#i love when depression just completely knocks out my ability to do basic shit

[voidkraken]

Need someone to hold a gun on me to do job applications tomorrow

[lightninggavemeabs]

S1E1 commentary cuz why tf not

okay who fucking knows if I'll keep up with this but I want to try it.

Season 1 is one of my absolute favorites, I think the storytelling is exceptional and it really set the foundation for the rest of the show. I've rewatched this so many times because I love it to death. I mean, right from the beginning. That intro sticks in people's heads. It's iconic. We see the flash running impossibly fast, and then cut to barry running pathetically slow. It's perfect.

The characterization of Barry Allen is subtle and immediate. We immediately get to see him interact with his coworkers, his superiors, in a way that shows his personality perfectly. He's clumsy, but brilliant enough to be kept around. He's a hard worker when he's not totally distracted. He's also a little bit goofy.

There's also the interaction between Iris and him in the lab where he tells her she looks amazing and for like half a second he has this disappointed look on his face that tells the audience everything they need to know and it's really a testament to Grant Gustins talent that we could get that information about their relationship in like two seconds.

Then of course we get Wellses speech, which I feel needs to commentary. We also get to watch our protagonist, our hero, fail to stop a crime. He gets his ass kicked and it's fun! Because we know what happens next, or most of us do.

It really amazes me how much of the storytelling in this show is dead silent. Barry walking around his lab, alone, listening to the news, looking at his murder mystery board, only for lightning to strike. It's the night that changes his life but it seems so innocuous.

And then we meet Caitlyn/Cisco who I immediately fall in love with because he's playing Lady Gaga for that guy in a coma that's just around?? for months??

And then when Barry's discovering his powers and he just starts running super fast through the city and crashes into some van? Not to mention: there is canonically a random laundry guy who knows who the Flash is. He saw Barry run and he saw his face. Really the most goated character because he doesn't say shit.

Also, there's the

Barry: You seem kinda depressed

Caitlin: because I am

it's something that definitely should make me laugh but I always have a little chuckle at it because it's like Barry, you dumbass.

I really love the music that's playing when Mardon shows Barry his powers.

Joe West ranting about how Henry killed Nora because he's so certain that nobody has any weird magical powers is so painful to watch sometimes, especially when Eddie comes up and confirms Mardon's alive immediately afterward. Yikes.

"You're not a hero, you're just a young man who was struck by lightning" - Wells Season 1

Okay, fuck these police officers who let a child sneak in and see his mother's corpse you're doing a bad job. Also, Joe is like, guess I'm a father of two now (oof)

And then the cut to him talking to the Arrow, because obviously he needs a mentor.

And the "Cool." "Cool." it's so lovely.

also "I am god" "Shut the hell up" IMPECCABLE

convinently knocking eddie out so Joe can learn about Barry's abilities. That was a plot concussion.

"he can do it, I know he can do it" because Cisco has always been Barry's biggest fan. Right from the beginning, he believed in the Flash. Do you think he knew what the flash would someday become?

and everyone smiling in the control room once mardon's dead. beautiful.

joe, with tears in his eyes, apologizing for not believing Barry for all those years, truly breaks my heart. Joe West, dadliest of dads. The conversation between Barry and Henry, too, is completely heartbreaking. Henry saying that Barry needs to stop worrying about him and live. It's beautiful.

"I've made some new friends" YEAH YOU HAVE BARRY.

and of course we end on the obligatory 'harrison wells is not who he seems' scene. this whole season is basically this happening. we also get our first glimpse of THE newspaper. this episode is an incredible start to an incredible season.

I think i'll do one of these on every episode i feel deserves one. I don't know how many that will be., Anyway I'm going to go try baking bread. See yall :)

[honeypiehotchner]

My Deep Blue Love (Tom Hiddleston x Fem!Reader) -- Soulmate AU one shot

This was 100% born out of boredom and loneliness and those damn Soulmate AU POV Tiktoks that I have seen practically 24/7 for the past WEEK on my fyp

(I���m not sure if I’ll do a part 2, rn I have no plans for it)

quick note on the technicality of this one: you lose all ability to see colors when you turn 12 and you don’t regain the ability until you meet your soulmate. but! you have to meet them in person and it has to be a mutual eye contact. pictures/videos of them don’t work, and if you just saw the back of their head or something in person, that doesn’t work either. it’s all about the shared eye contact babeyyy

small disclaimer: Brie Larson is mentioned in here and she has a wife, but that is very much only in this fic, and as far as i know Brie doesn’t have a wife irl lol (i also don’t know if she’s spoken about her sexuality at all so what i’m saying is take it with a grain of salt ok)

Summary: Everyone around you is meeting their soulmate, but you still see in black and white. You’re ready to give up, and basically have, when you lock eyes with your soulmate.

Warnings: None! Just a bit of angst, lots of fluff toward the end 

You knock on your mom’s bedroom door at 4:58am. She’s already awake, sitting up in bed, ushering you over.

With tears in your eyes, you crawl onto her bed, snuggling close to her chest.

“I don’t want to lose my colors,” you whimper.

“I know, baby,” she whispers, kissing the top of your head. “It’s okay.”

You were born 12 years ago on this day at 5:08am, so in a few short minutes, when you officially turn 12 years old, all color will drain from your life.

Or the colors could stay, but that’s only if you’ve somehow already met your soulmate. And that’s rare, nearly impossible.

You squeeze your eyes shut at 5:07 and you don’t open them again until 5:10.

The colors are gone.

+++

twenty years later

You sigh heavily as you receive yet another wedding invite. You are invited to witness the official beginning of Olivia and Jeffrey’s lives together as husband and wife, soulmates for all of time.

The glitter sticks to your fingertips, tiny black dots against your skin. Your friend told you it’s gold. You barely remember what that looks like.

Lately it seems like everyone has been meeting their soulmate. Just yesterday, you were having coffee with a friend when she looked up at the girl sitting behind you, and boom.

“It’s like the world just exploded,” she had said. Colors were everywhere. She immediately left you to go talk to the girl.

You don’t blame her for that. If you had met your soulmate, you probably would’ve done the same thing. But you can’t say for sure because you don’t know.

You wouldn’t be so cynical of it all if your boyfriend of five years didn’t meet his soulmate while the two of you were out at dinner. You wish you could say that he was faking it. But it was clear from his face (and the girl’s) that he wasn’t kidding. It was real. He had met his soulmate, and it wasn’t you.

It’s never you.

You’ve had guys cut off dates before they even start, all because they didn’t see colors when they laid their eyes on you. They refuse to even be friends with you.

All anyone is doing anymore is searching for a soulmate and it’s exhausting when none of them are yours. When all of your friends see color now. When everyone assures you that it’ll happen soon. What does soon even mean?

You grab your ice cream from the freezer and fall onto the couch, flicking to whatever channel has late night shows that aren’t complete garbage.

As usual, you find yourself watching a talk show, and tonight Tom Hiddleston is one of the guests.

You’re sort of familiar with him from a few movies, but other than that, you hardly know anything about him.

“So, Tom, we’ve all been wondering what’s going on with you and Brie Larson?”

“Brie?” Tom asks, clearly shocked to hear this question. “We’re just good friends, that’s all.”

“Oh, she doesn’t make you see any colors?”

“Ah, no, actually, she does not,” Tom chuckles, but doesn’t sound sad at all, surprisingly. “Her wife does that for her, not me, I’m afraid.”

“Oh really?” The host brushes past the mention of Brie’s wife and keeps the focus on Tom, of course. “So is that true, you still don’t see color?”

Your ears perk up at the mention of someone else not seeing in color. It’s rare for anyone to talk about this on television. Most celebrities don’t talk about whether or not they’ve found their soulmate, but more often than not, those that have are quite loud about it.

“Yes, that’s true,” Tom answers. “I still see the world in a lovely black and white.”

You snort, harshly jabbing your spoon into your ice cream. Lovely. Yeah, right.

“Do you really think it’s nice? Do you not miss the colors?” The host asks.

“No, no, I do. I do,” Tom admits. “But I like to think I’ll see them when the time is right.”

You groan, going to Google to look up his age. And when you see he’s 40, you groan even louder. He’s older than you and he still hasn’t met his soulmate. That’s just depressing. How can he sound so optimistic?

“Alright, well, if there’s one thing you wish you could tell your soulmate, what would it be? Maybe they’re watching right now, you never know.”

Tom smiles wide. “Maybe, maybe, um… Oh, so many things,” Tom exhales deeply. “I guess I could be cliché and say I can’t wait to meet them and wait for me, but I think I want to say… I think I want to say I understand. It is frustrating, still seeing in black and white, but our paths will cross soon, I’m sure of it. Until then, my eyes are blue.”

Blue. Blue.

You roll your eyes. You don’t even remember what the color looks like.

+++

seven months later

“I am not going to a movie premiere. You’re insane!”

“Please!” Your friend, Catherine, cries. “You’ll love it, I swear.”

You glare at her over your coffee. “That just makes it sound like you have a trick up your sleeve.”

“I don’t,” she says. “I just want you to take advantage of this and come with us! When will you ever have the chance to go to a movie premiere again?”

She has a point. Dammit. “Touché. How did you get tickets, anyway? Please tell me you didn’t spend thousands for this.” You wouldn’t put it past her, even though you tell her not to every time before she does something like this.

“God, no, Joe surprised me with them earlier. He said he went to school with the lead.”

“Oh. Cool. Who?”

“Tom Hiddleston, I think. Have you heard of him? He’s British, but that’s about all I know. Joe just said they ran into each other the other day and reconnected.”

You stop halfway through a sip of coffee, careful to not choke on it. Slowly, you nod. “Yeah. I...I’ve seen him in a couple things.”

“Apparently, he hasn’t met his soulmate either…” Catherine trails away, raising her eyebrows at you.

You roll your eyes. “I heard,” you set your cup down. “He’s probably met them by now though since he blasted it on television like that.”

“Or he’s still searching and you’re still being too cynical.”

“You’re probably right,” you chuckle.

“Sooo, you’ll come?”

You sigh heavily. “As long as you help me pick something to wear.”

+++

“I’m regretting letting you talk me into this already,” you mutter when you nearly trip in your heels.

“Oh, hush,” Catherine swats your arm. “It’s an excuse to get dressed up and look hot for no reason. Take it.”

“Fine.”

Catherine’s soulmate, Joe, was whisked away almost as soon as the three of you stepped inside the venue by some director (you think), but he promised to return in a few minutes. Catherine told him not to worry. She’s used to him being dragged away for conversation. You can see from her face that she’s more proud of him than anything, and not at all annoyed.

Currently, you and Catherine are standing near the small bar, waiting for them to announce that it’s time to take your seats. You desperately want a drink, but part of you knows it would be a bad idea.

One glass of wine can’t hurt, though. Maybe it’ll take your mind off the pain in your feet.

You peel away from Catherine when you see Joe coming back, and you flag the bartender down quickly.

After ordering a glass of white wine, you wait patiently, wishing you had chosen a dress with sleeves. It’s fucking cold in here.

“Darling, you’re shivering, are you alright?”

Your head turns toward the smooth voice, face set and mind trying to decipher whether or not it was a sincere or creepy comment when the world quite literally explodes.

There, standing beside you, concern written all over his face, is Tom Hiddleston. Only now the concern has washed away into awe when your eyes lock with his.

“Oh my god,” he whispers, stumbling even though he’s standing in place.

“Blue,” you murmur. “Your eyes are blue.” Without even thinking or asking, your hand lifts to cup his cheek, and then you pull back, “Shit, sorry—”

But he grabs your wrist gently, placing your palm on his cheek. “It’s alright.” His thumb strokes the back of your hand. “I have been looking everywhere for you.”

“I thought you didn’t exist,” you whisper in reply. But here he is. His eyes are blue, his lips are pink, he has tiny brown freckles all over his rosy cheeks. You look back to his eyes, narrowing your own. “You liar. Your eyes have green in them, too.”

“Do they really?” Tom chuckles. “I never would’ve known.”

“That’s why you have me,” you tease, and you don’t know where any of this is coming from, yet it doesn’t feel like you’re pretending. It feels like you’re finally yourself.

His other hand tangles with yours as he nods. “That’s why I have you, indeed.”

At this time, the lights in the theatre begin lightly flashing, signaling that it’s time for everyone to begin making their way to their seats.

But neither you or Tom move one inch.

The only issue is people are beginning to stare.

You notice it first, so you slowly pull your hand from his cheek. This movement shocks him back to reality, too, and he blinks a few times, yet he doesn’t let go of your hand.

“I, um, I have to make a speech,” he says. “But then I can come back to you. Will you save me a seat?”

“Don’t you have to sit up front?”

He nods. “I do, but—”

“Then I’ll come with you.” You aren’t sure if it’s the fact that he hasn’t let go of your hand yet, or if it’s because you’ve been waiting so long that now you don’t want him to be further than an arms length away from you, but you mean what you say.

“Are you sure?” He asks, but you both need to make a decision quickly because you can see someone waving from the wings, most likely trying to get Tom’s attention.

“I’m sure.”

He doesn’t question it, in fact, he grins, and brings your hand up to his lips, kissing your knuckles. “Let’s go, then.”

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

No, It's Definitely Funny

Prompt: Can I request a second part to "Let's Call It Funny" where Bucky, Sam, Steve, and Peter unite forces to confuse and concern all the other avengers (with at least one instance where two or all of them respond to something by pretending to jump off a building?) Love you! -Auggie

Does it count as being back on my bullshit if I never left?

Read on Ao3 Part 1

Warnings: none, unless you need a warning for gen z humor

Pairings: it's still found family hours

Word Count: 2259

Peter’s gonna be honest, he may or may not have some competition for the funniest person in the Tower right now.

Because let’s look at the list here:

Traumatized? Everybody and their private jet’s worth of vintage and designer baggage needs therapy.

Queer? If you think Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, or Sam Wilson is straight, you need to tell them everything they’ve ever done to make you think they’re straight so they can stop doing it immediately.

Superhero? Yeah, okay, shush, now you’re being stupid.

Neurodivergent? Have you seen the way these men behave? Definitely the model of Perfectly Normal Person™, what on earth are you talking about, absolutely 100% Normal™.

The only things he’s still got going for him that the others don’t are high-schooler and trans. That’s not a lot when it comes to the fact that hey, two of them are from the Great Depression—let’s be honest, they’re the OGs when it comes to fatalistic humor—and they’ve all got years of practice.

Sure, Peter’s got some trauma-given raw talent, but it’s not refined by years and years of throwing yourself off of buildings and out of planes to avoid having conversations about your emotions.

The day Aunt Nat dropped all of SHIELD’s files on the Internet and Peter found out that Steve yeeted himself out of a plane—without a parachute!—to avoid Nat’s prodding about getting a date was the best day of his fucking life.

“Don’t you go stealing my moves there, kid,” Steve had scolded playfully, winking over the rim of his mug.

“Try and stop me, I dare you.”

“And this is why,” Tony had sighed, looking every bit his 79 years—“Hey!”—as he watches this interaction go down, “you have a parachute built into your suit.”

“I’ll just wear my old one, don’t worry about it.”

“That heinous thing that’s just a cut-up old hoodie and goggles? Peter, no, that thing is being held together with safety pins and hope!”

“I mean, me too, so it’s fine.”

“Peter!”

“Also, like, it’s the one I almost got crushed to death in, so it’s got the emotional trauma seasoning already.”

“Wait—“ Bucky had sat up— “you almost got crushed to death by a building? Sheesh, kid, you’re really flirting with the reaper, huh.”

“It wasn’t so bad, I had training from the years and years of carrying the weight of my sins crawling on my back.”

“At least ask Death for his number next time, he’s not returning my calls.”

“Sergeant, I swear to God—“

“Actually, Death uses they/them pronouns, I asked when I met them last weekend.”

“What the fuck did you do last weekend?”

“Really? Oh cool, well, can you get their number for me? We had a date back in ’45 that they missed.”

