his breath, staring at the detached alarm hanging limply in his hand.
He tossed it into the kitchen trash bin, as if hiding it there might make the problem disappear.  For a moment Bucky just stood there, staring at the mess around him, trying to make sense of how things had spiraled out of control.
He ran a hand through his brown thick locks, ones you had asked him to grow out again. He sighed. How did it go so wrong?
All he wanted was to do something nice for you. Just one thing. You’d been so good to him— so patient, especially after he'd returned from weeks of missions worn down and, admittedly, a bit grumpy. You greeted him with nothing but warmth, even though you were probably as tired as he was.
And then there was the food. Bucky still wasn’t sure why he'd been craving bland, 1940s-era meals, the kind no modern person could possibly enjoy, but you indulged him anyway. When he’d mentioned how much he missed a particular meatloaf recipe, you made it for him. He could tell from the look on your face that you were struggling not to spit every bite out, but you powered through for his sake. And when he’d told you about his mom’s molasses cookies, you had taken the time to bake a jar that tasted just like the ones from his childhood.
It was perfect. You were perfect.
So why couldn’t he get this right?
You'd been talking about focaccia earlier this week, your eyes lit up in childlike wonder as you told him about how you used to experiment with different toppings. He’d taken a mental note of that moment, thinking he could surprise you by making some himself.
He glanced around the kitchen. Flour dusted on nearly every surface, olive oil splattered on the counter, and a sad, burnt dough resting on the baking tray. 
Bucky sighed, leaning back against the counter, staring at the mess with a mixture of frustration and helplessness.
You’d probably laugh at this, he thought as a self-deprecating smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. He could already hear your teasing voice, reminding him that not everything had to be perfect.
But still, he wanted to get it right. 
He glanced at the clock. You’d be home soon. He had maybe thirty minutes to try and salvage this— or at least clean up the evidence before you walked through the door. 
Priorities, he thought.
He cracked his knuckles, pouring the excess dough to a new baking tray. He thanked whatever gods still existed that he had accidentally made way too much dough. Not even waiting for it to rise, he shoved it in the oven and reshaped it into something that didn’t look like a science experiment gone wrong.
“Okay,” he pressed a palm to his forehead as if that would magically clear his mind. “Focus.”
He realised the oven was too hot, and that was probably why it burnt. 
Very smart, Barnes, he thought to himself, about time you used basic logic.
As he fumbled with the oven dials, he heard the familiar sound of your keys jingling at the front door. His heart sank. Shit. She’s home early.
Frantically, Bucky darted toward the flour-covered countertops, grabbing a towel to wipe down the mess. But there was no saving kitchen wreck—not in under thirty seconds, anyway. 
You stepped through the door, humming softly to yourself as you dropped your heavy bag with a thud. You stretched your shoulders, straining a little from the weight. Tossing the keys to the side, you noticed how uncharacteristically quiet it is in your home.
As you moved deeper into the apartment, you saw why.
It was your boyfriend, standing awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen, holding a flour and oil-coated dish towel like a deer caught in headlights.
The corners of your mouth lifted. “What on earth?”
“I can explain,” a red plum blush coloured his cheeks, raising his hands in defense. You raised an eyebrow, stepping closer to the crime scene.
“Wait…” your eyes widened, “are you trying to make focaccia?” 
“Yeah,” he admitted sheepishly. “I thought I could surprise you with it, since you’d been talking about how much you love it. But, uh…” He motioned to the oven. “It’s not exactly turning out the way I planned.”
You let out a soft laugh, one that melted Bucky's heart, that made his chest thrum with joy. You took the towel from his hand, squirming then dropping it when you touched the part of the fabric that was very sticky with congealed liquid, clearly a mix of olive oil and flour. “I can see that,” you teased, quickly wiping your hand as you bent down to be eye-level with the dough. “What is this? An attempt at modern art?”
Bucky groaned, covering his face with his hands. You looked around the room, seeing your bo staff on the floor, and his (hopefully unloaded) rifle by the dishwasher. “Did you shoot it?” you joked.
“No.”
“Did you hit it with my stick?”
“It’s a disaster,” he complained, exasperated.
You took a deep breath and then giggled, your shoulders shaking as you leaned against his shoulder for support.
“I tried, okay?” he grumbled, part mortified, part relieved, and fully, thoroughly, embarrassed. Still, he could feel his heart flutter as he watched you laugh.
You cupped his cheeks affectionately. “I can’t believe you went through all this trouble just to make me bread.”
He shrugged, his expression softening as he looked down at you. “I just wanted to do something nice for you. You’ve been so good to me. I thought I could, I don’t know… return the favor.”
Your heart melted at his words. You didn't care about the focaccia, or the mess in the kitchen. It was about the fact that Bucky had gone out of his way to try and do something sweet for you— even if it clearly went south.
“Bucky,” you said softly, standing on your toes to press a chaste kiss to his lips. “I love that you tried.”
He sighed in relief, wrapping his strong arms around you, pulling you into his warm chest. “I just didn’t want to screw it up.”
“You didn’t,” you reassured, resting your head against his shoulder. “I didn’t even know you knew what focaccia was,” you teased.
He chuckled, burying his face in your hair. “I’m still not sure I do.”
You pulled back slightly, looking up at him “Tell you what, I’ll make you an offer. I’ll show you how to make focaccia, and we’ll order takeout in the meantime.”
Bucky’s smile widened, as he peppered kisses on your face, overwhelming you with as much love as he could possibly give, “That sounds perfect.”
You threw him a clean kitchen towel once you were able to escape his affectionate attack, not that you wanted to. “Now help me clean up, Buck.”
He grabbed the towel and started in the corner as you started chucking empty olive oil bottles into the trash bin.
Wait, trash bin-
“What the hell is the fire alarm doing in the trash, Barnes?” 
Bucky froze, turning to you with wide eyes. “I can explain.”
You tried to suppress a laughter, piecing together the clues, “Did you break it?”
He raised his hands in defense. “It was beeping, and I didn’t mean to rip it out of the ceiling…”
“You tried to kill it with my staff, didn’t you?”
“Maybe.”
You smiled. Oh, what a beautiful mess you had found yourself in.
-end
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celestialtarot11 · 1 month ago
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PAC: Random Messages for You
Hi friends! Thought I’d do something tarot related instead of astrology today. Do enjoy and let me know your feedback down below! <: it means a lot to me and this blog.
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Pile 1: Hi there pile 1! You may be experiencing a disconnect within your home life, or not even that but a disconnect to spirituality. There may be a lot of shifts and changes happening in your life at the moment, and it feels as though there’s a lot of tension within you. I’m seeing a box and it keeps folding in on itself, imploding not exploding. All that tension is really sitting within you. I encourage some (I heard bath therapy) so maybe some of you like to take baths with herbs, crystals, and candles. Do that! There may be some uninvited energy around you at the moment. Also some of you need sleep. Rest. Stay off the phone before bedtime, and if you can, meditate! Meditation can look different, for some its sitting in nature, going on a walk, or laying there. There’s a really huge shift here—I don’t think you expected this ending to have happened either with someone you loved or this disconnect either spirituality. I almost feel as if there’s this longing, but also hopeless feeling of: “why? Spirit? Why me?” And I heard: it matters where you are. So, if you’re in an environment where there are people taking advantage of you how can you set boundaries? What do you need? How can you make this process easier for you? It’s likely these people or this place is contributing to your issues at the moment. I also believe spirit wants to let you know that they hear you and are there for you <3 “it matters where you are,” they know, they’ve heard your prayers. If you need confirmation this is it. Journaling can help a ton, there’s a lot of mental energy but in the sense that its squashed. Normally you feel pretty upbeat but it almost feels as if there’s defeat and its a little too silent with all the things you wish to say. Express yourself. Cry it out. I also heard hug it out! So hug it out if you can with a friend, hugging yourself, or hugging a stuffed animal. Yoga may be great for releasing trapped emotions in the body too. I hope you feel better pile 1 <3 thank you for your support and being here.
