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moonlight-prose · 3 days ago

Text

RIGHT WHERE YOU LEFT ME

➛ 09. DESPERADO

a/n: i want to say that i waited so long to put this one out because life got unruly and unmanageable and horrid and while that is true that's not why i waited. i don't want this story to end. i don't want to say goodbye to logan and his honey. this fic has meant so much to me the past nine months. it inducted me into a fandom that became a comfort for me to turn to. but it's also my whole entire heart poured into a love story filled with tragedy and pain. and i couldn't bring myself to write its ending. but here it is. the final chapter (excluding the epilogue of course).

summary: time is cruel. time is infinite. time is...you. when you first came across the lonely x-man you never thought he'd carry you through a love that felt as delicate as time. yet there you stood on his front stoop - a different person - asking him to save your life. one last time.

word count: 10k

pairing: logan howlett x f!reader

warnings: EXPLICIT SO MINORS DNI 18+ ONLY!!, angst, and overt amount of angst, heartbreak, arguments, ptsd, superhero training, arguments, mean!logan, laura kinney being amazing, violence, tw: blood, mention of death, love confessions, spit, cum eating, creampie, rough sex, tears, so much crying it's actually concerning, small amounts of fluff (but not really), p in v sex, hope, time.

PREVIOUS CHAPTER | EPILOGUE | SERIES MASTERLIST

"Logan...tell me about your dream."

"I will. I'll tell you everything. Just not tonight."

The crunch of dirt beneath worn tires rocked the old car the harder you pressed on the gas. Speeding down a deserted lonely road felt exactly as you expected. The shitty coffee you bought at a nearby gas station sloshed in its place near the dash—the scent of whatever food you could find on the way here forced you to roll down the windows. All of which were somehow cracked in particular places and squeaked with each movement.

Laura prompted you to bring a jacket. Wade did what he could to loan you a knife (even as you rejected him). Althea gave you the keys to her beat up car—a grin on her face and the reminder of her pistol in the glove compartment. Each offering their own version of a goodbye they never thought might come to pass.

Instability became the makeup of your life, the echo of who you used to be disappearing into smoke and ash with each passing day. The unfamiliar itch beneath your skin screamed between the bars of a cage you trapped it in. You could hear its call—the need to flow between gaps and crevices of your bones. The demand to embed into your veins rang true with fear and agony. Emotions you could taste like fuel on the back of your tongue.

You tried to live with it. Forget that what she placed in your body even existed. And some days you found you could fall with ease back into a version of yourself that once walked this Earth. The normalcy that came with having a job and going home to an empty apartment, the promise of simplicity until the very end.

A person before the other half of his soul carved his way into a dull life.

You could pretend you were anything but a person afraid of their own body.

Terrified of the mind ravaged by centuries you had yet to live; by the promise of one day outliving Death.

You could separate yourself from the memory of him, from the hope that he would come find you. But when fate's distinct grasp yanked harshly at your psyche it returned. Flaring to life with a vengeance that would linger long after you managed to capture it again—forcing it into the darkness with a snarl. It pulled you through time, fought with tooth and nail to find space in a still healing body.

After finding yourself in the X-Men mansion thirty years in a future you barely recognized, you knew the short span of time spent ignoring it was rapidly coming to an end.

"Send her here."

"I'll keep her safe."

His voice cracked through your skull, pounding against bone the longer you drove—the wind whipping through the rapidly approaching car.

Laura spoke his words over her soda, the clock nearing three in the morning as you fought anxiety and nausea. A mere whisper of truth to keep you sane—a reminder that someone in this world ached for you, that you could still be saved in spite of the chaos that stirred in your lungs.

His promise should have warmed your heart, brought tears of relief to combat the madness you drowned in. But they tasted like ash from a fire that still roared. Words pulled from a life he already lived, meant for a woman he used to love.

He made that same vow before. He promised to protect Fortuna, even after life handed him the severed and bloody strand of fate. The faith you once held for a man who still owned your soul—who clung to every living breathing part of your overwhelmed body—diminished. Slowly yet all at once you understood who Logan Howlett was. Who he might never be.

You were never supposed to be this. Finding your path now carved by eternity was never in the cards of your small life. Yet how could you ignore what burned its way through your skin? How long could you push off deciphering the unknown before it tore you apart?

How were you meant to put trust in the man who'd broken this promise before?

How could you call him a savior? After so much grief.

"You have to go!" Laura shouted dumping the burnt pieces of her toast in the trash. "He can help you."

"I can handle this myself."

"He's trained to help mutants-"

"And I said I'll take care of it," you snapped.

She knew you were lying; you knew she could see right through your false sense of calm. You had nothing left to offer, no parts of yourself to give as you stared forever down the barrel of a gun yet to be fired. The bullet was locked in the chamber, waiting for someone to pull the trigger. Breaking down felt wrong. Merely another burden added to an ever growing pile. But moving mountains had never been your forte.

Laura fixed problems. She took care of those she loved.

She was all the things Logan yearned to be—a protector who never abandoned the other half of their heart. She stood tall and bared her teeth and when life offered only one way out she dug her claws in to carve out something new. She solidified herself as your kin—a daughter left by her father with an unspoken promise that hung in the air.

Protect her family.

The decision to leave came swiftly. With the swing of a hammer nailing your coffin shut and devastation painting the grave he never buried you in. Whatever existed in your body rose to a crescendo you couldn’t control anymore.

Laura dragged you out to an open clearing near the mansion days before. A space hidden away from others that liked to talk—as she put it. Here you could exist as yourself. No longer the hermit dreaming beneath the floors of a library, shuffling papers and boxes older than you into their rightful place. Here you could be time. Endless, forever growing, forever shaping what you never thought possible into reality.

You could let go.

But that was the thing about chaos. It cherry picked moments never meant to be damaged. Instances in time that were swallowed by peace—light flickering behind memories you would have had centuries to replay. Eons to contemplate and eternity to revisit.

You shut your eyes to the sight of Laura bracing herself into the ground, claws puncturing her boots and burying into inches of hardened soil. She expected the power to unleash itself in waves, lashing into the surrounding area with the need to consume. Until you slid the lock out of place, released the breath trapped in your tight chest, and drowned in the anger that broke free with vengeance.

It blinded you, overwhelmed every sensation you might have been able to focus on. Slamming into Laura in an all too familiar rough strike you’d witnessed once before—in the crack of Fortuna’s whip. She went flying into a tree and the deafening snap of her body hitting the floor forced you to shove it back down. Swallow the pain that flared through your cells, screaming for a sliver of the freedom it once had.

Time encased itself into an already fragile body.

It only seemed like a matter of time before the clock ran out and outrunning the detonation was futile.

Causing harm was inevitable. A side effect you swallowed down alongside the shitty whiskey Logan drank—the burn a rope you latched onto. Dragging yourself up and out of a pit you were trapped in. You knew pain would follow, pressed into your unstable footprints. But hurting Laura is where you felt the rope wrap tight around the raw skin of your throat.

She’d suffered enough; experiencing the instability of your powers was never part of the plan.

“I’m not hurt. I heal fast-”

“I can’t. I won’t hurt you.”

“Even if you do…”

“No.”

Perhaps this was the burden Logan bore like a wound that burned. The possibility that he could hurt the ones he loved without trying. A streak of paranoia tangled along the makeup of your DNA, strangling the breath from your lungs. He ran from you once before—pushed down his feelings for your sake.

Back in a time that felt like decades before all of this. Bound by the freedom of humanity you never realized you should have cherished.

He left to keep you safe.

Ironic that it would be you doing the same.

Even though she existed as another version of him. A hero in her own right. Hurting her—by accident and fault of your own obliviousness—forced bile up your throat. The ache in your chest suddenly a flare of emotions you were afraid to pick apart.

She was your own. You came to that conclusion the day she came to your rescue, willing to save the stranger her father’s soul was tied to.

So you left—to keep every part of her safe.

You wouldn’t save yourself because Logan believed in you, or because Laura and Wade fought to keep you afloat. You’d save yourself because she deserved a better protector. Someone who would finally take the weight off shoulders that were far too young to bear the brunt of the world’s pain. A girl—brash and brutal and exactly like her father—who never asked for this.

You’d survive for her. Until her dying breath one day existed in your mind fractured by time.

The house was breathtaking, standing at the edge of a cliff encased in hills and mountains covered by trees so thick sunlight would never break through. Wood and windows and the comfort formed by a man who no longer walked this Earth. Yet there it was, his memory carved into the structure of a place meant to outlive him.

Laura told you about this house—how she lived here on her own for a year in an attempt to remember her father—but nothing prepared you for the sight of it in person. It suited him. A perfect reflection of a soul you got to know over what little time you had together. Simple yet sustainable. A home meant to survive.

It shouldn’t have surprised you to see him waiting. Standing at the porch, a mug of coffee on the wooden railing in front of him, a forgotten novel left in a chair crafted by hand. Surely the other Logan’s work in another life you were never meant to be apart of. He watched with scrutinizing eyes of hazel and a body tensed for the appearance of yet another mistake—the harm he caused blatant on your exhausted form.

You should have expected this.

Prepared for it.

But the longing that slammed into your chest, twisting the knife deep enough to crack bone, sent you reeling. Gasping for air as sat in the idling car, hands gripping the wheel tight enough for your knuckles to scream out in pain.

He was here and he was watching you as if the world suddenly started to spin again. A man who finally managed to kill the hollow ache in his body—the other half of his soul feet away and close enough to touch.

You and Logan moved in unison. An extension of one another even after so long spent apart. He stepped off the porch quickly, you stumbled out of the car—the keys pressed hard and unrelenting in your clenched palm. And for the first time in months you didn’t know what to do next. He’d been the shaky one in this relationship, clutching onto you for guidance, but now the roles were switched.

Now it was up to him to lead you.

“Honey,” he breathed, voice softer than before.

You gasped for air, unsure of where you stood—what this new power meant for something that once existed with such ease. Would he love you in spite of your powers? Would he only see her? Would he save you…one last time?

“Hi Logan,” you uttered meekly, lips hesitant to curl into a wry grin he’d never seen cross your face.

So timid compared to the person from before; new and afraid and yet still drenched in the familiar warmth of a love he’d claw his way back to every time. He came to the conclusion long ago, the moment he watched you meander out of that store—unassuming and unaware of what was to come. He’d die for you. There was no place for him if you didn’t exist.

No matter the universe you were meant to find one another.

A match made at the beginning of time and stardust and the collision of galaxies. The was no stopping the inevitability of love.

“I’ve missed you.” The truth wasn’t hard for him to admit. Not when it was you.

Surprise flickered across your face, lips twitching as a smile fought to bloom. “I missed you too.”

“There’s so much I need to fuckin’ tell you honey.” He surged forward, hand outstretched with his heart bleeding into the lines of his palm.

What he didn’t expect was for you to flinch back, feet stumbling in the dirt as you put distance between your bodies—enough to stop him in his tracks. This wasn’t borne out of the displaced fear that he might hurt you. Quite the opposite. You were terrified you might hurt him. That this unhinged power would break him in ways he couldn’t fix—wounds his body might not be able to handle.

“Laura explained what happened.” He took a step and the hot burn of tears welled in bloodshot eyes. “You’re not gonna hurt me honey.”

“I could. I hurt her without meaning to.” How could you explain the surge of anger that overwhelmed your body, firing along snapped synapses and half formed memories? “I…I can’t control it Logan.”

“I know,” he uttered, his hand curling around the shape of your jaw, tilting your head back to see the tears that blinded your vision. “I know what that’s like.”

Reasoning with the darkness in your own mind felt like an impossible task—something he’d never witnessed in someone with so much light. You weren’t meant to be broken this way. Never supposed to be handed the weight that came with powers—the future of struggling to maintain some semblance of control every second of every day. His soft sweet girl. Bent into something new, yet entirely familiar as he watched your lashes flutter.

You relaxed into his touch, the caress of his thumb along your cheek a welcome warmth you could lose your pain in. He was there. He would drag you from the edge of an ocean you couldn’t traverse alone.

He’d dig you out of your grave with bare hands bloody from the pain you might cause.

“That’s it,” he murmured, blue sparking to life in the whites of your eyes. “Let it in for me honey. Don’t push it down.”

A breath escaped your lungs, tension wound tight enough to splinter down a stiffened spine began to dissipate, and suddenly you could feel the grasp of power settle into your open palms. Blue unfurled from your body in waves, cerulean and midnight, the shadows of night and day colliding around you. It bled into the space, wrapping around his body, lapping up your arms until the rope around your throat snapped.

“It’s…” You gasped, molding your hands around something solid, a unfamiliar welcome weight. “I can feel it.”

Logan felt the hair on the back of his neck rise, hackles coming to attention as the shift happened in quick succession. It cracked through the air, lightning along the horizon of darkened storm clouds. Burning down his back until he staggered away from you shouting. That all too familiar whip slid up around your arm, wrapping tight to flesh and bone as your eyes flared white.

Anger seethed in the air, pungent and bitter along the back of his tongue. Only this wasn’t coming from you—barely a fraction was tinged with your honey-like scent. This stemmed from the rage Fortuna left behind, the lingering agony she set into the DNA of your body without asking for permission. She left you brittle, waiting to shatter as madness crept into your heart.

The sight of blood seeping through his flannel snapped you back into place, body going rigid and hands curling into fists as you shoved it down far enough to hurt. He was already healed—skin stitching itself back together—but you couldn’t see straight. A cry emanating from your parted mouth.

“I’m sorry. I-I didn’t meant to-”

“It’s healed.”

“She’s in my head. That fucking rage is in me and I can’t get it out.” Your hands slapped over your mouth as the muffled sob broke free, strong enough to slice another string of his heart.

“Honey.” Grasping your hands in a tight grip, he pressed them around his waist—his blood soaked shirt seeping along your palm. “Feel that? No scars, no open wounds. It’s done and gone.”

Solid muscle rested beneath the soft press of your fingers, the steady thump of a heart you could pick out with your eyes closed lingering where you touched. He cupped the back of your neck and suddenly you weren’t a helpless case unable to be saved. You weren’t the person destroyed and brought back from the brink—someone capable of causing enough pain to scar.

You were his, the same person from all those weeks ago, and you were going to be okay.

The space felt familiar—filled with a peace you knew Logan sought. Even if it was subconscious. He set the coffee on the coffee table, settling into a leather couch large enough to make him look small. The tables were hand carved with designs you’d seen once before. In the door his hands set in place so long ago; the gift of his love before he even knew what to call it.

“It feels like you.”

He huffed, ducking his head to stir sugar into your mug—the tips of his ears blooming crimson. “Yeah well it’s not really mine.”

“It’s yours,” you assured. “Laura wouldn’t have handed you the keys if she didn’t see it too.”

Seeing him here dragged the overwhelming all encompassing love back to the surface. Until you were swallowing around it thickly, battling the last dregs of pain that pierced your spine with your chilling new reality. It wouldn’t be the same. None of it. Falling for him, letting him back in, it would forever be stained with the grief of what happened.

The death of the person he used to know clashing with the mutant sitting before him.

He cleared his throat, settling into the creaking couch. “How is she? Laura.”

“Strong,” you smiled. “A lot stronger than me.”

“You’re strong too,” he replied.

“She’s different.” The coffee was a sweet bite on the tip of your tongue—ridding your body of whatever exhaustion still lingered. “She’s like you. Stubborn and angry, but there’s something there beneath it all. Like she knows what she has to lose and refuses to let it happen.”

Logan went stiff, hands mechanically bringing the mug to his lips. “She’s better than me,” he muttered.

You hummed. “Better than either of us. You’re lucky to have her as your own.”

“Not just me.” The words sunk deep, right down to the root of all the grief you refused to dig through. The cloud that hung just a bit too low. “I don’t think you saw it honey. But she chose you. Probably even before she fuckin’ chose me, you were hers.”

When you met Logan in that parking lot you expected things to shift. The winds were always meant to change, pieces finally clicking into place as he happened upon the other half of his lost soul. But Laura snuck up on you. She latched onto your bleeding heart, the kindness you showed even as you grieved the person you used to be. A girl who fought alongside her dying father—a lost soul begging for redemption at the end of the timeline.

Without knowing it she became everything you searched for.

The daughter that dug her heels in and vowed to love you. Even when you couldn’t love yourself.

Home would always exist in his arms, a place of safety you knew you would fall into. But now you found it in the eyes of a girl who could finally sheath her claws and settle. Home existed with both of them. A family found and forged in the chaos of time.

“You’re gonna be okay,” he finally spoke, pulling you from the thoughts that ran rampant. “I know Fortuna’s…your power. I’ve helped get a handle on it before. And I’ll tell you everythin’ you need to know about it, all the research Charles put into figuring it out.”

Believing him was easier than breathing. What reason did he have to lie? When the alternative was already a future you watched play out before your very eyes. You couldn’t turn into her—refused to lose any more of yourself to a power that remained unwanted and unsteady.

Sucking in a breath, you felt yourself settle into the comfort of his presence. Oh how you missed him—your heart pining for him to come close, to press his lips along your skin that now ran hot. If you asked him to drop to his knees he’d relent without question. So you kept your mouth shut. Offering him a smile as the olive branch.

Your time would come again. An inevitable future written in the stars of every universe.

For now you were okay with this. Friendship and support as you struggled to keep your head above water.

“What do I have to do?”

Logan exhaled, shoulders falling with a grin. “Stop pushing it away. You’ve gotta accept it as your own.”

“But it’s not mine.”

“It is now,” he stated. “Whether you want it or not honey this power is with you. There’s no gettin�� rid of it.”

Much to your own disappointment, he was right. “What if…”

“Say it,” he said softly, urging you into the waves that crashed at your legs, his hands clamped around yours.

“What if I accept it and nothing changes? The anger…I can’t live with it Logan.” Swallowing the stone lodged in your throat, you bit back whatever tears crested to the surface. “I-I don’t want to die like she did.”

They were unrelenting and hot against your cheeks, spilling over your trembling lips, and before you could blink Logan was in front of you. Crouched before the chair, his hands gathering yours to the soft press of his lips. A mouth you dreamed about—kisses that haunted the back of your mind every time you closed your eyes. He inhaled your scent, pressed a line down your palm and into the juncture of your wrist; your vein thumped an unsteady beat he smiled against.

“You aren’t dying,” he whispered like a vow, reverence dripping off his tongue. “You are going to live for a long long time honey. And you’re gonna do it with me. I won’t let this power take you okay? I won’t.”

He’s made promises once before, now broken and tossed to the side. But you swallowed his words with a sigh, cupping his face to draw his forehead to yours. To indulge in the contact you never thought might come again—at least not in this lifetime.

“I have your room ready,” he said as if he wasn’t prostrated before you, praying to the love of his life that you might grace him with your forgiveness.

You laughed, light and airy and a balm to his cracked heart. “I have a room?”

“It’s mine. I figured you’d want the bed.”

“Logan I’m not going to kick you out of your bed-”

“No use arguin’.” Calloused palms set themselves on your shoulders, gentle and promising in their soft brush. “I’ll be fine on the couch. Besides…I’ve been there before.”

You huffed, sliding to the edge of the chair as his hands found purchase on your hips. “Is there a window to see you through?”

“Don’t need a window bub,” he breathed. “You’ve always been able to see me.”

Right from the very start you caught sight of the man you would love through the ends of time. The one who had your name written in the tissue of his heart the day he was born. You were always meant to find one another. Always standing at the end of each other’s path—willing one another forward with a love greater than the universe.

“I should go get my bag.”

With a sigh he reluctantly let you go, helping you stand. “Take your time honey.”

The trunk creaked as you pushed it open, the keys dangling from your front pocket. Logan stayed inside dragging what wood he had left into the bedroom’s fireplace. The nights were cold here—temperatures never an issue for him—and you could still feel the brunt of it. Though your body now ran warm it didn’t deter you from freezing in the middle of the night, blankets barely enough to keep what body heat you had trapped inside.

You yanked open the small duffle bag stolen from Wade’s closet, seeing what clothes you managed to find in half empty dresser drawers and a closet that held most of Laura’s things. Sweaters were stuffed in the bottom, a book or two, and the small Polaroid gifted to you by Wade. Even though Logan was here in person you still clutched it tight, welcoming the comfort it brought.

Set atop the mess you haphazardly packed was a small key chain tucked into tissue paper. Bright blue and painted with enough tender care that could only come from one person. A bird ready to take flight.

The familiar scrawl of her handwriting was squeezed on a torn sticky note, the words barely legible yet utterly her.

Good luck.

P.S. Peter helped me make it.

Such a simple phrase to bestow on someone who ran from her. But there she was pressing her faith into your hands, wishing nothing but to see you bring her father back to her.

A family awaited your return. That was enough.

THREE DAYS LATER

“I can’t do it!” you screamed, falling to one knee with a harsh grunt as Logan wiped the sweat off his forehead. “It’s to much to fucking hold.”

“You were born to do it.”

“Coming from the man who doesn’t have to do much. How reassuring.”

He laughed, offering and hand up as you struggling to catch whatever air your lungs could hold. “Charles said it’s never from where you think it is. So where is that?”

Your face scrunched, eyes flicking down his bare chest glistening with sweat. Logan fought against the itch he couldn’t scratch—his relationship with you temporarily on unsteady ground until the dust eventually settled. That still didn’t deter his feelings. The stirring in his stomach at the sight of you panting and gasping for air, scent calling to him the longer you stood there drenched in sweat.

He would be your friend. The person you needed in order to get you through this. What happened after would be entirely up to you.

“Focus honey.”

Sighing, you shut your eyes to the sun. “It’s a pull on my insides. A sharp kinda painful tug on the stomach.”

“‘S not supposed to be painful. Means you’re fighting it.”

“How am I supposed to know I’m fighting it?” you bit out, nails burrowing into your palm hard enough to draw blood. “If I don’t know where its source is then how can I control it?”

Hands clamped onto your forearms, dragging your palms to rest over the heart you knew beat for you—the organ he’d gladly rip out if you wished it. “Here,” he said, voice a soft rasp that rang in the back of your mind. “This right here is where its buried. In the very bottom. So deep you’d forget what you were fuckin’ looking for if you tried to search. You pull it from there and you got your control.”

That was the thing…how could you pull from a broken heart? How could you find anything amidst the shards of something that was once your sole purpose for living?

When he left he took the last pieces with him, ripping them directly from your chest. So how could you work with half a heart?

The anger still existed in the far reaches of a darkness you tried to ignore. Swallow the pain, place it somewhere unreachable, and perhaps you might find a semblance of the person from before. But finding them was like digging into a shallow grave with no body. How were you meant to crawl out? Find the easiest path to fixing what was beyond saving.

“And if I can’t?” you asked. “If…If that’s too much?”

“I’ll be right here honey,” he assured, thumbing the pulsating vein on your wrist. “I won’t let you fall alright?”

Easier said than done.

“Okay,” you sighed. “I’ll try again.”

“Good girl.”

You snapped to attention, eyes wide as his lips curled into something you replayed on a loop for weeks on end. A smirk that burned a hole in your chest, heat curling at the base of your rigid spine. He said it on purpose. This you were aware of. And it did exactly what he intended—dragged you back to the present moment, beyond the cloud of rage begging to escape.

