#i mean shes not 100% nice obvi nobody is

[gangles-toybox]

Me when I remember in middle school I was quite literally thinking of Pink from Dick Figures as a total bitch unintentionally probably because "she got in the way of red x blue!!!"

[thatbitchinsneakers]

The Bachelorette Season 16 Episode 1

Hi everyone and welcome to ThatBitchInSneakers! While my identity remains a secret (for now), my unfiltered opinions on the hilariously pathetic franchise that we all know as The Bachelor/Bachelorette most definitely do not . I'm just gonna cut the crap of introducing myself cause literally nobody cares so without further ado, here we go with Season 16 Episode 1 of The Bachelorette.

Before we begin, a preview for the season just came on and it was like "you'll finally get some clare-ification" and some other dumb sentence saying "clare-voyant" (as if any of the 18-25 year old girls who watch this show fucking know what that means?) and all i can say if thank god her name isn't something like hmm idk TAYSHIA ????? cause there simply won't be a single play on words for that one. Bravo to the ABC summer interns for coming up with those! 

This epsiode starts with Chris Harrison "surprising" Clare over Facetime telling her that she's the new bachelorette. Like she totally didn't see this coming even though she had her hair and makeup done and a full blown camera crew in her bedroom. Such a shock for Clare! 

Ok, so she talks a lot about how her life/filming was flipped upside down because of this little thing going on in the world called a fucking pandemic. She's like "what should I do today? Should I get out of bed?" Like don't you have a full time job? Oh wait jk you take take instagram pics from home, I forgot. 

She gets covid tested, thank you ABC, and is free to go makeout with tons of random men! Yay Clare! Chris Harrison delivering her test results had me WHEEZING. Like legally, how is allowed to give her her test results? Can he deliver my results? What about HIPPA? so many questions. not enough time. Moving on. 

Some of the men are introduced and we find out that ABC spends a fuck load of money to put them up in their own rooms at a hotel in La Quinta, California (like sorry Clare the mansion is only reserved for people in their 20s) giving her, and all the men, free covid tests. Lucky them! I had to pay $250 for a rapid covid test so fuck u ABC. Anyway, the men are bored out of their minds in their hotel rooms working out, jacking off (probably), and flexing their muscles in the mirror. 

Clare arrived to the mansion in a dress that looks similar to what I wore to my bat mitzvah (although the backless was a nice touch, Clare) and she sits down with her personal therapist, Chris Harrison, and we find out about her past relationships/500 times being on the show.  Blah blah blah Chris Harrison legit does not give one fuck.

More men are introduced as they walk out of the limo to meet Clare and I'm honestly so impressed at how closely ABC and the NFL worked this season! Every other man on this show a former football player. Sorry to the "account executives" but you guys are outnumbered :/ Maybe next year!

Let's talk about the men.

First on my list of men to talk about is Eazy. He's fucking hot but like...Eazy? "Hi mom and dad this is my new boyfriend, Eazy. With a Z!" Mmm no sorry not gonna work. But tbh he should be the next bachelor because there are so many ways for the ABC interns to incorperate his name into the previews. "This next season is NOT gonna be Eazy" or "These girls are all so Eazy" idk just to name a few.

Jason, former football player, shows up pregnant! Haha! Good one, Jordan! Next.

Ivan gets out of the limo with some inspiring words from his mother, "Maganda ka" in Tagalog, which does actually mean "you are beautiful" (yes I looked it up cause I don't believe anything that comes out of a man's mouth these days). Points for you Ivan!

Kenny - boy band manager. Would absolutely love to know what boy band he could possibly manage. 

Tyler C - Not the Tyler C I'm used to but whatever. Obsessed with the fact that the producers were like hey Tyler come here so we're gonna put you in a shitty little station wagon with a suitcase and a single lamp tied to the top and you're gonna pretend like you "packed up your entire life" to come here for Clare. Ok cool thanks! Quirky entrance #1- check! 

Of course right after Tyler shows up in a disgusting station wagon, someone HAD to roll up in a Rolls Royce. Oh and guess who it is! That's right. The guy who went to Harvard! I wonder how long it's gonna take for him to mention that he went to Harvard. My guess is next episode.

Let's talk about some of the other entrances - Straight jacket? Full suit of armor? Like what drugs were these producers taking when they were like oh here's a great idea lets put a man in a straight jacket and then have him pretend he's here for love! Dumb. 

