#i need summer to DIE its so HOT i feel so GROGGY its making me LAZY and UNMOTIVATED

[natsmagi]

a special day is approaching guys

[wittykitty21]

Falling Together

//Shanexfarmer HarveyxFarmer Sebastianxfarmer??

TW !! Talk of self harm, suicide, drinking, abuse, death!!

Chapter Two; Warm and Cold Welcomes

As I walked into the Stardrop Saloon, Emily immediately ran over and hugged me. 

“You’re here!! You’re really back! I knew it was you the second I felt your energy hit the earth here.” She beamed. I hugged her back, I felt so accepted and warm here. She began introducing me to everyone, including a hot lean alternative guy with black swooped over hair, grey eyes and dressed all up in black along with a girl with purple hair and dressed in a black shirt with a frog printed on it. I assumed he was Robin’s son she had previously told me about. 

“Heyyyyy Guns n Roses, nice taste. I’m Sebastian and this is Abigail. Abigail smiled and  waved a little shyly  at me. Sebastian continued,“ Sure mom’s told you about me. What’s your name?” he looked flirtatious towards me, but before I could tell him, a flash of blonde hair ran over to me and i was immediately lifted at least two feet off the ground into a hug. 

“EVIEEEEE!!!!! I can’t believe its you!! We have so much catching up to do since we last made mud pies together. ” He smiled and put me back down. Me being slightly startled from his energetic golden retriever personality. Sebastian was laughing at the startled expression I had. 

“Awww Sam, missed me pushing you over and you crying when I beat you in video games? “ I smirked. 

“You know it! I’ve gotten pretty good over the years, you owe me unlimited rematches. And - Hey, I don’t think you’ll be able to push me over anymore, short stack. “ Sam was around 6′0 ft, and I had stayed at a measly 5′3 and a HALF since I was 13. I was happy Sam was the same overly optimistic ray of sunshine he had been since a kid. 

“Jeezzzz Sam give her some breathing room. Sorry about him, he’s always like this” Abigail chuckled. 

Sebastian slid back into the conversation, “So, Evie, is that your real name or is that your nickname?”

“Oh, yeah. I just go by Evie. My full name is Evangeline Eliza Jones-Destriu. I hate how long my name is.... and the fact my parents chose to hyphenate my last name.”  I smiled weakly. 

“Well a cute name to match a super cute girl with awesome fashion sense! “, exclaimed Abigail. “You have to show me where you get your clothes from.”

“As long as you show me where you got that frog shirt from, frogs are like one of my favorite animals.” I said excitedly.

After playing a little bit of pool with my new friend group, everyone else from the town started pouring in. I went up to Marnie, who was talking to Lewis. As I approached she immediately recognized me and hugged me. 

“Evangeline!!!! Oh my goodness. You’ve become quite the beautiful young woman. You look so much like your grandpa. I’m sure hes so proud of you for taking over the farm. I’ll be here to help you as much as you need getting started. When Shane gets here you should say hello to him.”

“Shane? “ I squinted a little, confused. 

“My nephew, you two were best friends whenever you spent the summers here.” she said a little worried. She noticed the bruise too, I tried to hide it behind my hair but I was starting to think it was inevitable. 

“I’m sorry Marnie, I have memory problems. I’ll talk to you more about it in private when we catch up, but if you point him out to me I’m sure I’ll remember his face. I’m just not good with names. “

Marnie seemed a little sad that I hinted at the fact life hadn’t been very easy for me. “He’ll be here in a bit, he’s almost always at the saloon after work. He’s usually over there near the fireplace and bar. If you want you can come over for dinner on Sunday, I’m sure you havent had a good home cooked meal in a while since living in the city.”

I smiled widely “I’d absolutely love that. I was just telling Lewis today about how much I missed your cooking.”

As I said that, a man in a tattered up hoodie, dark black-purple hair, who was quite broad shouldered and had a dad body walked inside the saloon. He looked void of emotion and tired. Emily wasn’t phased by this, she smiled and treated him like everyone else in the warm happy way she did. He looked almost angry at her for her being nice to him. That’s when Marnie said “Well there he is, that’s my Shane.” 

Maybe he just had a bad day, I thought. I thought about getting him something to eat to maybe cheer him up a bit. After all, I knew all about having bad days. So I walked over to Emily, and he peeked up at me, seeming annoyed. This built up anxiety in me, but my therapist said I needed to overcome my fear of upsetting people after all I’d been through. So I asked Emily, 

“Hey what’s Shane’s favorite food?”

“Oh, he loves pepper poppers. Um.... Evie, hes a little..... rough around the edges.” she smiled “but he has a good heart. He has a goddaughter named Jas, and he took her in.”

I nodded, and she handed me a plate of the spicy food. I walked over cautiously to him, he smelled like beer and whiskey. I slid the food beside him and he looked up at me kind of dazed, probably from the alcohol.

“Hey, I’m new in town, I don’t know if you remember me but I’m-”

“What the fuck do you want? I don’t fucking know you, so piss off and leave me alone.” He spat at me and didn’t even look me in the eyes. I stood back shocked, feeling tears well up. Emily went pale, Marnie, Sam and Sebastian saw the look of hurt on my face. I immediately turned around and went back to Emily. 

“Hey you okay? I’m sorry, he’s not normally that harsh. Here,” She said as she handed me a bottle of wine. “its on the house. I should’ve told you he’s uh, an angry person.”

I couldn’t speak, the feeling of panic and tears welled up in my throat and I knew it was visible on my face. I just looked at her and nodded. “I’ll be alright, thanks Emily. I just wasn’t expecting that. I’m gonna head home.” 

I took the wine and Marnie tried to stop me and talk to me, she saw the tears starting to come down and gave me a quick hug. As I turned to leave I felt like i was being watched, and I locked eyes with him. A sudden wash of recognition and regret hit his face. He saw he made me cry and i knew now he knew who I was. He put down his beer and looked like he was about to walk over. I almost ran out the door, and started sprinting towards the forest with the wine in hand. As soon as I knew I was out of earshot, I broke down. I looked for the pond my grandfather used to take me to when I was sad. 

---Back at the Saloon while Evie is in the woods, Shane POV--

Marnie walked over to Shane. “What has gotten into you? You grew up with that girl!!!! You made her cry after she wsa just trying to be nice to you.”

“I-I didn’t recognize who she was until she left. I’m going to find her and apologize, I’m sorry Marnie. I’m just--” he sighed. God. I always fuck up. He thought.

Marnie patted him on the shoulder “I know Shane. Just-- try to remember you’re not the only one who’s been through a lot. Okay?”

He nodded and left the Saloon to find and apologize to Evie. 

--Back to Evie in the woods, Shane POV--

I sat down at the edge of the pier and downed the entire bottle of wine. I hadn’t imagined something so small would make me relapse. The alcohol made me feel warm so i took off my long sleeve shirt and kept on my large band tee. The bandages and stitches itched with my mistakes. So I took them off. They probably needed a little air anyways. The vertical cuts that were held together with thread still looked pretty bad and they bled a little as I unraveled the wrapping, but they were at least mostly closed up with scabs. Around the wounds were bruises from Daniel, my ex -fiance. I could still see the finger marks were he had grabbed me on my arm. I cried somewhat loudly and just laid and looked up at the stars for a while. I started feeling dizzy, and tired. And the comforting numbness washed over me as everything faded into darkness. I thought I heard someone walking towards me but I didn’t care. They could kill me and I’d die happy right there. 

--Shane’s POV finding Evie--

I knew where she was going, the same place she went when she snuck out of her gradfathers when she missed her dad. I heard loud crying, like someone was in pain. It had to be her, I was already tipsy and quickened my pace towards the loud cries. Suddenly it stopped. Oh Yoba. Oh no. Why did it stop? 

I didn’t want to frighten her, so I tried to walk a little loudly. I saw a figure laid out on the pier, close to the edge of the side, she was about to roll off into the pond. “Evie? Hey.”

No response. Oh fuck. As i got closer I saw the empty wine bottle, and i felt a pang of guilt and worry. 

Wait. What the hell? I turned on my phones light and shined it on her, she passed out from drinking. But- what was...... 

I saw cuts on both her wrists that were obviously a previous suicide attempt, they were stitched together, but she also had dark bruises of all colors on her arms, and she had cried off her makeup, revealing a darkened eye as well.

I felt like I had just walked in on a crime scene. I never thought I’d meet someone more messed up than me, much less a childhood friend. What the hell happened to her? I tried shaking her awake and calling her name but she didn’t wake up. More panic and anxiety came over me. I picked her up gingerly in my arms to bring her to the clinic, she was so small and soft. She smelled like strawberries and vanilla. Shane studied her features. She had the same freckles, same button nose, same long eyelashes and dark hair as he remembered her having as she had when they were little. She was gorgeous too. How could anyone hurt such a beautiful fragile girl? What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I thinking this way? Get a grip Shane. 

I called Harvey, “Hello?” A groggy mans voice answered. 

“Hey uh Harvey, the new farmer girl, she’s actually a childhood friend of mine. I found her passed out drunk on a pier and she looks like she’s already been in bad shape. I can’t wake her up, I’m bringing her as we speak. She already has stitches and-- She’s just in a really bad way.” Shane’s voice quaked a bit at the end of his sentence.

“Okay, oh Yoba, thats not good. Hurry here as fast as you can okay? I’ll get things ready for her so I can immediately work on her. Is she breathing? “ The words Harvey said made me panic more. Fuck. I didn’t even check to see if she was fucking breathing. I looked down and she was breathing gently and normally.

“Yeah she is, I think she’s just really drunk. I’m not sure.” I said back.

I carried her in, set her down on the hospital bed. Holy fuck. I hadn’t noticed how bad she really was hurt. She hid all of it with clothes and her long hair. She looked like she had been beaten over and over again over the past month. Even her eye and jaw had small bruises that had healed. Who did this to her? Then I saw the cuts. They were worse in the florescent lighting. Those were definitely on purpose. 

Harvey looked pale at the sight of her. “Okay, here, see if she has any emergency contacts on her phone. I’m going to get fluids into her. Aside from that, looks like all of this was from previous incidents.” and he closed the curtain leaving shane in the little area next to the room. She didn’t have but a few contacts saved. One of them was Daniel, as I selected his contact I noticed the number had been blocked. The picture of him was a guy with blonde hair and blue eyes, the athletic type. Looked like a general douchebag. A text came in from a random number.

