#i love you all okay i just don't have enough strength left to wish each one

[chappellrroan]

it's super late but happy diwali to everyone who celebrates

[goddamnitchuuya]

Chuuya with a really shy s/o shsggdgsgd

I feel like he’d treat them so gently and praise them saying it’s okay for them to let out their noises

This man has me weak in the knees 😩

EXACTLY and we're all weak in our knees for this man

contains: soft dom chuuya x f reader, fluffy smut, penetration, creampie, slight cum play, cunnilingus, basically headcanons.

minors dni.

Chuuya, whose ginger locks tickled your cheeks when he whispered sweet nothings into your ears while pratically worshipping your whole being.

Chuuya who secretly laughs knowing you don't dare whimper on how big he is.

Chuuya... he doesn't like it when you cover your face as he enters you. Whether it's your hands over your eyes, face deep in the pillow or hiding in his neck, accidentally biting down to stiffle your most embarrassing moans. He gently interlace his fingers with one of your hands to keep it in place, bringing your other to his lips to press a reassuring kiss. Tells you it's okay, he wants to see your lewdest expressions and hear you babbling on how good he's making you feel.

"So good for me, pretty girl." "Nah, move your fuckin' hands, let me see you." "So tight, that's it..." "D- damn... do you have any ideas of what you do to me?" his list goes on. As much as he likes claiming you as his over and over, Chuuya absolutely loves every single mark you leave on him, the occasional hickeys on his shoulders when you squirt on his cock, the long scratches on his shoulder blades and forearms when his tip hits a particular spot, the purple adorning his back because of how hard the heel of your feet digs into it. Don't even get shy over all of these, he'd happily show them off to everyone if they asked.

When you come, back arched beautifully to his body and tits brushing against his chest, his hands are quick to support you. Chuuya closes every gap left between your bodies. Extra points if you don't bury your face in his shoulder anymore.

Chuuya who stares for way too long at the clear white thick and sticky cum lining from your cunt to his still hard cock when he pulls out. It's only when you close your legs out of embarrassment he snaps back, smirking to himself as the fluids can still drip down from between your thighs and onto the sheets. It doesn't stop there, though. He's crawling back and lifting your thighs up around his waist, the underside of his dick glided between your folds and coating it further of your mixed fluids. His thumb caresses your lower lip ever so softly as he asks if you're okay, if you want more, he'd give you the whole world.

Chuuya, who's willing to spend the whole night on his knees, eatin' his baby out as if it were the last meal of his life, letting you push him in deeper for more, tug at his hair as freely as you wish, anything except muffling the cute sounds he's pulling out of you. He won't stop until he has pushed all the shyness out of you, leaving you finally begging and he'll indulge everything you want. He also gets off on your pleasure so don't worry about him.

Allowing you to slump against his chest in the bath while helping you wash away the mess between your thighs. Chuuya holds you like a delicate flower. Each feather light touch landing on your skin is enough to make you forget the soreness of your legs. But he's always been careful, carrying you to bed knowing full well how shy you could get again if he sees you barely have the strength to stand on your own.

Nakahara fucking Chuuya... he just loves you too much. How many times do you want him to remind you that?

#getyouachuuya

[caffeinatedattorney]

Final thoughts! I'm going to talk about the aspects of the game bc I'm not thinking abt this anymore in a few days and I might as well since it's fresh in my mind. Also I didn't play it, I watched someone play it so I won't speak abt gameplay at all.

Harvey and Bruce are very much not okay. This batman is so angry and he's so desperate to save people. He's caught up in vengeance (defending Leslie and harvey) but clearly isn't sure what his modus operandi is just yet. That and he isn't seasoned so ppls deaths affect him and make him blame himself and hesitate. (when the inmate in black gate is pronounced dead.)

I was not expecting it to go hard on the trauma and abuse and how children act after said trauma, much less show it which was surprising! It is triggering but, depending how much you can handle, that makes it all the more engaging and heartbreaking.

I find it interesting how Bruce is the one prone to violence. He hits Harvey after Harvey says something from their fav show that triggers Bruce. I doubt ppl ever write Bruce being autistic but both Bruce and harvey come off to me as on the spectrum. With their fixation on justice, the fact they seem to be old enough to stop playing pretend but still do (though that could be just arrested development from trauma) and it seems to be their happy place as harvey is his loudest around Bruce and in the, what is it, rehabilitation center? Also they don't seem to have (m)any friends.

I remember this plot point from my own worst enemy and I like how it works here. I'm glad Leslie has a big role and connects everything together. (her telling Bruce off for making voices at her LMAO)

Harvey is more affected than Bruce is bc his trauma continues well into adulthood. He never left his fathers house, never stood up to him. I don't need him to articulate why but it feels so real and fitting and sad and I love it? It makes me feel things that he had a support system with Bruce and Leslie even if it seemingly wasn't enough.

I have a theory that the Rat King moniker is Harvey's self loathing coming to life and becoming his bigger-than-life mask. Bruce has the bat and harvey the rat. One soars through the skies and intimidates, the other burrows underground for safety and cohabitates to survive (and forms a cult)

Harvey's dissociation and the DID name drop ough. ("am I psychotic?!" ) I just felt bad. Dudes mental barriers are so high up he loses track of time (and probably feels like he's getting sucked underground). It hits hard that Bruce is one of the things that ground him despite the fear and disorientation. Wish we had seen Gilda tho. Unless they're meant to be separated?

And fuck, Harvey's voice. He's so meek and unsure the whole game. His little jokes ("this one was right outside my office. *pause* I'm fine by the way" ) . He gains strength when angry and when full of disdain (talking to matches) which is to be expected but goddamn that performance killed me. Leslie has to remind him to calm down ("be good" "be good" he repeats in an almost childish voice ) Too real. too good. He thinks of himself as weak until he's backed agaisnt the corner (when he was about to get shot he screams "Do it you coward!" )

Edit: I have this Hc of harvey putting a big front the way Bruce juggles batman and Bruce Wayne and the fact it's been validated makes me wanna go harder on it and harvey being autistic and the pressures and stress he must face. End edit.

Also interesting how they have Bruce and harvey call each other brother. Didn't want for it to come out too gay? I will say, it feels forced but I haven't sene anyone else mentioned bc its that inconsequential I guess.

I loved babs trying to help Bruce despite his attempts to push her away. ("I'm taking this crowbar" and he actually says "don't care!" ) also apparently when she leaves she turns a few times fuming and you can see it in detective mode lmao

Overall, better than I expected? I wasn't expecting harvey to be important at all. Hate the bait and switch and the fact it's a vr game bc I'll never get to try this lol. I'm glad they could expand on why Harvey and Bruce are how they are in the arkham universe.

[nihilnovisubsole]

the writer interview game

tagged by no one, but i saw @arthoure doing it, so that's as good an excuse as any

when did you start writing?

when didn't i?

are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

i mainly read nonfiction, because i'm always getting myself into some mess where i have a cool idea that i can't execute properly without research. i just finished mary beard's twelve caesars, which is about how roman emperors have become the blueprint for how the west depicts power in art. you know, AK-brand stuff.

if i'm reading fiction and i like the genre, i always want to write it myself at some point. reading and writing are kind of an audience-participation thing for me. i'd love to do more spy stories, or something like elizabeth peters' egypt mysteries, or some sea-soaked victorian intrigue. it's all a love letter to something i read or watched or played.

is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

i'm alone in the middle of the ocean in the splintered fishing boat of third-person objective that hemingway left behind, and that's where i'll stay. nobody's been wild enough to actually compare me to him, because i'm not one-fiftieth as skilled, but i'll always wish i were. in brief, he gets to the point. he tells you what happened, because his stories are about humans doing things that result in consequences, which is basically, to my mind, how the world works. i simply believe that if i'm not able to convey how a character feels without dipping into internal POV, i'm not doing a good enough job. movies only have a script and music and visuals and the body language of the actors, and they pull it off all the time.

i mean, okay, i'm being dramatic. i don't hate internal POV. use it! be excellent at it! i want to see how far i can get without it. let me do my one-armed push-ups here.

can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

it's my white wood childhood desk in my tiny bedroom with my 11-year-old desktop on it. very romantic, i know. my work-from-home machine is in the dining room. i fantasize about having one of those book-lined studies one day, but i have to be able to afford a house in the place where i want to live first!

what’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

i've been telling the same old joke about my method for years: "i don't have a muse, i have a hundred sooty workers in a coal mine." writing for money as an adult has not given me the luxury of waiting until i get inspired or feel like doing it. inspiration is one percent. the other 99 is knuckle-down discipline. anything i've ever finished, i only finished because i grit my teeth through it.

for work writing, it's easy. "they're paying you for the privilege of contributing to this project." for personal writing, it's more existential. "what will you have to show for yourself?"

are there any recurring themes in your writing? do they surprise you?

here's another, fresher joke that i told a teammate yesterday: my method for creating characters is to take some deep, personal neurosis or question, then give it a hairstyle and outfit. make of that what you will!

what is your reason for writing?

when it comes down to it, i just think it'd be a shame if i didn't. i'll be 32 next month. i have probably 27 years of ideas kicking around, and i would be disappointed if all of them died with me. in that respect, it's really childlike. i want to be heard. if somebody hears my voice through my writing, i'm less lonely. i feel connected to them.

i wish i could tell deep truths about humankind, but maybe that'll come later. it'll have to come later if i want my work to mean anything, right?

what do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

i don't know! if nothing else, i have a lot of fun carving out characters with fully-formed, distinct identities. of course they have things in common, because my taste leads me to certain places, but i want them to stand apart from each other. they should have their own discrete atmospheres and themes.

how do you feel about your own writing?

no time to dwell on that. if i start thinking about whether i'm good or bad, i'll get too self-conscious to continue, and what am i gonna do? not write? back to it!!

also if you see this ur tagged, sorry i don't make the rules

[becauseplot]

thinking about archivists again. below the cut: obscene amounts of brainrot in the form of a long-winded relationship study and oddly specific references to canon that may or may not be accurate

im trying to come up with some sort of au for them (writer's block and creative burnout is a BITCH it's okay though we stay silly) and there's just something about how qphil and qcellbit don't (or didn't) really wind up in each other's circles often. sure they were friendly with each other in passing, and they definitely had some nice little interactions earlier on: cellbit briefly interviewing phil on one of his first days on the island over a cup of coffee and solidifying phil's view of cellbit as the Dedicated Investigator; phil asking cellbit to babysit chayanne and tallulah while he's away on a trip and cellbit being more than happy to; phil briefly checking in with cellbit --- who was in the process of tumbling into his regret arc, cutting off ties with loved ones and making himself a martyr --- and asking if he was okay when phil spotted him hanging alone in the back of the group; chatting about the upcoming wedding and phil advising cellbit that he and roier should probably introduce some sort of dress code (lmao); cellbit watching phil and missa meet up for the first time in months on the way to the federation's people-freezers and all of the pieces rapidly falling into place (the name of phil's waystone, phil's skull backpack, phil's elusive "husband," ohhhhhhh...). they've always been in each other's peripheral, but never directly involved in each other's personal lives.

until the happy pills.

see the thing about archivists is that they're not drawn together by a pre-existing friendship; they're more friendly acquaintances at this point, perhaps almost-friends, though they're certainly not close. but then forever's life is under threat, and god, they both love forever immensely. with direct help from bad and indirect help from others (qpac you LEGEND), they're eventually able to formulate a plan that successfully drag forever out from under the haze of drugs, pull him to the surface. they sit next to each other as they sit at the bedside of their mutual friend, watch him breathing, and try to breathe themselves.

and from that moment on it's solidified: they know they can depend on each other, when shit hits the fan. they have their respective strengths, and they balance out each other nicely. i wish i had gotten more of a chance to watch their dynamic during purgatory 1 (unfortunately i have a life sadge) but from what i saw, they turned out to be some pretty good co-leaders, and an interesting dynamic at that: phil acting more as a support role (moral support, resource support, combat support, ALL the support) and stepping up into a leader-like role when needed, but ultimately letting cellbit take the helm a lot of the time since he's a strategist with more practice managing large groups of people (i wont get into it here, and i want to watch more vods so i can more properly analyze them but HOUGHH i have THOUGHTS!! SO MANY!!!)

what im trying to get at is that they were initially in the peripheral in each others lives but were eventually drawn together out of necessity, due to circumstances. the mutual respect followed, which was then followed by trust, and then collaboration, and then friendship. i've also made this post talking about their dynamic, how they both understand each other's need to focus on the here and now and understand that they don't need to know every little thing about each other to still trust each other. and this is so integral to their relationship. it's what makes archivists archivists.

so now all that's left for me to do is try to come up with some sort of au i can chuck them in, incorporating this idea of "friendship of necessity" as a core feature of the plot. i have scattered ideas but none are particularly appealing or solid enough. i will try though!! if u have any suggestions/thoughts/ideas feel free to leave a comment or say in tags (pspsppsps come brainrot with meeee)

[syqamorsun]

Hello, my name is Syqamor. And I love literature, psychology, and visual art.

