#i might have a mixture of ocd and adhd

[ms-a-l]

Pick a ship Sherlock edtion

Tagged: @artofdeductionbysholmes, @consultjohnwatson, @atamh , @irene-adler-here , @ccjimmoriarty , @mollyatthemorgue

[livsspecialinterests]

hi lads quick question are there any coping strategies for when it's too warm at night and the sound of the fan you use sometimes dowsnt bother you but sometimes cant be drowned out, and your partner snores (sometimes right fucking next to your head!!) and every single strategy people try to suggest is already something you do?? if one more person tries to "just use earplugs, they really work!" me I'm going to lose it.

basically it's 4:50 AM I've been awake since 3 and have to be up anyway in less than an hour so I've just got up to do my skincare stuff and might try to write for half an hour.

I've been on the whole sleeping better since starting ADHD meds, maybe that's why I react so strongly to having a shit nights sleep now. Like I work weird hours and have a decent number of days off between shifts for the next few weeks but just because I can sleep in some days doesn't mean its okay that I spend half of the night awake??

and my husband doesn't mean to snore, obviously, and he sleeps downstairs on the sofa if it's been a few nights where he's been snoring badly so I'm not even directly complaining about him but I know the shit effect that long term sleep deprivation has on people's health, let alone how fucking annoying it is in general to lie there listening to someone REALLY LOUDLY sleeping for hours on end and then needing to get up at 5:45 AM for work

I know it's partially an issue of my mood regulation but jesus fucking christ if lying awake for hours/drifting in and out of sleep/dragging myself downstairs to sleep on the sofa doesnt make me want to kill myself literally nothing does (and don't get me fucking STARTED on the process I have to follow in getting changed, moving my pillows downstairs etc because the sofa is "dirty" and my pillows are supposed to be "clean", yes I probably have OCD but I've never managed to get anyone to take it seriously so I just deal with it)

like my poor husband if he wakes up while I'm on my way downstairs says I'm really mean and like... yeah? my tone is a mixture of being pissed off that I've not slept AGAIN, trying to not cry because insomnia is something I've been dealing with since I've been a literal child, and also trying to not just flat out tell him that I want to die because I know he knows its hyperbole/something that I say in the moment to try to express my distress but I know it worries him when I talk like that so I don't want to do that

(though he will now check with me before saying he's had a bad night's sleep, since for him a bad night means he maybe woke up a few times before going right back to sleep ie he slept for like 7 hours but it wasn't great quality sleep, whereas for me a bad night is getting maybe an hour or two, interspersed with rage/sadness/loneliness/anxiety)

[shrimpmandan]

do you mean you feel alienated around self diagnosed autistic people? (aka 99% of the online autistic community) because if so I completely agree. I'm not sure if you have access to it but I go to public therapy for disabled adulta (if you're over 18) and in my group there is a bunch of autistic/adhd people. we usually talk about medication, funny stories about therapy and experiences with growing up autistic and such. it's pretty relieving, and completely different from speaking to autistic people online, which just feels like talking to neurotypicals

No I feel alienated around autistic people. And people in general. It's for a lot of reasons tbh, not JUST being autistic, but I've definitely have had grievances with the autistic community online for some time now. This is because there's this prevalent idea that what does or doesn't work for one autistic person must be true for every autistic person, which inevitably leads to alienation. I'm considered weird and offputting even by the standards of other autistic people. This isn't an uncommon experience for me.

Also, part of my alienation comes from the general politics of the online autistic community. I call myself Asperger's and high-functioning, which while I totally get why other people don't call themselves that, it's just kinda what I grew up with and what works for me. Also being trans on top of that, and hearing so many autistic people talk about how they personally don't understand gender, whereas I didn't have much of an issue with it (I view it through a strictly neuroscientific lens; I don't do well with metaphors and vague feelings). Being told I can't say "retarded" even though I've been CALLED retarded, not to mention directly threatened (I was nearly shot lmao) over being autistic. A mixture of oppression olympics among autists, and also 'higher-functioning' autistic people speaking over 'lower-functioning' autistic people. My stims also don't get represented much (I don't really flap, I've always been more of a rocker/bouncer/vocal stimmer) and I don't fit into the "good autist" role that a lot of people-- both neurodivergent and neurotypical-- want out of me. All this to not even mention how I get alienated for my other forms of neurodivergence, with people in general being extremely ableist towards those with OCD and dissociative disorders.

