#i love their tention. maybe. perhaps.

[localdadu]

I still think Chloe had major potential and it was dumped down the drain. I will never forgive them for doing that btw. 😒

[pvtjxker]

A proper lady.

Donny Donowitz x OC

Written with the help of @saltynametag !

Warnings: none! Just a bit of tention :) (and a fascist perv)

English is not my first language (I'm from pizza country) so have pity of me q-q

Gif by me! <3

Mariangela was in disbelief.

They made her come down all the way for her dear Apennines and abandon her beloved brigade, put her on a train full of fascists for two full days and made her walk for four more, only for her to end up in Bumfuck Nowhere, France. And for what?

To join a platoon of disorganized degenerates, infiltrating swanky Nazi parties for intel?

Not exactly what she pictured when she got the letter from the US army... “fight the Nazi forces”, yeah right.

At least they didn’t touch her explosives, still safely tucked away in her suitcase. She looked at her reflection in the mirror; an expensive dress, silk maybe? Fuck if she knew, it was a gift, courtesy of the American government. She touched the delicate necklace hanging from her strong peasant neck, grimacing at the scars on her hands and face. She struggled with the eyebrow pencil, carefully drawing where her brows had been singed.

Everyone would know; these fancy things didn’t belong to her.

A knock on the door startled her,

“Y’done in ‘ere, miss?”, Aldo was growing impatient.

Mariangela tried fixing the smudge on her forehead, “Not yet.”

“Women...”

She recognized the other voice, shouting back, “Shut the fuck up, Omar!”

“I’m-a sorry, bella principessa, take-a all-a da time-a you need-a!”

In the few days they’d worked together, he’d latched onto her accent as a source of mockery. She sighed, smoothing out the burned ends of her hair and grabbed her purse, making sure her little Lugher was wedged between her compact and forged papers.

As she stepped out, Aldo let out a low whistle,

“Boys”, he gestured dramatically, “our lovely Miss Rah-vee-nah.”

The Basterds chuckled. She wasn’t so easily flattered,

“I look like shit.”

“Language, missy”, Aldo scolded, “S’a fancy party full-a fancy wiener eatin’ schnitzels and yer a proper lil’ lady, understand?”

She. would. rather. Die.

She opened her mouth to tell Aldo to fuck off, like the proper lady she was, when her eyes fell on Donny...

Oh Donny...

Her forbidden fruit...

As if he wasn’t handsome enough in army green or that goddawful wife beater...

But, God... did he look good in a suit.

Aldo’s gruff voice snapped her out of her daydream,

“Ev’ryone good on the plan?”

Donny nodded, a curl coming loose from his slicked back hair, “Me, you ‘n’ Omar work for Mari. Hugo ‘n’ Wicki are Gesta-fucks and Smitty stays back with the rest, case shit hits the fan.”

Mari nodded, distracted by that damn curl on his forehead when he offered her his arm,

“M’lady”, he said playfully.

She giggled like an idiot, “M’lord...”

“Questi crucchi non hanno proprio gusto...”

These Krauts have no taste at all...

Mariangela muttered under her breath as she took a sip of what the waiter called “champagne”... piss water, more like.

Her arm was still looped with Donny’s, trying to keep her cool and pass him off as her date. Looped was perhaps a generous way of describing it; her nails were dug into the fabric of his suit, making him wince,

“Watch it, my arm’s still attached, y’know...”

She jumped and smoothed his sleeve out, “Sorry... I’m nervous.”

“Really? I couldn’t tell”, he joked.

His playful demeanour put her at ease, and she even managed to crack a small smile, despite her dress nearly choking the life out of her. Who was in charge of tailoring, anyway? Had they ever met a woman? She took another sip of piss water and caught a glimpse of Hugo, who wasn’t any better off than she was. He looked like he was seconds away from ripping the clothes off his back and fighting everyone in his birthday suit. And honestly? She wouldn’t blame him. Flitting through the crowd of fascist, covering for Omar and Aldo’s terrible excuse for Italian accents, smiling...

She was going insane.

At the very least, it was all going smoothly.

“Mi dicono che lei è italiana, sì?”

They told me you were Italian, right?

A man, in a carefully pressed fascist uniform with hair as shiny as his boots, caught Mariangela’s arm.

Shit.

He smiled and it made her skin crawl. Be polite. Be polite.

“Certamente! Pensavamo di essere i soli...”

Certainly! We thought we were the only ones!

The man wrapped his nicotine-stained fingers around her wrist, bringing her hand up to his chapped lips. Donny stiffened beside her, squaring his shoulders. The man introduced himself,

“Galeazzo Marchi”, he paused to kiss her hand again, “piacere di conosorela.”

Galeazzo Marchi. Pleasure to meet you.

Aldo and Omar shifted uncomfortably behind them, as Galeazzo rubbed his thumb over Mari’s knuckles. She sent a panicked look Donny’s way; his nostrils were flared, his muscles tense, eyes wide and angry... if looks could kill...

“E il signore...”, he gestured to Donny dismissively, “chi dovrebbe essere?”

And this man... who is he meant to be?

She blinked.

Fuck.

Donny looked pissed. Omar was sweating bullets and she could feel Aldo’s eyes burning a hole in the back of her head, she could practically hear what he was thinking, “fuck’s going on over there?!”

They were meant to be tourists. Just rich tourists, they hadn’t worked out any other details... she blurted out the first thing that came to mind,

“Il mio fidanzato.”

He’s my fiancé.

“Oh, capisco…”

Oh, I understand…

He answered.

He smiled with the smile of someone who doesn’t actually care. He wasn’t going to give up.

“Posso offrirle da bere?”

Can I offer you a drink?

He said, taking a glass of piss water from the silver tray of a fancy dressed waiter and handed it to her.

She was about to take it, more than anything out of pity towards the man, but Donny was faster, and handed her his own glass, still full.

“Com’é gentile, da parte sua…”

How kind of him…

Galeazzo looked bitter.

Donny smiled at his reaction.

Mari took the glass and took a sip, trying to release the tention.

She took a glance of Donny, who was staring down at the man with a glare of challenge. Like if he was daring him to do something she still was unaware of.

“Quindi…fidanzati, giusto?”

So…engaged, right?

“Sí! Da quasi due anni, ormai.”

Yeah! For almost two years now.

The man smirked. She didn’t like it.

“E…vi amate molto?”

And…do you love each other?

Mariangela was about to burst, but decided to stay silent for the sake of the mission.

“Sa, stavo pensando che una coppia bella come la vostra sarebbe un vero piacere da ammirare…”

“You know, I was thinking that a beautiful couple like yours would be a real pleasure to admire...”

That was the last straw.

Mari replied, contemptuous, with a raging blush on her cheeks for the embarassment.

“Non ho idea di quello che lei sta cercando di fare, camerata, ma la risposta é e sarà no!”

I have no idea what you are trying to do, camerata, but the answer is and will be no!

The man smiled, as his hand grapped her wrist.

Tightly.

“Non sono il tipo di uomo a cui si dice no.“

I’m not the type of man you say no to.

A weak metallic sound.

The loading of a gun.

She looked down and saw a tiny Walther P38 in Donny’s hand, pointing straight at the man’s belly.

Mari looked back at the man, reacting with a smil at the look of terror Galeazzo had on his face.

“Un po’…territoriale, il suo uomo.”

Your man is a bit…territorial.

“Non é il tipo di uomo a cui si dice no.”

He’s not the type of man you say no to.

Galeazzo turned pale white.

Donny pointed at the restroom’s door with the gun with a friendly smile, grabbing the man’s shoulder tightly and dragging him in.

As soon as he walked in, she walked towards Aldo and Omar.

“What’s goin’ on, why did he go there?-”

“Don’t, Aldo, it's too long to explain.”

A few moments later, Donny walked out, looking unbothered.

“What happened? What did you do to him?”

“Don’t worry ‘bout it, doll.” He replied, adjusting his suit.

Doll.

He called her "doll".

Well, there’s always a first time, I guess.

She wrapped her arm around his, as soon as he offered it to her to take, her cheeks burning.

“What matters now is that he’s not gonna be a bother anymore. Anyway, are you alright? Did he hurt you?”

She took a glance at her wrist, but not even a tiny scratch was there.

“No, don’t worry.”

“I do worry, actually. I’m glad you’re not hurt. I would have killed him…”

Aldo walked towards them, hissing to their ears. “Can you try not to get in a mess for five seconds? I swear if-”

A deep voice interrupted him from behind him.

“We got what we needed. Let’s get outta here.”

It was Wicky, followed by a pissed off Hugo.

“Wenn ich in fünf Sekunden nicht aus hier komme, drohe ich ein Massaker zu begehen.”

If I don't get out of here within five seconds I risk committing a massacre.

Hugo complained, quickly interrupted by Wilhelm, who stepped on his foot.

“Halt die Fresse! Wenn sie uns jetzt finden, geht alles schief!”

Shut up, goddamnit! If they find us now everything will be ruined.

Hugo flinched, but went quiet.

“Well then, I guess we don't have much time before that creep wakes up and comes out of the bathroom looking for me and Donny. We gotta move.”

They all started to walk towards the exit.

“What did that guy ask you for reacting like that?”

Omar asked. Donny shrugged. “I dunno, they spoke italian the whole time. What did he tell you?”

Donny asked to Mari. She stiffened, slightly tightening the grip on his arm for the embarassment, her cheeks turning red again.

“Nothing, keep walking.”

It didn't take them long to return to their base, an abandoned shack in the middle of the countryside in northern France. She sat on a chair, in a room upstairs. The perk of being the only one allowed to have a private room, for…well, obvious reasons. She took off her dress, finally being able to breath. The tossed the dress on the bed and put her usual clothes, finally being more comfortable. As she was taking her make-up off, she heard a knock on the door.

“Come in!”

Donny walked in.

“Y’alright?”

She straightened her back on her seat, coughing softly in nervousness, her cheeks slightly red.

“Could be worst.”

He walked behind her, resting his hands on her shoulders. She stiffened.

“I just wanted to say you looked good tonight. I've never seen you dressed so fancy. Or with any make up on.”

He looked nervous.

“Thanks, Donny, I…I appreciate.”

“Like…very good.”

She looked at him through the mirror, with a questioning face.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you were very beautiful.”

Donny suddenly looked very nervous.

“Not that you're usually ugly, of course.”

He was…complimenting her. He was complimenting her. She tried to smile, her cheeks red. She looked at one of his hands and hesitantly rested hers on it.

“Thank you, Donny.”

“Anytime.”

He looked at her one last time, before taking her hand in his and kissing her knuckles.

“Goodnight, Mari.”

“Goodnight, Donny.” She answered, with a faint voice.

He then got out of the room, gently closing the door behind him.

She looked at her hand and kissed it where Donny kissed it too.

“Ti amo.”

_________________

Divider by @saradika !

[theloverscardtarot]

Jonathan Bailey September 5th, 2024

General Energy

World, Queen of Pents, Page of Pents, Fool

Jonathan could be very well traveled and worldly. Maybe he is thinking of traveling soon or is currently. He could feel very accomplished and fulfilled. Possibly he feels whole and harmonious at the moment. He has a calming and nurturing presence. He keeps a beautiful home and is welcoming. I feel like he kind of "mothers" people. Maybe he is the one always taking care of people among his friends and family. He likes to learn and is a very curious person. He takes his craft seriously and is always looking for ways to improve on his skills. I feel like he may have a very carefree and naive outlook on life. I feel like nothing really bothers him much. He just kinda glides through life.

Career

5 of Cups, Devil, Emperor

I feel like there have been a few disappointments regarding his career. Perhaps there was a project or role he was supposed to take on and it was cancelled or postponed. Is he still on Bridgerton? This card could indicate job loss and that he may be grieving it. The devil can indicate there have been tentions or possible toxic behaviors in the workplace. I know I'm doing a reading on the Bridgerton cast dynamics because it's possible some castmates may not have gotten along. Has he gotten blame put on him for certain things? Emperor suggests he may have an older mentor that he has learned from or would benefit from seeking that out. This also goes back to him being the "mother" QoP of the group. It could indicate him trying to bring structure to a group or set and trying to meditate and calm the chaos.