“What the fuck? You think you can just run away from me? Restraining order is just a piece of paper. I’ll find you. I know you’re probably shacked up with some scumbag, you whore. Not even your father wanted you, your mom died and its your fault. You’ll never find anyone better than me.” It read. That had to be him. The whiskey helped fill me with rage, I typed the number into my phone and left to the lobby to call it. 

It rang a couple of times before a condescending voice answered,

“Come crawling back already psycho? You should’ve done a better job at trying to off yourself bitc-”

I cut him off, “Don’t contact her ever again. Or I’ll fucking kill you.” I hung up. And blocked the number. Why was I doing this? She was practically a stranger to me now.

I shook my head and left her phone with Harvey. I needed to sleep. I’d have Marnie call Harvey tomorrow to check on her. I looked at her one last time before I left, I remembered we’d have sleep overs, and she still slept curled up on her side. 

I went home and told Marnie, she shook her head.

“I’m sorry, Shane. I should’ve told you. Her father deserted her, he mother fell into drinking and killed herself. Evie found her when she was 18. Her grandfather died the same year. She has no one. I don’t know why she has bruises, but I suspect thats why she came here so far away from the city. Please be kind to her. ” She looked worried. 

“I-I...... yoba. I had no idea. She hadn’t-” I said then Marnie interuppted me.

“She didn’t come here probably because I wanted to run away from whoever hurt her that bad.”

I hardly slept that night, I got up for work in the morning and looked at the clinic on my way. 

I’m so sorry Evie. I need a fucking drink. 

[wroughtbetwixtfanfic]

Wheels Set In Motion, Ch 2.

Fandom: The Society.

Summary: As the situation in New Ham takes a dark, mysterious turn, Campbell is faced with a threat he never saw coming. With few allies and the past coming back to haunt him, he is forced to deal with a world that is crumbling fast, and choices with grim consequences.

Rating: Explicit.

Tags: Minor Character Death, Canon Divergence, Mental Health Issues, Addiction Recovery, Unhealthy Relationships, Teen Pregnancy, Past Rape/Non-con, Campbell Isn’t The Dad, Brother Feels, Attempted Murder, Supernatural Elements, Gay Sex, Resolved Sexual Tension, Campbell has mild ASPD and is actively trying to not be awful

Word Count: 7613

Ch 1 || Ch 3 || Ch 4 || Ch 5 || AO3

Meet me at the library.

It was 10am when Campbell got  the text from Grizz. He had been sitting at the kitchen counter with  Elle and Harry; both of them lifted their gazes at the sound of the  buzzing, giving him a quizzical look.

It's done. I need someone to talk to.

"Who is it?" Elle wondered.

"Grizz." Campbell stood up and slipped on his shoes. "Allie went through with it."

Harry's face turned a faint shade of green. "What does he want?"

"I don't know. I'll be home soon."

Yet  another lie, but what did it matter? Campbell didn't know for sure what  was going on, or what exactly Grizz wanted to talk about; he could only  guess, and either way, it wasn't his business to share. At least it was  a beautiful day, Campbell thought as he walked to the library. Sunny,  warm but not hot. A good day to go, if he had to pick one. But Dewey  hadn't picked it, and the beauty of the summer morning didn't change  that fact, nor did it change the fact that Grizz was hunched up under  the tree in front of the library. Shaking, crying.

Campbell  didn't say anything. He walked up and sat across from Grizz, keeping his  mouth shut and studying the grass while Grizz pulled himself together.  Grizz would talk, on his own time; pushing would only make things  harder, as could unwelcome touch, even if it was out of comfort. Speech  wasn't something that could just be pried from people who were  panicking, especially not autistic people.

After fifteen  minutes, Grizz let out a shuddering whimper. He ground his wrists  against his eyes and sniffled. Coughed. "I couldn't do it."

"Yeah?"

"She  had us all pick up a gun. We didn't know which had a bullet. I tried  but, we missed the first time and I just couldn't..." Grizz choked on  his words, looking like he was going to retch. "Fuck, how are we  supposed to live with this?"

Campbell thought back on everything  he'd ever done. How did he live with the worst of it? No, he didn't  exactly feel bad about any of it, but he could imagine what it'd be  like, if he did. "I guess you just find some way to justify it, some  explanation that makes it less painful, and hold onto it until things  feel less awful."

"That works?"

"I don't know. Remorse isn't my thing, usually."

Grizz  looked up at him, frowning, but he didn't say anything. Not at first.  "There was graffiti on the wall, before we were brought here. It said  we'd been weighed, and found wanting. It was gone when we got here.  Maybe it was right, whatever it was."

"Huh." Something bothered  Campbell from the back of his mind. A faint memory. Something that felt  connected, but nothing that jumped to mind clearly. Shaking his head,  Campbell shrugged. "Who knows. Maybe. Either way, all I know is that  sometimes shit can't be avoided. All you can do is accept that it  happened, find a reason you can live with, and keep going."

"I just want it to stop hurting."

"I wish I could tell you that it will, but I don't know. It might not. It fucking sucks."

"What would you tell yourself?" Grizz asked. "If it had been you?"

"Probably  something like, we're in a shit situation without the means to keep him  safely contained, and he was a threat. Putting him down would be the  fastest, most surefire way of making sure the rest of the community  would be safe."

"That's not really true."

"You asked me for what I'd tell myself. Not for the truth."

Grizz  leaned back against the tree and stared up at its leaves. There was a  finch up among the branches, whistling an obliviously cheerful tune. "I  couldn't tell Sam about this," he said, eyes fixed on the bird. "I don't  want him to see me falling apart like some kind of weak piece of shit."

The  idea made Campbell laugh, despite the situation. "Have you met my  brother? Yeah, sometimes he can be stubborn, and he can make jokes when  it's not the best time. But he's got a lot of fire and he's  compassionate. He's a good guy. Sam isn't going to think you're weak.  He's going to think you're a good person who was put in a shit position.  Because that's the truth."

They sat there together for a while.  Grizz cried again, softer than before, but he still rocked back and  forth and let out small whimpering noises.

"Is it okay if I hug  you or something?" Campbell asked. It felt strange, just sitting there  while someone fell apart. Grizz shook his head. "Alright. Is there  anything I can do?"

Grizz used a handkerchief to wipe his face.  "Uhm." His cheeks turned a flushed pink. "Could you, I mean, I need to  take my mind of things. Could you help me find a book on sign language?  I'm... I wanna..."

"Say no more. C'mon."

Grizz followed  Campbell into the library. It felt surreal, helping the guy pick out a  book to probably sign-sext Sam, but there was a sincere curiosity and  eagerness to Grizz as they headed towards the language section that  Campbell decided he didn't care. Whatever. The guy had just watched  someone die. But as they walked towards the section, Campbell turned the  plan over in his head. A few times, in fact. By the time they got  there, he knew what he would do.

Campbell grabbed a book on  British Sign Language before Grizz had a chance to look over things  much. "Here. This is the one I used to learn. It's super informative."

"But it says British." Grizz frowned. "Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure. It's pretty much the same thing, just with... you know, British slang."

Grizz  peered at the book as Campbell pushed it into his hands. "Huh. Well,  okay. If you say so. Thanks, Campbell. For being cool about this, I  mean."

"No big deal. You help me, I'll help you."

He  didn't tell Grizz the plan, of course. That was something he'd find out  all on his own, but he'd thank Campbell for it later. They explored the  library a bit more, with Grizz staring down the religion and  spirituality section before shaking his head and leaving. Campbell  didn't ask. He just made sure Grizz got home safe, before heading home  himself. Hopefully, Grizz would just tuck into his room and focus on  learning the wrong type of sign language, and take it easy.

Elle  was sitting on the porch when he got home, getting together some paper,  pens and other stuff. "Hey," she called as he walked up. "I'm heading  over to Becca's house. She's going to help me make missing dog signs  during my work break."

Campbell winced. "I'm sorry he's still gone, babe. Do you need me to come help put them up?"

"No. I've got it."

She  sounded upset, but of course she was upset. Charlie was gone and hadn't  been found. He considered telling her about the blood, but he'd already  lied about it; it'd look bad if he suddenly admitted it had come from  the night Charlie went missing. Besides, he had no clue if the blood was  Charlie's, and Elle didn't need to hear that something-- who knew what,  some unknown dark mass-- probably ate her dog.

"Alright. Have a good day at work. If you change your mind, I'll see you at lunch."

Campbell  kissed Elle's forehead. She gave him a smile and stroked his cheek  before leaving. He watched her go, his own smile falling once she was  out of sight. There had to be something he could do to cheer her up.  First thing was first, though. He went inside and checked in on Harry,  who was snoozing in bed. His forehead felt feverish when Campbell  pressed his hand to it. But he didn't stir, and Campbell didn't want to  wake him. Instead, he grabbed a book from the living room and perched at  the end of Harry's bed, waiting.

It was close to lunch time when  Harry groaned, stretched, and yawned. He blinked sleepily at Campbell,  and Campbell felt his heart ache a centimeter more than before. Harry  sat up and rubbed his eyes, voice groggy. "Hey, Cam. How long have you  been here?"

"A while. You feeling okay?"

"No. I feel like I got hit by a truck."

"Hungry?"

"No."

Standing,  Campbell went to the kitchen and brewed a cup of herbal tea, with a few  scoops of sugar. He brought it back to Harry and held it out. Harry  sighed and sipped the drink. "No caffeine for a bit," Campbell said as  he opened the curtains a touch. "It'll make you more jittery."

"Can  I lie and say I feel great?" Harry asked with mock hope. Campbell gave  him a look, and Harry slumped. "I guess I better get ready for work and  stuff."

"Just brush your teeth and put some shoes on. I'll do your half of the work, I just need you there so I can keep an eye on you."

"But Allie--"

"Can take it out on me if she has a problem with it."

Harry  bit his lip, but he didn't argue. Campbell drove them to lunch so Harry  wouldn't have to stress his body out; Elle joined them out in the  school's courtyard, where it was pleasantly warm and away from the  bright fluorescent lights. Harry picked at his food, but he seemed a  little less haggard, out in the sunlight and with the fresh air. Elle  was quiet and didn't say much.