Pile 2: Hi there pile 2! Welcome! For you I feel as though there’s a lot of green energy around you at the moment. It surrounds you like a garden! I can see your aura with vines, curling up to protect your space and flowers blooming all around. So beautiful! Im also hearing it took a long time to tend to this garden, so you really did take a lot of time to focus on your confidence, healing and transformation. Im also seeing a mermaid emerge from the sea and she’s by the moon. She looks carefree! That’s you. I feel as though you’re learning to vibe with being alone and being okay with being single, although you don’t necessarily have to be. You may be in a position of power in your career now or in the future will be. Im seeing someone grab a book and write down all their ideas and goals—with this determination in mind to make it happen! You may be a fixed sign or have multiple (Leo, Aquarius, Scorpio, Taurus) and suddenly it manifests. This is the kind of success you’ve been building up towards. I also heard this is the success where I feel at peace within myself. Its not necessarily about external factors (although it could be like owning a house—I heard that) its more so the peace that comes with trusting yourself now after all these years. I also see your third eye is open which is revealing to you things that were hidden before. Hidden knowledge. Im seeing spirit is giving you these messages as if its sacred—you’re drinking out of a golden goblet and its this magical juice lmao. Some of ya’ll have very imaginative inner childs and love to concoct stories, so maybe your inner child is out and about! I legit see your inner child dressed like a diva with their sunglasses, sparkly pink kitten heels to slay the day away! So cute. I just feel you have mended that relationship sincerely. You could be a: pisces, pisces 5h/1h, aries, leo, sag, cancer placements. I also see this is an important time for harvesting results. I heard: there is result beyond fear. There is relief beyond fear. On the other side of fear there is joy. So perhaps this has been a mantra for you. I see EFT tapping therapy, so maybe some of you engaged in this. I see breath work, learning to work with your energy. I heard kundalini as well! So some of you may certainly be focused on spirituality and practices. Your inner child is so important—literally hearing their words of awe at the world. Your encouragement means so much to them right now, it’s as if they’re allowing themselves to express themselves again! Thanks pile 2 for being here <3 means a lot to me!
Pile 3: Hey ya’ll it’s 10:10 as I write this so there’s a strong presence of spiritual support! Love that. You guys might be a virgo rising, have virgo placements, virgo 2h, or strong mercurial aspects. An exalted mercury even! I see that for you guys there’s this hazy thick fog. It feels as though your energy is very much guarded and anyone who tries to come in is maybe hit with a wave of confusion. Kind of like they’re stunned. Its kind of cartoonish, and silly. But I see this as a protective mechanism! You guys have been focused on getting your life together especially your finances. You could be budgeting more, spending less, and overall grinding. Keep it on the low and hustling. I also lots of self care so maybe you’ve switched your routine, you’re getting your hair done, nails, lashes, etc. You want to feel your best self and Im literally seeing your spirit team cheer and fist bump. Its like they’ve been wanting you to love yourself and—“finally you got the message,” is what I heard 😭 I’m also hearing “pump it up,” I know its a song, its pop music, really catchy. There’s a lot of happy bright energy surrounding you and I think you’re really feeling yourself. And I think that anyone who tries to disturb your peace I literally see you putting on sunglasses to act like they don’t exist. I feel like you guys are also really funny which people don’t expect—you have a very dry humor and might be great and stand up comedy. I also feel your phone is filled with a bunch of memes to go on the daily. It’s on butt dial at this point. I feel as though you appear intimidating but you’re really funny, chill, and grounded. You may have taurus/Capricorn placements as well. Lots of earth! Maybe all your big 3 is earth. I feel as though you’re being told to enjoy yourself and have fun! Let loose and chuck the ruled aside momentarily. It wouldn’t hurt to let go. I think for so long you’ve been hustling and grinding—so its time to celebrate how far you came! You may attracting suitors or attention is what I heard lol, lots of eyes on you! Especially through this transformation. I see you going from alone to suddenly everyone is around you. So maybe you’re graduating, getting that promotion, it’s your birthday, or there’s an event coming up! This is really going to help you feel your best self <3 Im also hearing euro pop music, so maybe ya’ll are into that. And dream of euro pop blasting in clubs (bring back this era) I dont know if you know Inna and her music. “Hot” by inna is playing! But thanks pile 3 for being here! Sincerely appreciate it all. Your feedback means a lot to me.
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Paid Readings 🤍
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astrow0rldx · 2 months ago
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PAC 18+: How they view you and their Sexual Thoughts
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Random pictures, no theme. choose what your intuition guides you to do. We will cover, How do the person on your mind view you as a person generally & sexuality wise. Also their sexual thoughts about you.
Pile One:
Pulling your tarot first, I got the star, 8 of cups, 10 of swords, and 5 of swords. Which is ironic for the most emo picture pile lol. This is for how they view you. you might have a fear of abandonment, you might get played, led on, bad luck, loss hopes. Be Down all the time, pessimistic perspective or experiences. Playing the victim, being the victim of life. Someone that had bad mental health, and may have avoidant attachment, where you could up and leave, detached. Definitely looks at you as someone who either comes and goes with them or life in general, every card except 8 of cups which is the pirate, and one that leaves has wings on it. Been through a lot and trying to fill a void, or some type of happiness, achievement. Being hopeful, and faithful. Someone always trying to find better for themself even when down.
Pulling oracle, I got Self Assurance(Sacral Chakra) and Pele (Solar Plexus). Orange and yellow aura. Purple and blue can also be significant in someone style or favorite color. This self assurance card, she has a hoodie on with black eyeliner, bangs, while pele raises up the moon coming up from a volcano, bursting into this yellow atmosphere. You are an individual to this person. Comfortable in your skin, connected with yourself. Confident, Passionate and Desire, Powerful and Transformative. Authentic, Assured. Firey. Could be fun, intense, loud, definitely bold in some way. Creative energy, artistic, musical. Sexually open, liberated, free?
They view you sexually as someone who may have worth, be of high value of someway, and them being a spark like a passionate, sexual, firey, dominant man. Or they view this as your sexuality, and sexual dynamic you may like. Fun and free, but stable and committed. They see you as probably submissive, someone who likes to serve and give yourself. Someone who is maybe a quiet freak, runaway and have sex, need for privacy. Probably like to go on vacations, do it in the car, travel for sex. Maybe into candles, or dimmed lights, or lights. Someone who may overcame a lot in hookup culture, don't have to be a hoe, but learned a lot. have a different perspective on sex. Omg, for the pile two picture to be a living room, i am channeling living room flow by jhene aiko for this pile. lol. "its whatever you want, i want to please you most, whatever turns you on. you are so creative the way that your making love to me, you do me, like no one ever done it, that is all i wanted. not your heart or love, do what you do to my body, i just want to fuck." something like that.
Their sexual thoughts about you is conquering you as a sneaky link. getting sexual access to you and slutting you out. relax you, take you in. may be a third party involved, group setting or three some?? omg but their sexual desire for you is strong and maybe a desire for commitment, relationship, or long term. you turn this person on, they think about getting freaky with you. going somewhere to fuck. being this person you come to for something, to be taught, loved, secured, guided. they want to see you bent over in their bed, laying behind you in the bed, spooning. they want to feel you, intimacy with you, sex with you all night, over and over again. they think about straight up sex. a lot of sexual cards came out. they want you to be theirs, foreal foreal. love your side profile, may want to do a lot to your legs during sex, touch them, caress, put them in different positions. hips to, your arch. they want to eat you all up, and kiss on every part of you, pleasing you sensually in every way. they want to overcome obstacles with you sexually, lol, make love.
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Pile two.
You got 3 of cups, 6 of wands, the devil, page of swords. How they view you? Some keywords, not all has to resonate. popular, party person, likes things like sex and drugs. thrilling, rebellious things. thot, cocky, thrill/pleasure seeking, attached, addict, obsessed. shining, attention getter, victorious. Curious, communicator, funny, dark mind, dark humor, dark thoughts, in the clouds, airy, open minded, thoughtful, learner, listener. Social media, texting, calls, emails.
