#i mean id LOVE to be able to do one line drawings

[poniesart]

It's been a while... my new job has been a lot to get used to, so I haven't really been able to finish any pieces recently, but here is this. I've been meaning to catalogue my gratitude for my low-dose T. Before I went on hormones, I had been fighting my body in the background for so long without noticing, and T made me realize it only after it stopped really being a problem.

And while I am not transmasc, of course people who are transmasc can (and likely will) relate to this! I added that second panel because I want people to stop calling me or my experiences transmasc in my notes when it is incorrect and makes me uncomfortable. Thank you.

ID below thanks to @/rjalker!

[ID: A comic done in mostly black and white, titled, "A Love Letter To What Testosterone Has Given Me" with four hears in the colors of the nonbinary flag, yellow, white, purple, and black, lined up vertically next to it.

The panel next to the title reads, "A note: I am nonbinary, genderqueer, & maverique. I do not identify as transmasc or relate to transmasc experinces. Please don't refer to me as such!"

The five remaining panels are the comic itself:

The first panel shows a drawing of a person mostly offscreen, black shirt, dark hair, sideburns, and glasses just visible, and reads, "To the sideburns I knew I wanted since I was 14."

The second panel continues, "To the arm hair I never knew I needed", showing a light arm with dark hairs on it.

The third panel continues, "To the broader shoulders", showing a bare-chested person from behind with arms partly lifted.

The fourth panel continues, "& thin mustache", showing a smiling person's lower jaw and neck, covered with sparse hairs.

The fifth panel concludes, "& to the realization that people don't have to spend their lives fighting their body for peace.", and shows a person wearing boxers and a bra, with hair legs, arms, and belly, one hand on hip and looking with a small smile towards the camera. At the bottom are two small trans and nonbinary flags.

End ID.]

[seeminglydark]

hi! is there are reason that you decided that cassette tapes would be john’s chosen form of physical media? how would john organize his music (i.e., genre, band name, release date) and what would john keep his cassettes in? i can imagine him either having stuff in old shoe boxes or a cassette case that he hand-painted himself!

Yes! It's my personal favorite form of media, I'm really partial to cassettes, i think from growing up in the early 90's when it was the norm, so imprinted on my brain. I love mix tapes, jumping up to smash the record button when my fave tune came on the radio, so id always miss the first 10 seconds haha, my first several cars had tape decks. i love Walkmans, it was such a HUGE thing in my life to be able to put headphones on and take my music with me for the first time. I translate a lot of that nostalgia to john. I always imagine him with his Walkman and headphones, or small portable stereo, in bed with all the lights off except the white christmas lights that criss cross his ceiling, Creaky on his chest, listening to the episodes on repeat.

John organizes his music by How Much he Currently Likes A Band, grouped by band name and then oddly enough by album color. (so if he had several cassettes by say, Social D, they'd be next to each other in rainbow or light to dark.) He does most things by color, he's slower at reading and alphabetizing is a bit of a chore and makes him feel self-conscious and stressed. He doesn't mix music and books on tape, they each have their own shelf. He does rearrange a LOT.

Right again re: shoe box and painting the cases! I actually wrote a little snippet of this a long long time ago that didn't make it into the comic, but you can have it now, under the cut.

'Caro eyes a shoe box on the shelf curiously, its covered in stickers, anti fascism and punk rock bands. 'Can i look at this?' they ask, he nods, his back to them. They pull it down and settle it in their lap, lifting off the top to discover... cassette tapes! Oh wait, John did say Maddie recorded their show for him onto cassettes. There were at least 40, all lined up in the order of episodes. Caro pulled one out, the white paper inside the case was filled in with bright colors and shapes, elaborate images of ghosts and snakes and monsters. They pulled out another. A cartoon portrait of the little blond, violet eyes wide at the barrage of brightly colored spirits hovering behind them. 'Is this me?' they ask out loud. John turns to look and freezes. 'Oh….' embarrassed. 'Uh yeah…' 'Wow the art is so…?' they murmur, pulling out another, this one done in greens and blues with metallics. 'Ive never seen anything like these before?' They saw a lot of fanart, but this was different somehow. It felt more personal. Like the person who made them really put their soul into it, like it wasn't just fanart to the artist, but something really deeply important. 'I…um….' Johns face is bright red now..' um…I mean, you know I dont have social media..' he reminds them softly, rubbing the back of his neck. 'Wait.' Caro looks up, he's so flustered now, shuffling his feet, ears on fire. 'These are YOURS? You did these?' Somehow they've forgotten he used to fill up notebooks with colorful drawings, street art and tagging. Liquid letters and cartoon animals with thick black outlines. 'Sure.' He shrugs and turns away, back to them again, 'I would draw on them while listening, you know. It just felt kinda sad to leave them blank. Maddie showed me some of the fanart online, and the box set of the first season. I can't do the same kind of art, I'm not good like those other people, but…I didn't want to leave them blank, so I made my own I guess.' he pauses. 'I'm sorry…you must think I'm so fucking weird.' 'I don't think its weird…' they murmur looking at the tapes. 'I think its really cool. I didn't know you were such a talented artist.' He laughs, a short bark that sounds like a cough. They put the box gently back on the shelf, and sit on the bed, deciding to spare him. They can see he's smiling though, even if he's trying to hide it with his fist pressed against his lips.'

[starrysharks]

ive sent like 20 asks to you atp but i really love ur art soooo so so so much like ur like my biggest inspiration fr like seriously i could blab all day abt how much i love your art and your arts almost singlehandedly motivated me to start working on shape language more bc i think thats like the key part of your art (to me at least) and youre like the true embodiment of "same face syndrome fears me" but like fr because all your ocs are so distinct and unique

do you have any tips on creating unique silhouettes / just general character design tips?? also id love to hear abt how your use of shapes and shape language evolved over time if ur fine sharing that!!

ok this is literally the sweetest ask ever like first off thank you so much ;_; i'm glad i was able 2 inspire you!!!

for me if you look at my old art there's little to no focus on shape language cuz i wanted to express a 'pointy' animeish style. examples are from 2020, 2021 respectively

as you can see i did NOT flip my canvas and my art was samey as hell,,, but in 2021 i started going for softer colors and shapes rather than points and spikes and brighter shapes. but, if you were to look through all of my art from either era, you'd see it's identical cuz i didn't care for shape language. this went on for quite a while :,)

then i discovered worlds end club in late 2021 and everything changed !!! i watched playthroughs cuz i didn't have a means to play at the time, and decided on making my artstyle a blend of cartoony and animeish - which ended up in choosing more expensive silhouettes and faces in turn

honestly i'm too tired to actually chronicle my artstyle change so i'll just skip to late 2022 in this timeline, sorry 😭

so by now has my artstyle evolved into aomwthing super cool n expressive ? no actually i think my art got worse in late 2022

as you can see, my colors got super washed out and i didn't really take risks, i guess? but i was finally starting to come into my own in terms of artstyle and was finally acknowledging shape language a little bit.

