#i love watching her gaslight people w next to no idea what's going on in this show

[thewildmother]

CATARINA DE LURTON Deus Salve o Rei (83)

[lcriedlastnight]

Y/n asks Oscar for help in order to get Lando to fall in love with her, but y/n breaks her heart in the process, realizing that she loved Oscar the entire time

ohh okay anon! your mind is literally brilliant. also i'm not sure if you wanted lando to break her heart or not but that's what i did, kinda!

tw: fem!reader, kinda arsehole lando again, oscar pines hee hee, lnk if you want me to add anything. ignore any mistakes can’t i cba proofreading rn!

w/c: 1.5k

"oscccc" you sing as you skip into the mclaren hospitality. the look on your face lets oscar know that he most definitely will not like whats coming next. oscar sings your name back to you in the same tone that makes you laugh at him.

"i need your help!" you ask sweetly, plopping yourself down next to oscar on the couch he was resting on. your feet come to rest in his lap as you give him your best puppy eyes.

"don't give me those eyes. you haven't even asked me yet." oscar says although he cannot hold back his own smile.

"i'm sure you know how much i like lando? alex says it's pretty obvious." you start, a little bit nervous now with your words. speaking of your words, it is like oscar is stabbed in the chest as you confirm your affections towards his teammate. what he would do to be lando right now, oscar is never usually envious but this is so much different. the australian had an inking of suspicion that you liked lando but he did not know for sure so he could gaslight himself into thinking that it was all in his head and that you were just really friendly with the tanned boy.

oscar's mouth feels like it is full of cotton as he wills his brain to generate a response that is not just oscar confessing his love for you.

"uh yeah, yeah i may have heard something about that."

you blush a little at oscar's words a little embarrassed about how many people know about this apparently obvious crush you had on lando. you clear your throat.

"right, well. you know lando quite well right? you surely do because you spend so much time with him. i was wondering if you could maybe put in a good word for me?" you practically beg oscar. the boy seriously thinks he is going to die from heartbreak. you were coming to him to ask him to put in a good word? him? who has been in love with you since you had first arrived in paddock. what kind of karma was thing? was oscar really that horrible in his past life?

oscar copies you and clears his throat too. "sure, i'll say to him after free practise." oscar offers. he so badly wants to be one of those people who will not let you have anyone else if he cannot have you, he wants to be that person so badly right now. but he is not. all he wants is to see you happy and if that was not with him, then he would just have to make do with that. the way you squeal in response to his offer makes him want to kill himself right there and then. okay maybe he was being a little dramatic but his mind was already thinking about having to watch you every race weekend, hanging off of lando's arm. oh god he would have to retire from f1 in his second year.

you skip away again as oscar is stuck in his mind. he has never felt this depressed in his entire life he thinks. like his thoughts summoned him, lando comes padding over. you could not be far then, oscar surmises.

"hey, man." lando greets as he sits where you were just sitting moments ago. oscar just decides to do it now and get it over and done with, waiting until after free practise might actually kill him off. he would rather just say to lando then he could get it out of his mind and concentrate on getting you out of his mind.

"hey, i've gotta ask you something." oscar says, his heart hammering in his chest. he has no idea why. a part of his is praying he rejects you, in a nice way, of course. then maybe he will not have to retire his promising racing career.

unbeknown to both mclaren drivers you were lingering around, listening in on their conversation.

lando cocks his head in questioning, silently telling oscar to continue and oscar does exactly that.

he utters your name. "she wanted me to put in a good word for her, if you know what i mean." oscar tries to make it lighthearted and not act like one single sentence shattered his heart into a thousand pieces and the only girl who held the glue to piece it back together was longing after a man who was near enough the complete opposite from him.

lando smirks. "oh yeah, i heard she has a thing for me." he says, cockily. a part of oscar fears for where this conversation is headed.

"and?"

"and what?" lando asks.

"and are you gonna ask her out or what?" oscar questions like it was obvious because to him it was. how could he not ask a girl like you out? although oscar was guilty of the same thing it was not for a lack of wanting from oscar, that much was true.

"nahh. she's not really..." lando trails off. oscar gets defensive as soon as the first word rolls off the brits tongue.

"not really what?" oscar's words bite like bullets.

"you know man, she's not really wag material." is all lando says.

your face drops even further from your listening spot. this was not the way you had seen this conversation going. you were almost certain lando had liked you back. seems like you were wrong.

while you cower and hide to nurse your broken heart, oscar seeths at lando.

"that is no way to speak about a girl, nevermind her." oscar defends you. "it honestly seems like you don know what you're missing out on because she is a lovely girl. even though there is no such thing as 'wag material' i know for a fact that she is that and much much more, you are just too blind to see it. some people are surface level pretty and pretty on the inside too."

lando's brows raise at oscar's rant about you. the brit seems surprised at his view on you. the kind words not unusual from oscar but he could hear the devotion and love behind them, anyone with a pair of working ears could hear how deep his fondness for you went.

"if you like her that much much then why don't you ask her out, man?" lando asks. oscar is not stupid he can hear the teasing tone in his voice but he chooses to ignore it as he sighs.

"i can't she likes you." oscar just barely gets the words out before you appear at oscar's side. your eyes are teary and that just confirms his worst fear. you had heard everything. everything lando had said about you, he hoped you knew that it was so far from the truth.

"you really think that about me?" oscar winces as he assumes the questions was aimed at the older of the two papaya boys but when he opens his eyes he sees your eyes are pinned on his. oh you were talking to him. he had forgotten that if you had heard what lando had said you had most likely heard what he had said too. it was not too special and nothing of a confession but the heaviness behind his words told you much more than his words ever could.

"yeah i do" it is false confidence oscar speaks with but he really wants you to know he meant every single word and he could not convince you of that if you was a stuttering mess. "i like you."

you just stare at him. somewhere in this lando had ended up leaving you both to have some privacy, he had that much decency.

"i think i like you too." you tell oscar, although your words are a little unsure, definitely not as sure as oscar's.

oscar scoffs. "you don't. and you don't need to say that because you feel bad."

you roll your eyes. "i'm not just saying it. i think i do really like you."

"no, you like lando. you only like me because i'm the only option you have." oscar frowns at his own words, saddened by the mere thought of you only wanting him because you cannot have lando.

you take the seat lando was sitting in, and you before him. you take his hands in yours and hold them gently.

"i think i wanted to make you jealous by asking you to put in a good word with lando for me?" you tell him. to oscar is seemed that you had not even made sense of your own feelings.

oscar finally nods as he sees the sincerity in your eyes.

"if you do really like me then i would love to take you out." oscar says, his words less sure than before and a little more shy. it makes you smile and that is when you are sure that you do like oscar. and yeah maybe you do still like lando but you are almost certain that it was just a harmless crush. this with oscar? you know this could very much be something real.

"i'd love that." you nod as oscar grins back at you, you have never seen oscar smile that much and you have known him for a while now.

[xweetok]

a dissection of King of the Hill Season 4, Episode 1 - Peggy Hill: The Decline and Fall and why it made me feel insane

this episode was so insanely dark & miserable i need to pick it apart and just talk about it or i will never be normal again!

i will now post most of the script with my thoughts added in. some parts were deleted for "brevity" (this is still a longass post i'm sorry)

[Grave instrumental music]

Peggy?

[Hank exclaiming]

l think my wife.... l think, might be dead.

l'll be right back.

[Luanne screams]

the man thinks his wife is dead which is kinda sad but Luanne is so funny in this ep lol

[Dramatic instrumental music]

[Hank grunting]

HANK: Peggy!

BOBBY: Dangit. Didi. Push!

MEDICAL STAFF: lt's okay, son. The baby's here.

-He's beautiful. -What's his name?

MEDICAL STAFF: Here you go Daddy. To cut the umbilical cord.

kinda messed up that they think Bobby is the dad......hes like 12......... but ok

BOBBY: [Softly] Oh. My uncle.

Hank: Peggy?

[Peggy gasping]

[Gasps]

LUANNE: Aunt Peggy?

[Sobbing]

No!

[Gasps]

luanne haters suck my dick she's so silly i love her

[Somber instrumental music]

Hank: Okay (seeing Peggy from afar, on the ground). Think one piece. Peggy?

Peggy: [Weakly] Hey, hey, hey.

Hank: God! You're all smashed up. Peggy: -l'm alive.

Luanne: Uncle Hank, we're too late.

TV ANNOUNCER: Aikman takes the snap, a quick pass over the middle to Smith,,,the 20, the 10, Emmitt Smith scores! HANK: Yes!

DOCTOR: Hank Hill? HANK: l wasn't watching.

Just for a second.

l have no idea what the score is. l couldn't tell you.

wait why did he lose interest in his wife's condition..................actually nvm we all deserve a lil stress free moment when experiencing tragedies right?

DR: Your wife is gonna be just fine. Hank: Yes!

DR: Peggy has a compression fracture of the bones in her back.

Thank goodness for the mud.

She would not have survived if she had fallen on concrete...

or a fence.

HANK: But she's okay?

DR: Yes. They're putting her into a body cast to immobilize her while she heals.

HANK: What color is the cast? DR: What does that matter, Mr. Hill?

HANK: l don't know. l've never been through this before.

l'm just trying to ask the right questions.

DR: lt's white. Sponge bath. Bedpan. HANK: -Thank you.

that was a good scene i liked that

[Peggy humming]

-Peggy? -Hank. Come on in.

Look at me. l'm in an ensemble.

My top cast and my bottom cast match.

[Both chuckle]

Yeah. Quality plaster.

[Luanne comes in, immediately leaves sobbing hysterically]

the voice acting is just so good in these

PEGGY: l'm guessing that was Luanne.

l wish she wouldn't feel sorry for me when l feel so terrific for me.

l have had a near-death experience. Most people never get that,,,

except when it's next to their death experience. Then they can't appreciate it.

You know what's odd? The last thing l remember was deciding not to jump. What or who would have made me change my mind?

HANK: (Lying) l'm not sure. l don't know. l wasn't in the plane. l was on the ground, remember? l'm the one who found you.

gaslight girlboss gatekeep

-Mom? -Bobby?

-You really fell out of a plane? -Yes, sir. l did.

HANK: Your mom is one of only 16 people who have survived parachutes not opening.

PEGGY: Now, 16 is my estimate. l'll double-check my numbers later.

[Luanne walks in]

LUANNE: l'm sorry about before. l don't know what came over me.

[Starts sobbing]

Oh, God!

[Luanne runs out]

another great luanne moment. W for luanne fans.

[Cotton comes in]

COTTON: What did you do to your wife? l didn't teach you that.

cotton sucks i hate cotton. even when he's speaking up against spousal abuse.

[Door creaking open]

Where's my new dependent? l'm supposed to look at it.

cotton yikes #1

DIDI: Where did l put.... There it is.

BOBBY: Uncle, l present you to your father.

COTTON: Look at him. His shins are perfect. [Cooing] Look at you. You're a handsome little soldier. You wanna kill a Nazi? A Nazi, Nazi-scrazzi.

weird way to talk to a baby. cotton yikes #2

[Cooing]

COTTON: Didi, did you name this baby yet? DlDl: What's the use?

she literally looks so sad... this is where it starts bumming me out a lil

COTTON: l'm calling him Hank. l always wanted a boy named Hank.

HANK: Dad, Hank is my name.

COTTON: Not anymore. l'm taking it back. He's Hank.

HANK: You can't take away a grown man's name.

COTTON: All right. l'll call him G.H. Good Hank.

this was unhinged too but way funnier than the other stuff

COTTON: Did you see the way my boy looked at that nurse?

Practically slapped her rump then and there.

nvm i'm back to hating cotton. cotton yikes #3

[Thunder cracking]

[Ominous instrumental music. Hank is having a nightmare.]

BAD HANK: Peggy, you've gotta do it. lt's amazing. lt's the best dang feeling in the world.

evil hank >:)

NURSE: There we go. Okay. Now you try.

COTTON: We'll see about all this.

Okay. (Putting a diaper on the baby) Put this little nipper in here, tuck this little nipper in there.

Close up shop. There. Ready for soiling.

What the.... The kid is leaking out of his chest!

NURSE: That's from his nipples. lt's a form of lactation.

COTTON: Dangit. You said it was a boy.

NURSE: He is. He's simply been ingesting a lot of female hormones from his mother. lt's so common it has a name. Witch's milk.

COTTON: Lord! What did l do? Was it the 50 men l killed?

bro is abandoning his literal newborn bc he's anti-science. cotton yikes #4

PEGGY: The maternity ward ceiling. lt reminds me of when my son was born.

PEGGY: And l am also reminded of when my next child will be born. Why isn't the baby with his mother? NURSE: Didi Hill has postpartum depression. She couldn't even gather up the strength to put on some lipstick.