“Yeah, sure, no problem.”

“Tony, why are you screaming? Not keeping dates is a very serious matter.”

“Trust me, I speak from experience, Tony, it’s not a good habit to get into.”

“You should respect your elders and not scream while we’re talking to you, mister.”

“All of you shut the fuck up.”

See? On one hand, it’s great to have more partners in this venture of making Tony’s hair turn grey—he’s that age, it’s bound to happen any time soon now— “One more crack about my age, kid, I swear.” — but on the other hand, Peter is seriously losing his massive lead on funniest person in the Tower.

The other thing he’s worried about is Sam’s ability to make it so the others can’t actually worry about him.

Because—listen, Sam Wilson is a fucking national treasure and all you fuckers better acknowledge that. It’s no secret that the Captains take turns going out with the shield, all of them answer to ‘Captain America’ because that’s what they are, but no one—and Peter will never say this under threat of death because he does not need any more of the Steve Rogers’ Puppy Dog Eyes™, thank you very much—no one does it better than Sam.

And that means that Sam fucking Wilson can turn a fatalistic, self-deprecating joke into a motivational speech that doesn’t feel disingenuous or cliché at all and everyone is too busy processing the philosophical revelations they’re having to scold him for his, frankly, outstanding sense of humor.

It’s not fair and Peter can’t do it.

He tried. Once.

Didn’t go very well.

No, he’s not gonna talk about it, let’s just move on.

Sam has offered to catch him a couple of times when he gets himself a little too deep into the Mamma Spider™ or Iron Dad™ trap of feeeelings, and he gratefully scoots out of the way when Sam sits down next to him and just makes another joke.

Sam is also a fantastic role model for the brand of ‘I’m going to the store and only have twenty bucks, stop asking for your will to live back’ jokes.

“Hey, Pete!”

“Yeah?”

“Let’s go, bodega run.”

“Can we pick up some hopes and dreams, too, all of those got scribbled out in fat red Sharpie yesterday.”

“I said bodega run, not Court of Miracles run.”

“But Sam~”

“Listen, kid, if you manage to find your hopes and dreams in this bodega, keep an eye out for your childhood innocence, that might be on the next shelf over.”

“Deal.”

“Do you two need some more therapy appointments?”

“Only got fifteen bucks, man.”

“I’m literally a billionaire!”

Peter eagerly studies under this pinnacle of humor and keeps his worries to himself.

Because if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, and Peter’s sense of humor is wonderful, but he is a tad intimidated by the amount of variety the others have got going for them.

“You’re a fucking terror, Spider-ling, that’s what you are.”

“Not true! I was ‘a pleasure to have in class.’”

“Oh, is that why you’re taking ‘Little Shit’ lessons from Barnes and Rogers?”

“And Sam! Don’t forget Captain Wilson, he is an invaluable part of this team. I’m surprised at your ignorance.”

“Pete—no, that’s not—“

“I’m ashamed for you, Mr. Stark.”

“Listen here you little shit—“

Anyway…

Steve and Bucky have a habit of telling these like, really awful jokes that have Peter in stitches for half an hour. It’s not fair and he doesn’t get why they’re so funny because they aren’t, and yet here he is, laughing anyway.

It’s probably some combination of Steve’s perfected innocent face that he wears when he has to do interviews and Bucky’s habit of not giving a single solitary fuck. But they’re able to make the worst jokes with completely serious expressions and it’s not fair.

“Hey, can you guys come help me with something?”

“Sure, Peter,” Steve says instantly, bounding over with his 95-year-old Golden Retriever energy as Bucky trails behind him like a cat that’s sitting in your lap because he wants to, not because he likes you or anything, “what’s up?”

“I have a history project on WWII due tomorrow and I haven’t started it yet.”

Bucky snorts, taking a swig of coffee and sitting down on the floor. Which, same. “You got your eulogy planned?”

“Drafted, sighed, notarized, but Aunt May said no so I gotta do this.”

“Well, if Aunt May says no then I guess that’s that.”

Tony, from far away in another part of the Tower, has a sickening feeling that May Parker has once again proven that she is the most powerful parent and there’s nothing he can do about it.

“I, um,” Peter mumbles, fidgeting with his pen, “I want to be respectful of your boundaries, and if you don’t want to talk about anything then—“

Because it’s one thing for someone to make jokes about their trauma and another for someone else to go poking and prodding at it.

“Hey,” Steve interrupts softly, nudging him with his knee, “first off, thank you for saying that and we appreciate your respect, but we got you. You worry about enough, sweetheart, let us take care of ourselves.”

Peter gives him a look.

“When it comes to this,” Steve amends, having the decency to look a little sheepish, “we’ll take care of ourselves.”

Bucky scoffs. “Uh-huh.”

“We will, Buck.”

“My therapist will be real happy to hear that.” He looks up at Peter and winks. “Besides, what good is our trauma if we don’t pin it up and display it for good grades?”

Peter huffs, the joke undercut a little by the way Bucky knocks his foot against Peter’s and Steve’s arm stretches over the couch behind him.

Peter has to resist the urge to lean his head onto Steve’s shoulder, because then Steve’s hand will come up and ruffle his hair and Peter’s eyes will droop slowly closed as he loses himself in the warmth and safety of Steve’s embrace and then Steve will lean down to press a kiss to his temple and—

Right. Homework.

“What’s it on specifically,” Bucky asks, clearly spotting the temptation on Peter’s end, “home front? Overseas? Time period?”

“Uh, it’s an analysis of total war.”

“Like, how much of the country was devoted to the war effort?”

“Yeah, basically. It’s talking about how the Nazi War Machine made their war total and how that extends to a lot of other countries, but also about the reasons why the war was fought—“

They delve into a conversation about total war, Peter pointing out how Italy’s motivation for territory keeps it from being a total war on their part, Bucky speaking to how the different dynamics worked in various countries and the fallout, Steve bringing up how much of the home front was devoted to bringing attention to the war being fought overseas. Then, of course, as is inevitable, they devolve into storytelling.

Peter’s notebook—with notes! He did his job!—is set aside as he gives in to the need to let Steve cuddle him on the couch. Come on, the man is warm and big and gives good hugs, how is he supposed to not? Bucky sprawls out on the floor, leaning back on his hands as he smiles fondly.

“You know,” he remarks casually, “I fought a Nazi in my pajamas once.”

Peter blinks sleepily. “Wait, really?”

“Yeah, though how he got in my pajamas, I have no idea.”

Peter snorts. Then he giggles. Then he’s collapsing into Steve’s side, positively sobbing with laughter.

It’s not funny.

It’s really not that funny.

But here he is, fucking dying, and he doesn’t even have the wherewithal to welcome the sweet embrace of oblivion.

“Okay, note to self,” Bucky murmurs when he’s calmed down a little, wiping away tears, “sleepy spider likes corny jokes.”

“Just don’t break our baby spider, Buck, Momma Spider would kill you in cold blood.”

“Listen, if Natasha Romanoff kills me, don’t prosecute. That’s on me.”

Peter can’t do corny jokes. He really can’t. He just sounds like he’s a recording so old it’s unintelligible and it’s bad. He has a reputation to maintain here!

However, there is one sense of humor that Peter is very eager to learn and adopt, and hey, it might actually be Iron Dad™ Approved!

It’s a rookie mistake, asking Bucky Barnes for a hand, but in his defense, Peter was left unsupervised and was distracted.

“Hey, Bucky, can you give me a hand?”

“Sure thing, Peter.”

Something nudges his arm and he looks down. It’s Bucky’s metal arm, bumping up against his elbow.

It’s a cheap joke. It’s bad. It does not deserve Peter’s laughter.

He snorts anyway.

“That’s on me,” he says after a second, “you know what, that’s my fault.”

“What, is this not what you meant?”

“No, no, you’re fine.” Peter scruffs a hand through his hair. He looks down at the prosthetic again. “Well, that’s disarming.”

Now it’s Bucky’s turn to snort. “You gotta hand it to me, though, it’s a good joke.”

Oh, it’s on.

“No, no, of course, I understand. You really can’t let an opportunity like that slip through your fingers.”

Steve chokes on his next sip of coffee. “Stop making the kid shoulder the burden of making puns with you.”

Sam raises an eyebrow. “Don’t palm this off on someone else, Steve, you’re as bad as he is.”

“Oh, it’s not that bad.” Peter shrugs. “You just gotta knuckle-down and find the right one.”

“Do you have any idea how many times I’ve had to reach for puns?” Bucky hefts his arm.

“I’m gonna go out on a limb and say a lot.”

“Jeez, Pete, good one.”

“What, are you not finding them humerus?”

Sam’s gone, Steve shortly after. Bucky just grins proudly at him.

Then there’s a massive thunk from behind them. Peter turns around to see Tony slamming his forehead into the counter.

“You are all going to kill me,” he mutters, glaring up at them, “all three of you.”

“Oh, come on, Mr. Stark, Captain Barnes would never hurt you.”

Tony raises a skeptical eyebrow.

“After all,” Peter grins, gesturing to Bucky who is doing a very good innocent face—he must’ve been taking notes from Steve— “look at him, he’s completely armless.”

“Peter Benjamin Parker—“

Okay, so maybe it’s not Iron Dad™ Approved.

Oh, well.

[jq37]

Let's go final bloodkeep ep breakdown!

**spoilers for the tomb of ultimate evil**

I was originally kind of annoyed that dropout wasn’t working when I wanted to do this originally, but it’s actually kind of a blessing in disguise now that I think about it because it means I get to rewatch and discuss the ep in light of the bombshells Brennan dropping in the BTS video.

As I watch the Previouslies, I realize I’m still not over the fact that Maggie named her kid after Leiland. It was so sweet an unexpected. 

So, at the start of this episode, Brennan must have realized that his plans are pretty much jossed because the 4 baby blessing was *very* not on the docket  

“Absolutely, Lilith’s got 25 strength.” Idk why that’s so funny to me. Maybe because I think Rekha was asking whether Lilith was allowed to carry her, not if she was physically cable but Brennan was like “Of course she can carry you. She’s an absolute unit.”

Leiland’s first move? Drawing all the enemy fire. Markus’s first move? Immediately hiding. In fairness, my dude is a rogue.

Lol, spiderweb baby bjorn.

“We’re evil but we understand communication and consent.”

Nat 20 from Old Pickering! Finally he’s useful!

Watch a bitch call lightning! A different bitch, but still.

Amy’s childish delight at the prospect that there might be a bomb in the goblins is so good.

I love how on board everyone was for the mystery potion.

Did Hork exist before this episode? I have no memory of him existing.

Nat 20 for Sohkbar!

Brennan is really so good at all of his on the cuff J'er'em'ih nonsense.

Erika yelling, “Sanctuary!” a la Hunchback of Notre Dame.

I like that Lilith calls her spider kids to defend them by going, “Get ‘em ladies!” and then Brennan decides one of the kids she summoned is Jason.

“I really am sorry. I’m sorry for everything I’ve done…and everything I’m about to do.”

Leiland Jr. MVP!

I love that Lilith treat’s Sohkbar as if he’s also a parent.

Two words I’ve learned to fear since I’ve started watching RPG shows: Lair action.

Leiland just BARELY not being on the falling chunk of floor.

Brennan really faked me out on that Jason fall. Man really was about to make me cry over a fictional spider for the SECOND TIME in my life (Charlotte’s Web).

I love Erika screaming over Jason in and out of character separately.

“Guys, this is our element! Knocking people off of things!”

Leiland’s affirmations. Who is doing counseling at the Bloodkeep.

AOE spells are so boss.

“Everyone look at Leiland! He’s doing it!” Aww, everyone finally gets to see him be cool! It’s really wild how much of an arc these guys went through in just 2 days of play. It’s very narratively consistent.

“Oh you fucking freak, you’d love that.”

“Tell him something is gonna happen to his bones but don’t explain it.”

Rekha loudly announcing her ridic amount of hitpoints is on of my fave things

I love how in both campaigns so far, Brennan has had a moment of, “You’re not bad at magic, you’re just depressed.” What an oddly specific thing but also, relateable.

Cell Block Tango ft. Leiland.

Leiland curses one of the Vingury. I’m sure that won’t be important later (I’m lying).

Ify/Markus just refusing to learn Hobbert and Frod’s names.

 Ify: *Trying to do a shenanigan*

Brennan: I see what’s happening here.

DOOR LORE. DOOR LORE. DOOR LORE.

So I guess the real lesson of this season of D20 is always commit to your running jokes because you’ll get free nonsense out of it. (A 19! That’s so painful!)

Jessa just straight eats not-Gollum.

Both Jason and Jessa are very protective of their mom and I love it.

Maggie All elves look the same. (Maggie said F elf rights)

The full 6 seconds of silence from Matt between his saying  he loves J'er'em'ih more than any other animal companion and looking directly at the camera and saying, “Except for Trinket,” very seriously.

Amy: I must become the necro boatman.

Brennan, whose plans have now been entirely womped: :O.

I truly didn’t even consider attacking the boatman. I feel like this is such a good DM moment, because I feel like my reaction would have been, “That’s not how this works,” but Bren just let it happen, which is better both for the story and player agency. I’m taking notes.  

Efink getting validation on her chosen name by the evil statues.

“Kick his ass and you get the power!”

“I’m like a setpiece, not like a guy!”

Sohkbar claims the baby as his ward. This baby is gonna have so many godparents.

“MY DAD SHIT IN A BAG?”

What a wild improv.

I love the ancient evil statues have Lilith’s back on the fact that she should have gotten the promotion.

When Leiland Jr was born Brennan was like, “He’s not gonna do much. He’s a baby.” One ep later this baby is taking turns and fireblasting enemies and talking like he’s the Godfather.

OK so there’s a lair action. Leiland rolls a NAT ONE to not plummet into the Bloodkeep. Brennan clearly is ready to bring out the ghost figurines we saw in the BTS.

The statue Lilith JUST got the blessing from falls which means if she hadn’t gotten it that turn, they would have been screwed. Sidenote: Brennan says it was an instant lose condition for them which is part of why I was surprised that this wasn’t his plan to begin with. He just readjusted everything on the fly and set new parameters. What a good, confidence projecting, quick thinking DM.

It’s Leiland’s turn. He is once again falling to his doom. This time, without the bossa nova music and soothing apathy because he actually has something to live for.

AND HE USES HIS HEX TO TELEPORT TO THE VINGURY HE HEXED BEFORE.

It was JUST close enough. And he almost cursed Olag instead! That decision saved his undead ass!

I love that Leiland is Uncle Leiland to Jason! And later Jessa calls Efink Aunt Efink.  I wanna see evil Thanksgiving so bad.

“You’re really killing it today Leiland!” My boy finally getting the praise he deserves. (Also, wild that this is all still THE SAME DAY)

“oKAY, okay, OKAY, oKay.” –Brennan having a moment

“You wanted us to play evil characters but we’re actually playing evil players.”

Man this episode is truly how Leiland got his groove back, huh?

Boatman rolls a 4 to resist fear. Go Leiland!

“I take off my mask to reveal…I’m sexy as fuck.”

Everyone including the evil statue is hot for Markus.

“Shut the fuck up, Olag. Go kill yourself.” Maggie just has no patience for nonsense (that’s not the kind of nonsense she enjoys anyway).

“Do I take psychic damage from that?”

Lilith gets a nat 20!

Maggie, upon Leiland calling her 'my queen’ for the second time: Just call me Maggie, please.

“THAT’S AN ABILITY  J'ER'EM'IH  HAS?”/“I guess.”

“Lilith, you’re my girl! Lilith, my girl!” They grab hands over the table. It’s such a pure moment.

Brennan after they kill the Boatman: I mean, fuck me I guess.

Leiland goes down. Leiland Jr. goes, “Nah, get up, you’re fine,” and he gets back up. (Brennan at this point has clearly fully leaned in to the direction his players dragged him).