He kept you centered.

Shaking loose the tension in your arms your eyes slid shut, mind opening like the blooms found on the edges of his property. A flower ready to welcome the sun. You fixated on the rhythm of your heart. Each beat pumping and flowing enough blood to keep you upright; you dug there. Pulled at the veins and muscles, cracked open your ribs to inspect the makeup of your most precious organ. A surgeon ripping yourself apart in an attempt to save what still remained.

Blue flared to life dimly, peeking between the aortas and tissue as you clawed at what stood in your way. So close to finally grasping hold of what refused to give itself over. So fucking near to the end of what pain sunk its teeth deep enough to scar.

So close…

A clock ticked in the back of your mind, unrelenting in its monotonous function. Each one louder than the last—drawing you to the edge of the unknown that called your name. You scrambled to silence it.

Seconds, minutes, hours, days, years, decades, centuries-

All of it too much too soon. It wrapped tight around your throat, yanking you back hard enough to send you flying into the ground. Logan’s voice shouting barely broke the surface as you struggled to gasp for air—fingers tugging weakly at the whip that slid around your limbs.

Trapping you in the darkness, feeding what little strength you had left to the all consuming nature of what she left you. This was to be your future. Death by the time she allotted you, the expanse of a universe you would get to see grow and one day wither away—fading into existence like the man who stood before you now.

“Let me go!” you shrieked, waves of sapphire swarming your body, painting over your skin and sinking down to the bones that burned.

It wanted to consume you. Leave nothing behind for him. No parts of you left to bury in yet another grave. The image of that shovel standing upright flashing bright in your mind, dirt smearing along your cheek as you kicked out into the air—oxygen depleting quickly. Until your eyes were filled with black spots, the haze of blue cresting the edges of your once clear vision.

Hands wrenched you still, slamming them to the ground by your head as the familiar echo of his claws pushed to the forefront of your mind. Slicing through the whip with a shout, he felt the power seep into his body. Time stripping away his skin, peeling the flesh until blood steadily leaked down his arms. Your eyes were white—iris swallowed whole by the threat of what took hold inside you.

An anger he put there. A rage he should have stopped.

The last tendrils of the woman he never saved.

“Let her go,” he roared, pulling the whip free from your neck, feeling it dissipate into the air around him. “Let her live!”

Slowly at first and then all at once the hold released. Air burned your lungs rushing in, filling you with an eerie calm as Logan knelt over your body—his hand turning your face up to check the state of your eyes. Back to normal. Free of the milky white hue that haunted him in the middle of the night. You were safe from whatever existed in your heart—the power that held enough reluctance it could very well kill you.

This wasn’t new information. You both knew this might not work; keeping powers that were corrupted once before housed in your body would only lead down one path. Yet that was the reason you were here, laying beneath him as your mind finally settled—hand laying over his to keep him close.

Logan refused to let you succumb to the anger.

He wouldn’t stand there watching as you drowned beneath the weight of what he caused.

He wasn’t going to run from what felt so right. He’d dig his heels in, claw at the darkness that begged to keep you, and forever remain the man who kept you from falling over the edge. He would do for you what Charles did for him; what he never got the chance to do for her.

“You’re okay,” he murmured, thumb dragging along the length of your jaw. “You’re still with me.”

You swallowed, eyes fluttering at the warmth of his palm—turning your lips to the rough skin. “I don’t think that went too well.”

“No,” he chuckled and the sound lit your insides on fire. “No I think we still have some work to do.”

Thirty minutes passed before you found yourself alone in his bedroom. A towel held tightly closed against your chest as he rummaged in the living room. The scent of dinner wafted through the open door, pasta and wine shared at a table in the middle of nowhere—reminiscent of a past that you weren’t sure belonged to you anymore. That night happened so long ago, in a time where you held onto the certainty you could be happy with him.

That even as the world crashed around you, this would remain solitary.

A flannel lay in front of you. Tossed beside your bag as a peace offering you weren’t quite sure what to do with. Take it and open the door just a bit more to a love that continued to hang over your heads. A ghost buried in the walls of your apartment, painted over walls that could reflect your laughter back to you—a space tainted by the image of simple joys.

Leave it and allow yourself the time to heal—to figure out where you stood as someone merely trying to survive. You weren’t the same—Logan knew this. But ignoring the way your body came to life in his vicinity would be what killed you in the end.

Not time itself but the time you spent apart from him.

The door creaked loud enough to break the stilled water you sunk beneath, his shadow casting over the bed beside you. He stood in the doorway, eyes dragging down the length of a body he could picture behind closed eyes. Limbs he felt twine around his own, skin he sunk his teeth into. There was no denying he could barely handle being away from you, but being this fucking close without any barriers nearly drove him mad.

“Dinner is ready,” he throatily muttered, hazel eyes swallowed whole by a dark pupil.

“Logan.”

“Hm?”

“Thank you.” Breath came out in shaky exhales, hand barely able to hold the towel up after a day of straining yourself. “I don’t know how to repay-”

His growl was familiar, a rumble that came from the depths of his chest as he took the final two steps to press himself into your back. “Don’t finish that fuckin’ sentence honey.”

Sighing you clasped a hand over his along your stomach. “You keep saving me.”

“I’ll save you for the rest of our lives,” he admitted, complete certainty bleeding through the strength in his voice. At least that’s what you let yourself believe. “Even if after all this you make a different choice.”

You turned sharply, nose brushing his—lips desperate to seek out the ones that claimed you long before tonight. “It’s you. My choice will always be you.”

Maybe this was it. The point of finding him, the reason he came to this universe in the first place. Maybe it was all to stand here, pressed tight and breathing in the air you both exhaled, for as long as time would allow. He smiled against your cheek, fingers curling into the towel that hung loose at your hip, before he pulled away. Patting the spot with a hum—light shining in eyes that you would recognize even at the end of the world.

“Come and eat bub. Before it gets cold.”

Silence ate away at your mind in the darkness. The bed was too large for just yourself. A massive thing in the center of the room meant for comfort and peace of mind and a man who took up space. You could hear him shift on the couch every hour, the door left ajar as you fought to find sleep in this place.

Over the weeks you’d grown used to Laura on your couch. The shuffle of her boots as the night waned—always worried that something might happen. Now her father echoed the same sentiments. His feet padded along the floor as he moved to and fro, his shadow lingering just outside the door. Waiting for you to invite him in, give him the chance to cross that threshold.

You wondered if he would hold you if asked. Would he sleep with no nightmares?

Twisting into the covers, you watched a hand peek through the gap. The question hung in the air before it ever left your mouth—silence exchanged in the air between sleep hazed looks and longing hearts. He shut the door behind him gently with a click. Solidifying the line now fazed out of existence.

However much you tried to pretend this would remain a friendship the truth was far louder in contrast.

A love like this would never be diminished. Not even by your own hands.

“Can’t sleep?” he whispered, sliding beneath the comforter.

You hummed. “The bed’s too big.”

“Feels that way for me too.”

The words stuck to the back of your throat, daring you to finally take what was right in front of you. “Will you stay?”

His arm curled around your waist, lips finding your shoulder beneath the dark flannel you wore. “‘M not goin’ anywhere.”

This time without hesitation…you finally believed him.

ONE WEEK LATER

Frustration became a comforting ally in the days that followed. You were doomed to snap eventually. A time bomb ready to explode as the hours passed and failure became something you were accustomed to. Training your body to accept a power it couldn’t understand weighed on you—drawing the anger you swallowed down tight into the confines of your chest. It pleaded with you to be let out, to finally have a place to go.

“We’ll go again.”

You scrubbed a hand down your face. “This isn’t working.”

“It will.”

“When?” you snapped. “When I finally have no hold over my own fucking actions? When I kill someone?”

Logan caught it before you ever did. The flick of a switch, the door that needed to be opened. You were swallowing emotions down as he did liquor, shoving them back into the carcass of who you used to be. Trying to mold yourself back in the box of humanity wouldn’t work—he could already see the detrimental effects on your mind. The hatred you held for something you couldn’t control.

You were walking the edge of a thin line slowly sinking into the sand.

Perhaps you needed to drown.

“Go again,” he pressed, watching the anger surge to the surface.

The cruelty wasn’t ripping you open, forcing that rage to finally sputter out of existence. It was that he allowed you to keep it in for so long. Hiding what you struggled against, keeping him from seeing the pain—the grief. You were begging for help—gasping for air—and he just stood there.

Now things were different.

Bracing himself as your eyes closed, he watched the spark of power begin to emanate from your hands. The opening of that blistering hatred, the fury you needed to confront. You glowed in the last hints of the days sunlight, blue pouring off your body, settling above the ground in a cloud of your own making. Past, present, future. They met in the middle, twisting and tangling within your body.

The embodiment of something that rivaled Death.

“You’re not trying hard enough,” he barked out the words—eyes catching every minor shift you made.

“Let me do this my way-”

“Do it again.”

You sucked in a breath, chin raised in a defiance that never burned so strong. “You need to stop.”

Logan could practically hear the clock tick down, the wires and mechanics settling into place. “Start over and this time do it right.”

“Logan-”

“You said you wanted to learn. So we’re gonna learn.” His claws slid forth, body tensing as the blue burned white in the center of your chest—irises flashing gold. “First lesson. Listen to what I fuckin’ say.”

He went flying as the blast ripped from your body, slamming him into the side of Al’s car. The sound of metal crunching beneath his body made him wince—your form advancing quicker than he expected. He knew he would see a glimpse of her peeking out behind your power. He waited for it. So it surprised him when he saw nothing but you.

You finally wielding a power that belonged to no other. It submitted with ease, filling that void you could no longer ignore. Your hand pulled from the air, melding together the unfamiliar form of something he’d only seen once before. A blade—long and dripping gold—was clutched in your palm, the snarl along your face enough to have him bracing for the final blow.

The knife went in easier than expected, plunging into his stomach with enough strength to jolt him back. But the task was done. You sliced the final chord holding it all together and when blood poured over your hand, you finally came back.

“No!” you cried, hands flying to cup his already healed wound, the weapon nowhere to be found.

What was once apart of the universe would go back, falling into the rules of nature set long before you were born. You could borrow. But none of it was yours to keep.

“I-I’m sorry. I don’t-”

“That was progress,” he smiled, getting back to his feet.

You gaped at him, tears spilling across cheeks smeared in his blood. “Progress?” you exclaimed.

“It had to happen-”

“What part of this is progress? I stabbed you. I lost control!” Your voice ricocheted off the trees, his heart twisting at the sight of you so brittle. So fucking broken.

Life was painful—this he was used to. He was comfortable with it, understood it. But watching you shatter is what brought every fucking agonizing thing back. He lived it all over again, all at once.

“Honey-”

“I wanted to hate you.”

Now it was his turn to feel the grief that clung to his body like a second skin. He knew he hurt you. Could see the anguish plain as day play across your face as you swallowed the choked sob that bubbled to the surface. You didn’t come here to be saved. Neither of you did. Logan wasn’t even sure it was possible…to be rescued from this hell.

“You left me,” you sobbed and hated yourself for it. “And I wanted to hate you for it. You just walked away from everything! From our life and what we planned. From…what did I do wrong? Was it so painful to see her in my face that you had to go?”

“I didn’t want to go,” he rasped. “Wade and Laura-”

“Bullshit!” The touch of him grasping for your hands set off exactly what you were afraid of parting with. Emotions that kept you alive, pain that you could count on. “I was thrown into this and you weren’t there! You weren’t there to help me, to keep me from death. You weren’t there Logan!”

“I know!” he roared. “And I fucking hate every goddamn second I spent away from you. I hated myself for leaving you!”

“Then why did you stay away?” The crack in your voice did him in. Loaded the adamantium bullet into a gun only you could hold.

When he spoke he barely recognized his own voice. Dull and empty and the lilt of a man from a different universe. The man who fucked it all up—again. “I don’t know.”

Nodding, you did what you could to create a chasm of space—fighting for breath as he all but punched it out of your lungs. “I went looking for you.”

His heart stopped.

“In the past,” you choked out through fresh tears. “It was an accident. I didn’t even know what was happening, but apparently even unconscious and out of control…I still want you.”

“You can hate me,” he offered. “If that’s what you need to get through this.”

“That’s just it Logan. I couldn’t hate you even when I tried.”

“Baby…” It was wrong to let hope linger. To stare at the mess he made, the person he swore to love and protect. He should have killed the flicker as it bled into his twisting heart and he nearly did.

“I love you too much to ever hate you.”

And everything stopped.

He saw your eyes widen as he rushed towards you, the hitch in your breath and falter of your heart at the unexpected. Logan couldn’t control his own actions. He didn’t want to. He’d gone weeks without your touch, eternity wondering if someone existed to match his imperfections. Until there you were, wounded and jaggedly scarred and flawlessly fitting into the gaps of his soul—the darkness he could see reflected in your own eyes.

He kissed you. Violently. A mash of teeth and tongues as you met him in the middle—hands clawing at his shoulders when he hauled you up his body. You clung to him, uncaring that you looked desperate because that’s what you were. Wretched and lost without the man who molded the shape of your heart in his hands.

A moan stuttered out from the back of your throat, throaty and loud. He swallowed it with one of his own. You could feel his hands everywhere, gripping your hips, along the back of your thighs, digging into your ass hard enough to hurt. But you held onto the pain. Welcomed it with a pleased sigh as he stumbled up the steps into the house—his tongue wet and demanding against your own.

“Fuckin’ thought about this,” he got out between a groan—your teeth scraping the vein along his neck. “Every night.”

You could picture him in bed alone, head pushed into the pillows far too soft for his own liking, rapidly stroking his leaking cock. All to the thought of you. The memories spent buried between your legs, lapping at a cunt he could practically taste.

It spurred you to drag him back to your lips, hips canting along the buckle of his belt. “Need you inside baby.”

“Yeah?”

You nodded, licking along his bottom lip. “It hurts without you Logan. Need you to fuck me. Please.”

The wall was cold against your back—his hand slamming beside your head to keep himself steady. Your words dug right to the base of his spine, chest heaving as you whined into the kiss. Breath wasn’t important; focusing on anything other than the feel of your hands tugging at his shirt slipped his mind because you were here and you were pleading with him to touch you. Take what he’d been longing for.

Silver glinted in the darkness, metal wrapped around his neck, and you nearly missed the sight of familiar dog-tags resting right above his heart. A name etched into the metal you traced many times before.

“You kept them,” you breathed, dragging a finger along the tag.

He grinned. “They came from you.”

So easy to admit. So simple to say.

Suddenly it hit you that the Logan before you had changed. Healed in his time spent away. He did exactly what he promised he would when he scribbled it in that letter. He’d come back to you someday. Even if it wasn’t the way you expected.

“Take me Logan,” you pleaded. “I’m yours.”

His hands ripped at your top, teeth sinking down hard into the plush skin of your breast. Crying his name, you tugged at his hair—whether to pull him away or draw him in you didn’t know. All you could feel was the delicious flicker of pain curling tight around your stomach. Slick pooling into the pants he worked a hand into.

“You got no idea what you do to me.” Words were cut off at the feel of you dripping wet and hot along his palm.

“Fuck Logan.”

Muffling you with a kiss, he curled two fingers around your clit that practically begged for attention. He wanted to suck it into his mouth—taste you until you had no choice but to wrench him away from you. Time spent alone wouldn’t be what drove him over the edge. Sliding into your tight cunt as you cried for him would be.

His eyes rolled back when he pushed into you, the stretch of his fingers pulling a rasped moan from your throat. You pushed yourself into his touch—grasping at any part of his body you could reach when he found the spot that made you wither. This was how you wanted to die. Trapped in his hold as the burning pleasure shot up your spine, a haze clouding every other thought but him.

He possessed you from the very start. If only he understood how willing you were. How pliable you became at his touch along your body.

“Still so fuckin’ tight,” he growled, pumping into you fast enough for the squelch of his fingers to echo off each wall.

You drowned beneath the sound—gasping in his mouth when he fixed on that one spot and became unrelenting. “I’m gonna-baby I-I’m gonna cum.”

“That’s it. Be a good girl and make a fuckin’ mess on my hand.”

The final fraying piece holding you altogether finally snapped. Your sob was broken against his parted mouth, thighs trembling from the pleasure that nearly became painful. He held you close, hips grinding into your inner thigh as you gushed over his palm—the flutter of your walls sucking his fingers in even further.

Did you finally break beyond repair?

Your body sang a tune you couldn’t recognize, a glow emanating beneath the skin dim enough to remain unnoticed. But you felt it all the same. A warm soothing caress along every nerve and vein. Welcoming you in as your chest pressed to his—heart beating in time with his. Logan kissed you, messily licking into your mouth when he pulled you from the wall and made his way into the bedroom.

“You’re glowin’,” he mumbled, pride glimmering in his eyes.

“What?”

Focusing on anything beyond the touch of his hand along your bare waist, the burn of his gaze along your breasts, wasn’t possible in this moment. When the world came to a halt and time finally allowed you to meet one another in the middle. This time as two halves of one whole.

He closed his lips around your nipple, fingers pressing into the wet cavern of your mouth—spreading your taste on the flat of your tongue. Your hips jolted, fingers scrambling for the button of his jeans. A task he was more than happy to appease you with. Teeth scraped along your skin and your stomach leapt—heart blooming under his attention. His mouth met yours, teeth clacking together hard enough to hurt, but you never noticed.

A hold tugged on your chest, gold flaring to life in lidded eyes. Beneath the layers of lust and wanton need lay the power you’d been fighting. It floated to the surface, grabbed your hands tight enough to blister the skin, but Logan’s tongue along your stomach soothed the pain. You sighed and tipped your head back into the pillow, fingers carding through his hair.

“Prettiest fuckin’ pussy in the world,” he rasped yanking down your pants until they were a rumpled mess on the floor. “And all mine.”

You smiled, drawing him close enough to feel his lips brush along yours. “All yours Logan,” you purred.

“And this-” His hand clutched your own, dragging it over the straining bulge of his jeans, grinding up into your touch hard enough to pulled a gasp from lips still smeared in his spit. “‘S all yours honey. Every part of me.”

“I want it.”

He smiled, canines bright in the dim room. “Yeah? You want me to fuck you?”

You nodded. “I missed your cock baby. How you fill me.”

“Fuck,” he groaned, head falling to your shoulder. “You’re gonna kill me if you keep runnin’ your mouth like that bub.”

“Sorry,” you giggled. “I forget how old you are.”

“Old huh?”

“Can’t have you dying on me from it baby.”

Whatever he said next went unheard—something along the lines of I’ll show you fuckin’ old—because he stuffed you full of those same spit slicked fingers. His other hand busy on working himself out of his jeans. You melted into the bed with a cry of his name, fingers clawing at his wrist to pull him closer, to press against your throbbing clit. Until you felt the head of his cock slide through your dripping folds and tap right where you needed it most.

“That feel old to ya honey?” he cooed, lining himself up as he pushed your cum into your already parted mouth. “C’mon. Use that pretty brain of yours.”

A muffled shout was all he got in return, pressing into you slow enough to muddle every thought that could have entered your mind. The stretch felt like everything you’d been longing for. All those nights spent alone wandering the pitch black maw of your own head—every fucking morning waking up without him. They built in the base of your chest as he finally pushed right up to the base of his cock—filling your cunt to the brim.

You felt him in your chest, along the length of your throat, and even then it wasn’t deep enough. Another fractured piece of your heart sewed itself back together, the needle puncturing the thrumming organ as he groaned long and hoarse against your neck.

“So fuckin’ good,” he murmured. “Squeezin’ me just right.”

“L-Logan-”

“I know baby. I know.”

The first thrust sent your head back into the bed, your legs hitching up around his waist and nails digging into his shoulders. But Logan wasn’t looking to be kind. He couldn’t find it in himself to fuck you slow.

He broke you. Sliced through whatever bonds were tying you down to the Earth and yanked you up to be in heaven right by his side. A god among men—how could you not worship at his feet?

Claws slid free puncturing the mattress as he fucked into you without mercy. Plunging into your sopping pussy loud enough to pierce the grunts and moans echoing through the room. It was wet and raw and you clung to him tight enough to draw blood to the surface—the sticky mess between your bodies enough to shove you close to the edge.

“Gonna fuck you full honey. And this time it’s gonna fuckin’ stay there,” he bit out, hand sliding along your stomach.

You nodded dumbly, voice practically unrecognizable in the haze of lust you were lost to. “Please-”

The cold metal of his dog-tags bumped against your chin and without even registering, your teeth closed around them. Logan swore he died and went to the fucking afterlife at the sight of your mouth stuffed full of his name. Muffled moans and a mess of spit spilling free as his hips stuttered, body tensing to fight the impending release.

He wouldn’t finish without you. Not until he heard those sweetly whispered words—the vow that lived and breathed a life of its own.

“Tell me again,” he breathed against your lips, thumb pressing hard and fast to your clit. “Say it for me honey.”

“L-Love you Logan.”

He nearly collapsed over your body, cock pounding into your hard enough to send an ache through your hips. “Again.”

“I love you,” you sobbed.

Grinding deep he came with a shout, pulling you off that cliff right alongside him. You felt white flash behind your eyes, legs locking behind his back as his mouth crushed to yours, his spend filling you until it dripped down and around his balls. Pooling along your thigh. For whatever time remained you were outside of your own body, bliss restructuring the fragments of your darkest parts. Each part of you he broke.

Everything he swore to fix.

“I love you,” he breathed against your lips, running a thumb along the line of your throat. “‘M gonna love you for the rest of my life.”

A sharp prick punctured your heart, unraveling the ties that bound you to the body you’d known your whole life—pulling free each lock and barrier set in place the day you changed. You didn’t fight it, barely found enough strength to recognize what it was. But before you could grasp for the remnants of your old self, you found it pouring between your fingers like sand.

Logan sucked in a breath, eyes drinking in the sight of you glowing. Blue and gold and a the burning white he knew only came from the insides of stars—cosmic power stripped from the universe around you now pulsing in time with a heart he owned.

Warmth pooled over your head, spreading down to the tips of your toes as you lay beneath him—finally at ease with who you were. Time peeked out behind the curtains of your mind, settling along each bone, burning itself into your being. Solidifying itself into a soul that now shined in the glow of his love.

You sighed into its touch, eyes fluttering shut as Logan cupped your cheek. “I can feel it Logan. Time.”

“Where’s it comin’ from honey?” he whispered.

With a smile, you watched the centuries flash in your mind, time spent with friends with a family and daughter yet to play out in real life. Moments you’d revisit and cherish. A path you finally walked freely.

“My heart.”

a/n: i want to say so many things about this series and how much it has meant to me. but i will save that for the epilogue. thank you so fucking much for sticking around this long. i hope you love the small snippet to come.

#logan howlett x reader #logan howlett x f!reader #logan howlett x you #logan howlett x y/n #logan howlett smut #logan howlett #my writing

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iamsebastiansstan · 18 hours ago

Text

for granted, in vain - stepbro!NAC x fem!reader

PART 2/2 OF STEPBRO!NICK - CLICK FOR PART ONE

summary - If this is something he’s capable of, he’s never deserved her in the first place.

