#i need to find something and send it to u BAHAHHAHAHA

[beamtori]

the little brat inside of me also needs to see this man angry in a way no one did cause—

I SAW THE WORD BRAT IN MY INBOX AND RAN SKFNDKVNKDNFKFNF

CHIP. I DONT THINK U WANNA SEE THIS MAN ANGRY.......... it'd be so hot but ur ass might be bruised after he's done w u—

[robertdowneyjjr]

au where jack plays football and bitty’s still a hockey player

in the form of my chat with @brandnewfashion bc honestly i’m way too lazy to reformat this.

(interspersed with random mentions of cornbread and the preds v pens game)

kayytx

anyway so

i was thinking last night before i fall asleep

as i often do

au where jack plays football and bitty plays hockey

brandnewfashion

niiiiiiiiice

kayytx

jack decided to go for football bc he wanted to get away from the whole hockey prodigy thing

brandnewfashion

very nice

kayytx

his plan was to go to some school in canada, maybe western ontario or something, and play a few years in the cfl if he gets drafted

but he ended up getting a scholarship for samwell

bitty's still bitty. same story etc etc

kayytx

and when he and jack meet they HATE EACH OTHER

well no

bitty hates jack

bc he thinks jack is just another dumb football player and he's already had enough bad experiences with those guys in high school thank u very much

brandnewfashion

ok but who on the smh is in hockey and who's on football

kayytx

honestly i didn't think about that part

but i was thinking

bc in this au jack didn't od

so their age difference is only like two years

brandnewfashion

i'm just curious in terms of team dynamics

kayytx

i kinda want the falcs to be the football players

and this is another one of those bitty-doesn't-know-how-hot-he-is au's

jack has the biggest fucking crush on bitty

brandnewfashion

um honey

i'm pretty sure bitty not knowing he's hot is canon

but carry on lmao

kayytx

HAHAHAHAHA

OK TRUE

FAIR ENOUGH

but u get what i'm saying

brandnewfashion

yes

kayytx

like just imagine them meeting in the caf one day and at first bitty's super charmed by jack

but then he sees jack go sit with the football team

and he's like

OH. WELL THEN.

brandnewfashion

LOL

kayytx

MOVING ON.

but from that moment on jack's just smitten

except for some reason since then every time he sees bitty, bitty's just??? super cold??? why??????

he thought they had a pretty good first meeting

and even shittier is

when coach calls, he'd occasionally mention to bitty how he's been keeping up with both the smh and samwell's football team

hazards of the job, you know?

and wow that zimmermann kid looks pretty good this season

bitty's like omg coach please stfu

brandnewfashion

this is really random but i want corn bread :(

kayytx

meanwhile jack's on the phone with bad bob and he's talking about how he MIGHT be taking an interest in hockey again for REASONS

lmfao that's so random

anyway bob knows jack and he's like, "oh pls jack, spit it out, who's the boy"

brandnewfashion

LOL

kayytx

and jack spills and he ends the story with "HE'S SO OUT OF MY LEAGUE??? AND CLEARLY HE KNOWS IT BC HE'S SO COLD, PAPA. SO COLD"

brandnewfashion

YAY HORNQVIST

kayytx

no matter tho, jack starts going to as many hockey games as possible

and he's bitty's biggest puck bunnyu

brandnewfashion

bahahhahaha

kayytx

his whole team teases him for it but they also really want to help him date bitty but bitty's just...so cold....to all of them

and they just don't understand

brandnewfashion

pls tell me rans and holster step in

kayytx

football team: but we aren't the lax bros????

lmfao yes they do

brandnewfashion

NICE

kayytx

holster's been badgering bitty about winter screw bc he really wants his favorite frog to enjoy his first college dance

and eventually bitty lets it slip that he may have a thing for a tall blue eyed football captain but that doesn't matter bc all football dudes are the same and they're the worst and that's why he got the fuck outta georgia in the first place

and rans and holster are at the kitchen table listening to bitty rant and they look at each other like

bro

BRO

BROOOOOOO

rans is friends with jack bc canadians

loopholes and shit

brandnewfashion

he should be science bros with tater or something hahaha

kayytx

HAHAHAH omg that could work

brandnewfashion

and tater's like

"I HAVE FRIEND WHO IS CANADIAN TOO"