And she looks awful.

UM??????? it's giving HIPAA violation. also she has POSRPARTUM DEPRESSION. that was simply..not nice

COTTON: You did this to my son. There's no milk coming out of these (groping his bare chest, shirtless)

cotton verbally abusing his depressed wife. this guy is the WORST. yikes #5

PEGGY: Cotton, stop it. You should be comforting her. COTTON: Comfort her? Comfort me.

😒

NURSE: Mr. Hill, your insurance company's automated voice says you have to leave the hospital today, in 85 minutes.

COTTON: But l can't take care of a dripping witch-child. Can't we just stay hospitaling until Didi gets her brains back?

NURSE: [Laughing] Maybe if you were the richest man in America.

lots to unpack here. america's failure of a medical system. cotton being a dick about his lactating newborn, unsympathetic abt didi's condition - but at least advocating for a longer hospital stay isn't a bad idea...................BUT THEN WHY DID THE NURSE LAUGH AT HIM LOL she doesn't care abt people

DR: You and your wife and those flowers are going home today.

HANK: Yeah. But Peggy's got a broken back.

DR: l know. l told you that. But she wants to be discharged.

l'm not so worried about her back. l'm worried about her emotional state.

HANK: Yeah. But she seems so happy.

DR: Once the thrill of surviving wears off...and it does, trust me, Jetski, July '94...she may experience a second crash when she feels her own limitations.

HANK: There won't be any second crash. As long as l'm around, l won't let her feel any limitations.

DR: There's no need for you to feel this guilty. You didn't make her jump.

HANK: Yeah. Do you think you could put that on her chart?

sus hank with 0 emotional intelligence. unsurprising tho.

HANK: Peggy, l'm here. PEGGY: Hey! We're going home today.

l have packed myself up without any help from the nurses,

this was sad to me idk she's so delusional

[Hank sighs]

HANK: Are you sure you're ready? PEGGY: Honey, ready or not, l have got to go.

l invited Cotton and Didi and the baby to stay with me...until they can take care of him on their own.

HANK: You think you can help them take care of a baby?

PEGGY: lf that poor farm boy, whose arms were ripped off by a thresher...could dial 91 1 with his nose...then l think Peggy Hill can take care of that baby.

like, you obvs can tell she's gonna break soon. kind of a bummer.

HANK: (Unloading Peggy from the ambulance into the neighborhood) Back off. Back off, everybody.

Everybody.

(They bump Peggy into the doorframe when wheeling her inside the house)

HANK: That's our fault, Peggy, not your fault.

PEGGY: Try the back door. lt'll fit.

[Balloon pops. They keep bumping Peggy into the sliding door walls.)]

PEGGY: Am l in a very wide bed?

HANK: Maybe we can get her in at an angle. Come on, guys. All right. On three.

BOOMHAUER: lf you lift on three, you mean one, two, dang ol' three and then go...or do you kind of, like, lift her on three?

HANK: Just lift now, okay?

HANK: Now.

HANK: Tilt towards me. No. Toward....

HANK: Fine. Away from me.

peggy looks really uncomfortable in this scene 🥲

[All grunting]

BlLL: Hi, Peggy. PEGGY: Hello, Bill.

DALE: l think a ''thank you'' would be in order.

HANK: Dale, get the hell out of here.

this was so unhinged i love dale

(Minh, Nancy, & Peggy inside the house)

MINH: Cast make you look good for Peggy Hill. Like you mummy, museum piece, but with attitude. Mummy for the '90s.

NANCY: Sug', you ain't helping.

(to Peggy) People spend hundreds of dollars at a spa to get wrapped up like that.

PEGGY: Yes. lt's very refreshing.

NANCY: l just can't believe your attitude. Who would have thought?

Didi's depressed and you're not.

LIKE..........the neighbor's don't have any sympathy for didi either??? THEYRE SO MEAN??

[Car horn honking]

The baby's here. [NANCY & MINGH leave)

PEGGY: Good. The baby's here. Okay. Minh, make sure Didi puts a hat on him. Nancy, you make sure he takes it off when he gets inside the house.

peggy's just talking to herself until she realizes her friends have LEFT and its????? SO QUIET??? LIKE, THIS IS SO SAD WTF

[Scene with Peggy and Hank]

PEGGY: l feel so stupid for jumping. lt wasn't worth this. Why did l do it? Do you remember? This is really bugging me. [...] Wait, wait, wait. l just remembered something. On the plane, l was talking to you on a phone, Do planes have phones?

HANK: That's a good one. l'll look into that.

PEGGY: No. l remember now. l was talking to you. But what did we say?

HANK: lt sounds familiar. But with all the noise from the engines...and then you falling and all, l'm not sure we'll ever know.

PEGGY: Please, Hank. You are gonna have to be my memory...because l don't have one anymore.

HANK: Deal.

like i get that hank is feeling guilty and it's like hahaha funny but...................................gaslighter 😒

OK THIS NEXT SCENE IS LIKE. THE WORST ONE. LIKE, ITS SO LEGITIMATELY AWFUL FOR HUMANITY

HANK: You don't have to yell. We can hear you just fine through the baby monitor.

PEGGY: Why am l being fed with a bottle? HANK: We're out of straws.

PEGGY: l do not want to be fed with a bottle.

HANK: lt's just easier, okay? Please?

and then he like...PUTS THE BOTTLE IN HER MOUTH. like i'm SORRY to be a joykill but that's literally so dehumanizing & wrong?? THE WOMAN WAS IN A HORRIBLE ACCIDENT you could at least treat her like a person & LISTEN TO HER. she is uncomfortable & in pain!!!!!!!

PEGGY: (drinking the bottle) What is that?

HANK: lt should be Carnation lnstant Breakfast.

PEGGY: lt tastes like formula.

HANK: (at Bobby, chuckling) You took Peggy's bottle, and l took the baby's bottle? Now, that's funny.

also bobby is the one taking care of the baby and he is EXHAUSTED. literally child neglect for both kids idk what to tell you...

PEGGY: (being wiped with a baby wipe) What are you doing? Look, l do not want a bottle, okay?

HANK: Shhh.

PEGGY: l'm not hungry. HANK: Shhh.

PEGGY: l want eggs. HANK: Shhh.

[Peggy crying]

[Peggy and baby crying]

at this point they have stopped listening to peggy entirely. so much that she breaks down crying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the woman is deadass psychologically broken or something!!!!!! i found this uncomfortable to watch

BOBBY: Maybe Mom just needs to burp.

HANK: Bobby, could you give us a moment?

(to Peggy) What's wrong?

"WHAT'S WRONG"??????? I WONDER???????????????????? BITCH HAS NO EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

PEGGY: [Sobbing] My life is ruined. l had to jump out of a plane for our anniversary. l'm sorry, Hank. l ruined both of our lives.

[Peggy sobbing hysterically]

HANK: Okay. Look. lt wasn't your fault. lt was my fault.

hank confesses to his evil sins of hyping up sky diving. peggy says the real reason she jumped is bc she's jealous of didi & cotton for having a baby.

PEGGY: Do you know what torture that is? l was once one of the finest mothers in the state of Texas... and now l can't even wipe a baby. And l have to watch those two, Cotton and Stupid...with their beautiful new baby that they don't even want.

[Sobbing]

DIDI HAS POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION, A LEGITIMATE MEDICAL CONDITION THAT CAN ACTUALLY BE FATAL TO BOTH NEW MOTHERS AND THEIR BABIES!!!!!!!!!! AND COTTON IS LITERALLY VERBALLY ABUSIVE!!!!!!! EVERYONE IS BEING SO MEAN ABOUT IT LIKE IF SHE CHOSE THIS!!!!! IM GOING INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PEGGY: What are you smiling about? HANK: lt wasn't my fault. lt's just such a load off my mind. l feel lighter than air.

l mean, l feel bad in a new way, for you...because what you were just saying. That stuff.

IM GONNA KILL THIS BITCH HANK WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH UUUUUUUUUUUUU

PEGGY: Just leave me alone, okay?

HANK: You just want me to leave? PEGGY: Yes.

HANK: So the right thing for me to do is leave, even though you're crying.

PEGGY: Go.

HANK: l'm skeptical, but okay.

at this point i start wondering if hank is neurodivergent & a minor. jk jk this part was funny

[Bobby signing to the baby, exhausted]

COTTON: Bobby, since you're doing all the woman's work around here...be a woman and get me my shin jelly.

BOBBY: G.H. kind of needs me right now. COTTON: So, take him along.Just get the jelly and lather me up.

child abuse, neglect, sexism, etc etc but the biggest crime is making me look at cotton again. LESS COTTON, MORE LUANNE!

DIDI: Bobby, Could you buy me some lottery tickets?

BOBBY: [Screaming] l am a 12-year-old boy. l am this child's nephew. l cannot do this. l cannot do this! [Gives Didi the baby] lf anybody makes any dinner, l'll eat. But that's it. All l'll do is eat!

not gonna say bobby was in the wrong for screaming at didi, since he is just a child & should NOT have been doing any of these things, but DAMN DID THEY REALLY HAVE TO PUT DOWN DIDI EVEN MORE????!?!??

[Baby crying]

DIDI: Baby, stop crying. l.... Oh....l'm tired. [She walks over to Peggy, put the baby on her bed, and leaves]

PEGGY: Didi, are you leaving? No, please. Someone has to watch the baby. Because unless it's flying above my head, l cannot do it,

All right, Help! Will somebody come,,,, Hank!

What? What's wrong?

HANK: l shouldn't have left, right? l had a feeling....

PEGGY: The baby. HANK: Yeah?

PEGGY: lt's crying. HANK: lt's always crying. The baby hasn't stopped crying since it got here.

PEGGY: Just do something!

hank's emotional intelligence is so low that he literally didn't even think there was anything abnormal about a baby that cries 24/7. GUYS, IF UR BABY IS CRYING ALL THE TIME, IT COULD BE IN PAIN OR DYING OR SOMETHING. DON'T BE LIKE HANK.

HANK: [Goes to Cotton] All right. l've had enough, Dad. There's a baby crying in the house.

COTTON: Go fix it. HANK: You go fix it.

COTTON: l ain't getting near that child. He's possessed.

HANK: He's just leaking a little milk. Sure, it's disturbing, but he'll grow out of it.

COTTON: How do you know? Are you a leaker? Are you leaking on me right now, Leaky?

cotton literally does not want this child. child neglect, abandonment. JAIL JAIL JAIL. wait i forgot the cotton yikes counter. what number were we on???????

HANK: You hear that, that silence?

COTTON: G.H. HANK: Something's wrong.

[Dramatic instrumental music. They run back to the room with Peggy and GH]

[Both gasp]

[Baby cooing. Peggy is rocking GH with her toe]

[Gentle instrumental music]

PEGGY: Isn't it amazing? It's the greatest dang feeling in the world.

[Theme music]

everything is ok now because peggy has proven that she is able to serve, hence she has worth again!! the neglect isn't relevant anymore!!! who cares that she was gaslit & manipulated & treated like garbage throughout the whole episode!!!! no one had any genuine care about her health after an almost fatal accident but that's fine!!!!! FUCK DIDI SHE HAS DEPRESSION!!!!

anyway that was a Not Very Nice episode in terms of human decency. the script alone doesn't really capture how heavy it felt; there was lots of ill-fitting music over the scenes that i found disturbing, it was wild! there were some good parts tho. i'm not sure if the writers just hate women with depression, or if it was all intentionally written as an absurdist portrayal of genuine human misery, like an existentialist play. regardless of intent, it was MASTERFUL as the latter. it was a piece of media written with no shred of emotional empathy towards the suffering of its cast. hbo can recreate this episode with the same script & create something incredibly gritty & dark.

anyway 4/10 needed more luanne

[nightowlfandom]

Billy Loomis and Stu Macher x Reader- 27 (Part 2)

Hey beautiful people! SOOOO I got a comment on my last Scream imagine and they said...

ok but like a part 2 where we go picking them all off one by one and tell them what happened to (y/n) before we end them? and the revenge on the parents for it too? make them feel sorry for what they did and expose them to everyone. I mean not forcing but lightly tapping an idea

and....I AM IN LOVE...SO I GOT YOU BRAH 

READ PART 1?

CHECK OUT MY MASTERLIST HERE!

Okay so you know the drill, I will let you know when to proceed with caution.

LEGGO!

... (Picking up directly after the events of part 1)

“...My parents weren’t the most loving people around.” you stared down at your fingertips. “They were overbearing...very controlling...loved to gaslight me from time to time.” you felt a lump form in your throat. “After the Hanna thing, they tried to sent me to boarding school.”