No one, Campbell realize, was  saying much. Not at lunch, not during cleaning duties before dinner.  Elle had left with Becca-- who hadn't even glanced at Campbell-- to go  hang up the missing dog posters. The house felt heavy, and at work,  everything was the same way. People had cheered for Dewey's arrest, and  some had even cheered for his death sentence, were stone silent.  Campbell kept his head down and mopped the floors, but he wanted to  laugh in their faces. See, he wanted to yell. You think you're so  fucking righteous, but you all have blood on your hands, too. They  thought they were so tough. Now, reality was hitting them right in their  fucking faces.

That evening, after dinner, Allie called a  meeting at the church. "Greg Dewey was put to death at 9am this  morning," she said. Her voice was flat. She didn't look at anyone,  staring straight ahead. "He was buried in the woods without a marker.  There will be no funeral. If you want to mourn him, you can do so among  yourselves."

And then she left, leaving behind a church of  stunned faces, with plenty of shocked whispers among them. Campbell,  Elle, and Harry went home without a word, and that night was the first  time Elle slept in her own room in a long time. He didn't mind the time  alone. There was a lot to think about, to try and process. He thought he  would feel some sort of comfort, some sort of closure, but he felt  nothing. Just a dark hole where Cassandra had been, still, and no real  sense of justice. Just cold practicality, distant and hollow logic that  said it was the right move for survival, and that was it.

Dewey  had deserved to suffer. To live for ages, knowing what he did and be  punished for it. Death wasn't to punish him or get Cassandra some sort  of peace in her rest. It was just to get Dewey out of their hair. And  Campbell knew that, had known that the whole time, but with it over and  done...

His phone buzzed. I love you, the text from Sam read. That was it.

I love you, too, Campbell texted back.

The  message was read, but Sam didn't send anything else. Campbell set the  phone down and tried to go to sleep. He didn't know why Sam had sent  that, or what it or his own reply meant at all, but something about it  felt like an acknowledgment that things were fucked and who knew how  much time any of them had? Maybe that was all it was. Two semi-estranged  souls feeling burdened by the idea of death, and reaching out for some  small scrap of familial affection. Just in case.

For the next  week, the days seemed to drag by but vanish in a blink at the same time.  Everyone seemed to be in their own little bubbles, except for Harry,  who stuck close by Campbell's side. It was hell watching him detox, and  Campbell wondered if he'd been that irritable; one moment, Harry would  be angry and snapping, the next he'd be crying. He slept all the time,  which wasn't too far from normal, but even when Campbell dragged him to  work-- to pretend like he was working-- he'd glaze over like some sort  of robot without batteries.

Elle had withdrawn into her shell.  Campbell didn't know what to do. They weren't fighting, but her smiles  were forced and when she laughed or acted interested in anything going  on, Campbell could tell it was fake. He knew that sort of mask all too  well. But what could he do? He didn't even know for sure what was wrong.  If he didn't know any better, he'd think it was something he'd done.  Maybe it was, but he'd been on his best behavior. What was he missing?

Allie  arrived at the house one day when Campbell was sipping coffee on the  front steps, pondering that exact question. "I heard Harry hasn't been  working," she said, staring past him at the house door. "Can I talk to  him?"

"He's sleeping. You can talk to me."

"Campbell, you know the rules. You don't work, you don't eat."

Campbell  shrugged. "Fine. I've taken over his shifts until he feels better. If  I'm doing twice the work, I get twice the food. No problem."

"Christ. What's going on with him?"

"He's detoxing. Gave up the drugs and the booze cold turkey."

"Really?"

"Is it really that surprising?"

"I  guess I just never thought..." Allie rolled her eyes, then looked  Campbell over. "Alright, fine. Have it your way. Twice the work, twice  the food. I don't care what you do with it. How long does he need?"

"Assuming my research is right, about another week. Week and a half."

"He's got two weeks. If he needs longer, then he needs to come see me."

"Thanks." Hesitating a moment, Campbell called out to Allie as she started to walk away. "Hey, Allie? Can I ask you something?"

Allie sighed, but stopped. "What's up?"

"Do you know if something happened with Elle? She's been acting kinda strange lately."

"I don't know. She's been hanging out with Helena and Becca a lot. Ask them."

"Well,  I would, be Helena wants me to burn in Hell and Becca hasn't spoken to  me in forever. Makes things a little difficult, doesn't it?"

"Really?" Furrowing her eyebrows, Allie took a few steps back towards Campbell. "You guys used to be friends, didn't you?"

"Kinda. But then..." Careful. "Life happened, I guess, and she won't even look at me anymore. No clue why."

The  look on Allie's face shifted, and for a moment Campbell thought she was  going to ask something, but then she shook her head. "I'll ask Sam to  talk to her. You and him are on speaking terms again, yeah?"

"Yeah. Mostly."

"Good."

That  sounded almost genuine. Maybe it was. Who knew. Allie walked off, and  Campbell finished his coffee in peace. The mystery only deepened as the  day went on, and Sam texted him, asking to meet. Elle was at work, so  Campbell dragged a weary Harry along to the coffee shop where his  brother was waiting. Sam gave Harry a skeptical look, but Harry tucked  himself into a corner in the back with a book and one of Campbell's  hoodies draped over his shoulders. He wasn't going to be paying  attention.

"How have you been?" Campbell asked. "Since everything."

"Tired. Sad. Worried."

"Worried?"

Sam  shook his head and gave a helpless sort of shrug. "About how it will  change things. How it will change us. But I think Allie is taking it  harder than most of us. She had to take over for Grizz."

Now, that was something Campbell hadn't known. "Yikes. No wonder she's tense."

"Everyone seems tense. Allie told me you're having troubles with Elle?"

"Maybe,  I don't know. I'm glad she's got some friends now, but lately she's  been hanging out with Becca more. She found a dog wandering loose, and  then he disappeared right around the time all this Dewey shit started.  Maybe it's just that."

"Maybe. That's rough."

"It is."  Campbell noticed a hint of... something in Sam's eyes, though. "Do you  know if Becca has anything against me? We got along okay, but she treats  me like I've got some sort of contagious disease these days."

Pursing  his lips together, Sam glanced to where Harry was curled up. Harry was  still ignoring them, but Sam switched to signing only. "I want to ask  you something, but you have to promise to tell me the truth."

"I could lie about promising," Campbell signed back, also going into silent mode. "But sure. I promise."

"Did you and Becca ever sleep together?"

"What? Hell no. Elle's the only person I've slept with."

"That's what I thought, but..."

"But?"

A long, long pause. "Promise you won't say anything, not even to Elle? Or Harry?"

"Dude, still the same problem there."

"Campbell."

"Okay, okay. What's going on?"

"Becca's..."  Sam hesitated. "I asked Becca about someone she slept with, and she got  angry with me. She told me to never ask her again. I assumed it was  you, because I don't know why else she wouldn't tell me."

Campbell  felt dizzy, in a way, as he processed the information. Was it possible  Becca associated him with that night, and just didn't want to remember?  Or, worse, that she thought he had been responsible? Either way, he had  no idea what Becca had confessed to Sam, so best to stay vague. "I know  about the party where she met them, but it wasn't me. We just went  together."

"She never told me about that. You don't know who it was?"

"No. Sorry."

"It's okay. Do you want me to talk to Becca for you?"

"No, no, I don't want to bother her, especially if she's angry at me over something. I'll see if Elle will just talk to me."

Sam  nodded. He messed with the salt and pepper shakers on the table. Empty  now, their contents taken by Will and his crew to use in the communal  kitchen. "Was that all you wanted to talk about?"

The answer was  yes. Campbell hadn't planned on talking about anything else. Yet now  that he was there, sitting across from Sam and actually talking about  things rather than arguing or blaming or whatever, Campbell considered  that maybe it was also time to extend another olive branch. A bigger,  better one. "Actually, I was thinking we could go to the arcade on our  next day off. Like we used to."

"Really?" Sam sat up a little straighter. "You want to?"

"Yeah, of course. If you want to."

"I'd like that."

They  settled on a day and time, and went their separate ways; it was easier  than Campbell had expected. No questions, no suspicion. Just a glint of  hope. Campbell was starting to think that maybe Sam really did care  about him. Maybe he always had. He'd known that his own feelings had  been impacted by his parents, but was the same true for Sam? Did their  relationships with their parents really color the relationship between  them so much? It seemed hard to believe, but maybe it was true, and it  had just taken a few doses of tragedy to bridge that gap.

Unfortunately,  those tragedies seemed to have broken something between Campbell and  Elle. She smiled, she laughed at his shitty jokes, and she accepted his  affection, but there was a stiffness to it. It was forced. Once lunch  was over and Elle had gone home to rest, Campbell popped back into the  cafeteria. Elaine was working. They weren't as close as before, but she  still seemed welcoming when he approached. That was a good sign.

"Hey," Campbell said with as charming of a smile as he could muster. "Could I ask you for a favor?"

Elaine tilted her head. "You can, doesn't mean I'll agree. What's up?"

"I  was hoping to make my girlfriend a dinner at home tonight. You know,  just me and her. Something special. I just need a jar of like, alfredo  sauce and some garlic bread."

"That's cute. I'll have to ask Will, though."

Oh, god. "Okay."

Shuffling  into the back, Elaine vanished, and a few minutes later Will came out  instead. He looked neutral, but Campbell braced for a fight. "Elaine  said you asked for some extra ingredients. You know we're not supposed  to give out food for people to use at home."

"I know. Maybe I can  bring in some other supplies to trade, at breakfast? You guys probably  need band aids and stuff like that, yeah?"

Will narrowed his eyes. "Yeah, we could use some. Are you sure you wanna do that?"

"I'm sure," Campbell replied. "Elle's important to me. I want to do something nice for her."

"I can give you a jar of sauce, and a few slices of texas toast we've got. You got a box of band aids we can have?"

A  small price for what Campbell was hoping to accomplish. Maybe Elle just  needed a pick-me-up, something to remind her that he cared. The next  night, Harry took Elle out with the excuse of getting some fresh air  while Campbell quickly set the dining room table. Nice glasses,  sparkling cider his parents had kept around for the 4th of July,  candlelight. He salted the pasta water, drained it when it was al dente,  and added the sauce to the pot with a bit of pasta water and dried  herbs. He mixed in some canned mushrooms and a bit of pan-fried frozen  chicken, heated the bread, and got it plated just as the two came back  from the walk.

"Oh?" Elle peeked into the dining room. "What's this?"