I don't know what my first post should be, so I'm just going to go on a little stream of consciousness boat ride.

Why don't you take a cup of tea and join me?

Writing is more important to me now than before, i think. Which may seem less true due to how infrequently I sit down and actually work on my projects. But as I've grown older, life has become so dreary, much more than I imagined in my youth.

In 2021, I wrote a poem, partially about the pandemic and partially about depression. There's this segment:

I sleep with my eyes wide open, Scrolling mindlessly and thinking endlessly. Burning my thumb on the phone screen, I wish For a light, yet cling to shade. And there, a lone bulb flickers, Over and over.

And I revisit it because I've noticed an interpretation that I didn't think of before. The lack of actual rest. I take a break from work by scrolling on my phone, or when I get home from work/school, I scroll for hours before finally losing the strength in my eyes. The action seems so effortless - just blink your eyes, absorb 1 million bits of terrible information, and move your thumb until the rhythm draws you into sleep madness.

I rarely feel rested. I don't feel calm very often, and I think that with the state of the world, it's only normal. There's so much to fix, so much to do, meals to figure out with the cans in your pantry, personal problems on top of congested societal problems. The noise never seems to settle.

And I think that's why returning to my stories, even though it's less frequent, feels like drops of cool refreshing water. Writing has always been there for me since the beginning.

I did lose my way for a little while, though. I did initially join Tumblr in 2016 with the intention of building a brand as a teen writer. Many people did. The online writing community was kind of blossoming, but also unfortunately turning into a capitalistic hellscape. We were all trying to become published teen writers, starting youtube channels, writing every day, writing every chance we got, writing more than eating or sleeping, stepping on each other's ideas to scramble to the top.

I think my entire friend group, save for like 3-4 people, completely left social media. Some of their pages are still up, frozen in time, their last writing update from 2018. The rest became... normal people, I suppose, a couple still writing, others writing less. And we became closer throughout all the madness.

Writing became less of a priority as the world around us became mad. But I noticed that each time I was able to return to the pen, my writing skills became so much more sharper. It was no longer about becoming 'successful', but about what writing meant to me originally - a way to escape.

And so now, more than ever, as rain pours outside my window, I can say that writing is more important to me.

And even if no one reads my blog, it's okay. My words have left my congested brain and landed in a little home that people may find if they are searching for.

That is enough for me, I think.

-Syqamor

[na-t0]

𝘛𝘰 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵

Vash the Stampede x reader (no pronouns used)

The piece below contains the bleak words from a remitter that considered not deserving a response from its addressee. A mere confession from a worn out soul to another.

A farewell letter dedicated to the man with a geranium colored spirit.

A farewell letter dedicated to the man that will be loved until the five moons that adorn the sky, fall before the eyes of this desolate heart.

The reason why I am writing this letter to you is somewhat difficult to explain. It's something much bigger than me, a greater power beyond my comprehension that unfortunately, is slowly consuming everything around me. I’ve come to find myself plunged into deep despair, and at the same time, I learnt to accept the cowardice that has been invading me for not being able to muster the necessary strength to look at you in the eyes and tell you what you will read here in a few moments.

Pretty easy right? To hide between words, ink and paper. I'm sorry about that.

I will start by saying that, when I first met you, I came to realize that everything I knew and defined as my world would transform into something entirely different. You were the strike of lightning in the pouring rain, a hit that came with enough force to demolish an entire city. Your presence was all over the place, making it hard to ignore you. Every step you took resonated loudly in my head. And despite of what your name represents and what people often acknowledges you as, I have realized that it only covers a small part of what you truly are.

I think you are incredible, Vash. You are kind, you are a gentle being. You are the most wonderful coincidence that I have met in my life. You are an imperfect creation, but so am I. And so is everything else. And no matter how hard I try, I'll never be able to fully comprehend your greatness. But that's okay, because I already came to create my own conclusions. Just like you don't need to fully understand why I feel the way I feel when I notice you are near me. Or how the blood flows violently in each and every of my veins when I hear you breathing softly while you are sleeping on my chest. Even when, I suppose that you too have already come to create your own conclusions about it.

My love for you has grown so unbridled that I fear of losing my mind. So, that's why I decided to get away from you, from the room we shared, from the city where we used to travel together. Having you by my side hurt, because despite the suffocating closeness, you were still miles away from me.

And it hurt, it hurt immensely because my heart is exposed. Open the palm of your hand and there you will find it, bleeding and throbbing with emotion and life. While yours, is hiding behind an iron barrier attached to the left side of your chest. A barrier I could never cross no matter how hard I tried.

And because of that, I wish your gaze had never met mine. I wish you had never saved my life. I wish our lips had never touched. I wish you had never felt embarrassed to undress yourself in front of me. I wish I never had to see you cry while nightmares tormented you at midnight. I wish your pain would just go away. I wish you never had to suffer. I wish you had never deprived me of the right to love you.

I wish for so many things.

And I also foolishly wish that you loved me as much as I do, despite everything, despite all of this.

I love the scars in your body that form together a map I have traveled so many times with my lips, a map vividly embodied in my memory. I love your eyes and the color of your hair. I love the little mole that adorns the highest part of your left cheekbone. The aroma of your skin and the contrast of temperatures that your hands emit when you embrace me. I love when you laugh and I also love that you are easily moved to tears. I love the sound of your voice at any time of the day. I love listening to you hum that song you like so much and I love dancing with you that waltz we drunkenly invented one night out in the dark alley of a bar, and therefore, only you and I know. I love all the versions I've met of you.

I have even come to hate that word, ‘love’, because I consider that is too vague to describe what arises within my being when I lift my stare from the floor and see you standing in front of me. But I've learned to settle for it, so yes, I love you. I absolutely love everything about you, your worst and your best. I love you, Vash. And I am a slave to my own body because it refuses to feel otherwise, to think otherwise.

I will be devoted to you until eternity comes to an end, even though I don't really have a clue of how long that will be.

Knowing you, that idea does not please you at all.

So, forgive me.

Forgive me for stumbling upon your way that rainy day, and for trying to love you the days that came next.

Forgive me for that, and for all the other things, so I can leave without wanting to look back.

                   -Yours entirely. Yours forever.

What followed after was the image of Vash going through the door, running after those faint footsteps of your boots imprint in the unforgiving sand of May City. Holding against his chest the crumpled piece of paper that had the last bit of your essence. The trace that a weak, broken heart left behind as an old souvenir. Pieces slowly intermingling with the ground, waiting to be picked up by the hands that undid them in the first place. And as he ran, it wasn't just the scorching sun of a summer afternoon the only thing that burned. The love you felt for that mysterious man with the empty smile and tender eyes was consumed in ashes. The sun was burning, but your heart and your soul, were burning even stronger. And Vash ran, he ran for hours until his legs sank in the dryness. Ran until your trail was lost. And he cried too, cried until exhaustion did not allow a single more sob to come out of his throat. But he managed to stand up, just like he always has, and kept searching. Praying silently to the heavens for another coincidence, another way to find you once again.

[jimin-of-mine]

Its a real question and not a shade but how do you know you're Jimin twin flame ? I wonder what it feels like ?

To answer this question honestly- I would have to say that it's very simple, but also quite confusing.

I have been on this journey for close to a decade now, and things still don't make sense a lot of times for me 😅

It's a very spiritual connection, but it's also very physical and it affects you as a whole.

I apologize in advance, but this will be quite long, since it's not something that can be answered in a very short reply.

Not if you wish to try and understand ♡

°

I suppose you can say it started around the time I was just a little girl, so I've been on this journey for decades- but I found out it had a name eight years ago.

I don't know what triggers it and the journey itself starts out the same for everyone, but eventually you take your own path that is very personal to you.

Regardless of what anyone tries to tell you in the twin flame community- no other person can tell you how things need to go.

You are the only one who can speak on your journey and that's what makes it tricky, because you lack the guidance that you need in the beginning.

I went through it myself and there were so many people trying to project their own beliefs onto me...

None of it spoke to me and their beliefs just felt off to me. Not wrong, because it was their own beliefs- but it just didn't fit with me and my own personal experiences and that's okay.

Individuality is SO important and I can't stress this enough, because if you listen to other's- you will never have your own growth.

I learned this the hard way, so I try to tell everyone this ❤

°

I had a very difficult life growing up and my family was very broken from the beginning.

Things transpired when I was very, very young and it left a permanent scar on me, before I really had the proper development as a child and my mind was wired very differently than the average person- due to the mark that the trauma left behind.

Often times, I would wonder why I was even born and my life got very dark, full of 'demons' that just wouldn't give me any peace of mine.

Until I was six years old, and that was the time I had this deep knowing inside of me, that I would meet someone who was just like me and we would be together.

I never thought of it as romantic, because I felt more like it was just love as a general term.

It gave my little heart the strength it needed to continue moving forward and it quieted the 'demons' in my mind.

It became my driving force and the only reason I was living, since nothing else made sense to me and I had these terribly heavy burdens that I was carrying around.

°

Fast forward a couple of decades, and I was starting to have these dreams. Meeting someone- who was rather vague when I woke up and I couldn't remember their appearance.

They were a stranger, but yet they didn't feel like that at all and in these dreams where they would visit me- it was very mundane, but they meant everything to me.

Why?

Even though we just sat in this small area and enjoyed each other's company- there were never any words spoken, but it didn't feel silent if that makes sense.

It felt like there was a lot being said, even though we weren't even speaking.

Being around this person brought me bliss and pure serenity.

The darkness that had started to resurface after several years- fell silent in their presence and my mind quieted down.

I felt a kind of peace I had never known before and the raging storm inside of me fell totally calm.

°

This may not seem like a big deal to other people who read this, but that's only because you haven't lived my life.

Afrer the trauma as a child, I was left with a horrible digestive condition and I was very sick as a child. Not to mention, the severe and very debilitating anxiety condition that never let up. I wasn't given the therapy that I needed for a long enough time, so I was never given the chance to heal properly.

I couldn't be around people and they terrified me, to the point that everyone was a threat.

I would isolate myself, because I couldn't bear to be around other's- but at the same time, I preferred the quiet of my own company.

After the time I found out I had another 'me' out there, I never felt alone and I knew I was protected- but I didn't have an explanation for it.

I just never felt alone, because I always felt like there was someone else with me.

(I need to mention here that I grew up in a very strict religion, so I wasn't given the permission to have my own beliefs. It wasn't until much later in my life, I found out that I could have my own beliefs. That's how conditioned I was from their manipulation.)

°

Kpop had always been a part of my life, since high school I think and I was obsessed with a few groups- but mostly the girl groups and there was a few boy groups I liked too.

With BTS it was difficult, because I never had anything against the guys- but their popularity was a huge turn off for me.

They're all anyone ever talked about and it frustrated me, because other groups needed to be noticed as well.

So I tried to avoid BTS- but that's the thing I've noticed with this journey lol

The more you try to avoid it, the more it pops up and it won't leave you alone until you stop and just pay attention.

°

I wanted to see what the big deal was, so I watched a couple of their music videos on YouTube- ('Save me' & 'I need U') and Jimin was the first one that just seemed to jump out at me.

I didn't know why and I just thought it was a crush or something- but I knew right away it just meant he was different.

I never had crushes on real people. I was heavily into anime at the time and those are the guys I always felt 'attracted' to.

I wondered what made him different and so that's when it all began in a manner of speaking- but I didn't put two and two together for a few months.

