#i made this instead of writing my masters thesis

[daydream-wordflow]

Dear Liam,

never in a million years did I think this was how it was going to end, but here I am saying goodbye.

I must admit that when I saw Zayn's name on the shared statement, it affected me in ways that I wasn't expecting. This whole situation has affected me in ways that I wasn't expecting.

One Direction entered my life when I was 12 years old. You were five ordinary boys, with a great voice, but not so good dancing skills, that sang their way into my heart. It was so admirable, even when you were performing for 65,000 people, to watch you sing around the world while being your goofy, gentle, true selves. It felt like you were having the time of your lives.

Looking back on it, I can't stop wondering if it was too much. I can't stop thinking that maybe I would rather never have known about the existence of One Direction than be going through this now.

I was sad when Zayn left and I was wretched when the band went on hiatus, but deep down, there was still hope. Now I am devastated and heartbroken, and I only knew a small part of you.

One Direction will never be the same without you, I hope you were aware.

I never had the chance to watch you perform live, although all the youtube videos and documentaries made me feel like I had. When the time comes, instead of singing with you, we will sing for you.

I listened to 1D songs, and also all your solo albums, during various periods of my life. Somehow, they always said what I needed to hear. It wasn't just a phase. It cheered me up during some of the hardest moments of my life and it made me company during some of the best. Every time I was anxious or afraid, I would sing a song from my favourite artists to calm myself down. I listened to your songs on my way to school, during a long car drive, on my way to college, while I did house chores, it was the soundtrack while I wrote my master thesis and it accompanied me on my first day to work.

Right now, they are helping me grieve. And it won't stop here. I will have the time of my life dancing to some of them on my wedding day, I will sing them to my children and have dance parties with my grandchildren. It's forever.

I am truly sorry that this is how things ended. I am sorry we couldn't save you. It is so unfair. I know that if you were given the chance, you would have done things differently. You deserved all the good things in the world. You deserved so much more.

I can't even imagine what your loved ones, your family, your friends and the boys are going through right now. I hope that, one day, your son will smile when he thinks about his father, knowing that he touched so many hearts and saved so many lives. That he was talented, enough and loved just by the way he was.

This is not how it was supposed to go, but thank you for bringing the guys together one last time. Thank you for bringing us together. It has been healing to see that so many people loved you and cared about you.

Thank you for the songs. Thank you for my teenage years. Thank you for the smiles. Thank you for your kindness. Thank you for your laugh. Thank you for your words. Thank you for the love. Thank you.

"I want to write you a song, One to make your heart remember me, So any time I'm gone, You can listen to my voice and sing along."

I promise to remember you.

Always and forever.

Lisbon, 27th october 2024

[gacha-incels]

editorial from the english version of the Hankyoreh

archive link

plain text

Before focusing on my master’s thesis, I worked for a brief period for an organization supporting victims of cyber sex crimes. My job was to put each and every case of illegally filmed footage assigned to me through a search engine and if I found that the images had been uploaded to certain sites, I would beg the operator of that site to take those images down. 

The process of searching and subsequently scrubbing illegally filmed footage probably isn’t what most people would expect. There is no advanced AI that categorizes footage based on the faces of victims, lists the sites the footage is uploaded to, and sends automated requests for the deletion of such posts. Instead, employees and volunteers divide each reported video frame by frame, put each fragmented frame through search engines, organize each site the footage is posted to on a spreadsheet, collate the sites for verification, find the site operator’s email or contact channel, and write a message that read, “This video is illegally filmed footage so we ask that you remove it from your site. If it is not removed, the South Korean government may take action against the site pursuant to relevant laws,” translate it from Korean into English and then send it to the operator.

This happened daily. Sometimes, you would have to go through 100 or 200 cases a day. I’ve assigned a nickname to this procedure: “The Illegally Filmed Footage Removal Protocol that Seems Absurdly Advanced, But Basically Follows the Same Grueling Procedures as a Sweatshop.”

The biggest challenge when fighting digital sex crimes is their overwhelming breadth and scale. It was impossible for us, as we sat in front of our computer screens, to estimate which far-out depths of the internet any of the footage had reached. 

Even if we painstakingly found 20 posts using a particular photo and saw that every post was erased, the next day we would see the photo spring up in 40 different posts. Websites distributing illegally filmed footage make various backup sites with different domains to make sure that sites are up and running even if the main site is taken down. 

Many of the sites in question have servers based abroad, so even if you sent a beseeching email citing South Korean laws, they simply could just pretend that they never saw the email.

The terror of that vast scope goes beyond distribution and duplication. While deepfake pornography has been in the news recently, photoshopping a real person’s face onto a pornographic image has been a crime for some time now.

The difference is that producing such images used to be time-consuming and technically challenging, requiring the “manual” manipulation of images. But the new tool of AI has made it easy for anyone to instantaneously create deepfakes in a dizzying variety of formats.

Another frightening aspect is that anyone with access to photographs on social media can choose victims at random. And since the images are “fakes” created by AI, the perpetrator can deliberately duck the guilt of harming a real person.

Deepfake creation has spread so rapidly because it gives perpetrators a perverse sense of power over their victims — the ability to create dozens of humiliating images of someone from photographs scraped off Instagram — while also enabling them to ignore victims’ suffering because the images aren’t technically “real.” In short, deepfakes represent a game-changing acceleration of the production cycle of sexually exploitative media.

Those images spread far too fast for the handful of employees at nonprofits to keep up with. Facing such a vast challenge, permanent employees began to drift away, and their positions were once again filled by people on short-term contracts.

Lee Jun-seok, a lawmaker with the Reform Party, said during a meeting of the National Assembly’s Science, ICT, Broadcasting and Communications Committee that the 220,000 members of a deepfake channel on Telegram was an “overblown threat” and estimated that, given the percentage of Korean users on Telegram, only about 726 of the channel members are actually Koreans.

But what does it matter whether there are 220,000 Koreans on the channel or just 726?

Let’s suppose there aren’t even 726, but just 10 people in the group — they could still produce 220,000 deepfakes if they set their mind to it. Those images would then be copied and circulated beyond their point of origin and around the world, perhaps remaining permanently in some dark corners of the Internet without ever being deleted.

That’s the nature of sex crimes in the digital age.

So assuming that the criminal potential of this technology remains the same regardless of whether the channel has 220,000 members, 726 members or even just 10, I can’t help wondering what Lee thinks would be an acceptable number of deepfake purveyors that would not constitute an “overblown threat.”

