#i might end up doing the leftovers later. but rn is.. not a great time.

[dyke-stuck]

despite still having a decent chunk of requests in my inbox, ive decided that im going to stop doing them come the end of october! very sorry to everyone whos getting skipped over but lifes a bit in the way.

[bqstqnbruin]

F is for Friends - part 3

Whoops I'm in class rn but I just finished part 3 so here it is! I think this is the longest part so far, but not much longer than the others, so have fun.

But yeah, ignore typos, I might fix them eventually, but knowing me, I'll miss them so call em out if you feel like it.

Read the other parts here: Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 4

________________________

“I don’t get why it has to be him, though,” Keelan whines on the other end of the phone. You did the stupid thing and reminded him that Nolan and some of his teammates were visiting your classroom to do a lab with your honors kids today, and he reacted exactly how you expected him to while you were driving in that morning.

“Because Anderson is an ass and Nolan volunteered.”

“Ok, but why Nolan?” he asks, saying his name like it was cursed

“Because when I called Tom Holland he said he was busy.”

“You know what I mean,” he mumbles.

“No, I don’t.” Yes, you did, but you weren’t about to tell him that.

“Why couldn’t you have invited Fran and Lindsey?”

You sigh, pulling into your parking space outside the school, Javier already waiting for you by the door. “Because they had to be prominent and I don’t think anyone needs the two of them trying to do an experiment. Now, I have to go, Nolan and the guys will be here after lunch, I’m already fucking nervous because of Anderson. I love you, goodbye,” you tell him, hanging up before he can get another word in.

“Are you ready?” Javier asks, handing you the cup of coffee he had picked up for you, waiting outside by his car like he did every morning.

“I almost threw up, like, five times getting ready this morning and Keelan is being an ass about this,” you huff, struggling to swipe your ID to get into the building. “Why isn’t this working?”

He takes the ID out of your hand, flipping it around in his fingers before swiping it himself. “Holding it the right way might help.”

You take it from him, clearly annoyed. “If this is any indication as to how the rest of the day is going to go I’m quitting and looking for another job at 3 pm.”

“So you’re not going to be dramatic today, I see,” Javier jokes, earning a glare from him as the two of you walk up to your classroom, greeting students as you passed by them in the halls. “Hey, listen. You’re a great teacher,” your friend assures you once you unlock your classroom door. “You’re going to be fine. If you need me, I have my free period during your first class they’re here, and I think Charlie has a free period during your second if you still need someone to run interference when Anderson is there.”

“Thanks,” you tell him, turning into your classroom to get ready for the day. Your phone was buzzing with texts, some angry from Keelan about what he was now referring to as ‘the neighbor situation,’ and one from Nolan asking you to confirm yet again where they were supposed to go.

“Are you buying lunch today?” Javier comes back into your room with his own to stash in the fridge that was in the back corner of your class. It wasn’t yours, nor was it for food technically, but that didn’t stop you and Javier from stashing your lunches in there instead of walking down to the teacher's lounge on the other side of the school.

You sit there for a minute, trying to remember if you even grabbed it when you were heading out the door that morning. Between Keelan busting your ass about Nolan, thinking of the lesson the lab that you were doing that afternoon, and just the general morning antics of getting out the door on time, you left your lunch bag on your kitchen counter. “Is there still a box of cereal in there?” you ask him when he opens the fridge.

“Yeah.”

“That’s my lunch then,” you say, keeping it in there so it wouldn’t be exposed to chemicals or attract any sort of rodent or vermin that you had no desire in dealing with. You knew today was going to be hell, and you weren’t even prepared for the college prep kids you were going to see during the second and third periods. You do your best to scramble and get everything you needed, thankful for the first time that you were giving them a test that you could grade during lunch and last period (and honestly, at home since that’s where most grading took place) instead of having to worry about teaching them when your mind was occupied by your honors lesson that day.

By the time your college prep kids were done with their tests, you were trying to mentally prepare for the lab, only to freak yourself out. Your computer dings, right before the bell rings, a message from Anderson saying that he would be stopping by during the second period to observe since ‘it was his job to make sure you were doing well as your superior.’ God, you hated him. The bell for lunch rings, your students filing out of your room as you grab the mug you kept on your desk and poured as much cereal into it as you could.

Javier comes back into your room, grabbing his lunch and plopping himself down at the table, eating his lunch as the two of you fell into conversation as you always did. Not even five minutes in, your classroom phone rings right as you hit print for the instructions you wrote up for the boys.

“Y/L/N’s room,” you answer, the school’s secretary telling you that the guys were in the office waiting for you. “Oh, wow, ok, I’ll be right down.” You hang up, throwing your hair into a bun, and grab your mug of cereal. “I’m getting the guys, do you want to come with me or wait here until we come back?”

Javier comes with you, both of you practically running through the halls out of panic that your students would bombard whoever Nolan brought with him. You were munching away at the cereal as you open the door to the main office, seeing Nolan and two of the other guys in their Flyers jerseys, all of them looking awkward with their hands in their pockets, unsure of what else to do. “Hey, guys!” you greet them, Nolan the first to turn around. Fuck him for looking good and making your heart skip a beat. It’s not fair, is it? “Uh, this is Javier, one of the other chem teachers,” you introduce him once you collect yourself, trying not to focus all your attention on Nolan.

This was at most a crush. Just a crush on the boy who lived next door to you. Who was also hot and sweet. Just a crush that you shouldn’t even be thinking about at school to begin with, so who cares? Having a crush on a boy does not mean that you loved him or that you loved Keelan any less. Oskar and Travis introduce themselves to you and Javier, the five of you walking back to your classroom while you continue to eat the cereal, suddenly very conscious of how weird it looked.

“No Kev?” you ask Nolan, the two of you lagging behind the other three guys while they talk.

Nolan shrugs, feeling nervous to even be with you in the school hallway. Every single thing he’s thought about you in the last how many days started flooding back to him, something was telling him that besides the fact that he shouldn’t be thinking them at all, he shouldn’t be thinking of them in your school. “He said he didn’t sleep well last night so he was going to stay at our place.”

“Hey, Y/N, what are we doing today?” Oskar asks, pulling your attention away from Nolan once you get back to your classroom.

“The kids are going to be designing a lab where they have to use the ideas of limiting and excess reactant to get the desired product.”

“What does that mean?” Travis asks, Javier sitting back and watching everything happen.

“So you’re not always going to have a perfect ratio of chemicals, nor are all reactions going to go to completion where everything reacts with everything,” you start to explain. “Think of it this way: you guys have your roster of however many players, yeah? You need three forwards, and two bluelines out on the ice in a normal five-on-five. Say every line is locked in; it can’t be changed, you can’t move people around, you can’t have people playing with different players outside of their line, it’s always the same five people. If you have nine forwards and 8 defensemen, how many line combinations can you have?”