Universal Understanding (Solar Plexus) Sacred Learning (Third Eye). Sees you as very intelligent, sharp minded, wise. understands, and can see others, probably psychological. angel eyes, acceptance of others or dont judge people. Wisdom through experience, spiritual growth. Sharp eye!!!! Open third eye! and sharp mind with stuff to say.
They view you sexually as a very feminine, nurturing energy. whos on their level, an empress to an emperor. very loving, and caring. someone who likes to work together in the bed, help each other. put effort in. connect with the other person. create and build on one another. maybe some toxic, drama involved, chaos maybe. likes to celebrate one another, fight with each other.
Their sexual thoughts about you. One part is very loving, intimate, romantic bonding sex. They want to love you, feel loved by you. take it slow, learn and explore your body. admire you and take in your beauty. then another side of them is kind of wanting to take you down, tap you out. Where you kind of let them see this new side of them, and they have full control over you even if your like a victim, like your helpless. handcuffs, holding your hands. using their strength, to kind of hurt you, like a pain and pleasure thing. and wont mind if you dominate them and use strength and confidence.
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Pile three
They see you as this ball of energy whos like sneaky, and gets away with things. goes with the flow, lucky with time. akeakeake hopping around sneaking like a ghost, moving with fate. but you have this youthful, playful, fun, adrenaline, passionate energy in you that's ready to explore. take on adventures. they see you as someone who may steal or be sneaky to find security or control within your life. if your confused or stuck. they may see you as a rebel who does what they want on their own desires. they may see you as slightly immature.
They may see you as someone who is social, good with the world, in public environments. can connect to people. or this is maybe how they see you with them, connective, receptive, chill and cool. centered and grounded. maybe someone who goes through lessons in the physical realm, and has these spiritual awakenings, clarity moments, ephianys. Someone who has a good heart, and connected to everyone around them, very connected to nature, yourself. Mind, Body and Soul Balanced.
They view you as a erotic, have you sent them nudes, made a sex tape. they view you as someone who is good in the bed, and may could give good head. You may get your heartbroken, but you overcome, and challenge and travel through them. You may like that sexual dynamic, where they feel bad for you or something, or maybe you want to know how they will hurt you. some emotional kink that involves pain. (this is how they view you) they view you as maybe a cheater though, someone who could sneak around.
Their sexual thoughts, they like it when you know what your doing, and they know what their doing, and you help each other, and go fast. they like it when you guys are transparent, honest, clear. they like to cum, nut, squirt, any liquid of pleasure, and maybe being on top of you, hugging you, connecting and bonding. wanting to have sex to bond and heal things within the connection.
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the-modern-typewriter · 2 months ago
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Do you still taking ideas for writing?
Can I request a fantasy setting Villain that takes interest in the Fantasy Hero (his nemesis)'s younger brother? Like 'you are more interesting than your dumbass of brother and his hero party? Perhaps trying to become his Evil Mentor?
"Look, if you want to use me to get at my brother-"
"-I want to use you in many ways, gorgeous. Your brother doesn't come into it."
The protagonist's mouth clicked shut. Heat pooled, treacherously, in the pit of his stomach and tightened his trousers at the many mental images that rushed him at that.
The villain looked a man very good at using things, after all.
It was a heavy thing, having a prophesied hero for a brother. Not that it was a thing worth talking about. Thinking about. Oh, you're the one free of the responsibility of saving everyone and everything? Why are you whining? There was just no point. Everything that he did was petty by sheer comparison. Inconsequential. Nothing.
Except that kissing the villain did not feel inconsequential. He never felt inconsequential when the villain's clever eyes raked across his body, like he was a fine wine to be tasted, a masterpiece to be savoured, ultimately worth something more than his connections. Interesting, alluring, in and of himself.
Ridiculous.
It was so clearly a trap. It was true he hadn't realised at first, but now...
The villain stepped closer, trailing his cool fingers along the stubborn curve of the protagonist's jaw.
"Does it shock you to know I find you infinitely more fascinating?" the villain murmured.
"It would, if I believed it."
"Your brother is a good heart wrapped in power. I'll give him that. You though..." The villain wet his lips, and it would have been convincing if the protagonist didn't know better. He had to know better. He totally did know better.
"Me?" he prompted, a little breathless. His heart raced.
"You're clever. You see the world for what it truly is. You can tweak its strings like you're playing an instrument. Your brother would do anything for you."
"So said the ransom note."
"So said anyone with a brain," the villain said. "You're worth anything. Everything."
"Enough to surrender? Enough to not kill my brother?"
"Enough to offer you the world, when he is inevitably dead and gone."
"Well, now it just sounds like you think I'm a traitor."
The villain laughed. Low, velvet. "I know you won't betray him. Don't get me wrong, there was a brief moment when I convinced myself otherwise. I told me wanting you was logical. A part of the plan."
The villain's hands dragged down, gripping his hips, drawing his flush.
"I have many plans. Still, I want you. I find reasons to have you in them all."
The protagonist swallowed. "Spoken like a true snake." Yet, like any sunk in the fangs of any true and great snake, he was charmed. Venom-addled.
He was inconsequential. It did not matter if he was charmed. It did not have to mean anything.
"You are powerful in your own right," the villain said. "You do not need fate to gild you. You shine enough on your own."
"Did you practice that in the mirror?"
The villain huffed and kissed him hard, backing him up against the shabby, age-spotted glass of the protagonist's quarters. He dipped hot hands exploring beneath the waist-band of the protagonist's trousers, and his hunger would have convinced another man. The way he clawed and clutched and caressed.
"I could train you," the vilain said. "Show you everything you're truly capable of. How much stronger you are than all of them."
"And wield me as a weapon against my blood?"
"Yours is a lot of potential to go waste."
"It's mine to waste, alas."
The villain bit him up for that, but even that was good. A claiming. A wanting. He couldn't remember the last time anyone had talked to him about something entirely unrelated to his brother or his band of chosen heroes. World-saviours. Fate-makers. And he...he what?
Nothing, nothing, nothing.
"You must want more," the villain said. "Brilliant thing like you. I know you do, or you would have pushed me away already."
Maybe, in the darkest parts of him, he did.
He drew the villain closer to him, kissed him soundly, with the profound gratitude of being alive, of mattering to someone or some thing even if it was probably manipulation.
"Maybe I just want you," he said, too honestly. "Screw destiny. Screw everything else."
"Preferably not everything else. Preferably just me."
The protagonist laughed and hated himself for it.
"Screw you," he said, and did.
When it was over, when it was all done, he lay there in the moonlight with the villain's limbs tangled around him. And he wanted - damningly he wanted nothing more. Just him. What did he care for mentors and destines and power, when there was him? His kisses, his interest when the protagonist talked, his utter seeming conviction that the protagonist was a man worth all the stars aligning.
Maybe that was what saved him. That lack of ambition. That driving hunger. That everything in him that wasn't his brother, dumb and glorious and passionate enough to actually fight.
Maybe that was ruined him, as he looked down at his perfect monster, and got up and walked away.
He would not be used.
However much he wanted to be.
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yoditopascal · 3 months ago
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Like A Prayer (Part One)
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summary: best friends with wade you’re always being dragged into something even when he’s not trying to, what are you to do when you find the fate of your timeline in the hands of yourself, your chaotic merc and an angry wolverine who’s hellbent on drinking himself to death?
content warning: romance, some angst, a little fluff, character deaths, canon-typical violence, smut, lots of cussing, mutual pining, found family, drug and alcohol use, reader insert but with no use of y/n cuz I hate that shit, deadpool being deadpool, mentions of poor mental health (depression anxiety and ptsd mostly), scent marking, the honda odyssey scene needs a warning all on its own MINORS DNI
a/n: lots of wade in this one but no wolverine just yet!
tag list: @allmyn1ghts, @oscarissac2099
Masterlist//Next Chapter
Not Ok
Flashes of images invaded your mind. You were in a tank, arms restrained to your sides as the oxygen was slowly sucked out of the chamber, suffocating you. Your nails digging into the leather cushioning beneath you as you try to claw your way out.
