#i might delete this later but im pissy right now

[cultivating-saplings]

not to be a little bitch, but it’s very frustrating to see people vehemently shitting on a piece of media based solely on what other people have told them about it, without actually engaging with the text itself to verify any of the claims they’re making about it

[trickstarbrave]

today in reasons i feel shitty: my friend blew up on me on twitter bc i kept ASKING him if he wanted to play dnd with us bc hes a part of our group. i asked him if he could LAST WEDNESDAY and he has been giving me the run around since then. saying “i dont know yet” and “ill tell you when i do”. i tell him to let us know sunday at least, because the only days off he has are monday and tuesday. he says okay

sunday evening comes and he hasnt said shit so i ask him. hes drunk and i tell him we’ll talk tomorrow. monday i ask him if he can play tomorrow and he says hes “not sure and will need to ask if theyre playing mtg” so i say “okay”. he doesnt reply back all day. TODAY i ask him if he wants to play today or not and he says “i have to pick up a court summons” (not, “actually sorry i am playing mtg today”, not “i dont feel like playing, im sorry”). i sound suspicious but say “okay” and remind him we havent played in over a week AS IS. and he then GOES OFF ON ME for “guilt tripping him” and “making it an ~obligation~ he plays” and how i “stress him out by asking over and over again”. when i tell him he should have told me straight out he didnt want to play instead of just giving vague “maybe i dont know” answers he gets defensive even more and says “I DID” and when i say “no, you didnt, the only thing vaguely like that is you saying “im gonna be tired” on a question about your days off. thats not a yes or no answer and lots of us play while tired so why would i assume it was something else” 

“WELL ITS NOT MY FAULT YOURE A BUNCH OF SADISTS WHO HAD TO TURN A FUN CASUAL GAME INTO A OBLIGATION WHERE YOU ALL ARE FORCED TO PLAY SICK OR TIRED! i cant even SAY i dont want to play because you all guilt trip me and get mad when i do.” 

see, he doesnt say “sorry guys my next days off will be full and im not up to it.” and apologize for keeping us waiting or giving us the go ahead to play without him (WEVE HAD THIS DISCUSSION BEFORE and PURPOSEFULLY made the game so if he doesnt want to play he can leave whenever so long as its not in the middle of a fucking mission. okay. its not like we just sit there doing nothing but complain if he cant play). he waits until the DAY OF OUR GAME to tell is he purposefully made plans on game night, no he cant change them, no he was absolutely always forced to do them right now during game time, and then get pissy when we all complain because we dont even have time to plan around him and have cleared out our evening for nothing and our time is wasted. 

he then keeps going on and on because apparently i was just supposed to know the words “im tired” and his vague answers like hes genuinely unsure about the state of tomorrow were him “actually” telling me he doesnt even want to play and i should have fucking caught on, he wanted to quit this game MONTHS ago. i was just supposed to know him being ‘busy’ was a ‘secret message’ that actually meant ‘just stop even asking me when i want to play a game and hang out with my friends! just stop inviting me in general! i dont like you or the game! its not fun and stresses me out and im LYING to you.” and we just all fucking ignore him and play without him and let him figure out we havent even been giving him the opportunity to join to play

which is so fucking. terrible. who would just assume “thats what you mean”???? like imagine if you WERENT doing this and actually were really busy and your friends just eventually stopped even inviting you to game night, only for you to check the group chat months later and find out they have been playing without you and having fun and didnt even bother inviting you to anything at all. you just find this out. and by the time you figure it out they might have done a lot stuff or played games YOU wanted to play and they arent going to go back and replay the stuff you missed bc they just assumed you were lying to their faces and it wouldnt matter anyways if you were there or not. how hurtful would that be? imagine if some of your friends did that to you, would you be HAPPY they did it??? 

keep in mind HE is the one who picked out the VERY NEXT MISSION WE”RE ABOUT TO DO so fucking sorry if we assumed “HEY HE PROBABLY WANTS TO PLAY IT. YKNOW THE MISSION HE FUCKING PICKED OUT. THE MISSION INVOLVING STUFF SPECIFICALLY FOR HIS CHARACTER” oh my fucking god. 