Campbell  took her hand and kissed it as Harry darted into his room, flashing  Campbell a thumbs up behind Elle's back. "I thought we could stay home  tonight, babe. Will traded me a few things so I could make dinner here,  just the two of us. I remembered that you liked Italian food, so..."

Elle stretched up on her tippy toes and kissed him. "It looks amazing. Thank you."

And  it was amazing, for the first half of dinner. Campbell hated small  talk, but Elle was quieter than usual, and if there was ever a time to  sort things out... well, maybe it wasn't then, but he was tired of  waiting. "How have you been doing?" he asked. "I feel like we haven't  really talked lately."

"Oh! Well, I've mostly just been working  and helping out some people around town. Some people are talking about  setting up classes and workshops to give people things to focus on. I  was thinking about reviving movie night."

"That sounds like a good idea. We could all use the distraction."

"Yeah." Elle glanced up from her plate. "There haven't been any leads on Charlie, though. Have you heard anything?"

"Sorry, babe. I haven't heard anything, either."

"And you're sure you don't know what happened to him?"

Campbell  gripped his fork tighter as his jaw clenched. Peaceful thoughts,  peaceful thoughts. Maybe she didn't mean anything by it. "What do you  mean?"

"I was talking to Becca, and--"

"She told you what Sam said?"

"Sure. Yeah."

"Elle,  that's..." He stopped and rubbed his face. Even now, even with her, it  was all too easy for his brain to go into that space where everyone was a  threat and he had to attack to defend himself. This time, he managed to  cut himself off before anything snappish came out his mouth. "I've  fucked up a lot, and some people in town hate me for a decent reasons.  Kelly, Allie. I was mean to them. But Becca's different."

"Different how?"

"I  never did anything to Becca, but she hates me, too. Maybe it's because  of me and Sam not getting along. I don't know. But whatever she said I  did, it's not true."

"Alright. I'm sorry I said anything. I should have known."

"Hey."  Campbell stood up and walked to her side of the table, kneeling on the  floor next to her and taking her hand in his own. "No, it's okay. I'm  not mad at you or Sam or Becca. I just wanted to set the record  straight, you know? It's better to just get it out in the open."

Elle  nodded, but she was still staring down at her plate. "Yeah, it is. I  guess I just..." She trailed off, finally looking to him. "This place is  doing things to people. Showing them for who they are, maybe. It scares  me."

"It's scary shit. But we still have each other, right?"

"Right."

Campbell  knew, deep down, it wasn't that simple. Elle began sleeping with him  again-- both in the literally and euphemistic sense-- but there was a  sadness in her eyes that never quite seemed to fade, even on their best  days. She was afraid, and his presence wasn't changing that. He couldn't  blame her. He knew that there was no way he could be at her side every  moment of every day, and even if he was, he wasn't bulletproof. Still,  he refused to stop trying.

He kept seeing Grizz a couple times a  week. Usually they would just talk. Vent. Grizz found some papers he had  on something called EMDR, and suggested they try it. "It seems to help  with stuff like PTSD."

"I don't have PTSD."

"You don't think so?"

"I'm not a war vet, Grizz. I haven't been through anything bad enough for that."

Grizz  gave Campbell the look he always gave Campbell when he knew Campbell  was trying to avoid a topic, and thought it was bullshit. It was one  thing Campbell admired about Grizz-- he didn't hide his opinion. "You  don't have to be a war vet. You know that. It's actually the least  common cause for PTSD. Physical assault, sexual trauma, and sexual  assault are the top three causes."

"Yeah, okay. I get the point."

"Do you? Do you know what the fourth leading cause is?"

"I know you're gonna tell me either way."

"Sudden  death of a loved one." Grizz lowered his voice and leaned forward,  making direct eye contact for the first time since they' bee having  meetings. "You were the one who first found her body, weren't you?"

Campbell met his eyes and felt goosebumps rise up on his arms. "How do you know that? I never told you."

"It doesn't really matter, because I know you didn't hurt her. Here's the papers."

Just  to end the conversation, Campbell snatched the paper folder from Grizz  and hid in the corner of the library. He didn't want to have to think  about what Grizz said, not for a long time, if ever. It wasn't some  miracle cure, but Grizz figured out a sort of at-home way to do it, and  Campbell did feel better. Calmer. In return, he helped Grizz practice  his BSL, even if Campbell knew it wouldn't work with Sam. It wasn't  entirely useless. Learning a new language was beneficial, and Grizz was  proud of his improvements; Campbell enjoyed the interaction, so really,  it was a win/win.

Harry stayed clean, though as summer passed by  and melded into fall, Campbell could tell that the depression was  getting worse. It wasn't too much of a surprise. Depression didn't just  go away, even with treatment, and getting sober made everything more  difficult. It had been a coping mechanism, and now Harry didn't have  that to lean on. Campbell taught him some of what he'd learned from  Cassandra and Grizz; it seemed to help, but the situation they were in  just kept punching a lot of people down. Harry needed to rest, but he'd  been dragged back to work once the two weeks had been up. To make  matters worse, the work schedules hadn't been rotated since Dewey's  execution.

"I brought it up to her," Sam said during one of their  now-weekly get togethers. "But she just isn't listening. You know  Allie. She has her opinions."

"Runs in the family. I don't get it, though. If she's so worried about people revolting against her, why is she doing this?"

Sam  lifted his shoulders in a big shrug. "I have no idea. She gave me a job  at the library, and told me I could stay there as long as I wanted.  She's done the same for a few other people. Given them stable jobs.  Maybe she feels like that's what's best for everyone, now."

"Yeah, except she didn't ask anyone."

"She doesn't have to."

And  that was that, in the end. Allie didn't have to justify or explain her  choices to anyone. It was her rules now. It was her society. They were  all just living in it, despite what she may have said during the  mandatory town meetings. Campbell kept his fingers on the pulse of the  community as best as he could, making notes of who was pissed,  frustrated, complaining. He wouldn't give it over to the guard or to  Allie, but it was good to keep track of the undercurrent of the river  they were all standing in. And it was getting rough.

There was a small reprieve during October.

"I  guess Blake, Clark, and some of the goth kids are getting a Halloween  thing together at the end of the month," Elle said one day when she came  home from work. "Do you wanna go?"

Campbell looked up from the dishes he was washing. "Hey. Sure, that sounds like a good time. When is it going to be?"

"Five in the evening. I guess there's gonna be a trick-or-treat event after dark."

"Nice. That should be fun."

"Do you want to do the costume thing?"

"I don't know. How about you?"

Elle  perched on the counter next to him, lightly kicking her legs. "It could  be fun. We don't have to do anything complicated. We could ask Harry  and Sam and a few other people to come with us, maybe?"

Other  people was vague, but she sounded so tentative that he didn't want to  press her about it. "Sure. Halloween's kind of better in a group, right?  Maybe tomorrow we can go through our stuff and figure out costume  ideas."

"Sure. That'd be nice."

And it was. They didn't  have anything super elaborate to work with, but it was fun to paw  through their closets and figure something out together. They didn't  have much luck at first, but Elle's smile was a bit warmer than it had  been in a while. Maybe things were going to be okay between them, after  all. She held his hand when they went to movie night together, and ended  up leaning against him; she and the others involved had decided every  week in October would be a different horror movie, which seemed like  both the best and worst idea.

It was a double feature night,  with Rocky Horror Picture Show and Bela Lugosi's Dracula. Harry had  decided to come with them, unlike the previous week's Creature from the  Black Lagoon. Harry ended up falling asleep on his shoulder twenty  minutes into the second movie. Once the movie was over, Campbell and  Harry helped Elle clean up; Elle and Campbell had just taken out the  last bag of trash when Elle curled her arms around his waist in a hug.

"Hey,"  she said as she nuzzled his shoulder. "I got a costume idea. We could  always go as Mina and Dracula. Classic. I could wear my nice white dress  my mom got me for my birthday this year."

"The one with the lace hem?"

"You remember."

"Of course. You wore it for Easter. It's amazing on you."

She let out a pleased hum. "Do you really like the idea?"

"I do," Campbell affirmed. "Vampires are still in, aren't they?"

"Always."

Even  with something to look forward to, the time dragged a little, but it  gave Campbell a touch of excitement for the near future. The three of  them managed to sneak some Halloween decorations, not something his  parents had really allowed, and make the house appropriately festive. He  and Harry got in a light argument over whether Nightmare Before  Christmas was a Halloween or Christmas movie. The week before the  Halloween events, Will revealed that there were pumpkins available for  decorating.

Sam showed up with a few, looking hopeful. "I thought we could carve them together," he signed, "since we never have before."

And  how could Campbell say no? They sat on the back porch, and Elle joined  them with a pitcher of hot, spiced tea. It was sunny and perfect weather  for it. Sam didn't eye him for wielding a knife, which was a bonus.  Campbell sliced the pumpkins open and dug out the seeds. "There. I'll  have to find some tea candles for when they're done."

Harry sat  nearby, picking the seeds out of the orange goop. "These can be roasted  later," he said. He wrinkled his nose as he grabbed a handful. "Even if  it look like something you'd find growing under a bridge."

Sam  signed something, and Harry glanced at Campbell, unsure. Campbell  chuckled. "He said we might have to forage under bridges if things get  bad."

"Oh, geeze." Harry turned his eyes back to Sam. "Better have Grizz teach us about mushrooms."

Blushing,  Sam nodded and focused on his pumpkin. He made a sort of howling wolf  face, while Elle made a cat, and Campbell and Harry stuck to more  traditional jack o' lantern faces. As it turned out, all carved pumpkins  were destined to be decorations at the Halloween Eve festival that had  been planned; Grizz came around to pick them up the day before, spending  a few minutes talking to Sam, who had come by again to make roasted  pumpkin seeds.

Campbell waited until Grizz was gone before nudging Sam. "When are you gonna go for it? It's been months."

"He hasn't made any sort of move at all. Are you even sure he likes me?"

"Have you made a move?"

He  didn't push the issue when Sam kept quiet. It wasn't really Campbell's  business, and his relationship with Sam was just beginning to bloom into  something that actually resembled a brotherhood. The lovebirds would  come together on their own, eventually, or they wouldn't. Still, it was  nice to think maybe Sam wouldn't be alone forever, after all. It was  something he'd always worried about, ever since that priest put it in  his head after Sam had come out.