very early 2023 is the same, so let's skip to the one thing that changed my artstyle - the big 8 lineups

suddenly everybody was like 'wow your shapes are so good!!!' this was because i had tried to challenge myself with character design in these drawings. so i tried to emphasise interesting shapes more - using a technique where i'd just take an interesting shape or line that corresponded with a character's personality and repeating it as much as i could across the design.

like this deep cut art, where i tried to 'dial up'their already exaggerated shapes and design aspects (such as making frye's pants sag more or changing up shiv's hair. big man is perfect and needs no changes)

but this journey is still not over because a few months ago i rewatched all of panty and stocking and watched clone high for the first time, and both of these shows emphasise shapes a LOT in their designs, and i picked those up. here's art from a few months ago - in short, i tried to find the 'focal point' of the design, something that set it apart from other designs with similar body types or clothing, and built around that, if it makes sense? here's some art that i think expresses that well

comparing the new quintet art to the old one, i think you can also see that i started to try and use different body shapes and shapes in general (such as clyde having a more triangular build ig) . and tumblr doesn't let me add more pictures so this is where the overview ends !

my advice is - watch and rewatch anything that might inspire you, because it has the ability to push you in the right direction. for technical tips, id say -

draw different body types and age ranges (often times same face syndrome is born from only drawing the same age range, usually 15-20 for most sufferers)

play around with style - do you want a more western inspired style or something more akin to modern anime ? maybe something entirely different! try drawing in different styles that you like and see which ones stick

research fashion if only a little bit - it can help understand visually pleasing silhouettes (such as the famous big jacket or big pants silhouettes)

speaking of big jacket or big pants, contrast is key !!! top or bottom heavy designs are an easy way to express personality and an expressive silhouette ig

ummm thaz it ithink. once again thank you for your kind words and remember to take advice from multiple artists im just one guy!! i hope anything in here helped or was at least interesting to read

[thornswoggled]

105 stream of consciousness, lets get it

what a whammo of an opening shot. this hits different if you read ghost and witch

JASMINE SMASHING THEM INTO A GOO PILE HELP???? HELP ME.... HEEEEELP..... HEEEEEEEEELP.....

second time weve had puppies on a cover in recent times. first was 102 with chise and ruth lying in a puppy pile. and then of course there was the egg/baby bird imagery in 103. baby animals on baby animals. i know yamazaki just likes dogs, but im sure theres symbolism there

i fucking knew we were gonna start with a flashback to get the full story on what happened at the end of 100

can i draw your attention to the fact that in this flashback, jasmine is wearing a big white sweater on top of a black collared shirt, and chise in the present is wearing a big black sweater on top of a white collared shirt. im telling you man. white dragon vs red dragon. the parallels are paralleling

rian questioning if jasmine is a sleigh beggy is really interesting. and "thats the law" about sleigh beggys being kept housebound. theres laws among alchemists about that? why is chise allowed to wander about, then? because shes a mage so it doesnt apply to her, probably. you cant make a mage follow the law of an alchemist

lil fella full body hugging her is sooooo cute

so isaac is the only one who doesnt know about this thing unless rian told him about it later

OLD MAN!!!! NEW OLD MAN!!!! yamazaki loooves to draw an old man

what does finn mean about "not being able to dine together" ? this feels like a weird translation. also, i guess he doesnt care about the goo dragon puppy. not paid enough to care

stellar, simple flashback with lindsay covered in blood. effective without doing too much. whoa, its a flashback within a flashback..

lindsay already knows about lil fella, if only vaguely... thats really funny. i wonder if he knows in the present? id like to see the twins shock when he goes "yeah i knew you had that thing"

IT CHEWED THE CORNER OFF THE WALL PLEAAAASE

just noticed on the slider that this is a longer chapter than weve been getting recently

you can definitely tell that yamazaki is copy and pasting the twins in the "OH." panel. i love that. work smarter not harder

really freaky deaky body horror with this thing. im telling you yamazaki should do a horror one day

all signs point to lil fella being a piece broken off of the white dragon. ruth barking at it is. really good

speaking of, this is an old house, and lil fella is made of a rocky crystal sort of stuff. i wonder if the guys downstairs can hear all this rowdy thumping from chises room

whooooo is this greaser dude jasmine is thinking of. if its one thing yamazaki is gonna do its drop a nugget and decline to elaborate

CHISE IMMEDIATELY FOLDING AND TELLING ELIAS bwahh fdshfs sdfjfj sdjfsdjf

"give me some room!!" chise has been really really resistant lately to getting touched by elias. of course, part of it is she doesnt want her friends to know... being around a lot of people has made her more self conscious about how others perceive their relationship. i think the incident in 98 has also made her cagier. maybe shes having her "im 16 i should be at the club" moment. shes gonna make him crash out dude

makes sense that elias wouldnt care about lil fella. it doesnt impact him at all and hes largely unconcerned with right or wrong

im surprised chise brought up the conversation with lindsay. didnt he broach the subject to elias after chise already left the room? maybe her dragon ears are just that sharp

"it was grown-up talk" i really dont like that. it sounds infantilizing and im glad chise pushed back against it. i remember that the anime reinterpreted a line that elias said as "this is not a matter for children," and someone on here talked about how elias only said it that way to recontextualize a line chise says later on about "are there really things adults can do that i cant?" looking at the manga alone, this doesnt seem in character and i dont like elias treating her like a child. it would be fine if they werent pseudo-married. but they are. so..... ya, blegh

loving chises "you cant even tell me??? 👉👈" she is so funny. manipulate that old man chise

him keeping it a secret reminding chise of adults arguing about what to do with her when she was younger....... ooooouuuugh

this isnt helping with how insane i was about this secret conversation earlier. if it was about lindel and iceland im not sure elias would be reluctant to share

"i guess that would make joseph an adult too" SHES SO FUNNY HELP

i appreciate that we are also getting elias' side of things in saying "i only said it to get her off my case." very much the same attitude we saw from him in early arc 1. but im surprised chise is even asking him this as if he would know

TINY ELIAS AND RAHAB IM GONNA CORN ON THE COB MYSELF WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE THAAAAAT. he looks sooo goofy

i dont love the bold and creepy font used here when elias calls her a child. but it suits how i feel about this conversation... so....

honestly, this all serves to remind us that in addition to being a fantasy, tamb is more of a coming of age than a romance

switch of setting to iceland. good! maybe thats what the convo was about after all

oh, is this the dragon that cursed chise? poor thing is still traumatized and scared of people

all right lindel just confirmed it for me. discussion of trauma taking a long time to overcome... yamazaki you arent slick i know where youre going with this

tamb having its maximum ride environmentalism heel turn moment

why is scary lindel kinda... uh... who said that

hilda entreating him like a medieval knight. does she think he doesnt understand modern english syntax

HUH!!!!! well that answered a lot of questions and left room for some more to be answered. id say pretty satisfying overall

[antimony-medusa]

Alright, one last post about this for the road.

Do you like Fandom Exchanges? Do you like Hurt/Comfort? Do you like MCYT? Are you 18? Is this too many questions?