Love

10 of Wands, Knight of Pents, Sun Rev, Strength, 6of Swords

I saw that he said he was "dating a lovely man" but wanted to keep his love life private. I don't know how long ago that was. 10 of wands suggests that love could be a burden for him. I know he didn't come out to the public for a long time, so maybe he felt like relationships were more of a burden for awhile and it could have been exhausting. I feel like now he has someone to help him carry it. He may feel like his current partner is generous with his time and money. I feel like they have an emotionally stable relationship. They are serious about each other. The Sun Rev isn't entirely a bad card, but it could mean that the relationship has become a bit stagnant. It's possible that Jonathan is filming and they don't see as much of each other as they wish to. It's possibly making them sad to be apart which is so sad but cute. Strength is a great card. They bring out each other strength and they have a strong foundation. Empathy, compassion and support. Knowing how to fulfill each other's needs. 6 of swords makes me think they are in it for the long haul. It also suggests leaving the past behind you. This could be a tense part of their relationship they have worked through or moving on from pain caused by past relationships and helping each other do so. Moving forward to a brighter future.

Next Project

I can't remember why I looked into this. Maybe I had a last minute request so I added it.

Hermit, Queen of Cups, 7 of Cups, Lovers Rev.

This could possibly mean a solo project. I wonder if he has been working on something himself that he's trying to bring to fruition. This could also mean he's currently waiting for his next project to come along. Searching, contemplating. It may be an emotionally charged project either for him personally or the premise. I feel like it could be something centered around compassion and caring for others. Maybe he's playing a doctor or something? Maybe a husband and father role? There may be a lot of choices coming in. Maybe he is involved in casting and producing/directing with this project? I feel like he has some personal say in it regardless. The lovers reversed could mean it's not a role/movie/show/ genre for the faint of heart. It won't be lighthearted. It could also mean it will lead to tensions or people not getting along well during the process.

[ireallylikehickorysticksyay]

just need to get something off my chest here. im sorry if im yucking on your yum but it truly is irksome.

an intrusive thought? is not a "bad thought" you think BECAUSE of a strong emotion

it is a "bad thought" that CAUSES a strong emotion

a guy on the train is being obnoxious so you have a snippet of fantasizing about giving him a piece of your mind or doing onto him as he's doing to others? "oh he's pissing me off i could just toss him out the window" that's just a petty thought, an emotional thought, perhaps an invasive one. an urge mayhaps.

your best friend who you adore is sitting on the bus and there is no tention between you, and you have a flash of "what would it sound like to toss them out the window" maybe you see or feel it happening even though you're sitting still? that causes you great stress? that is an intrusive thought

i adore cats but i can't pet them often or for very long because my brain is flooded with images of me dismembering them. sometimes i can feel the blood cool on my hands and turn tacky their claws digging into me, squirming, flailing to try and get away. i can hear their hypothetical screams, i can feel a burning tense energy building up as if my body is getting ready to do it. all while im petting them gently and im too scared to push them off my lap incase i accidentally throw them through the window or trample them to death in a self fuffilling prophecy, unfortunately, no i am not exaggerating. this horrifies me. obviously. it would cause anguish to anyone. it fucks with me so much so that i can't always eat, not even just an aversion to meat or fake meat or turning the stove on, or picking up a knife, but even straight up tomato sauce, sometimes im too exhausted or stressed to eat. because of that "what if i'd done it. what if i'd done it in my sleep. i would never know."

i lose sleep over the sheer concept of what if the intrusive thought wins. ive been locked in a hospital room because i was keen to die because of this. both from the fear of myself and the dread of what others might think if they'd known, if they'd think me a monster and be right as if their thoughts would prove to me i actually would do these things. i didnt like these thoughts of course but what if they did mean something about me? i get the urge to jump in front of oncoming traffic because of these thoughts, i can feel the wind be knocked out of me before the internal flash of my eyes. my bones crushing and puncturing my skin from the inside the failure of my bladder or bowels from the impact the scrapping of the pavement as i land the weight and grinding of the wheels going over me squishing blood from my minced entrails and this vivid imagination of such a demise may be intrusive for others but it is welcomed in the home that is my desolate mind. a brief heavenly hyperfixation to distract from what i otherwise cannot escape.

i get that sometimes you learn a new phrase or a new word and you're excited to use it, but part of learning words is learning their meaning. you eating the cookie from your friends hand and laughing about it is not "listening to the intrusive thought" it is not "the intrusive thought won" it's "my urge was followed through on" "my inner cookie monster won"

it's "im close enough to my friend that we can do weird annoying shit and laugh it off, if not immediately, then certainly later. thus me eating their cookie like a fucked up demonic seagul is the deepest sign of respect trust and love there is"

im sorry to yuck on peoples yum, no one who does or says this is a bad person nor do they deserve harassment, id hope that much would be obvious. it's just grating and maybe im a sensitive snowflake but my god is it a slap in the fucking face.

[jean-does-not-have-a-horseface]

Heyo! I was wondering if you could do a scenario during the uprising arc where the reader starts to realize she has feelings for Levi but at first he rejects her? Then during the night before Shiganshina he realizes about her feelings and ends up returning them knowing he doesn't want her to get hurt or die? Some angst fluff please and thank you!

Okay anon you have no idea how much I enjoyed writing this. It's super long and I love how it came to me so naturally. I hope you enjoy

Warnings: a little angst!?

Tags: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort

Promise

It all started at the sight of his wet fingertips grazing the broken rim of a teacup. A flutter, a feisty spark in your heart that seemed to drown it in full might had made its presence known to you in a very particular, unwanted moment. The flicker of a tiny flame danced before your eyes, sat at the frame of the window near the sink where you proceeded to rinse through washed dishes.

Levi's pale, chapped skin pulled on his knuckles leaving an unnatural yellowish white tone behind, indicating his involvement with excessive amounts of cleaning products. And for the first time, the sight really pulled a string in your poor heart in a way that was enough to convince you to break the dense silence in the room.

But maybe, you thought, Levi wouldn't want to talk to you.

With an unforgiving steel gaze he stared at your face, blinking in soft, yet erratical paces as you stopped plumping the water from running. In response your tongue was forced to slip inside your mouth and push any unspoken word back to its source, in the depths of your brain. All of a sudden you felt so afraid to talk, so petrified by the general idea of a three syllabus word that wouldn't ever spare the misery off of anyone.

Rejection

Captain seemed to be on the rejective side nevertheless so nothing regarding your newly discovered feelings would matter to him anyway, so in a way you blamed yourself for getting overwhelmed with this whole situation. A dark cloud of doubt shadowed your mind with the intention of interrogating your heart's intentions; perhaps you were mistaken. How on earth could you have been in love with the short man, you didn't know. There were far too many differences between the two of you, be it in appearance, mannerism or even -and more importantly- experiences. Supposing you had lived through similar occurances in battles outside the walls was enough for anyone to consider the two of you to be very alike, it was at least dishonorable to compare your childhood or teenage years to his.

"Nice hands" Of course you had managed to utter the most embarrassing choice of words to him, your mind could never cooperate with you when it came to such serious situations, something you hated so very much. The obnoxious dryness of your eyes was slowly migrating in the caves under your tongue, you could feel your mouth drying more and more by each passing second, yet you did nothing to prevent it.

Judging by Levi's puzzled expression which included his head slightly tilting forward as if to hear you better you knew he was as awestruck as you were at your own words. "I don't really understand where you're coming from but thank you, I guess." He spoke, the usual monotone tint staining his voice. You whipped your head back to a fixed position -on your hands this time- to stare down at the sink. The awkward glances you would throw at him went seemingly unnoticed and as time passed by you felt your tention overwhelming you, this time, completely.

Levi wasn't dense to any body language thrown at him and you were painfully aware. His cold eyes never spared you not even a half cornered look as he rubbed the little sponge on the soap bar next to him. His fingers danced on the ceramic plate, cleansing it in fast and very effective movements, leaving you staring in awe. Whether he was ignoring you on purpose or not you didn't know and you didn't want to seek an answer as to why but at this rate he would probably be the one to inquire why you were burning holes in his hands with your gaze. Again.

"I'm so sorry I'm fixated on your hands" Your mouth run, ignoring your mind's orders to stay shut "It's just-" Dammit think quick for once "You have nice nail beds."

There it was. The evidence that your words had actual brains and that they formed the most improper sentences on their own, just to torture you and push you deeper into piles of goowey, mushy shit. If Levi was anyone else he would have been laughing his ass of at the stupidness of your speech, you knew you would be laughing too if this wasn't as serious. Just as you were sure you heard a chuckle Levi placed the sponge on the bar of soap carefully and extended his arm, fully displaying his hand.

He seemed to study it like it was the first time he had ever even noticed it. The slick, long fingers, the oval shaped nails, his torn open knuckles. Perhaps you were kidding him for the lack of hair on the base of fingers he used to hold his blades with, those were burnt with years of being worn out by the steel triggers of the blades. He speculated this was common among most soldiers, so it didn't seem like a reason to be kidded for and in addition you never were the person to just spit senseless insults as jokes to your comrades.

"Is there even a point to talk about my hands? They're normal hands to me."

You bit your lip as your eyes widened in shock. Realisation hit you that this was probably more that absurd to Levi as it was to you, seeing you had started to talk about his hands out of nowhere. Your mind, in a state of panic, was in the midst of attempting to process every idiotic sentence you had the audacity to blurb out, but it never seemed to find an answer. Boiling with embarrassed, you wiped the water of your hands to your pants, an act that caught Levi's eye, and went to grab the first wooden chair that was in your path. You needed to sit down, to process whatever this was.

Yet, the only explanation you could find was that there was a raging wildfire in the pits of your stomach everytime your thoughts wandered on Levi. Yes, it was possible that what had started as an admiration, a tiny spec of a crush for the slender featured man had been growing on you since forever, but you had always burried it deep, in any hellhole that should accommodate such emotions as this was war and not the plot of sappy romance novel.

The air was cut down short in the room when Levi sat at a chair beside you, watching you over in such demanding manner that only he could master. He proceeded to light the only candle that stood at the middle of the table, possibly in hopes of flaring a conversation or causing a sane sequence of sentences to finally fall from your tongue. It was still unbeknownst to him what had caused you to trip over words as if you were a learning toddler and he yearned to find out, as a sole friend, not as the stern corporal he presented himself to be.

"(y/n)" His voice was tender as he spoke either much mindful to the teens who were sleeping in the next room or unwilling to let a private conversation between the two of you be heard. "If you think I can help with whatever is going on quit acting like a brat and tell me what's on your mind."

Momentarily, you wondered whether he'd stick to his words in case you spilled your heart's infatuating agony but you felt unable to think of a possible dominating scenario in the chaos of your mind. As self destructive as it sounded, you'd prefer to be the one to break your own heart rather than having to stand back and be a martyr to him tearing it off your chest and tearing it. Knowing Levi, this wasn't anything physically impossible, but you doubt that he could ever be as harsh with you.

"I'm just stressed. I have a lot on my mind."

"Erwin's trial and the future of the scouts, huh? Or is it that Hange works your ass off with those experiments?" You scoffed in denial to all of his inquiries, knowing full well that you could have used them as excuses. Levi's sharp hand began a short trip with sole purpose to land at the top of your head, through your loose locks, in an affectionate manner, a little something you had picked up he would do when he really cared for someone. Everyone knew he wasn't particularly touchy, except for some emotional moments with his closest people; a hand on a shoulder and a pat in the head were mostly what you had witnessed him indulging. His hand ruffling with your hair wasn't profound and new at all, he had done so many times after the two of you would strongly disagree over formations and orders, showing you how much he appreciated your strong wits and your clever ideas. What was new was that the lone touch burned your sculp like hot iron and made your insides twitch.

"I'll make us some tea" the screeching creak of the chair being pushed back shook of your train of thoughts enough to form a reaction to his hand that still rested on your head. Almost as if he didn't want to take it off "We can discuss your problem in a-"

"Sit down" you demanded, voice stern, masked with seriousness that caught him off guard. "Take your hand off my hair, it hurts." You pleaded with your eyes to stay as dry as they were before but you were certainly unsure of whether they'd listen. "Can't you see?"