You three sat in Stu’s basement. You sat cross-legged on the floor and Stu and Billy cleaned up the dead body. Stu had given you a rag to wipe the blood off your face and hands. 

“A while back before we all met...my parents weren’t too bad. Then Hanna came along and decided to ruin that for me too. She and her friends dragged me into the woods and beat me up...I was bleeding out everywhere...she told my parents I attacked her...she told them that I-..That I tried to kill her.” you shook your head. “My parents never looked at me the same...like they disowned me without saying they did.” you sniffed.

“What about the others?” Billy ceased his activities to stare at you. He was impressed how well you seemed to be taking everything. 

“ Dylan leaked my friend’s nudes, Jennifer is Hanna’s slave...she was Hanna Number 2 when she couldn’t torture anyone else. Rachel....I just hate Rachel, and Cameron...is my ex.” you explained. “There are others...many others.” you seethed. 

“And we’ll get to all of them.” Stu finished his job of tying Hanna’s legs together. “But first...how do you feel?”

“Like I just killed someone.” you half-joked, bringing your knees to your chest. “Why didn’t you guys tell me?”

“We didn’t want to scare you.” Billy reminded you. “We know how you are Y/N.”

“Still.” you pouted. “It would have been nice to know that you two were behind all this.” you stared at the floor. “Why didn’t you guys...y’know-”

“We wanted to...” Billy dusted himself off. “We tried...then you just had to charm us with that smile of yours.” he bit his lip as he smiled at the thought. “You just had to go and be adorable.”

There he was, standing with Stu hunched over a notebook of possible victims. They had agreed you’d be next, they really did. They had introduced themselves to you and gained your trust, but along the way, your kindness, your willingness to be so vulnerable around then...accepting them (especially Billy) for their flaws, they couldn’t...they wouldn’t.

“Can I help with anything?” you asked, standing to your feet. 

“Not unless you know a place to dump this body.” Billy replied. 

“There’s a lake behind Hanna’s house...” you recalled. “I saw it when my parents used to go over there for dinner.”

“Great!” Stu skipped over and took you in a hug. “So who do you wanna get first?”

“Me? You’re letting me choose?” you stared up at Stu who swore up and down you looked the most adorable you ever have, if that was even possible. 

“This is your list, isn’t it?” Billy casually strode over. He tilted your chin up at him. “Just let us take care of it.”

“...Dylan first.” you concluded. “It’s for my friend...he has to go.” you asserted. 

“As you wish princess.” 

...(The Next Day)

   You trudged away from your parent’s car, doing your usual habits of ignoring them as they saw you off. You saw Billy and Stu waiting for you on some benches. They glared behind you, obviously getting a good look of your parents. 

“Hey cutie.” Stu threw himself at you, hugging you super tight. “How’d you sleep?”

“Shitty...” you mumbled. “Guess who just caught word of Hannas’s...untimely demise.”

“Serves the bitch right.” Billy flicked his middle finger at your parents as they drove off. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Dylan throwing around a football with his friends. His gaze darted in your direction. He looked surprised to see you and Stu so close, so much so that he hesitated to throw the ball back to his friends. “Hey asshole, you got your turn. Hand her over.” Billy flicked Stu on the head as he pulled your out of Stu’s embrace.

“Oh you’re no fun.” Stu laughed, waving him off. Billy wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you to his chest and gingerly trailing his fingers down your back. 

“Hey Y/N...” 

You paused your momentary happy moment when Dylan came jogging up. You pulled away from Billy and faced your friend’s ex-boyfriend. “What?”

“Um...Hey.” he did that douche-bag hair flip. “What’s up?”

“I’m just spectacular.” you grimaced. He was really talking to you like he wasn’t the reason your only other friend switched schools. “Need something?”

“Yeah. I wanted to invite you to my party tonight.”

‘I’d rather-” you began, only to realize the mega opportunity you’d receive. 

“Are your other friends coming?” you shifted all your weight to one side and pretended to absentmindedly twirl your hair. 

“Um...Y-yeah.” he nodded.

“Can my friends come?” you acted oblivious and dumb, the only language he and his friends seemed to understand when it came to women.

“Sure. They can come join the fun.” he winked. “Tonight, 8:00 o’clock.”

“Splendid, you winked. I’ll be there.” 

As Dylan returned to his friends, all of them laughing about the joke they thought you didn’t understand, Billy and Stu stood at your sides.

“You’re killer is showing, love.” Stu kissed the side of your head. “Easy now.” he laughed, even though he knew he was talking complete bullshit.

“I’m gonna have so much fun slitting that one’s throat.” Billy pointed to Rachel. “This is gonna be awesome.”

...(That Night)

You had managed to make it a few hours. Without completely losing your mind. Billy had taken it upon himself to put up him brooding angst-filled sadboi attitude and Stu showed up in his honorary pimp robe. 

Now you all were sitting in a circle, playing stupid games.

“Y/N...truth or dare?” Jennifer called on you next, noticing how quiet you had been.

“Kiss, Fuck, Or Kill. Stu Macher, Cameron Kent, and Dylan Bayle.”

With a bored grin, you looked her right in the eye. She dared you to say you would fuck her boyfriend, little does she know...

“I guess I’d have to kiss Cameron...” you began warmly, recalling how you two used to date. Gross... “And as much as I love pissing you off...I wouldn’t touch Dylan with a ten foot pole...so I’d have sex with Stu.”

A few wolf whistles from the guy chorused around the circle as a few guys pat Stu on the back. Your eyes looked over at Stu whose cheeks were tinted pink. He shot you a smile and a quick wink.

“And you know what that leaves?...I’d kill Dylan.” you smirked, only to put on a front again. Before anyone could say anything else, you all heard a phone ring. Coincidentally, the phone was right next to you. 

“Y/N, get that will you. Put it on speaker.”

“I got you.” you grabbed the phone. “Hello?”

“What number is this?”

“What number are you trying to reach?” you replied.

“I dunno...”

“Sure buddy.” you rolled your eyes as you hung up.

“Okay! Dylan!” Rachel drunkenly asked. “Truth or Dare!”

“Dare baby!” Dylan laughed.

“I dare you to go into the bedroom with Y/N and do something with her!” she laughed. “You can’t leave until you do something!”

“Did anyone ask my opinion on this?” you felt disgusted as the words left your mouth. How much longer were you gonna have to put up with this? “Stu, help me out!” 

“A dare’s a dare, babe.” he laughed as he took another swig of whatever. 

“Ugh!!” you grimaced as you stood up and followed Dylan. You made sure to lightly bump your shoulder against Stu’s as you walked. You two looked eyes momentarily, sharing a discrete smirk between eachother.

The door closed behind you. (PROCEED WITH CAUTION! READ MORE BELOW THE LINE BREAK)

...

You stood there, playing with your fingers as Dylan came up to you.

“You know Y/N...I’ve always liked you.”

“Oh really?” you asked shyly. “W-well why didn’t you tell me?” you half giggled half gagged.

“I couldn’t find the right words.” he reached out to touch your cheek.

Meanwhile downstairs, everyone laughed at the hidden camera footage they were watching. They couldn’t wait to post this to the school’s website. 

“Oh my god!” you screamed at you pointed behind Dylan. Everyone watched as a dark hooded figure creeped up behind Dylan and grabbed him buy the back of his head, digging a knife into his shoulder. Then he charged for you, stabbing you in the stomach...slowly but surely he creeped up to the camera, looking directly at it. “Nuh uh uh~” he sang before he punched the camera, causing the signal to break.

This caused everyone to scream bloody murder and attempted to scream.

Back in the bedroom, you had managed to hear the screaming. “Can I get up now?” you rolled over. “Pretending to die is so weird.”

“Allow me.” Billy walked over and helped you to your feet, ridding himself of his Ghostface mask. “You look good covered in fake blood.”

“Do I?” you fake pouted. Billy didn’t answer and instead kissed you. He held your face in his hands, gently moving his soft lips against yours. He would have went crazy is Dylan managed to get that far. He was glad that he could finally show how he felt about you in a personal way. 

“You do.” he bit his lip as he pulled away.

“W-what the fuck?!” Dylan, who was very much alive looked between you two. “You’re in on this.”

“Oh shut up!” you grabbed Billy’s knife and walked up to him. “Kyla Grayson, who is she?”

“Kyla Grayson?”

“ARE YOU AN ECHO?” you snapped. “Who is she?”

“I don’t know! I swear!” he tried to cower away from you.

“You don’t remember showing private pictures of a young impressionable freshman to your fucking friends?” you glared. “She trusted you...she liked you a lot...and because of you she had to move to a different county.” you raised the knife over your head. “Any last words?”

“SURPRISE!” Stu burst through the door, also dawning a Ghostface getup, only without the voice changer. He was dragging Jennifer and Rachel by the hair.

“You’re just in time for the show.” you said, not looking up from Dylan. 

“Y/N...y-you’re-”

“Don’t talk.” you kept your eyes on Dylan. “I’ll get to you soon.”

(Part 3 will be revenge against your parents)

[madswritingvoid]

Bootlegger

Pairing: Llewyn Davis x gn!reader

W/C: 1.6k

Warnings: Some swearing, sm**ches, but otherwise it’s still just fluff because Llewyn Davis makes me weak.

A/N: Okay so technically I played around with the state of bootlegs and access to recording devices but that’s fine we’re fine.

“Honey, I’m home!” 

You bounce into your apartment, putting the groceries in your arms on the small kitchen counter. Met with silence, you take off your coat and hat and begin looking for that mop of curls you love so much. “Llewyn? Baby? Are you okay?”

You hear shuffling and a string of muttered curses come from your bedroom and smile to yourself, even in your small New York apartment Llewyn could lose himself in whatever new song he was writing or record he just bought. “Hi sweetheart, yeah everything’s okay, just - just stay out there for a second. I was doing some cleaning and now I fucked it up,” he calls out but you don’t listen.

Even though you moved in together five months ago, your one-year anniversary around the corner, you couldn’t get enough of him. If that meant sitting on your bed and watching him clean up whatever mess he’s made, you were more than happy to keep him company.

“Don’t be silly, it’s not like I didn’t know what I was getting into when I moved in. You’ve never been known for being cle-,” you freeze in the doorway. A sheepish Llewyn looks at you from across the room, sat in front of your turntable, every record between the two of you spread out in front of him.

“Honey, why are my records on the floor?”

“Well, I realized we always have my records out and yours just stay in that little crate in the closet… So I thought it would be symbolic or something to mix them together and make it our collection? I’m even alphabetizing them!” He proudly exclaims, lifting up the larger crate of records to show you the letter markers he’s made with cut up cereal boxes. 

Your chest tightens, Llewyn has never been what people may traditionally consider “romantic”, but you loved him with your whole heart and knew he loved you too. Little projects like these may seem trivial to others, but you know this was just another way he was telling you he loves you.

“That’s a great idea baby,” you smile and walk over to the closet to get into some comfy clothes. Your last trip to the laundromat meant your favourite shirt of Llewyn’s was clean and ready for the taking, “why don’t you put something on for us while you keep organizing?”

He hums in agreement as he files through the stack of your records, his eyes immediately lock in on a record in a plain white paper sleeve with just the title in marker. 

L.D. Gaslight ‘65.

“What about this one? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you put this one,” he holds the record up so you can see it from the other side of the room. Your blood runs cold as you Superman leap onto the bed, trying to snatch the record from him, “no no no no!” 

“Whoa, baby! Slow down! We share everything, remember? You got me to admit I like Simon & Garfunkel, I promise whatever this is will not change how much I love you… Unless it sucks, then I might have to judge a little bit,” he teases, flashing you those big brown puppy dog eyes until you sigh in defeat. With a tiny nod from you and a reassuring kiss on the forehead from him, Llewyn carefully places the record on the player.

The comforting first crackle of the needle meeting vinyl fills the room and you’re taken back to that night at the Gaslight. 

Jean begged you to come with her after Jim had to ditch her for an impromptu writing session in the city, still asking her to record tonight’s performers at the Gaslight with his fancy new tape recorder. He thought the next step for their duo would be to record live performances at the lounge, a bootleg of themselves, or some bullshit like that according to Jean. 

“I know you’re not here because you want to be, lord knows I don’t, but I think tonight’s last minute line-up change might help.” You looked up at Jean, brow raised. Last you heard some marines-to-be were taking over the open mic, why would you give a shit? 

There’s a tapping sound against the mic and you can’t help the gasp that escapes.

“Um, ladies and gentlemen, as you can see I am not a group of strapping young marines, but my name is Llewyn Davis and I hope you’ll still enjoy your night.”