“Three,” Nolan answers you.

“Why?”

“Because you have enough defense for four lines, but only three lines when you’re looking at forwards.”

“Right,” you say, not noticing the looks that Oskar and Travis were giving Nolan, “so your forwards in this case, are going to be like your limiting reactant, your blueliners are your excess because you would have two of them leftover.”

“And what are the kids going to do?” Oskar asks you.

“I’m going to give them a desired product, tell them how much of it they want to make, and they’re going to have to figure out how much of each reactant they’re going to need to make that.”

“And they can do that?” Travis asks.

“Knowing Y/N, they can,” Nolan mumbles, his cheeks turning red.

Before you can respond, the bell rings indicating the end of lunch. “Well, alright then.”

The boys and Javier lean against the back counter, your students coming into your classroom as you tried to down the rest of your cereal that you forgot about while you were talking to the boys. You knew that you wouldn’t be able to eat during the lab given the chemicals, but you definitely had to eat something.

“Ms. Y/L/N, who are they?” Spencer asks.

You hold up your finger for him to wait a minute, some of your students knowing who they are, one of your girls going absolutely feral in the corner opposite from where they were standing. The bell rings for you finally start class, getting your 24 students to quiet down as they wondered what the guys were doing. “We have guests today!” you tell them in your cheeriest teacher voice. You were genuinely excited for them to be there, but now that they actually were in the same room as your students, your nerves were threatening to take over. “From the Philadelphia Flyers, we have Oskar Lindblom, Travis Konecny, and Nolan Patrick to do our lab with us today! And for this period we also have Mr. Emillion, and later Mr. Fitzgerald later, so we’re going to have a lot of adults in our room.”

You start explaining your agenda for the day with your kids, knowing that some of them were focusing on the boys more than they were on you. You get into your lesson anyway, starting with your review questions. “If you have a reactant that remains after the reaction, is that the excess or the limiting reactant?”

“Excess,” Nolan mumbles under his breath as one of your students says the same thing. You ask another question, Nolan answering again, Travis and Oskar looking between him and each other.

“So, since when do you know so much about chemistry?” Travis leans over to Nolan while you’re explaining the directions to your students.

“I don’t. Y/N already explained it to me.”

“Let me rephrase it: since when do you care about chemistry?” Nolan just shrugs, pretending like he didn’t know what Travis was getting on about. “Oh, come on. Kevin told us about you liking her. At least be less obvious about it if you aren’t going to ask her out.”

Nolan takes in a deep breath, “We’re not doing this now.”

The students go off to do their thing, trying to brainstorm the procedure when you go up to the guys. Javier was already walking around and listening to the students chatter about their ideas. “So, you guys can guide them through everything, don’t outright tell them any of the steps they’re supposed to have written down. Follow what Javier and I are doing, I guess,” you tell them, having to force yourself to look at Oskar and Travis instead of just Nolan. They nod and start walking around, clearly confused.

This was going to end very poorly and you knew it. Especially with Anderson coming in. You watch the four guys walk around, the three hockey players clueless as the students try to figure out how they can interact with them. You realize the copies you made for them were still sitting in the printer tray in the other room, running to get them before anyone noticed you were gone. You were so scatter-brained by everything today, adding to the general anxiety you felt going into the lesson.

You start walking around, listening to the students and guiding them as they needed you to, thankful that they were actually getting the procedure they needed without much difficulty. “Alright, it looks like most of you have the procedure down,” you say to your class, walking around and hovering over your student's shoulders. “Make sure that before you start, either Mr. E or myself have to sign off on it, then our guys from the Flyers can help you with the lab. Sound good?”

Your students all agree, calling you and Javier over to read through their procedures so they can start. You were getting more nervous over the threat of the bell ringing soon and knowing that Javier had to go and teach his class, leaving you alone with the boys when Anderson came in to observe, too. You were running around, trying to scan through the procedures to make sure they were right so they could start working after the bell rang.

The bell sounds, your students starting to get chaotic, “Alright guys, you can take a break now or once you get your reaction heating, but not both. It’s up to you but you get five minutes either way.”

Some of your groups leave to go hang out in the hallway while their other friends move to their next class, some of your students get right to work with their lab goggles to start mixing. You were just waiting for Anderson to come in so he could rip you to shreds for whatever he felt like today.

“Hey,” Nolan says, taking you out of your trance. “You’re doing fine.”

“This experiment has to go well with the three of you,” you tell him, watching Oskar and Travis trying to help some of your students. Trying was the keyword there, but the students looked like they were having fun teaching the guys what to do.

“You’re an awesome teacher, it’s going to go well. Look at them. They know exactly what they’re doing and you barely had to tell them. That’s a great teacher,” you hear him say. You give him an unsure look. “Come on, would I lie to you?”

You shrug, a smile on your face. You could feel the heat rush to your cheeks as he scoffs when you tell him, “I don’t know.”

“Miss Y/L/N! Nice to see you!” you hear that voice calling you when the bell rings, all of your students filtering back in and getting right to work, knowing that Nolan heard you start mumbling under your breath as soon as Anderson appeared in your doorway.

“Hi, Mr. Fitzgerald,” you say, fake sweetness dripping in your voice when Anderson comes right up to you. “Class, say hi to Mr. Fitz!” you call him the nickname you knew he hated.

He looks around your room, trying to see who you brought. The fake smile he had plastered on his face drops when he sees the three guys. “You know the Flyers?”

You tried your hardest to hide the obvious smile on your own face, seeing the anger build inside him knowing that you had someone more impressive to work with your students. You shrug, “Yeah. Nolan here is my neighbor,” you introduce him, Nolan offering up an awkward wave, “I mean, they aren’t the president of a school in a university, but I think the students are having fun.”

“So what are the students doing?” Anderson asks, his face red with jealousy that you brought the boys.

Nolan walks away, as you start to explain that your students are going to make zinc chloride from an anhydrous copper chloride and solid zinc solution. He had no idea what it meant, but he knew that it was a silver piece of metal with a blue solid that you dissolve in water and it’s supposed to create a milky-looking liquid.

He starts walking through the class, listening to your students as they do the experiment, even though he still had no idea what they were talking about. One of your students was sitting in the corner, watching everything happen around him but not participating. “Hey, bud,” Nolan approaches him. “How’s it going?”

The student just nods, not taking his eyes off his paper while his partner does the rest of the work.

