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alreadyblondenow · 4 years ago

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Sweet | Jung Jaehyun

❤︎ Jaehyun x female!reader ❤︎ Fluff? Smut, Smut, Smut, Smut, Tiny bit of angst, College AU, Established relationship ❤︎ 2/4 for LOVE MONTH SERIES: Boys Don’t Cry One is a big number | You and your words | Sweet | He loves me, he loves me not |

Summary: Jaehyun has always been in love with you but he thinks so highly of you that he never tried pursuing his feelings for you. All throughout your college years, Jaehyun endured every heartbreak secretly whenever you have a new boyfriend and can only love you secretly in his own ways. Wild. College years was wild and its all because of Jaehyun. After college, you and Jaehyun parted ways but life will reunite you again in the most shocking way. Jaehyun’s wedding.

Word count: 13,707k

Warnings: Sex, sex, sex, and loads of sex, unprotected sex, loss of virginity, making of sex tape (with consent), making of amateur porn? (with consent), cam boys and cam girl?? idk what to call that but they fuck live, mentions of alcohol, period fingering, mentions of tampon, dry humping, oral sex female receiving, mentions of blowjob, slight blowjob scene, mentions of other idols, swearing, college students who just wanna have fun haha, kissing and touching, fingering, and slight nipple play, mentions of having sex with Johnny. AH SLIGHT BREAK UP SEX!

A/N: PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. okay, I know I said that this will be out on Jaehyun’s birthday but meh whatever I’m posting it and will post something else for hearts day. hehe. I hope you guys love this even though im just experimenting and trying to write longer fics, and seriously I wanted to write back to back smut with different feels so I guess im crossing that out of my bucket list. Also this is proof read once only so sorry. You may not be happy with the ending but I’m sure as hell happy with it so sorry.

Humans are prone to fall in love with the wrong people and the only thing you can do about it is to forgive yourself and move on. No matter how much history you had, no matter how many special moments or intimate ones you shared… if you know that he or she is not the right person for you then, you know.

Like this moment right now. For exactly ten minutes, you will realize why you and a certain someone never worked out.

“Hey, boss you have a 10 am meeting. Planning for everything” Your assistant says as you double-check your schedule to see the name of the client she’s talking about. “That’s the bride though, 0% progress for the wedding” she added.

“Yikes” you murmur and ready your stuff, “let’s fix that and give her a beautiful wedding. I need you to take down everything she says while I talk to her” you straighten your clothes and fix yourself before you face the client.

The moment you enter the room, the bride greets you with a big smile like she’s saying ‘thank you for saving me and my wedding’ even though you literally haven't done anything yet. Oh, you love seeing those hopeful eyes in every bride. “I’m just waiting for my fiancé, he’s the one who recommends coming here and I have a great feeling that I will have a beautiful wedding because of you”

“And my team,” you added and finished her sentence, “I want to introduce you to my assistant, she will be taking care of every request you say during our discussion later”

“And I want to introduce you to my fiancé, Jaehyun,” she said with a big smile and walked towards his fiancé.

And just like that your ordinary day at the office became extraordinary. Because nothing is normal about Jung Jaehyun, nothing is normal about those dimpled smile that automatically makes your heart skip a beat.

“Baby, this is the wedding organizer” her smile has no hint of mock, she’s not even proud that she has a very handsome fiancé and obviously she doesn’t know who you are. She’s just happy that she’s marrying Jaehyun. That’s all. And in those eyes, you see that Jaehyun is in the right hands.

“Mhmm. Me, Johnny, and Ms. Y/n right here are dorm mates. So you’re talking to the best wedding organizer,” you snorted at what Jaehyun said.

“Thank you for that introduction Jung, now let’s talk about your wedding”

And so, you worked your magic to them the whole morning. Explaining things, showing stuff, asking them what they want. From the wedding reception, wedding dress appointments, and picking of cakes… she has no idea of what she wants. Good thing you do know what you’re doing and you planned everything smoothly after a few hours. And for hours and hours, you watched them smile at each other, lowkey flirted in front of you but you didn’t feel any jealousy, hurt, or regret.

When the exhausting meeting was finally done and finally you’re alone at your office, a soft knock brought you back to reality and a familiar voice was behind it. “Can I come in?” Jaehyun asks.

“Of course, it’s open” you watch him enter your office like he’s some kind of a ghost and made the room cold in an instant.

“I just want to say thank you for helping us out- thank goodness the world is small… Literally, the wedding will be a mess”

“Just doing my job Jae,” you smiled sweetly to him, “your fiancé is lovely-“

“I did love you Y/n. And I’m sorry for hurting you like that, I told you, you deserve better. I’m glad we both found our happiness” he flashed that dimpled smile again and thanked you one last time.

The little reunion ended with small smiles, nods here and there, and in just a few seconds Jaehyun is out from your office and quickly replaced by your assistant to give you your afternoon coffee. Awkward and curious, she placed the coffee in front of you. Obviously, she wanted to know your past with the groom. And when she finally dropped the question, you remembered everything, moments crashing and drowning you right this instance.

Eight years ago

“Are you even trying, you’re no fun!”

Your best friend shouts at you from the other side of the table, waiting for you to throw the ball, waiting for you to miss. It was just beer pong but you don’t know why the game was so fucking frustrating and no matter how hard you concentrate you can’t score. Maybe it’s because you’re all alone and you’re competing against your best friend and her boyfriend. Fuck that you thought, you don’t need a man.

“Fuck” you murmur and miss again. You watch your best friend’s boyfriend score another one and of course, you have to drink again. But just when you’re about to get the ball from drink, a stranger’s hand was quick to get the cup, remove the ball and drink the alcohol.

“Mind if I join and help you win?” He flashed you a dimpled smile that immediately made you smile back at him. You take back what you said earlier, maybe you do need someone.

“Come on! Let him in, maybe he’s a better competition” your best friend shouts once again. Oh, you’re very happy that you’re not going to the same college.

As you welcome the handsome stranger and gave him the honor of throwing the ball, you warned him first that your opponents can be very annoying but he doesn't seem to care and just let out a small laugh. Cocky you thought, but confidence looks sexy on him.

And finally. Fucking finally, your best friend had a taste of her own medicine.

“I’m Jaehyun by the way,” he was lowkey flirting with you and you’re not stupid to not notice. “Here, I’ll teach you how to throw” he put the ball in your palm and stood behind you, hands on your waist to keep you steady, arms raised together, and you swear his lips were so near at your nape that you got shivers whenever he talks. “let the ball bounce near a cup and it will land on one” he added. But how can you score if he’s making it hard for you? You did it anyways, threw the ball near a cup and he was right. It landed on the cup you wish to aim and finally, you’re starting to have fun.

The game went on and you and Jaehyun flirted, talked, and exchange deep glances the entire game but winning it at the same time. His one hand is always around your waist even if it's not necessary whenever he’s the one throwing the ball, and whenever the other team scores, he’s the one drinking the alcoholic beverage for you.

At the end of the game, you and Jaehyun won the golden prize which is very awkward when he showed it to you.

“All that frustration and competition for a condom?” you can’t believe that the prize is a single condom.

“We don’t have to use it, it can just be our trophy you know” he let out a small laugh and put the condom in his pocket, and changed the subject.

As the night went deeper, you and Jaehyun had your own little world in that corner at the kitchen with a beer in your hand while you talk about your interest from music to movies. It was pretty crowded but no one seems to care especially Jaehyun because he loves how incredibly close he is to you right now. Until a drunk person bumped Jaehyun and he accidentally spilled his beer on your blouse. Seems like the universe is making a way for you two to eventually hook up and use the condom.

“Shit-shit!” Jaehyun was panicking at the moment and he doesn’t know what to do other than remove his hoodie and cover you with it before anyone sees your see-through blouse and took you somewhere less crowded to help you clean up the mess he put you through.

In a stranger's room upstairs, he locked the door to let you change while he looks for something to dry your clothes with. Luckily, he saw a hairdryer and quickly plugged it in beside the bed and started drying your shirt.

You were conscious for some time, clinging to a stranger's blanket with nothing but your pants underneath it. You watch Jaehyun dry your bra, checking it from time to time if it's ready to go. And when it's finally dry, he hands it to you with an awkward smile but still managed to make your heart beat fast. “I’m really sorry,” he started, a quickly avoided his gaze from you again as you turn your back from him, put down the blanket, and wear your bra like there's no one with you.

“It was an accident, don’t beat yourself up,” you said, there’s no way he’s going to let this go you’re sure of it, so with all your bravery, you came closer to him while he's busy drying your blouse and kissed him on the cheek. “You've been saving me the whole night. You saved me from boredom and from losing and now, you're drying my clothes. So sweet of you,” you added and looked at him sweetly, resting your forehead on his and making the moment even more intense by putting down the blanket in front of him. Allowing him to see you with only wearing your bra and pants, inviting him to make this moment unforgettable for the two of you.

Of course, he's not stupid and did exactly what you had in mind. In one swift moved his lips are on your lips, hands on your shoulders to put your bra straps down, and you unclasped your bra and threw it on the floor before you started to kiss him more intensely.

Jaehyun kissed you exactly how you wanted to be kissed, with want and with lust. His breath and the sound of wet kisses sounded perfect as it surrounds the room. You felt him bite your neck then feel him smile against your skin when his intentions of turning you on even more is working.

Kisses became deeper, playful, and wet when he started to go down to your chest and started kissing the valley between your boobs. His big hands knead your right boob, while his left hand is placed on your waist. Oh when his tongue brushed on your nipple for the first time, you rolled your head back and arched your back as if you wanted him to do more and play more with your boobs.

And just like that the cold night became warm and you feel it getting warmer and warmer by every second and it’s all because of Jaehyun.

He flashed a dimpled smile at you when he saw that you're more than liking what he's doing to you and stopped to open the lampshade. The room was immediately softly illuminated which you thought is romantic even though everything that’s happening right now is totally unplanned.

"Your boobs have spit all over, wait let me get that for you" you were just about to tell him that it's fine but he was quick to remove his shirt and reveal his godlike body right before your eyes. “If you just want to kiss and touch the whole night, I’m fine with that but I am very horny right now that I got you covered with spit,” he said while wiping his spit from your boobs and chest using his shirt.

If you’re perfectly honest, you’re nervous about what can happen in the next few minutes. But there’s no way in hell that you’re going to let this pass, it’s not every day a handsome man is eager to fuck you. You just have to suck it up, not tell him that you’re a virgin, perform and look like you know what you’re doing. "No, it's fine I'm horny too" and you proved it by kissing him again, cupping his face with both of your hands, and with all your strength you roll on top of him. "Wait here," you said as you push him back on the mattress when he tried to get a hold of you.

You went down from the bed to remove your pants and underwear, he did the same as quickly as he can and you think he's cute for being excited to fuck. You crawled in between his legs, sat nicely on top of him but the impatient guy sat up and met your lips again. One hand supporting his weight, one hand on your waist. "You're so fucking beautiful I'm having a hard time to breath for the last few minutes" he whispers so sexily while kissing your jaw, leaving his mark to remind you the next day about tonight.

For a minute, you felt shy because you've never been naked with someone in bed. But the way Jaehyun kisses you makes you trust him, the way he touches your body with care make you want him more. And again, those fucking lips just made you roll your hips against his hardening cock and it made you both moaned so good that he asked you to do it again. And so you did.

Letting his cock slide in between your folds is a new feeling for you. Not even grinding on your vibrator will give you such an amazing feeling. Grinding on Jaehyun's cock while his mouth plays with your boobs felt fucking good that your grip on his locks tightens but he doesn't care. But for someone untouched like you, you made sure you never forget the feeling whenever his tongue swirls while you roll your hips, how he bites your nipples whenever he feels you're slowing down, and the vibrations that share with you whenever he grunts a little too loud and you feel it all over your body.

Soon Jaehyun switched places with you, putting you underneath him to catch his breath and stop himself from cumming. He reached for your hand and hold it dearly, kissing your knuckles and the back of your hand. “Forgive me if I become rough tonight, I can promise an aftercare don’t worry,” he says and gave you one last kiss before he pulls away and gets the condom from the pocket of his discarded pants. Putting the protection in front of you to assure you, thank goodness to that condom you thought.

As soon as he crawls back in between your legs again, his hand moved around your body like he’s telling you he owns you, smiling in between kisses whenever he accidentally tickles you. Hands slipping in between your thighs and fingers brushed automatically on your very wet slit. You jolt because of the new feeling but careful not to show Jaehyun that this is your first time being finger fucked. So you closed your eyes to avoid his gaze but Jaehyun gave your ass a tight squeeze and put his thumb on your wet slit, admiring how wet he made you already which made you open your eyes again and moan his name deliciously.

“I like the sound of that,” he says, kissing your neck and down Jaehyun goes, kissing your body until he reaches your pussy to give you few licks before he fucks you.

The way he licked your wet folds made your toes curl and your legs spread even wider. Pushing his head away, crushing his head with your legs then spreading it wide again, and begged him but you’re not sure what for.

“Jae- you eat pussy like a pro” or maybe you’re just telling that because it’s your first time being eaten out. That even the way he puts the right amount of force to stop your legs from closing whenever he flicks his tongue is perfect. And when he saw you relaxing and can handle the pleasure already, his hands cupped both of your boobs and pinched your nipples, making you moan his name loudly “Jae!-“ and arch your back as a sign that you’re almost there, and if he doesn’t stop soon you might cum now.

But of course, Jaehyun didn’t stop and made you cum using his tongue for the first time tonight. Your legs felt like jelly and you can even feel that your pussy is still sensitive. “Thought it’s going to be just a few licks?” you said weakly, wiping your pussy juices from his chin and planting a soft kiss on his lips as a thank you, but he doesn’t know that.

“Changed my mind, you taste good. I might even go for another round-“

And right before he goes down on you again, you stopped him and told him you’re still sensitive. Which thankfully he listened and kissed you instead of licking you. And when you’re finally good to go again, he holds you by your ankles, kiss your neck and touch your body for a few seconds before he finally lines his cock on your very wet slit. Sliding it up and down, teasing you and making you horny and even more aroused.

When he finally pushed his cock in your hole, Jaehyun thought his dick will slide in smoothly because, one, he thought you’re not a virgin anymore and two, you’re dripping on the sheets but still he’s having a hard time pushing in. Then he saw your face, contorting like you’re in pain rather than seeing you furrow your brows, part your lips, and make beautiful sounds.

For you, it fucking hurts and you would rather suck it up than tell him you’re still a virgin and ruin the mood. But the man on top of you is not stupid and surprisingly he pulled out slowly and came closer to your body once again to face you, “I’m about to be your first time, am I right? You’re so tight and I’ve never encountered a hole like that ever since my first fuck”

Busted you thought. You thought of any more ways to get out of this situation but he looks like he’s okay with it. “Are you mad?” you asked shyly and avoiding his stare.

“No” he admitted, “Actually I’m turned on. But I’ll go slow and sorry if I hurt you at first. Want to try again?”

You nod oh eagerly to his question and finally, you can breathe and enjoy the moment. He gave you a few kisses before he continues and went back to lining his cock, he made you wrap your arms around his neck and asked you to spread your legs even wider. And when he pushed in again, there’s that good stretch you’ve been hearing so much about. The feeling of Jaehyun’s cock go slowly inside you was incredibly good even though he’s not fucking you raw right now.

“The condom is thin-“ he grunts and moaned a few times, “you’re so tight. And fuck you look hot. Does it feel good now?” he whispers and started to roll his hips once which made you both moan and let out sharp gasps.

He fucks you slow and deep until the sting from the stretch is replaced by pleasure. You rake his body with your nails, holding him on his nape, and grab a fistful of hair whenever he tries to give you a powerful thrust which you loved so you asked for more.

He sat on his knees and pull away from your body then immediately gave you a hard thrust, watching your boobs bounce with lidded eyes, kneading them whenever he wants to. In a matter of few minutes, his thrust became animalistic that your head is dangling on the edge of the bed, moaning and gasping sharply but the man above you kept on fucking you hard, savoring the condom and trying not to cum so soon. So whenever he’s on edge, he pulls out immediately and spreads kisses around your body, sucking your boobs until your nipples are swollen, playing with your slit until you’re cumming for the third time tonight using his fingers.

“Not yet, I want more time with you,” he says while kissing your neck and reaching for your hand to intertwine it with his.

“Jaehyun, I can’t take it anymore. Please cum already” you begged with ragged breaths.

“Fine, fine. Since you asked nicely, but promise me to give me your number after we fuck”

“I will if you make me cum using your dick” he was amused by your answer and effortlessly flipped you on your stomach and asked you to put your ass in the air. He kissed your shoulders first, making you feel safe before the grand finale. Hands on your ass while he slowly thrust in again and fuck, he does make your knees weak.

“You were just a virgin a few minutes ago, but now you’re begging huh, okay” he says before he gave you a hard thrust that made you land flat on your stomach but he was quick to lift your hips again and give you another hard thrust.

Thrust after thrust you feel the impact in your body and for sure your body will be sore the next day. You call his name over and over again but you’re not sure what you’re begging for because he is fucking you good. Hard but good. And when finally Jaehyun is on edge for the nth time tonight, he did not pull out and kept fucking you but this time he doubled his pace that you can only hear skin slapping and his beautiful moans.

“Fuck Jaehyun- I’m cumming again, don’t you dare fucking stop” you grip the sheets and arch your back more, taking every thrust Jaehyun gives you and shut your eyes close as you let go and cum for the fourth time tonight.

Thrust

He gave you three powerful thrusts before you both flop on the mattress and catch your breath together. Your bodies were warm and sweaty, the room smelled like sex but no one cares. You feel bad to the owner of this bed.

While you catch your breath and calm yourself down, Jaehyun busies himself with discarding the condom and looking for something to cover your exposed body before he makes a wrong decision like asking you for round two.

“Thanks” you said weakly when he covered you with the blanket.

“I hope you’re okay with me being your first” he says and lies beside you again, keeping you close to him.

“I’m more than okay with it” you kissed him on the lips like you’re keeping a souvenir, “I hate to ruin this moment that we shared but, we have to go back to the party” you watch him shook his head no and pretended to be asleep, “Mhmm. Come on, I’ll help you get dressed” you added.

To be perfectly honest Jaehyun wanted to stay with you for a few more minutes, he wanted to know more about you, he wanted to hold your hand just a little bit longer. “Stay with me” he asks of you, but you refused with a heavy heart. You exchanged cellphone numbers of course, but when you two got back to the party, hand in hand and back to flirting with each other, your friends are quick to get a hold of you. and the next thing you know you’re inside your friend’s car, on your way home and you couldn’t stop thinking about him.

On the next day, you woke up very sore and you couldn’t walk properly but the thought of what happened last night just makes you smile and all giggly. You waited for his text the whole day, checking your phone from time to time and hoping that whenever it beeps, Jaehyun’s name is on the screen but no.

You thought that waiting for him for a day is normal, maybe he got hungover and slept the whole day. But after a few days later, still you got no texts from him and that part is not normal anymore. You started to think that you’re just a one-time thing for him and you feel stupid for even thinking that Jaehyun can and eventually pursue you.

Everything that happened that night, should be forgotten and you should enjoy the remaining months of your summer before you finally move in to your college dorm. On top of that, you deleted his number and tried to forget the man who made you feel good in bed for the first time.

Now that you’re weeks away from officially being a college student, you decided to settle in your college dorm as early as now so you can have more time to know your dorm mates. Little did you know, that the world is incredibly small and you will end up being dorm mates with Jaehyun alongside his best friend Johnny who welcomed you with a big bear hug like you’ve known each other for years.

It’s not that you weren’t happy to see him when he opened the door for you, it’s just that... it was such an awkward moment because you’ve seen each other naked and... he didn’t call you back. Nonetheless, you pretended to know each other for the first time today, shake his hand and give him a hug. Which you didn’t want to end so soon.

“Hey, uhm… glad to see you settle in” he started and closed your door so Johnny would not hear whatever conversation you’re about to have.

“Yeah, thank you for welcoming me warmly. Johnny is sweet by the way” you said awkwardly while folding your clothes and putting them in your cabinet.

“Uh, about that. Uhm, can you uh-“

“Not tell him that something happened between us?” he nods slowly at what you said, “sure” you wanted to scoff so bad and throw a fit at him, but you didn’t want to ruin your move in day and just shrugged it off.

Starting that day, you tried your best not to be awkward with Jaehyun and really try your best to forget about the sex. The sex that felt good, the sex that can make your toes curl by just merely thinking about it. Although you had a hard time because whenever you touch yourself at night, you remember everything that happened between you two and you end up fantasizing about fucking Jaehyun again. But now that you’re living with him and you see him every day, it's not just about the sex now.