Your head whips over to Jean who’s sporting a knowing smirk on her face. Even though she had her own past with Llewyn, she was as supportive as she could be with the new relationship forming between the two of you. The past month was full of you sitting on her and Jim’s couch, gushing over your latest coffee date or poem you found on your bedside table in his rushed scrawl. You had admired Llewyn from afar for so long you dove head-first into being with him.  

You had it bad.

Llewyn’s eyes widen hearing his own voice. “... Baby? Did you make a bootleg of me?” You feel the heat rising until your face feels like it’s on fire but you don’t meet his eyes.

“N-No! Well, technically yes it is a bootleg of you. But I didn’t make it! I was there with Jean and you were performing, and I always thought you had a wonderful voice and we were just starting to talk and you were cute and and and -” he cuts you off with a soft kiss on the lips, pulling back so see the big grin he’s sporting.

“Since you’re so cute I won’t try and come after any copyright,” he laughs placing a reassuring kiss to your forehead, “but now you have to come and listen to this with me, voice cracks and all.” Holding his hand out to you, you slide off the bed and climb into his waiting lap. Your fingers automatically find their place among his crown of curls, Llewyn nuzzling his nose against your neck as you start to gently scratch his scalp.

His set only lasted twenty minutes but sitting in his arms, humming along to your favourite songs as he pressed soft kisses to your neck and shoulders, you could have stayed like this forever.

“Thank you for sticking around. Up next we have Jane Lane, have a good night everyone.”

Knowing what comes next, you try to wiggle out of Llewyn’s grip, but he doesn’t let you go, tightening the arms around your waist. “What’s wrong? Did you catch someone talking shit about my set on the tape?” He chuckles, but you freeze, knowing it’s too late to stop the next part of the recording.

The audience gives a polite but unenthusiastic round of applause. You roll your eyes and wolf whistle, making sure Llewyn knows that someone out there loved what he just did.

“I don’t know why you bother. I get that you’re all goo goo about him now, but come on. He’s a Grade A asshole, always has been,” Jean scoffs as she notices how your eyes still haven’t left Llewyn. 

You don’t even look over at her when you reply, Llewyn’s eyes finally meeting yours from across the smokey bar. You can’t help the large grin you feel coming, him giving you a shy one in return.

“I’m gonna marry him one day.”

The needle yanks itself off the still spinning record and you rush over to the turntable, quickly but carefully putting everything back in its proper place. “Okay, that’s enough of that for the night. They said they wouldn’t include anything after your set finished, but I guess that was a fuckin’ lie,” you mutter. 

Refusing to meet Llewyn’s eyes you go through the motions of putting the bootleg back among your collection and putting on some Simon & Garfunkel to fill the silence surrounding you both. If he had just let you go everything would’ve been fine. You weren’t embarrassed by what you said, but it still made you nervous knowing that he heard it. You tried to play it so cool when you first started really talking, he didn’t need to know you loved him so much from so early on, you didn’t want to scare him away now that you were finally going to that next part of your relationship. 

“Baby,” you will yourself to turn around, meeting those soft brown eyes you love so much. “Did - did you mean that?” 

“That depends,” you shrug, “did it freak you out? Because if it did that’s an inside joke between Jean and me and man is it funny but now’s not the time to start explaining everyth-'' you can’t seem to stop rambling until Llewyn stands in front of you and takes your hands in his.

“Did it freak me out to know the person I would look out for every time I got up there to sing was into me? That I loved you so much from the start and now I know you felt the same? Nah, didn’t freak me out at all,” he places a soft kiss on your lips and wraps his arms around your waist, swaying the two of you to the song playing in your own little dance. 

You don’t say anything after that, both of you just basking in the warmth of your love. There was so much more Llewyn wanted to say to you, but for now he just let himself relax into you. What you said didn’t just make him feel good, it made him feel like the luckiest man in the world.

And it sure as hell made him feel ready to finally show you what’s been in the small velvet box he’s been carrying around for the past two months. 

[imo-chan-imagines]

『 Haikyuu!! Week 2020 | Day 7 』

· Oct. 1st → Fly! ·

Characters: (teams) Karasuno, Nekoma, Fukurodani, Aoba Johsai, Shiratorizawa, (indiv.) Miya Atsumu, Miya Osamu, Aone Takanobu

Prompts: A. free choice!

Tags/warnings: Haikyuu!! (anime), Among Us (video game), PG, fluff, crack, video games, video game violence/death, headcanons, HaikyuuWeek2020

A/N: Among Us is a bit of a hot meme at the moment (great game. Go and play it/watch other people play it if you can. Get a feel for the game if you somehow haven't already.) So I thought, 'Hey, why not?' I mean, I do need to heal my heart after my Day 6 post, so...

What an amazing week it's been! Well done, everyone! All of my Haikyuu Week 2020 posts are SFW, but there's a little treasure trove of NSFW on my blog, too. Please peruse to your heart's content. Thanks for reading! Please enjoy! ♡

Haikyuu boys / playing Among Us

☆ Karasuno ☆

Literally the loudest games you'll ever witness

You know that grainy, electronic crackle that happens when everybody yells on Discord at the same time? Yeah. That

Kageyama can't lie for shit. It's so obvious when he's lying that it's a genuine miracle if he doesn't immediately get ejected

And he stands in all the wrong places when he's faking doing his tasks 😭😭

But he sounds super suspicious when he's telling the truth, too 😅

Noya and Tanaka buddy up no matter what, and go around trying to clear or murder people together

They also end up fuelling each other's incorrect assumptions

Asahi is way too timid to murder anyone right away, so if nobody dies in the first two rounds, you know it's him or someone trying to frame him...

Daichi is the host and tries to keep order in the lobby...tries someone help him

Hinata: Guys, please stop swearing! Natsu is watching me play!! waahhh 🙈 so cute 😇

Hinata always has to be orange. Don't touch his orange

Ennoshita is the king of self-reporting and getting away with it it just be like that

Kageyama goes around called 'Milk' 🥛

Tsukki tries to big-brain the shit out of it 🤣

He's also hella manipulative as an imposter and refuses to kill Yamaguchi 😭

Suga likes to take out the oxygen/recator and lie in wait for the people who come to fix it he will giggle adorably when it ends up working, which sounds kinda pshyco, ngl 😂

But totally screams at his screen when someone he suspected sneaks up on him and kills him

Yamaguchi low-key prefers the mini games to the actual game 😭😭

And Yachi loves being pink and wearing the little flower in her hair ngl, she nearly fainted the first time she got killed

She doesn't play with them often because it's so loud 😬

☆ Nekoma ☆

Kenma streams the gaming sessions on Twitch, and now they kind of have a cult following 🤷‍♀️

These fans be thirsting hard, too like us

Check out my smut headcanons, y'all 🙌

Kuroo is the closest to a genius player you're ever going to see

He does his tasks fairly efficiently, he's good at remembering layouts and people's movements, he calculates the timings of his kills with terrifying accuracy, defends himself pretty well, whether he's lying or not, can gaslight the entire lobby into sussing an innocent person, and pieces together other people's lies with surprising ease

Do not cross Kuroo. He's scary at this game. He's not the Scheming Captain for nothing, y'all

Lev is the kind of person to vent right in front of someone by accident, which is so awkward, but so funny 😂

The entire team must wear the bear ears hat. Yes, that is a rule

It's the closest to cat ears they have right now....

Kenma is pretty quiet when he's playing. He doesn't normally play online games, but his streams took off on Twitch, sooo~

Kenma also has radar ears and can somehow detect when people are lying, but waits until he has proof to accuse them he smart 🤓

☆ Fukurodani ☆

'Whoever Talks the Loudest is Right' mentality 😂

And Bokuto will defend himself at the volume of an air raid siren

Akaashi stays as quiet as possible so he doesn't give anything away

When Bokuto starts sussing people, it turns into something out of Ace Attorney like, chill tf out, man 😂

But his guesses are normally completely wrong

Akaashi sets good parameters for the games, because he's sensible

If Bokuto is given the chance to host the lobby....he will set one task each, put everyone at 4x speed, give the imposter zero cooldown time, and sit back and watch the chaos

Whenever somebody doesn't have an absolutely airtight alibi–

Bokuto: That's hella sus, bro

Lots of childish nicknames, because...well, they're all mentally six years old

Except Akaashi, who has a higher mental age than all of them combined

Let me just say that when Bokuto and Kuroo play together, shit gets so funny

When one of them is an imposter, they will literally vent in front of the other one and trust them not to out them 😂😂

☆ Aoba Johsai ☆

Iwa-chan can always tell when Oikawa is lying, and constantly calls him out on it

Iwa: That's his lying voice. Shitty-kawa is lying. He's the imposter. Vote him off

Oikawa: IWAAA-CHAAAN D:<

Because Iwa's right about Oikawa when he is the imposter, it makes it easy to frame him when it's actually Iwa who's the imposter

And no-one believes Tooru 😭😭

Kyoutani has no chill as an imposter

He just murders everyone on sight, right in front of people, too

Kindaichi tends to accuse people with very little evidence, but his instincts are weirdly accurate

Oikawa gets killed almost immediately every game, so if he isn't dead two emergency meetings in, he's 100% an imposter 😭😭

He then goes around as a salty ghost when he's killed off, mumbling to himself about injustice as he refuses to do his tasks and watches the people who voted him off get murdered one by one

Not that anyone's holding a grudge 🙄😂

Oikawa refuses to be purple and always kills whoever is purple first because it reminds him of Ushijima 😭😭

☆ Shiratorizawa ☆

Ushijima refuses to play if he can't be purple give it back. N O W

And it takes him a long time to get used to the game and the rules

'Why are the lights off? What are these tasks? Why is that one flashing at me? Where is med bay? Why can I use this vent? What's this big, red button for?' etc.

You get the idea. Toshi = big noob

He doesn't really understand the concept of lying, either...

He keeps forgetting to mute himself and ends up saying some very incriminating stuff over the mic which has everyone in literal tears from laughter

Tendou is a sneaky S.O.B, using those vents like a pro and gaslighting perfectly innocent people he's a little bloodthirsty, too 🤫

And his initial guesses about who's the imposter are almost always 100% correct Guess Monster, y'all

Goshiki goes around trying to clear people by watching them doing their tasks, especially Ushijima

But then he gets called suspicious for hanging around people too much

The first time an emergency meeting was ever called, Ushijima literally asked "Why is my name in red?" much to everyone's amusement

Everyone's scared of Ushijima when he follows them, but it normally turns out that he just doesn't know where he's going

Shirabu tends to lose his shit when people start accusing him and he's innocent, and will never EVER trust a word that comes out of Goshiki's mouth

Speaking of, Goshiki and Shirabu – boy, do they bicker like eight year-olds, wasting entire voting rounds just arguing with each other 🙄😭

So everyone else decides to vote off one, and then the other at the next meeting 😭😭

Misc.

☆ The Miya twins ☆

Atsumu puts 100% trust in Osamu not to kill him, even if he is the imposter

How could he? He's his brother. His twin. His other half. They share a unique bond–

And then he screams in betrayal when Osamu slaughters him mercilessly 😂😂

Osamu is unaffected by the sudden outburst from his brother's room

Put them together as an imposter duo, though, and you're in for some trouble

They often win by executing a perfect double kill

And they're both pretty good at lying, but Osamu will not hesitate to throw Atsumu under the bus and vote him off if he's being too suspicious or the lobby has turned against him 😂

Ah, the bond of brotherhood 😂

☆ Aone Takanobu ☆

Aone doesn't talk very much

But when he does, his voice is so low and even that nobody ever suspects he's the imposter

I'm thinking like Corpse Husband, if you've seen him playing with Pewds and the gang

It doesn't really occur to people that he could be lying. He seems so trustworthy and honest

Finds it very hard to blame anyone else, though

Is fairly decent as doing his tasks as a crewmate, but it takes him a long time to remember the layouts of the ships

Almost never gets voted off the ship

© imo-chan-imagines 2020

[thedevilsruby]

Business, Torture and Pleasure (Clierra multi chap fic)

Sierra is a Team Rocket Leader who has it all: A great job with amazing pay, a nice apartment and the envy of Team Rocket Grunts. The downside? She must submit to her lustful boss Giovanni to keep it all. Will she find love in her coleader Cliff or will it fall apart at Giovanni’s hands?

Warning: This fic will contain sexual abuse, sexual assault, physical abuse and gaslighting. You have been warned.

(Chapter One) (Chapter Two) (Chapter Three) (Chapter Four) (Chapter Five) (Chapter Six) (Chapter Seven) (Chapter Eight) (Chapter Nine) (Chapter Ten) (Chapter Eleven) (Chapter Twelve) (Chapter Thirteen) (Chapter Fourteen) (Chapter Fifteen)

Chapter Sixteen: It’s Over...Or Is it?