Ok so then she meets Dale and her 39 year old ovaries literally explode. I don't blame her though because he's really hot but like relax bitch theres 30 other guys here trying to get into your pants like give it a sec. Obvi Chris Harrison comes out and is like "omg did you just say you think you met your husband? Wow in my 568 years of doing this show, I've never heard anyone say that so quickly." Clare, just breaking Bachelor records all around!

So now we're in the fake mansion, the drinks are flowing, Clare is having weird convos etc. This is usually the best part of the Bachelor/Bachelorette because everyone is literally so fucked up because they're drinking, for free, for like 8 hours straight. There's always random fights and people rolling their eyes and what not. But I was so disappointed that the only thing that happened was that one guy was like DMing randoms saying "hey beautiful" or whatever. before the show started filming. Like who cares ? Get over it. Clare sat them both down and was like ok figure it out my 39 year old uterus does not have any more time to waste.

I did love how Blake messaged her before the show being like "I'm here for you" because that's actually so sweet. Like to know that he did that when cameras weren't filming and reached out to her on insta to say he's excited for this to be over so he can meet her and he's here for her while she's going through shit is actually so sweet. If she doesn't keep Blake then I'm suing the Bachelor franchise.

Blah blah blah nothing else exciting. Dale gets the first impression rose, obvi, and then she ends up keeping the man who was DMing the girls before filming. Yosef, who she has already nicknamed "Yo". Then the rose ceremony which is literally at 9am the next day like the sun is fully up. 

To sum up this episode, I'd say it fucking sucked. This doesn't feel like the normal Bachelor/Bachelorette at all. Idk if it's the fact that Clare is 100 years old and not the usual girl that is fresh out of college and a self proclaimed Instagram model, but it just doesn't feel right. 

Can't say I'm looking forward to it, but see yall next week!

Kisses,

That Bitch In Sneakers

Official "I love that" count: 9

Official "I needed this" count: 6

[imreszekeres]

