#i meant to make a whole set of judd in these glasses but never did. i'll add it to my list for when I'm up for full sets

[guardian-angle22]

can you gif that tongue thing judd did in opening of thunderstruck with this aviators on?

[response to my request for gif prompts post here]

[marjansmarwani]

It feels like an out of body experience

2k || ao3

“He was talking to both of us,” he repeated, aware that he sounded like a broken record. “Both me and Gabriel. He was going to take what was most important, from both of us.” --- Just a missing 2x12 scene of the moment after Owen realized TK and Carlos were in danger and what follows. Featuring an in-depth look at his guilt because why else do I ever write Owen Strand anymore?

This has been sitting mostly done on my google drive since May and I finally decided to finish it today, for some reason so I hope you’re all in the mood for some angsty Owen content. 

Beta’d by my loves @silvarafael and @justaswampdemon

------------

“You thought he was talking to you?” Billy asked with a snort. “I thought he was talking to Reyes.” 

Judd let out a laugh beside him and Owen rolled his eyes, picking up his glass to take another sip of the whiskey. He rolled Billy’s words around in his head as he twirled the glass, watching as the whiskey sloshed around the sides. The thought came suddenly and hit him with all the force of a steam engine. 

“He was talking to both of us,” he said quietly, pulling Judd’s attention to him. He could see the other man frowning but he ignored him. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it sooner; he couldn’t believe it hadn’t been his first thought. 

“He was talking to both of us,” he repeated louder, now pulling the eyes of all the others to him as well. Tommy sat up straighter as she clocked the fear in his eyes. 

“What are you saying?” she asked evenly, using her steady, tempered captain’s voice that he had heard so often on patients in the field. 

“He was talking to both of us,” he repeated, aware that he sounded like a broken record. “Both me and Gabriel. He was going to take what was most important, from both of us.” 

His words hung in the air for a moment as they all processed and began to connect the dots. Owen set down his glass as they did, his hands were shaking too much to hold it. He was already reaching into his pocket for his phone when Judd’s expression cleared and he let out a curse as he figured out what Owen was implying, but he didn’t have the focus to see anything but the phone in his hands. 

Billy still hadn’t figured it out though so Owen spelled it out for him as the phone now clutched to his ear rang: “Our sons. He meant our sons, who live together. He meant TK and Carlos. He rigged their house to burn too.” 

There were horrified looks all around now but Owen couldn’t focus on them. The fear coursing through his veins was too all-consuming; there wasn’t room for anything else. 

The ringing stopped and for a split second, Owen thought that maybe, just maybe he was in luck, that TK had finally answered. But his voicemail answered instead at the tail end of the moment and Owen could feel some of the hope he had managed to cling to slip away. 

The others were watching him intently and he knew that the fear was written all over his face. Grace was the first to speak, breaking the tense silence. 

“You all need to go.” 

They all turned to her and Judd opened his mouth but she shook her head, “Those boys need you. With the 126 closed, there isn’t a house close enough to get to them in time. But you’re close here. I’ll call it in to dispatch, and pray a whole lot.” 

Owen nodded, already standing with Judd on his heels. The younger man paused for all of a moment, turning back to his wife who only shook her head. 

“TK and Carlos need you right now Judd, I’ll be fine. Just be careful, and call me when you’re done.”

Judd nodded and leaned forward to give her a quick kiss, “I love you, Gracie.” 

“I love you too, now go!” 

Owen didn’t need to be told twice. He was already halfway out the door before Grace even finished speaking. He jumped into his truck and was momentarily surprised when the passenger door swung open beside him. He turned, hand frozen over the ignition to see Billy climbing in beside him. The other man took a look at him and scoffed. 

“Well, what are you waiting for, New York? We’ve gotta go.” 

So Owen started the truck and sped away from the curb because Billy was right. TK was in danger and nothing else mattered. 

He pressed the speed limit the entire way from the Ryder’s house to the condo. It wasn’t far and Owen was making excellent time as it was, but that fact did nothing to quell the racing of his heart. He can’t believe he hadn’t thought of it before. What kind of father was he that when he was told that someone was going to take what was most important to him and he didn’t immediately think of his son? 

If they were too late and the worst did happen, how did he live with himself?