“Where’s Sierra?” Cliff growled. “I know you have her!”

“Oh Cliff, I have no idea what you’re talking about!” Giovanni exclaimed. “You dare accuse me of keeping a secret?”

“Don’t give me that Tauros crap!” Cliff roared, punching that bastard’s desk. “Where. Is. She?!”

“You really wanna know?” Giovanni asked. “You’re on speaker.”

“Cliff!” Cliff relaxed slightly as he heard Sierra sob, but his heart broke at the crack in her voice, she was crying.

“Sierra, are you hurt?!” He asked.

“No, but I need you!” Sierra cried out. “Please help me!”

“Just you wait, gorgeous, I’m coming!” Cliff said, holding her good luck charm against his heart, hoping it would help him find her. “Where are you?”

“We’re in-!” A cry and a smack were heard, flaring Cliff’s already short temper.

“Don’t touch her, you fucker!” Cliff yelled.

“You want to see her alive, don’t you?” Giovanni sneered, ignoring Sierra’s protests to come back and let her talk to Cliff in the background. “Come to the unfinished building on the intersection of Smeargle Road and 6th Avenue.” 

Cliff tried to calculate in his head, the only sound he heard was his heart pounding out of his chest. Finally he remembered. “The one they’re working on near the mall?”

“That’s correct. Meet me there and I’ll give you the girl as long as you do what I say.” Giovanni smirked.

“You better not be lying.” Cliff snarled.

“I’m not. Just go.” Giovanni scoffed.

Cliff hung up with a snarl. He raced back into his truck and sped down the road, clutching the tail close to him. He was going to save her, no matter the cost.

Giovanni turned to the sobbing Sierra, who had her eyes in her hand, the other clenched into a fist. He smirked. “Your knight in shining armor is on his way. Too bad you’ll never see him again after this.” 

Sierra gasped, looking up at him with a glare. “Don’t you hurt him!” She yelled, pounding the ground with her fist.

“See you later, my favorite lady! I’m off!” He called back, walking away and closing the door behind him. Sierra desperately pulled at her cuff, looking for anything that would help her get it off.

“Come on, come on!!” She screamed in desperation, looking for a nail or anything to help her unlock it.

She looked at the end table that was next to her bed, she opened the drawer frantically and gasped as she saw a set of bobby pins.

“YES! THANK YOU!” She giggled out of relief, grabbing one and jamming it into the lock, trying with all her might to unlock it. Finally the cuff came loose and she rubbed her ankle quickly before getting up and running as fast as she could to the door, almost tripping but getting back up.

“DON’T YOU TOUCH HIM!” She screamed, running around and looking for Giovanni and the exit. “This must be his mansion.” She concluded, then widened her eyes as she remembered the conversation.

If this was his mansion, then the construction site had to be down the street! She always remembered he would brag that he would get his suits from the finest retailer and everyone knew the most expensive was at the mall.

Finding the stair case, she ran down and gasped as she saw his car pulling out and away. “NO!” She shrieked, running down, almost falling but gripping the railing.

She ran out the door with a glare. She was going to be the one to save Cliff.

Cliff got out of his truck with a glare, looking around at the unfinished building. “Where the hell are you?” He muttered to himself, being on the watch out for any movement out of the corner of his eye.

“Sierra?” He called out, in case she was nearby. But he got silence in reply. “Sierra, if you’re here, I need you to tell me.”

Sierra was there, she got there just as he said that, she smiled in relief and tears filled her eyes. She had never been so happy to see him!

“Cliff-!” She was about to squeal and run into his arms, but she gasped and hid behind a piece of unfinished wall as headlights blinded her. Giovanni exited the car, that stupid smirk on his face.

Cliff gritted his teeth as he saw the bastard. “Where’s Sierra?!” He screamed.

“Oh, she’s not here.” Giovanni sighed. “She’s...got her hands tied.”

“YOU SON OF A BITCH!” Cliff roared, ready to charge at Giovanni and beat the daylight s out of him.

“Ah ah, Cliff.” Giovanni chided, wagging his finger as if he were scolding a child. “You want to see her alive right?”

“Yes.” Cliff snarled, stopping himself and taking a deep breath to calm himself for Sierra’s sake.

“Then here’s what you’re going to do,” Giovanni stated,  folding his arms behind his back. “You’re going to quit and leave me and Sierra alone.”

“LIKE HELL!” Cliff screamed, loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear.

“Silence!” Giovanni yelled.

Sierra had enough. she picked up the lead pipe that was by her and clenched it. “This is it. No going back. For Cliff.” She whispered.

“Sierra and I are going to lead a happy life! She’s going to provide me with an heir, a proper one! Unlike that failure, Silver.” Giovanni practically spat his only son’s name. 

“She’s not someone you can own!” Cliff snapped.

“She’s my property and I’ll do what I want with her!”

“I am NO ONE’S PROPERTY!”

Giovanni whirled around, only to be hit in the head with a pipe as hard as Sierra could deliver.

It was enough for him to be dazed for a moment before falling unconscious. Cliff’s jaw was dropped in shock before snapping out of it, catching Sierra in his arms as tightly as he could as she jumped into them.

“Sierra!”

“Oh Cliff!” She sobbed, hugging him as tightly as she could. “I thought I would never see you again!”

“I’m so glad you’re safe!” He exclaimed, gently taking her cheeks into his hands and looking at her. “Did he hurt you?”

“He slapped me, nothing he hasn’t done before.” She said, the something hit her. “You...You came here to save me.” She whispered, looking into his eyes.

“Of course I did.” He whispered back, leaning their noses together. “I love you.”

Her heart nearly stopped and her breath hitched, her whole world froze.

Did he just say what she thinks he just said?

“W-What?” She asked, barely able to speak.

He smiled gently and brushed their lips together. “I love you, truly. You’re the only woman I’ll ever want. If you’ll have me.”

Sierra smiled and her eyes filled with tears. When was the last time she was this happy? “I love you too!” She exclaimed, crashing her lips onto his, wrapping her arms around his neck.

A groan from Giovanni was heard and she broke the kiss off with a glare down at him. “Shut up!” She screamed, giving him a kick in the shoulder.

“I’ll call Jenny.” Cliff chuckled, getting his phone out.

Epilogue (Warning, NSFW ahead):

One Year Later...

Sierra panted, biting her lip. “Cliff!” She moaned, throwing her head back.

“Oh, Sierra...” Cliff groaned, hands on her hips.

Their two story, four bedroom house wasn’t even close to being fully unpacked. boxes were everywhere and furniture was askew, yet to be arranged.

“Oh Cliff, yes!” She squealed as his hands moved from her hips to her breasts, cupping and massaging them. “Oh baby, I’m close!”

“I am too,” He breathed, gripping her hands into his. “Together.” 

“Always.” She sighed, leaning down so she could brush their lips together.

With a near scream, they finished, Sierra panted as she plopped onto Cliff’s chest. He hugged her close, stroking her hair with an airy chuckle.

“Maybe we shouldn’t have set up the bed first.” He said. “We don’t even have the sheets and stuff on it yet.”

“You should have known I couldn’t resist you.” She giggled, kissing his nose. “I just had to have you.”

“You’ll always have me.” He stated, kissing her nose back. “That ring proves it.”

Sierra smiled down at the heart that held half an Ametrine and half a Sapphire on her left ring finger. 

Their birthstones.

It was held by a silver band and it fit perfectly on her. She loved it and him. “I can’t believe we’re getting married in a year.”

“I know. Everyone will be there. Including our new bosses, Candela, Blanche and Spark.” Cliff smirked. Ever since Giovanni had been arrested and after Sierra came out, other women had spoken up, claiming he has sexually abused and harassed them too, earning him a good long sentence with no bail.

“Arlo’s going to be there too, of course.” Sierra smiled.

Arlo had apologized to Sierra for not taking the situation as seriously as he should have. Sierra forgave him and now he works for Valor again, having made amends with Candela. He meets with them a few times a week to have lunch and catch up when he can when he’s not doing field research.

“Okay, we really should unpack.” Cliff chuckled, sitting up and holding Sierra in his lap.

“Right.” She giggled, grabbing his plaid and putting it on. “Gorgeous, I am going to run out of plaids because of you.” He teased.

“Live with it.” She teased back, hugging it close.

“Oh I will.” He said, pulling her close and kissing her passionately. 

They were free.

Or so they thought...

Giovanni sat in his cell, tossing a tennis ball at the wall and catching it with a glare.

He had been in this hellhole for a year. Nothing but crappy food, crappy people and a crappy life.

He was so lucky they allowed him to keep his Persian.

Damn that Sierra and Cliff.

A man in a suit came up to his cell door, catching his attention. he stopped throwing the ball, letting it land on the floor with a thud.

“Is it done?” He asked, standing up.

“It’s done.” The man said with a nod. “Within two years, you should be out on good behavior.”

Giovanni frowned. “Was two years really all you could do?”

“It’s either that or wait five years.” The man said.

“I’ll take it.” Giovanni shrugged, sitting back down. “Thank you. I’ll pay you back when I get out.”

The man simply nodded and walked out. Giovanni began formulating a plan, trying t think of the worst ways he could hurt the two who ruined his life.

“You better watch out in two years, Grossbergs.” He snarled. “I’ll be waiting.”

--

DUN DUN DUN.

Y’ALL THIS WAS MY FIRST MULTI CHAPTER FIC IN YEARS AND I FINISHED IT.

Thank you all so so so so much for reading, commenting, and the helpful suggestions!

Huge shoutouts to @whatsupwithjinx for helping me figure out details when this was in development, @bloodcountessbathory for being patient with me and helping me a lot with the plot and my friend Phantos and my boyfriend for always reading this and telling me what they liked!! Y’all are my rocks and I appreciate you!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Now...be on the look out for the sequel: Blood Ties! Coming soon!

[thisselflovecamebacktome]

My personal connection with Taylor’s discography, part one: It’s Time To Go

No more “official” meanings for music. The world has progressed past having to consider “official” meanings of songs. I’m kidding... partially. Obviously I love connecting the dots with Taylor’s music as much as the next Swiftie, but my favourite aspect of listening to music is the emotional relatability of transferring it to events in my own life. I have also unfortunately been ridiculed for relating to romantic songs in non-romantic ways and so forth. So I’ve decided in a bid to normalise personal relatability to songs and just generally get my thoughts out there, I’m going to write out what these songs mean to me and how. Also a special shout out to @cowboylikedean who inspired this series with how Folklore and Evermore has been helping zir recover from zir heartbreak over the Supernatural ending.

Anyway, I’ve decided I’m working backwards with these because why not? I should probably also note that unless there are lyrical changes in a repeated part (mostly choruses), I’m only going to include each of those parts once as a way to reduce repeating myself. So let’s get started.

It’s Time To Go

As a whole, this song is a reassuring comfort that despite seeing my tendency to leave as a flaw caused by the trauma of staying too long in the past, it typically has served me well. Though, like many of Taylor’s songs, It’s Time To Go mostly reminds me of my family, there are aspects of past friendships that I definitely feel like I dodged a bullet with by leaving.

When the dinner is cold and the chatter gets old, you ask for the tab

To me, this line reminds me of my father and my relationship before I cut him off. Despite feeling like I was his favourite child for most my childhood, communication between us started breaking down in my teen years. By the time my family fell apart when I was 20, I felt like seeing him weekly for lunches was a chore I was doing ‘for old time’s sake’. As a whole, despite loving him, there was just no longer any common ground and it showed with most of that time being spent in awkward silences or silently nodding along to things we didn’t understand that the other person said until I guiltily gave my ‘well I guess I better be heading home’ line.

Or that moment again he's insisting that friends look at each other like that

When I was in my teen years, I was in an (partially non consensually sexual) abusive friendship. This line brought me right back to the beginning of that friendship when I’d vocalise that I, a person with a history of sexual violence before that, was uncomfortable at the way he would sexualise me or stare lustfully at me. And you guessed it, every time he’d try to gaslight me into thinking I was just making it up and ‘friends look at each other like that all the time’. This line also has a tinge of regret for me because looking but I wish I had accepted that it was time to go then as opposed to staying which led to the abuse.

When the words of a sister come back in whispers that prove she was not in fact what she seemed. Not a twin from your dreams, she's a crook who was caught

So these lines are interesting to me because outside of the generalised outro, it is the only part of this song that relates to two completely unrelated scenarios.

‘When the words of a sister come back in whispers to prove she was not who she seemed, not a twin from your dreams’ reminds me of the members of my family I thought I was close to growing up. Like these people spent my whole life telling me I was their favourite, telling me they’d provide if I needed anything and just generally put so much extra time and effort into me than my cousins and siblings. Then, when I begged for help, refused to even check in on me when my sister left and then told me they’d rather watch me starve and be homeless than step in and push my father to do the right thing by my mother, brother and I.