for the anon that wanted all 100

1. Name- Ash! 2. Age- 18 3. City that you live in- fear, usually 4. What do most people not know about you?- nothing really, i compulsively release useless information about myself 5. What do most people know you for?- being fat and annoying 6. Hobbies- makeup, youtubers, sleeping, writing, drawing 7. What are your passions?- writing 8. What do you search for in a significant other?- i really Really need to be understood, and someone who is patient is nice too 7. What are you most proud of?- I hav gone to State and gotten within the top 10% in my Journalism competitions, which puts me in the top .08% of all high school students in my state. :-) im good for some things 8. When was the last time you had a significant conversation with someone you love?- every day when I talk to @pizzasteveofficial <3 all our conversations are significant 2 me 9. Have you ever collected anything? What was it?- I collect my tears in a jar and store them, then shower in them every night 10. List 10 things off of your bucket list.- I want to get married in the snow, have a daughter, get a Heartagram tattoo (at least one lol), write a successful book, and.. idk what else :0 11. What was the last thing you learned?- jesus I dont know, you learn sth new every day! hard to remember 12. How many relationships have you been in?- um.. 7 I think i feel like im forgetting one tho. I wont name them obvi but i think im forgetting one? i feel like ive been in 8 oh well 13. Turn ons- validation 14. Turn offs- being alive 15. Favorite food- frozen yogurt! I like the vanilla or white chocolate flavor with looots of toppings 16. Favorite drink- Coke 17. What is the best birthday gift you have ever received?- i dont really know! I dont remember a lot of my birthdays for trauma reasons so  18. Are you optimistic or pessimistic?- pessimistic by far lol 19. Do you sleep during class?- its happened a handful of times, I try not to bc I HATE missing work its annoying 20. What is the most expensive thing you own?- myself?? jk its my laptop 21. What is the cheapest yet most useful thing you own?- a 1 dollar ELF blending brush. yall those things are bomb please go buy some! 22. How many times a day on average do you check your phone?- that number does not exist holy shit  23. Text or call?- TEXT BLEASE I HAVE SUCH BAD HEARING 24. Opinion on long distance?- it can work! ive done it a lot of times. distance has never been whats broken a relationship for me, not directly anyway 25. What is your definition of success?- success is when you’re happy. you do not have many worries, not the kind that keep you awake at night or make your tummy sick anyway. You have people that love you and, if you died, you’d be remembered as a good bean 26. Favorite song?- right now im really diggin “Hate (I Really Dont Like You)” by the plain white Ts 27. Favorite artist?- HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 28. Celebrity crush/crushes?- Ville Valo ALWAYS lmao hes my god 29. When was the last time you read for fun?- like last month 30. Favorite flower?- roses 31. What is the best gift you could receive right now?- a plane ticket to Connecticut and like 1000 dollars 32. Any guilty pleasures?- pop... music... BUT LIKE THE GOOD KIND U FEEL? I DONT LIKE STUFF FROM THE LAST 2 OR 3 YEARs...  33. What is one thing you would like to change about yourself?- my weight, and that sounds so shallow but it. is taking a toll on me. 34. What do you search for in a friend?- someone who is like me! 35. How many times have you said "I love you" in the past month?- not enough 36. Where did you last go other than your room/home?- school.. 37. Why do bad things happen to good people?- because life isnt fair 38. In your opinion, what hurts more? Being left out or being stabbed in the eye?- what the fuck being stabbed in the eye have you ever been stabbed in the fucking eye? because i havent and i can already tell you that if my friends were talking without me and then someone stabbed me in the fuCKING EYE I WOULD BE JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE PREOCCUPIED WITH BEING STABBED IN THE E Y E  39. How many green shirts do you own?- none lol 40. Do you like anime?- sure! I dont watch it rn but i dont watch anything rn, haha 41. What do you invest the most time in?- sleeping,, 42. What was the name of the last book you read?- Rebecca :3 very gud book 43. What's the difference between loving and liking someone?- when ur main squeeze gets a hair cut and u still wanna suck their dingus u love em, thats it sorry i dont make the rules 44. Where are you most productive?- i dont.. know what this is asking lol I’m most protective over my romantic partners. As much as I’d love to say im most protective over Sarah, nothing compares to how “troll guarding his treasure” i am w/my loves.......... *eyes @my crush* 45. List 3 things you enjoy doing with friends.- talking shit abt rude ppl, playing vidya gaem, and talking abt life 46. List 3 things you enjoy doing alone.- watching makeup tutorials, watching lets plays, and thinking about everything and anything 47. Do you believe world peace will ever exist?- absolutely not. theres too many people on the earth to achieve that 48. Do you have any allergies?