All I'm saying is it's not self-diagnosed autists who make my life harder. Not when me and most of my family has had to resort to self-diagnosis due to doctors not listening to us or just a simple inability to even see a doctor due to a lack of money and time. Actually, most of the people I click with are the self-diagnosed "I think I might be neurodivergent" people-- whether that's autism, ADHD, or some other various neurodivergence. The self-diagnosed people are my immediate family, as well as my friends who had to figure out they're neurodivergent because nobody else told them, or gaslit them over it. We're pro-selfdx here, and honestly therapy is the least of my concerns right now, at least when it comes to autism. I don't need therapy for being autistic. I don't need therapy to teach me how to be normal. I need therapy to teach me how to live. Y'know, tackling my ACTUALLY problematic disorders, like my severe OCD and CPTSD and what I believe to be some form of OSDD. ADHD... yeah I just need meds for that, it is what it is. But I've been in therapy SEVERAL times for my autism, with people who were supposedly specialized in it, and even they didn't really know what to do with me. So shrug lmao.

For the record I am professionally diagnosed with autism. I'm actually self-diagnosed with most of the other mental health issues I occasionally talk about here (ADHD, OCD, OSDD, et cetera). I'd LOVE to get diagnosed but we're just not in a financial situation where we can rn. I don't like throwing self-diagnosed people under the bus-- more often than not they're just trying to understand themselves and genuinely don't have the ability to access proper resources. I don't really think of the cringe "faking disorders for attention and spreading misinformation" people when I hear about self-diagnosis, personally. I think about people who have been gaslit and told either that they're weird/bad children their whole lives, or even the reverse where they're told they're gifted, before they begin to struggle and then are promptly abandoned. I went through the latter more than the former.

[nuclearnerves]

:o Do you have psychosis? Bc if so, me too!!

Im just asking bc like, I've never really seen non-psychotics have psychosis headcanons? So I am just curious! :3

I do not have psychosis! I think I just have ADHD. But I have a lot of friends and family members who do and I think that people with psychosis are treated HORRIBLY in this world. It’s just not right.

I was talking to my buddy the other day about how people would give Freemind more “palatable” mental illnesses that they can understand better like ADHD or Autism (not a bad thing!) But when mentioned that he has really intense paranoid delusions that might be more akin to schizophrenia or the like, they got real silent.

Now this isn’t to say that they don’t like people with psychosis!! But usually when the subject is brought up, Schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder, OCD, etc, are all the “Scary” mental illnesses that no one wants to touch. It’s a mixture of a lack of studies on the subject, a lack of reliable treatments, the fucking horror movie industry that associated these things with murder and evil (FOR MONEY!! THEY THREW AN ENTIRE GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO NEED HELP UNDER THE BUS FOR MONEY), and of course, the silencing of people with psychosis as a result who are now too scared to speak up about having it and could possibly share coping mechanisms with folk who might need it.

It’s because of this mixture of things that people are either too scared to touch the subject because they associate schizophrenia and the like with “bad person”, OR, and this one is important, they simply don’t know enough about psychosis and don’t want to insult people with it by associating it with piece-of-shit characters like freemind who are kind of assholes. (Thing is tho, he’s a beloved asshole, and folk are giving him redemption arcs anyway) Most of the time people are trying to be polite when they avoid things because they don’t want to hurt anyone! However, remaining silent about these things is doing nothing but furthering the stigma against people with psychosis. Even Gordon in the hlvrai series had a canon line of “I don’t think that's the schizophrenia, I think I’m seeing real things” but you never hear anyone talk about it.

If you ever have anyone who is curious about psychosis but is too scared to speak up about the subject, try to educate them! I think that having psychosis headcanons for characters is an AWESOME way to get the word out! Project on them and share your experiences through them, as a way to get other people to understand, because suddenly it’s happening to a character they care about.

