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maeby-cursed · 10 months

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SOMETIMES I'M NOT MYSELF, I LOOK FOR A BETTER DISGUISE…

𓂃 DANCING TILL THE POWER GOES OUT.

a/n: following with my songfic series, this one is inspired by valiente by vetusta morla (the original lyrics are "a veces no soy yo, busco un disfraz mejor / bailando hasta el apagón") ! this is also an angst fic but the vibe in this one is a bit more pungent. i apologize for making toji like this, i will get back to my soft!toji program soon ♡ (this one is vv weird, btw, and i wrote it while suffering from a headache, enjoy)

✧ synopsis: you met toji seven months ago and since then, the only thing you've both agreed on is how much you cannot stand each other. now it's time to go; even if it means giving up trying, and leaving a familiar warmth behind.

✧ pairings: toji fushiguro x fem!reader

✧ wc: 1.6k

✧ rating: angst ! pure angst, discounted and at a good price ! angst and pain; two for the price of one ! of the richest quality and endless suffering !!

✧ cw: toxic relationship, toji suffers from toxic masculinity, a bit of an age gap (toji is early 30s, reader is implied to be early 20s), mentions of toji's shitty ass economy, heavy cursing.

There’s a storm inside your house and it is made of cries locked within the walls of your lover’s apartment.

You and Toji have been arguing for six months out of the seven you’ve known him.

Apparently, May flowers brought November showers (or better said, downpours), as well as a thick darkness, because since last week, Toji's entire street has been without light, water or electricity.

A desert in the middle of a flood, seems almost biblical.

Both of you are in the kitchen – distressingly narrow and painted in a gloom shade of indigo –, in the midst of your fifth discussion this week. The fridge door is open while you talk, but neither of you cares, all of its contents are already wasted, anyways. The light doesn’t even flicker.

You don't know exactly how this particular fight started.

Toji had arrived at his apartment – his, exclusively – late, with a bag of fast food in hand. An individual order. When he’d arrived, he’d looked at you and asked you what you were doing there, and everything had gotten out of hand from that point on.

After six months of waiting for him in the same place, in the same position, in the same corner of his grimy sofa, you'd thought he might remember you, might remember that you are a constant in his life.

Not the case.

The fight escalates to such an extent that you find yourself shouting and gesticulating aggressively.

What starts badly ends worse, your grandmother used to say.

(And yet, it ends).

So now you stand barefoot, in your white slip, looking at him with all the fire you can fan into your eyes.

"I have no fucking idea what is it that you want, Toji Fushiguro, but you need to stop looking for it in me. Either take me as I am or leave me, it's as simple as that."

He looks back at you, his gaze shallow. He always stares at you like this, as if instead of seeing you, he were trying to evaluate you; like you’re nothing but a mere statue to him and he’s looking for a spot where the artist could’ve slipped his chisel.

But you don’t cower before him. Although his height seemed imposing when you first met him, he now seems ridiculous to you. A child hidden behind a brick wall.

"Could you stop talking in code for two fucking minutes?"

"I want you to stop treating me like shit. You caught on now?"

He laughs unfunnily.

"I think I treat you pretty well, girl."

"Really?" you smile. There's a part of you that cringes at the gesture; he's been souring you since you met. Now you're fed up, but you know you'll never be able to return all of the blows he’s knocked you out with. "You think coming home and taking me to your bedroom for five minutes of grunts and sweat is treating me well?"

"Our bedroom."

That does make you laugh.

"Fuck, Toji, I don't live here! You never asked me to move in with you. And I've waited for you but I'm..... I don't even know what I am. Disappointed, maybe?" Your mood begins to shift as you search for him with your stare. You want to see some sort of reaction, something that isn’t a performance, something that doesn’t act as a mirror.

Something that tells you he cares about you.

"I thought I was dating an adult,” you continue, softly now. “That we could talk about it but... God, you're exactly like all the men I've been trying to avoid. All savages, the lot of you; too barbaric to be able to say you feel anything, even if it’s pure lust."

He raises a brow, closing the refrigerator door with a slam and leaning against the countertop with a click of his tongue.

"You want me to tell you that you make me horny?" he asks, with an ironic smirk.

"I want you to tell me that there's something that goes with the sex. Something that can last."

He doesn't say anything, just exhales loudly, huffing with annoyance.

And for some reason, the gesture takes you back two decades ago, when your father used to do that to you. A puff of air like cigarette smoke whenever you wanted something he didn't feel like giving you; mostly his time.

You don't know where the memory comes from, but it hurts. It burns and coats your throat with bile.

"There’s nothing," he whispers, at last.

Now you really have to make an effort not to vomit.

Silly girl, you say to yourself, you already knew that. But it's no use.

"And I had to dig that out of you with a spoon, baby," you tell him, dripping with sarcasm.

He doesn't notice how you pale, how you grab the skirt of your dress and bite the inside of your cheek. He doesn't smell your despair, nor the copper drops emanating from the wound you've caused yourself by biting on your skin.

Toji's not a bloodhound, no matter how much he resembles one. He's just an asshole.

Your words make him frown and stick out his jaw. You recognize his hint – you’d recognize him by taste alone –, it's the gesture he makes before he fights.

"And what the fuck did you expect? For me to telepathically figure out whatever shit you’re thinking?"

"No, Toji. I just wanted an answer." That’s it, you suppose.

You sigh, unclenching your fists without relaxing your shoulders, and head for the bedroom. Except for your cell phone and a pair of nightgowns, you have almost nothing here. Let him keep the panties, if he gave them back to you, you'd burn them anyway.

He follows when you pass him by on your way out of the kitchen, and, for once, he looks incredulous.

"What? You think we’re done chatting?"

"I don't even feel like looking at that asshole face of yours anymore."

Every word that comes out of your mouth stabs him in the spleen. He's never seen you like this.

You have nothing left to care for, nothing left to protect from the storm, nothing to hope and pray to see bloom. Your land is infertile and all you feel is frustration, so there's no more measuring yourself.

To hell with all this.

"Yesterday it was all about cuddling and today you're leaving,” he says. “What did you expect?" At that, he smiles with malice, one that, unfortunately, is not unfamiliar to you. "That we were going to fall madly in love? That this was about more than sex? Oh, but you're just a little girl. I've been with a hundred of the likes of you."

He's lying. You know he's lying.

This man has never loved a woman in his life – you pity his mother – but he's not a manwhore either. He wears things out until he’s outgrown them.

It's funny — he’s always looked too big on you.

Your head turns around, but you stay frozen where you are, kneeling in front of the bottom drawer of his nightstand. On your knees, you almost look like you're praying, but your eyes condemn a truth that hurts him. It burns and coats his throat with bile.

"I never expected you to fall in love with me, Toji. I'm not that stupid," you look at the drawer again, taking clothes and shoving them carelessly into your bag. "I'm just young."

“I may be young, but give me time.” Those words, the ones you told him when he met you, a little over half a year ago, ring in his ears. “I can take a hundred men like you.”'

He remembers them now, gall climbing up to his uvula. Your smile back then clashes with your current tears. You have aged seven years in seven months.

He can see it in your posture, in the expensive fabric of your dress and the way you tie your hair back. He can see it in the depth of your cupid's bow, in the care with which you hold your hands.

You know how to handle dynamite now, but you can't stop gunpowder from blowing up.

Toji is speechless. He doesn't want you to leave, but he's already worn you out, you've already woken up from your reverie. He hasn’t outgrown you yet.

When you get up, your cheeks are covered with tears. You wipe them away carefully; you would’ve never done that back when he met you.

You were free then; of wild smiles and clumsy hands, of loud cries and smell of freesias. Young with bravado, a shell of the sea.

Seeing you like this, knowing you're going away, turns his stomach. This is the last time, and you don't smell like freesia anymore. You're all orange and lavender, unmistakable and silent.

Toji raises a hand and brings it up to you. For a split second of madness you think he's going to slap you, but he simply catches a strand of your hair; only instead of tucking it behind your ear, he lets it curl around your cheek.

His hand falls to his side – he wasn't raised to be like this. He wasn’t raised to get you to stay.

"Get out," he murmurs, the timbre of his voice low and plangent.

You close your eyes for a moment, just to find his image behind your eyelids; smiling and defiant, with a glass of champagne in his hand and kohl-stained eyes.

The tide inside washes away everything else.

"You don't have to tell me twice."

What starts badly ends worse, you think.

(And yet, it ends).

(reblogs are appreciated !!)

#🎐 𓂃 mae’s typing !#jjk imagines #jjk angst #jjk x you #jjk x reader #toji angst #toji x you #toji x reader #toji fushiguro angst #toji fushiguro x you #toji fushiguro x reader

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lonleydweller · 5 months

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Yandere prompt 30 for Arkham Knight Riddler, please?

🥀Yandere Arkham Knight Riddler + prompt 30🥀

!Warnings!: yandere trope, violence, kidnapping, threats of violence, blackmailing

Yanderes are OK in fiction. They should stay fiction. They are not example of healthy relationships. These behaviors are NOT okay in real life. This is for entertainment purposes

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Your body trembles as you clamor to your feet. Letting out a shakey breath as your eyes are assaulted with bright green neon paint, blaring neon green lights, and ramblings that cover the grimey metal walls. The question mark buttons out of your reach that taunt you. The floor comprised of odd looking tiles. The faint crackle of electricity running through the room. This wasn't your first time being a rat in one of his mazes. In fact he seemed to just absolutely love putting you in them.

He loved taunting and cooing at you while you scrambled for your freedom. Spouting his delusions of "love" at you. Knowing you didn't have any choice to listen to his voice blare over the speakers. He always had some trick up his sleeve. A button in a hidden spot, a lever just out of reach, a timer, or a riddle to solve. You'd always loose by a meere second, a hair, a technicality. He'd gloat as if he won. Until batman would show of course.

For a moment you think maybe this was a dream. After all there was more than a minute of silence without his voice tormenting you. Maybe this wasn't real. Maybe you wouldn't have to fear for your safety. You almost jump out of your skin when the projection of him flickers onto the wall. A smug greeting.

"Look who's finally awake! Welcome back once more my dear."

You can only grimace. Not wanting to reply to his banter. You've learned that no amount of swears, pleads, cries, and screams would make him budge.

"Let's just get this over with. You want me to complete some stupid puzzle before s timer runs out right? Want me to anwser a riddle? Just like the other ones? Right?"

You question. Hoping maybe you could speed this grueling game up. An important part of that would be getting him to talk the least amount possible. He tries to talk once more, but you cut him off. Practically pleading.

"We've done this enough times. I'm not stupid. Please. Let's just get on with it. Enough with the theatrics."

He stays silent for a moment. Before recovering from your blunt response. Talking over you before you can shut him down again. Clearly a bit annoyed by the cut off.

"Well if you would let me speak, you'd see this little game I've set up is quite different than the previous ones I've challenged you with dear! After all I'd hate for these to be too easy for you. I mean, where's the fun in that?"

Your brow furrows. This wasn't good. It seems your flimsy plan wasn't going to hold up. He'd already thrown so many different mechanisms your way. What else could he possibly have? What other headache inducing thing would you have to remember? His obnoxious giggle echoes as he boasts.

"I've added something a new! A new risk. I've upped the stakes, so to speak!... something you can't ignore. Nor brush off this time like it's nothing."

The feed switches to with an audible noise, from Edwards disgusting face to a person tied in to a chair, wiring hooked up to it. A wave of nausea hits you, your body shudders, your blood runs cold. You feel frozen, like your feet are stuck in concrete.

It was your friend. Your dear friend who's comforted you through all of this, stuck by your side, and pushed gotham authorities to do more, they even let you stay at their place when your's was no longer safe.

This had to be a joke. This had to be fake. Maybe it was just someone that looked like them? He wouldn't go this far would he? He had to be just bluffing right?

"This has to be a joke..."

You say out loud in disbelief. Tears pooling down your face, dripping onto the metal tiles at your feet. The muffled cries of your friend echo throughout the room.

"Oh I assure you, this is no joke my dear. What you see is most certainly real. I've gotten this.. cretin you refer to as a friend hooked up to a series of wires ready to deliver more than enough electricity to fire their tiny brain."

You sputter out more words in a desperate plea, hoping maybe this was just one big trick.

"No.. no.. you can't be serious right? Y-you wouldn't actually do this.. y-you wouldn't go this far all over me.. You're bluffing, you have to be, please."

His smile drops, he looks almost offended. He let's out a strained chuckle. Speaking through gritted teeth, his voice shaking a bit.

"I don't think you quite understand just how far I'd go to have you."

And with that deadly declaration of devotion, the timer starts ticking down.

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#writers on tumblr #dc #dweller's writing #batman rouges #riddler #arkhamverse #yandere dc #arkham riddler #yandere #tw: yandere #yandere arkham riddler #yandere arkhamverse riddler #Yandere arkhamverse #arkhamverse riddler #arkhamverse riddler x reader #edward nygma x reader #edward nigma

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hiddenwritingsintheworld · 1 year

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Cruel Summer Chapter 1 (Chris Evans x Actress/Singer!Reader)

(Okay, So Ive been away for a hot minute. And I've been through quite a bit. But I got inspired to write this and I hope yall love it!! Couple of things. 1.) Taylor Swift doesnt exist in this series, the reader is like taylor swift! 2) dont come for me, I've been chewing on this idea for a few months now lol. 3.) Im almost done with chapter 1 of My Alpha, I know I've gotten some messages about that!! Also, half way through chapter 2 of Midnight rain ;) Enjoy! Let me know your thoughts on this!! love you guys!!!)

Thoughts? Suggestions? General opinion wanted here!!!!!

You’d be delusional to think that he wanted anything more than hookups with you. Being a movie star was hard enough to make a “normal” life ...falling in love with your co-star though...that made everything even worse. That’s what led you to becoming a world famous pop star, releasing smash hit after smash hit. Your smile; when up on that stage, tens of thousands of fans screaming your songs as you sang them, standing ovations, tears of happiness, excitement, thrill, it all made that heartache ease just a little bit. But not all the way.

“Tonight is a HUGE night, I can’t believe you’re going to announce another album. I’m in awe, really I am.” Your mom said, grabbing your shoulders and looking at you in the mirror of the room you were currently using backstage. “Mom, thanks so much for traveling with me during this tour. It means so much to me.” you smiled softly at her, “especially after everything I’ve been through recently. Wanna know the surprise songs tonight? Or just be surprised like everyone else?” you asked with a soft laugh.

Your mom and dad were your biggest and best fans you could have ever asked for. Even during the worst time of your life, you’d had your parents support when changing careers. “Awe, let me be surprised like everyone else dear. Your cue is up….come on,” she gave you a big hug and kissed your cheek. “You’re going to be amazing, just like every other night” she beamed before walking out of your dressing room.

You stared in the mirror, touching up your red lipstick before turning around and walking out. Your bejeweled bodysuit in the colors of your most favorite album you’d put out, pinks and blues. You smiled at the stage crew and everyone working behind the scenes as you walked with your assistant. “Another great sold out crowd out there, the VIP tent is dead center, lots of celebrities are here tonight too.” She smiled before you walked away standing on your mark.

Listening to the entrance music you’d had custom made, caused the memories to flood your mind.

You looked over at him grinning as you both reached for a piece of popcorn. “Soooo I thought you wanted to do something else when you asked me to come to your hotel room 10:30 at night.” you smirked as he laughed, throwing his head back. “While yes, I’d love to do that too….I figured it would be nice to watch a movie or two, enjoy a snack and relax together too. I ordered some wine and chocolate covered strawberries too.” he said leaning closer to you, as you bit your lip leaning into him, letting his lips brush yours. The next thing you knew, he had you pinned to the bed, popcorn littering the floor as he kissed down your neck, slowly pushing your shirt off and attacking your chest.

“Ready? Have fun!!” Your assistant shouted over the music and screaming fans as the platform started to bring you up from under the stage. You plastered a grin on your lips and got in your stance with your mic.

The moment your back up dancers pulled back the large fabric fans to reveal you, you began to sing one of your songs. The roar of screams, cheers and cries erupted throughout the entire stadium as you came into sight for everyone. The platform continued to rise as you sang, smiling at everyone.

“It's you and me, that's my whole world

They whisper in the hallway, "She's a bad, bad girl"

Oh, I just thought you should know (you should know)

It's you and me, there's nothing like this (like this)

Miss Americana and The Heartbreak Prince (okay)

We're so sad, we paint the town blue (paint it blue)

Voted most likely to run away with you.”

The music ended as everyone cheered even louder and you laughed softly, the platform lowering back to the mainstage level; you grinned as the next song began instantly. You loved performing for a crowd, they never made you feel like you weren’t worth the love and attention. You strut toward the front of the stage, beginning to sing the bridge, along with the crowd, when a sight almost threw you off your performance. He stood there in the VIP tent with a cold beer in one hand, his other arm around the shoulders of a petite brunette.

“I'm drunk in the back of the car

And I cried like a baby coming home from the bar (oh)

Said, "I'm fine, " but it wasn't true

I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you

And I snuck in through the garden gate

Every night that summer just to seal my fate (oh)

And I screamed for whatever it's worth

"I love you, " ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?

He looks up grinning like a devil”

You belt out the bridge, the crowd screaming louder toward the end. You tried to not to look at the VIP tent, the urge to see him again, standing there happy with some other girl, you danced around, happily grinning at the crowd, encouraging them to sing along. You finally took a break, smiling wide as everyone clapped and cheered. “Hi!” you said cheerfully. “My name is Y/N and welcome to The Eras Tour,” you grinned as the stadium erupted again.

“I just want to say thank you to everyone who is here tonight and I hope that I don’t disappoint. I usually perform only two surprise songs a night, however, I’m feeling…fun tonight, so I want to add another song to the list for you all. It’s one that I don't usually perform live. But, I hope you enjoy it.” you smiled as the platform rose and you looked around, the soft jazz music starting as loud cheers erupted. You couldn't stop the smile that landed on your face as you began to sing.

“We were crazy to think

Crazy to think that this could work

Remember how I said I'd die for you?

We were stupid to jump

In the ocean separating us

Remember how I'd fly to you?

And I can't talk to you when you're like this

Staring out the window like I'm not your favorite town

I'm New York City

I still do it for you, babe

They all warned us about times like this

They say the road gets hard and you get lost when you're led by blind faith

Blind faith”

You smiled looking around, your eyes landed on him again, he had a look in his eyes, just like how he used to look at you, hunger and desperation for your touch. You put your lips back up to the microphone and made eye contact with him again.

“But we might just get away with it

Religion's in your lips

Even if it's a false god

We'd still worship

We might just get away with it

The altar is my hips

Even if it's a false god

We'd still worship this love

I know heaven's a thing

I go there when you touch me

Honey hell is when I fight with you”

You didn’t mean to stare for so long, but the way he looked at you, watching your body move. You wanted to jump off stage and run into his arms again, kissing him, telling him how in love with him you still were, even after the three years that had passed. You felt a tightness in your chest when the girl turned and kissed his neck, and began to dance with him.

You finished the song not soon after and took a small bow as everyone screamed out. You stood still smiling as the platform began to lower, before diving off to get changed. “I need a minute,” you said as your assistant came up to you. She looked slightly confused as they began to help you into your next outfit. How were you going to continue this concert with him staring at you? You didn’t think you could do it honestly.

“I can’t believe you changed the set list, We’re going to have to cut one of the surprise songs.” You looked at her. “No we can’t but we are changing them tonight.” you said as they did up the back of your dress. “What?! Why!” she gasped. “Chris is here,” you said looking at her as her face fell. “With some girl.” she sighed putting a hand on her head “Jesus fucking Christ……okay. Tell me what you need.” you looked at her again as tears filled your eyes. “I need a fucking minute.” you grabbed the new mic rushing off.

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marnerparty · 2 years

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why’d it have to change?

Jamie Drysdale x reader

warnings: swearing, mentions of underage drinking, mentions of minors having sex/losing virginities

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2017 - 15 years old

Y/N's hands shook and she raised her fist to knock on the door of the Drysdale family.

Since she was 2, Y/N and her family had lived next to the Drysdales, and her and Jamie became best friends right away. They shared a love for hockey, which Y/N was very good at. She could often compete with the boys, and when she learned that there was no girl's hockey team at school, she tried out for the boys team and made it.

Jamie was absolutely infatuated by Y/N. Her personality matched his, her hard work was something he admired, but most of all, he just loved her.

And the Drysdale's knew it, but they didn't say a word. And the Y/L/N's knew Y/N felt the same way.

It was a running joke in their family that everyone knew they were in love with each other but them, and anytime the families knew Jamie and Y/N would be together, they took bets on which night would be the night they grow up and realize it.

As Y/N stood at the Drysdale's door, thousands of memories come flooding back to her. From hockey to vacations, they really did it all.