During the summer you were convinced that Jaehyun is a guy who had sex with you and left you hanging. But seeing him every day and knowing him even more by living together, the truth about Jaehyun slapped you so hard that you even liked him even more now. He is a warm person, whose heart is full of care and compassion, or maybe even more than that.

Eventually, you did forget about the sex and your little crush on Jaehyun. Thank goodness, you thought. You couldn’t have done it without a few hookups during your freshman year. And when everything is all nice and pleasant again between you and Jaehyun, you became good friends and started to look after each other.

You were like family in that small dorm during your starting years together. The two giant knows how to cook so a good meal is never a problem, you have study sessions whenever it’s needed and whenever someone is going through something, you were there for each other.

It was great and comforting because you do everything together. But not until Jaehyun realized that he’s not immune to your charms anymore and now he’s falling for you. Hard.

Over the years of living together, Jaehyun saw your true colors. Now he knows you’re more than just a hookup. You were a gem that he found in a stranger’s party and he was such a fool for not calling you back during the summer. It’s true what they say that regrets are always at the end. Now he can only admire you and love you in ways where he can’t ruin this amazing friendship that you have.

Jaehyun endured every heartbreak whenever he sees you with another man or hearing you moan from the other side of the room whenever you and your boyfriend have sex. And when that jerk broke your heart, his broke two times than yours because he can’t do anything to ease your pain, make you realize your true worth and help you move on.

“You don’t need that guy,” Jaehyun says as he pulls you for a hug while Johnny massages your toes. The two giants were a good support system, not to mention they really want to beat your ex’s butt but you told them ‘thanks but, no don’t do that’. And while you’re crying in Jaehyun’s arms, staining his hoodie with your tears, he promised to himself that he will never hurt you or make you cry.

Now that he’s frustrated and mad at himself because he can’t help you, he decided to help himself instead. He watched on the sides and used different girls to make him forget about you, which is hardly impossible by now because even the little things you do make him crazy. Like whenever you ask him to eat dinner with you when Johnny is out for work, or whenever you take care of him when he goes home batshit drunk and can’t even stand up straight.

For Jaehyun, his college years were all about yearning. Yearning for you, your attention, your touch, and your love. But even though you’re now single and have already moved on from your ex, he still can’t confess his feelings for you because he believes that you deserve someone better than him. Jaehyun knew he hurt you already, and he will not forgive himself if he does it again.

Senior year

In a middle of a busy cafeteria, you, Johnny, and Jaehyun are thinking of ways how to earn money for your dorm rent. This semester made you guys bring out a lot of cash because of books and some of your rent money was needed to sacrifice for education. But now that you guys are a month late with your rent, you have no idea where to get cash knowing all too well that your parents won’t chip in.

“I could sell some of my clothes” Jaehyun suggested while drinking his coffee.

“Dude your clothes are all black, no one would ever buy those” Johnny bites back just to annoy his friend. “Though girls will buy it because it’s from you-“

“Stop it with your nonsense John”

“Or! You can sell some of your nudes, I already know a lot of buyers” Johnny added with an annoying smile.

“Or you two can just fuck each other because you’re the hottest guys on campus but your asses are broke” you tease them further but you have no idea that you just gave out the solution to all your problems. “What?” you asked them as they both smile at you, shy for no reason, and eyeing each other like they’re having a secret conversation using their eyes.

Johnny clears his throat before he starts, “You just suggested to make porn… and porn is good money. A few students do it these days” he clears his throat again before he continues, “We know because we watch porn-“

“Okay, I don’t need to know that part. What are you saying? Are you suggesting we make porn?” you said, eyes big as you look at them.

“You suggested it. Not us. But yeah. It’s good money Y/n” Johnny once again explained.

“Well, okay. I’ll hold the camera while you two fuck. How do we do this?” you avoid their eyes as your body heats the more you talk.

“Nuh-uh, I’m not fucking Johnny” Jaehyun announces.

“Nope. Me too I’m not fucking Jaehyun, you choose Y/n. No hard feelings, but consider the size” he winks but you know that he’s just joking.

Good thing the awkward conversation was cut when your alarm went off and you have to go to your next class. You gather your stuff and told them to think of better ways to earn money because there’s no way you’re having sex with any of them. Especially not with Jaehyun.

The idea of making money through porn crosses your mind every five minutes and you can’t concentrate with your class. Plus, your landlord kept on sending messages reminding you that in three days, you’re going to be two months late with the rent. But still, whenever you imagine having sex with any of them, it gives you great goosebumps and you can’t handle the awkwardness anymore.

After your class, you were spacing out and still weighing things over regarding the porn making, and unexpectedly, one of your friends brought up ‘amateur porn’ and you’ve never been so nervous in your life. She was talking about how she and her boyfriend went live for a good twenty minutes and they made loads of cash, “and guess what, it’s all for fun! We were really just fooling around but apparently, people do love those kinds of stuff and they pay good money”

Your mouth almost fell when she mentioned the cash they earned for only twenty minutes. And in that twenty minutes, you can cover one month's rent pay already. You just have to cum in front of thousands of people. So with a mind blinded by the possibility of earning too much cash, you said yes to the idea of making porn. The only question is, with whom?

Johnny and Jaehyun stood in front of you as they wait for your answer after telling them what your friend told you about making porn. Of course you picked Jaehyun. Not because you miss him, and not because you have history, but because you don’t want to be awkward with Johnny. While Jaehyun on the other hand is feeling proud and hopeful behind that poker face of his, he thought that you chose him because you already know what’s in store for you if you fuck with him again and of course he thought that maybe you miss him.

“Johnny doesn’t really need to hold the camera for us right? We can just place it, and secure it somewhere” you added and watch Jaehyun agree without looking at you.

“You two have the place tomorrow night then. M-make sure you raise the quota and cover three months of payment... for safety” Johnny says to Jaehyun and you with a smile that says, ‘thank goodness I didn’t have to watch you both fuck’.

Before you sleep tonight, unexpectedly Jaehyun paid you a visit. And there’s that nervous feeling again, you feel like you’re back in your freshman days when you don’t know what to do whenever you see Jaehyun and you just have to pretend that nothing is bothering you.

Breathing in and out, you opened the door quickly and went back to your bed and under the covers to cover your exposed legs. Little did you know that Jaehyun already saw that you’re not wearing anything besides your lacy panties and an oversized shirt.

“Your ears are red,” you teased him.

“Well next time you should wear pajamas instead of your underwear to sleep” he winked and placed the mask that you’re going to be using tomorrow and sat on the edge of your bed.

“What are you? A stranger? You’re so far, come here” you invited him under your sheets and lie in bed face to face like nothings bothering you two. You put your hand above his head and feel his soft locks, careful not to grip so hard and hurt the man you used to have feelings for.

This is why Jaehyun can’t move on from you. You always make him feel like he’s your favorite person in the world.

“Are you going to leave me hanging again after we have sex tomorrow?” You confronted him.

“That’s impossible now, we live together” he giggles and catches your hand so he could hold it.

“Just promise me after the sex tomorrow we’ll still be friends” you felt his grip loosen up like he became hopeless like he didn’t like what you just said.

“I was actually going to say that I want us to try again. Get things right this time”

And in that very moment, your world stopped and your body feels hot, suddenly you’re sweating and your heart is beating faster. To be honest you don’t know what to say.

Then,

“Kidding. I’m kidding. Just making you laugh before you sleep, and y-yeah. I promise nothing will change between us, cross my heart” he got up from your bed, turned off the lights and turned on your lampshade. “Sleep well okay?”

And just like that, he left again. You don’t know if you were relieved that it was only a joke or your heart broke because deep inside, you’re waiting for him to tell you that ever since Freshman year. Nonetheless, you do what you do best. Sleep it off and pretend nothing happened.

On the next day, you were at the kitchen preparing breakfast and spacing out while you flip pancakes. Most of them got burnt and you blame Jaehyun for that.

“I told you to sleep, didn’t I?”

There he goes again, startling you and flashing a very handsome smile at you like you’re not about to do something stupid later. “Johnny went to work early and took an overtime tonight just so you won’t get shy” he hands you a glass of water, figured you might need one because you looked so tensed.

“We can always text him when we're done” you added, he nods. And there’s the awkward silence again.

You finish your breakfast in one go, not even looking at Jaehyun. Usually, during breakfast, you talk mostly about your plans within the day but given the situation right now, obviously, you don’t want to know his plans because that includes you. Good thing the day went on normally. You cleaned the living room, he cleaned the kitchen, you cleaned your room, he cleaned his. You saw him changing his bedsheets and you think that’s a sweet gesture, you wanted to tease him but that won’t help you with your nervousness so you just smiled at him when he caught you looking.

When it’s finally afternoon and you’re going to fuck live in a few minutes, you were surprised at what he did to his room just so you won’t get nervous anymore. The golden ray of afternoon light was perfect and helped you calm in no time, Jaehyun lit some scented candles and lowered the thermostat of his air conditioning so you won’t get cold.

“Thought I should make this special- not that I’m saying our first wasn’t “ he rambles and scratches his head, ears turning red and now you can see that he’s nervous too. “But come on, I want to do right for you” he caresses your shoulders and nods his head as a signal that you two needed to start.

The mood was nothing like your first, there was no sexual tension or any sign of desire to fuck each other. In other words, he looked like he’s just doing this for the dorm rent and you are too. That’s why maybe stripping in front of Jaehyun while your back is against him was easier than you thought. But you didn’t know that the man was craving for you. He wanted to be the one removing your clothes while his lips roam on your neck, make you feel good and wanted just before the live starts. He wanted to do that.

“Remember your promise okay?” You put on your mask and Jaehyun did too. He was still fully clothed and while you’re lying in his bed comfortably, watching him strip in front of you but not for you. The camera is right above your head so the viewers can imagine that they are the ones having sex with Jaehyun. If that won't give you a lot of money then you don’t know what will.

Jaehyun was a natural, you wanted to tell him that he does look like a pornstar but you’re not allowed to talk. When he finally crawled on the bed, straight between your legs and spread them according to his want, a shiver went straight to your spine and immediately made you wet. He shamelessly kissed your inner thighs first and went all the way up until he reaches your lips.

Finally. You both thought.

But his kisses were different and you wonder why. You feel like you’re not kissing Jaehyun because you know how his kiss can affect you, although his touch was still the same. He can still make you jolt and part your lips with just using his fingers and a few teasing here and there. And when he finally put his cock inside you, that’s the part where you finally believe that Jaehyun is indeed the one in bed with you right now. You will never forget how that cock feels inside you, “I miss you” he whispered very softly, hoping that the viewers did not hear it.

Time flies so fast that the live will end in ten minutes now and Jaehyun has been fucking you deep and slow like he’s savoring the feeling again. When you heard him grunt and moan, that made your toes curl and clench accidentally around him. Making him groan a little louder and fuck you a bit faster. You moaned so loud just so he knows you’re very much close to your high, and in just a few minutes you both cum together and the next thing you know he’s pulling out and letting his cum land on top of your pussy lips for the viewer’s pleasure.

Fuck you wish he didn’t pull out.

He grabbed his phone from above you and turned the damn timer off because you may not know, but the timer was screaming at him that his time with you is over. You removed your mask and he removed his too. And there you saw tears in his eyes, or maybe those are sweat? Nonetheless, you asked him what’s wrong and made him look at you. But instead of answering your question, he kissed you. Hands on both sides and cupping your face as he kisses you deeper.

And there’s that kiss you’ve been waiting for. The kiss that you’ve been wanting to experience again for years and years. You shouldn’t be happy, but you’re actually genuinely happy that your rent pay is late and you get to do this again with Jaehyun.

“I missed you too” finally you said it.

He smiled so sweetly to you and went back to the kiss, spreading your legs again, checking your slit if you’re still wet. And without further ado, he thrust in. Slowly again, but this time he’s proving a point. Like he’s telling you something. And now that you can see his face, you can’t help but feel excited and the butterflies in your stomach are very much excited too that you were smiling in between kisses.

“Ride me” he says, and effortlessly he trades places with you. Holding you on your back, lips still locked like you’re not planning to stop any time soon. And for your own pleasure, you guided his hands and made him knead your boobs. He did more than kneading, Jaehyun sucked your nipples and pinched them to hear you moan.

“A lot has changed Jae” you said, pushing him down to the mattress and intertwined your fingers with his, kissed them and placed them on your hips. You started rolling your hips without a warning, making the man underneath you close his eyes and part his lips. There are many things you wanted to do with him now that you had the privilege to ride him, but you decided to go hard because this might be the last time you’re going to fuck Jaehyun again.

You ride him like you didn’t have sex for years. Skin slapping from rolling your hips faster than he expected, letting your boobs bounce in front of him and letting him touch them whenever he wants to. “It’s hard to pull out when you’re on top, want to switch places?” He was struggling to talk, obviously he’s trying so hard not to cum yet but you’re good at what you’re doing.

“Not tonight” and that promise just made Jaehyun moan deliciously like he’s excited to cum now just so he can experience cumming inside you.

“Y-yeah. That’s right Y/n fuck me. Oh you fuck me so good! Shit- why did I ever let you go. Fuck”

The thing is, you love seeing him all fucked up and love hearing him praise the way you fuck him... but he chose the wrong words. And those words went straight to your heart. The words ‘Why did I ever let you go?’ repeated over and over again while you ride so fast that you’re overstimulating him already. He was begging for you to stop but it was too late when you heard him.

When you finally stopped, you see his cum dripping from your pussy even though you’re not yet removing his cock from you. You catch your breath for a second and came closer to Jaehyun. Good thing he has enough strength to hug you and roll you to the mattress so he could have the honor to pull his cock out.

“You’re right a lot has changed,” he says because his silly crush on you grew and grew and now he’s completely in love with you. “Let’s not shower together, I’m afraid I’ll lure you to have shower sex with me”

“And what’s so wrong about that” you bite back.

“Oh so you’re confident now huh,” he kissed you once again, and shit you never want him to leave your lips.

But every good thing comes to an end. You went back to your room and showered separately, as planned and when you went to the living room, he was all cleaned up and looking so fresh. He was wearing his glasses, hair almost covering his eyes, he looked cozy in his oversized shirt and his favorite plaid pajamas. “Come here,” He pats the seat next to him, signaling you to come watch Netflix with him. Surprisingly, his arms wrapped around you and kept you close to him, subtly smelling your shampoo. He giggled at the thought of imagining you taking a shower while smiling because the sex was fucking awesome.

He played a movie and watched it with you just so he can still keep you close to him. Not even halfway through the movie, he caught you sleeping soundly on his lap and slowly covered your exposed legs with the blanket on the couch. He pats and pats your head until his attention was no longer in the movie that he’s watching but his mind lingers to what happened earlier and eventually fell asleep beside you too.

It was very late when Johnny went home and caught you two all snuggled up on the couch, snoring and slept through to what you were watching. He had a hunch that you two had a great time, smiled and turned off the TV, and wished you both a good night's sleep.

“I have bad news” Johnny announces as you and Jaehyun wake up together on the couch, all smiles and in an incredibly good mood but Johnny was quick to ruin that. “The money you earned from yesterday’s live was not enough”

You don’t know why Jaehyun was still smiling at you even though what Johnny just told you completely ruined your day already. “That’s not bad news, right?” He whispers to you and gave you a look. “I’m okay with doing it again until we cover everything” Jaehyun says to Johnny while you three sit in front of each other, drinking your coffees.

“I’ll work double shifts at the radio station- are you fine with doing it again Y/n?” Johnny asks, and for a second there you feel like you’re in the hot seat.

“Y-yeah. I’m okay with it” you scratch your nape and awkwardly sip your coffee, “it’s easy money, I think if we do more lives we can cover three months pay”

“More lives it is. Don’t worry John, I’ll take other slots at the radio station too for groceries and stuff” Jaehyun added.

The live fucking continues and so is fooling around with Jaehyun, having better sex every after going live and whenever Johnny is not around. It’s like playing with fire, but you don’t exactly know if what you’re doing is wrong or right because you’re both single, so why are you guys hiding? You don’t get it, but you just go with the flow, enjoy what’s happening and hope for the best.

Every sex you have grown more and more intense to the point that your beds are moving and that gives you better reviews in live fucking. Not to mention the money is better now and you’re saving up faster than expected. But whenever the camera is off and you’re having sex without an audience, you guys fuck like you’re together and you love each other.

Sweet love bites here and there, sincere praises and longer kisses. For Jaehyun he feels like he’s having a dream because he gets to do the things he wanted to do with you. Remove your clothes while kissing you, whisper the things he has been holding back to say for years, and make you feel loved and important.

And just like the sex, your cuddling session became even warmer and sweeter. Cuddling after you take a shower has always been your thing, he visits you in your room with damped hair and you help him dry his hair, Netflix and chill, or order in and have a great meal together.

Days went by and you’re getting used to this sweet Jaehyun and you well know that’s dangerous. But you love every dangerous thing about Jaehyun. The following days grew extremely sweet and intimate. You sleep in his room every night and basically do everything together from now on. The only time you two were apart is during class hours but after that, Jaehyun is right outside your classroom waiting for you.

“What are you doing?” you giggle and try to finish the book you’re reading in bed when Jaehyun suddenly entered your room, crawled on your bed, and went in between your legs. Removing your glasses for safety, inviting you to fuck while Jaehyun nibs your ear and caress your legs. Oh his kisses always make your head turn and ask for more.

“Johnny is not around and I just took a shower, hmm? What do you say?” He uses that cute tone that can always make you stop what you’re doing and say yes to him. Forget the book, you can finish it later.

Removing your shorts and underwear while he continuously kisses you, smiling and giggling while he whispers ‘you always look pretty’ before he removes your shirt and exposes your boobs to him. You tried getting up and help him remove his clothes, but he stopped you and kissed you down on the mattress. “Nu-uh. Stay there I’ll treat you good tonight” he winked and proceeds to remove his clothes in between your spread legs, your hands roam freely in his well sculpted and fucking beautiful body.

Then he reached for your phone and took a nice picture while you two are kissing. The sound of the camera clicking made your eyes open, “send me this picture later. So I can stop missing you” you smiled and nod, then Jaehyun took one too many pictures so he could focus on you again. When he’s finally contented with all the pictures he got, he finally thrust in deep and slow while his mouth is sucking one of your nipples and he looks incredibly handsome.

This time, it’s you who grabbed your phone and took some pictures of him sucking your boobs and making you feel good, taking some pictures of his cock inside your pussy while he thrusts. Jaehyun had the idea of taking a video while you two fuck but this time, it’s for his and your eyes only. He took the phone from you and recorded how he fucks you good, and did not miss the part where you part your lips and moan.

“Jaehyun I’m almost there” you moan out, fingerings raking his nape or on his beautiful body. He puts the camera on the bedside table with a perfect angle of him fucking you, without masks or any cover. He intertwines his fingers with yours before he fucks you hard and fast. The camera that’s recording everything was completely forgotten and Jaehyun focused on making you feel good, making you cum at least two times using his dick and his fingers.

After your second high you were so exhausted that you were breathing heavily and Jaehyun is helping you to calm down while kissing your boobs and sucking them playfully. Even your cute moments like this was caught on camera and Jaehyun was more than happy about it.

“You okay? Want to cum for the third time?” He reached for your phone, stop the recording and went back in between your legs again and kiss you wherever he wants. You didn’t answer him ‘yes’ because to be completely honest you were still exhausted and he understood you well. For a good quiet minutes he was just staring at you, flashing his dimples, raking his fluffy hair and biting his lips at the same time. The silence felt good and not the usual awkward silence you have.

“The next live that we will be doing is going to be our last. And our dorm rent will be settled in no time” he started.

“And?”

“I’ll miss you”

Ouch. You wish he kept the quietness and peace instead. Just as you thought that life will now let you be with Jaehyun peacefully, here comes the heartbreak again. Truth is Jaehyun is still scared and very much afraid to hurt you that’s why he just wanted to fix himself before he could date you officially. He didn’t want to pursue his feeling with you just because you did porn together and fucked live, no you deserve better than that.

He loves you. So much, but he’s not ready yet.

You wanted to shout at him and asked him what else does he want from you? He is so good at making you feel like you’re always not enough for him and that makes your mind go crazy. He did it again. He left you hanging again when you’ve completely fallen in love with him. Turns out he’s not willing and ready to catch you. But as usual, you do what you do best. Shrugged it off and continue to live like it’s not bothering you.

The live fucking and porn making stopped for a while because you and Jaehyun have final exams. And the awkwardness between you and Jaehyun came back in no time, nonetheless, it was a good week to have a breather and to let yourself think straight. But still, you can’t help but think about everything and miss Jaehyun.