He starts walking backwards in a daze when her hard voice stops him.

“Fuck you if you go back to her, Nicholas.”

In a voice that he doesn’t recognize, he says, “Fuck me, then.”

wc - 8k - MINORS DNI !

warnings - dark!Nicholas so beware, angst, hurt/comfort, stepcest, manipulation, oral (m and f receiving), crying during sex, dirty talk, face slapping (mostly the non sexual kind), p in v sex

A/N - good God this took ages to finish, I'm sorry. I feel like I started this series with a bang and part two is a likkle flat... especially because it's so plot-heavy lol but I still hope you like it!! lemme know what you think my Darlings, I love you always <33

It goes on like that for a while.

The secrecy, the careful nature with which they handle their relationship, they get used to it, they manage well, make sure not to lose each other in the process.

It is still deliciously forbidden, and Nicholas never would have thought that he’ll get to live this fantasy of his, which makes it all the more special that he finally does.

Mom and dad leave them alone, mostly, but it is still too risky to go all the way like they want to- need to, at this point- and the danger connected to finally fucking his stepsister for real licks at his spine with more discomfort than he likes to admit. She doesn’t ask, never did again, after that first time, and despite his newfound controlling nature and incessant obsession with her, he doesn’t want to push.

He pushes with other things, has before, but not with this. When he fully makes her his, he wants her to have demanded it beforehand.

Holding back isn’t easy, though, never has been, with her.

When she’s on her knees for him, begging with her eyes, he almost breaks the skin on his thigh the way he’s digging his nails in, all to hold himself back. When he loses himself between her thighs, stretching her open until she’s crying with it, he has to bite his lip bloody to keep from just sliding in without much preamble. It takes a lot of restraint, which thankfully, Nicholas does have, thank you very much.

He finds his heart aching for her. When they’re at the breakfast table and her laugh pierces his chest, the epitome of happiness in that sharp sound; when they bicker needlessly, jokingly, about things only they have come to understand about each other; when the sun illuminates her skin just so, makes her appear like an angel before him, come to free his damned soul.

And damned it is, for what he feels for her, for how angry it makes him, for how it causes him to act around her- towards her, even- when she deserves so much better. So much better than him.

When the new semester starts, too soon for anyone’s liking, they decide to keep their distance at college. The last thing they need is prying eyes on them, the questions their friends would undoubtedly ask if they saw them interacting more than usual.

She doesn’t like it, he knows.

“We could just tell them that we’ve gotten closer over summer break,” she pouts, head on his chest.

He plays with her hair a little, entertains the idea, decides against it.

“Any kind of change will draw attention, (Y/N),” he drawls, “attention that we can’t afford. Not now.”

“Yeah, but-“

“Drop it,” he snaps, leaves no room for argument. It’s tearing at him, not giving her what she wants, but he’s got to be smarter than that. If he lets her push, he’ll give in, and damn them both.

The way she deflates squeezes at his heart a little, but his big brother protectiveness doesn’t allow him much leeway.

He doesn’t fuck anyone else either, for that matter, and while her eager throat and skilled hands pull orgasm after orgasm from him whenever he demands, it’s just no comparison to what it feels like to sink into a willing, wet body, a tight pussy that he gets to shape for his cock, even if just for one night. It’s stupid, really. Hornyboy-brain is all it is.

It costs him, inevitably.

His friends coax him out of hiding and take him to a party to celebrate the start of the new semester and he agrees, because if there’s anything he likes, it’s the comfortably humane way the colder months announce themselves at the end of September, would leave his bare arms chilly if not for the alcohol thrumming through his system. He says yes when they ask him to come and he says to her when she asks him if she’s allowed to go with her friends and he says yes to the knee-length dress she wants to wear that night. Nicholas is in a charitable mood.

They arrive separately, though it gnaws at him, the fact that her friend Stacy or Casey or whatever the fuck will drive them, the fact that he doesn’t know her little group and thus doesn’t trust them with her. But he has to. He’s had to so far, and all had gone well. Nicholas makes his way through sweaty bodies, smiles at a handful of familiar faces, gets himself a drink that tastes way too strong to have mercy on his liver and downs it in one go. Tonight is for letting go, and he plans to do exactly that, shed the armor of responsibility that he himself has put on his broad shoulders and just be Nick for a few hours, the Nick he was before she corrupted his every thought, every single fiber of his being.

He knows it’s not fair to put this on her, but if he puts it on himself, he’ll break. So he lets the poison seep into his thoughts and lives with the guilt, at least for one night. Tomorrow, he’ll make her breakfast and kiss her sweetly under the shower and promise her that soon, he’ll claim her completely, and he will be hers in return. Nicholas gives as good as he gets, always has. Tonight, though, he will allow himself to be unhinged.

The bass is pumping something fierce, making his bones shake, and he loses himself in the crowd of people dancing in the spacious living room, the mansion they’re in providing generous space. It’s beautiful here, the way the chandelier catches the colorful lights, the way they’re all here to enjoy their youth while building a future for themselves. There’s so much stress and desperation in those godforsaken lecture halls, those endlessly long hallways, but here, the feeling of freedom flows through the atmosphere so heavily they can taste it on their tongues.

All he feels around him is skin, rubbing against his and filling his nostrils with sweet perfume, heady cologne, clean sweat. It’s intoxicating in the best way, reminds him of a time before he wound himself into knots over a woman he can’t love the way he wants to, and when he drives his hand through his damp hair, looks ahead, he can see her staring at him from where she’s perched atop the kitchen counter.

She’s sitting with her thighs slightly spread despite how high her dress is riding up, smokey eye dangerous and hair mussed as if she’d gotten fucked before this. He knows what that looks like on her, one way or another. The air around her is arrogant, little sister petulant, and it makes him grit his teeth. A drink gets handed to her by a nameless girl and she accepts it, doesn’t take her eyes off his as she lets the tip of her tongue play with the white rim of the red plastic cup, and if Nicholas wasn’t a handful of shots and two handfuls of drinks in, he’d feel anger surge in his chest. Now it’s only need, desperation in a way, recklessness.

When an unfamiliar hand, dainty and soft, touches his arm he doesn’t back away, doesn’t stop looking at her when he grabs a wrist, spins a body around- a back to his front- and starts a slow and dirty grind that makes the hairs on his neck stand up. She’s sipping now, face unbothered if it weren’t for the fire in her eyes, the kind of fire you ought to put out immediately before it swallows you whole and makes you regret ever having lit the match.

The girl in front of him has blonde hair down to her curvy ass, hips perfect for grabbing, and he closes his eyes when he inhales her scent, smells spice and danger, gives into it with a lick of his tongue against the side of her bared throat. The music is humming around him, but his ears are ringing, but he refuses to look up, to back down, to show his sister the power she has over him. He was a fool to think he’s got the upper hand. All that he is, all that he wants to be, starts and ends with her.

The pair of lips pressing on his only surprise him a little, and he kisses back feverously. The taste is all wrong, the contours of her face as well, and none of it is her fault. Still he holds on, cradles a head and licks at some teeth, bites softer than he knows he’s capable of, doesn’t hand out marks where they haven’t been earned.

When she pulls away, dirty smile playing on red lips, he exhales harshly and leans down to her ear.

“I’m gonna get a drink, you want anything?”

She shakes her head, gets on her tippy toes so he’d hear her.

“No, thank you. But will you come back?”

The cheek in his grin is as fake as his lust for her, but if there’s one thing he knows how to do, it’s play it up for the big show.

“A’course.”

It’s the first time he looks up since he allowed himself a taste of this stranger, and when he finds her glaring daggers at him, he grits his teeth and bears the pain. Making his way through the crowd proves to be easy with his height and built, and he ends up standing face to face with her sooner than he’d like. He steps between her thighs, a safe distance apart, leans his upper body closer.

“Where are your friends?”

“Doing coke in the bathroom.”

“Are you serious?” His fists clench.

She shrugs, nods once.

“You’ll never see them again, you hear me?”

He can’t hear her scoff, but he can see it, can see the corners of her mouth turning up cruelly while the heat in her eyes goes from a simmer to a boil in zero point two seconds.

“What about blondie? You gonna see her again after tonight? Or is this just another one of your hump and dump stories, hm, Nicholas?”

He deserves this, but he hates it, nevertheless.

“That’s none of your business, (Y/N).”

He knows it’s mean for no reason, but he can’t help it. He can’t have her the way he wants, the way he needs, for now and forever, so why even bother? Why prolong the inevitable, spend years gathering ammunition only to shoot himself in the heart, kill her in the process? Nicholas thought he knew what pain was. She came along and showed him how she could prove him wrong.

“Do you get off on talking to me like that? Like you haven’t-“ her voice breaks, she swallows hard before continuing, “-like you haven’t spent all day today holding me, telling me how beautiful I am in my dress, how beautiful I made myself look for you. And now look at you. Hanging onto the first girl that throws herself at you.”

The monster in him that’s been clawing its way to the surface decides right then and there to bear its ugly head.

“Beats sitting alone and watching the person that won’t fuck me try to fuck someone else.”

His words slice through her, deflating her with one sentence. His ears are ringing again, for a different reason this time. Nicholas can’t believe he just said that. Put the girl he loves in front of him in a room full of spectators and started distributing lash after lash, watching her bleed out because of him. He doesn’t notice the moment his hands start shaking, the moment the bile starts rising in his throat, the glass of her teary eyes the only thing he can focus on. Knows he can’t take this back, wishes he could, thinks it might be for the better.

If this is something he’s capable of, he’s never deserved her in the first place.

He starts walking backwards in a daze when her hard voice stops him.

“Fuck you if you go back to her, Nicholas.”

In a voice that he doesn’t recognize, he says, “Fuck me, then.”

***

He ends up not doing it.

The girl- Tara is her name, as it turns out- doesn’t seem to mind much, hands him his shirt that she gracelessly tore from his body, presses a small kiss to his cheek.

“’m gonna go back to the party, ‘kay?”

He nods wordlessly and waits until he hears the click of the door closing, then lets himself fall heavily onto the bed in the guest room of the house. He thinks about locking the door, but his legs feel like lead, preventing him from getting up. What the hell is he doing? What the hell was he thinking, talking to her like that? His baby, his (Y/N), the girl that relies on him so heavily yet twists his heart into knots until it feels like it’s going to stop.

If he goes there with her, he knows, he’s never letting her go, and what good would that do for her? Her brilliant little self would be stuck with him, with his average grades and later his average job, hiding from their family and friends, putting on a front so they wouldn’t be questioned; with his bad temper and violent grip, his loud voice and the fear, the guilt that eats at him day in and day out. He’d pluck that beautiful rose from a prosperous garden and watch it wilt on his windowsill. Gladly, at that, so long as it’s within his eyeshot.

Nicholas can’t do that to her. Thinking about letting her go kills him, but he can’t do that to her.

He fixes his clothes and his hair before stepping out of the room and into the booming of the music downstairs, looking around to make sure nobody saw him. Sneaking out of the house is easy now that everyone’s too drunk to pay him any mind and he almost makes it to his car that he’s parked two houses down- away from anyone that might stumble outside and fuck with it- but luck is not on his side tonight and he gets noticed.

“How was it, huh, Nick?” he hears her voice, slurred and mean, and it sends a shiver down his spine.

Not here, not now, not like this, please. But he can’t move when she goes on.

“Was she good for you? Obedient, just the way you like? She let you throw her around, make you feel like a real big man, huh? Answer me!”

Her grip is tight as she grabs him and turns him to face her, albeit clumsily. He lets her, because at this point, he deserves every hiss and snarl she sends his way. No, he won’t answer her, same way he won’t meet her eyes, can’t.

“Why don’t you want me?” she sobs, lets her head fall forward to rest against his chest. Nicholas inhales sharply, his sight getting blurry. “I try so hard, and yet… you just don’t wan’ me. Did you get bored, is that it? Is there- Can I do anything to- to-“

“Stop!” he snaps, grabs her by her shoulders and pulls her away, looks at that tear streaked face, those blotchy cheeks, that cherry red mouth. Wants to kiss it, reels himself in, hates himself for even the thought. “(Y/N), please… please don’t.”

All at once, her face hardens.

“Don’t what!” she screams, makes him scared that someone will overhear their heated argument, but the lawn is empty of people and every house on the street is dark. “You don’t, Nicholas! Where the fuck is all of this coming from?”

His eyes close without his say-so, trying so hard to keep his patience in check.

“You’re the one who’s throwing this all away, and for what?” she continues, oblivious to the sound of his heart cracking. “For that girl in there? She that good, Nick?” He tenses when she gets close again, the tequila on her breath making him nauseous as she nuzzles his cheek with her nose, starts peppering his skin with kisses. “I can be just as good, big brother, I promise. Let you do anything you wan’, don’t gotta have any limits, not with you. Please, Nicholas. Please, just gimme a chance, wanna prove it to you, wanna be your good little girl, pl-“

“I said fucking stop it, (Y/N),” he yells when he can’t take it anymore, grabs her hair in a tight fist and yanks her head back, makes her look up at him. He’s seen that fear in her eyes before- seen it directed at him, even- but it’s always been clouded by lust, by need. Now it’s pure, unadulterated, and it makes him swallow down bile. “You think that I don’t want you, stupid girl? You think I don’t die a little every time you fucking ask me for this, and I have to say no? What have we been doing that you think this isn’t all I want? All I fucking want, you hear me?”

His cheeks are damp but he doesn’t care, can’t bring himself to stop.

“It’s all I want,” he finishes weakly, presses his face into her hair as he tries to calm his breathing down. He loosens his grip while he’s at it, suddenly aware of every strained muscle in his body. Nicholas feels bone-deep tired.

“So why deny us, huh? Why are you doing this to-“

“All I want,” he starts, voice hard through how shaky he’s feeling, “is to take you to parties and dance with you and kiss you when you’re tipsy, feel you up a little, take you home and tuck you into bed but I can’t. And all I want is to hold your fucking hand when we walk down the halls of our college, but I can’t. I can’t tell my friends about you, I can’t know if you’re only mine when I let you go out with your fucking friends, I can’t have any of that. How much longer, huh? How much longer can we take the hiding until it fuckin’ breaks us, baby?”

He just wants her to see. He’s not the bad guy here, he’s doing this for her.

The tremble in her lips makes his stomach turn, knowing his words are the cause for it.

“So why pursue me in the first place, Nicholas?” she snaps, angry now, and it makes his temper rise. As if she’s the only one hurt by this. “Why not leave me alone, huh? You are the one who started this, and you pushed and you pushed and now you’re, what, scared? You should’ve just left me be, fuck!”

“Do you think I knew I’d fall in love with you when I first started this?” he bellows, ears ringing at the urgency of his words, the anger, threatening to choke him if he doesn’t get them out, consequences be damned. His grip on her arms tightens despite her wide-eyed stare. “I didn’t fuckin’ like you, (Y/N), I couldn’t stand you when I first had you. I wanted to fuck you up for being such a brat. But then,” all his bravado, all the air in his lungs leaves him at once and he gentles his hands, moves them into her hair as he eyes her face. That beautiful face. “But then you turned out to be the best girl f’me. Just needed a firm grip, didn’t you? Needed your big brother’s guidance.”

There are tears streaming down her rosy cheeks again, stirring up something ugly in his gut.

“You fucking ruined me, is what you did, and now that I’m trying to be selfless for once, you won’t let me! What the fuck do you want from me, huh? Fuck you!”

She’s staring at him slack-jawed, eyes wide, but he can’t bring himself to care. He’s angry and he’s drained and he wishes he were numb. There’s still some tequila in his father’s cabinet, he’ll sneak that when he gets home, drink it by the pool and do his best not to drown himself in the chlorine filled water.

He shakes her off and steps away. “Call a cab when you decide to go home, don’t you fucking dare get in a car with those whore friends of yours, y’hear me? I mean it, (Y/N). I see you coming home in anything other than a taxi, I’ll make you regret it in a way you won’t like.”

There’s that fear again, but that’s a good thing. Maybe that’ll make her stay away. He’s too out of it to drive, so he walks.

***

He heard her enter the house last night, saw the cab drive off. It didn’t take her long to come home, and by then, Nicholas had already abandoned his plans of drinking himself into a stupor. Better to avoid that hellish hangover. He’s proud of himself today.

Leaving his room is not much of an option to him and when he really does have to, he first makes sure she’s nowhere to be found. He sneaks food into his room and only uses the bathroom once his bladder feels like bursting. It’s a small price to pay for avoiding the awkwardness that’d come with running into her.

Monday comes around and they have to leave for classes at the same time, which means they have to get ready at the same time. Nick isn’t looking forward to that.

She stumbles out of her room when he’s on his way back to his from the bathroom, and the tense eye contact they make feels like it’s inevitable. She opens her mouth as if to say something, but he steps aside and disappears before she can, heart in his throat. He hates this. Hates it so much, wishes he didn’t have to do it, wills himself not to give in.

The next few days pass by like that, with the air thick around them. She tries, always does, his girl isn’t one to back down that easily. For once he wishes she would.

At breakfast she sits next to him, drives her toes along his calf. He ignores it, keeps chewing his oatmeal.

“Nicholas, please,” she whispers, conscious of their parents bustling around the house, getting ready for work. “Let’s talk.”

It only takes a moment, but his appetite is gone. He lets his spoon fall into the bowl with a clink before he pushes his chair back, its scraping against the floor undoubtedly making gooseflesh appear on her skin, and he gets up to leave the room. Healthy breakfast and heartbroken little sister abandoned behind him, but that’s what he’s got to do.

In the bathroom when he’s getting ready for bed, she steps behind him, presses her chest to his naked back, surely feels his pulse hammering. She knows his weak spots, so it slices like a knife when she whimpers, “Big brother, please… Please, don’t do this,” into his ear, and it takes all of his willpower to not slam her against the door and ravish her mouth right then and there. He bends to spit in the sink, doesn’t bother wiping his mouth before his sharp elbow finds her body, doesn’t hit but shoves her firmly away from him so he can exit the room. Her inhale, sharp from the hurt he just caused, stays with him until he falls into a fitful sleep.

Ignoring her is the highest form of cruelty she thinks he can allow himself right now, but Nicholas knows better. It’d be crueler to take her for himself, keep her, keep her away from everyone and everything that isn’t him, because that is what he wants. And she’d let him. Stupid, wide-eyed girl she is, she’d let him. And he’d hate himself for it. Hate how much he’d love it.

It's been so long that he’s surprised that he still recognizes the sound of it, but once he hears it, he can’t ignore it. Grip tight on that last thread of patience, he waits with clenching fists for her bedroom door to open before he storms into the hallway, grabs her throat and slams her against the wall next to the bathroom door. Her gasp of surprise gets lost to him when he sees the apprehension, borderline fear in her eyes, but he ignores it. Finds her hand and wrenches the soiled toy from her grip, throws it on the ground and, without breaking eye-contact, crunches it under his foot.

It satisfies him for only a second, then he feels numb.

“Who do I go to now, when I have this… problem?” she asks, voice small, and even the thought of her with someone else makes him boil over with rage.

Making sure she hears every syllable he mutters; Nicholas gets close to hiss, “I ever see you with someone else, it’ll be the end of you both, do you fucking hear me?”

He knows it’s unfair, but she needs to know that, despite everything, she’ll never not belong to him. Not while they share a roof.

He waits for her shaky nod before he disappears again, leaves her leaning against the wall.

***

Nicholas is unsure of her play here. She doesn’t let up, no matter how many times she’s shrugged off, rejected, ignored. It pains him immensely to do that to her, but what choice does he have? His obsession had reached a new, scary height, and he doesn’t want to bear the weight of her ruin on his conscience.

It's almost midnight, he’s had a long, shitty day- hell, a shitty week, even- and he’s looking forward to a hot shower and the softness of his mattress under his aching back. Steps sluggish, he makes his way into the kitchen, sees the leftover lasagna in the microwave and decides to heat it up despite the late hour. He’s got to be up in six hours. Fuck his life.

He doesn’t know what’s wearing him down the most: how stressful college has been lately, how tense the atmosphere at home leaves him, or the fact that he hasn’t gotten off in days, all his fantasies looping back to his little stepsister, making him even more frustrated than before; but when he hears the pitter patter of her naked feet approaching him, he leans his forehead against the cabinet and pleads instead of ignoring, “Not now, (Y/N). Please. I can’t. Not now.”

Nicholas knows he’s a cruel man, knows what he’s capable of, how low he can stoop when he needs to, but let it be said, once and for all, that his girl is not a smidge better than he is. She observes, memorizes, pouts, attacks. She puts herself back together for the sole purpose of him having something to chip away at. That is his doing, he knows. He’s carved her into an entirely new animal.

Rosy scent fills his nostrils when she plasters herself to his back, and he doesn’t need to look to know how stunning she is.

“Did you mean it, big brother?” she rasps, intertwines her hands in front of his stomach. At his questioning hum, she clarifies, “When you said you loved me, did you mean it?”

The pain slices through his gut like a dull knife, and he’s so, so tired.

He nods.

“I know,” she says, “I’ve known for a while. I can feel it.”

It’s just about the worst thing she could’ve said, her words hitting and making him crumble as he swiftly turns around, ears ringing with rage. It doesn’t take much to bring her to her knees, pliant as she is, and as soon as her glossy eyes meet his, her head cracks to the right, the shape of his palm immediately blossoming on her cheek.

The microwave dings, but the sound is not nearly enough to snap him out of his delirium.

Her cheeks feel soft against his fingertips when he grips them, turns her head to look at him.

“Yeah?” he hisses, lets go and strikes her again, in the opposite direction this time. “You feelin’ it, huh? You feel loved right now, baby?”

One more, then one more, one more, he loses count. She starts crying because this is a trigger point for her tears, he smirks devilishly because he knows that, of course he fucking knows that. But she lets him. Looks up at him again and again, after every strike, silent begging in her eyes as if she’s saying if this is what it takes to have you, I’ll give it to you, if this is what you need, I shall give it to you.

It fills him with rage, sadness, gratitude. A mix of emotions that threatens to overwhelm him.

By the time he’s done, her cheeks are fiery red and tear stained, the skin of his hands pulsing slightly. She took it like a champ, despite the snot running down to her lip, despite her labored breathing.

God, he’s so stupid for not checking if their parents are asleep. He should’ve, but he lost himself in her. If they had gotten caught, it would’ve been her fault, yet again.

“That’s what it’s like, with me,” he breathes, gets really close so he can whisper those words into her mouth. “’s that what you want, little girl? Is that what love is, huh?”

She doesn’t skip a beat.

“With us it is,” she sobs, eyes darting down to his lips and back to the chocolate of his eyes. “I love you, Nicholas.”

Hearing those words come from that gorgeous mouth is like a round of buckshot to his brain, and he gives in, gives in to the heaven and the hell that awaits him.

She’s easy for him to pick up- his body made to support hers, he feels like- and she immediately wraps her legs around his waist, finds his hair and pulls him towards her cherry red lips. They taste like salt and a rotten promise and he’ll take that over the heartbreak he’s felt these past few weeks any day.