It wasn't until he did something-like a certain behavior or mannerism? Its hard to explain in words...

But it just happened out of the blue and I realized he was the one visiting me in my dreams.

I think it's because of his voice. When he spoke, or sang in music- I realized that I felt calm and my mind felt quiet.

Which is what happened with that person who continued to visit me.

No one has ever been able to quiet the hurricane that has been raging inside of me, since I was a little girl and that's when I knew he was something.

I found the term soul mate that stood out to me, but it didn't fit the 'criteria' of what I was experiencing- so I furthered my research and came across twin flames.

°

I'll end it here, because I don't want this to be too long- but please feel free to send me another 'ask' if you wish to and I can answer anything else you may be curious about :)

Please tell me that it's you though, because I've been having a lot of hate in my 'asks' section and I want to make sure I don't block you by accident ♡

[im-a-goddamn-cat]

Contact

Neggie/Negan Smith x Maggie Rhee || Rated: G || Words: 696

Summary: Negan and Maggie take comfort in each other.

A/N: This is a Valentine's Day gift for my amazing girlfriend, Gaby (@daenerys-tarrgaryen & tudorregina on AO3)! :] I love you so much, sweetie! <3 I chose the prompt "touch starved" from the list that I was given.

AO3 || FF.net || ↓

......

They don't know how they ended up like this. In bed together curled up in each other's arms. They were enemies, they shouldn't be together like this. Yet here they were. Perhaps it was the fact that neither of them had been close to someone like this in a long time and were desperate for any sort of contact now. Touch starvation surely is a deadly thing it feels like. Or maybe they had finally been giving into feelings that had been buried for a while now. Nevertheless, here they were. They were laying on their sides facing each other, Negan on his right side and Maggie on her left. Their arms were draped over each other in an embrace. 

Negan shifted a little to lean back and look at her face. He lifted a hand and ran his fingers through her hair and she sighed in content. He admired her face and its beautiful features. He also briefly glanced down her body. Negan has always found her attractive ever since he first laid eyes on her. At first, it was just a silly lust for the widow he created but over time, it grew into true love. Getting to know her had just made him fall for her hard. He admired her fiery spirit, kind personality, and strength. It also made him feel even guiltier about the sins he committed. He hates that he hurt the woman he loves now so badly and he wishes that he could take it back, even if it meant she'd still be married to someone else. Another part of him also wished that she loved him back but he knew that she never would considering the trauma he put her through.… But then again, he never thought he'd get to be close to her like this either. Either way, he was overjoyed that she was allowing him to be like this with her.

Maggie was also admiring him in her own way. She looked over his face, taking in all his features, which she reluctantly admits to herself does look good. She may have also snuck a peak down his body as well but she would deny it. Maggie moved one of her hands to gently wrap around his neck and she rolled her thumb over the scar on his throat, the symbol of the beginning of his change, and Negan hummed in approval. Over time, Maggie has gained some sort of odd attraction towards Negan. She has tried to rationalize it by telling herself that it's just because she's been without someone in that way for a long time and that her brain is just focusing on him because of her obsession with him, but deep down, she knows it's because she is actually slowly falling for him. Getting to know him more and seeing the way that he has changed and continued to be a better man than he was has been building something inside her. She feels guilty for having an attraction to her husband's killer but she hasn't been able to stop it.

They slowly shifted again and moved their arms back around each other. Maggie leaned in and gave Negan a quick kiss, which caught him off guard but made him very happy, before she scooted closer into him and snuggled her face into his neck. Negan shifted to lean closer into her as well. He moved his head to gently place a kiss on the top of her head before laying his head back down. They pressed themselves as close to each other as they could physically get, soaking in the comfort from each other. Neither of them were ready to admit their feelings vocally but they were okay with showing it physically like this for now. They couldn’t get enough of each other, the feeling of contact with someone after so long and with someone they felt they were falling in love with was addicting. Nestled together, they took solace in each other’s presence. For the first time in a while, they felt at peace.

They don't know how they ended up like this. But neither of them would change a thing.

......

A/N: Thank you for reading! <3

[ohjustkreat]

Moments In Between

A Shuri x Riri One-shot Series

Available on Wattpad/AO3 (Kreat)

************************************

There was no battle that Shuri had fought or enemy she had faced that caused her to be as nerve ridden as she was today. Finally after every trial and tribulation, she was marrying the love of her life. Their relationship was far from a fairytale, yet Shuri and Riri both knew they would have a happy ending.

"Shuri, I can feel your nerves over here. Do the rest of us a favor and keep them to yourself." M'baku said, earning him a glare from Shuri.

"Bast, leave her alone, M'baku. She has a right to be nervous. It is their union day." Okoye defended. "So, are you ready?" Okoye said as she put her hands on Shuri's shoulders.

"More ready than I've ever been for any moment in my life. I get to marry my soulmate."

"Yes, yes, kisses and rainbows. Save your speech for the ceremony." This earned M'baku a glare from both Okoye and Shuri.

"I only speak the truth." M'baku said as he raised his hands and shrugged his shoulders in innocence.

"Shuri, don't listen to him. It's your day and you can say whatever you please." Okoye said, smiling and looking at Shuri through the mirror.

*knock* *knock*

All three pairs of eyes turned towards the source of the sound as the door opened.

"Shuri, it's almost time" Nakia was smiling as she entered Shuri's quarters.

Shuri exhaled as the dropping feeling reappeared in her stomach. "Nakia, how does she look?"

Nakia's eyes lit up at the mention of Riri. "Shuri, she looks absolutely beautiful. As do you."

"Thank you. I'm just ready to see her. Actually, I'm not sure what I'll do when I see her."

"Just don't freeze and you'll be fine." M'baku inserted, wearing his signature charming smile. Shuri looked at him with agitation as Nakia and Okoye stifled back a laugh.

"Okay, enough teasing our Bride." Nakia said, still laughing.

"I was only trying to give advice." M'baku said.

"Try some better advice." Shuri said.

"Fine, you want advice?" M'baku for once turned to a more serious tone. He took a deep breath, preparing what words were about to leave his mouth.

"Always so dramatic," Okoye said as M'baku cut his eyes at her.

"As I was saying." M'baku started as he turned his attention back to Shuri. " Shuri, I know that this life has not been easy for you, but it has given you someone to share it with. Someone who loves you. Do not let your past wounds bleed on the heart who loves you now, in the present. I wish you two the best in this life and the next." M'baku surprised everyone with his words. Pulling Shuri into a hug, he whispered into her ear "I love you, little panther, and I am so proud of the woman you've become." Releasing her, he looked to see there wasn't a dry eye in the room. Nakia attempted to pat away the tears that were threatening to fall from her eyes. Okoye on the other hand let them fall, not caring for the makeup she was wearing anyways.

"Now, I have another bride to go and offer my great wisdom to. We'll see you out there." M'baku gave Shuri one last meaningful look before leaving out the door. Over the years, M'baku and Riri had grown close. M'baku was mostly just intrigued by Riri's smart mouth and her ability to sometimes out banter him. And to no one's surprise, she had chosen him to present her to Shuri.

"I should be going to. Congratulations, Shuri." Okoye said as she gave Shuri a quick hug and left out the door.

With it just being them, Nakia took advantage of the moment. "Shuri, I wasn't sure what to say on this day. How to say, I'm so amazed by who you've become. The strength it took to get to this point, physically or mentally, I'm proud of you. I also see the way you unconditionally love and care for Riri. How protective of her you are yet, gentle. I know your mother and brother approve. And they are here with us today. You look at Riri the way T'challa would look at me. That's how I know you two are meant to be. You look at each other as if you're the stars that light up each other's sky." Nakia dabbed at the tears that had started to fall from her eyes.

"I wish they could have been here. I wish you and my brother could have had a day such as this. I told myself today was not just about the love Riri and I share for each other. But about the love and sacrifices of everyone, ourselves included, for us to get to this point." Shuri felt her eyes start to water. "Bast, no more deep talks. I'm going to cry enough at the ceremony."

Nakia chuckled, " Okay, you're right. Are you ready?"

"Now or never, let's go." Shuri took a hold of Nakia's arm. She had chosen Nakia to present her to Riri. She only felt that it was right. She also was thankful to have Nakia's support. Shuri was close to shambles,the epitome of a nervous wreck.The couple had stuck to the long tradition of being separated the day before their ceremony. She hadn't seen Riri in over 24 hours and now the next time she would be seeing her, would be as her wife. Walking out of her bridal quarters', Shuri prepared herself. It was time.

******************************************************************************************

Riri looked into the mirror. Her dress fit her body perfectly. Months of designing and tailoring her wedding dress had paid off. She was in awe of the intricate designs , the details of everything from the hems to the stitching. It was perfect. Riri felt beautiful for the first time in a long time.

"That dress isn't going anywhere and neither are we if you don't get out of that mirror."

"M.J. a girl only gets married once, well one time that truly matters." Ayo and M.J. both chuckled.

"And I'm lucky enough that this will be my only wedding. Shuri knows not to play with me." Riri said jokingly.

"Or she'll have to face me. And I might not have a cool super suit like everyone else but I don't play about my Riri." M.J. added in from her spot on the lounge chair.

"That will be a very quick fight." M'baku inserted as he walked through the door

"Mimi!" Riri calls the nickname out in excitement.

"Ah, you know how I hate that name." M'baku said in annoyance.

"Which is exactly why I used it. You can't be mad, you came up with it." Riri argued.

"Ah, on any other day you would not get away with that, but today is a very special day. I also know that you're just as much of a wreck as Shuri is. You two are perfect for eachother. Both small and emotional. Like two lovesick puppies."

"M'baku, did you just come to insult me?" Riri asks.

M'baku laughs, "Of course not, I came to present you to your bride to be. Now, stop deflecting. I know you are a complete wreck right now. So, what is on your mind?"

"Everything." Riri said as she turned around to face M'baku, backing away from the full length mirror. "Today, is one of the most important days of my life. Am I supposed to feel a certain way?"

"Mm, I suppose not."

"Don't get me wrong, bro, I've been practically shaking since this morning. Like, this is really about to happen. I honestly couldn't see myself with anyone else."

"I don't think anyone else would be willing to put up with you." M'baku adds.

"I said the same thing myself." M.J. said.

"I like her. And who are you?" Asked M'baku.

"Oh, I'm M.J. Friend from M.I.T. And you must be M'baku.'

"Yes, I did not think anyone else could stand this one." M'baku jokes, pointing at Shuri.

"Eh, she's not that bad." M.J. responds.

"Okay, if you two are done making fun of me-"

"Ah, don't be so upset. " M'baku says as he walks further into the room.

"Okay, everyone. We do have a ceremony to get to. M'baku, make sure she actually gets to the palace and on time. M.J., you all set to go?" Ayo says, making way towards the door.

M.J. gave Riri one last hug, "I'm so happy for you, girl." She said so that only Riri could hear her. Releasing her, she gave her one last look over and continued out the door with Ayo.

"Honestly speaking, you both really are a wreck. What is the worst that can happen? Do you think Shuri's going to say no."

"Very funny, smart ass."

"I'm just saying Ri. I honestly get sick everytime I am around you two and your kissing and cuddling. It's not enjoyable for the rest of us."

"And it's only about to get worse." Riri said, sticking her tongue out at him.

M'baku rolled his eyes. "I know. Speaking of, you are about to step into a union. I may tell a joke here and there-"

"Pfft" Riri interjected.

"BUT I am serious about this. What you're about to do is nothing to take lately. And I know you love Shuri deeply. I have never seen a more perfect match. The love you share is genuine. And Riri, if and when things get hard, just know I'll always be here. To talk to, confide in. I've grown to think of you as a little sister, Ri. And although I serve the throne, this gorilla will tame the Black Panther if she hurts you, without hesitation." M'baku pulled a now crying Riri in for a hug.

"I knew you were a softie."

"Oh shut up. You're the one who's crying." M'baku said, releasing Riri ," Are you ready?"

"I don't think I'll be more ready than I am now. I feel like I've been waiting for this moment all my life and didn't know it until now."

"Well, let's not wait any longer." M'baku offered Riri his arm. She took it and exhaled heavily, looking towards the door.