“Are you on your way home?” Johnny asks Jaehyun through the phone.

“Yeah, just buying us dinner”

“Good. Y/n is on her period”

“Am I suppose to be happy because I didn’t get her pregnant?” He chuckled proudly and having no clue what Johnny was saying.

“Take care of her she has period cramps dumb ass!“

“Oh right- right… sorry. Okay, yeah”

When Jaehyun arrived with the stuff that Johnny told him to buy for you and the dinner Jaehyun bought you, you were twisting in hurt inside your room grunting and very vocal about the pain while you hug the hot compress Johnny left you when Jaehyun entered your room.

“Ah- fuck it hurts” you groan and curl yourself, pressing that hot compress more on your lower abdomen and endure your period cramps. Jaehyun is just so sweet to stay beside you and rub your back while he watches you suffer.

“I want to help. Do you need anything other than that hot compress?” He was concerned and willing to make you feel better.

“Nothing I’m fine. You’re so sweet” you said in a little irritated tone but you’re not actually irritated with him. He scrolls through his phone with one hand, while the other is rubbing and caressing your back to give you comfort.

“Google says sex is good when-“

“I’m not having period sex with you, Jaehyun” but you do want him to touch you. Stupid hormones. Stupid period. It just makes you crave for him even more, desperate for even a kiss, or even just with his body closer to you.

“Are you horny?” He asks without shame, smiling at you and hoping that you say yes.

“I am” you admitted

“Just say yes, I got you” he was like seducing you, luring you to sin with him tonight while you bleed. And you like it.

“Okay” you answered softly. Shy but he knew you’re not that type anymore.

Jaehyun scoop over and went under the covers with you. Giving you that warmth that you need, making your body warm and comfortable, and basically giving everything you want. He intertwines his fingers with you, kissed your knuckles, and then your lips. Softly. Slowly. It’s every girl’s dream kiss. And just like his kiss, his hand creeps under the covers, all the way down until he reaches your thighs and spread one leg to gain access to your hole.

“W-wait. Let me just remove the tampon” shyly you inform him and discarded it quickly under the covers and throw it into the trash bin. Going back to the comfort that Jaeyun is giving you, his hand went back in between your legs and tease your clothed slit the moment you’re back under the covers. Smiling so handsomely and innocently while he lies beside you like he’s not doing something lustful under the covers.

“Do you think this will work-“ and just before you finish your question, Jaehyun ran a finger on your very wet slit which turned him on immediately. He flicked his finger, drawing small circles in your nub and listening to you moan while your grip on the sheets tightens and try your best not to close your legs.

“Do you like this?” his lips were very close to your neck and the way he talks to you was so sultry that even his words can make you moan.

“Mhmm. F-fuck Jae, my clit is sensitive” but your legs say others wise because you spread them even more under the covers and your hips voluntarily move to meet his fingers. When he felt your legs shake and hear your moans become higher than usual, he figured you were close, went on top of you and started to hump your thigh while his hand is inside your now ruined panties reaching deep in your hole making you feel good and over sensitive. Jaehyun grunted so loud and moaned deliciously beside your ear, moving his hips like how he fucks you and you feel his hard cock poke your thigh from the inside of his pants. Soon, Jaehyun came inside his pants and did not care about being embarrassed.

While you were coming down from your high, the man on top of you kept kissing you like you’re all that matters to him. Even though you well know that you’re just fooling yourself.

The night ended with Jaehyun sleeping beside you and further taking care of you after you both cleanup. But you woke up the next day without him beside you and thankfully, Johnny came out of nowhere to rescue you from your ugly thoughts. He came into your room with a cup of coffee and some bread for you, smiling like he has no problems in life and to be honest, you love how he’s always like this.

Since both of you don’t have classes today, you went to the groceries with Johnny and had a nice dinner at a fast food he loves. It felt great. It felt great to be with a guy who’s not Jaehyun. The man always keeps you on your toes and you feel like your head is always in the clouds whenever you’re with him but Johnny, he keeps you grounded.

“Shoot. The landlord is really testing me- he wants the money tonight or else they have to kick us out tomorrow. Fuck!” He says typing aggressively on his phone, telling Jaehyun immediately.

“Were not due until next week why are they doing this to us. We have no choice but to go live then” you said calmly, unbothered as much as possible because you just want this to be over now and move on from Jaehyun.

“You can't. You have your period and Jaehyun is not available- fuck why is he not picking up”

“There are other ways to make a guy cum Johnny. I’m sure you know that” you chuckle and shook your head in disbelief.

“Still, Jaehyun is not answering” he gave up and put down his phone.

“Well you’re available. I just want this to be over Johnny” clearly he didn’t expect you to suggest such a thing. You continue to eat your food in silence and so is the man in front of you. Obviously, he was bothered with what you suggested but it appears that he has no choice. You watch him fidget on his phone, maybe he’s not yet done contacting Jaehyun and still hoping that his friend will end up last minute but...

“Okay” he let a sigh of relief, “I texted Jaehyun that well do it but we're not going to uhm- uh, fuck. Blow job then? No more, no less? A bit of kissing maybe. Tell me what do you want? I’ll be able to do this comfortably if I know that you like what I’m doing to you”

“Hmm. Okay, let’s start by... be gentle with me. You’re a big guy and you know... what I mean”

“I may be big physically but I’m warm on the inside, being gentle is not a problem” he smiles and pour you a glass of water before he asks for the bill. “What else?” he added.

“Touch me, don’t hesitate. If you feel like my jaw needs rest then you can tell me to stop” he nods and told you he will surely not forget about that.

The conversation went on until you reached home and get ready for the live. Unlike Jaehyun who made you feel so nervous the day you had your first live with him, Johnny makes you feel calm and comfortable the whole time.

Now that you’re in front of Johnny, half naked with only your panties and your mask on, everything happened perfectly. It wasn’t perfect but it wasn’t awkward too, and quite frankly you had fun with Johnny. Even though the audience noticed that you’re not with Jaehyun right now, they can’t help but love Johnny’s hot body too and the way he fuck your face gently in front of the camera. Hands cupping both sides of your face as he thrust his long, hard and veiny cock in your mouth. Smiling through the pleasure whenever you purposely swirl your tongue and bob your head aggressively.

After the cum-filled and messy live with Johnny, you wired the money to your landlord immediately and secure the rent for good until the three of you graduates. Now you and Johnny can breathe normally after cleaning up and enjoy the warmth of your bed. “Do you like Jaehyun?” He blurted out, trying not to look at your exposed boobs but you roll your body and face the ceiling and so his efforts went to waste.

“Yeah but I don’t think he likes me enough. Y-you know what I mean” he shook his head to tell you he has no idea about Jaehyun’s intentions with you.

“Just have patience with him if you like him, after all, you’re the only girl that can do this to him”

“Do what?” you ask with eagerness.

“Did you really think that I won't notice you two fucking behind my back?” You laughed at what he said and laughed your shyness away, “but it’s alright. I figured maybe you like each other so I didn’t dare stop you two”

The giggling and laughing with Johnny under the soft light of your lampshade continued until you passed out and Johnny was the one who helped you get dressed. And on the same night, Jaehyun heard and saw you and Johnny laugh over a half closed door. Seeing your bodies close to each other made his blood boil and became jealous in no time. That’s why on the next day, Jaehyun was expressing his anger while you three are gathered in the kitchen. He’s not saying a word, but he kept on closing the cabinets a little too rough while he prepares his meal. Then it hit you, he’s jealous.

You confronted him and went to his room, closed and locked the door so Johnny won't hear the unpleasant conversation you’re about to have with Jaehyun. “Don’t be angry with Johnny, I’m the one who suggested it-“

“Like that’s going to make me feel better Y/n. Get out, you’re wasting your time” he turned his back and proceeds to fix his bed.

“It’s not like we cheated Jae. Were not together” you blurted as calm as possible. Little did you know that you just triggered something in him that makes him want to punch a wall and pour his anger out but he can’t. At least not in front of you. So instead, he shouted at you. So loud that you got scared for a second there.

“You know, I’m always afraid to hurt you but you! You don’t care if you hurt me!”

“Don’t act as if you love me, Jae. You never did. You never even tried!” You shouted back and walked away towards his door, banging it and walked straight to your room with tears in your eyes.

The fight was short but unforgettable.

Later that day, Jaehyun got worried when you didn’t eat lunch and dinner and your door was still locked and he can hear you crying from the other side. He kept on knocking at your door until you got annoyed and unlocked it but you covered yourself with your thick sheets.

“Come on why are you crying? Don’t cry over a stupid guy like me you don’t deserve it. I’m sorry” you feel his embrace and rub your back so you know that he’s sincere. And finally, you removed the sheets but still, you don’t want to look him in the eye.

You have a lot of questions for Jaehyun, and you think now is the perfect time to cry it all out and let him know what he’s doing to you. Why he didn’t text you back the night after you fuck for the first time, why he never ask you out when he promised he would, why he’s jealous all of a sudden.

FLASHBACK (In the middle of junior year)

It was very late already and some crazy person is ringing your doorbell nonstop. This couldn’t be Jaehyun or Johnny obviously they don’t need to ring the doorbell because they live here and they know the code. That’s why you were surprised that Jaehyun is the one ringing it and turns out he is batshit drunk and can’t even remember the code. “Where is Johnny when you need him” you murmur, “Jae, help yourself too. I can’t carry you all the way up to the fourth floor,” you said sternly to the handsome guy clinging on to you, breath smells like alcohol, eyes lidded but can still appreciate your beautiful face.

When you finally carried him successfully back to your place, without any hesitation he puked on your sleepwear and smiled so sweetly at you like he did nothing wrong. You wanted to slap him and wake him from his drunken state but Jaehyun was quick with his hands and unbutton your sleepwear and used it to wipe the small amount of puke on the floor.

You cover yourself with your arms and walked straight to your room and get a clean shirt before you take care of Jaehyun. He was murmuring “sorry” as he sees you walk away from him and weakly sit on the floor with dirty clothes and hope that you will come back to him.

When he sees you all dressed up again with a damped cloth on your hand, he smiled and spread his arms like he’s about to give you a hug. “Why are you acting cute- here hold this while I remove your socks” you hand him the damped cloth and proceed to remove his dirty socks and throw it with your dirty sleepwear. He looks at you lovingly as you wipe his face with the utmost care, looking at your lips and thinking about kissing it but no. He may be drunk but he won’t do that to you.

“Go on a date with me,” he says while you continue to wipe his face and help him take off his hoodie. You giggle and boops his nose before you stand and help him to get on his feet, “try asking me again when you’re sober” you opened his room door and told him to don’t forget to change his pants and greet him good night.

But after a few minutes, you’re all tucked in bed and half asleep already when you feel a pair of arms cage you. You can still smell his breath and figured maybe Jaehyun is clingy like this whenever he’s really drunk, which rarely happens.

“It's so sweet, knowing that you love me. Though we don't need to say it to each other, sweet. Knowing that I love you, and running my fingers through your hair. It's so sweet” he sings a few lines from Sweet by Cigarettes After Sex and smells your hair until his breath tickles your nape.

Sweet. He’s not only clingy while he’s drunk, but he’s sweet too. “I think I like you more when you’re rarely this drunk” you turn your body and faced him. Seeing Jaehyun with sleepy eyes, lips curved in a weak smile, but arms conscious enough to keep you near him.

“Then I’ll get drunk every day if that makes you love me”

But on the next day, he just thanked you for taking care of him and forgot about the date. And on the next few days and following weeks, you hear him fuck different girls and have one night stands every now and then.

BACK TO PRESENT TIME SENIOR YEAR

“I keep on hurting you I’m sorry. Don’t cry, please. I hate that I’m hurting you. This is the reason why I can’t pursue my feelings for you. I’m a mess and I’m not ready”

And just as you thought that this day couldn’t get any worse. It just did. You look at Jaehyun as he tells you the truth and admits his true feelings with you. How he fell in love with you but chose not to pursue his feelings because he’s not ready and you deserve better. And from there you stopped listening to him and told him to leave you alone. Jaehyun was speechless and hopeless, he wanted to explain and express his long bottled feelings for you but you don’t want to.

All this time you thought that it’s you who’s lacking that’s why he can’t even try and ask you out. But now that you know the truth and he would rather make you feel small than swallow his pride and try to make things work with you, well you just can’t be around him anymore.

Graduation is approaching near and your dorm has been quiet ever since you finished paying the rent and Jaehyun got mad because of what you and Johnny did. You look at the quiet place while you eat your instant noodle and reminisce the good days you spent with the two giants who made your college years unforgettable and happy. Actually, they even made your life easier.

Days become even more lonely now that Jaehyun and Johnny became busy with their last requirements and you’ve been alone for a few days now. You wake up without the two boys, go to class or run some errands, they go home but you’re not home, and by the time you arrive home they have shifts to the radio station again.

Today is your birthday and you spend it with some of your classmates which are all sweet and you treat them to dinner. Johnny left a bouquet of flowers on your bed before he left for work, together with a sweet happy birthday card. And Jaehyun… well, let’s just say that maybe he forgot about it because being a graduating student makes you busy.

While you were having a nice dream of Jaehyun singing a happy birthday song to you with a small cupcake in his hand, in reality, he woke you up by patting your head and a kiss on your forehead, whispering ‘I’m sorry’ and kissing your face until you’re awake and what’s happening right now is finally registering in your mind. You wrapped your arms around him and decided to forgive him for being stupid and accept his apology. “Is this for me?” you point at the chocolate cake on the bedside drawer a blew the candle, making your room dark and only the soft light from your window lights up your room.

“What did you wish for” he came closer to you and rests his forehead on yours. Oh you missed his presence, but all you feel right now is the heartbreak and remember what happened a few weeks ago.

“You, Jaehyun” you whisper and closed your eyes, not caring if there are tears in your eyes. You’re not afraid to show him that you ache for him.

“I told you, I can’t-“ you didn’t want to hurt yourself further and listen to those hurtful words so you kissed him and pulled him on top of you.

Everything happened so fast and naturally. You removed your shorts, he was quick to spread your legs and free his hardening cock. Not even bothering to reach for a condom, he fucked you in the dark and whispered “I’m sorry” over and over again that it hurts your ear and your heart so you put your thumb in his mouth and let him suck it good while his thrust was slowly picking up the pace and you hear skin slapping surrounds your room

“Jaehyun-“ you moan his name when you felt that familiar feeling of being on edge but you’re not yet ready to let go. You’re not yet ready to let him go. So you tried with all your might to clench and stop yourself from cumming but what you’re doing to Jaehyun just makes him want to fuck you more.

And so he did.

He covered your mouth not because he didn’t want to let Johnny know that you’re fucking but because he never wants to hear your beautiful moans again. He closed his eyes so he could no longer see your face and dream about you underneath him, and with that, he continues to thrust so harshly that it’s hurting you so good and your grip on his shoulders will surely leave a mark.

Soon you failed and cum before Jaehyun could. You exchanged sharp exhales, gasps, and quiet grunts before he lies beside you and kiss you deeply the whole night. One last time.

As expected, you woke up alone in your bed with a sore body. You stretched for a few minutes before you got out of bed and head outside to have breakfast. At first, you thought that you will be alone again today but turns out Johnny is free.

“Belated Happy birthday. Did you like the flowers I got you?” he greets you good morning and gave you a bear hug.

“I did. I put it in a vase, it’s in my room. Thank you” now that Johnny is here and you’re not alone eating breakfast, you can’t help but wish for Jaehyun to be here.

“Jaehyun is uhm… working. I can take you out today, let’s have dinner and celebrate your birthday again. What do you say?” he offers excitedly and even showed you a great restaurant from his phone.

When the evening comes and you and Johnny should be out by now but you were having a hard time to chose what to wear, Jaehyun arrived out of nowhere with a girl on his shoulders. Someone not familiar and they’re holding hands.

“I think your friends are going out on a date aren’t they babe?” the girl asks Jaehyun, like she's tying to get his attention but Jaehyun’s eyes are glued on you. Eyes that are very much sorry because he didn’t mean for you to see his new girlfriend after your birthday. So this is why Johnny was rushing you tonight. He didn’t want you to see Jaehyun with his new girlfriend because he knew it will hurt you greatly.

“Y/n-“ Jaehyun called you but you didn’t bother looking back and told Johnny that you’re ready now… even though your earrings don't match with your dress. If he can try and be in a relationship with someone else then what does that make you? Why can’t he try for you?

The night went on, carrying the lie that you’re okay but to be honest, you don’t want to go back to that fucking dorm. Good thing, Johnny was trying so hard to cheer you up and make you forget about what happened. Which is working and for that you’re thankful.

On the same night, you swore to yourself that you will never let Jaehyun into your life again and make you feel small. You will never throw yourself to him again, or even spare a glance and waste your time with the one and only guy whom you allowed to break your heart over and over again. But not anymore.

Jaehyun was nothing but sweet to you and that’s all he’ll ever be.

Five years later

When you came home from work, you caught your boyfriend cooking dinner with a glass of cold wine beside him. You greet him, “hey” and kissed him on the cheek before you wrap your arms around his strong built body.

“Tired? Hows work? I have big news” he says while stirring something from the pan. You told him he could tell the big news first because he looks excited, and so he did. With big smiles and overflowing excitement, he said that “Jaehyun is going to get married and I’m his best man!” you almost let out a laugh but you stopped yourself.

“Mhmm. Guess who’s taking care of the wedding....” you teased him. But just as you burst your boyfriend’s bubble, his reaction was quite unexpected.

“N-no, don’t tell me it’s you” he suddenly stopped cooking, he wasn’t mad. Just shocked at the moment and because of the big news.

“Johnny- Don’t tell me you’re being jealous right now...” you tease him further, “he’s like a college fling baby, and you’re the real deal!” you kiss him on the lips but he’s still sulking and went back to cooking.

“We both know it’s not just a fling” he whines.

“He’s getting married and we’re literally inseparable. What are you so jealous of? You know I saw Jaehyun looked at his fiancé and guess what,”

“What?” he turns off the stove and prepared two plates for dinner which you helped him do.

“He never looked at me that way, but you did” you see a shy smile on his face now and poke his cheek but he's quick to catch your hand and pull you into a hug. The kind of hug only Johnny can provide.

“Sorry, that was so childish of me”

“It’s okay. Dinner looks good, is this a new recipe?”

Soon after dinner, Johnny expresses his apology in bed in many ways he can, making you feel good and treating you right as always until it became too exhausting because you don’t think you could cum anymore after having your fourth…or fifth? To be honest you’re not sure anymore.

But even though you’re tired and exhausted, you still can’t help but reminisce. Throughout the years of forgetting Jaehyun, Johnny has always been patient with you and waited for you to heal from Jaehyun. Johnny brought you to the movies and went out with you while Jaehyun only promised. It's like Jaehyun kept promising you things but Johnny is the one keeping them.

“I thought you’re exhausted?” He kissed your shoulder to bring you back to Earth when he saw you spacing out. “Stop thinking. I’ll marry you too, you know that right?” oh you know that all too well, so you nod and kissed him. Whispered ‘i love yous’ over and over again, and thanked him for being the one for you. It was never easy for both of you, but still, you yearn for each other. Sometimes, love will point us to the wrong person so we could find the right person to us. Yes, Jaehyun was sweet, but Johnny is not only sweet in fact he showed his love to you since day 1.

#nct-writers #neosmutcollective #neowritingsnet #kwritersworldnet #kpopscape #kdiner #cznnet #nct smut #jaehyun #jung jaehyun #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun angst #jaehyun smut #jaehyun x reader #jung jaehyun x reader #nct jaehyun #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun scenario #jaehyun scenarios

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jayvikbrainrot · 3 years ago

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Hio, I'm back >:3

I read Do What You Can With Me a few hours ago and my brain is so rotted, I read that Viktor and Jayce had domino masks and I truly thought they were masks just looked like really big domino tiles (at least I didn't think of the pizza ahahah). I had to look up domino maskes to set things straight ahah.

I'm always down to read porn with feels but I have to say this is probably the first fuck or die fic I've ever read (loved "fuck or die variant fuck or lose your funding" took a screenshot of that tag immediately ahaha), or at least the first that I've read in many many many years. Anyway loved the story, I'm always a fan of Jayce getting into a situation ^^

Also just how gentle they were with each other 🥺 like just how Viktor guilded Jayce through the idea that they're gonna have to have sex with each other and then how he is so reassuring towards Jayce for the actual intercourse, it's just *chef's kiss* And then! And then afterwards when Jayce cleaned Viktor off AAAAAAAAAAA! It was so sweet that Viktor could have cried, *I* could have cried!! it's just so intimate and sweet 🥺👉👈

Anyway, Very nice very nice I liked it a lot <3

Also "he could open that door he had kept closed for so long. Because it seemed on the other side was Jayce’s open arms." Has No right to hit as hard, or make me as emotional as it does. Like gosh darn, you really decided to swipe out my knees at the end didn't you?