At least Grizz was part of the  group that gathered together to go to the Halloween events. Campbell  dressed in black jeans, a white t-shirt, and a black leather jacket;  he'd managed to barter high-quality custom fangs from Elaine, and of  course, Elle looked effortlessly beautiful in her white dress and pale  make-up. The three of them met the others in front of the school. It was  mostly Sam and Allie's friend group, but Campbell was determined to  play nice, even though Will, Luke, and Gordie were giving him wary  looks, and Becca outright ignored him. There was a tension between her  and Sam. Campbell assumed there must have been an argument. Regardless  of what happened, they all plastered smiles on their faces and greeted  each other.

Allie raised her eyebrows at Harry. "Dude, what's your costume?"

Harry  stood there in boxers, a tank top, and moose slippers with a five day  shadow and an unopened package of Top Ramen in his hands. Without  missing a beat, he gestured to himself with it and shrugged. "I'm a  Millennial.

"Ah. The scariest urban legend."

Bean gave Harry a concerned look. "Aren't you gonna be cold like that?"

"Not with the increasing effects of global warming, I won't."

Most  of them chuckled. It was an uneasy sound that came with knowing they  might not actually survive long enough to worry about that sort of thing  anymore. Food. Warmth over the winter. Sickness. Student loan debt and  rising sea levels seemed like such a distant problem, in their new town.

The  big event distracted them, anyways. There were a few different  activities going on. In one area, there was a big barrel where people  were bobbing for apples, provided by someone who was lucky enough to  have an apple tree in their yard. Blake and a few theater kids were  doing face painting, and Clark had offered up his pick-up truck for  rides along the more picturesque parts of town. All the carved pumpkins  were scattered around with candles, and people had gathered up bags of  leaves to scatter around the field. A little ways out, there was a  bonfire going, where people were serving cups of hot cider, and roasting  hot dogs and marshmallows. Someone had brought a speaker system, and  cheesy Halloween music filled the air along with the smells of wood  smoke, caramelized sugar, and spices.

A solid half of the group  got their faces painted, and after seeing how cute it was, Allie gave  in, too. Campbell politely declined, as did Luke, Helena, and Harry.  Surprising Campbell, Harry decided to bob for apples; he looked like a  soggy dog when he came back up, but he did have an apple and won that  round. He winked at Campbell when no one was looking, and Campbell  rolled his eyes. Show off, even when it was apple bobbing.

"I  guess they converted the school into a haunted house," Kelly said after  they'd gotten cider and snacks at the bonfire. "Wanna go, anyone?"

Everyone  agreed, except for Becca, who's eyes were pointedly on Campbell when  she refused. "No thanks, I'm a little tired. I'll just stay here by the  fire."

Sam signed to her. "We'll come get you in a little bit."

"Okay. Have fun."

Campbell  started to leave with the group, but then paused. He waited until they  were a ways away before turning back to Becca. "Look, I don't want a  fight, but you clearly are pissed off at me for some reason." He didn't  want to bring up what Sam said. "I don't understand why."

"Really?" Becca glowered at him. "You're playing that card?"

"What card? One day we're kinda friends, and when I took you home after what happened at Harry's party, you just--"

"Fuck you, Campbell."

"Becca, just tell me what I did. I can try to fix it or something."

Standing  up, Becca raised her voice until she was practically yelling. "Fix it?  You can't fix what you did to me! How dare you? Maybe you've got Sam and  Allie and Grizz fooled, but not me. I know what you did. And one of  these days, so will everyone else, and you'll get what you deserve."

"So  you think I did it." Campbell had suspected, but it still felt like  someone had kicked him in the gut. "Becca, I don't know what you  remember, but I didn't do it. I found you, and I helped you get home.  That was it."

"Leave me the fuck alone! Get away from me!"

People  were starting to stare. Campbell opened his mouth, shut it again, and  turned to follow after everyone else. He froze when he saw that Elle was  standing not too far away; she had stopped when she'd noticed Campbell  wasn't with them, probably, and now she was looking at him with a look  that chilled even him.

Campbell approached her, slow and with care. "Babe, I don't know what you heard, but--"

"We should catch up with the others."

"Elle."

"Please. Not now."

Clenching  his teeth, Campbell followed silently behind Elle as she made her way  to the school. No, he wanted to shout. No, we're not leaving it like  this. You have to listen to me, you have to believe me. But if Campbell  were Elle, he knew he wouldn't believe him, either. Becca was a  straightforward, no bullshit kind of person. Honest, with a spotless  record, and she was well-liked. She was Sam's friend since childhood.  She'd never been Campbell's friend, really, but they knew each other.  He'd had opportunity. It didn't look good, and if it got out, how would  he be able to defend himself? How could he fight that, without hurting  Becca?

He didn't know. All he knew was that the rest of the night  was a blur, and by the time they all got home, the evening was  thoroughly ruined. Harry kept his mouth shut and hid in his room; he  could sense there was a storm brewing, and Campbell didn't blame him for  wanting nothing to do with it. Elle fled upstairs. Campbell gave her a  few minutes, and then went up. She was sitting in her own bathroom,  staring at the mirror. It looked like she'd planned to take her make up  off, but she hadn't started yet. Elle just... stared at her reflection.

"Babe?" Campbell called softly. "Can we talk?"

"Is she telling the truth?"

The cutting, dangerous edge to Elle's voice was enough to make Campbell swallow. Hard. "How do you mean that, exactly?"

"You know what I mean."

"No, I don't. Do you mean about being attacked, or it being me who did it?"

"Did you rape Becca?"

"Jesus,  Elle." Running his hand through his hair, Campbell sat down on the  floor just outside the bathroom. "No. I didn't rape her."

"So she's lying?"

"I'm  not saying she's lying. She was attacked at a party Harry threw with  the football team and some college assholes from outside of town. We  went together as friends, I lost sight of her, and when I found her it  had already happened. I made sure she got home, but she was pretty out  of it. She refuse to go to the hospital and she told me not to tell  anyone. The next day, she blocked my number and hasn't spoken to me  since. I believe that she thinks it was me, but it wasn't."

Elle  was watching him in the mirror, expression completely closed off and  eyes blank. "You know how this looks, right? You know how many guys say  it wasn't them when they get accused."

"I know, and I know that  ninety-nine times out of a hundred, the victim is right. I'm not saying  Becca wasn't attacked. Hell, I understand why she thinks it's me. Trust  me, if I could find the dirtbag who hurt her, I'd rip their fucking head  off. But I don't know who it was. I just know it wasn't me."

Turning  on the sink, Elle began to remove her make up. She didn't speak. She  didn't look at him. He didn't try and make her. They just both sat there  in their own thoughts. Campbell knew that she was going to leave. It  was all too much, and he knew that. His shitty temper, his moodiness,  what happened with Sam and then Cassandra, Charlie vanishing, and now  this. Even if he didn't or hadn't done everything he was accused of,  Campbell knew he was difficult to deal with, and he knew he'd done  enough to be suspect. Why would she stay with someone like him?

"I need a night to just clear my head, I think," Elle finally said. She frowned and fiddled with her hair. "Is that okay?"

"Of course. Take the time you need."

"Thank you. Goodnight, Campbell."

He  stood and went to his room. Elle shut the door behind him, and the  sound of the lock to her door clicking shut sounded a lot like the sound  of his heart cracking. He paced his room for a while, after that. Elle  was just scared. It made sense. He loved her, and she must have loved  him too, otherwise she'd have left long ago. Maybe he could talk with  Sam and see if Becca would talk to him. Hear him out, in a quieter  environment with Sam or someone else there to help her feel safe. Maybe  if Campbell explained what he remembered, it would help her, too. But  what if it didn't? What if it made things worse, or Elle left before  then, or left anyways?

Crawling into bed, Campbell sighed. Happy  fucking Halloween. His gaze moved to the clock by his bed. Well, not  Halloween anymore. It was a little past midnight. It was November 1st.  Almost winter. A bad time to find one's self isolated. His bed felt  cold, he felt cold, and something in him felt... off, detached,  shivering and alone, even with other people in the same house. It had  been a while since he'd felt that way. Best to get used to it. Things  were only going to get colder. Literally and metaphorically, it seemed.  But Harry still looked at him warmly. Grizz was a friend. And Sam. Sam  was there for him, too, maybe.

Campbell closed his eyes. He just had to take his own advice.

Find a reason, and keep going.

[forevercaroline]

Klaroline in Nola chapter 9

For @eloiselili @isabellanagasaka @3tinkgemini @caritobear @delightfullysunny

Xxx

Over the last couple of days Freya has been accepted as a Mikaelson but not trusted Klaus doesn’t accept or trust her. Freya is sitting at the desk in the study writing a letter. “I’m awake come and find me.”

Freya chants in Latin and the message disappears.

Xxx

Two days after Freya send the message Caroline and Katherine decide that with everything going on from travelers to Silas to Marcel they need a break one day where they can just relax.

So they are in the pool at the governors mansion celebrating they were right about Hayley’s pregnancy being fake while waiting for the others.

Katherine goes inside to see what’s taking so long while Caroline is swimming when she hears something in the bushes she gets out and checks to see what the noise was.

Katherine and Kol who just got back from sleeping in the church attic all night.“ Katherine I thought you said Caroline was out here.”

Katherine putting the drinks down. “She is she’s in the pool.” She looks where she left Caroline and the backyard is empty. “Or she was.”

“ Nik’s going to have a field day with this you want to tell him you lost his girlfriend.”

Katherine downs her drink “You can tell him he still wants me dead.”

Rebekah comes out into the backyard in a bikini with Stefan in shorts “ What are you talking about?”

Kol and Katherine look at each other “ Caroline’s missing.”

Rebekah and Kol say at the same time “ Not me.”

“ Fine I’ll tell him when he kills me tell Elijah I loved him.”

Xxx

“ Elijah I need to tell you something.”

Elijah turns away from the fridge “ Katerina I thought you were swimming.”

“ Caroline’s missing we were in the pool and I came in here and when I came back she was gone.”

Klaus had walked into the room when Katherine was talking he pins her to the wall by her throat. “ You lost Caroline I knew I should of killed you.”

“ Niklaus let Katerina go.”

Klaus squeezes harder when Kol notices something he didn’t before “Wait do you guys smell that?”

Klaus is to angry to focus on anything look over at his younger brother who goes closer to the edge of the yard where the bushes are and picks up a syringe he looks at his siblings who have followed him outside “ Caroline was vervained and kidnapped.”