Remember that we’re all here to love and help each other. All of us!

[itsalljustangst]

Mental Health, it's Important. Period.

Hello. How have you been? Like really, how have you been? Some of you must think that "I haven't have had a fever in a while so must be okay" or maybe "I have a little cough so I might not be okay" but that not what I meant when I asked How have you been. Today let's talk about mental health. Exactly, mental health because it is as important as your physical health if not more. So it important to talk about your mental well being.

When you have a little fever you do go to doctor, don't you? A little fever might be just a symptom of something really big! Exactly same way loosing sleep or always feeling sad all the time might just be a symptom of a serious health disorder. But the difference is no one would call you crazy for going to the doctor when you have fever. Despite the popular believe, trust me when I tell you that you are not going crazy if you see a psychiatrist or seek professional help for your mental illness. Psychiatrist exists to help you stop before going crazy you see, it's a step before it. There is nothing to be ashamed of about your mental illness. It is as if someone claims that they are shamed that they have diabeties. Doesn't make sense right?

I am here telling you that if you are loosing sleep, or have negative thoughts all the time, or have trouble concentrating, or are sensitive, or have mood swings, or basically are not okay, then it's okay. You are not alone. There is nothing abnormal about it. Sometimes its okay to not be okay and admit it. Accept that there is something wrong with you and seek help, reach out to others who are willing to help, your friends, your parents, make them understand, talk to them or get professional help. You matter, your health matters.

So now that we have covered grounds such as what I mean by being okay or if it's okay not to be okay, we come to a more important aspect of this thing that is what exactly is mental health. Every sane person including me (who admittingly is not very sane but) would first Google it. According to Wikipedia "Mental health is a level of psychological well-being or an absence of mental illness - the state of someone who is functioning at a satisfactory level of emotional and behavioural adjustment". From the perspectives of positive psychology or of holism, mental health may include an individual's ability to enjoy life, and to create a balance between life activities and efforts to achieve psychological resilience" .

Waow seems like I vomitted a verbal mixture of gibberish but thats all we have. There are a few common mental illnesses we have heard about but don't know it's dynamism or only know the way it's portrayed in Hindi movies and TV shows like Clinical Depression (Nicely shown in movie Dear Zindagi), Suicidal Drepression (shown in movie Anjana Anjani by Priyanka and Ranbir) Anxiety Disorder, OCD (Obssesive Compulsive Disorder), ADHD(Attention deficit, Hyperactivity Disorder), DID (dissociative identity disorder, not is shown by Vidya Balan as Munjulika in Bhul bhulaiyan), Schizophrenia, Autism (The disease Priyanka Chopra/Jhilmil suffers from in Barfi), PTSD ( post traumatic stress disorder), Dyslexia ( Ishaan/Darsheel suffers from in Taare zameen par), Behaviorial Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Insomenia (Shown in movie Shandar by Alia Bhatt) and oh so much more that we haven't heard of. Tv serials and movies also fail to show the true dynamism of such illnesses and person suffering from those or only portrayed it on a very serious level.

These illnesses are as complex to understand as it is easy to explain. And I know sometimes you won't get it, won't understand,but doesn't mean you could discard it like it is a myth and not real. People sometimes might behave a certain way because of a certain issue might be that they over react or get irritated easily it ar distant or sometimes even rude. And sometimepeople behave in a Racist, Sexiest or Homophobic way but then they are just jerks and nothing can excuse it really. Sometimes issues such as stress, loneliness, depression, anxiety, relationship problems, death of a loved one, suicidal thoughts, grief, addiction, cutting, self-harm, self-Injury, burning, various mood disorders, negativity can lead to gates of hell or more common name mental issues.

Now that that's done. Let's talk about you healthy people around some unhealthy people, how you could help your friends with their mental issues. Obviously trying to play the professional is a big no because you don't know what you are talking about and might trigger their illness than helping them. You can let them know that you are there with them when they need to and tell them that it's okay, it will pass and they will be Okay. Be a good positive friend. The environment around them, keep it positive and heathy. Donot encourage unhealthy and toxic relationships, jealousy and Possessiveness and negative things. Stay positive and healty not only for others but also for yourself and your mental health.

