#i might make another post getting together all my proof cause I'm very passionate about this

[ch4rliew0rk]

I don't know if this is a stretch, but I've always thought that one of Charlie's special interests is stalking the waitress. not in a "awe you can't blame my little autistic guy" way, but I genuinely think it explains his fixation on her and serves as good proof for him being on the spectrum. he keeps notes about it and seems to mentally connect every experience to the waitress, like how he doesn't see Ruby as a separate opportunity for a relationship but his head instead jumps to the waitress, he incorporates her into his art, and these are all things that I experience with my special interests. I also tend to view unrelated situations through their lense, either subconsciously or to get me invested, like how he uses the waitress as a way to stop drinking (which is a double edged sword since it was always about her so he stops caring once she's removed, something that I struggle with). it also just works so perfectly with the theme of disordered symptoms that are not inherently evil, but the character chooses not to control themself instead of finding healthy ways to manage it, just like how they obviously aren't saying that people with BPD are evil when they suggest that Dennis has it, they're just proving that he really is a troubled but Bad person.

this is how I've explained it since I started watching the show and I just realized that I've never seen anyone else mention it 🤷‍♂️

[imnoexpertblog]

I'M BACK, (maybe insert something here a little less aggressive than BITCHES) ... Nah

8/13/18

Ahhhh... It’s been a while, huh?

I had an Engagement/Housewarming party to prep for and host a couple weekends ago AND my best friend ever (ABBIE) visited from (the middle of no where) North Carolina! She was only here for a week so I took off a couple days of work to see her as much as possible. I figured it was the least I could do because she flew here just for my party. That sweet thing. (Honestly she’s kind of harsh and not sweet at all but she is sweet to me LOL).

You know what I love about my blog? I write it because I like it. I write it when I want to. It’s not something I have to get done, that I have a deadline for, etc. Dishes? Need to be done at some point every single day in my house. Laundry? Weekly chore that NEEDS to be done. My blog? Definitely something I do to relax and soothe me. Something that makes me feel good. Its not something I am obligated to do. Much like my modeling! But when I need a break, I need a break.

I took a little break because I was wearing myself thin a little bit. Not with writing, but with everything. I took a break from modeling when we bought our house because, well, I had to. I wasn’t getting enough sleep during the day because of the buying process; going to the bank when it was open, meeting with my lender when he was available, house hunting during the day, being awake for inspections, etc. Modeling was something that needed to be put on the back burner for about 5 or 6 weeks. Baby (my fiancé) is the one who pushed me to get back into it in July. Things started to slow down and I had time again! I have an issue though. I do this thing where I get very ambitious and excited to get back at something or start something new to the point that I overdo it. I booked about 8 shoots in the matter of 2 weeks and a lot of them were out of the area. I overdid it for sure and burnt myself out all over again. That wasn’t all that did it though; Abbie was about to visit, the house needed to be in order, having Nugget (my soon to be step-son) every other week, weddings and birthday parties to attend, we had our engagement photos done, etc. Honestly, adulthood was getting in the way. I am glad I booked so many shoots though because I am putting out my best content right now.

The engagement pictures are GORGEOUS. I am in LOVE. If you've read my two posts about how I began modeling, how I continue to do so now, and my advice for how to get into it, (A Model Was Discovered and Modeling a Year Later) you will recall my first real photoshoot. I posed as the bride in a wedding styled shoot for a photographer named Linsey Goodson here in Green Bay. She started it all for me and I've always been a huge fan of her work. It was such a treat for her to capture the love Baby and I have for one another in pictures. If you'd like to see more of her amazing work, go to https://linseygoodsonphoto.com/ to check it out! The wedding styled shoot we collaborated on is on her website, too. You can find her on social media platforms. I know I put a bunch in this post but if you want to see more, follow me on Instagram! @sabrinadwieland 

Any who, I have a lot of requested blog-topics to cover right now. I picked 3 just to start off with this week. I’m just gonna let you in on what they are, right up front: Religion in my personal life, my love for the show FRIENDS, and being friends with the opposite sex.

Starting off pretty heavy with the religion thing, aren’t we? A follower of mine on Instagram asked me to touch on this and I found it to be an interesting inquiry. I feel like the new age of religion is that there isn’t much of it. Or am I just not paying attention? Or are people just private about it? I’d be surprised if you told me people are just private about ANYthing in this day in age. I just had a different follower of mine tell me that she feels like she knows me just because of what I post and how often I post. I thought that was pretty cool to hear actually; that people pay attention and find my content enjoyable. Anyway, back to the topic at hand. I’m not religious at all. It’s most-likely from the fact that I wasn’t raised religiously. Now, some of my family members are genuinely bothered with me “not believing.” It’s irionic because these family member who are bothered are some of the ones who raised me on a daily basis. It’s as if they forgot they never took me to church or taught me anything about the Bible. My mother and I would recite the “I lay me down to sleep…” prayer before bed but that was about it. And that didn’t last very long anyway. I wouldn’t say it’s that I “don’t believe.” I just don’t see much proof of the actual … THING I am supposed to believe in. An all-powerful man somewhere in the sky that controls everything. It’s hard for me to grasp, but it’s not for me to say it doesn’t exist. I’ve always been a bit more scientific in my beliefs. I do, however, think that we all need something to believe for our own sanity. Whether that something is real or not. It’s nice to think that Baby, Nugget, and I can go to an afterlife of some sort and be together forever. It’s nice to think that everything happens for a reason and someone or something is taking care of us, and has plans for our souls. I wish I could know if this all was real. I just don’t know if it is and I can’t count on it. I can’t say I haven’t prayed to something in times of need or hoped that there was someone/something greater than all of us taking care of me. Like I said, I have a hard time believing that it’s a real thing. Crazy things have happened in my life, miracles have taken place; horrible things have also happened, too. I’m kind of stuck in the middle with religion. I don’t know what I believe, and I’m okay with that uncertainty. I live my life with reason and logic while also trying to hold faith in SOMEthing. Even if I don’t really know what that thing is.