Now you were strapped to a table, an array of needles embedded into your arms and legs as you were injected painfully with all kinds of different things you weren’t even sure of.
You startled awake before the sound of your alarm had a chance to rouse you from your sleep. Groggily you run a shaky hand over your face before rolling over to grab your phone checking the time. You still had about 3 hours before it was time to get up and get ready for work. Knowing you most likely weren’t going to go back to sleep, not that you wanted to anyways, you toss the covers off of you and head to the bathroom.
You turn the water of the shower on, waiting for it to heat up as you stand back up you catch a glimpse of yourself in the bathroom mirror, taking in your disheveled appearance you sigh as you lean over the sink.
There’s visible dark circles under your eyes from being torn from sleep countless times over the last few months. You were sure why the nightmares had started back up again, it had been years since you had been freed from the Weapon X program so why was it all coming back now?
Pulling your tank top over your head you quickly undressed and hopped into the shower. The water cascaded over you, the warmth a welcome relief. You closed your eyes, as you felt your tired muscles slowly start to relax under the soothing spray. Lathering up your soap on a loofa you quickly washed and dried yourself putting on ample amounts of makeup to hide your dark circles.
Once dressed you sat down at your little table in the kitchen and helped yourself to a bowl of cereal as you checked your phone again.
So much shit was happening in the world, genocides, corrupt politicians running for power, starving children. It was all you saw anytime you opened up anything and it was all too much. The world was going to complete shit
You lock your phone and check the time, you still had about an hour before work. Slipping on your shoes you grab your keys and your bag and head out the door nearly bumping into Wade who was munching on a bagel in the hallway.
“Jesus fuck Wade!” You said placing a hand over your rapidly beating heart. “You scared the shit outta me!”
“My bad pookie bear. Didn’t know you worked today.” He said with a shrug adjusting his wig as he did so.
“Almost every day this week.” You said with a sigh rubbing a hand down your tired face. You had been doing that a lot lately. “God I’m so tired.”
“I hear OnlyFans is really popping off right now.”Wade said but it was hard to tell if he was joking or not with his straight face.
“Yeah? So what, you and Vanessa can be my only subscribers?” You snorted with an exaggerated laugh.
“I know for a fact Colossus would pay top dollar for a sneak peak of your toes!”
The sound of your ex's name made you grimace. Not that you had any ill will towards him, you were both still good friends albeit a bit awkward now that you’ve dated for a short time, but you still didn’t want the thought of him anyway near anything sexual you did.
“Hard pass.”
“Suit yourself.” Wade said taking another bite from his bagel and you two walked down the hall together.
You start to rub at your forehead as you felt a headache coming on as you walked, another occurrence that had started to happen more and more often.
“More nightmares?” Wade asks, his voice laced with concern as he watched you.
“Yeah…but don’t worry about it Wade.” You could handle yourself, a few ibuprofen and you’d be fine.
He calls your name, as if to say it’s too late not to be worried about you, but you wave him off as you dig around in your backpack for a second before pulling out a small black envelope.
“Happy birthday by the way! You’re hard as fuck to shop for so I hope you like it.” You smile at him as you hold out the gift hoping to change the subject.
With an exaggerated gasp Wade tosses his bagel behind him and holds up his hands up in surprise before taking the envelope from you, and ripping it open. Inside were two tickets to a Celine Dion concert, one of his favorite artists.
“Oh my-!” He starts with a gasp “I didn’t even know she was touring!” He cried excitedly as he pulled you into a tight hug.
“Yeah I had to basically stalk Ticketmaster for those so you’re welcome.” You said returning the hug.
“Sugar booger! I love it!” He said releasing you.
“Now you just gotta figure out who to take with you.” You said as you bump shoulders with him. “Maybe Peter….oooor I don’t know maybe a certain someone we all know and love who works at a particular strip club that we like to visit on occasion?”
“Peanut…” Wade warned, you held up your hands in surrender. It was like a kid trying to get their divorced parents back together.
“Look, all I’m saying is it wouldn’t hurt to ask her.”
“I’ll think about it.” He says quietly as he stares out deep in thought.
With that the two of you part ways, wishing each other a good day at work, Wade heading for his bike where Peter was waiting and waving at you, and you heading toward the bus stop.
Work at the pet shop was the same as always, mundane and mind numbing but it paid the rent so who were you to complain about it. You had your fair share of zooted teens coming in to ask dumbass questions and waste your time as well as the occasional fish snob who complained about the size of your tanks but all of that was typical of a normal day and honestly made it go by quicker. By the time you realized what time it was it was time to clock out and head on home to help set up for Wade’s surprise party.
Once home you dropped off your bag and changed your clothes putting on a loose fitted t-shirt and jeans with a cardigan before heading over to Wade’s place with a bunch of drinks. You didn’t drink much but everytime Wade went out on a “business trip”, as he called them, back in his Deadpool days he’d bring you back a bottle of something.
Inside Wade and Blind Al’s apartment across the hall, many of your mutual friends were already busy at work setting up for the party. Colossus Ellie and Yukio were busy blowing up balloons and decorating while Dopinder Buck and Vanessa were busy setting up the food spread.
Looking around yourself you felt a small smile tug at the corner of your lips, all around you were the people you and Wade loved the most and you were incredibly lucky to have them in your lives after everything you all had been through over the years. A pang in your chest made you hold a hand over it and your smile dropped. Something still felt missing though and no matter how hard you thought about it you just couldn’t place what it was.
“How you doing sweetheart?” A soft voice pulled you from your thoughts. Whipping around you were pulled into a tight hug by Blind Al.
“I’m doing alright.” You smiled weakly “How’d you know it was me?”
“I’m blind not deaf sweetheart,” she said “ain’t nobody else here sighing that hard but you and Wade and Wade’s not here yet.”
“Sorry.”
“Your dreams still giving you trouble?” She asks as she leads you further into the home.
“I wouldn’t say dreams, more like night terrors but yeah they are a little.” You say as you place the bag said booze you bought on the kitchen counter and follow Al to the living room where she seated herself comfortably in her recliner. “It’s nothing to worry about though.”
“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter baby.”
For someone who was blind Al sure could see right through you sometimes.
“I’m probably just stressed is all.” You try to downplay the situation but Al wasn’t having it.
“It’s been months.” She says matter of factly.
“It’s been a stressful few months.”
“Look… I may not have been there when you and Wade went through what you went through in that program but it’s over now. It’s done and that Ajax guy can’t hurt you anymore.” She said resting a hand in her arm gently.
Al hadn’t been a part of the Weapon X program like you and Wade had been but that hadn’t stopped him from telling her in excruciating detail about all the horrible shit you both had gone through during it.
“I know Al I just-“ you start but stop not fully knowing how to describe what you felt. “I just wish I could switch my brain off, just hit the reset button and be done with it but I- can’t get the memories outta my head.”
“I know sweetheart it’s gonna take time but time ain’t gonna do shit if you don’t let people in to help you.”
You knew she was right but you’d be damned if you’d admit it out loud.
“When did this turn into a therapy session? I thought this was supposed to be a party.”
“Smart ass.” She said tapping you on the leg with her cane. “Go help Vanessa make the jungle juice before he gets home. I’m gonna go see if that dumbass has any Bolivian marching powder left in his stash.” With that she stood to her feet and went to her’s and Wade’s shared bedroom
“Oh Al come on! I thought you guys were done with that.” You called after her with a frown.
“Not till I’m dead babygirl.” She called back and if she could you think she’d wink at you.
Back in the kitchen you and Vanessa make quick work mixing and setting up the drink you bought making light conversation as you do so.
“So-“ she starts off but pauses as if deep in thought for a moment.