“I’m Nolan,” he says, sitting down next to the child. He watches the other student continue to mix the solution to get it to react. “So you let that sit now, right?”

“Yep.”

You and Anderson stand and watch the students, Anderson saying something about how the experiment was going, but you weren’t listening to him at all. You were making sure your students were doing what they needed to, working on the additional practice problems they had while the solution was sitting, seeing them get out the hot plates and set them up for when they would need them later, interacting with each other.

“Anderson,” you say, cutting him off once you see Nolan in the back corner, “look.”

He follows your gaze to Darren, your student who normally didn’t say a word, talking with Nolan and explaining everything to him. Nolan had a huge smile on his face that mirrored Darren’s and his partner Sydney’s. “I’ve never seen him talk with someone before,” Anderson says, dumbfounded. You knew Darren had been assigned to your class because Anderson wanted to see you work with ‘an unworkable student’ as you had overheard him telling Javier at the end of last school year. Darren was laughing with Nolan and Sydney, doing the work and actually helping his partner more than just doing the work on paper and passing it over to Syd like he normally did.

You both stand there, watching the three of them interact. You had a huge smile on your face, feeling the heat rush to your cheeks when Nolan looks away from the students and smiles at you, Darren holding up the beaker with their pale blue solution in it to show you. You give them a thumbs up, turning to Anderson and boasting, “I think they’re doing well.”

Anderson mumbles something under his breath, probably for the better since you had a feeling it was something about you as a general person.

You scan the room again, watching Travis and Oskar interact with the students, still not really sure what they were doing, but they all had smiles on their faces, so you couldn’t complain. You leave Anderson, walking around the room, making sure your students were doing ok. One of the groups asks you a question about the review worksheet they were doing, leaning against the table to help them. You listen to them talk through the problem, seeing Nolan staring at you out of the corner of your eye. Why couldn’t you focus on your students when he was right there?

You look up at the clock when you finish with that group of students. “Alright, y’all,” you get their attention, “Eyes on me for a minute. We have ten more minutes before the bell rings, which means we need to be cleaned up by then so you guys can get to your next class. You can leave the mixtures on the hot plates if they aren’t done heating and I will watch them. What I want one person to do right now is get a paper town and write you and your partner’s names on it and put it on the back counter for them to cool and we can mass them tomorrow, ok?” Your students agree and start scurrying around the room to do what you told them.

You move out of the way, going back to Anderson. “I’m impressed,” he says, a hint of genuine shock in his voice.

“Oh, really?”

Before he can answer, you hear something drop, the distinct sound of glass shattering on the floor. “No one move!” you say, all of your students halting as you try to figure out who dropped what.

Your student Nina waves you over as you rush to get your dustpan and brush, Anderson rushing over to help you clean up. “Are you alright?” you ask her.

“I cut my hand a little,” she lets out, showing you the scratch on her finger.

Anderson cleans up the glass, the rest of your students careful not to break anything else. You knew something had to go wrong. The day was going to perfect for something to not ruin it. “Let’s clean you up.” You help Nina wash her hand, making sure none of the chemicals got on her as you search for a bandage. “Was that the beaker with the zinc chloride?” She nods, you see a tear threatening to roll down her cheeks, knowing that she just ruined the product they had spent the entire period making and heating. Nolan watches you comfort her, feeling his heart flutter at the sight of you bandaging up your student. He pictured himself coming home after a game he got a fight in, you being there and helping him clean up a little more.

“Dude,” Travis whispers, scaring Nolan out of his fantasy. “You’re drooling.”

He waves him off while he watches you comfort your student who had started crying. “Hey, Neen,” you coo, a smile on your face, “It’s ok. Accidents happen. Remember I told you I was a lab assistant when I was in college? I can’t even count how many things I broke during one semester, let alone the entire time I was in the lab. We worked on the motto: if you break things that means you’re working hard. The harder you work, the more you break.”

“But we have to redo it,” she lets out.

You give her a nod, scrunching your face up. “Yeah. But if you get it started I can watch it heat. Do you have a class next period?” She nods. “Alright, hey Spencer?” you call over Nina’s partner, “Come here for a sec? Do you have a class next period?”

“Yeah. But I have a free period first period tomorrow. I can come in then.”

“Ok, here’s what we’re going to do,” you start, “Tomorrow, Spencer is going to come start the experiment, then Nina, do you have a free period at all?”

“Second period.”

“Perfect! Spencer will get it started, Nina will finish it, and if it’s not completely dry by class, I’ll give you an extra day to do the calculations. Sound good?”

They both nod, the bell ringing as you tell your students goodbye. That had to be the most stressful double period of your life, thanks to all the men who had to be in your room with you, the fourth of them now standing there staring at you.

“Not bad, Y/L/N,” Anderson says. “Only one thing broke. That’s gotta be a new record for you.”

He leaves before you could protest, your mouth hanging open even though you weren’t sure how you could even rebuttal his statement. You look at the three guys, Nolan looking significantly more upset than he probably needed to be. “That’s the first time something’s broken in three months.”

“He really is an ass,” Nolan says, grabbing a seat at one of the tables.

“I told you.”

“So, uh,” Travis starts, looking between you and Nolan. “Do you have another class or anything?”

“Nope. I have my last period free, but I have to go to the library in case any chem students need tutoring. You guys are free to go. I really can’t thank you guys enough. I’m not sure what I could ever do to make it up to you, but anything. This was huge,” you gush, really meaning it. The students loved it, and other than the one beaker breaking and Nina’s slight break down as a result, it went really well. You had done the lab in the past where the students had to redo the lab three times before it even worked, this time, you only saw one group redo it one time.

“Yeah, Nolan can probably think of something,” you thought you heard Oskar mumble, Nolan glaring at him. “We should get going, then.”

“Actually, Y/N, do you mind if I get a ride home with you?” Nolan asks as you gather your things to head down to the library. “You know, so they don’t have to go out of their way to drive me home?”

Travis’s mouth hangs open, a stupid grin on his face as he nudges Oskar, both of them looking at you as you’re clearly caught off guard. “Uh, yeah sure, we just have to go to the library, like I said. Are you sure you want to stay? I won’t leave for another hour and a half.”

“Yeah, I do,” he tells you, his cheeks bright red.

“Ok, um, you guys go back to the main office and sign out, I’ll just call down and tell them you’re staying?”

Travis and Oskar leave after bickering over something with Nolan that was out of earshot for you. Why would he want to stay? He had mentioned that Travis didn’t live that far away, so the ‘going out of their way’ argument seemed invalid.

You shake it off, leading Nolan down to the library. “You did a great job with Darren, by the way.”