WELCOME TO THIS POST ABOUT THE HURT/COMFORT EXCHANGE. PULL UP A CHAIR.

This, as I just learned earlier this month, is a massive multi-fandom exchange on the theme of hurt/comfort. It's open to both artists and writers, and the expecations is a fic of at least 1000 words, or a piece of artwork that is not on lined paper and is at minimum clean linework that is at least 500x500 pixels. And you have from 16 March to 13 May to work on your gift so like, thousands of time. So easy. You can do that in a weekend, right? So achievable.

Some details: this is a massive multifandom exchange, so like, NSFW is allowed, and that means you have to be 18 to sign up. Also as it's a massive multifandom exchange, the mods are not policing what shows up in the tag set (there are literally 620 fandoms listed, can you imagine policing that, no,) so you almost definitely will see stuff in the tag set that makes you go "huh," but that's when you get to go "boy people sure like some stuff", and then you move on and go on to the stuff you're actually writing.

Tag Set?

Glad you asked. Okay so big Ao3 exchanges normally work off a Tag Set. They run a preliminary section where people can submit relationships and characters etc to a massive list, and then once it comes to actual sign-up time, you are only able to select stuff that is in the tag set for your offers and requests. So nomination period (where we're in right now), is important if you want to join an exchange, cause it lets you make sure that the relationships you actually want to offer, and then write/draw, are available to you.

[ID: An image of what the tag set looks like right now, open to the RPF section which contains SMPs— Empires, Origins, 3rd Life, Dream SMP, Hermitcraft, and SMPEarth.]

Tell me more about those tags?

Okay so, a general exchange works by allowing people to Offer and Request what fandoms and characters they want to write, and then the algorithm matches people's Offers to Requests, so that that person who Requested TMNT art is matched with someone who Offered that yes, they want to draw the turtles.

Within this specific exchange, they go a bit more granular. You both specify the relationship, and because this is a Hurt/Comfort exchange, you specify who exactly is getting hurt.

[ID: photo of the tags set, showing Philza & Technoblade & Tommyinnit & Wilbur Soot (hurt tommyinnit). ]

I know the dash loves hurting tommy, I've seen your exchange sign ups. I nominated that tag for you all. Never say I don't do things for you.

I didn't even think about empires, but someone already put flower husbands in the tag set, here's your chance to whump Scott.

[ID: photo of the Empires SMP tags, showing fWhip & Jimmy Solidarity (hurt Jimmy), Scott Smajor & Jimmy Solidarity (hurt Scott), Scott Smajor/Jimmy Solidarity (hurt Scott)]

And then because this is a FREEFORM exchange, you specify what freeform you want, which is your actual prompt for the fic/art you want. Some examples of the freeforms.

[ID: freeform tags reading: Comfort via food or cooking, Comforted by an animal, Doctor A has to talk B through operating on A, Hugging a person who isn't used to recieving hugs, Human experimentation, Hurt A is too tired/ill to move; calls B to take them home, Retainer lovingly cared for by liege, Reunion after character who was presumed dead returns.]

There are so many freeforms. (Note that the "this is an 18+ exchange" and "this is a dl:dr exchange" rules apply, some of the freeforms are about major archive warnings.)

Yes yes, I know exchanges, why are you telling me this.

Okay so, I'm doing the exchange, and I really want to match on MCYT, so I'm trying to lure as many people as possible to join me. Come on you want to join me so bad. There's 3rd Life AND Empires AND Dream SMP AND Hermitcraft AND SMPEarth in the tag set.

Yes but why are you telling me NOW?

Ah, because the tag nominations closes tomorrow, the 24th, so if you want to get a tag into the tag set— as I type this Scarian isn't into the tag set, so, y'know— your chance is to GO GO GO NOW HERE IS THE LIST TO THE TAG SET CHECK OUT WHAT IS THERE AND NOMINATE YOUR BLORBOS.

https://archiveofourown.org/tag_sets/14131

Whew. Long post. Enjoy your dash I hope you're having a good day.

[exocynraku]

Hullo! Do you have any tips on just coming up with designs and markings and how to colour those designs/lines without making stuff clash? You're always able to make such creative and nicely made designs and I'm curious if you have anything you get inspiration off of and how you're able to colour your marking lines so smoothly?

i would make a nice image tutorial like i did yesterday but i do Not have the time to Sadly so you get words instead colouring lineart: colouring the lineart is easy peasy lemon squeezy. you gotta wait until youve FINISHED the colouring to do this part. okay, so, for the characters ACTUAL LINEART, when i draw their legs & tail & face & whatnot, i colourpick the DARKEST colour on the character, whether it be in their markings, eyes, accessories, or whatever. and then i take that colour and make it just... a LOT darker! and maybe shift the hue around aswell (ex: if the character was mostly yellow/cream i'd give them orange or red lines)! and then for the MARKING LINES i take the darkest MARKING. ignore the accessories and characters eyes they dont matter JUST pick the darkest coloured marking. and then make THAT darker, but not as much as you did the actual lineart!! you can also change the hue on this :3 how i come up with designs + inspirations: hmm well i'm going to be honest with you i don't exactly know how i come up with my designs? a lot of it just comes from how i picture the character in my head! especially if its a warrior cat design! i don't tend to stray away from those thoughts unless i picture them as like stupidly boring LOL ! inspirations is a biiit tricky, but i guess i kind of just look at a LOAD of other warrior cats animations & art, and uh! anime! lol! looking at how other people draw cats has gotten me better at drawing anatomy & whatnot, and watching various animes is why i started giving my cats hair lol! it's kind of hard for me to explain like, my EXACT process on why & how i design certain characters im sorryyyy x'''P i would if i could but literally 90& of is me drawing whatever and then thinking 'does this look good' and then saying yes or no LOL how i colour my designs: similarly to how i DO my designs, it's a lot of my just asking myself if it Looks Good or not, but there are a few things i do! a lot of designs i do i jump around the colour wheel a LOT! hue wise, i mean. i think i've managed to find different ways to use every single colour on the colour wheel lol! blues and greens and purples are good for greys & blacks, blues & yellows & oranges are good for white/ light markings, red & orange & yellow & purple are good for brown cats, etc etc etc! the other main thing is layer effects! sooo like if i draw a character but i'm not super happy with their colours, i find it hard & annoying to fiddle around and change each colour individually, so instead i make layer above the colouring, set it to one flat colour, and go through all/most of the layer options (like multiply, linear burn, lighten, glow dodge, difference, subtract, the list goes on) and find something i like! and then i usually do that a BUNCH of times with ALL sorts of different colours until the character ends up looking good!

also hi mossy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hope this helps maybe? if you wanna get specific with another question, or maybe send some images (u can here on tumblr or message me where ever) then id love 2 help more!!!! this goes for anyone, i'll always accept art-help/tips/how i do things questions lol!

[nothorses]

in regards to your post abt the word queer, if youre willing, whats your opinion on the idea that queer and lgbt+ is not inherently the same? like for me, i consider them different bc to me being queer is not just an identity its also a choice, an ideology, a stance, a movement.