“So?” You ask curiously as you take a sip of the alcoholic punch taste testing to see if it needed anything.
“You uh seeing anybody new yet?” She asks.
You nearly choke on your drink in surprise.
“N-no I uh no I’m not.” You stuttered trying to compose yourself. “Are you?”
“Y-yeah there’s this guy. I met him at work, he’s kind.”
You could tell she was lying, but didn’t speak on it.
“Y’know, I hear Colossus has been talking about you to Ellie a lot lately.”
Here we go again you thought.
“Oh nah hard pass we tried that dance already didn’t really work out.” You waved her off, but she continued anyway.
“I’m just saying he’s a nice guy, and he’s big, like everywhere, and made of metal, that’s like totally your thing. Remember when we saw the Winter Soldier and you wouldn’t shut up about Bucky’s metal arm?”
Not she was calling you out.
“Just think about it hun, you're always stuck up in your apartment or at work, you’re lonely and I think a little human connection would do you some good.”
“Yeah alright I’ll think about it.” She smiles at you before caressing your cheek, like she was the big sister you never knew you had.
“But only if you think about giving Wade another chance too.” You slip in “Deal?”
She contemplates for a moment before she smiles back at you again. You knew she still had feelings for the man and so did he.
“Deal.”
Before either of you could change the topic of your conversation the front door opened up again, this time revealing Peter and Wade.
“Surprise!” Everyone shouted as Dopinder Ellie and Yukio threw confetti into the air.
“Oh you guys!” Wade gasps dramatically. “You’re lucky I’m not armed!”
“If this was five years ago you’d all be dead.” He laughed as he went around hugging everyone.
The party went on without a hitch. Wade intermingling with everyone as he was passed around the room. You stayed in your own little corner as you watched sipping on your third drink for the evening. Parties weren’t really your thing but for Wade you’d endure them when you had to. Just as you were about to move to get yourself another drink you spotted Wade and Vanessa talking quietly amongst themselves in the kitchen hovering over the punch bowl. With a smile just glad they were finally talking to each other you thought it better not to disturb them for the time being.
Soon after however you all found yourselves piling into the kitchen as Wade called for everyone to come and cut the cake. Wade snapped a few pictures on Yukio’s Polaroid, making some cheesy speech about how lucky he was to be surrounded each and every person he ever loved in one room, something you rolled your eyes at even though you had found yourself thinking the same thing just earlier, before going to make a wish blowing out his birthday candles as he did so.
The party continued to progress throughout the night and the stuffiness of all the bodies in the room was starting to get to you. Excusing yourself from conversing with Buck and Peter you step out into the hallway for a moment to try and get some air. Your head felt like it was swimming, probably from all the alcohol and not enough food, and you were starting to feel nauseated as a pounding sound hammered through your skull. Eventually you decided to take a step outside to get some actual air to see if that would help.
After a handful of greedy gulps of the fresh night air you finally decide to return to the party before anyone came looking for you. Once inside your hallway you spotted Wade first, but he wasn’t alone this time. Surrounding him were at least 5 guys all dressed in black body armor and masks with weird electrical looking batons in their grasps. Immediately your defenses rose as you silently crept up behind them.
“Oh peanut, you came back! I’d offer to let you join in on the orgy but I don’t think this guy here’s down for sharing me.” Wade quips as he sucks on a breath mint leaning on his doorway. His comment drew most of the men’s attention towards you but not before he drew it back to himself. It seemed that they could care less that you were even there. “He’s got this whole hate sex, love 'em and leave' em vibe going for him right now.”
“Shut your mouth clown!” The guy in the front snaps as he goes to grab Wade by his toupee. Just as he grabs it an orange doorway opens up behind Wade and a pair of arms reach out pulling him inside causing his hair system to get ripped off.
“Wade!” You shout as you sprung into action, using all your weight you shove two of the guys causing the three of you to fall through the strange orange doorway just before it closed behind you.
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yourlittlebunnyy · 3 months ago
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sweet request - eris x reader
masterlist
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summary: Eris wants to see you pregnant with his child.
warnings: none i think?
w/c: 1k
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You have tied the knot with the mighty High Lord of the Autumn Court, Eris Vanserra, ever since the day you discovered your status as mates. Currently, you're occupied with your newly acquired duties as High Lady. This allows Eris to be alone with his thoughts, and his mind is consumed by the desire to see you carry his heir.
Later, you make your way back. "My dear." Eris gently holds your face and says, "I would like to discuss something with you." He smiles. Instinctively you reach out your arms to encircle his neck, holding him close to you. It was hard for you to get used to spending all day divided from your mate, but you had to do it. When Eris became High Lord, a lot of things changed in the Autumn Court, including the power of females: you first wished to be an example for all undervalued, abused and exploited Fae and decided to work and toil as hard as Eris. This allowed many other females to emulate you, feeling free to make their own choices, and the Autumn Court slowly began to change its mindset.
But all this, of course, took time and effort, not allowing you to spend much time with your beloved. Eris’ grin widened as you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him close. He loved to feel you close again, after a whole day of being apart. He was happy that you were taking your status of High Lady so serious. But even he could see how much it was wearing down on you. Eris’ expression quickly changed into that of worry and concern as his eyes slowly looked over your tired body, noticing the bags under your eyes.
“Darling, are you tired?” The Autumn Court High Lord questioned, his hands gently cupping your face.
His concern tugs at your heart, and you can't help but smile at him. Eris has always been an outstanding mate, and before that, a friend always willing to help you.
"No, no. Don't worry. What did you want to tell me, you, rather?" You ask, returning the conversation to the question he had asked you just moments ago.
Eris knew you were lying, and it took everything he had in him to not call you out on that. He took a deep breath, knowing that if he would push it, it wouldn’t end well. He caresses your cheek, a frown on his lips as he sighed out quietly.
“Just something I’ve been thinking about.” He said, his hand now gently moving down to your hip, caressing it with his thumb. He was quiet for a second, as if mentally preparing himself for what he wanted to say next.
It was not often that Eris was... nervous. Sure, sometimes he is agitated, sometimes he is sad. But he was never... afraid to tell you something. In fact, once he was, you remember pleasantly.
Eris was the first to sense your bond, and that very afternoon he ran to you to reveal it, not wanting to lie to you and giving you a choice. He was nervous that afternoon, just as he is now. You wonder what was left so 'unsaid' between you that made him so uncertain.
"Hmm, and what is that?" You ask as you place a hand on his that was already resting on your cheek, an encouraging smile opens on your lips, inviting him to speak.
Eris took another deep breath. He was so nervous. No he was terrified. How would you react. He swallowed down the lump in his throat, his eyes locking onto yours, seeing the encouraging smile that you adorned on your beautiful lips. He couldn’t help but fall a little more in love with you.
“It’s something that I want.” He began. His heart was racing, but he couldn’t show weakness. He needed to remain calm. No matter the outcome.
Eris knows how much effort you are putting into your new role, and he does not want his request to prevent you from doing what you like, or worse-that you feel obligated to do what he wants just for him. If you were going to have a child, it would be at the behest of both of you; Eris would not agree otherwise.
"Well, love, you are a High Lord, I could say you can have anything you want." Your partner chuckles, but it doesn't calm his nerves. The hand resting on your hip fiddles with your dress, and it does not go unnoticed.
It felt like you were setting him up for rejection. But he couldn’t think like that. He can’t give up before he even tried. He looked down, away from your eyes now, a look of doubt in his brown-amber eyes. He inhaled deeply, as if to give himself courage to continue.
"Anything?" He questioned as his hand stopped moving on your hip. His heart rate picked up again.
Eris could see the worries that were starting to cross your mind. He knew a lot of scenarios were now playing out in your mind, and it pained him to know you thought he didn’t want you. That, by Gods, was the last thing he wanted you to think. He let out a small breath, and quickly brought a hand up to stroke your chin with his thumb. “Hey, stop thinking.” He muttered. “Just-“ A pause, as he tried to gather the words he wanted to say next.
