#i mean i didn’t even see glass onion until like late december or maybe early january?

[benoits-neckerchieves]

Can’t believe it’s been a year since Glass Onion. I’m so grateful to that film for starting my Daniel Craig obsession. Never thought I’d ever watch James Bond, and definitely didn’t think that after a year I’d have seen 23 of Daniel’s films, including Knives Out, which is now my favourite film of all time. Feel like I need a new bio now, cause ‘in my Daniel Craig era’ feels a bit temporary, and this isn’t exactly a phase anymore lmao. Thank you Glass Onion!

[71tenseventeen]

Shelter-(20)

Here it is. I hope I did them justice.

Next chapter will be an Epilogue.  

Geno calls several times a day for the first two weeks.

Sidney never answers but he cries every time it rings.

By the time a month has passed, the calls have tapered down to once a day.

It hurts.  Sidney knew it would.  He did this for a reason.

Everytime he reaches for the phone, he reminds himself of that.

–

Sidney lands a job doing janitorial work at the rink.  The hours are more regular than at the diner and he gets paid a little bit more.

Then Taylor gets the flu and a double ear infection. Sidney misses too many days during his probationary period and gets fired.

He gets fired from the grocery store when he oversleeps after staying up for most of three nights in a row with a teething Taylor.

He eventually gets hired back on at the diner.  

He tries hard not to think about how much Mom would hate that.  Taylor has to be taken care of.  

There’s no one else left to do it.

–

Geno tries to call four times on Sidney’s birthday.  He’s the only person who remembers.

–

In August Sidney hides all the mail he ever got from University of Pittsburgh in a box in the closet so he can try to forget about it.

Some days he thinks it’s close to working.

–

By September, Geno’s only calling once a week.

–

At the beginning of October Sidney splurges on a $5 costume for Taylor at the thrift store.  He wants to take her trick-or-treating this year like Mom always did with him.

The next day the car blows a tire.

The first Pens game of the regular season is a couple of days later but Sidney pawned the TV to help pay for a new tire so he doesn’t have to worry about accidentally seeing Geno on TV.

There’s no money left for Thanksgiving dinner but he buys a pack of sliced turkey.  He and Taylor have sandwiches and peas.

–

Sidney takes Taylor trick or treating and can’t stand the sympathetic looks he gets from every single neighbor’s house they go to.

He lets her eat too much candy and she gets sick all over him in the middle of the night.

–

Geno doesn’t call at all in November.

Sidney puts away all the pictures and reminders of Geno that he can find.

He takes off the necklace and tucks it away with the ring.

He wishes he didn’t still cry every day. He wishes it didn’t hurt so much.

–

Sidney can’t bring himself to set up the tree and lights in December.  There’s no money for presents and even if there was, no one’s around to give them any anyhow.

–

A few days before Christmas a box arrives. It’s from Geno.

It contains a wrapped box for Taylor and a sealed card for Sidney.  He swallows his pride and opens the box with Taylor.  There are several warm outfits, a couple of hats and some toys for her.  

Sidney is so sick of crying.

He tucks the card away in a book without opening it.

–

On New Year’s Eve Sidney cuts up a bag of newspaper confetti.  Taylor falls asleep by nine. Sidney throws the bag of confetti in the trash and goes to bed.

–

In early January a car pulls into the drive. Sidney instinctively knows who it is.

He wonders when he got released.

He meets Troy at the door.  “What do you want?”

Troy frowns.  “Trina at work?”

Sidney feels like he’s been punched but he lets out a huff of laughter.  “No.”

“Look, Sidney, I’m really not in the mood for-”

Sidney cuts him off by shoving a copy of Trina’s funeral program into his hands. Troy looks back and forth between it and Sidney a few times before he finally reads the text and looks up, shocked. “Is this a joke?”

“Fuck you.”  Sidney makes to shut the door but Troy stops it with an outstretched arm.

“Sidney, I didn’t know.” To his credit, Troy looks completely dumbfounded.

“Well now you do.”

“What happened?”

“That’s none of your business.”

Troy furrows his brow. “What do you mean, none of my business?  She was my-”

Sidney cuts him off again. “What? She was your what?  Not your wife—you divorced her and left us when I was a baby.”

“You don’t know anything about what happened between us.”

Sidney shakes his head. “It should have been you.”

Troy freezes. “What did you say?”

“I said it should have been you.” Sidney glares hard at Troy and fights tearing up with every fiber of his being.

Troy looks like he’d like to say any number of things, none of them particularly nice, but in the end he just sets his jaw and shakes his head before he walks away.

–

Bye week is coming up again.  Sidney knows because he hears rumblings, people speculating whether Geno will spend it in town again. Every customer he waits on seems to know that Sidney and Geno were best friends and he’s constantly being asked how Geno is doing, if Sidney will visit him in Pittsburgh sometime, if Sidney can get them an autograph.  