He shrugs, taking the seat across from you at the empty table you found. Students were walking around, you hopeful that none of them would need help from you. “He’s a good kid.”

“I’m so excited to tell his mom about today,” you say, typing away on your computer. You look up, reading Nolan’s confused expression. “Getting Darren to talk in the class has yet to be successful for me. His mom asked me at the beginning of the year to tell her whenever he has a good day. I’ve never seen him talk that much and genuinely enjoy it.”

“Do you email all the parents when their kids have a good day?”

You shake your head, “I try to. High school kids, because they’re teenagers, don’t always get the praise and excitement from adult figures in their lives because they’re in that period of ‘you’re still a child and are treated as such but are expected to act like an adult.’. Even if it’s something small like they were participating a lot more than normal like in Darren’s case. It makes them more motivated and willing to learn if they know you recognize when they do something good.”

“Really?”

You force yourself not to make eye contact with him, knowing that you would see him blushing as he always was and that would, in turn, make you do the same. “Come on,” you say, pretending to watch out for kids who could be coming for tutoring, “don’t you remember when you were in school getting excited over the simple act of a sticker on a test you got a good grade on? I remember my senior year we were sitting in our world language class and everyone got an A on the test our teacher gave, and we all started begging for stickers because she had given them the last three years we had her. She was so annoyed with us, but every test after that, no matter what grade we got, a sticker was always on the test. It’s little, but it’s fun.”

“Teaching is a lot more than I thought it was,” you hear him say. Honestly, he wasn’t really paying attention to the words coming out of your mouth; he just loved that you were talking about something you so clearly loved.

You laugh, “Yeah. It can be a lot. You haven’t seen my college prep classes. Honors is a little easier because the students are slightly more independent in terms of their work, but my CP kids just have more needs for them to learn the same material.”

“What?”

“It’s the ‘lower level, but the difference is it just takes longer for those kids to learn the same information. So what we did today, I’ll probably do in a month or so with CP, and I would give them the procedure, either straight up or have them fill in the blanks depending on the child and the group.”

“Depending on their group?”

“Yeah. Each lesson has to meet the needs of every child, which means modifying and accommodating it based on if they have an IEP, a 504, which falls under special education plans, or if their parents request it or the student themself requests it but it’s not written. Like, I wouldn't interact with you the same way I would interact with Fran, or Maddy, or Keelan," or elaborate, swallowing hard at the mention of your boyfriend's name. " You interact with people based on how you need to interact with them and what their needs are. Kids aren’t one size fits all, so why should their education be?”

You kept talking but he stopped listening, hating himself for the realization that he came to while you talked about teaching, a soft smile covering your face while you continue to look around for students instead of looking at him: whatever feelings he had for you were more than just a crush, Kevin and Travis sadly being correct. He wasn’t in love with you, but he wanted, needed to be more than just your friend.

But you were still with Keelan.

The bell rings, signaling the end of the day, you and Nolan going back to your classroom until you were contractually allowed to leave. “So what are you doing tonight?” Nolan asks you. He wasn’t sure where he was going with this, but he didn’t want his day with you to end once you pulled into the parking space outside your apartments.

You shrug, looking around your desk for the tests that you had given your CP kids that morning. “Grading these,” you tell him, holding them up before stuffing them into your bag. He opens his mouth, about to say something when you get cut off by the sound of your phone. “Oh, it’s Keelan!” you squeal, Nolan’s entire body deflating at the sound of your boyfriend’s name. “Hey, you’re on speaker, I’m here with Nolan.”

He lets out a sigh before giving you a monotonous, “Hey, guys.”

“What’s up?”

“What are you doing tonight?” he asks you, Nolan’s heart dropping, knowing where this was going.

“I was just telling Nolan that I was going to grade the tests for my CP kids, why?”

“Can that wait until tomorrow, do you think?”

Running through your schedule in your head, you tell him, “Yeah, they’re not expecting them back for a week anyway.”

“Let’s go out tonight.”

Nolan could feel himself getting sick listening to this conversation, for no other reason than he wanted to be the one with you tonight. But he knew he couldn’t as he watched the smile on your face grow. “Where?”

“I want to take you somewhere nice, you know, treat my girl how she deserves to be treated. We haven’t had a date night in a while and I miss you.”

“What time do you want to go?” you ask him, your heart racing. It wasn’t racing in excitement to be with Keelan, but because you were suddenly incredibly aware of Nolan being right there as you were being asked out by the guy you were sure you loved.

“I’ll pick you up at five?”

“Sounds great. I’ll see you then.”

“I love you, Y/N.”

You hesitate, looking at Nolan who was no longer making eye contact with you. “Love you, too, Keel,” you force yourself to get out. You hang up, looking at the clock to see that it was thankfully time for the two of you to leave and go home, giving you around an hour to get ready by the time you got home and got as much ready as you could for school tomorrow. “We’re free to leave now, if you want,” you offer him, packing up your bag for the day.

He just nods, waiting for you at the door as you walk out to the car, driving home in silence, only a mumble goodbye as the two of you get out of your car and go inside.

Five pm rolls around, Keelan getting out of his car to greet you as you go running up to him. Nolan watches you from his window, knowing he was being a creep, but he couldn’t help it. You looked perfect in the dress and heels you had on, your hair and makeup done to make you look more beautiful than he had ever seen. He watched you run into Keelan’s arms, Keelan lifting you off the group as the two of you kissed, Nolan green with envy as he watched him get the door for you for the two of you to drive off to the night he wished he was experiencing with you.

[purplesurveys]

1191

survey by voicedance16

name yourself: Robyn

name (one of) your best friend(s): Angela; she’s for keeps.

name 3 things in your fridge/freezer: I don’t think I opened the fridge at all today, but if I had to guess...eggs, bread, and our pad thai leftovers from dinner earlier.

name a color you're wearing currently: Green.

name the last thing you ate: I treated myself and ordered spicy tuna salad tonight because I had a shit shift. It’s been a while since I felt a little burned out with my job, but it happened today and it wasn’t very pleasant.

name the last store you went to: I never go out these days...does online shopping count? I’m always browsing through Shopee, if anything lol.

name the song you're listening to: ON - BTS.

name the artist of that song: BTS.

name your favorite animal: Dogs or elephants.

name what pets you have, if any:  Two dogs. Kimi, Cooper.

name the town/state you live in: No thanks. I live near Manila though, which is probably the only city most people know from the Philippines anyway so that should suffice.

name something commonly ordered at Starbucks: I think my usual is a pretty common order – caramel macchiato.