Its choosing to say "no fuck you we're here, we're queer", its choosing to be inclusive, its choosing to actually be in community and help other queers, its choosing to be true to yourself, etc. So when I say 'the queer community' Im usually not referring to the 'queer is a slur' ppl bc I dont consider myself in community with them.

But after reading your post im wondering if i should reconsider my stance on this, so if you have any insight or thoughts abt it id love to hear them! Thank you :)

I mean, I think the word has a lot of uses and meanings, and that's certainly one of them.

But it's contextual, right? When I take a "queer studies" class, I'm not taking a class in the intracommunity movement of radically inclusive queerness- I'm taking a class about the history of the whole community, and the theory our existence necessitates.

I don't really want this to be relabled "lgbt studies" or whatever. I don't want the academic community to dance around it; the overarching department that contains the "sexuality and queer studies" certificate program at my school (which itself does not mention queerness or even gender in any fucking description) is called "gender, women, and sexuality studies". And guess what! It too does not mention trans people in anything except class names/descriptions for explicitly and exclusively trans-centric classes.

Point being that this "dancing around it"-type attitude, even in my extremely queer-inclusive area and school, more than anything just leads to the exclusion and de-prioritization of certain queer people.

I don't want them to keep doing that. And I don't think drawing lines between the Real Queers and the Assimilationist LGBTs is worth that, or even remotely helpful in the first place.

You don't have to exclusively be in community with the people who already agree with you; if anything, that's kind of what's leading to a lot of these problems in the first place. You should obviously be able to engage with people on your own terms too, and you shouldn't necessarily try to reach people who obviously won't be reached by you.

But like, "they're not REALLY part of my community" doesn't lead to much except further division in the wider community. At a certain point, you're just dismissing any opportunities and obligations you have to improve your community in the first place.

And do we really want them to be saying that us dirty queers aren't a part of their pure LGBT (or LGB) community? Should we promote the idea of separate "Queer" and "LGBT" communities, which do not intersect and which are only and exclusively referred by one word or the other? Should we have separate "queer studies" and "LGBT studies", separate research, studies and statistics, separate nonprofit organizations and movements and Pride events?

There are, and always will be, ideological divisions and movements within our community. There will always be sub-communities, chosen and otherwise, within layers and layers of other sub-communities.

But we need to be able to distinguish between that, and the words we use to refer to the whole community together- even the people who try not to be a part of it, and even the people who try to force others out. Even the lesbian separatists and the truscum and the "Drop the T" people; they're still gay or trans or whatever else. If anything, their existence is an indication that something is wrong and needs fixing in our community; that we have work to do to improve it.

My point is just that both meanings can exist, and that's important. You can be part of The Queer Community as an ideological, intracommunity movement that excludes certain conflicting ideologies (I certainly am!); and you can also acknowledge that at the end of the day, the wider community is also your community, and you have as many obligations to it as it has to you.

[nahalism]

Hey. You mentioned once, in one of your answers that you would be lying if you didn’t mention that you think a relationship between a female and a male has a certain special energy about it and i wonder if you’d mind to elaborate on that a bit? I want to follow up on your thinking

love to you, only love

hey angel. sorry it took me so long to reply to this but honestly i was scared to touch on the topic out of the fear that what id say would get misconstrued/become ammo for damaging arguments. i think before i answer i have to put the nature of the response i gave in context. the individual whose question i was replying to was basically asking me if i thought there was a basis for homosexuality being a mental illness/defect, rather than a valid form of relationship/interaction, due to the fact that humans are wired to procreate and preserve life, thus not doing so = being defective.

as someone queer, whos been raised in an african & catholic household, ive had my fair share of grappling with my own sexuality. my point was less about hetero relationships having a 'special' energy, and more to do with fleshing out my own struggles with my sexuality, how i came to grips with it, and as a consequence how i now think about relationships and the role that sexuality / romantic union plays in the role of our larger human purpose.

now this is super reductive because it uses gender and prescribed societal roles to explain a situation where honestly, i dont think gender matters. imo people are just people, and love is just love. but for the sake of presenting the point i was trying to make metaphorically : lets say a man is represented by a line, a woman is represented by a circle, & a non binary person is represented by a square. a man (line) and woman (circle) come together and create a triangle (the symbol for the conjoining of two opposites and creation of a child). in creating this triangle they may have created something two circles cant create, two lines cant create or two squares/a square and *insert either* can or cant create. that capacity for creation is specific and unique particularly in its ability to draw in and anchor life into this world. spiritually speaking, the conjoining of those forces creates a specific energetic blueprint, that cant be replicated, and that has great value. it literally opens a portal that creates life and anchors it on earth. when i say it cant be replicated what i mean is — e.g, when i was with my ex it broke my heart that id never be able to carry a child that was genetically both hers and mine. —NEVERTHELESS! children are not the only things that human beings birth!!! whilst a line and circle can create a triangle, two lines together can create a cross! two circles create a toroidal field! two squares a rectangle or even (diagonally placed) a star! each has a spiritual signature/blueprint, and thus its own value and ability to create something unique.

— the central and most important point i was trying to make being: not everyone has the same desires, the same role to play, or the same purpose. we're not here to learn/enact the same lessons. nor are we here to teach the same lessons to others as the next person can teach. so whilst one person may find value in exploring the path of creating a triangle, there is equal value that can come from creating a star. love, tolerance, empathy, compassion, peace, joy, harmony. these are also things human beings can give birth to and cultivate. without those qualities, what kind of world would those children be born into? if there is a god (the notion original anon was grappling with) i can imagine it would find value in challenging us to be more tolerant and more loving. not simply for the sake of making mini extensions of ourselves, as beautiful as that must be, but in order for us to love and truly see the nature of all things in creation around us. how can someone be loving of the earth & whats in it or tolerant of the difference they find once they explore it, when they cant expand their mind to conceive of a man loving another man.

do you get where im going with this? idk. i hope it makes sense. its 5:32am -_- lol. gonna sleep. love u too <3

[6okuto]

OK SO GURL !

Not really theorie but mainly ideas i got here and here only based with my love for a good old mercenary ( aka protector ) x alchemist ( aka 0 chance of survival alone )

So my brain is thinking and thinking and like that one flower scene about how they are pretty although they don’t last long, but at least they leave quite an impression. What if this could be used for his dynamic with mc ? As like, him trying to give a good impression for mc to have a pleasant time, making them able to live normaly for a moment and enjoy life but deep down that just a facade. He tries to but something is here and because it can’t be real he just tries to at least put a font for them because he wants mc to enjoy life ?

That way too much of analysis for a simple interaction about flower but really the «  you seemed like you need some luck » what luck ma boi ? What do you have in mind ?

So hear me out hear me out, Leander who have a little thing for mc and knowing their situation, wants to help them because sure people deserve nice to get better but especially THEM. Like, the softness and desperation with wich they hold his hand when he offered them and like how the « make happy » instinct kicked in. Or like even at the bar when at first it’s letting mc touch him to feel better but in a way he enjoy their touch too, he too appreciate the confort (sorry but leaning into their palm ??? I know alcohol was here but still !)