****************************************************************************

The Golden City was at its most festive. An overwhelming sense of excitement had consumed the city in the days leading up to the wedding ceremony. People from all over the nation filled the streets, celebrating the union to come. Today was no different. Bells could be heard in the distance. ringing out, signaling the wedding party's arrival. The residents of the city were dressed in bright colors, none dawning white. If not among the crowds in the street, they were standing or sitting on their balconies or outside their homes. Just hoping to catch a glimpse of the new brides as they made their ceremonial march through the town. A gesture that had come to symbolize a new couple walking into their life together.

Inside the Citadel, Shuri waited patiently outside the throne room. Nakia standing beside her arm in Shuri's. For some reason, Nakia had grown nervous as well.

*Ding* *Ding* *Ding*

Shuri felt a spark ignite inside her as she knew the ringing of bells meant it was officially time for her to walk down the aisle.

"Let's do this." She said as the tall and heavy vibranium doors opened.

Standing on either side of the aisle were various members of their friends and family. Shuri didn't notice everyone who was there as she was focusing on this moment. Gracefully, she made her way down the aisle. Nakia, who had released her arm, was not standing to the side of her. Shuri didn't think she could grow more nervous. She was wrong. As the crowd remained standing, the more rings from the bell were heard throughout the palace room.

'Here we go' Shuri thought to herself, her hands sweating. As the doors opened for a second time, Shuri tried to prepare herself. It failed. As the doors opened and Riri came into sight, Shuri forgot anyone else was in the room. Shuri had seen Goddesses before, but none of them came close to Riri. Sun gold fabric seemed to hug every curve on Riri's body. The heart-line shoulderless dress was adorned with gold dusted patterns. Each hand sewn over the period of a few months. A long train followed behind Riri as she made her way down the aisle. Shuri felt as if the sun was walking towards her. Her natural curls stopped just below her shoulders and seemed to move with her as she walked down the aisle.

Riri, who was now standing at the end of the aisle, stood and waited, her tears now matching Shuri's. Riri couldn't believe she got to marry someone so breathtaking. Shuri's was wearing a traditional white wrap. The designs matched those of Riri's dress. The same golden color, but stitched along the sides of her wrap. Over her shoulder was a shawl, white in color. It was blank except for the panther emblem that had been stitched into the middle of it.

"May we begin." The Golden tribe elder said. After receiving a nod from both Shuri and Riri, he continued. "Today, we gather in this great place, the Golden Citadel, for the union of most honored citizens. Shuri Udaku, of the Golden tribe, Daughter of late Queen Ramonda, the Black Panther, and Bast' Champion. And Riri Williams, of the Western world, the Iron Heart and the people's champion. Who will be presenting these women?"

"I will" Nakia stated first as she stepped forward.

"I will." M'baku added as he stepped forward.

"Do you both in good faith present these two to each other? Recognizing this as a confirmation of your belief in the idea that they will honor and love each other for an eternity. This act is a representation of your witness of their strength of union."

"Yes." Nakia and M'baku answered simultaneously.

"Brides, you may now turn and face each other."

Shuri was met with Riri's teary ones. Each at the other. No words had to be exchanged for them to know how the other was feeling in the moment.

"Today, today I, an elder of the Golden tribe, have the great privilege of joining you together. We will begin with exchanging vows. Shuri?"

Shuri clears her throat as she takes Riri's hands into hers. "Riri, I wasn't sure what to say until now. I prepared something, but those words don't do this moment justice. Since the moment I met you, I have had the sense that we belonged together. I didn't know what it meant then, but I do now. In our journey together, we have lost so much but have been blessed to find each other. I feel as though the universe created us for each other. Rather it be in this lifetime of the next, I wll always find you. I will always be there to love you, protect you, and support. You have given me the greatest gift. The gift of living again, being able to love again and to know that I can be loved. You are my stars, my moon, my sun, and my entire world. I'd die a thousand times over before I had to live in a world without you in it." Shuri finished and noticed the drops falling from her eyes. She was speaking from the heart and it showed.

"Now, Riri." The elder said.

"Wow, okay." Riri said as she gathered herself and tried to pat away the tears that were falling.

"Shuri, we found each other at a time when I was alone. And I needed you in a way that I didn't understand. Oftentimes, I find myself wondering, how we got here. How we made it through everything and it reassures me that we were meant to be. Not only have you made me a part of your family, but you make me into a better person. One who isn't afraid to be vulnerable or want to be isolated from the world. You brought me joy at a time when I lacked it the most. I look into your eyes and I see home. I feel a peace come over me that nothing else has ever brought me. My love for you goes across universes and it has no end. Whatever the world decides to throw at you, at us, I'll always be by your side fighting until the end. Whenever you're not by my side, a piece of me is missing. I have become yours as much as you have become mine. Our souls dancing with one another for an eternity. I have loved you, Shuri, for what seems like a lifetime. And I'll love you for the rest of this one and the next."

At this point very few guests were not trying to stop the tears that were now falling. Even M'baku had shed a tear or two at the sight of the two women professing their love for each other.

"Will the bearer bring the rings forward." The Elder called out among the crowd.

Shuri and Riri both looked at M.J. with slightly annoyed looks.

Just then a frantic looking M.J. sprung up "Oh sheesh, yea that's me." She said as rushed forward. "Sorry about that, here ya go." She said, smiling apologetically. The couple had designed matching gold-plated vibranium wedding rings. A closer look at the rings would show a black panther designed as the ring band, whose tail flowed up the shoulder of the ring and into the basket that was holding a heart shaped diamond.

"Shuri, please place the ring on Riri's finger." Shuri gently placed the ring on Riri's finger/

"Now, Shuri Udaku, do you take Riri Williams in union? To have in this lifetime and into the next. To protect not only her body, but her mind, soul, and image as well?"

"I do." Shur said, smiling from ear to ear.

"Riri, please place the ring on Shuri's finger." Riri did as she was instructed.

"Riri Williams, do you take Shuri Udaku in union? To have in this lifetime and into the next. To protect not only her body, but her mind, soul, and image as well?"

"I do." Riri said, smiling through teary eyes.

"This union has been confirmed and witnessed by the ancestors, elders, tribal leaders and the honored guests of our couple. I now pronounce you wife and wife. You may now kiss you-"

The elder member didn't get the chance to finish as neither woman wasted no time capturing the other in a kiss. Breaking apart, they were met with the cheers of their guests and the sounding of the bells. Letting the rest of the city know the ceremony had been completed.

Shuri picked Riri up bridal style as they made their way through the palace. They walked the streets for the first time as a couple. They were met with congratulations from every person they passed and were given several gifts. The festivities lasted for days after that. The couple spent every moment together, relishing in newly-wed bliss.

[my-chaos-radio]

Release: October 18, 2023

Lyrics (original):

이대로 세상이 망해도

잘 됐어 아무렇지 않을 것 같애

한 뼘 더 벽을 쌓아 올려

괜찮아 이곳에서 나는 안전해

그래도 피치 못할 외출

그��� 땐 웃음이란 망토를 쓰곤 해

들키고 싶지 않아 나를

하지만 누군간 꼭 알아줬음 해

Oh, you know, oh, you know, oh, you know

해가 저물면 get home

해가 저물면 get home

세상은커녕 그 무엇도

구할 수 없던 우린 이제 서로를 구해볼까 해

Ooh, ooh, ooh 크게 소리쳐 Mayday야

온 세상이 너를 버려도 나는 여기 있어

Ooh, ooh, ooh 크게 소리쳐 Mayday야

신이 내게 등을 돌려도 너는 거기 있어

악몽에 시달려 난 가���

그러다 느껴지는 너의 손길에

너구나, 나의 작은 영웅

다시 잠들 때까지 지켜줘야 해

Oh, you know, oh, you know, oh, you know

내가 들리면 get home

내가 들리면 get home

전장 같은 이 도시에서

상처만 남은 우린 이제 서로를 구해볼까 해

Ooh, ooh, ooh 크게 소리쳐 Mayday야

온 세상이 너를 버려도 나는 여기 있어

Ooh, ooh, ooh 크게 소리쳐 Mayday야

신이 내게 등을 돌려도 너는 거기 있어

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

Lyrics (english):

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

[Verse 1]

Even if the world collapses

Whatever, I'll be alright

Building up another layer of wall

It's okay, I'm safe here

Having to go out inevitably

I wear my cape of a smile

I don't want to be recognized

But I desperately want to be recognized

[Pre-Chorus]

Oh, you know, oh, you know, oh, you know

When the sun sets, get home

When the sun sets, get home

Why don't we save each other?

Even though we couldn't save anything

Let alone the world

[Chorus]

Ooh, ooh, wolf, shout out "Mayday!"

Even when the whole world abandons you, I'm here

Ooh, ooh, wolf, shout out "Mayday!"

Even when God turns his back on me, you're there

[Verse 2]

I sometimes get nightmares

Then I feel your touch

"It's you, my little hero"

Keep me safe until I fall asleep

[Pre-Chorus]

Oh, you know, oh, you know, oh, you know

When you hear me, get home

When you hear me, get home

In this battlefield-like city

Why don't we save each other?

All we have left are wounds

[Chorus]

Ooh, ooh, wolf, shout out "Mayday!"

Even when the whole world abandons you, I'm here

Ooh, ooh, wolf, shout out "Mayday!"

Even when God turns his back on me, you're there

Songwriter:

[Outro]

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh

Emily-Madelen Aarsheim Harbakk / Jason OK / Jeong Hwa Seo / Lise Reppe / Marion Skogseth Bjørsvik / Mark Minsuk Yom

SongFacts:

After the pre-release of the pleasant “Underwater,” Chuu has returned with her official solo debut. Howl leads her new album with a pulsating electro beat that complements her clear, pleasant voice. Since I hadn't followed the song teasers, the gradual transformation surprised me upon first listen.

What begins as a wistful ballad gains percussive support as the chorus begins. From here, “Howl” is underscored by an insistent chug of electric bass, creating a driving energy that gives the track more urgency. Without this production uptick, I fear Howl could fade into the ether – another neat but light K-pop offering. As it stands, the song doesn't make enough use of his more adventurous instincts. At just under three minutes, there isn't enough room for it to develop into something truly spectacular - especially when almost half of the track is a very slow build up to the first chorus.

Howl's best moments have an emotional pull, an energy that brings tears on the dance floor, which suits Chuu's strengths as a performer. I love the synth textures in the chorus and wish they were more prominent throughout. A song like this doesn't benefit from restraint.

[catboyolli]

Omg I love DnD and I love this concept 😍 Can you share any more details? Like have you settled on specific character classes for everyone yet? And have you already created some art for the story?

hiiiiiiiii thank you so much for the ask!!!! I love talking about this stupid concept that has been rotting in my head since 2021 😬💖 and oh well, this one is gonna be long but if you also have any ideas I would love to hear them 🥰💘💕💖💕

But okay, I lied because I have two concepts related to high fantasy ( I am so normal about this lol)

For the "main" project I went with Pathfinder 1e because it has so many classes to choose from, that I didn't have to rely on homebrew stuff (and because I had to learn how this system works and after 5 years I still don't get some of the stuff 😅), so I settled on:

Joel as a haunted spiritualist looking to get rid of his phantom (spellcaster with occult magic and a "pet" aka phantom)

Niko as an urban skald who pledged to retake his family's ancestral land (d&d's bard/barbarian multiclass, probably will change the backstory because it feels too meh).

Joonas as a flamesinger bard, he's just some lucky guy and nothing bad has happened to him (yet), other than some tasteless patrons disliking his music

Olli as a stargazer oracle searching for many answers in the stars (kiiiiinda like a cleric, but not devoted to any or to a single god)

Tommi as an aspect of the bear shifter whose druidic circle succumbed to corruption (melee shapeshifter, kinda like d&d's circle of the moon druid)

Aleksi as a universalist arcanist tasked with paying back a heavy family debt and no, it isn't related to money at all (d&d's sorcerer/wizard multiclass, he gets to summon a familiar and ofc it's Rilla 🥰)

If I go with that, I'm going to use Paizo's Pathfinder main campaign setting because I really don't want to come up with the worldbuilding lol (tbh that would imply creating a lot of everything from scratch, unless I actually go 100% insane and do it........)

