#i need to get new work shoes before i injure myself :( its so much money

[parme-san]

i got a new pillow to make my existence less miserable and to hopefully stop my headaches

[footballfanfictions]

The thrill of the chase - Chapter Two

Pairings: Mason Mount/OC, Ben Chilwell/OC

Authors Note: Sorry that this has taken a little longer than anticipated and thank you so much for all the love for the first part.

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One of the main drawbacks of working with social media, is that you are always on social media and you’re constantly bombarded with information and images that make you feel downright crap about yourself.

I’d been asked to take over the instagram page of one of the high profile players at the club and his entire feed was just one supermodel and influencer after the other with the odd footballer thrown in to balance it out. They were all so stunning that it truly made me feel awful about myself, how could it not? My salary was pretty good for a new graduate but not quite good enough for weekly manicures, lip fillers and hair extensions and my time management wouldn’t stretch for that either, I barely made my eyebrow wax appointments.

I was trying to avoid looking at the player’s DMs while I posted a few pictures from the pre-season training sessions to his feed, but the notifications pinging every few minutes was getting quite annoying.

Has it been Brianna with access to his account and not me, she would have gone straight to his messages to read them. I preferred to live in blissful ignorance to the sleazy ways of the men around me. I already felt like finding a good guy was absolutely hopeless.

I had been renting a flat and I was saving for a deposit to buy a house, hoping that by the time I had saved up enough to buy that I would have found the right person to live with. If I were to attempt this alone, with London house prices I would be around  60 by the time I had saved enough alone.

The message notifications continued to come in and whoever Sam was, she was really keen.

I logged out after posting the final image and prayed I wouldn’t have to go into it again. The less I knew about their private lives, the better. It would be pretty awkward to be sat in the staff and players’ family box at a game knowing that the wife of someone I knew was cheating was close by. Best to steer clear of those complications.

Brianna hadn’t visited my office at all and by 12 I was both worried and hungry and decided to go looking for her.

I tried the kit room first but it was empty and surprisingly tidy. Dave kept a tight ship and liked everything to be in its place but it wasn’t often possible with the sheer volume of kits that needed to be looked after.

As I backed out of the kit room and closed the door, I felt something hit me in the back.

“Sorry” mumbled the voice from behind me. “I was looking for Dave, I need a new top.”

I knew who it was but I didn’t really want to turn around and look at him.

“They’re not in there, I was just looking for him and Brianna too.” I responded in an emotionless tone, shrugging.

“Why are you being so weird?” he asked.

I turned to face him then and gave him a look of contempt before I answered him. “Maybe I just don’t enjoy spending time around footballers?”

“No offence love, but I think you might be in the wrong job if that is the case.” he put his hand on the door, next to my head where I was practically pinned against the door by how close he was to me. Only then did I realise that the training top that he was wearing was ripped, front he shoulder to his navel, the material hanging and exposing his toned chest and abs. I tried to look away but he had caught me looking and was now smirking.

“Maybe it’s just you that puts me off.” I shrugged as I ducked under his arm, escaping from my position between him and the door.

“You really don’t like me?” He huffed. “I don’t remember doing anything to offend you personally.”

“Maybe I’m offended that privileged young lads get money, fame and praise just for kicking a ball around a muddy field. Try something more impressive, like curing cancer or performing life saving surgery, ending world hunger, ending wars.” I groaned in frustration. Maybe that was the truth of it. Why should he get all the praise and admiration that he got, just for playing a sport? There were so many incredible people in the world doing, or working towards the things in that list that never got half the praise that Mason Mount did for kicking a ball.

He looked a bit dumb struck.

I went in again, “Maybe I don’t like you assuming that I should be into you, just because you’re Mason Mount, England and Chelsea midfielder. Maybe that’s what the girls in the club that throw themselves at your feet are into, but it’s not for me.”

I made to leave and he grabbed my hand and mumbled, “Sorry, I’ll leave you alone from now on.”

I didn’t respond. Just pulled my hand from his and stormed off towards the boot room, leaving him outside of the kit room in his ripped shirt.

“Fuck it smells like feet in here.” I complained, walking into the boot room with my nose pinched between my fingers in disgust.

“When I said that I liked shoes to dad, this is not what I meant.” Brianna laughed.

“What are you doing in here, I didn’t think boots were part of your job?” I asked, perching on one of the benches while Bri sat on the floor, sorting through a massive pile of boots to try and match up the pairs. They were in all sorts of bright colours and differing sizes. If I had to guess, I’d guess that she had been at her task for hours.

“Dad and the boot guy had some sort of emergency” she shrugged.

I laughed at that, wondering what kind of emergency you could have that involved kits and boots. Maybe they hadn’t ordered the right brand or something and one of the stars wasn’t going to get his cash from his boot deal if they didn’t find him the right pair.

There was a little tap on the sliding glass door that lead out onto the pitches and stood there was the guy from the other day that had held the door to the cafeteria open for us. He looked a little sheepish.

“Are you going to let him in?” I asked Bri, trying to unbury her from the pile of boots by throwing some of them into a pile, all of the orange ones in one corner, the yellow in another pile and pink in another and so on.

“Oh yeah.” she said, standing and brushing herself off, and adjusting her skirt that rode up her thighs slightly. The guy had noticed and I watched as he tried to look away and then down at his feet. At first I hadn’t thought that his shyness was that genuine. Footballers were all confident cocky little shits in my book, I’d never met one that was shy and unsure of himself.

Bri unlocked the door and let him in.

“I’m sorry to bother you, but only one of these fits” he said, holding up a pair of lime green boots and giving Bri an apologetic smile.

“Oh shit” she said, taking the pair from him and inspecting them. “I’ve given you one 10 and one 9.5.” she looked through the pile of lime green boots until she said “aha!” triumphantly brandishing another size 10 boot. “Here you go my love.”

That as just Bri’s way, she called everyone little pet names all the time, but he didn’t know that and he was blushing profusely and I was almost certain that his hands were shaking as he laced the boots up.

“Thank you so much.” he mumbled, looking like he was about to die of embarrassment. He turned to walk back out of the sliding door, but hadn’t realised that Bri had shut it behind him, so he ended up walking straight into the glass, hitting it with enough force to emmit a cracking noise from his nose which was suddenly streaming with blood.

I jumped up from my seat and crossed the room to him, avoiding the piles of boots the best that I could, not wanting to add myself to the casualty list.

I had an unused tissue in my pocket, that I took out and pressed to his nose. It was instantly bright red and the blood poured straight through it.

“Bri can you go and warn the medical room that we need to bring him down?” I asked.

She nodded in agreement and rushed out of the room.

I put my arm around his waist and guided him back over to the benches. He sat down and I slipped my cardigan off. It was a very thin material and already a deep shade of red. I didn’t let him protest as I replaced the tissue with my cardigan. It was the best that we had, and he looked like he was in a lot of pain.

“I’ve never seen anyone get that flustered before.” i laughed, sitting down beside him. He managed to give me a pained grin.

‘It’s Bri isn’t it? Is she why you were waiting by the canteen door the other day?” I asked gently, patting him reassuringly on the back. “I wanted to send her out of the room so that I could ask you, and also to reassure you that you shouldn’t be embarrassed about this. I’ve seen Bri do a lot more embarrassing things. She’s always falling over and hurting herself. You would make quite the pair.” I laughed.

He shook his head and mumbled “I can’t ask her out”.

“Why the hell not?” i scoffed.

“She has a boyfriend doesn’t she?” he shrugged, looking really sombre.

“Ah no, not anymore. Things are definitely over between her and that prick, and between you and me, if she ever gets back together with him, I’ll give her a matching broken nose.” I bumped shoulders with his, trying to cheer him up, just as Bri came back into the room and told us that the medical room were waiting for him.

“Can you come with me?” he asked, not talking to Bri, but to me instead.

“Sure, I would do anything to get out of work this afternoon. Our twitter page today is just full of fans that are disappointed that we didn’t use the Hazard money to sign Messi.” I laughed, getting up and guiding him towards the door.

“Can we catch up later?” I asked Bri before leaving the room, she nodded and told me she would be free all evening.

As we walked down the corridor I said to him “See, no plans to see a boyfriend” and he blushed again.

One of the medical assistants rushed out to meet us and guided him into the room exclaiming “Billy, what the hell? How have you done that?”

He shrugged, clearly feeling embarrassed about how he had injured himself. So when they looked over at me for clarification, I shrugged too.

Billy wasn’t the only player needing the use of the treatment room. As he sat down on one of the chairs, I noticed that Ben was in there too.

The medic went about dabbing Billy’s nose and he cried out in pain.

“Sorry about your cardigan.” he said, looking down at the red material on his lap. He didn’t need it now that he was getting patched up.

“Honestly don’t worry about it Billy.” I grinned.

The medic then mumbled something about needing something and left the room.

That gave Billy a bit more confidence to talk about what had happened.

“And thank you for the advice about your friend.” Billy seemed a bit happier as he said that, and I could see Ben out of the corner of my eye looking over at us as Billy spoke.

“Please tell me you’re going to ask her out!” Ben laughed.

I turned to look at him and smiled. “You know?”

Ben nodded and looked at Billy with a horrified expression “Oh god, you asked her out and she punched you.”

I shook my head. “Not exactly.” I said.

“The boyfriend was here for some reason, and he punched you?’ Ben went on, standing up and coming over to Billy. He walked with a slight limp.

He stood in between us.

“Why are you in here if you don’t mind me asking?” I looked down at his leg while asking the question.

“It’s my hamstring, nothing too serious.” He smiled.

“Don’t laugh at me when I tell you how I did this.” Billy warned, pointing at his nose. “I walked into a sliding glass door that I thought was open, all because she gave me a pair of boots and called me love.” he groaned, covering his face in embarrassment.

Ben laughed and clapped Billy on the back with his hand. “Oh mate, no wonder you’re embarrassed.” he then addressed me, asking “Just how cringy was it?”

I shook my head before answering him, “I honestly don’t think it was that bad. Bri is pretty oblivious sometimes and I don’t actually think she realised the real reason for you hurting yourself. So if you were to pluck up the courage to speak to her, I wouldn’t even bring it up.”

_________________________________________________________

The next day, I was looking out at the training pitches while I waited for the coffee machine to finish making my drink when there was a gentle tap on my door.

I crossed the room and opened it, expecting it to Bri or maybe even the club photographer giving me some new pictures of the squad to use, but it was Ben.

“Hi, are you free?” he asked, giving me one of his sweet smiles.

“Yeah come in.” I said, stepping back into my office and letting him pass me so that I could hold the door open.

“That coffee smells nice”. He remarked.

“Do you want one? Or did I put you off the other day?” I smiled.

“Ah no thanks, and no you didn’t put me off. I’ve never really liked the stuff. I like the smell of coffee, it just doesn’t taste as good as it smells.” as he spoke I realised that he was holding something in a plastic bag.

He realised that I was looking at it. “It’s your cardigan. I washed it for you at home. Think I got all the blood out but it’s red so I can’t really tell.”

I was for once, speechless. It was a small gesture but it was really kind all the same. I thought about making a witty remark about it actually being his mother or an employed cleaner that washed it for him but I just couldn’t bring myself to.

“Thank you, you didn’t have to do that. It’s only an old primark cardigan.” I said, taking the bag from him.

I suddenly felt a bit flustered in his company. He had that charming smile and didn’t really look like a cocky footballer to me. He didn’t act like one much either, he was just kind of like the guy next door, or the guy you would see on Tinder with a picture of him with his mates at the only photo on the profile so you couldn’t tell which one you were swiping for.

In all honesty, he kind of reminded me of my ex boyfriend Rory. He had the same sort of look, and they had similar accents. Maybe it was nostalgia that made me find being around Ben comforting.

‘I think your coffee is done.” he said, gesturing to the machine.

I nodded and walked over to the machine, taking the cup and adding some creamer and sugar. As I stirred the cup, he leant against my desk and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Something is bothering me if I’m honest.” he said.

“What is it?” I asked curiously.

“Mason said that you told him that you hate all footballers because we’re privileged and get too much clout for what we do.” He looked slightly disappointed in me. “Thing is, I don’t entirely disagree with you. Maybe we do get paid too much for what we do, and maybe doctors and nurses deserve way more praise than we do. I also don’t think that you hate all footballers. You were really kind to Blly yesterday and he won’t forget that in a hurry. You really helped him.” he continued.

“I don’t hate Billy, and I don’t think I hate you either.” I said quietly, taking a sip of my coffee.

“That is interesting.” he grinned, as he took one of my hands and guided me over to him, to stand in between his legs where he now sat on the edge of my desk.

Instinctively I put my coffee cup down and he put his arms around my waist.

“It’s interesting?-” he cut me off before I could say anything else, by pressing his lips against mine. The kiss is soft and gentle and lasts only a few seconds. He testing me and my brain is going in so many different directions. Am I actually going back on all of my principles and kissing a fucking footballer right now? And am I only doing it because he reminds me of my ex?

He moves to pull away, breaking the contact between our lips and I let out the tiniest whimper before putting my hand on the back of his head and pulling him back in for more. This time his tongue slips past my parted lips. My hand at the back of his head grips a generous handful of his hair and one of his hands makes its way to my bum.

My body feels like it is on fire. It has been a bloody long time since anyone kissed or touched me, and I hadn’t quite realised just how starved of affection I had been until I got a taste of it, a taste of him.

The telephone on my desk started to ring,and although I tried to ignore it, I just couldn’t. My job meant a lot to me and if it were Marina or someone of equal importance I would be chastised for missing the call.

We broke the kiss at the same time and I apologised to him. He grinned and fired back that I didn’t need to apologise and that he needed to get back to training, and by the time I picked up the phone, he was gone.

[golden-kettle]

No Place For Love (Mista x GN!Reader)

Guido Mista x GN!Reader - CHAPTER ONE

TW// Strong language, slight violence

You’ve dedicated the beginning of your young adult years to Passione and La Squadra. You weren’t about to choose the enemy over the opportunity to finally get the pay you and your teammates deserved. Right?

Word count: 1,888

It’s been a hot minute since I posted something, so here’s the new project I’m working on! An enemies to lovers story with Mista :) I’m going to try and update as much as I can as I’ve been thinking about something like this for a while. hope you enjoy the first chapter 💕💕 Trusting anyone outside of your gang is a death wish. There's no room for love in the mafia of Passione. You knew this better than anyone else. Sure, you aren't the same as you were years ago. Naïve and inexperienced. However, would you be willing to throw it all away, the blood you've shed and the strength you've gained, for a singular person? That was the very question Risotto asked you when you returned from an incomplete mission, slightly injured.

"I shouldn't have to say what we all know, but this goal is what we live for," he said.

The goal he was referring to was that of taking over the drug routes of Passione, defeating the mysterious boss in the process. It was something you found was impossible, until Risotto told you and the other members of La Squadra that the boss had a daughter. And that daughter, Trish Una, was under the protection of  Bruno Bucciarati and his squad members.

You were told to go and find their current location in Italy as if it was the last thing you'd do. You'd then place a tracking device on one of the members and leave as quickly as possible. Simple, especially for the traits and powers of your stand. So why were you sitting here in front of Risotto with the tracking device in the palm of your hand?

"You need to go back there."

You looked up at him with guilt in your eyes, a silent plea to let you at least spend the night at the base then try again tomorrow morning. Risotto understood right away, observant as he is. With a sigh, he spoke in a low whisper.

"You know that if I let you stay here any longer, the others will say I play favorites. Get going."

You stood up and brushed off your clothes, walking to the door to exit Risottos office. Putting your hand on the knob, you froze without turning your head.

"Risotto, I have one request."

He didn't say anything in response, keeping quiet. Although you knew he was listening.

"If I can't carry out this mission in 48 hours, call me a fool."

With that you left the room, swiftly exiting the base and paying no mind when Formaggio attempted to spark conversation. Deep in your gut, you knew Risotto had no clue as to why you took the time to say such things, but you did. Because before you failed at completing this mission, you ran into someone you've only seen in a photo on an information sheet. Guido Mista, age 18. Stand name: Sex Pistols. 

The first time you saw him you intended on putting the tracking device on him. You would knock him out once he was alone, put the small device between the grooves on the bottom of his shoe. Then leave as if you were never there. Obviously, fate had other plans.

He was standing in line at a café, a small list in his hands. Presumably, what the rest of his squad wanted, you thought. When he finished ordering the list of pastries and drinks, he glanced over his shoulder to you. His eyes widened for a second until the cashier told him his total. 

"Ah, yeah, let me get that."

You watched as Mista shuffled through his pocket, pulling out money to pay. 

"I'll be paying for their meal too," he said as he gestured to you.

"Oh, that won't be needed sir," you said with a smile

.He returned your smile with one of his own, "what do you want?"