FRIENDS. Holy cow if you even know what my name is, you also already know I’m the biggest FRIENDS fan in the universe. I know every word of the script, I swear. It’s almost sickening and I am super okay with it. LOL. People think it’s a little odd that someone as young as me (22) is so obsessed with a show that aired from 1994 to 2004. It’s actually been in my life since I was born because my mother watched it from the beginning. I obviously didn’t understand any of it until I was older, but I’ve been watching since as long as I can remember. My mother and I have had quite the history and we struggled with our relationship when I lived with her (and that is putting it mildly). But Friends was one thing that brought us together, rather than caused issues. I’ve noticed watching/listening to the show soothes me. This sounds really weird, but because of the positive connotation it has, it seriously de-stresses me and calms me down. I have this show playing on some electronic of mine at a point during almost every day of my life. It’s on when I’m cleaning, when I’m getting ready for the day or a photoshoot, when I used to do homework in college, when I cook, when I need something to fall asleep to, when I actually just want to watch it, etc. I know the show so well that I don’t even need to physically watch it, I just want to listen to it so I listen to it at work and even when I shower. I kick some serious ass at Friends trivia because I’ve watched the series (10 seasons. 236 episodes) over 50 times. I’ve done estimates and if I watch a certain amount of episodes every day on average (which I do), I have easily seen it all way more than that, even. I’ve owned season on VHS and DVD. I literally only have Netflix for the ease of FRIENDS watching. The day it leaves Netflix, I will be heartbroken and a huge mess. It’s like a security blanket for me. I laugh at it harder the more I watch it. I feel like I know the characters personally. I own a bunch of FRIENDS merchandise. I know an unhealthy amount about the show. I just have a really deep and strong connection to the show and it may be weird to some people but I love it.  I recommend the shit out of it. I’m not even sorry for swearing, that was just passion.

Being friends with the opposite sex. From my perspective. I just talked to Baby about this so it’s coinditental that I write about it today. The wedding he and I attended on Saturday was actually for a long-time female friend of his. He was talking about how he was thinking of all the times they had and memories they shared. I found myself feeling… I don’t know the word exactly… I couldn’t relate. I have had two very close male friends and it was a constant struggle because they both wanted to be more than that when I was friends with them. Other standard male friends of mine that I never got very close to always eventually hit on me, asked me out, or flirted with me in some way. That isn’t me being conceited or anything, it’s just how it always went. I have one male friend that has never tried anything with me and I’ve never even met him. We lives a little bit out of my area and we met through friends on Facebook. He’s a great guy and I trust him a lot. I still can’t relate to Baby with the friendship because I haven’t even met my closest guy-friend. We don’t talk much anymore, either unfortunately. My best friend from work is a man, but he is also gay. We tell each other everything and we have a lot of fun together. Obviously there is no room for any possibility of something happening. I know straight men and straight women can be just friends, I just have yet to experience it myself successfully. I have no problem with Baby having close female friends; I trust him completely. I think I might not be close to any straight men because of my previous experience with those relationships. I’ve only seen the dangerous side of being friends because of who my friends were, and not the innocent side. I do believe you can be just friends, but I know there is possibility for something more to occur and I just try to steer clear of that in my own life.

How was your weekend? I had s’mom things going on. Baby is 27 and has a 3 year old brother (yep, that’s right!) and Nugget (who is 4) looooves playing with him. They get along really well. He came over and I watched those two boys for a few hours on Friday. Baby made us all dinner and then retreated to our den to play his new Madden 19 I got for him as our one year anniversary present. He loves it and I’m glad he does. The little ones and I played outside for the evening. Saturday was booked tight, as well. Baby helped his parents demo their new home while Nugget and I went to my sister’s 6th birthday party. Yep, I have a really young sibling, too. She and Nugget also are very close so they had a blast bowling. The future husband and I had a wedding to attend Saturday evening so Nugget spent the night at his soon-to-be grandparents’ house! He and my sister (we’ll call her Kin) had a blast. Then, the dreaded Sunday hit. Pick-ups and drop-offs with Nugget are not consistent each week (which I struggle with because I’m very much a fan of schedules and planning far ahead of time), getting back into the third shift groove isn’t easy, and it’s usually the day that Baby and I need to do our weekly grocery shopping. It’s my toughest day because I need to find a 4-hour block that I can sleep during to prep for my first third-shift of the week. That means that it needs to be later in the day, but not directly before I go to work (because I also need to sleep as soon as I get home Monday morning). It also needs to be quiet in the house, of course. I think my body knows it’s Sunday when it rolls around because Sundays are also the days I get migraines the most. I was having a pretty hard time today, but Baby is very attentive and spoils the heck out of me in the ways I need on Sundays. He often times makes me breakfast when we get up, does the dishes, makes sure I get that long nap in, he tucks me in beforehand, makes sure it’s quiet the whole time I am sleeping, gets me up on time, has dinner ready for when I wake up, gets me meds when I need them for my head, gets me water, etc. Sundays are my least favorite but he really makes them entirely tolerable for me. I can’t thank him enough. He pays such close attention to me and I am incredibly grateful.

That felt GREAT to write. Wow. I missed this. I don’t know what I’m writing next, but stay tuned for more posts SOON! (P.S. I would super appreciate if you shared this to your Facebook page and on Tumblr or both!)