#i need the hype of a 7th grader again

[elflikesfrogs]

omg we were having an assembly with the 7th grade class and at the end my principal DABBED!!!!! 2017 is craaazyyyy 😂😂😂

[nctrenjunie]

and about your friends,, even if it’s a long story, i’m here to hear you always 💕✨ —🍩

Okeyy this is very long but hear is the story:

So I had this friend/Best friend I will call her Sunny okey. So Sunny & I know each other 6 years now. In primary school I was more of a loner and she was one of the more popular kids but every time her “Best friends” hurt her I comforted her. So then after both of us entered the 7th grade we weren´t in the same class but we became really good friends/ Best friends since we had the same interest (Except Kpop - she hated it) & same humor. So the last years we were the best of the best friends & it was all perfect despite some normal problems but we never fought. It started last year in September when both of us didn´t really have enough time to meet up that we drifted a little apart but everything was still okey. 

Okey so my school is a bilingual school, means that we have groups/classes that have all lessons only in our mother tongue (German) but their is also the bilingual part were the classes have half of their lessons in spanish. Me & Sunny are on the bilingual parte so when we end the High school we will have two diplomas the german and the spanish one.

So Sunny started to hang out more with some people from the non bilingual part & there wasn´t any problems I also have some friends that are in other classes but at some point Sunny started to ignore me. So we just started to ignore each other & that´s why I wrote a letter for her birthday that we should start to talk again. It ended up in her ignoring it. So the atmosphere was really tense & some other friends talked to her. Then she came to me one day and told me she thought I didn´t like her anymore since we didn´t talk. We both apologized to each other without any sense & everything was “Okey” but it wasn´t. 

It started to get really hard for me. I´m one of the top students so I had a lot of stress with school & we didn´t really talk even though we apologized to each other. So I started to ask her if she has time, if we can do something together, how she´s doing and if everything is alright. She told me we can do something in the vacations since she is busy and I totally understood. Then she told me in the vacations her grandma from Mexico is here & she can´t meet up. I know her parents so I understood the situation. But it´s really hard to ask her if she has time, than she says now bcs of her grandma but on her Instagram story I see how she´s ice skating with other Friends. I felt so dumb from feeling hurt by this since this is so inmature but it feels so bad. We started to ignore each other again and again and I always forced myself to try to save this friendship but it was so hard since literally nothing came from her. UHHHH fuck I´m literally crying right now.

It´s just so hard beside of school. It just really hurts that I tried so hard to stay friends with her & to see that she didn´t even give a fuck about it. And I couldn´t even say how bad I felt. I´m always the happy one, the funny one who hypes everyone. But I´m so shy in reallife and it was just so not me to cry so I just acted like everything was alright and that it didn´t bother me.

I just got so tired of always being the one who gives her best to make everything work out but nobody else cares. Until a friend of mine told her she should talk to me. Obviously she came after some time, telling me that it was hard for her and she tried to distant herself from everyone obviously not everyone. So we talked and talked and then everything was okey again, besides no it wasn´t. We met up the weekend after this and it seemed so nice to talk again to her, we catched up I told her everything and wtf now she likes kpop, I thought wtf. After years of making fun of it she is the biggest kpop fan. Obviously only BTS is Kpop for her. 

Okey now it´s getting fucked up. I have a girl in my class, lets call her Maddy. So Maddy didn´t really feel well since start of the new year and the Monday after I talked to Sunny she told me she wanted to talk to me. Maddy told me she´s pregnant. Fuck yeah more problems! The good thing is her parents support her & she thought about abortion but she looked at the pros and cons and now she´s going to keep it. So the father, lest call him Mike is super duper dumb. He started to ignore her and whilst they were still together he started to fuck with an 8th grader. A FUCKING 8TH GRADER. Also his parents told Maddy if she doesn´t abort they won´t support her. So Maddy was really hurt she wanted to stay together with him but it obviously didn´t work out so at some point she finally put everything together and broke up with him. There is much more drama of this but I wont explain all of this it´s just too much. 

OKEY. So me & Sunny and some other friends knew about Maddys pregnancy. Maddy told us that she still needs some time before she tells it to our class and that´s obvious. One day two boys from my class, only I & Sunny have contact to them from those who knew about Maddys pregnancy came to me and told me that they know that Maddy is pregnant.