The 2nd one is another fantasy AU where they are tieflings because who doesn't love tieflings???? I used d&d 5e and assigned one ability score to each of the boys:

Strength: Tommi as a Zariel bloodline tiefling, Path of the Totem Warrior (bear ofc) Barbarian (he strong)

Dexterity: Aleksi as a Mammon bloodline tiefling, Arcane Trickster Rogue (he's a rich little shit who loves to steal for fun)

Constitution: Joel as a Levistus bloodline tiefling, Blood Hunter from the Order of the Profane Soul with an Undead patron (I know it's mouthful but yeah.....)

Intellect: Olli as a Mephistopheles bloodline tiefling, Artillerist Artificier (and before anyone says oh but Olli is a dumbass, why intelligence? Listen. He's actually smart, but he's sooooo forgetful that not all his creations succeed...)

Wisdom: Niko as a Baalzebub bloodline tiefling, War Domain Cleric (originally I wanted to assign him the strenght attribute and Tommi would have the wisdom one, but I feel it works better this way. Niko seems to be a very wise dude IRL and not as physically strong as Tommi)

Charisma: Joonas as an Asmodeus bloodline tiefling, Wild Magic Sorcerer (I really really wanna homebrew a devil bloodline for this)

I haven't thought of any backstories or a storyline for this AU, I'm just vibing with the concept 😅 a lof of inspiration for the designs (that are in my mind ofc) comes from Pointy Hat's tiefling video, which please go watch if you haven't, it's an amazing channel.

I have a complicated relationship with art due to Not Having Enough Time And Skill. I tried to make some art back when I was choosing the horns and skin tones for tiefling!Olli, but I got frustrated and left it there to rot lol (+ i didn't like the style + took too much time)

For skin tones + eye color variation: red / purple / blue

Zoom of the two concepts I "finished" 😬 (smooth vs ribbed horns)

But yeah, that's mostly it! I wish I had more to show you, but I'm hoping to have enough time work on the tiefling!AU around December or early 2024😊

Again, thank you for enabling me to ramble about something I really really really love 🥺💕💖💘💖💕💖

[lilyevanstan1325]

✨ Astral Lovers ✨

Chapter 9

Lily POV

"Now the only thing that matters is that we are together again”

Five weeks.

I clung to his words with all my strength.

It's been five weeks since we met again.

And it was the best five weeks of my life.

Steve is the perfect boyfriend.

Generous, caring and sweet.

He constantly fills me with attentions and nice gestures.

He never misses an opportunity to be able to steal a kiss, a caress, a hug.

He took me to visit many places, he made me go around all of New York, showing me all the wonders of the city.

There are only 10 days to Christmas and the wonder of this place, decked out with lights and festoons, is breathtaking.

The streets of New York sparkle, the reflections of the lights hanging on the street and in the shops make everything more magical.

That lights that shine in his eyes, making them more charming.

I listen to him rapt every time he tells me some anecdote related to the old New York, the one where he grew up.

He took me to Brooklyn to visit his old neighborhood, the home where he grew up with his mother.

Her mom, Sarah, was a nurse and raised Steve to the best of his ability despite Joseph, his father, being an alcoholic and abusive.

Sarah worked double shifts in a garment factory and did the laundry to keep going, to survive.

Until she fell ill with tuberculosis leaving a Steve just 18 years old.

I cried a lot that day.

We stood in front of his old apartment, I couldn't look him in the eye as he told me his story.

In a way, I felt like I was reliving my mother's illness.

I could understand his pain.

I started sobbing at the end of his story, I couldn't stop.

He didn't say anything, he just hugged me very tightly and whispered in my ear that he was better now, that thanks to me he was better.

That I didn't have to cry.

He looked into my eyes so hard that I could not help but believe him.

So holding each other we kept walking through the busy streets.

For every corner we passed he had a story of him and Bucky to tell me.

How he was always beaten and how his best friend was there to defend him.

And after 70 years Bucky was still there, ready to take Steve's side.

Theirs is a bond of pure love and being able to witness it still gives you hope that all is not lost in this world.

As long as there is such a strong love, humanity still has hope.

After the New York tour he took me on several trips out of town.

We were in Washington, Boston and Chicago.

One morning while we were having breakfast together he found me staring at him intently.

"What's the matter, honey?Is everything okay?" he asked me softly, placing his cup of coffee on the kitchen counter.

His hands immediately find my face, and then left me a chaste kiss on my lips.

"You don't need to take me anywhere, Steve" I replied full of senses of guilt, "I don't want to steal time from your friends or your work.It's enough for me to be with you.I don't care where"

"You already do, Steve.You already do"

He had removed his hands from my face just to be able to grab my hands, he squeezed them in his and simply replied "I just want to show you the world.You told me that one of your dreams is travel and I just want to make your every wish come true"

And we exchanged a sweet kiss full of promises and hopes.

That same evening he took me to Coney Island.

We got on the ferris wheel, and it was incredible.

The view from up there is breathtaking.

I still remember the excitement of that moment.

"Look, Steve!My God the view from here is wonderful!"

I said excitedly.

The Manhattan skyline is at our feet.

"You're right honey, the view is magnificent"

A smile on his lips.

"Oh I assure you my view is better" he replies, a sly smile matched his gaze glued to my cleavage.

"Babe, you're not even looking" I laugh heartily because his eyes are glued to my face.

"Gross.And you're killing my romance"

We both burst out laughing.

"You are my wonder, do you know?"

He hugs me sweetly, then his voice in my ear.

In response I joined my lips to his.

We are really trying to make things work between us.

Even though it's not easy for me.

When I'm not with him I feel like I can't breathe, every time I go back to the other side I fear I won't see him anymore.

I am stuck in a reality that doesn't exist and now I am sure.

In the last five weeks I have learned to manage this ability and I am able to spend a lot more time in the reality, with Steve.

At first it was only a couple of hours, now I can also stay for more than 24 hours.

It is as if the world here pauses every time I leave and starts again as soon as I get back.

Every time I go back to my fake reality as I now call it, it does not matter if I have been away for 2 or 15 hours because nothing changes.

I need to investigate better but I don't know where to start.

Steve for his part is continuing his research but I have the impression that he isn't telling me the whole truth.

I have tried to ask him several times but his answer is always the same.

Now we are in his room.

"Don't worry honey.I have everything under control"

I wear only his sweater, Steve loves to see me in his clothes and I love to smell his scent on my skin.

Laundry soap, sun and leather.

We had to postpone our picnic in the park because of the violent rain that is hitting the whole city.

I am sitting on his lap, his arms are wrapped around my waist and we are watching an old movie on TV, Casablanca a Michael Curtiz's film, one of his favorite.

I'm standing here looking at the screen but I can't follow anything the actors say.

I'm distracted by Steve's arms around me, his muscular chest that brushes my back with every breath.

I feel his breath in my hair.

I'm as tense as a violin string.

If on the mental level our relationship is going well, on the physical level it is a disaster.

Every time we are alone the passion takes over but I can't let me go.

We spend endless moments kissing each other, rubbing and stroking but I can't get over it.

I stiffen.

The first time it happened was a few days after our reconciliation.

We were in his room, I had just arrived at the tower that afternoon.

Steve after a passionate kiss grabbed me by the ass and my legs were automatically wrapped around his hips.

He started kissing me furiously and I felt his erection grow.

In a completely instinctive motion I began to rub against him.

He laid me slowly on his bed, with one knee he made space between my legs and overtook me with his immense body.

God only knows how much I want him, how much I want his body.

All of him.

I felt so electrified in that moment.

I felt the muscles in his back tense under my hands.

The smell of his skin upset my senses.

I felt his mouth make its way up my neck and slowly descend to my stomach, and then back up and back to my mouth.

I slipped my hands under his shirt, with every caress I felt his body vibrate under my touch.

He took off his shirt under my ecstatic gaze and I remained staring, I did it without breathing.

His muscles so defined, an abdomen that seemed carved in marble.

With the trembling tip of my fingers I traced the contours until I reached that delicious V at the end of his abdomen.

He trembled and dived again on my lips.

His hands got more confident and slipped under my sweater to squeeze my breasts.

I moaned so loudly that I was afraid that everyone in the tower would hear me.

My moans must have gotten him high because he started trying to undress me.

And then the disaster started.

I stiffened so much that he couldn't help but notice it.

"What's up, baby?Do you want me to stop?" he said with his panting voice.

His chest rising and falling quickly.

I didn't know how to answer him but my eyes did it for me.

They filled with tears and a small sob escaped my lips.

"Hey hey!What happens?Talks to me" he immediately got up from my body and hugged me so tightly that my sobs turned into a real cry.

I remember getting his whole chest wet and he kept rubbing my back and whispering sweet words into my ear.

At one point I calmed down but I couldn't look up, I felt terribly guilty.

Embarassed.

I felt his fingertips under my chin exert a little pressure to make me look up.

And as soon as I did, other tears filled my eyes.

“It's okay honey, if you're not ready we can wait.Okay?"

He kiss my forehead.

"We have all the time in the world"

"I'm sorry, Steve"

"Hey, don't you dare apologize for that.I can wait.I've been waiting for you all my life, I can wait more"

So saying he put on his t-shirt, held me in his arms and we chatted like this for hours.

Since that day he hasn't taken a step in that direction.

I don't know how to behave.

I've never been sure of myself, I've never found myself beautiful or attractive but the way Steve kisses me, the way he hugs me, the way his crotch grows when we're together makes me realize that he finds me attractive.

That he desires me.

My fear is not even tied to being still a virgin.

The real problem is that this is not me.

The real me, my body is who knows where.

And I would really like to be here with him when it has to happen.

I know it all sounds so absurd but this thing stops me.

It terrifies me.

I want to be a complete experience, I want him to kiss and touch my body.

I want him really inside me.

But obviously I can't talk to him about it because I don't have the courage.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Steve turning off the TV and looking at my profile, his lips are moving.

This means that he is talking to me but I haven't understood a single word.

Fantastic.

I sigh.

"Is the film finished yet?"

I ask bewildered.

He is always so attentive, he always manages to grasp my every little nuance.

"No baby, it's not finished" he too sighs, "Where are you tonight?You are here in my arms but I have the impression that your head isn't here"

I sigh again and get up from his lap.

I walk to the window and watch the raindrops glide across the glass.

They frantically overlap on top of each other a bit like my thoughts right now.

I hear his footsteps behind me, his arms around my shoulders and his head resting on mine.

"Talk to me please.Don't shut me out" his is just a whisper.

"It's nothing babe, really"

I'm sorry to hurt him like this but I can't tell him why I'm feel down.

"Why do you act like this?I just don't understand you" he walks away from me as he talks to me.

He approaches his bed where he drops heavily.

“Why do you refuse to talk to me?Yet I've always told you I'm here for you.For everything.Why are you excluding me like this?"

He puts his arm over his eyes.

His tone is not angry.

He looks hurt, disappointed.

I have to tell him.

If we don't talk about it now, the issue will magnify to the point of becoming untenable.

"I don't want you to think I don't want you" I whispered in a low voice.

I feel my face on fire.

Steve turns to me.

The room is dim, the only light comes from the bedside lamp.

"Oh Steve, I want so much to make love with you that I almost seem to go crazy"

His eyes widen, I'm sure he wasn't expecting this.

With great strides he approaches me, I observe him in every detail.

Tonight he's wearing light-colored jeans and a simple beige cashmere sweater.

He is barefoot.

His honey blonde hair combed back, his face smooth.

As soon as he reaches me, his hands quickly find their place on the sides of my neck, his thumbs caressing my mouth.

"But I feel ready!I do nothing but think about it"

"I know, honey.And I too want you!But I already told you I can wait for you, if you're not ready that's okay” he tells me softly, “I don't want to push you to do anything you don't want, no matter how long I have to wait.Really"

His eyes narrow, as do his fingers around my neck.

At my words I see him breathe in violently, the air hisses in from his nostrils.

I feel a warmth between my legs, I rub them together in search of a minimum of relief.

"What is holding you back then?"

His voice is hoarse.

I feel embarrassed.

"I want to be me when it happens"

He looks at me and doesn't seem to understand.