name the last person you talked to in person: Not sure. I think it may have been Nina? I was just jokingly asking her if her bias recognized her again on a VLive, since her comments have been read by her favorite group recently, and she tells me they even laugh at them :( Perks of liking a smaller, more underground group for sure; pigs would have to fall from the sky before anyone from BTS notices me lol.

name the last person you talked to on the phone: My mom. I didn’t hear her calling for dinner last night, so she ended up having to call me from downstairs while I was hanging out at the rooftop.

name the current day of the week: Tuesday.

name the current month: May.

name the current time: 10:22 PM.

name the last movie you watched: I have not watched an entire movie since i’m thinking of ending things back in September. I did watch a snippet from Portrait of a Lady on Fire a few weeks ago, though. That’s the closest thing I’ve got to watching any film recently.

name the last book you read: This one I’m even more uncertain about.

name a place you've been on vacation: South Korea.

name a place you'd like to go on vacation: Malta or Turkey.

name 3 things you can see from where you're sitting: It’s pretty dark so I technically can’t ‘see’ anything, but based on what I know I brought up to the rooftop tonight I have my phone, my salad, and my vape pen.

name your favorite musical: Miss Saigon, if anything. I’m not a big fan of musicals.

name an animal (any): Turtle was the first that came to mind.

name a fruit: Mangoes.

name a vegetable: Lettuce.

name a common breakfast food: Pancakes. They’d sound so good rn, too.

name a color: Grey.

name a type of flower: Dandelions.

name a type of tree: Uh...mango again? HAHA I’m not very good with trees.

name a city: New York.

name a state: Indiana.

name a country: India.

name a continent: Asia.

name a planet: Jupiter.

name a girl's name: Jessica.

name the last person to comment you on Facebook: Angela. She tagged me on this post that was promoting a local shop that makes customized face pillows and she told me we should order a Taehyung one for me and a Seokjin one for her, hahaha. The concept is definitely cute but it wasn’t my style, so I showed her another shop that also makes face pillows, but prettier.

name a clothing store/brand: Thom Browne.

name the last book you got at the library: If I remember correctly, it was History of the Filipino People which, coincidentally, my great-uncle wrote.

name a restaurant: Yabu but eugh, haven’t eaten there since the breakup. I should order from them soon to commemmorate moving on heheh.

name a grocery store: Can I just name a local one? SM.

name an iPhone app: YouTube.

name an actor: Eddie Redmayne.

name an actress: Emma Stone.

name a music group: BTS.

name your favorite/lucky number: It used to be 4, but I’m now going with 7.

name something you've accomplished: Continued from...last night, I think? I have no concept of time anymore. I managed to survive this week so far considering how deadly my schedule was.

name something you'd like to accomplish: Get a promotion once I’ve proven myself capable.

name someone who makes you laugh: Hans can make anything funny.

name something exciting coming up soon: Some of my online shopping orders arriving I’m guessing by later today, yayyyy.

name a song that makes you emotional: Oh man, there are a lot. O by Coldplay is probably the one that hits the worst, though; I still can’t listen to that song completely to this day. Recently, I also can’t really avoid being sad whenever I listen to Butterfly by BTS.

name one of your pet peeves: Overly slow drivers.

name someone you know who is an amazing singer: Hannah.

name someone who is the same religion as you: JM.

name a holiday you celebrate: Christmas.

name the last 4 digits of your phone number: That’s too many, lmao.

name one of your cousins: My cousin Lei from my dad’s side.

name a book you loved when you were younger: The entire Septimus Heap series. I must’ve reread Magyk (the first book) a hundred times.

name a song you loved when you were younger: Let’s go withhhhh Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne. Making sure there were no adults around whenever I sang along to “I’m a motherfucking princess” as an 8 year old was always a thrill.

name your favorite movie: Two for the Road.

name a popular book series: Percy Jackson.

name a musical instrument: Saxophone.

name a language: French.

name what other tabs you have open: Archive of our Own, Dailymotion, Bzoink.

name 3 things on the walls of the room you're in: The walls of the rooftop are bare.

name your house number 4.

name your high school: Nope.

name your college, if applicable: UP.

name your middle school See high school.

name your elementary school: See high school.

name the college you wish you went to/hope to go to: I was able to qualify for the university and degree I wanted to attend.

name your favorite teacher: My music teacher in high school.

name the color of your backpack: Hm, don’t really use backpacks anymore but the main one I had in college - at least until I switched to a simple handbag (aka my senior year when I started to not care lol) - was a pink Herschel backpack.

name a dessert: Leche flan.

name a famous landmark: Statue of Liberty, only because of the question after this.

name a place you might go in NYC: Tiffany’s.

name an inventor: Nikola Tesla.

name an article of clothing: Jeans.

name an ice cream flavor: Pistachio.

name a religion: Islam.

name an emotion: Resentment.

name a room in your house: Mine.

name a website: Twitter.

name a car: Hyundai Palisade.

name something you need to do today: It’s a holiday today so I technically should be off work, but since it’s a holiday squished in the middle of the week that’s just another way of saying my dayoff will be a scam lmao. That said, I need to draft an article today for a client.

name someone you admire: My dad.

name someone you miss: My two best friends.

name a part of the body: Thighs.

name the last youtube video you watched: It was a Taehyung-focused compilation.

name a quote you love: “If you really love to be loved, it’d be good to show those who love you how much you’ve changed.” There’s some background context obviously playing around in here and most people might not recognize the weight it holds if they’re unfamiliar, but it’s a quote that really means a lot to me and came to me during a time I needed to hear it.

[quinn-firethief]

Quinn Firethief

Hello everyone! It’s currently four am but I’ll do my best here. Quinn Firethief is one of my oldest wizards. I made him two years ago after I downloaded the game for the first time in like, years, to play with some friends. The graphics update had me shook, y’all. My friends and I loved roleplaying as our characters (both in-game via voice chat and in our texting apps cause we’re weebs) so Quinn is pretty fleshed out. The problem is is that I’m poor so I’m currently stuck right before Marleybone. Hopefully, I’ll be able to change that once I graduate. But for right now, I’ll give you guys the rundown of his character up until this point. Quinn Firethief is a Prince. His parents are the King and Queen of Dragonspyre. Yeah, big surprise, amirite? When I made his backstory, I made it without knowing the whole story of the world. Bad on my part, I know, but I’m really attached to the idea now. So, how that works is that while most of Dragonspyre is unhabitable, there is still a very small part that is. That's where the royal family and a lot of inhabitants that were too loyal to leave ran to. It’s a very small place, they have a very small military, it’s very much a former shell of the great glory it once was. Because of this though, Quinn is well known among their people because there’s probably, at least, a hundred or two left there. He cares very much about them, he’s a great public speaker, very charismatic, and he just really cares about people and really loves helping them in general. It's such a small place that it's really not that big of a deal that Quinn is a prince, a few people might be like “wow what's it like???” but a lot of questions don’t really apply to him because he did live a comfortable life, just not a lavished one thanks to their current situation. But his family does have very good background to their name. Firethieves were the royal family after all. There’s a big legend that they got their last name-Firethief of course-by stealing fire from the Dragons themselves so that they could harness the power and learn how to control it. Depending on whether or not you believe that, you could say a lot of people have Quinn’s ancestors from many many generations ago to thank for fire magic. Others might say that the downfall of the world is probably the family’s karma catching back up on them if that is true.