Billy had the scanner app running beside him, and the sound of his son’s address being relayed by dispatch sent an entirely different chill through him. It made it real, hearing the words outside of his own head. All the while his phone rang between them until TK’s voicemail picked up again and Owen swore. He took a breath and tried to let logic in. Maybe Raymond was just trying to scare them; rigging two places to burn might have taken more time than he had. Maybe they weren’t home, maybe they had decided to go out after everything that had happened today. Maybe they had been able to get out at the first signs — TK had been a firefighter, after all. He would have noticed, he would have known how to safely get them both out. He...

His conjecture broke off sharply as they finally reached their destination and Owen suddenly found that he couldn’t breathe. 

There were flames already eating through the first story, their ominous glow cutting through the night. Owen knew in his gut he had been right but seeing it stoked an entirely new fear within him. TK was in there. Carlos was in there. He needed to get them out. 

He moved towards the structure but suddenly there were hands on him, pulling him back. He rounded on the hands holding him, ready to fight back only to be met with Judd’s unimpressed gaze. 

“Running in there half-cocked and getting yourself hurt isn’t going to help them,” he told him, pressing an AFD t-shirt into his hands. “Cover up your face and let me grab the extinguishers, then we’ll go in.”

Owen followed his instructions without much thought, his shaking hands moving on autopilot to fasten the shirt around his face. His gaze never left the flaming structure before him, his chest aching with the knowledge that his son was trapped in there. It wasn’t long before a fire extinguisher was pressed into his hand by Judd, but it felt like an eternity as he watched the flames grow ever higher. He felt as if he were in those flames himself, the fear and guilt eating away inside of him with every passing breath that he got to take that his son might not.  

And then they were moving, bursting through the front door and attacking the flames with their extinguishers. Owen barely took a moment to survey the downstairs — to see the familiar living space charred and destroyed — before he led the way up the stairs to the bedroom, Billy on his heels. The sound of breaking glass had him running faster and he burst through the door to feel his heart jump into his throat at the sight of Carlos preparing himself to jump out of a second-floor window, TK a step behind him.

He shouted at them to follow him as Billy did his best to quell the flames that threatened to stop them. But Owen knew they wouldn’t because he wouldn’t be deterred. Now that he had the boys in his sight, he wasn’t about to leave here without them; no matter what. 

They both turned and looked at him in shock and he can only imagine how little sense this all must make. But then TK was pulling Carlos towards them and then they were out of the room and down the stairs 

He noted the hand that TK kept on Carlos as he stepped in front of them and wondered how much of it was his training and how much of it was the need to know that he was still with him. It was an instinct he understood, as he led the way and did his best to clear their path with the one fire extinguisher he had. He could hear them behind him but he was almost afraid to turn around, as if somehow if he looked back they would be gone; a modern-day Orpheus giving into his doubt and losing it all. So he focused instead on the flames, on finding the next step. On the way forward. 

His mind had almost started to wander again — pondering the terrors and what-ifs even now — but a piece of the ceiling falling to the ground before him interrupted that spiral, wrenching him back to reality. Being surrounded by fire on all sides without a stitch of gear was unlike anything else and he bit back a cry as some of the smoldering debris landed on his arm. But he pushed on because TK and Carlos were behind him and that was all that mattered. He could weather any amount of pain as long as the boys were safe. 

Finally, they burst through what remained of the front door, and before he even paused to take a breath he turned on his heel to make sure that they were behind him, that he hadn’t failed even more than he already had. 

But there they were, hunched over on their front lawn; taking heaving breaths of fresh air and coughing out the remnants of smoke still trapped in their lungs. 

Distantly Owen heard the sound of footsteps behind him and Tommy ran to join them and of shouts as Judd and Billy spilled out of the front door. Tommy gave him a quick look before making a beeline for the boys, reaching out for TK who shook his head and nodded towards Carlos. Her expression softened ever so slightly as she reached out a hand for Carlos, guiding him (and therefore TK too) further away from the flames still eating through the darkness of the night sky. 

Owen watched them go as Judd appeared at his side, following his gaze before glancing down at Owen’s sleeve. 

“Those could be some nasty burns, Cap,” he observed. “You should get those checked out.”

Even as he said the words the 129 was piling out of their truck and the captain was calling out orders. Owen watched them go but knew with a sinking heart that the damage had already been done in so many ways. He shook his head at Judd a moment later, “They’ll keep.” 

Judd opened his mouth to argue but trailed off when he followed Owen’s gaze back to where TK and Carlos were now getting checked out by the paramedics, Tommy hovering at the edge. His expression turned sad at the sight of Carlos hunched over and TK wrapped around him, running a soothing hand up and down his arm even as his mouth moved in what were likely soft reassurances. 

