#i mean it sucks that someone died and ppl have the right to grieve about someone who were a part of their childhood

[heung-mins]

lore about me is that i had a blog dedicated to 1D from 2011-2013 and was a weeaboo but about england and not japan

[imadethisatage11]

Live-blogging my reaction to Spiral: from the book of saw

Spoilers under the cut

TL;DR: my overall review is that it was good but I’m going to go watch DPS to cleanse me

- ok so that woman got robbed and for what

- I had to pause to find out who this detective’s actor was Bc it was driving me nuts and it’s MCMURRAY FROM LETTERKENNY???

- love that they’re gonna fuck up this train conductors day lmao

- LOVE genuinely that we’re back to looking gritty and having an old tv play the video and having some rapid cut camera work early 2000’s vibes I embrace you

- why does the voice sound like that,, I wasn’t expecting John but why is it so non threatening now it’s literally just Some Guy™️

- I am glad I paid $15 to listen to Chris Rock talk about Forrest Gump. Worth my money and I mean it genuinely I love Chris Rock he’s great. Stream Everybody Hates Chris on Hulu

- “Z?” Zeke who just had his cover blown: this MF

- “do I look like a fucking Jamaican nanny?!” I- 😀🤚🏽

- ayo Max Minghella

- Chris Rock falling just short of being convincingly aggressively cynical Bc he is Chris Rock with the voice of Chris Rock

- it sounds like he’s setting up jokes that don’t have punchlines and instead they’re just like,, mediocre cynic cop dialogue

- while looking at some pretty fucking intact teeth: this bum is gonna be pretty hard to ID

- I mean I guess the homeless don’t have dental records but were you not even gonna try?

- I’m very pleased Chris Rock put on gloves before handling the strange package I love actually smart character choices that would make sense for them to make

- I.e. the cop knows how to properly handle unexpected unmarked packages delivered to the precinct

- “I thought the jigsaw killer was dead” “well if it’s another copy cat…” another wait is that referring to Logan (which Logan pinned on the other coincidentally crooked cop whose name I’ve forgotten) does that imply Logan only did like? The one trap? And hasn’t been active? Just waited ten years after John died recreates the one trap he was in and then stops?? I mean don’t get me wrong if movie wants to ignore Jigsaw (2017)’s existence I’m game but like what

- also why do the packages look like they’re wrapped in Tiffany boxes lmao

- oh yay they did run dental

- Chris Rock is an asshole but they should go with protocol if that’s what they’re doing

- ordering a man mid piss out of the men’s room to yell at Zeke

- does conflict of interest matter when the whole precinct knows the victim?

- uncomfortable stand-offs with your ex while at the home of a grieving friend

- Samuel L Jackson!

- “I could’ve killed you!” “What are you talking about, I have the gun!” *SLJ pulls a gun out* “I could’ve killed you”

- daddy issues

- “you think this is linked to John Kramer?” Bruh you think it’s NOT??

- ik this is SO far fetched but I rlly hope this movie tells us wtf happened to Dr Gordon. I’m sure it won’t but a girl can dream

- “should we tell Zeke?” “Fuck him” I get you guys don’t like to work w him Bc he’s an ass but like. You’re just not doing your jobs now you’re just proving he’s right that you’re untrustworthy

- splitting up and not telling ppl where you’re going is the number one way to get kidnapped or murdered but way to go cop instincts

- what is this Chinese finger trap ass shit

- love the blue tones tho very Saw

- all it needs is to become uncomfortably green

- fun fact I actually watched the first saw w my friend who is red green color blind and he said it looked AWFUL and I was like oh yeah everything is blue tinted like twilight blue tint and later it’s green just FYI (he thought that made significantly more sense than whatever shit ass color palette he was perceiving)

- being mad at your son for turning in a dirty cop Bc now you’ll have to mess with internal affairs

- and then assaulting someone??? SLJ is an even worse asshole lmao

- another Tiffany box bound in twine maybe it’ll be one of those cheesy diamond heart necklaces

- HELLO what is that ugly ass pig puppet

- also the voice is so stilted did the killer use fuckin text to speech so they couldn’t unscramble the voice like they did to Hoffman?