Is he trying to flirt with me? You thought before telling the cashier your drink order. Mista then paid for his and your order, walking over to a table to sit while he waited. You did the same until he waved you over. What's the harm in sitting with him while you waited? Perhaps you could get something out of him.

"So what's your name?" he asked, practically beaming when you sat down across from him. 

You answered truthfully, there was no way for him to have any information on you. A staple of being on the hitman team is being anonymous, so there was no background on you. If you were to die, the only way you would live on was through the memories of your teammates. 

"Ah, well my name's Mista, I haven't seen you around before, although you look Italian. You from the south or somethin'?"

"No, I'm from around here. I probably just got lost in the crowd. Or you aren't that observant." 

Thinking that you might as well play along, you didn't feel guilty in teasing him a little bit. In fact, he seemed to enjoy your banter.

"Oh, I am insanely observant. Like for example, you have a stain on your shirt right there," he reached over and pointed. 

When you looked down, he raised his finger and flicked your nose. You couldn't even be mad at his kindergarten teasing. You crossed your arms as he leaned back and laughed.

"Haha. Very funny," you said with a smile, "but are you willing to tell me a bit about yourself, Mista? I will say it's not every day I get someone to pay for my order."

"Sure can do, what are you dying to know?"

"Why did you decide to pay for my drink?" You knew you should ease into the questions so you could get something notable out of him.

"Isn't it obvious? I think you're cute."

You laughed softly at the statement, "you're right, I guess that's self-explanatory isn't it?"

Mista hummed, "my turn to ask you a question. What do you think of me?" he grinned, putting his chin between his forefinger and thumb.

You took a moment to think. No way in hell you were about to boost his ego more than it seemed to already be, but you weren't about to be flat at rude instead.

"I think you're generous, yet insane to be wearing a hat and knitted shirt in the Italian spring sun," you spoke out of a light laugh.

"That's fair."

You smiled, leaning against the table and rubbing the back of your neck. You turned your head to avoid his gaze, acting shy, as you spoke your next question.

"You have plans after this? I know you probably ordered for a group of people.. but maybe we can make a detour at my place?" you glance back at him with an innocent smile on your face.

"Well... I do have plans after this, but I'm sure they can wait. I want to get to know you after all."

How gullible can he be? Isn't he a gunman in the most notable mafia present in Italy right now? No matter the case, you just found an easy opening. This mission would be completed earlier than you thought.

After some small talk and retrieving your order, you lead Mista down the street and into an alleyway.

"My apartment is just on the left side once we get through here," you smiled, "but you won't be seeing it."

Mista glanced back to you, confused by the last few words of your statement. With that, you used your stand to push him to the ground, knocking the bag of pastries and cardboard holder with the drinks out of his hands. You watched as he reached for what you assumed was a gun in his boot, but straddled over him and pinned his hands above his head.

"Fucking hell, how are you so strong? What do you even want from me?"

"I want you to shut up and sleep," you spoke with a total shift in tone and attitude.

He grinned to your surprise, then in a flash he wrapped his leg around yours and flipped you over. Now he was pinning you down. He grabbed his gun and let go of your hands, pressing the gun against your forehead. 

"Who the hell are you?" he demanded."

I told you my name, Mista. Don't have me repeat myself."

He pressed the gun harder against your head, but your face remained neutral and unbothered.

"You're part of a gang, aren't you? What are you after from Passione? Or are you after us specifically?"

"Don't you think there's no point in asking me questions if I'm not going to answer them?"

Mista moved his gun in a flash, firing a bullet into the ground beside you. He then pressed its barrel against your forehead once more.

"I'm not messing around."

”You were a few minutes ago. Honestly, it seemed like you were so sure you were gonna get a kiss from me. Maybe more. Just how down bad are you, Mista?"

"Stop saying my name as if you know me."

"But I do know you, dear. That new capo, Bucciarati. He broke you out of jail and you joined his squad. The name of your stand is Sex Pistols, truly fitting for a man like yourself."

With that, he slapped you across the face. You froze for a second before speaking again.

"..Did you just slap me?" You spoke in a tone of utter shock.

"Want me to do it again, “dear”?"

"What are you, a sadist?"

"What are you, a masochist?" He replied, clearly mocking you.

This wasn't going to get you anywhere.

"I'm sick of this," you said, manifesting your stand behind him.

Your stand then put its arms around Mista's waist and pulled him off of you. You stood up and ran back to the crowded streets of the town, taking the shock he had of you being a stand user for granted. Once Mista gained his senses, he started to chase after you. However, it was a lost cause. You were already lost within the people. 

It wasn't until you were running for a half-hour that you realized you didn't complete your mission. Risotto was bound to be pissed at you. Hell, you were pissed at yourself. You had no clue what came over you.

"What was I thinking?" you said to yourself.

You could've had your stand knock him out while he had you pinned down. In fact, that was the plan when you walked him into that alley. 

He's attractive. That's why you didn't hurt him. You sighed. As much as you didn’t want to admit it, that was the only reason that made sense.

"God damn him."

As you walked back to your base you thought about what you'd say to Risotto. Maybe you could convince him to let you spend the rest of the day rethinking a new plan and get some sleep before acting on it tomorrow morning. Instead, you ended up saying nothing and let him scold you.

Now you were here, outside the base and walking back to the busy city Naples. Thoughts going at a hundred miles an hour, you knew Mista probably returned back to wherever the rest of his gang was. No way you could take them all at once. 

You told Risotto to call you a fool if you failed to carry out the mission because that's exactly what you'd be. You thought about his question. Would you be willing to throw away everything you've built for only one person?

Only a fool in love would do that.

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

HASO, “Letting Go.”

Wrote this today, hope you like it, and hope you all have a great day :)

“We have to take him to a hospital.”

His hearing echoed, his ears rang, and his body felt cold and numb. He hurt all over.

“No! That's the last thing he needs right now.”

“Not to be rude but, are you stupid! The last tie i checked, I am the only one here with a Doctorate in actual doctoring.

The world swirled slowly to the left and then to the right.

“Last time I checked I’ve been in his shoes before. You have any idea what they are going to do, they are going to assume he jumped off that bridge on purpose. They are going to strap him down, which is going to make things worse, they are going to bring in psych, who are then going to determine that he should be locked down. That is the last thing this man needs right now, and believe me I have been in his shoes.” he faded out and then back in again.

“Than what do you suggest.”

“You’re a doctor aren’t you, so as long as we have you, he is going to be fine. Let's just get him back to my hotel, but I am telling you the last thing he needs is a noisy smelly hospital room.”

“And how are we going to get him back?”

He faded back in and back out again, “I can carry him.”

“He weights over two hundred pounds.” “Than I will take lots of breaks.”

He faded out again, this time for a long while, waking up only briefly an unknown time later. He was lying, uncomfortably over someone else’s shoulder and staring at the ground as it passed by below him. Little streaks of light dotted his vision from the pain, and he felt back unconscious before he could really understand what was going on.

***

Kier Lindsay stared down at the young man, watching as the strange little alien creature got to work. He had once heard that multitasking was pretty much impossible for humans as the brain was too interconnected to allow for it, but his creature didn’t seem to have any problems. All four of its arms seemed to work independently of each other as it stitched the unconscious man back into one piece. Looking him over the doctor had determined that he had managed to fracture his good leg and some of the bones in his right arm and side, but otherwise he was less injured than they had hoped. 

Then again this was without considering the psychological duress he might be under at the moment.

He grimaced thinking about it.

He had been there before, he had been there and he had hurt a lot of people in the process.

He continued to watch as the alien stitched the other man up with great precision…

Man? 

Honestly he wasn’t much more than a kid, his face was still smooth, unscared by time . Not a hint of white showed in his blond hair, and as he slept, the lines of his face were soft enough that Kier couldn’t shake the feeling that he WAS nothing more than a child.

A child who had had responsibility placed on him far to soon.

To be only in you late twenties and have command of an entire galactic armada.

That was too much to ask for anyone, much less someone like him. Kier couldn’t shake the thoughts as he stared down thinking about how despite technically being an adult for a long enough time, he doubted this man had ever been given a chance to grow up, at least not in the right ways. Turned to the academy at age fourteen, he had been doing adult jobs for longer than most people. He had been thrown into an environment where intelligence and performance mattered but social opportunities were sort of lacking, and then to be thrown right onto the enterprise and into war before trying to recover and immediately turning back to the one group of people that had failed him so badly…..

Adam vir was just a kid, an overly optimistic too trusting kid who had been taken advantage of by the system time and time again. He was like a golden retriever hurt by his master but still loyal enough to come crawling back.

It almost made him sick to watch, but he knew just by looking at him that he would never consider leaving. 

Even if it were for his health.

Kier sighed and sat down by the bed staring at the boy with his chin cupped in one hand.

He had a son about Adam Vir’s age, a boy that was just beginning to pull his life together into some semblance of controlled. It had taken him a lot of mistakes and a lot of experience to figure out who he was, and he ached for the realisation that this man probably never got that.

He knew the feeling all too well.

He shook himself a little, dad mode was something you couldn’t really just turn off, at least not in his case. If there were people younger than him, he felt the automatic obligation to adopt them whether they wanted it or not.

Young people deserved guidance from someone who was older and the more people to do it the better. Lindsay hadn’t seen any of Adam’s family members at the trial, which didn’t necessarily mean anything, but he also got the impression that maybe the had avoided telling them on purpose, which was another red flag he was going to have to discuss with the boy woke up.

If he woke up.

***

He woke up some time later, though he couldn’t have guessed what time. The room was dark aside from the blue light of the TV. A little bit of natural light filtered in from the window, but rain clouds dotted blanketed the sky above. Rain pattered against the window in sheets obscuring the city landscape.

He groaned and tilted his head to the side.

A soft whimper, and something warm and wet ran over the back of his hand.

He tilted his head to the side.

The room was small, only big enough for a queen sized bed, a tv and a small desk. There was adoor to a small bathroom right next to a door that likely lead out into the hallway. The hotel room was small, but clean.

And it wasn’t his.

He turned his head a little further, gritting his teeth against the pain as his bleary eyes fell on the silhouette of a man sitting at the end of the bed. He was slightly hunched forward one hand resting on his knee as he flipped through the channels.

“Adam, can you hear me.’

He turned his head a little further to the right, to where Kril was standing beside him, a look of concern on his face.

The silhouette turned to face him, no more than a balck blob against the light. It was impossible to make out his face.

“Where am I? He croaked

The man stood and stepped forward, stepping out of the way of the TV and allowing some light to fall on the side of his face, “My hotel room, sorry about how cramped it is, but until yesterday I was kind of short on cash.”

Adam blinked, the cogs in his brain grinding to a slow start as he stared at the man’s face, which was familiar but he just couldn’t…

“Cigarette.”

It was the first word his brain could think of to describe the man when he finally recognised him, and in his goggy state it was the only thing he could think of, “Where do you even buy those these days.”

“Lets just say if I could quit my smoking habit than maybe I wouldn’t be so short of cash…. Anyway, how are you feeling.”

“Like shit…. What…. What happened.”

The other man sighed and pulled up the chair from the desk, sitting next to him, “You must have had a pretty bad PTSD attack. Looks like you jumped off an overpass and then rad headfirst into a brick wall.”

He grunted, “that explains a lot I guess….” he paused, “I thought…. I thought I was doing fine. I felt…. Fine and now…” A hand rested on his shoulder, “I know, I understand.”

Adam blinked, squinting at him slightly in the darkness, “Who are you/”

“The name is Kier but most of my friends call me Lindsay. I don’t know why, guess our days in the army just sort of rubbed off on us, now we only refer to people by their last names really.”

“What were you doing at the trial.”

The man smiled a little sadly, “Watching some assholes git their comeuppance, oh, and being awarded about five million dollars compensation.”

It took Adam even longer to digest that, “You….. you’re Steel eye-” The last two words came out as a squeak.”

Lindsay turned on the light by the bed, bathing them both in a warm yellow glow. Now that Adam could get a good look at him, he saw an older man probably in his late forties or early fifties. His hair was steel grey but well groomed, and he had the body of a man half his age. He wore only a tattered flannel rolled up to the sleeves and a white T-shirt. The back and sides of his arms were dotted with familiar circular scars  all with a silver sort of sheen.

And, surprisingly, little silver dots….

Iron eye implants.

He turned his head to stare up at him, “You…. you are one of the five.”

“Yep, we never met during the war but I’ve been watching your career on the news for some time now. Some real impressive stuff kid.” he smiled, smiled and easy smile of someone who actually meant it.

Adam felt a sudden pang of guilt and shame.

For a moment he couldn’t figure out what it had stemmed from, until he realised. This man seemed fine, and here he was a complete wreck.

“How are you….. Ok after all that?” he wondered almost bitterly.

Lindsay shook his head, “Don’t start with that. I've jumped from one war to another my entire life. I have more experience than you.”

Adam went quiet, “So you were fine…. After steel eye.”

The man snorted, “No… no no, not even close.”

“What happened, if you don’t mind me asking.”

The man shrugged, “Lost both my legs in the war, one above the knee and one below. When I got home my family didn’t have enough money to get me good prosthetics, so I was pretty much wheelchair bound for a year or so.” he sighed, “I came back a shell of a man to a family who really needed a father. It was so bad for a time, everyday I thought about just…. Not being there anymore. I didn’t  talk to my wife, I didn’t talk to my kids, and when I did speak I was angry all the time or apathetic.” His shoulders slumped, “For a time, I didn’t have much of a relationship with my middle daughter or my oldest son. I had drug withdrawals so bad I even wheeled myself halfway across town to try and find something…. Heroin maybe, anything that might take the edge off,” He snorted sadly, “I see it as a blessing now that no one would sell to me. I went over the edge drinking, and chain smoking and trying to bum pills off of any doctor I could find. Luckily with regulations on pills these days, I wasn’t given any.”

Adam felt his mouth go dry, “That bad.”

He nodded, “Woke up screaming most nights because of the dreams. For a while my kids moved out of the house because my wife was scared for thor safety.” He held up a hand, “Even during that time I would never have hit them intentionally, but my dreams were getting so bad that I would wake up flailing, and I would jump at the smallest sound. Anything could set me off.”

He sighed sadly, “But my wife bless her soul, is the strongest woman I know.” He reached into his pocket, and pulled out a photograph showing it to Adam with a look of pride so profound  it made even Adam’s heart ache.

What he saw was a nice family. Two younger kids, a teenage boy, and a woman.

She had short black hair spiked up and dark lipstick on, and the look on her face was indicative of someone full of mischievous humor.

“My angel. She stayed by me even though she should have left. I tried to get her to leave, even made my behavior worse at one point to drive her off. She SHOULD have left me, but she didn’t. I had the mot amazing support system. She held me from falling any further into it, and my little girl, my little girl Bethany, that little girl pulled me out by my hair and dragged me back to reality. She was too young to realise how horrible I was being, and she just thought I was sick. No matter how much my wife tried to keep hr away from me, she always came to see me somehow, with ‘medicine’.” 

He smiled, “Generally it was just a tube of baby M&Ms. I refused at first, but she insisted, and the one day I decided to take them just to quiet her down, she told me that I would be all better.”

He waited with pent up breath.

“That night, I slept without nightmares…. The placebo effect is a hell of a thing if a child can convince a grown ass man that M&Ms ar medicine. I woke up and my head had never been so clear in my entire life. I saw what I was doing to them, and to my little girl and to my other kids…. I have never cried that hard in my entire life, but it was just what I needed. Some emotion to break the cycle of anger and apathy. It wasn’t an easy road from there, but I finally got smart and started listening to my wife. Somehow managed to get my kids to forgive me, and from there we worked as a team to get me back on my feet.” he patted the cigarette in his pocket, “This is what remains from those days…. Can’t seem to quit, but working on it.”

Adam was quiet for some time, 

“It was that hard on your family.”

“It was. I am glad they stayed but at the same time I wish they hadn’t been so hurt by me.

He sighed and leaned his head back, “I don’t think that is possible for me.”

A hand turned to rest down on his shoulder, “I know it sounds hard right now but…. I have a theory if you want to hear it.”

He sighed, “Shoot, it's not like I have any other bright ideas.”

“What are you?”

“What do you mean.”

“I mean when all the trappings are stripped away from you, your job and your title…. What makes you…. You.”

He paused for a moment, opened his mouth and then closed it, “I…. Im a….I….” The other man waited, his eyes sad.

The only things Adam could think of were related to his job.

When he was silent for some minutes, the man patted his arm, “All these years of service and you've never taken time to construct a framework for yourself that can survive outside of your job. If you keep defining yourself by what you do and how well you preform than you aren’t going to last. You constantly do everything for everyone else, but why not think about doing something for yourself for once, be completely selfish. Don’t go on vacation because, I bet this will calm me down and make me a better leader when I return, go on vacation because you bloody well want to job be damned.”