Anywhoozie know that like… if you ask i will doodle him !

OHH I get it. like it relates to how he can't cure u but he can give u a sense of normalcy in it all...love the line "if you need a reprieve from what haunts you, come find me." I SEE THE VISION!!! + tangent but the flower scene's important for sure i agree. lilies meaning purity, innocence, rebirth... does the disappearance mean those things are fleeting or are they more meant to relate to who he is in some way yknow.

i think/hope he can help us but also my rose tinted glasses and i don't care if he can't bro i'm twirling my hair anyways 😂😘🫶 there might b smth w mc's physical reaction to touching him maybe...like ofc it has to do w being Touchstarved. but i guess i found the wording of their head feeling like it's stuffed w cotton or how hard their heart was pounding after touching his face interesting. filled w cotton isnt rlly the description id go for. the imagery + connotation is... anyways

AND OMGGG LEANDER DOODLE...u could draw like..mc/an oc giving Him a flower... or erm. not sure. maybe him w a cute headband. u know the fuzzy ones u wear to wash ur face and keep hair out of the way. sorry thats really specific im wearing one rn

[hellhoundlair]

happy wincest wednesday!

what’s your favourite lil scenario you like the brothers to be in?

happy wincest wednesday!

i could answer this question in so many ways i dont even know where to begin. i dont know if id be able to pick a fave bc id just be sitting here for days trying to answer this ask so ill go with my first thought

this sounds counter intuitive to the incest agenda but i love them hating each other. not that i think they could ever TRULY hate each other, but i love to see them conflicted and losing trust in each other. cus like even if they cant stand to be around each other anymore theyre still soulmates and so much of themselves is the other that they HAVE to be around each other, know? we keep each other human (/threat) i just love relationship drama and seeing their bond being tested and seeing them stay together despite the terrible shit they do to hurt each other.

if you mean like SPECIFIC scenario-wise then i love scenarios where one of them becomes a monster. again that really leans into the "shit that tests their relationship" and "we keep each other human" stuff. i really love to see where they will draw the line of how far theyre willing to go for each other, or even being terrified to realise there is no line. theyd become a monster for each other, no questions asked.

[ponytailzuko]

were you shit at art before you became good

you had to learn how to do things, one after the other, right? like colors and lighting and line art and textures and perspective and all that. you had to learn one and then the other and then the other and then the other … (or maybe some things went kind of hand in hand but yknow)

these are stupid questions (if there is such a thing of course, lmao,) but i would be very happy if you could indulge me haha, because looking at your art is so overwhelming when you‘re thinking about learning it yourself ahfjaka (i love looking at your art it‘s a really nice experience, it‘s just intimidating too and a lil ah.. you know ahdjsk, only when i think about like. it looks a little unattainable or like it‘ll take 20 years if i‘ll ever be able to and that‘s not really — like i know better than to indulge these thoughts sort of so nowww i feel silly about this ask adfhkjfs.

anyway.

nice art, still, wowwwww so so beautiful)

(it’s a process and it’s about the fun of that process too but i have such a vivid imagination that i really really want to get really GOOD so that i can make it actually visible, and i know it can and probs will take some time and that’s alright so this ask is a little silly. i‘m asking it anyway though ahdjsjsjwk)

hi!!! im not bothered by the ask and its not silly!

i was, in fact, shit at art when i first started out. the reason i even started to draw and do it as a hobby is because i was very dogshit at it. (if there is such thing anyways)

i think i was around 11 or so? that age where elementary school is ending and middle school is beginning and everyone's getting kind of mean lmao. one girl asked me to draw with her and she was REALLY GOOD at it! but i hadn't thought much about art at all and only really did it for fun. so i was really just doodling to my hearts content until she ah. told me that the panda i was drawing was. Really Really Bad. like point at it and laugh kind of bad. like 'not even being able to tell what it is everyone come see this' kind of bad.

anyways obviously i was not very happy. i had not really thought of art as something i wanted to do, nor a hobby that i wanted to indulge in. just something some people are good at it and some people arent. but this girl told me my art was shit, and i was so mad that i didnt talk to her for a month and then for that entire month i did nothing but watch people draw online. speedpaints at first. then i got on iscribble (collaborative whiteboard website at the time) and just watched people do it. and i asked them, how did they start? how do you know what to do? and a lot of people gave me different advice - start with shapes, oh finish the lineart first, color like this - and generally it was very overwhelming and a lot of the advice went over my head. a lot of artists advice feels incomprehensible when starting out, and some of it really stays that way bc there is some art advice i STILL do not understand at all (but it works for some people so power to them), and there is some that is more understandable when getting into the groove.

but anyways while talking to people i realized i kinda really liked the coloring aspect of art. really really liked it. id ask people if they finished their lineart, could i try and color it in the layer below just to try and improve? and SO MANY PEOPLE indulged me. and were incredibly nice. and i guess thats what made me enjoy art even though i knew that in a lot of aspects my art wasn't skilled. because people were really nice ANYWAYS and said i should keep going! so i found something i liked to do in art beyond spiteful beginnings, and i just kept it up - i learned coloring first, and i tried to learn everything else so i could color it lmao. i only did lineart and sketching and anatomy because i wanted to draw my own stuff to color. so you can totally focus on one thing at a time! thats what i did :)

i hope that story helps in any way!!! im not sure if it totally answers your question but i guess i wanted to share that growing in art is a process and you arent alone :) ty so much im glad you like my art and if you ever wanna share your own im always open!!! :D

[starkiller-009]

Hello!! I love love love your arts. I feel like a lot of them have a sense of 'movement' which contrasts a lot of very polished artworks.

I love works with meticulously planned composition, layers, highlights, etc. I love works with a certain kind of loose yet purposeful application of value and colors. (The Two Cakes thing in the fandom). And I noticed that your arts belong to the latter category which I can rarely find!

If you don't mind me asking, do you have any artists or artworks that you're heavily inspired from? Do you draw on a pen-tablet, IPad, or other media? What application are you using? I feel like three questions are already too much for one ask so you don't need to answer them if you don't want to. I enjoy scrolling through your blog either way!

Hiiiiiiiiii dear anon!!! thank you soo much for sending this message! it made my day 🧡🧡🧡 Loose but thoughtful art is what im striving for so its really make me happy to hear that i have some success in that Answering your question i draw using some cheap old model of genius pen-tablet. Bought it 10 years ago as my first device. Still running. Heard a lot of shitty comments about quality of genius tablets at that time, but even more only about Wacom in recent years i think (fuck them. Wtf with pen's tips that are constanty erasing. For who this product is made for. Ew). as for the apps, i use clip paint studio, for studies - heavypaint (great thing). There are AMAZING artists on tumblr who inspire me heavily with their works. like. i follow ~400 ppl here. because i like to stare at art. so. im gonna talk about my favorites! @crowthis - king. queen. i dont know the pronounces sorry. they draw magnificent things i love their style SO much, its such an inspiration. sometimes i just visit their blog to go through art tag and experience all that beauty. (half of their wrks i have downloaded on my desktop) It's loose, quite 'chaotic', but SO atmospheric. The mood, composition, texture, everything. Themes. I like black and white drawings as much as the ones with colours, it so bright and blatant\bold in a way, but it works perfectly, it gives your the right sense of the work. Even tho usually i prefer more calm colours, it makes me go 'wow!' And their works looks really simple and intuitive but as an artist you know that haha no its fcking hard to do things like that. it takes skill and knowledge. loose work is tricky

@frozensoba - idk how much time i could stare at their recent fish drawings like jesus christ. i wish i could do that. i want to be able to do that. my ass is ready to work every time i see it and drawings like these really inspire me to draw simple things and non-humans bc i feel like you can draw beautifully everything that exists. you just need to know how. Colours, texture, rhytm, lines... everything on its place. I love colours especially. Its very gentle kind of harmony going on there, and the palette is huge, intricate.