This house has been his home for long enough that he doesn’t need to watch where he’s going as he walks them to the bathroom, doesn’t need to detach his mouth from hers, doesn’t have to stop the suck of his lips around her tongue. Seating her onto the countertop, he pushes away gently and locks the door, starts the shower, takes his shirt off as he watches her do the same. Nimble fingers undo her pants, his strong grip tears them off her long legs, leaving her in a sweet matching pair of underwear. Meant for daily use, comfortable, not for the debauchery he plans for tonight.

Well, not plans exactly, he thinks as he undoes his own belt, gets rid of his own pants under her watchful gaze. He wasn’t planning this, and he doubts that she was, either. He’s following something that feels like instinct, is taking his time as if he’s seeing her for the first time. Maybe he is, in a new light, at least. The way her eyes sparkle as they trace him top to bottom, he assumes it’s the same for her.

They don’t break eye contact when he removes her underwear first, then his own, no need for greedy gazes. This is theirs, has been theirs, from the beginning of time. This feels like coming home.

Legs around his torso again, one wide step into the shower, matching sighs as the steam of the hot water engulfs them. Careful not to get her hair wet, Nick angles her away from the stream, kisses her until her grip on him is lax enough to let go. An exchange of words is not needed as they watch each other through hooded eyes, as they use gentle hands and familiarly scented products to wash each other, prepare each other, take care of each other. The knot in his stomach is the tightest it’s ever been, and he knows it’s because added to the pleasure and lust is now the undoubted thrum of love he feels for her. He can’t wait to release that into her body, cock so hard it makes his skin vibrate.

While rinsing her off, he leans down to whisper, “You’re so beautiful, little girl. Your face, your body, they will bruise after tonight.”

Her head falls back onto his shoulder, getting the tiny curls on her nape wet.

“Wanna hurt for you,” she whimpers, lip trembling. Her tears are barely visible through the steam. “I’ve missed it, Nicholas, you have no idea.”

And that’s the crux of it all, isn’t it?

He indeed has no idea. He has no idea how she so willingly presents herself for slaughter by his hand. He thought himself sick and twisted, but her naked need makes even his veins run cold.

“God, you’re so fucked, (Y/N),” he chuckles, no humor behind it. He turns her around forcefully, doesn’t ease his grip on her upper arm. He tilts his voice down a notch, coos, “Did you get dropped on your head as a baby, sweetheart? Did mommy and daddy not love you enough as a child? What happened to you that crossed your wires enough to let me do this to you, huh? Have you got no self-respect at all?”

It's all her fault. He wants, but so does she. He needs, and she lets him. Her fault.

Her smile is gentle, almost sad, when she reaches up and tucks away a strand of his hair.

“Maybe it’s just you.”

Huh. Maybe it is.

His lips feel numb as they press against hers, insistent tongue making itself a home in her too-honest mouth, and together they stumble through the process of drying each other’s skin, following rubs of a towel with kisses and licks. It’s their floor so they have no qualms about leaving the bathroom naked, and he leads them into his room automatically. He wants her surrounded by his scent, drowning in it, claimed on the outside the same way he’s going to claim her on the inside.

Nibbling teeth graze his pounding pulse point before she whispers, “Do me bare tonight, big brother. ‘ve been on the pill for weeks now.”

That request, those tiny words, make his brain short circuit for a second before he smashes his body into hers, throws them onto the bed together. He kisses every inch of skin he can reach without moving his head too far away from hers, wants her to see the fire in his eyes.

“Made for me, weren’t you?” he pants between presses of lips, between the sounds of her moans, “Oughta thank your parents for this masterpiece, this wretched little fuckdoll they’ve gifted me, fuck. ‘m gonna load you up so good, you’ll have to pray that none of it takes.”

She whines all little sister overwhelmed, grabby hands on his toned body, seeking out the cock he hasn’t let her touch in weeks. She’s a come greedy girl, always has been, playing with it every chance she gets. Tonight, he’ll make sure to breed her up good so she can find new games for her body to play. It’s his turn right now, though, the hunger for her body clawing its way up his dry throat. Skilled togue licking a path down her neck, between her breasts, over her soft tummy and to her throbbing mound, Nicholas doesn’t break eye contact as he licks a sweep across her center.

Her legs fall open obscenely, as far as they will go, and her wide eyes don’t dare look away from his face. He’s got her right where he wants her, pinned like an insect under his heated gaze.

“Missed this cunt,” he moans, parts her swollen lips with his tongue before teasing at her dripping hole, smirking at the way it’s pulsing. “Even though you haven’t been good for me, I know nothing can fill my little girl up the way this fat cock can.”

“B-been good, only t-touched once,” she stammers, and he chuckles darkly.

“Aw, only once and I caught you doin’ it? Unlucky.”

Her knuckles in her mouth keep her from screaming as he starts sucking ruthlessly on her clit, thumbs pushing her pussylips apart to tease at her entrance. He’s not going to give her prep, wants her tight and wet around him, wants to punish-fuck that cunt apart and show her what happens when she’s being a tempting little whore.

It doesn’t take long for her orgasm to crash through her smooth body, making her grip the sheets as hard as she’s gripping his hair, causing him to hide his hiss in her skin. It’s okay, though, she can hurt him all she wants. It’ll never compare to what he’s going to do to her. Spitting her own juices into her mouth and watching her swallow them down greedily, open her up for more, makes him feral. He wants to drench her in everything he can give her.

“Nasty bitch,” he grins, makes her whine in delicious embarrassment, spits onto her tongue and smacks her on the mouth as she gulps it down.

“Yours, Nicholas,” she moans, “Say it, please, say it, make me.”

“You’re mine,” he moans, bites into the delicate skin of her neck and holds her down through her scream. He draws a smidge of blood, can taste it, keeps it for himself. “You’ve been mine, and you always will be mine. Nobody gets to have you like I do, to fuck you up the way I will.”

“Wan’ it, ‘m not scared.”

That statement makes a cruel laugh escape his throat as he climbs up her body, places his knees on either side of her head, grips his cock in one hand and smacks it on her stuck out tongue a couple times, revels in her whining. His balls are aching something fierce, but it’s easier to take now that he knows she’s there to let him dump all that come inside of her.

“You oughta be,” he smirks before he grabs her hair and shoves his dick as far back into her throat as it will go, no preamble, no mercy.

She chokes immediately, because of course she does, he hasn’t given her any time to adjust, but he doesn’t care. Nicholas’ mission for tonight is to show her that he owns her fully, and if he says she doesn’t need a voice for speaking, then he’s the one who gets to take that away from her.

“Yeah, take that dick,” he groans through grit teeth, guiding her head back and forth the way he likes, the way she wishes she could take him, but he makes sure to keep control and have her struggle one hundred percent. “Missed this, didn’t you? Choke f’me, little girl, that’s a good stepsister.”

The thrashing sound behind him comes from her legs, but she makes no move to give him their agreed-upon sign for when she can’t safeword out, and he takes advantage of that fully. Pulls out, slaps his spit-soaked length across that gorgeous face, pushes back in. Groans at her constricting throat, cants his hips up to feel her chin against his full balls. When her tears and spit and sobs have satisfied him enough, he gets off her and pulls her into his lap, kisses her deeply.

“Need you,” she sobs against his mouth, licks his bottom lip, “Wanna feel you fucking me, I’ve waited so long, Nicholas.”

Who is he to deny his babysister anything?

He keeps her in his lap as he lines his cock up with her drenched pussy and pulls her down as he thrusts up in one fluid motion. A wide palm muffles her screams, and already he’s addicted to the feeling of making sure her agony goes unnoticed. It’s probably ripping at her walls on the inside, the way he so ruthlessly gave her the entirety of him, but he wants her to feel it, wants her to keep feeling it for days.

Her body is lax, but he doesn’t mind, gives her his bicep to hold on to, snaps his hips up to feed the tightest little hole he’s ever been in, fighting through the dizziness.

“That’s a good baby, fuck,” he pants, sucks at her chin, “yeah, scream for me. Let everyone know what your brother is doing to that cunt, you sick little fuck.”

“So de-e-ep, N-Nick,” she whines in gargled syllables, and he grins as he punches up.

“Not gonna stop ‘til your cervix is the same color as my cockhead, y’hear me?”

“Fuck,” she whines from deep within her chest, ruts her hips against his as if in heat, and he can’t suppress the nasty grin that makes its way onto his face.

This is her being delirious with need, unapologetic in the way she’s chasing her pleasure, selfless with how she’s breathing through the pain he’s undoubtedly causing her just so he can feel good. She was made for him; he’s never been surer of anything in his messed up little life.

A large palm on her stomach, a slight push, has her tearing up. “You feel me here, baby? I’m turning your body inside out, y’feel it?”

A shaky nod, nothing more.

He fucks her like that for a while, hauls her up and down his cock, meets her on the comedown, bites and sucks at the skin of her face and tastes the salt there. Nicholas has been close ever since he stuck his dick inside her sister-sweet pussy, but he’s good at holding it off. That self-control he keeps talking about, as you can see. He’s proud of himself.

When her body seizes up at one particularly hard thrust, he knows he’s got her number.

“That the spot, huh, baby?” he grins, bites his lip in concentration as he hits it again, gaze never leaving her bug-eyed stare. “That the spot I own? The little spot your big brother’s gonna make you come with?”

“G-gonna, plea-please, need- need it, b-big brother, n-“

“Let go for me, (Y/N). Lemme feel my baby’s cunt clench around this fat cock.”

It’s pure porn, the way they fuck, the way they talk- but it’s heaven, the way she clenches around him and comes with a choked cry. Her heart is hammering against his chin where he’s got it pressed to her chest, looking up at that ecstasy-stricken face. If this is heaven, she is his God.

The fact that he has to use most of his strength to hold her down when she comes surprises him, pushes him so close to climax he has to grit his teeth until they hurt so he wouldn’t let go so soon. Her body is spasming, trying to buck off him, but he’s willed to fuck her through it until she’s shaking with it, nearing overstimulation. Once she’s done, breathing labored but body lax, he grabs her thighs and flips them so he’s on top of her, nestled deep within her guts and comfortable. When he starts giving it to her from that position, her hands start flailing until they find his back, short nails digging into his sweat-soaked skin.

“Yeah, jus’ lie there and take it,” he groans, nails her g-spot with every trust, knows where it is blindly. “Good little girl, good little fucktoy. Fuck, making my cock feel so good.”

“You’re fucking me,” she’s gasping, genuinely surprised as if she’s been in a trance so far. “Your cock is inside me. Your big fucking cock. And you’re fucking me. Fuck, Nicholas… fuck.”

It’s then that she comes again, taking them both off-guard, and Nicholas has to still completely so he wouldn’t just cream her tight pussy up right then and there. She works him good, too good.

“Fuck, (Y/N),” he laughs, as if mesmerized, “what the fuck are you doing to me.”

Her tears are running freely now, body shaking under his as he lines himself up and pushes in in one long, brutal thrust, giving her no time to adjust before he’s hiking her legs up over his shoulders and snapping his hips into hers. He’s close and he can feel it, bites his lip as he stares into her clouded eyes. There’s droplets of his sweat on her face and he moans when her sweet tongue darts out and licks some of them up. She’s his. She’s his and he’s hers but she is his.

“Fuck, fuck- oh baby, gonna-“

“Come inside me, big brother,” she breathes, voice shot. “Give your baby your babies.”

He squeezes his eyes shut and lets go, loses all his brain capacity along with his load, slumps over her powerlessly when he finishes. The way she immediately starts stroking his back makes him smile into the skin of her neck, pressing a small kiss there.

They hold each other, sweaty and sated and bone-deep tired.

“Y’re mine now,” he whispers into the side of her face, kisses here there.

She hums.

“Been yours for a long time now, Nicholas.”

He supposes she has.

***

It’s a slow process, the getting closer without raising suspicion. They start with hanging out more, talking more where people can hear them, helping each other out with assignments and chores. Their parents love it, how they’re getting along better than ever.

What they’ll never know is that it’s been a long while since they’ve slept in separate beds, that almost every night Nicholas fucks (Y/N) to tears while whispering what a good little sister she’s being to her big brother, that they’re the same brand of twisted and loving it. They’ll never know that each piece of furniture they help their kids pick out for the new apartment they’re moving into together, in a city far away that offers better postgrad programs than the college in the one they live in, will have their combined juices on it at some point. They’ll never know why exactly (Y/N) let herself get officially adopted by Nicholas’ father, why she chose to take on the last name everyone else in the family has been carrying for years now. They’ll never know that in that city, their kids don’t tell anyone that they’re stepsiblings, but that they’re a young married couple, having moved shortly after the wedding to start a new life together, that the little detail about their relation is something they only mention when Nicholas is balls-deep inside his little girl and wants to make her even wetter than she was before. They’ll never know that Nicholas loses his temper, sometimes, and decorates their little girl’s cheek with his fingerprints. They’ll never know how she cries when he does, but he’s her big brother who knows what’s best for her, so she lets him.

They’d never understand that this is what makes them happy. They’re together, they’re happy, and it’s all his doing. He did this, built this relationship up, nurtured it into something livable. He did this, not her.

He did.

taglist (imma tag this off the top of my head sorryyy): @exqorcism @lalavenderangel @nicholaschavezbby @emluvsuxo @hoeforanakin @faeromis @niteskysx @makebanks @aisforarlili @khloberry <3

#mine #my writing #stepbro!nicholas x fem!reader #nicholas alexander chavez #nicholas alexander chavez fan fiction #nicholas alexander chavez x reader #nicholas alexander chavez x fem!reader #nicholas chavez x reader #nicholas chavez #nicholas alexander chavez x you #nicholas Chavez x you #grotesquerie #monsters the lyle and erik menendez story

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lurkingshan · 2 days ago

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Old QL Game

Rules: Think about the oldest BLs you've ever watched. They have to have been released prior to 2020. Now name 5 - 10 iconic scenes that you cannot forget.

Tagged by my favorite @negrowhat. This is a good game for this moment when current BL is not really hitting for me. Let's reminisce! I will be altering the directive a bit here because I don't generally think about or remember shows in terms of individual scenes, but rather for narratives that I loved.

Puppy Honey (2016)

If you're surprised to see this on my list, you must not know me. The show that launched the most enduring pair in Thai BL will always have a special place in my heart (despite how objectively terrible it is). I loved this scene for Rome's bravery and Pick's warring desires. Pick seemed like he was going to jump right out of his own skin when Rome kissed him; he loved it and hated it and he had no idea what to do with that. It's one of the more honest portrayals of internalized homophobia in a genre that often prefers to exist in the bubble, and the awkward nature of the actors' early dynamic fits the story well.

No Touching At All (2014)

It's not so much a moment in this Japanese film, it's the entire thing (though shoutout to a classic confession in the snow). It's my favorite kind of love story, about two damaged people trying to find the bravery to trust each other. I loved is so much that I rewatched it as soon as I finished it. It was inaccessible for a long time, but it's now on Gaga and y'all should watch it if you haven't yet!

Some More (2018)

Eboni already mentioned Long Time No See, so let me shout out another early Strongberry piece. Some More is a classic romance set up--city boy crashes into the life of a farm boy--and it's so so sweet and charming. My favorite moment is this one on the beach, when Dongsoo bravely tells Inpyo they're both feeling it and gives him the green light to make his move. It's my favorite of the Strongberry shorts (the whole thing is under 30 mins).

Make it Right (2016)

Love Sick has already received a lot of love, so let me instead focus on its eternally disrespected sibling, Make it Right. I love this show despite its low production quality, green cast, and some of its more questionable narrative choices. There's something very raw and real about its depiction of teenage boys (which is why the bl fandom was so uncomfortable with it, if we're being honest). Frame and Book are my favs, and I particularly loved their season 1 story. Frame was such an interesting character--he was kind and genuinely well-intentioned but also kind of dense and promiscuous and lacking the maturity to understand how Book's experiences made it difficult for him to trust Frame. I loved watching their messy journey to trusting each other.

The Novelist (2018)

As much as people like to bang on about the surge of racy Thai BLs with plentiful NC17 scenes, Japan did it first and best with The Novelist and the rest of the subsequent Pornographer series. It's not possible to pick a single moment from this show that sticks out for me, there are way too many. Rio and Haruhiko have one of the most compelling relationship dynamics ever to grace my screen and I still think about them years after I finished their story. The sex in this show is not gratuitous or here primarily to be aesthetically pleasing, it's closely tied to their character and relationship development and deeply important to the story. Hard to imagine anything topping it.

I wil stop there because I simply do not have time to keep going. Tagging some others to play if you haven't yet (apologies if you already did this and I missed it, I am barely on the dash lately :/): @soypim @thisonelikesaliens @italianpersonwithashippersheart @trilliastra @pharawee @wanderlust-in-my-soul @watchthisqqq.

#multi bl #tag game

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catboythanatos · 3 days ago

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thanks for the tag :D

fav colour: i love all colours it is soo hard to say but i love a good sunsetty orange, or a lavender

currently reading: listening technicallyyy to the audiobook version but the novel "when she was me" by marlee bush, really enjoying so far

last song: wicked by korn/chino moreno [this is the Worst possible song for it to be man listen i Know that this is a song that sounds like utter dogshit but it scratches sumn in my brain...]

last film: my partner n i just watched captain america: the winter soldier

last series: i dont remember what one we watched last lol but my partner n i are in the midst of watching one piece, the rehearsal s2, and (re-)watching doom patrol :)

sweet/salty/savory: erm all of the above it depends on my mood

tea or coffee: tea,, i love green tea, sencha is my favorite that i have at home but i also ♡ a good matcha latte. also boba order iced green passionfruit tea with some kind of jellies <3. and i dont really fw regular coffee just on its own however i LOOOOVE a good latte or a funny little cold coffee drink like iced capp or a flavoured cold brew yummerss

working on: chapter 4 of give me your heart & your soul... we r gonna get there eventually i promise u

tagging: no pressure but @yeehaw-bot @kerbubbles

Nine People I Wish I Knew Better

i've never gotten tagged in these before, it's kinda exciting :D -> and so a very special thanks to: @rose-margaritas n @robyngoesrogue

Favorite Colour: green!!! or grey, or sage

Currently Reading: Like We're Gonna Die Young (Again) by RoseGanymede95 [go read it, it's amazing >:3c]

Last Song: E.T. by Katie Perry

Last Film: i don't really watch movies that often, so i couldn't say ^óWo^ |u u |__

Last Series: last one i watched all the way through was Étoile, and i'm currently debating watching Red, White, and Royal Blue :3

Sweet//Salty//Savory: i prefer more savory things, but my drinks are sweet enough to give ya cavities hehe

Tea or Coffee?: my sociology teacher told me that if i replaced all the coffee i drank with hard drugs i'd have a serious addiction problem

Working On: ooh... so much actually.. so so much. i've got a post-canon Étoile fic i've gotten like- halfway through [featuring jayenne AND gabias] a pokemon Étoile au [bc i love pokemon] a stobotnik fic i'm struggling with, two wbk fics, a link click fic i'm stuck on, QUITE a few polychampions fics, annnd a few more in the beginning stages of fleshing ;3

Tagging [i hope it's not a bother]: @sun-shine-lolli-pops @noteofjoy @technically-human @justcallmeemily @littlepocketuniverse @zephie-zee @candy-coated-eyes @notthemonthbutmarch @starguardianniom

#yayy thanks for the tag :]#danny rambles #tag game #i love to talk about funny little drinks #i need a creamy cold brew or a passionfruit tea with mango jelly rn its not funny anymore #continuing the stob mutuals train #also inkbomber your coffee choice sounds insane i am intrigued i want to try it

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butchcaseyjones · 7 months ago

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i would sell my soul to see more moxie/ellington fanart

after all that they deserve to be wholesome lighthousecore lesbians

#atwq #all the wrong questions #snicketverse #asoue #a series of unfortunate events #moxie mallahan #ellington feint #moxington #moxie/ellington #moxie mallahan/ellington feint #please i cant be the only person in the world who ships them PLEASE #i have no artistic ability #I WROTE A FIC THATS ALL I CAN OFFER #also in my heart and soul an older moxie and ellington are soooo butchfemme #taking femme fatale very literally #i have 1 million thoughts about them. if you even care #if anyone draws them i will love you forever and ever

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brittie-frog · 2 years ago

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I'm so down bad for Maddox and Ashlyn that my three favourite scenes are:

3. The Redlyn breakup - the chillest break up, Red supporting Ashlyn going after Maddox and the most insane storyline of Red realising he's bi because he kisses Seb

2. Just the entirety of Maddox during opening night - having an existential breakdown over your love life that you break the sound controls and then just give up on your stage manager duties and disappear (probably to help quinn)

1. The confession - a scene I want on repeat: the explanations of how afraid they are of how much they like the other then the "should we just stay friends?" Before having such a love induced make out their just completely ignore Carlos being there. (Also Maddison giving up and telling Maddox to stop coming back to her when she clearly likes Ashlyn... my baby just needed that push)

I love all my queer children but these two are the wlw so I love them just slightly more.

#the hilarity of EJ seeing Maddox so focused on Ash that she forgot his question at the end of s3 that he immediately went and #CARVED THEIR NAMES INTO A TREE WITH HEART TO SHOW THEM WHEN THEY FINALLY GOT TOGETHER #i love them all #also i will not take arguments about the most crack storyline #Seb and Red kissing came out of no where and hit me like a metal chair #the french guy not actually being french and liking red felt right in my soul #granted i literally dont remember s2 and barely recognised him nevermind remember anything that happened between him and Ash #and jared(?) was just annoying #he showed up ruined madlyn first kiss admitted he liked carlos and then disappeared #its definitely a season i will rewatch at some point soon maybe as well as season 3 #hsmtmts #high school musical #madlyn #maddox x ashlyn #ashlyn caswell #hsmtmts season 4 #high school musical the musical the series #im sad its the end i wish i could have an entire season of just madlyn fluff #but im happy with two seasons of pinning and a brilliant confession

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morningstargirl666 · 11 months ago

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Favorite Line Tag Game

Rules: Share a favorite line that you've read or written that impacted you!

tagged by @that-sarcastic-optimist

I won't be in the history books; that's for you. But I loved you first. As long as they get that right, I don't care what they say.

~Not Easily Conquered

Tagging @stars-and-darkness

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brown-little-robin · 1 year ago

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the terrible thing about having been into mp100 for several years now and rewatching and rereading it several times is I have started to rethink my first impressions of it. which is FANTASTIC except that now I need to go through and rework my character tags, hope no one new finds my old manic mp100 rambling, and probably officially abandon my old mp100 fic because the wonky characterization bugs me too much 😔

#I wrote those first two chapters with love but I can't do it... I'd have to edit the heart and soul out of that fic to make it fit my curre—#current standards... every day I think about how I shoved the Kageyama brothers and Teru and Shou together into a friendgroup #I don't *regret* it because I did write it with love and with all my then-current knowledge of the series but. waugh I cannot #mob-blogging #sorta #old fic in question is Paternity Test btw #Mrs. Kageyama Reaches ???% I'm genuinely proud of

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outofmymindbebacklater · 1 year ago

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well I for one, as someone who has read the books over 12 times, genuinely LOVE the changes they're making. it keeps it fresh! who knows what the next scene is gonna be? not me either

#like!!!!#sure it's not *perfect* but I love it so much #it's so fun to watch and find out #it FEELS like a Percy Jackson adaptation yk?#I'm having so much fun watching it #and the cast clearly put in their heart and soul into their acting #they were all PHENOMENAL #I'm so excited for 4 more seasons (don't ruin this disney!!! renew it!!)#percy jackon and the olympians #pjo series #yelling into the void #and you know what I'm gonna say it #you can enjoy something separately from the source material #as I'm growing older I'm realizing that #now that my fav series are all being adapted ... is it perfect? no maybe not. but is it fun as hell and would I watch it? yes!