[transgenderer]

in a somewhat...precarious, stressful situation with my advisor because like. so the reason i TOLD him i wanted to leave is because of the like academic environment where there are like no other phd students here who share my research interests and care about math. cuz theres like maybe 5 students total here who care about math. so. odds. and that is true. but the OTHER reason i want to leave is that there's no one here whose research im interested in, including my advisor. and if i dont get in anywhere else, im PROBABLY going to masters out. but i wanted to leave open the option of staying here. however i have this other research project collaboration long distance (hopefully a paper soon!!) that actually holds my interest (unfortunately, not with ppl who have a faculty position, so cant jump ship to them), and so ive been spending all my research time on it instead. and also my advisor STILL hasnt finished reading my VERY SHORT paper. cmon man. but yeah he keeps giving me advice and hassling me to do things that make sense from the false perspective ive given him. i should PROBABLY just tell him that i want to change topic when moving locations. but then he'll be like "thats a really bad idea, youre already so far in this topic" and then the only explanation i can give is "this topic bores me". so. bad. also, we were planning for my quals to be this winter. but they were going to basically be a formality, because he thinks im ready for research. except now hes saying he thinks it would be worthwhile to have this one guy at a nearby school on my thesis board or whatever it's called, and he thinks that guy would want me to know a lot more in the field. and like. it just doesnt really make sense for me to dedicate that much time and effort to quals for a thesis im not gonna write.

uuuugh theres gotta be a path here.... i made some really poor choices and it seems like the best case scenario is going to be burning at least a year of phd progress, if not like...3 years (because i wouldnt be starting somewhere else until the fall semester next year...). which is really bad. but also, idk. germany was really cool. so. 6 months of good at least, out of so far 2 years of massive fuckup

[sanctus-ingenium]

answering asks vol 2.

'Smiths' can encompass enginesmiths (mercury), armoursmiths (mars), alchemists (saturn) and some others - generally a smith is someone who works with engines or metal in any capacity, whether by constructing them, managing their fuel, making armour, etc. all of them have a completely degendered role in the church. They are supposed to be wholly devoted to their craft & church, to the point of becoming almost unpeople, sexless.

-

I like pantera :) he's the main character beast sure (alongside leun) but he's got a lot of interesting history and has been through a lot.

To start out I do some basic sketches while looking at bestiary diagrams of the animal type. Then I draw the base proportions over a photo of the animal's skeleton. Once the joints are all in place and I could imagine it moving relatively freely, I pick a motif and design the armour shapes with that in mind (i.e leun's trefoils, taurus's waves). The motifs come from a bunch of sources - if I see them in medieval art around that animal, the beast's use purpose, the culture that built them and how it might differ in art styles to the 'basic' designs from the heart of the Mezian theocracy. Fun stuff like that.

As an exercise I have taken (human) characters from other settings and made holy beast versions of them, trying to imagine what animal it would be, what weapons, what armour designs, etc. Behold, Bowman:

It's a fun exercise! I recommend :>

-

Hi! Thank you for the suggestion! I actually did try to use OneNote for my thesis but I found that it ended up an extra step that got in the way. Instead I organised my reference papers manually (and wrote up all my bibliography by hand as well). I haven't heard of Notion so I might look into it :> as someone with adhd I find that the best way for me is to make it stupid easy, which is why discord works because I already use it for talking with friends and I like the mobile app.

-

SO true!! You can make whatever the hell you want forever and that sounds really cool, I'm glad I was able to help in some little way >:) (although, holy beasts are not robots.. i think the best description for them is just. exotic vehicles.)

-

lmao it's totally fine!! I love to talk

Sir Heaven had such a profoundly negative experience with Leun that he struggles with the concept of making anybody else do what he now considers to be his burden. He also feels that taking any new people inside Leun would endanger them.

The bishop of Salvius cathedral is the guy Heaven answers to, and his superior officer. The bishop has reported the matter to the pope and they're still working hard presenting new potential novices to Sir Heaven, but the thing is that Sir Heaven rejects them for seemingly valid reasons. He doesn't just say 'no I'm not taking apprentices', he says 'this one's reaction speed isn't good enough' or 'this one is too prideful'. But the longer he tries to keep this up, the more suspicion he heaps on his shoulders. If the time came, no, he would not be able to deny a direct order from the pope.

Ketjan was selected at random, one of a large group of other children who were not raised in the church. This is to ensure that there is no per-existing bias or knowledge of how holy beasts work. And he just happened to be the only one of the group who could master Leun's very demanding dialogue tattoo. The recruiting enginesmiths, who designed Leun's systems, were the ones to train him, but Ketjan was the one to write most of the procedures for operating Leun based on feedback from the dialogue.

-

Replies from THIS post:

@ospreyonthemoon @kicks-tiktaalik-back-into-water

Krokodilos had an amazing high-tech ventilation system that used active air pumps to keep it circulating. But exactly like the second reply says, it broke down frequently. And because of how it worked, the interior of croc had to be air-tight so that the pumps could work efficiently. And, of course, if it broke down, and it was air tight on the inside, it instantly became a more dangerous deathtrap than your average passively ventilated beast.

There were valves that could be opened in an emergency but these were only added after the first Incident. The pumps would break down from the fabric seals degrading, lose efficacy, and then the parts furthest from the pumps would suddenly not get enough air anymore because air couldn't be moved such a distance with faulty pumps. The reason his enginesmiths want him to be re-commissioned is because the only barrier was the material used for the seals, and they believe they can innovate some new materials or try something different and have it work. They were even thinking of trying natural rubber, which would have worked perfectly, but they never got approval for it.

[blood-darkened-moon]

@antaxzantax Honestly, I’m not happy with how the story turned out, especially the second half. But I can’t think of a way to improve it right now. My brain ran out of ideas, and this was the best I could come up with at the moment. I hope you still like it a little bit and it’s not a complete disappointment. Thank you very much for your request.

Request: Alfred and Alexia’s 10th birthday (AO3 Link)

10th Birthday

Alfred read the letter for the fifth time. The content had not changed since the first time, the same birthday wishes, the same stories on the latest events, the same offer for the twins to spend some time in England. An offer that his father had already declined before handing Alfred the letter. Alfred had also looked at the photo enclosed with the letter several times before, showing Uncle Andrew, Aunt Theresa, Grandma Nora, and his cousin Mary[1] smiling happily at the camera. They probably took the photo at their Christmas party last month.

Alfred threw the letter on the table and looked at the watch. It was now 6.37 pm. Alexander had already wished the twins a happy birthday in the morning but wanted to wait until after work to give them their presents officially and celebrate. He said he wanted to be ready on time at 5.00 pm this year. An hour and a half later, there was still no sign of him.

Alfred had rushed through his tasks. He had thought that today, his 10th birthday, would be different, that his father would actually take his time. But he should have known better. Nothing but empty promises, like every year.

However, it was different. He had always spent these days with Alexia. The two had played together from morning to night every year on their birthdays. Even when Alexia had started her studies, she hadn’t let that get in the way, and if necessary, she simply took the day off. But his sister had also disappeared.

Since she had started writing her thesis, Alfred rarely saw her. Alexia lost track of time while writing. She appeared less and less often at mealtimes and stayed up late into the night. By now, she had lost several kilos, and her ribs and spine were clearly visible under her skin. And when she made some room in her schedule for Alfred, she usually fell asleep within half an hour. Alfred was worried about her, but Alexia didn’t want to hear about it, and Alexander didn’t even seem to notice her condition. Alexia wanted to hand in her thesis in mid-February. Then everything would be better, so she said.

