#i mean...obviously all fandom works like this on some level but i do think it's particularly noticeable in w 359

[popsicle-stick]

the wolf 359 tag is genuinely impressively active after being over for like. 7 years? that being said i'm still constantly poking it with a stick to see if anything comes scuttling out

[commsroom]

OK I need you to point me to the nearest entry point into this fandom. I don’t know what this is, but you popped up on my dash.. and I need to know what this is. Please lead the way.

oh!! that's exciting. yes. okay!! wolf 359 is a science fiction audio drama about the isolated and questionably competent crew of a deep space research station, the u.s.s. hephaestus. the initial four characters are comms officer doug eiffel, 'everyman' pop culture guy who really, really hates his job; commander minkowski, who cares about her job and the rulebooks that come with it a little too much, and desperately wants to feel like she's keeping everything under control; dr. hilbert... eccentric? station medical officer and mad scientist whose methods and mission objectives are not entirely above board; and hera, the station's mother program, who struggles with her job and the ways she's perceived by others.

there are other characters who show up later - i would say only three of the above characters are "main" characters, while the actual fourth main character is introduced in s2 - but that requires way more context, and i don't want to get into spoilers, obviously.

wolf 359 is a character drama - it's my personal gold standard for character writing - and the brief descriptions i gave you are the most surface, surface level parts of them. the writers once said something about it, like... that they weren't interested in subverting typical sci-fi character archetypes so much as looking at them and asking "why would a real person behave that way?" and i think it really worked. whether i like them or not, they all feel like real people to me. it has great sound design and a lot of "physicality" in the performances for an audio-only show, which i think comes down to gabriel urbina's film background and the way the scripts are written and performed. (and alan rodi's incredible soundtrack and sense for music cues.) you can't see a lot of what's in the scripts, but they're acted out in a way that you can kinda feel it anyway. i love that.

here's a fan made trailer that i think captures a lot of the right energy. it's a show about a lot of things, but some of the primary themes are communication + music, and i think the collaborative nature of the show itself adds something very sincere to that. it's also about corporate and medical exploitation, resisting dehumanization, what makes us human, connection, identity and autonomy, guilt and accountability, the stories people tell themselves to justify who they are or what they feel it's necessary for them to do, and, of course, the enduring philosophical question: "what's wrong with handcuffs?"

you can check it out at the website i linked above, or anywhere you can listen to podcast feeds! it's free, but they added ads a few years ago, which i hate, so you can pay a dollar here for the ad-free feed if that'll make a big difference in your ability to enjoy it: https://www.patreon.com/Wolf359Radio

it's a sequential story, nothing you really need to know about listening order except that i recommend not skipping the mini episodes (they have important character context and are where they are in the feed for a reason) (with the exception of mission mishaps ones near the end; those are comedy bonus episodes you can listen to whenever) and that you should definitely watch the live show after ep 26 and listen to special episode change of mind between s3 and s4.

i also have a folder here of every recording script where i edited any parts that were different from the show's dialogue + added transcripts for the ones that didn't have available recording scripts, if that's something you'd find useful! i also recommend checking them out just to see what i mean about how they're written.

the first season is pretty short, so i'd say stick with it until at least episode 12/13 (two part finale) if you can - i love the first season, personally, but that's the point it really becomes serialized, and so that's where i think you can safely say if it's something that's going to capture your interest or not. ... and that's it! sorry this is kind of an essay, but i got excited about it. i hope you love the show, please keep me updated, and let me know if there's anything else!!

[alexandraisyes]

What would happen if you were a writer for TSAMS?

I mean we'll never know unless we try, however-

God the temptation to make jokes about shipping ajfsdkg;ljfasd;l

In all seriousness I'm good at finding and fixing plot holes and writing consistent storylines. I've been writing solo for years, and recently I've been co-writing fics for this fandom. And stars I'll say it now, obviously I wouldn't drag fan ships into the canon lore, that would be stupid considering most of them just wouldn't work with canon.

If I had the chance to write for TSAMS I would definitely try to influence the way certain things (specifically things like mental disorders) are portrayed, because I understand being part of the audience and the frustration of only seeing part of the story and missing an entire important perspective. I personally find so much enjoyment in that because I get to tear everything apart, dissect it, and put it back together so the fandom can understand what the story is portraying, but the fact that someone is required to tear it apart to get what should have been an obvious message most of the time is an issue, in my opinion.

A consistent problem I've noticed with TSAMS is that it's overly omnipotent on some things while being too closed about others. This is a narrative problem that stems from not having enough time to figure out the best approach for new situations they want to incorporate. This is because the writers/VAs are so bogged down by personal projects, stream schedules, their servers, life, etc that they just don't have time to figure these things out. Especially when the company is pushing for more content/lore episodes and they're just a team of four. Four very very busy individuals that have to write AND voice act the entire cast of characters. I feel like having someone who is just a writer would help with a lot of the inconsistency and unresolved plot holes.

There's a lot of strong potential for things that would stem back as far as two years that would be so interesting to see incorporated, but they just don't have the time to work through those and it's easier to keep jumping on new boats and abandoning the ones they have to sink because of unresolved tears in the plot letting more inconsistencies trickle in like so much water. So I would absolutely work to correct those and clean up the holes and resolve unanswered questions.

I'd also push for more consistent characterization, or rather better worded, deeper characterization. Not that they don't have good characterization now, overall I think they do a decent job, but there are just some things that I wish they'd touch on more. Likes, dislikes, disorders, complications, relationships, etc. What really makes up these characters; I'd probably end up with a complicated character web for the main cast at the very least to help with consistent storytelling. I do this with my own AUs to keep characters consistent, including quirks (For example Solar Flare always refers to people by their full name in my writing). It would also be interesting to dig deeper into what makes the characters them. Their personalities, beliefs, interests, morality/standards (for those without morals), and what they did and didn't find traumatic (as well as what level of trauma).

God even just the thought of how I could potentially fix the dumpster fire (/affectionate /positive) of TSAMS and co is a little exciting because there's just so much potential lying around untampered with that I would happily dig my grubby little claws into.

[marciaillust]

hey, i hope you're doing great! i feel this may be unorthodox, but i really wanted to reach out to extend my engagement?— awe?— solidarity?— (some variant of those, anyways) with your most recent "workposting" art. i don't normally do this. I've maybe sent 3 asks in my whole life. there's no pressure to respond to this, as i mostly just wanted to cheer you on. also, I'm really sorry this is so long.

i only just recently landed my very first freelance art job, at a start-up company dedicated to making comics + DND inspired art content. I've always felt that "Its nothing to call home about", and so i really resonated with your feelings regarding your work for Brawl Stars. I felt kind of ashamed of my job, that its just a small start up— that I'm not enough and that i should be trying harder, or something like that. Specifically i resonated with your comment of "presenting brawl stars art feels like showing my anime girl oc to an art teacher" and i don't think i could have solidified any better.

Anyways. all's to say. I really found your work quite jaw-dropping. I was shocked when i read it was for Brawl Stars. I didn't know anything about it, but when i did some research i was even more amazed. they're really, really compositionally beautiful... i mean, i know its just "work" to you ultimately, but it really does feel lively, and everything about it makes it feel like you care. I think sometimes you're just able to tell when an artist genuinely cares about their work; about its end outcome. there's so many intricacies. and a lot of attention to detail. you kept the style that was necessary of you but i also can feel the warmth and the care of the artist behind it— its not corporate, or stale, it doesn't come across as "just work".

since you mentioned League, i genuinely do think it serves an equal purpose and weight to what League of Legends would produce. from a biased standpoint, i would actually value your work more. Its not even that its "more obtainable"/"more realistic" but that there's genuinely more feeling to it. Compositionally/artistically, yeah, League makes great stuff, but occasionally, the feeling or the sense of warmth and care from the creator of the art is lost along the way. I value seeing the artist within their own art a lot, which is why I've admitted to a degree of bias. either way. what you put out there is really gorgeous, and crazy impressive.

I know a stranger with a dumb, fandom-oriented art blog cant solve the self-indited art elitism (you and me both, man💀) and that you've already received plenty of love/reblogs saying similar things, but i wanted to extend my feelings anyways. Its really heart-warming, i guess. It brings me hopefulness, and deep adoration for the craft. I'm not very good with words. Anyways. don't undersell yourself. seeing your work meant more to me than you can imagine. I'm obviously nowhere near your skill level, but it meant more to me as an aspiration. i think that regardless of who you work for, your work is really valuable and downright incredible. because you bring that sense of warmth, care, time, and patience regardless of the media it portrays. and you're able to do that while being objectively talented— utilizing great compositions, colour pallets, shading, characterization, mood, etc. That is more valuable. That is much much cooler than working for Riot. imo.

Initially, i also wanted to ask you some questions about how you assembled your portfolio, if you went to school, (if so) what it did/didn't provide for you going into the art field, and just how you landed the job in general. But i respect you and your time, and wouldnt want to be a burden or anything. If you ever have time for it, i would love to ask them, among others, and we can chat in DM if you'd prefer. Absolutely no pressure. Im happy just watching from the sidelines. I dont anticipate anything from you to begin with! I just hope youll know how influential your post was to read & see, to someone like me!

Oh man. I. How. Where do I even start except

This is one of the most uplifting, touching and encouraging messages I received in my life. I read it thrice. And I still can't believe how full of love it is. This is such high praise, I want you to know I will cherish it and carry it with me for a long long time. It's not often that an artist gets to learn how their art is perceived, not to mention in such a positive light. It really means a lot to me.

It makes me so happy to hear that my work illustrations retain a piece of me that is visible to others. I myself can't see it, but I imagine my closeness to the matter at hand heavily impacts my ability to see objectively at all. There was a time where I was worried that work was overriding the me that makes my art mine, that I was becoming a corporate rendering machine and that what I did at work (the shape language and style) was bleeding into my personal art. There is a part of me that is now breathing easier after reading your message. I would love to answer any questions you have, it's the least I can do to repay you! Feel free to send an ask or even an email, I'll try to be as thorough as I can be with my answers. I wish you happy holidays! Take care! And again thank you so much for taking the time to write this message!

[transhitman]

Yk what actually I'm gonna actually post thought-out Diasuke hate to prove a point here. Daisuke is also not this perfect little guy that everyone characterizes him as. He goes along with some of the casually sexist things Jimmy says during their optional conversations. He agrees to drug Swansea, which in itself is a very blunt implication that Jimmy has drugged people's drinks before. (Obviously Jimmy bullied him into it, but abusers do that with a lot of people that are labeled "enablers" so like. Daisuke isn't at fault there but it calls into question what he might have done in other scenarios, where the violence is aimed at more vulnerable people. But that's not something we will ever know.) And most of all Daisuke DOES NOT UNDERSTAND THAT ANYA IS GOING TO KILL HERSELF. His biggest flaw is that he's completely emotionally oblivious and is not someone Anya would ever feel comfortable confiding in. And that's not an endearing trait. And just cause I know someone is gonna take me in bad faith idrc if you hc him as like neurodivergent or whatever like coming from an autistic person who really struggles with empathy, it's not fun, and it's not quirky, it just causes issues. Sympathy and self-awareness is definitely something that can be worked on regardless of your capacity for empathy. (To varying degrees of success obviously. I'm not judging people who genuinely can not sympathize with others. But also, Daisuke probably isn't even intended to be autistic. At this point we're kind of just projecting and lying about canon, aren't we? Not to say it couldn't be an interesting angle for analysis but again. It's not actually part of the text.) EVERY crewmember contributes to the systemic misogyny on that ship. If Curly intentionally ignores it, Daisuke hasn't even come to the conclusion that it exists yet. He is also part of the problem.

But none of that makes Daisuke a uniquely bad person! Obviously! Imo it doesn't even make him a bad person at all! He inadvertently contributes to the system that fucked them all over. And? All of the characters in this game are nuanced and morally grey and that's kind of the point!!! (Except Jimmy lol. Nuanced yes but there's a very clear villain there.) Like pointing out a character's flaws and concluding they're bad is not the intelligent take fandoms tend to think it is. Ok, you've identified a character flaw. Now what does it mean. What does it contribute to what the game is trying to say? And I think this is the root of what's so frustrating about people debating whether Curly or Swansea is actually Good or Bad. I really, truly don't think we're here to make moral judgements about individuals. We're here to examine the systemic issues that allowed the story to take place at all. And obviously, every character lives in a god damn society and has had those bad traits rub off on them! Like. Can we move past this base level of moral analysis already? Please. Please.