UHHH THIS IS SO DUMB. Literally the only person who was able to tell them was Sunny. It´s not only the fact that she told them about it, its also that she took Maddy the chance away to prepare for the whole class and school to know that she´s pregnant. Sunny took Maddy the chance away to tell everyone what´s happening when she´s ready.

So I went to her. And I tried so hard not to cry. I told Sunny. Please. Please just to save our friendship don´t lie to me. Don´t lie to me and tell me if you told them or if you didn´t. I won´t be angry but just please be honest.

She said she didn´t. Obviously. She asked me why I´m thinking this and I just told her I don´t know but I just wanted to ask her why she´s lying right into my face. Sunny told me she´s gonna talk to them so they won´t tell anyone else and a friend of mine heard her talking to one of them in the corridors. She yelled at him, asked him why he told me that he knew. It was so horrible, I started to cry silently in art class as she came back into class and she told me its okey. It wasn´t her and I can think what I want to. 

I felt so fucking weak for not telling her that its her fault. So I just nodded and told her it´s okey. The next day a friend from the non bilingual part told me that a friend of Sunny told her that Maddy is pregnant. I just couldn´t understand. She is the only one who could have told her since nobody else except of her talks to this girl and why do you tell this someone who didn´t even talk once to Maddy. We went out in the last class, making photos in special art class and since I had the class with her I asked her if we could talk for a short moment. 

I was so sick of everything. I´m always so good with friends but I can be very cold so I just asked her why she told it this one girl. She looked at me confused and I told her I´m tired of her lying to me. She started to cry asking me why I thought so about her. At some point she just walked away, crying. AND OBVIOUSLY EVERYTHING WAS MY FAULT. Everyone asked her, omg why are you crying, Sera about what did you talk. I´m always the bad one at the end just because once in my life I tell her how I fucking feel about her. THATS SO HILARIOUS. I try to solve this, I have so much stress and then I do even more jut to save our memories. And she did nothing, like I wouldn´t get hurt by this just because I don´t like to cry in front of everyone. 

So, we started to ignore each other again. And the last week before our vacations I told her I want to talk to her after the class. I always think everything through but this was so spontaneously, I was shocked at myself for asking her. So after class we stood in the school corridor. School already ended for me but she still had one hour. 

I have this habit to bite on my lip when I´m nervous and I started to bleed a little because I tried so hard not to cry. I finally started to talk. I asked her if it still makes sense to her. Our friendship. Because I feel so hurt fighting for this. I´m the only one trying, the only one who´s really hurt and I just can´t anymore. I started to cry so hard. Some other friends were there and they got really shocked since they´ve never seen me cry. Well, I told her that its just really hard and that literally nothing comes from her and that it´s okey. People drift apart I just never thought it would happen to each other. I told her that I don´t even know anymore if I´m fighting for her and our friendship or just because of our memories since we´ve been together through so much. At some point it was so hard to talk. I just cried so hard, and my under lip bled so much. I asked her if it wouldn´t be better if we stop being friends because its only hurting me and I don´t want to be selfish but I just can´t anymore. I don´t know why I thought she would say something like no. Im so naive. She just apologized silently. And I stopped talking. I wanted to scream at her, telling her that it´s all her fault and that she hurt me so bad. I wanted her to feel as bad as I did. But I didn´t. I felt so bad for thinking about hurting her. She just told me she has to go to her last class and I told her yeah I have to get going too. I just felt horrible but good because I finally didn´t have to worry about it. I got fast out of school, crying. A friend called me, asking me if everything is okey. I told her that I´m feeling better, I really did. She told me Sunny ran up to the bathroom and locked herself up crying. Well, I don´t even know what to do know. 

I think its so funny that I´m so strong but then I´m so weak crying over something like this. I feel better now. It´s just hard. I met up with some friends in the park in the vacations and she was also there but just for a short minute before going away with some friends of her “because she didn´t feel well”. Turns out they just sat away just to not sit with us but texted one of my good friends she should come to them. THIS IS SO INMATURE. I extra told my friend no I don´t care if she´s with us. I´m okey now and it´s not like I hate her or anything. But then she acts like she doesn´t feel good just to go. UHHH THIS IS SO STUPID. I shouldn´t even care about this.