Before I go into the next part. I no longer talk to the friend that played the next character that I’m going to be talking about. We didn’t end on good terms. But their character is very vital to Quinn’s story. I can’t just write them out. So I’ve decided to just not put their name. Maybe I will later, maybe I’ll completely change it; we’ll just have to see.

Quinn had a best friend who was basically like a brother to him. He was always at the castle, and people even called him a Prince too. When they were of age to go to Ravenwood and start practicing magic (which, in my opinion, is probably eighteen, maybe as young as sixteen if you’re super good) they went together. Like I said, Quinn’s family has a long history in fire magic, being the royal family of Dragonspyre after all, so Quinn immediately dabbled in fire magic. His best friend went into myth. When they started questing, they ended up meeting a life wizard named Sarai (her last name escapes me rn I’ll get back to y’all on that) who was in the same year as them. (She was played by my girlfriend, if she ever makes a Tumblr for her I’ll definitely link it here) They needed a healer, she needed some harder hitters, so they all started questing together. They became the best of friends. They were well on their way to being able to take down Malistaire. The journey didn’t come without difficulties of course. Sarai got sick with the Krok Plague during one of the dungeons, and the boys had to rush through the last few to get the cure for her. Quinn’s best friend ended up dropping Myth because he was doing so horrible. He did, however, become very interested in Balance thanks to Kroktopia and found he did very well in that. While Sarai was sick Quinn realized that he had definitely fallen in love with the sweet and gentle Life wizard, and while he came very close to confessing his feelings, he didn’t.

Krok ended well. They were able to get the cure to Sarai in time and they finished it all out together, with Sarai cured of the plague and coherent. They all crashed in Sarai’s house afterward and chatted about how far they had come, and how they heard that Marleybone was needing help next.

Now, this is when my friends and I stopped playing. Summer of 2018 had drawn to a close and I was going into my Junior year. We all got very busy, my family ran into some bad financial problems so I obviously couldn’t unlock the Marleybone zones, and then by the end of my Junior year, I was no longer talking to the friend that played Quinn’s best friend. I’m in my Senior year and I’m feeling nostalgic, and like most Wizard101 players I’m getting sucked back into this game(help me). But this is where I take some liberty with the story. The three of them do end up going to Marleybone, but after a good few weeks, they end up running into Morganthe who, at this point, is just starting to plan on getting a little public about her villainess. Obviously, at this point, I’m messing with canon a little bit, but not that bad. She ended up casting a spell that took ahold of Quinn’s best friend's mind and completely turned him against Quinn and Sarai. They tried to free him from the spell but it became very clear very fast that it wasn’t possible. They ended up having to kill him. Quinn dealt the final blow with his bow and arrow (I got it from a pack, such a good drop sorry now isn’t the best time-) and the place they were fighting in exploded. Sarai and Quinn were knocked out and then dragged to safety by some other wizards that heard the explosion. While the friend’s body was never found, it was plainly obvious that he was dead. Quinn and his best friend, who was basically his brother, had known each other since they were kids. Like, I’m talking six years old. they had known Sarai for at least two years at this point since Krok and Wizard City had definitely (in my mind) taken some time to get through and fix. They were a very close, tightknit group. They were well known around Ravenwood and it was rare when you saw one of them walking around alone. So, as you can imagine, having to kill their own friend was very, very hard on them. Especially Quinn. He and Sarai can’t even be around each other anymore because it hurts too much, the wound is too raw. Quinn ends up telling Sarai that he needs some time alone, some time to think. So they stop talking, they stop hanging out, and they both just stop questing in general. It’s not the same without their friend’s lute playing to cheer them on.

Quinn gets very depressed and turns to alcohol. At this point, he’s twenty-one, so it is legal. A favorite of his is Fireball. If he’s not sleeping or studying or practicing, he’s drinking. He has nightmares (and rarely dreams, those tend to hurt more) of his friend constantly. He has to move out of the dorm because they always hung out there and it just hurts too much, there are too many memories. He can’t even visit Dragonspyre because of all of the memories they have there, he’d probably drop dead the moment he walked in because of how hard it’d hit him. So he moves into the Fire House (the classic burning tower with all that lava) and to try and cope, he makes a grave for his best friend even though they never found a body. Yep, you’re right, that’s exactly what my header is. Depressing, right? I had a leftover present from some winter event, so I decided to put that there to make it even sadder. This is currently where I’m picking up with Quinn, where he’s at his lowest and he’s pushing everyone away and he feels completely alone. It really resonates with me because of how I’ve been feeling lately (for like NO reason might I add). I’m super excited to write about it, it’s definitely going to be fun. I hope you guys enjoyed that! I’m sorry this was such a long read lmao this took me like twenty minutes to type up. Mainly because I had to keep fact-checking and I’m so tired. It’s now five am and I need to sleep. If you guys have any questions, don’t be afraid to ask. If you wanna be friends, shoot me a text! I need more Wizard101 buddies so badly right now. I might open one-shot requests if enough people show interest in Quinn and my writings enough, but we’ll just have to see :)

Have a good day everyone!

[soulvomit]

Thinking about heavy stuff lately.

I used to be passionate and obsessive about my fantasy life. My prolific writing was the product of that: a childhood through young adulthood spent with intrusive daydreams. Those daydreams killed my academic life; I wasn't at all a good student until later, when I had concrete goals (and medication). I had a compulsion to put these daydreams on paper, and eventually I ended up with so much RPG writing, a rough draft of a novel, and hundreds and hundreds of pages of writing in a sci fi universe.

One day, that changed.

Starting at around 2004, when I was around 31, I found I wasn't daydreaming about being an alien space priest (the 100s of pages) or a time traveling Buddhist monk (the novel which I basically ripped up; it's just not a story I am qualified to write) or for that matter, anyone else.