“More tea?” a maid asked, interrupting Alfred’s thoughts. He held the cup out to her wordlessly; she poured him some and gave it back.

“Shall I cut the cake for you now, young master?” Alfred’s stomach growled, but he didn’t want to start without Alexia. The tea had to be enough until his sister was ready. “No. I’ll wait.”

“Should I perhaps ask Lady Alexia if she could spare a little time now?”

The question infuriated Alfred. He would have preferred to go to Alexia’s study himself and pick her up, but he knew how much finishing this thesis meant to her. And if it was more important to her at the moment than celebrating her birthday with Alfred, then so be it. How could that cunt think of wanting to disturb Alexia?

“If she has time, she’ll come here herself,” he snapped at the maid. Alfred also wanted to hurl a few insults at her but held back at the last moment. That would only lead to another discussion with his father about his behavior, and he wanted to avoid that, at least today.

The woman then bowed briefly and left the room. He was alone again. Alfred thought about what else he could do while he waited. Previously, he had tried to pass the time by drawing and reading, not very successfully, though. But the more Alfred thought about what he could do now, the more he realized that he didn’t really feel like doing anything. Instead, Alfred simply put his head down on the table, wiped the tears from his wet eyes, and pulled the letter towards him again.

---

Alexia typed the last word of the page on the typewriter and removed the sheet. This time, it had taken her seven attempts to type out the handwritten page without any mistakes. Her concentration was noticeably waning, and the coffee was no longer enough to counteract this. But all in all, she had made good progress. Alexia flipped through her handwritten work, still about a quarter remaining. If she kept up her pace, she should be able to meet her self-imposed deadline.

She stretched and yawned. Alexia was tired. No wonder she had rarely slept for more than a few hours per night recently. But she couldn’t allow herself a break, otherwise sleep would overtake her. Besides, it wasn’t that late yet. She should certainly be able to finish a page or two before the birthday party was about to start. Alexia just hoped that she could last longer today without falling asleep. Alfred had been looking forward to spending more time with her again. Alexia longed for it, too. She missed playing with her brother and felt guilty that she was constantly leaving him to his own devices.

But there was still some time before 5 pm, so Alexia inserted a new sheet into the typewriter and took a quick glance at the clock to confirm her assumption. She felt sick to the stomach. No. That can’t be right. The stupid clock is broken. Yes. It has stopped. But as if to mock her, the second hand moved incessantly. It was 8.54 pm. She was much too late.

Why hadn’t she realized how late it was? Why didn’t anyone come to get her? Her father. Alfred. Someone. She jumped up from her chair and ran to one of the cupboards. There she rummaged around in a box until she found what she was looking for – Alfred’s birthday present.

As they spent most of their time at the South Pole, the twins rarely had the opportunity to choose or buy themselves anything for festive occasions. Their father usually did this, or rather had it done for him. Apart from a handful of gifts, most of the things they got were pretty much garbage. Things that were apparently popular among children somewhere, but were either intended for a different age group or didn’t match the twins’ interests. At least the absurdity of some of the presents amused them both. However, presents didn’t matter that much. Spending the day together was the most important thing for them anyway.

This time, however, Alexia had begged Mary during her last visit to get her a present for Alfred that she hoped he would like and asked her to box it in such a way that Alexander wouldn’t find out what it was. As compensation for her absence, her brother should at least get some entertainment. Her father didn’t want Alfred to watch horror movies. He always said it would excite Alfred too much. Alexia didn’t think so, so she got Alien as a present for him.

---

Alfred was lying face down on the table. He didn’t react when Alexia entered the room.

“Alfie?” No response. “Alfred?” she said louder now. Her brother slowly raised his head, still sleepy and slightly disoriented.

“I’m so sorry, Alfred. I didn’t mean to keep you waiting so long. I didn’t even realize how late it was. You could have just let me know.”

“I didn’t mean to bother you,” Alfred said quietly, looking down at the floor.

“You’re not bothering me. Stupid.” Alfred still looked distressed, so Alexia hugged him. “You’ll never bother me.” At least he was smiling a little now.

“Where’s Father? Hasn’t he been here?”

“I have no idea. I don’t care either.” Alfred sounded bitter. Alexia didn’t want to let it show, but she was no less disappointed. Her father had promised. At least he could have spent this one day with them. Although Alexander was very interested in her education, he rarely spent the free time with Alexia. It was even worse with Alfred. Alexander was only really interested in him when he had done something wrong again, or he simply dragged him around as Alexia’s appendage.

“Oh, Alfie. We don’t need him. We’ll just celebrate on our own. Do you want some cake? I want a slice now. And when we’ve finished eating, we’ll open the presents.”

---

“Looks like that was the last one,” Alfred said as he rummaged through the mountain of wrapping paper.

“No, not quite yet. I’ve got another present for you too. Here it is. And this time, I chose it, not Father.”

“Alexia. Thank you. But you...”

“No. Don’t say anything, Alfie. Think of it as an apology for not being able to play with you so much lately. And now unwrap it already.” Alfred tore the wrapping paper and pulled out the VHS tape. Mary had put the movie in the empty Disney movie case.

“Sleeping Beauty?” Her brother looked confused.

“Just watch the movie, but when Father is not around. I’m sure you’ll like this version of Sleeping Beauty.” Alfred grinned.

“So, what is it really?”

“That’s a surprise.”

Suddenly, the door opened, and their father entered the room.

“Did you have fun? Good.” The twins didn’t answer and just stared at him skeptically.

“I know I promised I’d be here today, but there were problems with the ventilation system. All hell broke loose in the labs. I couldn’t leave. Everything’s back up and running now.” Alexander waited a few seconds for a reaction from his children. As there was no response, he continued. “Well, I’ve taken the day off tomorrow. So, what do you say if we catch up on the party tomorrow?”

[1] Andrew is Edward’s half-brother (Alfred and Alexia’s granduncle). He is only 2 years older than Alexander, though. His daughter Mary is 5 years older than the twins. Nora is Arthur’s 2nd wife and the Andrew’s mother, not Edward’s.

[academicelephant]

I finally made some progress with the theoretical part of my Master's thesis. I got an idea on what I could do when I happened to woke up last night and was able to write for one and a half hours this morning. I got almost two pages done and I'm quite happy with it. Of course, I still have a lot to do when it comes to that but now I at least have achieved something concrete instead of just reading papers and taking notes

[thestrangeillusion]

a get to know you better meme

Ahhh this took me more than a month to get around to doing, but I didn’t forget about it!! Thank you so much for tagging me @dummerjan! <3 <3 <3

do you make your bed? No, I don’t really see the point tbh, I’ll only be messing it up in the evening again anyway.

what's your favourite number? Umm, 7 I think? There’s not a particular reason for it though. I do have a soft spot for 21 as well for entirely SKAM related reasons haha.

what is your job? I do scientific evaluations of (primarily) government programmes.  