[cdroloisms]

read your post about how the atmosphere in dreblr feels a little tense nowadays. honestly when i first joined this fandom i was excited to share takes/meta but i dont do it much anymore cause of how intense ppl get when they disagree… wasnt prepared for that level of intensity

i have to say that my experience with this fandom and your experience with this fandom are ... probably pretty different 😅 (not that i know for sure, of course, so sorry abt any inherent assumptions to when you joined the fandom, i've just been here for damn near forever) and that that'll color my perspective on this, so. fair warning in advance.

to be honest, disagreement in dreblr is not a new thing. when dreblr was created there were two main "camps" of c!dream apologism that disagreed on pretty much everything to do with c!dream after novermber 16th and would write essays debunking each other's takes pretty goddamn often. here's an old post by red responding to a lot of opinions on both sides of the line which i think illustrates this well -- note the difference established between "c!dream apologists" and "c!dream enthusiasts," perhaps better known now as the "trauma interpretation" and "strategist interpretation" of c!dream back before the confirmation of staged finale during the prison break, which shows how different people's opinions of c!dream ranged at dreblr's very conception. and this disagreement ran pretty damn deep, too, lmao--some of it was reserved to debating each other in semiprivate discord servers, but plenty of it was made of vagueing each other's takes or directly debating them on each other's blogs.

i think that a source of friction, to be honest, is that dreblr started as a much more analysis- and meta-focused community than it is now. the entire dsmp fandom was very analysis-heavy in 2021-2022, and dreblr definitely reflected that culture; since the dsmp ended, the amount of active discussion about it in a meta sense has also waned, and as such dreblr and many other areas of dsmp fandom have been more focused on other kinds of fanwork. this isn't a bad thing, of course! but it has led to a shift in etiquette, and while i think meta etiquette and fanwork etiquette are very. very different things, obviously the amount of fanwork and the amount of meta that's around in dreblr spaces influences how people interact with all parts of dreblr etc etc that's just how people and communities work

but back to my point. disagreement has always been a part of this fandom, especially in meta spaces (which used to be pretty much all of dreblr, but has kind of become more of a small part of it in more recent times) and intensity with those disagreements also is kind of ... on par for the course? i mean, personally, i think disagreements ran more intense in dreblr in 2021 on average--it's not like dreblr has been as sharply divided with different "versions" of c!dream apologism since--and when it comes to the general fandom, well, any look at the inbox of anyone posting c!dream positive analysis and the formation of dreblr as a whole speak for themselves. also IFUADA and the whole attempt to like, lmanburg us out of our own house. which was hilarious btw that shit was awesome

like, at the end of the day, meta is made to be a place where people are gonna disagree. and a lot of people in meta spaces find it fun to disagree, even; there are more than a few people who will devil's advocate an argument they don't even agree with just for the sake of disagreement and debate. fandom analysis is just ... like, fandom academia lite, and it's also far less beholden to the rules of professionalism in real academia (not that real academia is free of conflict, obviously. including extremely petty conflict, as anyone who has read enough passive-aggressive as shit academic papers will tell you). this isn't to say that things don't go too far, because again, the history of this fandom proves it LOL. but while we all want people to feel comfortable in meta spaces, we also want meta spaces to be a place for people to be passionate about their opinions and to disagree about them fervently and to debate to their heart's content, bc that's kind of the point of fandom meta, yk?

in my post, i mentioned that i think more open disagreement will be good for dreblr, and i do stand by this point; i think that there's no real point in trying to stamp out disagreement in a space meant to be a free place for people to disagree and express their disagreements, not that that's what you're saying or anything just as a general thought. i also think that more disagreement will help with there feeling like there's less of a "correct" way to think about c!dream and the server, which i think raises the barrier of entry for people who want to post meta but don't want to be eviscerated bc they said something "wrong." of course, i can't force anyone to post meta nor do i want to--hell, i want to post more meta but am limited in time, and i know we all live busy lives 😭 (which is part of why this ask is being answered so late, sorry!) -- my point is i dont think, idk, one person being passionate abt a take or disagreement or whatever is necessarily the problem as far as upping the tension in dreblr as much as like. there's a lot of general discomfort and a lack of willingness to rock the boat in a place which should be a safe waters for everyone to take shots at any ship (er, ship to follow up with the rock-the-boat metaphor, but the secondary meaning does apply here as well) they want. we're shooting with water guns, not real bullets, and there's no fun in a splash fight if everyone's too scared of getting someone else wet, i guess.

that being said, anon, i understand that not everyone wants to participate in the free-for-all take pvp that is inherent to meta spaces...to which i say that, honestly, there's no requirement to participate in analysis spaces specifically to just, share your thoughts on the server. i think that in general, if anyone posts their thoughts on the dsmp and adds a disclaimer to the top like "not really analysis, just miscellaneous thoughts that i would prefer not to be vagued/argued against," i really just don't think that most people are gonna go out of their way to argue with that? you have every right to just yap while opting out of the possibility of being vagued or debated with, but you might have to make it clear beforehand bc vagueposting and debating is just the culture that exists in meta/analysis spaces, especially dsmp meta/analysis spaces that have been a part of dreblr since dreblr was made. and if there's anything else that can be done to make everyone feel more comfortable, i think that's worth discussing!

[w1tchybusiness]

possible spoilers for Warframe: Jade Shadows ahead

i wish people would stop, take a breath, and actually think about jade shadows from an analytical place before they leave their reviews rather than just going "i think it's icky" because like. obviously it isn't perfect, i don't think anyone's arguing that, but it isn't gross or wrong- it's art, it's evocative, and it's going to resonate differently with everyone. i want to pick apart some common criticisms i've seen here from the perspective of someone who's played a lot of warframe and thought about some of the heavier themes present in the quest quite a lot.

It's weird that Jade is pregnant because I'm afraid of it/it's gross/it's fetishistic

Personal feelings of revulsion are not a reason to judge something on an objective level. It's perfectly valid to come out of Jade Shadows feeling weird about it- I do think that's kind of the point. The quest has a content warning before you begin it, because the subject matter is something that is really uncomfortable for a lot of people- that doesn't mean that the game shouldn't be allowed to explore it. Also, even if it was wrong to include something like this as fetish content, this argument would imply the game has already gone to weirder places. Looking at you, Grendel.

It's weird that they make the operator give birth via transference

This argument has a little more ground, but also kind of misunderstands how transference works. Yes, it is a hand-wavy "linking of the minds," but we do see clearly in quests like The Sacrifice that when linking with the more sentient frames like Umbra for the first time, the Operator is not fully controlling the frame. I think Umbra is the most appropriate comparison- when linking with Umbra properly for the first time, you don't immediately control Umbra- it's a more spiritual "linking souls helping him find peace" thing. I'd also say that even in the case the Operator was fully in control, I don't think what happened was remotely equatable to literally giving birth. Like. She breathed for 20 seconds and then dissolved into light and died, then there was a baby there. I don't know if you've ever seen a birth, but that isn't how it works. I feel like after all the shit our Operator has been through, "giving birth" through transference is kind of a drop in the bucket.

It's misogynistic to have Jade die in childbirth

????????

Ok. So let's pick apart the possible reasons that this would be misogynistic. Maybe fridging the woman? But. Not really, because she isn't really gone- the game even acknowledges that she will live on through you and through the motes in Hunhow's message. You can literally craft her and then boom, she's back. She may not have a gigantic speaking role, but no warframe does- hell, even the Stalker barely grunts out single words.

Another one I see a lot is the argument that her sole role in the quest is the whole "her whole personality is motherhood" situation- and that is fair, her role IS that- but that is the point of the quest. They hid this in the teasers because they wanted the reveal to be significant, not to intentionally obfuscate their misogynistic writing- while I certainly do agree that it is all too common for female characters to be pushed aside and relegated purely to motherhood, particularly in fandom spaces but that's an entirely different discussion. I think Warframe handled the motherhood issue well- a person used as a tool of unjust death for years (remember the Jade Light?) giving her own life to finally bring life into the world rather than taking it away- it clearly had purpose and thought behind it, and Warframe has already spent years providing female characters that don't revolve entirely around motherhood- though they aren't pushed into your face and provided immediately without any exploration, so it makes sense that some people on Tumblr would miss them. Warframes don't generally have fully fleshed-out personality- the more sentient frames like Dante and Umbra are an exception. Jade was on the verge of death, it's not shocking that we didn't see much of her personality. I don't doubt that we'll get some codex entries explaining more of her actual personality and story- the quest was just not the place and time.

At the end of the day, Warframe is a game about love, family, and sacrifice. Jade Shadows ticks all 3 of those boxes, probably in the most on-the-nose way we've seen yet. I'd love to make a post soon lauding the things I liked about it, the real narrative depth it presented, the meaning behind and the significance of the discomfort rooted in its themes, and its connections to Warframe's broader themes, but I've seen more negativity than positivity thus far which is... genuinely shocking. When I played it I had nothing but praise. Warframe's writing is usually a bit clunky, so I hadn't noticed anything particularly out of the ordinary, but a lot of people seem genuinely convinced that this expansion was somehow the worst we've ever seen when that is far from being the case. Operation Belly of the Beast has been a ton of fun, and the seeming finite nature of what's left adds a real gravitas to farming for Jade. I'm not shocked the quest itself felt a bit half-baked, I'm surprised they released this at all with 1999 coming up- I'm just happy to get some new content and a new frame whose concept I really enjoy.

[arcadiabaytornado]

I still think the “The Walking Dead” game creators deserve an award for creating Clementine. I've never seen a child character be so universally loved by the fanbase.

Child characters are controversial. Usually, they can't be on screen for more than five seconds before they get labeled as: Too bratty, too high-energy, too defiant, and/or too unhelpful.

We see all the time that child characters don't go over super well. Yet, Clementine is like...the kid of all time. I've never seen someone play the game and come out of it disliking her, despite the fact that she makes some pretty big mistakes in Episode 4 that any other child would get crucified over in a fandom space.

I really think the writing around her character is perfect. In fact, I think the best example of Clem's characterization being very likable is when she goes to open the door at the station without Lee's permission. I think is the best example because it really blends the three elements that I think make Clem's character work so well:

A: The writers have Lee be gentle toward Clem instead of angry. A lot of writers have their main character be constantly annoyed by their child sidekick, and considering that as players are supposed to resonant with the main character, those feelings of annoyance rub off on us. Therefore, it was a great choice to have Lee be understanding when Clem makes a mistake.

More Under The Cut

B: Clem immediately apologizes when Lee says to be more careful about opening doors, and she's usually very receptive if Lee tells her not to do something. A lot of child characters would dig in their heels and fight their caretaker if they were told not to do something, and I think the fact that Clem usually takes Lee's advice means the player isn't building up frustration with her. And I think it was also a good writing choice because when Clem starts pushing back against Lee when he doesn't look for her parents it doesn't feel like "Well. Clem never wants to listen anyway, so of course she has a problem with this," it feels like "Wow. Clem feels very strongly about this. This is clearly something that's impacting her deeply." I think the players are more sympathetic to Clem being stubborn over a few things when she's not stubborn over everything.

C: Clem has a very good balance going. She's not overly naive to the point it's frustrating, but she's certainly not mature enough for the player to assume she knows what she should and shouldn't be doing. She's very much written like an eight year old instead of a four year old or a fourteen year old, and I think that helps her character a lot.

I really think Clem's writing is just super great on every level. I replayed TWDG in the last few days and kept thinking "Man. I don't they could have written her character any better," and obviously because I love meta I had to figure out why that was.

Thus, this post.

[scoobydoodean]

I was wondering if you, as a Dean fan have opinions about the different writers? Mostly because I see a lot of Dean fans really strongly dislike Dabb for some reason and I don’t really understand why. I’ve never seen a concrete explanation beyond “he can’t write Dean/doesn’t understand Dean/actively hates Dean” but with no examples as to what he does that’s so bad. And I see this in every shipping lane. I don’t have a strong opinion about him as a writer one way or the other.

I'm exploring this more as I rewatch the show (currently on season 6) so I'll speak mainly from that perspective on my most recent thoughts. I am not a big fan of Dabb or Loflin, but have tried to be fair about things so far when talking through each episode. I am a fan of "Alpha and Omega"—it's my favorite finale (it's also... a finale for a season Carver started as showrunner? So I don't know what the implications are there as far as storyboarding). Also points for having demon Dean stab a guy through in 10.02.