Leiland comes back as Leiland the White. And I just realized! That’s the ghost figurine! I thought that was the figure Bren got for when Leiland inevitably completed his story arc. No! It was the figure for in case Leiland DIED.

Leiland FONZES at Leiland Jr.

Nat 20 from Maggie to avoid falling into the Bloodkeep!

Leiland lets Markus convince him to not kill Olag (for future shenanigans). Leiland instead owns Toby and rolls a 29 to convince Oswald back onto their side. Toby also comes as a zombie on their side. Everything’s coming up Leiland!

Except no, he goes back down immediately and falls face first into the blood pool.

OK, check it. Markus bargains with one of the evil statues to make Olag alive and undead for eternity. The statue is kinda on board but wants to make a trade. Markus basically goes, “Watch this,” and STEPS INTO THE VOID.

Go back and watch Amy’s reaction. It’s so genuinely shocked and concerned. Matt’s is good too.

Sidenote: That is apropos of nothing goal wise. He just wanted to torture Olag.

Maggie gets the final blessing with a quiet, heartfelt speech Brennan doesn’t even make her roll for. The statue tries to get her to put in a good word w/ her dad for it and steps all over the moment.

Ify, about to pull out shenanigans part two, electric boogaloo: I never got a chance to attack on my turn.

He attacks himself and warps back up!

Amy: Is that how you play a rogue????

Why sneak attack damage? Can you sneak attack yourself?

“You’re a liar!”/“I’m a rogue.” Beautiful.

We’re evil!

Oswald dies and Leiland comes back! Hexing Oswald really panned out for him

“It’s all spiders from here!” I wanna start saying that.

Efink cancels out a nat 20 on Sohkbar!

Lilith telling her kids to go find safety is a small thing but sweet.

“You know you live near Goblin Island and you always say you’re gonna visit.”

Markus swashbuckles over to the bloodkeep before he falls. Leiland is ready to jump his bones.

Nat 20 from Leiland! Is that his first one?

AND THEN HE ROLLS TWO NAT ONES!

Classic Leiland.

I love that Leiland is pro J'er'em'ih now.

John Feathers comes back for the epilogue. Rehka is more excited than anyone.

Lilith is voted queen regent of Gorgar! Go girl! And Jessa opens her fashion firm while Jason sets out to the forest. Good for them.

Scream beast babies!

And little Leiland asks big Leiland to get him the head of Galfast Hamhead! Full circle, I love it.

OK so Brennan said this and he was right. Leiland and Maggie have such a wild ass arc. She goes being “that whore” in ep 1 (idr what he actually called her but that’s the vibe he gave off) to “my queen” in episode 6. And like, man. Imagine planning a game where the goal is to lead the players into a PvP free for all and, instead, the only two characters with a legit grievance mend fences so much that one names their child after the other and that one swears fealty to that mom and her child. Imagine failing so hard at your original goal. Wow.

Anyway, that’s it for Bloodkeep! Thanks for hanging in there for me to write this up! I want to say something about the teaser for T.U.S. too but I’ll save that for another post. 

Sidenote: So Matt has been on D20 and Brennan has been on Naddpod. I think this means Brennan or Murph gets to be on Critical Role now. I’m a lawyer and I’m pretty sure that’s how the law works. 

[corvid-knight]

Tricksters Don't Cry

The aftermath of Rose and Kanaya's wedding as it impacts a certain pointy-shades idiot and British-sounding dork. In other words, why Dirk and Jake needs to learn to fucking talk to each other.

(Read it on ao3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12836904)

You have lost track of Jake.

 How in the hell did you manage that?

 You sigh, adjust your shades, and survey the wreckage of what was Rose and Kanaya's wedding. The party got...a little wild. Calliope brought one of her trickster lollipops (also known as "alien marriage love drug," also known as "something humans should have no part of"), with the result that you just spent an hour keeping Dave from molesting John, Karkat, and pretty much everyone else here. He's going to have some pretty heavy embarrassment when he finally comes down off it. He's halfway down now, actually, curled up on a chair with a bemused Karkat, hiccupping and giggling at the same time, both of them wrapped in Dave's cape.

 Jake. Focus, Dirk. When was the last time you saw Jake?

 Oh, yeah. Dave apparently decided he wanted to try out your boyfriend. The resulting smooch was...well, you really hated seeing it. Sometimes you're a jealous bitch. (You're off-topic again, and there is really no point in thinking about how you wanted to kill Dave for one short moment there. Seriously, stop thinking about how Jake made that little squeak that you thought he only did when you kissed him...)

 OFF-TOPIC, STRIDER. And painfully so.

 Okay, Dave kissed him. (And you are not thinking of that kiss at all.) Jake turned trickster...what the hell happened next?

 Oh. Yeah.

 Jake took off immediately, and before you could follow him Dave grabbed you and tried to stick his tongue down your throat. Which...yes, he is hot as hell...but genetically he is also your brother. Father. Whatever. The point is, you don't feel right having sloppy makeouts with him.

 Also, Karkat was watching. You'd prefer not to wake up one morning minus your head.

 So you fended Dave off. Then you kept him from overwhelming Karkat—trolls don't get the as much of the sugar-happy personality boost from trickster candy, and being semi-normal and on the receiving end of a trickster's attention can be dangerous unless you know what you're doing—and then you talked him out of going back in time and bringing back past-Karkat. One thing kept leading to another, and somehow you haven't had a Dave-free minute until now.

 So where the heck did Jake go? Usually, tricksters go straight to whoever they're in love with, and he's not here.

 (And yes. You know he might be with someone else right now. He probably is. It isn't like you and him are actually dating anymore. This line of thought hurts more than thinking about Jake kissing Dave.)

 Regardless of any of that, you still need to find him before he causes too much trouble. You just have no idea where to start.

 But, now that you think about it, you know someone who does.

timaeusTestified (TT) started pestering Arquiusprite^2 (ARQUIUS)

TT: Hal? TT: Look, I know we didn't part on the best of terms, but I could use a little help here. TT: Actually, let me rephrase that: I really need help. Please.

ARQUIUS: Wow, something I've never got out of you: "please." ARQUIUS: And seriously. It's ARquius. not Hal anymore.

TT: Okay then. TT: Arquius. TT: Is there any way I can convince you to use that vaguely defined spritely omniscience to see where Jake is?

ARQUIUS: ... ARQUIUS: Done.

TT: Um. TT: Could you, I don't know, tell me? TT: Please?

ARQUIUS: You must be really freaking out if you're being polite to me. ARQUIUS: I'll tell you where he is IF you tell me why you chose to call me instead of one of the other sprites.

 You sigh again, at that. Damn the AR and all the games he likes to play. Especially since they all seem to feature "Dirk confronting something he really doesn't feel like thinking about." Maybe the most annoying part about that is that you know it's probably because of some aspect of your own personality that you repress or some shit.

TT: Truthfully? TT: I hate asking for help, and asking you is only half a step removed from doing it myself. TT: Is that what you were hoping to hear?

ARQUIUS: Not really. I didn't really "hope" to hear anything to be honest. ARQUIUS: Although it does prove that you're still just as messed up as you were before we parted company.

TT: Thanks, Arquius. TT: Your aspersions on my mental state are exactly what I need right now. TT: This makes everything so much better.

ARQUIUS: Wow, set phasers to "sarcasm!"

TT: Arquius...

ARQUIUS: Okay, okay. ARQUIUS: I've marked his location on your GPS. ARQUIUS: Is that all you need?

TT: Yeah. : Thanks, Arquius.

timaeusTestified (TT) stopped pestering Arquiusprite^2 (ARQUIUS).

 It takes a little wandering around to figure out exactly where Jake is, even with the GPS. When you do finally realize that he's in Kanaya's closet, you have to roll your eyes. Here you are worrying about him, and he's probably in there making out with Aranea or something...

 But because you're both a paranoid idiot and a masochistic fuck, you open the door anyway.

 "Jake?" He hasn't got anyone in here. The light's off, and you flick it on to see him huddled in the far corner, hugging his knees to his chest. All you can really see is a mop of neon-green hair. "What are you doing?"

 "I don't want it." His voice is muffled because he doesn't raise his head, but he doesn't sound like he's all the way trickster. He still sounds almost normal. "Dirk, I'm sorry..."

 "Hey." You step all the way into the closet, shuttting the door behind you, and kneel next to him. "What are you talking about?"

 "This." He looks up, at you, and if you weren't so used to keeping all your reactions perfectly under control you'd have flinched. There are tears on Jake's face, pale green tears that look so, so wrong. "I...don't want to be this."

 "Jake, how..." Tricksters don't cry. It's not possible; one of the effects of the cherub candy is to basically turn off regrets, inhibitions, and almost every other negative emotion. But Jake's sitting in front of you, being impossible. "What's wrong?" Forget whether or not it's possible, actually. You just want it to stop. You can't stand seeing him in tears.

 You go to wipe the tears off his face, and stop when he flinches away. Okay, something is very wrong. You remember the last time he went trickster; he wanted to touch you, kiss you, wrap himself around you like a second skin.

 "Don't—" He shudders, hard, and scoots an inch farther away from you. "Dirk, I am barely holding on as things stand now. The trickster...it wants me to give in...so much."

 You didn't know it was possible to fight off being trickster, but then again there's a lot you don't know about it. You're not even totally sure why you only go halfway when you turn, why your mind stays the same. Actually, yeah you are: as a Prince of Heart, you have the ability to rule your self, to stay under control no matter what happens. And you guess...since Jake's a Page of Hope, he can do whatever he believes he can.

 Watching him shudder, watching the tears roll down his face, you are pretty fucking sure that that is not a good thing.

 "Jake." He was avoiding your eyes; now his gaze snaps to your face. "Just let go. It's okay."

 "N-no—"

 "Why the fuck not?" You bite down on your tongue. The last thing he needs is to know how much he's hurting you. How much you still care, how much you still love him.

 "Y-you." He lowers his head again and starts rocking back and forth. "I want you, I know I want you, and I-I-I..."

 "Oh, Jake..." He's putting himself through this because he doesn't want to get back together with you.

 "I'm sorry." That's muffled, but you can hear it just fine. "So—so sorry..."

 "Stop. Just stop, okay?" You grab his shoulders, trying not to wince at his panicked gasp. He tries to curl into a tighter ball, but you don't let him. "Look. I can go away. Leave you alone until it wears off so you don't do anything you don't want to—"

 "Please—no!" Having your hands on him is like touching a live wire, he shaking so hard. "Don't, don't leave me, I'm s-s-sorry..."

 Oh, god.

 He thinks you don't love him anymore.

 "I'm sorry. D-Dirk, I—"

 "Shh." You let go of him for one second, just long enough to slip your shades off and lay them on one of the shelves. "No. This is fine. I'm fine with this, Jake." When he looks up, you kiss him, closing your eyes so you don't have to see how teary his are.

 You can handle being trickster. You hate it, it's depressing as hell, but it's not going to hurt you like fighting it is hurting Jake.

 As soon as your lips touch his, Jake goes utterly still. He makes a noise that's either a soft cry of "no" or a moan—you can't tell which.

 You can't feel the change in your head yet. Going trickster isn't going to completely change you like it does everyone else, but you should be able to feel it.

 Jake whimpers into your mouth, gasps, and pulls away just enough to throw his arms around you, knocking you off balance. You barely manage not to topple over as he buries his face in your shirt.

 "What—" His hair. It's not green anymore. For some reason, kissing him turned his trickster off instead of turning yours off. "Jake. It's okay."

 You can't even tell if he heard you. He's clinging to you as if you're the only thing keeping him from falling, breathing too deep and too fast.

 "It's okay. You're okay." If he keeps that up he's going to pass out. "Jake, you need to calm down..." You stroke his hair, a little slower than the rhythm of his breath.

 "I love you," he whispers into your shirt, so quiet you barely hear it.

 And you almost freeze up, because that is literally all you want. You've been telling yourself that you're fine without him, fine just being friends, but you can only lie to other people. Not yourself. You want Jake more than you want to stay alive, and he just said that he still loves you.

 "I love you too." It's inadequate, but it's all you can say. "I love you too, Jake."

 He takes a deep, halfway-calm breath. And then he starts to really cry. You catch a few almost-coherent words, but they don't make sense.

 He cries onto your shirt, and you stroke his hair, you rub his back and make soft shushing noises and wait. Eventually, Jake's sobs taper off and stop. But he doesn't loosen up his grip on you.

 "You okay?" you ask softly.

 He finally raises his head to look at you. "I missed your eyes," he says. "I thought everything was just dandy, but as soon as the trickster popped up all the little things I miss about you added up and I—"

 "Hey, it's okay. It's okay." He's about to start crying again, you can tell. "I'm right here, you don't have to miss me, and I'm not going anywhere."

 Jake takes a deep breath, and finally lets you go. "I'm making a lovely fool out of myself, aren't I?"

 "You got that half right—you're definitely lovely." When he goes red—he never could take a compliment—you continue, "You just managed to shake off the influence of cherub candy without doing…well, anything trickster-like. I'd say that was the opposite of making an fool out of yourself."

 He shudders. "I don't want to ever do that again."

 "Hey, next time just come find me. I'm totally down for going down on you."

 "Dirk!"

 "Or vice versa."

 "Dirk!"

 You weren't aware that Jake was capable of turning that shade of red. "What, you're telling me you didn't want to?"

 "I—I just—no! I mean yes—I mean..." As Jake's stammering, the closet door opens. He freezes, blushing a few shades deeper still.

 You look over your shoulder. "Hey, Kanaya." Yes, this is embarrassing. No, you don't let it show. "You want us to relocate?"

 Kanaya sighs. "You two," she says sternly, "just cost me two weeks worth of making dinner for Rose. I need a shirt off that shelf behind you, Jake."

 "Uh—" Jake just stares at her, so you reach behind him and pull something off the shelf. Maybe it's a shirt, maybe not, but you toss it to Kanaya, and she catches it.

 "Are we good?" you ask her.

 "Of course, although I would have liked it if you could have waited another week. This door has a lock; keep that in mind if you feel like having a bit more privacy." She winks at you—did you really just see that?—and steps back out of the closet, shutting the door behind her.

 You stare after her for a minute, then turn back to Jake. He still looks embarrassed, but now there's a substantial amount of bewilderment thrown in. "Did she," he asks carefully, "did she and Rose have a wager on for if we'd get back together?"

 "I think it was for when we'd get together, actually," you tell him. "Not if."

 He opens his mouth. Closes it again. And bursts out laughing. You don't see why, but watching him laugh is enough to get you to smile at least.

 He's still laughing when he reaches forward, grabs your head, and pulls you in for another kiss.

 Having him laughing is a thousand times better than having him in tears.  Having him of his own mind versus having him in trickster mode...

 Well. There is no comparison whatsoever.

 And you are more than happy to kiss him back.

[protecteugeneporter]

Unspoken || Eugene x Reader

@kallaralda requested:

reader joined group not long before Alexandria; Eugene obviously infatuated; (she is, too) but holds back due to him not being the 'heroic protective type' and she recently lost loved one(s) because they were weak and she couldn't protect them at all times (guilt/afraid to repeat loss); at Deanna's party she gets tipsy w/her homie Tara and kinda spills the beans/coming onto Eugene. 

Summary: Basically that ^^, the reader and Eugene have feelings for each other that neither of them has acknowledged. Both have to be pushed a little bit to face up to the facts. Just a lot of fluff, no smut on this one. 

The road’s been a long one. Every day that you manage to successfully get up out of bed without a crushing sense of grief or self-loathing is one you consider to be a success. Somedays it feels like it gets easier, and it might go on like that for a time, until the day comes that it’s as if she’s died all over again and you can’t bear to move. You wouldn’t want anyone to see you sob anyhow, and thankfully you have privacy enough now to keep it hidden. 