Klaus drops Katherine to the ground and let’s out a loud growl and throws his glass across the yard. Kol, Rebekah and Elijah share a look they know someone is going to die. “ Niklaus calm down we will find her. Kol go ask Davina for a locator spell, Rebekah and Stefan go see if Marcel took her, while I will find Freya to inform her maybe she can help, Katerina I need you to stay with me and away from Niklaus.”

Xxx

Marcel is having a fight night in at the Mikaelsons house that he took over when Rebekah and Stefan crash they vamp to the middle of the fight and snap both contenders necks “ We would like a word.”

Marcel loves Rebekah but doesn’t like that she has moved on with someone younger than him he seen the looks they give each other he knows she’s pretending to still have feelings for him. “ What are you doing here?”

Rebekah looks over at Stefan “ Didn’t I just say that we want to talk to you?”

Marcel is on the balcony above “ You come in to my town flaunt your new boy toy in my face disturb my fight night and you just want to talk.”

“ How many times must we say this its my families town and Stefan isn’t my boy toy he’s my boyfriend and it’s important it will only take a few minutes I’m sure these filth ameturs will be fine for a few minutes.”

Marcel waves his hand inside for Rebekah and Stefan to follow.

Once inside Rebekah flips Marcel on his back and puts the heel of her stiletto to his throat “ What have you done with Caroline?”

“ Your so hot when your angry.”

Stefan has put up with this guy flirting with his girlfriend since they got to New Orleans.“ Stop flirting with my girlfriend she choose me now answer the question.”

Rebekah doesn’t have any feelings for Marcel anymore she throws him across the room “ Tell us or we will start killing people out there.”

Marcel gets up and gets closer to Rebekah and brushes a piece of hair behind her ear “ I didn’t take her I would never do anything to hurt you and I saw the way you too act your friends.”

Stefan throws him across the room “ I told you to stop flirting with her.”

Before Stefan and Marcel can get into a fight over her Rebekah pulls Stefan out of the room.

As they are heading to the doors there blocked by Marcel’s guys “ Your boyfriend here broke one of my rules. So I sentence him to life in the garden.”

Marcel’s guys break Rebekah and Stefan apart both of them fighting when Marcel injects them both with vervain.

Xxx

Davina sitting in a chair reading one of the grimoires Kol gave her after they got back from mystic falls “ Hello darling.”

Davina turns around and sees Kol in swim trunks and no shirt “ Kol what are you wearing?”

“ Most girls like this but then you aren’t like most girls.”

“Are you teaching other attic bound harvest witches behind my back.”

Kol laughs “ No I was going to go swimming then we ran into a problem and we need your help.”

“ What’s wrong now?”

“ Caroline’s missing we need a locator spell.”

Davina is friends with Caroline and Katherine ever since they found her in the attic “ Of course.”

Xxx

Over the summer when Nadia was looking for her mom she also found this club that she liked. Freya wanted to look around the city so Nadia took her to the club. When Nadia went to get them drinks Freya hears a voice whisper in her ear. “ I got your message.”

Freya turns around and smiles she throws her arms around his neck and kisses him.

After making sure Klaus won’t kill anyone Elijah and Katherine go to the club Nadia told Katherine she was going to be at tonight. They see Freya dancing in the middle of the dance floor with a guy who Elijah thinks he knows but can’t be sure because he can only see the back of his head. He doesn’t like that this guy is all over his sister she might have accepted that she is older sister but he doesn’t trust her and he certainly doesn’t trust this guy.

Elijah points to where Freya is to Katherine she nods out of the two of them she’s more dressed for the club she has Elijah’s dress coat on over her two piece black bikini there wasn’t time to change.

She slips through the crowd towards Freya and taps her on her shoulder “ Freya.”

Freya looks around and notices Katherine in front of her “ What are you doing here?”

Katherine glares at the guys staring at her breasts debating whether or not she should kill them she goes the later and snaps their necks. “ We need your help Caroline’s missing.”

Freya nods and whispers in the guy behind her ears “ I need to go I will message you later Lucien.”

Lucien kisses her neck and whispers back “I will be on the edge of my seat till your return my lovely Freya.”

Freya turns around and passionately kisses him it catches him off guard a little that he stumbles back then she whispers back “Good.”

Elijah dumps the two bodies Katherine killed in the dumpster behind the club pours some gasoline on them and threw the lighter on them.

Xxx

Caroline wakes up in the back of a truck her hands are tied with zip ties she can still feel the vervain in her system but uses all her power to break the zip ties and she tries to kicked the window open when the truck stops she tries to fight him but Tyler grabs her and throws her over his shoulder he put more zip ties on her hands and ankles “ Tyler why are you doing this?”

Tyler’s eyes glowing yellow with anger. “ You betrayed me.”

Caroline trying to break the restraints again when he injects her with more vervain. When she awakes a second time she on the ground outside a shack “ Where did you take me?”

“ The armpit of Louisiana.”

Caroline looks around she sees no way out of this. The only thing around her is trees and water. “ Gross and why did you bring me here?”

Tyler pulls out a knife and Caroline back away “ What are you going to do with that?”

He bends down and cuts her ankle restraints “ Nothing if you behave.”

“ You do remember I’m a vampire if you hurt me I heal.”

Tyler grabs her arm and brings her to her feet “Then I will have to make it really hurt but only if you don’t answer my questions.”

“ You attacked me in my backyard and now your making threats.”

Tyler tightens his grip on her bare arm “ It’s not your backyard it’s Klaus’ your shacking up with him I knew you had something probably while we were still together.”

Caroline glares at him" I wasn’t the one to cheat in our relationship that was you I waited until we break up then acted on my feelings and yes it maybe Klaus’ backyard but it’s also mine we are living together.“

Tyler is so angry by what Caroline just said he bites her Caroline tries to push him off but the damage is done. Caroline looks around and sees a woman hiding behind a tree ” Help me please go find Klaus Mikaelson.“

Xxx

Kol and Davina come into the governors mansion ” Nik I have news.“

Klaus is in the foyer before Kol can finish his sentence. "Where is she?”

Kol points to Davina “ I didn’t do this for you I did it for Caroline she’s my friend she’s deep in the bayou.”

Katherine, Nadia, Freya and Elijah walk into the house. “ The bayou poor Caro no shoes only in a bikini and in the bayou nobody deserves that.”

Everyone looks at Katherine “ Who is Caro?”

“A nickname for Caroline she’s in a new town, new friends, new way of doing things she should have a new nickname plus I never liked her old nickname care.”

Xxx

Marcel is watching as Stefan is being bricked in behind a wall. Stefan comes too still a little groggy from the vervain he looks around and only sees Marcel and faces of other vampires behind walls. “ What did you do to me, where’s Rebekah?”

“ You broke my rules you challenged me and took something that was mine. Rebekah is safe and sound in my house.”

“ Do you actually think that just because you have locked me up in here that Rebekah will fall back in love with you? She’s strong one of the strongest women I’ve ever met. She will do anything for the ones she loves.”

Marcel leans into towards Stefan the blocks are only up to his waist. “ And how are you going to save her your locked in here and her brothers think she’s safe.”

Stefan needs to get out of here and save Rebekah. “ You got me here I’m trapped let Rebekah go she’s innocent.”

Xxx

As there getting in Klaus’ car Marcel comes walking up the drive way with Sabine. “ I hear your special lady friend is missing allow me to help Sabine is the best in the quarter.”

Klaus contemplated running him over with car but if he is going to play the trusted friend he can’t do what he wants to do so very badly.“ That’s very generous of you but I know where she is. Now where is my sister she never came back.”

“She’s safe and sound in my home her friend on the other hand I disposed of him.”

Klaus looks at Elijah who shares the same worry look for their sister.

Xxx

They are deep in the bayou when Klaus smells a familiar smell and comes to a suv and he starts ransacking the vehicle. “ This vehicle wrecks of Tyler Lockwood.”

“ Why would Tyler be here and why would he take Caroline?”

Klaus jumping into the bed of the truck “ Tyler wants revenge Caroline choose me.”

Elijah knows his brother and knows there has to be more “ Why do I assume this is the least of your offenses.”

Klaus picking up things from the bed of the suv “ When I had Elena’s blood and was siring hybrids he was my first successful hybrid. I didn’t give him much choose in the matter he was loyal in the beginning then became insubordinate turned my other hybrids against me I couldn’t have that so I massacred the lot of them Tyler ran like a coward he is before I could kill him.”

Freya steps forward she is completely lost she has no clue who Tyler or Elena are. “Anything else you would like to enlighten us about brother?”

Klaus turns towards Freya with anger all over his face “ You claim to have the same name as us but you are not my sister only family gets to call me brother.”

Freya had tried so hard to get Klaus to accept her but he won’t. “ If I’m not your older sister then why did Kol’s blood lead you to where I was. Before I was kidnapped I wanted more brothers and sisters I would sing to Elijah still in the womb and while I sang to him I would feel him kick, Finn was my first friend. When Dahlia took me for the first few months every night I had the same wish that Esther would rescue me from this horrible woman but when she didn’t every night I had dreams of playing with my siblings every night I dreamed that until I met you in 1914. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for my siblings. So accept/trust me or not but I am your older sister and all I want is to be with my siblings. Speaking of siblings where is our brother Finn?”

All the brothers refuse to make eye contact with Freya. Klaus speaks but not about Finn. “That’s all well and good but I’m harder to convince them the others you see Rebekah Kol and Elijah can be naïve especially when it comes to family for example me I’ve daggered them countless times and they still choose to be by my side. Elijah is extremely naïve not only does he have faith in me he also has faith in his precious Katerina. As for Caroline yes you’ve fooled her too but as much as I hate to say it she is too trusting case and point why we’re here deep in the bayou she was kidnapped by her ex boyfriend.”

Katherine leans over to whisper to Elijah “ I love being bought in to Mikaelson family drama I haven’t done anything to Klaus since you invited me here.”

Elijah nods “ Niklaus will not kill you, you have my word.”

“Your word means little you always seem to break it.”

Elijah address his brother. “ Niklaus is there anything else we need to know about your relationship with Mr. Lockwood.”

“There was this business with his mum.”

“ Wonderful you killed his mother.”

Klaus not seeing he did anything wrong “ He needed to be taught a lesson don’t go against me.”

“ What lesson will you be taught if he harms Caroline?”

Klaus gets in his face “He dies today I’m done being generous to him.”

Klaus vamps away and Davina look up at Kol. “ Killing this guys mom and his friends is generous.”