If you could go back to school would you? Hmm, there’s some appeal to that because I didn’t hate school and the structure and routine of it was mostly good for me, I think. But the thought of being a teenager again and being cooped up in a room with 25+ other teenagers for a minimum of 30 hours a week – no, thank you. But if school is meant in the way US-Americans sometimes use it, as in also meaning further education, then I could be convinced. I mean, I still have to write my master’s thesis, so I’m technically still a student, but I sometimes think re-doing my first couple of years of undergrad (and maybe making some better decisions lol) could be fun.

can you parallel park? Nope, I can’t even really drive anymore, I’m pretty sure, even though I do have a licence. It’s more of a glorified ID at this point because I haven’t actually driven a car in like 4 years or so and even before that I honestly wasn’t very good at it (driving or parking).

a job you had that would surprise people? Not really tbh.

do you think aliens are real? I mean I am pretty sure there are forms of life on other planets, since some of them have been found to have inhabitable environments. If it’s intelligent life I don’t really feel qualified to say although, if I remember correctly, one of my good friends who’s doing a PhD in astrophysics and is one of the smartest people I know once made a pretty convincing argument for it (but I have since forgotten what the argument was lol).

can you drive a manual car? Refer to the question about parallel parking above. I learned to drive in a manual car (I’ve actually never driven an automatic), but I’m fairly sure I don’t actually know how to do it anymore.

what's your guilty pleasure? That’s a difficult question. Reading fucked up smut fics is definitely one of them, I guess. Also does pissing away many of my weekends by staying in bed all day and reading or writing fanfics instead of putting effort into having a social life count? Because I also do that and I do enjoy it, but it’s painful whenever anyone asks what I did on the weekend lol. There’s only so many times you can say “Nothing much” tbh.

tattoos? I like them on other people, mostly. My cousin has a full back tattoo in colour and is slowly adding onto it so that it expands to her arms and sides and I always love seeing which new piece she’s gotten tattooed since I last saw her. It just suits her really well and she’s super passionate about the motive and I love that. And I think that’s where the problem lies for me, I just don’t have any motive or phrase or whatever that I am passionate enough about to permanently put on my body tbh. Also, I am scared of pain and needles, so…

favourite colour? Burgundy.

favourite type of music? Ooof that’s hard to answer, I listen to so many different types of music. One genre I’ve liked pretty consistently from my early teens until now is (mostly British) indie rock and alternative rock – I really like Muse, Placebo, Arctic Monkeys, The Libertines and Nothing But Thieves, for example. And I’ve been to quite a few tiny club concerts of that genre because I know I’ll enjoy it even if I don’t know the band or any of their songs beforehand.

And then I also go through intense music phases mostly related to TV shows I love – it started when I was like 13 watching Gossip Girl and obsessively listening to Death Cab for Cutie, Bloc Party and Sum 41 to when I watched SKAM and got very into Norwegian music (the Norwegian singer/rapper Cezinando still features consistently in my top Spotify artists and has done so since 2017). And now that I’m watching Thai BLs, I started with an obsession about Jeff Satur’s music (and listened to nothing else for like 2 months) and am now gradually venturing out into discovering other Asian music (I’m really enjoying WOODZ, Hua Chen Yu and Violette Wautier so far). So that was a lot of rambling, but still barely covers half of what I actually love listening to…

do you like puzzles? I haven’t done puzzles in aaages, but I have very fond childhood memories of doing them with my grandparents on NYE while waiting for midnight. I think I would still enjoy them if I did them now.

any phobias? Not really. Stuff I’m pretty scared of, sure, but no full-blown phobias.

favourite childhood sport? Hmm, in terms of the sports we played in school, I really enjoyed “Völkerball” (which I’m pretty sure vaguely translates to dodgeball, but I don’t think it’s entirely the same thing). The only problem was that I was really good at dodging the ball and never getting hit, but very, very bad at catching the ball or hitting other people with it, so I could never actually end the game by taking out people on the other team either.

I only started in my teens, but I also really enjoyed (and still enjoy) climbing and bouldering. And my family went skiing every winter when I was a child, which I hated at first, but started to enjoy in my early teens when I didn’t have to do lessons with a bunch of other kids tumbling down the mountain anymore.

do you talk to yourself? All the time in my mind, and sometimes out loud when I’m on my own (particularly when I’m frustrated about something).

what movie(s) do you adore? I actually really love heartwarming feel-good movies tbh. One of my favourite movies is Pride (2014) because it just radiates so much joy and solidarity and a will to live and make things better that always lifts my mood. And I can’t even tell you the amount of times I’ve rewatched Mamma Mia. Another genre of movies I seem to enjoy is movies about female rage a.k.a. women going batshit crazy but being totally justified in it, such as Promising Young Woman or Gone Girl. I do generally prefer watching TV shows to movies, though.

coffee or tea? I get the jitters and become hyperactive in a really uncomfortable way when I drink coffee, so I rarely do. I mostly drink black tea or Mate for the purpose of waking me up.

first thing you wanted to be growing up? Well, according to old friendship book entries, I first wanted to be a princess (until my mum bought me a book about the Habsburgs and I quickly abandoned the idea, which I think was the point) and after that a cook.

Tagging @crumchycow, @mightymightygnomepriest, @salamander89, @fiddlepickdouglas, @obscurecurse

and @lilmaemae and anyone else who wants to do it 😊

[batshape]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤

thank you @samarqqand for the tag!! i spent the last two years finishing my masters, writing papers and proposals and a thesis etc, so i’ve been largely ficced out for a long time. but these five are my most darling works, and i will inevitably write more lesbian feanor/nerdanel, because i am addicted to dyke drama and they do it so well.

unfortunately, my two year break from writing fic also coincided with a very long sabbatical from reading fic, and i am desperate to catch up on the everybody’s greatest hits. tagging @i-am-a-lonely-visitor, @undercat-overdog, @crackinthecup, @aipilosse, and @potatoobsessed999 (but if you’ve already done it, feel free to do it again or to ignore)

now in no particular order (at least that i’ll admit), my top fic self-recs:

1. affectation: celebrimbor/annatar, t, 5k words, content warning for inevitable gore and torture mentions

Annatar knew the irritation in his own expression, could taste the disdain in his mouth. He said, rather plainly, “Celebrimbor of Eregion. I am going to eat you.”

i was taking a seminar on archive theory when i wrote this, and the idea of sauron curating an archive of things he took from celebrimbor’s rooms and personal library after his ruin of ost-in-edhil got its teeth into me. the archive building ended up mostly off-screen; instead annatar begrudgingly advises grad students, discovers archive anthrax, and is overall too familiar with his most tolerable colleague.