“Do you think he’ll ever forgive me Judd?” he heard himself ask, and he wasn’t surprised when the other man looked at him sharply. 

“Who?” he asked, “TK?” He started to speak but then stopped as he glanced back over his shoulder at the home that was crumbling to soggy ashes behind them. His eyes turned back to the couple currently seeking solace in each other in the back of an ambulance before he sighed: “Yeah, he will. He’s good like that. It’s just gonna take some time.” 

Owen nodded his agreement but kept his mouth shut so what he was really thinking didn’t slip through. Maybe, he thought, forgiveness isn’t even what he is looking for. Forgiving could be easy and TK had perfected the art over the course of his life. He knew his son loved him, but love didn’t always mean the same as trust. Trust was something else entirely and Owen couldn’t help but wonder how long it would be before his son ever put his trust in him again. 

[myemergence]

Like a Brand New Melody

Pairing: Grace Ryder/Judd Ryder

Series: 911 First Kiss Week

@911firstkissweek

Rating: Teen

Summary: Judd and Grace relive the night they met—and their first kiss.

Read it on AO3

Notes: inspired by the song The Stranger by Ingrid Andress. Thanks for the beta, @nurse-buckley

*

Grace sat at the table at the bar, thumb circling the rim of the glass before she leaned forward to take a sip from the straw. She let the muted sound of Patsy Cline’s voice fade into the background as she looked around.

“Gracie,” Tommy said as she made her way over to the table. Grace smoothed a hand down over her floral dress and smiled at her friend. “Fancy meeting you here.”

“Hey, Tommy.” Grace smiled at her friend, though she remained distracted as she sat at the table.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything is fine—great, even.”

“Just meeting someone here and he’s running a little late.”

“Someone, huh?” she teased, raising her eyebrow.

Then he stepped into the bar, tall enough to see above the trees with those legs. She took in the sight of him and couldn’t stop the full smile that spread across her lips. He was easy on the eyes, that was for sure, and Grace was certain in that moment that there was absolutely nobody else that she wanted. She watched as he drifted over to the bar and turned her attention back to Tommy.

“Well I’m meeting a few friends,” Tommy said, excusing herself from the table. “I’ll see you around, don’t get into too much trouble tonight, alright?”

Grace waved her off, swirling the straw around in her glass of ice water. He approached the table with a smile. “Howdy,” he said after a minute, taking a few swallows from her beer.

“I didn’t know people still said ‘howdy’,” she teased, watching as his eyes brightened.

“Well we do. Anyway, I was wonderin’ if you might wanna dance,” he said, glancing in the direction of the dance floor, then added for clarification, “with me.”

A laugh slipped past her lips as she swung her legs over the side of the chair, sliding her hand into his offered one. “Of course I do.”

He led her out towards the dance floor, and Grace took note that she couldn’t move as easily as she did even a month ago. On instinct, she rubbed a hand over her stomach.

“You feelin’ okay?” Judd asked, as if the movement were a cry for help.

Grace drew her lips together into a straight line. He was obviously worried that she was going to overdo it, with her growing belly filling the space between them. “I’m feeling fine,” she said incredulously.

She didn’t miss the sheepish smile that crossed his features, it was a look she’d seen on him many times before, increasingly so with the passing weeks. It also meant that asking her now didn’t mean that he wasn’t going to question her another five times before they sat down.

“You look beautiful.”

Grace glanced down at the dress, with its floral detail cascading over her baby bump and then back up into his face. He set a hand on her waist then enveloped her much smaller hand in his own as they started to sway to the music that played. “Thank you. You look quite handsome yourself.”

“I had this feeling that I just might meet someone who’d change my life tonight.”

“A feeling, huh?”

Judd didn’t respond to her teasing, instead shaking his head a little. “You have changed my life, Gracie, even before the first time I met you. I wouldn’t be who I am now without you. There’s a lot I don’t know if I’d have made it through without you there. Your voice, your words, your presence—were life-changing.” She swallowed against the sudden thickness in her throat, the emotion that Judd’s words uncovered overwhelming her all at once. They gazed into each other’s eyes as Judd led her around the dance floor with a confidence that came with the familiarity of time.

“You would have,” Grace finally said, as they moved across the dance floor. “You’re the strongest man I know, Judd. You’ve made it through everything so far in life, and you would’ve made it through that, even if I wasn’t there.”

Judd shook his head a little. “No, and I don’t wanna think about what it would’ve been like—”

“You don’t have to,” Grace reminds him, a small smile crossing her face at the verbal reminder that she didn’t have to go through life without him, either.