And little did Jamie know that just next door, there was a house packed full of boxes that were waiting to be loaded into a truck and sent to Boston, Massachusetts.

As Y/N heard footsteps coming to the door, her eyes couldn't help but water thinking this would be the last time she's here in a while.

She didn't have time to wipe her eyes before Jamie's mom, Tina, who became a second mom to Y/N, opened the door.

"Hey gorgeous what are-" Tina's words cut off as she looked up to see the girl tearing up. Her expression immediately softened and she pulled the girl into a hug.

"Are you hear to tell Jamie?" Y/N looked up with a confused expression.

"So you guys already know?" Tina nodded sadly.

"We've known for awhile, probably before you. But you know it wasn't our place to tell you. And we weren't gonna tell Jamie without you." Y/N nodded.

"Is he in his room?" Tina nodded and Y/N made her way through the house. She stopped outside of Jamie's door when she saw the new pictures on the outside of his door.

30 pictures at least of just the two of them. Tears ran faster down Y/N's cheeks as she tried to collect herself before she went in. She knocked 7 times, their special knock, before Jamie threw open the door and attacked Y/N with a hug.

She couldn't help but smile as she hugged him back just a little tighter.

"You're just in time, I was just getting ready to nap and now we can cuddleee." Jamie said as he carried out the word.

To the outside world this seemed like something only couple would do, and although Jamie and Y/N should just be a couple, this was normal. They would even spend nap time together when neither of them would even be awake just to be in the presence of one another.

Jamie walked to his bed, but Y/N didn't move. Once he sat down and realized she wasn't next to him, he turned and made a confused face.

"Hey, have you been crying?" And that was all it took for Y/N to breakdown. She fell to the floor as Jamie quickly engulfed her in a hug.

"Y/N/N, hey, shhh, it's okay. I got you, I got you. I'm here." Y/N cried for a couple of minutes before she was able to look up. She took Jamie's face in her hands.

"Jamie," she started, rubbing her thumbs over the freckles she loved so much. "You're my best friend in the whole entire world. There's no one that I love more, you know that, right?" Jamie nodded. He had no idea where this was going. "This wasn't my decision. I didn't even know until this week, and this is why I've been being short with you, and why maybe I haven't been the best friend right now." She looked up meet Jamie's eyes. "We're moving." And with those 2 words, Jamie felt like his world was falling apart.

"What do you mean? Like, like out of the neighborhood? Like you're still gonna be at school, right?" Y/N looked down and let more tears fall.

"Jamie, we're going to Boston. Tomorrow" The pair stared at each other, neither of them knowing what to say next. After a few more minutes Jamie angrily stood up.

"You're going tomorrow? TOMORROW? And THIS is when you're gonna tell me!" Jamie was raising his voice like Y/N had never heard.

"Jamie, I'm sorry! It wasn't supposed to be like this-"

"You're right! It wasn't! We have plans, Y/N! To travel and see the world, to be there always for each other through school, dances, vacations! You're supposed to be there when I get drafted-"

"None of this has to change, Jimmy-"

"Oh don't you DARE Jimmy me right now! I hate the fucking nickname and you know it, but I let you say it anyone because you love it."

"Because I love you, Jamie!"

"I know! But not the way that I love you!" Y/N froze when she realized what Jamie meant. Jamie's eyes widened to when he realized.

"I'm sorry, this is a really bad time for me to be saying that-" Y/N cut Jamie off by placing a kiss on his lips. They pulled away after a moment.

"Jamie, it's always been you." The teens kissed again as it soon turned in to a little more than a kiss.

"Jamie," Y/N said breaking away once more. "Your mom is downstairs." She said with a giggle. He rolled his eyes.

"Way to ruin the moment." Y/N rolled her eyes as she sat up on Jamie's bed facing him.

"You know nothing has to change when I move, right?" Jamie shook his head.

"It's all gonna change, Y/N/N. I won't be able to shout out my window at you, or have have the chance to just walk over when I need to. You're going to a different country. Touching this one, yeah, but it won't be the same." Y/N nodded.

"We'll call and text everyday, right?" Jamie nodded.

"And still go on vacations?" He asked. Y/N laughed and also nodded. "Why didn't you tell me before you loved me like that?" Jamie sighed and stared at the girl.

"We're only 15, but we act like we're so much older. We even made a marriage pact- what normal pair of friends does that unless somewhere they both feel like that towards each other?" Y/N nodded.

The room was filled with silence as the teens just sat there enjoying each other's company, knowing this would be one of the last times they could do it.

"Do you remember that list of things we said we'd do if the world was ending and we only had 24 hours?" Y/N laughed and nodded.

"Of course I do, but I don't remember anything on it." Y/N said. Jamie got up and walked over to his desk. He pulled out a folder, and then a paper from the folder, and low and behold, the Doomsday List. Y/N grabbed the paper with a shocked look.

"Jamie holy shit! Why, how, I thought this was gone!"

"Yeah, well, I keep a lot more things than you think." Y/N laughed again and motioned for Jamie to sit down.

"Come on, let's read it."

6 Thing to do Before the World Ends (2012)

* Eat ice cream for dinner

* Skate one last time

* Watch our favorite movie

* Cuddle

* Watch the sunset on the rink

* Do something only adults can do

"This is kinda a lame list." Y/N joked. Jamie nodded.

"Yeah but look at that, even at 10 I was thinking about sex." Y/N's head whipped around at him.

"You meant sex, Jamie?" He nodded and laughed when he saw her expression.

"Sorry, Jim, I won't have sex with you." She said with a laugh. He rolled his eyes.

"If I beg?" Y/N hit his shoulder.

"Jamie! We're 15-"

"That's a perfectly normal age-"

"I'm leaving Jamie!"

"So better time than ever!" Y/N glared at the boy.

"I'll think about it. But until then, let's get a head start on this list"

———

As the night ended, Y/N and Jamie were playing hockey in the makeshift rink outside while they watched the sunset. Their list was completed, with a slightly modified version of what Jamie's "adult" task was.

The teens decided they would take their parents alcohol and drink as much as they could. Now this wasn't the first time either of them had drank, perks of being on the hockey team, but playing hockey buzzed was a whole different story.

"Alright Drysdale, 4-4, next score wins." Y/N said as she slurred her words and tried to skate past Jamie. Unfortunately Jamie was still faster than her drunk, and was able to take the puck right from her.

It was clear Jamie was going to score, so Y/N took advantage of this and tripped him. It was street rules: no penalties. Plus the drinking made it seem like it was an accident. Jamie crashed to the ground and Y/N took the puck and scored.

"Victory!" The girl shouted as she through her arms up in the air. She skated over to Jamie and accidentally tumbled on top of him. She took off her helmet, then Jamie's and kissed his lips.

"I win Jimmy." She said with a smile. Jamie rolled his eyes and gave her another kiss.

"Alright, whatever. It was a bogus ending but you did win." Y/N smiled and got up off of him. She skated to the side of the rink where she tried unlacing her skates, which was very difficult drunk, when she caught Jamie staring.

"What're you thinking about Drysdale?" She asked as he made his way over. He sat down to unlace his skates as well, but ended up falling over. Y/N giggled at the boy as he sat up.

"I'm thinking about how you're perfect. And I love you. And I'm gonna miss you."

———

The following morning Y/N woke up in Jamie's arms after spending the night with him. The teens made the most of their last night together, and Y/N couldn't have wished for anything better. She looked outside of the window and noticed 2 moving vans in her driveway.

Her heart shattered as she realized this was it. This was the last time she and Jamie would be together like this. She watched the sun shine on Jamie's face and put a sad smile on her face. She gently shook him awake and watched for his eyes to open.

"Hey Y/N/N." Jamie said as he leaned up for a kiss.

"Hey Jim." Y/N sighed. "The trucks are already here." Jamie stared at the girl, unable to comprehend that she would soon be gone and in a different country. He nodded and soon sat up getting dressed. Y/N followed in suit, grabbing the clothes that she had been wearing the night before.

Y/N went into the bathroom and changed, and when she came out, she noticed Jamie was holding a duffel bag and a card. She shot him a confused look.

"What's all this?" She asked getting closer to the boy.

"It's for you. I woke up earlier and put it together. Open it later, though. I don't wanna cry anymore than I will be." Y/N laughed at his confession and gave him a big hug.

"Y/N!" The teens could hear Tina yell form downstairs. "Your parents are here." Y/N and Jamie made eye contact, knowing exactly what this meant.

They made their way downstairs to see their parents saying their goodbyes. She turned to Jamie and noticed the tears already forming.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this." Jamie whispered. Y/N nodded and took Jamie's face in her hands.

"Jamie, my beautiful, sweet boy. I love you more than anything. Just because I'll be miles and miles away, doesn't mean that this is going to change, okay?" Jamie nodded and gave Y/N the biggest hug he could.

"I'm gonna miss you babe." Jamie said and Y/N cried hard into his chest. When she pulled away, she made her way over to Gary and Tina, who had become her second set of parents, and hugged them tightly goodbye.

"Ready love?" Y/N's mother asked. She nodded and gave Jamie one last hug.

"Goodbye, Drysdales."

🏒

2018 - 16 years old

"Smile for the camera!" Y/N's mother said as she took a picture of Y/N in her dress for her winter formal. She didn't even want to go to the dance at her new school, but her parents said it would be fun. She threw on a fake smile to please her parents, but little did they know, she had plans to leave after 30 minutes. After 10 minutes of photos, Y/N's patience was running thin.

"Alright mom, I think you have enough." Y/N whined.

"No, no, just a few more because-" Before her mom could finish, the Y/L/N's doorbell rang.

"Oh, sorry, better get that!" Y/N rushed from the living room to the front door, hearing her parents' footsteps behind her. As Y/N grabbed for the handle and swung the door opened, she gasped and covered her mouth.

Standing before her, dressed in a suit with a purple tie to match her dress, and a corsage, was Jamie. Y/N's eyes started to water as she threw herself towards the boy.

"Jamie! How are you here?" She asked, putting his face in her hands. He laughed and grabbed one of her hands.

"I came to surprise you. Your parents told me you've been dreading going, so I thought you'd want to go if I was here." Both teens were beaming as they were seeing each other for the first time in a year.

"Alright, alright, let me take a few of you guys together before you leave." Y/N didn't argue this time knowing she would cherish these pictures forever.

15 minutes later Y/N and Jamie were getting the car ready to leave. Y/N's high school was about 30 minutes away, so the teens spent the majority of the ride catching up on the basics.

As Jamie drove to the school he kept a hand on Y/N's thigh as they sat comfortably in silence. She grabbed Jamie's hand and laced his fingers with hers.

"I missed you a lot. Thank you so much for coming." Y/N said reaching over to kiss Jamie's cheek. He blushed under her touch and put a smile on his face.

"Y/N I would do literally anything for you. This was the least I could do. Also, I kinda have a confession to make." Y/N looked over at Jamie with a confused look.

"What is it?"

"We're not going to the dance. I have a surprise for you." Y/N made another confused face.

"Jamie what're you talking about? My parents think I'm going to the formal."

"Yeah, but I set something up that'll be much more fun."

20 minutes later Jamie was pulling up to a secluded area of a park, where there was an ice rink with fairy lights all around and a projector with a screen set up. Y/N gasped when she got out of the car and walked towards the rink.

Meanwhile Jamie was getting a picnic basket out of the back of the car, along with blankets and pillows for a movie. He walked over and placed everything down on the ice.

"Jimmy, how did you have time for this? You did this all for me?" He nodded as Y/N kissed him for the first time tonight. "I love it. I love you, Jamie." He smiled at the girl's words.

"I love you, so much Y/N." The teens shared another kiss with each other, that soon turned heated quickly. Jamie's hands wandered up to Y/N's back as he started to unzip the back of her dress.

"Is this okay?" Jamie whispered before he did anything else. Y/N took a second to catch her breath before smiling and nodding.

"Who knows when we'll see each other again, Jim. I want all of you this time."

———

Hours later the teens were packing the car back up as they made their way back home.

"Shit, I left my corsage on the ice." Y/N cursed as Jamie laughed.

"Some kid is gonna find that and never know what happened." Jamie said with a loud laugh. Y/N blushed and out her head in her hands.

"Ugh, I cannot believe that we did that. On an ice rink? That is so Canada of us." Her comment had the pair both laughing as they neared Y/N's house. Jamie reached over and grabbed Y/N's hand, lacing their fingers together.

"I missed you lot. I've been waiting for this day for months." Y/N smiled as she leaned over to kiss Jamie.

"I love you so much, Jamie. Thank you for making this night so special." The teens pulled up to Y/N's driveway. The glow of the TV shined through the living room window, signifying Y/N's parents were still awake.

"You're not leaving tonight, are you?" Jamie shook his head.

"My flight's on Monday. This is the last time I'm going to be able to go out in awhile, even back home, so my parents said it was okay I stay a couple days." Y/N shot Jamie a confused look.

"What do you mean?" She asked. Jamie sighed before speaking.

"Uh, hockey." Y/N whipped her head around to fully look at Jamie. "I've been meeting with scouts and coaches, and I've made the decision to start training for Team Canada." Y/N jumped out of the car and ran around to the driver's side where she opened the door and attacked Jamie with a hug.

"JAMIE!" Y/N screamed, probably waking up a bunch of her neighbors. "This is so amazing, I am so proud of you." Y/N pulled away from the hug and gave Jamie a kiss. "I always knew you were a star Jamie Drysdale. Always." The two hugged again as Jamie couldn't help but blush.

"I love you, Y/N. You've always been my biggest supporter, even more then my parents. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you." Y/N smiled at her boy. Even after all this time, they both knew they were each other's number 1, and nothing would change that.

"Come on, let's go inside. I'm tired and cold." Y/N giggled, dragging Jamie out of the car and towards the house.

"Y/N? Jamie? That you?" Y/N's mother called when the teens walked in. She made her way to the front door where they were taking of their shoes. "Well you two look like you had a good time. How was the dance?" Y/N took the lead lying to her mom.

"Oh, mom, it was so fun. I'm so glad you guys made me go." She faked with a smile. She then hugged her mother before heading up the stairs. "We're really tired, so we're gonna head up to bed if that's alright." Y/N's mother nodded, telling the teens goodnight as she made her way back to the living room.

When Y/N and Jamie got to Y/N's bedroom, Jamie couldn't help but take note of how different her room was from her one back in Canada.

It was now a light grey instead of the purple walls with polka dots. Her bed had solid colored sheets instead of the floral ones she used to have. One thing they was the same, though, was her photo wall. All of the old pictures of the pair in Canada were still there, along with a few new ones from her newest friends.

Jamie couldn't help but notice a picture of Y/N in a team photo of what seemed to be a team of all girls. He made his way over to get a better look, and sure enough, Y/N was still playing hockey. He also took note of the big letter 'C' on her jersey.

"Y/N/N, you're still playing hockey?" Jamie asked as he turned towards the girl. Y/N nodded sheepishly.

"I planned on telling you, but you were excited to talk about you, and I just wanted to listen." Jamie smiled; that's who Y/N always was. Wanting to hear about others then talk about herself. Jamie pulled the girl into another hug as he told her how proud he was.

The couple then changed into some pajamas, Jamie having brought a few outfits for his short stay, and they got into bed to watch a movie.

As they got under the sheets Jamie noticed yet another thing in Y/N's room; a framed acceptance letter on her desk.

"Y/N, what's that?" Jamie asked as he pointed towards the letter. Y/N sighed again before answering.

"I'm actually graduating this year, Jim. A year early." She said looking up. "I'm going to University next fall."

"That's great, Y/N/N. God, you were always so much smarter then me, eh? I'm so proud." The teens then settled into the night as they watched Finding Nemo, their go-to movie. Y/N fell asleep way quicker than Jamie, who couldn't help but watch Y/N as she slept to try and soak it all in.

———

Monday morning Y/N drove Jamie to the airport for his flight home. They made the most of Jamie's visit with Y/N showing him all of her favorite spots.

Y/N knew that she had gotten better at hockey and was prepared to show Jamie her skills, but he also got better, and it was hard for Y/N to keep up. She smiled as she thought of them playing hockey together, wondering when they'd be able to do it again.

"What're you thinking about?" Jamie asked as they neared the airport. Y/N's eyes got watery as she recalled all of the memories they shared.

"Just wondering when this is gonna happen again. I mean, I'm going off to college in a year, you're going to be a hockey superstar-" Jamie cut Y/N off with a kiss before pulling her in for a hug.

"Y/N, do you know that we're best friends? We're never going to lose touch, babe, okay? And you're gonna be right next to me when I'm drafted, and that's a promise." Jamie held out his pinky, knowing that Y/N really held pinky swears true to her heart. They tied their fingers together and kissed their hands, really solidifying the promise.

🏒

2019 - 17 years old

The cold feeling of Winter in Boston spread goosebumps across Y/N's skin as she walked to Boston University’s hockey facilities.

Although she was no longer playing competitively, Y/N liked to keep up on her skills and went to practice from time to time. And at 6 p.m. on a Friday, she knew there wouldn't be anyone there.

In the past year since Y/N and Jamie had last seen each other, a lot has changed. Too much has changed.

Jamie broke his pinky promise of saying the pair would never lose touch. 2 months after the dance, Jamie fell basically fell off the face of the Earth. Y/N saw through various social media posts that he was now playing hockey for a really good travel team, but apparently he was now too good for Y/N.

Y/N thought it would change in the Spring because Jamie had promised to be at her graduation months earlier. The Drysdales ended up not being able to make it, but they did send a card. Y/N was excited to see what message Jamie would've wrote since he didn't make it, but when she opened the card, he hadn't even signed his own name.

Boston University was a chance for Y/N to completely change what she was doing. Christmas break had just ended, and she was feeling better than ever. Everything that had any ounce of Jamie in it was put in a plastic tote and shoved to the back of her closet; it was just the first step of moving on.

Y/N stepped into the facility and instantly felt how cold it was compared to outside. She set down all of her belongings before lacing up her skates, taping her stick, and heading out onto the ice.

After 15 minutes of warming up, Y/N started to practice some unrealistic trick shots. Her favorite that she made up included her skating backwards down the ice, and before reaching the net she would toss the puck in the air, do a spin, then hit it in.

She made the goal on her first try, and when she went to retrieve the puck she started to hear clapping from behind her. She whipped her head around to see a boy that was probably around her age, standing at the side of the rink. Y/N blushed and looked down, awkwardly laughing.

"That was a cool move!" The boy called out as he made his way into the ice in his own skates. He skated over to Y/N while holding out his hand.

"Trevor Zegras." The boy said. As she looked closer Y/N couldn't help but think he was really cute.

"Y/N Y/L/N. It's nice to meet you." She said as she took Trevor's hand and shook it.

The two teens got to know each other a little more as they skated together. Y/N learned that Trevor was a member of Boston University’s hockey team, and Trevor learned how Y/N played on hockey teams of all boys growing up. Before they knew it, it was 8 p.m. and the teens were growing hungry.

"I'm gonna grab some food, do you wanna come with?" Trevor asked Y/N as they walked out of the facility. Y/N agreed and they walked to Trevor's car. When they got in he handed over his phone for Y/N to choose music. The first song she put on was Back to December by Taylor Swift, which she thought Trevor wouldn't like, but he had quite the opposite reaction.

"Oh man, you like Taylor!? This is my jam!" Trevor turned the radio way up and they new pair of friends screamed the lyrics to the song.

Trevor was already starting to take a liking to Y/N, and vice versa.

"You know, in this short amount of time, I feel like we grew up together." Trevor said to Y/N as he parked in the Chipotle parking lot. Y/N giggled and agreed.

"Now over dinner is when we ask the serious questions." She joked. The pair ordered at the window with Trevor paying, although Y/N insisted they pay separate. Trevor was clearly a gentleman, and Y/N was thankful to have had made a brand new friend.

"Alright, let's spill the personal shit now." Trevor said, digging in. Y/N rolled her eyes.

"What would you like to know, Zegras? I'm an open book." Trevor asked the personal questions of the parents names and backgrounds, any siblings, but when he asked about friends where she was from and friends she had back home, she suddenly wished she'd put a cap on the amount of questions that could be asked. Trevor seemed to notice her silence.

"I'm sorry if I said-"

"No," Y/N cut off. "Really, it's okay. So, I'm actually from Canada. Toronto. That's where I grew up playing hockey on all boys teams because there weren't any all girls teams around." Y/N took a deep breath before continuing, suddenly feeling like her story was becoming this big cliche. "So I met my best friend when we moved into a new house when I was 2. We were neighbors and glued to the hip. He played hockey too, so we were always on the same team. We did literally everything together. Name anything and it was always us, never on our own. Our families got close too, so we soon started to vacation together. We moved to Boston unexpectedly when I was 15. Since leaving, I've seen him once. We stayed in contact until 2 months after he surprised me for my winter formal, and then it was like he fell off the face of the Earth." Y/N realized she was rambling and probably boring Trevor, but she looked up and saw him leaning in, soaking in every detail.

