#i love yohan will my whole ass heart but you cannot tell me he was right in that scene

[thedeviljudges]

let’s all take a moment to remember why gaon chose soohyun over yohan in ep 12 bc i feel like we need to revisit this and refresh our memories as to why it happened.

that while it might’ve been seen as gaon “betraying” yohan, it’s the catalyst for the rest of the series for yohan to understand why he cannot continue to repressess his emotions and gaon’s ultimate love for yohan.

it doesn’t make sense for gaon to choose yohan given minister cha’s death just happened. while yohan thought at this point, gaon had chosen him and his side, gaon realized the consequences of their actions had real effects on people who have done nothing wrong (and i say this relatively speaking. minister cha is responsible for things, yes, but gaon was able to justify their actions towards people they had concrete evidence of wrongdoing. with minister cha, they were still trying to piece her together to take her down, and in doing so, she killed herself).

seeing the consequences of their actions, of gaon seeing what he was a part of, scared the living shit out of him. if yohan hadn’t asked for gaon to choose in that moment, he would’ve had his freak out and most likely stuck with yohan after working his way through the situation mentally. but yohan had asked because soohyun had found them in that room. yohan, who had understood how grave that was for soohyun to find them - not because they were actually in the wrong - because he knew now that she’d be able to do anything with that scene and twist it however she wanted, which she did, to some degree, when she failed to ask gaon what really happened.

gaon has known yohan for all of a few weeks. with two devil’s on gaon’s shoulder telling him not to trust yohan, trying to do so, and then this happening, it’s much easier to revert back to distrust when he hasn’t known this person for as long as he has soohyun and his professor.

scared people always find comfort and safety. it makes it easier to think things through, and gaon was already on the brink of losing his childhood best friend because she wanted nothing to do with him because of this situation. imagine throwing years of friendship away over a man you’ve only known for a few weeks, only then for everything you’ve done together come to a head and a woman die as a result?

gaon is in shock. in complete shock, and yohan isn’t because he’s seen death and how ugly life can be. yohan has not taken into account that he is different than other people (not necessarily in a bad way), but he’s had years to harden his heart and his mind to the ugly truths. he’s also learned to cope by emotionally repressing his feelings to get the job done. gaon has not, and nor will he never be that kind of person, no matter the tragedy who goes through. everyone reacts different to their environments and how they cope and process things, and this is a prime example for them both.

gaon was right to be scared of who he was turning into to. him mentioning that the first thing he was worried about was the file on minister cha and not her actual death should be a slap to the face for anyone about their priorities. gaon even realized that if they had the file, that still wouldn’t have justified her dying, that finding the files wouldn’t make minister cha’s death worth it, by any means. regardless of the files were found or not, a death is a death.

gaon realizes how they’re playing god by playing chess games, moving pieces and thinking they can plan for next steps, especially because yohan is under the belief that humans are predictable, but what about when they’re not?

gaon did not want to lose soohyun over this. that was his main motivation over this, which is why he confused that he liked her and wanted to be with her because at that point, he’d do anything to stop her from leaving his life. that’s even living with a false confession of love because he knew it was the one angle he had. that’s not to say it was done maliciously either. gaon, at this point, is desperate, riding on emotional fumes of someone’s death, not having his support system and completely lost. why wouldn’t he go for the one thing he knows will get someone to stay? isn’t that what yohan did with him in terms of the conman?

gaon was upset at yohan for him reprimanding gaon for soohyun bc for yohan, that’s gaon going to see a cop and not a friend. which leads back to my previous point above about how yohan is used to plan after plan and has little to no interest in processing what’s happened. he’s able to walk over the bridge and continue moving forward. gaon does not have that luxury.

truthfully, if you rewatch the scene and listen to yohan, it’s also his insensitivity that drives gaon away. because yohan is focused on the fight. he’s not focused on helping gaon process what happened bc yohan does not need to. he’s not that kind of person. but gaon isn’t, and he’s failed to realize this. this is to due to yohan’s lack of social skills and being so focused on the bigger picture.

gaon’s leaving is also one of yohan’s biggest wake up calls in terms of his relationship with elijah, understanding and feeling regret and paying attention to how he approaches emotion and the other people in his life. especially in the wake of k’s death shortly after.

gaon retreating to soohyun and the entire confessional moment helps gaon understand that he never needed soohyun the way he thought he did. yes, as a friend, but he once told her that he couldn’t live without her, and him going back to her, essentially regressing to who he was before, in one way or another, helps him understand that he can do that, and he has to once yohan leaves him the justice system to fix. sometimes it takes us going back to the things that were comfortable and consistent for us to understand the personal growth we’ve had while not in that situation anymore. think of ex-relationships you try to culminate in your life with friends, family, etc, and coming to the realization that you are a different person, and they no longer fit into your life the way they once did because you grew out of it.