2. little tenderness: feanor/nerdanel, e, 4k

“Is it not exhausting to imagine abandonment around every darkened corner, wife of mine?”

feanor and nerdanel have t4t lesbian divorce sex following feanor’s exile to formenos. nothing is resolved, and arguably they both get worse. feanor’s missed character potential as a genderfucked lesbian with the same extremely large chips on her shoulder regarding primogeniture, her sons, and high kingship still regularly turns my own brain to soup.

3. letter 97: fingon/maedhros but also gen, t, 9k

“Still the question remains,” Maedhros continued tranquilly, “whether you were offended on my behalf or on yours, when you were accused of keeping a monster leashed for your own amusement.”

the elfschatology one! featuring my own wretched and reprehensible darling, an orc angband escapee doing a little bit of an anthropological study abroad. fingon visits maedhros in himring, wrestles with both his own and maedhros’ wartime uncertainties on what makes an elf, what makes an orc, and what an end to a war would even mean if they made if there. ‘so you want to understand your monstrous boyfriend’s lukewarm concern for his immortal soul,’ a generally unhelpful how-to

4. on gold, and the wearing of red: caranthir & maedhros, g, 4k

“My messengers wear gold in their mouths,” he said curtly, and his brother flashed him a brief smile. The gold of Maedhros’ own teeth shone in firelight.

caranthir’s pre-nirnaeth relationship with his eldest brother as demonstrated through the fashion trends he disapproves of, the ones he adopts himself, and the ones he actively enables. maedhros is more than a little monstrous and simultaneously very beloved by his men and his little brother both. in other words, the sharp teeth fic.

5. to my father’s house: caranthir & finrod, t, 17.5k (4 chapters), content warning for major character death and gore

“It is not a very long dream. There is a servant atop the stairs with a carafe, and one of your brothers is giving a toast, though in the middle of it the servant drops the carafe and—” He gestures vaguely. “—wine, all down the stairs.”

caranthir and his damnably likeable arafinwean cousin, until both their deaths. in which caranthir is also cursed with perhaps the most useless gift of foresight in first age history, and dreams since childhood of the various ways in which he could, would, and ultimately does die. relatedly, there is something so special to me about a man who does fiber arts and is also unfalteringly miserable.

you can find the rest of my fic at ao3 under batshape.

[xthelastknownsurvivorx]

2023 Writing Roundup

Thanks @inexplicablymine for the tag! This was a lot of fun to do

January

Satisfied (Never Have Been, Never Will Be) — RWRB, T, 833

Or, a rewrite of the lyrics of "Satisfied" from Hamilton set at the beginning of Philip and Martha's wedding, except Alex is a little flirtier and a little less repressed, told from Henry's pov.

February

Some Element of Mystery — RWRB, M, 4k

Or, five times that Alex thought Henry was a stripper, plus one time Henry corrected him. Written for the informal stripper!Henry fest.

March

Was working on finishing my master's thesis instead of fic for the most part, though I did write a few drabbles and make progress on my reincarnation au (see November)

April

Burn (They're Watching Us/I Hope That They) — RWRB, T, 295

Or, a rewrite of the lyrics of "Burn" from Hamilton, set immediately after the email leak, told from Alex's pov.

May

Graduated/finished my master's 🎉🎉 while also writing more of my reincarnation au (see November), including some major revisions

June

Got sick for part of the month, then spent the rest of it furiously working on my brownstone anniversary exchange fic (see July) doing tons of (probably unnecessary) research about Saturday Night Live and royal weddings.

July

SNL | Season 45 Episode 2 | HRH Prince Henry & FSOTUS Alex Claremont-Diaz — RWRB, M, 9k

Or, the fic in which I said bet and sent firstprince onto Saturday Night Live instead of having Alex go to London for a weekend. Written for the Brownstone Anniversary Fic Exchange.

August

Spent the month trying to make a lot of progress on reincarnation au (see November) and finally got some betas

September

Had a bad case of writer's block for most of the month, then went insane and wrote something for firstprince week (see October) despite promising myself I wasn't going to participate

October

Not a Day I Don't Miss (Those Rude Interruptions) — RWRB, T, 2k

Or, a Henry character study set during the week following Henry running from the lake house, loosely inspired by Taylor Swift's "Last Kiss". Written for firstprince week.

November

Red, White, and Royal Switcheroo — RWRB, T, 6k

Or, a body swap au set during Alex's "make nice" trip to England in which Alex and Henry have to play at being each other, and Alex discovers Henry's role is, in fact, very much not much easier to play. Written for Halloween, Huh?

Every Time My Heart Swings Back to You — RWRB, M, ~90k (ongoing)

Or, a reincarnation au set mostly in the modern era with college students Alex and Henry trying to piece together the story of their past lives as a knight and a prince through a series of non-linear flashbacks.

December

Trying my best to finish reincarnation au while also plotting out a very ambitious fic for a new fandom (mysterious lotus casebook) that I'll be trying to tackle in 2024. Also the month I got super into cdramas/c-ent.

--

Wow, compiling all this made me realize I wrote a whole lot more than I thought: posting 9 stories and writing around 50k new words! I also participated in a lot more fan events than ever before and finally begin sharing the story that's been living in my brain and docs only for almost three years. All in all, a very satisfying year for me while also looking forward to new projects in 2024~

I'm probably one of the last wants to get to this but tagging a few others who I don't think have done this (let me know though if you have) @14carrotghoul @formorewishes @affectionatelyrs @anincompletelist @celaestis1 @celeritas2997 @cricketnationrise, plus open tag because I'd love to see anyone else's writing year in review~

[arcanemadman]

How exactly is Subhuman lyrical character assassination for Dante?

Ok. I'm not looking forward to writing this but…

So you've probably seen that there are some mixed opinions on this particular song, so allow me to clarify. I would like to preface this by stating that Subhuman is one of the few things in the world that I feel genuine hatred toward, which is either amusing to think about or outright pathetic. I actually can't listen to any part of the song without feeling anxiety or anger. As such, I have avoided listening to the song again.

First of, lets talk about the original version of the song. The original was sung by suicide silence, who at one point a popular deathcore band until the death of their main vocalist, after which they spiraled into disaster and alienating their fan base. Their version on the song, without exaggeration, sounded like pigs squealing. High pitched, badly mixed music by a washed out band who's new main vocalist also happened to be a pedo. These factors culminated into the song, upon being released, getting over 13,000 dislikes before the video was deleted from YouTube. Seriously, when people first did listens like you do they were, at best, laughing.

So they replace the vocalist, problem solved right? No. This is actually the second attempt by composer cody matthew johnson at a theme for Dante, the first being a remix of Devils Never Cry for Marvel vs Capcom Infinite, and is largely considered the worst and only bad version of the song. And when advertising this song on his website, he advertised it as the theme of "the foul mouthed anti-hero" Dante, AKA reboot Dante.

