#i managed to mistake a small brown chicken for a hawk once

[auburnlaughter]

Further explanation from kedreeva in the tags

Lady on Facebook: do hawks really avoid black chickens?

This guy:

I can't breathe what the fuck 😂

[singingpeople]

Undoing

Chapter 3

We're not lovers We're just strangers With the same damn hunger To be touched, to be loved To feel anything at all I miss the mornings with you laying in my bed I miss the memories replaying in my head I miss the thought of a forever, you and me

 Halsey - Strangers

@pathybo @beautifulramblingbrains @tigpooh67 @jojuarez26 @iammarylastar @lets-play-truth-or-dare @deepfrz @carefultheyspit @feminamortem  @mom2reesie @kellieabro @lauraaan182 @you-wont-let-me-let-you-go @beltz2016 @frecklefaceb @tomarisela

  I was woken up way too early and I opened my eyes, immediately hit with a terrible headache, eyes red and completely exhausted, not having gotten much sleep to begin with, the sun hadn’t even risen yet. I felt like a zombie.

Natalie had come into the room, shaking us awake one by one, waiting in the hallway while we got up. Almost falling out of my bed, I rubbed the sleep from my eyes only being able to guess how I looked like. What I would have given for a hot shower, a mirror, a little make-up to hide the bags beneath my eyes and Eri–

No, don´t even go there.

 Looking up through burning eyes I found Susan staring at my nightgown and following her line of sight, I realized that the once white gown was almost completely stained with green and brown on the bottom, making it obvious that I had been outside last night. I just hoped there was something to hide the bite marks on my neck with – and suddenly I was thankful for the high-rising neckline of my dress.

Giving her a tight smile, I shrugged my shoulders.

“Couldn’t sleep…”

 Reciprocating, Susan´s expression was soft as she tightened the stocks on her legs before slipping into her shoes, her appearance immaculate while I struggled to get the dress over my head.

“I thought I heard something last night. I´m sure it be easier this night. We have a long day in front of us.”

 Scrunching up my face, I ran a hand through my hair mourning the lost strands. Watching how Susan did her bun with ease, I tried to mirror her movements but mine was way too lose, falling apart instantly. After two more tries, I gave up, looking over to her in despair, holding out a hair clip. "Can you help me, please?"

 “Of course.” Hurrying over, Susan gently took the clip and twisted my hair up with one turn of her wrist, pinning it tightly to my head so it wouldn’t be in the way later.

 “Thank you.” I gave her a tired but genuine smile that she returned and after I tied up my shoes we followed the other two out of the room, this time punctual.

Natalie waited in front of the door, immediately leading us into the foyer where the boys already stood, ready to face the day.

 The first thing we did was preparing breakfast for ourselves which even I managed. It was a tasteless mush consisting of oatmeal and milk, cooked until it was grey and resembled baby food more than actual food. Forcing it down my throat, I suppressed every thought of muffins, scrambled eggs, bacon, and sausages, knowing it would only further my frustration. There was almost no conversation on our table and for once I didn’t care, too tired to fully keep my eyes nonetheless actively participating.

Not without coffee.

 I was only shoving the food from side to side with my spoon when Marcus arrived, freshly shaven as he told us to get up and follow him. Doing as we were told we first had to do the dishes before each of us received the clothes they had taken from us last night, tightly bundled up and held together with cord. Leading us outside we were met by the first rays of sunshine and I closed my eyes, for a moment just reveling feeling the warmth on my skin –

Until Marcus´ voice disrupted the tranquility of the scene.

 “What you have in hands,” he started, hands folded in front of him, a content smile on his face. “is your old life. Instead of burning and throwing it away, which would be a waste, you will gift it to a person of your choice, choosing to let go of the life you are used – is it dependent of our faction, or another – you are a part of us now, adults, honorable members of our society. And we expect that you behave as such.” His dark blue eyes flitting over us, stopping at me a moment longer before addressing us all again.

“Once you have completed initiation, visiting day marking the end of the four weeks, you, that are from here, can return home to share dinner with your parents as equals, not having to wait until you are allowed to speak. Those who come from different factions will have the opportunity to show their families around – if they should come.”