"Please, love. Just say it, okay?"
He was quiet for another few seconds, mentally preparing himself once more. But he knew you wanted him to just spill it. He took a deep breath, and finally said what was on his mind.
“I want to see you pregnant.” He said. His cheeks heating up as he did so. He didn’t know why he was so nervous. It shouldn’t be a hard request for you to satisfy.
Your heart loses a beat as a mix of emotions takes over you. If that's really what he wanted to tell you, then you don't understand why he's so nervous. A slight chuckle escapes you, making Eris confused. Are you laughing at him, or at his request?
After a small moment when you recover, you take his hands in yours and look him straight in the eye. You make sure to send him as much love and comfort as you can through bonding, and smile sweetly when he reciprocates with the same emotions.
"So, you want a child? With me?" You ask shaking his hands, Eris smiles.
He was confused. He had been dreading telling you this, dreading your rejection, and he had expected a different reaction coming from you. But there you were instead, trying to hold back a laugh. He almost pouted at that. And was about to, if it wasn’t for you taking his hands in yours, and staring into his eyes. For a second his heart stopped. But it started up again as your love through the bond hit him.
He knew he had been worrying for no reason. He always did.
“With you.” He confirmed, his smirk returning again.
You smile again at his words.
He smiled back at you, before he gently used his hands to tilt your head back by your chin. He slowly started walking you backwards, gently pushing you towards the wall behind you, as his smirk slowly turned into a devilish grin. Once your back hit the wall, he leaned forwards, and spoke in a tone that left no room for any disobedience.
“I suppose I’ll have to put a baby in you now, won’t I?”
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hunny-beann · 1 year ago
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I am literally having the worst day ever, do you think you could write some insanely fluffy Dream for me? I'm talking tooth rotting levels of fluff here.
Rest Now, Wife, Mine
Dream of the Endless x f!Reader
Note: Hi anon! Thanks a ton for the adorable request, I had a lot of fun with it and really hope it helps make your day feel a bit better <3
Synopsis: Morpheus' wife finds their bed far too lonely without him in it, and seeks out his presence to remedy this so she may finally succumb to slumber for the evening.
Thankfully, he is all too happy to oblige.
Warnings: None! Just pure and unbridled fluff :)
Word Count: 1,298
Her steps are silent and her pace slow as she approaches the familiar throne room, sensing even from outside of its walls that it is as close to empty as it is going to get for the evening.
That said, as close to empty as possible for the throne room of an Endless such as Dream was not nearly as empty as one might think, with it being a rarity that he not be found there.
She fights back a shiver as she steps across the threshold, her bare feet suddenly far colder than before, and her majority uncovered shoulders beginning to undergo horripilation at the seemingly inexplicable shift in temperature.
That said, being easy to explain was not a rule that the Dreaming followed, so this was nothing new, and certainly nothing unexpected.
Though, the sudden voice that split the once heavy silence in twain on the other hand, was.
"And what could possibly have you awake at such an hour, dear wife?"
The voice asked quietly, laced with both amusement and even a twinge of concern that had the wife in question smiling softly in spite of her best efforts to not appear excited at the mere sound of her love's voice.
Oh, but she had never been that strong, had she?
He had her wrapped around his finger just as he did the entire realm that he ruled, though he notably reserved the one with the ring for her and her alone.
She padded up toward his throne quietly, not willing to answer his question until she was close enough that her voice might not reverberate so loudly off of the palace walls.
Some words, she had decided long ago, were for her husband and her husband alone.
Upon her eager approach, the Lord of Dreams could not help but raise one of the corners of his mouth at the mere sight of her, holding his hand out at her nearness to guide her to stand before his crossed legs as he reached gently to take her other in his own as well, making a mental note of how chilled her extremities felt due to the cool night air of his throne room.
He watched as she slackened slightly at his familiar touch, her body always so happy to find him near in a way never ceased to have his heart all but melting at her feet.
What a disastrous little thing she was, truly.
He could never love another.
As her form relaxed at the feeling of his hands on hers, so loving in spite of the power that they held, she could not help but yawn softly, eyes growing teary as her ease allowed the weight of the day to truly set in.
Her dearest Dream Lord smirked up at her, his brow raised knowingly and his eyes twinkling as he watched her fight off the eternally tempting wiles of sleep.
What a sweet little thing, so helpless in her battles against her own biology that it was entirely too amusing to ignore, and always far too entertaining to neglect to bear witness to.
"You are tired, my dear."
The Lord of Dreams stated matter of factly, tugging his beloved closer using his soft grip on her hands so he could properly brush some of her hair behind her ear, a gesture which caused her eyelids to flutter closed briefly before they snapped open once more, her fight against herself not yet over in her eyes (though Dream could see clearly in the way that she swayed on her own two feet that there was already an obvious victor).
He chuckled quietly, shaking his head,
"You need to rest, sweet stardust. Let me bring you back to the bedroom."
He spoke gently, rising to guide her back to their soft and familiar bed only to halt when he heard her reply.
"No, I don't want to go back, you're just going to leave once you think I'm tired enough not to follow."
The Dream Lord faltered upon hearing this, raising a questioning brow in response before lowering himself down upon his throne once more, though this time he pulled his wife right along with him, sitting her on his lap in order to get a better look at her exhausted expression.
He frowned.
"Have you been staying awake on purpose, my love? Lying in wait for me as you promised you would not do?"
She shook her head, but he could see the way that the blood rushed into her cheeks as she tried to explain, embarrassed to admit the things that she had to in order to quell his worries of any intentional harm having been done.
"No, of course not, I just..."
The Lord of Dreams hummed and brought one hand to her back, rubbing up and down along her spine and feeling her lean against him unintentionally in response, her bones heavy and all too prepared to sink into whatever comfort they could find.
"You just what, dearest?"
He urged, causing his lover to nod blearily in response, slowly coming back to reality again.
"I just find that sometimes I cannot bear to sleep alone, that the bed feels far too wide and empty without you in it."
Dream fought back a slight smile upon hearing this, feeling more than a little bit proud to know that his wife could rely upon him enough to truly need him so (though he was notably unhappy to hear that this was causing her any amount of unnecessary strife).
"And is tonight one of those nights, beloved?"
He asked, watching as she nodded, her head lolling slightly upon her neck as her overworked muscles struggled to remain in control over her all too tired body and mind.
"Poor thing,"
Dream all but purred in response, adjusting his love upon his lap until she was leaning against him, breaths warm on his neck and body seeming to grow heavier by the second as the feeling of his familiar closeness drove her into a type of ease that was felt only at a lover's closeness.
"That will certainly have to be remedied, won't it?"
He murmured against her ear, feeling her shiver in response, nuzzling closer with a nod as he gathered his coat that had been hanging on the back of the dais behind him with just one hand, draping it over her body and pressing a soft kiss against her head as he felt her begin to drift off into a much needed and far too well deserved slumber.
"Rest now, wife, mine."
He said softly, feeling his dearest love smile gently against his skin at his familiar words and the use of his favorite (and almost sickeningly sweet) nickname for her,
"I will see to it that no one interrupts you as you do."
If she had been more awake, perhaps the woman would have rolled her eyes or even offered a sarcastic retort in response to her husband's dramatics, but instead she simply nudged herself closer, pressing a gentle kiss against the pale flesh of his neck before she drifted off for the very first time that night, feeling truly safe in the arms of her most adoring love.
And when morning arrived, and the throne room became far less uninhabited, the two of them made for quite a sight, indeed.
After all, who would have thought that the Lord of Dreams might choose to sleep simply to live life as his dear wife did, his cheek pressed gently against her head and his arms wrapped around her as slumber found them both, pulling them closer together, ever still, in the very same way that they belonged now, and always would for the remainder of eternity, and perhaps even beyond that.