Anyway really really enjoyed reading another fic of your's, absolutely fantastic ^^

Okay this just made my like… entire week.

Agsjsggdh thank you so much. ;A; DWYCWM is just… like pure self indulgence. I did not expect the reception it got (and I mean it still gets kudos???? Ashgshjkh WILD) I have such a niche love for like, situations where like sexual tension is like ramped up to like an 11 but the characters involved have to still navigate their feelings, and like, there is still some barrier they have to overcome, but then the tension spills over and they just, have each other. Ugh it’s so weird and specific this probably won’t be the last one I write where that happens

Yeah I wasn’t sure how to tag lmao, because that’s kinda the trope at play but like…no one’s in any real life or death trouble, they just would be really SOL if they didn’t find a solution. So im glad it made you laugh at least lmao

Ahhh 🥺🥺🥺 yeah I really wanted to highlight how much Jayce wished things were different. Like I imagine before that night, Jayce would have been like ‘Oh of course Vik is a good looking guy, but he’s never shown any interest.’ Like a very light crush, but like throughout the night he was like ‘I have to make this okay, I dragged Viktor into this, I need to really show him how much I care about him, etc.’

Ahsjgshdk again thank you so much! I have a few drabbles on this tumblr in my ‘drabble’ tag if you want to read more, they’re kinda all over the place in tone and subject matter, but it’s all I got for now 😅

#nighttimepatron #cw: sex mention #tw: sex mention #dwycwm #spoilers

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starkerscoop · 3 years ago

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Vacant Mind (Ch. 1)

Tag List: @thatrandomsomnia @longlivestarker @geen-beems @consciencecoward @aoifelaufeyson @rebel13lion39 @katzenbaby1 @helaisthequeen @im-a-goner-foryou @hornvey @darker-soft-starker @nerdylocksandthethreebears @canreadbutcannotwrite @carelessannie @bluestarker @briesb1tch @skimparker @idiyeet @blushing-starker-queen @buckettbarnes

Let me know if you want to be removed from the tag list, or added to it. The first three chapters of this fic are being reuploaded from my old blog, so that everyone can access them from this one. If you don’t want to be tagged for the first three chapters, but do want to be tagged for the remaining ones, let me know.

Let the “didn’t know they were dating” fic commence... again

Peter trudged through the streets, biting back a groan whenever the bustling passerby would bump into him. He felt hot, unnaturally so, and the sweat plastering his hair to the nape of his neck did nothing to cool him down. He wondered dimly when it had gotten so warm. The snow at his feet clung to his shoes, reminding him of the chill he was meant to be feeling, but he only felt uncomfortable in his jacket.

He shrugged it off, allowing the cold air to encompass his heated body. He stuffed the jacket into his backpack as he walked, and caught sight of the Spider-Man suit nestled at the bottom of the bag. Any excitement he might have had at the prospect of patrolling was replaced by dread. He was too tired to patrol, but saving lives was a job he took seriously, and so he ducked into an alley and donned his suit.

Karen switched on the heater in his suit the moment he put it on, and Peter barely restrained his complaints. Karen was programmed to keep the heater on in temperatures below 55℉, and had been ever since Tony found out that Peter couldn’t thermoregulate. If he switched it off, Karen would notify Tony, who would then badger him until he confessed that he wasn’t feeling well.

It was a protocol that Peter had thought was sweet when it was first installed. It made him feel like Tony cared about him beyond making sure he didn’t die in battle. Now, it was a thorn in his side.

Peter could only endure the additional warmth for two hours. In that time, he stopped a robbery, helped a man find his dropped hearing aid, and returned a lost dog to its crying owner.

By the time he arrived home and pulled off the suit, his body was slick all over with sweat, and his cheeks were flushed with a deeper red than he’d ever seen. He staggered over to his shower, pushing aside the curtain and falling in. He groped around the shower blindly until his hands caught the knob, which he twisted desperately until cold water started running down his face. He grasped the wall and stumbled to his feet, swaying in place as he let the water rinse off his sweat.

His head felt faint, and as his eyes roved over the stall in search of his shampoo, his vision started filling with black spots. Peter reached for his shampoo bottle once he found it, but lost his balance and fell towards it. His head smacked into the wall, and he was out like a light.

A hand combed through his hair, gently tugging and undoing the knots in it. Peter leaned into the comforting touch, an entirely different warmth to the one he’d been suffering from earlier filling his chest. The hand paused its ministrations, but didn’t pull away.

“Are you waking up?” a hushed voice murmured by his ear.

Peter struggled to open his eyes. His eyelids felt heavy, refusing to do anything other than twitch, and so he stared into darkness as the hand in his hair resumed its motion. He relaxed into the bed, giving up for the moment. He let himself drift in the darkness, the hand on his head his only tether to reality.

“It’s alright,” the same voice sighed fondly. “You do like your beauty sleep. Don’t worry, Pete. I’ll still be here when you wake up.”

Peter let himself slip away further at the assurance. He felt safe in the presence of that voice, warm and loving as it was.

The darkness wasn’t all that frightening now.

The steady beeping of the machine at Peter’s side roused him from his sleep. He shuffled in place a little as he craned his neck to the left, where he was met with a heart monitor that sounded in time with his heart. He swallowed thickly, wondering how he’d landed himself in the Med-Bay again.

“How are you feeling?”

Peter jumped in surprise, his head swivelling to the other side, where Tony was perched on a chair and watching him earnestly.

“I’m okay,” Peter took a moment to survey himself. “I have a small headache, but other than that, I’m fine.”

“Good,” Tony said, before his expression hardened. “Now, what were you thinking when you decided to patrol with a fever of 104 degrees?”

Peter groaned. “I didn’t think it was that bad.”

“You fell and hit your head in the shower,” Tony stressed. “What if you’d fallen while swinging? I doubt you’d have gotten away with only a headache if you fell thirty stories.”

Peter’s lips turned downward when he noticed the fear hidden behind the anger in Tony’s expression. “I’m sorry for scaring you.”

Tony didn’t deny his fear, though he didn’t acknowledge it, either. “I’ll be adding more protocols to your suit. This isn’t happening again.”

Peter didn’t argue.

Tony’s shoulders lost some of their tension. “Are you hungry? I had someone restock the Jell-O.”

“Do you have red?” Peter’s face lit up.

Tony reached into the pockets of his slacks and brought out two cups of red Jell-O. He handed both to Peter, before setting a plastic spoon on top of them. Peter thanked him before peeling off the wrapper on one of the cups, and dunking his spoon into it. He scooped out a spoonful of the strawberry jelly and stuffed it into his mouth, paying no mind to the thin trail of it that trickled down his chin.

Tony swiped his thumb along Peter’s chin, clearing it of the jelly before sucking it into his own mouth. Peter dropped his spoon into his cup, watching with wide eyes until Tony pulled his thumb out of his mouth and cleaned it with a napkin.

“I’ll get someone to check you out and see if you can be discharged,” Tony patted his thigh as he stood. “Stay put, sweetheart.”

Peter’s jelly lay forgotten once Tony left. He had called him sweetheart. Just yesterday, Peter was trying to get him to drop the ‘kid’ moniker, and now he’d been upgraded to ‘sweetheart’? What had changed in the span of twenty-four hours?

When Tony came back, he was followed into the room by Dr. Althea Roberts, whom Peter was more than familiar with. Dr. Roberts treated him every time he ended up in the Med-Bay, and with how often he got injured, he got to know her well. Their friendship and Dr. Roberts’ talent in the medical field made her his favorite doctor.

“Mr. Parker,” she shook her head sternly. “What you pulled yesterday could’ve gotten you killed.”

“Yesterday?” Peter’s brows knitted together.

“You woke up a few times, but for the most part, you slept for a day,” Tony explained, taking a few steps back towards the door. “I’ll give you your privacy.”

Tony was leaving the room before Peter could tell him that he didn’t mind him hearing his conversation with Dr. Roberts. Still, he appreciated the space. Tony’s worry tended to morph into nosiness, the need to know everything wrong with his friends and rectify it driving him to budge his way into places he didn’t need to be in. Peter was glad to see him working on that — it was a byproduct of his anxiety, and one that Tony himself didn’t like.

Dr. Roberts started speaking as soon as the door swung closed. “You had a high fever. When you went to shower, you hit your head and got a concussion. If your head hurts, or you’re feeling confused, that’s normal and it will stop soon. You might experience some memory loss, but it shouldn’t be anything extreme. Any memories you might have lost will come back.”

“Okay,” Peter nodded to show he understood. “How did you find me in the shower? I was alone.”

“According to Mr. Stark, a friend of yours stopped by and found you in the shower. He called Mr. Stark, who brought you here to be treated.”

Dr. Roberts asked him some preliminary questions before giving him approval for a discharge. Once she finished speaking with him, she had a nurse come in and unhook him from all of the machines surrounding his bed. The nurse brought him the spare clothes he kept in the Med-Bay for when he’d inevitably need them, and he swapped his hospital gown for them. When he finished getting dressed, he exited the room he’d been staying in, and found Tony standing in the hallway with his phone in hand.

Tony slipped his phone into his pocket. “We can go now?”

“Yes,” Peter wrung his hands shyly. “Thank you for staying with me. You didn’t have to.”

A grim look settled over Tony’s face. “I needed to make sure you were okay.”

“I am okay, if that helps,” Peter offered.

Tony wrapped an arm over his shoulders, tugging him into his side as he led him to the reception counter he’d be discharged at. Peter tried not to sink into the touch, wanting to avoid giving away how much it pleased him to be so close to Tony, but he couldn’t help curling just a little bit closer.

“It does.”

#starker #starkerscoopwrites #vacant mind fic #didn’t know they were dating

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sarah-writes-marvel · 4 years ago

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After-Party Showdown: MCU Cast x Fem!Reader (platonic)

S.S.” Ive literally had this fic finsihed since like Febuary so its a little rough but let me know how you like it!

Warnings: Blood, predetor male (Sorry to anyone named Eric... im sure your very kind), rudness..., sexual talk (kinda)

Word Count:1,710

MASTERLIST

-----------------------------

We had finished watching the premiere of the newest Avenger movie and the set, cast and a few selected friends returned to the reserved reception room at the hotel that many were staying at.

RDJ, Tom Holland, Hiddelston and Gwenth were talking with a few friends of theirs and some of the set members. Chris Evans, Hemsworth, Elizabeth and Scarlett were also in their own separate group that was somewhat merged with Sebastian, Anthony, Don and Paul.

I was new blood to the crew, and although I was immediately accepted by the cast, I watched them mingle from the bar.

Eventually people began to disperse, mainly people that worked the cameras and the background actions. Basically leaving the actors and actresses and their few friends they brought with.

I continued to sit at the bar talking with various people that came to refill drinks, even had a lovely conversation with the bartender, who seemed slightly star stucken. Nearing the end of the night a charming gentleman came to my side and struck up a conversation with me as we sipped away at our drinks.

“Hello beautiful. I’ve got to say you’re way too pretty to be over here on your own.” he said with a pearly white smile.

“Oh well thank you.” I blushed at his compliment.

“So why aren’t you mingling with everyone? I've seen you sitting over here all night.” he replied, studying my face.

“I’m more of a people watcher. Introverted and all that jazz.” I reply taking a sip of my drink looking at the cast laughing and talking.

“Alright I can understand that. Do you want to be less introverted and hang out with me?” He replied with a sly tone in his voice.

“Well you sitting next to me talking aren’t you?” I stated. “In my book that’s considered hanging out.”

“Well I meant more along the lines of a nice walk and maybe heading back to my place.” His statement was blunt and outgoing.

“Oh well, I appreciate the invitation but I have to decline.” I replied as kindly as possible.

“Oh come on sweetheart. Why not?” His voice whined.

“First I don’t know your name. Second, I'm not a one night stand kinda girl, I'm assuming that’s what you had in mind.” I looked at him pointedly and annoyed.

“I’m sure I could change your mind. I’m Eric. It’s wonderful to meet you.” He held his hand out and finally introduced himself.

“I wish you would’ve led with your name.”

“Duly noted.” he retracted his hand before he kept talking. “So what’s your name?”

“Y/n.”

“Very hot.” his comment caused me to roll my eyes just slightly.

“If you are going to try and complement my clothes off you should stop now.”

“Why? Because it’s going to work.” He leaned in, the brandy apparent on his breath, his hand sneaking around my waist.

“No,it won’t work. I would also appreciate you not touching me.” I said scooting a few inches away.

“Oh come on. You know you want to have a good time.”

“I was having a good time.” Even I could recognize the annoyance in my voice. I continued to watch my friends talk amongst themselves, saying goodbye to others.

“I can make it so much better though. I mean the dress is just begging to come off. It would be a great addition to my floor.”

“Excuse me?” I set my drink down on the bar, standing up and crossing my arms in front of my chest.

“Oh please. You wore that so you could get compliments didn’t you?” His eyes looked at the dress that hung on my body. It was a decently modest midnight blue dress. It hugged my waist, the skirt ended just above the knee, it even had long sleeves. The only suggestive thing about it was the vneck and the open back.

“Yes. Compliments. That was not a compliment. That was a shitty way to try and pick up someone.” I replied.

“Oh please. You should be happy that I asked you.” His face turned to anger almost as if he was annoyed.

“I’m perfectly happy turning down your request. I hope that you have a good night.” I turned heading towards the group to leave behind the creep at the bar but a hand wrapped around my wrist and pulled me back.

“What the hell do you think you are doing.” My voice was stern yet quiet doing my best not to create a scene.

“I’m going to ask again until you say yes.” he’s hand tightened around my wrist.

“Let go of my wrist.” I demanded a little louder wishing that the bartender hadn’t left to retrieve more ice and alcohol.

“Not till you say yes.” He seethed. I tugged against the resistance on my wrist trying to pull away. “Quit being such a bitch and take the compliment that I actually want to sleep with you.” His voice was hot against my neck when he leaned in to whisper that into my ear. I snapped.

I twisted my arm causing his hand to turn with it allowing me to break free, gripping his wrist pulling him from his seat wrapping his hand behind his back and shoving his face into the bar. Suddenly all eyes are on the interaction.

“First of all, I don’t need to feel grateful for you telling me that I look beautiful, I’ve heard it many times, and that my clothes would look better on your floor.” I let go of my hold, Evans and RDJ approached the two of us. Eric stood up, raising his hand, almost in an attempt to hit me.

“I wouldn’t do that.” Evans said before Eric moved.

“Don't tell me what to do with my girlfriend.We we’re just having a nice conversation.” Eric smirked, his hand placed on my waist.

“Seriously. You seriously just did that?” RDJ laughed.

“What? Did you come to save her or something?”

“Oh no. We aren’t saving her. She can easily take you on her own. We’re just suggesting that you don’t do that because it’ll come with an asswhopping from a young woman in heels and many lawsuits.” RDJ started with a smug tone.

“There is no way in hell that she'll be able to take me. Plus I've got amazing lawyers.” Eric spat back with a smirk.

“Oh ya, no. You really don’t want to challenge her.” Hemsworth commented. Eric looked at him with anger in his eyes. I picked up my glass from the counter, taking a sip and holding onto it so I wouldn’t punch his face.

“Whatever.” he turned towards me. “Good luck ever getting laid with your attitude.You’re nothing without a man's approval you know. Even had to have these people come to your rescue.”

His voice was quiet and annoyed trying to dig under my skin. And it did a little bit, but it just fueled my anger toward him. I looked at him and the glass shattered in my hand as I tightened my grip. The glass fell to my feet the remaining liquid splashing onto my dress and onto his outfit.

“You can go.” I even scared myself with the tone of my voice as I spoke. The look of fear in the man's eyes gave me a sense of pleasure that I put him in his place. He pushed his way through the group that had surrounded us and rushed through the exit.

“Well then. What a dick.” I started watching the door close. My hand was still in a fist and I held my other hand underneath, feeling the blood from the cuts drip into a puddle in my palm.

Everyone looked at me shocked.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to involve anybody. Is everyone ok?” I looked at the astonished faces of my friends.

“Are you seriously asking if we're ok?” RDJ questioned.

“Well ya.” I shrugged my shoulders looking at everyone who all seemed very concerned.

“You just crushed a glass with your bare hand. You are bleeding. We should be asking you that!” He exclaimed.

“Oh ya. I’m fine. I really hate guys like that though.” I looked down at my dripping hand and turned around to face the bar. I reached behind grabbing one of the clean white towels, dipping it into the cup of water that I had at the spot I was sitting. I began cleaning the affected wounds when Evans took over.

“You know I knew that you could take Hemsworth and I but I never knew you could do this! You gotta be careful. Someone might think you've got some super soldier serum flowing in your blood.” He smiled as he wiped away the blood and examined the cut in the center of my palm for glass. “Alright this may hurt just a bit.” He began tightly wrapping the cloth around my hand, tucking the end into itself.

“You should go to a doctor to get that properly taken care of.” Scarlett added.

“That's a good idea.” I agreed, standing from the seat that I had been pushed down on. “Well I had a great night with y’all! I hope I didn't ruin it with that little fiasco.” I smiled grabbing my clutch from the bar and walking through the group.

“Well where the hell are you going?” RDJ questioned.

“The hospital to get stitches, you know like Scar suggested.” I was confused at his question.

“Well someone’s gotta go with ya.” Evans stated.

“Ya. We’ll go with you. The night is still young!” RDJ exclaimed standing up and meeting me.

“You don't all have to come, it'll just be a couple of stitches.” I laughed.

“Too late I called the limo already. We're taking a trip to the hospital!” RDJ celebrated. Soon the rest of the crew was chiming in on a “To the hospital” chant as we made our way out the door, earning confused and concerned looks from the staff of the hotel.

To say the hospital staff was surprised to see the cast of the marvel movies enter the emergency was an understatement, but I was glad to have the best people around me, even if it was for a few stitches.

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Like I said it was one of the first fics I had written a while ago... But I hope you liked it! thanks for reading!

#mcu #mcucast #chrisevans #rdj #scarlettjohanson #chrishemsworth #avengers #captianamerica #ironman #thor #marvel #marvelfanfic #readerinsert

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swordmaid · 4 years ago

Text

creator tag meme

tagged by the local angel @giuseppearcimboldo thank you so much lizzie!

rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

VERY happy i can fill this out because i’ve been so productive this year lol. also this is all gonna be jb bc ive been RELENTLESS and spamming and i would apologize but i wont lmao

1. jb eros/psyche au.

i am talking about everything i have done for the au btw, because i’ve done quite a handful of things and honestly i really love all of them--even the doodle ones which rarely happens. anyway, i love this au in general. i think the tale is perfect for them, and i’m happy with the works that i managed to put out most esp this one that’s based on canova’s sculpture of eros and psyche. translating sculpture into digital art was interesting since it was all about converting the weight and structure of the sculpture into the screen and i think i managed to do it imo! i love how brienne looks heavy in his arms, i love how strong jaime looks holding her up and i especially love the way i shaded her dress to mimic the lines that the statue has. all in all, this au slapped and i actually want to do more of it but i have no inspiration right now.