On days that you can’t come out you’ll hear a knock at your door and be met with a new boardgame or book or something that’ll occupy your fingers and mind for the day when manual labor can’t. You were suspicious when this initially happened and the board game that met you was Risk, something you and Eugene had talked about at length once. It was doubly telling that he showed up later to check on you and managed to talk you into a game with him. Or two. 

You knew for certain it was him when Vonda N. McIntyre’s Dreamsnake was left waiting for you at the door. Naught but a day ago he had been telling you that if you liked reading sci-fi, she was the author to check out- if you hadn’t already. Eugene had seen to it and you were grateful for the distraction. Huddled in bed with red eyes and tissues, reading about Snake the healer, you wondered that she wasn’t working her magic on you and your grief. Or, perhaps, that Eugene was. A warm feeling pooled in your stomach at that.

Is there something going on here?  It’s a question you’ve found yourself contemplating about your friendship with Eugene more than once. You take a special enjoyment in his company, in the mutual interests you both can talk about that you can’t with anyone else- that you haven’t been able to in years, really. If ever. There’s something endearing about him that touches you deeper than friendship normally would and so you just have to wonder. 

You have to wonder too if that sort of thing would even be on his radar. There seems to be a very strong possibility a confession to him about this might scare him away completely. You just don’t know and, for this reason, you try not to think of him in these terms, but it’s getting harder everyday to think of him as anything but. How did this even happen...?

Of course, you have other friends- Tara, being a close one. She understands what it’s like to lose a sister and it’s on this point that you two have commiserated before. She’s advised you that you just have to take it one day at a time with your grief, and that’s what you do to the best of your ability. It’s with her that you spend your time during the welcome party thing at Deanna’s, because it seems everyone else is part of a coupling and you think even if you sought out Eugene it might be kind of awkward at this weird, couples-only retreat kind of feel this whole thing has. 

Tara feels similarly, so you both make off with a large bottle of wine onto the porch swing outside. It feels nice to sit in the calm, cool quiet of the evening and laugh together. If not for the huge, metal walls encasing the place it would almost feel as if nothing in the world had changed. You’ve learned to treasure moments of normalcy like this. 

Somehow the conversation switches to a matter you hadn’t intended to discuss, but you’re several glasses into this bottle now, and well...forbearance really isn’t on the menu. 

“Of course, it’s nothing like the huge crush Eugene has on you. I mean, jesus, you’d think it was middle school all over again.” 

Whatever she was comparing said crush to you already forgot, as instead you begin to choke on and splutter out your wine. 

“Sorry, what did you say...?” 

Tara’s got the very telling deer-in-the-headlights look.  

“Uh...! Shit, I wasn’t supposed to tell.” 

“Well the cat’s out of the bag now, so...come on, tell me, how long has this been going on?”

Tara thinks a moment and you can see the gears working in her head as she rifles through the wobbly, somewhat blurry timeline that has been your journey here. It’s hard to even remember what day it is sometimes, so you’re patient. 

“Uhh...hard to say, really. I think I weaseled the truth out of him not long before we got here, but I’d bet money he’s been holding a torch for you longer than that. Sorry. Please don’t tell him I told you?”

You can’t help or even remotely stifle the grin that this revelation has elicited, indicating to Tara that an apology isn’t required here whatsoever. Your dopey grin isn’t lost on her.

“Oh my god... do you have feelings for him too?” Tara’s grinning now just as much, though in a more devious way that makes you nervous. She’s not thinking of playing matchmaker is she? 

“You know, I-...yeah. Yeah, I think I do.” You admit, though you’re trying to play it cool and coy even as your smile still betrays you. 

“Well, what the fuck, what’ve you guys been waiting for?”

You sigh and rest your head on your hand, though you look more wistful than annoyed. “It’s not that simple, Tara...” 

Tara’s having none of your flimsy excuses.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but society as we knew it has collapsed and the dead are walking the earth. Chances of long term survival out here are decidedly remote. Trust me, it is that simple. It is now. You have to tell people how you feel, while the opportunity is there.” 

Tara’s tugged at something deep within you that you didn’t realize wouldn’t hurt as much as it does. You try to keep your shit together but the reminder of what you didn’t do before your sister was taken by Walkers is too much to deal with. You excuse yourself and head back home, Tara calling after you in confusion.

----------------

You hate yourself for how this is propelled you into another unproductive day, wallowing in bed (well, the wine had something to do with that too, of course). Your head hurts and your stomach aches and crying really isn’t helping your hangover dehydration, but you can’t seem to stop. At least the room is dark, right?

You didn’t expect to hear the sound of feet coming up the stairs and the top floor, so you power through your aching to sit up, turn on the light and grab the gun you keep under the bed and point it at whoever comes through the door. 

“No, no, no it’s just me, don’t shoot-!” 

You don’t suppose the paperback novel Eugene seems to be hiding behind is going to do much good, but you’re too startled to see him to make a snide comment to this effect. 

“Eugene...! What are you doing here...?” 

Your heart begins to race a bit. No matter how much wine you might have had you haven’t forgotten the conversation between yourself and Tara. 

“...my apologies for the intrusion...” Eugene attempts, once he’s ascertained that you’ve put the gun down. “You weren’t answering the door and said door happened to be open- normally, I wouldn’t exploit this fact but I was alerted of the fact earlier that you left Deanna’s party in something of an upset, so I felt I’d be remiss and not a very good friend if I didn’t take the liberty of a welfare check.” 

You slink back down into your covers. 

“...you should know it’s not like that. I mean, I’m sad, quite possibly depressed but-” You know it’s unnecessary, but you’re ashamed even so. 

“Yes, I do know that, but...fact of the matter is, I was concerned even so and would continue to be until I heard otherwise from you. Also...I happen to come bearing gifts.” 

He hands over Heinlein’s Time for the Stars with an apologetic explanation of, “This one gets a little technically incestuous, but that’s just par for the course to those of us that enjoyed Game of Thrones. Also, Heinlein’s a must where concerns the genre.”

You smile weakly up at him and hug the book to your chest, content notwithstanding. “Thanks, Eugene.” 

He nods and stands there a moment, somewhat awkward, while you go over in your mind the pros and cons of bringing up what you and Tara had discussed earlier. After a time he excuses himself quickly and makes to leave, but you manage to get a hold of his wrist. 

“I know you have things to do today, I just...hoped we could talk.” 

He nods, amenable, and you invite him to have a seat beside you on the bed. 

“Tara and I were talking last night...” you begin, choosing your words carefully. “Some things were said under the influence of wine that...maybe shouldn’t have been, but, well...the deed is done, as it were.”

His eyes get a bit wider and there’s a definite flush to his cheeks. It would seem he’s , at least in part, already ascertained what it is you’re going to say.  

“Well, it’s just...she mentioned that-...you might have feelings for me...?” 

Eugene’s not able to hold eye contact with you anymore and instead looks sheepishly down at the floor, working his jaw nervously. 

“I have...strong feelings of friendly affection, as I’m sure we both do-”

“No, no. You know what I mean.” 

He’s growing more visibly upset by the minute, ever eager, you guess, to escape this situation. 

“If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather we not discuss it,” he says, his voice firm even if he still can’t make eye contact. “I’ve been down this road before, too many times to count but enough to know exactly how this will pan out without having to relive the embarrassment and disappointment seemingly on repeat.”

“Eugene-”

“While you value me very much as a friend you don’t and never will see me in any light other than the aforementioned. You don’t want to hurt me, but you have to be honest. I know. It’s the same every time. I had just hoped we could perhaps rise above the trite and cliched and pretend things are business as usual without skipping a beat. But if you feel it’s necessary to walk me through that which I am very familiar, please do so quickly as Deanna has a schedule for me to stick to.”

“Eugene...!” You all but shout, sitting up to grab a hold of his arm. “I feel the same.”  

He’s slightly confused but decides to fave a more pessimistic interpretation of what you’ve said and replies, “I’m glad we understand each other, then.”

“No, no! Oh, for godssake...” 

There’s nothing for it but to kiss him, really, and you’re more than happy to oblige, so you move forward to do just that. It’s quick and gentle at first, a short burst of elation in the pit of your stomach. Pulling back, you see him only staring back at you, stunned, speechless. 

“Like I said,” you remind him. “I feel the same.” 

He stares at you a moment, stunned, before managing a shaky, “Oh...” 

You smile at him, warm and reassuring and pull him gently towards you. “Do you have to leave now...?”

He probably does, but the concern that was there earlier for keeping to a schedule is mysteriously gone. 

“Not necessarily...I wager I could spare a quarter of an hour or so.”

“Then stay with me,” you suggest. “Just for a little while.”

Eugene is more than happy to oblige. You lay down with him and wrap his arm around your waist. It’s so much better to have someone here that you trust so completely. It doesn’t hurt that he’s warm and solid, too. He seems unsure at first of where to put his hands or how, but when you lace your fingers with his all feels right and natural between you both. 

Neither of you has any idea where this will lead, how long it’ll last, but you learned long ago to stop asking yourself those questions. Life is for the living, life is right now- and right now, you’re both lucky enough to be spending the present moment in each other’s arms. 

[thi5mu5tb3th3pl4ce]

🍌5.04 beware of a lil sadness

BP

I could feel my eyes glistening as I read your descriptions of the films you just watched. I would have enjoyed watching every minute of both films, even more so with you beside me. I’m really glad you enjoyed them and were able to pick up great insights. I definitely agree on what you said about Filipinos vs. Filipino-Americans—there is, also figuratively, a world of difference. I was reminded of the problem I had with “Crazy Rich Asians”. The portrayal of Asians there will always horrifyingly unrealistic, because the writer was Asian-American and no matter how much they want to fight for visibility, at the end of the day, they did not work hard enough to achieve authenticity. Probably a result of innate entitlement brought by their American half. Or maybe I’m just a hater.

This day was not great. It does not come naturally for me to speak accurately about how I feel whenever the feeling is anything sad. I am realizing now that in the past few years, I have lost the ability to allow myself to be that comfortable around people. I wanted to talk about it with you on the phone, but all I could do was tear up several times, tell you how much I missed you, and change the topic. I would be on the brink of saying something about it, but a voice in my head would go, “Don’t ruin a nice trip.” But I know you, you are always so ready to be there for me and protect me from my own irrational, anxiety-driven thoughts. Still, at least through typing this, you have the option of reading this at a better time, maybe at the end of the day when you are home and resting and not first thing in the morning.

Nothing terrible happened, I just felt like I was covered in a blanket of mild depression as I woke up. Maybe it was the fever, maybe it was the mood swings brought by my period. But I know now that it is because of something deeper. Talking to you for a bit and seeing you gave me ease in that moment. 

I went out for a jog because I thought it could bring my temperature down. Subconsciously, though, it may have been for a different reason. My Tita was having breakfast with my mom when I went downstairs. The last time I saw her was in 2017. She pointed out how I was much thinner back then. Although she didn’t mean it in a bad way, nor is that generally supposed to be a true insult, for some reason I found myself sprinting around the UP oval despite having a 38.2 degree fever. I hate it. Why did I let her do that to me? Why would I let anyone do that to me? It reminded me of a time a few years ago when I overheard a bunch of actors “ranking” the women in the crew, and when someone mentioned my name, one of them said “hindi talaga siya maganda, eh” and I pretended not to care. If I really didn’t care, why did I completely change my hair and start to wear more makeup soon after that day? I hate this. At the end of the day, the way I look should be the least of my problems. I don’t even know why I devoted a whole paragraph to this. Maybe it’s my super-secret, very deep insecurity (which I shared with you) of not being ____ enough. This goes beyond my appearance. I should stop worrying about that.

I realized the true reason for my sadness when we drove past the gates of the cemetery. It’s that time of the year....a year ago, I was in grief. What’s fucked up is that maybe I actually wasn’t, I was burying it deep down under a pile of work and a responsibility to be the one consoling my mother and my brother (who was my Lola’s favorite).

My Lola died first, then Nana died a few months later in July. Two mother figures I have lived with since birth died in one year, and I feel like I haven’t cried about it enough to this day.

I had a vision as a drove into the cemetery. About a year ago on the morning of my Lola’s funeral, my mom told me she couldn’t bring herself to do the eulogy. My brother can never be bothered to do anything like that. I had to do it. I did not want to fucking do it, I was not prepared. But I had to.

While everyone was preparing for the mass, I went out of the chapel (which was by the entrance of the cemetery) and walked around the entire park out of nervousness. I was walking around and pacing like an idiot. I was trying to memorize the speech I had typed in my phone in bullet points. My feet were taking me somewhere but my mind was in panic mode, trying to make sure I would be concise in whatever I had to say. I was looking down at my feet the whole time I was walking and thinking. I eventually looked up and found myself at the other end of the park, at my Lolo’s grave. My Lola was to be buried beside him there.

I walked back, gave the speech, it went okay. I was not satisfied but I was definitely glad it was over. 

Just a month later, Nana went from a strong, feisty old lady to being weak and immobile. She started going in and out of the hospital, and I would be the one driving. She took care of my mom since birth, and she took care of my brother and I the same way. When my parents split up and times were hard, we didn’t need to spend on maids to take care of us and the house because we had Nana. Our family was indebted to her in ways that can be too painful to grasp now that she is gone.

She saw me through different phases of my life, especially the worst ones. She would open the gate for me at 4am, either drunk or wired. She would ask me where I had been and I would lie to her every single time. 

I remember when we were asking each other those questions when you slept over one time, and one of them was “What was the saddest day of your life?” I answered my suicide attempt, but honestly, that was only second. The saddest moment of my life has yet to uncover and process fully. These memories of last year are still buried deep, and I haven’t been able to talk about any of this with any friend (except for Celest, but even with her, everything I told her was just at surface-level).

On the last day Nana came home from the hospital, we thought she would be okay. We were already somewhat relieved, as we were on our toes the past few weeks. I came over to where she was staying (just right beside our house, at her sister’s apartment). I knocked on the door and her sister answered. I told her I was gonna come by to see her before I left for work, and her sister told me not to go upstairs and just come back tomorrow because she looked tired (after work, I had plans to go to Fete with Sel). I didn’t bother insisting, I just immediately ran to work.

At Fete, an hour in to my 1/4acid trip, I got a call from my mom. Nana had died. I could have seen her for one last time that morning, but I chose not to.

I am confident that getting my heart broken in any form will never hurt as bad as this. My heart was broken, and it will always be.

I couldn’t cry during Fete. Things never process immediately for me. We left and just spent the rest of the night at our friend’s house in Antipolo. I cried like a baby when I got home, and woke up with my eyes thrice its size. 

I wrote and posted an entry that night (I took it down right away).

Lost 2 moms already this year, my lola died a few months ago, and in the middle of Fete tonight I got a call that Nana was gone too. She took care of me since literally the day I was born. From every day that I was playing in her room when I was a kid, to my pissy pre-pubescent days, to my fucked up college days, to whoever the fuck I am right now. I still aint fuckin shit and she didn’t even live to see me in a nice version of myself, and a nice version of myself would have been the most proper way to say thank you to her for her literal blood, sweat and tears for me and my family. Hating yourself or obsessing over how inadequate you are isn’t an excuse to just sit there. You have to do better. It’s not for yourself anymore. It’s so you can present yourself to the people who raised you and those who love and care for you in a way that reflects how good they were to you. It’s for them. Just do better.

Most of my regrets come from my grief. I feel stuck in a limbo of grieving and feeling numb. So today, yes, it must have been the fever or the PMS, but more than either of that, it is the fact that it is only after a year that I am realizing that I am not okay.

If I knew you at the time, I’m sure I would have behaved differently. I would have allowed myself to feel because you would bug me to. Instead, I was tied to a now-irrelevant man who not only failed to help, but made everything worse.

I’m sorry for the length and the tone. All of this was basically a summary of my day—my brain getting lost in painful memories I refused to go back to, on top of other relatively trivial matters, like future unemployment and just not being satisfied with myself at all. I genuinely thought it was PMS, though. Its effects on my mood can get to horrible lengths. My suicide attempt was on the third day of my period. Not that I will kill myself, it’s just that I am at my most unstable at this time of the month. But I promise I try my hardest to make it out alive, no matter how deep I am buried in darkness.