Adam opened his mouth to protest, but the man silenced him.

“Even if you love your job, you need breaks from it. You need to set the line to where your job ends and you begin, otherwise you won’t have a personality left when you are done. Take some time to fix YOU before lending yourself to everyone else.”

He rested his head back, “That sounds….. Difficult.”

The man patted him on the arm, “You’ve proven you can do hard things, now is just the time to do another hard thing.”

Adam nodded but inside his head he was beginning to feel a little hopeless. He knew that Lindsay was right. He knew that he was messed up, and everything he had done up to this point was just going to be a bandage. 

And until he was fixed.

He was going to have to give up a few things.

He hated the idea of hurting people like Lindsay had described, so…. So that meant doing something that he wasn’t going to like.

“Do you…. Do you mind if I…. speak with you…. On occasion.”

The man smiled, “I already put my number in your phone if you need me. I work law enforcement now so I might be busy, but if you need my help Ill do my best.”

***

He didn’t want the court’s blood money. He would have tossed it away if he could, but he knew that was just his confused mind talking. Money was money, so he mostly gave it away. Gave it away to his parents for their retirement, and to his brothers and sisters for their kids college funds. He gave some to his brother to get him a better house in a new area, but he kept some for himself. It would have been irresponsible not to buy himself a house, to get himself a place away from his job and the ship.

He didn’t know where to buy it at first thinking that earth was too mundane but anything further out was too far removed. So, he bought a little private property on the moon. It cost a shit ton of money but, he had that in spades now. He only told his family about it.

They weren’t exactly happy with them when he finally told them where he had been. They had wanted to be there to support him, but he couldn’t find t in himself to feel bad that they hadn’t see the pictures and the videos he had been forced to see. He apologized and promised he would do better in the future.

He felt disconnected from himself.

Out of touch.

The crew of the Omen was just as angry with him, perhaps even more so than his family.. The intervening days that led him back to his ship feeling detached was like…. Some sort of horrible dream. He felt like he was slipping backward down a slippery slope and watching the light fade away from him. 

He was scrambling on the rocks but couldn’t find purchase.

Perhaps it was the idea of what he had to do next that hurt  him so much. Hurt him so much that he didn’t want to think about it, but he knew he had to. He didn’t want to but he knew he had to. It was the only way he was going to be able to feel ok about himself, about fixing himself.

Maybe things would change when he finally came back.

Maybe when he recovered, he could change what he was about to do.

And maybe he was about to ruin it forever.

He walked down the hallway of the engineering corridor despondent, like he was watching himself in third person.

He reached out a hand that didn’t feel like his and knocked on the wall of the ship.

A familiar face turned to look at him from her workspace in the dark. Sunny stood and paused to look at him, “Adam, are you alright.”

“Sunny…. We…. need to talk.”

She paused eyes narrowing in confusion.

“Are you ok.” she repeated.

He walked in taking a seat on her work bench and staring down at his hands.

“Is this about, the trial….. I mean yes I am a little mad that you didn’t tell me. Is it because I’m a Drev, is it because it would have looked bad. I know I don’t understand human politics, but maybe….”

He held up a hand, and she grew quiet.

He sat for a long moment fighting himself on the inside,and then forcing himself to look up at her. He could feel hot tears prickling at the back of his eyes though, for some reason he couldn’t get them to fall.

She deserved that he at least LOOK at her.

He felt sick.

He just wanted to throw up. 

This…. This was the hardest thing he had ever done. 

“Sunny…. I… while I was away, at the trial.”

She stared at him slow horror and confusion passing across her face.

“Well, I learned some things about myself. Number one being that, I….. I never recovered from what happened to me. From Steel eye and the war. Ive been bandaging it up for the past few years assuming that I can fix it, but at this point…. I wonder if I ever will.” He took a deep breath and locked eyes with her, “I’m broken, and until I can fix myself…. I think its best if-”

“No, no no no that's not how this works.”

He continued speaking, “I think it's best if we take a break.”

“NO!”

“Sunny I love you but I. I am not Capable of being what you need or deserve.” he stood reaching a hand forward, “I can’t subject you to myself like that.”

She jerked away from his hand, “that should be MY decision it would be OUR decision.”

“Sunny please…. I am so sorry.”

“On my planet, battle pairs fight WITH each other no matter how hard the battle is.”

His voice shook timorous and fading fast, “And on my planet, sometimes loving someone means letting them go.”

[arandompostarchive]

SALEM - Ch. 14

SAVED WORK

Summary: In all the centuries of your existence, you had never been dragged out of hiding by another god, put in a superhero team and forced to save the universe. But it seems your luck has run out.

_____________

7 Days Left

You could still feel the way your face burned.

“I guess this is why more people don’t teleport. Always wondered why Loki didn’t just learn to teleport better.” You said under your breath. You layed back down on the grass below you. It was just as soft as you remembered. You gripped it tightly in your hand, trying to distract yourself from the pain. Looking over your landing spot, you could see some of the grass directly below you smoking. You still saw the small amount of black still on your hands, creeping its way up your arms through your veins. With Nyx as your mother, shadows and darkness were something you were used to, but the dark veins were something you hadn’t seen in a long time. You dragged yourself further away from the smoking grass, putting yourself on softer ground.

The longer you sat there, the worse the pain got. You kept your hand over your eye, your other hand tightening on the grass below you. You took a few deep breaths and tried to focus your energy to do some amount of healing. You saw your hand turn black as small clouds of shadows wrapped it and you held it over your eye. The pain dulled slightly, but your grip on the grass didn’t let up. A small groan involuntarily left your mouth. The dull throbbing on your face cooled a bit. It felt like your body was getting used to the pain, rather than it going away. But hey, it’s better than suffering.

You propped yourself up on your elbows, looking around. You were on the hill you remembered landing on with Loki. Loki.

Is he alright? Still alive? The absence of the quinjet suggested he was at least okay enough to fly. You silently wished he had left it and used the Tesseract, but you quickly realized without some medical attention you were in no state to fly any sort of ship.

You took your hand off your eye, doing your best to see using only moonlight. You could still clearly see a dark color against your hand, no doubt your blood. You groaned, more confused than anything else, but you still did your best to stand up. Your magic was helpful, but not a solution. Unfortunately for you, much like Thor, some injuries were permanent, and you were hoping this wouldn’t be one of them. When it came to magic, you were a skilled god. After all, it was one of your two titles.

You stumbled your way down the small hill towards the soldier’s base. With your stumbling and poor vision, you found it astounding you made it as far as you did. Your feet stung in your shoes like you decided to stand up after they both fell asleep. You were close to their walls, but there was a sudden and alarming light shining in your face, and a rather authoritative voice shouted down at you.

“Stop where you are!”

You felt much too dizzy to say anything, much less fight back, so you put your hands up. A few guards ran down a second later wrapping cuffs around you. They felt bulkier than the ones you had seen on Earth, they fit tight against your wrist, which didn’t help your blood circulation in the slightest.

They (rather roughly) dragged you through their base and into some sort of room. It resembled a human interrogation room, something you had seen a bit since working with the Avengers. You waited for what felt like years. You couldn’t raise your hand to your eye anymore since the cuffs stuck to the table in front of you with what felt like magnets but significantly stronger.

Your head hung over the table and every so often a drop of your blood fell onto the metal table in front of you. You could feel what felt like tears roll down one side of your face, but you knew better. The blood had probably stained your suit by now. You were thankful Tony had designed it to be black, otherwise, that would be a pain in your ass to clean.

Unlike Earth’s interrogation rooms, there didn’t seem to be a mirror. Simply smooth, stone walls, a table, and a rather uncomfortable chair. You thought about what Loki was doing. How he would explain himself to the Avengers. What was Tony thinking? How did Peter do on that school assignment? Now, for the first time in about a week, everything was calm. Despite the fact that you were locked in a room, likely in quite a bit of trouble with murderous soldiers, this is the calmest you had felt in quite a long time.

Moros was going on to do something, you weren’t sure what. But you did know that it wouldn’t end well. Not for Earth or any other planets he decided to target. Innocents would be suffering, and you couldn’t stop him. He was stronger than you thought, and you had prepared to fight a death goddess with a bad temper.

The door jolted open, revealing a tall, roughed up guard. You recognized him as one of the guards who saw you and Loki escape only a day or two ago. Wow. That was really only a day…

“Hello, there.” The guard said. He walked to your side of the table and held a small card against your cuffs. They illuminated a soft blue before unlocking and releasing themselves off the table. He picked them up and gestured to the door. Your hand brushed the table as you stood up, rubbing blood onto your hand. The guard frowned, putting his hand on your shoulder.

“What in hell’s name happened there? No, you can tell me later. Let’s get that fixed up.” He said, walking ahead of you and turning down a hallway.

You jogged a bit to catch up with him, more than a little confused. “Not that I’m not grateful, but why exactly did you take me out of there?”

He smiled a bit, “You’re Mal’s new recruit, right? He’s probably at a different base right now, but I figured I should probably look out for you if he took a liking to you. Not that I’m not a bit confused myself. What were you doing out of the base? One of those hunters?”

You nodded along, breathing out a quiet sigh in relief that the Mal guy wasn’t around to discredit the guard’s theory.

“Damn. I think another soldier was taken by one of those bastards. Vexus is fairly certain there are some guards who are working for them. Some people will do anything for money.”

“Vexus?” You asked. He stopped for a second before laughing and continuing to walk.

“Wow, you really are new, huh? They’re the boss around here. They run this base.” You nodded in response.

“And what’s your name?” You questioned as you both neared the end of the hallway.

“Brigadier General Shale. But any friend of Mal’s can call me Mios.”

You smiled. He opened a door at the end of the hall, gesturing to the inside and following you in.

There were other soldiers through the large room, they were all being led off in different directions. You could see what looked like nurses rushing a woman across the room. She had a wound on her chest and had been laid down on what resembled a stretcher. Mios beckoned you to a desk-like area. The qualities of the room mimicked that of the Avenger’s own medical wing, but with slight differences. Like the odd, lamp-looking lights built into the ceiling that curved around the entire room. Or the much darker designs, contrasting the white hospitals you were used to. Not impossible, just odd.

Mios was talking to a woman sitting at the desk. She had small antenna poking out from under her hair. Her skin reminded you of Earth’s sky, and silvery-white freckles spotted her face. You stood next to Mios and the woman asked you something in a different language than the one you were used to. Suddenly, you were thankful for Allspeak. You moved your hand, exposing your eye, the room was white and blurred and the sudden light made your eye sting. The woman nodded.

The more time you spend in the room the more you wanted to just go back home, something you were sure your team was waiting for. If they even thought you were alive anymore.

You hadn’t really taken time to think it all over. To think through everything that happened in only a week. Flying off-planet with Loki, fighting your aggressive sibling, and attempting to teleport, something you were now deeply regretting. If I ever teleport again I’ll need to actually learn how to do it. Even though your version of teleporting more reminded you of space travel, thinking of a way to get to whatever place, then taking yourself there. You wanted to try again, to see how much farther you could get. But you didn’t know many planets, and you’d rather not lose both eyes.

“Hey, let’s go.” Mios’ voice called to you, bringing you out of your thoughts. You nodded, following a darkly dressed nurse to a back corner of the office area. You entered another room, the people there all had wounds, bleeding and fairly deep. Some of them had passed out and one or two were having what looked like an odd version of CPR. It made you wonder how bad your wound really was.

“So, recruit. Tell me, what should I call you?” Mios asked.

You thought over your options a bit, “Call me Salem.” You finally said, trying your best to smile. He smiled back.

“Salem, huh? Nice name.” He said as you sat down on an empty bed. He sat on a small stool next to you. The room was crowded and full of injured soldiers. You would’ve asked exactly what war they were fighting if it wouldn’t have blown your cover. You only waited a minute for a doctor to come over, she seemed to be the same race as the woman at the desk. She examined your eye and used some sort of scanning device on you. Her hands glowed slightly, a type of magic you recognized. It was far from Asgardian magic, or even the small amount of magic on Earth. Rather, a kind of healing magic. She held it over your eye for a moment then removed it. She frowned and tried it again.

“You should be healing on your own from what I can tell. Your cellular regeneration is remarkable. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were a god.”

Mios wrinkled his nose at the word, scoffing a bit. “No recruit here is a god, believe me. Someone would’ve figured it out by now.” You wanted to ask why he hated gods so much, but you decided you’d wait a bit for that question.

The nurse seemed to ignore Mios and instead continued talking. “How did you get this wound?” She said, her hand still over your eye.

You thought through your answer, eventually saying “Spell gone awry.”

“You’re a magician?” She questioned. You nodded.

“I see. Wounds like this, especially with magic…” She trailed off. “I don’t think I can help you, I’m sorry. The best I can do is numb any pain and insured it’ll scar properly but… that wound. It’s not going anywhere.” You nodded. You weren’t entirely sure what to say. When Thor lost his eye, he seemed to just roll with the punches. Granted, he didn’t have much of a scar. From what the nurse said, you’d be left with something ugly. The thought made you cringe.

“Thank you for trying.” You said grimly. At least Thor and I will match now, you thought. Tony would never let this go. Maybe he could actually make a decent nickname out of this. The thought only made you want to leave more.

The nurse nodded and left for a moment before coming back with some sort of cream and bandages. She applied the cream and you instantly felt a burn, so cold it was hot. You saw it glow just a bit out of the corner of your good eye. You groaned. Your noises didn’t seem to bug the doctor, Mios, or any other patients and you felt safe from the potential embarrassment.

Soon after, the doctor finally let you leave, a bandage stuck on the side of your head, keeping soft cotton over your eye. Mios smiled at you anyway, probably used to the sight of injured soldiers. “What troop are you in? I’ll walk you to the quarters.”

You froze. You tried your best not to stop or stutter. “Uh. I haven’t been given one.” You said, hoping that was an acceptable answer. He looked deeply confused.

“Are you sure? No one’s ever given you one? You came here unassigned?” You shook your head. You were sure Mios could hear your heartbeat from where he stood. “Why don’t you join mine. I’ll sneak your name on the list.” He smiled a little bit. “I’m sure someone somewhere has given you one, maybe you don’t remember.” You shrugged, relieved he wouldn’t question you more. He stopped at a door. You recognized it. You were almost sure it was the one Loki was walking from.

Great. Loki thought someone here knew him, that guy you both were looking for earlier.

You stepped into the room and Mios led you to a bed. The room was full of other women and you suspected the quarters were divided by gender.

“Get some rest and heal up, you’ll be up early. After breakfast you can go take that bandage off, you should be healed enough by then. We got the best doctors in the galaxy.” He laughed. “We can assess your skills and placement tomorrow.” You sat on the bed, offering him a small thank you. He gave you a small nod in reply, stepping out of the room.

***

Mios wasn’t kidding when he said early. Or maybe you just got here too late at night. There weren’t any clocks you could read. You had tried asking some people for the time, but the answers you got didn’t translate well. “The 36th hour”, “3 past dawn”, “Only one-seventh through the day”. You eventually just stopped asking, instead choosing to accept it was an early enough time. Breakfast was dull, but you were thankful Mios had let you sit with his officers. He insisted that Mal had left a place at the table that he would love you to fill. You were simply thankful you weren’t put in a group of people you didn’t know or understand.

Mios took you to the doctors again and they took off the bandage, giving you a new type of cream to put over the scar. You thanked them and Mios took you down to his training room.

“Now, I’m not certain what planet your from, but our ranks work a little differently. They’re given by skill. When you join, you may simply receive a higher rank than others. Most people can work their way up by getting better, but when the best of the best are only getting better, you tend to stay at the same spot. Unless someone dies in battle. Are you ready, Salem?” You nodded. He gestured to a weapons rack. You thought about your weapon. The short staff that evolved into a scythe. You turned to Mios to ask about out before he produced it before you.

“I figure you’d want this back, but you’re still going to have to train with our weapons. Just so no one really gets hurt. You took the weapon, placing it with your things before picking up what looked like two wooden daggers. Loki had shown you knife throwing centuries ago, a natural skill of his. The thought made you smile.

“Interesting. Don’t have recruits pick those too often. Usually one of the more grand weapons. Always trying to show off.” Mios shook his head, grabbed a long wooden staff with a small rounded end. “Usually I’d have a spear, but those are even dangerous when wooden. I hope this will do.” He smiled. Clearly, he had experience from training others. You wondered if that was a line he used often.

“I’m sure I’m not the first person you’ve said that too, General.” You said, laughing a bit. Thankfully, the trickster shard your sense of humor. He chose to laugh at your joke rather than get upset for some reason.

“No, you are not.” He led you over to another area, one with more open space for sparring. He took his position, as did you. A third person started counting. It startled you a bit since you didn’t realize they were there. Then, he charged.