[alexsfictionaddiction]

Alex Recommends: April Books

I must apologise once again for allowing this many days to go by since the end of the month. I really need to get better at getting these monthly recommendations up in a timely fashion. However, I have been busy with work assignments and trying to map out my near future, so you’ll have to be patient!

April was a month for family time. I spent over half the month at home with my parents and family. Mark was with me for some of it, which was lovely. I’ve realised that I love spending time with him in different settings and around different groups of people. Two and a half years after our first date and despite having spent most of that time living together, I’m still learning new things about him and it’s so exciting. He got accepted on to a teacher training course this month and I’m unbelievably proud of him for doing that. He’ll start this September and be a qualified teacher by September 2023, which is amazing because I know he’ll be great at it!

I’ve also loved catching up with my friends this month. We had a birthday in the group and it was so nice to hang out at a nerdy bar, eat loaded fries and drink cocktails while watching other people play Mario Kart. I miss them so much but I’m lucky that everytime we get together, it’s like no time has passed at all. Cherish the friendships you have like this because I think they’re actually quite rare.

I’ve read a lot of fantastic books this month too. My focus was largely on the Women’s Prize longlist, which I thoroughly enjoyed reading. I haven’t read all of them yet but I am certainly planning to at some point. However, here are five books which aren’t from that list that should definitely be on your TBR. Enjoy!

-Love, Alex x

FICTION: Yinka, Where Is Your Huzband? by Lizzie Damilola Blackburn.

At 31, Yinka is single with an Oxford degree and a well-paid job at an investment bank. Her friends think she needs to get over her ex and her Nigerian mother and aunties are concerned because Yinka is yet to get herself a huzband. As her younger sister announces her pregnancy and her cousin announces her engagement, Yinka begins Operation Find A Date for the wedding. But Yinka is about to realise that she really needs to find herself before a huzband. This uplifting rom-com has a very loveable heroine in Yinka. I was willing her to find her right path to happiness. I learned a lot about Nigerian family culture and I enjoyed navigating the slang. It added a rich authenticity to the characters, which was lovely. Ultimately, it’s about the pressures on women to get married and raise a family but with a focus on being mentally prepared for that before diving into it.

NON-FICTION: Obsessive Intrusive Magical Thinking by Marianne Eloise.

Marianne Eloise was born neurodivergent and obsessive. Her obsessions change regularly and last varying lengths of time while her thoughts are often a mixture of intense fears and certain words or ideas that won’t go away. Bringing together the struggles of OCD, ADHD and hypersensitivity, this book explores the intersection of these things and what that might mean for the individual. It’s a highly insightful look into a neurodivergent, sensitive mind. It looks at the triggers and comforts for overstimulation and how relationships are navigated with a mind like this. I found it very thought-provoking and relatable, so it will definitely be a book that I recommend to anyone on the autism spectrum and/or OCD warriors.

MIDDLE-GRADE: The Great Fox Illusion by Justyn Edwards.

Flick is about to star on a new TV show, where chilldren compete to win the legacy and secrets of The Great Fox, a legendary magician. But Flick isn’t interested in The Great Fox’s magic -she wants to avenge her family who were destroyed by the magician years ago and she knows the answer lies somewhere in his house. This whimsical magic story is action-packed and so intriguing with lots of real life illusions mentioned. I had so much fun trying to figure out they were pulled off. Flick is disabled and I love seeing this kind of refreshing representation in children’s books. With a slight Willy Wonka vibe to it, The Great Fox Illusion is an exciting, clever adventure that young (and not so young) readers will love!

YA: Idol Gossip by Alexandra Leigh Young.