 Hearing that the children here weren’t allowed to speak up, I furrowed my brows, asking myself why anyone would want their children to be quiet but when he mentioned visiting day, my heart fell. There was no way even a single member of my family would come to see me, to see the embarrassment, the shunned human I had become.

 Lost in thought, I didn’t realize Marcus had stopped speaking and led them away, rooted to my spot, gnawing my cheek. Looking up, I saw that they were already several feet away and I hurried after them, the bundle tucked safely under my arm.

Falling into step with Susan, who shot me a questioning look, I gave her a smile and waved it off.

Maybe, Abnegation wouldn’t be so bad as long as I had one friend by my side.

  It took us only fifteen minutes to arrive at the factionless shelter where abnegation gave out food, clothing and sometimes medicine. It was only logical that they would stay so close to their only food source, only starting to become a threat when the stronger ones thought they deserved more than they received. I had seen it, accompanying my brother on patrols frequently. I just prayed he wasn’t there this time.

 The shelter was like I remembered it, mostly woman and elderly, the odd kid that was condemned to live this way without having a chance to redemption all because of its parent’s fault. The whole warehouse was full of scrap, old tables and metal wires, lots of blankets building tents and separating segments from each other.

I know, for the ones that had to search through assembly points like this it was pure hell. The fluttering clothes hiding potential dangers and movements, every piece of metal could be used as a weapon and if you didn’t pay attention or when you´re caught off guard you could shot a child instead of the attacker you assumed hid behind the next wall.

It had happened before and it will happen again.

 Additionally to our old clothes, we had been given a small package consisting of food I was sure was tastier than the stuff we got this morning and I asked myself if they really deserved it after all the stories I´d been told. Then I remembered that my whole life would be devoted to helping them from now on and I forced every one of those tales, every prejudice against factionless to the back of my head, locking them in tightly.

Strolling the rows of factionless, still weary, I had not the slightest idea who I should give the stuff in my hands or how to even approach them until I came across a girl close to my age and statue, her black hair skillfully braided but her clothes tattered.

But the way she held herself as she sat cross-legged, fiddling with a piece of metal in her hand reminded me so much of dauntless that I deemed her worthy of wearing their colors.

Approaching her carefully, I waited until she looked up with a questioning expression until I handed her the items expecting her to rip them out of my hands.

But she merely raised one eyebrow, slowly stretching her hand out to take them from me, her face betraying nothing as she stared at the black fabric.

“I thought they would fit you. The boots are new so they should last for some time or you can trade them for… whatever.”

 She stayed silent and I was already preparing to leave, angry at myself for giving the last things that reminded me of home to someone so ungrateful when she did speak.

“A dauntless transferring to abnegation. How the hell did that happen?”

 “That´s none of you fucking business.” Turning back to her, I smiled sickly sweet, the audacity making my blood boil. But instead of getting up, ready to fight me the girl just started smirking, her face promising nothing but mischief.

 “Couldn’t be because you´re meek, that much´s clear.” She winked at me but a movement from behind me had all traces of amusement vanish from her face, going back to the stony way it was before. A person stepped up to us, his hawk-like eyes narrowing in at the bundle on the girl's lap, his lips curling up into a smile that looked wrong seeing on his face.

 “I see, you understand what it means to give, Casey. But we don´t swear, never. Do you understand?”

 “Of course, Marcus. I´m sorry.” Bowing my head, I avoided his gaze, the frustration inside me running high because he seemed to always be there when I was making a mistake. He tutted once at me before bowing his head to the girl, walking away without a glance back. I watched his back disappear further down the hall, stopping beside one of the boys who was giving an apple to a little boy.

Until she spoke, I´ve had no idea that the girl was doing the same, her face contorted into a sneer as she watched him patronizingly lecture the other initiate, too.

 “Be careful of that one.” Her voice was quiet, but commanding, laced with something akin to distrust. “He´s not all he seems. Behind that posh exterior of his, he doesn’t hide a pile of gold.”

 “Believe me,” I assured her, watching the smile on Marcus' face crumble the second he thought no one was watching him. “I know.”

After we had helped giving food to the factionless that had been brought by other members, we went back to the headquarters to prepare our meal – steamed vegetables, chicken and mashed potatoes once again – this time diverting into two groups: the first would cook, the second do the dishes.