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phagodyke · 2 years ago
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man. getting a little sick of being everyones 15th option for everything. when is it my turn to be someone's first choice :^[
#or even second tbh I'll take it#i had a couple old friends from college msg me recently to tell me what theyve been up to#which is sweet and i care abt them n wanna hear it! but they dont ask after me or show any interest in how I'm doing#and it makes me feel like I'm just their journal or smth. a brick wall they happen to be standing near#don't get me wrong I love to be useful. but when ppl only ever interact w u bc they need smth from u. well.#rly not doing anything good for this complex im developing where my self worth is directly tied to my usefulness to other ppl lmfao#i dont want to be ppls fucking dog!! or not any more than i already am but whatever thats all im good for i guess!!#and i desperately want someone to be my fave person rn bc all my energy is going nowhere + im at my best when im at my most devoted#so ppl treating me like this rn is just making me incredibly vulnerable to being taken advantage of.#like yeah i am eager to please and ill follow anyone around and do whatever for a crumb of attention but maybe#if you're actually my friend u shouldnt be encouraging that behaviour. even if it makes u feel good like cmon thats not so cool man#or if you ARE going to encourage it then maybe u should acknowledge the power dynamic ur creating + try not to abuse it. idk 🤷‍♂️#urgh idk maybe im just saying words rn im very tired#I just feel like all the friendships etc I have atm are slipping into that dangerously unbalanced zone + becoming v one way#and I don't know what I'm doing wrong I'm trying the best I can and I guess its just not enough for anyone and that really really sucks#I'm doing better mentally rn but I dont currently have a support system + there are a lot of destabilising forces in my life#so im just. worried abt the direction things could take if I lose this foothold I've dragged myself onto yknow.#and I wouldnt have to be so worried abt that all of the time if I just had someone literally anyone I could rely on or even trust#but oh well. it is what it is. doing all I can to take care of myself so hopefully it won't come to that anyway.#sorry for rambling on so much if u read this far I'm giving u a kiss on the cheek don't worry abt me honey I've got this#anywayy goodnight#.vent#.diaries
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lovermyme · 4 months ago
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Was thinking about merlin and listening to mitski today and
Post revel where arthur reacts very well at merlins magic, unbans magic and merlin cant actually process that
Yeah, thats about "its just that i fell in love with a war, nobody told me it ended", he suffered too much to allow it to be this easy. Can u imagine? What do u mean arthur and the knights are laughing amused by him magically lighting the fire? It is a big deal.
Merlins saw many many sorcerers be cremated alive to be normal. He heard the screams and smelled the burned skin, the toasted meat.
I havent watched the shows in years but like, i guess he have a "privileged view" of the pire from his room too....... He thinks if uther did that on purpose, by giving gaius (the only sorcerer uther allowed to stay, in his conditions of course) this place of all in the castle...... Like a warning...
The only "mentors" merlin had where a dragon, that had been imprisoned for morethan 20 years. And a old man, that had been walking on eggs for more than 20 years too. They were shit at giving advices, yeah but. Its understandable at some point.
He has blood in his hands. Non sorcerer and sorcerer. Friends and enemies. Civilians. He released kilgharra. Fuck, he lied at the morgouse trials, about arthurs mother! Why is arthur ok w that? He think he is a traitor, of both his kind........
Bonus point if good mordred. Like, mordred adapting very well at the shift laws, and excited about doing magic in frnt of arthur and arthur liking it???? Merlin cant understand. He debated about killing this child.
bONUS BONUS POINT If merlin is struggling at doing magic in front of arthur and the knights, and arthurs doesn't know he is emrys the most powerful sorcerer to walk on earth aND YET IS SO AMUSED. And like, *merlin shaking while firing the fire* arthur and evryone: THATS AMAZING MERLIN 👏👏👏👏 And mordred is so confused
I need a fic like this
Mordred becomes court sorcerer because arthur thinks merlin is not powerful and everything (in a worried way not in a disposed way). Merlin is not jealous, he doesn't care about titles, actually he do like his job, its just about the irony of the thing. Mordred is so so confused.
He does his job amazing, he uses magic and its okay at doing it. When no one is looking. If someone, thats not gaius, is looking, he hardly can do.
He cant do magic w arthurs watching.
Unless its a Arthur's life treating situation.
Its not that he is actually scared of arthur, its just that he simple cant. Theres even a tecnical term for this. Its like a emotional block, but w his magic. He cant control it. He has been under pressure for so long he cant just let go ya know.
Ok, its my post, i like mordred, im gonna put my thoughts here.
Au where mordred was the one who changes arthurs mind about magic. Like, arthur is watching mordred, the one he know has magic and is a druid and asks him if he stills do magic and mordred thinks and chooses honesty and says "to make a fire when noone is looking" or some non harmful thing. And Arthur is like "a sorcerer can be a Knight, im shifting the law". And he shift the law and Merlin is like, was is that easy? *Mental breakdown * meltdown *burnout*
The thing is: it wasn't just because of mordred, like, Arthur's kingdom has been kind w the sorcerers already, not having burned a lot and no one in mordred presence, because arthur is a kind king.
And th thing is how mordred and merlin lived different lifes while in camelot, ya know. Even through mordred has heard stories and lost friends and family to camelots fire, Merlin lived in it.
Merlin, he is extremely suspicious about mordred coming out as sorcerer to arthur (because he is suspicious of mordred), he thinks maybe its a trick, to bring evil sorcerers to kill arthur, something, he even debates w arthur if shifting thelaw is the right choice. He feels awful about his position, but he cant process that everything is alright, he is so suspicious about everything and so scared arthur might put himself in danger.
He tells arthur he has magic after he lift the ban. Arthur is so confused because of merlins position about the law, but he is fine w merlin. And merlin islike "im gonna to protect u i promise, im super powerful", of course he cant prove he is powerful because this whole post.
Im tired now im stoping, but im still thinking alot.
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celestialtarot11 · 8 months ago
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Astrology Observations 🧎‍♂️‼️
Hi friends! Today we’re just doing a general post for the astrological signs 🤭✨ Please enjoy and share! Your feedback is always appreciated.
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Earth sign energy is heavy and dark, not negative, but they are very connected to their roots, ancestors and past lives. They carry lots of baggage from the past to heal in this lifetime, and thus may feel they lived through many timelines and cycles. They can feel similarly to Scorpio that experienced tons of transformations.
Libra moons can be indecisive in relationships, not because they have a bad sign placement but because they care a lot about people’s feelings. Sometimes too much to their detriment. They’d rather keep the peace than to rock the boat, but that’s what causes tension. Libra moons just need more confidence and security in their choices, and focus on themselves 🧘
Cancer Venus from a young age experienced misunderstandings from the people around them. Cancer venus wants a close community and people who understand their emotions, but in an emotionally unavailable society they can feel neglected and lonely. Its why cancer venus develops walls to protect their heart. They still care, but it takes them a long time to open up.
Virgos remember little details of everyone and hope they can do the same for them. They essentially give what they need and Virgos need attention and someone who creates quality time.
Gemini venus crave communication and mental stimulation in their connections. They love to learn and interact with people. Gemini Venus can also experience lots of isolation or periods of alone time because they aren’t finding the right people to connect to. They’d rather be alone than to have surface level interaction and filler conversations.
Leo + Aquarius pairing in a chart can indicate the native is truly unique and unforgettable. They strive so much to be themselves that it inspires others to do so. Some may even idolize the native, and others can get jealous because the native has qualities they wish they had. The native basically inspires others to get a personality 💅🏻
Mercury 8h can be so funny. We can get picky about what personal info to leave in the outside world. Even the idea of leaving behind our birthday info can irk us 😭 why? I think being in the spotlight or being perceived can be difficult for us.
Adding onto that, mercury 8h can channel spirits, occult knowledge, spirit guides, etc. when they tap in, they TAP in. They did not come to play 😍 All they need is a good meditation sesh and they’re good to go 🧘 all powered up.