What was there not to see really. Levi probably knew of your fondness of him way before you managed to realise, as in second thought every move you had ever made in his presence betrayed you. He would have never tried to provoke a confession just to laugh at you, that you were sure of, but he had never made a move in reciprocation either, that alone made you sure of your confessions future's end and caused your gut to spit even more fire to the rest of your insides.

Levi was not perplexed, not even for a single moment, at your words that seeked to stab like daggers, he wouldn't allow himself to be toyed by his own emotions just this once. This is an erratical reaction to his touch, a rejection of his affections towards you and he feared he knew the reason. For someone as bright and emotional as you he never would have thought that you could have hid such tormentous emotions so well inside you, only to end up at this moment of snapping.

As much as he'd like not to be hurt in the slightest by your demeanor he couldn't help but feel a tiny string of his heart being pulled. Suddenly it was evident to him why you couldn't take part in normal conversations around him or why you acted so tense in his presence, why you were so rejective of his touches and he wondered if he should have done anything besides unknownably torture you for so long. Whether his heart wanted to hear a confirmation out of your mouth to it's pained pleading for reciprocation, his mind ignored. The time would never be right and as egoistical as it seemed he couldn't bear to lose someone else that close to him, let alone a significant other. From his experience feelings of love and adoration should never be spoken out loud in this cruel world, amongst soldiers, especially. It wouldn't lead to any good.

When you proceeded to speak the pit in his stomach was already welling in frustration and denial. "Levi we've known each other for years and whatever's forcing me to much on my words should stop."

None can do, this couldn't happen here, now, while being on the run by military police as collective criminal. Levi wouldn't allow you to speak those earth shuttering words, even if wanted for them to chaste kiss his ears and echo through his head. "Not like you haven't figured anyways. I'm so pathetic. To fall for my Capt-"

"Don't you dare utter any other word of that sentence. I won't forgive you if you do." His hand reached out to grab yours by the wrist, tightly, as if he didn't know you couldn't stand the intensity of the grip. The silence that towed over the room was freezing, irrational even; it made you want to puke your intestines right onto Levi's shoes. Your heartbeat was so fast, so unrhythmic that you felt like the vital blood red organ would burst out of your chest in a massive mess.

Τhere was an excessive amount of agony emitting from your eyes, slicing through Levi's chest, searching despairately for a sign he had a heart, just to remind you that it didn't belong to you. Your mind traveled through every possible scenario to find a reason as to why you had to endure this, did his affections belong to someone you didn't know of? Hange? Erwin? Nifa seemed to be close to him lately as well. Was he heartbroken before and swore to never love again? You hated that there was not a tiny little space in his heart for you.

Just as this tense moment began, it came to an end when Sasha burst into the room, shotgun on her shoulder and chestnut eyes as sleepy as they could be. Fatigue was overpowering her whole form and it was as evident as ever before your eyes. With a quick, exhausted salute she announced her self, unsure of if you and the captain could see her face under the shadows of the night.

"It's guard change sir!" She spoke.

"I'm coming sweetheart." You got up from the chair you were sat at, breaking your wrist away from Levi's grip in a harsh manner. You didn't spare him a second look as you took another deep breath and locked it in your chest in hopes of seeming a little more mighty. "Go take some rest. You deserve it."

With increasingly fast steps you storm outside the little cottage trying your best not to look back. You wouldn't bear to check if there was still light coming from the kitchen that should indicate Levi's persistent presence. Your knees trembled at the imagery but you wouldn't let your eyes rest behind you not even for a second. He would probably be drinking his tea, unbothered, thinking of anything but you and you would be lying if you were to day that it didn't hurt you. It hurt so much that it sent you on your ass, on the stone tile pattern under your feet. Your heart forced suffocating waves of pain through your whole body only to push out of your eyes in the form of hot, salty tears. As your sobs grew louder and your heartache became unbearable to the point you though you could feel your heart break in two, you pushed the ends of your palms into your eyes sockets to squeeze the pain and itchiness of the tears away. You promised to yourself this was the first and last time you would cry for him.

____

After that night you barely speak with Levi. Aside from following his orders with the eventual 'yessir' as a reply, you have managed to successfully establish a thick barrier between him end you. Your nights of accompanying him in his late hour tea sessions, or teaching him how to knit and embroider were no more. The times you would share your food with him after you'd hear his stomach growl from the small portion he would get were also no more. You had made sure to claim your small acts of affection back to yourself, how could you move on from him if you were trying to be nice.

You would profoundly ignore his gazes, his calls for you at his office at late hours of the night by random cadets. You wouldn't answer to him if it wasn't for something military related and you intended it to keep it that way until the announcements of the feast that would take place before the attempt of retaking wall Maria.

As you passed by a narrow street heading to anywhere away from the crowd of cadets with your drink in your hand, you bumped lousy into the onyx haired male. It was the first time in days or even weeks that you had spared him a glance but your eyes averted his upon impact. You couldn't stand this. It was suffocating you. The clicking of your ankle boots colliding with the ground might have been heard as you turned on your heels to flee the scene but Levi's stern clearing of the throat overshadowed it.

He wasn't having it anymore.

"Oi, wait! Stop on your tracks, this is an order!" He spoke, eliciting a groan out of you as you turned to face him. "Just what do you think you're doing?"

"Captain, I seek to relax before a very hard mission, spare me with your punishments, I beg of you."

His blood boiled with your every word "Cut the damn crap (y/n) and talk to me like normal." It probably sounded more harsh than he intended but he couldn't find himself in a position to turn back time and rephrase those words. The drained look in your eyes tolled him as well. The fact that you were both so tired by this game of cat and mouse was profound and everywhere in the air around you and Levi didn't know if he could take it anymore.

At first he thought that it was for the best. If you both forgot about your feelings or found ways to distract yourselves by this distance then it would be so much easier for him to push through the upcoming events of Shiganshina, but he was surprised to know he was mistaken. Masking his feelings must have seemed easy when it came to grieve and loss; he'd spent hours in his room, with you, letting everything out and occupying himself with trying to improve his handwriting while doing paperwork, but infatuation, love, was different. Instead of fading by each passing day like anger and grief it only ever became stronger, fonder and more agressive, chewing on his insides in despair. He really did hate that he had allowed himself to feel that way but it was way too late by now. There was nothing he could do and the fact that you ignored him after almost squeezing out that much, much wanted confession was only making him feel more hollow and in pain.

But Levi knew how to control himself, he trusted his ability on that.

"What is there to talk about? Let me live my last day in peace." You barked, your eyes starting to dance towards his direction, landing on his chin, then at the curve of his unfairly full bottom lip, on his button upwards nose.

"Look." He paused, unsure of how to put his words into non hurtful sentences. "If you could just tell me why or share a few words with me. We could damn die tomorrow and I'd regret not ever talking you out of this unfair treatment you're giving me."

You wondered if you should open up your heart to him completely, without accepting any interruption from him just to cleanse your coincidence off of this weight. Upon deciding that there was truly nothing holding you back except for a silly fear of another rejection that could die with you tomorrow you opened your mouth to speak any words that came to your mind.

"Levi, I'm in pain. You rejected me. Plain and simple. I've spent so many nights wondering why I am unworthy of your affections but I can't wrap my head around you anymore."

"Is that the way you feel about me? That you're the one who's unworthy of me?"

"You always think so lowly of yourself. Makes me wonder how you trust your own abilities in battlefield. But yes. So I just want to know who is it for you? Who do you feel you're unworthy of?"

He paused for a moment, to regain any shattered piece of his heart you had thrown back to him with your statement. You didn't hate him, be always knew that, but hearing those words fall out of your mouth engulfed the matter into reality unlike before. He was ready to face it. Even if he was unsure of tomorrow he knew that if he was to stay alive while you were dead he would have torn his own brain out as to avoid overthinking this particular moment.

"You want the truth honestly, brat? I happen to think I'm the one unworthy of you. You've taught me how to write and read, you came into my office to check up on an underground scum like me to see if I was asleep. Dammit you even gave me portions of your food to help me withstand the long nights of sleeping in my chair. What have I done for you? Boss you around? Or is it my looks you're after?"

Your eyes widened at his last statement, momentarily preventing the tears that had gathered in the corners from falling. This wasn't a time to misunderstand his words and act foolish, this was the closest out of a confession you would get from the man and you were awestruck, amazed. If he wanted to know a reason you would give him one.

"I'll admit, you might have the face of an angel Levi and maybe that would initial draw anyone to you, including me but I didn't fall in love with you for that." You could tell he was taken aback by the raw nature of your words only by the small whimper that escaped his throat.

"Over the course of this relationship between us you have been there for me when I couldn't be there for myself, you've helped me improve, your hands are stained with blood and so are mine, but you've knitted with me, you've stitched my wounds, you've let me sleep in your bed when I found a giant cockroach in mine, you're so much more than what you paint yourself to be."

He stared at you with ogling, soft eyes. Had he looked at you like that before you were oblivious but there was something in those steel eyes that magnetised your own gaze, something you couldn't let go off. It was calming the knot in your chest with reassurance, bearing promises of the future but he didn't dare speak on them to ruin the moment. His head closed the distance between the two of you in sharp shiftings and now your lips were brushing his in the most suggestive manner possible. It had all happened so fast that you didn't have a chance to react.

"You realised" he whispered, voice soft as the melancholy of the theme of his words captured your breath "that if you happen to die tomorrow, I, myself will hunt you down, resecure you and then proceed to beat the living shit out of you every single day of your shitty life, right?"

He was so beautiful panting with desire under the moonlight and you would never forget. Out of all times this could have taken place it happened now, hours before a deadly expedition. The feeling of regret flooded your form, his as well for not acting upon your feelings sooner and Levi fought an internal battle as to whether he should kiss you or not. He desired to keep that kiss as a reward that you stayed alive for him but on the other hand he feared that this could well be his last chance to taste you for the first time.

"That's a weird way to say I love you" as his lips brushed closer to yours his heart felt like it would explode, he had pained to claim your lips, just once, just to know the taste of a beloved and he was sure he would be more pained to lose you.

As he pleaded that you came to him tomorrow he pressed his lips on yours, sealing the promise he demanded you to make to him. Your heart melted under the soft lights of a thousand stars.

____

As his arms wrapped around you, tears run down his eyes. That was it. You had fought to keep your promise nail and tooth. You had never managed let him down and to see that you were among the tiny amount of survivors lifted his soul to heaven. The touch of your skin, the salty taste of your neck, it all was real, you were indeed alive and safe in his arms. He wouldn't have to go insane over that fact that he would never get to look into your eyes again.

"I will always keep my promises to you." You hitched with tears running down cheeks, the shock in your core still trembling as ever.

"I know" He panted

"Besides, have you seen yourself in action, I wouldn't want you to hunt me down, oh Lord."

I am. In tears. Also I'm sorry (?) for such in depth descriptions of Levi's hands?

[ablackfangirlwrites]

You asked for angst so I have a angst/comfort request perhaps? Maybe Reader and Mic are playing around outside one day, yk like roughhouse playing and mic gets a little too loud (and readers hearing was already bad before dating him) so when he gets too loud he actually makes reader go temporary deaf? It causes reader to get distant (maybe even break up👀 or maybe make up?)😲 lowkey inspired by my actual use of a hearing aid but 🥴

Oof Hizashi gotta stop playing so much😤 lol I really hope you enjoy this one!😘😘 Angst is always fun but angst with comfort is food for the soul 🥰

Hizashi didnt mean to go overboard when he was playing with you the other day

As an adult he should have better control over his own quirk

But when the two of you were playing

And you brushed against the side of him and he let out a laugh amd lost control for a second with his quirk

But a second was all it took to make your ear bleed

And Yamada never felt so guilty in his life

When he realized you couldnt hear him he rushed you to the hospital

Where they told him you were having temporarily hearing loss and it could last for two days

You didn't say anything to him the whole time wasnt because you didn't hear him? Or were you just angry?