Following Susan´s lead, we were the ones responsible for the vegetables and cutting the carrot into tiny pieces, even the knife felt wrong in my hand, the kitchen void of any small talk like it was usual with the dauntless cooks where their knives doubled as ones to throw at the head of the person you had a misunderstanding with. I can´t count how many of them Eri– the leaders had to punish because of it.

It had always been fun to watch full-grown man shrink a size when one of them approached, suddenly not able to hurt a fly.

Those cowards.

 After we ate, we were ushered outside again without a break, claiming that personal time was wasteful and therefore selfish and before I knew what was going on I had already been ordered to help an elderly lady clean her house, a mop in hand.

Seeing me stare at the thing as if it was a torture device, she started laughing slightly and grabbed it from my hand, showing me step by step what to do.

With a few mishaps, I managed to get the whole house cleaned just in time for dinner, the nice lady who I got to know as Mrs. Miller secretly placing a piece of candy in my pocket, claiming with a wink that we deserved a treat sometimes too.

Her little act of kindness made my whole day and I didn’t even ask Susan why she behaved strange at dinner, fidgeting around while avoiding my eyes, dismissing it as exhaustion after the long day we had.

 But when I arrived at the dorms as the last one, having used the bathroom while Susan had excused herself ten minutes prior, claiming she had something important to do, I realized why she had behaved so strange.

 Marcus Eaten was standing inside our dorm, his hand tightly closed around a white piece of fabric, Susan behind him, eyes lowered to the floor, hands fidgeting. She looked guilty.

The other two were standing beside their beds, both too not daring to look up as Marcus turned towards me.

Watching the whole scene in confusion, it took me a moment to figure out what was happening, the scene too close to the ones at home shortly before someone was punished. That was until Marcus held out his hand, scrutinizing me with narrowed eyes while I tried to understand what he wanted with the cloth and I realized with a sinking stomach that it was the nightgown I had worn yesterday, the strains on the once snow-white fabric a stark contrast.

He knew. He fucking knew.

 “Come with me.”

I was sitting in an uncomfortable chair in Marcus´ office facing the desk he was behind watching me with folded hands while I stared at the floor, his intense gaze on my skin making me uncomfortable. We had been here for over ten minutes without one word coming out of his mouth since he commanded me to follow him and I obeyed not without shooting Susan a dirty look, knowing exactly where she had been when she had claimed to have something important to do that couldn’t wait.

I was familiar with this tactic of intimidation, Eric used it all the time, just like my mother who had me sweating in fright every time she pulled this act even when I wasn’t aware I had done something wrong.

But with the man in front of me, it was something different.

 He was an unknown force, I had no idea if I was here so he could simply lecture me if I would be punished… or worse. Scraping away on the remaining polish on my nails, I tried to think of anything else but the man in front of me, like how I was disgusting myself acting all meek when all I wanted to tell him that it was none of his damn business.

Of course, I didn’t.

 Marcus cleared his throat and my head whipped up, for the first time since coming into this room meeting his eyes.

“There were reports of an incident last night. Have you heard anything about them?”

 “No, Sir. I was too busy today to make much conversation.” I replied respectfully and honestly. I had heard nothing, abnegation wasn’t exactly known for gossip.

 “Well, then let me enlighten you,” Marcus spoke patronizingly, but his voice held a sharp edge indicating that he was less than pleased. “last night around one am one of our members thought to hear noises around the perimeter. He said he was afraid factionless were trying to break into the supply building, but all he spotted was a member of dauntless. I think we both know why he was here.” I turned my head away until the movement of his hand had me look back towards him, where he placed the once white nightgown on the desk.

“This explains enough. But what I would like to know from you, Casey, is why he was here and why you thought it would be a good idea to leave the dorms after curfew and with a man nonetheless.”

 “He just wanted to say goodbye.” Was all I muttered, staring at my feet slowly blinking. Just thinking about last night and the way I send him away physically hurt – but speaking it out loud was sheer agony.

 “I didn’t understand you. Speak up.” Imagining to detect a small undertone of glee in his voice, almost undetectable, I gripped the fabric of my skirt in my fist to restrain myself, eyes hard as I looked back up at him.