In other words, he made it for the wrong character. Johnsons reaction to the backlash was to throw a tantrum and saying he's "happy to stir the pot", ignoring the fact that the original version was actually painful to listen to (this isn't hyperbole, seriously don't take my word for it and listen to the original version and you'll get what I mean) and the fact that it was sung by a pedophile. Recently he also related the backlash he got to the abuse targeted at actress Lily Gao for her performance in the Resident Evil 4 remake, which is deeply insulting considering she was subjected to racist abuse and harassed off social media.

And even then, the song itself good for what it's supposed to be. As a character theme, it's character regression for Dante. It's an angry, spiteful song that goes on about how Dante struggles with this evil inside him, how he hates all demonkind and how he's a rage filled monster that tears through everything in his way. But that's not Dante. At one point, Dante did have anger towards demons and hate that part of himself, but his character ark in Devil May Cry 3 was accepting that part of himself and growing as a person. DMC3 is a prequel, mind you. In universe, he got over those feelings over 25 years ago.

When faced with demons, he often offers to show them mercy even if they don't accept, because he knows that just as any human can do evil, any devil can do good. He spares Trish in DMC1, a demon created for the sole purpose of killing him, and in turn she becomes his trusted friend. In DMC2, he refuses to let Lucia kill herself because her fear of hurting humans proves she's not a monster to him. In the anime, he's hired to kill a demon called Brad and instead finds him in a bar, talks with him to figure out what his deal was, and then helped Brad protect his human girlfriend and kill his demonic master. In fact, he's far more merciful to demonic enemies than his human ones, who he kills without ever offering mercy, because at its core those that give up their humanity are worse than those that never had it to begin with.

That's mainly it. The thesis statement of the entire series is this - The human ability to care for others, to love someone, be it family, friend, or romance. If you care enough to cry, THAT is what makes you human. Dante is powerful not just because of the demonic power of his father, but because of the human heart of his mother. He is the son of both Sparda and Eva, and he's proud of that. But the very title of subhuman contradicts the entire point of the series. It implies he is less than human, but he's not more human or more demon, he's both, and that's the point of him as a character. Vergil rejected his humanity, while Dante embraced it. He's reached an equilibrium in his soul and grown as a person, embodying both worlds as a devil with ability to cry. Subhuman doesn't focus on Dante's humanity at all, it's all about how he's inhuman.

You remember how in Devils Never Cry the harder and softer lyrics are separate and initially clash, representing his demon and human halves, but in the end they come together into a singular song, representing Dante's acceptance of both sides of himself. There's none of that nuance in this song.

And removing the character assassination, it's just not a good representation of Dante. As I said it feels angry and violent, but Dante is charming and stylish. Of course he does have some resentment to aspects of his life, at times wishing he could have a normal life, but he enjoys what he's got. With the other character themes, the lyrics feel like something the characters would say in battle; With Devil Trigger, I can see Nero smirking and shouting "Bang, bang, bang! Pull my devil trigger!" as he throttles his sword as his enemies charge at him. With Crimson Cloud, V talking in poetry all the time so "Saviour! Bloodstain! Hellfire! Shadow! Heaven on a landslide!" sounds like something he'd read out to himself as his demons tore up the battle. And with Bury the Light, Vergil would totally proclaim "I am the storm that is approaching!" before unleashing a devastating attack.

But with Dante, who taunts by throwing a rose at his enemies, laughing and pointing, and playfully beckoning at his enemies to keep trying their best, I can't see that person screaming at the top of their lungs in fury "YOU CANNOT KILL ME!" Dante isn't someone who feels the need to prove anything to himself or his enemies. It's part of his charm that powerful demons will fight him, expecting a respectful battle with the son of the legendary Sparda, but instead they get their ass beat by an idiot more interested in seeing what he can do with a hodgepodge of weapons than taking things seriously. And when he does get serious, it's more quite, closer to "you've got my attention and I'll make you regret it." It's too insecure. A better line would be something like "Just try to kill me!" but even then, it's still screaming. There's no subtlety here.

None of this is helped by the fact that the song is so plodding. The low BPM makes it feel plodding, and while I'm certainly no expert on music that sort of feeling hurts in a game as fast as DMC, especially for Dante, who while not as fast as Vergil is by far the most chaotic character to play as. Teleporting, swapping guns, swapping weapons, swapping styles, Dante has over 100 potential actions that can loop into each other freely. Subhuman doesn't capture how chaotic it feels to play as Dante. It's going for the power fantasy of Kratos, an unstoppable juggernaut as opposed to the power fantasy of a stylish showdown. You don't play as Dante to strike fear into demonkind, you play him to see just what bullshit you can get away with even in the most dire situations.

That is ultimately why Subhuman fails and betrays Dante as a character.

I'll admit, from my personal experience I tried everything to get myself to like the song. I listened to every edit trying to salvage it, every version that changed it up, all hoping that Dante would get the theme he deserved. But I think that's why I hate it so much now. I desperately wanted it to be good. But at it's core, the song is fundamentally flawed it what it sets out to do, represent Dante as a character, and it needed a full overhaul that was never realistic within the time frame of it being revealed to the public and the games release. Honestly, after what he did to Devils Never Cry they should never have given Dantes theme to someone as inexperienced as cody and his works before and since have been middling at best. But he was the real thing that killed subhuman for me. Anyone that listened to the original version knows it was BAD, but he acted like he was a visionary who was too smart for the rest of us and ignoring all criticism including, need I remind you, HIRING A PEDOPHILE. The recent thing with Lily Gao I find particularly infuriating because what she has been going through is unquestionably awful, yet he made it about himself. As if a white composer who complained about the whole thing on twitter suffered the same abuse as an asian woman who was chased off social media. That inability to self reflect on anything and blaming everyone that disagrees with you is just arrogance in the end.

I always get really angry whenever I think about this song. If I had the same passion for writing things I actually cared about I'd be an acclaimed author by now. I don't like how much I think about this song so much. As I said at the state hating a song this much is either amusing or pathetic. But Dante is a character that holds a certain importance for who I am so I care more than I should. I know not everyone had the same experience I have, or don't really care about the music so long as the game is fine, but the music in Devil May Cry has always been spectacular, and the character themes have been brilliant ways to prove who the characters are deep down. So for Dante, the face of the series, to be stuck with the worst one in the entire series in the grand return of the series until the next game comes around… it's fucking infuriating.

[diddleeeeee]

Well, it's one of these days where I find myself thinking about ARR and kinda regretting I didn't follow the wave and played the JP version. I should reinstall it still (not to play) , kinda want to read back the Dawn Faction Books. For now, I feel the need to vent a bit about various thoughts in no specific order.

Aoi, I miss you ~ I remember with fondness how I used to read about his struggle with his art and relate to it, and now that's I'm working on my own academic stuff (aka my bloody master's thesis), I relate even more. Art and literature aren't the same, but i really want to pour my soul into my work and for other people to see what I want them to see, and Aoi's determination and struggles are reminding me of my own insecurities. Aoi, let's support each other!