"Wow, I'm really sorry about that. This guy sounds like an absolute dick anyway." Y/N giggled but shook her head.

"I wish he was. It'd be so much easier if he was. But honestly, he's perfect. Kind, respectful, pretty. Gosh, so pretty." Trevor laughed at your description of Jamie.

"Does this pretty man have a name?"

"Jamie Drysdale. Look out for his name in a couple of years, because honestly, he'll probably be in the NHL."

———

Months later, Y/N was in the car with Trevor, his friend, Jack, and Jack's brother, Quinn.

Quinn was already drafted by the Canucks, but tonight, Jack and Trevor were going to get drafted. Jack was projected to be the number 1 overall pick to the Devils. Trevor's future was still undecided, but was projected to go in the first round.

"So Y/N," Jack started, turning to the girl in the front seat. "Truth or Dare."

"Oh, Hughesy." She said, using the Universal Hughes nickname. "I'm not adventurous. I'm going truth." The rest of the boys groaned, but Jack smirked, already having a question in mind.

"Okay, Y/N. Who'd you lose your virginity to." Y/N almost spit the drink out that she was taking a sip of.

"Jack!" Quinn exclaimed. "We already know the answer. Trevor!" Y/N's eyes widened.

"It was Trevor!?" Jack exclaimed. Y/N rapidly shook her head. "I thought they only hooked up a couple times!"

"It was way more than a couple." Trevor said. She punched his arm.

"WHAT!?" Quinn screamed. Y/N put her head in her hands.

"We were also dating, boneheads." Jack and Quinn screamed, yet again, seemingly not knowing about their relationship.

"Guys, it was months ago, only lasted a few months. Nothing that serious, we just realized we're better off as friends." Trevor said to calm the boys down. Y/N nodded, agreeing with what he said.

"Okay, but this still doesn't answer my question. Who'd you lose your virginity to." Jack said yet again. Y/N sighed before her answer.

"It was Sophomore year at my winter formal. On an ice rink. With someone who used to be my best friend, that I don't even talk to anymore." She said with a sarcastic smile. Trevor whipped his head around to look at Y/N.

"It was that fuck face? Are you serious?" Y/N rolled her eyes. Jack and Quinn shared a glance with each other.

"Should I even ask?" Jack chirped from the back. This prompted the long conversation of Y/N giving a rundown of her previous relationship with Jamie and how they were no longer friends.

The Hughes' were now on the same page as Trevor with how they felt about Jamie.

"Trust me guys, if you ever meet him, you'll probably love him."

"No," Jack cut in and the 4 of them were running into the draft because they were late. "I'm gonna kick his ass."

"Me too." Trevor and Quinn said. Y/N smiled to herself, loving that she now had a support group of the closest people in her life.

When they entered the doors they saw Trevor's mom, Julie, pacing back and forth. Her eyes widened when she saw them, an angry look in your face.

"You boys better have a really good excuse as to why you're so late!" She shouted as she started leading the four to their seats.

"Hey, Y/N isn't a boy, that's rude." Quinn said. The women rolled their eyes.

"We all know it's not Y/N's fault that you guys are late, okay?" Julie answered. Jack tapped her shoulder.

"Actually, Julie." He started. "It is her fault because the reason we were late is because we were learning a lot of new information about her."

"Yeah," Quinn started, speaking up. "Like the fact that she dated YOUR son! Did you even know that." Julie shot the boys a weird look.

"Uh, yeah. Was it not obvious?" The Hughes boys reddened before Quinn started talking again.

"Well did you know that, more than a couple times, they had se-"

"OKAY!" Trevor exclaimed, shutting Quinn up. "Thank you Quinn so so much, but it's your turn to be quiet." Y/N started to giggle at the outburst. Julie rolled her eyes, clearly knowing what he was about to say.

"Quinn, sweetie." Julie said as she placed a hand on his shoulder. "They're both in college and old enough to make their own decisions. Just because you somehow didn't know about their relationship doesn't mean his own mother didn't, okay? Okay. Now let's settle down and start to listen up." Everyone laughed at the way Julie was treating Quinn like a child, which only made Quinn more embarrassed.

The Zegras' went and took their seats, while Y/N sat with the Hughes' first, then would go sit with Trevor after Jack was, hopefully, taken with the first pick.

The NHL commissioner took the stage and announced the Devils were on the clock for their pick, and although he didn't say anything, Y/N just knew Jack got the call and that he was going to be drafted with the first overall pick.

A few minutes later, the pick was in, and Martin Brodeur, a former NHL player for the Devils, took the stage.

"With the first pick overall, the New Jersey Devils are proud to select, from the U.S. program, Jack Hughes." Jack threw a huge smile on his face as he got up to first hug his younger brother, Luke. Quinn was next, then his Grandma, parents, then Y/N.

"Jacky! I am so proud of you, bubs." Y/N said with a giggle. He rolled his eyes at the nickname and squeezed Y/N tight.

"I love you, Y/N. Thank you for being you, and being an amazing friend." The pair pulled away and Y/N gave Jack a kiss on the cheek as response.

"I'm gonna go find Trev, we're celebrating later though." Y/N said with a wink as she left the Hughes'.

She searched the aisles until she saw Trevor, looking as nervous as ever. When he saw Y/N he immediately left his seat to hug her.

"I'm so nervous, oh my god. I need you to sit with me." Y/N laughed seen as this was the first time she'd ever seen him acting like this.

"Trev that's why I'm here, don't worry. I'm here." They two took their seats as the draft went on. After a few more picks, Trevor's parents get up to go use the bathroom, leaving the teens in their seats.

Moments later Trevor's phone lights up with a call, and him and Y/N lock eyes as he answers.

"Hello?"

———

"With the 9th selection, Anaheim is proud to select, from the U.S.A. developmental program, Trevor Zegras." Trevor immediately stands, giving his parents, sister, and other friends a hug, before landing on Y/N. She was way closer with Trevor than she was with Jack, so when she heard his name get drafted she couldn't help but start to cry.

"I'm so proud of you, Zegras." Y/N said as she cried into his chest. He couldn't help but shed a few tears himself. She pulled away and took his face in her hands. "You are doing to do amazing things, Trev. I know it."

———

Meanwhile, back in Canada, Jamie was sat in his bedroom hanging out with a few of his friends and his new girlfriend, Alexis, while his parents were in the living room watching the draft.

Jamie knew he messed up with Y/N. He was alone and upset and tired from hockey. He knew hockey would always be his first love, but Y/N was the only love he truly cared about.

He tried to text and call many times, but he could never bring himself to hit "call" or "send." He figured she had blocked his number anyway, and he eventually gave up, just like he had done originally.

Alexis was the only girl Jamie had even thought about being with, and he swears it was partly because she looked like Y/N. She had similar Y/E/C eyes, the Y/H/C hair that sat perfectly on her shoulders. But Alexis wasn't Y/N, and she never would be. They hadn't even kissed yet after being together for 3 months because Jamie simply didn't want to.

About 20 minutes after the draft had started, Jamie called out to his parents.

"Did they call the first pick yet?" His parents waited a moment before answering.

"They're just about to if you wanna see!" Jamie and his friends went out to the living room just in time to see Jack get drafted. Jamie rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, figures. He's the best in the country right now." They went back to his room as quickly as they came out, when Jamie heard his parents start to talk amongst themselves a bit quieter.

"That wasn't her, was it?"

"Could it be?" Jamie shook their words away as he and his friends got back to what they were doing. His friend, Adam, however, was still in the living room when his parents were talking.

"Yo, Jamie." He started. "I think they just showed Y/N at the draft with that Hughes kid." Jamie's heart clenched at the mention of her name.

"What the fuck are you talking about, Adam?" Adam put his hands up defensively.

"Dude, ask your parents, they saw too." Jamie debated going back out there, but there was just no way it was her.

"Who's Y/N?" Alexis spoke up with a bitterness to her tone.

"She's no one, babe, don't worry about it." Jamie said putting an arm around her shoulders. The rest of his friends scoffed as Adam, who was really close with Y/N and Jamie, spoke up.

"C'mon, Jamie, you know she's not no one," Adam said before turning to Alexis. "Let's just say she's the reason Jamie doesn't kiss you." Jamie's hand came across so fast to hit Adam on top of the head.

"Dude what the fuck?"

"It's true, Jamie! Anyone can see that, okay? You're not the same kid you were when she-"

"ADAM!" Jamie yelled, finally breaking. "That's enough." Jamie stormed out of his room and went outside to the backyard where he could be alone.

He looked over at the house Y/N used to live in, and it brought tears to his eyes. Memories rushed his head of everything that he and Y/N went through, and how was able to surprise her after a year of not seeing each other, and then he ghosted her.

The back door opened and Jamie quickly wiped his eyes as he saw his mom at the door.

"You okay, Jam?" She asked from the door. He shook his head no.

"I messed up bad, Mom." He answered as he broke down yet again. Jamie rushed to his mom's arms and she held him as he cried. He told his mom everything that had happened since he last saw Y/N, and how he'd been a massive douche. She talked to him to calm him down, and when he was okay again they both went back into the living room to watch the draft.

"Did everyone leave?" Jamie asked and his parents nodded. He rolled his eyes.

"I was a dick to Adam. I need to text him." As Jamie was about to get up, he saw that Trevor Zegras was just drafted, but he stopped in his tracks when he saw on the TV what everyone else was talking about.

Y/N.

There she was, in the flesh. He watched her as she cried for Trevor, and he cried back, and she held his face in her hands. It was really her. And she looked great.

Jamie's parents looked up at him as he fought back tears. He rushed away to his room and pulled out the box from his closet that held every memory of Y/N in it. Her clothes, her hand written notes to him, pictures, everything. He couldn't help himself but to pull out his phone and open Y/N's contact. After many typed out messages, he finally settled on one he was happy about.

Y/N ❤️

Hey Y/N, it's Jamie.

I saw you on TV at the draft,

and I realized just how much

I miss you, and how badly I

know I messed up. And if

there is any way that you

would give me a call or a

text back, that'd really be great.

8:04 p.m.

Not even 2 minutes later, Jamie heard his phone ding. His heart started to race and he could feel his cheeks heat up, but as he picked up his phone and looked at the message, his heart shattered again.

Y/N ❤️

I'm really sorry, but this isn't Y/N!

8:05

🏒

2020 - 18 years old

Trevor, Jack, Quinn and Y/N loaded their luggage in the Uber as they made their way towards Y/N's house in Toronto.

Covid had rocked the world, and now it was summertime where the boys had a little time off, and Y/N wanted to show them around her hometown. Her parents had moved back to her childhood home once she started college, which is where they'd be staying.

The ride was silent for the most part, partly because everyone was really tired from the plane ride. The draft was tomorrow, too, which was perfect and gave everyone a chance to be able to watch their teams' new picks

Jack had made his debut the same year he got drafted, and Trevor was yet to see his time on NHL ice. Y/N was excited to bring them down to the synthetic ice rink her parents had just built for her.

After the 45 minute ride, Y/N and the boys were pulling up on her childhood home. Jack was the first one to gawk at it.

"Y/N what the fuck? This place is huge." He shouted as he pulled his bags out of the car. Y/N laughed and rolled her eyes.

"And we're gonna pretend yours didn't look exactly like this?" She joked. The rest of the boys got their stuff as Y/N saw her mom open the front door.

"Mommy!" She yelled as she ran up the walkway. She gave her mom the biggest hug that she could. "I missed you so much, Mom." Y/N revealed.

"I missed you, sweetheart." She responded. "Now introduce me to these cute boys." Y/N blushed and rolled her eyes as the boys made their way to the door.

"Mother," she started. "This is Trevor, my best friend-"

"And also ex!" Jack threw in. Y/N glared at him.

"Uh-huh, that too. And he plays in the Ducks organization." She said annoyed. "And this is Quinn, who plays for the Canucks." And then she stopped when she got to Jack. "And this is Quinn's younger brother who's a bitch-"

"Language!" Y/N's mom scolded.

"Sorry," she mumbled. "And he plays for the Devils."

"Yeah, Jack right? First overall pick?" Her mom asked. Jack smiled smugly, which only bothered Y/N more.

"That's right Mrs. Y/L/N. And I must say, you have a gorgeous home." Trevor and Quinn gave Jack a smack on the back of the head.

"Ass kiss." Y/N mumbled making her way in the house. She quickly found her Dad and made sure to give him a hug too, but what she wasn't expecting was to see the Gary and Tina Drysdale sitting at the bar. Y/N didn't even know if they lived next door anymore, let alone if they would even want to see her, or know anything that went on between her and Jamie.

"Y/N? Oh my goodness, sweetheart, look how old you look!" Tina gushed as she sprang up and gave Y/N a big hug. It almost brought tears to Y/N's eyes as she remembered all of the things she went through in her childhood with them.

"Tina," she finally breathed out. "Hey." The boys stood back, unsure of what to do. When Y/N remembered they were there, she stepped back and introduced them.

"Trevor, Jack, Quinn, this is Tina, our neighbor since I was little." They each have Tina a hug as she told them how she knew who they were already.

"Jack, my son is such a fan of yours! Oh, he'd kill me if I said that." Jack, of course being Jack, loves to talk about himself, and carried in the conversation.

"Oh that's awesome! I'd love to meet the little guy." Y/N cringed as he clearly didn't put together who her son could be. Tina laughed at what he said.

"Well, he is only 5'10"," she joked. "But he's actually 18. He plays hockey too. Maybe you've heard of him? Jamie Drysdale?" When Tina spoke the name the guys immediately remembered who Jamie was, and they tried as hard as they could to play it off like they didn't know what he had done to Y/N.

"Oh, oh wow, that's, uh, wow." Jack stuttered out.

"What he means," Trevor cut in. "Is that we've heard about Jamie through Y/N, actually." They all agreed as Tina put a sad smile on her face.

"And let me guess, you guys hate him for what he did to her, right?" Everyone stood frozen as they didn't know how to respond. "Trust me guys, I know, and I've chirped his ass for it since he told me about it at last year's draft." Y/N made a confused face.

"The draft? What do you mean?" Tina made a similar face.

"You were shown on TV with the boys. Jamie had a few friends here, his then girlfriend, then he saw you, broke down, and the rest is history." She explained vaguely. Y/N had many more questions, but she couldn't ask them around the boys because she knew she'd break down soon.

"Boys," Y/N's father said speaking up. "Let me help you with your bags, then we can have Y/N show you the rink, eh?" The boys agreed and made their way upstairs while Y/N stayed downstairs with her mom and the Drysdales.

"Jamie's projected to go round 1 tomorrow, Y/N. I know you guys aren't okay, but I know you guys are both still proud of each other's accomplishments." Y/N gasped when she had said that, her eyes started to water.

She was exactly right: she was so proud of Jamie. No matter what they had been through, she would always be proud of him for chasing his dream.

"Thanks for letting me know, Tina." She said with a sad smile. "You're right, I am proud." She sniffled and wiped her eyes.

"Would you wanna see him?" Y/N pondered the question. She wanted to shout yes, that she couldn't wait to see him. But that wasn't an option anymore.

Y/N suddenly remembered a pinky promise they had made: Jamie promised they would never lose touch, and Y/N promised to be with him at the draft. Jamie may break his promises, but Y/N sure as hell didn't.

"Not right now to be completely honest." Y/N said. "There's a lot of shit that needs to be sorted."

———

Because of covid, the NHL wasn't able to invited players to be at the draft in person. The Drysdales were having a small get together with Jamie's close family, and of course the boys and her family was invited. The boys agreed that they would go and try not to cause any trouble, but Y/N couldn't bring herself to go over. She instead stayed at her house and watched the draft in her living room by herself.

She wasn't paying too much attention to the start of the draft, but when she heard the Ducks were on the clock, she immediately started to pay attention. After a few minutes, the pick was in as she saw a man take the stage and start to speak. She was curious who Trevor's new teammate would be, but she had the shock of her life when she heard Jamie's name get called as the 6th overall pick.

Y/N's hand flew to her mouth for many reasons. One that he went top 10 in the draft, and the other because he would now be teammates with Trevor. She sat in her couch as she saw video feed of Jamie's house and everyone celebrating with him. It did break her heart a little bit that she wasn't there, and that they weren't best friends anymore. They then showed Jamie talking directly to a reporter about how he felt.

Y/N couldn't help but smile seeing his smile and freckles, and how there was nothing that had really changed about the boy.

Y/N waited to watch what Jamie said before got up and went to the bathroom to wipe her eyes, when she heard her phone ding. She picked it up to see a text from her mom.

Mom❤️

Jamie went to his room

crying. It's now or never

7:45 p.m

Y/N looked at the message and sighed. She knew they needed to talk to each other, and Jamie might break his pinky promises, but Y/N never did.

She locked up the house before walking next door to the Drysdales and welcoming herself in. Everyone turned their heads to look at her, some with a small smile knowing why she was over.

"He's upstairs." Jamie's mom said, and with that, Y/N made her way up the stairs to the all familiar bedroom. She was shocked to see that the outside of Jamie's door had a singular picture on it: a selfie the two of them had taken when he was surprised Y/N for her formal.

That was one of her favorite memories of her and Jamie. He made the night magical for her, and she wished they could just go right back.

Y/N took a deep breath before knocking on the door twice. She heard sniffles from beyond the door, and she knew Jamie was crying.

"Please go away." She heard him say from the other side.

"Jim." Y/N spoke. "It's me." Y/N swore both of the teens stopped breathing when she spoke up. Jamie hadn't heard her voice in a couple of years now, and when he did, he couldn't help but shed some extra tears. He knew he messed up bad. But all he wanted in this moment was his best friend.

Moments later the handle started to move as Y/N saw Jamie open the door. His eyes were puffy and red, and his hair was a bit disheveled, but Jamie still looked perfect to her.

"Can I come in?" She asked quietly. He moved to the side and allowed her to walk in. Y/N took in his bedroom and how it had barely changed. She smiled softly as she saw that he had kept most of the things that she had given him.

"Y/N, I don't even know where to begin-" Jamie was cut off as Y/N threw herself into his arms and hugged the boy. He didn't hesitate in hugging her back, and the two teens just sobbed in each other's arms.

"I'm so proud of you, Jamie. I don't even care what's happened, I just need you to know that I love you, and miss you, and I'm so, so proud." Y/N said between sobs. It caused Jamie to cry harder.

"Y/N, I'm so fucking sorry. I love you so much and I'm sorry I ruined everything between us." Jamie choked out. They held on to each other, afraid to make a sound or a move. When both of their crying died down, Y/N pulled away to hold Jamie's face in her hands.

"Jamie, it's okay. I forgive you." Jamie shook his head with tears still running down his face. He out his hands over Y/N's before speaking.

"Don't say that." He whispered. "How can you? I messed up everything we had."

"But we're best friends." She butt in. "Did you make a mistake? Yeah. But I didn't do anything about it either." Jamie sighed at her words.

"Yeah you did. You moved on." Y/N shook her head once again.

"I found new friends, yeah. But I didn't replace you. Because you, Jamie Drysdale, have such a fucking hold on me that I can't stand it. I love you so much, and I want to be your best friend again." It went silent for a moment as either teen didn't know what else to say.

"Are you sure things can be the same way they were." Y/N shook her head.

"No." She responded truthfully. "Things are going to be so much better. I already planned on moving to Anaheim, so now I'll get to be with the boy I love most and watch him play hockey." Jamie smiled. "And now you'll be there too." She finished as Jamie realized she was joking about Trevor. They both let out a loud laugh and embraced again.

"I love you, Jim." Y/N said as she leaned up to kiss his cheek.

"I love you, Y/N." He said as he closed the gap and gave Y/N a real kiss.

"Remind me I should thank the boys for being there when I wasn't." Jamie said after a moment.

"You're welcome!" They heard from outside the door. Then there was arguing from beyond the door, and when Y/N opened it, she saw Trevor, Jack and Quinn all leaning on the door listening to their conversation.

"Look what you did, Jack!" Quinn exclaimed. "You gave us away!"

"It was an accident!" Jack said back. "And you didn't have to hit me!" Trevor started to laugh at them, and Jamie soon joined in. All the teens eventually joined in, laughing at the childish antics.

"We all good?" Y/N asked as she looked from boy to boy. They all looked back and forth from each other before Trevor stuck his hand out towards Jamie.

"Congrats on getting drafted, man. I'm excited to have you be a part of the team." Jamie gave Trevor a genuine smile as he grabbed his hand, but when he did, Trevor pulled him in close. "If you ever, and I mean ever, pull any kind of shit on Y/N, there will be consequences, got it?" Y/N rolled her eyes.