Since moving to Seoul from San Francisco, Alice hasn’t sung much unless you count the karaoke sessions, where she is cheered on by K-Pop fangirl and little sister Olivia. But when Alice is invited to Star Academy, where K-Pop idols are made, she is suddenly a member of an upcoming girlband and her life is now all about making it. Can she pull it off? And who is the mysterious gossip blogger who seems to know about everything that goes on within Star Academy? Idol Gossip is a gripping story of friendship, sisterhood and working hard for your dreams. I learned so much about Korean culture but also the universe of K-Pop. Of course, I knew what K-Pop was but I didn’t really know much about at all and now I get how much of a big deal it really is to a rapidly-growing fandom. The uplifting ending proves that love and kindness conquers all and I finished it with a huge smile on my face and warmth in my heart. 

THRILLER: Insomnia by Sarah Pinborough.

Emma Averell enjoys a wonderful life as a high-powered lawyer with a loyal doting husband and two lovely children. But as she approaches her 40th birthday, insomnia sets in and she has blocks in her memory. She would put it down to aging but this all seems scarily familiar. Emma and her sister Phoebe grew up in foster care due to their mother’s madness setting in just before her own 40th. Could history be repeating itself? This twisty, clever thriller is full of high drama and high emotion. I didn’t know what was real and what was all dark imagination and madness. I couldn’t stop reading it and my mind was thoroughly blown by the end. A pulse-racing, frightening read that is perfect for fans of dark fiction.

[ocdthemusical]

Basic outline for the musical

Character List

Main characters

Protagonist

18 year old college freshman

Has struggled with anxiety and depression since middle school

Diagnosed with OCD towards the end of Act One

Wants to be independent but quickly realizes how dependent she is on her family (especially her mom)

Computer science major

Loves music and acting

Mom

Mother of Catherine

Supports Catherine but sometimes can be a bit overinvolved

Dad

Father of Catherine

Supports Catherine but focuses more on his ideas of what she should be like and what’s best for her rather than actually considering her opinions and emotions

Can get angry and be passive agressive (or just flat out aggressive)

School psychologist

A psychologist at the college

Provides well-meaning but ultimately shallow advice (eat healthy, exercise, don’t obsess over researching your condition, etc.)

Nurse practitioner

A nurse practitioner at the college who works mostly with depressed patients

Meets Catherine when things are going really bad

Full of empathy and tries to just listen without jumping in and interfering to provide her own solutions

Supporting characters (characters in brackets may or may not be included)

Students

Catherine’s classmates at college

Share in her frustration about stressful classes

Professors

Some are strict and sources of stress and/or confusion, some are positive presences

Older sister

College sophomore

Understands the struggles of college but underestimates the struggles of mental illness

Comforting presence and source of advice, even if she can’t always understand what it feels like

Psychologist at home

Psychologist who specializes in OCD

Patronizing, too focused on establishing a social relationship (in Catherine’s opinion anyway)

Often goes on tangents that seem irrelevant and a waste of time

Tries to help but ultimately his style doesn’t click with Catherine

Psychiatrist

Psychiatrist who prescribes medicine for Catherine

Overly concerned about her scab-picking, seeing it as a sign of a serious problem

Switches her medication because he thinks the old medication wasn’t working well enough

Respectful, formal attitude (more like a professional consultation or business transaction than a social meeting)

Asks her at literally every visit if she’s been having thoughts of death

[Younger sister]

High school sophomore

Has some executive functioning issues, more so than Catherine

Transgender, comes out and transitions around the same time Catherine is diagnosed

[Roommate]

Calm, comforting, supportive presence

[Friend at college]

Has ADHD and generalized anxiety

Understands the struggles of mental illness

Provides empathy and advice based on her own experiences

[Friend from high school]

Has OCD [and some other disorders I think but I don’t remember what I’d have to ask him]

Understanding and empathetic

Weird, sometimes morbid sense of humor

Gets along very well with Catherine

Has had bad experiences with school psychologists and IEP coordinators and as such is skeptical of them

[OCD personified]

A mixture of OCD, anxiety and depression (because it would probably be too difficult to separate them into 3 different people)

Shows the thoughts and emotions tied to OCD

*Note: Catherine will probably stick with that name, but idk about the other characters; I might change their name so as not to make it so obvious how they are related to actual people I know.

