#i might post the food menu together with this later idk yet

[maplesleep]

I am once again banging on the doors to Lego Inc.

[castironfrying-pan]

CW misgendering — it didn’t/doesn’t really bother me (I mostly kind of find it funny, once I figure out what’s happening), so it’s kind of a neutral/positive post, but figured I should give folks the heads-up. So I was at a family wedding on Spouse’s side this weekend (I wasn’t thrilled about going to a wedding on Dec. 23rd, but there you have it).

I didn’t take my binder along, but I did decide to wear my (women’s) suit, a purple button-down, and a teal bowtie for the wedding.

Anyway, I got misgendered as male I think three times this weekend? Three times that I noticed at least. 

The first time, shortly after we got to the wedding reception, someone near me said something about “that guy’s bowtie is cool” (cue me looking around for the guy in the cool bowtie, then realizing it was me, lol). Debriefing with my sister-in-law (who is also queer) later, she thought it was maybe a sort of pointed “I’m trying to be supportive” kind of comment? Like maybe the guy who said it thought that I was a trans dude and not quite passing, but wanted to affirm what he was seeing? IDK. I was, as aforementioned, slightly clued out. (I’d had a scent reaction during the ceremony, and was doing a bit better after a nap, but still not at my sharpest for the reception).

The second, I was sitting at my table and the servers were distributing the food — we’d chosen our menu-items in advance, so they were verifying that I was having the beef and called me “sir”. Me being clueless it took me a minute to realize they must mean me, since the men to either side of me were both having chicken. From the back I probably did look a lot like a “sir” to the waitstaff.

The third misgendering was this morning after breakfast at our hotel. I was wearing my new Queen Street Yoga hoodie (a unisex grey hoodie with a big-ass line-art flower on the back and a small version of the same on the front) and guy-jeans. Spouse and I and my in-laws were sitting together, and as we were getting ready to leave, the waitress (think diner waitress — probably in her 40s–60s, likely a career waitress in a B-grade hotel restaurant in suburban GTA) said something to me and Mike (I guess??) to the effect of “have a good Christmas, boys!”. I only half heard it. I think I was more surprised she thought Mike was a boy than that I was — he’s 29, and I know he doesn’t have a beard, but I honestly don’t think he looks that young. I, on the other hand, have always looked young for my age, and lots of masc-presenting queer women get mistaken for boys, so... (I think my mother-in-law was uncomfortable and didn’t know how to handle the waitress thinking I was a boy. I don’t know how to tell her it’s ok without making it worse — I don’t think she’d understand “people always think I’m female and that’s not exactly right, either, so this is a nice change sometimes...”).

I’ve always thought my boobs were a dead giveaway that scream “GIRL” — so it’s kind of interesting to find out that even without binding, if I wear clothes that somewhat deemphasize that, and with my current haircut, I can fairly easily be mistaken for male. And if I don’t want that to happen, I need to change some things (e.g. wear dangly earrings) to swing my presentation a different direction.

(I haven’t Tumblr’d about my gender before, so in case you were wondering: she/her is still fine, I might explore using they/them in some settings, but not just generally out around town, at least yet. I’m not super “out” about my gender — whatever it even is — but I don’t really mind if people-who-are-cool-with-stuff find out. Spouse knows, Mom knows, and those are probably the two most important people for me to tell personally).

[0225pm]

04 dec 2017

yooohoo

so it's currently 11:43pm and i'm writing this in the toilet as i poop.

didn't do much today but i met dayah and we went to bedok singpost for awhile in the afternoon cus she had to top up the current for the house. and then we went to bedok mall to have our late lunch. i suggested eating at fish n chicks cus i really wanted to try their hawaiian chicken set but we ended up just having lunch at 18chefs instead cus she didn't really feel like having anything there after looking at the menu. kinda bummed but i guess there's always a next time (hopefully!!). i wanted to have my usual (the tomyum fusilli or the curry rice with beef) but didn't wanna go over my budget of 10 bucks so i just got the cheese baked rice under the student meal which is also my usual when i wanna eat something nice and filling but at the same time still save!! cus their student meal automatically comes with a drink (the standard ice lemon tea) and dessert (ice cream of the day). so for about $10 or less, you practically get a whole meal which to me is really worth it if you feel like having "normal" food instead of fast food all the time.

after our lunch, she had to fill the current up so we went back to her place and i waited for her with the neighborhood cat. super cute, i should have taken a photo so i post it here but i didn't lol. and then she booked an appointment at the doctor's cus of an injury she had during her trip at pulau ubin. damn clumsy af wth. her hands and a side of her face were covered in scars from all the thorns and she has a really bad bruise around her abdomen and bladder area wtf. i fuckig told her to go for an xray since it's such a sensitive area but stubbornly refused zz no matter how many times i advised her to.

but ya anyway while waiting for her appointment, han suddenly called me and asked me if i want to accompany him cut his hair or not today. i said yes!! cus i told him before to bring me if he wants to cut his hair but i can only leave around 7 or so i thought.... cus i actually reached his place around 9 lol. i felt bad just leaving dayah there so i waited till she sees the doctor before i left and took an uber down to han's place. unfortunately, by the time we reached the barbershop it was already 9:15pm and they closed at 9pm so we actually missed it by 15 minutes. sadly.

then han raged like a madman for awhile, kinda like a screaming child throwing a little bit of tantrum (jk lol i love you bb!!!!!!) because he really wanted to get a haircut today. he couldn’t tahan how long and bushy his hair has become cus he felt rimas hahahaha. imo, he can style his hair up a little like what he did last time since his fringe was getting in the way but lol i didn’t really suggest that to him just now cus i don’t think he’ll do it even hahahahha. and then he had a short moment of regret cus he felt that he should have just went ahead and got his hair cut, instead of waiting for me and going together.