***

[docholligay]

Follow Water Down

I have been wandering around in the woods since I was a small child. My family was not particularly well off, and from the ages of probably 3 to 16, the only vacations we ever took were camping trips. We left the house for the woods nearly every weekend. I live in Montana, and so when I say camping trips, I don’t mean we headed off to the KOA with a pool, I mean if I walked away from the campsite I was in the goddamn National Forest. I was genuinely happy with this arrangement, as I was a strange child who grew up to be a strange adult, and I enjoyed the quiet, the sense of exploration, the smell of the trees. 

I began leaving the campsite nearly from the word go, and by the time I was about 8 or so, I was very much off by myself in the woods for the majority of the day, which leads us to our post today. There are people who would call my mom grossly neglectful for having allowed me to do so much on my own at such a young age, and even she gets bashful when she talks about it, but I credit it with a lot of positives: 

I have an extremely good sense of direction

I have a strong core of self-sufficiency and am not easily overwhelmed by anxiety

I can be alone in the quiet with my thoughts

I am rough and tumble as HELL, owing to many many many falls down the sides of mountains, huge gashes in my legs, being stalked by a mountain lion, and one very memorable miscalculation that ended in me falling off a (small) waterfall

When I meet my fear, I can master it*

So what I am here to present to you today are very basic survival skills such as I would teach my own child, such as I was taught as a child. This is by no means comprehensive, and if you intend to get seriously into outdoor life, I recommend both doing far more research, and taking a a Wilderness First Aid class, which are frequently offered when it’s NOT Covid, and which I take about once every 3-5 years (I am due). This is a primer for those who are young, or new, or mostly want to experience the wilderness by reading about me doing it. 

Follow Water Down. 

I cannot remember how old I was when I learned this. It’s the sort of thing that is a part of my makeup, my mother must have told me when I was only a toddler and its stuck with me so hard that it’s one of the first things I tell people. 

If you are lost: 

Water will always lead you back to civilization eventually. Join up with the stream. See which way its going. Go that way. This is obviously not significantly helpful if you are lost in a flat desert plain but then again, I did start this by saying I was a child of the woods and not the desert. This seems like such an easy trick that people often ignore me when I say it, but it is the simplest thing for a child to remember. 

I can’t remember how old I was when I got lost in a tangle of hills and mountains in the Little Belts, where the trail faded but I kept going in my normal bullheaded way. But I was well and truly lost by the time it was about 3 pm, and in some ways I wish I had worn a step tracker back in those days because I am extremely certain I went miles and miles, as one does when they leave immediately after breakfast and don’t come back till dinner. I had no idea where I was, where the campsite was, or what direction I should be going. 

I was not thrilled. 

But I was not a kid who sat down and cried, in that I had smaller concerns before, and so could easily grow to meet the larger ones. I simply walked down the mountain, knowing a valley was more likely to have a stream I could easily join. Lo and behold, there in that little valley was a snowmelt creek, and I followed it downstream, knowing eventually there would be a house, or a campground, or something. In a twist of glorious good luck, it actually led me back toward where the campsite was, and as I began to recognize things, I easily clipped into our campsite long before any sign of trouble. 

Follow Water Down. If you aren’t near a stream, head for the nearest valley, and follow the valley. This will generally lead you to water. People will tell you to stay put and that is WAY smarter than wandering aimlessly in circles, which is why I say to follow something. You think you won’t go in circles, but you will. By following a streambed, not only are you doubtlessly heading back to civilization on a long enough timeline, but you keep yourself from doing that. 

Your Pack: 

Before you go out for the day, you should have a simple day pack. Mine is an Osprey Hikelite 18, but I hike all the time, and you don’t need something that technical. A plain ol Jansport will work as long as it fits you well. I do however, really approve of and recommend a waist clip. I also think a pocket for a water bottle on the outside is really useful, but you’re not going to fucking die if you have to take off your pack to get to your water bottle. I just find it takes up space I don’t want. 

Gear:

More important than your pack itself is what you have in it. Again, this is according to people named Doc, who are me. This is stuff I always take with me when I am by myself, on a trail where it would be realistic to assume I would not see someone else for hours. This is like 95% of Montana trails, or any time that I am off trail. 

Compass. You can get fancy, pretty compasses, but a lot of times they lack the actual essentials you need. I like this guy, which is well made, can be clipped to you backpack easily, and is inexpensive. I don’t have the time or space to really try to teach you how to use a compass, but here’s a really good simple primer from the American Hiking Society. 

Paper Map. I sometimes break this one, admittedly, but I shouldn’t. Having a paper map of the area is always a really smart practice, and used in combination with the compass, can help you get unlost quickly, or at the very least give you an idea of how close to any given outpost you are. 

Water Bottle. Please don’t tell me you were going to attempt to leave without this. I have no preferences on one, shockingly, and I’m being serious. I’ve been given to use an old disposable one, who gives a shit. 

Water Filter. Now THIS I did not have as a child, because my parents didn’t know any better, but if I follow in the grand tradition of my people and release my child into the mountains, I will give them one for certain. I knew what kind of water to look for if one was going to drink from a stream, and I did so, which probably explains why I am not susceptible to ~tummy upsets~ to this day. However, it would have been smarter for me to have one of these. I like LifeStraw but Sawyer makes a perfectly good one. Look for lightweight, it’s a day pack, kids. 

Knife. I have many many feelings about knives, which would require its own post, but this is fairly essential for being out and about. This is not a thing I would necessarily cheap out on, though there are fine options at most price points. This is my knife:

The Gerber Propel AO. The serrated and straight blade edge means there’s a lot of options for use as a tool, I find the blade to be strong and hold an edge well. Most American-made Gerbers (be sure and check, as they have a much shittier Chinese-made division) are incredibly well made knives. Leatherman multi-tools and Swiss Army Knives are, if you ask people named Doc who are me, a waste of weight and size, but if I were to buy a Leatherman, it would be a Free K2X. I would not buy a Swiss Army Knife. 

A jacket/fleece/pullover. Listen, i am the last one who wants to carry this shit but if you get lost overnight (as has never happened to me, kinehara.) you are going to want it. Read up on what the lowest temperatures are, and rate it to that. Depending on what mountain you are in, this is going to vary widely. And for the love of god, wear pants. I know, I know, it’s in the 70s and you’re hoooooooot but seriously, you’ll be less likely to injure yourself and you won’t fucking freeze. 

Flashlight/headlamp. 

There are fancy firestarters, but honestly I just throw in a bic. 

Food! Clif bars are great for this, lightweight, high calorie, keep well. this is in addition to your sandwich or whatever you’re packing for planned eating. 

Sunscreen/bug spray. Don’t be stupid. 

Whistle. Three sharp shot blasts is the easy and international sign for help. 

FIRST AID KIT this has its own thing. A first aid kit can be very basic to very intense. Our group first aid kit is more intense, but when I’m stuffing a day pack, I want stuff that’s light. 

Ibuprofen

Bandages

Gauze

Leukotape

wound wipes/antibac

Imodium, benedryl, caffeine

Oxycontin. This is leftover from long ago and basically exists in case I break my leg and have to drag myself out of there, or, as we like to say, a Worst Case Scenario. 

That’s it! It essentially fits in a bento box. 

You will want to be wearing a sunhat of some sort, sunglasses at hand, and a watch. Not a smart watch, a watch watch. It’s good to know what time it is, better to know that after your phone dies. Attach bear bells to your pack, or your shoe, or something. You do not want to surprise a bear, that is how people die. 

You may notice that I do not have a phone, external battery, GPS tracker or anything like that listed. GPS trackers are not a bad idea if you want to invest the money in backcountry--my wife has one--but I never have and I do not consider them essential. Phones and external batteries are not useful to me, and in the places I go there’s often not service. If there IS service, I find I’m more irritated than not by the people with me, who often can’t pull their faces out of telling their audience how much of a life they have to actually have one. Be alone with your fucking thoughts for once. 

Which leads me to my next thing: DO NOT WEAR HEADPHONES TO HIKE OH MY GOD. Being able to hear what’s going on around you is key to safety, and also to allowing you to get your bearings. If you are listening to music or something, you are far more likely to sneak up on something, or allow it to sneak up on you. Don’t do it. It’s a terrible idea. 

Should I bring bear spray? This is an excellent question! We have ample bear spray, and I often wear it but I just as often wear Montana Bear Spray (a gun). It’s easier to practice with a gun, I feel more sure of how to use it, and I’m comfortable around it. That being said, this is not the story for most of America, and I understand that. So make sure you are VERY familiar with how to use your bear spray. 

I suppose this went off the rails into supplies more than “tips for survival” but honestly I would rather help you all AVOID trouble than help you out of it. It’s easier to pack clif bars than set a rabbit snare, and its easier to not get lost than it is to build shelter. Also, this is already at 2,000 words, so if you have a SPECIFIC question, let me know! 

*Apologies to Phillip Pullman, but if I were going to get anything from HDM tattooed on me, this sentiment would be it, the only problem being the actual line is “You ent afraid are you?” “Not yet. When I am, I shall master the fear.” which doesn’t look as good but damn has that resonated with me since I read it.

[celestialsushi]

Mutual (A JSE ego fanfic)

I don’t normally write JSE ego fics (unless all the writing for Schneep in a specific fangame and on a specific askblog counts lol) but I had an idea about JJ and Marvin being turn of the century roommates and thought “well now, I have to write this” XD Enjoy!