He stares at me intently.

His pupils dance between my eyes to try to grasp the meaning of my words.

Then something clicks in his head and in that moment I understand that he knows what I'm talking about.

"But you are here, honey.I feel you under my hands.For me you are here and you are real"

Tears show up in my eyes again.

“Steve, you know very well that's not true.My body is who knows where”

My gaze hardens.

“I want to be 100% me.I want my first time to be special, complete.I want our first time to be wonderful.I don't want to be afraid of waking up alone in a place that doesn't even exist.I want to open my eyes and find you by my side.Do you understand what I mean?"

"Yes, I understand"

He holds me close to him, as if he is afraid of losing me.

I keep talking, my words choked on his chest.

I feel Steve squeeze me even tighter and kiss me on the top of my head.

"I'm afraid it will never happen" I murmur, "What will happen if you never find me?I don't want you to be in a halfway relationship.I don't want to give you a half life.I want you to be happy.Even if it means letting you go”

"I'm so scared Steve"

I chain my eyes to his.

Mine are full of fears and questions.

His eyes seem so serene, as if my presence alone were enough to make his world work.

"Sometime it's good to be scared, it means you still have something to loose"

"Does that mean you're afraid too?" I ask him shyly

“Oh honey I'm freaking out every minute of my day” he laughs heartily, “But as long as I know that I can hug you and kiss you, I calm down.I face all of this one day at a time.A step at a time.You already make me happy.I assure you that mine is not a half life, I finally feel complete.Finally since I awakened in this century I feel I am complete.Happy"

I have to remember how to breathe.

We kiss again, his lips possessive on mine, his tongue dancing with mine.

His kisses have the power to stun me.

His mouth descends voraciously on my neck, sucking that corner of skin behind my ear.

His lips bite every inch of my neck.

His tongue runs where his teeth grab me.

I gasp in his ear as his mouth is busy kissing my collarbone.

His hands are already under my shirt, massaging my breasts, the turgid nipples underneath the bra.

He gently pushes me towards the wall, his body pressing and rubbing against mine.

I feel his erection against my thigh, it's so big and hard.

I begin to move against him.

His hand comes down from my breast until it reaches the hem of my panty.

I feel him hesitate and he is about to stop when suddenly I place my hand on top of his and invite him to get down.

His bright and lustful eyes stop in mine, they look for permission.

A consensus.

"It's ok babe, it's ok" I murmur.

He goes back to devouring my lips and his hand enters my panty.

His fingers caress my center, picking up the moisture that I feel flowing in abundance since we started kissing.

He inserts a finger inside of me slowly, then adds a second sink them to the knuckle.

I get up on tiptoe from the overwhelming pleasure and my nails sink in his skin.

Steve stops kissing me to look me straight in the eye, I feel embarrassed but I can't don't moan out of control.

His fingers inside me move incessantly.

Curling them, hooking them deep inside of me.

With his palm he apply the right pressure on my clit.

I feel I am close, my sex tightens around his fingers.

"Steve" I beg him panting, "Faster"

Steve groans and start to move faster his fingers.

My moans gets louder, I feel my body start to climb higher and higher.

"You okay?" Steve asks.

He manages to be sweet and protective even in such a moment and that does nothing but throw myself over the edge.

I cum.

Almost wildly.

Steve kisses me again then takes his hand off my pussy and so obscene he licks his fingers that were inside me a moment before.

"It's much better than I imagined" he whispers in a sensual way.

I blush

"Are you okay, my love?"

I nod as I try to catch my breath.

He tooks me in his arms, in bride style, and he lays me down on his bed then he lies down next to me and with a big blanket he wraps both of us.

"Steve?Are you sleeping?"

I ask him after a few minutes of silence.

"No honey, what's going on?"

"I...I..."

"What honey?"

"I think I'm in love with you" I spoke so softly that I'm afraid he didn't even hear me.

Steve POV

"I think I'm in love with you"

My heart is beating madly.

Ok...tonight too many things are happening and all too fast.

"I know we've been together for a very short time and you don't have to tell me back" she continues, her voice filled with panic, “I just wanted you to know.Everything I do, I do only because I fell in love with you.Is it irrational?Maybe.But from the first moment I saw you I knew it was you.The one.I don't want to scare you or put pressure on you,I..."

She perceives the hilarity in my tone and raises her gaze to fix it on mine.

"Babe, please stop!Breath!" I tell her with a smile on my lips.

Her eyes are so beautiful and deep.

She don't need to talk, they already say everything.

"And do you really believe that I would turn the world upside down if I didn't love you?"

At my words her pupils dilate, a smile appears on her face that goes from ear to ear.

"Do you really love me?"

"Why wasn't it obvious?"

"Hearing it has another effect"

I lower my face towards her.

I kiss her temple, her forehead, the tip of her nose.

She laughs.

God I could die for one of her smile.

Then I kiss her lips.

Slowly, several times.

"I love you, honey"

"Now rest, you'll be tired.We still have time.I'll be here when you wake up"

I say out loud for the first time and that makes me feel better.

One last kiss.

"I love you, Steve"

"I love you too, Lily”

And I watch her fall asleep in my arms.

I watch her sleeping.

She is so small in my arms, all curled up against my chest.

I lightly caress her hair and kiss her forehead, I don't want to wake her up.

It was an evening full of shocking events for both of us.

I need a moment to reflect on everything and above all I have to calm down.

My erection is still present and pressing painfully against the flap of my jeans.

I settle a little better on the bed and cover her a little more, it's very cold tonight.

Another thunder breaks through the silent night, Lily squirms a little by my side but she continues to sleep.

I think back to the last few weeks.

I tried to give her everything she wants, I made her visit the places of my childhood.

We even went to the Smithsonian where I showed her my story.

I drank the wonder from her eyes.

She was like a child who sees the sea for the first time, amazement and disbelief to be the master.

I want she experience everything that has been denied to her.

With the research we are at a standstill.

We can't find any news about Dr. Ross, much less anything about his life or his work.

Buck and Nat insist that I talk to Tony about it for extra help, but I disagree.

And luckily Lily thinks like me,she momentarily doesn't want to involve anyone in this story.

But she often asks me questions and I no longer know how to answer them.

I know I should tell her the truth but I lack the courage, who am I to turn her life upside down?

How can I introduce such a delicate subject?

It's crazy.

I mean how I could go to the woman I love and say “You know, you and your mother died in an accident.Your father, on the other hand, killed himself"

I sigh.

The woman I love.

I can't believe I told her but above all I didn't expect her to be the first one to say that.

When she said those three simple words, she whispered them so quietly that for a moment I thought I had dreamed.

But then I saw her anxious, frightened, as if I could not reciprocate her feelings.

I have spent the last five weeks introducing her to anyone.

She is adorable.

Every time I spoke the words my girlfriend her cheeks were colored with a beautiful shade of red.

And everyone immediately welcomed her with open arms.

Since we met again, I have noticed many changes in her.

She is more sunny, witty.

She is really great company.

With Nat she bonded a lot, between them there was a feeling from the first words they exchanged.

Now they both only need a glance to understand each other.

Their favorite object of mockery is obviously Bucky.

He seems to be accept her much more, he is very protective about her.

Especially when it comes to Sam.

A smile escapes my lips.

If that man is breathing in her direction my best friend is ready to react like a watchdog.

He doesn't let anyone get too close or annoy her.

I look better her face.

Her long lashes almost touch her cheekbones, her full red lips are parted.

They form a slight O.

God knows what I'd make her do with those sinful lips.

I admit that the first time she refused me, I was a little upset, I didn't understand why.

But then I thought about it in the following days and I thought I understood her reasons.

Until tonight.

That statement from her left me confused and stunned but in the end I know that she is right.

She wants to be with me, with her whole body, and I really can't blame her but she's wrong about one thing for sure, I don't feel like living a half life with her.

In fact, I feel more complete and more alive than ever.

Hearing her admit that she does nothing but think of us having sex gives me a sense of satisfaction, knowing that she wants me as much as I want her gives me comfort.

But I admit that now that I know the warmth of her femininity, I don't know if I will be able to do without it anymore, if I will be able to hold back as I have done so far.

Feeling her delicate little pussy squeezing around my fingers, milking them, has me freaking out.

When she begged me to go faster, it took all my willpower not to tear her clothes off and fuck her against that wall.

Just thinking about that my cock twitching in my jeans.

I don't know what jumped into my mind but in the end I felt the physical need to lick all the sweet nectar of her from my fingers, I rolled my eyes in my head remembering that.

Now I know what my favorite flavor is in the whole universe.

A light knock on the door brings me back to reality.

I get up very carefully trying to make as little noise as possible.

I open the door a few inches and Natasha's face appears in front of me.

"Am I disturbing?" she asks me in a low voice.

She seems uncomfortable.

"No, don't worry.Lily has been asleep for a while.I was still awake" I reply, "Did you need something?"

"Are you okay, Nat?Is Buck okay?"

"Yeah, sure we're fine.We found out something about her father" my friend replies, nodding her head towards my bed.

I close my eyes and sigh.

"Ok, wait a minute"

I quickly go back to my room to put my shoes on and then I kiss my girlfriend on the forehead and go back to Nat.

She watches me with a raised eyebrow.

"What?"

"Nothing, I like to observe your sweet side.You treat her as if she were crystal"

"Oh, shut up!"

I give her a light shoulder.

We both laugh.

We head to the redhead's room, Bucky is sitting in front of the desk with his head bent over some files.

When he senses my presence he looks up at me and smiles.

"It's all okay?Is Lily okay?"

I roll my eyes.

“Buck until a few hours ago you were eating pizza together.If you weren't my best friend, I would doubt your interest for her”

Without even looking at me, he directs his middle finger towards me, the one in vibranium.

"You are a jerk, Stevie"

"Don't call me that, dork"

"Ok ok kid, be good or I'll have to spank you" Natasha says.

We all laugh together but get serious right away.

"So, what did you find?"

The anxiety increases with each passing minute.

"We are not sure, to have total security we would need Lily" begins Nat.

"Why on earth?I'd rather leave her out of this, you know"

“And you Steve know it's wrong, it's her life we're talking about.She has every right to know.The more you hide, the worse it will be when she finds out"

Bucky interjects.

"So we found an identikit that might fit Dr. Ross well"

Natasha gestures to him with her hand, as if to say not now, will we talk later.

Nat takes a file and hands it to me.

Inside is a photo of a handsome man, tall, gray eyes and graying hair on the temples.

He looks just like the man described by Lily.

I keep reading.

I stop suddenly and look up at my friends.

"This is impossible"

"Unlikely but not impossible, my friend" Bucky replies.

Philiph Ross is not his real name.

His name is Philiph McTavish.

He studied at the S.H.I.E.L.D. academy as a boy and was then recruited by Hydra, as scientist and geneticist.

Married to Sophia Bonnet with whom they had a baby girl.

Elisabeth.

"It can't be just a coincidences, Steve"

My Lily.

It's Natasha who speaks to me.

Here we are.

"This is the man we're looking for?Recent news?"

We are close.

"The story about Brookville coincides with what we discovered.But he is still alive.The last time he was spotted was in Geneva, Switzerland, a year ago" continues the former Russian spy.

We all look at each other.

I clench my fists.

"Steve, you understand that the three of us can't just go and clear out a probable Hydra base.We need to talk to the others.Ww absolutely need a plan and resources" Bucky explains very quietly.

"Don't worry man, we're talking about the Hydra bastards.She's definitely a prisoner.She's a victim.I don't think she's dangerous at all" Bucky continues.

Natasha walks up to the window, looks thoughtful.

"What are you worried about?"

I walk up to her.

"I know Nat, I know"

”Barnes is right” she replies with a sigh, “I think we should also notify Fury.And above all, first of all you have to talk about it with her.You can't hide it from her anymore"

I sigh heavily.

It will not be easy.

"I'll go back to her.Tomorrow morning we'll talk about it calmly"

Having said that I walk towards the door, when I'm about to get out my best friend's voice blocks me.

"Everything will be fine, pal.We'll make sure everything will be fine"

"Thanks guys.I don't know what I would have done without you.I will be indebted to you for life.Goodnight"

"Night" they answer me in chorus.