"That's an empty threat. He's a tough guy on the ice, but nowhere else." Trevor acted really offended at the girl's words as he turned around and stomped down the stairs. Everyone laughed at his antics before they made their way downstairs to join the rest of the party.

Y/N and Jamie could tell everyone was relieved that they had made up, and the way that they were able to go back to each other after all this time proved that they were made for each other.

#nhl hockey #jamie drysdale #jamie drysdale imagine #jamie drysdale x reader #hockey #hockey imagine #trevor zegras

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blonde-tori-spring555 · 7 months

Text

as promised, here is one of my tori spring stories

(please tell me what u think, because idek if i like it)

“Charlie, I'm going to the shops soon. Do you need anything?” I yelled from the top of the stairs, “Tori, I know you're going on a date with Michael” Charlie replied from the living room, so calmly it confused me if it was actually a date. It isn't a date. I look at myself in the mirror in my room one last time, it feels strange, I feel…put together. What i mean is i spent at least 30 minutes trying to figure out what to wear, from what i've heard, what i've ‘been through’ to figure out what to wear, is ‘perfectly normal’, first i layed out around four options on what to wear, and when I couldn't decide I asked Charlie, which he responded with “where are you even going” and “i don’t know, why does it matter” so I kicked him out and took all my clothes out in panic, and threw them around the room, then I sat on my floor and cried, then told myself I was being an idiot, did my makeup, and put on some jeans, a white shirt, a black hoodie (which actually fitted me instead of being oversized and/or one of Michael) and some white converse, that I stole off Charlie a couple years ago, to be honest I look the same, but whatever.

I took the bus to the ice skating place Michael went to, he said we could skate together after he's done training, I'm not sure why I said yes, I don't even know how to skate, I haven't since I was a kid. This isn't a date.

I walk inside, he's still training, so I sit in the stands and wait. If this isn't a date, then why am I so nervous? Maybe this is a date, maybe Michael intends it to be a date. Shit this is a date isn't it, no surely not, Michael isn’t my boyfriend, he isn't, so this surely isn't a date.

“Tori!'' I look up and snap out of my thoughts, Michael smiling widely and waving at me from the rink, I smile back, “is that a smile I see Victoria '' he gasps dramatically, I roll my eyes and try not to laugh. I'm blushing. I walk down the stairs and meet with him, and he gleams at me and smiles largely making him look almost insane and cute at the same time, “what?” I ask, “nothing, nothing, you just-” he looks me up and down, not in a sexual way but in a way almost to fully look at me, if that makes sense, “oh my god u looks so cute!” he says in the loudly excitable way, like a child getting a new toy, he quickly takes off his skates and runs up to me and hugs me, almost lifting me off the ground, its probably because of our height difference, he’s alot taller, “i look the same” I reply bluntly, still being held, “yeah, but your… ughhhhh, your so fucking pretty” he nuzzles his face into my neck, gives it a quick kiss, then quickly walks away as if regretting, he opens his mouth to say something, probably to say sorry, but I quickly beat him to it by saying “so we gonna skate now or…?” he looks at me, closes his mouth, half forces a smile “yeah sure” he goes and grabs me some skates, hands them to me and sits down to put his own on, I sit next to him, “just so you know imma be shit at this” he looks and me and laughs softly “I thought so, that's why i’m here to help” I roll my eyes and laugh, he smirks back.

We’re now on the ice, well michael is, i’m standing at the entrance scared to death, “if I die this is all your fault” I glare at him “i’m sure you wont die” he laughs, “i’m fucking serious” I try not to laugh, he holds my hands as I walk onto the ice, to my surprise I dont immediately fall. I force him to hold onto me as we skate, or well he drags me. We laugh and smile and talk and fall, eventually we finish, and we're sore and tired and loki kinda wet, but it was fun. It's still not a date though.

“Are you just going home now or?” he looks at me, he seems understanding, “yeah probably, I told my parents I would be home soon so” i say not looking at him “ok” he nods understandingly “I don't ever really do though” I say still not looking at him, “what?” he asks confused, I realise im not making sense “sorry…ummm, if you don't want me to go now we can just hang around for a bit longer” he looks at me and smiles “if you want” I nod back, i’m blushing, i'm not sure why, he doesn't ask if my parents will be mad, he knows i don't care, anymore at least.

We just sorta sit and talk for a while, after a bit we fall into silence, it's a comfortable silence, it's never really awkward around him, after a minute or so I break it, “don’t you think it's strange that everyone thinks we're dating, just because they saw us kiss once” I look at him, he looks back “their just hopeless romantics'' he replies, “your starting to sound like me” I joke, he laughs back, “that kiss…” I say, we’ve talked about it before, we’ve decided it was a heat of the moment sorta thing, we’ve kissed a few times since. not in that way. He looks at me, for context when I bring it up its the only way my fucking autistic brain can ask for a kiss, he leans in and says “no ones here and no one cares” I put my hands on his face and kiss him, its a normal kiss, not a gross one were u taste eachothers mouths, its just normal, it doesnt last long, but it's long enough.

We part and he rests his forehead on mine, he's looking at me, I keep my eyes closed. I hate eye contact, it makes me wanna die. I finally open my eyes to look at his blue and green ones, he still hasn’t put his glasses back on, his blue eye isn't as bright as my blue eyes, he even jokes that when he doesn't have his glasses on, it's the main thing he can see on my face. For context he's like nearly blind in his blue eye and his eyesight is shit in general. He kisses my forehead. We stayed like that for a bit.

He walks me home, I chose not to take the bus, everytime i’m on one that isn't for school there is usually a random old man eyeing me. I hate men. We get to my house, I don't invite him in, I already know my mum is pissed at me, I'm an hour and 23 minutes late to what time I said I should be home, Michael doesn't need to see her yell, he’ll probably think she's crazy or some shit. I give him a kiss goodbye and walk into my house.

“Your late Victoria” I hear my mum say from the kitchen, she's not even looking at me, Charlie and Ollie both turn and look at me, their playing mario kart, Charlie nods at me then unpaused the game and they both continue to play, “so what were you and michael doing to make you an hour and a half late” my mum raises her eyebrow, my dads head shoots up, oh i'm in for a lovely talk, “victoria this is just unacceptable, the least you could do is call me and say that your going to be late, but here we are, worried sick” my mum guilt trips “yeah but even calling wouldn't of been enough would it” I say, it wasn’t aggressive just pointing out the obvious, “loose that tone” my mum snaps, “what tone” i scoff, “tori, me and your mum think it's inappropriate for you to be hanging out with a boy and coming home exceedingly late and in clothes that are very obviously his” my dad says trying to calm the situation, and for fucks sake that ain't happening, “first of all michael isn’t my boyfriend, second of all your talking about him like he’s in his 30s, and third of all why do you both even think im late” i sorta shout, but its still quiet so Charlie and Ollie can’t hear, “tori your too young to be having…hanky panky” my dad says, oh im in for a treat, in my head i plan to say something like ‘he’s not my boyfriend’ or ‘stop saying hanky panky’ but it comes out more like…”OH YOUR ONE TO FUCKING TALK!” don’t regret it though, if you don't know my parents had me barely a 2 years after they met and got together, my mum finished her english lit course only 2 months before I was born, she had to drop out of a lot but her parents were happy she at least finished the minimum, anyway she had me and my dad was still studying in uni so we went and lived in cambridge where my dad studied, when i was 4 months old my mum got pregnant again, with charlie, he was born like a month early, but so was i, we were both pretty much fine, my dad never wanted to rush into marriage, my mum didn't mind, but i think when you get your girlfriend pregnant twice it's kinda the deal. Ok sorry that just sounds weird. My parents got married when I was 3 and Charlie was 2. My dad looks at me, clearly unsure what to say, my mum is clearly trying not to say something she's gonna regret later, so i just walk away.

I’m not really sure how long it had been since that ‘argument’ but after a bit charlie knocked on my door, i let him in and we cuddled in my bed for a bit, “i heard what you said” he eventually says “did ollie?” i reply, “no, i don't think so” he responds, i nod, “the funny thing is your right” he chuckles, i laugh softly back, “its weird how people look at us and don't realise” i say, “i know right like i was casually talking about it to Sarah and she was in pure shock!” Charlie laughs, Sarah is Nick's mum, she's nice, i like her. We just laugh for a bit and at some point Charlie falls asleep in my arms and I start to drift off too. to be honest it's the best sleep I've had in a long time.

I don't really remember my childhood, it was normal i guess, the funny thing is that majority of the memories i have include charlie, which yeah like he’s my brother, but what i mean is their special, like my main happy memories, charlie and i have been through everything together, like when i got my first period when i was 9 my mum was at some baby appointment since she had just had ollie and i thought i was dying so for some reason instead of going to my dad i went to my little brother, obviously he didn't know what was happening to me so he just held me and cuddled me as i cried, my dad eventually found us and comforted me until my mum came home, and when he came out to us, he had blurted it out one dinner when he was 13 and run to his room before anyone could react, i ran after him and held him and talked to him and told him how proud i was and how much i loved him, and when i was like 6 i decided i wanted to run away, i don't remember why i just did, and my 5 year old little brother asked if he could come with me and so i said yes and we attempted to camp out on our trampoline we had growing up (our grandparents gave it to us or something) and eventually we got to cold and went inside and my parents said we could all stay up and watch a movie but im pretty sure we fell asleep in like 15 minutes. To be honest the list goes on and on, and now that I think about it I realise why people think we’re twins. I know it's total bullshit, but you know what I mean, like for a good 3 or 4 years growing up we were the same height. The thing is charlie will always be mine, he was mine first and biologically we will always be together, i would do anything for him, i would for either of my brothers, i would kill for them no questions asked, i would die for them, i would lie for them and i will always protect them. My parents used to always say that was my job as the older sibling, and it's funny because it’s true, but I could choose not to, but I want to, it's a habit, it's a need. For a long time i always thought i only felt that way about my brothers, that was until michael came into my life and nick really became part of our family, i mean it will always be a different kind of love, but i would still do anything for them. No questions asked.

I eventually actually fall asleep holding Charlie, as if it's a habit, I wake up at what has to be a decent hour for someone who has slept in, (it was around 10:30) I wake up still holding Charlie and ollie curled next to me like a kitten, they're both still asleep, but clearly about to wake up, I just lie there for a while longer, savoring it like it's the last time it will be this way, even if it probably isn't. The boys wake up around 5 minutes after I do. Nick and Michael come over, and we just sit and watch movies all day, and play Mario kart, and laugh until our stomachs hurt. I could get used to this, I love these boys, all in different ways, but yet the same, listen I am aware I probably sound like I'm reminiscing on my deathbed right now, but when you have lived a shit life like me and have seen things a person should never have to see, whether a child or a teenager, or even an adult, you treasure moments like this, my parents are still home, their just doing their own thing, them seem happy, they definitely talked about what I had said, I don't care, if they wanted to punish me they would’ve by now.

Right now high school musical is playing due to Nick and Michael learning ollie has never watched it and they apparently must educate him and their dancing and singing around the room together and me and charlie are sitting on the couch admiring it all. I kiss his cheek and he smiles at me. I love my boys.

But Nick should probably stop encouraging ollie to dance on the coffee table before someone gets told off or hurt.

(Please tell me what u think, I also might change it slightly since it does include things that barley make sense, but I hope u enjoyed x)

#tori spring #alice oseman #heartstopper #osemanverse #solitaire #writing #fanfic #micheal holden #charlie spring #oliver spring #nick nelson #sprolden #narlie #janio #jane spring #julio spring

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keyofjetwolf · 4 months

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So I ran the 5k this weekend.

By which I mean I walked the 5k.

This was my first "race". I signed up in January-ish, as a way to help motivate me to get my shit together, healthy-speaking. It didn't work. Or, rather, I didn't work.

I've fallen way off my path toward some modicum of health and fitness. I missed some major goals and was furious with and disgusted in myself. Rather than use that as a stick to encourage me forward however, I beat myself into the ground with it. HI HELLO WELCOME TO OUR SAME OLD TIRED BULLSHIT THIS IS ALWAYS SO HELPFUL TO US. But I varied it up! Since I no longer really have the luxury of being a perpetual sad sack, dragging my failures up on stage to consistently, cruelly, delightfully abuse myself with and about, I shoved it all into a box in the corner and ignored it. Problem solved!

Except of course that included focusing on, you know, SOLUTIONS. Ignoring a thing literally never solved the thing, and I knew that, and kept resurfacing and poking and needling, but I am like Olympic-level procrastination sometimes, and kept punting it down the road. "That's a problem for Future Jet Wolf, and I hate that cunt, fuck her!" is a joke I make often and laugh at always, but of course eventually Future Jet Wolf becomes Now Jet Wolf and there's no more road, just a big ol' ball of problems kicked right smack in the middle of my confused, startled gob. What?? Who could have possibly foreseen??!

So it was when the 5k arrived. I didn't want to do it. In the days leading up, my brain -- cunning hateful bitch she can be -- started whispering all the extremely logical and justifiable reasons excuses to not. "Yeah," I agreed, "but we gotta."

The whisper reached full on panicked crescendo yesterday morning. I don't know if it was self-sabotage, or just the universe having its usual fun, but everything went wrong. I couldn't find my shirt and shorts, buried somewhere in the piles of clean clothes I have yet to put away (another club wielded with great effectiveness before the day was out). By the time I dug up replacements, I was late in the shower, thus late out the door. I grabbed my watch and my headphones, but despite never having difficulty before, could get neither to work. I drove the wrong way and twisted myself around getting to the park where the race was to start. When I finally arrived, I couldn't tell where we were to gather. There were participants everywhere, walking about, but no central gathering that I could see. Signs were posted, but sporadically, and to my eyes, random and contradictory. The race was moments from starting.

I want to say I brushed all this aside without effort, that I bravely and confidently pressed onward and sorted things out. I want to say that. What actually happened is I found a quiet and -- jesus wept, I hope it was -- hidden spot and cried for a minute. Maybe two. Reasons Excuses formed on my lips and they tasted sweet. Hell, if I spun this right, it would be HILARIOUS. Another "Oh, that Theodore Nickels!" story. We would tell it around the Shabbat table and have a grand laugh.

I've not yet found my way to any point of pride in this overlong and deeply unflattering tale, but if I get there, it's likely in this moment, where I wiped my face on my shirt, pushed away from the wall, and resumed my search for the starting line.

Then I was there. The race was to begin at 9:45, not 9:30 like I thought, so I had a solid ten minutes. Got my watch rebooted. Found the headphone manual online and successfully powered it up. When the race began, I took one step forward, then another. 51 minutes later, I crossed the finish line. I had completed my first race.

I was deeply, violently disappointed in myself. The vitriol began immediately. What a pathetic effort. Humiliating. Barely a fraction of what what Doc and Mike accomplished, and done excruciatingly poorly at that. Shameful, laughable, grotesque, thesaurus.com etc etc blah blah blah. On and on, all goddamn day, until I found it as boring as I did upsetting.

PLUS SIDE: the more it goes on, the easier it gets to ignore a constant hateful drone.

LEGIT HILARIOUS ATTEMPT AT BONUS POINTS: my brain seized my lack of creativity in ongoing self-abuse and added that to the evidence list of my suckage BABYGIRL I CANNOT TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY RIGHT NOW ARE YOU FOR FUCKING REAL

Right, then, so what the fuck? If it were literally anybody but myself, I'd be cheering them on. YOU DID THE THING. Doing the thing is objectively more accomplished than NOT doing the thing. What did I realistically expect? That I'd take top prize in the first race I'd ever done with a preparation level I'd managed to sink into the negative? And would that have even mattered? What result would have appeased? What achievement would translate to victory?

24 hours later, I still don't really have answers. It might be pent up derision at myself for that previous goal-failure and backslide which I'm now directly confronting instead of ignoring. It might be some weird twisted preservation thing of the "you can't fail if you don't try" flavour of bullshittery. It might be the desperation of a destructive streak unwilling to allow improvement without a vicious bloody battle. All of this? At the very least, I think, some.

I forget, sometimes, more times than I'd like, that the meds don't fix everything, they simply keep the shit I can't control at bay so I can focus on the work. Work's still gotta be done, kiddo. That's on you.

Last night, I registered for my next 5k.

I'll definitely remember how to turn on my headphones. One improvement, NAILED. Not sure what #2 will be, but I've got three weeks. Time for work.

#life with jet wolf

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tallymonster · 6 months

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Memories of Us Chapter 17

Masterlist || AO3

Hey another Election Day Tuesday and that means I have a lot of time to kill! So a new update is the result lmao!

As always, thanks to @cheesy-cryptid for blessing me with permission to use her art as inspiration.

Thanks also goes to @micropoe10 and @tragedybunny for being my besties and betas and everything else for me. I love you both. Extra special thanks to @leomonae for encouraging me to try first person pov lol I DID IT MONA. BE PROUD OF ME.

Warnings for this chapter are as follows: mentions of death, violence, and grief.

This part of the city was peaceful at night, it was one of the things Astarion loved most. The walk back from Octavia’s house wasn't too bad, she lives about a 30 minute stroll from the main city. Pretty convenient, all things considered.

He walks down a hidden path that leads straight from her little cottage to the main road. He could've taken one of the other connecting streets to her house, but there was a somewhat romantic feeling to the solitude of being surrounded by the trees and wind.

Astarion steps towards the gates of the museum, no one should be here by now. Pushing the gate open, he makes his way down the paved walkway. The warmth of the sun still radiates from the ground. He turns and makes a detour down to the gardens.

The stretch of gravel to the lush greens is long, a tall figure peeks out from behind the rows of flowering shrubs Astarion surrounded her in. Tav’s arms stretched out to greet those who visited.

My treasured flower.

Astarion walks towards her, plucking a few buds from the walls of vines that wrap around each other. He looks up at her and sits at the bench at the base of her statue. Her gaze permanently locked in the adoring way she used to give him when he would fall at his knees and worship the ground she walked on.

I regret each choice that took me from you. My fears always let me make the worst decisions.

He stares up at her beautifully carved stone face, knowing it can't react to the words he says to her. “Hello, beautiful.” Astarion places the small bundle of flowers at her feet, a small token of everlasting devotion.

Staying at Octavia’s house felt strange. It's been a long time since he’s tried to do anything like that. After he left Tav, it felt wrong. No one was like her. The few he tried were pretty to look at, sure. With the right words, he could get close to anyone, but not the same way.

Astarion feels a small flutter of anxiety in his gut, something that he keeps trying to push away. This feeling of longing growing for someone else. The same feelings of excitement he felt when Octavia let him bite down and drink from her veins.

“I can't stop myself from thinking I've betrayed you by letting myself partake from another. I keep seeing you when I look at her. The same eyes, so soft, adoring, and curious. I hear you in her laugh, her words of comfort, and her cries of ecstasy. Her touch is sensual and familiar, so intimate in ways I've longed for. I even saw you when I finally gave myself away to the urge after I fed on her sweet blood.”

Astarion lays with his back flat on the stone bench. The stars shining as bright as that night he led Tav to the graveyard and lived his first night truly free. He closes his eyes and sinks into the warmth of the stone. If he tried hard enough, he could almost replace the breeze with Tav’s fingers running through his hair. He sighs and begins to speak.

“If you only knew how much I wanted to turn back and take you with me. I couldn't forgive myself for leaving you, but with all those feral spawn, I couldn't take the chance that you would be in danger. The thought of you being safe somewhere else with anyone else was better to me than having you by my side.”

He pauses, opens his eyes, and plays with his sleeve. “I couldn't take the chance for you to have a family away from you knowing that I couldn't give you the children you wanted. There were too many things that I knew you wanted and deserved.”

Astarion lets his mind wander. He stares at Tav’s face. “I guess now is a good time to explain myself. There's things I need to apologize for, and some things I need to tell you.” His voice quivers slightly as he trails off. The memories of the last century and a half without her flash periodically through his mind. He usually pushes them away, but tonight he lets them wash over him.

—-------------

The journey to the Underdark was lonesome and tiring, always having to lurk in the shadows. How many people would recognize me without her? How many would take their chances at killing me? I had to stay shrouded once more, sometimes I would get lucky and cross paths with someone needing a favor or two.

I’m not sure how many times I had to kill a shady merchant, an abusive husband, or slaver just to have a place to stay during the light of day. It seemed like one of the Gods finally came to watch over me during this long trek. It was always about killing the right people.

It took three months for me to finally make my way down to the Underdark. Considering, people weren't too open with any information on what had happened to the 7006 vampire spawn that we had freed. I had heard rumors of a mass casualty event, but without more information, it would be difficult to fully understand what they meant.

Eventually, I found a familiar face in the Myconid colony. I ran into my sister Dalyria as she was buying some potion ingredients from a traveling merchant.

