#i might have to redo that chart though bc the last time i did it i was IDing as nonbinary

[snobgoblin]

what's your sign? you give fire sign to me. just curious

YOU WOULD BE RIGHT howd you know that 👀 I'm a Sagittarius!

[jennawynn]

4,18,40

4. talk about the thing you regret most so far. 

hooo… it would be either joining the navy, joining the navy as a nuke, or marrying my ex. they’re all very closely related though…. if i had joined as a journalist like i wanted to, i might have enjoyed my job more. i might have cared a little more. i might have been in a field that i’d still be in after i got out. and if not… i probably would have been allowed to get out after four years instead of being forced to stay in for six/eight. if i hadn’t joined the navy, none of the bullshit that happened would have. i could’ve let my parents send me to college in state with the state scholarship. i could’ve learned more about myself instead of tamping down the gay cause i had no time or desire to explore it bc i wouldn’t be allowed to in the navy anyway. the only good thing that came out of the navy is that i got my bachelor’s degree for “free”. if i didn’t marry my ex, i hope i would’ve chosen to spend time on me instead of jumping into yet another unfulfilling relationship. i might not have my daughter, but i’m not entirely convinced that would be a wholly bad thing. (gasp blasphemy moms shouldn’t talk like that!) the job i held in the navy drove me deeper into my unhealthy relationship with my ex as he became a buoy keeping me afloat in a sea of shit, but i was too busy clinging for dear life to realize that he was keeping me at sea instead of letting me come to the shore. the two combined sent me into depression and anxiety and a huge loss of self-confidence and a whole mess of issues i still struggle with today. i don’t know who i’d be today without the struggles i faced, but i’m not entirely certain that would be a wholly bad thing either. 

18. talk about something that happened in elementary school.

hmmmm what kind of storytimes have i not told yet? did i tell the one about the time i got my ass kicked? well… one of the times (i remember 3 pretty well). when i was little, i was little. i was often confused for a kid two grades younger than what i was. that was part of why when i skipped kindergarten, they had me redo 1st grade when i moved. they weren’t sure i’d fit in socially (didn’t anyway) and i was tiny so they didn’t want me to be left out of things for my size and my age. anyway, i was walking home from school when i noticed the girl who lived a couple houses down was picking on this girl from my girl scout troop. where i was short, she was tall, but the other girl, Desiree, was picking on her. i almost walked by, but then i was like ‘no… be a sister to every girl scout. if she was really my sister, i would stop and stand up for her.’ so i went over there and told Desiree to stop picking on her. so Desiree beat me up instead. a few months later, Desiree asked to join our girl scout troop and when i told my mom (the troop leader), she was very hesitant because ‘didn’t she beat you up?’ but i was… probably inordinately proud of her turn-around. lol

40. talk about the end of something in your life.

hmmmm the end of what…. my pokefriends say the end of the military. ok. there’s a big long story about the stuff that was happening with me supposedly getting kicked out and not actually getting kicked out for the last 3 years of my service, but that’s not really important to this story, so… in 2007 i got married, but my husband was stationed in Hawaii (expecting me to get out soon and join him) and I was stationed in Virginia. we saw each other for 45 days the first year we were married. the second year wasn’t much better. by that time i was already 24 and when the navy made it clear that it wasn’t going to kick me out despite their promises, i was in a really bad place emotionally. i was being treated like shit and basically my life was on pause bc i was too important to kick out but not important enough to let me do anything. they just held me in virginia, unable to get promoted or transfer to be closer to my husband, but also unable to quit. i was worried, with my family’s history of health, that i was waiting too long to get started on the three kids i wanted at the time… that by waiting, i was tempting fate and something would go wrong and i wouldn’t have the life i wanted, so my husband and i started trying to conceive. after almost a year of arranging our leave periods to coincide with ovulation charts and being stressed out about everything (and one chemical pregnancy/false positive/bad day), we thought we’d just let everything happen as it happened. we conceived over new years. it just happened to also be the last leave period before my ship was scheduled to go on what would’ve been my second deployment (guys thought i was getting pregnant *just to get out of it*), so i was transferred to shore duty for a few months. i got to work at a naval museum for a little bit, and then my early discharge paperwork came through. if i had stayed in, my last day would’ve been two weeks after my daughter was born… but i would’ve still been in virginia with no family and my husband literally as far away as he could be… so i filed for a hardship/pregnancy discharge to get out in time to fly to hawaii to have my daughter there. the end of the military came four months before my daughter was born.