- Not to anything specific but i get them really often seasonally. i get them pretty much every time the weather changes :( 49. When was the last time you cussed at someone?- i mean.. every day of my life so like 50. What was the last promise you made?- idek dude 51. What was your last dream about?- IT WAS SO WEIRD IT WAS ABOUT MY CRUSH’S MOM? I DREAMT THAT SHE WAS A DEMON WHO STORED HER EGGS IN LITTLE PORCELAIN JARS AND THAT MY CRUSH HAD AN EAR INFECTION AND WE WERE IN A SNOWY VILLAGE IDK DONT ASK ME its weird bc my crushs mom is so sweet... 52. If you won a trip to Hawaii and you could take 5 people with you, who would those 5 people be?- i would literally only take Sarah bc i hate everyone 53. How many countries have you visited?- ive never been outside the US 54. What is your favorite medium of art? (Music, dance, painting, etc.)- writing :-) 56. When was the last time somebody complimented you?- those nice anons i got yesterday/the other day! 56. If you switched bodies with someone, how would you recognize yourself?- what do u even mean? youd know bc youd be like THIS ISNT MY BODY 57. Do you consider yourself mature?- kind of, yes 58. How many days in your life do you think you have wasted on tumblr?- too fuckin many 59. What is your favorite quote?- “Worship Satan!” -Ville Valo (no but rly any HIM lyric is my favorite quote, theyre so beautiful,,,) 60. If you started a new religion and you had to create 3 rules or commandments for your new followers to live by, what would those 3 rules be?- dont hurt ppl unless they hurt u, dont touch ppl unless they want u to, and respect gender/sexuality 61. What is your greatest accomplishment?- going 2 state! 62. Do you believe in the death penalty?- yeah i actually think it should b used more lol, kill all rapists and p*dophiles :-) 63. What are your goals for life?- i just wanna b happy, man 64. What do you think your soulmate is doing right now?- being a fucking idiot, probably 65. If you could live anywhere, where would you live? The place can be in an imaginary, fantasy, or the real world.- CALIFORNIA LMAO IM SUCH A SUCKER FOR CALIFORNIA AND I NEVER EVEN BEEN THERE 66. What were you like in 2013?- awful but also really sweet... then again i wasnt TECHNICALLY the host so lol  67. Do you have a job?- no :( i cant drive 68. Tell us a story about your childhood best friend.- she was an abusive bitch who took out her parents hating her on me the end 69. If you could change one thing about society, what would it be?- i would make discrimination a way more serious crime than it is taken for rn. ppl who discriminate should b put in jail 70. How many all-nighters have you pulled before?- just one when i had to install the sims and it took 6 years 71. Is tumblr your favorite website? If not, then what is your favorite website?- my fave website is youtube 72. What is the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars?- suck a dick, i guess 73. Does money equal happiness?- not all the time but it sure can 74. How many times have you experienced true happiness in your lifetime?- never, i dont think 75. How many times have you experienced true sadness in your lifetime?- too many times 76. What is the funniest joke you have ever been told?- you know that joke abt the blind man at the beginning of Crazy Rap? yeah thats fucking HILARIOUS  77. When was the last time you looked at the news?- this morn :0 78. If you could say one thing to the world, what would you say?- im gay 79. What is your favorite animal?- RACCOONS!!!!!!!!!!!! 80. If you could earn a million dollars by pretending to be dead for 3 years, would you do it?- i mean sure lmao nobody would b upset about it so 81. What is one thing that everyone is bad at?- being a human. 82. What time do you normally sleep? How many hours of sleep do you usually get?- i usually go to bed at 10 and get like 6 or 7 hours 83. Does age necessarily equal maturity?- not at all! 84. What is your favorite clothing store?- hot topic lol 85. In the winter- beanies or gloves?- gloves b 86. Would you rather have wings or a fish tail?- wings?? why would i want a fish tail 87. If you had the power to erase one person from the world so that nobody remembered him or her except you, would you do it?- absofuckinglutely.  88. What do you fear the most?- being like my rapist. thats a little too deep than i like to go but im being honest, thats literally my biggest fear Ever 89. How many digits of pi can you recite?- 3.14 lmfao i hate math 90. If you could travel back to one year and relive it again, which year would it be?- 2004. I would stop it before it happened. :-( 91. Describe yourself in one word.- stupid 92. Describe your last victory.- i woke up today w/o killin meself 93. What is the weirdest thing you have ever seen?- bendytoots cucumberpitch’s face 94. What is something you will never forget?- prom.. something rly nice happened 95. Would you rather forget all of the past or remember everything in vivid detail?- forget everything. please 96. Have you ever broken a bone before?- nope! 97. Is it harder to love or to hate somebody?- probably harder to love them lol 98. Coffee or tea?- coffer 99. What are some little things that you do that have changed your life in a positive way?- I dont overdose on a constant basis in a BPD-fueled rage any more so thats good 100. How many hours have you spend on tumblr today?- probably 1 or 2?