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eszter-hazy · 5 months ago

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Soul Sisters conveyed so much with (arguably) so little and I mean it as a compliment maximus. It is just soooo perfeeeeect, I truly adored the vibe and the combination of fun and serious. It really made me want to be creative and free and create fun queer stuff freely and as you may know only the shows and films you like make you feel this way.

#my two cents #that i NEEEED to share #anyway i hold this series close to my heart #i am actually amazed that i thought i know obsession #bc i have liked so many queer series so intensely #but whenever it is lesbians....#it always changes my life #it just changes everything and i feel reborn #and i want to be creative and make queer things for all people to see #yes naive and idealistic but still i love the rush #even if i don't follow through #anyway i just love queer media especially lesbian media #soul sisters #shuang tu

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nantokanarusaa · 2 years ago

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I'm so mad I never read ao no flag when it was an ongoing series. Would have been quite the experience to share with other people. Now I'm just here screaming things into the void and to myself.

#and my roommate/best friend who only knows its a HS love triangle story and is not aware of the queer elements #cuz i do be deep in the closet #also she knows i dont usually read romance stuff and was pretty surprised #queer stories have all my heart and soul right now #i do love shoujo/romance series but they dont appeal to me as much as they used to #anyways ao no flag is really good please read it #kurosaki rambles

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displacer-beasts · 3 months ago

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God I fucking hate the argument that "Xehanort's plan is too perfect and no one would ever believe he has that nigh omniscient level of foresight to predict everyone's actions and that's why it works???" What the fuck kind of argument is that???

"it's too perfect and that's why none of you ever predicted it" THIS IS SO DUMB

#kash plays kingdom hearts #listen i love this series #its etched into my heart and soul #but fuck does DDD frustrate me #why not just have something like xigbar was spying on yen sid and heard their sleeping worlds plan and sabotaged it then #why do we need time travel at all #ughhhh

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dna-d2 · 1 year ago

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ALRIGHT YOU KNOW WHAT I'M NOT DONE YELLING ABOUT POKEMON

WHY IN THE HELL DO NINTENDO/THE POKEMON ADVENTURES GUYS HATE DIAMOND/PEARL/PLATINUM SO MUCH?????

They make what's in my opinion the best Arc/Protagonists in the manga, then proceed to NEVER HAVE ANY OF THEM SHOW UP OR EVEN BE TALKED ABOUT EVER AGAIN

Then a couple years back they started selling Collector's Editions of the manga, which I bought. Only they STOPPED SELLING THEM JUST BEFORE THEY WOULD'VE DONE D/P/P. They put out Emerald and just CALLED IT THERE, THE BASTARDS

Then they release the ABSOLUTE ABOMINATIONS that were Brilliant Diamond/Shining Pearl, which were SO BAD that they just

THEY JUST ENTIRELY SKIPPED THAT ARC IN THE MANGA. Which was LITERALLY THE ONLY REASON I WANTED THE REMAKES (Well that and the Distortion World, which they ALSO DIDN'T ADD TO THE GAMES DID THEY??? GOD THESE GAMES SUCKED)

Does Gamefreak have some sort of vendetta against Gen 4 or something?? Do they hate me personally???

Because at this point it REALLY feels like they might hate me personally

Why can't I have my boys back?? Why can't I be happy???

#“Speaking of pokemon...”#I just miss them #I just want more of their stupid jokes #I loved their stupid jokes #I wanted to get the Collector's Edition specifically so I could read the official translations of their stupid jokes #But they never released it #I'm probably gonna buy the box set #But I bet my life heart and soul that the moment I do #They're gonna release the next volume of the Collector's Edition #Because like I said #They hate me #And I'm starting to hate them #And I WILL absolutely hate them if they fuck up the potentially upcoming Black/White/Black 2/White 2 remakes #They're some of the best games in the series #And all they have to do is make it GOOD #It's NOT THAT DIFFICULT #Just put the same energy into it that you did into HG/SS #Or OR/AS #Any effort at all #Whatever #I'm done #pokemon #pokemon special #pokemon diamond #pokemon pearl #pokemon platinum #pokemon adventures

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yundeob · 10 months ago

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the parent trap | KHJ

part 1 of the Night in Hollywood!series

☆ trope: exes to lovers!au, divorced!au

☆ pairing: producer!hongjoong x designer!reader, dad!joong x mom!reader

☆ warnings: nsfw (mdni), swearing, mentions of food, mentions of food poisoning, female desc. reader, drinking, suggestiveness, smut, slight!breeding kink, oral sex (f. receiving), overstim, unprotected sex (wrap before you tap!) nipple play, titty sucking, marking, praise, slightdom!joong, blond!joong bc that itself is too much for me, mentions of (early) pregnancy, you’re both in your early thirties and make an unbelievably stubborn couple in this!

☆ synopsis: AS DIVORCED PARENTS to two twin daughters, you and hongjoong have your fair share of work cut out. Driving to piano lessons, cheering at hockey games, drop offs at each other’s houses, it can all be a little much. But could a relaxing summer retreat as a whole family possibly rekindle past emotions you’ve swept under the rug? . . .

☆ word count: 18.1k

☆ playlist: soulful strut by young-holt unlimited, l-o-v-e by nat king cole, just the way you are by billy joel, slipping through my fingers by abba, this will be (an everlasting love) by natalie cole

☆ a/n: it’s finally here. I can’t believe I’m writing this and saying it’s finally here oh my goodness. first off, thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has supported me with the series so far (shoutout to @kitten4sannie , @byuntrash101 and especially @desirehorizon for being amazing!) everyone’s sweet comments have been greatly appreciated, and I just hope this silly little fic brings a smile to your everyday lives.

ty for making writing worth it as a writer. now cue the opening credits!

“ABSOLUTELY NOT” Hongjoong says.

“But dadd,” she whines, clutching the wrinkled pamphlet closer to her chest. Eunseo’s small hands are covered in purple doodles her sister drew using a glitter pen.

“Why not?” the girl complains, shrugging her shoulders.

He sighs, pushing his glasses up with one hand as he continues typing away at the important document the producing company sent him on his laptop. He tries his best to reason with the child.

“Because, baby…” pausing to think for a moment before responding. “It would be hard for your mom and I to find a time that fits into our schedules. I’ve got work, and she must be busy as well.”

Eunseo glares at her father’s excuse.

Okay, yeah, the man knows it’s somewhat of a lie, himself.

She continues to protest by shoving the advertising pamphlet in her dads face and blocking his view of the screen. Thankfully, Hongjoong is used to these sort of work distractions, expertly avoiding her by craning his neck sideways and continuing to type away.

“But dad, it’s an amazing cottage resort! They’ve got a lake where you can go swimming in, a forest hiking trail, a bonfire to roast marshmallows and even a diner less than fifteen minutes away! So if you end up burning the camp food like last time, we can just order and eat in! Isn’t that great?” She beams.

He stops typing for a second, fingers hovering over the keyboard as he gives his first born a look that makes her immediately break into a sweet smile, batting her lashes and flashing him a look of innocence.

“Please?” She begs, standing on the edge of her feet as she gazes up at him. “The last time we went was when Eunbyul and me were toddlers.”

And how on earth could any dad’s heart not melt at the sight of his daughter trying to convince him about one harmless vacation?

Hongjoong wheels his office chair back, turning so he could look her in the eyes properly and tuck a stray hair behind her ear.

“Listen honey, I’m sorry, I really wish I could, but…” he trails off, looking back at the open tabs and file documents displayed on his computer.

Turning his head around and upon seeing a frown form on his daughter's face, he quickly reassures her.

“Once you finish your final piano recital tomorrow and your mom picks your sister up to take her to her hockey game, how about we go fishing the weekend afterwards?” he suggests, brows raising. “That’ll mean I have just the two of you all to myself.”

Eunseo mumbles under her breath, quiet but insistent enough that he catches it.

“But we’re supposed to be a family of four.”

She sulks, thinking of how that would leave you, her mother, left out of their plans. The arms holding the pamphlet up, ultimately fall down in defeat.

He places a peck on her forehead, patting her on the back. “You know, if you can get your mom to say yes, then I’ll think about it” he chuckles, knowing the highly unlikely probability of the event.

Adjusting his glasses, the producer goes back to his work, peeking his daughter slugging away from the corner of his eye.

Eunseo slumps her shoulders in defeat as she walks out of her dads office, turning the corner to see her twin sister, Eunbyeol, pressing her ears near the door with her neck outstretched. Clearly she’s been caught in the middle of trying to overhear their conversation.

The twin younger by fifteen seconds quickly rushes over, waiting expectantly.

“So? What did dad say?”

Eunseo exhales, throwing the information pamphlet away on the wooden floors and slumping against the living room couch.

“He’s totally not buggin. Said he wants to take us fishing next weekend instead. Just us three.” she grumbles.

Eunbyeol scrunches her nose at the idea.

“But dad sucks at fishing.”

Her sister groans, kicking her small feet against the couch in frustration. “I know!” Eunbyeol starts to worry, coming to sit beside her.

“Then how on earth are we going to get mom and dad to get back with each other again? They haven’t been in the same room since we were like, five!”

Her twin sister scoffs, “First, we gotta get them to have a proper conversation with each other. They barely even talk when they drop us off at each other's houses.”

Nobody truly knows why you and Hongjoong had divorced so suddenly when the girls were young. Not even themselves.

All they were used to were cold stares and one word replies shared amongst their parents, refusing to find harmony in their co-parenting.

Frankly, your girls have had enough of the performance you were both trying to maintain, looking past your expressions to realize you and your husband still held feelings for the other. It was only a matter of time and place in order to set you two up together, thus, the idea of an intimate, family getaway came into their minds.

After a few moments of letting her words hang in the air, Eunbyeol’s eyes widened to the size of saucers.

“That’s it!”

The older twin looks up quizzically, watching her sister jump off the couch and gaze at her excitedly.

“We’ll just have to force them to meet each other! We can always guilt trip them for dropping us off at their houses and making us play alone!”

Eunseo rolls her eyes at the idea. “Right, and how are we going to do that dummy? The only reason they’d do that, was if it was an emergency.”

Whoever said twin telepathy wasn’t a thing was a liar, because the second Eunseo catches onto what her sister is saying, the twins share a look of pure mischievousness, the gears in their brains working together as one.

With hushed whispers and quiet giggles, the twins immediately begin conducting their plan in secrecy near the corner of the living room, backs turned and in the middle of discussion when Hongjoong walks out of his office with an empty coffee mug.

“What are you guys doing over there?”

“Leave us alone! Family man traitor!” Eunbyeol shouts, holding a slightly hostile grudge to her father before turning back to whisper to her twin.

Hongjoong shakes his head, sighing as he heads into the kitchen.

“Then it’s perfect! I’ll stay here with dad once my piano recital is over, and then when Mom picks you up for your hockey game tomorrow, we’ll try convincing them together!”

Eunbyeol nods her head in agreement, eyes lighting up with excitement as she whispers in a hushed tone.

“And once both events end, we’ll pretend to be so sick that they have to take us to the nearby hospital.”

The other twin smirks. ”Where we’ll end up guilt tripping them into taking us to the cottage.”

They double high five in victory at their flawless plan, already waiting for tomorrow to come as soon as possible.

“A summer cottage?” you repeated, brows raising at the idea as you made a left turn onto your street.

Eunbyeol nods eagerly from the back seat after getting picked up, having ranted on and on about the ad in the pamphlet since the moment you saw her.

“It's an amazing establishment mom,” She boasts, making you laugh at her words while parking the car and unbuckling your seatbelt.

“They have everything you could possibly think of!”

“Oh, really?” You say skeptically, opening the door for her.

Eunbyeol is lost in the middle of passionately describing all the relaxing activities you could do by yourself, or rather per se, with a special partner together.

“There’s couples hiking retreats, couples canoeing, couples yoga… did I mention couples hiking retreats?” She confuses, retracing her words.

You roll your eyes and smile, keys jangling as you walk through the entrance of your apartment flat while balancing the bags and items in your hands.

Being a wedding dress designer and yet picking up your daughter from your ex-husband's house could’ve been ironic to some people. But after having split with Hongjoong since the girls were so young, you came to grow fond of having some independence as a divorcee, channeling your main focus into setting up your own bridal shop downtown.

It was through that hard work and focus that you did it all by yourself with no additional help.

You’d be lying if you said you haven't opened a bottle of red wine some nights due to loneliness as a divorced single mother, but at least that was what you had your daughters for.

You made sure to work just as hard as you did enjoy playing and spending time with them. After all, they were the light of your life and purpose for living.

Balancing the pizza you picked up on the way home, you set it down on the kitchen island, telling Eunbyeol to go wash her hands in the sink. The girl doesn’t stop ranting.

“There’s usually only two rooms in the cottage, so you’ll have to sleep together with dad, but I guess you won't mind, would you? After all, you were once married” She rolls her eyes, reaching for the soap.

You shake your head with a sigh. ”What is up with you and getting me and your father together in the same room?” you muttered as you took out the plates and utensils.

Eunbyeol eventually walks back to you, wiping her hands on her baggy jeans before sitting on the kitchen stool.

“It’s not that I’m obsessed, Mom. Actually, Eunseo and I are just dying to get away this summer now that school is over.”

Turning around from plating the pizza and salad, you chastise your daughter, telling her to sit with her bum flat on the stool so she doesn’t fall. She immediately listens, carrying on with her persuasion.

“We just want you and dad to get the chance to relax as well, that’s all!” her mouth full from a bite of hot, greasy pizza.

You smile, wiping your washed hands on the kitchen towel and coming over to wrap your arms around her affectionately.

“Spending time with you and Eunseo every week is how I relax,” you assured her, smothering your baby with kisses on her cheek.

Byeol lets out a squeal of annoyance, taking another bite of her pizza. “You’re squishing me!” She tries hiding her smile, failing when you lean in closer.

You pull back in laughter, ruffling her hair as you walk away while reminding her.

“Oh! Don’t forget you’ve got your hockey game tonight!”

Byeol chews faster, munching on the soft crust and counting down the hours on the kitchen clock.

She smiles to herself.

“Don’t worry, I know!”

“What do you mean you need to go to the hospital?” Hongjoong asks in a worried voice, standing against the women’s washroom stall. He holds Eunseo’s congratulatory flower bouquet for first place in hand, feeling the stares of multiple women passing by, clearly judging him for being in the ladies room with them.

“Honey, is everything all right?” He asks worriedly. A string of groans come from behind the door.

“You need to leave!” one old lady thrusts her walking cane at the father, lips pursed in dissatisfaction.

Eunseo did such a phenomenal job tonight for her piano recital, that Hongjoong was shocked to see his daughter clutch her stomach first thing after running down the steps of the stage, dashing to the washrooms.

He whips his head back. “My daughter’s having a bit of a situation in here, okay ma’am? Have a bit of sympathy!” He barks frustratedly out loud to the onlookers, turning back to speak in a softer voice to the stall door.

“Eunseo, baby, talk to me, is everything alright in there? Are you sure you need to go to the hospital? Is it that bad?”

The girl continues her acting performance, letting out fake groans while typing furiously on her cellphone.

“Oh the pain! I think I might have food poisoning, dad!”

Seolie: How far along are u

Byeolie: Mom’s outside, banging to come in.

Seolie: same, I told dad I needed to go to the hospital.

Eunseo lets out another groan of pain, causing Hongjoong to worry even more.

“That’s it, Eunseo. Let me in and help you” he decides, searching his bag for a painkiller or at least some sort of medication for relief.

The girl frantically checks her phone, eyes lighting up at the new message.

Byeolie: Mom’s getting the car to take me to the hospital. I’ve got her convinced to call dad soon.

Eunseo types as fast as her small fingers can move, even faster than when she performed her piano solo from before.

Seolie: Then what do I do????

Hongjoong gets slightly suspicious at the lack of sound coming from the stall, calling to his daughter again.

“Eunseo? Everything alright?”

At the next notification, the girl makes up her mind, getting the signal from her sister.

Byeolie: play dead. Mom calling soon. See ya there.

The actress gets into character, gaining her composure before unlocking the washroom stall and holding her stomach as she stumbles into her dad’s surprised arms.

“Eunseo!”

She wails, falling limp. “Oh, dad! Please! Take me to the hospital, it hurts too much!”

It’s truly a mystery which parent she got her acting skills from.

But she doesn’t have to tell him twice at that point. The man is already piggy backing his fainted daughter and sprinting out of the ladies washroom, reassuring her with soothing comments as he makes a beeline for the parking lot.

“Stay with me baby!” He huffs, unbeknownst to Eunseo who peeks one eye open.

Only after he straps his daughter in the backseat and is turning on the engine does he receive a sudden phone call from you, pressing the speaker for the whole car to hear your panicked voice. You break the news to him first.

“Eunbyeol’s severely sick. She fainted right after her hockey game.”

Hongjoong’s eyes widened. “What?”

You sighed, running a hand through your hair. “She was holding her stomach saying she ate something wrong. Is Eunseo okay?”

Hongjoong puts the stick into drive, backing out of the parking lot and replying in a hurry.

“She’s hit with the same thing right now. I’ll meet you at the Hospital in ten” he grunts, sweat forming on his brow as he speeds through traffic, not caring if he gets a ticket.

Had he looked in his rear view mirror, he would have seen Eunseo sagging near the car door, clutching her stomach with a small grin on her face.

You never liked the hospital.

The sounds of babies crying and hospital beds wheeling become the background noise, shifting nervously in your seat that was in the emergency pediatrics unit waiting area.

Hongjoong has his eyebrows furrowed, hunched over one seat beside you as he hangs his head in his hands, knees bouncing up and down. A middle aged nurse nasally calls on the next family waiting from the front desk, boredom laced in her voice.

You sigh, uncrossing your legs and choosing to bite at the fingernail on your right hand once realizing you’ve already done the same to all the ones on your left.

“It’s all my fault.” Hongjoong confesses, suddenly sitting still.

You glance to your left, watching as he sits up slowly.

“Last thing they ate together would’ve been at my house. I probably made them sick with something I fed them,” he dejects, hanging his head down in shame.

“It’s all my fault, god I’m so stupid!” He beats himself up.

You have half the mind to snap at your ex-husband, anger already filling up inside you earlier when you heard Eunbyeol suggest it was something she ate at her dad’s house. You really did want to yell at him for being so bad of a chef that he sent his own daughters to the emergency pediatrics unit, undeniably relieved that Seonghwa was working tonight’s shift.

But those cruel words sitting on the tip of your tongue are thrown away when you glance down to see your ex-husband missing a shoe on one of his feet.

Hongjoong rushed over here so fast with Eunseo that he left his shoe behind like some sort of fairytale, Cinderella. He hasn’t even realized he wasn’t wearing one right now.

You exhaled, knowing that if there's one thing you’ve learned while parenting, it was that to have patience and understanding was a virtue. Even for your ex-husband.

“It’s not your fault,” you sighed, staring at your hands folded in your lap.

It feels awkward when Hongjoong stops tugging at his blond locks to look at you in surprise, continuing to speak as you place a gentle hand on his thigh.

“That could’ve happened to anyone. We don’t know yet if it was because of the food. Let’s just pray and wait and see” your voice being a sign of reliability to him.

The man is a little shocked at your supportive nature to tell you truthfully. He delivers all the things he needs to say through his grateful gaze alone, reciprocating a small smile.

“Didn’t think I’d see you guys tonight.” Seonghwa chuckles, walking in before Hongjoong has the chance to reply. He comes from the patient's room wearing his dashing, white doctor's coat. “Together, at that” he mumbles under his breath before looking up and flashing you a polite smile while giving his worried friend a soft pat on the back.

Hongjoong holds his breath when he asks: “How are they?”

“Better,” he tells him, flipping through some papers on his clipboard. “But it was a big shock to their bodies. They need some rest at the moment.”

The pediatrician tries not to show his smile, standing in front of you and Hongjoong while hiding his expression behind his clipboard as per his niece’s request.

To be fair, if someone had told Seonghwa earlier that evening that he would receive a fifteen minute pep talk from his best friend's twin daughters that day in the emergency unit, he would’ve laughed in their faces.

Alas, life was always filled with surprises. Here’s what went down thirty minutes earlier in the hospital room:

“We’re trying to get them back together,” Eunseo announced confidently, sitting next to her sister on the hospital bed.

Eunbyeol nodded, eyeing the dumbfounded medical professional standing in front of them with his clipboard tucked under his arm, hands in his pockets.

“So.. you guys don’t need an IV drip?”

“It’s this whole entire thing, Uncle Hwa, we’ll explain to you later.”

It took a minute before Seonghwa reclaimed his composure as an adult, chastising the twins for pulling a false alarm over something like this. He made sure to make them promise him they wouldn’t do something stupid like this again. But after that, of course Seonghwa is immediately pairing to help them with their plan on getting his best friend back together with his ex-wife. The man is just tired of watching Hongjoong beat himself up half the time about missing you.

“So you essentially want me to lie about the fact that you guys don’t have food poisoning, and were just faking this whole thing so your mom and dad would have a reason to see each other.”

The twins nod, one of them pointing out. “And make sure to tell them we’re fine of course. Maybe throw in we’re like, really sick, but that we’ll live so it’s best if we get rest.”

“At like a cottage or something” the other chimes in, wiggling her eyebrows at the hint.

The doctor sighs, scratching his neck sheepishly.

When Seonghwa leads you and Hongjoong into the hospital room, both of you feel awful seeing your babies laying in their beds, dressed in the children’s gowns.

Eunbyeol peeks open her eyes first, voice hoarse (she practiced).

“Mom? Dad? Is that you?” she groans, pretending to clutch her stomach in pain.

Both you and Hongjoong rush to each child, grasping their hands and stroking their heads softly with sympathy.

“Hey baby, I’m here” you coo.

“I’m so, so sorry girls, it was probably all my fault. I should’ve never cooked for you guys earlier today.” their dad cries out painfully, looking down in shame.

You come to stand beside him, reassuring them both. “But what’s important is that you guys get better now. We want to make sure you get the rest you need” you say, making eye contact with your ex-husband.

Seonghwa clears his throat, crossing his arms as he flashes a wink to the girls behind your backs.

“They seemed to have been mentally exhausted as well,” He asks on purpose, watching as you and Hongjoong share a look with each other. “Have they been receiving proper familial support at home?”