Sidney is so tired.

–

Geno comes into the diner and, of course, sits in Sidney’s section.  

Sidney can’t ask someone else to take the table—they would know something’s up so he takes a deep breath and goes.  “Hey.  Specials today are Patty Melt with Onion rings, Turkey wrap with steamed veggies and Chicken Pot Pie.”

“Sid.”

“$6.99 a plate for the specials.”

“Sidney.”

“We also have peach pie and banana pudding on the dessert menu today.”

“Sid.”

Sidney takes a deep breath.  “What, Geno?”

“We not together so you act like you not even know me?”

“It’s not…that’s not what I’m doing.”

“Seem like it to me.”

Sidney sighs. “Why are you here?”

“I call and call, you never answer. I think maybe I go to house, you not answer door so I come here.”

Sidney feels his cheeks flush because, honestly, Geno is probably right about that. “Geno, I have to work. I can’t—I can’t just stand here and talk to you.”

“Fine. Patty Melt, no onions. Curly fries instead of onion rings.  Two sides of macaroni and cheese, order of poutine and side of baked beans with bacon.  Strawberry Lemonade and two glasses water.”

Sidney looks at him incredulously.

“Play hockey, Sid! Middle of season, always hungry,” Geno says, sounding a little defensive.

“Okay.  I’ll be right back with your drinks.”

“Sid, wait.”

Here it comes, Sidney thinks, and braces himself for what Geno has to say next.

“Diner still have honey butter?”

That isn’t what he was expecting. “Uhh, yeah?”

Geno nods. “Add basket of rolls and honey butter.”

“Okay, Geno.”

He’s hit with a split second of intense fondness before reality intrudes and he remembers Geno isn’t his anymore.

Sidney wonders if it will always hurt this much.

Each time he goes to the table, Sidney braces himself for whatever Geno wants to say to him but Geno eats (and eats and eats) and then orders and eats dessert (two slices of peach pie) and he still hasn’t said anything.  

When Sidney brings his check over Geno finally touches his wrist gently and looks up at Sidney, eyes full of hope.  “Family leave early this morning for trip to Russia.  You think about come over tonight? We talk?”

“You know I can’t do that, Geno.”

Geno sighs and gives Sidney a sad smile. “Okay. I leave tomorrow at six for airport if you change mind.”

“Geno…” Sidney’s heart hurts.

Geno stands and looks down at Sidney with sad eyes. “Doesn’t matter if today, tomorrow, a year, ten years from now, Sid.  Will always be here when you ready.”

Sidney watches him leave the diner and then looks down at the table. There’s a (huge) tip and an envelope that just says “Sid” and “Please read” on it.  Sidney swallows down the lump in his throat as he stuffs it all in his pockets.

–

Becky’s late for her overnight shift and Sidney has to work over until she gets there so it’s late when he finally gets home and retrieves a sleeping Taylor from Dorothy next door. He eases her into her crib and wants nothing more than to faceplant in bed himself but Geno’s envelope has been burning a hole in his brain all night.

He makes himself shower first before he settles on his bed and turns it over in his hands. It’s crinkled and bent where Sidney had to fold it in half to fit into his pocket. It’s not overly thick but Sidney can tell there’s probably a handful of pieces of paper in it.

He takes a deep breath and opens it.

The first thing is a pamphlet from University of Pittsburgh with the words “Student Parents” and pictures of what are apparently students with their small children on the front.  Geno has highlighted various things in the pamphlet like the section on campus daycare facilities, online classes and other resources available to students who have small children.  There are a couple of notes written in Geno’s messy scrawl.  Things like, “Offer at least 7 class for your major online,” and “Meet with teachers of one year old babies and they answer all my question but maybe you have more. Question on yellow paper.”  

Sidney shuffles the papers and plucks out a slightly crumpled paper torn from a legal pad.  On it there are—Sidney’s eyes go a little wide.  There are twenty seven questions listed out and notes all over the paper about the answers Geno got to those questions.  Things like “bring own diapers,” and “can bring own food or eat daycare food,” and “good security.”  

Sidney swallows hard and puts the pamphlet and papers aside.

The next is a printout from the University website about their student parent housing options with a note scrawled across the top.  “For if Sidney want to live on own with Taylor.”

After that is a long list that Geno has compiled of activities, book stores and places to go with toddlers in Pittsburgh.

The fifth and final piece of paper is information about internships with the Pens for physical trainers.  The note at the top says, “I talk to trainers and they say they give bigger chance for friend of player.” On the bottom of the paper, Geno has written, “Sid-Whether you be with me or not, want you to follow dreams.  Love, Geno.”

Sidney drops his head into his hands and cries for a long time.