“You’re right.” Judd said as he looked down at her, his expression soft with a fondness that Grace never thought she’d experience. A love like theirs was steady and strong, adventurous and thrilling, grounding and life-changing, all at the same time.

They continued to sway to the music, reenacting their first time meeting at this very same bar. Judd swept his thumb over her cheek, the fondness that Grace could so easily see in his eyes reflected in his touch. He dipped his head down to give her a kiss until she pressed a hand against his chest to stop him.

“Judson Ryder, you know that is not how it went. You’d better do it right.” Grace waved an accusatory finger in her husband’s direction, watching as he rolled his eyes.

“You serious?”

Grace raised an eyebrow as she looked up at him, unable to restrain the smile that spread across her face. “What do you think?”

*

The last thing that Grace had expected when she’d met with a few of her friends was to have such a tall man approach her at their table. Well, really, he hadn’t approached her—more like he’d been dragged behind his pretty friend, Tommy.

But the second their eyes met he’d smiled at Grace, looked at her in a way that nobody else had, not once in her life. That look alone made Grace feel things, her stomach clenching, indicating that something was happening even if she didn’t know exactly what that was. Then he’d opened his mouth and smiled at her and she felt as though her heart had stopped, “I’m Judd.”

The second the words slipped past his lips she knew exactly who he was. This man that she’d been talking to through prayer hotline at the church. He’d called one night, obviously struggling and feeling alone, broken-hearted and hopeless, and he couldn’t understand why he’d been the one to survive. He’d been worlds away from self-worth when they first spoke. Then he’d called again and again. As time passed the calls had become less about emergencies and true help that Judd needed, quickly changing into him calling Grace for general life advice. Finally, he’d started calling just because he wanted to hear her voice, hanging up on the other operators who answered the phone until he got her on the line. Which was both terribly inconsiderate and really sweet.

So she’d been too afraid of hurting Judd to tell him that she was leaving the prayer hotline earlier in the week.

It didn’t make sense to feel like she knew this man who she’d never laid eyes on before tonight. Yet she did feel that way and knew him, in an unexplainable way, down to her core. All of her instincts telling her that this is where she was meant to be. Of all the bars in town, how did they both just so happen to be here?

She swayed with Judd on the dance floor, trying not to over analyze it as she moved with him around the dance floor, feeling unusually at ease with his hand on the small of her back. He’d taken the time to tell her about how things had gone with the woman he was trying to make amends with, and let her know that she hadn’t in fact spit on him. She’d forgiven him after all this time.

“I know this is really forward of me, but uh—” Judd flushed but made sure he looked her in the eyes. Grace was fairly certain that if they hadn’t been dancing that he might be even more awkward, though it barely seemed possible. “I’d really like to kiss you.”

Grace’s eyebrows shot up a little as she looked at him, trying not to allow it to transform into a full blown smile.

“Do I look like the kind of girl that kisses a man she only just met?”

“You look like the kind of woman that a man would give up everything for.” Judd cleared his throat again, a perfect flush working its way into his cheeks, and it was all too tempting to reach up and brush her fingers over the soft pink blooming there.

“Plus I’m not sure if it counts as just meeting when we’ve been talkin’ for months now,” Judd added. “You know more about me and what I’ve been through than literally anyone in this world, Grace. You’re the furthest thing from a stranger.”

Grace stopped swaying, looking up at him with a soft smile on her face. The way that his words made her stomach clench was unfamiliar and intoxicating all at once. Feeling this connection with Judd, even if she was only seeing him for the first time today, it made her want him to kiss her now.

Judd looked down at her curiously, his body stilling as well.

“I’d like it if you kissed me,” Grace finally said, watching a smile spread across Judd’s face.

One hand remained on Grace’s waist and he drew her slightly closer from the point of contact, his other hand shifting up to her shoulder, and his thumb brushed lightly against the curve of her neck. That simple, intimate touch made her long for more, for his lips to press against her own. As he bent down her eyes slipped closed, waiting for the feeling of his lips against hers.

Instead, a few seconds later she felt his lips brush against her cheek, pressing a soft kiss there. “I’m a gentleman,” Judd said against her hair before he stood up fully. “If you want more than that you’re gonna have to stick around.”

Grace laughed softly, shaking her head as Judd began to move her around the dance floor again.

And who was she kidding? They both knew that she would.