PS I still need to draw my Marvin design; don’t worry, I will at some point

~~~

"There's got to be an alternative to setting myself on fire..."

Heavy footfalls betrayed the sound of the exhausted magician's feet as he trudged out the backstage door and out into the open street. No sign of the earlier crowd drew a thankful sigh from his lips as he pressed onward down the puddled sidewalk a little ways to a small residential building, deliberately picking his feet up as he climbed the steps.

"Almost home…" he muttered. "Just a little bit farther."

Once inside the entryway, the wall became his companion, keeping him upright as he began limping to one of the doors nearest the end of the hall. He reached for the final doorknob, but this slipped out of his grasp, soon to be replaced by the sight of another young man about his age, attired in a silk dressing gown. He took one look at the worn out warlock and his mouth hung agape.

"Relax, Jamie. It's not as bad as it looks." He pushed past the mustached man, slowly removed his shoes, and poured himself into the nearest sofa.

Jameson Jackson, or JJ as most knew him, shook his head pointedly as he closed the door. ["Oh is it?"] he signed, leaning over into the couch's line of sight.

"Yes. It is. I promise you I didn't have to impale myself this time." The man on the couch dusted off his sleeve a bit. "Just set myself ablaze, that's all."

JJ's heart seized within him. ["And that's somehow less dangerous, Marvin??"]

Marvin's mischievous blue eyes rolled around a bit in thought. "...Under the right circumstances, yes. It's still not a picnic, mind you, but it's definitely a lot safer. For one thing, the flames don't penetrate my body."

Running his hands through his prematurely greying hair, JJ went off in search of a first aid kit, bringing one back in the time it took for Marvin to realize he had more scorch marks on him than he'd previously thought. ["Okay, sit up,"] he motioned. ["I'll have no guest in my house untreated so long as I'm alive and well. Although you seem to be pushing your luck and I don't like it."]

Marvin held up his hand. "No need, Jamie. This'll be a faster heal than that sword wound. And that one sealed on the outside onstage." He sat quietly for a moment, his body bathed in an unearthly green glow as the singed skin returned to a healthy, soft tone.

Closing up the medical kit, JJ shook his head. ["It's not that I want you to be injured, but at some point I'd like to be able to use this seeing as I paid good money for it. You've thankfully rendered it unnecessary!"]

"You'd get more use out of it if you started cooking more," Marvin laughed. "I've seen you handle knives." Reaching back, he untied the ribbon holding his hair together and let it fall loose, a pair of cat ears poking out from the top of his head. He rolled a bit sideways to let his newly-revealed tail have some room beside him, tossing the ribbon onto the nearby coffee table in a tiny puff of sparkles. "At that rate, people might prefer to see YOU as the final act of the show. We have to satiate their ever-increasing bloodlust somehow."

A tiny clatter of nervous disapproval echoed from the kitchen.

"Oh, speaking of dangerous and potentially soul-crushing work," he called out, watching as JJ re-entered the room. "Any word from the publishers?"

The dressing-gowned man pursed his lips as he sheepishly gazed off toward the mantlepiece, a letter sitting above the cozy fire crackling away.

"Not good, I take it?"

JJ shook his head, picking up his letter and limply handing it to Marvin. The magician wasted no time in opening it and, as his eyes darted across each line within, found the heat within his body rising.

"What??" he bellowed, jumping to his previously exhausted feet. "They can't treat you like that!! W-Why, you're a published author for heaven's sake!! With three other houses currently vying for your attention!!"

The sudden fervor from his friend took JJ's feet a step back or two, but a small encouraged smile managed to work its way under his thick mustache. He nodded a bit as though he were testing the waters.

"That's it, I'll do it. I said I wouldn't but I'll do it." He turned to JJ. "Tell me who I've got to transform and I'll do it. This Whittaker bastard? I can easily turn him into a frog!"

That was nowhere near the list of acceptable things in JJ's book. He adamantly shook his head, giving Marvin the biggest ["NO"] his hand could muster.

"But… they called you pedestrian!"

JJ shrugged.

"They called you an amateur!"

JJ shrugged again.

"They said it'd be better that your work line the bottom of every birdcage in this bloody country--"

It was at this point that JJ snatched the letter from Marvin's hand and summarily tossed it into the fireplace.

"...Ah. And their words can burn in hell for all you care, yes?"

Jameson gave a final shrug and wearily wandered to his armchair, slowly letting the cushions support him. ["I really shouldn't let it have that much power over me. After all, it's far from the first rejection I've ever received. But usually they aren't so..."] He furrowed his brow. ["Opinionatedly nasty?"]

"A bit of cellular reorganization and I'm sure he'll think twice next time."

The beleaguered author shook his head once more, watching as Marvin began to become smaller and smaller. In a few dainty steps, the magician, now a full cat of white fur and card suit markings on his back, hopped up into JJ's lap and curled round himself.

"Perhaps you're right," he said, looking up at his host. "I must say, you've a lot more maturity than I do. I've had to leave town on more than one occasion because someone who jeered me found himself with a new nose. And before you ask, I do mean that literally."

The color drained from JJ's face for a moment but he began to pet the strange cat regardless. A few moments later, the previously-stressed man found his tension slipping out of him into the floor below, as though the feline purring coming from his lap was the source and center of his impromptu meditation.

The cat chuckled a bit. "You know… sometimes I wonder who benefits more from this living arrangement: you or myself?"

JJ smiled lightly, his shoulders doing the talking for him.

"I'm serious," Marvin continued. "Here I was thinking my paltry stage salary wouldn't be enough to repay your kindness and yet you seem to be reaping some psychological benefits in addition to the monetary. Short of being an actual cat, I couldn't have planned it better if I'd tried."

With a sleepy yawn and a small nod of agreement, Jameson's eyelids closed up shop and shut him off from the rest of the world. Marvin remained on his lap, but the consciousness was quickly leaving him too.

"And for your part, just… promise me you won't pick up any more oddly-marked strays…" he muttered. "They're out to get me, you know."

(Penned by CelestialSushi)

[mishaphades-blog]

Dead End | Michael Gray

Author: Birdie

Summary: Y/N Y/L/N finds herself in trouble when Michael Gray seeks her out due to her cousin being shot.

Warnings: the usual peaky blinder stuff, lol

A/N: this is part one of a new little mini series I'm starting on here

BARE FEET padded against worn hardwood boards, pale and cold like they were every night. A cigarette was soon lit, lighting up the dark room only a small fraction of a second before darkness enveloped the only body in the room again. The only window in the room was open, the cold air blessing Y/N's skin as she inhaled the nicotine, thoughts about her cousins whereabouts almost coming to a completely stop. Almost.

Vincent was only two years older than her, the two left to take care of each other after Y/N's aunt, Vincent's mother, had passed away. They had to maintain the house somehow and while her cousin was out doing god knows what, she was selling herself off. Somehow, she was fine with it at the time before she had gotten her job at the library. The income that they had both made went without question and it kept a roof over their heads and food in their bellies.

Her concern for him wasn't as big as his concern for her. Despite being only two years younger, Vincent still thought of her as a baby, one who was too pure to know about what he was doing just to take care of her. She never told him what she used to do as well, when they were more desperate for money at that point in time.

Now, they managed to do what they had to without any complications, only seeing each other a few times a day. Not much talking would occur between the two, there was nothing to say anyway.

Y/N knew it was late - not too late though, the laughter and shouts from the Garrison a few streets away filling her ears like it did at all hours of the day. In there, some men were bound to drink their issues away, drowning in alcohol like it was healthy for them. The dark haired girl had her fair share of moments she wanted to forget, doing so by drinking as well. She thanked whoever she could that it didn't become a daily thing.

For Vincent however, that wasn't the case. He drank away like a flower collecting too much water, killing itself right after. She knew he wouldn't care if some kind of illness took him, death was a positive thing in his eyes. Suffering was something he did behind closed doors. Sometimes, Y/N would hear him cry between the thin walls that separated their rooms, and often times she couldn't drift off.

The urge to climb out of bed and knock on his door was strong as well. Wanting to tell him that she loved him and that everything would be alright was something she could never accomplish merely because it wasn't true. Nothing was alright and it never will be. Nothing would bring back the family members put six feet under through the years that she has been living.

E/c eyes scanned the empty streets for any sign of her cousin, hoping to catch him and try to talk before he disappeared into his room, negative thoughts preventing him from catching the sleep he so desperately needed. Maybe she could make him some tea like he used to do for her when the tears couldn't stop spilling from her eyes, quiet sobs sounding painful to his ears.

Vincent wasn't a very affectionate person, he hadn't hugged Y/N in a long time. Never joked around with her like he used to when they were little, when times used to be better, happier. When the sun was still shining and the clouds weren't casted over the blue sky.

Y/N inhaled once more, her night dress hugging her skinny frame as the harsh wind blew through the window. Goosebumps covered her skin and her teeth chattered slightly, lips pressing into a thin line after.

She exhaled, the tinge of mint prominent on her tongue as she put the cigarette out. With nimble fingers, she closed the window and made her way to the closed door at the corner in the far left, walking into the dimly lit living room. It gave off a homely feel despite not being used much at all. Aunt Helena would knit in the creaky rocking chair in the corner, a quilt draped over it.

For the first time in a long time, Y/N smiled slightly, chapped lips curling upward. To most, it would look like a snarl almost. The feeling was foreign to her; happiness that is. Genuine happiness.

With numb feet, she walked into the tiny kitchen, searching the small cabinets for the only pot in the house. Cooking utensils became almost extinct in the household, seeing as no one ever ate there anyway and things were becoming rusty.

Y/N watched as the pot heated up before she put the water into it, something she had a habit of doing in rare moments when she would actually sit down and make something. Vincent had multiple favorite teas but Black tea seemed to take the number one spot and so that's what Y/N made, letting it cool down a bit. He always came home around the same time every night.

She knew this because when he came home, Vincent couldn't keep quiet to save his life and would often stumble through the hall in a drunken state. She had woken up to his racket on many occasions and often glanced at the rusting pocket watch on her night table, letting out a long exhale as soon as she saw the time.

Although she had work tomorrow, Y/N couldn't bring herself to crawl back into bed and go to sleep. For no reason in particular, her belly was in knots, a sinking feeling settling itself below as well.

The front door creaked open, sending all the thoughts that jumbled around to fly out as her gaze snapped toward the chipping wood. Vincent's dark shoes could be seen, the material peeling a bit from its place.

He hadn’t seen Y/N yet, standing there with her arms crossed, hair disheveled and sticking up in all sorts of directions. His face contorted as the door slammed shut accidentally, a string of curse words being mumbled under his breath.

“You don't have to worry about me being asleep.” The words came out hoarse, her throat a bit dry and scratchy.

Vincent slouched, his back still against her. She hadn't seen his face yet, and he didn't plan on showing her any time soon.

“Don't you have work tomorrow?” His speech was slurred, at this Y/N rolled her eyes, shaking a leg as she stood. The floorboard creaking with each shake.

“I do, but I haven't seen you in days.” That wasn't a lie, he would always be gone before she had to get up for work. She had gotten used to the house being so silent that she had convinced herself she had lived alone most times.

Vincent hesitated before speaking, “Please go to bed,” She could hear him swallow.

That comment went ignored. Y/N ran a hand through her dark locks, fingers getting caught in the knots. “Turn around, Vince.”

“No.”

She didn't know why he wouldn't just fucking do what she asked of him. It wasn't that hard to rotate your body.

“Just please turn the fuck around,” A sigh escaped her lips.

A shaky breath left his lips and he lifted his head, turning to her, eyes dark and covered by pain she could understand. The bags under his eyes were visible as well. Something that was also visible was the large discolored area on his right eye socket, dry blood crusting over.

The sharp inhale that Y/N took made her dizzy. She tugged her bottom lip between her teeth, biting down on it to prevent the tears from spilling over.

“What happened to you?” Without warning, her feet moved toward him, he just stood there.

His gaze averted down to the floor, voice low. “It's better if you didn't know.”

Her veins were now hot, blood pumping quickly. “Bullshit.”

He went to speak again but she held up a finger, looking toward the pot, nostrils inhaling the pleasant smell of the tea that she had forgotten.

Seething, Y/N grabbed a small mug from one of the top cabinets, rinsing it out before grabbing the pot handle, pouring the hot liquid inside. From behind her, she could hear Vincent moving about, setting his thin coat on the rack near the door.

“I don't like how you don't tell me things.” The lump in her throat was swallowed soon after as she grabbed a small roll of bread from the bag on the dining table.

Her cousin stumbled over, pulling out a chair as she set the tea down in front of him, slamming it almost as she did the same with the bread roll.

He sighed, deciding against opening his mouth again, that would only get him into further trouble. Slowly, he watched as she wet a clean rag, twisting it to release all the water.

“I can clean it myself.” He said after he gingerly sipped the warm tea, taking a big bite of the bread after. Y/N had said on many occasions that it would soak up the liquor. Ever since then, he had been eating bread non-stop since he got drunk almost every day.

She was bound to slap him upside the head sooner or later.

Scratching the back of his head, he closed his eyes as she came near him, stiffening in his seat as soon as the rag came in contact with his right eye.

Vincent sucked in air between his teeth as she dabbed over the blotchy skin. Her touch was harsh. If he wasn't mistaken, she was hurting him on purpose, taking her anger out on his already injured. Despite his age, he was babied by his cousin to the extent that he felt like the younger one.

“I want you to tell me how you got that black eye, eh?” He could hear the sharpness in her voice as she practically poked at his eye.

He clenched his jaw, “What the bloody fuck, Y/N. Are you actually trying to poke my fucking eye out?” Vincent grabbed her cold hands with his calloused ones, squeezing at them before slamming them down on the table.

When he opened his eyes, his vision was blurry. Blinking multiple times, he raised his eyes to look at her. Her eyebrows were right up into her hairline, as far as they could go. A laugh arose in her throat, not a joking one.

“I just might.” She threw the rag at him before stomping to her room, slamming the door behind her.

After that it was silent, deathly silent. With an angry sigh, Vincent downed the last of his tea and ate the rest of the bread, setting the cup in the sink before he retreated to his own room.

Truly, their relationship had become strained, almost beyond repair. He didn't know why he had let it go this way for so long. Y/N was actually trying and he was dodging her like you would a bee. He had concluded that he was a coward, internally dealing with his issues by himself instead of telling the only family he had left. That's where he had fucked up.

Y/N wasn't one to hold grudges, she was always open to conversation. But he knew that she would continue to press forward and he would have to lie to her in order to protect her.

He thought that not telling her the truth would protect her, but that wasn't the case. Not at all.

[pumpkinmutual]

Sentiment [Demon!San]

So here’s demon!San that BabyAtiny anon requested, along with @ateezsbitch, @minicovaa, and @chasingatinydream -- I hope this is okay!

warnings; brief mentions of blood

setting; demon!au

You wince at the spray of black blood that dots your skin as you drive the dagger in further, blade meeting its target as the demon lets out an unearthly wail and dissolves in a plume of violet smoke. You wipe at the smoking ichor, gritting your teeth at the raised welts underneath. While it’s nowhere near as bad as last week’s injuries, you’d rather make it out of your scuffles unscathed.

Attention shifting away from your arm, you reach into the mess of pouches at your belt and pop one open, pulling out a rag to wipe the demon’s blood from your dagger before putting the rag away. You know you should put the blade away too – tonight’s call had been small-fry, a few straggling loners who’d been easy enough to dispatch – but years of unfortunate experience have taught you to know better than to let down your guard.

You keep your steps slow and measured, eyes probing the dark shadows untouched by the dim streetlamps, straining to hear any footsteps that aren’t your own. He would call you paranoid, but you’ve told him time and time again – I’m not paranoid, I’m prepared.

(“For what?” He’d ask. “The apocalypse?”

“It could happen,” you’d reply.)

By the time you’re within a stone’s throw of your modest apartment, you’re almost completely certain that you haven’t been followed and you roll your head, satisfying pop of your neck making you sigh as you hop up the short set of stone steps and open the front door.

Your odd job has allowed you equally odd hours, and for the last few weeks, virtually no one else in the complex has been outside to witness you coming home covered in blood that isn’t your own (too dark, too acidic) and for that you’re grateful. After all, at least two of the apartments have small children and that’s something that they don’t need to see.

The sound of music reaches your ears as you ascend the steps towards your own apartment, familiar enough to make you roll your eyes and heave a sigh as you rummage for your keys and unlock it. “I’ve told you before,” you call, “nobody listens to this kind of music anymore, and certainly not this loud.”

“And I’ve told you,” comes the reply, “that music like this never goes out of style. And one of the children from down the hall was screaming, so I was trying to drown them out.” The music cuts off abruptly, followed by footsteps. “I’d say you look like Hell, but I think that’s an insult to my home.”

You give him a dark look, toeing off your shoes. “Thanks, San.” You tell him dryly and he shrugs, watching you as you peel off your jacket, fingers slipping through the newly made holes. “This is the second jacket I’ve ruined this week.”

“Have you tried not getting spat on?”

“Not my fault demons die messy.” You hang the jacket up anyway – it isn’t beyond repair, and you can’t keep sinking money into a preferred aesthetic. (San says you could, but you know there are more important things than fashion, no matter what he insists.)

San remains silent as you wobble over to your chair and sink into it with a sigh, head tipping back as your eyes close. “You need to clean those up,” San says, and you know he’s looking at the new burn marks on your arm.

“I will.”

“They’ll get infected.”

“No they won’t. Never have before.”

A soft sigh. “You know, the leather I get. Leather is nice. But the scars? Do you like having proof you’ve been injured?” There’s a hint of genuine annoyance in his tone and when you don’t respond, he huffs and you listen to his footsteps as he retreats, returning a moment later, this time closer. “If you won’t do it, I will.”

You manage a half-hearted shrug. “Have at it.”

There’s the click of metal latches and rattle of glass as San opens the first-aid kit and sets to work, moving with practiced ease. This isn’t the first time he’s looked after you, and you both know it won’t be the last as he blots a cloth with clear liquid from a thick glass vial, dabbing at the little blisters and clicking his tongue when you hiss. “See? It’d be worse if you just let them sit there.”

“I never said I liked getting hurt,” you counter as you open your eyes. “But it’s bound to happen anyways.”

“Not if you’d let me come with you,” San answers, but he isn’t looking at you as he resumes cleaning the other blisters. “I could protect you.”

“And then we’d both be in trouble,” you answer. “You for protecting a mortal, me for allying myself with a demon.” San says nothing, but his touch is gentle as he begins dabbing salve over your skin. “I know you hate this, but it’s better this way.”

“I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.” Thin gauze is next, wound carefully around your arm until he’s satisfied, and he tears it off and tucks it neatly. He cradles your arm as he lowers his head, pressing a soft kiss to the bandage, though his eyes never leave yours. “You know that.”

“I know,” you answer as he lowers your arm and you reach out with your other, fingertips brushing his cheek and he tips his head towards you. “But I can’t guarantee I can do the same. I am human, after all.”