I'll focus on the negatives you asked about in this post, but in the links you'll find me moving the narrative this way and that toward much more charitable readings... I think. (I do have a tag #dabb disk horse which you can either peruse or blacklist at your leisure). What I can tell you is something almost always strikes me as a off about Dabb/Loflin episodes so far in this rewatch in terms of character work.

Dabb/Loflin's first ever episode was 4.06 "Yellow Fever". In the aftermath, Kripke felt the need to release a definitive interpretation of their episode to the public, stating, "Dean is not a dick... he's a hero." The whole episode toyed with, to an extent, the idea that all the victims of the MotW were bullies. You can take this other directions—for example, queer meta, or meta about Sam as the real bully. However, the story a lot of fandom latched onto was that "Dean is a jerk and deserves to be humiliated and punished for that" which obviously didn't make Dean fans watching live in season 4 happy—and this theme of Jerk!Dean continues into their next episode, "After School Special", where they once again parallel Dean with a bully literally nicknamed "Dirk the Jerk" by Sam, and throw what I think is transparent shade at Kripke's issued statement from before the Christmas break (post here)... or maybe they mean to throw shade at the Dean fans who got angry. In this episode, they also make illusions to Dean wanting to have sex with barely legal high school cheerleaders, which also did not ingratiate them to Deanfans at the time. I said on my last rewatch, "In After School Special, Dean seems more unlike himself than any episode ever in the history of Supernatural up to this point" (post explaining that here). I carry similar sentiments about portions of 5.06 "I Believe The Children Are Our Future". Yes—I am aware of performing Dean meta. I just... feel like they try a little too hard. It feels hamfisted—desperate. To the point it doesn't feel like Dean anymore sometimes. In 5.06, they also have Dean (guy who is generally very protective of kids) suggest to Jesse that he'd be good to have in a fight???? I can see how they got there, but again—it just feels... off. The last episode I rewatched that they authored, 6.04 "Weekend At Bobby's", also leaves a bad taste in my mouth—not in what it's trying to do with Bobby or what it's trying to do on a meta level—but once again, with dialogue from Dean that just makes me think "he would not fucking say that" (post here). I think looking at all of these, you can probably see deangirl ire toward Dabb has a long history. It's been around as long as he's been around, whether he deserves as much ire as he gets or not.

I haven't circled back yet on this rewatch, but Dabb and Loflin also penned season 7's "The Girl Next Door"... do I need to say anything specific? Maybe I'll just link my entire #amy tag. What narrative did they want you to get from that episode? Who the fuck knows. And that's often the problem:

When you watch various episodes I've mentioned, you can work around to a meta that tells you something different than you might at first think the page conveys—something hidden and maybe contradictory. The thing is... you could also... not do that? And that wouldn't be so bad, except that sometimes the two narratives you can most easily grasp completely contradict each other. "After School Special" can be an episode that points to Sam's envy of Dean and John deep down and foreshadows Sam becoming a bully, but on a meta level, it also just as easily says Sam becoming a bully is somehow Dean's fault, and Sam is some poor captive baby. Dean is a creep and a bully and a cheater but we should all coddle him because he saw his mom die when he was a child and he's sooo sad. "Yellow Fever" can be a queer meta story and might also foreshadow approaching Bully!Sam in 4.14, but it also very much does call Dean a jerk (should we take that seriously? should we not?) and implies Dean should be punished for the outcome of three decades of reality-bending torture. Even if it's a queer meta underneath... it's just as easily one about how closeted men should be humiliated for cowardice or how being closeted turns you into an asshole.

Jumping way ahead, I have to mention 15.10 "The Hero's Journey" just because. Yes, it is full of jokes and Garth goodness, but also tries to sell you the story that nothing about Sam and Dean is real, to a degree that feels like you are being flipped the bird for ever watching this show. And again—you can make meta that it's all a ruse! But is it? Or is Dabb actually just telling you to go fuck yourself? Like he totally wasn't when, after the SPN finale when fans were Not Happy™️, he tweeted a sign reading, "Don't feed the baboons"? Yet again—we play into the motif of the "hero" who isn't a hero at all but some pathetic loser who deserves to be publicly humiliated, bookended with Dabb's opening episode in his opening season. I'm not saying that's what it is on purpose—but I am saying you can make these arguments easily, and that leaves me consistently annoyed with Dabb for being fucking sloppy and leaving me to deal with some of the most insufferable meta imaginable that carries little support outside of episodes written by Dabb or the Dabb/Loflin writing team.... Yes—I am in fact saying that Dabb and Loflin's hamfisted episodes (regardless of their intentions) are largely responsible for some of the most insufferable, loathesome fandom metas about Sam and Dean's relationship around.

Look at 5.16 "Dark Side Of The Moon", and 7.08 "Time for A Wedding!" and 8.14 "Trial and Error", 11.17 "Red Meat", and 15.20 "Carry On". Along with 4.13, while they might or might not say something deeper or contradictory on a meta level, on a surface level, every single one of these episodes sows the narrative that Dean is needy and clingy and needs Sam more than Sam needs him—something I intensely disagree with for a multitude of reasons... but I'll just link this. Many of these episodes also follow a surface level narrative of "normal life obsessed Sam" (and here I'll link my entire #sam the hunter tag and #in which sam is not a helpless little waif with his hands cast over his eyes being carried along by the tides of the immutable sea). When I look at this episode list, I also don't find it at all difficult to believe that Dabb wanted Dean to die in the finale. There is nothing at all shocking about that. And yes—you can argue he's pointing to the opposite—that this fate should be subverted and that's what makes 15.20 the dark ending, but I think you can just as easily argue that yes it's a dark ending and yes Dabb has always dreamed of this ending. A "tragic" ending where Dean dies and Sam goes on to have a white picket fence... while also leaving you little hints along the way that maybe it's all a big ruse because how could he not? He never has to explain anything. Someone else will pick up the story and make it make sense. He's already fucked off to piss all over fans of Resident Evil.

That said, when I mention what I feel is off character work, I mainly mention Dabb/Loflin episodes from my recent rewatch, which suffer from the two of them being newer to the series (coming onto the writing team in season 4) and also leave questions about whether, perhaps, they had conflicting ideas about characterization. Was Dabb the one penning these lines? Was it Loflin? Was it both? Did they trade out who took the lead? I didn't really say anything negative about "Sam, Interrupted" or "Jump the Shark"... (though "Sam, Interrupted" also calls Dean "codependent") who wrote those? Is it possible that the messiness of the meta comes down to two writers at war? I have to imagine though, that they got along, or else they wouldn't have written together for four fucking years. If they didn't get along...? My mind always comes back to their first solo episodes, right after splitting up in season 8. Dabb's first solo episode is "Hunteri Heroici"—the only episode to lend any perspective to season 8 Sam's reasons for abandoning everyone—paralleling him checking out with Fred's catatonia, which Sam has to save Fred from. It is the only episode that lends Sam sympathy in the early part of the season. He follows it up with "Trial and Error"—where Sam promises to save Dean from suicidal thoughts. Loflin's first solo episode is what I would regard as the most scathing solo episode commentary on Sam in the entire series—"Citizen Fang". Then he writes again right after Dabb's "Trial and Error"—penning "Remember The Titans" where Sam tells Dean to get over the promise Sam so passionately made in Dabb's episode and face reality.

This is why we're exploring this rewatch.

DISCLAIMER: Now I just devolve into bitching because I'm writing at 3AM. Proceed at your own risk.

It seems like these days, everyone demands an explanation for disliking Dabb (something about some sort of destiel battle... I don't know what that flamewar is and I don't give a damn tbqh.) I guess I've just been wondering what's actually so great about him. Because it feels like people have overcorrected to basically acting like he's god's greatest gift to mankind. People point to how meta his episodes can be, but I think other writers easily best him on that front on multiple occasions (particularly enjoyed by me so far on this rewatch: 3.10 "Dream A Little Dream Of Me", 4.04 "Monster Movie", 4.12 "Criss Angel Is A Douchebag"), and without leaving their meaning so up in the air that you don't even know what the hell they were actually trying to tell you because there are two different completely incongruous narratives you could just as justifiably claim were the intended one. Some people may find that duality praise-worthy. I don't. I find it sloppy—and when I add in mediocre character work, I just land on the side of him being, at the very best, mid.

Add him in as showrunner, you have... at least two of my least favorite seasons (13 and 15). Add that he's a one-trick pony in terms of the Sam and Dean conflicts mentioned above that he continuously rehashes rather than come up with anything new or fresh, and the same conflicts between Dean and Cas being played out until they both die (shut UP I'm not talking about canon destiel as the alternative—I am literally just asking for more diverse conflicts). I can't say I understand what I''m supposed to find so impressive.

(Before anyone so much as breathes this near me, Berens also sucks and I am going to tear off your nose hairs if you start bringing him up as if disliking Dabb for some reason means wearing rose colored glasses about Berens. Berens can eat a whole cactus raw over "The Trap" alone.)

[tellmegoodbye]

Thank you! I’ve seen a lot of people say TK is being unreasonable or kind of a dick, and I guess????? But I don’t really see it. He’s protecting his vulnerable 3 year old brother from losing even more than he already has. I think that merits a bit of stubbornness.

I saw someone say earlier (idk who, it was my for you page) that there was no fundamental difference between Jonah growing up in NY and not seeing TK (meaning living with his FATHER in his home, and being within a few hours plane ride and long but drivable distance for emergencies) and Jonah being shipped off to a foreign country with no family or friends, separated from TK by a days plane ride at least at 3 YEARS OLD. How are those “fundamentally” not any different?

It’s a shit situation but I don’t think TK is being an asshole here. He’s being realistic. Nothing about how he’s reacted makes me think he’s taking this lightly or just ready and willing to abandon Carlos without a thought. He’s angry! He’s frustrated! These are not the words and actions of someone whose happy with what they’re doing, it’s someone whose backed into a corner and is moving forward in the only way he can.

He’s not forcing Carlos into anything anymore than Carlos is forcing TK to dump his brother and stay with him by saying he’s not ready. They’re just adults faced with an adult situation and they’re waiting to see how it works out.

CARLOS is also not being an asshole mind you. And maybe the fact that he’s being he’s more level headed is making people be mad at TK? But of course he’s calmer, tbh it’s not his brother. I’ve loved his arc this season and think Rafa did a flipping AMAZING job. I’m glad he got his closure. Even more glad we got to see Rafa more and he got his flowers for the work he’s done.

Obviously I think we should have seen more conversations or had more scenes addressing this. IMO it wasn’t super well done, but I just don’t read it the way some do I guess. Nobody is being a dick here.

I really think the disconnect is some in fandom just don’t like to consider children as more vulnerable parties that deserve and even REQUIRE more protection and consideration from the adults around them - even to those adults detriment. That’s just the reality of life. I think this is a blind spot fandom has, my guess is the GA isn’t thinking either party is being unreasonable.

Thank you for your insight anon!

I agree, that "no difference" take is very wrong. Firstly, Enzo was still in the picture and raising him in New York. Secondly, it is a LOT easier to travel between New York and Austin than it is to fly across the ocean. You can do the former on a much more regular basis, and I suspect the only reason TK didn't was because he wasn't as close with Enzo as he used to be. I think if Gwyn had still been alive he would have visted more, but I digrees.

I have also noticed a lot of the inital knee jerk reaction to what TK said being that he was being unreasonable, but he really isn't. Neither him or Carlos are the asshole here. TK is protecting his brother first and foremost. Carlos is struggling and he's allowed to do that! If you take a step back and look at the circumstances without a Tarlos Lens, then this is a very frustrating and unfair situation for everyone involved and tough choices have to be made on all sides.

You're right, Rafa did an incredible job with this episode! I also understand how the seasons can feel rushed, but I still genuinely love every second of it so far. I can't sit here and say that I could have allocated the storylines better, because I couldn't. I've really enjoyed what we've gotten and I think given the circumstances season 5 is as amazing as it could have been!

[kittenofdoomage]

Inherited Spirits

THIS WORK IS ALSO AVAILABLE ON AO3. PLEASE DO NOT REPOST OR COPY MY STORIES. 18+ CONTENT AHEAD.