I still remember the wide eyed stare Dal had on her face, her gasp of surprise as she dropped the potion bottle in her hands. Her sobs of happiness when she held me tightly in a grateful embrace.

The words that followed after she pulled away would haunt me forever.

“I thought you died with the rest of them.”

I was taken back, the rumors were indeed true. “How many?” I asked, anxiously awaiting Dal’s answer. She hesitates in answering, “We lost more than half our people that day. Mostly the Gur children, the starved, the weak, the ones who most likely wanted to die.”

We talked more once she finished. She led us down to the outpost she and Leon had settled in. I listened as Dal spoke quietly.

“We got caught in a solar eclipse. It was a total disaster. Youssen promised that he calculated everything correctly, but he didn't. I knew it would've been dangerous. I warned them, but he and Petras kept fighting with Leon and I. They were so desperate to get here and live freely that they turned the rest of the family against us.”

Dal sniffled and continued, “Everything happened so fast. They promised they had it down to the minute, but it seems that even with precise instructions, you can't account for arrogance.”

“Arrogance?” I asked, looking at our surroundings. Cave systems that twisted and snaked together to form a hidden stronghold. After a couple of miles or so, we were finally there.The broken and dilapidated temple where they had settled.

It looked strangely reminiscent of one that our group had visited once. I pushed the thought away as Dal led me through it. I noticed the number of spawn that resided there, a stark difference between the amount I helped free back in the bowels of Cazador’s manor.

Dal scoffed, “One can never account for those who are desperate to prove their point. No matter the cost to those around them. Like I said before, Petras and Youssen turned everyone against us. Violet and Aurelia followed soon after they explained their reasoning. It was hard to argue two against four after that.

They wanted to get here as soon as we could. So when they heard of the eclipse they figured it would save us around half a day. Leon and I couldn't argue with that kind of time, so the most skilled of us went first.”

“Where is Leon?” I interjected.

Dal’s eyes locked behind my shoulder, I turned and saw a staircase leading up to the next floor. “He goes up there alone frequently. After we were released,we explored the manor for a while. Gathering clothes and some other things for the journey. He saw Victoria. He..” she exhales, hesitating some.

“He hasn't been the same since. She was all he had left from his previous life.” Dal finishes with a quiver in her voice.

“Children are dangerous company for vampires.” I replied empathetically.

“Quite. Come on, let's get you a bed and some blood.” Dal placed her hand on my shoulder, she smiled, and walked off after a few seconds.

I followed her up to a small room with a solitary bed. She held the door open as I walked past her, dropping the brown leather bag I held over my shoulder.

“Apologies if it's not as luxurious as you're used to” she says with a small sarcastic tilt, "It's one of the few private rooms we have. Figured you would appreciate that over aesthetics.”

As Dal prepared to leave, I turned to her. She's paused by the door, halfway between the frame and the hallway. “Thank you.” My voice was quiet and soft. Dal looked at me and smiled, “Of course, brother. What is family for after all?”

—--------------------------—-----

Twenty years would pass with little problems. The vampires that lived in the outpost were used to having to ration. Hunting in small packs, majority of the time Leon and I would supervise them and teach them to hunt. We tried to be careful about making sure the younglings never went too far by themselves.

As the main hunters, the two of us would seek and kill animals on the surface at night, bringing the meat to merchants around Faerun once we broke down the carcasses and bleed them dry.

With the money we gathered, we would buy more blood from other butchers up top. We’d also get blood from other less than reputable sources, but as long as the blood was good, we wouldn't ask too many questions.

Leon and I were on our way back to the outpost after a few days out hunting and trading when Leon stopped mid step. “Brother, something feels off.” He held out his arm, took a few steps forward toward the opening of a cave, and stayed quiet for a moment. I walked up to him and concentrated on the noises around us.

I heard people yelling, sounds of feet shuffling, a loud rumble, and then sharp screams. “DAL!” Leon gasps, and rises to his feet, sprinting out to the maze of cave openings.

Once we got closer, Leon pointed out the smoke billowing out from the outpost, the thick clouds growing darker in color as we neared our destination.

“Astarion, we must find Dal!” Leon stood ready, with his hand on his crossbow. I looked around and noticed the two converging tunnels in front of us.

“We have to split up, Leon. We can cover more ground that way. Find her, I’ll see about the others.” I commanded, grabbing onto the daggers hung on my hip. I turned to run when Leon grabbed my arm, “Be careful, I’ll do my best to find you as soon as I find Dal.”

I nodded, sprinting down the tunnel. As I neared the opening of the path, the smoke became a thick curtain, making it more difficult to see. I pulled at the leather bag that hung from my back, searching for anything to help. “Come on, there's got to be something here.”

My hands moved frantically inside the bag, until I felt the texture of a scroll. “Fucking finally!” I unfurled it and began to speak the words inscribed. I raised my right hand and braced myself, a giant gust of wind came out in a burst of energy, clearing the way forward.

My legs pistoned me forward as I continued to look for Dal. I hurriedly made my way to the back of the outpost. When I got closer I noticed some rocks leading towards another tunnel. I ran following the path of debris until I reached the end.

One of the exits had been collapsed.

I knelt in front of the pile of rocks and began to dig into it, using my body weight to pull big pieces of stone away from the opening. I dug into the avalanche, my hands becoming raw and bloody as jagged pieces of rubble cut into my skin.

I keep digging, a sharp kind of sulfuric scent hits my nose and goes down my throat. I can taste the acidic notes, it’s acrid with a hint of ash. I immediately recognize it. Runepowder. However many people were in that tunnel, they were certainly dead. Someone did this on purpose.

I must find Dal.

The adrenaline pumping through my body kept me going until I heard yelling coming from inside the outpost. “Dal!” I ran into an open door in front of me, up some stairs. I crept up to a broken wall, the opening leading to the dining hall’s ceiling lined with wooden beams connecting the adjacent wall.

I stayed hidden in the shadows concentrating on the sounds around me. A short time passed before I heard some movement coming from underneath. I stepped forward and saw Dal and Leon. I gasped softly, gently stepping out to one of the beams obscured by the darkness.

Soon after, a group of at least 10 Gur flood into the room and block the only exit. A man steps forward as Dal and Leon realize they are outnumbered with no way out.

The man begins to speak, “Where is the third? We were told there were three of you running this bastardized commune.”

I continued to creep along the wooden supports, Leon noticed me and quickly turned back to the man in front of him. “I came back alone. My brother was…killed by a bulette when we were on our way back. It caught us by surprise. I was barely able to get away from it. I tried to save him but we couldn't overtake it. It killed him before I killed it.”

The man looks at him suspiciously, he nods and the hunters behind him point their crossbows at Dal. “I will not ask again, vampire scum. Where is the third?”

“I swear to you he's dead! There's no one else other than us now. You killed the others, did you not? I saw the bodies, the rubble, the fires. You said you collapsed a tunnel when you came in, is that not enough? We cannot turn anyone into vampires, we're mere spawn. We’ve been living in peace for a decade and a half. Why do you come hunt us now?”

Leon held his hands up as he plead his case, Dal trembled as she hid her face in her hands.

“One of yours killed an innocent woman. Found her drained near the sewers in the Gate. We caught him sneaking around underneath the Elfsong Tavern’s wine cellar. He told us about this place with at least 1500 of you waiting to be killed. Planned this little raid for a few weeks. Had some people watching your little outpost. Even paid some merchants to tell us your movements.” The leader explained.

Dal uncovered her face and looked up, noticing me watching them. Her eyes were full of fear. She shook her head slowly, mouthing “Run.”

I swallowed, my mouth feeling dry, I retreated to the shadows before the leader turned and looked up where I was just perched.

The man turned back to Leon and Dal while I watched them. “Kill them. If the third is gone, that means there shouldn't be any more of these abominations. Ulma should have destroyed you all when she had the chance, now that she's no longer our leader, her deals with you all are void. Consider this a mercy.”

He walked a few yards then he stops and speaks with a serious tone, “May the Moonmaiden have mercy on your souls.” He looks over at a woman to his right and nods at her. She steps forward and yells out “Take your positions. Fire on three.” I could've shot at her, but I would've be easily outnumbered.

I had to sit here and watch as the last two people I ever felt close to were slaughtered like lowly carrion. The Gur took no hesitation in killing Dal and Leon. They shot at them with what looked like silver tipped crossbow bolts.

I suffered hearing Dal and Leon’s screams of pain, the sounds of them dying were unbearable. I waited in the darkness for what seemed like hours until the Gur left, a wake of devastation behind them. The second their footsteps waned, I sprinted over to Dal and Leon’s crumpled bodies.

“No no no nononono.” I choked back, Dal and Leon’s faces were battered and abused, their clothes slathered in blood. I felt the rage and devastation crash down on me.

The guilt for letting the young ones hunt when I knew better than to trust them to go off alone. Leaving Dal alone while Leon and I left. Splitting up and letting Leon go off to find his death.

I couldn't help the sobs that came out when I was holding them, I realized I was finally truly alone. The sadness and anger just came flooding out. My eyes stung as the tears came out, lungs burning when the air expanded them sharply. I gripped on Dal and Leon, their bodies growing even colder by the hour.

A week would pass, I gathered what I could, buried my siblings, and left. I made my way back to Baldur’s Gate hoping to sneak into Cazador’s manor.

I knew the people of the city were too afraid to go near it. Leon and I had spread rumors of it being haunted, so that kept them out. We used to sneak inside using the underground tunnels that led to the kennels, ransacking the place and selling off what we could.

Leon came up with the idea of stashing small piles of gold away in loose floorboards around the manor. His foresight was a blessing.

I began to gather the piles and count my reluctant inheritance. After finishing, I realized I was set for the foreseeable future, but I still had a manor to legally obtain. I talked my way into becoming a historical conservator given the relics I had at my disposal.

My vast inside knowledge could be chalked up to being a lover of history and a studied mind. No one would be the wiser. I decided then that I would go to the City Council and plead my case to purchase the manor to turn into a museum honoring those whom I loved.

I took great care to disguise myself, thankfully Wyll wasn't in the City. He and Karlach were in Avernus. Gale had gone back to Waterdeep. Lae’zel and Shadowheart were living in a cottage somewhere near the mountains…And you…I don't remember where you ended up.

More time would pass, the museum was open after a year and a half of me selling, restoring, commissioning, and appointing a board. I opened with a team of people to oversee the major projects while I maintained the procurement of items for the galleries.

A century or so passed when I met a familiar looking young man. He came to apply for the lead assistant position straight out of Blackgate. Usually, their graduates would go out and teach themselves, but he wanted to research and preserve these items instead of being in front of a classroom full of people.

I questioned him for a few minutes, noticing the unusually similar flair he had to his speech patterns. The air of assuredness behind his statements.

When he told me his name was Gale Dekarios. I could hardly hide the shock on my face, luckily he didn't notice. “Dekarios? Any relation to the wizard of old legends?” I asked tentatively awaiting his response.

I watched as he wrung the corner of his blazer and cleared his throat. “Y- yes sir. He was my grandfather.”

Was? I thought wizards lived hundreds of not thousands of years? I hesitate before questioning him further. “Was? Don't wizards usually live many lifetimes over? Did he get killed in a grand battle?”

The young man bites his lip. A worried look flashed over his face. “Well it's still pretty recent, sir. I'm sure you know all about the Netherese Orb that used to occupy his chest?”

I swallowed fearing the worst, my throat clenched as if I had swallowed fire. I nod urging him to continue.

“A few years ago, my grandad started to have these bouts of chest pains that would last hours, days, sometimes even up to a whole tenday. My grandmum was a druid healer, so she would make him different teas, tinctures, balms, pretty much anything to help him. Nothing would ease his suffering. One day she helped him to bed, like she usually did, and she had me assist her in making tea for him.

My grandmum told me he was dying and I was the only male in our family that wasn't adopted or married into it. So I guess he wanted to keep his story alive and told me everything. His past, his mistakes and triumphs, friends he made and lost. He and I were close, he was my best friend.”

Gale cleared his throat and wiped his eyes. “So yes, I am related to *the* Gale Dekarios. I hope I can live up to the expectations my grandfather set forth.”

I hired him on the spot.

Now, to make a long explanation somewhat shorter, this is where things get complicated, my love. Here, I feel I may have fucked up.

You see, there was this woman Gale hired. It was about 6 years after hiring Gale. I was off in the Underdark around the anniversary of Dal and Leon’s deaths. I came up with some story about looking for artifacts to cover my tracks since Gale liked to ask a million questions. Guess the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree?

Once I got back to the museum, Gale had informed me of our new hire, Octavia. I imagined if she made an impression on Gale, then she would be useful at least at the administrative level.

I couldn't imagine what came over me when I got to know her more .

—--------------

Astarion sighs with a long exhale. He stares at Tav’s face, hesitating as if he's actually saying this all to her. “She's indescribable. Absolutely beautiful, smart, she challenges me the way you used to.” Sitting up, he presses his back against the stone platform.

“That night I saw her outside of the restaurant, I swore I saw you. You in front of me like the day we met.” He plays with his sleeve, not knowing how to proceed with this long overdue apology. Even if Tav wasn't really here physically, he was truly able to say the things he held behind.

All the regret from his idiotic spontaneous decisions, grief from losing those he loved and held closest, and most of all the devastating pain from losing everything he took for granted.

At the same time, something had dropped this precious jewel on his lap. Was it possible for him to be able to open up to someone the way he did with Tav? Octavia showed that she trusted him when he confessed about his true self. She even let him bite down and drink her blood.

Everything about Octavia was feeling the same, could she be some sort of reincarnation of his lost love? No. That would be impossible. Humans can't do that. Can they? He shakes the idiotic notion away, softly laughing to himself.

Besides, he saw the picture of Octavia’s family.

Astarion sits with his gaze pointed up at the night sky. It seemed like so long ago when he was doing the same type of internal argument about Tav. He's enthralled by Octavia and agonizing about it. Gods, somehow he was always stuck in a cycle of perpetual pining.

He wants to open up to Octavia more. Sprinkle in some truths to the little lies he tells.

Opening up to people has always been a struggle for Astarion, but Octavia has a way of prying his emotions out of him. It's so easy for him to let her reach into the emptiness and allow her to pull his past out.

Her hands pull at the chains around his heart, slightly loosening them with each gaze, each fleeting touch, all of the little ways she reminded him of Tav. Was this a sign of approval from beyond the grave? Maybe this was Tav’s way of pushing him to live again just as she did once before.

Astarion is in deep contemplation, he doesn't begin to notice as the night sky begins to turn light. The bird songs become more animated, he is knocked out of his head and begins to make his way inside. Thank the Gods that his suite is close to the gardens. The manor had secret entrances and rooms for him and his siblings to come in and out, convenient for a thoughtful vampire losing track of time.

As he goes into the museum, he sees the first rays of light break through the tops of the trees. It feels like that morning after the tiefling party, the cool air of morning breaking against the feeling of the warmth from the sun.

Astarion feels the same hopeful warmth from within. The same tug of curiosity that wants to allow Octavia in. He lingers at the doorway, watching the same sun begin to rise above the trees. So many similarities to weed through. He would take his time though, he can't rush this opportunity he's been given.

He has to trust whatever force is guiding him at this point. It brought Octavia to him, so it must be good. Turning to walk up the steps to his suite, he looks out the window and stares absentmindedly at Tav’s statue. Suddenly, a tiny green and blue hummingbird flits by and stops at the row of gardenias that lined the windowsill.

Astarion watches as the little bird takes a sip from the buds. It's fragile wings glint off the reflection from the glass. After zipping through a couple of flowers, it hovers facing him as if watching him. It's little head tilts to the left, then to the right, before flying away.

It's been so long since he's been around early enough to see them feed. It brings a small tug to his heart. Tav’s words about her people and how they grieve flooded back into his mind.

“There's a legend in my culture about hummingbirds being messengers for the dead. They say if you see one, it's a sign that your loved one is watching over you. I always thought it would be the way I would communicate with you if I ever died.” she’d say.

I just laughed it off and said “Oh darling, you don't have to worry about that. I would follow you into the dark if that day ever came. I’ll be close behind.” Another lie I told her.

Gods...

I think it's time I stopped lying to myself.

Tags: @justporo @satanicspinosaurus @sleepy-timaeus @tragedybunny @davenswitcher @wayward-hel @hereliesblackdragon @misscrissfemmefatale

#bg3 #astarion #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #astarion ancunin #bg3 astarion #astarion bg3 #fic: memories of us #gale of waterdeep #gale dekarios

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footballfanficwriter · 10 months

Text

He doesn't deserve it I do

Summary:where Kylian is annoyed after the ballon d'or ceremony

I'm about to go to bed when I hear the door Slam

I don't even need to ask what's going on because I saw the whole thing on TV

"You need to calm down" I say

"Calm down?, for 3 years in a row I've had to go to that ceremony and come back home empty handed, every year I make a fool of myself by leaving empty handed, Messi just won the ballon d'or and Erling just won the best striker award, he doesn't deserve it I do, i work hard day and night and only for me to come up third on the podium, what the hell even is that

"Kylian you need to control your anger, it's not going to help"

"I can't calm Down and I also can't control my feelings, did you even see the podium?"

"Yeah I did"

"I came 3rd, 3rd place, how? I don't know, this is Erling's first time attending and he gets an award and i leave empty handed, I've been attending this stupid ceremony ever since 2018 and I've only ever won once"

"Amour, stop, you need to calm down you're frustrated which is understandable, but you need to control your emotions" I say making him bury his head inside my neck

He sighs

"I know, It's just angering, you know how hard i've worked"

"I know my love" I say wiping the tear that's escaped his eye

"C'mon go take a shower, I'll be here waiting for you" I say and kiss his forehead

"Ok" he pulls away then walks upstairs

In the mean time I make pasta for him since he loves it so much and I'm trying to cheer him up after the night he had

After 30 minutes Kylian is out the shower and the pasta is ready I dish it up for the both of us and add mozzarella cheese just the way he likes it

"What's this?"

"Pasta"

"You made me pasta?"

"With mozzarella cheese"

"Just the way I like it"

"yup"

"Merci Beaucoup Amour"

"De rein"

We eat the pasta in comfortable silence and he takes my hand and interlocks our hands while smiling and I mirror his smile

After eating I wash the dishes and grab the car keys from the key holder

"C'mon let's go"

"Where?"

"Out"

I grab his hand and walk to the door and we leave the house

I get into the driver's seat and and Kylian in the passenger

"Cheri nous va oú" ( where are we going)

"Je veux une glace" ( I want Ice cream)

Kylian connects his phone to the car and starts playing music

Soza Tiakola comes on and we start singing it like our lives depend on it

We arrive at the ice cream parlour and we order our ice creams I get cookies and cream and he gets vanilla with sprinkles

"You're such a baby" I say

"No I'm not" he says as we get back into the car

"Yes you are"

"How?"

"Your ice cream for instance"

"What about it" he asks as his about to take his first spoon of icecream

"Kylian, you got vanilla and sprinkles because the last time you said you like how the sprinkles decorate the white icecream"

"But it's true though"

"Big baby"

"Let's drive" he says

As we continue to drive we are still listening to Tiakola and some other French artists that Kylian and I like listening to

We drive until we pull up to an open field

We exit the car and I go to the boot to grab a blanket then we find our spot to lay down

Kylian and I come here when we have issues and problems that we need to think about and also when we need a break from the busy city

I actually found the place when things got tough one day and I wanted to end it all but I was so drawn to this place that I had to stop my car and see it, Kylian found me here when he saw my car and he held me and cried with me

Then one day after Kylian had found out that his grandfather had past he left the hospital and didn't tell anyone, everyone was looking for him then I thought I should check the place where he found me the last time and I found him there crying on his own , I held him and I cried with him

Then after some time it just became a thing, a place to go when you need to clear your head

It's become like a routine now, if anyone of us have had a bad day we go to the icecream parlour first then drive here and talk about our issues

"Ok mon Amour c'est moi et toi , parle avec moi ( ok my love it me and you, talk to me)

"Je fatigue, je pa pa, C'est Impossible"

"Kylian"

"Everything I do, that the world does not approve of is bad, I can't continue like this, I'm constantly being watched and I feel like I'm walking on egg shells one wrong move and I'm hated by everybody, people talk about how greedy I am, how I think I'm better than anyone but that's who I have to be especially because of the occupation I've decided to choose"

"Kylian, I see you, I as your wife see how hard you work and how much effort and energy you put into your work, no award in this world should be what defines you as a player sure it's nice to get recognized and have the acknowledgements but at the end of the day your awards and prizes don't define you as a player they only represent what you are made of and what you achieved in your life, only a representation Amour, and u know how you wanted to win those awards but you need to understand that they are not everything, ok?"