now i dont know the state of our group bc he yelled at me more and said he quit and deleted all his tweets and our dm is miserable and put the game on hiatus for 2 fucking weeks. i feel miserable too bc my friend has been lying to me and called me a guilt tripper and manipulative for reminding him hes stringing along 5 other people by not being fucking honest with us and said its OUR PROBLEM he cant be honest even though we structured the game so he can take MONTH long breaks if he needs to just give us the heads up. i told him he could quit once we got more than 3 players bc do you know how annoying it is to do a full campaign w only 2 characters playing???? bc one of the three dropped out??? i told him to just fucking play until then and he could quit for real and he went “but i DO wanna play : ( im just stressed!” 

well now ill just fucking believe every time he complains abt smth like “man i have to spend money on this thing” that means we’re just not hanging out like we planned. im not gonna ask him if hes actually going to the ren fest even tho the bed situation was taken care of bc i just assume now that he only brought up the bed to tell me hes not fucking going and to fuck off. im not making a costume for it either if my best friend doesnt go im just gonna stay home. 

i cant read the fucking air and he knows this. hes known me forever. he knows im ignorant and dont ‘get’ stuff like “if someone keeps canceling plans that means they want you to leave them the fuck alone and stop even inviting them or talking to them”. he knows im probably autistic and struggle with ‘unsaid” social cues like that and he just STILL does this and calls ME terrible for not ‘getting it’ and ‘forcing him’ to yell at me. im rtired.

[lntlmate]

10/25/17

I WENT TO SEE HIM!!!

So I went to see my manz J this morning and we met in the hall and he had the leg of a chair in his hands and he said smth about he needs practice beating his students and how it was perfect timing bc I was there ei he wanted to Beat Me BITCH

So he asked me how Ben was and I angrily said "I don't know." And he was like.????? And I said "We haven't talked in like 2 weeks!" And we talked ab everything and I told him at one point "He hasn't text me for two weeks. He could've text me..... I deleted our conversation. I'm over it. We're done." I WAS PARTLY JOKING BUT. LIKE. GOD DAMN SHUT UP ABOUT BEN GOD. And he called me a heartbreaker and he said he's gonna start calling me that and AAAAAAAA

Uh we were just talking and and these girls said smth about his wife and they said "Wait, don't you have a wife?" And he said "Most days," AND I WAS LIKE. THE FUCK. I JUST FROWNED AT HIM. AND HE SAID "Sometimes she doesn't claim me as her husband," APELALD IMY BABY AND HE SAID HIS WIFE IS 12 YEARS Y O U N G E R THAN HIM. AND I WAS LIKE "Is she really?!" LIKE. I TRIED TO MASK MY EXCITEMENT BUT. BITCH HOLY SHIT. AND HE SAID "Yeah. When ya still got it," GODOFGF THAY IS MY BABY

Then the annoying freshman girls left and I asked "Am I that annoying?" And he said Something and I said "Are you just making excuses?" And he smiled at me and said Yeah but he said that they were good kids Unlike Me who is a "Bad Kid" LOVE U BITCH

So. We were joking around and I didn't wanna make everything depression so I said "So. I actually came down here to ask you why you've been in such a pissy mood for like a week and a half." OK LISTEN I DIDNT MEAN TO SAY IT LIKE SUCH A BITCH BUT I WAS LIKE. JOKING OK. And I don't really rmr what he said it was something about how me and my friends don't sit by him anymore and I said "Well that's your fault." And he said he had to protect his things. Which. He collects fucking Star Wars figures I love My Gay Boyfriend and I laughed and asked "Is that really why you moved?" And HE SAID YES. I CANT BELIEVE HIM. JESUS CHRIST.

THATS ALL I RMR RIGHT NOW ILL UPDATE LATER IM ABOUT TO GO TO THE DOCTOR SO IT MIGHT BE A WHILE