Kol looks down at his witch “ For my bother yeah.”

Xxx

Caroline is tied to a fire stove “ Tyler what happened to you?”

Tyler is sitting across from her “Klaus happened how do you think it felt when I come home to finally be with you to have Damon tell me you left and you went with Klaus.”

Caroline struggles trying to get free but the werewolf poison in her system is weakening her “ I have been here for months why now? And if you want me back your going about it the wrong way just let me go.”

Tyler gets in her face “ No Klaus ruined my life I’m going to ruin his when he finds you dead I’m going to kill him.”

Caroline rolls her eyes she’s have Deja vu “ Tyler you can’t kill Klaus without killing his sire line which means yourself, Damon, Stefan, Katherine, Elena, myself and millions of others.”

“ I’m willing to take that risk if it means I get to see him die.” Caroline sighs and points out the obvious “You do realize that if we die we go to the other side and we would see each other on the other side plus we know powerful witches they could bring us back.”

“ He has to pay he took you from me.”

Caroline is so mad and has a couple werewolf bites on her pink two piece bikini clad body. “ He didn’t take me I broke up with you because you always choose your pack over me Klaus chooses me first. Plus you and me never went on a date we only slept together Klaus takes me on dates we are in a real relationship.”

Tyler bites her again.

Xxx

Rebekah wakes up in her old room at the compound an iv in her arm an iv that is full of vervain. “ Where’s am I? Where’s Stefan?

Marcel is at the end of the bed ” My room, your friend is where all vampires who break my rules go the garden.“

Rebekah puts a hand over her mouth she’s scared for him. ” Stefan.“

She looks up at Marcel ” Let him go he’s innocent I’m the one you want. You’ve wanted me since we took you in I remember one of your first fencing lessons you told me I’m going to marry you some day, I will marry you if you let Stefan go.“

Marcel looks at her pleading for her to let Stefan go one time she would of pleaded for his life. ” He said the same thing let her go take me instead. This home, this town, the witches, your brother Elijah, you, Stefan your family are mine.“

"Marcel my brothers will come for me you’ve started a war.”

“ I’m counting on that you shouldn’t of lied to me.”

Rebekah looks confused she hasn’t lied to him.“ I saw you last night with Stefan kissing him. You say you miss me and you want me but then you kiss him. How long did think you could fool me?”

Rebekah remembers kissing Stefan last night but she kissed him outside the governors mansion.“ Longer than this. I must say your instincts have gotten better.”

Marcel is at the door “ I have eyes everywhere. I’ll have someone bring you something to eat.”

Xxx

Tyler goes outside to take breath and released some anger. Caroline sees a knife and inches it closer to her and cuts the zip ties.

She sneaks out the shack and tackles Tyler “ How did you get loose and so strong you have several werewolf bites.”

Caroline is sitting on him and holding his arms and legs so he doesn’t move. “ Did I forget to mention that I have build up a tolerance to werewolf bites being bitten so many times also that I have Klaus blood in my system he gives me his blood regularly just if anything happens.”

Since they got to New Orleans and since anyone could be an enemy Klaus wanted Caroline to be protected even if he’s not there so he has had her drinking a couple drops of his blood everyday so if she ran into a wolf and it bit her she would already have the cure in her. Today Caroline didn’t have his blood. Caroline snaps his neck.

Xxx

“Hello brother.”

Marcel didn’t have Stefan’s head buried the bricks are up to his neck. He looks up at the person who just entered and it’s Damon. “ Damon thank god get me out of here then you can tell me why your here.”

Damon looks at him then takes a step back and sits on the steps coming in to the garden. “ Imprisonment just doesn’t look good on that face no matter what body it possesses.”

Stefan looks at Damon and is confused then it hits him how would Damon know he’s in trouble and if Damon was here where’s Elena she wouldn’t miss an opportunity to get her friends away from the originals. “Silas.”

Silas smiles. Then shifts from Damon to Rebekah “ Is this better I can see your worried about her.”

Stefan glares at him and hates that he can’t move he wants to kill Silas. “ Get out of my head and show me your real face.”

Silas transforms into Stefan “ Hello my shadow self.”

Stefan looks at himself and can’t believe it “ No it was you last night you interrupted Marcel and Rebekah.”

Silas smiles evilly “ I invented the immortality spell two thousand years ago and when I became a better version of your girlfriend nature created a version of me that could die a doppleganger that’s you. You see there’s two doppleganger’s one who has the good looks of me and one who looks like my one true love Amara because we can’t die or be together nature created versions of us that can die and will be drawn together.”

Stefan is not enjoying this conversation at all. “ Well as you can see in my head this doppleganger doesn’t love the other doppleganger anymore I love Rebekah and Elena loves Damon.”

Xxx

Caroline is running through the woods when she hears a noise she gets ready to attack and realizes it’s only Katherine and Elijah “ Oh thank god your here.”

Katherine gives her Elijah’s suit jacket she was wearing" Where’s Klaus I need his blood as you can see Tyler bit me a couple times.“

Elijah texts Klaus that they found her and she needs his blood a couple minutes later Caroline is not looking so good the adrenaline from trying to get away from Tyler is wearing off. She is pale, sweating and leaning against a tree when klaus, Freya, Kol and Davina arrive. Klaus rushes to her side and bites his wrist and puts it to her mouth ” Drink my love.“

As Caroline is drinking Klaus runs his fingers through her hair. When she’s done Klaus looks down at her ” My love where is he?“

Caroline points in the direction she came from ” He had me at a little shack he was going to kill me so when you found us you saw my dead body and when you were so distraught over my body he was going to kill you. When I broke free I snapped his neck and ran.“

Klaus kisses her forehead ” Your safe now I got you. I’m going to kill him for hurting you.“

Caroline looks up at him she knows she should stop him she did love Tyler but after today and all the times Tyler has been jealous of klaus she doesn’t want to stop him. ” You let me kill Hayley so go.“

Klaus kisses her "I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Xxx

Tyler had woken up and saw that Caroline was gone he’s searching through the woods for her “ Caroline give up your going to die give up now I’ll make it quick.”

Klaus found him from hearing his voice. “ That’s quite the offer but unfortunately for you Caroline found me before you found her and you know from personal experience that I don’t like you taking my things.”

Tyler turned around at the sound of his voice. “Klaus.”

“ Hello Tyler I hear your planning on killing me get in line.”

“ If you kill me what will Caroline say she does love me.”

Klaus laughs at him “ When I found Caroline she told me something what was it… Oh yes ‘You let me kill Hayley so go kill Tyler.’ Caroline doesn’t care about you anymore small town living and small town boys weren’t enough for her.”

“You think Caroline actually loves you.”

Klaus pushes him and Tyler goes flying into a tree. “ That’s all you got I want to enjoy this.”

Tyler vamps away.

Xxx

Marcel sends one of his guys up with a tray of food up to Rebekah. When the guy delivers the food he puts it on the nightstand and Rebekah is being weakened by the vervain in her system but she’s still an original so she can fight through it and rips his heart out.

Marcel comes in and sees one of his guys dead “ You killed one of my guys.”

Rebekah is furious about being here.“ What are you going to do I’m immortal I can’t die.”

“You can’t but I could have Stefan killed he’s not immortal. Kill anymore of my men or try to escape Stefan dies.”

Rebekah gasps when Caroline told her Marcel is alive she was surprised he survived no feelings came back. When she arrived she thought maybe the old Marcel is still there but after today she knows the Marcel she knew in the a hundred years ago is gone. To protect Stefan Rebekah will stay.

Xxx

Klaus is searching for Tyler when Tyler comes up behind him and stakes him in the chest klaus yells in pain and backhands Tyler who lands on the ground a few feet away from Klaus.

Klaus pulls the stake out of him and throws it on the ground. Both hybrids have their fangs out, their eyes yellow, and veins under their eyes they lunge at each other Tyler tackles Klaus to the ground and they roll down a little hill and end up outside the shack Caroline was at.

Tyler punches Klaus in the face then stakes him in the side.

Klaus takes the stake out and flips them and stakes him in the chest. “ You are pathetic thinking you can come in to my town and harm Caroline and kill me. I gave you a gift no pain when turning.”

Tyler pulls the stake out of his chest and throws it aside “ A gift I traded one torture for another. That’s why you were so obsessed with siring people they would have no choice but to be around you because given the choice who would want to be around you.”

Klaus pins Tyler to a tree “ And here ends your miserable existence at least it was brief.”

Klaus sticks his hand in Tyler’s chest and squeezes his heart. “Go ahead kill me. I have nothing left.”

Klaus squeezes his heart one more time before retracting his hands down chokes him instead. “ It’s not satisfying if you want me to kill you so instead” he compels him “ You will wake up everyday knowing I broke you, Caroline choose me, you aren’t even worthy of being killed. When you turn it will be incredibly painful every time. You are nothing to Caroline and nothing to me.”

Xxx

Caroline and company stayed in the bayou while the hybrids fought. They heard all the yells and grunts the hybrids so when Klaus yelled out in pain it took all of Caroline’s control to not go find him and make sure he’s fine. Katherine, Nadia, Kol, and Davina are sitting near her on a log while Freya and Elijah lean a tree. “Just so you know Caroline I don’t trudge through mud in five hundred dollar shoes for anyone.”

Caroline looks down at Katherine’s heels there’s a speck of mud of them “Did you in your own Katherine way just say you like me.”

“ Yes.”

Caroline smiles at her “ I like you too.”

Katherine always has liked Caroline that’s why she turned her she was the less annoying of Elena’s friends. “ You buying me a new pair of shoes.”

Caroline nods and realizes some people are missing from their group. “ Where’s Stefan and Rebekah.”

Kol decides to answer her “ When we found out you were missing Rebekah and Stefan went to go ask Marcel if he took you they never came back but Marcel told us he disposed of Stefan and Rebekah is at his house.”

Caroline freaks out “ We have to rescue them.”

“We will one rescue at a time. Plus Rebekah’s an original she can handle herself and Stefan you on the other hand are dating Nik who went ballistic when he found out you were kidnapped.”

Freya looks over at Elijah “Where is our brother Finn?”

Elijah looks at Kol who raises his eyebrows silently saying that’s all you brother. “ Later after we rescue Rebekah and Stefan, Kol and I will answer any question you have about our family.”

Kol laughs he thought he was getting out of that one but Elijah pulled him in.