2. jb as classical art series.

honestly i never thought that this was going to be a series lol i thought it was just a two time thing, but then i did another one, and then another one, and then another one and now here we are. i love all the pieces that i’ve done for it actually. my favourite thing is that they’re all not direct translations of the original art. there are some aspects that i’ve taken and adapted while also putting my own flair into it. i love the reverse colour scheme with klimt’s kiss and my own rendition of it. the gold being the accent highlight in a field of murky brown/black whereas klimt has the black squares present to emphasis the richness of the gold and yellows. i also like the little thing i did where i put the geometric shapes outside of the subject instead of inside (what he did). i put on the tags that i didnt like how it turned out but i actually like it lol i just didn’t like how long it took me i get too impatient with my art i think. anyway. i love this whole series sm i think all the pieces have their own character, and tbh i always get nervous adding another piece into this just because all the ones that i’ve done has been so well received i don’t want to be a disappointment lool. regardless, i love classical art and i love jb and i love being able to put the two together hehe we love to be self indulgent

3. la belle fleur sauvage commission.

aka THIS commission that was based from SD’s fic, la belle fleur sauvage. some behind the scenes with that one--that one took me SO long to do, like it was taking longer than i had wanted and i felt very bad and i am forever thankful for sd’s patience 😭😭😭. i really can’t be too mad though since i was working on the third year of my degree, but i still would’ve wanted to finish it sooner than i did. but as for the art itself---i actually love it lol. i always say to zoom in on my stuff to see all the details but i WISH folks would zoom in on that because it’s so big and so intricate. i love how everything turned out; i love how rich the colours are, i love the composition for all three panels, i love how the SKY looked like actually that’s the first time i sat down and painted clouds with that technique and i am so happy and pleased with how it looked im using it for everything LOL, i love jaime’s outfit in the 2nd panel---i actually designed a whole outfit for that and he DOES have his pouches and daggers, etc. stuff that he would have with him if he was a mercenary, but because of the cropping, those details were taken out but it’s THERE. i love the colours and the shading on the 3rd panel. it looks so soft and romantic and it’s everything 😭😭. honestly i didnt know if i was able to finish whole three panels just because of how big the project seemed, but tbqh this piece really pushed me as an artist and im really happy that i had the chance to work on it (-’:

4. early morning.

this one is a more recent piece and i was thinking post canon jaime/brienne married and either living in casterly rock or evenfall hall. originally the sheets were gonna be red with the gold brocade but i just made it green to make their location more ambiguous. they’re in a castle because of the finery, but which castle i have no idea. anyway i love their faces here in particular--jaime because it’s not often that i draw him old (this is the second time i drew old jaime i think?) and i love how he turned out here. i love how he looks like a silver fox and a dilf and we really do love that for brienne. full disclosure, i have no idea how to draw older folks since i don’t have a lot of practice in that area so im glad my lack of experience doesn’t show lmao. i also love how soft brienne looks here! the little smile on her lips is very sweet, her body language and how relax she seems is very telling abt her confidence in this scene also i think i drew her hands hella well haha. all in all i think it’s a really sweet art! and the full version is not so bad either jaime’s ass was referenced from marble sculptures so you know im aiming for Quality. but i love this headcanon of a younger brienne tiring jaime out, i’ve read a handful fics about it and im happy i can do my own version of it hehe

5. unravel.

wow we love domesticity. someone said that if you compile all my ns*w art of them together it’s like they haven’t left their bed ever since they got together and you know what? love that for them it’s what they deserve. anyway i chose this one because of how sensual and simple it is. their body language really does all the talking ; jaime’s hand pulling on the ties on her shift, her hand on his hair, how soft and lazy their kiss looks--it’s enough to tell the story me thinks! i just love how simple this whole thing is but it’s very effective. there’s really not much to it besides what you see but that’s really enough.

i am actually very proud of myself with how productive i’ve been. it’s really not often that i get as much drive and energy to post so much art. iirc my art tag is nearly 200 content already (i think it’s 180 ish rn?) and honestly that’s a LOT if you told me ill be making more than 100+ content for jb i would’ve been like nah im too lazy for that lmao. but im really proud of myself this year! i think i pushed myself as an artist and i’ve familiarized myself more with my strengths as well as my weaknesses. i have a clear idea on the areas that i need to work on, and i’ve really gotten more comfortable with being happy with my own pieces and i’m trying not to put myself down more if something doesn’t go the way i want it to. also, i’ve had the opportunity to work with more people this year--so for the people who has commissioned me or IS commissioning me rn--- thank you so much for trusting me with your visions 😭😭 ive never expected to get this kind of reception with my art but i am very grateful for all of it.

anyway as for the tagging i tag -- @na-bruma-leve / @dreadwulf / @dilfjaime / @fawnilu BUT i would highly recommend you to come along and snatch this tag meme up like a little raccoon because we all should start being proud of our own works imo !!

#long post /#this whole ass essay is me gushing about myself how gemini can i be

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anakinthetrashking · 4 years ago

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Ok, so you reblogged my post about bnha fic recs and I also looked through the ones you linked and I LOVED THEM. If its alright to ask, would you happen to have more Protective Aizawa or possibly Dadmic or Protective Present Mic? Also Protective Midnight or Momnight? Only if you have! Thanks! -bnhastanning

I somehow stupidly lost my reply to this ask, not once, but TWICE. at the end, when i was almost done. im so sorry but this will be the crappiest version yet... (also! hello, fellow batfam fan... *spiderman pointing meme*)

I read a lot of fic and i loooooove sharing them with people, so thanks for giving me an excuse to do this!! :D

lots of fics, so im putting them under the read more! One of these days I’ll get around to making more organized fic rec posts...

Dadmic: only a couple, and tbh i think they have more dadzawa in them?? Secondary Colors by NaoNazo

"You got pushed down the stairs... and you're apologizing for it," he stated blandly. "That seems counterintuitive." "Um... sorry?" Izuku whispered. He was starting to shake a little, adrenaline flooding his veins and leaving him cold. He had no idea what Purple was going for with his blunt statements and the hand reaching toward his shoulder as if to steady him, but apologizing was generally safe. "You don't have to apologize, dude. I don't know your name, but I doubt it's actually Deku." "Um. Midoriya." Izuku peered sideways at Purple as they rounded the corner. "Izuku Midoriya. Deku is just, um, just what my... friends call me." He winced. "Sounds real friendly."

and Cat Days by Griffinrose

Izuku has a shapeshifting quirk. He's not the best at controlling it, especially under stress. So when tragedy strikes and he gets lost in the city, he's stuck as a cat. At least he found a nice underground hero to take him in?

Pied Piper by Blackholeca has some really great concerned Dadmic in recent chapters!!

If they wouldn’t give him a chance then the solution seemed simple, he’d give himself one. He’d force the world to see him, force them to recognize his hard work. He wasn’t missing a quirk, it was simply that everyone else had been given an advantage. He wasn’t broken, or useless, or incapable, and he’d prove it by outrunning all of them, he who was quirkless, he who had started in last.

As for momnight, there are also only a couple, and im also not caught up with these either. i have a little bit more of an excuse with these, as Indefinite by OwlF45 is really REALLY long, as well as intense. Worth the read though! I just gotta catch up! So much mindblowing stuff in that, and the Momnight is really sweet.

It comes with the package deal of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Midoriya gets another chance at life, but he must throw it away when that dreaded day comes. After all, a life for nineteen is more than a fair trade.

Or: the world will rise or fall, and it depends on one boy protecting Class 1-A to prevent the inevitable.

The other Momnight one I have is A Single Reason by TheDeepSeaWitch. Also really good, but really intense and I’ve had to take a break because I was getting a bit depressed, whoops. But I liked it!

Training begins the next day, and doesn’t stop for any reason. They wait for heroes, then for police, then for anyone to save them, but nobody comes.

It’s only a month before Izuku forgets their names. It’s a year before he forgets his own.

It’s only a chance meeting with an impassioned soul eight long, painful years later that saves them.

---------------------------------

They thought they were lost forever, that there was no future out there for them with their scars so visible and the blood on their hands still pungent and red. But if they have the strength to try, then perhaps, one day, they may yet find their forgiveness, and rediscover themselves along the way.

The Reforming Villains AU nobody asked for.

For Dadzawa:

Flare Signal by achievingelsium, of course! Annie writes some of my absolute fav dadzawa content, so definitely check it out!!

AU. Midoriya Izuku shouldn't be surprised he ended up like this: hiding the secret of One for All from his own father, the notorious villain Dragon. The path to being a hero is a hard one.

Or; Izuku is an aspiring hero forced to work for his father’s villain organization. Then he runs into All Might.

Izuku Ya’broker by Dreamillusions, is a fic i loved a LOT.

Perhaps you should actually listen to the news every once in a while, so you wouldn't end up in these kinds of situations. What kinds of situations? Glad you asked. Look at Izuku, for example. You would think Izuku would be at home after school, safe and sound from anyone attempting to, you know, kill him. But no, Izuku decided to roam around. Because of a bet. This is the kind of a situation you shouldn't end up in. Don't be Izuku.

Butterfly by aconstantstateofbladerunner, is rightfully popular! It has some horror/suspense themes though, so if thats not your style, try one of Blade’s other fics!! She’s a seriously good writer.

The first over-night trip off campus since the training camp was supposed to be a fun break from more intense work back home. But between a bleak introduction to chaos theory, a chilly reception from the locals, and the looming threat of a villain attack, Izuku has too much on his mind to properly enjoy the fresh air. But those worries are a light breeze compared to the hurricane that accompanies what he finds on the outskirts of town.

Or rather, what finds him.

A House Divided Against Itself by BeyondTheClouds777, another one of my fav fics by a great writer!

"Become a villain," they said.

“I’ll be a villain,” he said.

He lied. He’s only there so he can tear apart the League of Villains from the inside out.

The scars we carry by Banana_Ink is a great AU with plenty of Dadzawa

Aizawa rescued Izuku from the league of villains and takes care of the child for now. Izuku has two quirks in this AU, one natural - Forced Quirk Activation - and one that AFO 'gifted' him with - Self-Heal. He has a pretty big handprint-scar on his face and started as a problem child, scared and wary of people. But Aizawa managed to help him slowly heal.

This AU is just some silly little thing I came up in my freetime and like to add to it as I go, so I don't have a plan at all. Mostly I write for fun so I hope you might enjoy this as well :D

Ticked Off by Xenolis is a fic that I just want to rec all the time,,, for some reason...

~ ON HIATUS/OCCASIONAL UPDATES ~ Midoriya Izuku attracted trouble. It was just a fact of life – the sky was blue, the grass was green, and Izuku constantly found himself in an absurd number of deadly situations. He was okay with that. Mortal peril was an average Tuesday afternoon for a Pro Hero like him. Being kidnapped was practically a holiday. Saving civilians as a building collapsed around him was easier than facing his worried mum afterwards. He had dealt with All Might's disappointed dad stare and only cried for two hours afterwards. A serial killing villain with an unknown Quirk would be no problem! ..but even Izuku had to admit that being sent back in time to his first day at UA wasn't on the agenda. Still, there was no-one more spitefully determined than him – he was going to make the most of it. Yeah, good luck, heroes and villains alike! Deku was here to cause mischief and love his friends!

Toward A Bright Future by LazyRainDancer holds a special, soft place in my heart. I always want to go reread it after watching the show and I always want to rewatch the show after reading it. it never ends

You wake up at UA, the highest ranked hero school in the country, with no recollection of how you got there. Unfortunately, those aren't the only memories you're missing. Still, you can't let a little amnesia get in the way of you warning the school about the attack you know will happen during Class 1-A's field trip to the USJ. After you deliver your warning, you're beyond shocked when the principal offers you a position as a TA for Class 1-A. You accept the position in hopes that you'll be able to use your Quirk to help protect the students. It'll be far from easy, but you're determined to do whatever it takes to change the students' future for the better.

The rest don’t really have Dadzawa? But theyre really good so I had to rec them anyway

once forgotten, twice removed by blueh, good writer for multiple fandoms

“Yes,” All for One agreed. “This will be the final resting place of All Might.” “You,” Midoriya Izuku said and paused, thinking over the words. He sounded taken aback. “You want me to help fight All Might.” “Of course,” All for One nodded along. “I can offer you double of whatever my counterpart is paying you currently, along with anything your little heart could desire. Of course, you would get to help out drastically—" “Did you happen to check what world you were pulling me out of when you did this?” Midoriya Izuku interrupted and it was said in such an incredulous tone that had the situation not been as critical as it was, All Might would have laughed. Also known as: number one hero Deku has been through a lot of things, but being thrust into an alternate reality where he’s All for One’s Successor is a first. He has to navigate this world when his alternate self is a villain dead-set on killing him and all of this version of class 1-A. All the while, his friends search desperately for a way to get him back.

Office Space by Caelismylife quirkless izuku gets a job at UA analyzing quirks, HECK YES

It took a little time, but he eventually found himself with a job at UA. The revolving door of heroes was not in the contract.

To Repair with Gold by TitleUnwanted FEEEEELS

AU. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me, biggest lie in the world. Tattoos, which appeared when quirks did, are when a person feels an impact on something they are told and it becomes inked on their body, the closer they show to your heart the deeper the impact it has on the person.

For Izuku this is a blessing and a curse.

An Accident at Workstudy by Galactic_Jax been enjoying this one!

Izuku is working hard to prove himself at his work study, but it's hard when Sir Nighteye has made it clear he's not wanted. But what happens when Izuku is caught in a villain attack on his way to the agency? Will a few revelations about his most recent intern's past be enough for Sir Nighteye to change his mind about All Might's successor?

Nice to Meet You? by Allwalkfree didn’t know i needed this until i read it

Kirishima introduces Bakugou to his favorite senpai. In which over several encounters Bakugou and Amajiki learn to become tentative friends.

A Study in Firsts by Oceanbreeze7 dorm shenanigans AND feels

There’s a first time for everything. The first time everyone crammed in Momo’s room to study, a mess of limbs and books on her bed. The first time Mina burned crepes so badly the smoke alarm went off. The first time a jumpscare got Sero so badly, he flipped off the back of the couch. The first time Uraraka fell asleep at the table and accidentally sent it floating. The first time someone realized Todoroki walked far too quietly, and far too cautiously around the dorms to be normal. The first time Midoriya broke his toe on a door frame and kept walking through it. The first time Kirishima woke up screaming through the walls. The first time Tsuyu blanched at the sight of a needle. The first time Bakugo dropped, clutching the back of his neck with eyes scarily vacant and detonating everything around him until Aizawa had to intervene. It wasn’t always pretty, but the dorms were filled with firsts.

Hero Class Civil Warfare by Roguedruid extremely satisfying to read

Heroes lead by Bakugo. Villains lead by Midoriya. Seven days prep time. Three days for Izuku Midoriya to show why they should be glad he's not a real villain.

A Fleeting Smile by AnonymousTwit good bakugou content

Or a collection of fifteen Bakusquad one shots where someone outside of the Bakusquad catches a rare glimpse of a friendlier side of Bakugou Katsuki, and one time that is specifically reserved for the four people that he hates the least.

Hope this gives you something to work with!!! I have more(and am always adding) in my bookmarks on AO3, but this should be a good start! Hopefully you’ll find at least one that you love! have a great day!!!! -Ani <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

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teamjacobthot · 4 years ago

Note

1. What's the cringiest memory you have as a Twilight fan? OR the happiest memory? 2. Has Twilight influenced your fashion choices, personality, and so forth? 3. What about Leah Clearwater resonates with you? 4. What's your favorite Jacob scene in the books and movies? [You don't have to answer all of them, no pressure. Thank you!]

let me just say this is my favorite ask in the world. I cried a couple times and I honestly think it’s made me re-evaluate my life. these kinds of asks are My BrandTM and I’m legitimately honored that you’re interested! ilysm 💕

im on mobile and im about to gush abt stuff so keep mf scrolling

1. my cringiest memory is a tie between going to walmart at midnight for the dvd premieres of eclipse and breaking dawn part 1 (and maybe breaking dawn part 2 but i literally can’t remember at this point) and like........going to the seattle twilight convention in 2011. but now that I think about it, it wasn’t cringey at all! i was 13 and it was the single best day of my life. i got up early with my mom that morning and we drove the half hour it took to get to downtown seattle from our house. the girls of the hillywood show hosted and i got to meet them. i later attended panels with tyson housemann and booboo stewart and julia jones 💕💕💕 it was julia’s birthday but she didn’t mention it, humble queen. and omg she wore a tank top and threw a football around........what a woman. booboo also did a backflip in that hotel lobby lmfao. but besides seeing the cast, that slday was incredible bc i won twilight trivia against a bunch of ppl (including grown ass adults) lmao. that was so incredibly fun. best day of my life as a twihard.

wait but BITCH I forgot I went to forks w my dad in 2013!!! the town was dead as fuck but it was so fun 💕💕💕 I did a bunch of tourist shit but I’m so glad I finally went and I’m so thankful for my dad for taking me no matter how bored he was. that was amazing

2. twilight was my first Thing as an adolescent. i got into it when i was 11 years old. it has shaped so much of me, but most importantly, my opportunities to make friends, as well as my music taste bc of my friends from these websites putting me on to new music. the soundtracks ofc put me on to new music too. but anyways, some of my best friends since middle school were people I originally met on twilight fan sites or the 2012 taylor lautner fandom on twitter. twilight was also the longest book I’d read at the time, so it upped my reading habits. and I’ve also loved writing since I was little (like 8 years old) but discovering fan fiction made it that much more fun. I’ve always loved writing and fan fiction enabled my love for it, even though most of my fics were shitty. I had (and still have!) so much fun. in terms of fashion, I had a phase where I liked flannels bc of bella but I definitely dress cuter now than anybody in those movies lmaoo.

3. now Leah Clearwater......LEAH CLEARWATER. she’s always resonated with me in that shes a woman of color and NOT afraid to show others how she feels, no matter how annoyed or uncomfortable everyone else gets because of it. she was hurting and didn’t hide it (not like she could, but still). she made sure she was heard despite all those boys telling her to shut up. and also, her protectiveness over Seth reminds me of how much I care about my younger brother and wanna shield him from everything bad in the world, even when he’s being a dumbass. but overall I think of leah as a huge breath of fresh air in that she’s one of the only characters who not only criticizes the Cullens but Bella too. she also has that brand of humor that’s kinda mean but very true and I’ve definitely embodied it for at least the last 12 years of my life. I just wish she was real so I could be her friend. smeyer managed to under develop one of her most compelling characters ever.

4. my favorite jacob scene in the books was every last scene in new moon before he phased, but especially the part where he and bella talked at the movies. that was really sweet. and I don’t claim eclipse, but the little parts they hung out as friends (before it got annoying) were nice as well. oh and I LOVED when they danced together in the breaking dawn movie. she was so happy to see him! like literally delighted! the first time she looked that hapoy during the entire wedding and reception!!! but my favorite overall jacob scene is definitely at the part in the new moon movie right before I turn the whole thing off, when they’re in her truck and he’s like “sometimes I feel like I’m gonna disappear.” that really gets me. I wish it got more elaboration. jacob’s backstory is literally so rich I wish we got more of it :( and this may be an unpopular opinion but his take on everything that happened in new moon would be totally cool to have but it’s too bad smeyer made him Love Interest #2 and not like.......his own character

thanks sm for this ask!!! this has definitely been my favorite 💞💞

#anon #leah #jacob #personal

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ciscoatthedisco · 5 years ago

Text

Day 1: Fake Dating

im sorry for recycling an old fic, but I didn’t want to leave you with nothing from me today and I didn’t have inspo for today’s prompt

Caitlin couldn't seem to concentrate. Her cold hands wrapped her S.T.A.R. Labs mug filled with coffee as her eyes focused on a random spot beyond the desk.

Cisco could sense that something was off, as he always could. He knew Caitlin almost better than he knew himself. Something was bothering her.

"Caitlin?" Cisco laid a hand on her shoulder and snapped her out of her trance.

"Is something wrong?"

"Oh, nothing," Caitlin blinked. "Just, ya know. Thinking."

About something in particular.

Please ask me about it.

"About what?" he sat next to her.

"Well, my ex from high school, Mason, is getting married. I was invited. I would feel bad about not going, but I don't want to go alone. But the truth is, I am alone." She sighed and swallowed a sip of her coffee.

"You're not alone, you've got me." Cisco gave her shoulder a touch.

Caitlin rolled her eyes to look over at him.

"I mean romantically, Cisco."

Yikes. That hurt.

"Okay, how about this"

Caitlin rose her brow.

You'll be my date?

Please ask me on a date.

"I could go with you." he paused for a beat.

Yes!

"Pretend to be your boyfriend"

Pretend. Just what he wanted.

"Pretend?"

Her heart sank a little bit. She really hoped Cisco would ask her on an official date.

"Yeah. No one judges you, and you're not lonely" He smiles.

Ugh, that smile.

Caitlin smiled at the fact that Cisco cared to escort her so she wouldn't feel lonely.

"Thank you, Cisco" She hugged him.

"Of course"

~.~

They sat in their assigned seating, Caitlin holding a stemless glass of white wine that read

Mason and Julia Parker

True Love

December 12, 2018

Just another reminder to Caitlin that she hadn't found that.

She wanted a wedding.

When Ronnie was alive, their wedding was very last minute. Because she thought he had died and she wanted to marry him before he disappeared again. But she still never got to finish planning her dream wedding. She never got to have it.

She looked over to see Mason and Julia talking with guests.

The way he's looking at her.

Caitlin couldn't help but notice Mason looking at his new wife like she hung the moon. Like he loved everything about her. The little stuff. The random stuff. Like when she snorted just a little when she laughed. He looked at her like he would do anything for her without thinking twice.