‘When the words... come back in whispers that prove she was not in fact what she seemed, she’s a crook who was caught’ meanwhile reminds me of an ex acquaintance from university. While I was not super close with her, she seemed decent enough so I introduced her to another now ex friend of mine in hopes that if I ever held events, I wouldn’t have to worry about her because she’d know at least one other person. While seemingly a small thing, this was a large step for me given how much the abusive friend mentioned above fucked me and past friendships up to the point this was the first time in six years I was introducing friends that hadn’t previously met to each other. And this girl knew that. She also knew that I was in a very vulnerable state given I had just cut off my father and was in between medications. Despite this, she spent the week she knew this other friend doing everything she could to fuck up our friendship and convince me that this other friend didn’t like/trust me, and unfortunately it worked.

That old familiar body ache, the snaps from the same little breaks in your soul. You know when it's time to go

This line feels very self explanatory. Sometimes you just need to trust your gut, even if it fucking kills you. Very much ‘I think I’ve seen this film before, so I’m leaving out the side door’ vibes.

Twenty years at your job then the son of the boss gets the spot that was yours

So to me, this line reminds me of the way my parents pinned my sister and I against each other, and in turn the resentment that causes when thinking about how I felt like I was damn near to the perfect daughter, stuck around for the ‘ugly’/hard parts that she didn’t and did everything I could for my parents and family in general just for everything to still revolve around my sister. Like my father chose ‘her’ (more like chose his own dishonesty and knew she’d put up with it for financial gain whereas I wouldn’t), my mother’s whole life revolves around her hurt for my sister rather than trying to have a relationship with me and my sister still got all of the support from the family despite being the one in the wrong. But here’s the thing, as much as I want to be bitter at her, she was a child when everything happened and couldn’t help that she was put in a good position and I wasn’t. It was the ‘boss’ of my adult family that chose that and that’s where the blame lays here.

Or trying to stay for the kids when keeping it how it is will only break their hearts worse

Ironically this line pretty much means the opposite to me. Like to me, this was how I felt trying to juggle relationships with both my parents after they split. Like my mother felt betrayed every time I went to see my father even though it was a precondition for him giving her money when he finally agreed to, and my father felt betrayed that I was his favourite yet opted to live with mum and support her. It was a lose/lose situation and the longer it went on, the worse the pain was for all three of us.

Sometimes giving up is the strong thing

Giving up on the abusive friend above was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. After having experienced the suicide of a close friend the year before, I had admittedly grown a supergirl complex where I felt like I had to save everyone, and knowing that this abusive friend was suicidal and still walking away despite my fears that he’d die in a way he wouldn’t have if I just stayed tore me apart emotionally and made me feel like I had failed and been weak as a friend. But ultimately it was the strong thing because I had to leave all my friends from that group behind as a result and start again.

Sometimes to run is the brave thing

So in the theme of ‘I’ve had to restart my life too many times from leaving everything behind’, we have the beginning, the first time I stood my ground and refused to go back to a situation that I was upset in. In sixth grade (final grade of elementary school where I am), I had an outburst with one of my friends about how I felt like I was her comedy/emotional punching bag. Her response? Make the whole year barring one guy hate me. That guy and my friends in the year below also got targeted for their choice to stay friends with me. By the end of the year, things started cooling down and she asked me to go to the same high school as 99% of the rest of the year and remain friends. I didn’t. I instead went to the opposing school with the bad reputation despite the idea of knowing no one and being alone scaring the shit out of me. Granted looking back it was kinda dumb to be scared given that I went from having 40ish kids in my year to like 120 (and would have been more if I went to that other school) so wouldn’t have had to deal with the false ultimatum of her or being alone anyway, but at the time it was a massive deal for me and the bravest thing I would do until leaving that abusive friendship years later.

Sometimes walking out is the one thing that will find you the right thing

Basically this just encapsulates leaving both friendship groups from above. Like leaving the elementary school group allowed me to find people who I didn’t feel I had to pretend around in high school and then leaving that high school group found me people who had common interests and wanted to challenge and grow beside me. In general, it really doesn’t feel like much is going well in my life right now, but the one thing I can say is that I finally feel like I am in a place where every friend that I have put effort into is meant to be in my life and deserves to be and I don’t feel like anything is missing on that front. So maybe it took 23 years, but at least I got there.

Fifteen years, fifteen million tears begging 'til my knees bled. I gave it my all, he gave me nothing at all then wondered why I left. Now he sits on his throne in his palace of bones praying to his greed. He's got my past frozen behind glass but I've got me

Family, family family. Quite frankly, I think these parts I wrote in an unsent letter to my father explain it best.

“And I’ve had to do it alone because the literal years I spent degrading myself into feeling like the child this family made me out to be and begging for an ‘adult’ to step in and help were met with apathy and in your case, fake apologies. And then each and every one of you has had the nerve to act like I abandoned you or that I am a thoughtless child who only won’t see you because mummy said no.”

“You have taken every part of my family, my mental health and potentially even my future away from me, and whether you care or not, that’s something you and I both have to live with for the rest of our days.”

I spent my whole childhood/very early adulthood seeing the signs of my sister slipping from us and trying to prevent exactly what ended up happening. I spent the following three years begging for people who could fix it to do so. And then when they refused, I somehow became the villain and ‘insane’ and ‘not a family person’ for leaving.

But at the end of the day, they lost a person that would have loved and done anything for them for a lifetime. I left with my self-respect, only losing fairweathered people who only liked the idea of me anyway.

And you know, you know, you know, you know when it's time to go. So then you go. You just go...

Going back to the main theme, sometimes you’ve just gotta trust your instincts and take that first step knowing you’re doing the right thing for yourself and walking towards what you need.

[romancevsreality-blog]

vanderpump rules, season six, episode one: how can we be given lala if they won’t give us lala?!

Well, well, well.

Well, well, well.

Well, well, well, well, well.

Welcome back to Romance vs. Reality, the trashiest blog on the internet (well, at least like, top 10, depending on your definition of ‘trashy). If you’re new here, welcome. I’m Amanda, I’m going to be your tour guide over the next twenty-or-so weeks as we observe the cast of Vanderpump Rules in the wild. At this point, Jax is so old he needs to be examined both for health reasons and because it makes no sense that a narcissist drug addict has made it this far without someone putting glass shards in his food. Never let anyone make you feel bad for enjoying this garbage - consider it an anthropologic study in gaslighting.

God, I love this show. I missed it terribly.

The episode opens at Madame Siam for Scheana’s birthday party. It feels very Lars and the Real Girl for Scheana to be holding a birthday party considering masks are sharp and she might get a hole and let all of her air out. Hot Take: did Scheana get all of that work done in hopes Ryan Gosling might fall in love with her? That’s not how that movie worked. The party is clearly masquerade themed because of all the pink lighting, Tom Sandoval pulling out the best of his Liberace Collection 2017, oh, and the masks. Can’t forget the masks1. There’s drama in the air - quick cut to an uncomfortable looking Lisa Vanderpump, Kristen making sure she’s featured in the season by yelling at Jax of course, and Jax had sex with someone that wasn’t Brittany and Brittany’s mad as hell about it.

A producer flat out asks Jax if he cheated on Brittany.

A few days ago I was talking to Hillary2 about how I was nervous for this season because it seems like from social media that everyone’s hunky dory and getting along and all I want in the world is a Lala/Stassi/Scheana vs. Kristen and Katie showdown but that’ll never happen now because Stassi’s an unlikeable idiot with no idea of what’s best for her. Hillz, I take my fears back. This season is going to be awesome.

And now, for an early Christmas present: THIS VANDERPUMP RULES OPENING CREDITS.

It opens with Brittany, Jax, and Stassi. Jax has fully embraced the Matt Lauer “I’m Going Bald But I’m Trying To Get Ahead Of It By Shaving My Head” Mentality3. Brittany should sue whoever decided to put this tiny busty gal in a paisley handkerchief romper with a jeweled neckline. Lisa Vanderpump, we are coming for you and all your coint. Are these the new Sexy Unique Restaurant uniforms, because these are the worst ones yet. Stassi’s wearing whatever dress she found on FashionNova4.

Ariana’s got a new haircut that had she not parted it the way she did could either look like All-American Dora The Explorer or… ahem, Rosamund Pike in Gone Girl. Instead she looks like… well, she looks like a hotter version of Louise Linton, which I think Ariana would be horrified by. I SAID HOTTER, ARIANA. DON’T BE MAD AT ME. Tom Sandoval is still #1 in my heart and soul and looks super cute in the opening credits, so I can’t say shit for once. Scheana, looking the most human she’s looked since undergoing her RealDoll Transformation5 is wearing a black and blue version of the handkerchief romper from hell and I miss her short hair again. I spent all this time last season ragging on her for not looking real and all of her messiness and here I am like “BUT I LIKED YOU THE WAY YOU WERE”. I’ll never be happy, and neither will Scheana. We’re a match made in plastic heaven.

Katie just looks so awful in the credits I wonder if she pissed off the same producer Kristen did last season when they made her look like she smelled a shart. This time, Katie and Tom are halfway through a half-hearted spin left over from the dance classes they probably took for their tacky wedding and Katie’s face looks like the face you have when you’re spinning without a care. It’s not a good look and Tyra Banks would be offended. Tom is wearing a teal suit. I missed Tom Schwartz almost as much as I missed Sandoval, but that’s because I genuinely worry about him.

Lala in the opening credits is Rita Ora in this photo. Lala is as much of a try hard and is about as successful as Rita Ora, so that makes sense. All she needs is blonde hair and a red lip and she’s got a signature6. At first when she came on screen I was like YAS LALA YAS and then I paused and it’s… not great. Remember how fresh and beautiful she was in her first season and now she’s over plumped her lips so they look like a butthole? That plus the nude latex dress, girl looks like a condom. Like a condom that somehow got mascara smudged on it. DJ James Kennedy, MFA, is delivering a fresh spray tan and cheekbones for days. I’m pretty sure he put makeup in his chin dimple to define it. These people are so vain. And then there’s Kristen, who looks just as awful as last season except now she’s in sequins. She doesn’t look like she smells a shart this time, though, she just looks like she’s drinking out of a straw, and not in the cutesy way. In the way that you do when you’re drunk at the bar and trying to catch the straw in your mouth without using your hands but it keeps going around and around and around and around...

Lisa Vanderpump couldn’t be bothered to come back to record a new cocktail-grabbing opener so she’s wearing the same pink satin shirt with a black tie for whatever reason.

I missed this show.

The episode begins with our quintessential generic pop music, and we’re at Sexy Unique Restaurant and Lounge. It’s two days before the party in the opener, and these people are pretending they still do these jobs - Brittany is bringing over pineapple mojitos without using a tray, Katie and Scheana are taking ordersTom Sandoval is complaining about Strawberrinis or whatever portmanteau Lisa Vanderpump is claiming now7. We’ve learned that Sexy Unique Restaurant has been open ten years and now it’s mature. I guess serving Chilean Sea Bass and selling $10 goat cheese balls is maturity?

Jax is celebrating his two year anniversary with Brittany and is claiming to have been 100% faithful to her the entire time. Their relationship has grown in the six months since they went to Kentucky together, a show I deliberately did not watch because… why? Why would I do that? I consider the 4.5 years I spent getting my undergraduate degree in Kalamazoo, Michigan to be the height and extent of the time I need to spend around trashy people. I didn’t watch Honey Boo Boo or Jersey Shore, I have zero interest in reading one of the thousands of articles on Trump Supporters and their ignorance. My threshold for trashiness is full.

I mean, I write a blog about Vanderpump Rules and The Bachelor. I’m two steps away from thinking Olive Garden is the epitome of classiness8.

Scheana is putting glassware away because people at Sexy Unique Restaurant are totally the type to drop a tray and be like “thanks for helping!!!!” and run back to their sections. Restaurant people are an interesting breed. Scheana’s not sculpting her eyebrows anymore but she’s “so fucking happy” with Rob, her new boyfriend. They were off-and-on for four years before Scheana met Shay, and while it’s been six months since she’s filed, she’s not concerned about how quickly she’s gotten with another guy. This scene is so shoehorned in because we need to hear about Scheana, apaprently. Oh, and she wants to get married again.

Scheana, your birthday party is in two days, they’re basically the same thing.

Tom Sandoval and Lisa are talking about TomTom, the new bar they’re opening with Tom Schwartz and Ken. Lisa and Ken are asking for $100,000 each for an investment, and Sandoval’s like, “duuuuude, that’s a lot of money.” Really, Tom? REALLY? Tom’s got some savings, an inheritance, a rent-controlled apartment, and also a fucking television show.