One day I found I was fantasizing about being a doctor, in a hospital. Or a forensic medical examiner. That's what my fantasy life became. Being an MD was my new escapist fantasy. I joined StudentDoctor.net and just lurked and fantasized about completing my pre-med courses and taking the MCAT and going to med school and the residency match process and then being Dr. D, and eventually dying as an old person, as Dr. D.

I kept returning to that fantasy over and over and over and I fantasized about going to med school and I read all kinds of books about medicine and biology that made my fantasy life richer, but somehow at the end of that - as my marriage was unraveling - that I needed a stable way of making a living. (Tech hadn't actually been that. Misogyny for one - and much of it from women bosses and coworkers, not men. I'd been fighting for stability for years up to the dot bomb. And now that the same jobs were now asking a degree of me, I had to ask myself: if I have to go to school, is this REALLY what I wanted to study?)

Lots of people, including my ex husband, the partner who came after him, and my mom, doubted I had it in me to do this because after all, I was a dreamy, retiring nerd, and I was determined to prove everyone wrong about who I was.

After my ex husband and I separated and I moved back north, i enrolled in phlebotomy and EMT coursework. I became a certified EMT Basic, and also volunteered at a hospital. I eventually moved to Sacramento and while I was in pre-nursing coursework (because over time, and after working with a wound care nurse, I realized that what I really wanted to be was an RN then jump to Nurse Practicioner or Wound Care), I became a caregiver for some medically more complicated clients doing a lot of stuff that outside of a home setting would require at least an LVN license. A lot of forward momentum happened at this point of my life, though I was also in a new and draining relationship. I enjoyed the joking and camaraderie I had with coworkers when that did work out. My identity was becoming bigger than it had been when I worked in tech - and now I was learning to get along with a lot more people than I used to.

At some point I started having health issues, and it became obvious that health care wasn't a sustainable thing for me, either. There was work drama that I won't go into.

Also, I was hyperfocused on reaching my goals but made much harder demands of my body than I had with tech; 12 hour shifts plus side hustles and study and writing the ~Great American Novel~ are one thing when you do desk job, but... maybe you have to have a certain physical and mental constitution to be a health worker. Not just anyone can do it.

It became clear that I didn't have what it takes. First, the disillusionment that came from becoming attached to my clients; I was in a perpetual state of grief that I wasn't even allowed to process. I was also in a deeply unhappy relationship (which I'm no longer in) and having just about the worst time of my life.

Every time I tried to push the amount I needed to push, I had some kind of a major health crisis. That i could do most of what I did, academically, was because of being on meds, and eventually I developed an autoimmune disorder that contraindicates stimulant meds. And in retrospect, maybe I should've been doing clinical/doctor's office type work instead of taking a caseload of four clients, but my ADHD craved more hands on work.

Eventually I lost a job (aforementioned work drama) - in a rather humiliating way I might add - and the fight for unemployment benefits that followed, disillusioned me about my professional path.

Health care is a human centipede of a hierarchy.

Only the stakeholders, politicians, and administrators are not in that human centipede.

If you are a doctor, you get to be the front segment instead of the back.

Also, the amount of misery and drug/alcohol abuse among my coworkers (that seemed like it was never going to end no matter how high I climbed) just... ground me down; that was going to become me eventually, too. I started off thinking that I was better than that. But by the end, I realized I wasn't. I was no stronger. The only thing I had going for me that my coworkers didn't was that my family wasn't poor, and I didn't have kids, or any responsibilities. That's it. The difference between me and the other people I worked with who took drugs to be able to work, was that I had a scrip from a psychiatrist (up until I could no longer take Adderall - but I lost my insurance, which had been leftover after my divorce, and would have had to quit anyway).

I went back to school at the end of that. I ended up studying art, because I've always done art. I figured also I could update my tech skills. But I was a zombie the whole time. I don't remember a lot about my classes, tbh; I was checked out the whole time.

I've been a zombie since.

I never found that spark again, that interior feeling inside that made me do 12 hour tech work marathons while writing books, that made me voraciously skill up and climb while in tech, and later made me want to become a nurse.

I never found that again. And I really miss that person. That person was a self absorbed jackass who couldn't sustain a relationship. Being a good family person is the one area of personal growth I've developed but it was at the cost of everything else.

Yet that old person I was? I still miss her. And grieve for her loss.

[bipilots]

💙💙There's a lot of stars in the night sky, and they all are so bright, but I look at you and you outshine all the lights tonight💙💙 P.s. It rained all day today and it was amazing, yet I can't even describe how it made me feel. I mean I got annoyed at having wet socks, but there's just something about standing in the rain for a second that brings you down to earth and makes you think "oh yeah, I'm alive and surviving". I hope you had an amazing day and that you had some good weather❤️

you can’t see me but i have heart eyes rn. BLUEEEEE!!!!! i’m kinda back!!!! (kinda as in i filled up my queue and im feeling better so you’ll see me more often but im still a tiny dumpster gremlin in ghost version) I’m so sorry for your socks but i totally get the feeling - it happens to me when i listen to good music or when i see the stars, like, shit, i’m alive, and it’s actually pretty cool?? anyway i love every single one of your asks to death and each one made me smile super hard (my fave is the valentine’s one though oh my god i loved that)i might as well answer all your questions here, right?? in random order just because!

a. i’m not great with mornings, because uni classes are on hold (and even if they weren’t, i’ve been practically an hermit for the past half year, hah) so i’m home with nothing to do but study - that means i naturally tend to stay up late and wake up at noon... not my most productive habit, i guess, but what can you do. Breakfast and lunch end up colliding so i usually cook or eat some leftovers. When I have classes, I try really hard to have breakfast but i’m always super late so being healthy is nearly impossible;; my go to is cake or cookies, and things that i can shove down pretty quickly with a glass of water before i sprint to the car to try and not lose the train... hahab. January fucking lasted five years?????? it was never ending???? bad shit happened so maybe that helped, but talking with other people it seems like that’s the common feeling. February, on the other hand, flew by??? I also planned it as if it had thirty days and i just recently realized it only has 28 so like,,, help. aand i have to admit I didn’t watch the super bowl because it’s not big in my country, like, i don’t even think they show it on tv? i’m also not very big on sports in general, i just watch ice skating sometimes because it’s magical c. I’m a winter baby!!! My birthday is pretty unfortunate, since it’s on the 29th of december and everyone is always away on holiday...and people tend to give me just one gift because christmas is so close ://I love snow and prefer winter to summer (it gets too hot, i hate being sweaty), but I LOVE SPRING!!! And fall, but spring is my fav. I love finally being able to go around in t-shirts and my cool leather jacket. I also love the colors, the smells, the sounds, and everything about nature in spring. spring showers are just wonderful ((wait wait when is your birthday? i want to know!!!!!!))d. does glitter nail polish count as a poison fruit??? If not, I would eat the fuck out of molten lava js - and naphthalene............e. look at me being a shitty friend and wishing you HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! almost two months later......... but i tried, okay, that must mean at least something? My new year’s resolution is pretty cliché and cheesy- I actually just wished to be happy. There are more smaller goals hidden in there, but that’s the biggest one. i guess you kind of got that but 2017 didn’t treat me (and anyone, really) that well so i feel like making more concrete resolutions would be against me. I mainly plan to go where the flow brings me, trying to cherish every small improvement and taking my time to get my shit back together one step at a time. What about yours?f. finally, this isn’t an answer to a question but a little thank you note because you’re fucking wonderful??? how did i manage to get someone like you to talk to me at all???? you’re a ray of sunshine (not the kind that hurts your eyes but the gentle kind that warms your heart and makes you happy to be alive). I just can’t express how much your messages have meant (and still mean) to me. reading them makes me smile so much that my cheeks hurt, even at the times when i feel shitty and want to quit everything forever. you remember i offered a three hours hug? I’m extending it to ten hours, minimum. I hope this year and every year after treat you well like you deserve and, in a more immediate way, I hope you’re having the greatest day!!!!!!!!!! you wonderful human being, i love you so so much, what the hell