Most likely you were just made hizashi figured

You had every right to be too

But still he worried that you might be so upset that you would leave him

And he couldn't even blame you

He put you in danger

"Im sorry...y/n." He said

But you glared at him and he knew it was gonna take a while for you to forgive him

For the next few days he catered to you in hopes it would ease the tention

And finally your hearing was a little better

"I'll m really sorry." Mic said for the 100th time but this time you could hear him

Yes you were angry with him before, but seeing him these last few days moping around and still trying to show you how much he loved you

You couldn't stay mad

"I forgive you." You smiled

Hizashi eyes went wide when you finally responded to him

His instinct was to yell

But he stopped himself and moved so he was eye level with you and in a low voice he spoke, "im so gald," before kissing you

[prettyboisteveharrington]

Talk to you

Sequel to Line without a hook but it can probably be enjoyed even if you don’t read that.

Jotun!Loki. Fluff. Thor says the wrong things but he means well. Protective!reader

Inspired by @lucywrites02 ‘s ask to @buckyownsmylife Certain aspects were heavily inspired and used I hope that’s okay but creadit goes to @buckyownsmylife

Word count: 3597

You and Loki had been dating for a while now but hadn’t made it official yet. You were ready for that next step but you were unsure if Loki was.

At the end of the day it didn’t matter all that much to you as you knew where his loyalties lied and who his heart belonged to hell you knew everyone else in Stark tower knew too.

Most people had walked in on you and Loki cuddling on the couch or reading together in the library or baking together in the kitchen by now.

Everyone had been supportive too of both of your coupling and of Loki being an Avenger which warmed your heart and soul fully.

You had an upcoming training camp with some of the female Avengers for a female empowerment/training camp and while you were excited you did not want to leave Loki.

The people leading the training were Steve and Tony which was bound for it to end in chaos.Tony had insisted for you to come as you were ‘the newest member of the team despite the fact you had been an active menber for two years now which you found a little sad.

You were saying goodbye to Loki

‘I’m going to miss you’ you said holding on to Him tightly

‘I’ll miss you too. It will only be for a few weeks. You will be back in my arms before you know it’ Loki reassured you lovingly but holding you tightly against his chest not willing to let you go.

‘ i really don’t want to leave especially not with those two knuckleheads training us’ you murmered

Loki laughed a full on belly laugh

‘Think of all the fun you will have mocking them’

You nodded

‘Are you sure you will be okay without me?’ You questioned

Since the two of you had been together you had found such comfort in each other and this was the first time you had been apart for so long. It made you a little nervous. While people were warming up to Loki you knew some people still weren’t too fond of Him.

‘ i’ll be fine’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Absolutely. Go have fun’

You finally let go of him but stood next to him not quite ready to go.

Loki reached out of his bag and pulled out a dark green blanket.

An offering that brought memories back to that day on the couch that had started you two growing close.

Your eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning would have.

‘In case the longing for me is far too great i think this would suffice’

‘Oh Loki’ you stood on your toes and gave Him a peck on the lips

You were extremely touched by his gesture

You went through your dufflebag and found your favourite hoodie and gave it to Loki

‘If you ever miss me you can hold it close to your heart’

‘I will be holding it often while wishing it was you’

‘Alright Bright eyes we need to go’ Tony called over his shoulder

‘Help me’ you mouthed to Loki causing Him to laugh affectionately at you.

The training camp was not the same without Loki. You missed him an unbearable amount.

Tony and Steve were arguing for what had to be the fifth time today

‘Do you think they have like unresolved sexual tention?’ You asked Wanda and Natasha while watching Steve and Tony get up in each others faces

‘Oh definetly’ Natasha and Wanda agreed

You laughed but it felt empty and hollow

‘You miss him’

‘ so so much. I’ve never been away from Him for this long. Not since we started being together and if it wasn’t for the stupid no contact with your loved ones rule i could at least check in with him’

‘Think about how much sweeter your return will be’ Natasha said with her eyebrows raised in a suggestive look

You laughed.

The camp felt like it was never ending. Tony and Steve kept disagreeing about everything. You honestly just wished they would fuck and get over the sexual tension going on.

The majority of the time was spent with everyone training together in hand to hand combat. Then breaks in between to rest. Then training with weapons. A bit of military training was added to the camp.

You were tired and in a fowl mood because you missed your favourite god. You channeled all your frustration in your training always giving it a 120%.

You couldn’t wait to see Loki again and curl into his embrace.

Loki was missing you terribly, he had been wearing your favourite hoodie for days.

Not talking to you felt weird

Like would you usually spent hours talking or reading together side by side. He had never felt such a longing for anything or anyone

He was feeling something else too, something he couldn’t quite put his finger on

‘Brother! Your skin has turned colour’ Thor sald alarmed

Loki looked down at his hands in shock

How had he turned into his jotun form without even realising

‘You are quite fortunate Lady Y/n has not returned for what would she think if she saw you like that’

Loki opened his mouth to say something snarky at his brother only to realise Thor had a point

Loki tried changing back but nothing happened.

He sighed and walked off.

Days had passed and Loki was still in his Jotun form somehow he wasn’t able to change back.

He couldn’t let y/n see him like this.

He was hideous and a monster. What would you think of his real form?

What if you didn’t want to see him anymore after this?

He hadn’t left his headquaters in days now. You would be back tomorrow and he longed to see you, to feel your skin against his. To hold you in his arms but he couldn’t. Not looking like this.

How could you love him like this surely you would end it as soon as you saw him.

When the month was finally over you were counting Down the hours to until you got to see Loki again.

You wanted to be curled up in his arms, you desperately needed a shower when you came back as you were sweaty and muddy from your time in the Camp.

You had done a lot of training so you were worn out.

As you reached the headquarters your face fell as you realized Loki wasn’t there to greet you

You had a pit in your stomach. Something felt off. Wrong.

You spotted Thor in the kitchen and rushed over to him

‘Wheres Loki? Did something happen?’ You asked worriedly

‘I might have said something that upset him so much he hasn’t left his headquarters for days’Thor said but avoided your gaze

‘What did you say!’ You asked frustrated

‘I think you best go talk to Loki and see for yourself’

You shot him a dirty look in frustration.

‘This isn’t over Thor’ you warmed

You dropped your bag on the floor and ran over to Loki’s headquarters

‘Loki? can i come in?’ You asked

You were so worried about Him. You left for a month and then hell broke loose. You wished you hadn’t left in the first place.

No answe

‘Loki please let me in’ you pleaded desperately

The door opened and you walked in slowly

Loki was curled into a ball with his back turned against you.

You walked over to the other side and sat down on the floor

Blue hands were hiding his face.

Oh

Your breath hitched in surprise.

His jotun form.

your hand touched his gently

He removed his hands from his face but his eyes were closed

You held his hand and squeezed it in a reassuring maner.

This caused Him to look at you. He stayed silent.

You were staring at him with an unreadable look

‘You are so.. so’

‘Hideous?’

‘Beautiful’

‘What ‘ he asked confused.

‘ you are stunning’ you confirmed

You gently touched the intricate patterns on his face.

He leaned into the touch

‘ your lines on your face are so unique and special’

Your fingers traced his lips and you smiled a wide beautiful smile

‘ you’re not repulsed? ‘ Loki asked unsure

‘ No! Of course not! You are so incredibly beautiful like a painting or a masterpiece like i could stare at you all day’

He looked at you in disbelief.

You took in his larger farme suddenly feeling tiny in comparison

‘Your eyes are such a nice shade too’ you Said softly

‘ but.. but I’m so different than my glamour how can you possibly still find me attractive’

‘ my love i knew this was a part of you were before i joined the team. When we started hanging out i did more research so i could understand you better. I like you for you with or without glamour. I love you because of who you are not for what you look like’

Loki froze looking at you in surprise

‘You love me?’

‘ very much so ‘

Loki didn’t say the words back but you didn’t care. You thought that perhaps maybe he wasn’t ready

His skin turned into his usual skin colour.

‘Perhaps you just missed me’

Loki nodded his head in surprise

‘Terribly so’ he admitted and made room for you to join him on the bed. You took the invitation and curled up next to him and put your arms around his waist

‘My love I never want to leave you again’ you murmured as you curled into his chest. You had missed this. You had missed him.

‘You really do love me as I am don’t you?’

You looked up at him to find him staring back at you with such a raw and vulnerable expression on his face

Your heart hurt knowing this was probably a new experience for him. Had his own family not shown him any kindness? Surely someone had shown him love.

You leaned up and captured his lips in a kiss before leaning your forehead next to his

‘I was planning on yelling you in a much more romantic setting but I haven’t seen you in weeks and it’s been unbearable without you. I’ve been counting down the days and hours until I could see you again’

He relaxed a little more and leaned into your touch.

‘ likewise. It’s definitely not the same without you here. How did the training go?’

‘ it wasn’t bad. I did enjoy it at times. Also I’m pretty sure Tony and Steve lowkey wants to fuck one another’

Loki burst out laughing

‘I wouldn’t be surprised if that turned out To be true’

‘How has things been here?’

‘Fairly quiet and uneventful’ Loki shrugged

You hesitated before asking the next question

‘ Can i… when you are ready can i see your jotun form again? I never got a chance to appreciate it in all it’s beauty’

Loki swallowed a lump in his throat and sat up on the bed and changed into his Jotun form but this time he was looking at you with more confidence than before

You sat up next to him and started to trace the different lines on his skin. Loki was watching you facinated

‘All the lines are so different and you are such a beautiful shade of blue like a clear river or the sky on a sunny day. Can i see more?’ You asked shyly

Loki nodded and took off the hoodie you had given Him revealing his chest

You stared at him breathlessly

‘Can I touch your chest’

You realized this was the first time you had seen him without a shirt on. There had been heavy makeout sessions but you realized you two hadn’t been intimate yet but you weren’t rushing into that as far you were concerned Loki was stuck with you forever which you weren’t going to tell him yet as things between you were new and you knew this was probably be too overwhelming

‘Yes my love’

You softened at the nickname. It was the first time he had used one for you as you had called him love a few ones already.

You traced your hand over his chest before leaning in a kissing the different lines on his chest. You kissed his arms and his forehead, his cheeks before finally kissing him passionately on the lips

‘ How can one person be so beautiful’

‘You must be referring to yourself’ Loki said fiercely before kissing you again

After a heavy makeout session the two of you curled back up into his bed

‘I love you’ Loki murmered as he kissed the top of your head.

You feel asleep cuddled up against Loki who was still in his Jotun form.

‘LOKI I NEED TO TALK TO YOU’ Thor exclaimed loudly

You sighed and rolled your eyes

‘I swear he must have like a vendetta against me or at least me sleeping’ you muttered annoyed

Thor had a habit of waking you up

Loki chuckled and kissed your forehead

‘I’m sure if we ignore him he will go away’ Loki said reassuringly so you could go back to sleep

‘BROTHER!’

‘For fuck sake’

Loki Got up and opened the door just enough to poke his head out

‘Brother! You are still in your original State! ‘ Thor said surprised

‘Nothing ever truly gets past you’ Loki Said in a snarky voice

‘Do you need me to get help?’ Thor asked

‘I’m okay’ Loki said knowing your brother meant well

‘Look I am truly sorry for what i said about your appearance the other day. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings’

‘That’s okay. It worked out pretty well’ Loki said a smirk playing on his features

‘YES IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU BROTHER‘ Thor exclaimed and gave Him a wide grin.

You poked your head through the door.

‘You know, some of us were trying to sleep’ you said dryly giving Thor a look

Loki laughed

‘To what do we owe the pleasure of your company?’ You asked with raised eyebrows

‘I came to make amends’

You gave Him a smile before standing on your toes and giving Loki a peck on the lips

You left Loki’s room and walked past the brothers to give them some space and to get some coffee

You went into the kitchen were Natasha was cooking breakfast

You smiled at her.

‘See i told you seeing him would be worth it’ Natasha said raising her eyebrows suggestively

‘We just talked’ You said but your cheeks reddened slightly

‘Sure you did’

You bumped your elbow into hers and laughed before going over and putting the kettle on.

Loki joined you in the kitchen a while later and you handed him his usual cup of tea.

He smiled at you in appreciation, he was back in his ‘normal’ glamour much to your dismay. You missed his Jotun form already.