after he was done being a madman, we walked towards the mrt because there’s an eatery nearby selling really cheap food, something like ananas. and he bought set A which is nasi lemak. there were pretty much only noodles and other fried food available since the eatery was already preparing to close for the day. 

then we walked around, to look for a sitting area at the void deck so he can sit down and eat. honestly, it would have been easier if we just go sit at his block’s void deck, but i was trying to avoid all chances of seeing his mom since i wasn’t properly dressed. the thing about me is that, i like wearing shorts or skirts more than jeans or pants or whatever long bottoms because i feel so restricted covering up all the skin on my legs (lol) but at the same time, i think it is rude for me to show up with a “naked” bottom, especially in front of the older generations. i think most malays (muslims) can relate to this. like tbh, my parents are super okay with me wearing shorts or skirts out but i don’t want to give a bad impression to others you know. and like, i know i should be myself and all but i don’t want to put whatever good (i hope) impression his mom have of me in jeopardy (even tho she already saw me wearing a skort ONCE). and tbh it is hard for me to be super comfortable around his mom cus she seems so traditional. like you cannot have any skinship because it’s haram and all lol whereas for my mom, she’s like super duper ok with skinship (she kept teasing me by saying things like “ooooh later far touch touch here (my thighs)” whenever i wear shorts/skirts out to meet han) but ya like apparently she’s totally fine with skinship. like even when han went over to my aunt’s and then sat beside me, being all chummy and touchy by laying on my thighs, or my shoulders, holding my hand etc, she didn’t even say anything when she saw it. it’s like she’s totally ok and sometimes i feel like she’s even encouraging the skinship actually LOLLLLLLLL istg!!!!

ok ya then we walked around looking for seats, petted some cats (we saw 4 cats!!!) and then finally just decided to walk back towards another block near the mall and found an empty sitting area!!! han ate and then we talked about his work, and other stuff. today was also the day i realised that han doesn’t like jobs that are gaji buta HAHAHAH. he prefers to be doing something on the job rather than just idling away not doing anything. but he also told me that he might not be able to last long at his current workplace due to experience-wise as well as the people there who are not really willing to teach him hands-on. just passing him some paper/manual thingy and asked him to read it instead of using his phone. tbh i find that quite shitty???? it was pretty much mundane at the start of the day until he was given a task to cut boards thingy till the end of his shift.  by 1030pm he was already getting really sleepy and tired, i guess his body clock is rewiring itself since it was pretty much fucked during the weekends and then i suggested that i should go home then so he can have an early rest. our meetup was short but honestly it was worthwhile going back and forth just to see him even if there wasn’t any skinship involved. and i’m not sure if he feels the same way but to me, just being around him makes me happy tbvh. like we don’t even have to be looking at each other or whatever, but his presence makes me feel like i’m not alone. i’m not talking about companionship but like you know the feeling of being able to share someone’s joys and pains. ya it’s that kind of feeling. i don’t think i explained it very well but i think you somewhat get the gist of it. then he wanted to book a grab home for me even though i said it was ok and i can just take the train cus it was only about 1030pm anyway and there’s still trains available probably up to 11+ even!! i told him to save his money (cus he got his pay of 3 days! the company damn good sia i thought usually most companies will bring forward the extras to the next month) but he stubbornly refused and still wanted to book a grab home for me so i gave in and since i haven’t had dinner, i told him that i wanna singgah 7-11 for awhile to get something to eat.

initially i was looking at getting a tuna onigiri (number 1 fav onigiri filling!!) and then i saw garlic + cheese bread and i really like garlic bread as well even though your breath will stink for abit due to the garlicky flavor but lmao idc and thought of getting both the garlic bread and the onigiri. but then i walked around and saw nissin’s cup noodle which is my second fav brand of cup noodles for tom yum flavor!!!! super love because the soup base is spicy and sour and salty wah damn shiok la but i don’t think it can beat this other brand that i super love but idk the name of the brand cus its in another language lol i think chinese???? but it’s only sold at sheng siong outlets and it costs about 90cents per cup. fucking nice istg it’s the most spiciest tom yum/shrimp flavored cup noodles i have ever tried. if i can find it one day, i’ll remember to snap a photo of it! ok but ya so i ended up getting one cup noodle, the garlic bread and instant tteokbokki. tbh i want to spend all my money on 7-11 HAHAHAHHA i love instant fooooood so unhealthy but so good wth!!!! why do unhealthy food taste so good omg 

and then han grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the store cus he knows if we stay there any longer i might make impulse purchases on food haahahahahah

after that he booked a grab for me which i had to share with someone else apparently cus the person was already on the ride. tbh i don’t mind sharing but i don’t really like sitting in the front cus super leceh esp with my bulky bag all then still must put on seatbelt (ya ok i know actually should put on seatbelt at the back also just in case anything happens) but ya then i told han that if there’s only one rider i’m gonna sit at the back je. the grab came and then we quickly kissed and hugged each other goodbyes and yesss lol i sat at the back cus there was only one rider sitting on the left so i decided to just sit on the right instead of the front hahahahahhaha the guy inside was kinda shock that i chose to sit behind i think cus usually second riders would rather sit in the front than with another random passenger at the back but lol idrc. then the driver dropped me off first. i got home around 1130pm, the journey felt so long but yet so fast lololol but by the time i’m home, han already ko HAAHAHAHHA

it’s gonna be another working day for him tomorrow!! second day of the week, 3 more days to go :>

jiayou my sayang hehe i love you!!! <3

[savagethe2nd]

This made me soooo hungryyy

I am once again banging on the doors to Lego Inc.

[angstandhappiness]

LOOKS DELICIOUS 😋

I am once again banging on the doors to Lego Inc.