#i mean for example the audience zuko ran away yet we were shown in full what happened so this is why i think it was a real flashback

[did-we-imagine]

I'm gonna play the devil's advocate (not Ursa's, I am not going to defend her nor incriminate her), and say that some people actually lose their memories due to abuse and the effect of Trauma IRL. I have a friend who doesn't remember their childhood and they have felt like this since their teens (they grew up with an abusive parent and an enabling parent), and apparently, said friend's sibling is the same. They basically remember they were abused badly, but they don't remember many specific instances, and since their abuser gaslights them, they find it hard to argue back because they remember only some instances (which the abuser minimizes anyway, abuser is very manipulative, and unhinged -has threatened to kill, etc-).

Also, in the show, Sokka forgot his mother's face (I think she died when he was like 10-11?), and yet he is only 15. So there is a possibility that her memories potentially got warped through trauma and all (that is not to invalidate her feelings, but rather a possibility), and 5 years is actually almost a 1/3rd of her life. It's not the same as 5 years for a 35 years old for example. + Zuko' talk of a happy family could hypothetically fall under this umbrella (there are things that kids simply don't understand...).

I just wanted to speak specifically about the clarity/haziness of memories.

Another phenomenon that isn't talked about often is how abused kids tend to idealize the enabling/less abusive parent. While the show hasn't given us any reason to consider things from this angle, there is a solid chance that Zuko's view of his mom might be tinted by pink glasses. My friend has gone through this in their teens before eventually figuring out that enabler is messed up in a different manner because their response to the abuse is to leave the house/leave them with the abuser 🙄😒. This particular view could be canon if we also consider Ursa's behavior in the comics.

Another show/trilogy really really love also has this (Les Malheurs de Sophie) where Sophie's birth mother was not the worst, but she was definitely NOT mother of the year and somewhat emotionally distant/abusive (this one I am not too sure for the cartoon, but in the books she didn't shy from corporeal punishment), and it's only been clarified through the contrast between her and Sophie's later adoptive mom (Madame de Fleurville) who has disciplined Sophie without becoming aloof. Mid show, Sophie is stuck with her extra crazy abusive stepmother so her now-dead bio mom looks like an absolute saint to her (and probably all of us who watched as kids). The subtext heavily implies otherwise as we get to compare the 3 maternal figures' behavior, with de Fleurville being the best mom hands down, Sophie's mom falling somewhere in between, and Fichini (the evil stepmom) who shouldn't ve left in any child's vicinity.

Sure, she is an abuse victim and all, but she definitely loses so many points in the comics (I'm more mitigated about the show, though I reconsidered my initial stance -she is not the saintly mother many fans believe her to be- when she said "What is wrong with that child?" In Azula's vicinity...It must have been one of the seeds of her later self image as a monster...Sure, she might not have meant it maliciously because Azula was spouting treasonous ideas which could have endangered all of them, but it wasn't the best way to phrase it, esp within Azula's earshot).

What I don't think is acknowledged enough is that Azula's memories of Ursa are relatively fresh?

I just often see people use the argument that Azula's perception of her mother is skewed because Azula was too young when Ursa disappeared, but is that really the case?

Ursa left when Azula was 9. Now, Azula is 14.

I don't think 5 years could have change Azula's perception of her mother THAT much. It's not like 10 years have passed.