Ariana’s New Season Development is that she’s got a new Cool Girl haircut! I’m shocked she didn’t say “I’m renewing myself” because I come from the Ramona Singer School of Haircuts where all hairstyles are equated to personal happiness. Sandoval is super into Ariana’s haircut. Disturbingly. Meanwhile, Scheana said something about the number of friends Katie and she had, and apparently that made its way to Katie as “Katie has no friends.” According to Scheana, she intended this to be a compliment, and I hate that I understand exactly what she means by that. Likely that Katie has a small amount of close personal friends and Scheana has a lot of friends she just hangs around. But of course, Katie dealt with this like a normal, rational human being.

Nah, she got on her phone and rage-texted Scheana calling Scheana pathetic and admitting to bullying her last year because Scheana was so desperate to be their friend. Katie is literally the devil, I hate her so much. Katie Maloney-Schwartz and Vicki Gunvalson can dismiss themselves right now. They are out of business. I don’t think I hate anyone in my life9 the way I hate those two and the way they behave on my television and seemingly in real life. I’ve hated Katie since season one of this show when she turned on Stassi because god forbid Stassi not want to be around the guy who cheated on her. Katie is Lily Aldrin from How I Met Your Mother in real life. She’s magnificently self-righteous and self-absorbed. She meddles in people’s lives with her superiority complex which is entirely undeserved, and she views herself as the leader of the group, the one they’re all supposed to look up to.

Fuck off, Katie.

Anyway, Katie interrupts Ariana and Scheana’s shittalking session where it’s glaringly obvious they were just talking about her.10 Scheana takes the gracious time to turn to Katie and tell her she’s not invited to her birthday because “she doesn’t want drama”. Katie’s like, “lol, don’t care” because she thinks it’s Scheana’s fault for turning on her and talking behind her back. She walks away saying “because it’s always my fault,” condescendingly, and both Scheana and Ariana are like “... well, yeah?”

Meanwhile, Sandoval is still thirsting over Ariana and her hair. He’s afraid that Lisa and Ken aren’t going to allow him and Schwartz any input on TomTom and basically just allow them to be the faces and take their money. Sandoval and Schwartz are trying to figure out how to get marijuana into TomTom for some reason and Tom’s anxious that Lisa doesn’t think they’re prepared. Oh, and Lisa and Ken are literally sitting right around the corner and have probably heard every single word he’s said. IT’S THEIR RESTAURANT TOM, and it’s full of scary dark corners. Check first. Be smarter.

Ugh, we’re at Stassi’s apartment. Combined with her gross comments on race earlier this year and gross comments about #MeToo and sexual harrassment, Stassi is cancelled in my book. And it makes me sad because I used to love her. I don’t liek my villains to be vapid. I want them to be smart and educated so their burns come from an actual place of intelligence rather than luck in Stassi’s case. She’s got a new apartment and it doesn’t have central air. Until I moved to New York I didn’t know places didn’t have air conditioners. Call me naive, but I had no idea and realized right quick what a blessing it was that I picked an apartment with central air. I can’t imagine living in LA in an apartment with an air conditioner.

Stassi’s brought Katie over to help her assemble her air conditioner and they’re being “healthy” by drinking strawberry margaritas. Katie’s relaying the story of Scheana’s uninvite to Stassi and they both agree that Scheana was petty AF in uninviting Katie. Patrick and Stassi are back together and this time it seems to be for real. We get an opportnuity for Katie to brag about how happy she is now that she’s forced Tom to marry her. Eyeroll.

We’re at one of the creepiest places I’ve ever seen (and I’ve been to Marvin’s Marvelous Mechanical Museum) - DR DJ JAMES KENNEDY’S “APARTMENT” which is basically just a living room with a sheet hanging from the ceiling and a mattress on the floor. He’s hanging out with Logan, who we are supposed to automatically dislike because he was “banned from Pump for a bit”. Logan’s gay and James’s wingman. Raquel, James’ girlfriend who is basically a squeal personified, is coming back from college and James has missed her. Allegedly. Logan’s immediately dismissed as soon as Raquel arrives and the editing of this episode is so bizarre.

The TomTom space exists! It’s real! Tom Sandoval wants a very specific look - but also wants TVs. He pronounces “nostalgia” incorrectly. Sandoval tells Schwartz about his oopsie with Ken and Lisa and they’re trying to decide how to proceed when they arrive. They mutually decide to pretend ti didn’t happen until Lisa says something. Lisa comes in and immediately condescends to Tomx2, telling them they’ve done a ton of work behind the scenes the boys don’t know about, they’re changing the physical layout of the restaurant wtih staircase. Sandoval is not happy becuase his entire image is changed, but then again, he’s investing a lot of his money. As soon as Lisa’s image has been questioned she’s like “well, it’s my money, I don’t appreciate having my partner talk shit about me after I give them a great opportunity.” Lisa’s fucking pissed and Tom may or may not have fucked it up for the two of them.

I mean, he hasn’t. But it’s about the drama.

Jax and Brittany have also upgraded their apartment and are getting ready for Scheana’s masquerade party with eye mask patches. Brittany talks about walking on eggshells around Jax because Jax is 87 years old and his bones are really fragile. Also he’s a narcisistic monster who is fueled primiarly by carnal pleasure. Meanwhile, Ariana and Tom have purchased a credenza for their apartment and are discussing Lisa going off on Tom. Tom feels bad that having valid questions about his place in the business may have consequences for not only him, but for Schwartz as well. Tom is such a good fucking friend, I cannot.

Schwartz and Baloney are getting ready for Scheana’s party too, and Schwartz has on a Jason mask as his “masquerade” mask. He and Katie have been getting along a lot more since they’ve gotten married but that doesn’t mean Tom isn’t absolutely terrified of her. He’s especially afraid to tell her about what happened with Sandoval and Lisa.

Tom. You should not be afraid of your wife’s reaction to things that can possibly change her life, like losing $100,000. Leave Her.

Schwartz mentions as soon as Stassi comes over that her legs don’t match her face and I cackled. Schwartz is a sassy drag queen. Schwartz is invited to the party, but Stassi and Katie most certainly are not. Of course Scheana saw nothing wrong with inviting Schwartz, and Schwartz sees nothing wrong with going. Hey, if it’s an open bar, I’ll just drnik my enemy out of house and home.

Jax moved into Katie and Tom’s building.

Oh god.

Their poor neighbors.

Meanwhile, Stassi reveals to Tom and Jax that she and Patrick are back together and the two of them are like “well, THAT’s a bad idea.” If Jax Taylor tells you your relationship is a bad idea, run. He literally wrote the book on bad ideas becuase he’s 105 years old. They put a hex on Scheana that she winds up being forced to take a picture on her bad side, which is the kind of petty ass curse me and my friends would put on someone we didn’t like either.

Over at Scheana’s place, it’s amazing to see what her walls look like when they’re not covered in her wedding portraits. She got rid of everything Shay and made her master bedroom into a Glam Room/Walk-in Closet, which is actually my dream. I’d rather be single for the rest of my life just so I can have an extra bedroom for a walk-in closet. This entire segment exists so Scheana can really turn the knife on Shay while telling us how happy she is with Rob and the fact that his dick is bigger.

Ugh. You were an asshole to him when you were together, Scheana, and now you’re an even worse ex.

The crew gets ready for Scheana’s party, and Ariana and Tom are going all-out. Tom literally looks like he reached out to the costume designer from Behind the Candelabra. Where does one find a white silk satin shirt with tassles in 2017? Anyway, apparently Tom ran into a friend, and that friend ran into Faith11, and Faith apparently has slept with Jax. Is sleeping with Jax, possibly, but she definitely at one time at least in recent history has slept with Jax.

No one is surprised that Jax cheated, but everyone is sad that Jax cheated on Brittany. Ariana and Tom are hoping it’s just a rumor but… you know, Jax. It never is a rumor.

Of course Scheana’s birthday party requires a party for entry. Of course that password is “420”, I could have guessed it would have been that or “69.”

At the party, Faith is there! So is Kristen, and DJ James Kennedy, LLC! Jax has developed sympathy for James for some reason, and it’s very odd. Kristen thinks Scheana is moving too quickly with Rob because she doesn’t want a boyfriend, she wants another husband ASAP. I agree, Kristen. It just seems like Scheana and Shay are the types to be in a race to see who can replace the other fastest. Lisa arrives, masked to the GAWDS and ready to judge. She immediately tells Scheana to slow down with Rob because just a few months ago she was all about Shay, too. For Scheana, every guy is The One.

Meanwhile, Jax is talking to some random person about buying a house and his hesitance because, well, he invented the entire real estate market as we know it in 1675. He talks to Brittany about how despite the fact that most people don’t think he should reproduce, he thinks it’s a good idea and hopefully he’ll get to do it with her. At some point. In the very, very, very distant future. He met with a ring designer once to talk aobut the idea of maybe possibly buying a ring some time soon but not anytime soon, so that’s good enough for Brittany!

Stassi, Katie, and Tom are on a triple date, and Stassi acknowledges that it’s weird that she went on their honeymoon with them, but she doesn’t care becuase she’s fun. Stassi says that Scheana’s narcisstic and she’s done with her. Stassi, you never started with Scheana. It’s been six seasons of her trying to be friends with you and you being rude to her and then when she wasn’t interested you flipped out.

Then there’s two scenes in one coverign the same topic. Tom takes Jax aside to ask him about Faith, and Faith is discovered crying alone by DJ James Kennedy ROTC. Faith is afraid to talk to James about what happened because James and Jax are cool now, but she does it anyway. Jax reached out to her on Twitter to hang out, and he comes over to where she’s working taking care of a 95-year-old.

Meanwhile, Tom flat out asks Jax if he slept with Faith and Jax is like “I didn’t sleep with anybody, I’m past that point in my life.”

According to Faith, Jax sweet talked her into banging him and sucked her toes while the 95-year-old woman slept next to them. Jax even went sofar as to ask Faith if she was on birth control and then shrugs it off when she says she isn’t, and guess what? Now Faith’s period is AWOL. James flips out. As did I12.

Jesus Christ, Jax. DID YOU NOT LEARN ANYTHING FROM THE FIRST TIME YOU GOT ANOTHER GIRL PREGNANT ALL THE WAY BACK IN SEASON ONE??????????????

Poor Brittany, though. She doesn’t even get to hear the rumor from Main Cast. She hears it from Jesse, Scheana’s best friend who pops up from time to time, that there’s some “sick rumor” that Faith and Jax slept together. Brittany is shook. She can’t stop saying “... What?” Brittany is pissed, and I love a pissed off Brittany. Brittany asks Schwartz, who is basically like “You know what, if it was true, I would cover for his ass, but even I don’t know about this, so...”

Schwartz is both a great and terrible friend. Schwartz really is the friend you want when you decide to cheat on your partner. Jax goes directly to Faith with Tom and is like “Will you tell Tom we didn’t sleep together?” And Faith flat out refuses to.

I believe Faith, tbh.

I believe Faith not just because I think Jax is an untrustworthy dirtball with zero motivations other than what’s coming from his dick, but because Jax as a proven track record of only lying to cover up his own mess. He will gaslight the fuck out of a woman (see: Stassi, s1 & s2; Lala s4) before he admits to doing something wrong, and when he does admit it, it’s their fault (see: Tom Sandoval, s2). He asked “are you serious?” instead of “What are you talking about?” - if it wasn’t true, he literally would be asking her about that. Instead, “are you serious” seems to be an inadvertent admission - “are you seriously talking about this right now?” He willingly will drag anyone through the mud if it has a slight chance of making him look better. Brittany’s horrified because she’s the last to know and everyone’s been chatting about it. Tom Schwartz is also throwing himself a pity party because everyone’s talking about something and he’s the actual last to know, even after Brittany. Never change, Schwartz.

Brittany’s pissed. She wants to fight someone. She gave up her entire life13 for him and he repays her by cheating. Jax tries to be like “Why would I cheat on Brittany with one of our friends?” and then the producers give us a wonderful glimpse back to 2013 when Jax admitted to sleeping with Kristen. Speaking of Kristen, Kristen still thinks she’s Kristen: Saving Women From Philanderers. She started on this path when Tom and Ariana got together (even though she cheated on him) and maintained it with DJ James Kennedy, MRI, and now she’s turned it back onto Jax.