Song List

Act One

1. “I’m Fine” (Catherine, mom, dad) - song about leaving for college

Can’t wait to leave home and parents

Parents worried about anxiety and independence

Style:

Mix between upbeat and heartfelt

2. “Welcome to College” (Catherine, students) - introduction to college life

Introduction to college life

Style:

Upbeat, full of possibility

Similar to “One Short Day” from Wicked

3. “Class Begins” (Catherine, professors, students) - introduction to classes

Meet various professors (most importantly polisci/history class)

Introduction to stress and confusion

Style:

Fast-talking, challenging

Similar to “Blood in the Water” from Legally Blonde

4. “You’re an Interesting Case” (Catherine, psychologist) - visit to psychologist

Psychologist not sure what’s up

Interlude - participation grade meltdown (basically what happens here is the professor for the polisci class sends out this super passive aggressive reminding everyone how important the participation grade is, and the whole class (especially Catherine) freaks out, so bad that Catherine has a panic attack in class)

‘Oh by the way I can’t eat’ - Catherine remembers she forgot to mention how hard it is for her to eat (stressing about what to eat and how much, difficulty swallowing)

Basic advice “eat, sleep, exercise, relax” - becomes mantra

Style:

Medium tempo, switch between unnervingly pleasant (and overly simplistic) tone and frantically frustrated tone

Switch between simplistic harmony and complicated dissonance

Similar to “My Psychopharmacologist and I” from Next to Normal

5. “I’m Trying!” (Catherine, psychologist, mom, older sister) - trying to follow basic advice

Trying to follow basic advice

Drop out of some activities

Stressing about relaxing

Contrast with people who seem to know what they’re doing

Style:

Rapid, frustrating, almost manic

Mantra repeated with increasing frustration and mocking tone

More and more musical elements added, representing the increasing chaos and frustration

6. “Hey, Mom” (Catherine, mom) - spiral of despair

Series of complaints/rants to mom

Chooses self care over schoolwork

Then gets behind and switches into workaholic phase

Few breaks

End with cracked hands and thoughts of death

Style:

Messages/calls back and forth

Rapid, confusing

Lots of dissonance

Tempo and dissonance increase over time

Similar to “Sincerely, Me” from Dear Evan Hansen but more depressing and anxious

7. “Guess I’m Not Fine After All” (Catherine, mom, psychologist, nurse) - sent home

Talk with professionals, told to go home

Rapidly oscillate between panic “what if I die” and depression “this is the end”

Frustration

Style:

Rapid angst and dissonance vs slow depressing chords

8. “It’s a Treatment Not a Cure” (Catherine, mom, psychologist, nurse) - interim

Come back for interim

Spiral again

Uncomfortably close to suicide

Sent home for semester

Style:

Fast and frustrating, but also anxious and depressing

Beginning references “I’m Trying”

Similar format and music to “Hey, Mom”

References to “You’re an Interesting Case” scattered throughout

Ends with reprise of “Guess I’m Not Fine After All” [reprise may be separate or part of this song; I haven’t decided yet]

Act Two

1. “Stuck” (Catherine, mom, dad, older sister, younger sister) - beginning of time at home

Frustration at being home

Arguments with family

Having to deal with OCD

Possibly include OCD personified?

Style:

Obnoxiously repetitive

Theme and variations

Melody doesn’t match accompaniment, symbolizing desire to be independent

2. It’s Your OCD” (Catherine, mom, dad, home psychologist, psychiatrist) - arguments, stigma

Parents policing behavior in name of “I know what’s best for you”

Psychiatrist overly concerned

Psychologist unhelpful

Style:

Simple and repetitive

Accompaniment matches itself but not the melody (advice doesn’t match problem)

Tagging the people who said they were interested in helping: @appolloed @calebwmmicheals @gumisangeo @urrsari @burningroses95 @sandygraves

[atamh]

Mythea…. Nah.

Anthea

Pick a ship Sherlock edtion

Tagged: @artofdeductionbysholmes, @consultjohnwatson, @atamh , @irene-adler-here , @ccjimmoriarty , @mollyatthemorgue