“I can’t even remember the last time I saw my parents in the same room together.” Eunseo weakly admits, showing a faint smile.

As parents, you and Joong feel the most amount of guilt anyone could ever feel. You realize how exhausting and stressful the pickups and drop offs to each other's houses could’ve been, especially when you two were so busy with your respective jobs to spend time with your daughters now that it was summer break for them.

Hongjoong smiles, holding both their hands and making a promise to them.

“Make sure to rest you two. Tell me, is there anything you guys need right now? Anything you guys want I'll make sure to get it for you.”

”Do you guys have crunchy ice?” Eunbyeol blurts out loud, breaking her weak facade.

Eunseo almost wants to shoot a glare at her sister but she realizes both of you are still looking at them.

“I can get you some ice!” Seonghwa quickly assures you and his nieces, mouthing to them good luck for support as he shuts the door behind him.

You sigh, coming over to stroke Eunseo’s hair and caress Eunbyeol’s hand.

“Well? Is there anything else you guys need from us?” Hongjoong states, eyes soft in sympathy. You nod, waiting to hear their response.

“Let us know girls, anything at all.”

Eunbyeol and Eunseo finally take their chance, sharing a hesitant look before speaking at the same time.

“We want to go to the cottage”

“Together,” Eunseo says.

“As a family.” Eunbyeol adds in.

You and Hongjoong share a silent look.

Later into the night, the twins are finally discharged from the hospital, deciding that they would stay at Hongjoong’s mothers apartment which was closest nearby, considering they were both tired and immediately needed a place to rest.

The car ride home is awkwardly silent, even as the kids are (what you think) to be fast asleep, hockey gear and a bouquet of flowers riding with them in the backseat.

It was at their request for you to drive them to their grandmother's house, wanting both their parents with them till the ride home. Hongjoong settled on driving your car and dropping all of you off, planning to take a taxi back home and pick up his own car in the morning. Despite your protest on how inconvenient that was, he insisted as he didn’t want to disappoint the twins.

But suddenly the man begins to regret his offer, currently driving in complete silence on the highway, eyes facing forward and shoulders tense. Quiet FM nightly jazz plays from the radio.

You’re sitting passenger seat up front with him in what feels like forever, looking solely at the reflections in the window, the street lamp lights scattering across your face as you travel through the nighttime traffic. It’s awkward being together like this.

You hear him clear his voice, speaking softly so he doesn’t wake up the girls.

“So, are we really considering that cottage retreat?” he glances back at you.

You sit up, straightening your back and exhaling as you secretly wanted to have avoided that topic of discussion.

“We can’t Hongjoong,” you reasoned, shaking your head. “I couldn’t possibly take a whole vacation from the dress shop. Not unless I had someone take care of it for me, which my staff probably aren’t ready to do.” you explained, voice tense.

Hongjoong nodded, understanding your point of view. “I realize that. I’ve got a few projects I have to record and demo with Eden.” he tells you, an arm placed on the wheel with his sleeve rolled up. His veins become perfectly outlined as he passionately tells you about his producing job.

He’s so hot like that.

Jesus what were you thinking? Cursing your mind as you clear your voice and try to change the topic.

“How’s everything been going then?” you say stiffly. He nods, still awkward with sharing conversation with you.

“Um, it's going good. You?” he asks.

“Fine.” you swallow.

Silence prevails. He’s first to speak again, building the courage to say the next thing in his mind.

“I’m willing to put things on hold if I need to.” He confesses.

Hongjoong continues to drive normally after having said that. Now it becomes your turn to stare at him now, watching how he glances at the side mirror, switching lanes swiftly like the pro-driver he was.

“What do you mean?”

“Honestly, I think it would be good for the girls,” he admits, calling you by your name. Even hearing him call you your name feels weird. It feels foreign, like it almost wasn’t yours.

“Hongjoong-” you warn, shaking your head at the warry possibility.

“Just hear me out, alright?” He states firmly, making you quiet.

He glances back into the rear view mirror, watching your girls peacefully asleep with their heads leaning against each other.

“It’s been almost seven years. Seven years since they’ve last seen their parents speak to each other without breaking into a fight. Tonight was the first time they saw us together without having to plan a drop off and pick up in god knows how long.”

Hongjoong licks his lips, gripping the wheel as he emphasizes. “Seven years since they’ve gotten a goodnight hug and kiss from us at the same time in one place.”

You scoff, turning to face him properly this time. “I don’t know why you’re acting as though we can make this request of theirs come true Hongjoong. This is a big deal-”

“It is a big deal!” he exclaims, trying to get his point across. “I can see how badly our daughters want us to both be in their lives more, to acknowledge the fact that the other still exists after splitting apart.”

He sighs. “Us, not acknowledging each other’s existence at all is worse than if we had to see each other regularly.”

You bite your lip, getting angry. “So what Hongjoong? You’re saying you want to suddenly play family with them at the cottage?”

You shrug your shoulders. “Do you really think we can pretend to be normal parents to them without fighting like we are now? There’s a reason why our current schedules work. Don’t make me seem like the bad guy for not wanting to take them.” You glared, pointing a finger at him. His jaw locks.

“You fully knew the lifestyle changes we would need to make as a couple when you signed those legal papers—”

“Well then did you also predict everything that happened after you brought me those papers?” He spits like venom, gaze hard as he clenches the wheel.

You blink your eyes at his words, pressing your knees together at his sudden attack.

You don’t remember clearly if you even meant what you said at the time when you threw those papers at him seven years ago. But all you still know is that Hongjoong was just as stubborn as you were, making up his mind to sign them in the end regardless.

Looking in the rear view mirror, you muttered to him quietly.

“Don’t raise your voice. The kids are sleeping.”

Their dad scoffs, muttering a sure, under his breath as he switches lanes.

The kids were in fact, not sleeping, and very much awake. Eyes closed but ears wide, as they were listening in to the first real discussion their parents were having in so long. Or perhaps it was an argument?

At the right turn into his mother’s apartment’s underground parking lot, Hongjoong shuts off the engine, getting out of the car without another word and shutting the door in your face.

You pinched the bridge of your nose, hear the back door open.

You watch in the corner of your vision as his demeanor immediately changes, softly caressing Eunseo and Eunbyeol’s hair.

“Hey girls, we’re here now. You gotta wake up.” He coos.

They yawn theatrically, pretending to stretch their arms.

“So soon?” Eunbyeol mumbles.

A few feet ahead, you see your mother in law walking out from the elevators, a knit cardigan wrapped around her small frame. You smiled, getting out of the car and greeting her first.

“We’ll leave Eunbyeol’s hockey gear with you for the night if that’s alright Mom-”

Hongjoong’s words are cut off as the woman who birthed him walks straight past him, ignoring him and immediately taking you in her warm embrace, eyes forming crescent moons.

“How are you my dear?” she asks, causing you to smile and hug your mother in law affectionately. “It’s been so long, I’ve missed you so much!”

Despite the break up between you and Hongjoong, you were thankful for one thing, and that was the fact that your relationship with Hongjoong’s family stayed strong, especially with Mrs. Kim.

“I’ve missed you too” you tell her genuinely. “I’ve been good, I’m just sorry for dropping them off so suddenly at your place,” You say, feeling apologetic for waking her up late into the night.

“We had a bit of a situation,” you explain, watching as Hongjoong collects their things.

She shakes her head, reassuring you. “Nonsense! Why would you be sorry for that.” she grins, turning her head at the car. “And where are my girls, may I ask?”

At the sound of her voice, Eunbyeol and Eunseo dash out from the back seat and into their grandmother's welcoming arms, pressing soft kisses to her cheeks.

Hongjoong is the only person that stands all alone, awkwardly holding the bouquet of flowers with heavy hockey gear and a duffle bag perched on his shoulder.

“Oh, how I’ve missed my little squirrels!” she exclaims using their signature pet name and happily reuniting with her grandchildren.

She turns her head, face falling at the sight of her son and lips pursing into a frown.

“And where on earth have you been? Not giving me a call!” she snaps, slapping her son on his back. Eunbyeol laughs out loud while Eunseo tries to keep her giggles in.

You hear your ex husband protest to her while you close the back seat door.

“OW! I’ve been busy alright?” he mumbles, massaging his sore arm.

Your mother in law takes both the twins hand’s on each side, nodding her head to you.

“Leave all the kid’s stuff to Hongjoong, he’ll take care of it darling” she smiles sweetly, sending a glare to her son to take a hint and be more of a gentleman to you. She walks away with her smiling granddaughters, exchanging light-hearted giggles and excitement. “Bye, mom!” The twins wave back.

Hongjoong cranes his head up, sighing at the ceiling before taking Eunseo’s piano bag that you were holding in your hand in one swift motion, walking reluctantly behind the three.

“Stay here. I’ll drop them off.” he briskly walks away, leaving you stunned.

Hongjoongs words from before can’t help but replay inside your head as you wait for him to come back down.

Before you guessed it, it was already the ride back home, and the car was painfully silent once again. In reality, you were each thinking deeply to yourselves about the possibility of the cottage retreat. Could you really be a mom and dad together as a couple to your kids?

“Are you giving your plants enough water?” He brings you out of thought, the car slowing down as he turns onto your street.

You look up, giving him a confused look.

Hongjoong nods in direction, following his eyes to look at the measly, dying flower pot perched on the steps of your flat’s entrance as the car stopped to a halt. “You know, it’s really hard for plants to die when they’re outside.” He says in amazement at your shit gardening.

You scowl at him, asking him when he became such a plant expert all of a sudden.

He continues to poke fun at you, smirking when he undoes his seat belt. Hongjoong suddenly leans over to help you unbuckle your own, face dangerously close to yours as he lowers his voice.

“Unless their owner just really sucks at taking care of them.”

His eyes gaze into yours for a split second, feeling your face heat up from the proximity. You let out a tiny gasp for air when he leans back in his own seat.

“Fuck off” you replied harshly.

“You should give them some more care,” he suggests, ignoring your swearing.

You don’t reply to his stupid comment, refusing to look at him as you get out of the car.

“I can go in by myself” you press, adjusting the strap of your purse on your shoulder. You didn’t think it was necessary to draw out your time with this man any further.

Hongjoong straightens his dress shirt as he moves to your side of the car, shoving his own car keys in his trousers as he locks your doors and hands over the keys. You take them hesitantly, watching as he rests against the car door, strong arms crossing against his chest.

“Think about it at least.” he mutters to you.

You look at him, eyes shutting softly when you realize he was still talking about the cottage getaway. Sighing his name is exasperation, you run a hand through your hair.

“Hongjoong-”

“Would it kill you to spend a week with me and our daughters?” He scoffs as he asks you straight up, looking at you in a way that makes you hesitate to say your next words. You observed one hand come to shuffle with the silver lighter in his trouser pockets.

You stayed silent for a moment, genuinely thinking back to your daughters and what this meant to them if you went. What this would mean for you two as well.

Finally, you look up to him, returning his gaze.

“I need time.”

He nods, face serious. “I understand.”

“Let me think about it.” You mumbled.

And with that you turn around, walking up the steps to your front door. At the sight of your flowerpot, you quickly remember his comment and snatch it in your hands, slamming the door shut to Hongjoong as he finally lets a soft grin break out on his face. Letting his back come up from leaning against the door, Hongjoong nods his head, satisfied enough at that answer, as he walks silently down the road while opening his Uber app.

At least you’d give it some thought.

Okay, maybe now you’ve given it too much thought.

Sipping your fifth glass of wine of the night, you’re sitting, back hunched over with your knees tucked into your chest on the breakfast table chair, zoning out as your best friend Sophie continues barking at you and your inconsistent commitment.

“I don’t even understand why you’re considering going! Does the man realize what it takes to leave your own shop for a full week?” she fumes, adjusting her royal jelly sheet mask while cursing at your ex-husband for pressuring you into going to the family retreat.

“Not everyone can just pack their bags and go swimming at the cottage, Jesus Christ” she rolls her eyes.

“He didn’t pressure me,” you told her pouting. “He wants to do it for the kids” you mumbled looking down as you defended him.

You invited your best friend Sophie over to your apartment that evening for your weekly slumber party, a time you each looked forward to dedicating a bottle of wine and chardonnay over some gossip, spilling all the uneventful drama in your lives.

Perhaps you revealed too much drama to your best friend tonight.

“I don’t think I would mind going, to be honest” you hiccup, words slurring. “I haven’t had a vacation in so long, Sophie, and the girls really want to go! I would feel bad for leaving them with nothing to do this summer.” confessing through the alcohol.

Cheeks flushed, you sigh as you play with your silk robe mindlessly while Sophie shakes her head at you, one hand coming up to snap at you and bring you back to reality.

“Hello? Earth to Ms. Divorcee?” She sighs, rolling her eyes in frustration. “You said you wanted to set boundaries with him! To cut the line straight and keep your distance so you could get over your feelings for him! Show him who’s boss!”

“He said he’s willing to put his music projects on hold for us,” you muttered quietly, the thought making your heart weak as you smiled at the memory of Hongjoong teasing you about your flower pot. Your chest blossomed with warmth now.

Sophie sighs, shaking her head as she thinks just how differently you were feeling four wine glasses ago.

“Listen, honey, I’m just warning you in advance” she sips the golden liquid in her glass before placing it on the table.

“Take it from a girl who’s had three divorces. I mean look at me! I’m still somewhat young, I’ve got no kids, no responsibilities, filthily rich, and not once have I had to pay for my own divorce settlement fees!”

You nod mindlessly, eyes blinking softly under the bright kitchen lights.

“What you need is a provider, sweetheart,” she crooned, caressing your head.

“A guy who won’t leave you stressed and unimpressed like Hongjoong does.”

You continue mindlessly nodding your head at her words, ears perking up when you hear small footsteps come down the stairs.

“Hi mom, Hi aunt Sophie.” Eunbyeol greets, eyes glued to her iPad that Eunseo trails after from behind, whining how it was now her turn to play Super Mario.

“Hi girls,” Sophie replies like the cool, hot aunt she is, eyes shut as she’s concentrating on giving herself a collarbone massage right now.

“Hey sweetheart,” you mumbled, smiling at your daughters standing near the fridge getting a glass of water.

“Say, did your dad tell you guys anything about the cottage?” You blurt out loud, avoiding the look that Sophie gives you. Eunbyeol looks up from the glowing screen, ears perking in interest. “No, not much, why?”

Eunseo snatches the iPad from her twin, coming over to you. “Did Dad say we’re going?” She asks enthusiastically, eyes widening. Sophie is quick to assure them.

“Now of course not girls, your mother here was just-”

“Oh fuck it, why not?” you say confidentially, shining a bright smile. “Let’s go to the cottage!” You exclaimed in drunk excitement, all three girls staring at you with their jaws hanging at your sudden profanity as well as your final decision.

Oh, how dangerous the effects of a bottle of wine were.

Eunseo and Eunbyeol immediately embrace each other in a passionate hug, squealing in excitement that their plan actually worked. You and Hongjoong were now both convinced. “Oh my gosh, we’re going to go as a family!” They cried in happiness. You giggled at their joy, reciprocating their enthusiasm.

Sophie leans back in her seat defeated, shaking her head with pursed lips as she picks up the whole Chardonnay bottle and sips it.

“Oh whatever. . . This isn’t my problem anyways.”

When Hongjoong drops by the next morning to pick up Eunbyeol and Eunseo from your house for the weekend, he can’t lie but be a little heartbroken at the way his daughters ignore his kiss to them first thing. They instead, immediately shove the cottage advertising pamphlet in his face with victorious grins.

“See! We told you mom would say yes!”

“Say yes to what?” He pouts, avoiding the paper and obsessively trying to peck a kiss to each of his daughter's cheeks. The idea of going to the cottage almost slipped the busy man’s mind after almost a week of no news from you.

“What’s so important that you guys don’t even say hi to me anymore?” he sulks.

Eunseo giggles, fighting back her laughter when her dad tries to tickle her with his kisses.

“We’re going to the cottage!”

Hongjoong stills himself, leaning back to make sure he heard her correctly.

“We’re what?”

Eunbyeol, taking after her mother, has a cheeky expression on her face as she places her hands on her hips and sasses her father.

“Pack your bags and swimming shorts, daddy, we’re going on a family vacation!”

In perfect timing, you manage to stumble out your front door, coffee mug in hand and mid-yawn when you realize Hongjoong is already staring at you in shock.

“What?” you snap, still grumpy from your slight hangover. “You’ve never seen a woman wake up before?” You replied, asking your kids if they packed all their stuff.

The twins watch as their dad stands up from his crouched position.

“You’re going to go to the cottage?”

At Hongjoongs words you freeze, everything coming back to you all at once. The wine, the twins, the promises, it hits you like a moving truck.

“Well…”

“No take backs mom! You said it yourself last night that you were excited to go to the cottage!” One of the twins pointed out.

Hongjoong doesn’t take his eyes off of you.

“I-I did say that, didn’t I?” You chuckled sheepishly, toes curling at the rookie mistake you made in parenting 101: saying yes when you should’ve said no.

Your ex-husband quickly tells the kids to put their things in the trunk, promising he’ll be right with them after talking to you. As Hongjoong dashes up the stairs in his white polo golf shirt, you feel slightly exposed being in only your silk slip dress and robe.

“I didn’t realize you’d be here so early” you mumbled, looking down at your toes.

He ignores you. “So I’m guessing we’re going then?” He smirks, looking at you with an expression of undeniable cockiness and peaked interest.

You shrug nonchalantly. “Let’s surround the focus of this trip towards the kids” you remind him, straightening your back.

Hongjoong nods, agreeing with you wholeheartedly. “Of course, that was my intention from the beginning,” he smiles.

You swallow the lump in your throat, unnoticing his stare drop at your breasts perking up from the cool morning air. You jump in surprise as you hear the honking of the car.

“Come on, love birds! We gotta go back to dad’s to get our swimming stuff!” Eunbyeol cackles, leaning from the backseat into the driver's seat window. Eunseo already begins journaling in her hello kitty note book, an organized list of what she’ll need to bring to the cottage.

Hongjoong looks back at his daughters, before looking back at you with a smile.

“Let’s keep in touch about details, alright?”

You nod silently, gripping your mug. At the sound of your nextdoor neighbor coming out, Hongjoong contemplates for a moment before quickly leaning forward, shielding you from their view with his backside. Clearing his throat, Hongjoong nods his head to the inside of your house, leaning forward to whisper to you.

“Think, um, you should get inside, it’s getting cold,” he mutters, his dimples faintly showing. You glare up at him, “I’m going to say goodbye to my own daughters”. Still clueless to what he was referring to. He grins, shrugging his shoulders before looking at you.

“If you insist. Just thought you wouldn’t want your neighbor to see what I can see, would you?”

You gasp at his words, looking down at your chest to see what he means before wrapping your robe around you. You quickly waved goodbye to your girls before you shut the door in Hongjoong’s smug face.

It’s now become the second time you’ve done that.

Thankfully, the next time you see Hongjoong you’re wearing a much more appropriate outfit. In a white cotton blouse and casual jean shorts, your effortlessly chic vacation outfit was the only highlight today, considering the day you had been internally dreading for so long was finally here.

You tried to take deep breaths while scurrying all over your house and finishing some last minute packing. Reassuring yourself that a family getaway couldn’t kill you.

Right?

Reservations at the cottage were made over the phone last week, booking a house with the perfect lake side view, access to the forest trail and close proximity to the offered activities. It would only be a seven day stay, both in your respective rooms, (you clearly emphasized you and Hongjoong had to have separate ones) while the twins would lodge together. You had no intention of interacting with your husband alone together on this trip, apart from the quote on quote, ‘family bonding times’ you promised your daughters. And yet why were you here sweating nervously like a sinner in church?

“What a hot lady!” Eunbyeol wolf-whistles at your outfit when she walks through your bedroom doors. You jump at the sudden entrance, realizing Hongjoong was already here to pick you up with the girls.

A pair of black designer sunglasses slightly too big for her sat perched on her nose. Eunbyeol smiles before jumping onto your bed of clothes. You already know Hongjoong must’ve spoiled her and her sister with those, buying them a pair each.

“C’mon Byeol, off the bed” you quipped, packing your toothbrush as she reluctantly slugged off the covers.

Your suspicions of Hongjoong buying them designer items are correct when Eunseo walks in, classily perching her matching white ones on her head before chastising her sister's tasteless compliment.

“Elegant. She’s Elegant, Byeol. You don’t just go around wolf-whistling at people.” she rolls her eyes.

“You look very pretty by the way, mom”

You smiled, nevertheless pleased at both their compliments and thanking them before going back to doing a last minute check of your things.

Sun cream, clothes, makeup bag, swimsuit…

At the thought of your swimsuit you immediately blush, thinking back to how Sophie forced you to borrow her yellow bikini that left very little to the imagination. Despite your protests that you wouldn’t be needing it, she insisted.

Hongjoong is last to walk through your front doors, swinging his car keys around his index finger and calling to his three girls from the downstairs foyer of your apartment. The man is clearly excited for the trip, he can’t lie.

“Come on ladies, we’re gonna miss the chance to swim in that lake if we don't leave soon!”

Hongjoong is your typical dad, except for the fact that he does not mess with dad!fashion. The producer is dressed classily from top to bottom in a loose-fitting designer button up with a pair of reformed denim pants, his pearl earrings and gold piercings complementing his outfit perfectly.

Kim Hongjoong didn't play when it came to fashion. Even as a father.

“Coming!” You exclaimed, ushering your kids out of your bedroom and making your way down the stairs with your suitcase. Seeing that it would only be a week at the cottage, you tried to pack light, though you may have to reconsider that thought with the way you struggled to lift the case properly.

“Need some help?”

A strong hand comes to help you, immediately inhaling the scent of Hongjoong’s cologne as he brushes his knuckles near yours. “Here, I’ve got it” he assures, making you step back and admire your undeniably fine husband.

Ex-husband. You meant Ex-husband. Scratch out the fine as well.

You watch from behind as he struts out the foyer, smiling and joking playfully with his twin daughters, carrying your luggage out the door with them.

What was this trip doing to you?

Once you’re on route to the cottage resort and the GPS is set, the car is blissfully quiet, each and every one of you surprisingly at peace. Jittery excitement still lays deep in your daughters' minds as you overhear them talk about what they want to do first once they arrive.

Hongjoong’s 2000s soft rock and ballad playlist is playing quietly throughout the speakers right now, relishing in the music as luscious, green trees flash by you from the passenger window.

While Byeol and Eunseo distract each other on their own, Hongjoong turns to talk to you.

“I’m not going to lie, it’s been forever since I’ve been on a road trip” he smiles.

You copy him, feeling good in the moment. “Same, I don’t remember the last time I went to one.” you confessed, thinking only of all the times you had in the past when you were a child and as a teenager.

Even back to when you were a young college student, wide eyed and so innocent to the chaos of your first college retreat with Hongjoong. That was the summer you two began dating, and boy were you fools in love. You cautiously look to your husband driving, bringing up past memories.

“Do you remember that one college retreat we went on during second year?”

The corners of Hongjoong’s lips are already grinning upwards, smiling as he reciprocates your expression.