Effectively, this is what Kristen would like to do to Jax:

Kristen tells Jax to fuck off randomly, basically. She gets her screentime of the episode. Meanwhile, Lisa’s there, consoling Brittany, and even she looks massively disappointed when she learns of Jax’s actions. Kristen’s trying to get Faith back into the party so she can talk to Brittany and Faith has the common sense to say “hell fuckin naw” to that, because those people are not her friends. Jax doesn’t understand why Brittany believes Faith over him, but it’s because it’s obvious - if it wasn’t true, why is Faith avoiding them like the plague? They’re all looking at Jax in his wannabe Hugh Hefner robe and...

Welcome to Season Six, y’all.

This Season, on Vanderpump Rules, or Condom Advocacy 101: Shots! Flips! Go-pro leaps! Lisa and Stassi go to what seems like a cordial meeting! Ariana wants to break up with Tom. Oh, hi Lala! James kissing a guy? Stassi getting dumped by Patrick! Stassi yelling “IT’S MY BIRTHDAY” part 214. Brittany slapping Jax. James getting (probably) a well deserved drink in the face, Jax finally getting told he should be fired, and poor Schwartz’s phone.

See you next week, kittens. Feels great to be back.

Random Thoughts from the Desk of Amanda:

Katie’s pepto bismol pink interview look is not  good look. Lipstick, makeup, the dress- noooo.

Each of the Toms are getting 10% of TomTom for 100k. According to my SharkTank education, TomTom is going to cost $1 milion dollars. Jesus.

So… Faith committed elder abuse and no one’s gonna talk about it?

I would like to never see another masqu-fuckin-rade party on my television again.

Also, though, props to Faith: two seasons ago she was introduced alongside Lala as the New Crew At Sexy Unique Restaurant, and she kind of fell into oblivion while Lala’s star rose. Allegedly Lala threatened Faith with a knife at some point and the editors decided to give Lala a good edit so they left that part out. Get you your camera time, Faith.

Oh my god, Ariana posing in the mirror and then pretending to be “shocked” when Tom told her about Faith LOLOLOL This show.

I do not understand why anyone would have unprotected sex with Jax Taylor in 2017. He is literally patient zero. He is Typhoid Mary.

I also love that everyone is rallying around Brittany for the same thing they turned against Stassi for in season one. If Stassi needed an affirmation that her friends don’t really like her, she was handed one on a platter.

Masks make me claustrophobic, thus masquerade balls are of zero interest to me. I would also make a terrible superhero because of this. ↩︎

Are you listening to our podcast yet? I mean, why not? ↩︎

It says a lot about these men that not even their hairline wants to be near them. ↩︎

In my hiatus I became enthralled by the world of YouTube and Instagram Beauty Gurus and now can pick out a Shein/Fashionnova/Pretty Little Thing/Romwe/Missguided ensemble a mile away. ↩︎

Her skin actually looks like it has texture. It’s making me uncomfortable. Go back to being plastic, Scheana. ↩︎

Call back to my podcast, which again, you SHOULD BE LISTENING TO. ↩︎

Inventing a word shouldn’t make A Brand. ↩︎

May not be classy, but it sure is delicious. ↩︎

Lie. ↩︎

Also, someone ordered an espresso martini and I just cannot with Sexy Unique Restaurant’s glassware. Martini glasses?! Is this 1990s Manhattan on Sex and the City?! ↩︎

The one time we get a black person involved in this show and she fucks JAX?! Jax and Max Todd/Vanderpump. Girl is really trying to hitch her wagon to any star that can carry her. ↩︎

I did love that James was like “I think she’d keep the baby. She would.” A weird game I love to play with myself is “If _____ got pregnant tomorrow, would they keep it?” ↩︎

I mean, you knew who he was when you DM’d him on Instagram, Brittany. It’s hard to feel bad for you when you brought this into your life. ↩︎

Stassi and I’s birthday are a day a part, I wonder if her birthday this year was half as awful as mine was! ↩︎

[thedegenerateasexual]

another big old fuckin rape warning jfc

incest warning too i guess? lmao this book

AN ENTIRE FLASHBACK CHAPTER im not ready

four days after the first encounter and kate hasn't made another move - "But she hadn't moved from the lifeguard perch all week, hadn't even spoken to him. She'd just watched him like a hawk, gaze trained on him, as he'd stroked through the water. One by one the other swimmers had left, and he'd remained behind, torn between disappointment that she hadn't done it again, and complete and utter relief that she was staying away from him."

and then she does: "He swam lap after lap beneath her scrutiny. Then, just as he did one last flip-kick and headed for the stairs in the shallow end, he felt the vibration of her approach in the water. And then she was swimming alongside him. He couldn't believe it. He didn't know what else to do except to keep swimming. What was he supposed to do? ... He thought about all those human, adult things that he hadn't done, that she obviously had—get a job, have a car..."

so then they stop swimming, and she takes his hand:

She smiled at him, much more shyly than he would have expected. She looked down, then peered up at him through her lashes.

"What you must think of me," she murmured.

His heart was pounding so hard he was sure that she could hear it. He had no idea what to say to her, and he also had no idea how to get out of the pool without embarrassing himself.

Except . . . he didn't want to get out of the pool. He wanted to kiss her.

"There's something about you," she whispered. "I've been thinking about you all week. I tried to stay away. I mean, you're a student and I'm . . . well, I'm not a teacher. But I'm close. To being a teacher."

She swirled her fingers through the water. "And this really isn't my style, you know? I don't come on to men like this."

Men. She thought of him as a man. He licked his lips, completely tongue-tied.

what kills me about this is that this is what he does in the show when confronted with kate, or other things that make him uncomfortable (jennifer) - when derek can't think of the right thing to say he goes dead fucking silent. he just plain stops talking. & i'm like devasated at the idea that it's a lifelong habit 

and then, this is the most manipulative part:

"I wish you'd say something," she murmured. "I'm kind of dying right about now. I'm sorry if I misread your intentions. I won't bother you again."

His intentions? Misread them? He was baffled. But then he thought about all the looks he had thrown her way. How he'd glanced up at the lifeguard tower every time he'd made a turn to head down the lane. Maybe he had been sending out signals.

THAT'S TEXTBOOK GASLIGHTING JESUS CHRIST HE'S SIXTEEN

it gets worse! she "assumes" he has a girlfriend and pretends to be all shocked when he says he doesn't because he's "so handsome and all" and then says "look this is happening in such an awkward way i dont mean to crowd you im just drawn to you i cant rly explain it" exCUSE me oh my god and then adds "but i don't want you to think i'm just after, well, YOU KNOW" THAT'S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE but he's sixteen and never had a girlfriend so he doesn't know any better!!!!

so she asks if he wants to go for coffee and show her around and then adds "we'd have to be careful bc outsiders wouldn't understand" i'm pretty sure they'd understand just fine :///

like i knew it was like this but im still so outraged on his behalf jesus

and he's thinking about how he doesn't know any coffee places in beacon hills bc he spends most of his time out of the community but SHE says:

"I think we're both having the same thought," she murmured. "Privacy."

Privacy, as in being careful not to be seen together while they were hanging out? Or privacy as in . . . oh, God, was she serious?

"So we can get to know each other." She pondered a moment. "Would you think I was too forward if I invited you to my apartment? Just for coffee?"

and he's like panicking running through his options bc he wants to go but he's supposed to meet laura and there's only one car - she offers to drive him home, and oh, wouldn't she just love to know where the hale house is - but eventually he just says he needs to check in with his sister first - and she's like, "laura hale? oh dont be startled i made some discreet inquiries about you" and it doesn't trip his creep radar bc he doesn't have any life experiences but holy fuck that's like right next door to stalking

as an aside i don't like how they use wolf as a verb in this book it's weird - he began to wolf, his eyesight wolfed - like nah. no thanks

uhhhhh so derek asks laura to pick him up in 3 hours and she's like "whats in it for me" and he's like "i wont tell dad i saw you frenching josh" JOSH THEIR COUSIN??

the exact words were josh was peter's sister-in-law's kid

that's, uh

i mean that means peter's brother's kid, then, right? which means laura and derek's blood cousin???? alright then

oh god kate came in the locker room in JUST A TOWEL while he was talking he can't get a minute away from her

laura's like "ur gonna go do something slutty with a human aren't you" THIS IS CONTRADICTING SEASON 1 CANON LOL derek never told anybody about kate! laura is super weird in this book if my 16yo little brother was about to go sleep with a teacher i would never be so chill about it

Oh, sweetie, getting your attention is like shooting fish in a barrel, Kate thought as she drove Derek in her car to her apartment. It was across the street from a bar, which, from her point of view, was convenient for when she wanted to hang out with the grown-ups. She was wearing a pair of jeans, heeled boots, and a black low-cut cashmere sweater. I can practically hear you slobbering. It's like you're a big puppy dog and I am a juicy steak.

this dialogue.......

i wasn't like, having the worst time reading this book, it wasn't actually that bad, but jesus

oh my god

"The thrill of this new hunt raced through her. The euphoria of the chase. She never, ever got tired of dangling herself in front of males of all kinds. It was no accident that in ancient Greece, the deity in charge of the hunt was a goddess—Artemis. Beside her, Derek "Aquaman" Hale had his head resting on the back of the seat and his eyes closed. He was really good-looking. This was not going to be the most difficult thing she'd ever done in her life."

good GOD 

so she offers him a drink, and starts with coffee, but quickly escalates to wine: "I like to have a little something to unwind after I'm at the pool, you know? Lucky thing I live across the street from a bar." She said that to goose him a little, remind him she was a woman, with a woman's needs.

and that he's sixteen.

now she's talking about how she doesn't even know if derek and the hales are the wolf pack she's looking for: She had her orders, but she had to be sure. Kill werewolves, and you were a hero. Kill people, and you were a mass murderer. The group she was involved with had detected werewolf activity in Beacon Hills, and she just had a feeling about the Hales. Of course, there were several other large families in the area that might make up the pack she was seeking. Derek's furtiveness and hesitation might have nothing to do with her assignment. There were reasons other than being a werewolf for not wanting to bring home someone who was way too old for you. It hadn't dawned on him to question the motives of a pretty woman who was coming on to him. He believed what he chose to believe.

apparently she has some tragic backstory w/ this? "Menwerewolves and humanswere so simple. They always assumed you wanted them. Some fat man on a couch burping and watching cage matches? Oh, yeah, you wanted him. A guy who threw you around the room and accused you of cheating on him? Oh, yeah, you wanted him. Like a hole through your heart. But the good one? The one that you really did want? A flash of rage roared through Kate, but she kept it at bay. She could feel it trying to take over, like a wolf scratching at her door. Rage was not her enemy. Rage got the job done. In ancient Greece—land of Lycoan, said to be the first werewolf—men who pissed off the goddess Artemis were ripped to shreds by her hunting dogs. Several times a day, Kate dreamed about ripping various people to shreds. Of course, she never acted on it. She left that for others much less able to control their savagery." see, like, if derek wasn't 16, i could buy bad men in her life leading her to want to use men like this, but derek is a boy and she talks continuously about how innocent he is, so like...no slide

i know i'm just doing a lot of copypasta rn but it speaks for itself: "She watched as Sweetie Derek politely moved a packing carton off her sofa and sat down. What a body. Still boyish, but with the sweet promise of a truly splendid man. If she was right about the Hales, Derek would never become a man. Just as he wasn't really a boy. He was a monster hidden inside a human disguise." that aligns pretty well with the "they're all just a bunch of dumb animals to me" shit she talks in 1.11, also, "Sweetie Derek," this is so horrible

she finally pours them wine and leans against the counter to "give him a view" - "She waited for his response. He was staring at her body. Wanting her. Intimidated by her. She loved it." like this is SO BAD AND EXPLICIT she really does just love that he's young and unsure it's FUCKED

so then we switch to derek pov, and they eat like a light lunch of sandwiches with a long awkward silence, and he does a lot of internal monologuing about how cool it would be if she could come home and meet his family and be her mate

which like...i know how teenagers are but he met her five days ago. tbh real grooming, which is definitely what she's doing, takes longer than that, but i guess we were going for brevity here lol

(in this book derek's dad is the alpha? but in season 3 talia is, so i guess they changed werewolves then to be matriarchial like hunters)

like, she's asking him questions about himself - lucky number, favorite color - she asks him if he believes in fate. he keeps clamming up and she keeps trying to get him to talk so she finally asks about his swimming and he blurts out that there's just so much pressure, even though he can't really tell people about his "double life" and she like IMMEDIATELY responds with "yeah ofc there is hs is so rough like the ppl you have to hang out with some are still like babies and some are all rown up and ready for the real world like you" like...this is classic grooming techniques

and he's like flattered and think she's mega hot but he's also really nervous, and when she leans into his space and asks if he's ready: "He set down his sandwich. His heart was about to burst out of his chest. His body was quivering and trembling. He felt as if he were burning up." and he does say yes so i assume they banged but THANK god the chapter cut to black