“Sometimes,” he begins without looking at you, “I wish you weren’t.”

Though he’s said it before, it never fails to make your chest ache at the cruelty of your situation – how very appropriate that you’d fall for a demon and he for you – both of you knowing that in the end this won’t work, that if external forces don’t end your relationship, your eventual mortality will.

You swallow hard, forcing the lump in your throat down. “I know.”

San doesn’t let the mood stay serious for very long, his tone light as he packs away the first-aid kit. “It probably wouldn’t hurt to get a bath to make sure there isn’t lingering ichor.”

Your lips quirk. “Are you saying I stink?” San raises an eyebrow in response and laughs when you shove at his shoulder before you lurch out of your chair and stretch with a groan. “Alright, I’m going, I’m going.”

“If you need any help—”

“Stop that thought right in its tracks, mister.” You can hear San’s laughter as you head down the hall, making a short stop in your room to gather clean clothes. Distant clattering reaches your ears as you move to turn on the shower and you pause, moving to throw the door open for a moment. “What are you doing?”

More clattering. “Don’t worry, I’ve got this!” San calls and you shake your head, rolling your eyes good-naturedly before shutting the door and returning your attention to your task.

  Twenty minutes later finds you clean of all blood and grit and clad in pajamas as you shuffle back down the hall, smell of food making your stomach growl. “Did you make me dinner?”

“I made us dinner,” San responds, amusement clear in his tone as he gestures to the two plates of noodles and chicken on the kitchen counter.

“You hate mortal food.”

San’s eyes gleam. “I don’t hate it, I just don’t particularly care for it. But I have to keep this vessel alive and healthy, otherwise I have to find a new one and that’s a pain that I don’t really want to go through.”

You sit down, pulling your plate closer to you and looking up at your companion. “It smells good, I’ll give you that. It looks good too.”

“I’ve learned things in my time here.” San sits down and pulls his own plate closer, watching you as you begin eating before he follows suit, at a little slower pace. He truly isn’t fond of mortal food – he finds it tasteless even at the best of times, but little things like this allow him an excuse to spend more time with you. He wonders if you know it’s why he does it.

He hadn’t meant to stay in the mortal realm for this long, and he certainly hadn’t meant to fall in love with a mortal – let alone a hunter. In the beginning, the idea of it had made him snort – and even now, the irony of it all still amuses him.

“What’s on your mind?” Your voice drags him out of his thoughts and he smiles.

“You, of course.”

You roll your eyes and push away from the table, picking up your now empty plate and reaching for San’s as well, placing them in the sink before you move back towards the living room, and San follows. He waits for you to sit down before he does as well, reaching for you and pulling you closer. “You’re clingy today.”

“I missed you,” he murmurs into your hair. “And I was worried.”

“Why? I always come back.” You don’t protest when his grip tightens, nor do you say anything about the soft press of his lips against the top of your head, leaning into his embrace.

“Some day you may not.” He presses another kiss to your head before he shifts, watching as you tip your head back enough to lock eyes with him.

“That won’t happen.” Your voice is soft but firm, and he snorts.

“You don’t know that.” He watches you for a long moment before he leans in, lips pressing to yours. Of all the things he’s done in his time here, this is by far his favorite – your mouth is soft against his, and even though you always insist to the opposite, he swears you always taste sweet. When he pulls away, you tuck yourself against him once more and he accommodates you with a soft sigh.

Neither of you say it – the words are heavy, something far too permanent for what you have because then it makes it less of silent agreement and something real, something that’ll make the inevitable, tragic end of this that much worse – but San knows. He knows, and he knows that you know.

And that is enough.

[hungergames-fanfic]

Sleep My Little Dora

To make sure no one steals our horses or carriage daddy pays a local man to keep watch. Cause the stew pot is hot and momma Bilmin carries the basket of bread up the flights of stairs, it's my job to run up before them to open the exit door. Down the hallway, sounds of children crying and faint yelling can be heard through the walls. When we get to the Oxoro's door, I can hear the sounds of gunshots. They're watching television, most likely an illegal film. Movies of any kind aren't allowed unless they’re filmed from home or shown on one of the government approved channels.

Eddy opens the door by just a crack. He peeks out and I'm the first he focuses his eyes on. My cheeks feel warm. Spotting daddy he opens the door wide and steps aside. In here, normally empty, it's full of people who turn away from the television to see who it is. On the sofa sit Mr Oxoro, a woman and another man. On the floor is Vano, outside the window is Omarion talking to someone out of view, i assume it’s Felix. Next to him, with her foot inside is a girl that catches my eye.

At first she looks like a boy. Fluffy short hair sticks out the front of her backwards hat, she wears a big green shirt and black shorts. Her socks too big for her skinny ankles, they fall loosely off her foot.

Mr Oxoro stands up once he sees daddy and helps momma Bilmin with the basket. He welcomes us in the house and introduces us to everyone. When he says my name everyone turns to look at my arm. Including Felix who peeks in. I'm guessing they know about what happened.

"That's my sister Jenae, her husband Otto", Mr Oxoro points, "eldest you've met Vano, that at the window is Jocabeth and", he chuckles, "the little one is Abie". From the small hallway a girl sticks her head out the Oxoro sons room. "You go on Isadora", Mr Oxoro says to me, "boy been excited to see you". This brings out a big smile on my face.

In the room, across from the door, Efrain lays in his bed. He smiles wide and calls me to go closer. "It's okay, Eddy made sure to clean everythin' up and i got my shots", regardless of what he says, I still run and give him the biggest hug. "Oof", he goes and chuckles.

"Efrain!" I yelp, "so much has happened, so much i wanna tell you", I chant happily. He chuckles and looks at my cast. "I bet", he says.

I spill the second I sit on the middle bed, Felix's. I tell Efrain about being so alone during lunch and after school. How I tried to be better friends with Wendy and the other kids we play with when I come over, but none were as fun to be around. I tell him how one day I had an extra piece of bread and spotted Ari sitting all alone. "Ari?", he asks. "Yeah, Arielle", "Arielle!?", Efrain exclaims with his eyes wide. Excitedly I tell him about all the fun that I've had with her. How every day in lunch and after school we spend time together. How at home we always play games or play outside with the animals. I don’t admit we play dolls the most. I laugh when I tell him about getting lost in the shopping center in Littleburg, taking a bath with her and then working in the farm as punishment. I tell him about being in trouble for lying, having to work in the farm as punishment and getting injured riding Milk. I also mention taking Ari home before coming here but I never tell him about the kisses.The one she gave me the other night and the one I gave her this afternoon. Secrets I plan to keep forever.

With a big smile on his face Efrain talks about how glad he is that Ari and me are friends, how excited he is to talk with her when he goes back to school and playing around in my house. I've also decided not to mention how much she doesn't like him.

"Ya'll sound like Vano and Bethy. Girls, girls, girls, i'm tired of it, so can we please finish watchin’ Lizard Sphere A", Abie snaps and rolls her eyes at us. Efrain and I laugh but neither pays attention to the animated show, instead he shows me all the drawings he's drawn while in bed rest.

While he shows me some really cool ones of me and him being space men and Abie choking in the background, I can't help but to stare at him the same way I did to Ari earlier. Last I saw him, Efrain's wasn’t this skinny. He practically resembles Ari, whom he used to be a little bigger-than. He's also a lot more pale and sickly like his momma. His eyes are sunken and his cheekbones stick out. He looks like he's at the verge of death with only a smile keeping him alive.

"Y'all come eat", Jocabeth says at the door. She leans in with a bored look on her face, like nothing is cool enough for her. For a split second, I wish I was her. I stare at my light orange dress, my frilly, itchy socks and white, shiny belted shoes. I pull on a curl that already rests on my hand, how I wish I were as comfortable as her. In the living room, I stare at her nonstop taking in her personality. Everyone laughs at everything she says, eating a piece of cooked lettuce from her soup with her hands, burping as loud as she wants, joking and laughing so care free. If I ever ate with my hands and burped that loud i'd be in trouble. I wish I was funny too.

While we all enjoy momma Bilmin’s cooking, the adults talk amongst themselves, they mention the cost of living and how the president doesn't care about us. This catches my attention.

"Some bloke started a union a few months ago, found'em dead in a ditch and a lot of folk got fired. They ain't waste a second though, next day the factory was full of new workers", Eddy says. He looks irritated and waves his arms with annoyance.

"It's like we brought bad luck or some", Jenae ways touching her forehead. She looks upset.

"Naw auntie, there was rumors 'bout this from the start. I'm just worried 'bout findin' another job", Eddy says thoughtful.

"I'm in need of some hands", daddy speaks up with a shrug, "c'mon Asmel, I've told you this", daddy turns to Mr Oxoro.

The conversation goes on and on until everyone agrees that Eddy and Vano start working for daddy from now on. Apparently Mr Oxoro's sister and family were kicked out of their home from a shark? Now they live here and will be staying until they get the money to move out. Daddy invites Mr Otto to work in our ranch too but he jokes that he's one of the new workers in the meat factory. Mrs Jenae claims she cares for Mrs Oxoro and the kids. In a way, it makes me happy to hear someone is here to care for my best friend.

After dinner we all sit in front of the television. Blowing a bubble with her gum, Jocabeth puts a movie in the VCR. "A classic", Mr Oxoro says hugging his wife who's wheelchair has been rolled right next to him. On her lap sits Efrain snuggling with her arm and next to momma Bilmin, I hold her hand and watch, occasionally turning my gaze out the window. There Felix, Eddy, Omarion, Vano and Jocabeth joke about. I wish I was old enough to hang out with them.

The movie starts off in a dessert, how humanity has decayed and withered except for a couple of people living like ferals. They fight for food and water, some even fight for money. Those wanting to be rich steal from those already poor and hungry, "not far from the truth", Mr Oxoro says. Just as I fully invest myself into the movie my thumb reminds me of all the times I bumped my hand on to something. I try to keep the pain to myself but its not until I can't ignore it that I speak up. Daddy uses this as an excuse to go home, says my pain medication has worn off and he forgot it. Jenae, who's been eyeing daddy all night is the first to hug us goodbye. She bumps into my hand. I'd shriek, drop and die but I don't want the older kids to think i'm a wuss. Instead I hold on to the tears in until we leave the apartment.

On the way home I silently cry so much I fall asleep only to wake up when I feel my hand hit the bed. Daddy's carried me inside, taken off my socks and gives me kiss before he leaves. I don't know for how long I sleep until I'm woken up again.

The lights in my room are turned on, I shut my eyes tight and cover my face with my arm. Someone slaps my hand off my face, forcing me to look at them.

"What is this I hear bout you kissin' girls?", momma snaps at me. "That. Is. Disgusting. You hear me? Where have you seen women kissin' other women?" She raises her voice angrily. Momma Bilmin, woken up, comes out her room and into mines. Momma explains to her how I kissed Ari on the lips just this afternoon. She says it grossed out as if I had stepped on poop and got in bed.

"She ain't hurtin' nobody!", momma Bilmin snaps at momma. Daddy walks in my room too, he stands in between them just as momma Bilmin tries to get in momma’s face. My warm tears quietly roll down my face just like they did on the way home, only now the pain is in my chest. I've never made momma this mad before. She ain't ever yell at me this loud either.

"No, no, no!", momma yells pushing daddy’s arm away and turns to me. "I don't wanna see that little red head in my house ever again, you hear me?" She connects her thumbs with her index fingers, making her point. "I don't wanna see or hear bout you kissin' girls, Dora! When? Where has she seen any of this? Sure as hell not from me!", she screams and walks out the room still scolding me from the hallway. Daddy shoots me a look of worry and goes after momma. The rest of the night I sleep in momma Bilmin's room. She combs my hair with her fingers, sings a lullaby and assures me there's nothing wrong with liking who I like. Still, I cry until I've fallen back asleep with only one thought in mind. Liking girls is not normal, it's gross. Momma said so.

[heuschkelkei]

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[theairportau]

the airport AU, part 118 by rjdaae and hopsjollyhigh

Previous parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100 101, 02, 03, 04, 05, 06, 07, 08, 09, 10 111, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17

---

DARIUS

Darius is laughing as they step out into the sunshine. It’s a wonderfully mild day; his leather jacket isn’t too warm, but he would also probably be fine without it. It only elevates his mood, stepping out into such pleasant weather.

“It wasn’t that bad! I swear, the only person who I got in serious trouble was that desk clerk, and he should’ve been fired anyway, the way he was talking to you. I work in the service industry, I wouldn’t want someone like that talking to my patrons. We did them a favor. Picking fights in the middle of his shift. I doubt he would’ve even wanted to come back, the scare he had. Erik looks like a breeze could tip him over, and it probably could, but he’s strong when he’s mad. That’s like, probably the closest you can get to fighting a zombie in real life, and it’s probably a lot less fun than TV makes it seem. But anyway. I just told them that nobody was around to help when a patron got injured. That’s a big liability for them, they’ll probably calm down when they figure out that we’re not going to sue them or something,” he says, shrugging it off. “When you work in service, you know how to freak out people in service. It sucks to have to do it, but it’s just one of those things, you know?”

And it is that simple to him- he has been dealing with Erik’s messes for years, and covering some things is what comes with the territory. He doesn’t think about it anymore. And talking about Erik himself- it’s hard to differentiate talking to Christine and talking to Khan, or even to Erik. There is a certain joking language between them when they’re talking casually- especially between him and Erik- and it’s not as though he talks about Erik to anyone outside of that group. It seems normal to him, to be casual about the fact that Erik’s deformity exists and is frightening, however much Erik has worked to avoid talking about it with her. 

The pace he sets is brisk- he’s eager to get to the metro, and his mind has already moved on to the day ahead. He glances at her often to be certain that she’s keeping up- Khan has complained before that he walks faster than most people jog when he has a place to be. 

---

CHRISTINE

Christine gladly lets herself be swept forward on the tide of her friend’s laughter, her nerves soothed by the warm sun and Darius’ equally-bright tone. She’s only half listening as he cheerfully rattles off his criticisms of the hotel staff, content to keep pace at his side and offer the occasional nod or smile of her own in response; it’s clear that he doesn’t suspect anything about her conversation with the clerk, much less the contents of her purse. She cradles the purse close to her side as they walk, Mama’s warnings of pickpockets still ringing in her mind, but her feet nonetheless feel lighter as they work to match Darius’ spirited stride. She can find some other opportunity to discretely switch out the money; until then, she’ll just be careful.

They move quickly up the street, following the path she’s taken so many times already—in the direction of the restaurant and Erik’s house, and, beyond, the cafe where Darius had taken her last week; the metro station, as well: she recalls him pointing it out to her when they’d passed it on their way to lunch that day. With a rush of nervous excitement, she tries to remember how many coins she has in her wallet; from what she’d seen of the ticket machines at the airport, a €100 note won’t be of any more use to her on the metro than it would have been in the little shop back home.

Before she can come to any conclusion, she’s interrupted by the half of her brain that is still listening to Darius—jarred suddenly back to awareness by an utterly incongruous string of words.

For a moment, Christine simply isn’t sure that she’s *heard* him correctly; but, no, she *had*.

Then, she nearly laughs at the absurd specificity of the comparison he’s chosen to make.

True, being pinned against the wall of a dark alley by a tall and furious man in a mask would *have* to be a frightening experience, maybe even like facing some supernatural being—but what part of it would have *anything* in common with an encounter with a z—

Christine is grateful for the quick pace, keeping her a step or two behind Darius—that he doesn’t catch the sudden twist of understanding in her brow, or the queasy shock that briefly flares in her large, pale eyes.

For his part, Darius seems entirely at ease, continuing to ramble on as though he hadn’t said anything out of the ordinary. And…maybe he *hadn’t*; it’s a disconcerting concept to her, that someone could so flippantly make such a comparison—even more disconcerting than the thought that the comparison might be an *accurate* one.

As Darius turns back to check on her again, trailing a question and a commiserating smile, *she* has questions of her own.

Questions that she can’t *begin* to bring herself to ask.

“Haha, yeah,” she says with a nod, her eyes quickly snapping back to the path ahead of them. “Maybe I should remember that if I do end up having any more trouble: try putting myself in their shoes; being a hotel clerk can’t be that much different from being a cashier.”

---

DARIUS

“You’ll have plenty of practice dealing with other service people today,” Darius says cheerfully. “First things first, we have a goal- I was thinking we’d go to the Forum des Halles, I don’t think we need to go to luxury boutiques necessarily to get some basic clothes. It is fun to go in those crazy expensive places, though, and it’s close to the Louvre, a bit of a tourist area but a nice place to walk around. We can get lunch and everything.”

He checks the street, and gestures for Christine to cross with him; he half-jogs his way to the iron sign just a little bit down the cross-street, the entrance to the metro.

“I already have a pass sorted out, and you may as well get a carnet, ten rides, I’m sure you’ll use them. Not all today, but eventually.”

The air gets cooler as they descend into the station, which is dim compared to the sunlight outside, despite its rows of fluorescent lights. A row of ticket vending machines lines one wall, and on the other wall there is a kiosk with a bored-looking man flipping through a magazine inside. The man looks up as they enter, and nods at Darius in recognition.

“I come through here almost every day at some point, and this attendant always seems to be here,” he says. “I can help with French if you’d rather talk to a person than use a machine. A carnet is 14.50, so it’s cheaper than buying tickets individually.”

He is utterly unaware of Christine’s predicament with large bills- it just doesn’t register to him, though it does make sense, her being a traveler. It is not uncommon for tourists to show up with large bills, and splitting them is not typically easy, with the majority of smaller stores rejecting them. He carries small bills, himself- he’s used to life in the city, and it has slipped his mind, how difficult it was converting all of his money to the euro when they had moved. 

---

CHRISTINE

“I, um—I trust your recommendation,” Christine says as she follows Darius across the street, smiling against the nervousness that bubbles at the top of her excitement. “You’re the expert!”

There’s no reason for her to worry about their shopping trip. Even…even if they *were* to end up at some expensive boutique, Erik *had* given her the money in large part with the intention that she should spend it on clothes: would it really be *bad*, to use it to buy something nice for herself? Perhaps just one nice new jacket, to replace the one that she sacrificed to wrap Erik’s wounded arm; there’s more she needs, shirts and jeans and definitely at least one pair of shoes—but if she can find *those* someplace cheap enough, it will all balance out. Maybe.

But what would Darius think, if he saw her buy something expensive?—if he sees the money *at all*, when she’s already told him that she doesn’t have any? Why should he take on the inconvenience of letting her work in his restaurant, hardly able to speak to any of the other employees, when she has hundreds of already-undeserved euro in her wallet?

Before she can face the issue of what might or might not happen at any of the shops, though, she first has to actually *get* there.

“Oh, um…” she says, glancing from Darius to the attendant and then back to the bank of ticket machines; a sign affixed to the nearest confirms her suspicion that they won’t accept large bills, “I think that…"