My crewmates will be invading my house in a few hours. I guess this could be a good thing. After all, they were there for me last year more than my ex was. We shot a lot of sequences at my Lola’s house when we couldn’t find any other location. They appreciated her, and they also were able to meet Nana several times. Perhaps they are who I need to be with tonight, instead of getting drunk on my own.

I hope the beauty of being in a festival celebrating my favorite medium (*CINEMAAAAHHHH*) and the pride of seeing your music videos screen in front of an audience will lift you up from this very pensive entry. I know it will for me. I am extremely proud of you. If I were there, my eyes would be filled with stars watching your video play, and watching you watch it play.

The only thing reeling me out of my terrible memories is the present moment of being in love with you. A day will never me completely terrible for me because I have you in my life. And with that, I am a much cheesier cloth than you are.

Anna

[redqueenanxiety]

Modern Red Queen Au Pt1 (Family Business)

A Modern Red Queen AU following a depressed 17-year-old and his summer adventures.

Ugh again? Another wind weaver, personally I wasn't a fan of that house. Sure they were powerful but they're stats pointed to weakness in battle, their special attack and defense were basically nonexistent. Sure they could put up a good fight, but adding a little smog to the air should have them running for the hills.

Why else do you think I choose burner? The stats were amazing the defense and the attack were at their heights. Well if you trained and educated yourself (Which I did) they were at their heights.

I leaned down gracefully, balance is something perfected long ago, keeping my eyes on the concealed enemy, most people didn't travel alone at night but I was well on my way to ranking grandmaster, and Thomas had a band thing tonight, that he couldn't possibly miss. I didn't want to reach this historical achievement without an audience but, it was Tuesday and experience was doubled on Tuesdays!

I smiled as a small fizzle of heat bloomed from my fingertips setting the grass ablaze. I could already smell the smoke before I saw it. The Wind Weaver had no idea who he was dealing with I was Maven Calore the greatest burner to ever live and today was the day I joined the elites and reached level 95 maxing my experience and claiming the title others would envy for years.

Four seconds had passed roughly nine to go before the smoke would begin affecting the Wind Weaver abilities and I'd go in for the kill, actually, no If I powered up my ember to exterminate him I'd get triple the XP. I'd make sure to message him thanking him for the easy experience points, he'd probably be demoted, the more I'd get the more he loses. Thomas was gonna be so jealous, I thought with a smirk.

A faint knock rang throughout the forever dead silent house. The Room chilled.

"Maven, We have visitors get your ass down here!" Mother's voice rang, cold as ice

Shit, not now, why now?This was the worst time possible time. I was so close.

"You better be down here before I open the door, You know who it is, and your hair better be combed."

"In, ah s-second-"I stammered The grass began smoking, 57 more seconds before his wind weaving was rendered useless, 39 more till my ember finished powering up. I'm sure dad could wait.

"No I gave you orders, and you will follow them" She barked, slamming my door open. There she stood in all her glory. Porcelain pale skin to match my own, covered in a deep blue strapless dress to frame her flawless hourglass figure topped with Fine Blond hair braided into an intricate bun, that must've taken hours, with piercing blue eyes. "HOW DARE YOU?"

She probably wasn't too pleased to see her 17-year-old son still in his briefs crumpled over his computer with his school clothes littered everywhere. "I-I can explain-"

I half expected her face to turn red from anger to match her expression like normal people, but mother, wasn't normal, she doesn't get embarrassed or mad just... clever. She was smart like that always getting what she wanted. She simply held out her hand, irritation radiating from her ice cold eyes.

"Please" I huffed "Just nineteen more seconds" Last time she took my keyboard I didn't get it back until four months later which was Christmas.

"Make yourself presentable." She said marching over to rip the keyboard from my desktop in the process, knocking over my limited edition 1989 model of mega man, Thomas had savaged the world for my 16th birthday gift. "You disgust me," was all she said with the slam of the door

Another knock rang through the house followed by mothers hurried footsteps.

I didn't care though, the world didn't matter as I knelt down to pick up the beautifully sculpted figure. Tears filled my eyes as I crumpled in on myself. It had dented. I sat there staring at the thing. It had taken Thomas 2 years to find the damn thing and cost 745.78$ plus shipping from Japan.

I heard another "Maven" Mother's voice again, but more playful, like she hadn't just disrespected my whole being. She'd yanked my keyboard so hard the jack had imploded.

"Mavey?" Cal's voice., No, not now. I was expected Father and his wife, but Cal was too much. I Can't not now. Cal's outburst was followed by footsteps. He was coming.

Crying won't help Mave, so don't start.

No, I refuse to do this right now, Go Away. I commanded I would not entertain these voices anymore. I refuse to.Schizophrenia. That's what she called it. A wild combination of imagination and hallucination drilled into my head. I could control it, I would control it. At least in the presence of Cal.

I slowly pulled myself together, finally convincing myself to pull on some pants and tuck in my shirt. I worked quickly and quietly, Mother was going to be ballistic after dinner. My hair was a tousled mess but more often than not so was Cal's so that shouldn't be too big of an embarrassment during dinner. Now time for the hard part, shoes or no shoes? We were staying home so was there really a point in wearing shoes or formal clothing?

But this was father we were talking about, sometimes I wouldn't eat dinner at all, so it obviously wasn't as sacred to her as it was to father. She was rarely home after all.

My eyes rose to find Cal standing at the door, barefoot as a child, so that answered my question. He looked nice. Why was I not surprised he was wearing simple jeans and a sweater vest that hugged his sculpted muscular form.

Cal looked like my father with his strong angular jaw and rustic amber eyes. We'd both gotten our black fine curls from my father. I could probably achieve the light caramel tan that highlighted his cheekbones if I actually went outside or just took off my hoodie. But my hoodie was my shell, my home, and protection.

He smiled down at me, dazzling as always. He had the same smile girls would stand in line for miles to see, I'd probably stand in line too if he wasn't my brother, Thomas definitely would with me, it's all he ever talked about.

I smiled right back lifting myself off my newly made bed.

"Mavey" He breathed as If he couldn't believe we were actually seeing each other face to face in real life. He'd spent the last six months studying abroad in Tiraxes, some ridiculously preppy school he attempted to talk me into every time we made eye contact. In fact, I was slightly surprised he hasn't started going on about it. "Long time no see," He said with a bigger smile flashing teeth. I wonder if he was doing that on purpose or if he knew he was doing it at all, did some people have to try to be more heartbreaking beautiful?

"Good to see you too," I wasn't exactly sure if It was good to see him, Him being back in Norta meant much more distractions. Tiraxes has a different school year schedule then Norta does like any other state, so I was still in school while he'd been dismissed for summer. Cal wasn't one to respect that, what if he picked me up for early dismissal during Civics and I missed Calculus? I swear if he interfered with my perfect record I would eat him. "I bet you've got so many new stories to tell,"

"Not as many as you've got, man I miss high school," He said a dreamy look crossing his face, it seemed like just two weeks ago when we were sitting at his graduation then sending him off three states down for college.

"Why would you ever-"

" Amaranthus University (AU)is filled with people that are there on scholarships, so their ridiculously academically focused and you know I never really fit in with that crowd, you'd probably like it there, they've got an excellent science community and an astounding engineering community, which is pretty fun..." He said cutting himself off, "But it's still pretty lonely..."

"Oh" I didn't know what to say, Cal and I were never ones to talk about our feelings, we were half-brothers after all. We didn't even live together, sure when he was in high school we saw each other more, but he was a band kid and I an orchestra. He graduated as Section Leader of the Bassoon's, while I'd still been working my way up to concert master.

He looked like he wanted to say more, or maybe he wanted me to say more, maybe I wanted to say more. Maybe I should've? I would've opened my mouth to say more. "Oh" didn't seem to cover it but was gladly interrupted by another shrill of Mother's fake laughter, bringing us back to the present.

"Hope, they haven't started dinner without us," I said taking a step towards Cal and the door, he hadn't moved an inch. Standing perfectly still, something about my Mother made him uncomfortable, no unsteady, on high alert all the time, even as children at our birthday parties.

"Doesn't seem like something Mom would do, She loves family time." He said with a smirk, waiting for me to join him in the hall where we would venture down the stairs.

Cal may have been a bit taller than me but I didn't have to strain to catch up. I spent my whole life chasing after him and somehow didn't get completely left behind.

It didn't take long for us to find the stairs, our house was big but not as big as Mother wanted it. There they stood at the door of the just newly cleaned foyer. Father looked nice today, with his freshly trimmed beard and eyebrows. Cal and him must've planned this, matching sweater vest with a slightly different color scheme. He held something in hands, wrapped up nice and neat in a startling shade of red wrapping paper, a present, It wasn't too big but nicely sized.

Standing by his side stood his wife in a monotone shade of gray was Coriane Calore. Cal didn't take after her in body type but she did give him his soft innocent smile that was impossible to win an argument against. Everything about her seemed soft from her almost grey-blue eyes to her faint curves. Cal looked so delighted to see her his face lighting up in any way possible "Mom made Haggis!" He said with a smile.

I gave him a silent smile as we approached, noting the tin foil tray Coriane held with pride, she smiled at her boy. Her pride and joy."Cal helped," She said with a smile, beaming at her son. I've only heard rumors but apparently, she suffered many miscarriages before having Cal, no wonder she loved him so much or maybe that's just the way all parents should feel about their children. Everyone I met had different experiences.

Mother surveyed my appearance before Father closed me in for a hug, He was working on his weight trying to live a healthier life while trying to recover from his darker times. I knew he sometimes went back to them, they all did. Mother kept track of the rehab appointments he made along with Coriane's and Cal's therapist appointments. Even with him in Tiraxus he couldn't escape her prying eyes.

"How's life been treating you, Son? Your mother tells me your academic career is going great." He says finally releasing me.

"Not to mention he's nearly worked his way up to Concert Master" Mother pipes in proudly before I can open my mouth and speak for myself.

"Nearly" I coughed shyly, I loved playing, violin. But it was taking up one of my elective slots and there were other things I'd rather do like Desktop Publishing and maybe Psychology. Maybe after I achieved that she'd let my quit, besides Orchestra was something I could do outside of school.

"I wouldn't be surprised if you graduated early, with a full scholarship considering your grades." He said clapping me on the shoulder. Scholarship? it's not like we needed one Father is loaded. I'm guessing he only wanted it for bragging fuel considering Cal wasn't the best in the academic department.

"Who knows maybe you'll be in one of Junior's Class one day" He said playfully rolling his eyes at Cal. Tiberius had never been a fan of being called junior and neither had his mother so they substituted his name with Cal, but Father did let the name slip every now and again. Especially in front of Mother.

"Maybe," I said with a shrug, little did he know I had no aspirations of going anywhere near AU. Thomas and I had been talking about a college in Prairie, for years, they had an excellent Engineering And Psychology program for me, with an amazing band program for Thomas. Not to mention they only accepted people on scholarships, so no rich idiots anywhere in sight, not to mention that meant that Thomas' family could afford it, we finally found a way to stay together through college, Mom would approve of me getting into an elite college, whether I was following Thomas or not.

"Is dinner set, I don't want the haggis to grow cold," Coriane chirped from in front of me, pulling me back to the present. Oh yeah, dinner. I almost forgot

"Of course, I've prepared Stollen for desert," Mother says proudly rolling her eyes sizing up Coriane like a predator on prey. While Mom's opinion of Coriane was obvious, while mine were mixed. Our families intertwined history was complex and so long not even I fully understood it. All I knew was Mom caught a newly made father without his newly made wife in the worst possible time...

But that's a story for another time, now it was time for dinner I thought following the four people that impacted my life in more ways than one, into to the dining room.

Forgive me I’m new at this. But Stay tuned for more! (This exact A.U is also available on My Wattpad and AOW if they’re more assessable to you. Parts may or may not be uploaded on wattpad faster)

[babblingbat]

Sentient Castle AU (Voltron: Legendary Defender)

Basically, I had this idea a few months ago that the Castle is actually aware.  It’s designed to learn, and we saw from King Alfor’s A.I. that the Alteans have the technology to make this happen.  Anyways, the post is fairly long (read: took me 24 hours to write and get everything to gether from my stray notes to make it even semi coherent), so the bullet points are under the cut.

BASIC PLOT THUS FAR

The Castle starts out as simply being a computer but it learns over time

In the Fall of the Castle of Lions, it feels pain when the Galra crystal takes over

Then it feels guilty because it went against what it was supposed to do (keep the passengers safe and generally don’t be an asshole)

Lance hears the screaming when he’s in the cryo-pod because mind links are everywhere in Voltron for no particular reason, and someone needs to start being aware of the lonely computer

The computer likes to hang out with King Alfor’s A.I. before he goes evil

After Alfor gets deleted, the computer is very lonely because no one talks to it

It decides to help out the Paladins, but before it can do that it (she, I guess, because she’s a ship) needs to Know Things

She starts asking Allura about how emotions work by pretending it’s one of the paladins asking

Allura thinks that it’s Keith because she is 100% certain that he is terrible with feelings and he is also 100% gay

She uses her superb subtlety to try and get the truth from Keith and it goes terribly because he has no idea what she’s talking about

She also wants to know about cooking because that seems like an Organic™ thing to do

Hunk would really like to know who’s asking about his cooking

Whoever it is keeps leaving meals in the kitchen and never eats them

Also she just kind of observes the paladins in general and kind of hijacks the computer systems of any planets they come across to get more information

She is very critical of Shiro’s leadership

After Learning Things, she starts pretending that she has a therapy program in her code

She calls it the Consolation Programme

She mostly talks to Lance and Keith

She is privy to their every thought and just wants to shove them in a closet and make them kiss

She avoids the Alteans because they’ve said that she’s probably a threat

Eventually, Keith mentions the “Consolation Programme” during a meal and the castle is doing the electronic equivalent of hiding curled up in a ball in the corner of the room

“What are you talking about?” snaps Allura. “It isn’t a therapist.  It can run programs and analyze things, but it isn’t alive.” “Excuse me, princess, I actually am and that’s really hurtful.  Can someone talk to me I’m lonely,” replies the Castle.

Over time, she just starts being everyone’s therapist friend

Hunk and Pidge build robot bodies for her because she wants to be more organic

Their first attempt is terrible

They slowly get better and she starts looking more and more human with each version

She wears clothes that Lance gives her because no one knows how to sew and since they wear clothes she wants to wear them too (she bleaches the clothes because her favorite color is white)

Eventually, they make a White Lion for her.  It’s way smaller than any of the other lions, but it accompanies Voltron on missions.  It’s mostly used for scouting and that kind of thing.

She has no idea what the gender binary is because it never comes up

After a while of trying to get Keith to open up, she says “Allura is much better at this”

He responds with “it’s different for girls” and she asks what a girl is

The Castle feels really awkward being addressed as the Castle so Lance names her Castillo because the one thing the paladins lack is creativity.

Castillo is completely ignorant of Earth languages, despite knowing upwards of 100 billion languages spread throughout the stars

She claims she can’t control the language learning program (you know, the one with the dangerous holograms) but in truth, she just likes watching people squirm

Castillo actually can control the artificial gravity and anything remotely related to the main computer.  Gladiator? Check.  Alarms? Check.  Lights? Check.

When the Castle-ship is boarded by Galra, she turns off the gravity and just generally screws around with the controls to beat the crap out of them

The paladins are fine because of their jet-packs

In fact, they aren’t even there, it’s just Castillo alone defending one of the major assets of Voltron

Galra!Keith is a thing in this version (although he could also not be; he’s more of a side plot than a major plot point) By Galra I mean actually turning purple and getting ears because it’s confirmed he is Galra so the normal reactions (that appear in show) would probably happen regardless of whether he turns purple or not...