Summary: Your life changes with the revelation of a secret, but is it for the better?

Fandom: Supernatural

Pairing: Ghost!Sam Winchester x fem!reader, original male character x fem!reader (it’s brief and not smutty)

Word Count: 9414

Warnings: angst, inheritance, ugly break ups, mentions of depression/anxiety, family secrets, grief, familial loss, ghosts, fluff, smut (ghost sex), obligatory I’m not a lawyer so the lawyer speak is fictional, introvert!reader, paranormal romance

“Here are the keys to the house,” the lawyer said, placing a thick ring with seven keys on it in front of you. Beside it, was an envelope, neatly inscribed with your full name, containing all the information about the house and your inheritance.

You had never seen it coming. As far as you’d known, both your paternal grandparents were dead, and you were the last of that particular family line, an orphan since your father had died last year, on the heels of your mother’s long fight with cancer. So to say it had been a shock when you’d gotten the call that your grandfather had died, even more so when they’d asked you to come in to discuss assets.

Brett was excited. You could tell by the way he practically vibrated in the chair next to you, and you felt a hollow disappointment when you realized he was already spending what you had inherited. Your parents had not only hidden the secret of your grandfather’s existence, they’d also neglected to mention that he was very very wealthy.

“There’s a special dispensation for the staff of the household,” the lawyer continued, barely looking up from his copy of the documents. “The housekeeper, Ellen Harvelle, and the groundskeeper, Bobby Singer - they are to be kept on until retirement. If you sell the house, it will be a legal requirement for any new owners.”

“S-sell?” you whispered. You hadn’t thought that far ahead.

“Of course, as your grandfather’s lawyer, my services will always be available to the family,” the lawyer went on. “All I need is your signature, and we can release the funds.”

You signed, dazed and confused, half-certain you were dreaming. When you walked out with Brett, he could barely contain himself, and as soon as you were in the car, he crowed and thumped the steering wheel making you jump. “Six hundred million dollars, Y/N!” he cried, looking at you, obviously expecting a similar level of excitement.

Staring at the envelope and keys in your hands, you shook your head in disbelief. “Is this real?” you muttered.

Brett laughed, throwing his head back in joy. “Baby, we’re rich!” He didn’t wait for you to answer, sitting back in the chair with a huge grin on his face. “We can do anything,” he sighed. “We could get married.” You lifted your head in surprise. “Have kids.”

Narrowing your eyes, you turned to look at him. “Kids?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged. “Why not, I mean -”

“It was never about money, Brett,” you reminded him sternly. “I told you I don’t want kids. I don’t even like children.”

“Okay,” he muttered defensively. “So we go traveling instead. We could go anywhere with that kinda money.” His eyes lit up. “I can finally tell Tony to shove his stupid head up his ass.”

The ball of disappointment that had started in the lawyer’s office began to get stronger. “I don’t think we need to rush into anything,” you said slowly. “This is a big change. I don’t know if I want anyone to know.”

He scowled. “What? So I can’t even tell my mom?”

If you were honest, his mother was the last person you wanted to know, but you didn’t want to piss him off, so you forced yourself to smile calmly. “I just think we should be careful,” you explained. “People get weird about money.”

It was obvious he didn’t agree. He turned the key in the ignition, and the truck roared to life. “Why don’t we get some dinner to celebrate?” he suggested.

“I guess,” you nodded, clipping your seatbelt in, hopeful that was the end of the conversation for the time being.

It was not.

Brett made it all of twenty minutes before he was suggesting vacations, talking about replacing his truck, selling the house and the assets for even more money. You didn’t say a word until it came to ordering food at the drive thru, and when Brett pulled up to the window, he held out his hand for your debit card. Guilt clogged your throat, and you pulled it out of your purse, handing it over.

“It’s not like you can’t afford it,” he joked; it left a sour taste in your mouth.

He didn’t stop after dinner either, or when you got home. You were certain you’d left your actual boyfriend in the lawyer’s office, and that this man was a stranger, obsessed with the material, taking over the decisions like it was all his. The sudden change in his attitude was enough to keep you silent, at least until he circled back around to marriage and kids.

“You wouldn’t even have to raise them,” he laughed. “We could afford a nanny.”

Something snapped. You sat straight, glaring at him. “Enough!” He froze like a deer in headlights. “You’re acting like you won the lottery! Since when did you care about vacations in Hawaii, or a big wedding, or cars, or - or kids?!” you shrieked. “When we got together, I was clear that I didn't want any of those things. I thought we were on the same page!”

“Things have changed!” he yelled back, thumping his fist against the couch.

“For me!” you shouted, getting to your feet. “I just found out that I had family left, Brett. I had family and I never knew them. And all you care about is the money? It’s not even your inheritance, it’s mine!”

Everything about him changed. His demeanor became stiff and unyielding, and he stood, looming over you, and for the first time in your relationship, the look in his eyes scared the absolute shit out of you. “Oh, it’s yours, huh? Is this why you don’t wanna get married? Don’t wanna share?”

“It’s got nothing to do with sharing!” you defended, backing away from him, truly frightened he would actually hurt you. You knew it at that exact moment - the relationship was already dead, you wouldn’t be with someone who could switch their personality on a dime like that. “You’re not acting like the man I fell in love with. The way you’ve instantly decided to depend on me -”

That triggered something and his face turned red. “Depend?” he snapped. “What, I don’t get anything back after carrying your anxious, depressed ass for three years?”

His words were like a knife, and tears instantly filled your eyes. The shock of what he’d said made you cover your mouth, unable to believe the man you loved would use your problems against you like that. Brett softened for a second, obviously realizing he’d gone too far, but you were already walking away, fighting to contain your tears.

“Baby, I’m sorry -”

“No,” you sobbed, refusing to look at him. “You can’t take that back.” You hated looking weak in front of him, feeling like a burden, and his words had hit their mark, right in your insecurities. “I think… I think I’m gonna go.”

He looked alarmed at that, holding his hands up. “Wait, what?”

“I need to…” You shook your head, because you weren’t sure what you needed, only that you couldn’t be near him any longer. Heading for the bedroom, you quickly packed a bag of things you couldn’t replace, not that you had much, wondering the whole time if he’d try and stop you. 

He was blocking the front door when you walked out into the hall, eyes fixed on you. “Y/N, please, I didn’t mean it -”

“You did,” you replied coolly, though inside you were breaking into pieces. He stared at you impassively, still blocking the way. “Brett, please move.”

For a second, you thought he might get physical, and then he stepped aside, giving you the space to leave. “Baby -”

“I’ll call you in a couple of days,” you said firmly. “Just… give me some space.”

He nodded, shoving his hands into his pockets, and you grabbed your purse, turning your back on him, cutting off his declaration that he loved you by slamming the front door. You couldn’t stop the tears falling as you walked down the path to the curb, putting your bags in the backseat before pulling the keys to your inherited house and the address out of the envelope. There was only one place you could go.

Hawstead Manor was old and isolated, and it was nearing dawn when you finally pulled up to the driveway. You had to get out to open the gate with the provided code, and you were relieved to see a long paved road up the front of the house; your car might not have made it on rougher terrain. The gate closed automatically behind you, and you kept going once you were sure it was shut, parking up in front of a large garage. As expected, the house was dark, and you fumbled with the keys before finally finding the right one, letting yourself in.

It was cold inside, and you were exhausted. Once you’d found the living room, and a couch, you dumped your bags on the floor and curled up on the cushions, intent on napping for a few hours before exploring the place.

A delicious aroma roused you hours later. You sat up, and the blanket that had been covering you slipped down, making you frown as you couldn’t recall there being a blanket when you had lain down. There was noise coming from somewhere else in the house, and you remembered the lawyer mentioning a housekeeper, so you assumed she had covered you with the blanket when she arrived.

You stretched, abandoning your makeshift bed, following your nose and the noise through the halls to the huge kitchen. A woman was standing at the stove, flipping bacon, and she looked up when you walked in. “Good morning,” she greeted. “You must be Miss. Y/N.”

“Just Y/N,” you corrected with a smile. “Are you the, uh, housekeeper?”

“That I am,” she chuckled, carrying the pan over to the next counter. “Ellen Harvelle at your service. I got here a couple of hours ago, thought you might like some food after driving all night.”

“That’s very kind of you. And thanks for the blanket.” 

She frowned as she glanced at you. “What blanket?”

“Oh, there was -” It seemed odd, but maybe you had just been that tired when you had arrived. “Nevermind.” You slipped onto one of the stools at the kitchen island, looking around at the fairly modern appliances. “I don’t think I’ve ever been in a kitchen so nice,” you murmured, and Ellen laughed under her breath.

“Your grandfather was quite the fan of gadgets,” she explained, piling bacon and eggs onto the plate. The toaster popped and she grabbed the bread almost out of the air, placing it beside the already huge serving. As she carried the plate over to you, your stomach growled, and you smiled gratefully when your meal was in front of you.

“What was he like?” you asked. “My dad never told me anything about him.”

Ellen sighed softly. “He was a complicated man. I know that he missed your father greatly, that he wished he could have had a relationship with you.” She picked up the coffee pot, glancing back at you as she gestured to an empty mug. “Coffee?” she asked. “Or I can make tea if you prefer?”

“Coffee is great,” you answered, lifting a forkful of eggs. Your eyes closed at the delicious taste, and you moaned decadently. “This is wonderful, by the way.”

“I’m glad you like them. That’s how Charles liked them too.” She placed a full mug of coffee beside you, along with sugar and a small pot of cream. Though being served was unusual outside of a restaurant, it had been a long time since anyone cooked for you, so you appreciated it. “May I ask,” Ellen started as she poured her own cup of coffee, “did you intend to drive here last night?”

You swallowed your mouthful, sighing as you stared at the bacon. “No, I - I didn’t have anywhere else to. My boyfriend and I… we had a fight.”

Her features softened with sympathy. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” you mumbled, picking up a piece of bacon to chew on. It was perfectly cooked; you had to refrain from moaning again. “I guess, when I found out about the inheritance, I didn’t know what to do. It’s a lot of money, and big words I’m gonna have to google.” She laughed at that, and you smiled for a second. “Brett got weird. Acted like we should suddenly be jetting across the world, talking about marriage and children, and… those things just aren’t important to me.”

“Money makes people act funny,” Ellen murmured, nodding her head. “Maybe he just needs some time to come back to reality.”

You shook your head. “I thought that at first. But then he - he got scary. A-and really mean. Just for a second. But I promised myself I’d never let anyone treat me like that. I’m not sure I can trust him anymore. It felt like all he cared about was dollar signs, like he was a different person.”

“You know, I may have only just met you, but -” She took a seat opposite you and leaned her elbows on the island. “You remind me a lot of your grandfather. He was a kind, gentle soul, preferred his own company.”

“I wish I could have met him,” you sighed. “I don’t even know why my dad stopped talking to him. He just said he’d died after my grandmother, I never knew any different.”

She hummed lightly. “They had a difficult relationship after your grandmother died. Charles was lost without her. Of course, that was forty years ago, when my mother was the housekeeper here. I only met your father twice, and the second time was the last time your grandfather spoke to him, shortly after you were born. Not that Charles ever stopped trying.”

The back door opened, and a male voice called through. “Ellen? Ellen! There’s some crappy Toyota parked outside the garage -” Heavy footsteps came through the hall, and an older gentleman appeared, stopping dead when he saw you sitting at the island. He whipped his trucker cap off, holding it to his chest. “Apologies, I didn’t know the new lady of the house was here already.”

“This here,” Ellen chuckled, “is Bobby Singer, the groundskeeper.”

“Hi,” you greeted, waving a little. “Is my car in the way?”

“No, no!” he rushed out, stepping forward with his hands up, obviously worried he’d caused offense. “We just don’t get many visitors, no one told me you were comin’ -”

“It was a little last minute,” you interrupted gently, trying to convey that you weren’t upset by his comment - your old battered car was pretty crappy. “I got here really early.”

Ellen got up, preparing another cup of coffee before handing it to Bobby, who took it gratefully. “Y/N is going to be staying for a few days at least. Maybe you could give her a tour of the grounds later on.”

You smiled, nodding in agreement. “I’d like that.”

“Great,” she grinned, “now eat up before it gets cold.”

