#i miss writing though!! and im thoroughly enjoying it rn

[bakatenshii]

angel !!!!!!! i miss your writing i hope you're having a fab saturday

NONNIEEEEEE !!!!!! i hope u know @theygottheircages and @undermattsun r holding guns on each side of my head forcing me to vomit words onto a doc xxxx

hope ur saturday is incredible &&&& hope its sunny where u are!!

[zhouwerthoughts]

the finalest final of finals

1/23/17

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” 

~Barack Obama

wooooo its over friends

I should write longer posts so ill start now since that stuff is less hectic

Well, finals are over now and it’s time for me to look back on my failure as a student and try to improve ya feel

1st Hour: stats - Got an 88 this semester, I did all my homework legitimate and studied a bit. However, First hour always somehow became my designated sleep hour, meaning I missed many a lecture and its worth of notes. For next semester, I’ll make sure to do all the extra credit practice quizzes early to avoid risk of getting cut off by the deadline, sleep more, and prepare better because its actually a pretty hard class for me

2nd Hour: orch - nothing much to say here easy 100 fun times and pieces are cool. I guess ill talk about our upcoming concert as well right now. The pop pieces we’re playing are... to be honest, kind of underwhelming, but I guess I can’t fairly judge until we play with ezme. Verdi is so much fun, but still not as fun as Tchaikovsky XD. Mahler... I wish I was more mature and patient to fully enjoy it, as it really is a beautiful piece, I’m just a bit too jumpy to stay focused while playing it :P

ok im getting intensely drowsy so if this turns weird dont blame me im weird

3rd hour: french - 89.5, barely got an a so this was absolutely horrid lol like wtf did i do first quarter and that final was horiblye hard like ok rip maybe i didn’t study enough next semester goals sleep more cuz im always sleepy there too but tbh when am innot slepe tho gawd what is wrong with me rn o well lets keep going also do more ec cuz that stuff wouldvemade this a bit less close

4th hourL debate -  got some version of a B. welp that was just tragically hundreds of times harder than i thoguht it was gonan be welp next semester english gotta make sur ei scure this one friends

ok i need some water before i begin but for the lols probs not going to correct the disaster that is the lst two paragraphs and eakvsfbdgrhtegr[wfe

im back yo

5th Hour: Ap Econ - ended up with an A,  and managed to rush the final to study apchem and still get a B on it so overall in econ maybe read a bit more so i have more reading space but like not much a problem

6th Hour: AP Chem - This one is a toughie. Barely got a B this semester, looking to try for an A next. I need to improve my labs, as my average on those are horrid. Reading quizzes i average above a 2, but then tests tho I really need to step up, definitely need to do quiz reviews and practice tests days in advance so that i can thoroughly practice and learn how to do each individual concept.

school in general is quite the menial, yet sometimes interesting experience. My average day feels pretty solitary, even though i do get to talk to friends and when i do its awesome lol. Every morning starts with me waking up way too late, rushing to get ready, and then fast walking my way down to stats all the way from the orch hallway, barely making it there a majority of the time. stats is kinda boring and sleep time. Orchestra is a fun time, although I struggle greatly with a periodically faulty stomach that just loves to butt in on the one class I can least easily go to the restroom. goddamit. French is like secondary sleepy time but i really dont like having to sleep in french for some reason. debate is now over, but it was pretty fun i guess when it lasted and i seriously learned and grew a lot as a person. Funnily tense of an atmosphere it was, with all the differing points of view, but that’s what makes it great. Econ is chill, aldinger is hilarious and yeah whatever politically we have differences but as long as he teaches econ correctly its whatever. Spencer, caroleen, muyang, ditty, ethan make econ fun too our cluster of 6. And apchem lol vedaant michael those monkeys i love em.

fiddlers is quite fun actually. It makes me really happy and some of those songs are quite nice and while i play them i think and feel and its nice.

gotta organize february mmm sigh had to cancel this month and it was a good idea to do so way too fricking busy.

sectionals tomorrow so tiring but we need it but im hoping to sleep early today so i should be able to handle it.

sometimes I feel like a burden/annoyance to people around me and i really don’t want to be that but i feel like nobody would tell me that to my face

How am I feeling? I honestly dunno. I feel heavy, both physically and emotionally. Confused mentally, currently satisfied. There are many questions my mind and heart want answered, but my belief in trust overrides my curiosity for answers where I may end up regretting knowing.

I’m going to make an effort to be kinder and happier towards everyone I know, hopefully not coming across as fake along the way. When someone is friendly and smiling to me, it feels good, so hopefully I can do the same for others. I know some people will claim I’m already pretty nice but I don’t think so, im still randomly not at some times which makes me hate myself but thats whatever. I don’t think there’s that much of a limit to how much is enough kindness, everyone deserves as much as they can get.