But based on a very lovely post I can��t find this link which I spent twenty minutes looking for, Keith’s Galra genes get kicked into gear after the Blade of Marmora trials

He gets fluffy and now people are doubly suspicious because ANGST

During the last big fight against Zarkon, Castillo fights using the White Lion but hangs back to help Shiro with overcoming Zarkon in the astral plane

90% of Castillo’s power revolves around her mind links and the computer part of her, rather than the combat elements

Shiro still disappears but she can help find him

She gets pissed because she TOLD HIM not to do this shit but here he is, doing this shit

HOW CASTILLO GETS ALONG WITH HER PASSENGERS

Lance

She’s really supportive of him and they both know what it feels like to be overlooked

Lance tells her about Earth, and she tells him about other planets

He’s trying to add Spanish to her language bank, but it isn’t really taking

Castillo is more or less always happy with him because he found the “humanity,” per se, in her before anyone else and gave her a name

She believes in his ability to lead and rarely (if ever) questions his judgment

She validates him and assures him of his worth

She happens to know a lot about depression and anxiety disorders because it was practically an epidemic at one of the planets they visited

Keith

Keith tells her almost everything because he was one of the first people to take advantage of her friend therapy

In return, she listens to him and helps when he’s planning things

She tends to be a bit of a matchmaker and spends a lot of time trying to get him and Lance together

She realizes early on that he’s Galran but chooses not to say anything to him or the team

She wants him to figure things out himself

Except for the Lance thing, because she has determined that it is a 100% certainty that he is too oblivious to even realize the possibility

She knows how to knock him down a peg if he’s acting cruelly or arrogantly without damaging his self-esteem beyond repair although that’s usually more of a problem with Lance

Hunk

Hunk is mostly just casually interested in her, he’s more interested in building a robot body

Castillo cooks with him, often in the middle of the night because computers don’t sleep and paladins of Voltron can’t be counted on to do so either

He sometimes gushes about Shay and Castillo doesn’t know what else to do but make encouraging noises

She spends a lot of her time with him trying to calm him down enough to get him to sleep and stop constantly worrying

He has nightmares (very vivid nightmares) about his friends dying

He’s normally able to dream lucidly, but not in nightmares

She has taught him various things to help him sleep

Pidge

She and Pidge are really good friends, and their conversations are a lot lighter than the ones with Lance and Keith

Pidge taught Castillo most of what she knows about gender

Pidge also helped Hunk out a lot with the robot bodies but spent most of her time figuring out how to integrate the massive consciousness of the castle with a tiny processor

Pidge and Castillo play board games and D&D together.  Castillo loves to DM, and Pidge does the craziest things to solve her puzzles

Pidge also has a bunch of old television shows downloaded on her laptop, so she and Castillo watch things like X-Files and MST3K when they can’t sleep and Castillo isn’t baking

Castillo comforts and helps Pidge in any way she can when she (Pidge) is missing her family

Shiro

Castillo doesn’t really like Shiro.  She thinks that he does a bad job of leading and is too self-absorbed to pay attention to other people’s problems

She especially despises how he treats Lance and Hunk, so she makes a point of complimenting them and pointing them out around Shiro

She has taught him how to get through his flashbacks without freaking out entirely or shutting down

She is fairly tactical, so she offers up very sound strategies, but he tends to ignore her or not acknowledge that it was her idea

She’s actually trying to figure out how to shut down his arm so that she can force him to learn how to fight without it

She might also be doing it so that she can be spiteful, but she’s not about to admit that

Coran

Castillo is good friends with Coran.  Coran is the only one that listens to Castillo’s problems and she appreciates his open-mindedness coupled with his caution

Coran treats her as just another member of their team and acts like the Supportive Uncle for her

Castillo does like pranking people so sometimes she gets into trouble with him

Coran is predominantly curious about how this happened instead of frightened because of his grandfather

Castillo is also good friends with the talking cubes, but they’re simpler than she is

Allura

Their relationship starts out as pretty rocky because Allura doesn’t believe that Castillo is a sentient being at first and then doesn’t really trust her

But after a while, Castillo figures out how to talk to Allura and tells her about her father’s memories

Allura, as we know, loves gossip, so Castillo tells her harmless things like what kind of music Lance listens to

It’s a bit weird for them because Allura is accustomed to controlling the castle and it acting as an appliance, but now she has to get used to Castillo acting autonomously and questioning some of her worse decisions

When Allura is unnecessarily harsh Castillo has nothing against calling her out on it

TBH Castillo doesn’t really recognize royalty

CASTILLO CHARACTER TRAITS

She wants to be as kind as possible, always

However, she has some priorities, like keeping the paladins safe and happy that will turn her into a Rage Machine™ and all that

She adheres to Asimov’s Three Laws of Robotics as her moral code

She wants to fit in with the Paladins and Alteans but knows that she never will because she’s a computer

She’s actually kind of depressed, and sometimes will refuse to talk or just does things without putting a lot of effort into it

She worries about whether or not they’ll shut her down, even though she knows consciously that they value her

Castillo is a she because all ships are, but she’s probably agender

This only serves to make her feel more alienated, but she flat out does not understand the gender binary

She’s sometimes inappropriately mischievous, but she clings to that because it’s a very organic feeling

She makes a lot of bad puns and has a dry sense of humor

Sometimes, however, she is trapped by dad jokes and everything Coran says is funny somehow

She and Keith can have entire conversations sarcastically, and everyone else is five steps behind

She is all for free information and gets in trouble for taking classified documents from random planets

She can be very judgmental and tends to focus on the negatives of people she doesn’t like, making it very difficult for them to redeem themselves

THAT’S ALL I’VE GOT SO FAR BUT I AM WRITING A FIC AND WILL LINK IT LATER ON THANKS FOR READING PLEASE LIKE AND REBLOG (god this sounds like a youtuber fml)

[shima-draws]

OH MY GOD those ocs of yours are so cute! Can you tell us more about them??

AAAAA THANK YOU!! And of course I can omg! Sorry for the late response btw typing this out and drawing stuff for it took longer than I originally thought

There’s actually three separate “phases” to their story arc, and during each of these phases their outfits and other things change.

This got to be extremely, extremely long like really REALLY long I am so so so sorrylol so–drawings and explanations are under the cut! :D 

All of this is actually the very paraphrased version of what goes down lol. I don’t want to give ALL of my plot points away XD But yeah I have the real long version written out on my computer and it’s around 5k words. Wow.

Okay, let’s begin!

Phase one is the one I mentioned already–Gifre works for an underground crime organization known as the Python’s Blood. This organization is dedicated to research and experimentation on elementals. Thanks to his space elemental powers, he can “portal jump” in order to escape from any threatening situations. This ability to open portals and travel through them is a very rare skill among space elementals. This is extremely useful when he’s out on missions! He’s best at running away. This is the only reason he was allowed into the organization in the first place, because his shapeshifting abilities are…um, a bit lacking. Of course, very few space elementals can shapeshift, but those that can can transform their entire bodies, while Gifre can only change his arm.

Anyway! Meanwhile, we have Elias, who was found as a baby and taken into the guild. (Remember, it’s the sister guild to Shima’s.) Elias grew up with his caretaker who is also an inventor, so he was surrounded with machinery and engines all the time. He fell in love with tinkering and experimenting, and now he’s the guild’s official mechanic! Elias aspires to be just like the legendary inventor and sorcerer Elymas (who is another OC of mine). Elymas created hundreds if not thousands of inventions back in the day that are still being used now, by combining his talents of inventing and elemental magic (this is a very very hard thing to accomplish). He’s a freaking genius, and Elias adores his work.

Here’s phase one Elias! Before he loses his arm lol

Gifre is tasked with infiltrating Elias’ guild to basically keep an eye on all of them. The higher ups refuse to tell him why, but they pay him a lot of money to prevent him from asking questions so he just goes along with it. Gifre visits the guild on a daily basis, taking jobs there and chatting it up with all of the members. And then he meets Elias…and is immediately smitten with him. At first he just pesters him and bothers him with harmless flirting, to which Elias brushes him off, but eventually he develops deep feelings for him. Gifre starts avoiding Elias after overhearing him say he’s too overbearing and annoying, but Elias starts to worry about him after several weeks pass without him showing up. Gifre apologizes to Elias for his behavior, and they start acting better to each other. Slowly but surely as Gifre reveals more and more of his true character, Elias starts to fall in love with him as well…Gifre doesn’t notice of course lol, but he is happier about them becoming closer!

Skip ahead a month or two. The leaders of Python’s Blood reveal their true intentions for sending Gifre there…and they want Elias. Gifre of course is absolutely shellshocked and refuses to capture him (because he’s head over heels for the idiot, he’s not gonna give him up like that ya know). They decide they’re not gonna put up with Gifre’s shit and knock him out. When he wakes back up Gifre discovers they’ve kidnapped Elias and are preparing to begin an experiment on him. They reveal to Gifre what their plans are because they’re going to kill him shortly (because he basically betrayed them and he knows too much of their secrets). Turns out that Elias is actually an invention made by Elymas. Crazy, right? Elias isn’t entirely human, but he’s not completely “robot” either. So…it’s an inbetween sort of thing, and a bit hard to explain lol. But he functions just like a human and acts like a human, so nobody was ever able to tell the difference. Python’s Blood wants to take a sample of Elias and use it to create their own artificial humans, so they cut off his arm as the sample ;w; And that’s how Elias looses his arm. RIP. So then after an epic battle and rescue mission by the members of the guild, Elias and Gifre are brought back to the guild. Fast forward a couple weeks–Elias is almost completely recovered and is working on building himself a prosthetic arm. Gifre tells Elias he’s going to go on a journey of self-discovery, some cheesy cliche crap like that lol. Elias begs him not to go and asks him to officially join the guild, and Gifre says he will when he returns. He leaves, and that’s the end of phase one! Phewww!

Now for phase two! It takes place a year or two after phase one. Gifre’s “journey of self-discovery” is actually more of a manhunt. He’s going after members of Python’s Blood, trying to shut their operations down. He calls himself the Python Hunter, and he has a really nifty tattoo and his hair is grown out so he puts it up in a little ponytail. Every now and then he sends letters to Elias to keep him updated.

And here’s what phase two Gifre looks like ;D

On Elias’ end of things, he’s pretty damn lonely without Gifre there. He gets letters of course, but he isn’t allowed to respond to them (safety reasons on both ends). Several of his guildmates come and try to cheer him up by showing him a flier for a robotics competition. Having nothing better to do, Elias decides to enter it and participate. He goes through several ideas that don’t work out, and after getting some advice from his best friend and fellow mechanic, Ava, about creating something inspiring, he decides to make a robotic version of Gifre, since Gifre inspires him the most (and he misses him severely). After a couple months and several tests, Gifre-bot is brought to life! (Gi-bot or Gibo for short hehe.) And I’ve already posted stuff about Gi-bot, so yeah :D

And this is what Ava looks like!

Now, unlike his original inspiration Gi-bot is stubborn, a trickster and absolutely refuses to speak, just to spite Elias lol. Gi-bot can speak but prefers not to, he’s pretty silent, unlike Gifre who enjoys talking. Gi-bot mainly uses tons of robotic noises to communicate–chirps, whirs, clanks, you name it. Gi-bot also extremely protective of Elias, and the only people he’ll let near him are a very few friends from the guild, otherwise anyone else who tries to talk to him gets growled at. He’s not the nicest robot around, he’s a bit of a hostile one. Elias tries to fix this but realizes this is just part of Gi-bot’s personality as a whole. Gi-bot has a lot of problems at first, like his fascination with water always shorting out his systems (he goes out in the rain several times and comes back with oil spurting out of his body, and his body itself starts to short-circuit and release little electric charges, which sometimes shocks Elias), and not listening to Elias’ directions all the time, and destroying any other inventions that may threaten his purpose…but eventually they come to an understanding, and Elias becomes very very fond of Gi-bot and vice versa. Gi-bot is actually revealed to have a very caring side, such as looking out for Elias when he’s not paying attention, and does several things to cheer him up when he’s depressed. One of my favorite scenes between the two of them is when Elias is having a really rough day, so Gi-bot and Ava team up (despite the fact that they kinda hate each other and are always getting into spats with each other lmfao) to cheer him up! Ava borrows an old phonograph and plays a song, which coincidentally is a song Gifre used to sing to Elias sometimes back in phase one. Gi-bot sings along with it, as best as he can without actually speaking lol, and dances with Elias. Elias gets super emotional and starts crying and the two of them flip out, Gi-bot gets angry at Ava since it was her idea and she apologizes, “I didn’t think it would make him sob like a baby! Geez!” Elias tells them how happy he is, and they spend the rest of the day all dancing together~ Lol they’re like my friendship OT3. Elias, Gi-bot and Ava

As for the competition! They enter that, of course. I’m not going to go into too much detail about that, but I can say Elias and Gifre do very well and impress the judges during every round, even though Elias almost fails the first round since Gi-bot decides to be a little shit and doesn’t listen to anything he tells him to do. But when Gi-bot notices people making fun of Elias for making a faulty creation, and Elias being the sweetheart he is is almost in tears, he gets pissed and shows off what he can do, impressing the judges and everyone in the room basically. (Then he gives El a big smooch on the cheek just to embarrass him and get him to stop crying lmfao) While the judges are blown away, some of the other competitors find this to be totally stupid and grow jealous of Elias. After the second round is over (they pass, of course) some of the others manage to get Elias alone while Gi-bot is getting a checkup from the robotics committee or whatever. They all start insulting Elias, accusing him of cheating and bribing the judges. One guy gets super pissed off since Elias denies all that, and tries to sic his own robot on him. Luckily Gi-bot comes to the rescue just in time! But he gets horribly “injured” and is in dire need of repairs. Elias is in tears, Ava is terrifyingly angry and threatens to tear the dude’s head off, and after the whole situation dies down the guy gets disqualified for trying to injure another competitor and for ruining Elias’ robot. Once Gi-bot is completely fine, Elias tells him that he’s dropping out of the competition, afraid that Gi-bot is going to get hurt again. Gi-bot gets upset and insists that they keep going, and eventually with enough persuasion Elias agrees, and then they pass round three and are up for round four! But before Elias and Gi-bot can think of something to do, out of nowhere someone arrives and kidnaps Elias in the middle of the night. Gi-bot comes online after hearing the commotion and manages to follow them to where they’re going just in time…

Back to Gifre! When he hears the news that Elias has been captured (again!) he discovers that it’s not actually Python’s Blood who kidnapped him, but something entirely different. One thing leads to another and Gifre actually ends up meeting and teaming up with Elymas (who is still alive after half a millenia–he’s a brilliant sorcerer, so of course he knows how to prolong his life). They find out that Elias has been taken into the Mirrorplane, an invention created by Elymas. So the second half of phase 2 is basically about Gifre and Elymas’ adventures in the Mirrorplane trying to save Elias! (Technically this should really be phase 3, maybe I’ll change that lol)