By the time you were done eating, there were seven missed calls on your phone and twice as many texts, all from Brett. He had left a voicemail, asking you to call him back because he was worried, so you sent him a text to say you were fine and that you would call when you were ready. He didn’t wait, calling as soon as he received the text, and you sighed in disgust, tossing your phone onto the couch to let it ring.

Bobby had told you to meet him outside the garage after lunch, so you spent the morning exploring the old house. It was bigger than you imagined, with more bedrooms than you could ever need, definitely more bathrooms, and your grandfather’s love of gadgets became obvious when you discovered a home cinema in the basement, along with a large assortment of trains. “Grandpa was a train nerd,” you mused as you inspected the huge model dominating the second of the downstairs rooms.

On the third floor, smaller than the others, there was a study and a drawing room, with windows that provided sweeping views of the woodland surrounding the house. It was certainly an isolated home - the nearest town was a half hour drive at least, and you had no idea if anything delivered out this far, making a mental note to check out your options later. Ellen had already given you the wifi code, though you had yet to test it. You clearly had a good signal if Brett’s calls were coming through.

You picked the smallest bedroom, even if it could hardly be called small. It had an ensuite like most of the bedrooms, and a quick glance confirmed a spa-like bathtub with a futuristic looking shower. Everything about the house was fancy, making you feel more and more like an imposter as you kept exploring.

Downstairs, aside from the kitchen and the living room you’d slept in, there was another study, leading to a library. It was huge, like most of the other rooms, with shelves of books so high that there was an actual sliding ladder. You gasped as you took in the true scope of the reading material available, feeling every bit like Belle in Beauty and the Beast, sans the kidnapping and Stockholm Syndrome.

More than ever, you wished you could have met the man who apparently shared most of your interests. You had never been much like either of your parents, sometimes wondering if you were adopted, but now it made sense. A tiny part of you was angry that this connection had been kept from you, that it should have been your choice whether to have it or not, even if your father was angry with his own.

Ellen left out a delicious lunch for you, and you munched it as you scrolled through your phone, ignoring the outstanding calls and messages from Brett. He seemed to have given up for the time being, and you were grateful for the reprieve while you decided what to do about the whole situation. You weren’t sure if he would have told anyone about your unexpected change of circumstances, and you hoped he hadn’t, but just in case, you put your phone on “do not disturb” for the rest of the day.

Your tour around the grounds yielded more surprises. Bobby showed you the garage, then took you down to the unused stables that were sometimes rented out in the summer along with the three grassy fields. He showed you where the woods that occupied most of the estate began, and his little cottage tucked at the far end of the gardens.

“I’m always on hand,” he promised. “We’ve got cameras up on most of the external exits and windows, and the perimeter is quite secure. Old Charlie didn’t take the matter lightly.”

You liked Bobby. He was very stern looking, but it was obvious he cared a lot about the property, and that he’d been close with your grandfather. His tour was sprinkled with little bits of information about him, helping you to build a better idea of what he’d been like in your head, though he didn’t hold back on his opinion of your father, or the grief your grandfather had felt at being kept away from his only grandchild.

By nighttime, Ellen had gone home, and Bobby had gone off to check the fences and change the code on the gate to something you could remember easily. The house was quiet, and you took your things up to the bedroom, collecting your phone on the way. You sat cross-legged on the bed, staring at Brett’s number, wondering if you even wanted to call him.

A new voicemail notification joined the others. Frowning at it, you dial your inbox, listening to all the messages from Brett, all of them along the lines of “baby, I love you” and “please call me”, though none included an apology. The last was from a mutual friend, Emily, and there was music playing loudly in the background.

“Y/N, I don’t know what’s happened with you and Brett, but, uh, we just saw him and he said a bunch of stuff about money, that you were cheating on him, and… well, none of it sounded like you, so could you just lemme know you’re okay?”

Your heart felt like it was cracking in two as you listened. Cheating? You would never cheat.

Calling her back made you feel too anxious, so you texted her a quick “I’m fine, we had a fight, I didn’t cheat” and waited, watching the three dots blink as she typed a message in return.

I think you should call him

You moved your fingers, ready to type, then a photo came through, loading in a split second. It was Brett, on a couch in a club you vaguely recognized, with a slim blonde in his lap. His tongue was clearly in her mouth, and his hand was underneath her short skirt, and you sobbed, covering your mouth with your hand as you fought the urge to throw up. You didn’t reply to Emily, tossing your phone as you let the tears fall, ignoring her next message.

A chill ran through you, and you fell to the side, curling into the cushions as you continued to cry. Eventually, the tears dried up, and you drifted off into a dreamless slumber.

The next morning, it took a few seconds to clear the fog and remember where you were. You’d moved at some point during the night, somehow getting yourself underneath the covers properly, cushioning your head against the pillows. Slowly, you sat up, feeling a little drained and zombie-ish as you stared at your phone on the nightstand, remembering the photo Emily had sent you. The nausea returned, and you pushed it down, picking up your phone as you headed downstairs. Ellen was already cleaning, and she had breakfast ready for you again, toast this time, with dipping eggs. You tried to keep a happy face on, even if you couldn’t stop seeing Brett’s hands on that woman, staying largely silent as you ate.

The phone started to ring just as you finished your coffee. Picking it up, you saw Brett’s name and sighed, knowing you had to confront him, to end it now instead of trying to pretend nothing had happened. Ellen gave you a reassuring touch on the shoulder, then made herself scarce without needing to be asked.

“Hello?”

“Finally, she answers,” he growled in response, and anger bristled along your spine. “You got any idea how worried I’ve been?”

You couldn’t help your words, allowing spite to rule them. “So worried you put your tongue down someone’s throat last night?” He stuttered, and the anger in your chest became a rage. “Emily said she bumped into you. The way she tells it, you’re not only telling everyone my private information that I didn’t want out there, but you’re lying as well, because I sure as hell didn’t cheat on you, Brett!”

More stuttering followed. “Baby!” he yelled. “Just let me explain -”

“No,” you replied firmly, sitting straighter. “I thought I knew who you were but you’re just another douche bag. It took you all of a day to cheat. That says way more than you ever need to.”

“Oh come on, it was a kiss!” he cried. “She meant nothing, you and me, we got a good thing. I don’t care about the money!”

“I never said anything about the money,” you said coolly. “But I guess that’s the only reason you’re calling huh? You don’t wanna let the golden goose get away.”

You could almost feel his anger through the phone, so you weren’t surprised when he spoke again. “You’re a selfish, stuck-up bitch, you know that?” he snarled. “I stuck with you the whole, even when you were so miserable it made me wanna kill myself. Everyone said you weren’t worth it, but I stayed.” He laughed bitterly. “Even the sex wasn’t that good. You really think anyone’s gonna touch you even if you’re worth a couple mil?”

His words hurt and fresh tears filled your eyes. The urge to fight back was there, but that meant letting him know you were getting to him. Instead, you kept your tone steady and even as you replied; “Maybe I’ll be alone, but I’ll be alone sipping mojitos on a beach in Hawaii while you’re downing beers at Kenny’s. You can toss all my shit by the way, it’s all replaceable.” You paused, deciding to be petty after all. “Just like you.”

You hung up, exhaling hard as the strength left you, blocking his number instantly before going through all your social media, deleting all of it. There wasn’t a wealth of people you really talked to anymore, all of your friends were the same as his friends, making you wonder why they’d never warned you about the real Brett. Your only living relative was on your mother’s side, an aunt in Florida who you hadn’t seen in ten years, more of a Christmas card relative than anything else.

Wiping your face, you turned your phone off. At some point, you’d have to make contact with work and tell them you didn’t plan on returning. If this inheritance had given you anything, it was the freedom to start fresh, and you didn’t intend on wasting any more time on your former life.

“Everything okay?” Ellen asked, stepping back into the room.

You sniffed and nodded at her. “It will be,” you replied with a weak smile. “I think I’m gonna be staying here longer than a few days.”

She beamed, clasping her hands together. “Wonderful! Are you having your belongings sent?”

“No,” you mused, smiling a little wider. “I’m gonna have to go shopping.”

Within a week, you were already feeling like Hawstead Manor was home. A few days after your decision to stay, there was a delivery from Brett, boxes of your burned and destroyed belongings. You trashed all of it, ignoring the pain of his betrayal, focusing on the good instead. With the help of Mr. Branning, your grandfather’s lawyer, you sorted through the assets, trusting in your grandfather’s extensive directive on what to do. He hadn’t missed a thing, and you were grateful for the help of Mr. Branning’s office, along with Ellen’s.

You knew you didn’t want to sell the house, or any of the land. It seemed important to keep things as they were, so save for your own room, you didn’t change a thing inside; you liked the spirit of the house, finding it comforting, welcoming, even at night when it was empty except for you.

The stranger things didn’t go unnoticed. Frequently when you fell asleep in the library, you’d woken with a blanket draped over you that you hadn’t put there yourself. Sometimes things were put away when you’d left them out, and during the day, you could believe that it was Ellen, but it happened often when she wasn’t there. Lights flickered for no reason, and curtains moved when there was no breeze, always just enough to catch your eye but never happening when you looked for it.

Still, you kept exploring the house, amazed at the many curiosities contained within it. When you found your grandfather’s journal, and the many letters he’d written to you and your father, the mystery of why they didn’t speak became a little clearer.

Your grandfather believed in ghosts. He’d spent a lot of time and money researching them after your grandmother died, convinced he could contact her. When he became a little too obsessed, your dad had decided he was insane, and refused to speak with him until he gave up on his attempts to reach the beyond. In letters, written after you were born, he apologized, begging for forgiveness, but refused to give up on his belief.

The letters to you were all wondering what kind of child you were growing into, his hopes for your future, regrets that he was not a part of your life. There were only a few, usually dated around your birthday, accompanied by numerous cards of varying ages, all the way up until your most recent one only a month ago, the envelope emblazoned with only your name. Inside, he spoke of trying to find you before he died, of secrets he wanted to share. The handwriting was messier than the others, and the message was shorter, ending with “please take care of Sam, he gets lonely”.

You had no idea what it meant.

Putting the letters away to read again later, you turned away from the desk, yelping when you saw a man standing a few feet away. He stared at you, wide-eyed, then darted soundlessly out of the door. You followed him, but as you reached the hallway, he was gone. Searching the rooms yielded only Ellen vacuuming, and she stopped when you walked in. “Everything okay, Y/N?”

“I thought - there was a guy -” You couldn’t describe it without sounding insane, at least to your own ears. “Maybe I imagined it. I was in the study, I found these letters, and then he was standing there -”

“Oh,” Ellen breathed. “You met Sam.”

You froze. “Huh?”

She smiled. “I’m surprised it took him so long to show himself, to be honest.”

“He’s real?” you asked, remembering the last words of your grandfather’s letter. Ellen nodded, putting the kettle on to make tea. “So ghosts are real.”

“Well,” she shrugged, “one ghost is real. And I’ve only seen him once, right after Charles passed. He talked about him a lot.”

“And it’s definitely not some inherited mental illness I should be concerned about?” you laughed nervously.

“No,” Ellen chuckled. “He’s definitely real. Bobby’s seen him a few times, always from a distance, mind. Sam only ever materialized around Charles, which makes sense since they were friends when they were alive, or so he would tell it.”

The information was bewildering, and made you more curious about the specter. “Did he die here?”

“Mmhmm, it was a long time ago. He was only in his thirties. His brother lived near here for a long time, but I think he passed on about ten years ago. Sam was Charles’ childhood friend.”

“How did he die?”

Ellen smiled gently, pulling two cups from the cupboard. “I have no idea,” she continued. “Charles was always light on the details. Said it wasn’t his story to tell. But it was sudden, from what I gathered.” She paused as she placed the cups on the countertop. “He’s not violent,” she added. “Sam, I mean. He’s quite friendly actually. I’ve never felt afraid here a moment in my life.”

You hadn’t gotten any kind of scary vibe off of the man you’d seen, and now you knew he was real, you were wondering how to get him to talk to you. If he was so close with your grandfather, he might be able to tell you more about him, to enable you to feel a little bit closer to the lost part of your family. As you mulled over your thoughts, Ellen made tea for the both of you, chatting over a few cookies before she attended to the rest of her day’s chores.

Not wanting to get in her way, you head for the library again, intent on losing yourself in a book or two. Every creak had you looking up, searching for the elusive Sam, though part of you still wondered if you weren’t just mad. Eventually, you dozed off, and when you woke, another blanket was covering you, and the fireplace was lit, filling the room with warmth.