“Right, like I could forget that summer” he replies sarcastically, gripping the steering wheel.

It’s an easy memory to digest. A time when you were both so young, filled with nothing but dreams and passionate love for one another. Love so deep, that you remember the nights you’d spend locked up with Hongjoong under the sweaty bed sheets inside your cabin, blissfully making love until the sun would rise and he would finally kiss you to sleep. Perhaps, it was that summer when you realized you were going to marry and be with Kim Hongjoong forever someday.

Though it’s too bad, someday already passed.

“Do you remember when Seonghwa got so drunk he ended up confessing to Jieun in front of all the girl’s sleeping cabins?” Hongjoong snickers, relishing in the embarrassing memory his friend always hates him for bringing up. You laugh out loud, remembering the memory. “Oh my god, yes!” You turned to face him, shaking your head. “In nothing but his underwear, right?”

Hongjoong nodded, smiling with one hand on the steering wheel as he drove.

“Didn’t he end up jumping into the lake afterwards? With you having to go in and save him as well?” You share your laughter with one another, catching up on past memories as your twin daughters listened attentively in the back, reliving them with you together.

That's what makes the hour and half drive from the city into the wilderness feel so short, finally pulling into the graveled parking lot of the vast cottage resort. White suburban cottages lined along one another, a good amount of distance in between each for every family staying.

As Hongjoong parked the car, the view outside was so glorious you had to hold your breath. Glistening clear blue waves in the lake reflect the bright sunshine from above. A light breeze is present today with the way the willow and oak trees swayed gently.

“It’s beautiful” you gasped from as far as you got out of the car, stretching your upper body with eyes closed as you inhaled the fresh air.

Hongjoong stills his movements, shutting the door before replying with his gaze caught at your backside.

“Yeah, it is” he smiles.

Both of you turn around at a loud voice coming from behind. “We’re gonna explore the campsites and souvenir shops first!” Eunbyeol shouts as she runs away with her sister's hand in hers, towards the wooden cabin that's settled further away.

“What about lunch?” you call to them.

“We’re not hungry!”

Hongjoong tells them to be safe, and to stick around nearby. You smirked, helping him unload the trunk as you told him. “They’ll be fine. They’re probably too excited to even think right now” you giggled, bumping shoulders with him.

You feel the tension that was once so strong between you two fade slowly, walking up the wooden steps of your lodge and exchanging conversation with each other.

“Hey, I just want my babies to be safe” he admits, a grin on his face as he holds the cooler in his hands. You chuckle, shaking your head at his protectiveness.

“Here it is!” he exclaims, setting the suitcases in the front foyer as he opens the door. “Lodge number 1117”

The two story cottage is larger than it appears from the outside, having a modern yet rustic interior that you and Hongjoong admired. It had everything you would need, from a well designed kitchen area to a cozy living room space.

“It’s perfect, the kids will love it” you beam, looking at the hanging hammock chair in the corner of the living room and the gray stone fireplace. It fit perfectly for your family.

Hongjoong smiles, sunglasses perched on top of his head as he sets the luggage down near the kitchen. Walking up beside him, you help him unload the cooler and ice boxes first, settling into your new home for the next few days.

“I’m guessing you still drink?” you ask, looking in his direction as you unloaded the case of beer you saw him bring from the trunk.

He gestured to the booze. “C’mon, it wouldn’t be a vacation without it, would it?”

You wholeheartedly agreed, placing a few in the fridge before you shut it closed.

“Hopefully, this time we won’t end up shit faced like we did back in college” you laugh, turning to face him.

“I can already picture that time we got so drunk from that bottle of tequila my friend brought, we snuck out of the campsite and went to the forest and got lost.” you spoke, the memory a little foggy but nonetheless fresh in your mind.

Hongjoong smiles, listening as you speak.

“There wasn’t anything but trees and bushes in that forest!” You exclaimed, shaking your head. “What did we even do there?”

Hongjoong replies nonchalantly, folding the cardboard box in his hands.

“I’m pretty sure we fucked.”

You momentarily freeze at his words, before letting out a soft awkward laugh, causing him to look up.

“No we didn’t, Hongjoong” you immediately deny, not believing his words. But your brows began furrowing at the foggy memory, starting to realize you really couldn’t trust your alcohol tolerance, now as an adult and even back when you were a college student. Did you guys have sex? In a forest out of all places?

Hongjoong leans against the kitchen counter, across from you as he crosses his arms in front of his chest and smirks smugly.

“Nope, I distinctly remember it” he recalls, taking a step closer so he was now in your space.

“I held your hand in mind as we walked up that trail by the cliff. And gosh, were we horny that night, because I remember you complaining about all that dirt you got on your knees from giving me the greatest head i've ever experienced in my entire life-”

Slapping your hands over his mouth to stop him from going on, you blushed as you glared at him.

“Jesus christ,” you mumbled, rolling your eyes before confessing.

“I get it, we fucked.”

Suddenly, you and Hongjoong break out into giggles like varsity sweethearts again at the story. Though embarrassed and cringing internally from the way you acted as young adults, it was nice to share them together now. At the proximity in which you’re standing in, you can't help but stare at each other softly. A hand wraps around your waist, making your breath hitch as he pulls you closer.

“What are you doing?” you grin, watching him.

He looms over you, able to tell that something sits right at the tip of his tongue that he hesitantly decides to say. “I’m pretty sure,” he mutters, staring at your face and cautiously grazing the skin under your blouse. You feel your breathing speed up.

“I also held you like this in my arms as you were leaning against that tree” his grip gentle and immediately transporting you back to the scenery that night. His sharp tone contrasts his touch.

“Yknow, the one we fucked against?” he teases to you one more time.

The scent of burning campfire. A cold, midnight breeze. The feeling of the rough cedar tree against your back as Hongjoong thrusted inside you with every delirious snap of his hips, holding you close while he fucked you to oblivion with only the forest animals standing witness to your sinful actions. The film replays like a cheesy R-rated romance movie in your mind.

“Did you, now?” You gulp, looking up at him as you adjust to the foreign feeling of his touch on your hips.

“Yeah. I remember it all” he states, smirking down at you with an intense gaze.

The memory dies down when you catch yourself staring at his lips, arms finding their way around his neck as he dives down to whisper softly to you.

“Do you remember too?” He asks.

How he held you in his arms. How he whispered in your ear while you came around his cock, drool and traces of cum littering the corners of your mouth while Hongjoong didn’t care if you were stretching his flannel from how hard you were tugging at the material.

You nod. “I do,” you muttered, lashes fluttering as you felt as though your heart wouldn’t stop beating. “I remember you kissed me on the lips,” you confessed.

Perhaps you wanted him to do it again right now.

He looks in your eyes, searching for your approval that you desperately give, breath hitting each other's faces as he slowly leaned down to try and connect your lips. His chest is pressed against yours, and you begin to realize you haven’t shared the same breath like that in so long. You were so close to kissing right then and there.

If only you leaned in closer…

“We’re back!”

You push Hongjoong across the kitchen, shoving his hip painfully into the marble counter and ignoring his high-pitched groan of agony as you immediately look away to avoid suspicion, continuing to grab the beer from the icebox in front of you.

“Girls!” you exclaimed, voice wavering.

Of course, Eunbyeol and Eunseo walk in with matching postcards and goodies from the souvenir shop in their hands, their sunglasses perched on their heads as their eyes lit up with excitement. They were still oblivious to the fact that they almost caught their parents about to make out in the kitchen.

“Dad, this place is amazing!” Eunbyeol deadpans, telling her father. “They even have jet skiing on the other side of the lake! We gotta go now!”

Hongjoong clutches his hip, pursing his lips as he hides his expression of pain and surprise.

“Really? That's great sweetie”

Eunseo however, is quick to catch on.

“What were you guys doing?” she looks at you suspiciously. Her words hang in the air for a moment.

“Were you guys about to kis-”

Hongjoong and you frantically scurry to find a plausible excuse, shuffling awkwardly.

“I was helping your dad unload the cooler”

“I was helping your mom get something out of her eye”

Both girls stare at you meekly. Eunbyeol scrunches her nose. “Huh?”

Plastering on a fake smile, you briskly leaped over the luggage nearby, ushering them upstairs before they had the chance to ask anymore questions.

“I think it’s time to unpack your things.” you watched their eyebrows quirk at the way you pushed them out the kitchen.

“We can do it on our own, mom! It’s really no big d-”

You clamp Eunbyeol’s mouth shut with your hand, blushing profusely as you walk away with them.

Hongjoong stands there alone in the kitchen, rubbing his hip and wondering what the hell just almost happened.

The next few days, you and Hongjoong don’t discuss the incident between you two. Rather, the beginning of the trip after that event has become a painful performance trying your best to be eerily polite yet distant to each other in front of your children, as if that would make you forget the fact that you two almost kissed in the kitchen.

“Could you pass the sunscreen, honey?” Hongjoong would say awkwardly, turning his back to flash you a cheery smile on the lake deck as Eunbyeol and Eunseo watched you interact while floating in the cool, summer waters.

You passed the bottle to your ex-husband while maintaining awkward distance. “Of course, darling!”

“Thanks honey!”

“No problem sweetheart!”

This resulted in Eunbyeol and Eunseo looking at their parents in horror, the youngest twin muttering under her breath as they discussed an urgent change of plans.

“We have to get them to stop being weird.”

Apart from that, the ‘family bonding time’ promise to your daughters was maintained, and each day was an adventure for all of you in terms of what you would do together next. An accumulation of forest trekking, water-skiing and outdoors barbeques on the patio of your cottage made everyday feel more and more special for your girls, seeing how they relished in having both their parents with them at the same place and time. It became moments of peace and resolution that eventually became special for you and Hongjoong too.

“I hope we stay here forever,” Eunseo blurted out one evening after a blissful day near the lakeshore, watching as the sun began to go down. She was busy licking the sticky sides of her melting ice cream cone in one hand, the other one held in yours.

Hongjoong and Eunbyeol were a few feet ahead, laughing loudly and holding hands as they compared their fruit popsicles with one another to see whose was bigger.

“You and Byeol would eventually get sick of going to the lake all the time” You smiled, the corners of your mouth turning up before her next words made the strings of your heart tug.

“Sure, but at least you and dad could be together with us too.”

You watched as she ran up to her sister and dad, joining in on their fun as she began boasting that her ice cream was better than theirs. Hongjoong’s smile is the biggest you’ve ever seen it to be, looking down at his girls with a golden tan from the past few days spent outside, and hair slightly damp from swimming.

Any person could tell the love in his eyes was as pure a father’s love for his girls could be.

Her words stuck with you until that very night, where after dinner, board games, and much pacing back and forth in your own room before getting into bed, you decided to cautiously approach Hongjoong’s room on the opposite side of the second floor.

Bare feet padded across the wooden floors as you peeked through the sliver of the open door.

He's wearing an oversized sleep tee and blue pajama pants, getting in some nighttime reading before bed. His glasses are perched on his nose, intently reading his paperback novel. He looks as domestic as a husband gets.

At the sound of your steps though, he sits up from his relaxed state on his bed, one arm that was supporting his head coming out as the other hand settles the book down on his abdomen. He looks surprised to see you.

“Hi” he states, looking at you.

“Hey”

Hongjoong’s expression immediately softened at your figure, watching as you shuffled awkwardly in front of him. The room is quiet.

“Can I come in?”

“Of course,” He nods, setting his bookmark in the spine of the cover and turning his attention to you, offering you to take a seat on his linen covers. You see his polaroid camera with photos taken of Eunbyeol and Eunseo perched on a desk nearby.

You don’t see the ones he secretly took of you, as those are in his drawers.

“Don’t tell me you can’t sleep by yourself” he gently teases before watching as your smile doesn't reach the ends of your eyes. You wrap your silk robe closer to your body, feeling sort of vulnerable.

“How do you like the resort so far?” He asks, watching as you played with your fingers absentmindedly. “Is the room okay?”

“It’s wonderful Hongjoong, better than I could ever have hoped for.” You spoke up, telling the truth.

It’s hard to arrange your thoughts in your head when it’s just the two of you in his room. The kids were already fast asleep. Now was your chance to just tell him how you felt. Why were you hesitating so much?

“Hey, look at me.” Hongjoong’s soft voice calls out to you, a protective hand coming out to caress the back of your head in habit. He can tell you want to say something, and the gesture makes you emotional, remembering how he always used to do that to ease your nerves when you were younger.

“What’s wrong? Am I making things uncomfortable on the trip?” he worries about the boundaries you established with him at the beginning, watching as your lip begins to quiver and the emotions suddenly overcome you.

“I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry.” you sniffled, tears forming near the brim of your eyes as you looked up at the father of your children.

Hongjoong’s eyes widened, shifting through the covers over to you. “Woah, hey, shh that’s alright I got you” he coos, immediately going into dad mode and embracing you in his arms, letting your head rest against his chest.

The action is natural, no longer foreign or weird, and you silently thank him for leaving reassuring circles on your back. Husband or not, Hongjoong would always be your best friend first. You had forgotten how much you missed this comforting side to him.

“Tell me what you’re sorry about” he states, chest tightening at your wet cheeks before he slowly raises your chin to look him in the eyes.

“For being mean to you for so long” you sniffle, a weakened state of emotional guilt eating away at you. You let him watch you carefully.

“I’ve been thinking about how happy the girls have been during this trip. A-And it kills me that we’ve been fighting for the past seven years, and that they’ve grown up seeing such bad parts of ourselves, of my own self” you ramble, confessing how you felt.

You look up. “They’re happy because we’re together Joong. Because we’re not fighting or avoiding each other like we used to do before.”

He watches as you look up at him with tears forming in your eyes.

“You’re such a good dad. And I realized you deserve to hear that.”

At the sounds of more sniffles, Hongjoong finally speaks, smiling as he brushes stray hair from your face.

“I wouldn’t want anyone else but you to be the mother of our children, I hope you know that”

His truthfulness throws you off guard.

“I’m sorry too” he sighs, letting you sit up straight and look him in the eyes properly. “I haven’t been the best partner either, baby. We were both mean to each other.” he says, brushing a tear away from your face.

“I’m pretty sure you’ve thrown a hair dryer at me once before as well” he attempts to make you laugh, affection blooming in his chest when he sees he succeeds, wiping your tears.

“But I already knew how you felt, sweetheart. I always know” he smiles, eyes mirroring a weak ache in his heart.

“Married or not, we were once friends. And now we’re family” His voice turns deep, strong and dependable like the father he’s become.

“We can start over” you tell him, smiling as he folds his hands over your palm. “We can always do better from now and going forward. For ourselves, and for Eunseo and Eunbyeol.”

Hongjoong nods, hesitantly for a split second before he leans over to press a soft kiss to your cheek, showing a gesture of affection that you longed for so long.

You shut your eyes, the kiss making your heart flutter.

“Friends again?” He whispers, though silently wanting something more.

You sighed, pulling him in closer to embrace in a hug. “Friends” you nodded while inhaling his comforting scent.

The next morning, and for the rest of the remaining trip onwards, you and Hongjoong’s relationship dynamics did the equivalent of a 180 degree turn.

It’s hard to believe you two really just wanted to be ‘friends’

Eunbyeol and Eunseo could tell by the way you talked to each other more, noticing you share more secret glances and fleeting touches that were innocent to the eye, but concealing a longing that you both tried to hide. You knew you couldn’t get carried away. You and Hongjoong were simply resolving a rough patch in your parenting. Not getting back together in a relationship.

But after spending more time together while Eunbyeol and Eunseo became occupied on their own, it was hard keeping the interactions to a justified amount. Long walks in the forest, evenings spent cooking together, even cuddling together on the couch during family movie night. Thinking your kids were too busy watching the vintage Disney movie play on screen, when in fact, the real love story they were more invested in was happening right in front of their eyes, watching their parents falling in love again.

This led to the last event in their plan that they hoped would finally seal the deal.

On Saturday night, the last night of your trip before you had to go back to the city, you and Hongjoong are surprised to find mini invitations left on your beds, scribbled in glitter pen and cursive handwriting reading out the following:

Gourmet Dinner Date for 2

Time: 7:30 pm

Location: Outdoor patio

Dress code: Formal and Classy

You and your husband chuckled at the cards left on your beds, suddenly finding a twin each by your side and ushering you to get ready.

“Do you and your sister even know how to cook dinner, Eunbyeol?” You questioned as your daughter rushed to push you into your walk-in closet, forcing you to get ready.

She huffs, placing her hands on her hips looking offended.

“At least my cooking skills don’t take after Dad’s, mom.” She mumbled, choosing your shoes for you. “Have some trust in a girl!”

Meanwhile, Hongjoong gets pampered by Eunseo in the other room, though in reality, her blunt critiques on her dads fashion are bruising his pride at the moment.

“Dad, you have many normal clothes to wear. You have to chill with the ripped baggy jeans.” she demands, trudging through his closet to find something formal for him to wear.

He begins to protest but his daughter shakes her head. “You’re supposed to look good for mom!” she huffs, searching on her own. At Eunseo’s words, the man starts to slightly worry, scratching the back of his head.

“You and Byeol are gonna join too, right?”

She stops for a second, looking back to her father as she avoids the question and instead retorts back.

“It’s just a date, Dad. Relax”

Back to what was happening in the other room at the end of the hallway, you huffed in frustration when you walked back into your closet after Byeol rejected another one of your outfits for the dinner date.

“I have nothing else to wear, sweetie, these are all the clothes I have.” you came to terms with a hand coming to your forehead after having searched in despair.

The ten year old shakes her head before pushing you out of the way and digging deep into your suitcase. She reveals a delicate piece of material you didn’t even realize you packed.

“We got some help from Aunt Sophie and Uncle Hwa to pack you guys clothes that you could wear for a special occasion.” she wiggles her eyebrows, a smug grin on her face as you gap in shock.

You inspect the dress, lips parting in disbelief as you feel the material.

“I haven’t worn this since I was in college.” You uttered softly to yourself.

At one longing look of the short dress, you shake your head, walking back into the closet to find something else. “I-I can’t wear this Byeol, what would your dad think?“ you asked nervously.

“Dad said he thinks your boobs looked hot in this dress so Aunt Sophie and I picked it specially” she looks up at you, proud of what she just said.

You whip your head around, mouth hanging open in shock.

“Byeol! Where did you hear that from?”

She sighs. “Dad had one too many drinks this one time and started talking about you guys back in college” she explained before shoving the infamous black dress in your hands.

“Talked a lot about how pretty you were,” she draws out her words in a teasing voice. You curse your husband for his mistake.

You bite your lip as you stare down at the fabric in your hands.

It was undeniable. You knew you looked amazing in this dress. You could testify from the amount of times Hongjoong ripped it off of you after countless night out’s filled with sexual tension and playful flirting. For god's sake, Eunbyeol and Eunseo could’ve almost had another sibling thanks to that dress.

“Fine.” you muttered bashfully, turning away as you walked into the closet to change.

“But I’m just gonna try it on.”

Thirty minutes, one mental breakdown and too many outfit changes to count later, you walk down the stairs wearing the dress Eunbyeol had successfully persuaded you to wear.

What do you know, the kid was right. Your boobs looked amazing in that dress.

Not just your boobs, your whole body looked incredible with its strong curves and the beautiful fill it gave to the dress, making it slightly tighter than when you wore it as a twenty year old, but still all the more mature and sophisticated. You really did look hot.

Eunbyeol rushes down the stairs before you, catching up with her sister to inspect her job on their fathers preparation.

“Well?” She says expectedly, looking at her dad. “Let’s take a look!”

He sports a simple yet timeless white collar dress shirt, the first few buttons undone as he wears a form fitting black dress-vest that accentuates his waist, dress pants paired to go along with it. Though simple, his silver rings pulled the outfit together, making him just as good looking and sophisticated as you were.

Hongjoong’s back faces towards your front, watching as the man nervously shuffles his hands in his pockets.

“How do I look guys?” He gulps, adjusting his collar and sweeping his blond hair back.

Eunseo rolls her eyes, a grin on her proud little face. “Do you even have to ask, dad?” She’s more than confident in the outfit she and Seonghwa coordinated together.

He chuckles, shaking his head as he nervously tells them.

“I want to look good for your mom, you know what I mean? She's a difficult woman to impress sometimes.”

“I’m difficult?” You tease, walking down the last few steps of the stairs.

The man turns his head around, losing his breath at the sight of you standing there in front of him, wearing that dress that he hadn’t seen you wear for so long, looking breathtaking in every possible way.

“Hi” you grinned softly, feeling sort of shy.

The way you fit in that dress made an insatiable hunger fuel inside Hongjoongs chest, eyes gazing at the way you strutted over in the black, lace covered material with your hair tied back and glossed lips turned upwards as your dimples showed. He breaks from his admiration when you quirk a brow at him, making the man almost fall to his knees and stutter uncontrollably.

“I-I No I didn’t mean that-“

You giggle as you bravely take Hongjoongs hands in your own, shutting him up as you turn to your daughters standing in front of you, starstruck at your aura.

“Outside, right?” you winked at them.

“Right this way!” Eunseo enthusiastically leads you out back to the outdoor patio, a perfect view of the garden and lakeside coming into effect. Hongjoong slips his hand from yours, and slides it across your waist, pulling you into his side.

“My parents are too cool” Eunbyeol sighs under her breath, watching from behind in awe.

Your ex-husband makes you swoon when he leans in to whisper softly. “You look breathtaking, sweetheart.” feeling an immense sense of pride at how lucky he was to make you the mother of his children.

You blush, turning to him to whisper playfully back.

“Not bad yourself.”

You both look forward when you come to a stop at the patio steps, sheer amazement at the full preparation your daughters did for this event. Fairy lights were hung around the area, a table with two chairs on either side placed with a white table cloth and a bouquet of freshly hand picked flowers from the forest, battery powered candles that were sold at the souvenir shop lit in the middle and glowing softly.

Eunbyeol dashes to the door when it rings, making you and Hongjoong furrow your brows.

“Is someone here?” he asks, watching Eunseo fold a napkin over her arm like the pro waiter she was. The other one walks out, an oily fast food paper bag in her hands as she smiles. “Dinner is served!”

“Turns out that diner 15 minutes away also delivers!” She chuckled, helping her sister plate the two cheeseburgers, fries, and vanilla and strawberry milkshakes.

You and Hongjoong continue to watch in stunned amazement as the girls prepare the not exactly gourmet(?) but still impressive meal in front of you, their small hands working swiftly.

“You guys prepared all of this?” You asked, getting a little emotional. They grin proudly, nodding their heads. “We called the place earlier and planned it all by ourselves!”

You pressed a kiss to each of their soft cheeks, thanking them both as Hongjoong did the same.

“What did I do to get so lucky with my girls?” he smiles, ruffling their heads.

“What about you guys?” You asked, watching as they slowly backed away to give you two some privacy.

“Natalie and her mom invited us over for dinner and a sleepover tonight at her cottage,” Eunbyeol smiles. At the mention of their newly made friend that they had gotten close to over the week, Hongjoong looks at you then back at them.