Jupiter 8h can go through so many endings and terrible situations and still somehow come out stronger and better. They take their healing and growth seriously, and I think Jupiter 8h people have big hearts, so they always reconnect with that energy which is what carries them 😤
Cancer + Leo in a chart makes someone mystical, ethereal, private, yet somehow well known. There will always be an aspect to these natives to hide to protect themselves, and yet their Leo side will try to guide them out their comfort zone.
Aries rising females always knew who they were since birth 🤭 they could’ve photographed a lot, dressed up a lot, and it’s iconic. Since birth they knew! Aries rising females can be human rights activists too, because they have strong opinions, perspectives and believe in empowerment. Aries rising females may also be into modeling, because since a young age they were surrounded by cameras and people who thought they were beautiful ❤️
Aquarius rising children always look upset in their pictures or they have that thousand mild yard stare 😭 help #me
Sagittarius rising children always had that mischievous look on their face in every picture, or they looked incredibly angry. They had no issue letting their true selves out 😤
Pisces women tend to move far from their home town or childhood home. Lots of them have dreams of living far away from their roots. I think its to discover who they are and rebuild themselves after going through a lot. They physically need to disconnect from toxic environments to heal.
Gemini sun women are like teachers in many ways. Especially when they’ve healed a lot. They can be a teacher to the siblings around them or people. Many turn out to be motivational speakers because they have so much wisdom to share.
Thank ya’ll so much for reading 💗☮️ feel free to like comment and reblog to support the blog 🧘✨ Have a great one!
Paid Readings ✨
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astrow0rldx · 3 months ago
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PAC: Who you are to this person in their life, mind & fantasies
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૮ ˶︶^︶˶ ა🧸🐇<3
We are all just different concepts, roles, and versions to everyone in our life.
Pile One
Signs: Worshipping you. So Anxious - Genuine. INTJ? ENTJ? ENTP? xNTx. Dark Feminine, Unavailable Feminine vibes. CEO/office siren energy. Nonchalant/Distant. Self-Assured/Focused. Independent! One of you could have Scorpio/8th house placements or Earth sign.
They look at you as a strong mf. Very strong, physically but especially mentally. Your no one to be fw. Your extremely smart, and clever. Probably less naive. They see you as a confident, overcoming person who is loyal and committed to things you value and goals you set your mind to. Your courageous, intellectual, logical, and can be really good analyzer and straight forward. They think of you as whole, complete and someone that can guide them, teach them. Give them wisdom and hope.
Their feelings for you is very primal. Really Sexual or Thrilling. For some of you this person your asking about is a masculine energy between 16-29? You have a very powerful, transformative effect on them. A thirsty dog with their tongue hanging out. Ready to be satisfied, and you satisfy them. Your a satisfaction for them, kind of like someone they wish they had might literally be their type. They could be obsessive, tied to you. Possessive over you and just very demonic/low vibrational in their feelings, because its so intense. Its so exciting, and adrenaline inducing to them. About how they feel towards you, very chaotic. A lot rooting from desire and the root (action) chakra.
In their fantasy they could just fight any competition or barrier, win you over, and leave with you. Just start preparing and making plans for actions and next move. Their fantasy is having a choice and decision they have to make with you, a risk they might have to take. "Should I stay or should I go" having that courage!! They desire to hope and pray you guys can come together, celebrate. Be mutual and experience on another. They have so much faith in this. They already done wished upon a star. But their conscious thoughts about you is maybe feeling a little defeated, like a victim. and all up in their feels trying work it out & be emotionally mature about things. understand their feelings. If they aren't feeling defeated or like the victim, they might be like I said in that demonic, low vibration, desire energy where their trying to win you over by any means. they will do whatever, manipulate and be the bad guy on maybe your emotions, your emotional state, your romance, and your caring side.
Girl its half an hour past ten Got me waiting in my bed You’ve been busy in my head Since noon I got to feel you, freak you
come to my appointment
Now I feel the urge, I hope you feel it too Now imagine girl what I'mma do to you Girl the image of your body got me sprung Never felt like this about another one You are killing me girl cause is half past one My body trembles every time my clock agrees
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Pile Two
Signs: Earth Sign!! City Girl. High-Maintenance. Materialistic. Fashion Junkie. Hustler, Money Motivated. Good with Cosmetic things? Cosmetologist? Business Owner? Real-estate, looking for a home? Present yourself with class & value.
They see you as a very materialistic person, of this world. Someone who is stable, but not stable. Like a hustler. You might be insecure always chasing security or materialistic things. Working a lot, Starting a business. Focusing on home, cars, fashion, and items you want. Stingy with it to. Hoarding or Collector probably too. Just someone who builds the life they want around them, a reality creator, a manifestor.
(You and Pile One (so far) is asking about some people that's definitely ready to fuck) Their feelings for you is they might feel isolated from you, or need to be isolated from you to go within and focus on themself. Figure out what they want, because their stuck on something that they might not have had the time, or chose the time to think about. If they did their overthinking and working it out. But they definitely feel really lustful towards you, a lot of sexual energy. Hit it & quit it energy almost. A fun experience that they intensely desire. But they definitely feel a horny, exciting, drawn pull towards you. Could be intense.
Don't lower your self-worth now, even though it shouldn't be depending on this person anyways. They put you on a VERY high pedestal. Someone who they have to work for. In their fantasies, they will take on any baggage, and hardships for his empress. + The Lovers. which mean they definitely fantasize about loving on you, admiring you, being in a relationship with you. Winning you as a trophy. Their thoughts about you could be that their worried about your security and money and think its killing you, or its killing them. Making them feel inferior. They desire to leave something behind and create this little emotional, vulnerable, cutesy dynamic with you. Rush in and ask you stuff, tell you stuff, confront you on things. Again I'm scared this person is not a loyal, committed person in your life or planning to be but that's only for some.
youtube
I'm representin' for the bitches All eyes on your riches No time for the little dicks You see the bigger the dick The bigger the bank, the bigger the Benz The better the chance to get close to his rich friends I'm going after the big man My g-string make his dick stand Make it quick, then slow head by the night stand Like lightning, I wanna nigga with a wedding ring Bank accounts in the Philippines
I make him eat it while my period on A little nasty ho, red-bone but a classy ho Young jazzy ho and don't be scared If you're curious just ask me hoes And yes dick sucking comes quite natural Cause I'm da baddest bitch, what
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Pile Three
Signs: Water sign or Earth sign. Mysterious. Feminine. Have y'all met? New person in your life, from work/school? R&B. Throwback Music.
They see you as someone who might be hard to read. Hard to understand, and quite mysterious and unknown to them. Maybe manipulative, deceptive & delusional. They might even see you as spoiled, or someone who is given good opportunities. Blessed, and for some people its not always blessings from others, but they see you as someone who creates blessings for themself. A stable & grounded Person. But they definitely see you as a person on their own, and independent. Mysterious and Independent.
They feel again, hidden from you. Somethings unknown but they are willing to build with you, and work with you. Even provide for you. They might feel anxiety, nervous and a lot of overthinking limiting thoughts that prevent this connection from growing.
They desire to build some type of stability between you two. But they need to read you, and know something. The moon keeppsss coming out for how they view & feel towards you, but what they want & Desire is this High Priestess. With 10 of pentacles, this can be long lasting, stable. Is this like a job opportunity? Provider, Daddy Dynamic? In their fantasies, having you and being able to just be with you is their wish fulfillment. They want to get everything they wish from you. They fantasize about not being emotionally stuck, and flowing through, moving on, coming to better light. They really fantasize about starting this material project. Study Buddy? Work Project? I don't know but some type of goal and stability they fantasize about doing with you. Your mystery gives them time to fantasize, and in their mind they might daydream, and create these ideas and wishes. They think about letting loose, having fun with you. Being drunk with you maybe. But they might be focusing & thinking about the negative and sad side of the connection & what made them hurt.
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Red light, you know I can't make this thing that official Believe, we had a great night but I ain't the type to tell you that I miss you, shit You don't like that, I make this easy, leaving After sexing on the floor Baby, I know you need me like I need you But I'm not the one you wanna love
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