With a weight in my chest I go back to my room, I enter without making a sound.

I get rid of my jeans and sweater.

With only my boxers I lie down next to her.

I intertwine my legs with hers, as always her feet are cold.

I smile.

It's so nice not to sleep alone, especially it's nice sleep with her.

During the night she is always looking for me.

Sometimes she squeezes my hand, sometimes she rests on my chest or she snuggles up to me.

One way or another she touches me all the time and I love it.

I gently kiss her on the forehead.

I see her open her eyes slightly.

"It's ok, babe" and so saying she gets even closer to me.

"Forgive me honey, I didn't want to wake you up" I whisper to her.

Legs and arms intertwined, difficult to understand where one begins and where the other ends.

I would like to stay like this forever.

"Now sleep baby, okay?I love you"

"I love you too, Steve" said that she go back to sleep.

I wake up suddenly, my forehead beaded with sweat and short of breath.

My chest rises and falls frantically.

I look around, I feel dazed and bewildered but I understand that I am in my room.

Lily sleeps blissfully by my side.

Thank God it was just a nightmare but it felt so real that I still feel chills hitting me.

In the dream I was in Brookville, following Lily's father.

We enter a strange building.

Dark, damp.

The walls are covered with mold and there is a strong stale smell.

The only light present comes from the end of the corridor that is in front of me.

I keep walking but the closer I get to the light, the more an acrid smell, smell of death, tortures my nostrils.

I enter a large room.

In the center there is a metal table, like those in morgues.

The stench in here is impossible to bear.

My eyes water.

The doctor is in front of this table, he is fiddling with some objects.

His voice echoes in the high ceiling.

"I'm sorry Captain, you arrived late.Her heart is mine now" and he turns to me.

His lab coat is full of blood.

It stains all over his chest and climbs up to his elbows.

As if he had dipped his arms in a bucket full of blood.

In his hand he holds something that at first I can't understand what it is so I take a few steps closer and...I have to hold back several gaggings.

In his hand he holds a human heart.

My attention is focused on the table in front of him.

I rush in front of him, badly push the doctor who falls to the ground with a great thud.

"What did you do?" my voice trembles, "What have you done!"

In front of me is my little Lily.

White, lifeless.

Her eyes, once beautiful and warm, now are empty and glassy.

Her lips are purple.

A grimace of pure panic still etched on her face.

Her chest is slashed, butchered.

Treated like a beast.

I take her in my arms, I'm soaked in her blood but I don't care.

I'm begging her to come back to me even though I already know it won't happen.

"Please Elizabeth, open your eyes.Please don't leave me.What am I going to do now?What?"

Warm tears wet my face, I feel anger rising inside me with an animal instinct.

I set her down on what is undoubtedly a torture table and I rush to that son of a bitch.

My fists crash relentlessly on his face.

A single word comes out of my lips like a litany.

Why?

Why?

Why?

The doctor's face is now unrecognizable but he still has breath in his body.

At that moment I opened my eyes.

He just uses it to tell me “You never had a chance.You could never have saved her”

I get up slowly and go to the bathroom.

I rinse my face with cold water, those terrible images still in my mind.

I just have time to turn to the toilet and kneel on the floor throwing up everything that's left in my stomach.

I run a hand through my hair and lean my sweat-soaked forehead against the cold tiles.

After a few minutes I get up.

My reflection in the mirror informs me that I am a rag, I brush my teeth to get rid of the disgusting taste of bile in my mouth and go back to my room.

I sit at my desk and reread the files that Natasha gave me and the old newspaper articles that report the accident that took place where Lily's father worked.

After a while I feel small hands resting on my shoulders.

"Hey babe, are you alright?It's 6 in the morning.What are you doing?" her voice is still hoarse from sleep.

She is lovely.

With a casual movement I close the file hiding it from her eyes.

"Nothing honey, I just had some old work to finish.Notingh important"

I try to keep my voice joyful.

"Shall we go to breakfast?"

I get up and take her in my arms, she wraps her thighs around my hips and I I grab her ass.

"Steve!" she laughs.

She looks so happy and carefree.

How can I drop the bomb of her father on her?

In this position we go down to the kitchen where I make her sit on one of the stools in front of the table.

"I would say that they are perfect"

"So...what about pancakes?" I ask, smiling and kissing her lips.

She smiles at me.

At that moment I have the total certainty that for that smile I would do everything.

While we are quietly eating, Sam enters the kitchen, followed immediately by Bucky.

"Now it's a good day" Sam winks at Lily.

Her cheeks are on fire.

"Hey fly down pigeon man.You know very well that she's off limits"

Sam rolls his eyes.

"I didn't know Barnes was your scary dog"

The former Winter Soldier mutters between his teeth something that sounds like stupid bird.

Lily bursts into a thunderous laugh and puts her hand on Bucky's, who has sat next to her in the meantime.

”Thanks James but I think I be able to handle this situation alone"

"You are my best friend's girlfriend.It's my duty"

Now I laugh too.

His loyalty is almost touching.

Sam is about to say something when Tony interrupts him.

"Can you guys all meet in the meeting room?We have the Secretary of State on the line and he wants to speak to us" he says.

I get up and turn to her.

“Hey baby, are you waiting for me in my room?I try to do it as soon as possible”

I close my eyes.

“Don't worry, I'll take the opportunity to take a shower" then she lowers her voice ,“I don't think I have much time left"

I'm tired.

"Ok my love, I'll try to get back in time"

I kiss her passionately.

When we break away we are both breathless.

"I love you"

"I love you more" I whisper on her lips.

Another chaste, quick kiss and I follow Tony and the others into the meeting room.

Lily POV

I finish my breakfast.

I still feel numb from Steve's kiss.

Is it possible that after 5 weeks I still react like this to his kisses?

It is as if the oxygen no longer reaches my brain, leaving me stunned.

I get up and walk barefoot towards his room.

A shiver runs down my spine.

I definitely should have worn something else besides his sweater.

I cross the long corridor and head to the elevator, I enter and press the button that will take me to the bedroom floor.

Quickly I enter the room and grab the blanket on the bed.

I wrap myself in it and remain motionless staring at nothing.

For a moment my mind goes back to what happened last night.

I lower my head and my gaze is captured by the file Steve was reading this morning.

To the skilled hands of Steve and my legs shake at the very thought.

Intrigued I approach and since I have to find something to do to pass the time I sit on his chair and start reading.

The more I read and the more I feel like I have to throwing up.

Everything I am reading has no meaning for me.

Tears rise to my eyes like my anger.

For the first time I'm mad at Steve, I can't believe it.

I'd just like to punch him right now.

The door behind me opens and a sob fills the air.

"Honey, let me explain"

I cut him off right away.

"How long have you known?"

I don't want to hear his pathetic apology.

His obliviously bullshit.

He is still behind me.

I hear him sigh.

I turn to him and cross my arms to my chest.

My gaze hardens now.

"Don't look at me like that please!I just wanted to protect you"

"FROM. HOW. LONG. TIME. YOU. KNOW."

I scream

I can't keep my cool.

His eyes wide.

"Since I was in Brookville.Of your father's last night"

The air leaves my lungs as if I have been punched in the stomach.

I squeeze my eyes.

I won't cry, but I refrain myself from doing it.

He doesn't deserve my tears.

"Why you lied to me!How did you look into my eyes and lie to me like this!God!After what we did last night..."

I feel like throwing up again.

He walks in my direction and try to grab my hands.

I dodge.

I don't want to.

"Don't touch me" I hiss.

He staggers back, as if I hit him.

I hurt him that's true, I see the pain in his eyes, but now I don't care.

"How could you..."

I repeat and so in a moment a blue glow envelops me and I open my eyes in what at this point is not my home but a prison.

In my ears the last echo of his plea.

"Lily, please wait..."

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@deansapplepie

[questions-im-scared-to-ask]

I've found that I have some regrets.

I regret telling you how i felt, because those words can't be unsaid. Because those words lead to a flirtatious attitude between us. One that was fueled by years of my pent up desire. And those words lead to the actions that followed.

I regret that I let you kiss me, not a small soft kind kiss, but a longing passionate one. One that stole my breath and the strength in my knees. And the kisses that followed were just as full, but more steady each time as the nervousness left us and we forgot the world.

I regret that i held you, because now I can never forget that feeling. Your head cradled to my chest, the content sigh as you relaxed. Feeling something you've wanted. Hopefully it was everything you hoped.

I regret our meetings, those moments stolen when no one was there. In the car, in your bed. The look in your eyes as I kept you from pushing your boundaries, it made me ache.

I regret not being more careful.

Because now my heart is bruised again.

It will heal, and I will be fine. We'll be as we ever were. But these regrets linger because every part of us was taken from me too soon.

I knew going in that I would never be the one, that i was just something to distract in the moment. That I would never be what you really wanted. And that's okay. I set myself up for that, and I knew it going in.

But the worst part in all this is that I now know just how much i love you. Though those words and more you will never hear. Because I refuse to use your guilt to sway your heart. So instead I leave them here. Because I don't know what else to do with them.

Where should I say that I love the way you laugh, that it's infectious and always makes me smile. That I like the creases at your eyes when you smile, or get that intense frustrated look when you're working. That your voice makes me feel safe, among other things, but it always brings me peace. You calm the storm in me that others created and make it easier for me to center myself and move forward. Just the touch of your hand as it holds mine is enough to send me to tears. I've never felt someone as gentle as you, and I only wish I could have been better at saying it.

You don't fix my problems. Nor could I ever expect or ask that of you. But you give me support in solving them myself.

I know I am broken, and those jagged edges of me are what keeps us apart in the end. But they're the parts I can't fix, though I've spent my life trying.

And it hurts.

But my pain is not your burden. It's mine.

So as I cary it, i will stay as your friend. As i always have been. Happy for your success, and there to be at your side when you fall.

I'll stay with you for as long as you will allow me.

[chamberedbeauty]

The show came just days before Bucky's next letter. Chatter was booming across America. Stores were flooded with papers, comics, and other memorabilia of the newfound hope for the war and America herself. Commercials played at the theaters, even having their own films to show just how tried and true this new hero was. And each show was met with lines as far as the eye could see, just hoping to get a ticket to the show performance. Los Angeles, Philadelphia, Buffalo, Milwaukee, Chicago, Washington DC, and even the goddamn Texans got to see him. And now, Steve Rogers was back in New York City. Her father had bought out two rows, filled with only the city's most important- and each was reminded just how "involved" her father was with the program. As if they could forget. It all was...strange to say the least. Over the top, even for her. But she was sure she'd probably have just as much excitement as the rest of the country if it weren't for the man being Steve Rogers. Though she couldn't help but let the box of candy she'd snuck in, fall to the floor when Steve raised the motorcycle and three women up above his head. Her Steve...the man who could barely hold a milk bottle steady enough to poor just a few months ago.

Gwen's fingers twirled her ring as she waited backstage for Steve to appear. God she had been so furious with him when she'd found out he'd taken off without warning. So damn angry that he had this obsessant need to join something so horrific. But...of course it was Steve to be the one to do this. His heart was stronger than the strength he'd even possessed now. He was good- far too good.

"Well look at you," Gwen calls out when he comes backstage, smiling as he processed just who was speaking to him. And look at him indeed she did...it was...well she didn't even know what it was. Steve had always been beautiful in her opinion...but she'd be lying if she said she didn't see the appeal women, and some men, across the country right now. Her own little dance is given as he begins making his way over to her, missing no beat to begin singing. "Who's strong and brave, here to save the American Way? Captain America. Something something something Captain America. Who'll kick the Krauts to Japan? The Star Spangled Man with a Plan!" The woman laughs as Steve's cheeks flush, but it does nothing to deter him from wrapping her up in his arms, her own instantly doing the same. "Damn you....I'm so proud of you.."

Somehow she'd been able to steal Steve for about an hour that night. They met in her apartment, that had still been all but vacant since the night Bucky left. They spoke without missing a beat, but the worry in their voice for their friend overseas was all too showing- but there was determination in Steve's voice when he told her he'd be going overseas in a few weeks- after leaving DC...which shattered her heart....but at least she'd gotten a proper goodbye.