The turn of a page made you look over to the opposing armchair. A man was sitting there, appearing as real as any person she’d ever seen, quietly reading a book - it was the same man you had only caught a glimpse of earlier.

You sat up. He noticed, lifting his gaze to you with a tiny smile. “Hello,” he greeted softly.

“Hi,” you squeaked back. “You’re… Sam.”

His smile grew. “And you’re Charles’ granddaughter,” he replied, finishing with your name. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

Shifting the chair, you regarded him for a second, analyzing every detail. He was obviously tall from the way his knees jutted up when seated, and he was dressed casually in jeans and a flannel shirt. His hair was shaggy, long enough that it framed his handsome face perfectly. “You could have met me earlier,” you reminded him with a smile. “But you disappeared.”

“I was nervous,” he explained, closing his book. “Sometimes, people get frightened. I’m very careful who I show myself to but… I heard Ellen explaining. And you… you seem kind.”

“Ellen said you only showed yourself to my grandfather,” you said cautiously. “She said you were friends when you were, uh, alive. And after, I guess.”

He nodded, placing the book on the table between the two armchairs. “I hope you don’t mind that I put the fireplace on. There was a draft and you looked cold.” Getting up, he moved to a wicker basket containing a small stack of logs. “Bobby always keeps this topped up, so don’t worry about using too much.”

“Has it been you with the blankets?” you asked.

“Guilty,” he mumbled, selecting a log to toss into the flames. You watched as he picked it up, fascinated by his ability to move objects, to appear so… solid. As he returned to his seat, he smiled at you. “I bet you have a ton of questions.”

You ducked your head, feeling heat in your face that didn’t come from the fire. “Just a few,” you admitted, and he chuckled lightly. “I guess you’re used to it.”

“Actually,” he sighed, tilting his head lightly, “Charlie was the only one I ever really spoke to. I’m not even sure I have all the answers. I don’t know why I’m here. I don’t know why there aren’t others.” A smile tugged at his lips. “I spent a few days wondering if your grandfather would show up but… I guess not.”

“Ellen said you died here.”

With a low laugh, he shook his head. “You’re gonna think it’s stupid,” he warned lightheartedly. You didn’t say anything, and his laugh became a smile. “I think your dad must have been two, maybe three? His mom was alive, and there was this big fourth of July party, Charlie must have invited the whole town.” He met your gaze, still grinning. “A firework exploded in the wrong direction. Hit one of the stone gargoyles on the roof, it dropped, and I just about remember it landing on my head.”

“Wow,” you breathed. “That’s… one way to die, I guess?”

He shrugged. “I can’t change it, and I’ve had fifty years to think about it, it doesn’t really bother me anymore.” For a few seconds, he was silent, watching you, and you felt a shiver go down your spine. “It’s nice to talk to someone new.”

“You never wanted to talk to Ellen or Bobby?” you asked curiously.

“I’m a little selective on who I appear to,” he replied. “I know they know but Bobby is superstitious and prefers to ignore that I exist. Saw him salting the doors of his cottage once, so I kept my distance. And Ellen… Ellen reminds me too much of my mom. She talks to me sometimes, I just… I don’t talk back.” He looked down at his hands, smiling fondly. “It took a long time for me to realize what had happened. I was appearing randomly in rooms for nearly ten years before I could control it.”

“You seem kinda solid now,” you pointed out.

His smile was almost addicting. Whenever his lips curled up, dimples appeared in his cheeks, and you wistfully imagined you could spend all day looking at his smile. As he spoke, telling you about his first appearance in front of your grandfather, you realized you could probably listen to him talk all day too, but as the night wore on, your tiredness did not hide itself.

“You look exhausted,” Sam murmured, glancing up at the clock.

“It’s not even nine,” you yawned, stretching in the chair. “I feel like such an old lady some days.”

“Well, I’m not going anywhere,” he chuckled, “kinda can’t, for one. I can’t tell you my whole life story in one night, or we won’t have anything to talk about tomorrow.”

You smiled at him, raising an eyebrow questioningly. “Tomorrow?”

The tone of his voice changed with his nerves. “If you want to.”

Getting to your feet, you folded the blanket and placed it on the chair. “Tomorrow sounds perfect.”

The weather took a turn over the next few days with a constant rain that kept you indoors, not that you needed an excuse to stay inside. You only left when you had to, usually for groceries, but aside from that, you spent nearly every waking moment in Sam’s company, whether it was in the library, the study, or occasionally the media room in the basement. The more you got to know him, the more you liked him, even if it felt a little ridiculous to be developing feelings for a dead man, especially so soon after the end of what you had thought was a long term relationship.

Sam flirted, of course, but he always toed the line, never getting too close, hesitant to touch you at the start. You had eventually asked if he could touch anyone, and he had responded by pressing his cool palm to the curve of your jaw; you kept thinking about that moment over and over.

Autumn took hold. The trees surrounding the manor turned from greens to reds and oranges, and you frequently found yourself watching the leaves fall from the windows. You had found a peace in that place that you’d never known anywhere else, so leaving your old life behind was easier than you thought it would be. Occasionally, you would reply to texts from your friends, and as time went on, you realized Brett had kept his mouth shut on the subject of your inheritance, a surprising but welcome reaction.

You didn’t hide anything about your former relationship from Sam. You didn’t feel the need to hide anything from him, wanted him to know you as well as you were getting to know him. When the tears came, he comforted you, and somehow managed to make you forget about the pain of your ex-boyfriend’s betrayal, some days simply by being there. There had never been a soul in your life you were as comfortable with as your ghostly housemate.

The nights grew darker more quickly than you expected, maybe because the estate was so isolated. You learned how to work the fireplace, preferring that to the central heating, and began spending longer evenings in the library steadily working your way through the vast collection of books. One night, Sam appeared after being absent all day, and you smiled up at him as he hovered by the fireplace, slowly solidifying.

“Hey,” you greeted, sitting up straight. You slid a bookmark into your book, and placed it on the table, tilting your head curiously when he didn’t say a word. “Are you okay?”

He smiled, but there was a bitter edge to it. Confusion forced you to your feet, and you let the blanket over your lap fall to the floor as you approached him. He didn’t move, leaning into your hand when you touched his face, still surprised by his cooler skin.

“Sam? Talk to me,” you pleaded.

Taking hold of your hand, he led you back to your chair, guiding you to sit down before dropping to his knees in front of you. “I had to think,” he started softly, cupping your hands in his own, resting against your knees. “These last few weeks… I’ve…” He scoffed lightly, trailing off.

“It’s okay,” you encouraged, curling your fingers into his. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

His eyes locked on yours with a new spark in them you hadn’t seen before. “I remember my life. I remember never finding anyone that I connected with, at least, not romantically. Then I was dead, and that hope was gone, especially since I’m apparently the only soul unlucky enough to get trapped.” He smiled, rubbing his thumbs across your knuckles. “When you arrived here -”

The doorbell echoed through the house, cutting him off. With a frown, you tugged your hands from his grasp and got to your feet, shooting him an apologetic smile. “I should -”

“Of course,” he nodded, and you darted off, unsure who would be calling at such a late hour, but unable to ignore that it might be an emergency. As you reached the door and opened it, you were in no way prepared for who was standing on the other side.

“Brett!” you exclaimed in surprise at your sheepish looking ex-boyfriend, who instantly thrust some flowers towards you. When you stepped back, bewildered at the sudden invasion of your private space, he took it as permission to enter, forcing you back further. “W-what are you doing here?”

He was looking around already, nosing at the house. “Well, you know, I thought it’s been a few weeks, that maybe we could talk.”

You narrowed your eyes, keeping the door open. “About what?”

“Us,” he replied hopefully, coming closer to you, reaching for your hand. “I miss you.”

Before he could touch you, you snatched your hand away, scowling at him. “That’s unfortunate,” you muttered, “but you can’t just show up in the middle of the night -” Something tickled at your nose and you realized it was the scent of booze, specifically beer. “Oh my god, are you drunk?” Your eyes widened. “Did you drive here drunk?”

“No,” he scoffed. “I drove to the motel in town, and I got nervous, so I had a few beers and then I got a cab… speaking of which, do you have a couple dollars so I can pay the guy?”

His audacity was unreal. Your mouth opened and closed in shock; you were too stunned by his brazenness to think straight. He took it as a positive, smiling brightly at you.

“I knew you missed me,” he grinned, moving in closer, crowding you, and you snapped out of it just in time to push him back, crushing the bouquet of flowers against his chest. “Baby, come on -”

“We’re done, Brett!” you shrieked. “You need to leave.”

His expression turned thunderous. He opened his mouth to speak, and then someone else appeared around the corner. Sam stepped into view, solid and decidedly not ghostly, and for a second, you hoped a witness might scare Brett off. “Is there a problem, Y/N?” Sam asked carefully, keeping his attention on Brett.

“Who the fuck are you?” your ex screeched at him before turning on you. “So you were cheating? Shacking up with this rich boy, huh? Guess you were a little slut all along.” He sneered unpleasantly as you cowered, ashamed at the way he frightened you.

“I would suggest shutting your mouth,” Sam replied coolly, stepping closer. Even if he wasn’t dead and more than capable of killing the man, he had a few inches on him, and he was clearly unhappy with the nastiness Brett was spewing.

“Oh yeah? What are you gonna do about it?”

Sam glanced at you. “You wanna step out?” he asked.

“Nah, she stays right there,” Brett objected, throwing an arm between you and Sam. “I want her to see me beat your ass into the fucking ground.”

The lights flickered. You clutched at the door, pressing yourself into the wall as everything grew darker, and Brett swung for Sam, connecting with nothing. Sam disappeared, then reappeared, mostly transparent. The paintings on the walls began to rattle, and horrific screeches came from all directions, accompanied by a chilly wind that made ornaments topple and the chandeliers swing. Reaching out, Sam caught Brett by the throat, hoisting him off of the ground until he was dangling, clutching at the ghost's arm hopelessly.

A patch of dark started to spread out from Brett’s crotch, and a second later, you heard the dripping onto the floorboards. Sam looked down at the same mess, then smirked up at his victim, promptly sending him flying across the hall and out the door. Brett tumbled down the steps with a flow of grunts, landing with a thud at the bottom before scrambling to his feet, looking up at you with wide frightened eyes as you watched him from the doorway.

Without another word, he ran, bolting out of sight down the driveway, and hopefully out of your life. Behind you, Sam was solid again, and his little show was over; he slipped his hand into yours, and tugged you in from the cold.

“I hope I didn’t overstep,” he said softly, waiting for you to close the door. “I thought he deserved a taste of his own medicine.”

You smiled up at him. “What if he tells someone?”

“I don’t think we have to worry about that,” he murmured, touching your cheek. There was hesitation in his touch, and for a moment, you thought he might finish the conversation that had been so rudely interrupted. Then he sighed, pulling his hand away. “It’s late. You should ask Bobby to do a check and make sure he’s gone.”

Disappointment rang hollow in your chest. “Right,” you mumbled, nodding lightly as he stepped back. “What - what about you?”

He smiled. “I’ll be fine.”

You were alone in the next second, but you knew he wouldn’t go far. After checking in with Bobby, who immediately decided that a shotgun would be great for further deterrent, you checked every door and window in the house and set the security system. When it was done, you lingered downstairs, wondering if you should call out to Sam, find out what he had been trying to say, even though you had an inkling of what it was.

He had feelings for you. Just like you had feelings for him. Both of you felt the connection there, ridiculous as it might have been for a dead person and a living person to even attempt -

Your thoughts stopped in their tracks.

Why couldn’t you be together? You had lived through a worldwide pandemic and enjoyed the excuse to stay inside your cozy four walls, away from the chaos and unpredictability of the world at large. It wasn’t as if you couldn’t leave yourself, and it didn’t appear you’d ever have to work another day in your life. Sam was trapped either way, bound to this house, and surely the company would only improve his metaphorical living status.

You had spent weeks enjoying his companionship already. You didn’t shy away from the possibility that you were already in love with him.

He didn’t show himself before you went to bed, and you were tired enough after Brett’s brief yet stressful visit that you dozed off quickly, wrapped in your blankets. But peaceful rest wasn’t waiting for you, only nightmare exaggerations of Brett’s return, and when you woke after only a short time, Sam was there.