It also makes me want to write all the one shots and fanfiction I had in mind two years ago, before the Fateful Announcement was made... Should I procrastinate my thesis and write fluff instead? God, there was this modern high school au I, the Futaba/Aoi one shots, the OC story...

Kuro, send your haircare! I want fluffy hair! None of the ARR guys really has curly hair like I do, but Kuro's long hair seem so fluffy and pretty... I'm not really into skincare and haircare that much, but I can imagine Futaba and Kuro sharing tips on how to care for one's skin. This'll go in another fanfic. One day. One day...

It always surprises me how I started the game for Yura, thinking I would be so head over heels for him I wouldn't even notice the other characters, and yet! Aoi ! Kuro! My beloved!

I still like Yura, but I read his story mostly for the plot, not for the romance (but like, didn't we all? This book lacks romance so bad, at least the yura event stories are fun). Maybe it's the fact he's a 1,000 years old? I'm not really into the whole modern ordeal of age gap and what is and is not healthy (I'm reasonable, but people on Twitter are kinda scaring me at times), but like... Yura... Why do you need to me so flirtatious with Futaba when you look like a middle schooler but are older than Charlemagnes...

He's still very funny and a very dear character to me, the only OC I ever created for ARR was directly related to Yura and Gaku's backstory. Hopefully I'll find the time to talk about it in more details someday (and clear some old fanart).

... Well damn. I really miss this bloody game, don't I? I miss the gameplay, it was so easy and nice to do while commuting. The artstyle was the best, the voices were so good, it was great (the lack of sleep to play the events to the fullest wasn't though)... Oddly enough, each time me and my family talk about what we'd do if we won the lottery, I only think about three things : buying myself an apartment (loaning is expensive here ...), funding the second movie of the Kotz live action and funding the Eng version of ARR. It's such a nerd thing lol, shouldn't I want to buy old books and a car? But I don't have a driving license, and I miss playing ARR.

I'm currently starting Genshin Impact, although everyone is already so far in the story (I'm still learning how to fly in Mondstadt). Hopefully this game'll fill the void ARR left. I've been searching for a good substitute for two years now, so I'm kinda desperate...

On a side note, each time I get a notification from Voltages' YouTube page, I get soooo angry and curse them in my head. Why do I still follow them? Just for spite lol.

[tiikerikani]

"I feel that it is time for me to pursue another opportunity that is more aligned with my career goals and values"

I’m 100% quitting my job if they require us to use Gen AI

They did, so I quit. I gave my one months' notice today and will start New Job near the end of next month. Of course I have to credit random Recruiter Guy for showing up in my life at exactly the right time; I wouldn't have left without an exit plan.

I try to be a principled person and there aren't always opportunities to safely stay true to those principles.

-----

When Recruiter Guy messaged me on LI last month, I was intrigued that it actually seemed like he'd read my profile (unlike the spammy messages I usually get). I've never worked with a recruiter before, so it was interesting having a sort of agent pitching you to the company and liaising with them instead of having to be persuasive and do all the arrangements on your own.

Since the technical writer role is a new position in this company, I figured that it would mean they would be open to ideas on how to do things and wouldn't be forcing me to use AI things.

When Recruiter Guy asked for my salary expectations, I gave him a number in the middle of the range that was in the job description. The entire salary range is a significant increase over what I'm earning now[1], so I had literally nothing to lose and everything to gain trying for this. He said he'd ask for a bit more than my figure. (And that's what I'll be getting.)

The role would be a massive step up in responsibility for me and I know it's going to be a challenge; as the in-house writer I'd be responsible for maintaining the entire documentation library[2]. In-house writer is actually the role that many technical writers aspire to. You get to work closely with and really know the products you write about, and you can give feedback during the product development process.

I would have asked about it anyway, but the interviewer wanted my thoughts about using AI, and I said something along the lines of "I know people who do, but I do not because I trust my writing skills and good writing that gets taken seriously needs to have a touch that only a human writer can provide." She agreed that AI text sounds really obviously fake, so I took this as a good sign.

There was a small sample task that I had to do on my own time (given a list of specs, write a brief product description). Not a huge fan of copywriting but a product description is still very factual and not usually trying to sell stuff to people who don't want it. I returned the assignment along with a thank you note for the interview.

The interviewer wanted to speak with one of my references, so I directed her to talk to my master's thesis supervisor. He made such a good impression that she wanted to read my thesis (which IS, in the end, the only formal writing sample I can provide because I can't divulge who I've done work for) and had Recruiter Guy set up a chat for me with their HR person. Whom I spoke to on Good Friday because it wasn't a public holiday in their country and I didn't have big plans for the Easter weekend anyway and I just really wanted to move the process forward as quickly as possible. They were also extremely impressed and went back to Recruiter Guy right away, who then called me that afternoon. I'm sure he would not have done this if he wasn't optimistic about my application since he was very well aware that it was a public holiday for me.

So yeah, I got the offer email just as I was about to leave for the concert last Thursday, and I wrote back immediately to accept it. Recruiter Guy called me as I was getting out of the metro and I really hate talking on the phone in public, but THIS WAS IMPORTANT ENOUGH for an exception. We discussed the start date and agreed that I could have a gap week in between to just...catch my breath and rest a bit.

New Job is a hybrid workplace and they expect people to come to the office at least a couple of times a week, so I hope some social life and networking can actually happen??? Their products include hardware devices so it also makes sense that I need to physically be there to examine the things to document them properly.

__________

[1] With the amount of experience I have now, with a job that requires a university degree and specialized language skills, and living in the Helsinki area, I should NOT be earning BELOW the national median wage (across all industries)!!!

[2] A recurring theme in my art and what I try to do with it is wanting to be seen, so it would mean a lot to me to be able to point to my work and say "I did this," rather than writing anonymously as a contractor.

[kxowledge]

what courses have you taken during your MSc? which one was the most difficult? wishing you the best for the busy semester ahead with your thesis work

Thank you so much for the encouragement! It has been…. a lot, but hopefully I'll be able to manage

I’ve taken so many different courses – the (almost) complete freedom to choose courses was one of the main reasons I chose this master programme over others. I took anything that tickled my fancy: Strategy and Technology, Competitive Strategy, Climate Change and Ethical Challenges, Model UNFCCC, Managing Change and Innovation, Strategic Analysis, Business Model Design

I think a lot of the courses in my minor - which is in Energy, Natural Resources, and the Environment -  were (the right amount of!) challenging for me, because they were on topics I had no prior knowledge of but which I found interesting: Offshore Energy Resources, Energy Markets, Economics of Fisheries, etc. Many of these were in a seminar format, which helped – a short period to deep dive into an unknown topic, usually culminating in an essay on a specific aspect I was interested in, without heavy consequences on my GPA.