- cops finding dead pigs, a little on the nose

- oh so this dude has a history of “fuck it” ok well screw that guy then

- SLJ deserves to be pissed at that cop for letting Zeke get shot but like what an unhinged man he threatened to kill him and then actually assaulted him HOW did he EVER get in charge to begin with

- ok wait is Zeke actually the only decent cop (inc his dad but maybe excluding the newbie)

- that is a truly gruesome way to lose fingers tho I must say but he deserves that shit

- wait did the trap not go fast enough or was there a way for him to do that faster and I missed it

- like should he not have hesitated Bc there was a time limit or was it just rigged

- cuz the machine had to pull them off he couldn’t just cut them quickly

- so are they just gonna leave broken leg Dude there or

- also just now I tried to talk abt this movie (so far) vs Jigsaw (2017) to my mom and I got too excited and referenced some character names she didn’t know and she shut me down and said she didn’t care 😀

- live-blogging to my, like, five followers that compromise one one (1) person that knows me IRL, one (1) Sawtual, and a handful of ppl only here for my main DPS content to fill the void of emotional parental neglect. What a great website

- oh no did the rookie die :( he was actually sweet

- I feel like he was too important to kill offscreen tho

- like they’re TELLING us he .. was skinned.. but was he REALLY

- Chris Rock having a revelation: AH FUCK

- everyone else at the crime scene: ….

- favorite thing abt movies that were already gonna be rated R is when they’re like “well if we’re already at R we might as well say fuck”

- she has to SEVER HER SPINAL CORD? Why was she deemed the biggest asshole

- also how on earth was this trap portable it IS in their basement right

- transporting the hot wax is just what gets me

- Chris Rock rn: are you tired of being nice? Don’t you just wanna go apeshit?

- was this abt his dad the whole time???

- does it count as live blogging when I do one big post instead of several small ones lol I just want it to be avoidable for ppl who are just here for Dead Poets Society

- man’s fully abt to cut his arm off like barely even hesitated long enough to notice the bobby pin he could pick the lock with

- there’s a body here suspended

- not hanging mind you

- but covered and suspended

- and I bet it’s the newbie

- ah damn it’s Pete that’s disappointing

- it’s possible the trailers just made him seem more important than he was

- why are they punishing Zeke for reporting a dirty cop and having his career accordingly ruined like he did the right thing and already suffered for it? This killer doesn’t like crooked cops?? Why does Zeke have to be tortured by hearing this dude die like that’s what they want isn’t it?

- I think it’s too late pal

- the glass trap was pretty fucking cool though

- I KNEW HE WAS ALIVE

- I didn’t think he was a MURDERER but I KNEW he was alive

- OH SHIT THE DIRTY COP ZEKE TURNED IN KILLED NEWBIE’S DAD??

- I’m terrible at guessing endings but it makes viewing more fun

- honestly,, do it Chris Rock ACAB

- “you want me to kill cops?” “No, fuck no, just the bad ones”

- what a fun villain though

- I have no idea what the Ultimate Game Plan™️ is here though is he gonna make him kill his dad? I mean his dad does suck but making a dude KILL his DAD? That is a tall order Max Minghella

- ok but literally why wouldn’t you listen to him here shoot the target??

- ANGIE! It WaS aNgIe

- killing this man is not correct justice anyway Zeke

- shot the target! Good man

- groovy of them to play the Hello Zepp soundtrack rn

- oh shit what’s going on SLJ knows what it is

- oh.. w o w. Brutal way to go. Very heavy handed imagery

- and that’s all I guess who the fuck knows what’s up w Doctor Gordon

- and I guess Max Minghella is just gonna get away now but tbh Chris Rock only seemed truly mad at him for involving his dad

- nice rap remix to the OG Hello Zepp score very cool credits music

[letterstoandrew]

The day after your funeral

Idk how we move on from this. From what you left us with. I feel like this is some how you getting one over on us again. That you're gone and here we are at a loss for your big presence. Listen, alright, you were right. You ARE the smartest, funniest, most handsome dude who we should know and assume just knows everything. You ultimately weren't wrong. And while I never knew you to feel bad or regretful about much of anything, I don't think you'd feel good about what you left us with. What I do think you'd get a laugh over is how you always claimed you were "the worst" but in the end you were in fact the best. So you win on that one broski. You also got another one over on me by leaving before I had the chance to properly give you the business for all these other things you did right before you were taken and I found out after. I feel like you'd get a good chuckle out of that too and say something along the lines of, well ya bro we both know I generally am the worst and always get what I want.

Almost always anyways broseph. I now know a lot more about the things that you wanted. This is where my heart breaks the most. I am not sure why you didnt share those things with me. I had always prided in that our friendship was always open and honest but at the end there were quite a few things that came forward that ultimately question that.

Idk why you didnt tell me more about how happy you were with your gf and the kids. Or for that matter that she had kids. And on top of that, that you were moving in with her. You were one of my best friends and I was already so happy for you that you were dating her. And I feel like I was robbed the opportunity to be even happier for you. One of the last conversations we had in person was I hugged you and told you how happy I was for you. And you said, I know bro. You said that you felt like when people really mean that, it doesn't need to be said but that you respected that I'm the type of person that needs to say it. I am not sure why you didn't feel the need or want to really share with me how happy you indeed were.