“What? But- ”

She cuts him off, rolling her eyes. “Her mom said it’s totally fine with her. She’s only two cottages down, and she’ll make sure we’re back in time again for tomorrow when we leave!”

The two girls smile in excitement, though the both of you have your parental instincts kick in.

“Please?” they begged, wanting you to let them go so that they could do this for you guys as much as they wanted to do it for themselves. “She’s waiting for us now!”

Hongjoong feels guilty. “C’mon, you guys should still join us!”

Eunseo immediately shakes her head, declining the offer.

“Tonight is all about you guys. We don’t want to intrude” she chuckles, bumping shoulders with her sister who chips in.

“We’ll text you guys in the middle to let you know everything’s good of course”

You and Hongjoong smile, a feeling of immense proudness overwhelming you from seeing your daughters act so grown up. There wasn’t anything else you felt grateful for more.

“Thank you girls.” you muttered softly, watching as they flashed you a wink before hurrying out through the backyard door.

“Don’t get all kissy in the backyard!” Eunbyeol teases, making cheesy smooching sounds with the back of her hand as her sister rolls her eyes and shoves her out.

Before you know it, you’re left standing with just the sound of smooth jazz playing on the patio speakers and the buzzing of the summer cicadas.

“She takes after you, I hope you know that” You told Hongjoong softly.

He chuckles, “Not as much as you.” He gestures to the table. “Shall we?”

And that’s how the next few hours seem to pass by without even realizing.

You see, there was a reason why you fell in love with the man sitting in front of you, and you’re just beginning to remember it now. Being with Hongjoong felt as if the moment was everlasting, and you could testify that from the amount of laughter and deep conversation that was shared over dinner, bringing you to sit on that patio until the sun had set. Every so often you’d smile again at the thought of the twins preparing this all for you.

“I don’t remember the last time I’ve been on a date like this” You blurted out after laughing about something, taking a sip of your strawberry milkshake through a straw.

“Oh, so we’re going on dates now, are we?” Hongjoong grins, making you roll your eyes at him.

You lean forward on the table cloth, watching as a glimmer passes through your husband’s eyes while he sits back in his chair, cocking his head to the side as he clears his voice.

“But you’ve gone on dates after we split, haven’t you?” he asks, leaning forward in interest now, letting his chin rest on his palm.

You shook your head slowly.

“Nope. Not since signing those papers” you revealed.

Hongjoong furrows his brows in surprise. “And why’s that?”

You suddenly didn’t have an answer. “I-I don’t know, I just…” You began, watching how he looked at you with an unreadable expression. You smiled, looking down and suddenly feeling embarrassed.

“I guess I was too focused on running the bridal shop, I couldn’t find the time to.” You use as a cliche excuse.

“Bullshit” he retorts back immediately.

“It’s true!” You protested, throwing a fry at him that he dodges, landing on his finished plate.

“You always did say back when we were younger that you wanted to be a designer. And look at you now” he admires, letting the candle lights shine a youthful glow to your face.

“You always said you wanted to become a music producer and write your own songs.” you reciprocated, smiling as you soaked in the presence of one another. “And here you are now.”

You think for a moment before asking the same question.

“How about you?”

Hongjoong silently shakes his head as his answer, though silently thinking about something else. The music changes to some old Billy Joel song in the back. You don’t realize it, but Hongjoong smiles to himself when he realizes the girls added it to the playlist. Of course they had to, it was one of the songs you played at your wedding.

“What were we thinking when we got married like that?” You asked out loud, looking at how far you’d both come. You definitely skipped some of the order of the stages of a normal relationship.

“I mean, we had no money, no prospects. Hell, we didn’t even have a car, Hongjoong!” you realized.

Your husband laughs, sitting straight and letting some skin show through his unbuttoned collar.

“We were young” he justifies.

“Yeah, and stupid too,” you pointed out, feeling the summer breeze pass by. It felt good to sit here like this with him.

You wondered, could sitting here like this with Hongjoong be a regular thing? After this trip, would you be able to walk back into each other’s lives again like this?

As both parents and lovers?

Hongjoong brings up something you wouldn’t have expected him to.

“Do you remember when we first found out about Eunseo and Eunbyeol?” he questioned softly, looking at you.

You blink, taken aback. Suddenly you’re back in your college dorm washroom, sobs wracking through your body as Hongjoong who had only just sent his first few mixtapes to recording stations and companies nearby, pulled you close into his chest, eyeing the two lines left on the counter while he caressed your back. Only twenty years old and figuring out what you wanted to do with your lives, you were suddenly stuck in a sudden situation that had made you feel like your dreams would have been given up on completely.

“I do,” you told him, pulling yourself from the memory.

“I remember because in that moment I felt like the whole world was caving in”. You laughed, though it wasn’t fully cheerful.

“I don’t regret it, though” Hongjoong replies after some thought, gazing at you with truth in his eyes.

You shook your head. “Of course. Neither do I.”

It was a blessing to have two beautiful daughters as the product of your love.

“I don’t regret you either.” Hongjoong states.

You lock gazes, unable to take your eyes off of his face.

“I loved you when I first met you and I still loved you when we divorced,” he says all at once, making your breath hitch and heart waver.

“Don’t say that.” you tell him, looking away and suddenly reminding yourself you’re still divorced from the man sitting in front of you.

How could he still love you after all this time? How could you feel the same about him?

Hongjoong continues, shaking his head as he bites back the lodge in his throat and makes up his mind. He has to tell you.

“Truthfully, I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you.”

Don’t do this to me you begged silently.

“I’ve hurt you just as much as you’ve hurt me.” He swallows, thinking back to the times you already knew he was referring to. The times where you fought to the point where there wasn’t even anything worth fighting for anymore.

“But you have given me the greatest gifts of my life.” He smiles, holding his tears back.

“And for that I will always love you.”

You push your seat from the table, suddenly feeling overwhelmed and wanting to avoid him.

“I can’t do this anymore.” you dejected, walking away from the patio and from Hongjoong.

There wasn’t anything else you could fake anymore. You couldn’t bear to hear the man you once loved, possibly even still love, say these things like he had a dagger lodged in his heart. Didn’t he know he was only going to do the same to you?

Hongjoong is quick to catch up, holding onto your wrist and turning you around, that your back collides with the nearest wall inside, pressing your fronts together and closing the distance.

“Why do you always run away from me? From the possibility of us?” He exclaimed, voice breaking. His heart crushed at the way you turned your head, hot tears already clouding your vision.

“Because ‘us’ can’t happen again, Hongjoong!” You cried, staring up at the man you once promised your life to.

“Don’t you get it? Us going on this trip isn’t a sign to get back together. What would we do seven years after breaking up?”

“We could do it” He states firmly, staring you down, both your chests heaving.

You bite your tears back again. “No we couldn’t, honey. We would be pretending to think we solved our marriage. What would we do about our daughters? After putting them through our constant fighting— ”

He slams his lips to your own, shutting you up as you painfully resist his touch. Your hands came up to push him away, but at the sudden gesture, you’re already giving in and sobbing softly, letting him hold you for just one last time.

Your lips mold so perfectly, it almost hurts how much you missed this feeling. To have him slot his arms around your waist, pull you in close, and cherish you. You almost forgot this feeling.

He pulls away softly, watching your lashes flutter, pleading to you for a chance as he leans closer, making your breath hitch.

“We could be together as a family again,” he states firmly, your name leaving his lips in a desperate plea. “We never know if we try—”

You drown out his words, looking up with tears falling as you cut him off.

“Seven years ago I gave you those papers to sign, thinking that you would’ve chased after me,”

Hongjoong holds his breath, watching as the next words stumble from your mouth.

“I realize now, how stupid I was to think that.”

“I didn’t know you wanted me to chase you”

Shoving his chest away while mustering the last of your strength you uttered. “Of course I wanted you to chase me.” You let go of his hands. “It’s too late either way”, walking away from the defeated man.

Hongjoong stands alone near the patio entrance, watching his tears fall to the wooden floorboards. Holding the ring he had kept hidden in his trouser pocket, he plays with it in his fingers, silently wishing he had given it to you sooner.

It rains the next morning on your departure back to the city. Perfect, considering it reflects the sudden storm of utter depression that falls upon your family. Long gone are the cheerful giggles and longing stares that were shared between you and Hongjoong during the ride to the cottage.

There was no room for that, not after last night.

Eunbyeol and Eunseo sat slumped in the backseat, rain hitting the roof of the car as they mindlessly played on their cell phones. Really, they were peeking from behind every so often and watching their parents sit in the front seat with tension so thick, you could’ve cut it with a knife.

What had they done wrong? They planned the trip, the activities, the dinner— it was all perfect. And yet why were you still fighting with each other?

These questions racked in their brains, baffled to have witnessed the sight of their parents refusing to talk to each other after walking back from their friends' sleepover.

Eunbyeol and Eunseo felt as useful as matchmakers without a couple, feeling their efforts all gone down the drain.

At the sudden ring of your cell phone, you pick up, answering at the voice of your assistant.

“I’m driving back up right now”

Hongjoong continues focusing on the road, the occasional wiping of rain from the windshield wipers on the front window.

“Yes. That’s okay, I'll take care of it.” You muttered, glancing at the rear view mirror for a moment. Your twin daughters immediately sigh, having an idea of what to expect when you say those familiar words.

“Thanks for letting me know.”

You hang up the phone,

“One of us isn’t going with you, are we?” Eunseo asks, making you look back at her with a sigh.

“No, you’re not” You confess, apologetic. ‘I’m sorry honey. I really am.”

You look back facing the front, swallowing as you told Hongjoong.

“You’ll have to drop me off at the studio. Some things aren’t working out with the client so they need me to come in and take care of it.”

He nods, unphased as he continues to look straight.

“Will you be fine with the girls?” You asked carefully, watching them as they were slumped in the backseat.

Hongjoong grips the wheel before turning to you.

“I‘ll be fine. Don’t worry about it” sending a small smile, though it doesn’t fully reach his eyes.

The twins thank god that at least neither of them had to choose to go back home with either parent.

They would’ve hated that more.

After barely being able to depart and say goodbye to your daughters in front of your studio, holding them close for a warm embrace and thanking them for an unforgettable weekend, Hongjoong drives off with his daughters, an empty feeling cascading his thoughts. He puts on a smile still, trying to cheer up his girls.

“What do you want to do first when we go home? Want to unpack and then eat? We can eat and then unpack. Or we could- ”

Eunseo crosses her arms, having been fed up for far too long.

“Dad, you must be out of your mind.”

Hongjoong stills, furrowing his brows and peeking at the first born who crosses her arms, holding an attitude.

“Eunseo, what are you- ”

“You’re telling me you and Mom just spent a whole entire week together at the cottage, had the best time of your lives since separating with one another, and now you’re just going to go back to not speaking or talking to each other again?”

Hongjoong blinks at his daughter’s sudden outburst, already making a turn into the driveway of his house.

Eunbyeol now reciprocates her twin, looking at her dad as she slouches beside him, coming near the front seat area.

“She’s got a point dad. Do you really just not love mom anymore?” She worries, looking up at him genuinely concerned.

Hongjoong doesn’t know how to answer these sudden questions right now, stuttering to reply.

“Me and your mother are fine!” He lies, trying to reassure them. “That trip wasn’t just for us, it was also for you two to enjoy— ”

Eunseo asks the million dollar question.

“If you still love Mom, why are you letting her go a second time?”

With the engine turned off, it's gone silent. Two pairs of eyes staring at their father, awaiting his response.

“Well? Are you going to chase after her or not?!” Eunbyeol groans, her fathers lack of response making her pull her hair.

They were right. How could he have made the same stupid mistake twice?

Hongjoong struggles to put the keys back in the engine, telling them to put their seat belts back on. Their eyes begin to glow with hope.

“Do you girls mind staying at your uncle’s for a bit?” He asks hurriedly, punching into his cell phone to call his brother for a favor as he pulls out of the driveway. Eunbyeol squeals, hands clamping over her mouth as her sister speaks on behalf of them both.

“Dad, if you don’t drop us off and get your butt over to mom’s right away, I’m gonna report you to child services.” she threatens, watching as he steps on the accelerator, heart pumping so fast as he smiles through the rear view mirror.

You sighed, holding up your cellphone to your ear.

“Call me once she approves the design then,” you told your assistant through the receiver, one hand looking over the sheets of paper, highlighting the changes to the new blueprint.

“Alright then, bye.”

After hanging up the phone, you rubbed your temples, head pounding as you tucked the files back into the folder.

The clock in your studio showed the hands about to reach seven pm. A few hours had already passed since coming back from your trip to the cottage, trying to forget everything by burying your focus into the new dress prints a client of yours requested, remodeling them after the original was rejected.

Fingers worked away swiftly, comparing textiles and fabrics as you looked at the piles of papers and messy sticky notes in front of you. But yet the gears in your mind seemed to churn achingly slow, sighing as you repeatedly told yourself the same thing.

Just focus on the dress, focus on the dress, focus on the dress.

Don’t think about him.

The task is impossible. Your mind can’t help but slip back to what your relationship has become with Hongjoong, and what you were going to do now that those seven days were over. For so long you had deprived yourself from indulging in your love life, prioritizing taking care of Eunseo and Eunbyeol while juggling your job as a designer. Had you been doing it all wrong?

Hongjoong’s words repeat in your head like a broken record player.

I will always love you

Lies. That promise couldn’t be kept. Your divorce was a clear outcome of it. You and Hongjoong were two people not meant for one another. You were too different, all you would do is hurt one another, make life an unbearable living hell—

And yet you missed him. You missed Hongjoong so much.

What was fucking keeping you from loving him? Was it your stubbornness? Was it really the fact that he didn’t chase after you? Or was it none of that and just your own self being stupid?

The front door of the studio opens, pulling you from your thoughts as you got back to the sketches. You called up from your desk as you worked quietly.

“The studios closed for the- ”

Heavy breathing. The man who just walked in catches his breath from dashing out of his car and up the three flights of stairs, driving through almost an hour of traffic in pouring rain to be here in this moment with you.

“Hongjoong?”

He’s drenched, making a mess on the floor of the studio as the droplets fall softly one by one.

Suddenly he's striding over to where you’re sitting in long steps before slamming his lips against yours. The kiss throws you off guard, the shock of his cold hands cradling your face makes you close the gap unknowingly.

Linking your arms around his neck while kissing back passionately, you let your hands rest on his shoulders, pulling back for air as you panted heavily, catching your breaths and looking at each other with pure love and lust.

“Why are you here?” you asked, feeling dumb because your heart already knew the answer. His hands wrap around your waist, desperate as if you would leave him again.

But he’s just so fucking tired of that now. He just wants to love you now.

“I lost you once.” He breathes, eyes watering.

“I’m not going to lose you again”.

Suddenly, everything that kept you from being with each other is thrown away.

That hate, that fear, everything is gone because you realize you still needed each other. You’re still the same twenty year old couple standing in that dorm washroom, holding each other close and knowing it’ll be okay because at least you had each other.

You grasp onto his damp shirt, pulling him down with such force that your lips meet again, taking charge as you finally allowed him to have you.

“You’re a fucking idiot” you whined between kisses, curses escaping your lips when he softly bites the flesh of your neck to test the waters. “I hope you know that”

He agrees wholeheartedly, nodding as if he was already getting pussydrunk.

“I’m an idiot” he mumbles to himself, letting it escape his lips like a mantra. Well, he was stupid enough to only chase after you this late, so if his wife told him he was an idiot, then so he was.

“Let me prove how much I love you,” a hand comes to graze near the collar of your shirt.

You gasped, watching as Hongjoong lifted you from your seat and rutted his hips against your core pathetically, your ass digging into the edge of the table.

“Here?” Your eyes widened, watching his expression turn dark. He presses kisses on your collarbone, making your hands grasp the wood for support. “Hongjoong wait,” you exhaled in a deep breath, heart beating against your chest.

But he doesn’t give a shit. He’s tired of waiting.

“It’s been too fucking long” he protests, ripping your top off. You’re dizzy from how abruptly he’s stripping you, latching onto his shoulders for support as you wobble from him unzipping your jeans and pushing them down, exposing you in nothing but your underwear and bra.

And like the good little whore you are, you immediately spread your legs, letting Hongjoong get a view of the embarrassingly wet patch leaking through your panties as he’s crouched down to let you step out of the denim near your ankles.

Holy fucking shit

You stand bashfully, toes curling from how exposed and vulnerable you were being the only one naked.

“Please?” you asked nicely, letting your foot rest on his shoulder as your pussy was now on full display for him.

You don’t have time to even finish the last word before Hongjoong dives in, lapping at your soaking cunt and humming in pure ecstasy at the taste. The muffled vibrations make you throw your head back, tugging on his locks to shove his face further.

Hongjoong’s hands press into your thighs that cage his head in, leaving a grip that you guarantee with littering the flesh with red splotchy bruises. Did you mind? Not at all.

When his tongue pokes at the gummy flesh of your walls, you let out a full moan, echoing throughout the studio as the air begins to smell like sex.

“Right there, yes” you urged him, leg beginning to shake from how weak it was getting.

He's so invested, you fear he might suffocate any longer if he doesn’t pull back for air. So you grasp his head, pushing him away from his meal while you both gasped lightly.

You watch him wipe his slick covered chin with the back of his hand, not breaking eye contact as he stares.

“You were just begging to be fucked for all these years, weren’t you sweetheart?” He teases.

Though you wanted him to lap at your juices until you came, you knew you needed to still feel his cock inside after so long.

Your fingers played with the hem of your underwear, smiling back at your husband.

“And you were just begging to get a taste of this pussy, weren’t you, Joong?” wiping that smug grin off his face.

”Lay down for me” he demands, getting up so that one hand finds its way to the back of your bra to unclasp it. The other clears half your desk covered in wedding dress blueprints and sketches, making sure nothing would make you uncomfortable before he fucked you on that mahogany surface so all you’d remember would be his name.

And people said romance was dead.

When the bra slides off and your bare back hits your desk, you suddenly realize what Hongjoong’s intention was when he ordered you to do that.

Soft mounds spill out as your breasts take their natural form, giving Hongjoong the perfect view of your tits. Pervert.

He immediately latches his tongue on a nipple, taking his hand and playing with the other, twisting painfully.

A cry escapes your lips, parting them open as you let him play with them as much as he wanted to. He smiles against the motherfuckers, knowing that shut you up perfectly.

“Are you ready for me to fuck you now?”

“Please, Joong, I need you” you whined, submitting yourself to your husband. He already knows you’re in need of one last kiss, coming up to give his wife what she wants by slotting his lips against yours again, this time much harsher.

“Tell me so that I treat you good, baby” he mumbles, pulling back and making you clench your thighs together. He undoes his shirt in the meantime, unbuckling his belt and pressing a sweet kiss to your cheek when you sobbed.

“Fuck me, please”

His fingers slide your panties to the side to press his aching tip to your wet core.

“Like this?” He teases.

“Inside, Hongjoong” you emphasized, meaning what you said with the way your nails dug into a pile of papers nearby. Biting your lip from how sensitive and needy your cunt was.

“I know, I know,” he murmured, smiling to himself after messing with you.

“I just missed this pretty cunt” before in one strong thrust, Hongjoong’s bulging tip enters inside your walls, giving you a stretch you forgot how much you loved. You whined softly.

“Shit” he curses, relishing how the buildup finally led to this moment.

The man is ravenous, but he’s genuinely trying his best to ease the painful stretch as you adjust to his thickness, nipping your neck in a trail of hickeys and love bites posessively.

With every thrust he makes, you arch your back, pencils and papers shuffling near by you.

“Fucking look at my wife” he admires proudly, watching the woman he loves bounce her tits at every thrust of his cock.

“S’too much” you caved in, shaking your head at the stimulation.

You claw at his arms, head turning to the side as your eyes roll back from pleasure.

“I know, mama, I know”

He grabs a tit in his left hand, the right one coming down to play with your clit, pressing slow circles near where you were connected.

“Fuck, I missed these” He rasps, savouring the feeling of your soft flesh in his hand, making you throw your head back.

“Missed how they looked when you were pregnant” he says, thinking of how ethereal you looked when you were knocked up with his kids.

“God, at this point I’m gonna get you fucking pregnant again” Hongjoong grunts, snapping his hips deliriously back and forth. He envisions you round and full, fulfilling his inner fantasy.

“Shut up.” You spat, breaking the mood as you bit your lip to suppress a moan. He almost laughs when you then crane your hips back to give him easier access to keep penetrating you. The desk shuffles.

“Your mouth is saying one thing, honey, but your body is saying something else”

After hearing his words, you suck him in further, both of you now getting close.

“M’close. M’so close!” you whimpered, sitting up so that now Hongjoong could hold you in his arms, caging your body so his cock could stuff you better.

Your mouth hangs open in silent bliss, hands scratching his back. You leaned into his ear, making the final chord inside him snap.

“Make me cum, daddy”

And just like that, you’re clenching around Hongjoong’s massive cock as a creamy white ring begins to form. Hot ropes fill you up inside, tangled in a sweaty mess as he purrs, caressing the back of your head again in habit.

“So fucking good, sweetheart. You did so good for me”

The sounds of your breathing fill the studio, a pencil or two rolling quietly away on the ground from being shoved off the desk. He shakes his head when you try to pull your sweaty bodies away, hair sticking to your neck but feeling the way he refuses.

“Just let me love you,” he mumbles into your shoulder, dick softening inside you. “Just for a moment.”

You’re too tired to say anything back, so you finally give in.

Seven years passed by you two without even realizing how much you still loved each other. Though you wouldn’t be able to get that time back, for once, there was something that you and Hongjoong agreed upon.

You had no intention of wasting that time any more.

𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄:

Months later, and it still takes everything in Eunbyeol and Eunseo hearts to not scream at the sight of their parents when they walk hand in hand, smiling happily in public as they pick their daughters up from the first day of school.

The girls jump into their parent’s embrace, eying the two silver rings they now wore proudly together.

“How was school, darlings?” Hongjoong asks, pressing a kiss to Eunseo and Eunbyeol.

“It was fun! We watched a documentary about lovebirds” she smiled, looking back up. You laughed softly.

“Which reminded me to tell you,” she grins, watching as you, her sister, and father all looked at her.

“I hope you know that getting you and dad back together was my plan from the start.” she confesses, smirking at Eunbyeol who scoffs, crossing her arms.

“Nuh uh, this was my idea first!”

Before her sister could yell at her twin, you jumped in.

“Plan? What plan?” You asked quizzically, both you and Hongjoong standing there confused.

“To get you guys to fall back in love again, of course!” Eunseo smiles, both her and her sister now giggling softly together.

“How am I just finding out that there was a plan?” Hongjoong mutters, scratching his neck in confusion. You turned to the two girls, stopping in your tracks on your way to the car

“When did you two even think of all this?” grinning in astonishment as you felt Hongjoong slot his hand and intertwine it with yours. It felt natural now.

“Yeah, I'm curious too” he states, leaning close and becoming intrigued.

Your daughters look at each other before smiling.

“It’s a long story.”

But at last, time is something you finally now have as a reunited family of four, walking back to your car, holding hands with a twin on each side.

Listening carefully, as your daughters start from the very beginning.

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