As the envelope is torn open, her mind can't help but wonder if she should finally tell Bucky about Steve- but the anguish in Bucky's letter took that idea away quickly. She could hear his voice reading each word. She could hear the exhaustion through the pen. He wasn't making sense, not completely, and all she wanted to do was be over there with him- to hold him and protect him from his mind and the horrors he was forced to carry out and witness.

Bucky- I don't need a thank you, so you will never have to strain yourself to give one. You would do the same for me. I wish telling you all these things would bring you some kind of comfort, but if it doesn't then I won't. However, I won't keep you in the dark about your family. They are still doing okay. They miss you. They love you. But if that's all you can bear to hear, then I won't plague your mind with more. Steve is doing great. This new job of his has done wonders for him. Some would even say it's a miracle. I dreamed of London when I was a little girl. The whole beauty of Europe intrigued me, but the only way I would even try to get there is by ship. You know just as well as I, that I will not get into a floating piece of metal up in the sky. Maybe we could go there after the war. Your family and Steve too. Rebecca would gawk over Paris and I'm sure June would love the countryside you get to take in. We'll plan for it. I'll begin searching for the right dresses.

A slow and shaky breath is given at the last part of Bucky's letter as she reads it again. and she can practically see the way his brain and eyes must have been wandering during this. She was terrified he was slipping out of his right mind, just like his father, or so lost in their relationship that he couldn't focus on what he needed to do to survive.

We've spent our entire lives telling each other that the three of us would be okay. How many times have you heard me tell those words to Steve when he was sick in bed? Or when you finally gave me more of a glimpse into some of the bad in your life? I need you to hear that now darling. Everything is going to be alright. I swear to you. But you must focus. You must keep fighting on.

Her pen is tapped against the paper.

You know I'd never seen a hero before? Not until the very first day I met you I remember it as if it were just moments ago. No one cared Steve was getting beat behind that schoolyard. No one. I'd never been close to your school before, nor had I ever seen anyone fight. I remember how no one even bothered to help when I screamed for those boys to stop....not until you came in and fought for Steve until Mr. Rosenlan finally stepped in to pull you and that boy away from each other. My father was a war hero- I always knew that. But this was different. You were like a knight. A true hero. You still are, you know? My hero. You and Steve...my heroes. You have to keep fighting, Bucky. You have to find the things to keep you above water. Please. You are going to be alright. You will come home. I will be here. Everything is going to be fine. Yours. Always Gwen

A trip to the bakery is taken as she stops to mail her letter. A large smile is given as she greets the owner, handing him a very large and very important order from “New York’s Senator himself”. Loaves of bread, cookies, tea, coffee, and Bucky’s favorite donuts are ordered for a swift and prompt delivery to the 107th. A gift from her “father” for doing such a splendid job fighting for their country. And what better way to give them a little piece of home?

Weeks go by since she'd sent her first letter to Bucky, and while the hurt and heartbreak never dwindled, the anger slowly began to subside. It wasn't that she wasn't angry, but rather the frustration and pain of of the whole situation was the culprit of any moments she felt her temper rise. The world carried on. She wasn't sure how it did, but each morning she woke, put on a smile, and carried on.

The first week was pure and utter hell. She missed Bucky and there was still no sign of Steve Rogers. The worry for both her boys tore her apart. Every jail in New York was called, every hospital, every morgue- nothing. And she was just short of filing a report to the police until her father scoffed one evening at dinner, and made a mention of the Captain America program, she'd only ever heard whispers about. But, it was that night she learned where her friend was, and what he was in position to do. She'd nearly spit out her wine at the surprise.

But once again, there was nothing to do but move on. Steve would get an earful the moment she saw him again, but until then she straightened out his apartment, saw the Barnes women every Tuesday and Thursday, and attended her classes. Wedding gowns were finally being examined, details of the event began taking shape. Life went on.

And she was tired.

Finally a month after Gwen sent out the letter, she received her first from him. And while she should have ripped it up and tossed it in the garbage, her heart fluttered and quickly she opened it. Her temper rises, hurt coming back into her heart, as she reads his words on her apartment floor- a place now she only came by once a week. And goddamn him....damn him for everything and she was gearing to tell him that...if he didn't sign off how he did.

Yours.

Bucky- You could have just explained to me how you wanted to leave. I cannot guarantee that I wouldn't have tried to find you before boarding the ship, but I at least would have understood. I would not have woke up alone thinking of all the ways I have wronged you and how you have wronged me. My goodbye was nothing more than I'll see you, and I just wanted to do that one last time before you left the country. I don't believe that the way you left was good for anyone, including yourself, no matter how hard you try to convince it upon yourself. I'm too tired to fight this point any longer. I don't have it in me, and I don't want you to fight anymore than you already must. Maybe we will never see eye to eye on the matter, but I don't want this to be what our letters consist of. I pray for you. Every single day. I miss you. So does your family. They're doing alright. Rebecca will tell me how she is feeling and June, well she's just like you. I don't get much out of her, but I know she's trying to be tough for you. But they're doing fine. I attended one of June's art classes with her. It was safe to say I was by far the worst, but my humiliation was worth while. She laughed- hard. It was good to hear. Rebecca is on top of her schooling and often talks to me about what she's learning, but it makes me a bit queasy to hear about. She's come shopping with me a few times and has a great eye. June comes sometimes too, but she usually drags her feet. Your mom is okay. The girls are doing a great job of taking care of her, so well she even came out to have tea with me two days ago. I asked her if she wanted to sit outside, but she declined, so perhaps that can be a goal for next week or so. She was trying to tell me a doll she had as a child, she said the color of my dress reminded her of it. She got teary halfway through her conversation, but, she did wonderful. As far as Steve's silence, don't worry yourself with it. He got a job. I'm sure he'll write you when he can, but I've scarcely seen him. My father mentioned seeing him however, and he said he is doing just fine. But I will let him know he needs to write you. I'm okay too. As you know I graduate soon, Saturday to be exact. Four years flew by, but I'm still enrolled to begin my masters program in the fall, so nothing will change. The only thing that is different is not seeing you. Like I mentioned before, I miss you. Very much. I hope there are things that are beautiful over there. I know you can't tell me where you are, but I know you were in London. How beautiful it must have been. I tell myself that before I sleep. That you're in London tonight, or in New York, and I just didn't get the opportunity to see you. I tell myself tomorrow may be different. Stay safe. Please. Be smart. I'll see you soon. Gwen

[teenandbeyond]

Hi dear, may i ask for Raph x broadway musical actress reader headcannons pls? And remember to hydrate love 💗

Raphael x Fem. Broadway Reader

Thank you, you too! Edit: Honestly, I wrote this way better originally, but my computer randomly decided to update and Tumblr doesn't automatically save, soooo yeah.

Want more from me? M a s t e r l i s t 2

☆*: .｡. .｡.:*☆☆*: .｡. .｡.:*☆

🧶The Mutant of the Opera🧶

Warning(s): ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Among your admirers, there's one special turtle who's your biggest fan.

✨✨✨✨

The first thing about you that Raph fell in love with?

Your voice.

It was strong and soulful, drawing him in, but warm enough to keep him rooted one night at practice.

It was your third musical, first in New York, and you were a supporting character, so you didn't have to come every night considering you didn't have many parts.

And opening night? He was mad you weren't the leading role.

You had the looks, the voice, and the charisma.

Hence, the giant turtle currently on the roof ignoring his communication device.

He made sure to show up each night, soon coming to the roof mere moments before you appeared. He had you timed.

🎶"Lift your head up, darlin'!... Never let them see ya' down. Never be afraid of yourself, keep your feet up off the ground...as you fly! To the sky! Reach your dreams, way up high!"🎶

He hoped to see you again.

And he did, the next year, you were a main character, yet not a leading role.

He hated not being able to watch you like everyone else.

But you had such a presence, it honestly didn't even matter.

And after that musical, you had a fanbase.

Raphael created an anonymous account to fanboy with the others.

Then he was waiting, waiting for you to come back.

Then news came, you were coming to New York to stay.

You lived there now!

And a year and a half later, you got that leading role.

"'Bout time. She ain't fit for anythin' else but lead," Raph complained.

"What're you talking about?" Mikey peeked over his shoulder at the newspaper article Raph was reading.

"Don't worry about it--"

"That broadway star you have a crush on?"

Raph scoffed, awkwardly looking away, "It's not a crush..."

"Dude, you've been talking about her for at least three years. It's a crush."

"Is not!" he weakly defended.

It kinda was.

He didn't tell anyone about the magazine he stole that you did an interview in.

And he refused to actually show Leo how excited he was when he came home with a poster of you for him.

He was excited for tomorrow night, you got a role that you deserved and he couldn't wait to see you play it out.

Okay

He was not ready

Your voice sounded different, a good different like you've been working hard on it. It had a different strength to it.

You pulled off a dark, edgy look quite well

And combined with your stage presence being stronger than ever, he was quite flustered by your performance.

🎶"I might be the good girl goin' bad. Getting hotter by the degree. But this freedom makes me glad. I'm happier just bein' me!"🎶

Okay, yeah.

He could admit the dark look was hot on you.

Well, what he could see from this angle anyway.

By the time the show ended, he hadn't even realized it.

No one had, you were that captivating to your audience.

Thundering applause.

And then the musical was over.

But something, something that night had him following you as you left the theater after everyone was gone, your shoulders sagged in relief as you stopped in the alley for a moment.

"Sheesh. That was so nerve-wracking! I hope I did well..."

Are you crazy? You could've been a tree and still be the star of the show, Raphael thinks.

"But I suppose I always get nervous the first night..."

He might have a thing for your voice.

You bite and release your lip as you go into thought.

"Now I have to drink all that wine by myself, everyone kinda just dipped out on me. Even the staff left..."

And the worst thing happens.

Raphael unconsciously adjusts his footing and you hear movement.

"Who's there?"

Raph wished it wasn't him.

Your arm snapped up in defense, "I have pepper spray and I'm not afraid to use it!"

He couldn't help but smile at the cute case the painful spray was in. If not for the contents inside, it wouldn't be very intimidating.

"Come out! I know you're there! Don't bother trying to leave now!"

Fierce little thing, aren't ya'?

"I don't wanna scare ya' doll face," he graces you with a response after some silence.

"I don't scare easily, I lived in Baltimore for a while, so I've seen a lot."

"You ain't seen me."

"Try me."

He sighed, time to scare his crush.

He eased down and out of the darkness, hands up in surrender.

You dropped your pepper spray in shock.

"Well. You're right, I haven't seen someone like you, before."

Your eyes were wide, trying to process what you were looking at.

"I won't hurt ya'...I was just watching you--That don't sound right, uh..."

You tilted your head, the large man--was he a man, he seemed more like an animal...a shell, a turtle--seemed to be more afraid than you were.

"Are you male?"

He didn't expect that to be the first question you asked...he didn't expect you to ask anything at all.

"Yeah. I'm a guy, why?"

"Just checking...I...I know some animals are genderfluid or whatever. I don't know how it is for...turtles, right? You're a turtle. Not a tortoise?"

"I'm a turtle."

You blinked, "A...big...turtle. I don't remember them being that big."

"Mutant turtle, princess."

"I...see."

"You're not scared?"

"Honestly? I'm too confused to be scared at the moment."

"Suppose that's fair."

You apprehensively put away the pepper spray after eyeing his weapons. "I'm [Name]."

"I know."

"..."

"I-I didn't mean for that to sound creepy...I just--I'm a fan..."

A giggle bubbled from your chest, "You're a fan of mine?"

"How could I not?"

Then he continued to go into a ramble.

Which was flattering.

"Eh...That's so embarrassing."

"It seems you've been watching my work for a while."

"I've watched every show you've done here."

"Really? Where? I would've thought you'd be noticed for sure."

"The roof."

"The roof? You could hardly see much from up there."

"Well, I mainly just listen to ya'. I see what I can."

"Hm..."

Raphael did not expect to get a private performance in the empty theatre.

After double-checking everyone was gone and the cameras were off, of course.

You were such a doll and ordered pizza, too.

He snuck in a little wine.

No one had to know.

He'd crack some jokes in between, cutting off your singing and trading it for laughter.

"Raphael--let me--let me finish!"

He had lots of fun.

And during the ordeal...he found his heart beating even harder for you.