@nerdyhideoutphilosopher-2 - going crazy over their works. honesty dont know what to say. go look and see. unique voice Artists id like to mention as well: @dynasoar5 - i mean. just go and look at that. i love how loose and messy kind of rendering is but it looks amazing. and overall. simply amazing drawings fuck yes @jadenvargen - just go and look at his works. i see no point in talking. simply beautiful. looks easy but also hard as fuck. the colours are so bright and rich and very bold but somehow everything is right on its place. it leads you where it should. just wow. the skill i respect @snippit-crickit - once again. beautiful. i really love their studies and how they render things, the colours. @sen-art-acc - LINE WORK. LINE WORK. go check it out. LINE WORK!!!! and i simply like how tidy and clean the drawings look like with colours. i cant do stuff like this. i have zero patience to be this accurate and precise. Also if you love loose artwork i should recommend you those artists for sure @shican, @dude-standin i love as well @wuntrum and @cordspaghetti works a lot. I followed both of them because mcr fanart i guess? tho never was into mcr and stayed for the drawings alone Also, if we're speaking about more "pro" (dont like this term either, forgive me) kind of artists i have some huge inspirations as well (tho my art not in any way reminds of them im afraid lmao. but i hope maybe in ten or ok 30 years or more ill be somewhere). There are a ton of artists i like, but its for another post i guess. To much talk. So here we go Sergio Toppi - he's an amazing at working with lines and composition. I have his comic books on my bookshelf. I open it everytime i want to get energy to draw. You cant look at his drawings and NOT to get inspired. He's incredible. The rhytm, the shapes... damn. i can look at his drawings for hours. And he was the main inspiration to work with lines and composition more, to play with it more. I dont have a lot of line-work on this acc (last quiobi drawing, some year\two-old dghda drawings, eugene one) but i actually exercise it a lot. Lines are extremely powerful tool. And as for composition... The shapes, negative spaces, love it. And he's extremely good at working with colour too.

Francis Vallejo - he's illustrations are so good... he's incredible with composition and rhytm his drawings have. Negative spaces, one again.

Anders Zorn - i adore his black and white graphic drawings. Angles, framing, line work. Spent a lot of time looking at his works. Cant get enough of it. The way he draws people, the plot, themes. What he chooses to portray, the way people look, what they do. There is such a special mood to his drawings, there is something extremely psychological about it, isn't there? he's a master im mesmerized by

Bernie Fuchs - composition, rhytm, once again. I love it when you want to look at something for more then 2 seconds, because the rhytm of the drawings leads you into different places and opens its plot in parts. No matter where you look u'll find something interesting and even though there is lot of going on its still not a mess and looks and feels fucking awesome. And i love his colour palettes too. He's very good at setting the mood (check out his less commercial works)

As for the colour here's a few i love. (Though they're still extremely good with everything else)

Hovsep Pushman - the man is a mystery. His work with colours, light and texture is beyond me. Also it has disco elysium vibe to it. I dream of being capable of something like this when im sixty or so (im not gonna be)

Mead Schaeffer - simple but powerful. Looking at his works like eating a tasty ice cream.

same goes to Dean Cornwell - though its a bit more complex, his composing. You need to pay more attention

I'd like to mention one other artist - Jamie Wyeth. his works are something else entirely, i dream of drawing like this one day. Loosiness, themes, mood. Ill probably cry if i see those ones in real life one day, somehow special to my heart, relates

He has these series - "Seven deadly sins". Ive been in love for some time

As for the inspiration drawings on itself - thinking about it im coming back to dragon age tarot cards. Not all of them, but i still go 'jesus i want to draw like this' at some, through years. This one especially.

Soooo Thats it i guess! I mean. I love to talk and talk about art especially. I probably could write ten more posts like this no problem. I actually heavily into landscape painters since... Well. Nature. Ice, oceans, sky. I sadly havent really tried to get into the genre myself, i do not draw lots of backgrounds as you can see. Should work on this probably, life's short. But im always happy to share my fav artists! So hit me up whenever. dm or send an ask! And a beautiful work for the ending

[hecateisalesbian]

Fine I’ll bite

4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw

7. A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw

12. Easiest part of body to draw

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy

21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways (I have a feeling I know the answer, but say it anyways, I wanna see if I get this right)

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended

29. Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically

4 *with 1 luz cosplay, 3 in plan, millions of drawings and sketches of her, her same haircut* I don’t really have a favorite characterrr

subject that’s a pain to draw is probably perspective. I HATE perspective.

7 sooo many mediums man. My main go to is pencil or digital so I have mad respect for anyone who is able to do anything besides that. I’ve touch like markers and colored pencils and the occasional paints but I’m no where close to the genius of people like @threegoblinart (<3)

10 oooo I LOVE clothing! All of it lol. It’s all fun. Though I hate when I’m doing sketches on paper and then I gotta erases the body lines for like folds and baggy clothing 😔

12 it’s all about how you draw it and what ur drawing. But id probably say (lower) torso/midsection. Its pretty simple and blocky from almost every angle without and super complicated anatomy things like eyes, hands, etc do

20 hmmmmm. I have to think for this one. I’d say maybe..hands? [gunshots and jeering] I KNOW I KNOW! I’ve spent probably hours on end drawing hands to the point where I’m pretty good at visualizing how they go. I only hate them when they’re in a weird position/perspective like finger guns towards the viewer or stuff like that

21 I don’t even have any idea what I’m gonna say how do you know-

honestly most art styles besides my own. Art is all about copying tbh. 99% of art styles are all built from other parts of other peoples art. Animated movies and shows, comics, and stuff like that really gave me my style. It’s like frankenstein lol

26 uhhhhhh I don’t know? I feel like most of my art has very direct interpretation. I think there’s one I had that had a really interesting opinion but I can’t seem to remember what it is 🤷

29 idk if you mean media as in form of art or as in form of entertainment but I’ll answer both: For forms of art I think painting is really cool. It’s gorgeous and physical and the stroke and beauty of it just makes me want to nom nom; for forms of entertainment I’d say I’m pretty much inspired by most of the things I watch/read. Inspiration comes from everywhere.

now I’m curious to what you think I was gonna say on 21 lol

[twixtandshout]

@sparkingoverload So! Wild’s DnD sheet. :3c

I’ve statted him as a modified half-elf variant. I went with Eladrin first, because seasonal Even More Fey elf felt right – I love the idea of him having leafy ear-tips and other planty offshoots that change with the seasons, but being stuck in the castle and Zelda’s royal retinue and court year-round, maybe trimming those bits so as to fit in uniform or else just quietly wilting/molding because the environment really isn’t hospitable for his wildness – but he really didn’t need to be able to teleport in a rush of flame whenever he feels like it when I’m already lining things up to give him a more reasonable teleportation option. I gave him the basic Eladrin suite besides that, Aquan language proficiency thanks to growing up in Zora’s Domain, and then stole the half-elf’s extra skill proficiencies instead of teleportation. (He also knows Goblin and Celestial.)