*

“I know this is really forward of me, “ Judd said and Grace looked up at him with a satisfied grin. He shook his head at her affectionately, though a smile tugged at his own lips. “I’d really like to kiss you.”

“Do I look like the kind of woman that kisses a man she only just met?”

So it looked like she wanted to do the whole bit.

Judd continued to sway as he looked down at her, not able to tear his eyes away from her face.

“You look like the kind of woman a man would give everything up for,” Judd said, remembering the words he spoke in the past. He dropped one hand to her rounded belly, unable to stop the warmth in his chest from spreading. “The kind of woman that a man wants to spend forever with; to make a family with.”

“Judd,” Grace whispered. He bent down and kissed her cheek softly. She waited until he pulled back to look at him impatiently. “Is that how you kiss your wife?”

Judd laughed quietly. “There’s no makin’ you happy, is there? Kiss you like I’m someone you just met, kissing you like you’re my wife—”

“If you don’t stop talking and kiss me already—”

Cutting her words off, Judd moved one hand to the back of her neck, and dipped his head down to kiss her. There wasn’t any pretending that this was their first time, and no awkwardness of getting used to the taste and feel of the other person.

There was a familiarity of thousands of shared kisses, Judd’s knowledge of what Grace liked and what she didn’t. The taste of strawberry lip balm flooded his tongue as he swept it along the crease of her lips, her fingers bunching his shirt at the sides. She pulled back a few moments later, breathless as Judd rested his forehead against hers.

“Let’s go home,” Grace whispered.

“Baby, we just got here.”

“I know.” Grace threaded their fingers together and Judd smiled down at her. Staying in place he brought her hand up to press a kiss against the back of her hand.

“Okay,” Judd agreed, leading her away from the dance floor. As incredible as their first meeting had been, Judd knew that it didn’t compare to what they’d created together over the past few years. “Let’s go home.”

[firefighterthirst]

Formals

(@911x911lonestarsmutweek: Day Three)

It ain't right, the way Captain Strand looks in his dress uniform at this fancy dress function. The crisp black and the medals suit him, and he stands different- taller, prouder, like he wants everyone to know that he won't defer to them. Before now, Judd has never understood what people meant when they said they wanted someone to step on them. With Captain Strand in formals, though, he understands. He thinks he would do damn near anything that his captain asked of him.

He doesn't say anything about it because he doesn't want to make things weird, but of course, Captain Strand always knows when something is up. After the event is over, he asks Judd over for a drink. Judd can't say no.

Captain Strand pours them each a glass of some expensive tequila and smiles at him. The shadow along his jaw is calling out to Judd to see if it's as rough as it looks, and he has this smile to his eyes that promises trouble. Who can blame him if Judd knocks back most of his drink?

"What are we doing here, Judd?"

"You asked me over," he reminds.

"Yeah." Captain Strand takes a thoughtful sip of his drink. "Do you like my formals?"

This is some sort of game that Judd isn't sure how to play, but he'll be damned if he doesn't try. "I think they look mighty good on you, Cap."

For a moment, Captain Strand considers this. Then he finishes his drink and turns toward the hall to the bedroom. It's a clear invitation, one that Judd scrambles to follow, admiring the way that Captain Strand's slacks fit his ass. He definitely had those things tailored.

It occurs to him that Captain Strand's bedroom looks exactly like one would think. It's sleek and minimalist with a large bed that's been made with military crisp corners. He doesn't know what else he should have expected.

He kneels in front of Captain Strand and crosses his arms behind his back. This isn't his first rodeo and he aims to impress, to be good enough to be rewarded with whatever his Captain wants to give to him. It's hard not to react visibly when his perfect supplication is rewarded with a hand in his hair and Captain Strand stepping forward until Judd can rest his forehead against his hip.

"Be good for me?" Captain Strand asks.

Judd nods.

He stays in place until Captain Strand moves first, going over to his night stand to retrieve lube and condoms. "I didn't take you as the sort with authority issues, Ryder."

"Are you seriously trying to psychoanalyze me right now?"

"Just making conversation." Captain Strand returns to Judd and pulls his head back by his hair, forcing the two of them to make heated eye contact. "Are you seriously trying to start a fight with me right now?"

"No, sir."

The title seems to flip a switch in Captain Strand. He stands up just that little bit straighter and looks down at Judd like he wants to devour him.

"Take off your clothes and bend over the bed."