Eventually he gathers up the papers and tucks the envelope carefully into his nightstand.  While the drawer is open, his eyes fall on the little box that he keeps the necklace and ring in.  He pulls it out and runs his fingers over it, leaning back against the headboard.  He spends a lot of time thinking before he can finally drift off to sleep.

He jerks awake sometime in the early morning hours and looks at the clock.  It’s just a couple minutes after five.  Sidney is laying there wondering why he woke up when he realizes it’s really cold in his room.

He throws on some socks and a hoodie and checks to be sure there isn’t somehow a window open and then goes to check the thermostat.  It’s set at 72* but the inside temperature is only 52.

“Fuck!”

He dashes to the closet where the heating unit is and yanks open the door.  It only takes him a minute to figure out that it’s not on and it’s not going to turn back on.  It’s -8 outside and the heat just went out.  Sidney doesn’t have a dime to fix it.  

He sinks to the floor and drops his head on his knees, crying for the second time in 6 hours, feeling crushed by the weight of everything that’s happened. It’s below freezing outside and they don’t have heat.  The car has been making a strange noise for the last week and their microwave quit working a month ago. This is it, he thinks. This is what I have to look forward to.  

He’ll always have something horrible to struggle with—broken down cars, blown tires,  broken heating systems and he will never have enough money to deal with it it.  He’ll never make enough to take care of Taylor the way she deserves.  He’ll always be living with the fear of Troy showing up again.  He’ll always be alone, will never be able to look at someone else without thinking of Geno.  

Geno who loves him so much that he went and interviewed teachers to see if they were worthy of Taylor.  Geno who loves him so much he gathered all of this information and wanted Sidney to have it even if he decided not to be with Geno.

Sidney gasps out a sob because of everything that’s crashing down on him, that’s the worst.  He loves Geno and Geno loves him and he pushed him away.  In that moment he knows it’s the biggest mistake he’s ever made, knows that he doesn’t have to do this alone— he never had to He’d been so stupid that he let the only person in the world that he’s ever been able to truly count on go.  In less than an hour he’ll be leaving again for Pittsburgh and—

Sidney jumps up.

There’s still time.

The call goes straight to voicemail.  Geno’s phone isn’t on.

He crams his feet into shoes before running to gently pull Taylor out of her crib.  “I’m so sorry, Tay.  We have to go.  We need to go see Geno, okay?”  

He dresses her in layers and then puts her snowsuit and hat on over all of it.  She’s not thrilled.

He yanks on his own hat, gloves and coat and then grabs a fleece blanket for Taylor for good measure before hustling out to the car.

It doesn’t start.

Sidney tries and tries but it just makes a clicking sound and he bites back his tears as he pulls an increasingly cranky Taylor out of her carseat and bundles the blanket over her in his arms.  It’s just three blocks, they can make it.  He’ll run if he has to.  

He gets there at 5:48 but there’s no car in the driveway and his heart sinks.  He rings the bell.  When no one answers he rings it again.  And again.  By the third time he knows no one will answer.  He waited too long.

Geno is gone.

It takes him longer to trudge home but he tries to keep a quick pace, if for no other reason than to get Taylor out of the cold, not that it’s much warmer in their house. He wonders what will happen to them if he can’t figure out a way to fix the heat. Probably nothing good.

Tears track down his cheeks as he apologizes softly to her while he carries her home. “I’m so sorry, Taylor.  I’m so sorry. I was too late. I messed up and I was too late.  He loves us and he would have taken care of us.  We would have been a family and I blew it.”

Sidney is devastated.

He turns the corner onto their street and freezes when he looks up.

There’s a car parked behind his in the driveway.

Geno.

Sidney runs the rest of the way, despite Taylor’s protests and bounds up onto the porch where his front door is hanging open. “Geno?”

Geno dashes out of the hallway to the front door. “Sid!  Where you go? I come here, think try one last time and your front door open, car door open.  Can’t find you.  You and Taylor gone and I’m so scared!”  He moves close and grips Sidney’s cheeks. Sidney doesn’t pull away.

“Sid what wrong? What happen? Why you out in cold with Taylor? Why you cry?”  Geno looks so shaken and Sidney doesn’t know how he ever could have pushed him away.

His lip quivers as he speaks. “You said you were leaving at six and I just, I wanted to see if…if it’s not too late…”

Geno’s eyes open a little wider.  “You mean, Sid? You want?”

Tears are spilling over again as Sidney nods and rasps out, “I’m so sorry, Geno.  I love you. I miss you so much.  You are the best person I’ve ever known and I’ve been so stupid.”

“Oh Sid.  I tell you already. Never too late.” And then Geno kisses him and the weight of the world is gone from Sidney’s shoulders.

A few hours later, the three of them board a plane to Pittsburgh.