God, I want that.

~~~~~

Cisco looked at Caitlin like she hung the moon.

He loved everything about her. The little stuff. The random stuff. Like the way she was running her finger around the rim of her wine glass and chewing a bit at her lips while she observed the guests. He would do anything for her without thinking twice.

God, I love her.

Mason and his bride came over to their table.

"Caitlin! So glad you could come. Caitlin this is my new wife, Julia. Julia, This is Caitlin. We were friends back in high school." Mason beamed introducing the love of his life.

"Nice to meet you, Julia." Caitlin shook her hand.

"Mason, this is my f-" she had to catch herself. "fellow S.T.A.R. Labs employee and boyfriend, Cisco. Cisco, this is my...Mason. This is Mason. From high school"

Really smooth, Cait.

"Hi, Nice to meet you" Cisco shook Mason's hand. "Congratulations," as he shook Julia's.

"Well, it was good to meet you, Cisco. Caitie, good to see you again."

How could he still call me that?

"It's time for us to dance. Maybe we'll catch up later?" Mason and Julia made their way to the dance floor.

A piano began to play.

Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? Just like me, they long to be close to you.

Caitlin looked over at Mason and Julia. Dancing and in love.

Cisco heard those lyrics and looked over at Caitlin.

I really love her.

"May I have this dance?" Cisco extended his hand for her

I really do want to dance with him.

She just nodded and took his hand.

On the day that you were born the angels got together and decided to create a dream come true.

He looked at her, watching the bride and groom. She looked almost hurt. But he couldn't help but notice how the hair that fell loose from her braided updo framed her perfect face.

The bride and groom share a kiss.

Caitlin whimpers in agony and lays her head on Cisco's chest, ear to his heart. She couldn't watch them anymore.

Cisco's heart sped up.

Can she hear it?

He kissed the top of her head.

I wish she knew how much I love her.

He continued to hold her close and they swayed to the music. Soon enough, the song came to an end.

"Cisco, can we go home?" She pleaded.

"Are you sure? They're playing some more upbeat songs now, we can get our jam on!"

"Hey, guys, we were in the middle of a conversation when we had to go dance."

Mason and Julia were back.

"Mason, we were just saying we were about to head ou-"

Mason continued as if he hadn't heard Caitlin at all.

"How did you two meet?"

"Well," Cisco began.

"We work together at S.T.A.R. Labs. We met on my first day. I was arguing it out with our, horrible ex co-worker. She came in and," he turned to look at Caitlin.

"I couldn't stop looking at her." he smiled

Caitlin smiled.

I really love him, don't I?

"She and I became very close friends not long after I joined the team at the lab. We've always done almost everything together. One night, she got captured by one of the metas that was running around Central City at the time. I couldn't bear thinking about my life without her in it. When I got her back. She told me she thought she was going to die. I told her-"

Caitlin interrupted.

"Not while I'm around."

"Yeah" he smiled at her.

"And in keeping that promise to keep her safe," he paused. "I realized I've been in love with her since the start. And why else would I made such a big promise?"

Caitlin's heart fluttered. She looked into the dark eyes that looked back into hers.

Does he really mean all of that?

There's no way he could make up something so moving on the spot?

He must have practiced in advance.

He's only known about the wedding for 5 hours.

Caitlin, who are you kidding, He's Cisco!

He can come up with stuff on the spot.

He's been doing it for years, between meta naming and his jokes.

God, I really do love him.

"Well, again, congratulations to the Mr. and Mrs. But we have a date with microwave popcorn, Netflix, and our pjs. Thank you for a lovely evening, Mr. and Mrs. Parker." Cisco nodded.

Yep, I love him.

Cisco took her hand.

"Come on, Cait." he kissed her cheek.

Now would be a good time for KillerFrost to come out just a little.

Just to take away the red in my cheeks?

~.~

She had to ask.

"Cisco?" She spoke up on their walk back to his apartment.

"What's up, Snow Patrol?" he joked with her.

"Did you mean any of that? That you said to Mason at the reception." she chewed her lip.

"Every word of it, Caitlin" he didn't hesitate.

"You love me?" she stopped in her tracks.

"Yeah, I do," he smiled, stopping with her. "I hope that's okay. Cause it's going to be a little hard to stop."

He began walking again.

She grabbed his hand and intertwined it with hers.

"I love you, too"

#killervibe #killervibe week #killervibeweek #killervibeweek19 #killervibe week 19 #snowvibe #killervibe fic #snowvibe fic #fic #fanfic #fanfiction #cisco x caitlin #caitlin x cisco #cisco ramon #caitlin snow #ciscoatthedisco fiction

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istheresomebodywhocanimagine · 6 years ago

Text

The Rule of Threes

poachedhazontoast said: I literally drop everything I’m doing as soon as you post a new fic, ilysm. I was wondering if you could write a friends to lovers fic for Gwil? I literally have nothing other than that so it’s all creative license for you (can you tell by my short-ass masterlist that I’m terrible at coming up with ideas?) TIA 💕

(a/n: hello HI ilysm anyways this is a drunk at a wedding fic but its so CHEESY i smiled so big while writing it gwilym is such a sweetheart im so upset he shaved also can you tell i like champagne.... im a classy bitch)

You had told three lies tonight. Two of them were to Gwilym, and the third was more to yourself than anything. Maybe it was to convince you of something less terrifying than fancying your best friend, or maybe it was just really the wine talking. But you both knew it wasn’t true, especially after what had just happened.

Lie number one? “I promise I won’t get wine-drunk.”

Gwilym raised an eyebrow at that one, his sharp blue eyes scanning the empty champagne flutes and wine glasses at every table that were just waiting to be filled. You smiled sheepishly at his accusatory glance, your hands desperately clutching at the hem of your knee length green sundress and tugging it down as you sat at the table with your nameplate on it. He took the seat next to you, awkwardly tucking his gangly knees under the abnormally short table and smiling politely at an older couple that passed by. They knew your parents, and probably were wondering what in the hell a giant was doing at this wedding with you.

Your friend Chelsea was getting married in London, and Gwilym had agreed to be your plus one on the agreement that you’d be his plus one to a wedding of his friend’s coming up. Both of you had been close friends for years, but never solidified the best friend status until last year on a filming break for the both of you. London had never seen such a duo, and now that both of you were on a break again, you’d been running around the city as partners in crime again. Now, it was time to tack on another accomplishment to the best friend status – certified plus ones.

However, if he kept looking as good as he did tonight, the lines between best friend status and something more could become very blurred, very soon.

Waiters swarmed around you as the venue filled up for the reception, and you were asked for your preferences in wine. Gwilym ordered a Shiraz, while you opted for one with a lower alcohol content, a Moscato. Impressed by your apparent adherence to your ‘not getting wine-drunk’ rule, Gwil nodded appreciatively at your choice and chuckled when you playfully elbowed him.

“Hey! Mind your elbows,” he warned teasingly, and you laughed before holding up a hand to the side of your face, blocking you from seeing him and him from seeing you as he chuckled along. Your table slowly filled up with new faces, familiar faces, and everything in between as it got closer to start, and although small talk was bountiful, you could tell that Gwilym’s natural, gentle charm could only go so far before he started to lose interest. The people at your table, unfortunately, were not exactly great conversationalists. You and Gwilym could go on and on for minutes with each other, telling inside jokes and laughing, but the input from the rest of the table was stale at best.

When you were an hour in and still without food or a good conversation, you leaned over to Gwilym, murmuring lie number two directly into his ear. “At the rate this is going, I say we’re out of here by 10, what do you think?” He only nodded in response, an amused smile briefly playing at his lips as he glanced between two other people at the table who were discussing a horribly dry subject.

To cope with the stagnant conversation for the time being, you began drinking your wine at a dizzyingly fast pace on an empty stomach, and Gwilym followed suit. When he went to stand up for a moment to go to the bathroom after the toasts, his eyes widened as he straightened up. “Oh my,” he murmured, a crooked smile crossing his lips as he looked down at you. “I think I’ve drank more than I thought.”

That alone was enough to make you giggle a few times, and you stood up with him, experiencing a similar head rush as you realized how tipsy you were. “Oh, shit,” you muttered, laughing as you slipped your arm into his, holding onto him to steady yourself. He nodded to the table and excused the both of you, navigating his way between the tables with you as you both headed off for the restrooms. As soon as you were out of earshot of your table, you groaned loudly before giggling. “Jesus Christ, I’ve never been so bored in all of my life and I went to regular uni for a whole year!”

Gwilym’s laugh was hearty as he walked down the long hallway with you, his arm hooked around yours securely. “I’m so glad you said something, I was afraid you’d be mad if I ragged on the table there! What a dull group. I was almost bored to tears, and I’m starving.”

You got to the bathrooms, and with a small pat to his arm, you slipped yours out of his grasp and diverged paths with him. Unbeknownst to you, he lingered for a few seconds longer, watching you as you turned and headed for the door. Out of sheer chivalry, he looked away as you opened the door, and chewed on his lower lip for a moment before smiling to himself and heading off to the men’s bathroom.

As much as you were enticed by his appearance tonight, he was digging yours almost tenfold, and had never felt so at risk of crossing that line and kissing you. It was that, or wine-drunk Gwilym was just a horny bastard. Either way, he couldn’t ignore the heat in his face as he returned to wait in the hall for you patiently afterwards, standing with his hands in his pockets and looking around aimlessly until something caught his drunken, yet perceptive eye.

When you emerged, you noted the delight that passed over his face when he realized it was finally you. Reaching and grabbing your hand, he tugged you off towards the kitchen door he’d just seen swing open. Stumbling a bit due to your equilibrium not quite being intact anymore, you furrowed your eyebrows when he came to a stop.

“Gwil, that’s the kitchen. Did you drink more than I thought?” you asked seriously, and he had to laugh as he dropped your hand, slowly peeking inside of the door and looking around for a moment before turning back to you.

“Watch this,” he whispered, putting a finger to his lips before he straightened up and fixed his collar, walking nonchalantly into the kitchen to your mild horror. The door swung shut behind him, and you were left to wonder what in the hell he was up to. You were not about to get kicked out of your friend’s wedding because your plus one wanted seconds, no matter how attractive that plus one was.

About a minute later, Gwilym reappeared as casually as he’d walked in, but now he came equipped with a bottle of champagne in hand and a plate of meats, cheeses, and crackers. Your jaw went slack as you began to ask him how he’d managed to do that, but he shushed you once again as he handed you the tray of food and pulled you down the hall to the elevator, not speaking until you were both alone inside.

“That was a rush!” he laughed, starting to pull the wrapping off of the top of the champagne bottle as he pressed the button to the top floor of the building. Cocking an eyebrow at the action, you watched as he carefully peeled the wrapping completely off. “Apparently kitchen workers either don’t know or don’t care about the difference between a member of the groomsmen and an actor playing a member of the groomsmen.”

“Gwilym, you did not take one of the champagne bottles for the bridal party, did you?” When he nodded, you burst out laughing and covered your face with your free hand, quickly going red. “Oh my God, I’m never going to get invited to any of my friends’ weddings again, you idiot!”

“If they’re anything like this one, good riddance,” he simply stated, hiding the champagne bottle underneath his jacket when the doors opened at the top floor. You both peeked out and found the hallway to be empty, so Gwilym took off for the exit to the stairwell to the roof that was indicated by the sign at the end of the hallway, and you had no choice but to follow suit. It was unlocked, thankfully, and you both climbed the steps to find a completely uninhabited roof. “Perfect. No boring tablemates anymore.”

Looking around as you made your way across the roof, you marveled at the lights of London now that the sun had dipped below the horizon. Leaning against the edge of the roof after sitting the tray down next to your feet, you took in the breathtaking view of the horizon.

Thousands – maybe millions – of lights twinkled in the vast expanse of the sprawling city. This would probably be a view you’d love to get used to, but then again, you never would – it was so beautiful, too beautiful to be normalized like that. You felt a presence at your side, suddenly, and you looked up to see Gwilym, who was just getting the wire top over the cork twisted off.

When he saw you glance at him, then down at the bottle, he laughed. You looked windswept, but horribly amused by his struggle to get the bottle open, so he offered it to you and raised an eyebrow in challenge. Rolling your eyes, you accepted the challenge and twisted the cork out just enough to get a good handle on it. Hooking your hand under the neck of the bottle, you pressed your thumb up against the top of the cork and slowly applied pressure. The cork gave way easily, popping out and making a noise like a gunshot as it flew off the edge of the building.

“Oh my god!” you giggled impishly, peeking over the edge and losing the cork quickly in the myriad of lights and motion below.

“If you catch a charge for hitting a pedestrian, I don’t know you,” Gwilym laughed, turning around and sinking down to a sitting position as he pulled his jacket off, setting it to the side before patting the spot next to him. Taking a drink of the champagne quickly, you savored the sweet, sparkly taste of the wine before sinking down to your knees and sitting with your legs tucked to the side away from Gwilym, lazily falling against his side as you handed him the bottle. He accepted gratefully, taking a drink as well while he shifted so that you were resting against him more comfortably, your head falling on his shoulder gently.

He didn’t attempt to make any move, keeping his hand resting respectably on the cold concrete of the roof between you, but he didn’t push you away either, letting you support your body weight on his. This wasn’t new for either of you – you weren’t shy about cuddling with each other anymore, he was never surprised when you’d lean against his side, and neither were you if he’d rest his head in your lap. There were no expectations, which led to no awkwardness between you two.

But whether it was the alcohol quickly eradicating both of your common sense, or just genuinely the tension becoming unbearably, tonight it felt heavy. It felt different, like you were in an alternate universe, one where all of the small moments you’d shared were all clashing at once, making it hard to breath and hard to see on top of being tipsy.

“God, Gwilym, m’sorry, I swear not all of my acquaintances are such bores,” you apologized, laughing as you pressed your free hand to your temple. “Our table just got the short end of the stick.”

“Oh, it’s alright,” he reassured, handing you the bottle and watching as you took a drink. His lips stayed parted just a tiny bit as he observed your eyelids fluttering closed while you took a drink, tipping your head back slightly. As your hair fell back to completely expose your neck, Gwilym had to chew on his lip and look away. It was tantalizing, the sight of your soft, unblemished skin, an open plane of your body that he desperately wanted to conquer with his lips, to mark with his love.

To distract himself, he reached over and grabbed the tray of food next to you, placing it in his lap and starting to nervously snack on it. You handed the bottle back to him, worrying about the sudden silence he’d left you in while you’d drank, and grabbed a few pieces of meat and cheese while you stared ahead at the opposite end of the roof.

“Thank you for coming with tonight, though you really didn’t have to,” you hummed, glancing over at him and smiling before looking forward again and taking a bite of your food. “Also, you really didn’t have to do all of this,” you then giggled, resting your head on his shoulder.

“Oh, what kind of plus one would I be if I didn’t steal champagne and food from the kitchen and ditch the actual wedding party with you?” That got another inebriated laugh out of you, and you could hear a deep chuckle reverberating in his chest as you closed your eyes, your eyelids heavy with intoxication and pure bliss.

“You’re right. We should do this more often, especially if we get champagne every time.” You took the bottle from him and stole another drink before sitting it between the two of you and shivering a bit. “Maybe we should become wedding crashers. We’ve got to find a warmer roof next time, though.”

There was a shuffle and you felt Gwilym moving, so you sat up a bit and opened your eyes to see him picking up his jacket, dusting it off before carefully draping it over your shoulders. Making a happy noise, you pulled it completely around you, curling up inside the jacket as you scooted closer. “Better?” he asked, hiccupping a bit and guffawing at himself as he shook his head. “Christ, wine-drunk was a horrible idea! Who did this to me?”

“All you, Gwilly,” you answered, sing-songy and unable to shake your case of the giggles as you closed your eyes once again, feeling at peace and almost sleepy in the current situation. It didn’t help that the steady rise and fall of Gwilym’s shoulders as he breathed felt like a rocking sensation to you, and you found yourself drifting off before he spoke again.

“D’you suppose they’d catch us if we were wedding crashers?” he asked suddenly, looking down at his hands as he rubbed the pad of his thumb along the rim of the champagne bottle. “We could come up with convincing backstories, couldn’t we?”

“With your mind? I could definitely see it happened,” you giggled, opening your eyes slowly and looking up at him through glazed over eyes. He met your gaze, and his breathing hitched in the most miniscule of ways as he found himself entranced, unable to look away or think of anything else but your lips.

You smiled nervously as he continued to stare, turning to face him more and accidentally knocking the champagne over in the process. “Oh, fucking hell,” you cursed as you quickly picked it back up. There wasn’t a ton left anyways - you two were bound to be even drunker in about 30 minutes, at the rate you’d consumed it. However, the small puddle you left still made you pout as you sat the champagne to the side, blushing at your obvious clumsiness around Gwilym. He naturally made you a bumbling idiot, so the fact that he was drunkenly staring at you like you were his last meal only made you even more of a mess.

But Gwilym only laughed, shaking his head as he scooted his leg out of the way to avoid the puddle. “There’s a bunch of napkins in one of those pockets,” he said, referring to the jacket. You started to dig furiously through the one closest to him, pouting even more when you came up empty handed. “Check the other, you dork,” he teased gently, reaching across you and grabbing the napkins out of the pocket. In the process of retrieving them, he made the mistake of looking up while you were watching his hand.

He’d never been this close face-to-face with you before, and it was alien territory to him as he stared at you almost helplessly, your noses dangerously close to bumping each other as he let out a slow, long breath. You felt the exhale hit your lips, and you looked up to be surprised by Gwilym watching you quietly, his face only inches from yours.

He broke first. His monstrous hand dwarfed your face as he cupped your jaw, pressing his lips against yours gently, almost hesitantly. He was testing the waters, and you were just as scared, so you barely reciprocated as far as the kiss went. However, your hand subconsciously rose to rest on top of his, your fingers intertwining with his when he pulled away and loosened his hold on your jaw.

You stared at him for a good half-minute before taking a deep breath and dropping his hand gently, not sure what to make of what just happened. You were obviously very pleased that you’d just kissed your hot best friend, but also terrified because you’d just kissed your hot best friend.

“Er, sorry if I spooked you,” he murmured, grabbing the napkins and awkwardly beginning to mop up the mess you’d made as you watched, dumbfounded.

“No, I-“ you couldn’t say it. You were scared that you’d read too much into the situation. Maybe it was just a drunken thing, an ‘I’m horny and single, you’re horny and single’ kind of thing. That’s where lie number three came in. “We’re so drunk, you didn’t mean to.”

A mischievous smirk graced his usually elegant, thin lips, and he balled the sopping napkins into one big mush before tossing it to the side, sitting back against the wall again. “Well, I definitely did, so you’re wrong on that.”

It felt like your heart was doing a million flips as you processed what he had just said, and you all but threw yourself on him as you pressed your lips to his this time, mumbling, “Oh, thank God,” against his lips and making him chuckle into the kiss. He pulled you carefully onto his lap, his arms securing themselves around your waist as you moved your lips in sync, desperately making up for every moment you’d wanted him to kiss you that night, and every night before that. Sloppy, boundless kisses shared between the both of you quickly took your breath away, and you had to pull away first, taking a breath as your nose brushed up against his jaw, the scruffy hair of his beard scratchy against your skin.

You loved it, though. His beard suited him, and you didn’t mind that it wasn’t the softest ever. The roughness greatly contrasted with the taste of his lips - it was sweet, and you dragged your tongue over your lower lip before you pressed a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth, overwhelmed by all that had just happened.

Pulling away, you gave him a moment to calm down too, his pupils blown out with excitement as he scanned your face, searching for any hint of reciprocated energy that he could latch on to. Reaching out, you grabbed the champagne and swirled the last bit of it around in the bottle before looking at Gwilym as you drank the last of it, letting the bottle roll away when you sat it down on its side.

“Well, I’ll be,” he murmured, looking between you and the bottle. “Thanks for sharing, not like I wanted another sip anyways. Man, you kiss the daylights out of your best friend and then she still has the audacity to hog the rest of the champagne.”

You threw your head back as you laughed, closing your eyes and shaking your head while his jacket slipped off your shoulders. He quickly grabbed it, pulling it back over you as you met his gaze once again, a goofy grin gracing your own lips. “Next time, I guess?” With that, you turned and situated yourself between his legs, leaning back against his chest and making a content noise in the back of your throat.

Running his hands down the coat that sheltered your arms, he quietly adored the snug way you fit between his legs, and he leaned down to kiss the bare skin between your neck and shoulder, which was just exposed next to the collar of his jacket. “Maybe there’s still a taste left?” he mused, his voice lower and far more sultry as he lifted his head from your shoulder and took your chin between his fingers. Turning your head to look at him, he pressed another eager kiss to your lips, marking one of many that would be shared not only for the rest of the night, but for countless days to come.

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boojersey · 5 years ago

Note

VIC DO ALL THE ASKS BC I LOVE U AND WANT U TO HAVE FUN

*SWEATS* AYE AYE CAPN

cw for like some common lgbt+ topics such as dysphoria violence discrimination etc just. tread carefully if u get triggered easily by bad lgbt experiences

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? -im a gay trans man and my pronouns are he/him but they/them is also acceptable!