And this is what Elymas looks like c: He’s the best cutie sorcerer njgfnjgnfj

On Elias’ side of things, he meets the Mirrorplane version of Gifre, and is tricked into believing that he’s the real Gifre. Gi-bot apparently malfunctioned, so he’s off being fixed somewhere. Elias worries for him. Of course after seeing the other inhabitants of the Mirrorplane and how different they are from the counterparts he knows, Elias eventually realizes that Mirror!Gifre isn’t the one he knows and loves. Elias tries to escape from him, but unfortunately Mirror!Gifre has developed a very unhealthy and possessive obsession of him and absolutely refuses to let him go. He sets up his sentry robot, Mirror!Gi-bot, or going by his nickname, Error. Error was originally created to be a fighting robot, but did not obey any of M!Gifre’s orders and there are tons of flaws and errors in his system (hence the nickname). He’s actually very gentle and not as hostile as the original Gi-bot, and he is tasked with watching over Elias whenever Mirror!Gifre isn’t around. Soon, through some coaxing, Elias comes to discover that Mirror!Elias is dead, and has been for a very long time. Mirror!Gifre didn’t even have the opportunity to meet him, for he died years and years before he was even born (remember, Elias was created by Elymas, so Mirror!Elias was probably also created by Mirror!Elymas but did not survive…) Mirror!Gifre begs him to stay in the Mirrorplane, having been watching him for quite some time from inside that world, and only wanting his happiness. He had seen how upset and depressed Elias became after Gifre left, and promises him he won’t ever leave him and will always stay by his side, sappy crap like that lol. Elias hesitantly agrees to a sort of bet with him to get him to shut up (“If your Gifre doesn’t come to get you by the end of the week, you stay with me forever”). Elias feels really bad for the guy, because he has a very compassionate nature;; At the end of the week, Gifre miraculously shows up with Elymas in tow. Mirror!Gifre sends several of his underlings including Error to prevent them from getting to Elias, who he has locked up in a magical darkness chamber thing. I haven’t really figured out what to call it. Eventually they break through. (Error gets totally destroyed and Elias cries like a baby over that, but he’s repaired later in phase 3, no worries!) Mirror!Gifre throws an enormous hissy fit and his powers go berserkers, destroying half of his palace. Gi-bot manages to escape his prison and eventually reaches the whole gang. Elias tries to reason with Mirror!Gifre and notices that he’s very off; his eyes are bright red and he doesn’t seem to be listening to anything he’s telling him. Elymas tells him that Mirror!Gifre is so attached to him because he’s directly connected to Elymas himself, who discovered the existence of the Mirrorplane and connected it to it’s parallel world. So Elymas is sort of the Mirrorplane’s “god” and basically everyone who exists there all have a connection to him. I hope that makes sense? Then Mirror!Gifre’s powers go out of control and he really isn’t himself anymore because of Elymas’ and Elias’ presence. In one last desperate attempt to get Elias to stay with him, Mirror!Gifre attacks Gifre, trying to kill him. Gifre gets really badly injured, like half of his face gets totally wrecked and his throat too and it’s. Very bad. He almost dies ;m; Mirror!Gifre immediately shuts down after seeing what he’s done, and Elias leaves him with some pretty sweet words of advice before kissing him goodbye. So yeah, Elymas, Elias, Gi-bot and Gifre escape the Mirrorplane and rush to save Gifre’s life ;w; Lol these phases seem to end with somebody getting hurt.

Phase three begins with Gifre’s recovery! Elymas lends a hand with mending his injuries, and makes it so his face doesn’t look as marred. (Bless you Ely.) Unfortunately they weren’t able to salvage everything; Gifre’s right eye was torn out and his ear was ripped to shreds, and the injury on his throat was the worst–his vocal cords got so messed up that he can’t speak anymore. Eventually he wakes up and realizes he can no longer talk. Or see or hear from one side. Poor…poor sweetheart. Luckily after he recovers Elias makes him a mechanical eye and a special earpiece thing, but there’s still the problem of his not being able to talk anymore. And that’s really hard on both Gifre and Elias…eventually they learn to communicate, Gifre normally uses a mini chalkboard where he writes things out, and sometimes they try to use sign language lol. Buuut after some time, Elymas helps Elias invent a device that attaches to Gifre’s throat and allows him to speak again! But not with his mouth, more like his brain sends signals down to the device and his voice comes out that way, so he doesn’t even have to move his mouth at all. (He thinks it’s the coolest shit ever.) And yeah I really like drawing phase three Gifre, he’s smol and soft and injured and I just want to hold him.

Poor, poor son ;m;

Continuing forward, Elias, Gifre and Gi-bot work to upgrade their living quarters and Elias’ workshop. Lots of goofy shenanigans go down between Gifre and Gi-bot, since they’re finally sort of meeting and getting used to each other. Elymas is also staying with them, since he and Elias are sort of like brothers but not exactly? But yeah he sticks around, showing up every now and then, along with Ava. Finally, the upgrades are complete! Things start getting busy for Elias, who has somehow become famous after mysteriously disappearing during the robotics competition (he vanished into the Mirrorplane before round four, don’t forget! And this caused a huge uproar since everyone predicted he would win so they freaked when he disappeared). Gi-bot helps him with repairs and building new things, while Gifre tries to help them in his own way. As a thank you to Gi-bot for all of his help, and also as a way to make things easier on their busy lives, Elias creates a robotic version of himself as a companion, Elias-bot, or Eli-bot (Eliot) for short hehe >wAnd yeah, I’ve already drawn them quite a bit! Here’s their concept sketch:

BABIES

And then we go back…to the Mirrorplane. Le gasp! You thought Mirror!Gifre is done? Nope! After that terrible experience with nearly killing his counterpart and greatly upsetting Elias, M!Gifre feels extremely guilty and lonely. He repairs Error, who starts avoiding him and not answering his orders out of spite for all that he’s done lol. Missing Elias, M!Gifre attempts to copy what Elias has done and make his own Eli-bot, failing several times. After a massive failure with trying to create an Elias-bot, he completely scraps that project and decides to seek out Mirror!Elymas instead. He asks him if there’s any chance of being able to bring Mirror!Elias back to life. M!Elymas tells him it’s impossible, he’s tried. But, M!Elymas is different than the other Elymas in that he specializes more in magic than in inventing, and says he may be able to grant a wish to M!Gifre. M!Gifre wishes to have his own Elias, and M!Elymas warns him that the Elias he gets might not be the one he’s thinking of (since the Mirrorplane counterparts are different in personality from their originals). M!Gifre says he doesn’t give a shit lol, and M!Elymas grants his wish. And so…a new Mirror!Elias is created! Unlike Elias Mirror!Elias is a total asshole, arrogant, and altogether a huge jerk. But he has a softer side as well. Even still, M!Gifre is in love with him anyway, despite all of his faults. M!Elias hates his guts at first but eventually warms up to him. AND MEANWHILE! With the help of Mirror!Ava, who works for M!Gifre, Error somehow finds the discarded Eli-bot M!Gifre had tried to create a while back. Using his robotic knowledge, Error brings M!Eli-bot to life. M!Eli-bot is riddled with more glitches and bugs than Error, and has a very hard time speaking, but Error develops a fondness for him anyway, and with M!Ava, decide to dub M!Eli-bot Glitch. (Get it? M!Gi-bot has an E name, and M!Eli-bot has a G name! Genius~~~) So yes…now we have:

Elias,Gifre,Eli-bot (or Eliot),Gi-bot (or Gibo),Mirror!Gifre,Mirror!Elias,Mirror!Gi-bot (or Error),and Mirror!Eli-bot (or Glitch).

Lmao I know that’s a lot to keep track of. And yes, all of the other ATS characters have mirror counterparts as well, I just haven’t really thought too hard about what they’ll be like yet.

Hmm…idk if I’m going to make anything else happen after this–they all go through enough shit and phase three ends pretty happily, with Gifre being able to speak again and him getting into an official relationship with Elias, and the bots also happy with each other, and the mirror counterparts all set and good, so yeah!!

Alright, that’s all of it!! If you read all the way through you’re really awesome omg. I really hope you enjoyed reading about my boys’ difficult yet inspiring journey~And yeah, please don’t steal this idea? It’s mine, I worked hard on it and this is probably one of my favorite story arcs in ATS now, even though it won’t be a part of the main storyline I definitely want to do something for it in one way or another. :D

Feel free to make fanart! I highly encourage it and it would make my day if someone drew my sons! Just make sure you tag me if you post it on your own blog, or submit it here! There’s nothing an artist loves more than getting art of their own children ;w;

And here’s some extra doodles hehe

Elias gets a nifty labcoat in Phase 3 lol

Also, a bit of extra information:Gi-bot runs on pressurized air, making him a pneumatic robotAnd Eli-bot runs on oil and pressurized liquids, making him a hydraulic robot c: (Yes, I actually went and did research on this lol)

AND DONE! That’s all!

[ashtonkutchermustdie]

TOP 10 BEST & TOP 5 WORST FILMS OF 2016

BEST FILMS OF 2016:

1. HUNT FOR THE WILDERPEOPLE Following the unexpected death of his Foster Aunt, chubby, rebellious foster kid, Ricky Baker runs away into the New Zealand Bush, followed by his cantankerous Foster Uncle (Sam Neil). They presently get lost and a nationwide manhunt is organised to track them down. Since its release I have watched this film a few times and it gets better on each viewing. Director Taika Waititi has produced a work that is a wonderful concoction of dry humour, farce, pathos, charm, sweetness and heart. Hunt for the Wilderpeople is truly “majestical”.

2. THE REVENANT In the 1820s, frontiersman, Hugh Glass (DiCaprio), sets out on a path of vengeance against those who left him for dead after a bear attack. Immersive, beautiful and masterful filmmaking from a director at the very top of his game. Backed by an Oscar winning performance by Leo and Oscar nominated performance by Tom Hardy (who was robbed, by the way). Very edge of your seat stuff from beginning to end. Two hours of overwhelming visual and sensory brilliance.

3. SING STREET An uplifting and heart-warming (I know, I’m sorry!) coming of age tale set in Dublin during the 80s. A young outsider starts a band in order to impress an older girl, along the way learning about The Clash, Joy Division, The Cure, New Order et al. The soundtrack was enough to entice me but the film goes beyond expectations and is a beautifully crafted triumph and a return to form for writer/director John Carney.

4. THE HUNTING GROUND Whilst it may not be my best film of the year, The Hunting Ground is the most important. A startling expose of rape crimes on US campuses, their institutional cover-ups, and the devastating toll they take on students and their families. This shit happens. And more people need to realise it and do something about it. Affecting, alarming, distressing and frustrating. A must watch for everyone. This stuff needs to be heard and discussed.

5. 10 CLOVERFIELD LANE Waking up from a car accident, a young woman finds herself in the claustrophobic bunker of a man (John Goodman) who claims that the outside world is now uninhabitable. The reliably brilliant Goodman gives a career best, is he/isn’t he, performance. A fantastically tense, thrilling and almost flawless little movie that is thankfully not quite ruined completely by the ill-advised last five minutes. Other than that though, wonderful.

6. THE LOBSTER Greek director Yorgos Lanthimos' The Lobster is one of the strangest comedies in recent memory but also one of the best. In a dystopian near-future, a single man (Colin Farrell) checks into a hotel where, by law, all singletons must find a mate within 45 days or be transformed into the animal of their choice. A hilariously deadpan examination of love, relationships, marriage, and the basic human need for connection. Not for everyone’s tastes, but certainly for mine.

7. SWISS ARMY MAN To say that Swiss Army Man is not going to be for everyone is an understatement. However, if the concept of Daniel Radcliffe as a loveable, flatulent corpse is something that sounds somewhat appealing then there is an awful lot to truly enjoy in this bizarre, unique and idiosyncratic film. Equal parts low brow and high brow, stupid and touching. Just go with it.

8. GREEN ROOM In the aftermath of a murder, a young punk rock band find themselves trapped in a secluded venue run by neo-Nazis. The most hardcore and relentless thriller in years, and exercise in extreme, nail-biting suspense, anchored by a terrifying and understated performance from Patrick Stewart as head honcho Nazi man. Lean and mean B-movie brilliance.

9. CREED Nobody was really crying out for a seventh film in the Rocky saga. Certainly not one that would replace Stallone with a younger model. It would never work! Creed, however, certainly does work and works wonderfully. Never straying too far from what made the original Rocky films great but also adding in grit, heart and true power. Stallone’s Oscar nominated return is affecting, Michael B. Jordan continues to exude charisma and ability in every performance and I am becoming increasingly impressed with director Ryan Cooler, who after Fruitvale Station and now this, is proving to be a true talent.

10. I, DANIEL BLAKE The lives of two people struggling on benefits in modern Britain intertwine as the help each other to simply get by and get on. I, Daniel Blake’s depiction of life on the dole makes for a brutal, often uncomfortable watch. As well it should. But it is also full of humour, hope and wit. At 80 years old Ken Loach has still very much got it.

WORST FILMS OF 2016:

1. GHOSTBUSTERS When this film was initially released I held off reviewing it for political reasons; there was so much furore around the fact that the cast was all female that anyone who spoke out against it was immediately labelled a closed minded misogynist. Now, I think enough people have seen it to realise that this is just a really, really terrible movie. The fact that the cast are all women is of no consequence, the fact that they are the WRONG women along with the WRONG script and the WRONG director, kind of is. Headache inducing, depressing and maddeningly dreadful.

2. SAUSAGE PARTY I like me some Seth Rogen, though the films he puts effort into and the films he makes while stoned are becoming increasingly obvious. This is clearly the latter. A dumb concept can’t cover the fact that this is simply not funny or entertaining. How it got made in the first place is beyond me.

3. SUICIDE SQUAD It should have been easy. David Ayer, Jared Leto and Margot Robbie? They should have knocked it out of the park! What happened?! As it is, Suicide Squad is barely a movie. With so much to work with and so many characters everything is glossed over and the whole thing comes across as a 2 hour trailer for a film that we are never getting… and doesn’t look that great anyway.

4. INDEPENDENCE DAY: RESURGENCE When I was 11 or 12 one of my best mates at school was very much into video games, I never really have been. He always had the latest consoles and games. When I went round to his house after school, if it was raining or dark outside I used to have to sit quietly and watch him play on this PlayStation, or whatever, for hours on end. Politely staring blankly at the shapes, colours and noise whilst actually taking very little enjoyment from the experience. This is what Independence Day: Resurgence is like. That they managed to gather the majority of the old cast is incredible. This is really an embarrassment for all involved and everyone should be thoroughly ashamed.

5. LIGHTS OUT A horror movie should be scary right? That’s kind of the point? An interesting concept (ghost can only been seen in darkness and disappears in the bright) is bogged down in unnecessary context and exposition. Dull.