[mykie-hyun-blog]

❤️

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? Id probably laugh 2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? I love him & he doesnt love me 3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care? No, the guy I was talking about is and I dont care, everyone is a bloody druggie I just dont care anymore I love him as a person despite his addictions 4. Is your last name longer than six letters? Nope 5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? Sober I think he was a little high still tho I wasnt high because i showed up late lol 6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? I don't think I did anything wrong, he just doesnt get into relationships. But he didnt tell me until after I fell in love Cuntcunt I think about him every day 7. What does your last received text say? "I look shit in that photo and I still look better than her" Aha true 8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? Many times 9. Where was your last kiss at? On the side of the street, it was a goodbye kiss :/ had no idea that would be my last kiss from him 10. When is the last time you saw your sister? Never lol 11. What do you drink in the morning? Pink lemonade lucozade 12. Where did you sleep last night? Bed 13. Do you think relationships are hard? They shouldnt be but most of them are aha me & my best friend atm just bond over our shit relationships. Theyre good to talk about. You need to spend one night with a friend deep talking about your life every once in a while. It clears your head & you might get some great advice 14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? I dont remember that far 15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? Id probably cry lol I love him and part of me wants to be locked in a room with him gdi We'd end up kissing probably but I know he doesnt actually love me 16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? Depends,if im inside then rain but if im out sun 17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? Alot of people Its my grandmas name :) 18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? None of the above 19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? Probably 20. Does anyone like you? Yep 21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? No 22. Is the last person you kissed gay? No 23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand? Ya & she looks like she has acne braille on her forehead It says H-O-E 24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? Yeah but only a small one 25. In the past week have you cried? Ya ive had a lot of deep talks 26. What breed was the last dog you saw? Rat 27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? Both because i love absolutely flooding the bathroom floor 28. Have you ever kissed a football player? Im going to Soon 29. Do you think you’re old? No 30. Do you like text messaging? Yaa good way to connect with people ..? 31. What type of day are you having? I dont remember Im pretty spaced out its good i think Boih i got my crushs snapchat AA Not the one i made out with another one i liked for a long time ❤️❤️❤️ SKKRR 32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? Ya i was going to idk though 33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? Warm :) 34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? Yeah...:( we dont talk anymore We made out 3 weeks ago tho 35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? Definitely a relationship Flings fucking suck when you get attached 36. Are you a simple or complicated person? Complicated complicated 37. What song are you listening to? Slow hands~ This song was on repeat when i was deep talking..we had two last week because we're fucked up and i definitely need someone like her to talk to about him 38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? Sometimes 39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? I dont know..im v complicated The girl i was talking about knows alot i think..when i start talking deeply about myself & my problems i start crying Im not sad/depressed at all!! Like im good but im just reeally emotional and i cant help it 40. What made you start liking the person you like now? Well theres 2 I just cant explain....i just.....love them. With my entire heart. I'll talk about the one i fell in love with 3 weeks ago Hes hot but thats not why i like him. I love his personality. He's just....everything that id ever want. But i cant be with him. Forever is a long time to spend without him and i dont know if i can do that 41. When did you last receive a text message? An hour ago 42. What is wrong with you right now? -Anxiety -He doesnt care about me. He saw me first, even made an effort to show off in front of me lol. Looked at me like he genuinely loves me, we kissed a lot. And other things tmi, but he doesnt give a fuck clearly -I havent been eating since i found out, not because im starving myself i just physically cant eat. 43. How well do you know the last female you texted? Shes the girl i was talking about before 44. Does anyone disgust you? Yep. Shes trying to take the guy i was talking about. Go fuck yourself She tried to ruin her best friends life, shes jealous of everything she has. Tried to take both her boyfriends (one after the other not @ the same time) I could go on 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked? Yes yes Nothing feels real rn Theres like..a space between me and my emotions. Id be excited as helllll life would be amazing but theres like..a space.... 46. Are you in a good mood right now? No idea lol 47. Who was the last person you talked to in person? . 48. What color shirt are you wearing? Im wearing a grey bodycon dress 49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? 50. Anyone you’re giving up on? Him.. 51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? Kindof.. i cant help being in love 52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? I just 53. Do you like rain? Yea 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? Dont care at all id date an alcoholic doesnt stop me loving them 55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? Ya my crush I might tell him soon but im so scared of telling him since the ordeal with the other guy..i can tell he likes me but im so paranoid If he says no i dont know what id do Like id stop eating completely probably 56. Do you like to cuddle? Yes!!! 57. Are you shy? 58. Do you get along with girls? Ya 59. Have you dated the person you texted last? No haha 60. What do you carry with you at all times? My..emotions....gum idk 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? Bitch id do that for 5 dollars 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? Of course :) 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship? Kindof haha Hes like..famous where i live and we were kinda a thing 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? Yes :) 65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? I dont really remember that far :/ idk My crush smiled that was cute 66. How old are the last three people you kissed? 15, 16, 15 My age so 67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? Do myself bih 68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? Zebra 69. Do you have any stickers on your car? Im 15 70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? Whos luke bryan 71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? iPhone 72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? A while ago with friends it was amazing I had dominos last week tho, me & G (the gal i was talking about) ordered dominos :) we both struggle to eat after our /experiences/ and i came over 2 days later & we had the leftovers