Immediately, you burst into tears. He moved closer, but you curled into a tighter ball, sobbing as the grief overwhelmed you. Without waiting, he slid underneath the covers, making himself solid as he gathered you into his arms. It took a long time for you to calm down, but his comfort helped, and when you finally felt a little more coherent, you turned to face him, looking up at him.

“Nightmare?” he asked with concern in his voice.

“Yeah,” you mumbled, curling your fingers in the fabric of his shirt. “Sam -” He hummed when you paused, encouraging you to continue. “What were you going to say… before Brett showed up?” His eyes widened slightly. “You know, you were saying you never met anyone when you were alive, and then you said -”

“Right,” he chuckled nervously, “yeah, I know, I -” He stopped, searching your gaze. “When you arrived here,” he started slowly, “I thought that maybe I would have a companion again, a friend, only… the more I’m around you, the more I realize I’ve fallen in love with you.” Your heart began to pound but you could see he wasn’t done. “But I’m dead. And you’re alive. There are certain things I could… I could never give you. I can never leave the grounds of this house.”

He softened a little, sighing as he looked down, and you watched him for a second or two, wondering how to tell him that the things he could never give you weren’t things you wanted anyway. You thought he would have understood that already, with the many conversations you’d had that skirted the subject, but you couldn’t blame him for thinking you’d reject him because he was dead.

“Sam?” you whispered, reaching up to touch his face. His eyes lifted to meet yours and you smiled gently, leaning in to kiss him. He froze at first, then relaxed into it, returning your affection with fervor. “I don’t want to go anywhere,” you said as you broke away, framing his face with your hands. “I want to stay here with you.”

“You really don’t care about… you know, the things that women usually care about?” he asked hesitantly.

You laughed, leaning into him. “While other little girls dreamed of weddings, I dreamed of libraries. When my friends were all partying, I sought solitude.” You sighed, shaking your head. “I - I know we can’t grow old together. But we can figure out the big stuff as it comes, right?”

“What if I can’t -” He chewed his lip. “I’ve never - not like this -”

The mood changed. You hummed, squirming as close to him as possible. “All your senses work, right?”

“Uh-huh.”

“So how do you feel being this close to me?” you asked huskily. “Because you feel pretty solid right now.” Boldly, you slid a hand down, finding the front of his jeans and the bulge contained within. “You feel that?”

His response this time was strained. “Uh-huh.”

Pulling away, you dragged your vest over your head, but the moment you were bare, your nerves kicked in. You tugged the sheet up only for Sam to stop you, mouth a little open as he stared at your bare breasts. “What?” you asked shyly, a sharp contrast to how you’d felt seconds before.

“You’re beautiful,” he murmured, leaning in to kiss you again. You squeaked in surprise, pressing your hands against his suddenly bare chest. The plaid shirt and t-shirt were gone, and you were certain if you lifted the covers, all his clothing down there would be gone too. “Too fast?”

You took a breath then shook your head. “No,” you replied, and crushed your lips to his again. He felt so solid against you, even if his skin felt so much cooler than yours, it only added to the heat building in your core. 

“Can I touch you?” he asked breathlessly, fingertips dancing over your bare hip. Your bottom lip caught between your teeth and you nodded, parting your thighs as his hand slipped between them, making you gasp when he rubbed you through your panties.

“Lemme take these off,” you rushed out, clumsily pushing the fabric down your thighs until you could kick them off, and Sam’s hand was instantly back between your thighs again, this time rubbing his fingers right against your bare cunt. Your head fell back, and he mouthed at your throat, slowly working one cool digit inside you as your breathing began to pick up speed. “Sam -”

He groaned before swooping in to kiss you again, quieting your whimpers while he worked you open, progressing to two fingers within seconds. You shifted onto your back when it became too much effort to hold your leg up, and he went with you, managing to not break rhythm as he kept you on edge. With a shuddering cry, you broke the kiss, sliding your fingers through his hair as he made you ride out your climax on his hand.

“Huh,” he chuckled, withdrawing as he watched you collapse, panting hard, legs quivering as you kicked the sheets off. “Guess being dead didn’t make me lose my touch.”

You giggled, rolling your head to look at him. “Do you think it works the same?” you asked, slyly snaking a hand down to where the sheet was clinging to his hip, barely hiding his modesty. He raised an eyebrow, then moaned when your fingers wrapped around him.

“Only one way to find out,” he shrugged lazily, moving to kiss you again. Forcing you to relinquish your hold, you gasped as he kneed his way between your legs, peppering kisses over your abdomen, up over your breasts until he could seize your lips, groaning into your mouth. “You gonna let me in?”

“Uh-huh,” was all you could manage, all the words you were willing to spare as he kissed you breathless, distracting you from his movement between your thighs. His cock pressed into you, and when he finally started to sink inside, the difference in body temperature became more obvious. You clutched at his shoulders, crying out as he rocked back and forth, convincing your body to accept a little more each time.

“Fuck,” he groaned when his hips came flush with yours. “You’re so warm…”

Everything was different with him. You’d had sex, and you’d definitely fucked before; being introverted didn’t mean you weren’t enthusiastic about physical intimacy. But this was so different, tender despite the strength behind his touch, reverent despite the dirty language. It was the first time you’d ever felt like you were making love with someone. You moved together, each clinging to the other so desperately, like you’d disappear if you let go - though you supposed that could technically be true for Sam. In the moment he felt so real, so tangible, that it was hard to believe he was dead at all.

Your second orgasm snuck up on you, and you cried out against his shoulder, trembling from head to toe. He slowed, kissing you softly as you rode out the aftershocks, grinding a little deeper on each stroke. “Definitely feels the same,” he rumbled with amusement. “You feel so good.”

“You too,” you gasped back, reaching down to grab his ass. “Please -”

He growled, putting a little more force behind his thrusts. You cried out over and over as he hit his mark, and finally he stuttered, grunting against your throat as he spilled into you. It felt real enough, cool instead of warm, seeping out around him as you remained connected. His lips covered yours, kissing you slowly this time, dragging out the last moments before he had to move.

Your earlier exhaustion returned. Sam pulled the sheets up over you, pulling you close as you yawned. Forcing your eyes to stay open a few seconds longer, you smiled at him dozily, reaching up to touch his face. “Are you gonna stay with me?” you asked sleepily.

He smiled, catching your hand to kiss your palm. “As long as you want me.”

The sun rose, filling the room with natural light that stirred you from your restful slumber. You opened your eyes to meet Sam’s almost instantly, and he smiled as you stretched under the sheets. “Good morning,” you whispered, seeking out his hand underneath the cotton. “Did you watch me all night?”

“Mmhmm,” he hummed, leaning in to kiss you, closing the distance between you again. “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of it.” His nose bumped against yours, and you sighed happily. “Did you sleep well?”

You smiled, nestling into him. “Better than I think I ever slept before.”

“Well, in that case,” he chuckled, “I’ll have to make sure I’m here every night.”

Pulling back, you looked up at him. “Is that a promise?”

He laughed again. “Definitely.”

THANK YOU FOR READING, PLEASE CONSIDER REBLOGGING SO OTHERS CAN ENJOY IT 😁

[jilyawards]

I think people have legitimate concerns about the awards since every year there seems to be some kind of drama that often results in people leaving the fandom.

The responses to these anons have been passive aggressive and defensive and have only fuelled the flames without taking into account the history of these awards and the ways people have been hurt by them before. You might be new to running the awards, but the awards have a long history that honestly hasn't always been good.

As mods you're hiding behind anonymity, which I understand considering the hate that the mods have received in the past, but it does add to the level of distrust around the awards and if you're so scared of getting hate about a project that you won't put your name to it, isn't that a sign that maybe it's time to let that project go?

It also means I don't feel like I can send you a message that's not anon because I don't know who I'm speaking with and there's no opportunity for open discourse.

We understand people have had issues with how the awards were run in the past - that is an unfortunate fact we inherited when we took ownership of the blog. We can not change the past. We can only operate in the present so we did all we could within our power to make it as fair and fun a process as we possibly could:

We turned the awards blog into a year round thing, we accepted any fic that came in so long as it was Jily. We posted those recs every single month without fail.

We offered the ability to opt out - something that has been used historically - so anyone who wanted to opt out for whatever reason could. We said we didn’t need a reason, we didn’t ask for one because we respect peoples opinions and want to opt out. We even extended the branch to those who opted out last year but hadn’t messaged in this year to say they wanted to opt out again just in case someone forgot.

We offered even more categories for the chance at more opportunities to be named - so that those who write long vs short fics weren’t overshadowed. I will stand and name myself as one of the people running this year if it puts and end to this unnecessary back and forth with an anonymous person or persons. You are welcome to come and DM me.

I Ray, @charmsandtealeaves have been doing my best for this fandom for the better part of the past two years.

I’m sorry if you read our response as passive aggressive. I’ve stated that we wanted to be firm on our stance so you can interpret that as defensive if you want - because of course as one of the people behind the scenes doing all the admin hours I obviously think this venture is worthwhile. I haven’t won an award but I did enjoy the experience of seeing nominations and hyping up my friends. Which is why I stepped up when Ava left. I haven’t been around long enough to know the years of fandom drama and history behind a silly little awards thing, or who has apparent beef with whom - and frankly I don’t care. I’m here to read, write and share Jily fic.

The anon expressed concerns about people’s mental health over not winning. Mental health is a genuine concern and I am a massive advocate for it. However, I still believe if you only exist to create to win one of these awards then you’re creating for the wrong reason. And if you are upset because you weren’t nominated for an award - there is the option to nominate yourself and always has been because nominations are anonymous we don’t release how many times someone was nominated because that doesn’t matter it only takes one - if not being nominated is enough to leave the fandom over it… then I’m sorry but that’s something you personally need to work on and maybe you should start seeing this (being writing fic) for what it is - a hobby done for free and for fun.

I continued the anonymity left by Ava for this exact reason. Because no matter if I say so publicly or not there are going to be people who have strong opinions against the awards and they are entitled to them, and they are entitled not to participate. They are not however, entitled to keep sending messages that we shouldn’t exist because of something that happened years ago and because some don’t think they should exist at all. And I didn’t want that in my personal inbox but also understood that anonymous asks let people ask questions they might be too shy to ask public facing so they stayed on over here.

I’ve been the public face behind a lot of events over the last two years and that hasn’t stopped me getting anonymous messages about how I’m doing it all wrong. Or quite frankly worse ones that were derogatory and personal.

I’ve done what was asked. I addressed the concerns that came in the form of an anonymous ask politely and respectfully given this year’s history. I offered a poll as requested. If you read that response as passive aggressive well… that’s down to your interpretation. I’ve had enough of drama. And from all I’ve seen the drama stems from something I wasn’t even around for and has nothing to do with me, or how the awards have run this year. It has nothing to do with our current existence and the effort I’ve put in this year - both to the Jily awards all year, the gift exchange, Jilytoberfest, every Jilychallenge, Mystery Microfic May, jilymicrofics and the discord.

At the end of the day I’m here writing because I love Jily and I love all the people who come to read and enjoy what I put out too. But I will admit I’m tried of whatever this is.

If you want to, as you say have open discorse, my inbox is there, but I’ve said my piece and I respect their are different opinions but that’s not gonna change the awards being held this year. All posts are tagged so you can block them or this blog if you like. ~ Ray

[bronx-bomber87]

Hi!! I just spent the last hour scrolling through your page and I adore everything you have to say about tim and lucy…

So I was curious (because I’m a month into the fandom and I don’t really know anyone yet) what your thoughts, predictions, expectations for season 7 would be?

Sorry if you’ve posted something similar before, please point me in the right direction if you have :)

- Loren

Hi! @moderatelydelusional Nice to meet you, Loren. Thank you for the lovely ask :) Making me all red with your nice comment. So glad you liked everything I've had to say about our lovely ship. Appreciate it so much. Before I answer I want to say welcome to the fandom! We are glad to have you here. 😊 There are so many good blogs on tumblr for them. Glad you chose me as one of them. I am honored. ❤️ I haven't really tackled s7 at all so this is a good ask. Excited to answer it. I'm a detailed woman. So imma break your question down into sections if that's alright. I legit don't know how to be brief about this show or them haha Also will do it with gifs cause that's my thing. Here is my detailed answer below. Hope you enjoy it.