Under Captain Strand's watchful eye, Judd strips off his formals and folds them neatly, setting everything on the desk in the corner of the room before he bends over. He hasn't done this in years. Of course it's the fancy new captain from New York that has him this desperate for it. As soon as he's in position, Captain Strand is behind him. A calloused hand settles on his hip while dress shoes kick his legs a little wider.

He hears the click of the lube bottle's cap a few seconds before slick fingers slip between his cheeks and rub against his hole. It's hard not to squirm. Judd tries to keep still for the most part by taking the bedding in his fists, but he can't help a twitch of his hips when Captain Strand presses a finger into him.

"Stay still."

Judd nods. He wants to be good. He manages not to move as Captain Strand gets him ready, even if it takes all his willpower. No matter how much he wants to watch when he hears the sound of a smart leather belt being unbuckled. The realization that Captain Strand is going to keep his uniform on while he fucks him sends a thrill through him.

It's when he finally pushes in that Judd can't help moving, trying to take more faster than Captain Strand is ready to give. The motion earns him a sharp spank that has him keening. If that's supposed to discourage him, he doesn't know how effective it'll be. Nonetheless, he continues to try and be good while his Captain fucks him.

Captain Strand, as it turns out, is as ruthless when it comes to sex as when it comes to running his firehouse. Every single thrust pushes Judd's hips against the edge of the mattress and has him gasping for breath. Somehow, Captain Strand has impeccable aim too, managing to hit Judd's prostate nearly every time. It's not quite enough to make him come, but he knows better than to try and touch himself right now.

"Please," he whines.

In response, Captain Strand moves one of the hands on Judd's waist to his neck, pinning him down better. It's an almost degrading way to be held, which only makes this whole thing hotter than it already was.

"Please what?"

"Please sir, let me come."

He doesn't get a real response. Instead, Captain Strand laughs at him and fucks him harder. Judd didn't think he could. All he can do is moan, his head completely empty of anything except for the sensations of getting fucked like it's the last thing they'll ever do. Tomorrow, he's definitely going to be sore. Fuck, there's a shift tomorrow. But he can worry about the fallout later. For now, all that matters is how full Judd feels and the thought that if this continues long enough, he might actually be able to get off.

Just as he thinks that, Captain Strand presses in deep and comes, filling up the condom and just barely rocking through his orgasm. Judd whimpers when he finally pulls out, and takes a moment to catch his bearings while Captain Strand lets go of him.

"Christ," he manages.

"No, Owen."

He snorts and turns around, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Can you, you know..."

"I'm done with you," Captain Strand says. His slacks are still open but he's put himself back into his boxers, and as Judd watches, he goes over to the dresser to take off his cuff links. "You did good, but you can go now."

"Are you serious?"

Captain Strand nods toward Judd's clothes, indicating to get redressed. "Uh, yeah. Maybe you can come next time, if you earn it."

[marjansmarwani]

Secret Smiles 

[Ao3 Link]

Characters: Paul Strickland & TK Strand

Word Count: 2203

Paul knows TK is hiding something. He even knows that it has to do with a mystery man he's seeing, but he cannot figure it out past that. Until a night at a bar when a certain officer of the law shows up, that it.

This one was taken from one of @lauraperfectinsanity‘s Tarlos prompts (it’s number 2). I changed it a bit, but I think it’s still pretty close to the spirit of the thing, which was Paul figuring out that TK is secretly seeing Carlos. 

------

Paul hated not knowing things.

Knowing things was kind of, well, his thing. Often it meant situations; who did what and what caused that. Sometimes it was just simply facts – he can’t help that he was a voracious reader with a memory like a steel trap. But it also meant people, and his friends and teammates were certainly included in that.

When he first started at the 126, Paul had been on his guard. Each of his new teammates had been subject to his own threat assessment. His brother had always chided him for it – telling him he needed to have more faith in people. But faith in people could get you hurt, so Paul instead chose to be strategic. He decided who it was safe to share information with and how much detail each person could be entrusted with.

It wasn’t easy, but it had kept him safe.

So, he examined and observed each member of his new crew in turn. Captain Strand and TK had been first, and he began his analysis the moment he entered the room for his interview. He quickly deduced that the Captain was sincere, that he harbored Paul no ill-will. TK was quiet during the interview, but when he mentioned identifying the people who wanted to hurt him before they did, he noticed a small smile that spoke of understanding and comradery. Paul allowed himself to relax – neither of these men were a threat to him. In fact, TK Strand might just be a kindred spirit – someone else who had faced hate because of who they were. In the end, it’s a large part of the reason he accepts the Captain’s offer – he knows that he will have allies in this journey; he won’t have to fight this particular battle alone.