Well I´m doing good now. It´s just a lot but I´m feeling way better now.  I forgot to ask you how your exam went

[this-brownie]

05.14.20

I recently read Lolita, written by Vladimir Nabokov and I have a LOT of thoughts on it. I know it’s considered such a classic, but the plot revolves around pedophilia and, therefore, was very confused by all the hype surrounding it. I decided to finally read it so that I could form a valid opinion on it.

It felt like there was no 'point' to the story or that I had somehow missed it. I read the author’s note that said there is no moral to the story and people looking for one are wasting their time. So I tried to do some research on it online to see what others have said- some people talked about how beautifully it's written and what a good job he did since he's a Russian writer and this was one of his first books in English. I thought about that-- his voice/style IS engaging, however I was utterly bored reading about the actual content, if that makes sense. The narrator/pedo would basically talk shit about these other characters for three literal pages and then MOVE ON and never. mention. them. again. I'm like...wtf was the point of that?! A lot of people called the book really funny and I was like uhhhh I didn't laugh NOT ONCE throughout the whole fucking thing. Some people said the book was amazing bc at the core of it, its a """"""loveeeee"""""" story like the fuck kind of love are you people used to?! It's literally about the descpicable narrator who.. TRIGGER WARNING ***lusts over girls ages 9-14, pursues a "relationship" with (I mean assaults) his 12yo stepdaughter, fucking bribes her w money, emotionally manipulates her (by telling her that if she goes to the police she will be taken away and will be alone forever, and wouldn't it just be better to stay with him), and abuses her daily. On top of that he acts like he's her bf and acts jealous when she starts talking to guys her age! Multiple, multiple fucking times the girl says "yeah well you raped me so the least you can do is give me money/give me this/that". She is aware that she's being taken advantage of, and attempts to exert her own agency in the matter, however she can. He sexualizes her like an object and talks about her in cringey ways like he literally says "oh this beautiful 7th grader, oh the lovely girl-child, the 12 year old with the boxy boyish torso" like ew. Why are you so obsessed with prepubescent bodies**** So fucking pathetic. And you know what? People claim that he's just hopelessly in love bc he DOES talk about her in a loving way (yeah whatever creep) but throughout the entire he book he literally ogles other children. How is that fucking love?! Just bc he found the ONE girl who was actually receptive to his disgusting behavior? Lolita is interesting for people who don’t know how to relate to real people, so they read this book about a pedophile and feel cool for “understanding” him. He’s not likable— he’s self deprecating which people enjoy because instead of having to call him disgusting, he does it to himself and it makes readers sympathize with him. They can therefore "relate" to him since we all love a self hating hero. A lot of people say that it shows us the selfish part of us, that we are willing to do whatever we need to in order to pursue what we want. That we are ultimately narcissists. Yeah maybe men feel that fucking entitled (sorry I'm being sexist) . What fucking responsible adult is willing to ruin and manipulate a child just to fulfill his own depraved fantasies? Because he succeeds in acquiring this little girl, are we supposed to applaud him? Call him smart and badass and a go getter?! He's delusional. When men read the book they relate to the narrator. And when women read it, who do you think they relate to? The female character, the girl ofc-- how to be kept in a helpless situation, keep taking abuse, and to be manipulated into staying. 

I may be looking at this book and analyzing it from a very cultural lens but isn't that the point of a classic? That it transcends time, culture, whatever society you're coming from, whatever perspective you have — it’s supposed to be relatable. In the book, the narrator/pedo brings up all the historical relationships of child brides and little girls being sexualized and he's like "it wasn't wrong then" blah blah I'm like motherfucker, have you considered that we have come away from those times for a fucking reason?! When child marriages were legal, and wherever they still are, it’s not because it isn't an absolutely horrible thing. It is just socially acceptable and that's why people dont speak up about it. When people DO try to speak up about it, they are shunned which leads to others holding their silence on it. I mean, slavery was once legal too.