"Ok"

"Je t'aime"

"Je t'aime aussi"

He kissed my forehead and pulls away slowly, then looms me in my eyes then my lips

"Arrête, just kiss me"

He kisses me with passion and love and I can't help but blush because of the effect he has on me

We separate then lay down on the blanket and watch the stars and talk about random topics like, would you rather be a big or a rat

After some of that I tell Kylian I'll be right back and go to the car, I get the ball out the car and walk to him

"C'mon get up"

"No last time you cheated and said I let it touch the floor when u didn't"

"Don't be a sour loser"

"Fine"

Right now we're playing don't let it touch the ground

Where we pass the ball but it's not allowed to touch the ground, loser has to do as and what the winner tells them for a day

Last time he lost and I made him go around the house shirtless, don't blame me if I wanted to see his abs

We start playing for a little bit and none of us are losing as yet, but that's until Kylian Blasts me by my leg

"Ouch, Kylian"

"Sorry"

"That diet count by the way so out that smile away"

"But that's not fair"

"Kylian you blasted my leg"

"Fine let's call it a tie"

"Ok fine"

"C'mon let's go home now"

I try walk but almost fall, I'm joking obviously I can walk just fine, but doesn't know that

"Ouch" I say

He looks at me and gives me a really look

"I can't walk looks like you're gonna have to carry me"

He sighs and walks over to me the gives me a piggyback

"My hero"

"Yeah yeah whatever"

He picks the ball and the blanket up, dusts it then walks to the car

He put me in the passenger seat then opens the boot to put the ball and the blanket away then he gets into the car and starts driving us back home

When we arrive at the house Kylian still has me o his back and walks upstairs to our room, then he gently places me on the bed

"Oh Kylian, my leg is in so much pain do can you please massage it"

"Fine"

He brings tissue oil and lotion then put a movie on, takes his shirt and pants off, while I take my hoodie and pants off revealing Kylian's shirt that is a dress on me, he claims into bed and starts massaging my leg while watching a movie

30 minutes later

Kylian is asleep with his hands still on my legs

I get out of bed, close the tissue oil and Lotion fix Kylian's side of the comforter, switch off the TV then get into bed myself

I feel Kylian shift closer to me and wrap his arms around my waist and he whispers

"Thank you for cheering me up amour"

"You're welcome"

"I love you"

"I love you too"

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joeys-babe · 1 year

Text

Someday We’ll Be Together

Chapter 12: Since Lsu

————————————————————————

September 30, 2021

(y/n's pov)

its been..

18 days.

432 hours.

25,920 minutes.

1,555,200 seconds.

since i've talked to joe.

since our kiss.

since we cried on the sidewalk while it rained over top of us.

i had come to the decision to wait 2 weeks before possibly reaching out to joe, but now it had been 2 weeks and 4 days.

i did want to hear what he had to say.. but i was also nervous to hear what he had to say.

it was stupid for me to think the felt the same way, he could have any girl in the world; and there was no way he'd pick me.

over the past couple weeks, i've lost track of what day of the week it even was. i stayed in bed most of the time, busy feeling bad for myself.

gracie and jess had texted me everyday wondering if i had talked to joe yet. i'd tell them no and in they'd give me a pep talk in return.

they really wanted me to talk to joe, but i still had no clue to why.

it was 1 o'clock in the afternoon when my mom came in my room.

"good morning sunshine!" - your mom laughed

"not funny." - you

"i just thought i'd come in and check to see if you were alive." - your mom

"definitely alive, feel a little dead though." - you

"oh you're exaggerating. but.. you need to get up and out of this bed today. you, your father, and i have plans tonight" - your mom

"wait what? what are we doing?" - you

"we're going to the bengals game. joe got us three tickets but robin was the one to walk them over here. she said he didn't want to make you uncomfortable by coming over here." - your mom

"i don't know mom, i might not go. i don't know if i'm ready." - you

"this would be the perfect way for you two to talk, robin said he's going straight home after the game, win or lose. that's when you two can finally talk." - your mom

"i'm scared though." - you

"of what, honey?" - your mom

"what he's going to say." - you

"it's joe, y/n. it's the same boy you used to force to play barbie's with you. i wish you two would realize that you can't live without each other, and just stop fighting." - your mom

"it's hard to mom. it's hard to just see him as my childhood best friend when he's so much more to me." - you

"i understand, just tell me your decision before we leave." - your mom

"i will." - you

my mom gave me a small reassuring smile before disappearing out of my room.

joe hadn't left my mind once since that night at the bar and now i have to decide wether or not to go to his game.

on one hand, it was nice that he wanted to clear things up and the fact he invited me and my parents to his game today really showed he cares about our friendship.

but on the other hand he cared about our friendship.

to him i was nothing more than that, and at times it seemed like the only reason he talked to me still was because of how long we've known each other.

when i went downstairs for breakfast i immediately noticed robin sitting at the island with my mom. i had been avoiding her and jimmy too, only engaging in small conversation from time to time.

"hey honey!" - robin smiled

"oh hi! morning." - you

"you doing okay?" - robin

"uh.. i'm starting to get better, yeah." - you

"i'm really sorry honey, i hate seeing you hurt. especially over my damn son." - robin

"i'm fine, robin. i'll get over it." - you

"there shouldn't be anything you should have to get over! i raised him better than that. i mean has he even tried to explain to you why he did it.. or apologized?" - robin

"he has apologized, and he has tried to explain but i shut him down. he tried texting me, but after 2 days he gave up because i didn't answer. i'm sorry, i just can't talk to him yet." - you

"oh honey don't apologize, he really messed up. i understand you're side of it completely." - robin

i gave her a small smile before grabbing my breakfast and exiting the kitchen. before i got to the first step i turned around and asked robin something.

"hey robin?" - you

"mhm?" - robin

"is joe upset?" - you

"of course, y/n. that following tuesday, after practice joe went to the gym till dark. i had to call him and practically force him to go home. he's coming to a realization that he can't live without you and it's hitting him pretty hard. he won't talk much, to anyone really." - robin

"wow. i didn't know he was actually being affected that much." - you

"he's really upset with himself. he knows he messed up big time and wants to fix it. there have been a couple paragraphs he's showed me that he thought about sending you but i don't know if he ever did." - robin

"if he did i wouldn't know, i blocked him on everything.." - you

"that's your decision and i don't blame you. i wouldn't wanna hear from him either after what he pulled." - robin

"i'm just surprised he told you the truth." - you

"he wanted sound advice on how to fix the whole situation that's why. supposedly today was step one of his plan, you and your parents going to the game." - robin

"despite all of this, i cant but think about how sweet that is." - you

"i told you y/n, he really really cares about you. like a lot." - robin

"thanks for everything." - you said before walking upstairs with your breakfast

*time skip*

it was a few hours later and my parents had just left for the game. i decided to not go because i didn't want my first time seeing joe since the fight to be at such a huge event. both my parents and joe's respected my decision and said their goodbyes before leaving.

now that i was home alone i sat bored on my bed scrolling on my laptop looking for jobs.

i eventually gave up and picked my phone up off my nightstand to scroll through instagram. the first thing i saw was joe warming up and i couldn't help but smile, he looked so good.

when the game started i slipped one of joe's jerseys on and made my way into the living room.

once the game started i found myself zoning out while watching joe. he looked unbelievably good in his uni and it was hard not to watch him intently.

the whole first quarter every time the camera panned to joe he was looking up in the stands. it didn't take me long to figure out that he was looking for me.

(joes pov)

there was 2 minutes left in the first quarter and to my disappointment, y/n wasn't here.

i couldn't blame her, after all the shit i pulled i wouldn't come to the game to support me either.

but, there was a hope deep down that she would be here. the start of the 2nd quarter didn't make me give up either, i sat on the sidelines still staring up at the box my parents and y/n's parents were sitting in.

"joe. she ain't comin." - ja'marr

"you don't know that!" - joe

"i think she'd be here by now if she was going to come." - tee

i shrugged them off and while running onto the field with the rest of my offense i looked up at the box, she still wasn't here and that's when i concluded that she wasn't coming.

(y/n's pov)

i finished getting ready with 5 minutes in the 2nd quarter to spare. when i stood in front of my mirror i took in my appearance. i was wearing a black long sleeve turtle neck with the black version of joe's jersey over top, biker shorts, and black combat boots to complete the outfit.

hurriedly i ran downstairs, grabbed my phone, keys's, and wallet before sprinting to my car.

i wanted to make it before halftime was over so when joe ran back out he would see me.

thank god my mom left my ticket on the kitchen table or else i wouldn't be able to get into joe's box.

when the security guard opened and i walked in, both sets of parents' faces lit up.

"y/n!!" - robin smiled

"hey y'all!" - you smiled

"come here, you can sit by me." - your mom grinned

i moved over and plopped down between my mom and robin.

"what made you decide to come?" - your mom

"i was watching the game from home. every time the camera was on joe i noticed that he was looking up here. i assumed he was looking for me so i wanted to be here for him." - you

"you don't even have to assume, he's definitely looking for you." - your mom

"no doubts there y/n." - robin laughed

(joe's pov)

when we ran back out after halftime i refrained from looking up at the stands. i didn't feel like getting let down again.

i was mid conversation with ja'marr when tee came running up behind us to interrupt.

"joe! joe!" - tee shoved joe's shoulder

"what?!" - joe

"look!" - tee pointed at the stands

my eyes trailed to where tee was pointing to see that it was in the direction of my box.

at first i didn't know what i was supposed to see until she started vigorously waving with other hands.

it was y/n.

a huge smile formed on my face as i waved back to her.

"you're whipped, son." - ja'marr laughed

"yeah.. i am." - joe continued smiling at you

"come on, lover boy we gotta go. you can fawn over her later." - ja'marr

(y/n's pov)

watching joes face light up when he saw me was so incredibly cute. my mom and robin's audible "awwww's" made the moment even sweeter.

the rest of the game joe seemed a lot less distracted, and they won 24-21.

"do you wanna come see joe with us?" - robin

"i'm probably just gonna go head home. thanks for asking though, and also tell joe i said thank you for the ticket." - you

"of course. we'll see you tomorrow?" - robin

"yup! goodnight guys!" - you

i made my way out of the stadium fast to try and beat traffic. my parents plus jimmy and robin were going out to dinner tonight, and from my mom i learned that joe was heading straight home from the game too.

when i got home i took my boots off and changed into a more comfy outfit.

sitting at the kitchen island in complete silence, i contemplated texting joe. after seeing his face light up on the field when he saw me in the stands, i needed to see him.

i found myself zoning out, my thoughts never stopping for a second when my phone vibrated on my lap.

grabbing it immediately, disappointment washed over me when it was just a message from my mom.

make it home okay?

i texted back a quick "yup 👍" before putting my phone down again. i was getting up from my seat after deciding to just go to bed when my phone buzzed again.

this time when i picked it up, my heart started beating out of my chest. it was a text from joe.

can i come over?

for a second i thought about what i could send back. something simple? something that shows how much i miss him without being too greedy? a simple yes?

after a few seconds of panicking i typed something up and sent it without thinking any longer.

please.

a smile wouldn't leave my face as i made my way to the living room. i watched through the window that overlooked the road, and started blushing when i watched joe fly out of his front door. his pace across the road was quick, practically running after he looked both ways.

once i could hear his footsteps on the front porch i started towards the front door to unlock it for him, but once i got to the hallway he was already standing there.

"i forgot you had a key." - you laughed nervously, unsure of what to do now that you were face-to-face with him

joe moved towards me and wrapped his arms around my waist, burying his head in my neck as my arms were around his neck.

i heard him mumble something incomprehensible, and when i asked him to repeat himself he pulled his face away from my neck. joes arms were still around my waist, my arms around his neck and he looked down into my eyes as fondness filled his.

"i can't do this anymore." - joe

"you can't do what anymore?" - you

"y/n, i want to clear up everything. tell you the truth." - joe

"then tell me, joe." - you

joe unwrapped his arms around my waist and grabbed one of my hands, pulling me into the living room and sitting on the couch.

"i'm so so sorry for what happened weeks ago. it wasn't what i planned at all." - joe

i heard his apology, but the only thing i heard was "planned".

"planned?" - you searched his eyes for answers

"planned. i wanted you to go to my game, and win or lose i was going to take you somewhere after. thankfully we won, and now i can admit to you why i was so persistent on you going to the bar with me. it was my plan to kiss you, but when i did.. i was so worried that you had just gotten caught in the moment and didn't actually want to kiss me. i totally panicked and the first person i saw was lexie. i'm truly so sorry y/n, and i know i can't explain it away. nothing happened between lexie and i either, she was being a total bitch and i'll tell you our conversation later. that is, if you still want to be friends?" - joe

friends.

"joe, over the past weeks i've realized that i can't go without you. i accept your apology, but i just have one question.." - you

a smile formed on joes face when i said i accepted his apology, relief washed over his body and the way his body physically became more relaxed showed that.

"ask away." - joe

"what were you going to do after you kissed me, if the lexie stuff didn't happen? what was the whole point?" - you

i watched him tense back up and his gaze left my face, joe looked at his feet as he thought about how to word his next statement.

"i was going to admit something to you." - joe

"admit.. what?" - you

"something i should've told you back when we were still at lsu." - joe

"which is?" - you

joe sighed before scooting closer to me on the couch, he took one of my hands off my lap and held it in his.

"in high school i came to the realization that you were the most beautiful girl in the world. when we were at ohio state together i started getting butterflies every time you said my name.. every word that left your mouth made me blush as long as it was directed towards me. when you went along with me to lsu, that's when it really hit me. you're the only girl i've ever truly truly cared about, y/n. no other girl i've ever been with has mattered to me as much as you do. you understand me more than anyone else, and i'm so grateful to have you in my life." - joe

my heart rate got higher and higher as words spilled out of his mouth. was joe really confessing to me right now? he felt the same way?

"what are you saying?" - you

joe licked his lips before making eye contact with me and letting go of the breath he didn't know he was holding.

"y/n, i'm in love with you." - joe

i squeezed his hand as those words left his lips, i've wanted to hear those words for so so long.

joes eyes were still searching my face for a reaction when i realized i hadn't said anything yet. without thinking i launched forward and hugged my arms around his neck, now sitting on his lap.

when i pulled myself away from him i cupped his face in my hands.

"joe, i'm in love with you too. have been for a long time, and you have no idea how happy i am to hear you feel the same way." - you

joe couldn't get the smile off his face, and i couldn't either.

"can i kiss you?" - joe smiled

"of course." - you

joe leaned forward and pressed his lips onto mine, it felt like fireworks were going off around us as our lips connected.

after a few moments we pulled away completely breathless with our foreheads touching.

"god, i'm so happy you feel the same way. now you can understand why i was so pissed off when you went on a date with tee. it wasn't just because he was my teammate, i just couldn't stand seeing you with another guy that wasn't me." - joe

"it makes sense now. i'm really really glad things ended up working out though. i've been venting to my mom about you for the past 5 years." - you

"i vented to her too! i don't know how your mom was able to keep from telling you that i felt the same way." - joe

"she was hoping a moment just like this would happen, that's how. and you don't have to worry about other guys anymore, by the way." - you

"i know. all mine now." - joe leaned in and kissed you

"i love that you just did that. we just kissed and it was so casual. like i can kiss you whenever i want now." - you smiled

"you're so cute." - joe laughed

eventually joe laid flat on his back and i laid next to him, his hand on my back keeping me from falling off the couch.

"what time is it?" - you

joe picked his phone off of his chest and read the time out.

"almost one. 12:47." - joe

"i don't want you to leave." - you buried your face in his neck

"i don't want to leave either. can i just stay the night? i really don't feel like sleeping without you tonight." - joe

"sure, let's head up to my room." - you

joe and i made our way upstairs to my room, he was now laying in the middle of the bed in the room that he helped me set up.

i excused myself to go wash my face, and by the time i had gotten back joe was sprawled out on the bed looking super comfortable.

"someone looks comfy." - you laughed

"i'd be even more comfy with you next to me, c'mere." - joe patted the space next to him

i made quick work getting underneath the covers and getting comfortable.

"you really sleep in just sweatpants and a sweatshirt?" - you

"i just sleep in boxers, but i think it's a little early for that." - joe winked as he moved a hair out of your face

i giggled and returned to laying on my pillow instead of joes like i was moments before. i guess joe could sense my unsureness of what to do next because he smiled as he pulled me into his chest.

"you can lay on me." - joe kissed your head

my cheek was pressed against his left peck as my hand rested just bellow his right.

"your chest is so comfy." - you

joe laughed sweetly before kissing my forehead, as soon as he pulled away he pressed another kiss to it and another and another.

"you're gonna kiss your lips off, joe!" - you giggled

he finally moved away and moved onto his side, now he was leaning on top of me.

"that's the plan, honey." - joe smiled

the nickname had me blushing and giggling before i pressed another kiss to his lips.

"we've gotta make up for the 5 years of missed opportunities for kisses." - you

"i can arrange that." - joe moved down and kissed you again

after a few more kisses, joe laid back down and pulled me back to his chest. his arms were wrapped tightly around my waist and it felt so right.

"our parents are gonna flip when they find out about us." - you smiled

"our moms have been planning this since they found out i was a boy and you were a girl." - joe laughed

"i have a question." - you

"you're full of those tonight, huh?" - joe grinned

i laughed before continuing on.

"what happens now? about us?" - you

"well, i'm a little tired right now. so i was thinking tomorrow night i take you on our first official date. that is if you aren't busy and would like to go with me?" - joe

"of course i'll go with you. plus i'm never busy joe i literally live with my parents." - you

"hopefully that'll change eventually." - joe

"what do you mean?" - you grinned up at him

"if we start dating and have a serious relationship, i was hoping at some point you'd move in with me. i mean would you rather live with your parents or your super ultra-cool best friend/boyfriend." - joe

"i love the sound of that." - you blushed

"living with me?" - joe

"that… and also you calling yourself my boyfriend." - you

"who knows, i might be able to call myself that after tomorrow night." - joe shrugged and you hid your blush in his chest

"you're gonna be the absolute death of me, joseph lee." - you

joes laugh shook his chest, me included, as he rubbed up and down my arm. when he finished laughing he let out a loud yawn.

"you tired from your game? i haven't even congratulated you on your win yet, i'm sorry! i'm such a terrible almost girlfriend." - you

"you're a perfect almost girlfriend. plus there have been more important things on our hands tonight." - joe

"okay well, goodnight joey." - you kissed his cheek

"goodnight, y/n." - joe kissed your head and rubbed your back in attempts to lull you to sleep

it wasn't long before joes chest got into a rhythm of rising and falling and small snores escaped from him.

tonight i fell asleep on the chest of my favorite boy knowing he was just as in love with me as i was with him.

————————————————————————

authors note: some fluff to end the horrid sunday that this day has been. 😭

(some angst is def coming soon though 😉)

hope you enjoyed! ❤️

#joe burrow #bengals #joe burrow imagine #joe burrow x reader #joey b #joe burrow series #cincinnati bengals #joe burrow fan fic

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angelikook · 1 year

Text

Love Blinds

Pairing(s): Blind!Jungkook x reader

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 4.7k

Warning(s): Accident(s)

Summary: You are his oldest and only best friend, but why do you leave him all of a sudden when he needs you most?

A/n This fic was requested by the sweetest person on the planet, @thehopelessromanticclub. I know this took me quite some time, because I'm also juggling with work and uni. Nevertheless, I had so much fun writing this. While this was one of the hardest fics to write, I enjoyed every process it took. Fun fact, this fic is literally the first fic that made me cry when I wrote it. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I've never met a blind or visually impaired person in my life. Everything I've written about blindness and living as a blind person, I learned about them from the internet. I know that there's only so much one can learn from the internet. If there are any inaccuracies about them in this fic, please let me know.

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There was one thing on top of Jungkook’s wishlist: to be able to see his best friend, you.

It happened when he was too young to understand the world around him. He was around four or five years old. One morning he woke up still able to see cars passing by, people walking by, he could even name all the colors he saw. The next morning, he woke up to darkness, nothingness, and his mom’s cries.

He met you not long after. He was playing in the park while also learning how to use a walking cane. After half an hour of successfully not walking into anything, he accidentally tripped on his cane and fell.

He wasn’t a crier. So as the pain on his knees spread – he was sure it was at least bruising – he still kept quiet. It went like that for a bit since he didn’t have enough power to stand up again, the pain on his knees was too painful.

The next thing he felt was the soft touch on his free hand, the hand that wasn’t holding his cane. And then, he heard a girl’s voice, “Here, take my hand. I’ll help you up.”

With that, he took the girl’s hand – your hand – and introduced himself as Jungkook.

+++

Jungkook fidgeted on his seat at the bleachers as he waited for you. Hands were already clammy to the point he wanted to wash his hands. You were supposed to come a whole 30 minutes ago and he was supposed to be listening to his coach’s briefing by now. He tried to call and text you, but you didn’t reply to any of them. In your defense, you weren’t big on calling and texting, you preferred scrolling mindlessly on social media and sending him memes.