 "He just wanted to say goodbye. I send him away." My voice was sharp when I began but at the end, it almost cracked, the image of running away from him after he proposed in a way that was just so Eric… I wanted nothing more than to curl back up in my bed and cry – and almost never cried.

 “Right.” Marcus raised one eyebrow, clearly not believing me. Aligning the sheets of paper on his desk until they were in a neat stack, his voice was reprimanding as he spoke after a few moments, his unnervingly blue eyes making me feel vulnerable – as if I was nude in front of him. “One thing you have to know, Casey. We don´t take lightly to adultery.”

 Silence, then…

 “Adultery?” I exclaimed unbelievingly sure I had misunderstood him. There was no way in hell… “How…. What?!... I´m not even married!”

 "And if you won´t stop these escapes you may never be." The audacity. Fueled by rage I jumped up, the chair almost topping over by the sheer force of my movements. Right now, I didn’t give a fuck where I was or who he was.

Still, I held back. I dauntless his jaw would already be broken, shattered in at least three places. No one fucked with me like that.

 “With all respect, Sir,” I spat, voice shaking with the force of my anger, the form of address just mocking the title he would never deserve in my eyes. “I don´t think my love life is supposed to be any of your interest.”

 "Well, if your lack thereof isn't proven you may be right. Because then, unfortunately, you will no longer be a part of our initiation.”

 I froze, his words making my whole body run cold. Factionless was worse than death, definitely worse than this and I suddenly realized that the bastard in front of me had all right and all the power to throw me out right now, just for my outburst alone not to mention the act of intercourse he hopefully knew nothing about. But looking at him, I realized he at least had a strong presumption as to what had happened last night.

I let out a shaky breath.

 “If you calmed down enough, you may sit down again so we can discuss your options.” Marcus stayed calm, his expression not once betraying what he thought of my performance and I only nodded, silently taking my seat, the white-hot rage diminished by the ice running through my veins.

“Thank you.”

 Too afraid to blurt out what I really wanted to tell him in the most elaborate version, I kept my mouth shut, waiting for Marcus to go on and he did, all business as he pulled out a record, flattening on the desk in front of him. Folding his hands, he watched me over the rim of his fingers.

 “I understand that you may still have problems fitting in here but acting on impulses will only get you in more trouble than you´re already in.” I bit my cheek until I tasted blood, refraining myself from telling him that he had no idea what he was talking about. “And because you´re new and showed today that you are a reliable force, I will overlook this unfortunate incident for once. But –” Raising his eyebrows at me, he interrupted my relieved exhale and I tensed again, the expectant expression on his voice promising nothing good.

“you will still serve your punishment – even though I would consider it more of a chance for you to get used to the humble life we´re living here.” He gave me a smile. “ You know how much of a busy man I am, so I along with other members decided it would be good for me to have an… assistant of sort, if you want to call it that. And that´s where you come into play." Marcus watched me expectantly and even though it sounded like an offer, in reality, it was a command.

 I gulped, sensing where this was heading and continued gnawing on my raw cheek. The prospect of working with Marcus for the whole four weeks of initiation – and maybe even after – were nauseating… but wasn’t that my chance?

Wasn’t this exactly why I was here, to get closer to him, win his trust?

If, then I had just come my goal a lot closer –  and with that my freedom.

 An anxious feeling grew in my guts, working under the leader of the government meant I had to attend meetings with leaders from all factions but it was basically the perfect opportunity for me so I swallowed down my inhibitions, looking him into the eyes.

 “What would I have to do?”

 “Well,” Leaning back in his chair, Marcus folded his hands in front of his stomach. “ for the last four years, since the person that run the household… resigned, there has been a number of members who helped clean and brought meals whenever I ate at home. That would be your field of duty but since I need someone here and occasionally for notes in meetings, too, you would also accompany to those.”

 "So I would basically cater to your every whim?" I slipped with my words without noticing but when I tried paddling backward, he just chuckled.

 “I´m a man who is easily satisfied, Casey, which you will soon know.” My skin started to crawl, the sentence too suggestive for my liking. Not noticing my disgust, Marcus sat up straight again, laying his hands on the desk.