Xxx

Klaus comes up to them and Caroline runs up to him and hugs him. “ Are you ok we heard yelling. Is he dead?”

“ I’m fine he staked me it hurt that’s why I yelled, he’s not dead turns out he wanted me to kill him it’s not fun when the person your fighting wants you to kill him so instead I compelled him and every morning when he wakes up he will know he is nothing and you choose me. Him living is more of a punishment than me killing him.”

Caroline kisses his neck and looks up at him “We need to save Rebekah and Stefan.”

Klaus nods and kisses her forehead “We will.”

[derickandveronica-blog]

V #1. Real Characters

I walk the two miles all the way down to No Frills because it’s one of those off brand grocery stores where things are cheaper but you have to bag your own stuff. I wish I could go to the nice bodega downtown that sells creamy, herb cheese set in little displays with plastic grapes, but right now that’s a luxury I can’t afford. My friend Jackie says, “Always set aside enough money for fancy cheese,” but I guess this month I forgot.  

It’s lucky, though, that the walk to No Frills is a nice one. It’s all downhill and I get to walk through this neighborhood filled with great, old Victorian houses. Some of the houses have gold historical preservation plaques tacked on their fronts, and the ones that don’t are painted bright, beautiful colors, like they’re competing for the plaques.

My favorite house, between Chestnut and Oak Street, is painted a smooth gradient of orange, starting pumpkin colored at the base of the house and gradually getting lighter, until at the paneling near the roof where it’s a soft creamsicle color. It just looks like light and happiness is beaming off the house, rising through the roof, like heat.

My own place used to be a stately, Victorian house, but it got chopped up and divided into apartments some years back, before I moved in. My landlord, Emily, doesn’t care about the place in the slightest. She’s let the paint fade and chip and she doesn’t seem to mind the awful stripe of black sludge down the front of the house. Its where the gutter empties. All winter, when the rain never stops and everyone is always muttering “the rain, the rain, the rain” like some kind of city-wide chant, the black, greasy rainwater pools at the roof before sliding down the front of the house into the yard below.

When I’m walking and not looking at the brightly painted houses I think about my usual stresses. I wish I could just focus on the houses and the pleasant heat in my leg muscles as I walk, but I can’t.

There’s a term paper I need to write about earthquakes and a doctor’s appointment I’ve been meaning to reschedule. And there’s my mom. She called me this morning. I had stood in my kitchen, gently stirring some oatmeal and saw that the phone was ringing, the screen lit up and vibrating. I had considered letting it ring all the way to voicemail. But I picked up. I wish I wasn’t so hopeful like that, but I am.

She told me about this new medication they’ve got her on, one that gives her these urgent, visceral, terrifying dreams. She told me she had a dream I died, something that also had to do with me being pregnant and wearing some god-awful denim dress. I didn’t know what she wanted me to say.

“I’m still alive,” I said finally.

She sighed into the phone.

 Really, she’s the one dying. Of emphysema. The unsurprising result of smoking for 40 years.

I don’t have a whole lot of feelings about my mom dying. It’s hard to explain this to people. When I tell them about her diagnosis they arrange their faces to be sympathetic or gently horrified. I arrange mine to look sad, or like I’m carrying an awful burden, but this is mostly just for the other people. It makes them more comfortable. I wish I didn’t do things to make others comfortable, but I do.

The summer before she went to the doctors and he sat there and told her about her condition and, then, five minutes later she called me and told me “I have emphysema. I’m dying. You better call me more often,” and then hung up the phone—the summer before all of that—I went home for the first time in years.

I was delusional, of course. Maybe a few years of living on the West Coast, where everyone breathes and sighs about community and love and healing got to me.

We’d fought the whole time. She was drunk and angry and always larger and taller than me. She steamed up the house with her cigarette smoke, kept the windows locked, so that I woke up in the morning feeling like the back of my throat was dry and dirty. It was like she wanted to die.

That summer I had a revelation.

 The first time I wore a bikini I was thirteen and it was bright red. I had noticed, only recently, the way men looked at me. How they poked each other in the ribs when I walked past. I spent hours looking at myself in the mirror, topless, running my hands along the smooth planes of my stomach. It was a miracle that we found the matching set for the bikini, since we got it at Goodwill. But it fit perfectly and looked great against my tan skin.

“Brown as a bunny, you are!” my mom said sometimes. Which was nice.

We went to the pool by our house, a neighborhood pool and something of an establishment during the hot Midwestern summer days. When we got there I stripped off my summer dress and took note of the muscled, gleaming lifeguards at the water’s edge. My mom, as was her habit, promptly passed out on a pool chair. Her mouth leaked open at the corners and her arms splayed out at her sides.

The bikini looked even better glistening under the chlorine blue water. But after diving off the diving board many times and frog crawling along the checkered bottom of the pool it had begun to hang loose on my body. The strings at my back, holding the top piece in place, threatened to come loose and reveal my breasts.

I woke my mother.

“Can you please tie this?” I asked. “It’s coming loose!” I was perhaps a bit hysterical.

She rose from the pool chair, her eyes puffy and groggy. She looked evil like a villainous character rising from their dark throne, and I realized, my stomach clenching, that I’d made a huge mistake.

And then, there in front of the moms and babies and muscled lifeguards, she ripped my bikini top from my body. One swift motion and it was gone.

The tender pink cones of my nipples were seeing the outside world for the first time. They felt fragile, sensitive to the dry summer air.

A woman nearby gasped.

“Get your shit and let’s go,” my mother growled. And so, we left.

 My revelation was simple. I had been dreaming, since I was a little girl, maybe even before the red bikini episode, no more relationship with my mother.

Not one where she knew how I felt, or where we fought about why I never came to visit, and not one where I was willfully and purposefully cutting her from my life. Just one that was no more, brimming with nothingness.

When she called me that day after the doctor’s appointment, blurting out the news and then hanging up, the revelation rung inside of me, like a gong.

 At No Frills I grab my usual items: bananas and oatmeal and eggs and potato chips. The linoleum is freshly waxed and gleaming. Everything is gleaming. The apples, the cucumbers, the mirrored surfaces of the meat counter. They’re playing a classic rock station over the radio and “Stairway to Heaven” comes on and I sing a little out loud, softly, when it gets to the part where Robert Plant screams and the drums get loud. It feels good sometimes to sing in public. Like I’m testing the boundaries of what’s okay to do. It makes me feel like the kind of girl brooding, artistic men would write poetry about, or else the kind of girl who’s quirky and thin and cutely-fragile who writes her own poetry. But I don’t think I’m either of those.

In line at the checkout I watch two West Coast weirdos, as my friend Jackie calls them, talk to each other. They’re real characters, like New Yorkers say in the movies. The man is wearing earmuffs, even though its blazing hot summer outside. The earmuffs are those puffy white childish ones, like they’re made from the fur of the abominable snowman, and they look ridiculous against the balding slab of his head. The woman with him, either his sister or maybe his wife--in the way that sometimes people who look alike become couples—is talking at him, nonstop, way too loudly, in some language that might actually be Latin.

“Oblitus dicere!” she says.

He doesn’t respond, just looks glassily off into the distance. Perhaps the earmuffs have made her voice fuzzy and distant. Perhaps this is their purpose.

What makes me laugh the most is that the couple has many, many cans of tuna fish in their cart and nothing else.

 Back out on the street, blinking in the sunlight, I wait for the bus. The two characters are here, like I knew they would be. I think about talking to them, but I don’t know what I’d say.

My mom would sometimes involve herself in other people’s private business. Stuff that was definitely closed to her, but she didn’t care. I try not to be like this, even when I’m curious.

Once, upon coming out of the library, with stacks of books piled in our arms—hers about political conspiracy theories and mine about girls who lived fashionable, glittering lives in New York City—she spotted a couple sitting on a bench at the library’s entrance. It was obvious, immediately, what was happening.

The girl was crying gently and the boy, with a falsely sympathetic face, was speaking quietly and quickly and patting her leg like the way distant relatives do.

My mom marched over. She shifted her stack of books to the crook of her left arm so she could point her right finger accusingly at the couple.

She took a deep breath.

“You don’t need him! You can do much better than an ugly boy like him!” She was shrieking, and the whites of her eyes were huge and lit up, like there was a light bulb illuminated inside her head.

The girl was stunned. But the boy, strangely enough, looked as if he’d been expecting this. He smiled haughtily at my mom, his lips curled up, and that was when I realized it. My mom was one of them. The weirdos on the street. The characters.

I felt myself shrink down, wanting desperately to be somewhere else.

“Stay out of it, lady!” he smirked.  

“Go fuck yourself,” she said.

 Sometimes, once in a blue moon, my mom wasn’t a character. Or, at least, she kept it under wraps. Once, when we were on a plane and the flight attendant angrily slapped a bag of cookies down on my tray table after I took too long deciding between my snack options, my mom smiled a small smile and peered at me out of the corner of her eyes. Her face said, “Somebody’s having a bad day!” I had smiled wide, not caring about the cookies anymore.

I craved these kinds of moments. When we were on the same team. I just knew that there was another world, jogging along right next to ours, that was full of these moments. Where we had inside jokes and camaraderie.

This other earth, though, was almost always frustratingly out of my grasp.

 This morning on the phone she’d told me that she was ready to die.

“I just want to be fucking dead already,” she said. It was so brash and ugly and hard to look at. I stayed quiet on the phone.

After a while she sighed. Sometimes, I had no idea what my mother knew, how wide her awareness extended.

“Maybe you want that too,” she said.

But I didn’t know what world we were in. The real one or the one just out of reach. We were, for once, on the same team. But it was all wrong.

 The houses get steadily uglier as the bug chugs towards my neighborhood. It drops me off a few blocks from my house, and the characters stay on the bus, heading, no doubt, into the even seedier parts of the city.

My shoulders and hands ache with the groceries and I have to stop every block to stretch my fingers and then curl them into fists, pumping blood and sensation back into them. At my house, I peer up at the black sludge down the front of the house, but it doesn’t look too bad today, maybe because of the sunshine. The sun has a way of smoothing out all the ugly things, blurring your vision a little. I wish I could have this effect on people, but I can’t.

I unlock the front door, give it a little kick with my foot so it doesn’t stick, and climb the stairs up to my apartment. I knock my hips against the stair’s railing, forming a soft fleshy bruise I’ll feel for the next few days but which will look oddly beautiful against my skin, because the bags are just too heavy.