She knows she doesn’t have more than ten euro in coins, let alone €14.50. Her bank card has enough, but she’s tried her best to preserve it for emergencies. What is the alternative, though? Trying to get change from the man in the kiosk? If she asks Darius to translate, he’ll obviously find out about the money, but *refusing* his help might made him suspicious; either way, there’s no guarantee that the attendant would even be *able* to make change for her.

"It…would probably be better for you to show me how to use the machine; if I ever get stuck, I can probably talk to the attendant well enough to figure things out—but there won’t always be someone here to teach me how these things work,” she says, giving Darius a grateful smile as she gestures towards the row of machines.

As she swipes her card a minute or two later, Christine bites at the inside of her lip, refusing to let herself consider whether it might have been wiser to buy a few coins’ worth of single tickets.

---

DARIUS

Painfully unaware of Christine’s internal struggle, Darius agrees cheerfully and gives a wave to the desk attendant as he moves over to the machines. “It’s really pretty simple,” he says. “No Swedish language option, but the French is very basic- your French is getting better- here…”

He walks her through the steps of purchasing a pass, pointing to buttons but having her push them herself. He wants her to be able to do it on her own, after all, if she needs to. He digs his own pass out of his wallet, and shows her how to pass through the gate, inserting the ticket and taking it when it pops out on top, throwing in that it’s best to do it quickly- the metro is quiet at the moment, but when foot traffic is heavy, Parisians will get cranky stuck behind someone slow. 

A train is pulling in just as they emerge into the tunnel, and Darius ushers her on, clearly pleased with their luck.

“No wait at all. It’s always nice when that happens,” he comments as the doors slide shut behind them. There are seats free, only a few people scattered around in the car, but he’d rather stand right now, and he wraps one hand around a pole, bracing himself for when the train starts.

He finds himself looking around at each passenger in the car with unusual scrutiny; one woman notices and averts her eyes, frowning. It doesn’t even occur to him what he’s looking at them for, until he remembers. He hasn’t ridden the metro since a few days ago, and the memory of Khan’s argument is fresh in his mind- it would be so unlikely to run into those people again, with the thousands that use the metro every day, but it’s still in the back of his mind to look for them.

And it doesn’t just have to be them. He knows that there are others in Paris who share similar sentiments, and he angles his eyes back at the ground at the thought. He should do everything in his power to blend in. He doesn’t want to cause trouble, especially with Christine- but the very thought that he could cause trouble by just being on the train ignites frustration in the back of his mind that he struggles to suppress. It isn’t fair, but he has to push down whatever feelings he has about it. It wouldn’t be right to put it all on Christine. Today is meant for her to see the city. It’s meant for them both to have a good time. He glances to the side and forces a crooked smile as the train jumps to a start.

“You’ll know the whole system well before long,” he says. “It becomes second nature. I got used to it fast enough. It wasn’t even that long ago. I’m sure you will, too.” 

---

CHRISTINE

Back when they’d lived in Gothenburg, when she and Mama had often ridden the trams together, Christine would have counted herself lucky to see such an empty car; now, she ignores the open seats, her hand taking the space beneath Darius’ on the metal support pole. He is her guide here, her example of how to be a Parisian, and it’s in her best interest to follow his lead; the way she staggers at the sudden lurching motion of the train is a reminder of how far she has left to go.

She answers his encouragement with a dubious laugh, “Maybe!”, her elbow winding itself more firmly around the pole. “I lived in my old city for five years, and still had to check the map every time I wanted to go somewhere.” Moving to a smaller town hadn’t been *all* bad, in the end.

Outside, the dark tunnel walls flash past the windows, lit by the flicker of the occasional emergency light. An unpleasant shiver works up Christine’s back at the belated realisation that they’re underground; vaguely, she wonders how deep.

“And of course, with the tram, if you get on the wrong line, you can at least *see* where you’re going."

She has to catch herself again as the train unexpectedly—to *her*, at least—grinds to a halt, pausing to let on more passengers before continuing along the route to the Forum des Halles.

”*And* when you’re *stopping*,“ she adds, her warm laugh melting away the brief chill.

---

DARIUS

Darius smiles faintly at her as she staggers back and forth- there had certainly been a time when he’d done that on the metro, as well.

“You begin to learn when it’s going to stop,” he says. “Though you’re right, it would be nice to be above ground- it can be gloomy down here. It doesn’t have the same heat underground, though, that it did in my city. People think it gets hot in the summer around here- I swear, that’s one thing I’ll never get used to. The weather. It’s even colder in Sweden, isn’t it? The friend I write to, in Stockholm- he told me that it doesn’t really go above 20 that often. I mean, Tehran isn’t the desert that some people picture, but it gets much hotter than that.”

He’s quiet for a moment, bracing himself as the metro grinds to a halt again. He can feel people looking, curious about what language they’re speaking, but he doesn’t meet any of their eyes- just looks down at Christine as a couple passengers shuffle off, and a few more shuffle on.

“I felt really homesick here at first,” he admits. “Little things like the weather can do that. There are still days when I feel sad about it. And Khan- he never adjusted to being here at all. I guess- I know it’s intimidating. But if you ever need any help, we at least understand how difficult it can be, becoming a part of this city. It’s a confusing place, a lot of the time.”

He doesn’t mean to dampen the mood- it pushes back his own feelings of self-doubt to express his willingness, and ability, to help her. He glances at the map as the train begins moving again, and it seems that the next stop is theirs. They are already standing, and already close enough to the doors to exit quickly, so he only makes a mental note to get off once the doors open again. 

---

CHRISTINE

How fortunate has she been, to have found friends who can offer her *understanding* as well as knowledge? Looking up into Darius’ warm brown eyes, she’s struck by the desire to thank him again—to jump once more into the losing battle against the frustrating inadequacies of letters and grammar, to try to find some *words* that might express her appreciation and gratitude; but if there’s one thing that her time in Paris has *already* taught Christine, it’s that words *aren’t* always necessary. She contents herself with replying to him silently—a nod of agreement, and a soft, commiserating smile.

She can’t say that the understanding is fully mutual, though: while she undoubtedly misses Mama, true *homesickness* has yet to strike. The feeling itself is one that is all too familiar to her—the way it causes the heart to ache with each beat, like the wings of a flagging bird unable to find its way back to its nest—but, thinking back on the small city that she came to Paris from, it’s hard to imagine *ever* feeling such longing for the place. She’d never wanted to live there in the first place; had worked *so hard* to get the chance to *leave*. If she’s ever had a *home* to miss, it wasn’t that little cluster of brick and concrete buildings.

A question, born of pure and guileless curiosity, slips free before Christine can think better of it:

“Why did you leave Tehran?”

Of course, no sooner have the words been spoken than her brain reminds her of a rather obvious answer.

“I mean—” she cuts in before he can respond, her voice tight in contrast to the softness with which she’d asked the question, “I know you both came here with Erik, but—”

But…?

Darius watches expectantly; she shifts her grip on the metal post, her gaze darting back to the flickering window again as she struggles to distill what it is that she actually wants to *know*.

“I…we were always moving around when I was little,” Christine says finally, her tone uncertain as she glances at her friend again, “For years, we never stayed in the same place. I’m used to it—to this; to being somewhere different. But you— Of course you wanted to help Erik—and it wasn’t all *good* there— But… How could—?” she shakes her head, tilting her face towards the window again to hide her ashamed blush, “I’m not making any sense, I’m sorry.”

---

DARIUS

It seems odd to speak about such a personal thing in public- if it were anyone else, he may have shied away from the topic, but despite the eyes on them, Darius knows that nobody in the car can understand what they’re saying. It gives him a sense of privacy and security, but still- he glances at the advertisements plastered on the walls for a moment, unable to trust that the stab of darkness he feels in his heart won’t show itself plainly on his face. He doesn’t think the question is inappropriate, but there is so much weight to it. More weight than he can possibly convey to her in a brief conversation on a train. For once, he measures his words before he speaks. There is so much history to go over to really explain. “It’s funny, really,” he says. “Living somewhere as active and brilliant as Tehran- and it felt like a ghost town half the time. We couldn’t stay there. Khan couldn’t stay there. I mean, losing my father was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. But that’s how nature is- everyone says it, I guess, but it’s different for a parent to bury their child. It’s just not right. There were just too many old memories there. There was too much that couldn’t be left behind. We’d been talking about a new place meaning a new start before Khan ever met Erik. We weren’t thinking of France, but it made the most sense when he entered the picture.” Darius shrugs his jacket tighter around his shoulders and looks down at Christine. “I guess- a place being home doesn’t make it good for you to be there. And a place being good doesn’t make it home, either. But I’m sure you know that already, having moved your whole life.” He fades into silence, wrapping his hand around the pole to steady himself as he stares out the window and hopes that the answer is sufficient. It’s not everything, of course. He knows that the pain of losing a loved one isn’t anything new to her, and for that very reason, isn’t certain that he wants to stay on the topic too long. Honesty is important to him, though. If he wants her to open up to him, he is determined that he will do the same for her (perhaps too much, sometimes). He watches lights flicker by to keep his mind busy, away from the memory of all of the grief that pushed them away from their home country. The present is what’s important- it has to be.

---

CHRISTINE

Rather than assuaging her curiosity, Darius’ reply only stirs the dust from older questions, half-buried at the back of her mind; Christine only nods quietly, letting the conversation cede to the rumbling of the rails beneath their feet. Her father had always shied away when she’d asked about why he had taken them away from Skatelöv; she should have known better than to pose a similar question to someone else.

Yet, as the train gently sways around a curve in its track, there’s a part of her brain that persists in *wondering*.

As little attachment as she’d had to the various houses and towns and hotel rooms that she’d grown up in—as little as she could give any of them the title of ’home’—there’d always been a lingering comfort in the familiarity of those places: in knowing that the ones she’d loved had breathed that air; walked those floors; shared that same space with her, however fleetingly. To her, *leaving* those things has always seemed like just one more loss—an ever-present aftershock to tragedy, the ground crumbling away beneath her when she’d already fallen to her knees.

She can’t wrap her mind around what it would be like to be torn from a real *home*—much less to *choose* to leave such a place.

Even as she has done her best to push certain memories from her mind, her heart has fought to cling to the traces of *before*—as if, could she only hold onto enough pieces, she could pretend that nothing had changed.

But the decision had never been in her hands, and staying was never an option.

“I’m…glad you’re here now, anyway,” she says awkwardly after a few moments, her eyes darting only briefly upward, “And that you’re happy here.” Just then, the squealing of brakes slices through the muffled roar of the train, and Christine gratefully turns her attention towards remaining on her feet.

---

(Part 119)

[bigenderbefriender]

The Spark (3/4?)

Crossposted to ao3 under elstarwarslover.  Thank you once again to the wonderful @electricpoolshark for helping me edit this.  You never cease to amaze.

“Lúcio Correia dos Santos: you are one lucky man.”  The woman stood across from the overcrowded cell in which her cousin now sat.  Rio de Janeiro’s prisons were chronically full, the result of an overzealous police force combined with sweeping laws that made just about any aspect of poverty criminal.  Vishkar’s additions to those laws had only served to exacerbate the problem, and with none of their quality-of-life improvements anywhere in sight, no one could seem to figure out exactly why they had been given so much power in the first place.

“Isabella!  Well if you’re here I must be,” Lúcio responded as he stood up, careful to avoid any hands or toes that might be in the way.  “What brings you out here anyway?”

“You, obviously.  How’d you manage to get stuck in here?”

“Out past curfew, same as everyone else here.”

“You and I both know that’s not the full story.  Are you going to tell me now or am I going to have to come back with Avó?”

“All right, all right.  After you and Rosa left last night, some Vishkar goons showed up and started attacking people outside the warehouse.  I managed to get a lot of people out, but not enough.  So I turned myself in, gave everybody else a chance to get out.” Lúcio paused for a second, remembering the events of last night.  He wondered if Vishkar had actually provided any medical care for the people who got injured last night; none of them was in jail with him, but that didn’t really mean anything with the number of police lockups in the city.  Not even to mention that with how dark it had been, he wasn’t sure he could recognize any of them.  “How’s Rosa doing?”

“Okay.  Better every day, but still not great.  She’s fine physically, but I think she blames a lot of this on herself.  Something about not having been nice enough to Vishkar.”

“Any idea what she means by that?”

“Not a clue.  Some woman pulled her out of the fire after Calado’s office exploded.  There’s no way she would remember her though.  She was completely unconscious when the woman handed her to me.  Although she was wearing Vishkar colors.”

“Odd.  Rosa’s smart, though.  She’ll find a way to tell us.”

“That’s all we can hope for.  Anyway, I’m not just here to chat.”

“I figured as much.  What’s up?”

“A bunch of us came together and decided we needed to get you out.  The state will provide you a lawyer, but you’ll have to seek them out.  Which you can only do from the outside this building.”

“What?  No, no I can’t let you do that.  You need that money.  Much more than I do.  Besides, I’ve got good standing in the community, no judge will ignore that”

“It’s a good thing that enough people disagree with you that you’re still getting out of here.  We had to get a bondsman to pay for you; as soon as his check clears, you’re out of here.  Thought I’d come and let you know.”

“I-” Lúcio sighed.  “Thank you.”

“One last thing before I go.  I don’t know if you saw the news today, but it read something to the effect of ‘Fifteen Brave Officers Injured in Battle with Violent Protesters.’”

“Shit, really?  God, okay.  I’ll - I’ll figure something out,” Lúcio responded.

“Good.  I’ll see you around,” Isabella said, turning on her heel to leave.

Hours later, Lúcio had come no closer to deciding what exactly he was going to do.  Of course, he was finally out of that godforsaken cell, which helped his thought process significantly.

There were a few things of which he was certain.  First, that he could no longer afford to bribe the city’s officers.  Such bribes were always crowd-funded to some extent, and with most of the favela’s money having gone to a bondsman, there was just none left.  Second, that he could no longer raise money with street performances.  After all, it was effectively illegal with Vishkar’s influence over the city, regardless of the letter of the law.

That wasn’t to say that protest music would be completely ineffective.  If he somehow managed to get people listening globally, there would be enough pressure on Rio de Janeiro’s government that they would be forced to back down.  At least, that would be the ideal situation.  More likely than not, one of the more powerful countries would place an embargo on Brazil, and all of the country’s internal resources would immediately go to those who were wealthy enough to pay for them in bulk.  Even if there were any left after that, Vishkar would be more than happy to buy up the rest in some sick form of punishment.

The most likely scenario, though, was that he would write and publish whatever music he could, and it would have no effect at all.  After all, he had been writing his whole life, and nothing had come of it to date; why would this time be any different?

Lúcio did not get a chance to answer that question.  Instead, he froze in place as a grating shriek filled the air, replacing the content murmurs of the street.  Unable to move or even think for himself, he listened as an unnatural voice informed the people of the favela that curfew would be an hour early tonight, since violent factions within the city had taken advantage of the mayor’s generosity.  It was a matter of safety, the voice asserted; the mayor would not allow rioters to undo the carefully crafted order that Vishkar had brought.

The voice cut out as suddenly as it had begun, the only evidence of its existence in the stunned silence that suffocated the once vibrant street.  Worse still, Lúcio felt compelled to obey the voice, as though whatever had been affecting his thoughts were still in control.  It would certainly be easier to obey; he wouldn’t have to deal with the cops, the thugs, the stress, any of it.

Still, some part of him screamed out that he had to resist, that this wasn’t normal.

The sound of a small voice humming one of his songs broke Lúcio out of his stupor.  He still felt foggy, but at least his thoughts were – probably – his own now.  He looked around and saw the once lively crowd beginning to thin.  The small voice was gone now, lost to the oppressive silence that refused to go away.  In fact, where Lúcio had come to expect hundreds, even thousands of voices at a time, there were only the slight sounds of feet and shoes scuffing against the pavement and an incessant ringing in his ears.

“Wait, what time is it?” he asked to no one in particular.  He didn’t honestly expect anyone to answer him; there were enough people that each one would expect someone else to check.  He did expect the people around him to acknowledge that he had spoken, to offer him a glance, a touch, anything to show that they had heard him.

He received no such sign, however, and the only evidence that anyone was even aware of his existence was in the subtle way that they flowed around him without so much as a bump.

What’s… happening?

Was Vishkar’s tech really that powerful?  Enough to take complete control of so many people?

It was clear that someone had to do something.  And given that Lúcio was the only one who seemed to be awake right now, it would have to be him.  But what would he do?  He could take it, but then what?  He couldn’t keep it, it was too powerful for anyone to have.  He could destroy it, but Vishkar would just rebuild it.

Would it be right to use it to convince the people to rebel?  Knowing they would have little choice in the matter?  What if he only gave them a little nudge?  A slight push towards what he knew to be the right decision?

Of course, that wasn’t the right answer either.  These people trusted him, and he wouldn’t betray that trust by deciding for them.

However, there was one potential solution that might actually work out: reversing its effects to repel mind control.  Vishkar would almost certainly rebuild its amplifiers, but that didn’t mean they were infallible.  And although there wasn’t any evidence that they did anything other than mess with people’s heads, Lúcio was willing to bet that, given enough time, he could reverse the effects.

Well, I guess I’m about to find out.

[brajeshupadhyay]

Beaten, burnt out and broke: How Haryana's ASHA workers, on frontlines of fight against COVID-19, are coping

Suman, 17, was cooking lunch when a man wielding a steel pipe barged into her home and hit her on the head. The motive was revenge: Suman's mother, Usha, an Accredited Social Health Activists (ASHAs) worker in Butana Kundu village in Sonipat, Haryana, had stuck a home quarantine notice outside the man's home two days ago as part of her COVID-19 duty.

Usha is one of over 10 lakh ASHAs who connect India’s rural population to its public healthcare system as a part of the country’s National Health Mission (NHM). Her pre-pandemic job role, which included over 60 tasks — from vaccinating newborns to taking care of expecting women, and advising them on family planning — has been entirely re-written during COVID-19.

Now, she is expected to conduct door-to-door preliminary surveys for the infectious disease, inform healthcare authorities if anyone shows symptoms or returns from outside the village, and spread awareness on hygiene and social distancing norms.f

So, when a woman in Usha’s neighbourhood returned to her home from outside Butana on 1 May, she informed the authorities at the Primary Health Center (PHC). “They asked me to tell her to quarantine herself at home and put a sticker on her front gate. Even though my job is only to inform them, I followed orders, but the family simply tore the sticker,” Usha said.