Choosing backgrounds was a little fun because of the whole amnesia thing. Assuming this was post-Shrine, I went with the folk hero background, which gives him animal handling and survival proficiencies, land vehicle proficiencies, and a tool. I chose chef’s tools, which went well with the iron pot the background starts you off with! Also the various cooking-related feats I gave him, which I’ll get to later. The main trait the background gives him is rustic hospitality, meaning he blends in easily with common people and is generally well-liked, enough for them to do things for him if it won’t put them in harm’s way. (That’s a trait he shares with Twilight!) I didn’t make a tenth sheet for pre-Calamity Wild, but if I were gonna I’d probably go with some unholy amalgamation of the soldier and knight backgrounds.

Equipment-wise, I’ve given him twice-enhanced leather armor (thanks Great Fairies), manymany weapons, and a very kludged Slate, complete with runes. It’s very OP, but then again, he is level 20, and it’s a one-of-a-kind item that serves as system ID. It would be fairly easy for a concerned GM to have a Yiga or whatever steal it and let there be Consequences tm.

Despite the amnesia, I’ve decided that he retained a couple levels in the fighter class. Haven’t made any decisions about which levels came before and which came after, but either way, he’s got five levels as a Champion-class fighter, which is just enough to give him an improved crit threshold, an extra attack per turn, one-time HP regen, and bonuses for fighting with archery. The rest of his levels are, as mentioned, in fey wanderer ranger. He can deal extra damage to an enemy he marks in a fight, sense the location(s) of magical creatures within a mile, travel easily even through difficult terrain, melt into nature to become magically invisible for a turn, and reroll low damage rolls when he attacks with two-handed weapons. Thanks to his fey associations, he not only has advantage on charm/fear saves (and a bonus to any charisma check!) but can reflect the triggering charm/fear effect back on the caster. He can also deal extra psychic damage on practically every attack, and can’t be tracked except through magic unless he wants to be.

Cool spells:

On/Off (cantrip): Turns electronic devices on or off at a range of 60′.

Sudden Awakening: I love giving this to him, Legend, and Time, lol. None of them are gonna get caught in comas again if they can help it!!

Goodberry: Create a handful of magic berries. Goes well in cooking – well, presumably; I’m not sure there are any rules for how adding magic hp+ berries to hp+ cooking works, but it’s nice thematically at least.

Alarm: Good for setting up perimeters around camp! And for avoiding getting a Yiga surprise.

Summon Vehicle: Master Cycle, go! Plays very nicely with that land vehicle proficiency from his background.

Conjure Barrage: Technically you’re supposed to throw(??) a piece of ammunition to create a barrage of it that rains down on your target, but I think it’s way cooler to draw back one arrow and fire a whole 60′ cone. Being sick as hell is really the only reason I need for this one, but it also kinda maps to his whole air-archery thing.

Freedom of Movement: The toad cannot be contained. This would let him basically clip out of any restraint, including shackles. I can totally see the Yiga taking him and some of the others hostage and locking them up in a dungeon somewhere except. oops.

Summon Beast: Technically he shouldn’t get this one but I say it’s okay because it only summons Twilight.

Misty Step: Comes from the fey wanderer subclass. Twice per day, he can teleport <30′ for free, and as a bonus he can bring one other willing person with him! Tell me you can’t see him and Hyrule sneaking off like this.

The Observant feat gives him lipreading proficiency and bonuses to passive investigation/perception, and the Stealthy feat not only gives him stealth expertise but also the ability to openly move up to 10′ without being spotted so long as he ends the turn under cover. Excepting an ability score increase to Wisdom, his last two feats concern food and health recovery! The Chef feat lets him cook for the party during short rests to give everyone HP-replenishing food, and the Remarkable Recovery feat means he gets extra HP any time he regains any and bounces back easily from the brink of death.

I’ve given him the Boon of Peerless Aim, which lets him basically auto-hit one shot per short rest, and gave him the Champions’ gifts as spells (one cast per day free) instead of a blessing. He’s also got homebrew mechanics for ADHD, autism, scarring, chronic pain, and PTSD.

[originalbydondria]

Miari went to her basement during the day. Only during the day. Even in the cover of darkness, this one was too weak to do anything during the day. Wasn’t her first catch. Her first study. But it was a curious thing, the discipline in this one. No blood hunger at all. St least not the lustful degree of most. As a precaution though, the fiend was shackled in leather lined silver, just in case.

Slumped in a far corner, just on the edge of the thin sliver of light coming through the dust covered window, the creature’s labored breathing drew Miari’s attention. She’d be lying if she said there wasn’t something familiar about him. Not in appearance but at least in the energy about him. The thing before her, even staring, possibly half dead, possibly in quiet rage, still felt safe to be around.

The bag he carried, she hoped, would give her some answers. It was the oldest thing about him. The fabric was well taken care of but delicate. It rested inside a modern leather messenger bag for good reason. Even that was nearly as old as her in style and to the touch of it. He was either never poor or a good thief.

The leather bag held many IDs, faces in varying stages of grooming and weight but all the same. Clearly fake. Still in the corner, the creature stared at her. She turned her attentions again to bag, the older one, gently opening it to only see old bundles of paper. Slowly lifting the thinnest among them out of the bag stirred movement in the corner. She acknowledged it was a look and blindly continued her task.

“What value do these hold?,” she asked.

The thing sighed, “I am not a creature,” he whispered hoarsely.

“You read thoughts, do you?”

“Among other things.”

Miari stayed low but pushed herself to the opposite corner and held up a small device. A simple button. “Your name then?”

He sighed again, “In this era I chose Ahmal.”

“Interesting. I’m guessing you went back to sleep around 2001 by the bag. How’s that working for you?”

“I knew America would be a strange place to settle given its history. What do I have to lose if I can’t be killed.”

“Dismemberment sounds like a hard bitch to come back from?”

“Ah,” he said with a slight chuckle, “Did that once. Around 700, I think. Got to make sure you make friends behind enemy lines to heal from that.”

Ahmal sat more comfortably and straightened his back against the wall. Miari watched but didn’t let her guard down. Either holy water and acid really would do something to the being before her or he valued whatever these papers held.