[simply-serenade]

ignore me

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? tyler forced me to hold his hand in the mall a couple weeks ago. i hated it. 
2. Are you outgoing or shy? usually shy
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? my cousins! and jacey ;)
4. Are you easy to get along with? yeah
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? i'd think so 
6. What kind of people are you attracted to? nice people. funny people. people who respect theatre. jacey. 
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? yes
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? literally no one
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? no
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? probably meghan tbh
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? "you're cute" wow such a flirt 
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? alright here we go: - If I Had My Time Again from Groundhog Day - Prologue from Great Comet - Bui Doi from Miss Saigon - I Choose You by Sara Bareilles - New York by Snow Patrol
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? eh sometimes but i don't really wanna be randomly touched
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? yeah
15. What good thing happened this summer? so far, i've been to hershey so that's fun
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? i'd prefer to not do that again
17. Do you think there is life on other planets? yeah
18. Do you still talk to your first crush? oh god no i was like 7
19. Do you like bubble baths? sometimes if i'm in the mood
20. Do you like your neighbors? yeah
21. What are you bad habits? biting my lips, biting my fingers
22. Where would you like to travel? literally everywhere. jacey and i always talk about this
23. Do you have trust issues? yes
24. Favorite part of your daily routine? going to sleep
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? everything, homie. probably my arms the most though
26. What do you do when you wake up? look at my phone
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? darker, i guess. i'm hella pale
28. Who are you most comfortable around? meghan, bryce, alyssa, and jacey
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? no
30. Do you ever want to get married? if it happens, it happens. 
31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? yes
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? roberta colindrez and nick robinson. or justice smith. 
33. Spell your name with your chin. no 
34. Do you play sports? What sports? i'm not a huge fan but i can watch baseball
35. Would you rather live without TV or music? tv
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? of course
37. What do you say during awkward silences? i just laugh
38. Describe your dream girl/guy? someone nice, funny, into theatre or at least respects it, someone who likes to travel, someone that's not phobic of certain types of people
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? lush and target
40. What do you want to do after high school? i'm in college so college. 
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? sure
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? i'm just quiet
43. Do you smile at strangers? sometimes
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? space
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? guilt usually haha
46. What are you paranoid about? everything
47. Have you ever been high? yes
48. Have you ever been drunk? yes
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? ummmm no i don't think so
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? grey
51. Ever wished you were someone else? yeah
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? appearance
53. Favourite makeup brand? I don't know i use a lot of samples
54. Favourite store? target
55. Favourite blog? I don't know man
56. Favourite colour? purple and red
57. Favourite food? chinese
58. Last thing you ate? a donut
59. First thing you ate this morning? salad
60. Ever won a competition? For what? i don't think so lol
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? no
62. Been arrested? For what? no 
63. Ever been in love? yes
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? i was drunk. he was drunk. we were at our friends party. it happened in her bed. her sister was in the room with us. it's a running joke at our theatre now. 
65. Are you hungry right now? no
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? i have like 2 tumblr friends
67. Facebook or Twitter? twitter
68. Twitter or Tumblr? tumblr
69. Are you watching tv right now? asmr
70. Names of your bestfriends? if i had to choose like the top 5: tyler, bryce, alyssa, carley, jacey
71. Craving something? What? no
72. What colour are your towels? purple
72. How many pillows do you sleep with? so many. but usually 2
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? they're on my bed
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? too many dude. 
75. Favourite animal? giraffe
76. What colour is your underwear? rn... pink and white i think
77. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate
78. Favourite ice cream flavour? friendlys peanut butter cup
79. What colour shirt are you wearing? m college shirt
80. What colour pants? denim shorts
81. Favourite tv show? ummm catfish
82. Favourite movie? school of rock
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? mean girls, duh
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? mean girls 
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? damien
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? dory, obvi
87. First person you talked to today? my dad
88. Last person you talked to today? jacey
89. Name a person you hate? trump
90. Name a person you love? my mother
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? no
92. In a fight with someone? no just passive aggressive lol
93. How many sweatpants do you have? like 2 pairs
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?
 like 75 haha nah like 5 95. Last movie you watched? Sully
96. Favourite actress? jennette mccurdy
97. Favourite actor? zac efron
98. Do you tan a lot? never
99. Have any pets? my dog aka the loml
100. How are you feeling? tired 
101. Do you type fast? sure
102. Do you regret anything from your past? yeah
103. Can you spell well? yes
104. Do you miss anyone from your past? eh nah
105. Ever been to a bonfire party? yes
106. Ever broken someone’s heart? yes
107. Have you ever been on a horse? yes
108. What should you be doing? anything but listening to asmr and doing this
109. Is something irritating you right now? yes. this lady i have to work with this summer. she's not telling me why time training is on saturday and i love an hour away. 
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yes
111. Do you have trust issues? yes, again
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? my mom
113. What was your childhood nickname? i didn't have a childhood nickname
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yes
115. Do you play the Wii? i did
116. Are you listening to music right now? no
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? no
118. Do you like Chinese food? oh HELL ye
119. Favourite book? the kite runner
120. Are you afraid of the dark? no
121. Are you mean? i can be
122. Is cheating ever okay? never
123. Can you keep white shoes clean? no
124. Do you believe in love at first sight? no
125. Do you believe in true love? yes
126. Are you currently bored? very
127. What makes you happy? jaceyyy
128. Would you change your name? yes but I don't know what to
129. What your zodiac sign? leo
130. Do you like subway? v much 
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? if it was tyler, i'd vom. if it was bryce, i'd make fun of him 
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? meghan
133. Favourite lyrics right now? "all we see if sky for forever"
134. Can you count to one million? probably but i'm impatient
135. Dumbest lie you ever told? not even sure 
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed
137. How tall are you? 5'7
138. Curly or Straight hair? i have curly
139. Brunette or Blonde? brunette
140. Summer or Winter? winter
141. Night or Day? night
142. Favourite month? november
143. Are you a vegetarian? i am
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? mill
145. Tea or Coffee? coffee
146. Was today a good day? yeah
147. Mars or Snickers? snickers
148. What’s your favourite quote? I don't know man
149. Do you believe in ghosts? yes
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? too lazy