Oh and another sad thing was that so many readers online were saying that yeah he knows he has a problem, but he really does love her, and what about her?! It's not like she's innocent either (bc how dare she have sex once before, as an experiment)— so basically that makes this 12yo equivalent to this 45 fucking year old manipulative, delusional, pathetic abuser. I think Nabokov also purposely portrayed the girl as extra bratty and insolent bc he didn’t want his readers to see her as innocent or child like in anyway. By making her unlikable, readers begin to sympathize even more for the pedo. People are fucking wild yo, to what extent they are willing to forgive grown ass men and blame little girls. Side note, it's not that I particularly care for the girl character, but I could see through how she was being manipulated and how badly she was trying to escape (she finally does thankfully). My opinion is that if this were a real love story, people would not have given it a second look-- fuck what they say about Nabokov’s writing, it’s BS. Ultimately, my thoughts on it are that people like the book bc they like the authors writing style OR bc they think they're fucking edgy for liking such a controversial book. They probably feel cool that they have gotten through such a taboo/challenging topic without feeling complete disgust for the book and themselves. Multiple articles online have said “if you don’t like the book/are not open to reading it, it’s bc you’re narrow minded and can’t put yourself in uncomfortable positions” like stfuuuuu. They argue that just bc it’s from a wrong/taboo perspective, it’s not enough of a reason to stop you from reading it. They compared it by saying if a murderer wrote a book, is it not worth reading bc murder is wrong? And I understand the argument but that really diminishes the point. The murderer isn't being romanticized; it is pretty clear they are unstable and that we SHOULD NOT BE LIKE THEM.  A person reading about a book that glorifies murder won’t necessarily go out and commit murder. Similarly, a person reading about sexual abuse/rape/pedophilia won’t go out and commit those things, but unfortunately by calling the book beautiful, and the idea compelling, and blaming the victim, you’ve now normalized the idea a little more. You’ve humanized the abuser and made his actions a little bit more acceptable. And that’s where the problem lies. Should a book like this have NOT been written? I wouldn’t jump to that. But the weird, obsessive fascination over it is definitely concerning. And what could have been done differently, anyway? The narrator is already ‘aware’ of his problem and constantly calls himself disgusting. Nabokov doesn’t regret writing it (and why should he, he’s made a ton of fame and money off of it). Having a disclaimer that says “rape is wrong” would be treated like a fucking joke. It’s really up to society and how they feel about it, which is the same as how society has always felt about girls/women. Nothing good. One other thing I came across is that a lot of young women (who ‘should’ hate the book, according to the article) actually really like it. I find that misguided. I know I am judging so hard here but- I feel that these women are the same ones that say they don’t need feminism and they are stuck on this boring ass yet ubiquitous trope of powerful/older/experienced men courting the innocent, dainty yet (somehow still) seductive girl. Have seen that idea MANY fucking times. Yawn. It might appeal to a high schooler but not people who can have two simultaneous thoughts in their brains. My friend Marisol brought up an interesting and valid point about this; she said that some women may have enjoyed the book because “they have been victims of [sexual abuse] and by glorifying something like that, they might subconsciously be convincing themselves that it wasn't as bad and that they're not actually victims of these horrendous crimes”. Lastly, I WILL give the author one credit (no matter how minor)— he doesn’t word the sex/rape scenes in an erotic way. I’m sure there’s a lot of people curious about reading this book cuz they think they will discover soft porn. They will be left feeling disappointed or unaffected after finishing it, which in a way is annoying as well bc youve glazed through and normalized the horror of it without feeling anything. And what’s the point of writing a book? Isn’t it supposed to make you feel? 

Thank you for taking the time to read my rant.

[nanalikessurveys]

Name all the pets you’ve ever had. Just cats

Are you on break, or do you still have a couple days of school left? No school

Have you ever had a macaroon? The ones with coconut? nope

One of my friends dislikes animals in general. Are you like her? Nah, i like some animals lol

Do you prefer being on time, or do you not mind being late? I hate being late, i’m always either on time or too early lol

What is one adventurous thing you’d be willing to do? I’m not really into adventurous things tbh

Have you ever made a bucket list? I'm pretty sure i haven’t

What subject at school did you absolutely hate? Math and physics

How many cell phones have you gone through up till now? I think the one i have now is my 7th?

