#i need a long hug *heavy tired sigh* 😞💔

[leslieseveride]

i wanna kill myself today so bad, and here's why.

i accidentally hit someone with my car. yup, you read that right, i accidentally hit someone with my car. and while it was just that, an accident, and i am not at fault for anything i still can't get over the feeling of wanting to rip my own heart out.

to set the scene for you a little bit. i was going to take my dogs out to the dog park so i could wear them out and hopefully give myself a few hours of peace before they get wild up again on my saturday off. all was going well, i treated myself to my favorite coffee from my favorite café and was jamming out to some taylor swift with the windows rolled down. i was thinking about how good of a day it was up until the moment when i pulled up to a stop at a 4 way intersection, where on one of the corners there is a very popular ice cream shop that families often visit in the summer, and because it's a bright, sunny saturday of course the place is packed with people sitting outside enjoying their frozen treats. so because of that i made sure to turn off my music and really focus on my driving cause i'll be honest and say that i am not the best at being behind the wheel and wanted to avoid exactly what was about to happen from happening. i hit someone.

i checked my surroundings and looked both ways multiple times (3x) over to see for any pedestrians, and i swear on my dead grandmother's life i did not see this man's face among the crowd anywhere. i did a long slow, detailed scan of the area because it was literally littered with families with young children, and i can tell you now this man literally popped up out of nowhere.

i started to turn left and the next thing i know i felt my car hit something in the middle of the road only to realize much to my horror that i had just hit an elderly gentleman. i'm not sure i can put into words how i felt as it was happening because it's all just such a blur to me even a couple hours later now and this is already extremely difficult for me to type out as i realize i might still currently be in shock. in the moment i was sure i had seriously injured, or maybe even killed him, despite the fact that i was driving extra slowly/cautiously due to all the young children out. as it was happening i couldn't remember if he was in the road when i hit him, or if he was actually on the crosswalk. but then the gentleman admitted that he was on his bike on the crosswalk when he saw a dime in the middle of the street, so technically he wasn't where he was supposed to be. this man almost unalived himself in front of me all for the sake of an extra 10¢, and now i am deeply traumatized for nearly killing someone.