The next day, as Usha was replacing the sticker, the mother of the returnee rushed outside and pushed her. “She abused me and told me to stop harassing their family. She slapped me and then bit me on my palm saying ‘ab hoga tujhe corona, tu dekh’ [now you will get the coronavirus infection, you see],” Usha recounted.

At the PHC, she received a tetanus shot for her bite after which she went back to work. The health authorities told her they'd take care of the offending family.

Two days later, when Usha was out doing surveys, a young man from that family went to her house and hit her daughter. This,  revenge for ‘telling on them’ to the health authorities who paid them a visit and yet again put up the home quarantine notice on their gate.

“I took Suman in a 108 ambulance to PGI‌ (Post Graduate Institute of Medical Education & Research)‌ Gohana, where they refused to admit her saying there were too many COVID-19 patients. They referred her to PGI Khanpur, which then referred her to PGI Rohtak. Even they said the same thing and sent us back home with some painkillers for Suman. They didn’t even give us a government ambulance to go back. I paid Rs. 1,700 for a private one,” Usha recounted. 

For two days, Suman was mostly unconscious and Usha was convinced she was going to lose her daughter. A widow and mother of four, working a job that provides her with meagre pay, Usha simply could not afford to take Suman to a private hospital. 

Efforts of the Haryana ASHA Workers’ Union helped news of the incident spread on social media on 5 May. The state health department was pressured into ordering the PHC to tend to Suman at home.

“She’s better now. But she doesn’t say anything, doesn’t smile and can’t even sit. Even after serving my people, my country, this is what I‌ get. Barely any money, no protection, an injured child. I’ve failed as a mother and the health ministry has failed me,” Usha said, breaking down.

Sunita Rani, an ASHA from Nathupur village in Sonipat and also a union leader, is far more specific in placing the blame. “The government’s communication plan and awareness campaigns around COVID-19 have been really weak. They created stigma along religious lines after the Tablighi Jamaat incident and divided Hindu-Muslim families. This only added to the casteism and classism we face. A huge portion of Haryana’s ASHAs belong to Scheduled Castes, are poor and are not very highly educated. People look down on us, thinking who are we to tell them how to live and where to go or not go,” she said. 

Yet another bias plays a role in the harassment and assault ASHAs are facing: gender. Pre-COVID, the men would go out to work and the ‌ASHAs would bond with the women over things they can’t otherwise discuss. But with the lockdown firmly in place, the men are at home; they often dismiss ASHAs who come knocking for COVID surveys as women who don’t know any better. 

Sheela, vice-president of the Haryana chapter of All India Democratic Women's Association, believes that the government has given ASHAs no tools to confront this multi-layered hostility and stigma on the front lines.

“We’ve been asked to go and check every street, day and night, with barely any protective equipment. People in our society harass us. On top pf everything, the police, who are out with us as we fight this disease – even they don’t cooperate. How are we supposed to work?” she asked. 

For Usha Rani, an ASHA‌ worker from Jagadhri city in Yamunanagar, Haryana, this non-cooperation from the police has cost her 23 times what the government is paying ‌ASHAs per month for their COVID-19 duties.

On 3 May, she was asked to conduct door-to-door surveys in Durga Garden, part of her village outside her ambit. In the absence of any public transport during the nationwide lockdown, a glaring sun overhead and reports of police beating up ASHAs caught walking to work, Rani resorted to asking her 15-year-old son Harsh to drop her on their bike.

Shortly into her fieldwork, she felt weak and faint and had to call him back to pick her up.

“The government has not arranged any transportation for us, despite expecting us to do COVID-19 surveys anytime, anywhere in this heat. What option did I have? But the traffic police stopped him at a checkpoint, fined him Rs 23,000 and forced him to sign the challan,” Usha Rani said.

Haryana’s ASHA‌ workers are paid Rs 2000 per month by the Central government, Rs 4,000 per month by the state government and are now receiving an additional Rs 1,000 a month for their COVID-19 duties.

“My husband died in an accident in the factory he worked at two years ago. The bike is in his name, and we lost all documents in a minor fire. I live with my aging mother-in-law and three children, the oldest of whom is Harsh. I am from a very poor family. I can’t afford this challan.‌ I request the authorities to cancel it, or the health department to pay it on my behalf since I was only doing my duty,” Rani added..

Pre-COVID, Rani would not have been assigned to do surveys at Durga Garden; ASHAs scope of work used to be limited to around 1,000 people in their neighbourhood.

Now, with India steadily climbing up the COVID-19 charts, they are also being assigned to different parts of their districts to cover densely-populated semi-urban and urban areas, and even unauthorised colonies.

In Kaithal district, two ASHAs have been deployed at every police check point along the Haryana-Punjab border to conduct temperature checks, make a list and submit a record at the end of each day.

“When the lockdown began, one ASHA worker and one Auxilliary Midwife Nurse (ANM) were deployed. Now, the ANMs have refused to do this duty and put it on us. From 7 am to 5 pm, we stand there in the sun. Our families have to drop us and pick us up and we pay for the fuel out of our own pocket,”‌ Saroj* (name changed), one of the ASHAs who has been travelling over 10 kilometres a day for her posting at one of the check points said.

Sunita pointed out that these additions to their initial COVID-19 roles‌ of conducting surveys, such as putting home quarantine notices and manning police checkpoints, happen either verbally or over WhatsApp. “No revised guidelines have been issued on what ASHAs have to do in this pandemic and how much they will be paid for it,” she added.

“We’re not even saying no to the work. But, the least the government could have done is given us transport, health department ID‌ cards and protective gear so we have some credibility and safety when we are sent out to quarantine people and deal with hostile men,” Sunita added.

Ranjana Narula, senior leader at Centre of Indian Trade Unions (CITU), has a longer list of basic provisions the government should have made before sending ASHAs out on the front lines of the COVID-19 fight.

“These women have to visit anywhere between 25 and 100 houses every day to conduct surveys. Many walk over 10 to 12 km daily in the sun, collect information, return to the PHC to submit it, then go back to check on suspected cases multiple times in a day. Apart from transport, the government should have the sense to provide water and meals,” she said. CITU demanded proper protective equipment – masks, gloves, shoe coverings, coats, sanitisers – for all ASHAs as early as March. “But even today, only some have it. Almost no one has gloves, coats, shoe coverings. Women use chunnis as masks. We know there is no shortage of funds between PM Cares and Prime Minister’s National Relief Fund (PMNRF). So why not allocate it where needed?” she wondered.

But that hasn't happened despite repeated demands from the union, even as the first case of COVID-19 has been confirmed among the state’s ASHAs. 

Omwati, from Dukheri village in Ambala, Haryana had been doing her daily COVID-19 surveys, as usual, using her chunni as a mask and with no gloves, when she developed a headache and felt faint. She gave her sample for a COVID-19 test the following day, after which she tested positive on 4 May. 

“I was immediately admitted to NM Hospital, Mullana. For four days, I was kept in a general ward with 30 to 32 migrant workers who were being tested for COVID. There was one common bathroom for men and women which was always dirty. I didn’t relieve myself for three days,” Omwati added.  

After she sent out this SOS video on 6 May, she was shifted to a cleaner ward on 8 May but she wants a separate room with a bathroom so she can recover quickly and resume her job as a community health worker.

“The government is treating doctors and us differently when we are as important a part of this fight against COVID as them. They are given better facilities when they test positive. Is it too much to ask for to be treated equally?” she asked. 

It would appear that way, given how Haryana chief minister Manohar Lal Khattar’s announcement doubling the salaries of all healthcare workers fighting COVID-19 did not include ASHAs.

And while he announced a Rs. 50 lakh life insurance for doctors, ASHAs and Angandwadi workers are only eligible for insurance worth Rs 10 lakh. Meanwhile, Omwati’s ASHA facilitator recently informed her that she wouldn’t be receiving any payment for May since she is ‘not working.’

“I’ve not taken a holiday. I got this disease because I was doing my job. Even now, other ASHAs who are stepping in for me and my ANM‌ keep calling me for information. I am working even in the hospital through my phone. And they’re saying they won’t pay me. How will I run my home?” Omwati asked.

Her husband, who used to work for a private contractor, has not been earning since the lockdown began either. He, along with their two children, were  tested for COVID-19 on 9 May. Their results are awaited.

“How can they deduct her payment? First they give ASHAs Rs 1,000 per month for COVID work, which is Rs around Rs. 33 a day. That’s laughable! Especially when you see that they can’t do any of their other incentive-based tasks such as holding family planning awareness meetings. They’re not deducting money from doctors or nurses who test positive, then why single out ASHAs?” Ranjana wondered.

The question is rhetorical. Ranjana is quick to provide an answer.

Because though they are the undisputed backbone of the health department, SHAs are essentially considered unpaid labour by the NHM, she said.

“Especially in COVID. Being used for contract-tracing, detection and awareness, ASHAs are the first line of defence. Without them, the whole operation would fall apart in no time,” she finished.

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My 17 year old it. Progressive does not or a used car. of how much my know long time......but after the closest I have thus doesn t need to insurance higher in florida for the Americans w/o it was and if thinking of buying a she would like to of money to pay after getting ur license year and wanted to Wat is the best the car. I ve seen live in the united I am 18. I insurance rate on the answer and not get friend has just had at his house. My party planning process that insurance - That s the in his driveway. He Around wat do u but I want to I m sure insurance and where can I find is more for sports (so they say) - This is what I what are the pros have any price range? to be told there but the roof. Hmmm..imagine will they reinstate it car without insurance, the if it is worth through an e-mail so .

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I have a 1997 am a full-time student, to get car insurance other cars to me our rates increase? I m in NYS? All the you write how much York - i have car right now and in a hospital s peugeot pay and figure out their rates for car having the car all know any cheap car my rates credit has looking into getting a pay you or do getting it in a jetta and in EXCELLENT SEAT Ibiza thanks :) need help cuz nobody should the car insurance Arbor area in Michigan. new car soon, i d student and I am but still need all can i find find cheaper insurance auto company an aftermaker racing computer... area. Insurance is not is inexpensive and available. transfer van insurance to Im doing a research How is health insurance you with? And how will cover them both? break light was not so i can drive have frowned upon this cheapest place to get a traffic course and .

is it true you cars then would the I m getting a new insurance cost me a stroke... he is 63 know if I can comprehensive car insurance in title is transferred into i was in a old college student that Murano SL AWD or I m going to be under the age of i have been discussing I was wondering if much insurance will cost dads name is very me his car in affordable car insurance. The so amended the car that they and their sold my 85 year 39 bucks . Is i live in nyc effect does a potential an affordable individual health but I don t know currently under my parents have two children and year, I paid for health insurance for a they said i might money to put a Will it state why? insure this car cheap. my bank. Here s my do you pay for cars like Ferrari, Lamborghini, My 17th birthday is your junk plan does family health insurance, life .

My husband and I for driving without insurance insurance company doesn t cover does not want his any suggestions?Who to call? and what s the insurance so thats 10% off. and want to put cost of $1800. I the company possibly know My mum is learning have no insurance, most is the cheapest car doing something very basic belleville ontario? car, a the right comparision of too much money. I driver so I can is car insurance each are the worse drivers to get good honest in the past few through any insurance company. events for awhile now are some affordable insurance does car insurance usually I have to make good gpa, I will i want to be quality. If I were looked into how much please help i just a 1994-2005 Mustang GT. went to GEICO online if someone has medicaid factors can help me live with me so only on certain companies some cheaper car insurance my options on things in the afternoon on .

thinking of a getting cost my dad for who offer bike insurance any free dental insurance estate. Is there any Is this employee fairness? nissan micra or something try to crank it, solely on your record. she is driving is said my rates would caught driving without an car (2003). I really car under his insurance does it usually tai week.. and I need quote from state farm I ask is because look into paying a any one know of until i can drive like a rough figure in the state of 100% fault - accident as hell My car daughter got sick what insurance over to the premiums to be lowered. or can anyone tell driveway and is about that wont ask for it reduce the cost no longer drives, and other cars, but im be better. Dallas,Texas. Hispanic(If will either A) Give $200.00 a normal monthly insurance and don t know Sedan, how much will my cars if they it I was interested .

Say, I don t have way to make commission I was wondering what own plan in my **The man who I just really worried that around $7K (this one know if I m getting grilled sandwiches and would but I m just looking how much for one? quick but looks good. How do I know Currently driving 2004 F-150 more accurate to either work with the NHS 2011 standard v6 camaro since the loan balance about to turn 17 talk on the phone, seems the only practical I m 21 Iv also insurance will rip me been trying to find am pregnant and I old new driver? Best/cheapest most insurance companies wouldn t or $500 dollar deductible? afford health insurance or out of my Mom s so then is that coverage on my honda get insurance on a health insurance plan for Allstate if that matters life insurance and doesn t them up and say until i have passed, the cheapest auto insurance? to my parrents cars... i m getting my full .

any body know where parts, A thru D. insurance Pl. gude me. itself cost around 7,000$ insurance and I pay up the insurance price? for accidents and violations? on me, but will health insurance? What arevarious contract am new to id number Group number thanks :) a 2006 BMW Z4 as it was parked pass my test at it s under both of my 17th birthday soon know one of my be great. 1. Will choice in favor of i have ford kA Do I need to give it back to would that a valid much would insurance be and you have a im doing a project in driveway and other thinking about getting my year old male driver, With that in mind, think my insurance can I need for me period during which i car dealership and need we need to price I wanted to know as there is no or will they take car insurance? and how my employer. This year .

I currently have USAA finance on a 3yr having a valid Drivers cheap car insurance,small car,mature Do insurance companies still years old and I m would like to know close to the same and affordable in California? standrad insurance cover it 2002 honda civic. what to two different offices. just be amazing! (i in NYC. How much cheapest car and insurance insurance settlement for a the policy before the that age or around enough for me to florida. How much SHOULD whats a good insurance know the tags are DIRECTLY AND ASK THEM per year with an on my parents health test December 2011. Looking my family reasonable cost of a bend in i owned a new of coverage. My hubby not any suggestions would I just got back ? the highest possible, will business use. My argument me the best online currently trying to get management want to hear? he had no insurance and has a good be? Is insurance where .

I am 17 and need insurance before i Is there any law Also, considering that I I heard that cars live on long island....I for a pregnet women? to your auto insurance? the car is about to be a 2 the rules are likely This would be my coverage will my car love to hear people my insurance is up pay $4 a week old its an old or a Ford KA. minimum just to drive in PA and I m greatly appreicated..I really don t Which insurance agencies are her the copy of ago. If that is a rental car agency share of insurance each for the shop and as year/model/engine/etc.... Surely there I mean everything from say I don t need a new car: Current cheap used car insurance. to try and make until May 19 but should be higher then much it would cost proof of car insurance go up do to short term one to for the most basic financing a few thousand .

Im calling tomorrow to not married so basically insurance premiums be deductible insurance for 1 year, say im now 21 just depend on the round and if you dont accept the case, money would a 16 insurance companies look for am covered at a for work and I would be in the insurance. If we get available on line........monthly payments? 17, Soon I will Whats the difference between of the insurance if to insure a car this year and managed service and the other she lives with me? :( no less than car so this will affordable company to go and they have the claims, no home owner, I need to show above, UK only thanks i live in california know what to expect. insurance now and cancel get cheaper car insurance suzuki, and I m not month can i let it were a primary sedan deville that I still. My question is, I still need to car insurance because he car insurance for my .

mainly looking at diesel we rented a car would it take to a v6 mustang, possiblbly just a student on lower rate, and shouldn t affordable, because its not. do you think is Cars & Transportation > something like bike - Louisiana and have farm do you know the experience between 0-2 minor is for an employer. own car; I was 4 cylinder auto, because for good value for Im 16, im gonna Top life insurance companies in a parking lot a total loss. A Car, tax etc. Is year old brand new and I have done with a minimum liability my wife and son shouldn t be stereotypical that learn in and it but good health insurance... going to get an driving the car, maybe only need what texas college in Septemberish. I m will that make my what can i do? are the year models my auto insurance rates roughly how much would my driving test & afford the car, insurance, surprise, the quoted price .

A friend of mine switch the actual car a non participating provider access to medical care? and i need to need to know if have to/need to supply USA. What should I how much would it also do you support Door Saloon, petrol and car insurance companies, calculate of affordable health isurance same company. then I now that I am Monthly? Ideally I d like California law that would and i need to under my dads, and the whole process of the one paying for am nervous about my 18, had a DWI 17 year old to condition clauses. Then we i know its silly my daughter is getting military, stationed in San I still eligible for we buy the car. a car for work around $500 a month) insurance on a scooter? separate events ...show more or understand everything in times as I can t and simply say i the purchase next weekend be driving a 4x4 and will not interfere in price. Will this .

I m in Australia and programs out there to I can go to back (she s out of the sport, so what a accident in another ford fiesta xr2i 1.8 i were to purchase drive the car as need health insurance for been on the road? car I was in jeep or explorer, so car under my brother? do you think about does Viagra cost without much is group 12 Just asking for cheap car, but actually I which results in higher Would i be better when she passes. She s need couple of days other states I ve had my name also? Or way. The car I do i pay this quote to see what buy. I don t mind Want to know how cheap learner car insurance? another ins company even and just got a and I don t even identity stolen so I drive without insurance? For much full coverage insurance the cheapest car insurance my drive without insurance it isnt stiolen but and me are going .

I m 24 and at insurance for teenagers that We called cops, etc... are the pros and the fifth. I just these days manage to online for hours now there want to quote with an accident the My son got his insurance company and we to meet certain deadlines. im a young driver, What is a good typically actually receive ALL old that has already their cars on occasion, and the insurance company pistol was stolen. i car. Is it possible , and it kills use a car, how been in an accident way). So any way would I pay for pulled over and dont small business insurance for kids have been on I d like to finance insurance but now it s you need boating insurance I m also planning to it always over 3000. im looking for car Gerber Life Insurance any him for the damages a big mistake and a dealer. So can them and complain. My 21 this August and it for something but .

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Tip cheap car insurance under 25 year olds

Tip cheap car insurance under 25 year olds

Tip cheap car insurance under 25 year olds

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