Miari untied the old bindings carefully and took the top letter and unfolded it carefully. Ahmal seemed to relax in observing her care of his things. He could only hope that he was bound only to understand English.

Gently straightening the letter in front of her, she touched a small lamp above her for light. Her eyes obviously scanning the page before. She looked in the corner at Ahmal. The shine of his eyes flickered with a quick blink before disappearing as Miari gasped. She knew her name in any language. He had all but gone quiet wondering if she could crack the code.

Miari stood quickly. Ahmal relaxed. She couldn’t believe it. It was so beautifully written. A poem maybe but she got more than enough of the meaning to know it was a love letter. A hundred emotions filled her as she softly returned the letter to its folded state when she noticed a drawing of a face, too similar to her own, barely three inch portrait.

“I’m impressed,” Ahmal said.

“Who—why?”

He extended his legs in front of him and shook his head, “Hundreds of years and I am still good at making bad decisions. There was a moment I was able to share. I followed her to every end the earth had, never able to get her to see me, to understand. That was the last time she knew. Those letters. I cursed myself in hoping to rejoin us.”

“And if you were rejoined with her, then what?”

He laughed, “Hopefully it would free me or hopefully she’d join me. The way people move these days, I believe the end may be near either way.”

Miari turned on the rest of the lights in the basement. Ahmal stood in his corner, suddenly unable to read her as she approached. She reached out gently and removed the shackles, reciting the last line of the letter in the code only they knew. In a language forged of love between Arabic and Spanish, in a pronunciation only they knew would be correct or wrong. With a smile he thought denied. In a woman he hoped remained, even so far removed, as magical as she once was, as powerful as she could be. But then he heard it and for her, once, he would have burned the world and dared any being claiming creator to the death to make sure she could have it all her own. Miari let his hands go once the memories they shared subsided.

“You can stay or go. I found what I was looking for. Have you?,” she said turning her back to him and heading back up the stairs.

D. Ondria

07122024

P.S. if this is your prompt and you want to be tagged or a link to your site, just let me know. Not all prompts have info on them... All found on/via Pinterest or Instagram

[sellieellie]

things aren’t great at the moment.

i think im done with connor. it’s just too much. it’s one thing dealing with my new discoveries about my sexuality, but i also just don’t think he’s good for me. hes fucking scary when he’s drunk and i just think that’s where i draw the line. if i think he’s gonna hurt someone, or me, then i can’t respect myself and give myself to him at the same time. not only this, but he’s mean. he tells us to shut up for no reason or he screams at people and it makes me so anxious. and i can’t be with someone who constantly has me in fight or flight. it’s just not good for my (already extreme) anxiety. im just too fragile for all of it and i need someone who’s gentle enough to deal with that.

not only this, but im not even sure i was attracted to him in the first place. i think i was just attracted to the fact that he was attracted to me. and that isn’t healthy. i hate to

make a comparison to spencer, but when i liked him and he would hold me or make moves on me i wouldn’t feel embarrassed or anxious. but when connor does, i do. i just want to be loved so much but i respect myself too much to be loved by someone who won’t love me right.

he also just seems to have no regard for himself or his future. and if he can’t care for himself, how is he supposed to care about another person? i think he needs to heal before he starts something again or he’s just going to have another toxic relationship.

and i hate how much anxiety this is causing me. because i don’t want to hurt anyone but it’s invevitable at this point. and it makes me feel like shit because i don’t want him to think i was stringing him along while i was just trying to figure out my feelings. and i also don’t want it to affect the dynamic of the group or make things awkward for anyone else. i just wish the group would’ve thought about it before they pushed us together and i wish i would’ve thought about it before i pursued it. but i was also younger back then. i feel like i’ve done so much self reflecting the past year. i don’t know.

im just scared to talk to him about it. im so fucking afraid. because i know he’ll get mad but im not sure how he’ll react. i like to think he’d never get violent with me but i truly have no idea. i hate how scared i am of him and i hate how long ot took me to differentiate between being nervous in a sweet way to see him versus being straight up afraid of him.

i think i might just have to come clean. and tell him (in expectation that he won’t share this info because it’s quite literally my childhood trauma) i grew up in an environment where there was constant yelling and things did sometimes get physical so violence and loudness just bothers me to an extent where it has a negative affect on not only my body but also my mind. and it kind of makes me scared of him because my past has taught me to be scared of things like that. and if we want to continue this relationship i think we both need to work on ourselves first if we want to be with each other. because i obviously need to work on dealing with my childhood but he also needs to work on dealing with his anger and his alcohol issues. and i need to protect myself from the stress i feel when im around him because i never know if he’s gonna be sweet or mean. and i know that he’s genuinely a good guy and that he has good intentions but im just not able to deal with this. and i’d still love for him to hang with our friend group because i know they’re his friends too but maybe we just have to keep our distance. and if he doesn’t want to change for me, i won’t force him to but if he doesn’t change then i will no longer pursue what we have. id love to stay friends if he wants to but i can’t deal with this.

im just scared. the last thing i want to do is hurt anyone but he’s hurt me and i don’t even think he knows it. i hardly even know a version of him that isn’t drunk. it freaks me out.

i feel like im talking in circles. totally my bad.

i think im gonna go over what im gonna say with bella first. maybe the high schoolers as well. i just know the girls will understand and i appreciate them so much.

i just know it’s not fair to me or to him to keep stringing this along if im not 100%. especially after he just found out i like him. i feel like im doing what was done to me last summer and i feel so fuckinh guilty about it. i hate knowing that i might hurt someone. i know he’ll pretend that it rolls right off his back but it’ll hurt him. and i hate that im the cause of it. but it has to be done. maybe i don’t mean as much to him as he does to me. maybe he hasn’t been thinking about this constantly like i have. maybe he’s just not there.

anyways. hoping that i have the opportunity to talk to bella more about this soon. and i hate to do this, but spencer may be able to offer some advice as well. im not sure if we’ll ask him or not because i know he’ll always take connors side i think and try to play wingman. idk. we’ll see. im going to bella first.

as for the other parts of my life, things aren’t awful. they’re just a lot. everything is stressing me out to no end and i wish i could sleep for a full week and not have to talk to anyone or show up for anyone or anything. part of me wants to get really sick for a second so i can just chill. maybe flu or something. idk.

this is also gonna sound so privileged, but the thing that kept me going at work last summer was that i got to spend my money on things that are important to me but lately all i’ve been spending on is stuff for my sisters wedding of others birthdays and it makes me lose all motivation. i haven’t bought anything but food for myself with these paychecks so far. it fucking sucks. but it is what it is i guess.

im also getting increasingly anxious about mom. she never feels okay and i feel awful about it. i wish i could do more to help but all we can do right now is wait.

im also thinking about dropping out of my dorm and deciding to commute. i just don’t love my roommates and i don’t want a repeat of last year. it would also save a lot of money, which we need right now for moms surgeries.

but yeah. that’s pretty much all. i wish i had more good stuff to say but my heart is just full of anxiety and sorrow lately. idk. things aren’t great. i wish they were better. hopefully they will be soon because i don’t know how much longer i can deal with it.