Italian food or Chinese food? I love both but i think italian is better in my opinion

Do you have more than the standard earlobe piercings? I have a rook piercing

Ever studied a foreign language? Yeah, I studied english and swedish in school

Don’t you hate it when your family eats all the ice cream at home? Can’t relate, i live alone

Do you like to make flash cards when you study? I have no idea what those are but i’m sure i don’t make those?

Favorite flavor of gum? Mint

Do you tend to be frugal, or are you more comfortable spending money? I’m something in the middle i think

Do you have a connection to any religion? Not really

Ever played a team sport, or are you not sporty at all? I did do artistic gymnastics for a long time but it’s not a team sport

Do you put posters on your bedroom walls? No, i don’t have any

Do you sleep with one leg sticking out of the covers? I don’t think i do

I have extremely weird, frightening dreams. Do you? No, i pretty much never have nightmares

Has anyone ever told you that you’re a good singer? Haha no

Ever been to the Big Apple? If not, do you want to visit? I haven’t, but sure, i would go if given the chance

Opinion on Gangnam Style? It was catchy, sure haha

Do you ever watch TED talks, live or online? Yeah i sometimes watch those on youtube if they’re of an interesting topic

Did you ever watch the Lizzie McGuire movie? No

If you did, do you know what the guy that played Gordo looks like now? -

How many email accounts do you have? I have two but i only use one

Ever shamelessly played Farmville on Facebook? I’m not on facebook

Are you a big fan of dessert? Yes but i rarely get it

Ever had a brush with the paranormal? If so, describe. No

Were you one of the popular kids in high school? Nope but it was fine lol

I dare you to write the name of a person you strongly dislike. I don’t strongly dislike anyone

Do you know the band Vampire Weekend? I don’t

What do you think about Marilyn Manson? I don’t listen to his music but i have seen some of his interviews actually lol, and he seems really interesting and intelligent

In general, do you prefer going out or staying home? Staying home for sure

Biggest trouble you’ve ever gotten into at school? Umm, i have no idea, i just skipped school sometimes. and once i got sent out of the class because i refused to give a presentation because i was too scared LOL

Do you own one of those “professional” DSLR cameras? I do, i’m so professional now lol

Does it bother you when you see a 6th grader with a bunch of gadgets? Nah, idk

Favorite pair of shoes? My fila sneakers

Have you heard about the extremely photogenic marathon-running man? I have haha

Where were you on 9/11? I have no idea, i was two years old

Any food in particular you just can’t get enough of? Salad or pasta

Did you buy yearbooks every year in high school, or did you not bother? Yes

Do you have Restless Legs Syndrome? I don’t

Are you a fan of British Youtubers? (Marcus Butler, JacksGap, etc) I used to watch some

Jalapeños: yay or nay? Too spicy for me lol

Did you ever play Minecraft? No

Did you ever have a Club Penguin account? Were you a member? I never had that but i remember everyone in my class being obsessed with it 

Can you sleep soundly with the light on? I guess, but i prefer it to be dark

Would you like to go ziplining someday? That would be interesting, but scary haha

Familiar with Internet slang? I guess with some things

If so, what’s your opinion on “yolo” and “swag”? Ehh

Have a Tumblr account? Duh

Do you have a lot of hair on your arms? Or none at all? I do have some, but i never shave my arms because it doesn’t matter, they’re short and blonde

Do you keep a charger plugged into your phone at all times? Noo, only when i need to charge it

Often misplace things, or are you very organized? I guess something in between

Get along with your siblings (if you have any) well? Yes i do

Do you know anyone that seems to not have any common sense? Yep

So where were you when the Boston Marathon bombing happened? Again, i have no idea where i was

Rainy days on the weekend: yay or nay? I doesn’t matter if it’s weekend or not, but i sometimes like rain, sometimes not

Ever crushed on a teacher? If so, what subject did he/she teach? Nope

Don’t you hate it when someone’s 5 minute doodle looks like the Mona Lisa? Hahaha no, i appreciate their talent

I don’t get the hype over Tyler the Creator, enlighten me if you can? I only know couple songs by him but he’s super funny and that’s why i like him

Ever been to the Vatican? Never