#i might regret posting this instantly and delte it we'll see

[lyoneve]

I need to scream into the void for a bit. Just get some thoughts and feelings off my chest.

I really fucking miss tumblr, making ofmd fanart, even to some extent following the drama (that's a lie, the drama stressed me the fuck out).

It gave me such a wonderful escape when I was at a place in my life where I really needed it. I've thought a lot about coming back but one big thing that stops me every time is that I lost my biggest supporter last year. Mom got diagnosed with, and died from cancer. All in the span of nine months or so. She was the first person I showed my fanart to every time. She was always so amazed and excited and couldn't wait for me to post it on here. She would send me messages to tell me to check my reblogs and look at the wonderful and funny tags people left me. She would text me before i woke up to tell me how many notes I had got over night.

She's the one that got me into fandom in general when I was 12 or 13 (back then it was the x-files).

I hope some day I feel like I have the time and energy to start making fanart again. Because it gave me so much joy and gave me the inspiration to draw again. I think I'm just afraid that the "bitter" would outway the "sweet" now that she's not here to see it.

(Oh and yeah I watched season 2, but looking back, I was in complete survival mode and I got almost nothing out of watching it. So that sucks. She also watched it but got too sick before she got to watch the season finale. So she never knew that Izzy died, and I don't know if I'm glad or sad that she didn't see it.)