‘ you know’ Loki began pondering

You smirked

‘Go on’

‘We never actually went out on a date yet.. would you like to go on one tonight?’

‘Yeah absolutely I do’.

You were getting ready for your date with Loki. You wore a nice long mint coloured jumper dress with your hair put into a intricate and beautiful braid.

You had mascara on, and dark lipstick on. You had your usual moonstone pendant around your neck.

You had both agreed to wear something you were both comfortable in.

It was almost summertime and the air was warmer now.

You had planned to have a date on the rooftop as you were still tired from the training camp and you just wanted something nice and simple as a ‘first date’

You got to the rooftop and saw candles everywhere. In the middle of the rooftop there was a blanket and a picnic basket Loki sat on the blanket with his back turned towards you.

He turned around as he heard your footsteps.

He was in his Jotun form again. He was wearing a your favourite black hoodie and a pair of black jeans.

Your heart melted knowing he felt comfortable in your hoodie but also that he felt comfortable in his Jotun form at least around you

You sat Down next to Him.

‘You look good in my hoodie’ you commented your eyes scanning the way his broad shoulders filled it out.

‘I look even better out of it’ Loki said suggestively.

‘We might have to test that theory out later’ you flirted back

‘Do you want it back? Don’t you miss it?’ Loki asked hesitently

‘Keep it. It is yours’

Loki leaned over and pecked you on the lips.

You were still smiling up him

‘You know your face might get stuck like that if you keep smiling like that’Loki teased

But smiled back just as fiercely as you

‘It wouldn’t be the worst thing.. I’m just really happy’ you shrugged

‘You do seem heaps better than when I first met you ‘

You nodded in agreement

‘What changed? ‘

‘Joing the Avengers and meeting you has definetly all had a positive impact on my life.. life before that was…well chaotic to say at least’ you said and took a deep breath

‘Y/n you don’t have to talk about it if it’s too painful’

You looked at him teary eyed he instintly took your hand in his

‘I want to’ you insisted.

‘Okay’

‘ my up bringing wasn’t the healthiest. I wasn’t planned. My parents were abusive both mentally and physically. I still have scars all over my back from all the times they.. they’

Tears fell from your face.

‘ you’re safe with me. You’re safe now’

Loki wiped the tears from your face with his free hand.

‘At 12 my powers developed. It freaked me out. All I wanted was to be normal. To fit in. At one particular bad time when my parents tried to hurt me I fought back and almost killed them. I burned my childhood home to the ground and escaped. I ran to the only person who had ever loved me. My grandfather. Once he passed away it really tore me apart and I had a massive breakdown. I hurt a lot of people’

Loki realised he might have heard what happened next before.

‘You have probably heard about it but I was ‘the big threat of New York about seven years ago. I went to therapy and was kept under supervision. Nick Furry approached me and i got the proper training to control my powers. Joined the Avengers because i was desperately trying to find a home and somewhere to belong’

‘ do you feel at home here?’

‘ feel at home with you. That very first moment on the couch when you mentioned that i was anxious i felt seen and i knew you must have been through something traumatic too because trauma usually recoqnises trauma’

Loki looked into your eyes with a vunerable expression.

‘ i didn’t know exactly what you had been through but from that moment on i came to you because i knew i could trust myself around you and i was right. You were always so gentle and understanding with me even when i was a mere accuaintance. You always saw me. Thank you. It has been a big part of why I’ve gotten better’

‘ No need. If anything i should be thanking you.’

You looked at him confused so he continued.

‘ that day you reached out to me made me realize you saw me in a way no one ever had. I’ve never felt so seen in my life. I’ve always felt second best to Thor. Living in his shadow. Did you mean what you said that day?’

‘Yes. I always thought Thor was nice but you were always the person i preferred even before we started talking. You were so smart and your powers and the way you so effortlessly used them. It was intimidating’

Loki laughed at the last part

‘You were intimidated by me? You hid it well with all that snark you sent my way’

That made you giggle

‘Oh and thank you for being so accepting of my Jotun form.. i was scared it would change how you saw me’

‘Why were you scared?’

‘I was unable to change back and Thor ever so helpfully said it was good you weren’t here for what would you say and i thought what if he had a point’

‘ he had no right saying that. I should have threatened him with violence’

‘ oh believe me you might as well have. He seemed very scared of you this morning after you left ‘

‘Servers him right! I know he means well but to think so little of me is insulting.’

‘He said and i quote y/n is small but she is mighty. Good choice brother’

You laughed at that.

‘Thank you for trusting me with your Jotun form. You are beautiful in both forms. I wish you let the world see your true form more’

‘I’m not quite ready for that but i will be more ‘myself’ with you’

‘ The Avengers accept you, and i will dote on you in this form. I still can’t believe how beautiful you are’

‘ you are the beautiful one my dear. I’ve never met anyone like you, your kindness is out of this world. I feel so seen by you and it’s the best thing I’ve ever felt’

He leaned over and kissed you passionately and you ran your fingers through his hair while pulling him closer to you.

You spent the rest of the evening on the rooftop.

Best first date ever.

[aikrus]

What’s In A Forever

Pairing: S. Aizawa x Male! Reader

Rating: 14+

Words: 1k334

Warnings: Adoption Restictions

Request: Anon <3--  Mind if I request a fluffy scenario for Aizawa where in the past, his male s/o gave him a promise ring promising that he would marry him in the future, but then a time skip to the present where there both pro heroes, Aizawa and his husband both married with two children, the first being eri, and the other being a baby boy named Oboro (who Aizawa named after his friend), who which looks more like Aizawa

A/n:  As of April 2020 Same-Sex couples are not allowed to adopt in Japan. This work will be gently ignoring this outraging fact! Enjoy and read on!

       Perhaps forever isn’t what it’s meant to be. Maybe things shouldn’t end up how they’ve planned– Sure the dream was nice and all, but it wasn’t particle. They were just kids after all, it wasn’t realistic for then to end up with the happily ever after they had dreamed of; especially with the line of work they planned on dedicating their lives to.

The lunch rush was just subsiding when the rooftop-quintumplet sat with their meals. The cafeteria was always a little too crowded, one too many peering eyes. It was much more comfortable outside on the roof. 

Aizawa had taken his signature place against the old and broken air vent, which always resulted in his sneezing throught the day while Nemuri. 

Yamada and Shirakumo were conjoined at the hip since the two groups had merged. Their personalities meshed well, though Yamada’s noise levels were enough for anyone to get annoyed. 

It had been the beginning of year two when Y/n and Oboro had joined forces with Shouta and Hizashi. They hadn’t interacted at all in their first year of school– not with Shouta hyper focused on proving himself worthy of the hero course, with the minor exception of Shouta and Y/n going to the same internship. 

Nothing had happened between them, of course. Oh no– surely all the time they soend training together and nights spent learning in ths dark streets hadnt resulted in tention building between them. They exchanged numbers and met up outside of the internships, and it might not have been completely out of the question if they flirted a little. It’s possible there was a small, itty bitty, minuscule, mutual attraction between them, but nothing serious. Nothing at all.

They hadn’t done anything- and they definitely didn’t tell anyone. They were fine with this, with sitting shoulder to shoulder at lunch. They had their little looks and inside jokes- late night work outs and study sessions. They had all they needed- it would be selfish to demand more than that.

Y/n and Shouta seemed to mesh just as well as Oboro and Yamada. Shouta was thoughtful, he had only a few people he enjoyed being around, and when someone’s excepted into his friend group it’s almost as satisfying as a cat claiming their lap for a nap. 

Y/n seemed to be the opposite of Shota. He either knew or was friends with everyone. It never mattered to him what their quirk was, who they liked or what they enjoyed, he truly got along with everyone, including Shota’s long-time older ‘rival’, Toshinori. 

Y/n understood where Shouta was coming from, he truly did, but Yagi always had good advise- and an even better taste in jewelry. It was a weird thing to know, but Toshinori seemed to be well-versed in everything when it came to jewelry.

The velvet box sitting in his back pocket was a reminder of their little shopping trip. It was a pretty little box, but inside was all of the doubts and fears he had, all of his insecurities were piled into one place. It was a heavy box, but the red color only reminded him of the blush on Shouta’s cheeks, of late night talks and locked pinkies, it was their love- flaws and all. 

This little box held the glares they received in the halls and the abuse they faced from protesters, but it also represented their hour long conversations- every time they talked about a flat in the city, one with a floor length window and two cats, and the names of their fur babies. This box was everything that they were- everything they will be. It was them.

And now, all that was left to do was give it to him.

“Shouta,” Y/n whispered to his boyfriend. He stood behind Shouta while they gazed out on the stars. The night sky was beautiful, but Y/n couldn’t bring himself to admire it. 

“Yeah?” He breathed, not able to remove his sight from the twinkling stars that look just like the ones in his beloved’s eyes.

“Babe,” Y/n said, lowering himself to one knee.

Shouta turned around and took a stark breath in, “What are you doing?” 

“I- Shouta... I love you,” 

Aizawa’s eyes darted around the empty rooftop, but the only other things up there were his boyfriend and a velvet box. “Y/n,”

“I know that-” Y/n stopped to sniffle and re-gather the air that had flown from his lungs. “We’ve faced a lot in our lives. I know that some people will never approve of us being together, and I know we’re going to have to fight a lot harder. But I also know that I love you, and I want to be with you,”

“Y/n, we can’t get married,” Shouta said, shaking his head.

“I know! I know, this isn’t an engagement ring- not yet. Just a promise. A promise that I’ll be with you through everything- the ups and the downs. And one day, even if we lose a lot on the way, we’ll be able to get married. I don’t care what it costs because I love- I love- I love you,” tears have stained the concrete floor beneath Y/n’s head, and the dark grey was barley visible even with the stars illuminating the area around them.

“Do you really think that we’ll be able to be together?” He asked, not looking down from the sky- mostly in fear of joining his boyfriend in his tears.

“I do! There are places that allow it! Even if we can never be married here, I’ll take you somewhere else! We’ll go to Canada, or the Netherlands, or Massachusetts! I’ll take you where ever we have to go, as long as you say yes,”

Shouta got down next to his boyfriend and collapsed into his shoulder, burying his teary eyes into his neck. “Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes...”

For what felt like an hour they sat there, with bruised knees and puddles of tears on the floor, and yes’s were exchanged never-ending. 

Well fast-forward 15 years and it’s now 2020. The flat is amazing, and they curl up next to each other and read on rainy days- looking out to the twinkling lights of the city. The cat’s are named Buttercup and Snowball, but there was an addition of a kitten that they took in- Mittens. 

The ring he once had to wear on a chain hidden beneath his shirt was now re-sized and on his finger, sitting daintily next to the marriage ring that they exchanged not ten years prior. 

Their forever was beautiful- working together as under-ground hero’s was a dream come true. But, even though he hates to admit it, Y/n feels a bit better knowing his husband is now working mostly out of a classroom. It’s comforting to know only one of them is doing stupid things 24/7.

Even though their future has everything they wanted it to, it’s not quite like how they imagined. Taking in a little girl with a dangerous quirk was an unexpected addition to their road, but Eri made every day magical. 

Even after adopting the beautiful girl, Shouta had approached Y/n with the idea of taking in another child. While his argument was that he didn’t want Eri to be lonely when both of her dad’s were at work. Y/n knew right away that her husband had gotten baby fever. 

After discussing the legalistics for months, they adopted their first boy. His beautiful black hair was scarily similar to Shouta’s, and he also had the traditional Y/L/N family red-eyes. 

Eri loved Oboro, named after their fallen best friend, with all of her heart. While they still mourn their best friend, it’s almost like he lives on through his name’s sake. They can see him in the baby’s smile, in his laugh and face, it’s Oboro through and through.

The future is hard to predict, and it’s even harder to deal with. It’s full of twists and turns, heartbreak and love, it’s a never ending paradox that changes the moment you think you figure it out. It’s pain and joy, it’s a contradiction to everything logical.

But here, surrounded by his family, Y/n can’t help but to watch the stupid disney movie and think, what’s really in a forever?