“Kook, coach Lee is waiting for you by the pool, don’t you wanna go?” His mom woke him up from his deep thoughts.

Jungkook sighed. “I’m worried about Y/n.”

The seat beside him creaked, a sign that his mom took a seat beside him. “Stop thinking of her. Obviously she doesn’t think you’re that important.”

“She was never late, mom. This is just a one time thing,” he defended you. He never understood why his mom disliked you. For all he knew, she had hated you since the first time you met him back at the park. All this time, his mom probably only tolerated you because she knew how much you meant to him.

“The show must go on. Worry about her later.” With that, his mom stood up and left him again with his thoughts.

It took him around five long minutes to realize that his mom was right. The show really must go on. Whether you came or not, he still had a competition to win.

Just as he stood up from his seat, he heard someone run to him.

“Am I late?” you asked in the midst of panting, seemingly you've been running.

Upon hearing your voice, Jungkook smiled. “Well, I’ll be on in a bit. So, kinda?”

“I know you’re gonna do great, as always.”

“And I know you’re gonna ask me for a free meal if I win.”

“‘When’ you win, you mean,” you corrected him.

He laughed heartily. He didn’t know why but you always managed to lighten his mood. “I think it’s time to talk to coach Lee. He’s been waiting for me.”

“It’s your own fault for waiting for me.” You lightly pushed his shoulder.

“It’s your fault for being late.”

“You know why I’m late.”

“You snoozed your alarm again?”

“Yep.” You pushed him again, this time a bit harder. “Now go. The competition’s about to begin.”

“Go sit beside my mom, yeah?”

You huffed. “Your mom doesn’t like me. I’ll sit here. I’ll find you once it’s over.”

“I tell you multiple times to ignore her. I want you there.”

The swimming competition went just like how his other competitions went. He listened to coach Lee, shook the hands of other participants, swam like he was born for it, and won the competition. It was easy. It became a routine.

“But your mom doesn’t. I’ll be okay, seriously. Just go, your mom’s already glaring at me.”

The crowd surrounding him and congratulating him, him thanking them, and him waiting for your turn to congratulate him also became a routine. A boring routine that he would rather skip. He’d rather celebrate with the people he loved, his mom and you.

After the crowd around him left, you finally came up to him and gave him a big hug despite his body was still half wet. It was the 'you' Jungkook always knew, supporting him no matter what.

“Congratulations,” you whispered to his ear. “Again.”

“You sound like you’re tired of congratulating me,” Jungkook joked once you let go of him.

“I'm not tired when it comes to getting free food.”

Jungkook chuckled. “You’re lucky the prize money I'll get will be a bit more than usual. I can take you to that new cafe you’ve always wanted to try.”

“Really?”

He nodded. In his mind, he could only imagine how beautiful your smile would be and how the glimmer of happiness in your eyes shined through. And just like that, the wish to be able to see you grew stronger.

Knowing how his mom was towards you, Jungkook took the initiative to celebrate his win in two different settings: once with his mom and once with you. He’d always done that despite deep down wanting to celebrate it with both his mom and you.

+++

“What’s your plan?” you asked after you picked up your ice cream that he paid.

“For? Don’t be cryptic, please,” Jungkook replied in a bored tone.

“For swimming, of course. I bet you’re gonna get another offer.”

“Already did. Coach Lee wanted me to join this year’s national competition. He thinks it’d be good for pushing my career forward.”

“I assume you accept it?”

“It’s not like I have any other competition at the moment.”

“Yeah, you’re right, I guess. When will it be, though?”

“Still a few months away.” He laughed when he noticed the strain in your voice. He assumed it was because you were nervous for him. “If you’re worried I don’t get enough rest, relax. Coach Lee purposely makes me rest for around a month.”

“For a person who’s never been to a national competition before, you sure seem so chill.”

“If I stress it out, I’ll be unreasonably overthinking.”

“Good wisdom.”

“I know. I’m always wise.”

“Says the one who got scratched by a cat because they kept annoying it.”

It was true, though, he indeed was scratched by a cat once. That was one experience that he didn’t want to repeat ever.

Jungkook protested, “That’s just one time.”

“But that one time makes you not always wise,” you teased him.

“I’ll never win an argument against you, will I?”

+++

Time flew after that. Jungkook really did take a break for a month. If by break it meant he was swimming every other day instead of everyday. And once the month was up, he was training intensely until it was exactly a month before his competition.

Knowing well that you were waiting for him on the bleachers, Jungkook left you to change his clothes into his swimsuit. To say that he was excited for today’s training was an understatement. His last training ended with him beating his previous record. And the day before that, he received an email from the mayor that he was proud of Jungkook for representing his city for the next national competition. He basically was on a roll for the last few days.

So it nearly broke his heart, he could almost physically hear it, when he came to the bleachers and his mom told him that you left.

“Why did she leave?” Jungkook asked with his eyebrows furrowed. That was not very Y/n of you to leave without noticing him.

“Who knows,” his mom answered while gently nudging him to walk towards the pool, “She has always been rude.”

“No, she’s not,” he protested. “Something really did happen, mom. Did she said something to you?”

“Nope,” his mom replied quickly. “Well, you can always call her later. You have more important things to do now.”

That was what he did. He practiced, practiced, and practiced. Lap upon laps he did, trying to shake the thought of you, yet he failed. A tiny voice at the back of his head kept telling him to check up on you ASAP.

Once practice ended, even before coach Lee could give him a feedback, he went straight to the changing room, changed into his clothes, and dragged his mom away.

“Where are you going?” his mom inquired behind him. “Coach Lee hasn’t done talking.”

“I want to meet Y/n.”

“She’s probably fine, Jungkook. You’re gonna look stupid in front of her for doing this.”

“You always tell me to trust my gut feeling. My gut feeling is saying that I need to go to her now.”

“Do you even know where she is?”

Jungkook was stunned for a second. He didn’t know where you were.

“I’m gonna call her. Let’s go to the car first.” With that, he pulled his mom again in the direction of the parking lot.

Inside the car, he indeed called you, but no matter how many times he tried, they all went through.

“No wonder,” his mom commented, “That girl seemed like she doesn’t care about you.”

“If she didn't care about me, she wouldn’t have come.”

“Probably she’s in her moody phase. Give her some time.”

Having enough of his mom’s rude comments, Jungkook snapped, “Mom, please. I don’t have time for this. Just take me to Y/n’s house.”

“I thought she’s with you,” your dad answered after opening the door to a very worried Jungkook. “This morning she said she was gonna accompany you to practice.”

“She did, but then left without telling me.”

“We’re gonna try to contact her, don’t worry,” your mom’s voice spoke up. “Just go take a rest, you seem so tired.”

Upon hearing your mom’s words, he realized that his shoulders had been hurting and his legs were cramping. Jungkook sighed. “But please tell me when you find her.”

“Of course.”

But no one contacted him for the next few days. Not you, and definitely not your parents. As days went on, he became more and more anxious. His phone calls and texts still hadn’t gone through. It was as if you disappeared off the surface of Earth.

He couldn’t even imagine what had happened to you to make you suddenly disappear that day. Not only that, the fact that his mom became more insufferable the more he talked about you made his blood boil every time he thought about it.

There was one time when Jungkook, who never raised his voice at anyone, raised his voice at his mom.

“Right now, your practice is more important than Y/n,” his mom had said.

At first, Jungkook had tried to ignore her in hopes that she wouldn’t say anything else. But he was dead wrong.

“Jungkook, are you listening to me? I said, focus on your practice, stop thinking of Y/n.”

And just like that, Jungkook had snapped, “You’re not helping at all, mom.”

Little did he know that him snapping at his mom only made his feelings even worse.

There was also a time when Jungkook deliberately ran away from practice after hearing his mom’s words about you, leaving both his mom and coach Lee worried. Sure he came back later that day, but he had hoped it was enough of a sign that he didn’t like what his mom had said.

“She’s been gone for days. I doubt she’ll come back. She probably already forgets you by now,” was what his mom had said to trigger such a reaction from him.

And it was only the day before when Jungkook had yet again rebelled, this time to the point he was gone all day.

That day, Jungkook’s mom had said something along the lines of, “You should be glad that Y/n’s out of the picture, you can focus more on winning the competition.”

But to be quite honest, it didn’t make him focus on his practice anymore.

His time was slower and slower to the point coach Lee – who was never mad at anyone – stopped that day’s practice abruptly.

“Whatever problem you have right now, I hope you deal with it soon. I don’t want your head out of the game like this, especially not when the competition comes.” With that, coach Lee had ushered him home.

Later that day at home, his mom had also lectured him about ‘being a good son’ and ‘making your parents proud’. But he cared none of that. He still had a missing best friend to find.

His mom had sighed when she realized that Jungkook hadn’t been listening to her. “I don’t know what else I need to do. Paying for your practices takes almost all of my savings, yet you're getting worse and worse.” Then she whined, “Tell me what more I need to do.”

Only two words had come out of his mouth. “Find Y/n.”

+++

For a few days after that, Jungkook still kept at it with his acts. He only came to practice when he felt like it. Once he was no longer in the mood, he just left. Not at home, but somewhere where he didn’t have to meet his mom – the playground where you and he met the first time. He wasn’t gonna lie to himself about the fact that he frequently went to the playground in hope to find you there. But just like how bare his phone is from your messages, the playground was bare of your presence.

Sitting at the playground made him remember that one time when you and Jungkook planned to go visit your grandpa that lived just outside the city.

One day after sitting at the playground for sometime, he walked back home with an ache both at his chest and head. While the competition was getting closer and closer, he was still no closer to finding you. He almost ran out of time, and unfortunately, also his patience.

As he felt his cane touched the familiar gravel in front of his house, he sighed. It was time to face his mom again. But right before he opened the front door, he heard a talking voice from inside. He recognized the voice as his mom's. He pondered for a moment whether he should walk in and interrupt his mom. Then he decided against it when he heard his name in his mom's conversation. It sounded like his mom was on a phone call since he couldn't hear the other person's reply.

"–lengths I did for Jungkook." Pause. "I just want the best for him since it's gonna be his first national competition." Pause. "I got rid of his best friend." Pause. Jungkook felt like his heart stopped beating for a moment. "Yes, the girl who made him blind."

If his heart stopped beating before, now it was beating so fast. Adrenaline was pumped throughout his body, making his head almost hurt.

There was no way what his mom had said was true. None of it. Not the fact that his mom got rid of you and definitely not the fact that you made him blind. No way. His mom was just bluffing.

But as much as he liked to believe that, his mom still carried on with the conversation. "I don't know what else to do." Pause. "I've tried everything I could, but now he just skips practice whenever he wants." Long pause. “Guess I’ll try that. Thanks.” Pause. “Bye.”

With a huff, Jungkook opened the door. As he closed the door behind him, he heard his mom gasping.

“You’re already home?” she asked.

He shrugged. “I am, for a while.”

“Did you hear everything?”

“Not everything. But enough to know what you did.” Jungkook deemed it was the right time to let out his anger bit by bit.

“So now you know the truth. Why I don’t like Y/n and why I got rid of her.” It sounded like there was no remorse at all.

+++

It was his fourth birthday. Just like how kids who had birthdays before him celebrated their birthday with the whole class, Jungkook also celebrated his birthday with his classmates.

“Jungkook!” A little girl called him while running up to him.

He smiled upon seeing the big present on the girl’s hand. It was big enough to fill the girl’s hands full.

Once she was close enough, she handed the gift to him. “This is for you. Happy birthday.”

Jungkook accepted it. “Thank you, Y/n.”

Like any other class full of kindergarten kids, the class was chaotic. The teacher was busy trying to sit everyone down and left the birthday boy with his best friend on their own. That was a big mistake.

Little you had seen a lot of funny videos depicting pranks people do on their friends and wanted to try one on Jungkook. So just as Jungkook wanted to take a seat beside you, you pulled his seat, making him fall butt first to the hard floor.

Then everything flew by. He only remembered faintly. He remembered his loss of vision. He remembered hearing cries. He heard a lot of cries. From himself, Y/n, his parents, Y/n’s parents, even the teachers. Then the strong smell of disinfectant indicated to him that he was in a hospital.

There were also doctor’s checkups. A lot of doctor’s checkups. He remembered those checkups almost made him stay up all night. It was hard to forget how scared he was of the doctors handling him.

The only memory that engraved into his mind was when the doctor told his parents that he was permanently blind because of the accident. Then he heard more of his parents’ cries.

+++

Jungkook shook his head in disbelief. “You’re wrong, mom.”

“You’re still defending her?” His mom raised his voice. “Look what happened to you after she came into your life.”

“I’m defending her because the good things she’s done outdid the bad things.”

His mom grunted.

“Yes, she might be the one who made me blind, but she is – was – also the one who pushed me to become a national athlete.” Jungkook regained his breath before continuing his speech. “At the start, I didn’t really like swimming. But when Y/n said that it was cool to be able to swim fast, I was motivated.” Pause. “And don’t even talk about how many times she supported me, accompanied me. She never skips coming to my competitions and practices.”

All he said was true. As much as he wanted to hate you, he couldn’t. A part of him – a big part – still needed you and missed you.

With one last statement, Jungkook ended his conversation with his mom. “You not being able to forgive Y/n is the reason why my career almost ruined. If you really want me to succeed, help me find Y/n.”

It didn’t even take his mom more than three days to find you.

Jungkook was listening to a podcast when he received a notification from his mom. Words couldn’t explain how shocked he was when he realized it was the address he knew well – your grandpa’s house. With you on his mind, he left his house and went to where you were.

Because your grandpa only lived outside the city, it didn’t take long for Jungkook to arrive there. The familiar smell of lavender still lingered just like how he remembered it. He smiled internally knowing that your grandpa still took care of his lavender plants after all this time.

Right before he got the time to step further near your grandpa’s house, he heard a voice calling him. He instantly recognized it as yours.

“What are you doing here?” you asked, your voice getting louder by the second indicating that you were walking towards him.

Couldn’t hide his smile because of meeting you again, he grinned. “What are you doing here?”

“I asked the question first.”

Jungkook sighed. Still the same stubborn Y/n that he knew. “I’m looking for you. Now answer my question.”

“Helping my grandpa around. It’s been some time since I went here.”

“But you never stayed here this long.”

“Is that a problem?”

Jungkook’s face fell. It looked like you didn’t want to talk about the elephant in the room. “I think I know the reason why you’re here.”

“Of course, I already told you the answer.”

“No, I mean–” he hesitated, not sure how to break it to you, “–I know the truth. And I’m sure you know about it, too.”

You grunted. “Jungkook, I don’t understand. What are you talking about?”

He decided to just drop the bomb at once. “The accident when we were young, my blindness, my mom hating you and making you leave me.”

He heard you chuckle at his response. “If you really think the reason I’m here is because of your mom, you’re dead wrong.”

Good. He made you angry.

“I’m not gonna beat around the bush, if you have nothing important to do here, I suggest you leave.”

“Can we talk about this first?”

“What is there to talk about?”

“Everything!”

“I don’t have the time. Just go home.” Jungkook heard your footsteps, you were walking away.

“Please, Y/n,” Jungkook called.

“What is there to talk about?” you repeated the question after stopping in your tracks.

Almost giving up, he answered, “Us.”

“We should never be friends, Jungkook. Your mom was right to separate us.”

“Why?”

“Look at you!” you half-yelled. “Look at what I did to you! Oh, gosh, I can’t even look at you without hating myself.”

“Y/n-” Jungkook took a step.

“No. Listen to me first. I’m really grateful to know you. But your mom was right. I did too much damage to you. We can never be friends.”

“Y/n, I don’t understand what you mean by that. It was an accident, yes, you knew no better. But don’t think it was a tragedy. It wasn’t and it’ll never be,” Jungkook tried to reason with you.

“How can you call it ‘not a tragedy’ while you’re standing there unable to see permanently?”

“I lived with this for so long I almost forget what it feels like to be able to see. Being blind is a part of me now and I already accept it. But why can’t you and mom accept me?”

The next thing he knew, you ran to him and hugged him so tight he was scared that would break a bone. But another part of him, his heart specifically, drumming against his chest he was sure you could hear it.

“I’m so, so, so sorry. You don’t even know how much I’m sorry,” your cries muffled by his shirt. “I’m sorry if I couldn’t accept you. Never even think once that I have bad intentions towards you. I would never do those things to you intentionally.”

Jungkook patted your hair softly. He was lying if your cries didn't hurt him. “I know, I’ve forgiven you a long time ago.”

“I tried to make amends with you. I befriended you, supported you, accompanied you. I basically did everything I could do. But when I realized that you were nicer than what I had thought, I only felt worse.”

“I understand.” This time Jungkook brushed his hair through your fingers. Your hair smelled like strawberries, the exact smell he liked. The smell he had missed.

“And when your mom told me that you would do better without me, I believed her.”

“That’s where she’s wrong. I did worse, you can ask her. I couldn’t do it without you.”

You pulled back slightly, but not breaking the hug. “But you’re so good at swimming.”

Jungkook smiled. “Only when you’re watching. So, can you, please, accompany me again?”

“What about your mom? She would be angry.”

“I already explained everything to her. In fact, she was the one giving away your location.”

“That’s because you forced her,” you whined.

“To be honest, I don’t really care if she still can’t accept you. At least she won’t bother you, hopefully.”

You sighed happily. “Okay. I trust you.”

As he laid on his bed that night,

*Add a scene where Jungkook lays at night, thinking about how grateful he is for making amends with you. He also realizes that maybe he has a crush on you.*

+++

True to your words, you went with him during his practices. Although his mom never talked to you or even approached you, Jungkook felt like things were going better. At least she wasn’t talking bad about you anymore.

On the D-day, you came early – even before Jungkook himself – much to his surprise.

“You’re already here,” Jungkook said in surprise when he heard you call him. His mom was talking to coach Lee, giving him the perfect opportunity to talk to his best friend.

“For around 15 minutes, yeah,” you confirm. “Are you nervous?”

“Don’t even ask that kind of question.”

“Okay, sorry.” You laughed. Oh, how he missed that sound. “Hey, I don’t know if you’re allowed to eat a lollipop before a competition, but I’d like to give you this.”

He felt you pushing what felt like a lollipop into his hand.

“Aside from eating heavy meals, I can eat anything. So, thanks.” He opened the lollipop and put it into his mouth.

“I thought it would make you feel less nervous.”

“You know I can handle nervousness well.”

“You’ve never been to a national competition before, though.”

“Fair enough.” A sudden thought flash in his mind. “Y/n, I have something to tell you, but I think it’s better to tell you after the competition.”

Though it was a nation-wide competition, everything went quite similar like Jungkook’s previous competitions. Minutes before the competition began, he received a briefing from coach Lee, shook hands with the other competitors, and then the competition finally began.

Everything slowed down once he was in the water, it was only him, his mind, and the flow of water around him. Much to his surprise, everything went smoother and calmer than he had anticipated. He never knew that national competitions weren’t much different from his other competitions. In short, he was in his element again. He felt free.

Sooner than what he had liked, the competition ended and he was allowed to go home empty-handed. Empty-handed because he lost. He came in fourth place. Not as good as what his mom wanted, but for a newbie like him, it was just the beginning. He wasn’t sure what was the reason, but he really wasn’t feeling sad or anything.

Once he walked out the changing rooms, he felt someone hugging him. From the smell, he could tell it was you.

“I’m super proud of you. Fourth place in your first national competition? You’re gonna be a legend,” you rambled in his ear while still hugging him.

Jungkook hugged you back. “Thanks.”

You finally let him go. “I overheard coach Lee tell your mom that there’ll be another national competition. The organizer isn’t as big as this one, but he thinks it’ll be good for you.”

“Wow. Isn’t that, like, too soon?”

“Don’t know when it’ll be, though. You can just ask coach Lee.”

“I will. Thanks, Y/n.”

“So, do you have something to tell me?”

Jungkook furrowed his eyebrows. “Huh?”

“Before the competition, you told me you have something to tell me.”

“Oh, right.” To be honest, he kinda wanted to regret it as soon as he had said it back then. Damn you to always remind him.

“What is it?”

“It’s nothing serious.”

“It sounded serious.”

Jungkook groaned. “Do you really need to know?”

“Of course. I’m your best friend. I’m ready to listen to whatever you say.”

“Then I hope you’re ready to change that status, too,” he blurted. Jungkook wanted to hit himself as soon as he realized what he had said.

Y/n coughed, probably in surprise. “What? What status?”

Jungkook took a deep breath. “I have liked you since I could remember. Don’t you think it’s time to change our status from best friends to something more?”

There was a delay in your answer. Jungkook bit his bottom lip, scared you wouldn’t like what he had said.

“Right now?”