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?-oh wow i originally thought i was a lesbian because i didnt even know what transgender was i just thought wishing i was a man meant i was butch and then i met my friend donnie in eighth grade who told me he was trans and it was kinda a huge slap in the face but with a sack of gay bricks? and i found out i dont like women through actually having sex with cis women and finally realizing it. really wasnt for me so now im just a gay man as opposed to queer as an umbrella term but i periodically refer to myself as such

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?-oh yea i literally was misgendered today i just kinda brush it off but it can be hard sometimes especially when people know im trans and do it

Who was the first person you told, how did they react?-i first told donnie about my gender, it was a thing where i went to bed the night i met him and was like .. wait holy fuck and then the next day i was like BRO HOLY FUCK but sexuality? i dont really know???? it was so long ago it was honestly probably my group of friends on kik that i had in 2013 (u were included in that mister!!!!)

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?-im not actually fully out but the first time someone who was an adult knew about my trans-ness was what really set in for me the fact that i could come out one day; my friends mom referred to me as seance (and like. obviously she respected my gender she has a trans kid) but it was just super jarring bc no adult had known yet abt my identity in any way and as a result i was rlly glad it was nighttime in that car bc i cried almost immediately; the first time i came out on my Own was to my cousin and he laughed in my face so that was pretty damn awful and its kinda funny cuz the bastard is bi so u would think hed have been accepting but n0pe!

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react?-im out to my friends now ! and the reception was generally positive bc i think i do an ok job at picking ppl to be around in terms of morals so there was little bad reception

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?-i hate when ppl ask if im gay as in for men or gay as in for women because im trans, i am a man so when i say im gay i feel like that should be easy enough to put 2 and 2 together but when they ask that i feel as if they still view me as a woman

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.-emo of the gods themselves it is absolute scene and emo vomit and i love it; its seriously hard for me to wear dresses and skirts without dysphoria and just general discomfort but i own a couple anyway bc theyre cute i just. never wear them

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?-my main thing at the moment is gerard/frank/grant morrison bc i love poly fics very dearly and gerard/bert because bert mccracken deserved better than gerawrds internalized homophobia lol

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?-makeup to me is an androgynous thing so i wear eyeshadow a lot and lipstick sometimes, eyeshadow is easier on my eyes than eyeliner bc im allergic to a lot of makeup thats on the heavier side so if i put on eyeliner my eyes will water and burn throughout the day but with eyeshadow im mostly ok; other opinion is that makeup on Anyone can be sexy as hell if they do it for fun and wear literally what they truly want and not just what they think is accepted or what they Should wear

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?-oh yeah my dysphoria is pretty debilitating if im gonna be honest; i used to have very little problems with it because my hold on reality was loose at best (before i was medicated to clarify) but now that i am almost completely Here my dysphoria is pretty bad and even just like. the knowledge that i have breasts is pretty awful; a few weeks ago i put on an outfit that i have to wear a victorias secret bra to fit properly in and just one look in the mirror had me sobbing and i had to change my clothes before i could leave the house and i havent worn a bra since because just the thought of showing off my chest makes this stark fuckin dread shoot through my veins but i also have dysphoria in regards to my voice that i discussed at my last trans therapy group meeting actually ; my voice has a tendency to bounce around my octave range so sometimes ill be like. excited then hear what i sound like. and ruin it for myself immediately u kno? im not even gonna talk about my dicksphoria bc thats just. awful.

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community?-ohhhhhhhh my god u know what? ive heard..so much .. that im gonna instead take this opportunity to mention my mother genuinely thinks dnd is satanic

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-the fact that were so strong. we are so fucking strong we deal with violence and opposition constantly and at staggering rates yet we stay strong and we continue loving through all of it, whether its in dark corners in secret or loudly in the streets we continue loving and do so with all of our beings because we know its our own truth and well gladly go to hell if it means we got to love on earth (not that everyone believes in hell or the idea that us gays go to hell but my point stands)

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-we have this audacity to create divide (to the fault of mostly cis white gay men thank u very much) when what we need to do is love each other because we are different but at the end of the day we all need to remain in tandem and as a family or we will never get to where we need to in terms of acceptance and that means being uplifting and protecting our trans sisters of color, our disabled lgbt members, our autistic lgbt members, our anything past cis white gay man because we all need recognition, we all need love, and to exclude any letters of lgbt is to tear ourselves down and set ourselves on fire

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?-no :((( no one would drive me in the past and i dont think ill have a way to get there this year either

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?-brian molko! my bisexual, androgynistically-inclined father who birthed me at the tender age of 16 when i found placebo

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?-ya theres been a few and i dont rlly like to talk abt my relationships with anyone unless theyre online relationships so im just gonna leave it at that

What is your favourite lgbt+ book?-pantomime by laura lam! its one of if not my favorite book to this day

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?-y a every damn day bitch ! example is when i was deadnamed by my psychiatrist while she knows full well what my name is the other day; another is the countless times i get called a lesbian ???? and when strict lesbians ask me out i get a very bad taste in my mouth (i understand full well that sexuality is fluid, these are lesbians that spit the ‘penis is gross blegh’ rhetoric)

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show?-uh im just gonna say preacher bc its my favorite show altogether n cass is bi/pan/something similar

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?-@ble3dmagic is my boyfriend in crime (not rlly thats a joke) and @musicalsense is my sunburnt Brother

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim?-queer! i also use f*ggot a lot when talking about myself and my friends that are ok with it

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?-i went to a drag show and it was so amazing and one of the first times i felt accepted in my own community that i cried

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?-well i identify as a man with no leaning towards womanhood or nonbinaryhood in any way, its just . man . but in terms of Expression i am quite androgynous bc i can rlly appreciate femininity (NOT the same as womanhood) and being a man to me means just that ive always wanted to grow up with that “gender role” like i always wish i was raised as a stereotypical parent would raise a son and ive always been more interested in stereotypically masculine things and people since i can even remember and i feel like puberty was just this unpreventable spiral into something i didnt want. i didnt want it at all . this is tmi but when i got my first period i cried my eyes out bc the idea of being called a Woman repulsed me so much and since i didnt even know that being trans was a concept i was just this scared puppy full of confusion and fear aimed at myself because all the stuff i heard i was supposed to be proud of the change but i wasnt i was so ashamed of it and the idea of being called a woman made me sick to my stomach and i just wish i could go back in time and hold myself and tell me itll be alright

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?-absoLutely not i hate kids (and by that i mean i hate being around them and the culture that surrounds having children; i do not treat kids like shit and i do not act like hating children is a personality trait; i get migraines and usually the second a child starts screaming or crying i am on the floor of my brain writhing in dire pain and i have absolutely no desire to support another human life when frankly i cant even support myself; its also just not a lifestyle i want to live)

What identity advice would you give your younger self?-god so fucking much. so fucking much. so many things i wish i could say to myself

What do you think of gender roles in relationships?-i think if someone wants to adhere to them then hell yea go ahead just dont expect others to do it or try to tell other people its a Norm or something; theyre for the most part christian in nature so i dont have any desire to follow them myself, i want a relationship (if any) thats more of a coexistence if that makes sense, like. roommates plus dick

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?-i always used to anxiously chew on the idea that my chest dysphoria is just me holding disdain for the shape and size of my breasts but let me tell you. the second i put on my binder for the first time i immediately started crying because i was so overwhelmed by the fact that i was looking at something one step closer to myself and i know full well i am never going to have that doubt again. this week has been exponentially cathartic and therapeutic for me

What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?-i want the cisheteros to know that nothing they learn about us is new. everything about us has been around for so so long but has been silenced and erased to the point where a lot of us dont even know many things about our rich and beautiful history

Why are proud to be lgbt+?-honestly? its hard for me to not just straight up say im not proud of my identity. its taken me years to stamp down the plain grieving toward my identity and wishing i could have the easier path but frankly? the fact that i am choosing this path of hardship and hell on earth just to be who i truly am i think speaks volumes of my pride in my identity at this point; further back in my archive by a few years my posts are littered with sentiments of bitterness wherein i stated that i hate being trans and not just cis but i like to think ive finished hating myself for my identity. i like to think im proud now. to ask me why is to ask too much of me, all i know now is that i am proud and thats enough for me right now.

#LONG POST #KAY I LOVE U BUT HOLY SHIT MY FOLLOWERS ARE GONNA GET MOTION SICKNESS FROM SCROLLING PAST THIS AT LIGHTNING SPEED #saltwaterfox

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gendice · 6 years ago

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(1) oh honey I feel your struggle. I'm a writer in this fandom too and like... I KNOW my stuff is good. I know it. And I have spent MONTHS on fics before only to post them to a lukewarm reception. It sucks because there are so many factors. So many! Posting time vs timezones, how many followers you have, the off chance of a popular blog reblogging it.. etc. And the most frustrating thing is sometimes I'll get a good reception on one website but NONE on another site, for the exact same fic!

The unfortunate thing is that’s just kinda .. how it is. It blows dude like fandom artists don’t really have to face that? The barrier to entry for them is so much lower I think. I’ve been writing for a very long time and I’ve sort of come to terms now with the fact that sometimes a story is just only going to get so many likes/comments/etc. Even when I think it deserves more or even when I feel like I haven’t gotten back nearly as much as I poured into it in the end I just try to remember that I’m writing for me more than anyone else. Everything I write makes me a better writer, so even if I post a fic and it only gets half the notes I’d hoped for, I’m still glad to have written it and put it out there. I’m still glad for the people who did read it and love it. I’m not trying to be preachy or anything, its just hard watching you struggle over something I’ve also struggled with for so very very long :/

Even established writers struggle with this! Like, I have a fic on ao3 that’s got 1000+ kudos and yet the Tumblr post for it slipped completely under the radar with few notes. You just can’t predict the whims of the internet sometimes. The only thing you can do when you’re sad about the reception of a story is to keep writing. The more you write the bigger you audience grows!! It’s the only constant that’s stayed with me from fandom to fandom. If you just keep writing, the readers will come.

sorry for the wall of text!! I really thought your story was lovely, and had a unique style to it. I hope you keep on writing no matter what, from one writer to another. Don’t be discouraged :)

hhhh h h ok i don’t want to discredit artists bc i know they spend a lot of time and effort on their works too but i think it’s easier for them to get notes/reception bc their works are visual and people can see what it is at a glance and decide whether they like it or not instead of having to spend actual time reading a bunch of words lol

but anyway you’re right and logically i DO know there are plenty of factors to how well a fic will be received but also i can’t help but worry that it’s my fault that they’re doing so poorly?? i worry that the content that im putting out isn’t what people want to see which is the reason why my fics do so badly and, idk, i want to know what im doing wrong and what i can do to make it better but i just can’t? im not trying to say that my fics are better than those that get more hits/kudos but i can’t help it when i look at some more popular fics and i try to study them but i dont get what people like about them so much?? sorry this just makes me sound like a jackass but it’s probably just personal preference and mine being so different from the majority of the fandom’s which is also why i can’t write stuff that people like

god i know everyone says that you should write for yourself and part of me does which is why i stick so closely to the style that i do but also it’s just,, numbers in the form of hits/kudos/notes serve as affirmation that my stuff is good, and it’s the only thing my flimsy-ass self esteem can rely on because i absolute hate hate h a t e the stuff that i make sometimes and i doubt myself so much all the time so when i see that a fic does well, it tells me that hey this isnt so bad, but when i see a fic flop it’s like, confirmation that my stuff stinks big time which is. its a sucky feeling. i know it’s not good to have that kind of mentality but it’s just the way that i am??? lets be real here like i can say in confidence that im a thirsty bitch and i do want people to read and like and kudos my stuff and my self esteem gets kicked repeatedly every time my fics flop so. h yea h

honestly if it werent for my followers on here (sorry 2 everyone) and me shoving my fics in their faces i probably wont even get more than 100 hits on my fics lol and i feel kind of bad bc a part of me wants to deserve the hits and kudos that i get instead of having them just bc i kept yelling at my followers about my fics (i kind of feel like those people who would hold up the news and yell hear ye in medieval times or whatever) but. idk im conflicted cos i know this is one kind-of efficient way to get people to notice my fics. but part of me feels Bad when i do so too but idk. its also bc of this that i refuse to tag people or ask them directly to rb my fic posts bc i’d feel really guilty and ashamed and i don’t want to use people in that way?? and i’m not close friends with a lot of people on here either especially popular content creators so honestly i don’t think a lot of writers/blogs with large followings would rb my fic posts either so basically im just fucking myself over lol

god sorry im ranting and i know i don’t technically have a right to bitch so much since as i’ve said before 1) my stuff isn’t as good as some other people who i know face this same problem and honestly deserve so much more attention for their works and 2) i havent even been writing for that long so i really am not allowed to complain but hh h h idk i just get super frustrated over this i cant help it

#anon #answers #sorry i am RANTING again #i know i should change my mindset but this isnt just my mindset for writing.#its a regular mindset thats been with me since i first created content for anything and its just that now its been carried over to writing #i want to change but i literally dont have confidence in anything that i do #anyway thank you so much for your kind words regardless and i really appreciate you sending this and trying to help <3

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auroraphilealis · 7 years ago

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Heaven Scent Chapter 3

Heaven Scent | Dan Howell rarely leaves the house unless he has too, too socially awkward to function normally around other people, and generally making his only friends through Louise, a sweet beta who took him under her wing a few years back when they were both still in college. It’s no surprise, then, that the omega has yet to find a mate, despite craving one rather a lot. It’s not until he attends Louise’s birthday party and gets accidentally-on-purpose set up with an attractive alpha named Phil Lester who smells absolutely heavenly that Dan starts to fall into a proper romance, complete with courting and scenting and the like. | Phan | Mature | A/B/O dynamics (Omegaverse fic), Fluff, Getting Together, Eventual Smut, Courting | 5,949 Words this chapter

So I’ve been writing this so fast I’ve just decided to post Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, yikes LOL so I hope you guys enjoy their first date! <3

Disclaimer: In no way do I pretend that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.

(Ao3) (Previous)

Chapter Three

By the time Saturday arrived, Dan wasn’t even sure if Phil felt like a stranger anymore. They’d been texting on and off for three days, practically non stop except for work (Phil had strange hours, it seemed, but they hadn’t got around to talking about careers just yet), sleep, and sometimes meals, though Dan had become an expert at texting with one hand while he spooned cereal into his mouth with the other at three o’clock in the afternoon.

They hadn’t gotten around to talking about the more practical sides of each other that came from a first date, but it didn’t seem to matter. Dan already knew so much about Phil Lester that when he started getting ready for his date that night, it didn’t feel like the first.

In fact, it felt more like getting ready to go out with a friend, and if Dan was being honest, he much preferred that to almost any other date he’d ever been on.

Don’t get him wrong, the alpha didn’t feel like just a friend, though. He was someone Dan was quickly finding himself really rather interested in, and he just wanted to know more, and more, and more about him until he’d learned every last thing about Phil Lester there was to know, and while Dan very much so wanted this date to go well… he was quickly finding that he’d be just as okay with it if things never progressed passed “just friends.”

Phil was just… amazing. Dan had learned that the man was incredibly passionate and heartfelt when he wanted to be, ready to defend his opinions against even some of Dan’s more terrifying rants, without ever once backing down. His thoughts were well thought out as well, as emotive as they were backed with reason, a fact that intrigued Dan almost beyond any other; he was used to being the more impartial person in an argument, after all.

On top of all that, though, Phil just had a strange… charm to him when he spoke.

Even through text Dan could feel that same sense of comfort he’d gotten when Phil had talked in person at Louise’s party. He had a way of making you laugh with him when he was being socially awkward, rather than being awkward in return, and it seemed to be the main reason Dan was able to talk to him so easily. He was glad for that, because Dan was used to being the awkward one, but even now when he made strange blunders, Phil didn’t seem to mind.

Phil didn’t seem to mind anything, really. He was more receptive to Dan than almost anyone else had ever been to him, except for Louise and maybe even Wirrow. PJ still gave Dan funny looks from time to time, and while Hazel was endlessly sweet and unassuming, even she didn’t get along with Dan quite as well as the others.

But Phil… Phil was something else, like a puzzle piece slotting into Dan’s life where he hadn’t known it was missing. It sounded cheesy and romantic, something Dan wished he could chalk up to his omega tendencies, but he knew was just part of him. Phil just fit with him, and Dan so, so badly hoped that Phil felt the same way as him.

If he didn’t, well then, so be it. Dan would be just as happy to have Phil in his life in any capacity, even if he was kind of hoping for something more after all the flirting of the last few days.

That was the other thing. They didn’t just share a lot of the same tastes, and Phil didn’t just ignore Dan’s blunders when he spoke and said things that either didn’t make any sense, or would scare anyone else away. No, they also got on exceptionally well. There was a never a dull moment when they were chatting, never a second where Dan didn’t itch to respond, never a message that went unanswered because neither male knew what to say anymore.

No, conversation seemed to flow naturally between them, and they talked like they were old friends, rather than two strangers who’d met at a party just once.

Even without the sexual tension between them, Dan knew they’d made the best of friends, and… that excited him.

Dan had never had a best friend before.

Phil was due to pick Dan up for their date in about an hour, which meant that Dan had just finished a shower and was currently drying his hair, doing his best to contain his urge to reach for a straightner and force it into some semblance of tame. He’d come to terms with his curls months ago, but the nerves of going on a first date made it incredibly tempting to return to a flat iron.

Phil had already seen Dan with unruly curls, though, so the point seemed moot. Dan sighed, somewhat distressed, as he pulled out a hair dryer instead.

Hopefully he could at least attempt to shape it into a form he actually liked, then. The last thing he needed was to show up to his date looking like a rat when Dan wanted nothing more than to make a good first impression on Phil.

First impression… Dan couldn’t help but laugh at the thought, the sound soft as he grinned at his reflection in the mirror. He wore nothing but a towel slung around his waist, hair dripping onto pale shoulders, and he looked a right mess, but he still couldn’t help smiling at himself. After all, this might be a first date, but it wasn’t a first impression. No, somehow, Dan had already won the alphas attentions.

They’d flown straight past first impressions into a collision course with courting.

Proper courting, for the first time in Dan’s life.

The thought still made him giddy, which in turn made it difficult for Dan to wipe the grin off of his face. Omega or no omega, scent or no scent, Dan had still somehow managed to interest Phil, someone who his biology seemed to think was a very, very good match for him, if Phil’s overwhelming scent were anything to go by.

Dan could still smell it, sort of. It had clung to his nose for days, and the memory of it was enough to bring it straight back to him -

Dan’s phone vibrated in the middle of him drying his hair, and he didn’t waste a second in turning off the blow dryer and setting it down.

Phil’s name had just flashed across his screen.

From: Phil Lester <3

surprise! i uhm… might be early

The words sent a zing of surprise up Dan’s spine, and he suddenly spun in the middle of his bathroom to sniff at the air. He had thought he was taking in Phil’s scent a little too strongly to be a memory, but he hadn’t thought that Phil would already have arrived.

As Dan sniffed the air, however, it became more than a little bit clear that Phil was, in fact, already at his door.

Interested heat curled in Dan’s belly at the thought of the alpha being so eager to see him again, and he laughed in delighted surprise as he picked up his phone again.

To: Phil Lester <3

impatient much?

From: Phil Lester <3

… maybe. im sorry! if your not ready i can just wait outside D’;