Thoughts on S7- Well we've had ZERO and I mean ZERO spoilers or indicators about this upcoming season. Which I do love them keeping it close to the vest. Honestly I do. Just means they have something incredibly good lined up. They just want to make sure we are surprised. Can't fault them for that. But I'm dying for anything. The end of s6 left us wanting so much more with the scene above. We are all chomping at the bit for any content. I know Eric had a interview couple weeks back about s7. From what little he was able to divulge I am EXCITED.

Here is the link to it. Talks about Tim needing to EARN Lucy back in more ways than one. How she is the love of his life. (Tell us something we don't know haha) But I love Eric referring to her to as such. The personal development for Tim to come as well. Like I said they haven't given us much of anything yet. It's hard to have thoughts when we don't have much to go on. But it seems like it'll be well rounded season. It's always been a character driven show so I think it'll be more than just our ship. Which is fine with me. It is an ensemble cast after all.

I fell in love with this show as a whole when it first launched back in 2018. Give me more Tim/Angela, Lucy/Nyla and Wopez. I'll take all of that. I have been all in from the Pilot. I remember watching it on my lunch break on my phone when it first premiered. I was hooked. When we finally get a promo and a friggin premiere date I can probably be more in depth with my answer. Since we don't have a lot to go on it's hard to have in depth thoughts ha But from what little they've let out I'm quite excited for the journey we're going to embark on. We just need a start date for said journey. All we know is Jan but I need a hard date LOL

Expectations For S7. -I expect Chenford to get back to the softness above. It won't be easy but I expect we are headed back there. I think it's gonna be quite the journey to get us there. Both Tim and Lucy are going to need to grow before we do. They both still have shit to work out. Lucy with her career path and the rough time she had last year. It wasn't just Tim that crushed her. I mean it was a huge headliner but wasn't the ONLY one. Our girl has some communication problems and is like her soulmate in how she handles emotional distress. Expect that to be addressed on some level.

Tim obviously has a lot to make up for and he knows it. That is the first step. I expect we see Tim working constantly to improve himself as a person. To be worthy of Lucy again. He's not going to half ass his healing. He is going to be very Tim in how he goes after it. This is going to bleed into every part of his life. I expect to see that all over his character development in s7.

I also anticipate that we'll see an even stronger and more refined version of Chenford in Season 7, with their characters continuing to grow and evolve. Strong separately and even more so together. I cannot wait for the slow burn of their reconciliation. Going to make all the hurt worth it. It'll be Chenford 2.0 and we are all going to be grateful for that. While losing our minds together it's happening. I would rather have our ship and characters be real and develop. Better that than to be puddle deep like John/Bailey. I'll take the pain of growth over the stagnation of boredom. i.e. Bailian.

Predictions-Obviously I want to predict something like above. Them starting over. Kisses, hugs, and if we're lucky enough to get a repeat of 5x12 on screen. That one I'm straight just trying to manifest lol Possibly Celina catching them or almost doing so when they get back together at her place. These are more hopeful than actual predictions lmao But I mainly predict a deeper intimacy between them when they do reconcile. Stronger communication. It'll be beautiful. I also think we're about to see a side of Tim Bradford we haven't seen before. As we know Lucy brings out the best in this man. The absolute best. We're going to see that on full display.

I think he will continue therapy. I also think we’re going to see a very determined Tim driven in his quest to make amends to Lucy. Which will bring out that new side we haven't seen. It's one of the facets of s7 that has me most excited. And not just for the Chenford portion. (Which does make me giddy to no end) But for him as well. You follow me long enough you'll know I love Tim development. So this excites me so very much.

We watched Tim take strides in his mental health walk and as a person in s6 after 6x07. I expect we're going to see the fruit of that not just in his amends to Lucy. But professionally as well. Tim took quite the fall professionally after being bounced out of Metro. He has fences to mend to Grey, Lt. Pine, and those around him as well in patrol. I see him making those strides and then some.

I predict Lucy is going to finally going to get grounded professionally and personally. (She does have a new roommate. I can see development here too) Lucy got very lost in s6. I think s7 she will be righting her ship. Finding her purpose. My guess was T.O. for her with her dipping her toe with Celina in 6x08. She's so empathetic and willing to slow down and teach. I think that could be a good path for her. Whatever her trajectory is I think it's going to be be worked out in s7 for our girl. It's time for her to get some damn wins. I hope that answers your ask LOL Or maybe was too much? HA Either way I can't wait for s7. I need a promo and a premiere date. Seriously ABC, you're killing us.

[nekropsii]

i think theres a really big issue in the community specifically surrounding the people who headcanon dave as some sort of trans where both sides of the coin seem to hate each other? like both sides are at fault here, ive seen blogs demeaning people who like transmasc dave and then like you said other people just completely disregarding transfem dave. guys. can we stop. let people headcanon what they want without blatantly attacking them, this goes for all parties in this issue. i dont get why people act like this. the fuck happened to all trans people being equal and then we get both transmisoginy and harassment of people liking either of the trans headcanons?

jesus man. im tired of it

Respectfully, I do not think this is a “Both Sides” situation.

The concept of transmasc Dave is objectively one of the most popular headcanons in the Homestuck fandom, and it has been for years. I think I can excuse people who headcanon transfem Dave for “hating it”, because as I have been trying to fucking say this entire time, people keep correcting me on my own posts about transfem Dave on my own blog, and belittling me for thinking this way. And since I’ve asked people to maybe interrogate why they feel the need to correct me and patronize me and to stop fucking doing that, I’ve been getting inundated with people trying to mansplain and traumadump to me how me saying to not correct me and patronize me for having a transfem headcanon is oppressing them and that trans men also have it bad, as if I literally ever insinuated that they do not have it tough.

You do not get to “Both Sides” me on a discussion about my experience when I have never - and I mean NEVER - received this level of heat for headcanoning a character as literally anything else. I have NEVER gotten “corrected” for headcanoning a character as gay, or transmasculine, or black, or a lesbian - only now, when I headcanon a character as a trans woman, am I getting people correcting me, condescending me, telling me some really fucking personal traumas to explain to me I’m “in the wrong” for being upset about the correction and condescension, very obviously making assumptions about my sex, gender, and what I’ve been through in my life, making negative assumptions about my intelligence, and putting a fuck ton of words in my mouth.

I am speaking from my own experience here. I am sorry if that hurts anyone’s feelings, but that much cannot be taken from me. From my experience, this is not “Both Sides”, this is very clearly one side with far greater numbers giving another flack for not assimilating, and when that other side tries to say what’s going on, they’re treated as an aggressor, and treated like a petulant idiot child.

Before anyone puts any more words in my god damn mouth:

I literally never said no one could HC Dave as transmasculine, or that they were wrong for thinking that way. I have outright said the opposite, that it is fine and that I do not care. HOWEVER, I sure as hell am experiencing people telling me that I am wrong for HCing her as a woman.

I literally never, and I mean NEVER, said or insinuated that trans men do not suffer, especially under the patriarchy. I am not an idiot, I know how the patriarchy works, it hurts literally everyone that doesn’t conform to an incredibly, incredibly narrow white non-queer cishetero male ideal. I am also not an idiot, I know that transphobia will exist no matter what you identify as, and it will suck absolute horseshit. Neither “side” has it “easy”, every type of transphobia has an uncomfortably, terrifyingly high body count. I never fucking said trans men do not have it hard. Stop putting those words in my mouth.

Literally all I said was that it’s fucking weird that I’ve never been treated this way until I headcanoned a character as a trans woman, and maybe to interrogate that because people sure seem comfortable acting this way, and that-

This is Transmisogyny.

And if there’s anything else I’ve learned from this, it’s that-

HIT DOGS HOLLER.

[plounce]

i think criticism of lyse's design is extremely valid. i think if she looked more like basically every other ala mhigan (brown) a lot of the wrinkles around her stormblood character* would get ironed out. however i do think that she is overly criticized. gamers hate when a woman has an arc where she grows and learns.

lyse's story is one of diaspora, and returning to her homeland and having to learn about how people live under occupation and how to work with that. there's a reason she is paired with hien (lived under the empire, helped lead a failed rebellion, and then fled into exile) and fordola (lived under the empire, doesnt know a free ala mhigo, is a depiction of how imperialism steals away a people's future (their youths) and chews them up in its machine to further crush resistance). she is both an outsider who asks questions to be a vehicle/companion protag for our wol to learn more about ala mhigo, and provides someone who is very emotionally invested in its struggle for freedom. contrast to heavensward: the person most emotionally invested in their own people is ysayle. estinien seems very mercenary and gruff and is mostly invested in his hatred of nidhogg, aymeric is a cool-headed politician who's trying to do what's right but also politically possible (aymeric the #bluewave), and haurchefant is pretty absent for a lot of the plot and is mostly invested in the wol. nobody is as passionate about ishgard as lyse is about ala mhigo (this is my perception, YMMV, etc, i am notably rather lukewarm on hvw). the point of lyse is that she must learn about the homeland she was ripped away from and still desperately wants to help. and to learn about something, you have to start out with a lack of knowledge. you know. like a character arc.

also i feel that people often misremember lyse's job. she is not the leader of ala mhigo. that's more raubahn's job. lyse became the leader of one specific cell of the ala mhigan resistance, of which there were many. she now has a position in their armed forces. we see her a lot when ala mhigo comes up in msq because 1. we are almost always with the scions and she is obviously gonna be ala mhigo's scion liasion 2. she is the character most strongly associated with ala mhigo so of course the writers are gonna use her for that. but while she is influential in the government she does not run it. also - lyse has experience as an anti-imperial activist! she was involved in multiple castrum infiltrations and both of the empire's massive defeats on the eorzean front! she's a scion, she has experience!

i have other thoughts but it is late. obviously not loving lyse doesn't make you a misogynist. i don't even feel very passionately about her, i think she's fine. i am talking more about macro-level fandom trends than accusing you the reader of being a gamergate mra. i also think that there's a lot of unpacked misogyny in all our heads that we need to deal with, and if that part of that means stepping back and giving female characters more grace and putting some mental energy into actively understanding/analyzing them, then all the better.

*i do realize that part of the issue was that they were stuck with her 1.0 design of a blonde white girl on a middy model (since f highlanders didnt exist for a while). perhaps there is a universe where her dropping the archon mark glamour changes a lot more about her appearance, and that lyse had a few different phenotypes than her sister - but i am not qualified to say whether this would be better or worse. there would be some interesting discussions on it, though.

[idolomantises]

nothin' serious, just thinkin

The whole situation with a certain Indie creator’s work blowing up too quickly and feeling overwhelmed by it, really makes me think about how… not fun it is sometimes when your work gets popular. Obviously my level of popularity and fandom doesn’t match there’s but dealing with people who see your OCs and start claiming them as their own, disrespect boundaries and basically hound you with their preferences is such a reoccurring problem it’s a bit scary.

For example, I remember wanting to completely scrap Powers as a character when people were treating her as a self insert to be homophobic and misogynistic, despite carrying neither of those traits. People make fetish art of my OCs and then tag me in it (and if I don’t reblog/retweet it they practically spam me about it). I’ve had people try to steal my own OCs out of spite. I’ve seen people draw smut of my underaged characters. People have gotten angry with me when my characters disprove their headcanons or present themselves in ways that aren’t their preferences. The amount of times I’ve dealt with people genuinely angry with me that Sera is a woman is a scary amount. Queer people thinking my art is fetish content that is catered for straight men. I’ve had people tell me that because I don’t depict more of a specific group, that means I despise them and that my art is inherently promoting hateful ideology for not depicting them. People sending me videos of bugs being killed or mocking my characters because they think it’s funny. and I have to repeat again these aren’t random trolls online, this is from my own followers.

And you guys have seen how angry people get when I tell them to stop being bigoted under my queer art, whether it’s complaining that I’m drawing too many women/lesbians or bitching that I’m drawing gay men at all, I’ve had to deal with the unfortunate fact some of my followers, no matter how many times I try to push them off my account are just… very hateful and think my work is fetish content meant to cater to them. Lesbian art isn’t queer art, it’s a porn category for some people. And a lot of queer men think it’s fine to lesbophobic and misogynistic under my art and demand that I draw less female characters because (insert that annoying Speed quote here)

I do really like the fanart and I’m completely fine with NSFW works as long as the characters are 18+, but it’s just. It’s scary sometimes. And it scares me to imagine what would happen if I really blew up. Respect creator’s boundaries… please.