 “Of course, Sir.” I gave him a tight, insincere smile, slowly getting off my chair since I had the feeling that this ‘meeting’ had come to an end. “Is that all.”

 “I think so.” He replied, already absorbed in the report lying on his desk, not sparing me another glance. Nodding to myself, I awkwardly turned around ready to flee the room. But Marcus seemed to have changed his mind and I froze on my spot, turning around with a questioning look.

 “Casey, one last thing: I can´t trust you not to leave through the window again, even though you surely learned from your mistakes you won´t be staying in the dorms for the duration of those four weeks.” He reminded me of the principle who always liked to call me into his office, expressing his displeasure towards my actions, sitting in front of the sturdy desk like that, not fully giving me his attention but expecting mine.

 “And where am I supposed to go?” I asked alarmed, ice running through my veins, afraid he had changed his mind and let me fail initiation after just one day. I´m sure that would be some sort of record.

The patronizing smile on his face didn’t help to relieve my unease.

 “Since we will be working closely together and I have two free rooms in my house you will stay in one of those. That way it will be easier for me to keep an eye on you.” For a second, my world stopped spinning as I stared at him, unbelieving until it started turning again, faster and faster until I had the feeling I was losing my footing, slipping right of the edge, just floating in space, being drowned by moonlight.

 “Won´t that be unseemly for me to live with you alone, Sir?” My voice was slightly hysterical even though I tried my best not to show any emotions. It was one thing to work closely with Marcus Eaton but living with him? No, no fucking way.

Eric was an excellent judge of character, he hated the leader of our government and I trusted him, trusted the only man I ever loved.

But seeing the serious expression he wore, the warning for me to keep myself in line I knew there was no way out of this hell.

Maybe never.

 "I´m one of the most highly regarded members of this faction and I sadly have too much to do to take care of my household on my own," Marcus spoke, his voice coolly and tolerating no dissent. “You living with me will be a win-win situation for us both Casey. I will show you how to master the act of selflessness and you provide me with your assistance in whatever I may need. You will see, many would be honored to be in your position.

You have ten minutes to get your clothes, then we will leave together.

Hurry,” He said without glancing up from his paper. “letting others wait for you is selfish.”

By the time, I arrived at the dorm, I was furious, fuming, but I was also aware of the fact that one more transgression would mean Marcus would throw me out into the streets. Maybe the girl from earlier would give me back my clothes even though it was not likely. Once they had something in their hands they would let go only over their dead body.

 Throwing the door open, I marched into the room ignoring the two´s shocked faces and Susan who jumped off her bed, her face contorted into worry I knew now was fake. She took a hesitant step forward, wringing her hands violently as she looked up at me with her doe eyes. Shooting her a glare, I walked right past not even bothering to acknowledge her existence. But she obviously didn’t get the memo that I wanted nothing to do with her, walking after me.

“Casey, listen, I – “ Whirling around, I took two quick steps towards her getting right into her face. My eyes were blazing with fire and she flinched back obviously afraid. Good.

 “Let me tell you something, Susan.” I spat, dragging my gaze over her, disgusted. “That innocence act doesn’t work on me. So take your misplaced sense of moral and shove it up your ass. Where I came from, you don´t snitch on people.”

 “Casey, I´m really so-”Sneering at her, I turned towards my former bed and grabbed the handful of stuff I had been given, wanting nothing more than to get out of here. But when I turned around she was still in my way, looking all doe – eyed as if she couldn’t hurt a fly. But I knew better.

 “Go. To. Hell.” Slamming my shoulder into hers, I left the stifling atmosphere of the room with a few wide strides, sending the two gawking bitches a glare that made the red-head, Grace, fall from her bed with a loud squeal.

Rolling my eyes, I refrained myself from throwing the door shut because it would have been heard throughout the whole headquarters, leaving it wide open instead as I made my way to the front door, (im-)patiently waiting for my tormenter to come lead me into my personal hell.

 Obviously, letting people wait wasn’t selfish for our great leader because I had to wait over half an hour until he arrived, walking with Andrew Prior, who I recognized as a man on the council, obviously discussing leader business. They were so engrossed in their topic that they only realized I was standing in their way when they were right in front of me.