The rest of the crew is easy to read, and soon he feels comfortable; at home. Within the walls of the firehouse things are safe, he can let his guard down. Not that there is too much to analyze anyways. The general rule is openness: they’re a family, they tell each other things.

Which is why he almost doesn’t realize TK is hiding something, at first. He’s not sure exactly when he notices but once he does, he picks up little hints everywhere. Maybe it was the first time he heard him abruptly change the subject. Or the time he noticed that the tale he told Judd about how he had spent his night off and what he told Marjan were slightly different. There were small inconsistencies in the details. In Paul’s experience, that usually meant it was a lie.

First, Paul is concerned. He can’t help but wonder if TK is in some sort of trouble, if there is something wrong that he doesn’t want to share with the rest of the team. So he watches, looking for signs of trouble and quickly comes to a very different conclusion: TK has a secret boyfriend.

It’s glaringly obvious once he knows to look for the signs: secretive texting under the table, small smiles when he checks his phone, late-night phone calls when he thinks everyone else is asleep. All the times that he disappears when they go out as a group, or when he makes excuses and doesn’t come out at all – especially when he is far too tired the next day to have actually gone home to sleep as he claims to have done.

He has a secret boyfriend, that part is obvious. What’s not obvious is why this is a secret. TK doesn’t generally come off as a secretive person. He knows it’s not an issue about coming out – TK is very open about his sexuality. Maybe the other man is not fully out? Maybe it’s someone TK feels like he shouldn’t be dating (Paul can’t imagine why that would even be a thing, but stranger things have happened, he supposed).

It wasn’t until a few weeks later and a conversation in the gym that Paul finally got an answer. He was stressed and anxious and feeling very out of his comfort zone with this whole Josie thing, and he hadn’t meant to snap at TK. But he was frustrated, and he took it out on his friend – his friend who was being a hypocrite because he was seeing someone and not shouting to the world about it yet here he was lecturing Paul about taking risks, about putting himself out there. He snaps out the jab about what TK would know about rejection without even thinking. He regrets it instantly – it wasn’t fair. He didn’t know what TK’s experience with coming out was. He didn’t know anything about his history. But it’s out there and he can’t take it back.  

TK’s answer, when it came, surprised him. He sat up and fiddled with his necklace as he spoke, “116 days ago, when I asked my soul mate to marry me and he moved in with his trainer instead.”

Paul froze, for just a moment. He wasn’t even sure how to respond to that, how to acknowledge the level of vulnerability TK had just shown. “That’s rough,” he settled on, “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah,” TK agreed grimly, “that was not my best day.”

The conversation moved on and TK gave him some surprisingly sage advice. Paul took that advice, but he also took some answers. One: TK had been burned by love and was probably hesitant about diving back in. Two: there was more to the story than he had shared. The fact that he knew exactly how many days it had been showed that in spades. Maybe, Paul reasoned, TK didn’t want to share this relationship because he was scared. Maybe he wasn’t ready to take that step, to make things official. Given what he had just learned – and what he assumed, Paul couldn’t blame him.

That didn’t mean that he stopped trying to solve the mystery anyways. Partly because it was just what he did, and partly because TK was his friend and he wanted to make sure that whoever this mystery man was, they were not someone who was going to break TK’s too big heart again. He was more subtle about it – never asking any blunt questions or drawing conclusions. He simply watches and observes.

He’s watching one night when they are all at the bar and Officer Reyes meets them at Michelle’s insistence.  He almost doesn’t notice at first. They are good at hiding it – far too practiced in the art of not drawing attention to their closeness. But there are still tells, little, unconscious things that they do. The things they probably can’t even help. The private glances when someone makes a joke, the small smiles. The hands that linger when they cross paths – the fact that they cross paths more often than is strictly necessary. It’s almost as if there is a magnetic pull between them and they are unable to stay more than an arm’s length apart. As he watches, TK crosses to the bar for another round, slipping behind Carlos, laying a hand on his hip as he passes. Carlos glances over his shoulder at him and gives him a smile that is far from casual.

Oh. Oh.

The realization hits him suddenly. He takes a sudden sharp intake of breath and somehow TK hears and turns towards him. Their eyes meet and Paul can tell that TK knows he knows. His eyes widen in panic and he slips away, heading not for the bar, but to the door. Paul sets his glass down, makes an excuse he doesn’t think anyone even hears and follows him. He finds him outside leaning on the railing of the porch, hands clasping the railing so tightly his knuckles shine white in the dim lighting. He comes to a stop next to his friend and waits for the other man to speak.

