#i mean worst case is just nothing happens really so ehats stopping me
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honestly bonkers that listening to sad music is making me sadder what the hell
#no good very bad week ngl#i want a fucking refund#also second SECERT topic just for the notes teehee#how personal is too personal for random text posts?#like what if i just start throwing out little happy memories i am thinking abput#i mean worst case is just nothing happens really so ehats stopping me#me#im stopping me#:3#so so so fucking eepy#but ive done fuck all#upset#that was the 3rd and last topic of the post#unless you count me acknowledging the amount of topics as a topic#what if that is another#oh god and that#no stop just press post
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Something is wrong with me.
Death is just a constant presence in the back of my head, I'm having really unsettling thoughts. I'm having trouble feeling anything. Literally fucking anything. I don't like smoking anymore, I feel like im bad to my partner because it's like I can't feel him anymore. I'm distancing myself more than ever. All I feel is anger. I can barely really even get mad anymore, like logically. It's just rage. Undirected rage. I feel so disgusted with myself I can't enjoy sex anymore. I literally feel nothing during sex, or anything. I've grown completely apathetic to almost everything in my life. And I don't know what's happening. And I feel like I need to be medicated. My hallucinations are the worst they've ever been. And I don't know how to stop this fucjing nightmare. I can't even find joy in the smallest things. Just scrolling through tik toks, or watching my comfort shows and crocheting. I can't fucking.....I don't know. I just, I feel like maybe if I was gone it would be a little bit better. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know ehats happening. And I'm always blowing up at my partner or getting mad. Or just being viciously mean for no fucjing reason. And o don't understand it???? It's almost like I'm acting like I don't even puke him anymore, and that's not the case. Because I'm in love with him, and I know deep down this all will pass as does everything else. But I just....how many times. I'm so fucking lost, and I'm scared I'm going to do something bad.
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