[afterthelastreset]

Rules Of One’s Soul Ch 4 An Old Friend

(Note from author: The song lyrics is from Deltarune the not Musical by Man On The Internet called Lantern Light, and I in no way own the song or it's lyrics/music.Mak belongs to @coffincrawler)

Chapter Text

The forest was lit up by the glowing reddish leaves of the dark candy trees as a soft wind blew through the air. The old trails were pretty silent other than the occasional guard patrolling the night shift, but that was very rarely a real encounter to someone his age. Almost nothing mattered now a days anymore, but it seemed things were getting better somewhat. The old leaves crunched softly under his bare feet making a soft noise among the wind. The light from the lantern softly glowing providing enough light he needed to get back home. It bounced off nicely against the shadows peeking around him.

"When your whole world is going maaaad, just sit back and watch and it won't be so baaaad. Remember the love that ounce you'd known, it helps pass the days and you won't beee alone.~ A shine on the horizon betrays the darkened sky, but I don't dream of power.~ Spending hours beneath lantern liiiight.~"

The echoes of the simple voice echoed throughout the darkness, singing to the trees as his only audience. They answered with the gentle swaying of their limbs through the whispering wind and clattering of leaves. Their way of applauding I guess. He simply hummed along to their wordless encore as he continued walking alongside the rocky cliff next to him. Keeping his one eye open for the entrance to his home. You could miss it easily in the dark if you weren't careful. He carefully scaled the side of said cliff as he continued his ongoing tune

"And why do they fight? Do they even knooooow? Since reason fell from out of season long agooo. Here passes one more abandoned child. And here stay's a crooked man smiling a crooked smiiiile.~ A shine on the horizooon, betrays the darkened skyyy, but I don't dream of power.~ Spending hours beneath lantern liiiiight.~"

The last syllabol echoed softly through the air, mixing in within the howling wind and clattering wings. He hummed and held the lantern up to the sky as he sniffed the air, smelt like water spray. That meant a storm was coming in soon. The cloak around his shoulder flowed along behind, around, and whichever way the howling wind decided to push it and his fur. Perhaps it wasn't a good time to run out and get supplies....He chuckled. If he could even call them that now. Granted, he didn't really believe that there was an abandoned store still full of stock and other things, but after a while of no one coming to his shop and seeing a few guards walking around with things like cans of food and books he sold in his own shop, he had to go back and recount his own stock in case someone had snuck in and took something without him noticing. When he found no one had, he guessed it must've been from that other shop.....Still full of stocked up foods and items. Well, just because it was abandoned that doesn't mean anything was wasted right? He remembered his first few trips to the other store. The place certainly empty, and slightly dusty, like an old closet no one cleaned for a long time. The thought made him cough. Most of what was still on the shelves was gone, most likely taken by the guards and random citizens, but he began making a few trips over himself to take a few things. A couple book copies, maybe a blanket or two, a few foods, not a lot and not too little. What he didn't expect was another person walking in on him, much less the owner. Even if he wasn't the owner, he'd rather not deal with any drama.

The man's sputtering made him chuckle though, he looked almost as tired as himself. But granted, Rouxls was nice enough to not charge him for anything. Guess he wasn't making anymore free trips though. His ear twitched when he heard a strange sound among the wind. Leaning the lantern forward, he spotted something rapidly moving in the darkness up ahead. Slowly coming closer, he recognized it as the cloth door to his 'Seap'. It flapped in the wind wildly as he slowly approached. Hmm. strange. Could've swore he tightened it down before he left, but he guessed the wind must've blown it open.

He hummed to himself as he approached the flap, the light from the lantern lit up the hole behind the flap leading into the side of his cliff and into his sheap. He ducked in without another thought however, finally escaping the wild wind and other outside noises. He hummed to himself as he walked over to the counter near the left wall and set down the lantern and small box onto it. Turning back around to the flap, he stared at it flapping around for a second before walking over and grabbing it. Making sure to tie it down nice and tight this time. No wind was coming in tonight. Satisfied he turned back around to the counter and box. The light illuminated the shop entrance and the shelves containing the goods he'd sell to the random customers that came in, and another curtain behind behind the counter that separated the bedroom and bath area from the actual shop. It wasn't a palace, but it was good enough for him. Humming to himself, he grabbed the small box containing a few things, mostly dark candies and shuffled to the back of the counter to begin putting them away on the shelves. The only sound for a few seconds was the muffled wind outside and the shuffling of him by the shelves. He hummed to himself a little...before he froze. His ear twitched slightly and he took a moment to turn his head slightly....After a few seconds, he turned back to the shelf- He quickly whipped back round fully to the curtains next to him as they slightly moved and then stopped.

He stood there staring at the now unmoving curtains silently as his ears twitched and his button eye spun a few times. Slowly moving his arms, he placed what he was holding back onto the counter before moving his hands to his sides under his cloak.

"Is someone there?" He silently summoned a couple sewing needles within his hands as to have something to defend himself. "I mean no harm, but an uninvited visitor is very rude. Why not show yourself and explain what brings you to my humble home?"

Silence....And then a series of high pitched giggles that made his cotton freeze.

"Ahehehehehe. A stranger, stranger I am in a way, but a friend, friend non the less.~ Why not come, come into the room?"

Completely caught off guard, the cat just stared at the curtain for what seemed like forever before narrowing his eyes in a rare emotion of irritation, his body taking a few giant steps back from the entrance.

"If this is who I think it is, then you come out here where I can see you."

There was another silence before his ears twitched to the sound of jingling bells and shuffling feet, the curtain was pulled back. Revealing the smaller figure on the other side. The small imp looked up at him with a wide smile...but it vanished when he saw the scowl on the cat's face. The imp seemed frozen at the scene but he gave an unsure smile to try and ease the tention.

"Um...Seam, Seam my old friend. You look well, well after all these years-"

"What are you doing here, Jevil?"

Seam's tone made Jevil flinch, but he still kept the smile. ''You will pardon, pardon me for the sudden arrival. But Lancer bless his heart, heart pardoned me from my freedom to come outside if I wished and invited others to also come in to my, my little freedom. But you didn't come-"

"You almost killed someone last time I saw you."

Jevil winced and this time hunkered down, bringing his limbs closer and his smile vanished. "I...I've become better, better-"

"Have you now? Or are the knights lasting effects still upon you?"

Another silence passed at the two stared at each other.

"I-I-I....I will leave if you, you so wish? I wouldn't want t-to be any inconvenience, I-Inconvenience..."

"Now hold on a moment." Seam held up a paw disapating the needles away. Jevil blinked up at the old cat still frozen in anticipation. The cat sighed before reaching up to rub his head. "How did you even find my sheap?"

"Simple, simple. I followed the directions the scared guard gave, gave me. Hehe. They ran, ran away after I asked so nicely..."

The cat gave a dry chuckle before shaking his head. "Still scaring the nightlights out of everyone I see."

Jevil gave an uncertain laugh of his own. "Hehehe. I suppose. Suppose?"

The cat gave a sigh before gesturing back to the room. "Well, invited or not. What host would I be if I didn't offer a cup of tea for your long journey? Go have a seat while I make a fresh pot."

Jevil had gave his old smile back when his old friend didn't immediately boot his out like he was afraid he would, but that didn't mean he still wouldn't if he acted up. He didn't want a repeat of the mistake with Rouxls. Luckily it seemed Rouxls couldn't resist the calling of their souls and had forgiven him, bringing him food no less and even coming inside his lonely freedom. He didn't want to risk messing anything else up. The old cat had summoned a flame and thrown it into the fire place a few moments after he walked in behind Jevil. The newly lit fire illuminated the whole bedroom. Which was made of a bed, small coffee table and couch by the fire place, and an old dresser by the bed. A curtain to the far wall separated the wash room from the rest. The imp had opted on hovering by the couch instead of actually sitting on the old couch and watched silently as Seam boiled the old kettle a top of the fireplace.

The silence seemed to stretch on until the whistle of the kettle sounded out and the cat immediately fished it out from within the fire. With a snap of his paw, two teacups materialized onto the table as he turned back to Jevil.

"So. Tell me. What has driven you to come out after all these years being down there?," the cat asked raising a brow as he poured the sweet smelling liquid into the cups, "Was it your curiousity or just to see an old friend?"

He giggled. "A mixture of both. And something, something else to add to my chaotic delight. Delight! Oh! Many thanks, thanks!"

"Careful. It's hot." Seam handed him the cup of tea before setting the kettle upon the small coffee table. He turned his body and slowly sunk down onto the couch with a sigh. Letting the soft cushions envelope his aching cotton while the warm cup helped with his warmth. "Well, I'm mighty flattered you decided to make such a giant step to see me. Ahahaha. But I'm now more curious, what is this other 'delight' you speak of? The world did not change much if at all in these last hundred years."

The cat was caught a little off guard at the sudden high pitched giggles the imp produced. Instead of the regular high pitched giggles, these sounded more like a love stricken hathy on Soul Matching Day. His entire body shook his delight before he looked back at the cat with what seem could only describe as a lovey dovy expression and light purple blush. He's never seen him like this. Unless-

"Seam, Seam! I must admit my world is, is revolving faster and faster every moment I think of my new, new luck!"

"Oh, really now?"

More giggles. "Yes, yes! For you see! I have met someone, someone that can keep up with my simple numbers games, games!"

Seam gave off a more interested look. Last time he checked, he was the closest one to ever match against the energetic Imp. And even then it wasn't easy. "Really? How interesting."

"Ehehehehe. I thought the same, same. I didn't see the real them, them except a few times. Bwahahahaha." He almost spilt his cup from laughing so hard. "They were fun, fun to tease but then they kept coming back, back to play again and again.~ I had so much fun, fun!~ It was absolute chaos, chaos!" He suddenly made a ballorina like pose in the air before twirling. "Balancing, and performing, and never losing! Such a challenge, challenge! I had fun, fun! Happy, Happy! MY WORLD SPINS OUNCE AGAIN BUT WITH PURPOSE, PURPOSE!!"

Seam couldn't help but chuckle at the sight of the jester acting like a little child who got a kiss from their crush. "Well, then. It sounds like you picked a fine playmate for yourself."

Jevil giggled once again before leaning his head far back and just dumping the hot liquid down his throat before snapping up once again to face Seam. "More, more than a playmate my friend, friend!" He held out a clawed hand as if to show the old cat. "Our soul, souls called to one another, another! Do you realize what this means, means?!"

Seam gave off a bigger smile."Ooooh. I see now. A certain jester found his one stage to play for now.~"

"Yes! Yes! Soulmate, soulmate! Bwahaha! Chaos, chaos!!"

Seam smiled wider. So after all this time he found his soulmate huh? Well he won't deny he was absolutely happy for the little jester, it seems he was just as happy from the way he talked about his soulmate, and by the sound of them they could handle Jevil pretty well. He gave off a series of chuckles and raised his teacup to his old friend.

"Well my congratulations to you both. Who's the lucky lady-?"

"He's not a lady.~"

"Oh? Beg pardon. Who's the lucky person you speak so fondly of?"

"The Duke, Duke."

Seam stopped half way through taking a sip and gave the jester a sudden look. "A...Duke you say?"

"Hehe. Yes, yes. A by the bookworm must do, do type!" That same purple blush came back to his face as his hands kneeded at the poofy collar around his neck. "He's able to match, match my chaos with boring, boring harmony play turned fun, fun! The games hadn't even really begun until we made contact, contact month ago! haha" He tilted his head at the funny look Seam was giving him. "You look surprised, surprised?"

"Oh, nothing." he waved a paw. "But by chance did this Duke go by the name of Rouxls Kaard?"

Jevil's giggles answered his question before he even spoke a word. "The very same, same. Why do you ask?"

"Oh. Well, I just met him tonight by his shop?"

"His shop?"

Seam nodded. "Apparently he owns the shop just about half a mile up the trail. Or so that what he's told me." He finally managed to get a sip of the bittle tasting liquid before saying. "Funny man. Looked very tired though. Did you wear him down already?"

Jevil giggled again. "I always think that, but he always revolves back, back to me."

"I see....Well, either way. I'm happy for you old friend. Just don't forget about me when you two make it official."

Jevil giggled again before stretching his mouth wide in a yawn. "Of course, of course. But perhaps I should go back to my freedom."