[wintershoujo]

long shit i hate typing 👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌th 👌 ere👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my selｆ 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠＯOOＯOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit Burritos, Inspiration Point, Fork Balloon Sports, Cards in the Spokes, Automatic Biographies, Kites, Kung Fu, Trophies, Banana Peels We've Slipped On and Egg Shells We've Tippy Toed Over The Black Hawk War, or, How to Demolish an Entire Civilization and Still Feel Good About Yourself in the Morning, or, We Apologize for the Inconvenience but You're Going to Have to Leave Now, or, 'I Have Fought the Big Knives and Will Continue to Fight Them Until They Are Off Our Lands! The Boy Bands Have Won, and All The Copyists and The Tribute Bands and The TV Talent Show Producers Have Won, If We Allow Our Culture To Be Shaped By Mimicry, Whether From Lack Of Ideas Or From Exaggerated Respect. You Should Never Try To Freeze Culture. What You Can Do Is Recycle That Culture. Take Your Older Brother’s Hand-Me-Down Jacket and Re-Style It, Re-Fashion It to the Point Where It Becomes Your Own. But Don’t Just Regurgitate Creative History, Or Hold Art And Music And Literature As Fixed, Untouchable And Kept Under Glass. The People Who Try To ‘Guard’ Any Particular Form Of Music Are, Like The Copyists And Manufactured Bands, Doing It The Worst Disservice, Because The Only Thing That You Can Do To Music That Will Damage It Is Not Change It, Not Make It Your Own. Because Then It Dies, Then It’s Over, Then It’s Done, and The Boy Bands Have Won. that gets a DOUBLE MEME SPIKE!!! 👍🏻👍🏻👌🏻👌🏻👀👌🏻👀👌🏻👀👌🏻 ほぇふっ oh goddamn hot shit💀👽💀👽💀👽💀 👀 👃🏻 👄 Alright, you wanna know the secret to getting a Ferrari or a Lamborghini like this? Drop outta college. Actually I'm just kidding. It's giving me a lot of trouble for me to say that. I do find it interesting that when you look at the most successful people in the world, they dropped out of college, a lot of them. I dropped out of college, I'm not the most successful person in the world, but, I do know that the education system that you and I grew up in... is flawed! There's a lot wrong. I think we all know that. Now, you know I keep these cars in my garage not to show off, or be materialistic, I literally like fast cars, they're fun to drive but what's more important than trying to get cars... uh... is knowledge. You know, like I always say, I'm more proud of these seven bookshelves I had to install to put in... to hold the 2000 new books that I bought. If you've seen my TedX talk, you've heard me talk about how I read a book a day, because like the investor Warren Buffet says "the more you learn, the more you earn"! Now, what I'm about to share with you, uh, on my website, there's a link you should be able to click. I've recorded a simple video here in my garage. Three things that made all the difference in my life. Three things that can change everything because it hasn't always been where I had these kind of cars in my garage, I remember when I was living across the country in Clayton, North Carolina, in a mobile home, sleeping on a couch. I didn't even have a bed. Or a car. Or a college degree, any opportunities, and I only had $47 in my bank account. But, the dream is still possible. You know, you might be a skeptic, you might be surrounded by people saying "Oh, videos like this, they're not real, they're a get-rich quick scheme!" This isn't a get rich quick sssscheme. This is MY true story! And I'm not promising you that tomorrow you'll have a Ferrari or a Lamborghini but what I'm promising you is that if you know the proven steps, it can happen faster than you think because when I was sleeping on that couch, and I felt hopeless. Something fortunate happened to me. My life was at a crossroads. Maybe your life's at a crossroads right now, and you just found this video. And you know there's something better waiting for you. It might not be a Lamborghini or Ferrari, that's nothing, that's materialistic things! You must find the good life, health, wealth, love, and happiness! All those things! For you, maybe for you it's a new career or starting your own company, or a new lifestyle! Traveling, less stress. You have to understand finances, you have to understand the rules that I found fortunately when I was sleeping on that couch and I bumped into one mentor, then another, and I ended up finding five mentors who showed me how they became multimillionaires. Also, I was able to identify certain key books, you can see, I have a soft spot for books, and I wanna share that with you today. Three practical things, just click this video, it'll take you to my website, it's completely free, you can watch the video there, and I record - it's just in my garage like this, it's not super professional so don't expect too much, but it is hard hitting! It does have the ability to change your life! Now do not click this if you're a cynic or a pessimist. There's a lot of those in the world. If you're watching this far, you're probably not, you're probably an optimist, like one of my favorite books, Conrad Hilton, the Billionaire, he said what changed his life when he was living in that depression was reading a book by Helen Keller when he was age 15. She said "optimist", so, I wanna share with you three practical things that you can do today no matter where you live, no matter how bad things might be, where you can begin to revolutionize your life. Find the good life. Health, wealth, love and happiness. So, click this video, and I'll see you over in my website, in just a minute. Alright? (KIK) look at this weak shit. disney pop star and shitty actress turned shitty model and shitty actress. look at that "avant garde" ass outfit, trying to be cool. not to mention her pose game is weak af. man even a person who's only seen one panel of jojo could pose better than this shit. your album title is "confident"? yeah well im pretty fucking confident that ur bitchy fat shaming ass wont get any aotys from anyone with an opinion. Cock is one of my favorite tastes. Not only that, but balls smell amazing. It makes me go a little crazy on it to be honest. Like, I cannot get it far enough down my throat to be satisfied. I’m only satisfied when I feel those intense, powerful, salty, hot pumps of cum down my throat. When I sit back on my heels, look up at you with cum all over my mouth and slobber running down my neck, hair all fucked up and wipe my mouth with the back of my arm and ask you if I did a good job and you cannot even speak because I’ve drained all of your energy out the tip of your dick….. That’s when I’m satisfied. I was in my room, and I was just like, staring at the walls thinking about everything but then again I was thinking about nothing, and then my mom came in, and I didn't even know she was there She called my name and I didn't hear her, then she started screaming, "Mike! Mike!" And I go, "What? What's the matter?" She goes, "What's the matter with you?" I go, "There's nothing wrong mom" She goes, "Don't tell me that, you're on drugs!" I go, "No mom, I'm not on drugs, I'm okay, I'm just thinking, you know? Why don't you get me a pepsi?" She goes, "NO! You're on drugs!" I go, "Mom, I'm okay, I'm just thinking" And she goes, "NO! You're not thinking you're on drugs! Normal people don't act that way!" I go, "Mom, just get me a Pepsi, please? All I want's a Pepsi" And she wouldn't give it to me, all I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me, just a Pepsi! Japan is an island by the sea filled with volcanoes and it's ♫ beautiful ♫ ! In the year negative a billion, Japan might not've been here. In the year -40,000 it was here, and you could walk to it, and some people walked to it. Then it got warmer, so an iceberg melted, it became an island, and now there lot's of trees! Because it's warmer. So now there's people on the island and they're basically sort of hanging out in between the mountains, eating nuts off trees, and using the latest technology. Like stones, and bowls. Ding dong, it's the outside world. And they have technology from the future. Like really good metal, and crazy rice farms. Now you can make a lot of rice really really quickly. That means if you own the farm, you own a lot of food, which is something everybody needs to survive. So that makes you king. Rice farming and rice kingdoms spread across the land, all the way to here. The most important kingdoms were here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. But this one was the most most important, ruled by a heavenly super person, or emperor for short. Knock knock, get the door, it's religion. The new prince wants everyone to try this hot new religion from Baekje. "Please try this religion," he said. "No," said everybody. "Try it," he said. "No," said everybody again, quieter this time. And so the religion was put into place, and all the rules that came with it. Then, the government was taken over by another clique, and they made some reforms. Like making the government govern more, and making the government more like China's government, which is a government that governs more. "Hi China," they said. "Hi dipshit," said China. "Can you call us something else other than dipsh!t?" said Japan. "Like what?" said China. "How about ♫ sunrise land ♫ ?" said Japan. And they stole China's alphabet and wrote a book, about themselves. And then they made lots of poetry and art and another book about themselves. Then they stopped moving the capital every time the emperor died and kept it in one place for a while. Right here, and they conquered the north, finally. Get that squared away. A rich hipster named Kūkai (空海) is bored with modern Buddhism and learns a better version which is more ♫ spiritual ♫ comes back, reinvents the alphabet and causes art and literature to be ♫ great ♫ for a long time. And the royal palace turned into such a dream world of art that they really didn't give a shit about governing the country. So if you live outside the palace, how are you supposed to protect your shit from criminals? ♫ hire a samurai ♫ Everyone started hiring samurai. Correction: rich, important people hired samurai. Poor people who could not afford to hire samurai did not hire samurai. The samurai became organized and powerful. More than the government, so they made their own military government here. They let the emperor still be "emperor," but the shogun is actually in control. Breaking news: the Mongols have invaded China. "We have invaded China," said the Mongols. "Please respect us, or we might invade you as well." "Okay," said Japan. So the Mongols came over, ready for war, and then died in a tornado. They tried again, and had a nice time fighting with the Japanese, but then died in a tornado. Then the emperor overthrew the shogunate, then the shogunate overthrows him back and moved to Kyoto and makes a new shogunate, and the emperor can still dress like an emperor if he wants, that's fine. ♫ now there's more art ♫ Like paining with less colors, collaborative poetry, plays, monkey fun, tea parties, gardening, architecture, flowers. It's time for Who's Going To Be The Next Shogun? Usually it's the shogun's kid, but the shogun doesn't have a kid, so he tries to et his brother to quit being a monk and be the next shogun. He says okay, but then the shogun has a kid. So now who's it gonna be? Vote now on your phones! And everyone voted so hard, that the palace caught on fire and burned down. The shogun actually didn't care, he was somewhere doing poetry. And the whole country broke into pieces. Everyone is fighting with each other for local power, and it's anybody's game. Knock knock, it's Europe. No, they're not here to take over (yet). They just wanna sell some shit. Like clocks. And guns. And ♫ Jesus ♫ So that's cool, but everyone's still fighting each other for control, now with guns. And wouldn't it be nice to control the capital, which right now is puppets, with no one controlling them. This clan is ready to make a run for it. But first, they have to trample this smaller clan which is in the way. Surprise! Smaller clan wins, and the leader of that clan steals the idea of invading the capital, and invades the capital. It goes very well. He's about halfway through conquering Japan, when someone who works for him kills him. And then someone else who works for him kills him. And that guy finishes conquering Japan. And then he confiscated everybody's swords. And made some rules. "And now I'm going to invade Korea, and then hopefully China," he said, and failed, and also died. But before he died, he told these 5 guys to take care of his 5 year old son until he's old enough to be the next ruler of Japan. And the 5 guys said "Yeah, right. It's not gonna be this kid, it's gonna be one of us. Because we're grownups. And it's probably gonna be this guy who happens to be way more rich and powerful than he others. A lot of people support him, but a lot of people support not supporting him. They have a fight. He wins! And starts a new government right here. ♫ Edo ♫ And he still lets the emperor dress like an emperor, and have very nice things. But don't get confused, this is he new government, and they are very strict. So strict, they closed the country. No one can leave, and no one can come in. Except for the Dutch, they want to buy and sell sh!t, but they have to do it right here. Now that the entire country was not at war with itself, the population increased a lot. Business increased, schools were opened, roads were built, everyone could read, books were published, poetry, plays, sexy times, puppet shows, and Dutch studies. People studied European science from books they bought from the Dutch. We're talking geography, skeletons, physics, chemistry, astronomy, and maybe even electricity. Over time the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow dow- .....Knock knock. It's the United States. With huge boats. With guns. Gunboats. "Open the country. Stop having it be closed." said the United States. There was really nothing they could do, so they signed a contract that lets United States, Britain, and Russia visit Japan when they want. Chōshu and Satsuma hated that. "Hat sucks," they said. "This sucks!" And with very little outside help, they overthrew he shogunate, and made the emperor the emperor again, and moved him to Edo, which they renamed Eastern Capital (東京). They made a new government, which was a lot more western. They made a new constitution, that was pretty western. And a military that was pretty western. And do you know what else is western? That's right, it's conquering stuff. So what can we conquer? Korea! They conquered Korea, taking it from its previous owner, China, and then go a little bit further, and Russia rushes in out of nowhere and says, "Stop, no, you can't take that. We were gonna build a railroad through here to try to get some warm water." And Russia builds their railroad, supervised by a shit ton of soldiers, and when the railroad was done, they downgraded to a fuck ton. Did I say downgrade? I meant upgrade. And Japan says, "Can you maybe chill?" And Russia says, "How about maybe YOU chill?" Japan is kind of scared of Russia. You'll never guess who's also kind of scared of Russia. Great Britain. So Japan and Great Britain make an alliance together so they can be a little less scared of Russia. Feeling confident, Japan goes to war against Russia, just for a moment, and then they both get tired and stop. ♫ It's time for World War One ♫ The world is about to have a war, because it's the 1900s, and weapons are getting crazy, and all these empires are excited to try them out on each other. Meanwhile, Japan has been enjoying conquering stuff and wants more. And the next thing on the list is this part of China and lots of tiny islands. All that stuff belongs to Germany, which just had war declared on it by Britain, because Britain was friends with Belgium, which was being trespassed by Germany in order to get to France to kick France's ass because France is friends with Russia, who was getting ready to kick Austria's ass, because Austria was getting ready to kick Serbia's ass, because someone from Serbia shot the leader of Austria's ass, or actually he shot him in the head. And Britain is currently friends with Japan, so you know what that means. Duh! ♫ Japan should take the islands ♫ Which they wanted to do anyway. So they called Britain on the telegram to sort of let them know. And then they did it. And they also helped Britain a little here and there with some errands and stuff. Now the war is over, and congratulations Japan! You technically fought in the war, which means you get to sit at the negotiating table with the big dudes, where they decided who gets what, and, yes, Japan gets to keep all that shit they stole from Germany. You also get to join the post-war mega alliance ♫ the League of Nations ♫ whose mission statement is to try not to take over the world. The Great Depression is bad. Japan's economy is now crappy. But the military is doing just fine, and it invades Manchuria, and the League of Nations is line "no, don't do that, if you're in the League of Nations you're not supposed to take over the world," and Japan said, "♫ how about I do anyway ♫" and Japan invaded more and more and more and more of China and was planning to invade the whole entire east. You've got mail! It's from Germany. The new leader of Germany. He has a cool mustache and he's trying to take over the world, and he needs friends. This also got forwarded to Italy. They all decided to be friends because they had so much in common. ♫ it's time for World War 2 ♫ Germany is invading their neighbors, then they invaded the neighbor's neighbors. Then the neighbor's neighbor's neighbor's who happens to be Britain said "holy shit" and the United States started helping Britain, because they are ♫ good friends ♫ and started not helping Japan because ♫ their friends and our friends are not friends, plus they're planning on invading the entire ocean ♫ The United States is also working on a large and very huge bomb, bigger than any other bomb, ever. Just in case. But they still haven't joined the war. War looks bad on tv, and the United States is really starting to care about their image. But then Japan spits on them in Hawaii, and challenges hem to war, and they say yes. And then Germany, as a symbol of friendship, declares war on the United States also. So the United States goes to war in Europe, and they helped he gang chase Germany back into Germany. And they also start chasing Japan back into Japan, and they haven't used the bomb yet, and are curious to see if it works. So they drop it on Japan. They actually dropped 2. The United States installed a new government inspired by the United States government. Just the right ingredients for a ♫ post-war economic miracle ♫ and Japan starts making TVs, VCRs, automobiles, and camcorders as fast as they can. And also better than everybody else. They get rich, and the economy goes wild. And then the miracle wears off. But everything's still pretty cool, I guess. ♫ bye ♫ Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the fuck out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels fucking weird when I go and take a piss. Dr. Pepper. The famous 23 flavor soda, has a lot of spinoff products, such as Diet Dr. Pepper. That’s not the topic here today. No we’re not talking about Diet Dr. Pepper barbecue sauce. But what we are talking about, is hot Dr. Pepper. That’s right, hot Dr. Pepper was originally introduced in the 1960’s as a winter beverage. Here’s some advertisements from the 1960’s showing about about Hot Dr. Pepper. However, it was short lived. But you still don’t believe me? You think this is a joke? Just go to the facts and questions article on the Dr. Pepper website. Anyway, I’m going to teach you how to make it. All you need is a Dr. Pepper; a can or bottle will be fine. And just proceed to open it, but DONT blow it up like I did. Cuz’ you know, Bad Dr. Pepper right there. Anyway, you want to heat up a pan, or anything, and just pour a little Dr. Pepper in there, as much as you want. Alright, and as soon as we did that, we’re gonna take a lemon and a knife and make a small slice, and then put it into the glass that you’re gonna puor the hot Dr. pepper in. When the Dr. Pepper starts sizzling or steaming up… That’s it. Just take it off, and pour it in your glass. And if you’re using a glass glass glass made of glass like I am, put it very slowly. Like, wait five seconds between each… Each spill, so it doesn’t melt, cus you know, when glass melts… Glass… yeah. Also if you try this at home, and your lemon makes a popping bubble, comment or like, heh, cuz you know, thumbs up for that. Just some more footage of the popping lemon… Yeah, and basically, this is hot Dr. Pepper. It tastes just like Dr. Pepper, only it’s hot, kind of like tea. Brings out the cherry flavor. Little carbonation, and I’ll see you next time. Later! FINALS WEEK FINALS WEEK JUST DISTRACTING MYSELF FROM FINALS WEEK IM NOT STUDYING BUT ALL MY FRIENDS ARE AND IM FUCKIN' ALONE CAUSE IM LAZY BUT I WONT TAKE YOUR NOTES YEAH I WONT USE QUIZLE-T NO I WONT WATCH CRASH COURSE JOHN GREEN FUCKING SUCKS WHEN YOUR CURRICULUM MAKES ME HATE MYSELF MORE THAN I ALREADY DO~ THERE'S SOMETHING WRO~NG