I also don't know why you reopened my feelings door for you after I had closed it and moved on and it was so unfortunately timed. Idk why you told me what you did, maybe I should feel thankful?? And I had trusted in what you said and then that ended up being taken back or buried or idk. Idk what you did with it and why you even brought it the fuck up. I wish you hadn't. Because I had all of these feelings and then when I learned all of the other things that have been going on for months, i realized you were never really mine to love.

I felt so alone and on the outside at your services. No one knew me before that moment. I felt like you kept me, our feelings for each other, and ultimately our friendship in this private little bubble. That no one really knew. I never advertised anything with you because I knew you were a private a person (at least with me anyways I am finding) and so no one but my closest friends even knew what we were. And even now I feel like I have to hide whatever it was that we existed as truly. I don't even really know what it was truly anymore anyways. And any hurt feelings I have ultimately do not matter because you're gone. I don't even have it in me to rise enough to get mad at you. I just feel confused. Sad. Mourning. And mostly I am overwhelmed with sadness about the feelings of loss your gf feels and your family feels. Again, none of whom you ever shared with me while you were living.

You and I had multiple conversations about how disconnected I was with other ppl in your life and if anything bad happened how would I ever find out? I asked you multiple times to keep an in case of emergency contact list with my number on it so someone would know to call me. Literally a week before you died I had this convo again with you. I told you I'd probably find out in passing on the rugby facebook chat I'm in because someone somewhere saw it on FB. And you know fucking what? That's exactly how it happened you asshole. I found out in a facebookchat from people who didn't even know I knew you as intimately as I did. And thank God I did. Otherwise, how would I have ever known?

Idk why you said you had so much love and respect for me and then kept me so distant from everything. You didnt even tell me you had younger siblings. I also found that out on fb. Oh or that you were engaged before you and I dated. I met her at your viewing. And I was overwhelmed with her hurt too. I knew she had to have been who you were living with when we had our 1st date. But I didnt know it was as serious as that.

I have been lucky enough that your family and gf has been overwhelming kind to me. That they have welcomed me and gave me love as best they can but ultimately they are grieving the most and only have so much they are able to give. How can I ask of them to have to be there for me too? I feel selfish. So really, I have been grieving by myself. This makes me angry too. You alienated me so much from all these important things in your life which left me alone and outside in the end. I cannot tell you how shitty that has felt. And then yeah literally, I cannot tell you, so it then too just seems pointless. It all seems so pointless. The only real steady emotions I have is how much I miss you. How much I love you. How much I love the people who loved you like your gf and your family and friends. Man this sucks. And man you suck for some of this.

Idk dudeski. I still can't believe it, don't understand why, and am so at a lost for you. Anything that reminds me of you, which is a fucking lot, makes me nauseous with grief. I hate eating because food was such a big part of you. I hate having coffee. I hate seeing something funny and all I want to do is send it to you. I make myself listen to the podcasts you suggested and I hate that too. I've been listening to ones on grief. One girl said she would scroll through her contacts just searching for someone who would appreciate the joke as much as the person she lost would. That's how I feel with you. That no one will appreciate it as much as you would have. It's "intents"....like camping. I know you hated that shitty ass joke that I shared with you constantly.

I hate having to hold myself back from contacting you bc there's nothing to contact. You were there in that room but you weren't. It looked like you but didn't. Your body didn't feel like your body. Only your hair felt right. Only your hair felt like you. It broke my heart to hear your gf share the small things I overheard about you. About your mustache, about the goals you had with each other. I am most mad about this. That this was taken away. I wanted those things for you. I always told you that your happiness was important to me and that's all I wanted for you like any true broski. Looking at how you were with them, I felt like I was looking at your true self. Like you had found happiness. And I so wanted that for you and now its been taken away from not just you but them. And that makes me so mad. It is such an injustice to them and to you. I don't understand.

And you know I am a polite person, so I would never take it away from someone who believed it, but I know you're just gone. That's it. Just like that. You were not one to believe in god or anything of the sort. So it felt so odd at your service. Your brother said it best, you would have been pissed. But like I told you bro ( and you jokingly said the same thing back to me) not everything is about you. And that service wasn't for you really, it was for everyone else. So maybe really in the end we got one over on you. That doesn't feel good though. I'd rather you were here. I wish I would have shared at your service. I didn't feel it was my place since no one knew me. I felt like we weren't saying enough but at the same time we never will be able to. All of this was so unexpected. I have never met someone so full of vigor and life before. You were unstoppable, immovable, unshakable. It shouldn't have been you. It wasn't your time. It just wasn't yet. Life did such an injustice in doing that to you. In doing that everyone who loved you. I fucking hate it. I absolutely fucking hate everything about it and there isn't anything I can do about it. But write these letters to you who will never read them. Damnit you're #theworst and yet not at all. Such a beautiful complicated SOB and I know you're pleased by that. Miss you bro. Forever. Everyday.