"You're welcome to stay the night. I have a spare couch that should do you well. And I have spare blankets."

Jevil perked up at the thought. Spending time with Seam and in close distance to Rouxls's shop? How could he say no? It would be nice to have something to sleep on besides cold stone after so long, and it'd save him a long trip back to Card Castle in the middle of the night.

"Seam, Seam. I'm glad to accept this invitation.~"

[11toe11-blog]

Covid Sitayana

Ramayana was an epic scale epic. Since we did not have the bandwidth for more than one Ramayana or Mahabharata - we decided to ensure another Ramayana never happens. 

So every other potential Sita was trained - a clear Line drawn - stand inside, well within the line. 

“How many times should i tell you! Stay inside”

Sita - “but the cow…”

“What cow? No cow! Stay inside. Always remember the line. Everything outside is Ravana.”

____

Notes on Kalari -- Dr. Priyadarshan Lal

Warm body- warm up

Being able to stand on two feet requires great balance. Not any other mammals other than humans - who start erect. Core- balance ( like cycle/swimming)

Drawing associations of etymology. Letter of Tamil are distinguished as.

Mei-ezhuthu-  Consonants. Mei --> Body

Uyir-ezhuthu - Vowels. Uyir-->Breath

---> Mei- payattu

8 types of postures:

Lion - cross legged and paw connect. Cross core

Elephant - simultaneous movements of the side. All of left shifts. Then all of right shifts.Strength.

Fish - turn. Flash turn.

Kukkuda/ rooster - flutter up and land

Horse straight

Boar -stright. lift.

Snake

Cat

All the postures appear in the meippayattu, obviously or subtly.

(*noticing how barteniff similarly constructed fundamentals based on evolutionary stages of embryo. In my experince so far, the manipulation of the jelly like that is strong and flexible and can contort and expand and realign etc, in connection with the breath, creates a posture if extended to the extremeties)

(pic courtesy: https://www.leisurepro.com/blog/explore-the-blue/5-harmless-species-jellyfish/) 

___

Empty handed combat. Win over the enemy without fighting. (*love and empathy)

___

Adhara chakra

(*he didnt elaborate, but from the adishakti workshop of many years ago i remember that each posture has an associated chakra basis. Maybe the movement originates or is held or passed through that particular chakra. Im yet to experience it. For fish and horse and elephant maybe i sense it, but i cant be sure)

___

I feel close to being done writing about myself. And my vantage at this point. I feel it would be nice to explore a subject in writing.

Like kalari. And where kalari meets ramana. Not scholarly sense, but for me. So that i can discover for myself the connections i have made. And the questions and blind spots are clearer to me. 

Looking at a dance journal called FUSE, i caught a glimpse of the dancer’s notes...the notes, the scores, seemed closer to my way of enquiring. Scores. Questions. Frames of observation.

What of the archetypes and narratives and characters? 

“We’ll isn't it interesting, that as well as you know your characters and the relationships between them, you aret compelled by dialogues - what they say to each other seems to be of no import to you.” 

 Yes. I cant seem to care much for dialogues insipte of all that auditory hallucinations. 

I feel - The dialogues are not spoken. They are actions. And in the body, their very being itself there is something alive and exchanging and transforming. SOmething that doesn't lean on words to do preliminary negotiations. Something that is, and goes in, and is being from the very start all they way.  Like mom keeps saying, actions speak louder than words.

Yes. And in their moving around and relating back and forth to the space and movements and changing landscape of their emotions/memories/ etc… changes takes place… in ascertain  kind of quietness. Cant call it silence.  Or in a certain kind of silence. Cant call it quietness. Or is it a certain kind of silence. 

But dialogues have no place there. Expect as inner soliloquies. May be as monologues. When it comes to rapid energy exchange, it physical. Not words.  Because words are diversions at best.

Most of the time. They appear when there is no choice, but to speak. And then  the words appear, and they appear crystal clear, to illuminate, to clarify. Not to veil and hide. 

___

Form is created by tension. Last night i was watching the mind. Or rather something was watching the mind. And i was in the mind trapped in its incessant chatter and looking from outside. The incessant chatter seemed to originate from a tension at the base of the skull. From something taut, like a string of a musical instrument. Though not wholly a pleasant feeling. 

In this tension, between this points of tension space is created and form appears. A is the tension between the two slanting lines whose base is pulled apart and wedged by a shot line. Form. Uyirzhuthu. K is the inclined upward and inclined downward push, directed to a particular single point on the vertical line.

Not sure if i would have been able to finally get a sense of the symbols used to denote english alphabets, if wasnt for my conversation with DK, aka Quirky.

Me: wait... i have more technical question ...how do you remember what you did on the floor?

and when does meaning emerge?

He: It's all in the flow

And it's the experience and the environment that the movement create that in turn gives the watching person to make meaning

Technically it's all about the flow and muscles memory

Me: but what of the mover? where is he/she finding meaning?

or is the meaning purely an experience of spatial truth?

He: Meaning is subjective isn't it

Me: yuss

He: It's like the color red and the redness of the read. Red

I guess redness of the red is what I am interested

Not what meanings people associated red with

Of course one can use association of the red to creat an emotion or mood but as a core the ness ness of something is the research

Me: do you at any point at all, as a mover dancer, remember being interested in what meanings people associated with red? or was it always about redness of red?

He: When is create it all about the Ness nesss but ofcourse once the composition and presentation of the idea start I do play with association of the given ideas or objects to create tention. 

But I also know if I considered the association I am closing a lot of other posibal reading

It's a balancing act

Me: mmmm

He: If I address the association more often them not I will be taking stands and sides

Which may be use full for certain works

But as a for being true to the work I find it enriching to look for the nessness of the idea

Me: Ness-ness is nice. very nice. i supoose it the most neutral position available to you while fully innit - if i must intellectualise. but ya... when i was asking you, how do you rember, i was coming from a simplistic space of notaton and mnenomics. but this redness of red gives me a btter answer tothe unasked question.

He: I don't remember I am not wired like that

Dicklessli. Lol

Its all in the flow and muscle memory

And ofcourse repetition

Me: relieff

just came acrosss this https://www.yumpu.com/en/document/read/63113284/fuse1

He: The useal lol . Gay and tamil mami

Lol. I know of the person who runs this project

Me: trust you to massacre! Nut!

___

I dint quite understand what he meant by this “ He: When is create it all about the Ness nesss but ofcourse once the composition and presentation of the idea start I do play with association of the given ideas or objects to create tention. “ yesterday.  This idea of creating tension using associations etc for the compositions and presentations and sharing… the point of outer reflection and feedback from the larger whole , as mirror.  Like R says, “only when the play meets the audience does it become a play”, audience provides that vital energy - that space- witness. ANd thats when the possibilities of the play star unfolding. 

What of traditional performers such as koodiyattam then? For whom the lamp is the only witness?

Also https://www.brainpickings.org/2015/07/06/the-aesthetic-of-silence-susan-sontag/

“Art is a technique for focusing attention, for teaching skills of attention… Once the artist’s task seemed to be simply that of opening up new areas and objects of attention. That task is still acknowledged, but it has become problematic. The very faculty of attention has come into question, and been subjected to more rigorous standards…

Perhaps the quality of the attention one brings to bear on something will be better (less contaminated, less distracted), the less one is offered. Furnished with impoverished art, purged by silence, one might then be able to begin to transcend the frustrating selectivity of attention, with its inevitable distortions of experience. Ideally, one should be able to pay attention to everything.”

“So far as he is serious, the artist is continually tempted to sever the dialogue he has with an audience. Silence is the furthest extension of that reluctance to communicate, that ambivalence about making contact with the audience… Silence is the artist’s ultimate other-worldly gesture: by silence, he frees himself from servile bondage to the world, which appears as patron, client, consumer, antagonist, arbiter, and distorter of his work.”

Both of which i resonate with to whatever degree of my experience  has been. This struggle of audience. And a certain withdrawal and dismissal and a sense of pursuit of something much larger than popularity or appreciation of peers. Which is questioned very starkly here by Sontag like a slap on the hand

“

Sontag recognizes that the gesture of silence in abdication from society is still “a highly social gesture.” She writes:

An exemplary decision of this sort can be made only after the artist has demonstrated that he possesses genius and exercised that genius authoritatively. Once he has surpassed his peers by the standards which he acknowledges, his pride has only one place left to go. For, to be a victim of the craving for silence is to be, in still a further sense, superior to everyone else. It suggests that the artist has had the wit to ask more questions than other people, and that he possesses stronger nerves and higher standards of excellence.”

Is that why i am still around. Hanging on nail and tooth. Because i havent proved myself in this world. That the way to Griffindor is through the corridors of Slytherine?

Ramana says, not necessary. 

Kalari says, if necessary, come to the pit.

Eitherways, the presence and absence of a living fluid core makes a difference to the experience and perception of reality and the energy to keep observing past its frames. So i show up the pit everyday. One way or the other.

[historical-trash]

((I wrote this out at like, 2am and I haven’t read it back alot. But i did a spell check and yeah. I thought it was a cool idea. At 2 am))

“I’ll seek you out, flay you alive. One more word and you won’t survive.” Both Jack and Gabe are on the hunt for one another. “And I’m not scared of your stolen power, see right through you any hour.” Gabe isn’t scared of the gear Jack has stolen (the pulse rifle and the visor) and can easily see through him as a person and what moves he makes.

“I won’t soothe your pain” Jack isn’t going to go easy on Gabe, even if he deep down doesn’t want to lose his friend again. “I won’t ease your strain” Gabe also isn’t going to make things easy for Jack, straining him and forcing him to attack without holding back. “I got nothing for you to gain” Even if it all ends with Gabe killing Jack, nothing will be gained. It won’t be a glorious victory and he’ll be left further more with a hollow sense in his heart for killing Jack.

“I’m taking it slow, feeding my flame. Shuffling the cards of your game.” Jack is spending his time to discovering what brought overwatch down and what caused the rift between him and Gabe. Feeding him to be more determined to find out why Gabe is with Talon. Gabe has made that question in a game and all Jack is doing is shuffling the clues and answers like cards to Gabe’s game.

“And just in time, in the right place. Suddenly i will play my ace.” Once the time comes where Jack and Gabe fight, Jack will play his cards and get the headstart on finding out the truth.

“I won’t soothe your pain, I won’t ease your strain.” Their conflict will be gruesome and neither will hold back. They are feeling this heart strain to a personal and almost painful level.

“You’ll be waiting in vain.” Gabe says to Jack when he tries to convince him that he doesn’t have to work for Talon, that there’s still a chance for him to be redeemed and that none of this needs him to be the way he is.

“I got nothing for you to gain” Gabe speaks out again, pointing out that in his eyes, he’s non salvageable.

“Eyes on fire, your spine is ablaze. Felling any foe with my gaze.” Gabe stared down at Jack, his eyes red like fire. Making chills run down Jack’s back like a cold flame. Most enemies of Gabe would be cowering in fear and defeated by that gaze of his.

“And just in time, in the right place. Steadily emerging with grace.” As the members of Talon gang up on Jack, in the right moment. Gabriel kills all the mercenaries and gracefully wraiths infront of Jack.

“Ah, ah, ah… felling any foe with my gaze.” Jack’s visor glowed and his harsh stare could’ve easily burned holes through Gabriel’s skull if it could.

“Ah, ah, ah… steadily emerging with grace.” Gabriel’s body is still much like a cloud of black smog as he stares back at Jack.

“Ah, ah, ah… Felling any foe with my gaze. Ah, ah, ah… Steadily emerging with grace…” They both stand across eachother and stare. Glimpses of what was once love still lingering on and a faint hint of hesitation to attack lingered between the two. After a long time of this tention, it spilled and both began rushing at one another. Maybe perhaps, this would be the end for both of them.

[rodypowderedmilk]

RIP WIP: if you see this post, respond with a snippet of a fic you (sadly) won’t be completing.

It doesn’t make any sense, is the thing. This insatiable need to watch Harry dance around the new born alpacas as she puts up lights for Christmas. She leans down and sings to them, pulls leaves off the trees and feeds it to them. She presses kisses to their dusty fur and scrunches her nose at them when she sings low.