However, what I found most difficult in terms of how much I had to work, and grow, and expand my knowledge, and really step it up to another level, were the methodology courses. I started off with the mandatory methodology course, which gives you an overview of the basics of writing a dissertation. As part of the exam, you have to write a mock 10-15 pages of a dissertation (consisting mostly of the methodology chapter and a short introduction essentially) and I got a B on this. I hadn’t really understood the depth I needed to go to get an A – mostly because I thought of qualitative methodology in a fairly superficial way. I retook the course the semester after and really pushed further (and I did get an A in the end). It wasn’t the lectures that really made me understand how rigorous qual research is conducted, but rather personal reading & another course I signed up for: a PhD course in Advanced Qualitative Methods, which is quite possibly the most significant course I’ve taken during my master (as it ended up being extremely significant for my PhD application). Loved every minute of it, even though it was quite tough in terms of how much work I needed to put in.

I’m also taking this semester a class on communication, and I think this one might be the hardest course perhaps, simply because it’s so different from all other courses I’ve taken. I know I can learn from papers & I know how to write well, so while I am indeed learning in each class, I’m not necessarily learning new skills. For this communication class instead, I really have to improve aspects that I wouldn’t otherwise, such as how I give presentations for example. It has been quite fun so far!

[glamorouspixels]

We've reached the point where I need to ramble about uni again (apologies to everyone seeing this on their dash). I'm working on my BA thesis and getting ready to take the second of two final oral exams that make up the final assessment of my degree. I did the first in early July and it was the worst I've felt since my burnout year. It feels genuinely impossible to survive the second without losing more of myself in the process. I've sacrificed so much for this stupid degree. My life consists of nothing but studying and writing. My attention span has suffered so much that I can no longer read more than a couple of sentences with my eyes and rely on text-to-speech readers for almost everything. Reading fic is so hard even though I desperately want to do it, and I have several-hours-long gaps in my days every single day where I just sort of float through time because I'm too exhausted to make myself focus for another second.

And I just… I can't see myself surviving my Master's degree. It's only ("only") twenty courses compared to the sixty that made up my BA, but ten of them require you to write massive papers, and your final assessment once again consists of two (far bigger) oral exams and a fucking 85-page thesis. The only thing I know for certain is that I need to get out. I can't afford to do both my MA and my PhD abroad, and since the only place I can see myself surviving a full-time job is academia I need to do my MA here before I can leave. You're supposed to do all of the above in two years and it's taken me nine semesters to finish my BA instead of six. I don't want to be stuck here for another three to four years while I suffer through another degree that is so unnecessarily hard compared to degrees at the same level in other countries. I am so fucking tired of this bullshit.

Also, something else I can't really talk about has been happening on the side and making it even harder to push myself through the other stuff the way I normally would. The second anything bad happens, my mind goes to this one specific thing and place I want to go to for comfort, but I can't. It's made things so much harder these past few months. And I keep asking myself if the correct course of action would be to take said thing out of my life entirely because there is so much potential for future pain there and it's almost inevitable that something painful will happen at some point. But I don't want to give up something so incredible that makes me so happy either. Anyway I've been trying to cope by writing fics about it. I hope you guys like extremely comfort-focused hurt/comfort because that's what you'll be getting for the next couple of months 😅

[the-one-who-lambs]

So, it's been a year...

...since I wrote and posted my first Cult of the Lamb fanfic on AO3. I know I probably say this kind of thing a lot and I'm almost sorry if it's annoying (not really), but I'm so so so glad to have stayed so active in this fandom. Just for old time's sake I reread my first CotL fic, Present, and... Wow. GOD, I've improved a lot. (Gritting my teeth to put a positive spin on this instead of cringing at it. Benicetoyourselfbenicetoyourselfbenicetoy--)

Thanks for all your support. I really am thankful for everyone who's stopped by my stories and left kudos and comments. I write because I enjoy it, but having such a supportive community makes it so much more fun! More than 7000 kudos and 75 THOUSAND reads on my work????? I literally cannot comprehend that. Absolutely bonkers. Where are you people COMING FROM. And it makes me so excited to know I've made y'all almost as happy as I've been while I write and see how I can challenge myself next. I've made friends because I kept going, and I've been told that other people have become friends over my works too which makes me want to cry for real. There are so many talented creatives in this fandom and I'm so grateful y'all have welcomed me wholeheartedly. I hope all of you have had the same experience too.

Over this past year, I've totaled... Uh... More than 150,000 words. Somehow, my most productive year for creative writing ever so far coincided with my first year of grad school. I doubt I'll be able to keep THAT word count up a second year, because I've just started writing my master's thesis and that'll probably take a lot of my writing brainpower. But, creative hobbies such as this give me energy, so you can definitely expect more stories from me this year, too.

There's no point to this post other than me spinning in circles about how excited I am that I've stuck around this long and how stunned and thankful I am that I've received so much support.

................................I'll probably edit this later.

[huevokinder24]

Late to the party but just finished Alchemy of Souls and I have the goofiest smile on my face.

Firstly, it was such a nice experience waiting for every weekend just to come here and see everyone sharing their thoughts and theories here after every episode. Gotta love how welcoming and cozy this fandom is. It was a pleasure to rant about the characters and reading others rant as well.

Also, those of you who spend so much of your time creattthe gifs: YOU ARE THE BEST AND I HOPE YOU ACHIEVE EVERYTHING YOU WANT IN LIFE I LOVE YOU.

This show was an emotional ride, especially season 2. I would have liked to have a few more episodes, not because they didn't wrap up things nicely, but because I'm not ready to say goodbye lmaoo.

My general thoughts on this episode hmmm. Well, despite knowing it would be a HE I still spent half of the episode blinking through tears and blowing my nose.

The wedding was absolutely perfect. Jang Uk was perfect. Cho Yeong was perfect. Everyone had a great development and a perfect ending. IT REALLY DID END WAAAY BETTER THAN I EXPECTED.

This story made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me clap like an excited seal, broke my heart in a million pieces and then glued them back together and kissed it tenderly. After all the pain of the last few episodes, now I fell warm all over.

I'm glad Uk and Yeong got their happily ever after, I'm glad Master Lee was on their side, I'm glad Lady Jin chilled, I'm glad Go Won is sitting on the throne, I'm glad Dang-gu and Cho-yeon and Kim Doju and Park Jin got to be together.

But above all, I'm glad for the ride.

I began this show with incredibly low expectations because I usually don't like kdramas. I was constantly waiting for the disappointment and boredom that always comes, and instead I ended up finding a wonderful story and even more wonderful characters.

I braced myself waiting for Uk to become yet another insufferable ML, who's unnecessary mean to the FL and driven by his emotions, as the story tries to tell us that that's what romance is. What I found was one of the best written characters I've ever seen, so gentle and full of love and despite the tragedies of his life.

The same goes for Yeong. She was an awesome FL from beginning to end, flawed and perfect at the same time. I could write a whole thesis on her tbh but I don't want this to be long.

Their romance will go down in history. It was beautifully tragic, but it was all worth it in the end, they got their hard-earned happiness at last.