kayytx

backstory: ransom and tater were lab partners for a class and they had to do this really dumb experiment with potatoes and genius struck ransom like the canadian scientists he always references and that's how he nicknamed tater

brandnewfashion

LOL

awww fehr's in the sin bin

kayytx

tater: i like this nickname. is much better than "mushy mashy"

ransom: bro u gotta quit the football team they don't respect u

brandnewfashion

bahahhahaha

kayytx

tater: mama always told me to play hockey because am russian. but i wanted to, how you say? be out of the box

brandnewfashion

awwwwwwwww

kayytx

lmfao anyway so ransom like, vaults over several hedges to get to the football house

idk why he won't just use the sidewalks like a normal person but he got excited and his brain stopped functioning properly

brandnewfashion

~dramatic effect

kayytx

and he slams open the door and he's like

ZIMMERMANN IS MY FAVORITE FROG ERIC BITTY BITS BITTLE THE GUY YOU'RE ALWAYS YAMMERING ON ABOUT BC BOY DO I HAVE GOOD NEWS FOR YOU

jack isn't even there

brandnewfashion

the nashville coach looks like he could be in the mafia

kayytx

he's in class. wtf ransom

brandnewfashion

lololol

kayytx

snowy pokes his head out from the living room and he's like, dude can u like, text him or something

brandnewfashion

but that'd be too easy

kayytx

ransom just goes up to jack's room to wait and somehow he finds a stuffed cat toy??? somewhere?? and puts it on his lap so he could stroke it for dramatic effect

jack comes home

brandnewfashion

maybe it's poots'

HORNQVIST!!!

lmao the commentator: "class horny goal"

that sounds so wrong

kayytx

rans: zimmermann. you come into my house, on the day my daughter is to be married, and you ask me to do murder for money jack: what the fuck justin

rans: idk man, holster texted this to me and told me to say it. anyway, we're setting you up for winter screw

so holster convinces bitty they've found someone perfect for him and he really shouldn't worry about it bc they

're bros and they only want whats best for him

ransom helps jack like, not be such an awkward weirdo

and gives jack the rundown on the Secret to Bitty's Heart Playbook he was compiling on the dl

(it's a spreadsheet obvi)

so the day of winter screw comes and bitty's nervous but he's all dressed up bc he's not gonna let something as stupid as nerves get in the way of him looking fab

brandnewfashion

oh my god??? sid just... idk what the fuck he just did but it was hot

kayytx

and jack shows up on the door with a bouquet of flours and a crate of cherries in the shape of a heart

brandnewfashion

dork

kayytx

umm the minute there's a gif or a video of that sid moment pls send it to me

BITTY MELTS but he needs to put up an act bc he's not gonna be all gushy RIGHT AWAY

so he """"grudgingly"" goes to winter screw with jack

but they have a ridiculously good time

and bitty's like, oh no he's NICE

jack walks bitty home afterwards and kisses him on the cheek bc he's a dweeb and they make plans to go to annies the next day

THEN THEY START DATING

brandnewfashion

omg omg

can bitty do that thing

jack kisses him on the cheek and bitty's like

"you missed"

kayytx

HAHA YES

but bitty's a lil shit so he makes jack wait until the next day

"guess you'll have to try harder tomorrow ;);)"

brandnewfashion

HA

get it bits

kayytx

jack dies

jack loves dying and being dead

brandnewfashion

oh gosh

and when they go home for winter break they cannot shut up about the each other

and their parents are like

"look we're really happy for u but u need to tone it down for the love of god"

kayytx

lmfaaoooo

except bob

bob is like

TELL ME MOAR

jack: pls never come to another parents weekend again and maybe not even my graduation oh my god u are so embarrassing

brandnewfashion

lmao parents weekend is gonna be such a shit show

bob and suzanne are gonna be trading stories all night and jack and bitty are gonna be holding onto each other for dear life in the corner, chugging their beers so they go away

long story short, jack and bitty eventually get together and bob and suzanne are both MENACES and the most embarrassing parents bc they just love their kids so much

**note: when i said “their age difference is only two years” i don’t mean bc jack didn’t OD they have a smaller age difference lol i meant in this au jack didn’t OD and their age difference is smaller lol sorry for the confusion but when i’m rambling on chat i don’t really pay attention to conjunctions and grammar and spelling and shit.