“Well, yeah, if you’d like.”

“Of course I’d like to.” Then Jungkook felt your weight on him; you hugged him again, this time stronger than before.

And without words, Jungkook felt your soft lips on his. It tasted better than what he had imagined. He smiled to the kiss.

There were two things on top of Jungkook’s wishlist: to be able to see you and to be your boyfriend. At least he was able to check the latter.

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frostycatblr-fandom-files · 1 year

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Heeeeeyyyyy

Can I drop a request? (You can say kriff off and I will still love you ❤️)

I'd like a little soft Hunter? Or any clone really if you wanna try someone new.

I had one of the worst days in a long time about two weeks ago. It was the first anniversary of my caretaker's death combined with the worst day at work I've ever experienced. I cried for the thirty minute drive home, and for another 30 curled up catatonic on the couch. I tried to quit my job, called my mom sobbing, it was a very bad time.

Cue some clone comfort? You absolutely do not need to use the details of my bad day, that's just what was going on and inspired my ask.

Anywho, here's two cats as payment:

🌙Hex🔮

Omg of course you can drop a request, Hex, always!! You're actually the first person to make a request too, and I was so surprised I kinda cried. 🥺

Penelope and Baklava are so cute all cuddled up like that too aaaa~

I hope you like what I came up with, sweetheart; and I'm sorry you're Going Through It™ as well, too. I'm currently there for different reasons and it suuuucks so this was extremely cathartic. Hope things will get better soon, love. 🩷

W&I: Minor proofreading and plot. 2nd person POV, undescribed fem!Reader. Emotional angst. Talks and thoughts centered on the loss of a person only described as a "loved one" without explicit mention of relation to you or their role in your life. Can be read as an established relationship fic. Hunter's just being real sweet on you to cheer you up. Little sprinkling of Mando'a. Minor language. No real age rating for this one.

Word-count: 2,383

That's it.

You're done.

You're so over this place.

If one more patron tries to tell me to smile while using some variation of darling or sweetheart, I'll give him teeth alright: in the flesh of his arm, you think to yourself.

It's not exactly an appropriate time to laugh, but if you don't snicker softly to yourself over the thought of such a forbidden fantasy, you're going to cry. You're going to cry before you squeeze through the doors that read EMPLOYEES ONLY and make your way to the machine to clock yourself out of your shift and get yourself home. Who gives a load of Kryatespit if it only earns the customer's ire to have you laughing at him?

Right now, if you had your way, if you gave into your impulse, you'd quit. You'd turn in your uniform, your name badge, and any little piece of company property you'd ever acquired so these soul-sucking middle managers and CEOs can't come around and accuse you of anything.

You didn't want to be here today. You didn't want to get out of bed today. But you couldn't get the time off approved. Some banthashit about too few hands to run the place as it is.

Well maybe if you hired more kriffing people…

"Your receipt is in the bag. Enjoy the rest of your day, sir." When you give the customer his purchase with these phrases you're required to say, it means he can leave now and take his smug attitude with him. Social obligations means he's going to tell you the same. An empty, hollowed out "Thanks, you too." that perfectly encapsulates how you feel inside.

How the hell am I supposed to enjoy today of all days? One of the most important people to me in this galaxy isn't here anymore.

I don't want to be here at this job anymore… I just want to quit.

You keep your head down when you clock-out, and grab your things. You don't return sentiments of farewell from any of your co-workers, and you don't respond to the request to trade shifts with someone for some BS reason. "Hey, c'moooon! Please?! I've got things I wanna do that day!" they whine after you, calling to your retreating back.

Don't we all? I just wanted to stay home and maybe sob into a carton of ice cream while looking at my photos of my loved one. We don't always get what we want.

What you want is to go home. Think of how you're going to call in, or write up your two weeks notice, or just cold-quit while you're sitting in your transport and-

You find an unexpected figure leaning against your transport when you step out into the employee lot, their back to you. What the hell? You begin rifling through your bag for something to arm yourself with, perhaps something like a bottle of cheap perfume you have in there somewhere that you can spray in their eyes, or maybe there's something you can throw in their direction, tell them to scram. Or maybe their after your credits, so you hope you can just tell them to take your credits and not cause you any trouble and-

Looking over his left shoulder, you find yourself staring at the ink of the skeletal tattoo and a side profile framed by waves of curled, brown hair you'd recognize anywhere.

"H-Hunter?"

Hunter turns to face you, his hands fiddling with the knot of his crimson bandana to work it loose. That's when you finally realized why you didn't recognize who was leaning against your vehicle in the growing, deepening purple shadows of the late afternoon. "I thought you'd be a little happier to see me than that," he says with a look that's somewhere between a typical smile and a concerned frown, "but I guess you didn't realize it was me. And I guess I shouldn't have been standing here with my back to you, either." Hunter slips the accessory around his head and reties it with a hasty knot. "Sorry about that, mesh'la."

There's a million questions swimming over the top of your tongue, each one vying to be asked. "Wha-? How did-? Why are you-?"

Hunter does his best to answer the questions he believes you're trying to ask. "Crosshair gave me a lift here so I could drive you home once you got off work." he says, holding a hand out. He's offering to take your bag and the keys to your vehicle. "As for why, well: it's today. I saw it written on your calendar the last time I came to visit. It's been a year since you lost your loved one. I figured you might be just holding it together by the time your shift ended, and… I think I was right." His hand cups the soft curve of your cheek, the pad of his thumb collecting the first tears that have begun to escape the confines of your tear ducts.

Hunter sweetly helps you into the passenger seat, and gets any and all safety belts secured before he himself climbs behind the controls and gets ready to take you home.

"We'll pick up whatever you want to eat on the way home, if that's what you want, cyar'ika." he offers, gently resting the palm of his hand on your trembling shoulder for a brief moment. He's not certain if you want a lot of these gestures of reassuring, physical touch, but it's what he can offer right now so you know that he's there for you.

Right here, right now, as you weep silently into the sleeves of your work uniform in the passenger seat, Hunter is here for you. And he's not going anywhere until he's either satisfied with his efforts to do his best to lift your spirits, or until you ask him to leave.

Remnants of the comfort-food you'd requested are either tucked away with the rest of your leftovers, or swept up and deposited into the kitchen trash by Hunter when he makes the offer to do a bit of tidying up. Gentle murmurings that he doesn't want you to worry about it, he'll take care of everything.

He'll take care of you. Hunter's not going to judge you for your tears. Or for telling him how you wished you could have reamed out this difficult customer. Or for how you shout in your episodic instances of anger, calling your manager a spineless and incompetent little twit who needed to get their act together and quit being so cheap and to hire more people so you're not running yourself so karking ragged.

Nor does he admonish you for how silly it was that you're complaining about the rip in your clothing made by the thorns found in one of the bushes outside your house, or easily you fall apart into a mess of tears at the gentle hand on your shoulder when he joins you on the sofa once again.

"Could this day get any worse?!" you sob, your face hot with anger and grief, and your voice thick and choked with the respective emotions.

Hunter is patient and endlessly perceptive; tucking your body just right against him, the way you need him right now. "C'mere, cyare… You've certainly had a pretty thorny day… And I don't blame you for simply just having enough of it all. I don't blame you at all." he promises, sweetly and softly peppering your face in tender kisses with the intention of comfort.

"I've been having a lot of thorny days lately…" you admit with a stutter, burying your face into the material of his shirt. Hunter smells like sun-warmed cotton and the heavy tang of seawater. Of course now you can't tell if you smell hints of his homeworld on him, or if that's the dried tear stains from earlier. When the two of you simply sat in the parked vehicle once you'd gotten home, Hunter leaned over the center console so you could weep into his shoulder. You'd dialed up your job, ready to tell them that they needed to find someone else, but you couldn't go through with it. Not then, anyways. You haven't been able to make up your mind, either.

Hunter rubs little circles with his thumb into your shoulder blade as he holds you close, saying that he's sorry to hear you've been struggling lately. That he's sorry you're having hard days. "I just want them to stop!" you sob softly, feeling his fingers gently caress the back of your head, and the deep rumble in his ribs as he asks you to take a deep breath, promising that he's here. That he'll help however he needs.

If you breathe him in deeply enough, you could probably find something from all of his brothers. Something sugary that he was offered a bite of to share with his brother as Wrecker indulged his sweet tooth. The rich blend of caf Tech was partial to lately, that could give him the jitters when Hunter drank it by mistake. The smooth notes of the polishing agent Crosshair spoiled his Firepuncher with because he swore nothing else would do. The faint whiff of synthetic lubricant that must mean Echo had performed upkeep on his prosthetics today or the day before.

"There we go," Hunter says softly in praise, feeling the frenzied beating of your heart begin to slow and your tears eventually peter out, "it'll be okay, cyare."

You sniffle, mumbling softly into Hunter's chest. "I'm just so scared that it won't. And I feel silly for feeling so scared..." His arms stitch just a little tighter around you in return when you pull yourself against him, feeling his breath against the top of your head. You just feel so small in your sadness today. But in his arms, the way you fit just right…

The way he's so steady, you feel so loved and protected when you're at your most vulnerable.

Hunter hushes you, pulling the hair back from your face with a gentle touch once you sit up again. "Tech would probably tell you that that fear is a natural and normal part of life, and that there's no use to feel silly about it. And, even if the way he'd probably say it isn't so gentle, he'd be right. How you're feeling today - angry and upset about your job and wanting to quit, and how much you miss your loved one - is all very thorny and uncomfortable, and no one likes feeling like that. But it's normal. And it's nothing to be ashamed of. And I promise you, I'm here to help. However I'm needed. However long you need me to hold you and make you feel loved while you're feeling down."

The gentle reminder is just what you need. You're not dealing with this alone. That if you're going to quit your job, Hunter would do whatever you asked of him to help you get ready to sever those ties if you felt it was time. That even though you're left with a hole in your heart with the passing of this loved one who was very important to you, Hunter doesn't expect his presence to merely fill it like it's nothing.

That's the marvelous thing about the human heart.

It can hold so much love for so many people if you let it.

You're certain your eyes look so swollen and red. You're certain you'll find more tears to shed when the thorns of grief find their excuse to make you weep once more, but right now, Hunter's hands have carefully and kindly cleaned away the last of them. He's so gentle and sweet on you, right now.

"Hey… what if," Hunter begins, offering in a soft, low voice between the kisses he stamps in the crown of your hair and trails down one side of your jaw to the other, "you changed out of your uniform, and we found something to watch together now that we've had something to eat? Something silly. Maybe something romantic. Or both. Whatever you want, cyare. I don't care what it is." he promises.

You fiddle with the frayed and torn edge of your clothing that had been caught on the thorny plant outside. "What if I just want more cuddles after I change?" Hunter laughs gently, nodding as he reluctantly releases you so you can slip into something comfortable and try to end this day on a happier note.

(You're going to have to send Crosshair a message later to thank him for doing Hunter a favor by giving his brother a lift and dropping him off.)

"Whatever you want. Especially if that's more cuddles." Hunter says once more with a warm smile, hooking your pinky fingers together so he can hold some part of you just a moment longer. If you found comfort in his touch and wanted more of it, he was happy to provide.

You're pulled back into Hunter's arms when you come back to the living room after you've thrown on a comfortable pair of clothes, finding yourself wrapped up tight. He's so strong, like all of his brothers, and every ounce of it is devoted to comfort and consoling you right now.

Hunter is so warm and comfortable, and you're so emotionally drained that it's hard to resist the act of nuzzling one cheek into his chest and closing your eyes to simply relish this quiet moment. You don't know what you want to do, but you just know that you need this. Hunter knows it too.

People need a good hug now and again. This galaxy could be so cruel and thorny to the people who mattered most to us, that sometimes what they needed most was an act of deliberate softness to remind them everything would be okay. That the bad times will pass.

That while our hearts yearn and grieve for the ones we miss the most, the room we had for them in our hearts will always remain no matter how long they've been gone.

And the people we love in the here and now will fit themselves next to that jagged space and trim back the thorns, if we only ask.

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howtotrainyourrei · 7 months

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anywho here are maneskins albums ranked according to which ones i like best, if you're also into them i would love to hear your thoughts (this is also LONG AS FUCK)

1. TEATRO D'IRA

this was the first one i listened to, i dont even remember why, i vaguely remember thinking of beggin' and being like,, omg i remember that song, i wonder if they have any good albums. so i googled which maneskin album was best and MY LIFE WAS TRANSFORMED. every single song on this album is such a banger there are no skips, like usually on albums i like there are at least a couple songs where i'm like,, ehhh could be better. NOT HERE. idk which song is my favourite i think it's a tie between IWBYS, coraline, zitti e buoni, and vent'anni (literally that is half of the album, that's how good it is).

anyway i love love love the hard rock sound, but it's also not just that, like there is so much variation but it's all very cohesive. maneskin is known for their unique sound so that makes sense but my mind is still sort of boggled. it has like some harder songs but they all feel emotional?? i dont even speak italian but without even looking up the translation i almost cried from coraline because it was so beautiful. and vent'anni is ON ANOTHER LEVEL. IT IS THE PERFECT SONG TO END AN ALBUM WITH. it like combines all the ideas of the album into one song, it has hard rock elements but it still almost feels like a ballad.? GOD I LOVE THIS ALBUM. i think it might be my second fabourite album of all time now,,, it's just actually perfect. i think it's the best album i've heard in 2024. FUCK ITS SO GOOD.

2. RUSH! (ARE U COMING?)

GOD GOD GODDDDD THIS ALBUM. this is a totally different sound to any of their other albums. it's also LITERALLY DOUBLE THE LENGTH OF THEIR PREVIOUS LONGEST ALBUM (il ballo della vita, which is 34 minutes) WHICH MEANS THIS ALBUM HAS ONE HOUR AND EIGHT MINUTES OF MUSIC. TEATRO D'IRA ONLY HAS 30 MINUTES!!!! YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THIS IS REVOLUTIONARY. okay so this album was at first released just as RUSH! with five less songs, but apparently as they continued touring and stuff they felt they had more to say so they added more songs (correct me if i'm wrong but i think this is what happened). I AM OBSESSED WITH THIS ALBUM, IT IS ONCE AGAIN VERY GENIUS. the songs are almosr completely english. i really love their italian songs, but they have always wanted to write in english so i understand why they're moving back to english.

SO!! this album is so good, it has a lot of extra depth that none of their previous albums had (musically),, except for maybe il ballo della vita. like in teatro d'ira it's basically just bass, guitar, drums, vocals, and tambourine. there might be a couple other instruments but the reason that album is so strong is because of the foundation and stuff. but with rush! there is not only a strong foundation but they also had so many types of songs!!!! there were ballads, there were harder songs, but there were also weird songs like bla bla bla and kool kids. i really LOVE kool kids, i love the punk sound. i think my favourite songs are HONEY (ARE U COMING), off my face, gossip, timezone, baby said, feel, and mammamia but EVERY SONG IS SO GOOD. just like the prev albums THERE ARE NO SKIPS!! that is so crazy for me because even with my one love (david bowie's ziggy stardust and the whatever lol) there is one skip, and måneskin has THREE ALBUMS WITH NO SONGS I WANT TO SKIP. THIS IS SO RARE FOR ME YOU DONT UNDERSTAND. i got off track there back to rush. this album is, also, SO COHESIVE. despite all the different styles they try it all fits together so well, it's such a magical experience to listen to this album. okay so this album was going to be number three on this list but i'm going to switch it now bc im currently listening to it and writing this is sort of changing my mind lol, ITS SO GODDAMN GOOD. tbh i would say this album is equally aa good as teatro d'ira but i have a sentimental attachment to teatro already lol and it's also more my usual style of music.

3. Chosen (this is an ep but whatever)

so this was their first album thing they ever released, it's mostly covers but there are two originals which are the first two songs. the originals are SO GOOD expecially for being some of the first music they ever released????? im obsessed with chosen (the song), i really REALLY love the line "this is not music, this is my life, this is what i live for." IT FEELS SO TRUE BC THATS HOW I FEEL ABOUT MUSIC (i literally do not make music i just like it lol but its like an important part of my life idfk but this line just hits hard) anyway i think the reason i like this album sm is because it's a lot more lighthearted?? i really like the style of their music, how it all feels connected even though it's mostly covers. also i think i like this album so much too because i found this english translation where they competed on x factor and most of these songs were there (if anyone wants the link lmk).

my favourite song by far tho is SOMEBODY TOLD ME. GOD FUCKING DAMN THEY EXECUTED THAT SONG SO WELL. and their FUCKING PERFORMANCE on x factor that went with it was SO GODDAMN GOOD. i love watching choreography and stuff, its my fucking jam, but i dont usually feel actual emotions about it?? like obviously it was very attractive, damiano is stunning, but also it was just so gorgeous..?? i felt real emotions watching that one performance, it was so good. im going to put the link at the bottom of the post bc GOOD LORD. god that was a brilliant performance. anyway i just love the sound of this ep, it's very raw and i really love that it was when they were first starting out,,

also the goofy little intros on both of the original songs on these albums are SO FUNNY why did he do that

4. Il ballo della vita

we've reached the final album :(((( i honestly feel bad for putting it at the end, but the reason it's all the way down here is because there's actually a couple songs i don't love, so i'll say those first. the first one is immortale. i cant tell if its a bad song or not, but i think its good, i just personally dont love it lol. but the other one is "are you ready?" this song is not even that bad it's just kind of goofy, but once again, it's not my usual style of music and it's not something i think i would listen to if it wasn't maneskin.

okay now we can get into WHAT I LIKE!!!! WHICH IS LITERALLY THE REST OF THE ALBUM. this album's style is very similar actually to the chosen ep, except it's all originals, and it's also VERY EXPERIMENTAL. i love love LOVEEEE that. like you can tell this is their first lp by how many different things they try. they're finding their style BUT IT STILL REMAINS EXTREMELY IDENTIFIABLE. on x factor their little music coach guy kept emphasising that when the other judges commented on how maneskin should try different styles and saying that its more important to be recognisable, but MANESKIN DID BOTH!! they tried so many tyoes of songs with different structures and stuff, but they also remained maneskin. obviously damiano's vocals are a huge part in that, he has a distinct af voice, but it's also the other instruments, i particularly noticed vic's bass, and i love LOVE thomas's riffs OMG. this isn't even just on this album. i dont play guitar so i have no idea if he's technically skilled (i think he is???) but i LOVE HIS STYLE AND THE CLASSIC MANESKIN RIFFS OMGGGGG. anyway tho the reason this album is so good bc it has so much variation, although i would say it's not as cohesive as the other albums, even chosen. my favourite songs tho are definitely torna a casa, fear for nobody, and close to the top. torna a case is a BEAUTIFUL ballad. it's brilliant and amazing,, i LOVE that song.

also, they made a documentary about the making of this album which was so so interesting. it was very real, and you kind of get an insight into their dynamic as a band, which was just so SHAJAISISI. but it definitely made me appreciate this album more when i could actually get a look into its production. anyway listen to torna a casa it's gorgeous.

OKAY!!! this was so fun to write actually, i doubt anyone is going to read it because it's so goddamn long but if you did i am kissing you on the lips. here is the promised link to their performance of somebody told me by the killers covered by måneskin https://youtu.be/ADcTUnUJnGs?si=3Iht9sLZn2ZRbuAW

seriously, this band is so good. i'm obsessed with them yeah but they're honestly revolutionary. not only are they basically the only world famous italian band (that i know of at least?? lmk if there are any), but they do so many INTERESTING THINGS. i have been SEARCHING for a modern band who takes old music, particularly 70s bc that's what i'm into, and takes inspiration from it but still makes something original. they are doing so much for music nowadays, obviously there are lots of amazing modern rock bands, but the fact that maneskin is SO popular is crazy to me, it makes me so so happy. and not only that, it's also so amazing that there are two queer band members (vic and ethan) who (especially victoria) talk about being queer. they also act very modest in interviews and stuff, which i really appreciate, and they're all very well-spoken and good at communicating their thoughts even though it's in a second language, which can be SO FRUSTRATING sometimes bc you know what you want to say but it can be so hard in a second language. they are just very eloquent and they act very wonderful (i say "act" and "seem" bc i understand it's a parasocial relationship lol, they could all be assholes, but they seem very, VERY genuine). they all impress me a lot and i am so excited to see what they do next.

damn this is so long im sorry but i had to say this I AM OBSESSED WITH THESE GUYS, maybe if you're also into maneskin or want to get into them you could dm me to talk about them........??..?🥺🥺

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#im actually tagging this bc i need maneskin fans to talk to #good lord i wrote so much #im sorry in advance for this being so hard to read #tldr måneskin is an amazing and revolutionary band #they make so much good and interesting music #måneskin #maneskin #damiano david #victoria de angelis #thomas raggi #ethan torchio #rush! (are u coming?)#Youtube #rei rambles

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