“You know,” TK says lowly, bluntly.

Paul nods, “Just figured it out.”

He waits, but TK doesn’t say any more, so he continues, “Is there a reason you don’t want anyone to know?”

TK sighs, releasing one hand from the railing to run it down his face anxiously, “No, not really,” he says uncertainly. “It’s not like we're not both single and out. Christ, we don’t even work together – there is no actual reason to keep it a secret.”

“Then why do you?”

“I don’t know.”

Paul scoffs, “Yeah, you do.”

TK glares at him and Paul raises an eyebrow. TK rolls his eyes but concedes his point, “Okay fine, I do.”

Paul waits, allowing TK the time he needs to gather his thoughts. The sounds from the bar drift through the windows, fighting for dominance with the sound of the crickets surrounding them. When TK’s voice breaks the silence, it nearly startles Paul.

“You remember how I mentioned that my last relationship ended badly, right?”

Paul made a sound of affirmation and TK continued, “I just…I wasn’t ready to jump into another relationship so soon. I was pretty sure I was never going to be ready to jump into another relationship again, actually. This thing, with Carlos, started as a hookup. I figured it would be a one-night stand, we’d both burn up some energy and frustration and move on, but he was stubborn. He wanted more and he pushed. I tried to resist, tried to stay away, but I couldn’t. Now, here we are – and I’m even sure where exactly here is.”

Paul studied his friend. His expression was tense, but even in just speaking about Carlos, his body language had relaxed. He may claim that he didn’t know what they were, but Paul would put good money on how exactly TK felt for the officer.

“Is that why you didn’t tell anyone?” he asked instead.

TK nodded, “I don’t really know what to tell, but there is also this part of me that just feels like once it’s out there – once it is no longer ours – I won’t have control of it anymore, and I won’t be able to deny what it is. I’m just…not sure I’m ready for that yet.”

Paul took a step closer and leaned on the railing next to TK. He chose his next words carefully, “I’m not going to tell you what to do or what to feel, but from where I’m standing, it looks like you’re already there, and I think that’s a good thing. You seem lighter when he’s around, even when you’re just talking about him. You care about him and if I had to make a bet, I’d bet he cares about you to. So, I’m not going to say you have to make a big announcement or anything, but maybe just keep that in mind. Maybe start letting go of the reins, just a bit and see what happens.”

TK turned to face him and raised an eyebrow, “is there where you tell me something about nothing that is important is without risk or something?”

Paul scoffed, “Nah man, I don’t do clichés.”

TK laughed lightly, and Paul continued, “I’m just saying, maybe see where this goes. I don’t know Officer Reyes that well, but I don’t think he’s a bad guy and I know he doesn’t want to hurt you. It’s going to be scary, but maybe let it play out. Besides, if the worst does happen, you have people to lean on.”

It was quiet for a long moment before TK responded; his voice soft, “That was good advice.”

Paul nodded seriously, “I don’t do subpar advice. Besides, I owe you. You helped me out with the Josie thing, and that’s what family does, right? Look out for each other.”

TK turned again, a soft smile on his lips, “Yeah, I guess it does.”

They stood in companionable silence for a few more minutes before Paul spoke again, “So, do we wait and go in at separate times, or do we go in together? I’m new to this whole clandestine relationship stuff. I am not familiar with this life of intrigue and secrets you’ve been leading.”

TK rolled his eyes, “Stop exaggerating, we don’t need to hide anything. If people draw conclusions well, maybe a conclusion needed to be made.”

Paul raised an eyebrow at the implications, “are you saying you’re going to come clean? Tonight?” he shook his head, “Man, I know my advice is good, but I didn’t think it was that good.”  

“I’m saying,” TK said over him, “that maybe I should be a little more open. I feel bad lying to family, after all.”

“Do I get to say told you so?”

“You do not.”

Paul shrugged, “I’m going to anyway.”

TK shook his head and patted his shoulder before heading back into the bar. Paul smiled, and followed suit.

If for the rest of the night he noticed TK standing closer to Carlos, leaning into his space, giving him wide and open smiles, he said nothing. If the others started to notice as well and raised eyebrows before asking outright questions, that was really none of his business. He was content to quietly sip his drink and watch everything play out around him. When TK shot him a grateful smile as he grasped Carlos’s hand, he returned it.

Paul hated not knowing things. And this, this was a good thing to know.

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