Dan found himself laughing again despite himself, feeling warmth spread to his cheeks at Phil’s easy response.

Despite being overwhelmingly aware of the fact that Phil was most definitely interested in him, little moments like these still took him by surprise. Anytime Phil had mentioned anything about being anxious to see Dan again this week, Dan had felt something nervous and shy explode in his insides, and now was no different. The idea that the alpha could be so eager, and unafraid to show it, as well as be so soft and kind? That was… novel, to Dan.

He’d had so many guys in his life in the past, and not one of them, alpha or otherwise, had ever been quite like Phil.

To: Phil Lester <3

unfortunately im not but feel free to make yourself comfortable. im sure my house plants’ll appreciate the comapny >:D

From: Phil Lester <3

have i mentioned how much i love house plants?

hurry up, im lonely :’(

The randomly blurted fact didn’t even surprise Dan at this point, and he merely snorted as he dropped his phone back down onto his bathroom counter, and picked up his hairdryer again. He could still smell Phil outside, the alpha’s musk permeating Dan’s flat without him ever having even been inside. Dan inhaled sharply, closing his eyes and enjoying it as he dried his hair.

He honestly wouldn’t mind that scent clinging to his entire life, if he was being honest. It was just so warm and homey, sharp in some ways, but mostly just… nice. Phil smelt nice, and Dan was glad to have the scent near once again.

He just hoped the future would see even more of it.

With Phil waiting ever so patiently outside - by which Dan meant, not patiently at all, considering he wouldn’t stop texting him little thoughts and anxious smiley faces that honestly just made Dan’s stomach flip over - Dan felt even more rushed to get ready, but he did his best to make himself appear presentable.

Once he’d gotten his hair just the way he wanted it, he put away his hair dryer and headed back into his bedroom to get dressed. He’d laid out a nice pair of black skinny jeans in preparation for his date, along with a soft bluey-green v-neck that hugged his neck and chest really nicely. It was meant to be a cold night, so he’d planned to accompany the outfit with his black jacket with the zips all over it to make for a kind of casual, fashiony appearance, considering Phil hadn’t told Dan where they were going yet.

The skinny jeans were… possibly a mistake. Dan had done his best to dry off after his shower, but they were still a nightmare to pull on, and once he’d managed it, he felt kind of winded, sat on his bed with his forehead a little sweaty already. He felt kind of ridiculous when he pulled on his shirt immediately after, and then, after checking his appearance one more time in the mirror, he shrugged on his jacket, grabbed his keys, wallet, and cell phone, and finally ventured out into the living room.

Phil’s scent was even stronger here. Dan could sense him sat just outside his door, and while he’d been nervous before, suddenly he was terrified. What if Phil decided he hated Dan after all? He’d only seen him in person one other time, and Dan was ten times more awkward when you had to deal with him face to face. Surely, this was a bad idea?

Biting his lip, Dan hesitated next to his shoe rack, and stared at the plaster of his door.

Phil wouldn’t be able to scent him. Dan was covered in neutralizing soaps, as he always was.

But he kind of wished Phil could.

From: Phil Lester <3

dan? you ready yet? :’D

To: Phil Lester <3

almost.

are you ready for a bumpy ride? cause im an emotional rollercoaster

From: Phil Lester <3

are you trying to scare me away? cause its not going to work :’P im way too invested now!

i like you dan… please come out?

Dan’s hands were legitimately shaking as he read Phil’s message, unable to believe the words written there were real. It really wasn’t that Dan didn’t have any self confidence, it was just that… it had taken a real hit over the years. He was attractive, sure, but he wasn’t mate worthy, and that… well, that had always bothered him to a certain extent.

He really was socially awkward, and he’d never quite fit in. Being friends with Louise and the others was a miracle. But Phil?

Taking in a deep breath, Dan finally moved to shove his shoes on - black high tops with zips on both sides - and opened his front door.

Instantly, Dan was swamped with the overpowering scent of Phil all over again. Dan hadn’t even caught sight of the man yet, and he could already smell him as if he were pressed right up against Dan. His scent filled Dan’s nostrils in a way that caused him to close his eyes in bliss and inhale.

The sound of a low chuckle had his eyes snapping back open and his cheeks turning red.

Phil Lester was standing up from where he’d been sat next to Dan’s door, wiping away invisible dust stains from his black jeans, and smirking at Dan like he knew exactly what he was doing to the omega. Embarrassed to have been caught so obviously enjoying the alpha’s scent, Dan ducked his head away.

He couldn’t keep his gaze downcast for very long, however, shy smile curving over his features as he peered up at Phil.

The alpha was wearing skinny jeans as well, legs so thin that the dark fabric wasn’t nearly as skin tight as Dan’s were. Somehow, he still looked freaking amazing anyway. His shirt was a red button up, plaid, and long sleeved. Something about it brought out the black of the man’s hair, and - he seemed to be wearing contacts, as the last time Dan had seen Phil, he remembered quite distinctly the thick, black-rimmed glasses he’d been wearing. The sight of Phil without the glasses though was… well, intoxicating, to a certain degree.

Phil’s eyes were so blue, and yet there was green and yellow in his eyes that just made them appear even more beautiful than Dan had previously thought. They were electrifying, and sent a thrill down Dan’s spine as he stared.

“I guess I don’t have to ask whether or not my scent is appealing to you,” Phil chuckled, finally breaking the silence with the line.

Unwilling to back down a second time, Dan merely grinned in return.

“I guess I don’t have to ask either,” he shot back, laughing as Phil’s jaw dropped open in shock at him, before the other male began to laugh as well. “Get it,” Dan joked, “Because I don’t have a scent?”

Phil shook his head, eyes scrunched up in that way Dan had only seen a few times before back at Louise’s birthday party, but which made him look even younger than he already did. His grin was loose and adorable, the tip of his tongue poking out from between his teeth on one side, and he just looked so carefree that Dan wanted to tug him in and kiss him.

He didn’t, wanting to save that moment for some time down the line. Dan wasn’t quite ready for that just yet. He was excited for the chance to be courted.

“You’re an idiot,” Phil joked, poking Dan in the arm fondly once he’d calmed down a little bit, and jerking like he wanted to do more. Dan remembered how tactile Phil had seemed at the party, and wondered if he was in for a treat tonight. He bit his lip, kind of hoping Phil would take his hand, or, better yet, wrap his arm around Dan’s shoulders and pull him in tight against his side.

Phil cleared his throat, dropping his hand instead and licking his lips as he tossed his head a little to readjust his fringe. He looked nervous, which was ridiculous considering he’d only just been teasing Dan a few seconds ago. His sharp eyes caught Dan’s gaze, then, and held.

“So - you’re okay with me being an alpha, right? Because I know that’s kind of a deal breaker for some people, and I don’t hide my scent because of it, but I just wanted to make sure. I know you already knew I was an alpha when you, like, accepted my courting gift a few weeks ago, I just. Things change, you know, when you’re not in the heat of the moment, and I just wanted to make sure,” Phil babbled, the words breezing from his lips as if he’d been holding onto them for a good week straight or something.

If Dan was behind honest, they also shocked him. He hadn’t been anticipating Phil to be worried about his secondary gender when Phil didn’t even know what Dan’s was yet.

The shock was so real, that Dan forgot to respond.

Phil’s cheeks went red.

“I mean, I figured that might be why it took you so long to text me in the first place, is all. I just - I just wanted to make sure, because I didn’t want to make you feel pressured to go on a date with me or anything, and I -” he rushed to add, beginning to look more and more upset the longer that he spoke.

Gently, Dan reached out and grasped tight to Phil’s shoulders in an attempt to still his now agitated shaking, eyes wide as he stared at Phil. His jaw was a little unhinged, he was sure, it was, just - well, this had been the last thing he’d been expecting.

“Phil. It’s - it’s fine, I promise. I’m more than okay with you being an alpha, I swear,” Dan rushed to reassure him, still attempting to blink back his own surprise at Phil’s admittance. “I’m not like, into stereotypes or anything. I uh… honestly, the reason it took me so long to text you was because I was… kind of scared of something similar,” Dan admitted.

It was better late than never, and Dan had meant to apologize for keeping Phil hanging for so long. He sighed, dropping his hands from Phil’s shoulders, and reached up to push his fringe out of his face instead. It dropped right back into place, but it wasn’t actually getting it out of the way that mattered, just the distracting movement of his hands.

Dan looked away.

“I’m not really used to being courted, especially not since I don’t - I don’t exactly broadcast my secondary gender. I was afraid that would be a deal breaker for you, because I don’t…”

Dan trailed off, biting his bottom lip, and then sighed. What had happened to the ease of conversation that usually flowed between the two of them? Sure, they hadn’t really talked about any of the serious stuff yet, but Dan had really been hoping it would transition to the harder stuff too.

Deciding he wasn’t going to be shy about his feelings, Dan finally looked up and matched Phil’s gaze again.

“I prefer for someone to get to know me for me, before they learn to love my - instincts, so to speak,” he explained.

Phil, for a moment, still looked a little unsure, studying Dan like he wasn’t quite certain if the other was telling the truth. Dan could hardly blame him when it was still completely insane to him that Phil could be worried Phil being an alpha was an issue to him, so he let Phil have his moment to digest what Dan had said before he responded.

After another moment, the worry lines smoothed from Phil’s forehead, and the unease left his eyes until he was back to smiling softly at Dan. He looked a little more enamoured than Dan thought he had any right to be, but he wasn’t going to complain when having that look aimed at him was causing him heart palpitations the way it currently was.

“Okay,” Phil finally responded. “Great! So you don’t mind that I’m an alpha, and I don’t mind that your - just you. Now that that’s settled. You look really nice, today.”

A surprised smile bloomed over Dan’s face, and he coughed out a shocked laugh at the ease with which Phil had not only wrapped up their musings, but changed the subject, as if it hardly mattered at all anymore.

Dan supposed it didn’t, when it came right down to it, and merely rolled his eyes at the alpha stood before him.

“So do you,” he agreed, and reached up to straighten Phil’s lopsided shirt collar. A greedy sense of affection and rightness filled Dan at the simple act of cleaning up after the alpha, and he threw the accompanying grin at Phil without a care in the world.

If their texting relationship was anything to go by, let alone the completely smitten look on Phil’s face, Dan had a feeling he didn’t have anything left to be afraid of.

Their date ended up being a nice walk around the park, something unprecedented and surprising to Dan who’d been expecting - well, just about anything else, really.

Though Phil had encouraged Dan to dress casually, he’d anticipated something more cliche, like a movie date where Phil could make the excuse to make out with Dan in the back corner, or a dine-in where they ate in their car and had the excuse to practically sit in each others laps. When Dan really thought about it, though, not only did he prefer this, but he realized he should have been expecting it.

Phil seemed like an old fashioned kind of guy who wanted to treat his partner right, and didn’t give off the whole, jumping into things too quickly kind of vibe. Dan usually went along with it when his dates got kind of frisky, unable to help it considering for a long time, he’d been an affection starved teenager, but he kind of appreciated the fact that Phil wasn’t really putting the moves onto him.

Not to say that Phil wasn’t particularly touchy, because he was, just not in the usual grabby kind of way that Dan was used to. No, instead, Phil walked just close enough to Dan at all times that their shoulders constantly rubbed, and their hands brushed from time to time. Phil’s scent was a constant, surrounding Dan like a cloud, and yet even that was comforting. It wasn’t overly cloying or aroused, merely that same nice scent that Phil had been exuding since Dan had first met him.

When Dan said something particularly silly, something that usually earned him a funny look, Phil reached over and shoved his shoulder in a joking manner, constantly laughing at the dumb things that came out of Dan’s mouth. When he wanted to make a point of something he was saying, he gently rubbed his hand down Dan’s shoulder to make sure he had the others man’s attention, and used his hands to create shapes in the air. Sometimes, Phil even seemed tempted to catch Dan;s hand in his to hold onto, or wrap his arm around Dan’s waist, and while Dan did his best to make it clear that he’d be okay with that, Phil always seemed to pull back at the last minute.

So Dan decided he was going to have to be the brave one here, and as they approached what Phil said was their primary destination, a large something at the far end of the park from where the two had entered, Dan took the initiative to grasp Phil’s hand in his the next time their fingers brushed, and twined them together.

Phil was cold, impossibly so. He wasn’t what Dan had been expecting, not exactly, but as Phil let out a low, pleased grumble, seemingly instinctively in reaction to Dan’s touch, Dan realized that he didn’t care. He quite liked the way Phil’s long fingers felt against his, the fact that Dan’s palm was clearly just a size bigger, and that Phil’s cool touch matched Dan’s warm one.

He offered the alpha a smile as they continued to walk, and enjoyed the way Phil smiled goofily back at him.

“Okay, so I know it’s nothing special, but uh - here we are!” Phil announced as the two finally approached the shiny object Phil had pointed out to Dan some time ago. Finally turning to properly take it in, and no longer too busy staring at the side of Phil’s face while his own heart raced at the feeling of their fingers being pressed together, Dan felt himself begin to grin all over again.

Phil had brought them to a little gazebo Dan hadn’t even known existed, all lit up with fairy lights and gorgeous in its beauty. It was white, with wicker sides and a solid roof that would surely keep out the weather. Up the small steps where Dan and Phil now stood was a little landing with a long, swinging loveseat, creaking lightly in the cold night air.

There were fairy lights on the inside too, lighting the whole place up in a bright, romantic glow that made Dan’s heart sing.

“How do you know about this place?” Dan asked, already moving towards the gazebo and dragging Phil along with him by his grap on his hands. His foot shook a little as he tentatively placed his weight on the first step, but the gazebo didn’t so much as creak in response, and Dan grinned as he gained the confidence to move up the rest of the steps. For all the time’s he’d been to this exact park, Dan had never actually seen this gazebo before. “Is it new?”

Phil chuckled at Dan’s clear excitement, and followed behind him eagerly enough.

“It’s not new. It’s actually been here for a while, but it was recently renovated. You probably never noticed it before because it used to be a really dull grey color, and it didn’t have the fairy lights,” Phil explained as Dan ran his hands over the silken wood, mesmerized by how beautiful the place looked.

Tugging on Phil’s hand again, Dan moved to settle down on the love seat, and grinned as Phil nervously joined him. Their fingers slipped from each other, but Dan didn’t mind. Phil’s thigh was pressed up against his, their shoulders touching, and Dan’s heart was racing in his chest.

He wished that Phil would reach up and properly wind his arm over Dan’s shoulders, but one quick glance at Phil’s face showed Dan just how nervous the alpha actually was just then. It was pretty comical to Dan, because Phil usually seemed so confident over text, easily swapping from conversation to conversation before any single one could peter out and leave the two with no more excuses to speak.

He’d even so easily flirted with Dan a few times, and yet here they were, in person, on their first date, and Phil’s cheeks were tinted a bright pink. He seemed too afraid to reach out and touch Dan the way he wanted too, and maybe it should have come as no surprise to Dan, and yet it did.

He went to reach for Phil’s hands again, only for Phil to interrupt the movement and start speaking.

“I, uhm. I’m really glad you said yes to a date tonight,” he started, looking nervous all over again as he avoided Dan’s gaze.

They’d spoken so easily on their walk over here. Why was Phil all of a sudden so nervous now?

“Me too. I’ve had a good night,” Dan agreed easily enough, trying to smile at Phil and calm him down, but Phil merely shook his head at Dan.

“No - I mean, yes, me too. I just. The gazebo isn’t the only thing I wanted to show you tonight, and it kind of really had to be tonight, so I’m really glad you weren’t busy or anything,” Phil explained, fingers tangling together awkwardly in his lap as he glanced up and out at the night sky like he was waiting for something. “What I was really hoping for was to share something else with you,” he added, and sighed as he finally looked back at Dan.

“I didn’t want to just take you out to dinner like anyone else might have. I wanted to do something special. So… well, just wait,” Phil trailed off, and offered Dan a gentle smile, “And look.”

Suddenly, Phil was pointing out at the night sky, and Dan turned his head just in time for something loud and bright to explode into the night sky. A huge explosion of red and orange and blue appeared against the dark backtrack, alerting Dan to the sudden Fireworks display as it rather abruptly started from the other side of the park.

Dan gasped at the display, and then suddenly, it seemed like the entire park was being lit up in a show he hadn’t known was coming. Blue’s and red’s, pink’s and orange’s, green’s and purple’s were suddenly lighting up the night sky with no end in sight while Dan stared on in obvious glee. He couldn’t stop grinning, watching as firework after firework went off, even the sound not enough to bother Dan, and he reached for Phil’s leg only to grasp onto it tightly as he leaned forward to stare.

“Holy shit,” he muttered at the same time as Phil’s arm very carefully and very casually found it’s place around his shoulders. Finally.

Phil laughed at the words.

“Does that mean it was a good surprise?”

Dan’s eyes were glued to the fireworks.

“Definitely,” he agreed.

They ended up watching the show together in absolute silence, Phil’s arm a comforting weight on Dan’s shoulder as he held him close. Dan kept his hand solidly on Phil’s thigh, enjoying the way it seemed to tremble under his hold, but also the fact that it kept him steady as he stared into the night sky. The colors were just so brilliant, and Dan so rarely got to see a show like this, unwilling to go alone.

He’d never had someone to take with him before, so for Phil to take him… well, it was the perfect gift, and Phil hadn’t even known.

From time to time, Dan snuck looks at Phil out of the corner of his eye, fascinated by the brilliant, happy little smile that had seemed to replace his nerves since they’d first sat down. He’d completely lit up since the fireworks display had begun, and it was absolutely brilliant to watch.

It didn’t help that Dan was completely and utterly enamoured with the man already, but the way bright blues and greens and pinks flashed across his face as the show went on only made Dan want him more. Phil was just so beautiful that it was impossible not to keep sneaking looks.

Phil giggled the few times he caught Dan, but Dan didn’t mind because it meant that Phil was sneaking looks at him too. A few times, they even caught each other’s gaze and held it there, unashamed of the way they smiled at each other with giddy looks on their faces.

By the time the show had ended, Dan felt perfectly content, chuckling to himself and almost unwilling to look away from where the fireworks had been only moments before. Eventually, however, he had to, if only to share his glee with Phil.

The little swing they were on was swaying, something Dan hadn’t noticed before now, and he settled back against the seat, Phil’s arm following with him.

Dan finally moved his hand from Phil’s thigh to rest it on his own instead, slightly embarrassed by the proximity with with he’d nearly touched something far more intimate. Even just Phil’s inner thigh felt like a place Dan was not meant to touch so early on in their courtship.

“That was amazing,” he admitted. “How did you know…?” Dan asked Phil, trailing off as he nodded in the direction of where the fireworks had come from. After all, Dan had had no idea any kind of festival was going on.

“My co-workers were talking about. Said he wanted to take his wife to see the fireworks show. London decided to have the summer festival early this year, and I figured, if Dan texts me maybe I could… invite him?”

Phil’s voice sounded so unsure as he explained, his smile a little shy, now, and his hair dipping to hide his brilliant blue eyes. Dan wished he wouldn’t do so, and ended up reaching up to push Phil’s fringe out of his face, if only to see his expression more clearly and make it clear to Phil that Dan wanted to see all of him.

The motion made his heart speed up, especially with the way Phil looked at him right after. He licked his lips, and pulled his hand away.

“And this place?” Dan asked. “How did you know we’d be able to see it from here?”

At this question, Phil really did blush and duck his face, covering his mouth as he laughed at himself. Confused, Dan could only stare, a little nervous, though he didn’t move away.

He quite liked the way Phil was holding him, after all, not to mention the way their thighs pressed so neatly together.

“Well… see, I usually watch the fireworks alone,” Phil admitted after a minute, turning an embarrassed expression back to Dan. “I - I don’t really like crowds, you see, so I kind of just… found this place on my own,” he added. “I used to stand in front of it when it was really run down, but they just re-did it this year and I was really looking forward to being able to sit under it for once. I’m, uhm. Glad I could share it with you.”

Phil lowered his gaze, until he was looking up at Dan from under dark lashes, the small, familiar, confident smirk he’d worn at Louise’s birthday party finally starting to lift the corners of his mouth again as he seemed to begin to posture. The sight was an attractive one, something that caused desire to broil in Dan’s belly. It wasn’t arousal, no. It was want, but not of the physical kind; the emotional kind.

Phil was well and truly winning Dan’s attention, now.

He couldn’t keep his eyes off the alpha as he scented the air a little in front of them, arching his body in a distinct way to show himself off, chest puffed out slightly. Pheromones were starting to fill the air as Phil tried to make himself appear as desirable as possible, all while Dan watched on and felt his own body began to react of it’s own accord.

If it weren’t for his scent blocking soaps… Dan was certain Phil would know he was an omega by now.

As it was, Dan was preening a little, neck arched slightly in submission as he accepted Phil’s vague advances and flirting. It wasn’t submissive enough to give away that Dan was an omega specifically, but submissive enough to show Phil his interest.

“Not bad for a first gift, right?” Phil asked, as it became clear to both of them that Dan was beginning to accept him. His posturing evened out, and he relaxed, beaming as he stared at Dan, arm tightening around his shoulders.

Dan snorted, and rolled his eyes, but leaned in close to Phil anyway.

“Definitely not bad,” he said again, just managing to keep himself from laying his head on Phil’s shoulder. “But I don’t know how you plan to top it next time.”

Phil laughed then, the sound light and airy as it carried through the night air, exuberant. Dan could practically feel it rumble from his chest, and there was a breathless edge to it that made Dan’s stomach curl in the best of ways.

“Neither do I, but I’m hoping you’ll accept it anyway.”

Dan had a feeling he would.

(Next)

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