 “Casey. Good, you´re here.” Marcus exclaimed with a small smile, gesturing for me to follow as they walked out of the building completely disregarding my existence as I trudged after them. Staring at their backs, hands full of clothes, I asked myself if they ignored me because I was an initiate – or because I was female.

Prior seemed to be alright but in the short time, I knew Marcus he got creepier with every minute I spent with him. With men of power, you never knew.

 Feeling low, I was sort of happy when we finally arrived at Marcus´ house that resembled a big slab of concrete, like every single house in the abnegation district, and he stepped in first, turning on the light to expose a minimalistic furnished hallway leading towards the living room. He gave me a short tour of the downstairs, only consisting of the living room, a kitchen and dining room, everything held in grey. Even the holding cells in dauntless were more appealing.

 Leading me upstairs he showed me the bathroom and with horror, I realized that I would have to share it with him but Marcus was fast to reassure me I wouldn’t see as much of him as I had feared.

 “I mostly leave the house between 6.30 and 7 am.” He explained, slowly pushing open the door to the room I was supposed to stay in. “You have to report at the headquarters every day at quarter to eight, so if you get up early enough you can do the chores before breakfast or just after noon. In the mornings, you will mostly assist elderly members or those who need help, while most afternoons will be spent with council meetings and errands I need you to run. If you ever should end up in dauntless, I expect you to behave to our standards.”

I nodded, showing him that I had understood his warning and he went on, pulling a wrist watch out of his pocket.

“You can have this one, your alarm is already set for 7.15.”

 Taking it cautiously as if it could bite, I said a small thank you before fastening it on my wrist, having to use the last hole to clasp it shut.

"Have a good night." Nodding once, Marcus left the room and for the first time this day I felt like I could breathe, the solitude refreshing. Whenever I was forced to be around people 24/7 I got so grumpy, even their breathing annoyed me. Changing into my new, clean nightgown, I scrunched up my face, disgusted that I couldn't take a shower tonight. But with Marcus right down the floor, it would have to wait until tomorrow morning when he was gone.

 I realized with a start what this meant: that I was more than just lucky.

Not only had I a room all to myself, I was alone in this house almost every day, meaning that I had enough time to search for the evidence Jeanine wanted to eliminate her strongest opponent. But what if he hid them in his office?

The meetings… he surely would have me by his side in the afternoon, filing in reports of some sorts. He´d just have to leave the room for ten minutes max. With that, I could work.

 Letting myself fall back onto the bed that was more comfortable than the ones in the dorms, I smiled my first genuine smile since I arrived here, knowing that the goal that seemed so far away was manageable for me, that I could protect my family and everyone dear to me.

The only reason why I made my sacrifice.

For them, for Eric.

 Eric… Knowing that I may be able to be back in his arms again sooner than I thought, I allowed my thoughts to drift to last night, the way his muscles had rippled against my bare skin, his hand on my throat, his member inside me… My hand slowly wandered downwards, bunching up the white fabric from my calf up to my tight until my fingers lightly skimmed the waistband of my panties, slipping under the unspectacular fabric, finding what they were searching for.

Slow, light circled turned faster and harder as they mirrored our favorite movements, the images of Eric surging through my head. Him shirtless, sweating after a notorious workout of his, nude, chest glistening with tiny water droplets as he stepped out of the shower, fingering me under the table while my brother was sitting opposite of us, or just the way he growled my name as he released inside me, his whole body rigid in pleasure as I writhed beneath him.

 That was all it took and I came, his name just a breathless whisper on my lips, my climax bringing me just a fraction of the pleasure that racked my body yesterday. And still, it was enough.

Curling up into the grey blanket I turned to my side and soon sank into blissful sleep.

Somehow my chapters seem to get shorter each time… but after dropping that bomb on you I think it´s enough.. I also wanted to post another one since it has been three weeks since chapter two..

I´m not expecting that you like where this is going but I still hope you like the story itself :D I´m a little blown away by the response, the first chapter already has over 100 notes on tumblr, so thank you to everyone who liked/ reblogged & reviewed the chapters, it means so much to me! :)