Moving in across the street from Harry and her mom had been the best unintended decision she ever made. For some reason, the mother and daughter owned 43 alpacas, 2 llamas, and one llampaca. She remembers the first time meeting Anne, Harry’s mother. She’d walked up to the house, looking for directions and was approached by what she had thought was a llama. It butted it’s head again her shoulder and proceded to rub it’s face against her to it’s hearts content. The force of the animal nearly knocked her over but she’d never tell anyone that. Anne had come over, then.

“Tony!” she yelled, “Ugh, you dumb thing,” she’d said, exasperated and shook her head at the animal.

“Sorry,” she’d said, “Ya’ all right?” and pulled the insistent animal’s head away from Louis’ shoulder.

“Yeah, m’ alright,” Louis’d responded, big smiles and intrigued eyes watching the animal.

“Friendly llama you’ve got here,” she said, laying the charm on as she moved to pet the animal’s pelt.

“It’s an alpaca!” she heard someone yell about five yards away, where someone was filling up a trough for what seemed to be goats. They were bleating and jumping away happily at her feet, small and excited. That’s when Louis was able to look away and finally see the girl.

She was gorgeous, to put it simply, absolutely gorgeous. Thick jeans and a flannel and a belt, wavy hair and bangs. Proper Mick Jagger look it was. And she was looking at Louis, amused and unimpressed.

“It’s an alpaca,” she said again, and cocked her hip.

“Oh, don’t mind her,” the older woman said, “She’s a bit of a know-it-all,” she told Louis conspiratorally.

“Ey! I’m not deaf, Mum!” she called. Louis laughed, “I’m Louis,”

“I’m Anne,” the woman said, “And that there is my dummy of a daughter, Harry,”

“Mum!” Harry whined and Louis had simply been charmed.

Thanksgiving was yesterday, and Harry immediately, promptly at 5:30 in the morning wakes up, beanie placed upon her bangs and begins decorating for Christmas. Louis knows this because of the stubborn insomnia left over from the constant travelling. She tries not to think about it. She’s been up since 4:43 and is on her third cup of tea and her fifth run to the loo. She starts with hanging ornaments from the very large, very tall pine tree right next to their driveway in the ugliest, cutest jumper Louis has ever seen. She’s paired it with her high waisted thick jeans and a belt, as per usual. And Louis is enthralled, as per usual.

She has yet to tell Harry that her birthday is the day before Christmas in the hopes of delaying the inevitable. Harry becomes extremely excitable when it comes to birthdays. It’s her thing. She writes silly songs, sends letters, and buys way too many gifts. The problem is, Harry has always been too emotionally intuitive for her own good, and yet, at times, utterly oblivious. She’ll know, like she always does, psychoanalyze, like she always does, hit it right on the nose like she always does. (She sees right through Louis which is frankly terrifying and also concerning) It’ll start hypothetically, why do i feel like people lump your birthday and christmas together. And then she’ll get that sad mopey muppet face and make Louis cry. Like she always does. So she hasn’t told her yet and is wondering how long she can get away with it.

Her curly haired friend was just that. A friend, and a quite good one at that. She’d invited Louis over for Thanksgiving yesterday, sat her right at the end of the table and placed her home made pumpkin pie right next to her. Louis teased her endlessly, “This isn’t nearly as good as Costco pumpkin pie,” she told her.

“You and your American shops,” Harry’d responded, pretended to gag, “What even is a Costco?”

“Oh darling, do not try me with the American crap. This holiday is American,” Louis says as she tries to slice the pie, grumbling when Harry swats her hand away.

“And what about it?” Harry had said, inquisitive eyebrow raised in challenge. Louis simply shrugged and began to speak with the other guests Harry had invited. Harry’s Orphans, Anne liked to call them. There was Chloe from Tesco, one of the only stores in town, who’d moved out here after finishing college and tried to find some semblance of independence from her mother. She misses her terribly and speaks of her often. Louis can sympathize. Anna, who Harry had immediately been drawn to because she thought she shared a name with her mum, works at the local sandwhich place and is the only non-white person in town. Harry has learned a few words in Spanish and is incredibly adorable when trying to get the pronounciation right. And lastly, Niall, the only fellow in the whole group. Despite the man’s extroverted demeanor and joyous laughter, even Harry hasn’t been able to pry his life story from him. He lives at the end of the couldesac, moved in four weeks after Louis and seemed to be renting. It was a collective effort to subtly figure out everything about the man, although he charmed the pants off anyone who tried and so none were succesful.

Louis wonders how they’ll celebrate Christmas while she continues to watch Harry jump to try and reach higher branches. She hides a smile behind her mug. Harry Styles is the love of her life and nothing will convince her otherwise. Of course this does not mean she’ll ever pursue her, despite Anne’s knowing smirks and Niall’s goodnatured nudging. It’s much more fun to love Harry from a far and a lot safer, too.

It begins when Harry asks her to come into town with her because “I need more decoarations. This will simply not be enough,” she’d said, earnest and mocking all at the same time. They pile into Louis’ pick up truck that she’d wisely invested in once she’d decided to move out here. She hopes it sufficiently communicates GAY to the general population if her outward appearance does not.

“So,” Harry begins and Louis does not need to look over to know that the dimples have popped out. Louis suppresses a groan.

“I’ve always wondered when your birthday is, Lou,” she says, mocking ignorance.

Louis groans then.

“And recently a little birdie told me that it might… maybe- perhaps- possibly be the day before Christmas,” she feigns dismay.

“Is this true?” she asks, turning to face Louis and placing her elbows on the console.

“Quisas,” Louis says then, wondering if Harry will remember Anna’s training.

“Oh, you dirty rat, you! You didn’t tell me your birthday was on Christmas Eve!” she says, softly punching Louis’ shoulder repeatedly. Louis remains unharmed due to the nineteen layers of clothing she’s wearing.

“I was working up to it!” her voice steadily rises.

“No you weren’t!” Harry insists, voice rising as well.

“Okay, I wasn’t, but you know how you get about birthdays!” she whines.

“And?”

When Louis’ only response is garbled noises and shrugs Harry promptly replies, “Inexcusable,” and Louis lets out an indignant squawk.

“Your punishment is absolutely unbearably amazing birthday treament. I’m sorry!” she turns her head away and gives Louis the hand, “There’s nothing to be done about it.”

And when Louis attempts to object more, “No, sorry, I don’t make the rules,”

“You dumb bitch,” Louis mutters.

“No, but really, Lou,” her soft voices becomes much more sincere, “Do you not like your birthday or something?”

“Oh, no, no. It’s totally fine, I don’t mind, you can bake my entire house into a cake for all I care,” Louis snorts and then thinks better of it, “No, don’t you fucking dare bake my house into a cake you birthday monster,” she reaches over and shoves Harry when she hears her giggle.

“I’m driving, you absolute villian,” she says, while she attempts to wrangle the wild girl into her side of the car.

“I’m going to get you all the presents,” Harry sighs dreamily, “And Christmas presents, too,” she adds. It’s then that Louis freezes up a bit.

“Wait,” pink lips frown, “Wait, did people-” she stops and frowns some more, “Did people lump your birthday presents in with your Christmas presents?”

Louis holds her breath and stares pointedly out the windshield, “Hm?”

“Louis,” Harry whines, “They did, didn’t they?”

Louis shrugs, “It’s not a big deal. I was convinced when I was younger all the people putting up lights were celebrating me birthday, so I guess it evens out,”

“Aw, Louis. That’s darling,” she gushes, “But wait- Oh, you stupid head, you’re trying to distract me from your childhood tragedies with your cuteness,” she leans over and shoves Louis’ shoulder.

“Harold, I’m driving!” she says, as she attempts to swerve the car back into their lane.

“No one lives here, dummy, and stop distracting me with potential car accidents. We’re talking about important things.”

Harry makes it a point to ask about her birthday at least once a day. It’s on the first day of December she asks, “Wait, are you going home for Christmas and your birthday?” She freezes for a second at the thought of home, eyes glazing over for a second before she eases the tention in her shoulders and moves her thoughts elsewhere.

It’s strange to hear someone refer this time of year as her birthday. Most people have glossed it over in favor of the much larger holiday it predates.

Louis shakes her head, “I’m just settling in here,” she explains, close to the truth but not qite “And who else would eat your dumb pie during Christmas?” It’s a bit nerve wracking, and frankly presumptuous to invite herself to Harry’s Christmas.

“Won’t you want to go home and visit your family? Your sisters? Oh, and your brother, sorry,” Harry seems confused, head cocked and curly bangs sliding across her forehead. The concern is endearing although the subject matter stirs anxiousness deep in her stomach, awakens the melancholy pang in her heart.

Louis shakes her head, “I’ll visit them for New Years, maybe. We haven’t sorted it out, yet. Big procrastinator, I am,”

A big smile blossoms on Harry’s face, lips stretching and dimples appearing.

“So you’ll be celebrating Christmas with us, then?” she asks, hands fiddling in front of her, raising on her toes. It’s impossible to be sad- to even think about being sad- when Harry is smiling at her like that.

“Who else would I celebrate it with, dummy?” Louis sticks her tongue out at her, perfectly mature, and squeezes her eyes shut. She opens them to Harry beaming at her, practically bursting with excitement. Suddenly, Harry leans forward on the balls of her feet and presses a kiss to Louis’ cheek.

“I have so many plans!” she squeals and runs off, baby alpacas trailing after her.

Monthly movie night has been deeply infiltrated by Christmas, as has everything else in Harry and Anne’s house. The only light comes from the television and the single string of Christmas lights, battery operated from the convenience store by Harry’s work. She’s got hot cocoa between her hands, sweaterpaws shielding her from too warm warmth. The dimples are out in full force and Louis cannot stop staring. There are bruises developing along her ribs from the amount of times that Niall has elbowed her, and she’s sure that Niall is developping the same amount of bruises from the times she’s retaliated. He’s been staring at Anna all night and it’s infuriating. Straight people are supposed to have their shit together when it comes to romance. Right?

Anyways, the season is coming and coming fast. The familiar feeling of wonder and cozy warmth is spreading through her bones and she just wants to sit on the carpet, watching the telly, preferably in someone’s lap, preferably Harry’s. She has simple wants and needs, really.

Harry has passed her a third cup of eggnog, “It’s Christmas spirit in drink form, Louis, drink up.”

She watches, entranced as Harry waltzes clumsily around the room to the deep croon of Michael Buble with her cat, Dusty. The other three cats are in the other room, watching as Anne makes holiday goodies while the dogs have been banished to the cold. Harry pouts every time she looks outside and Louis rolls her eyes. Then she looks away and tries to hide her smile.

Harry’s sitting behind her on the couch and she finds herself leaning back into her legs as she becomes warmer and looser watching Eloise at Chrimstastime. Niall’s right next to her on the floor and he’s as rigid as a board, doing his very best not to make any physcial contact with the oblivious and very shy girl behind him. Chloe is chatting happily away with Anne and Harry, although quiet as to not disturb the film. And that’s when she feels the fingers first skim her hair, just the nape of her neck, the whisper of a touch, absentminded maybe. It has her shivering and seeking more of the touch, inching closer into Harry’s space, the warmth of her legs against Louis’ shoulders. Her eyes close involuntarily for a second when the touch returns, a thumb sweeping over the peach fuzz at the back of her neck.

She swallows and looks over at Niall, rigid as anything and attempts to cover up how affected she is. She elbows him in the ribs and sends him falling into Anna’s legs. Her legs immediately move to accomodate him and she leans forward almost imperceptibly. He looks noticably more comfortable. Jesus Christ does she have to do everything for him? And then she feels Harry’s hands in her hair again, soft and attentive, smoothing over the back of her head where the hair is the shortest. She cards her fingers through the longer hair at the top, perfectly styled mess just plain messy now.

“I like it that way,” she always tells Louis when she’s ambushed the Doncaster girl early in the morning under the guise of having no tea left. Louis always calls her on her bullshit, but makes her tea anyways, pyjama pants dragging on the floor.

Louis turns around, an unimpressed look on her face and watches as Harry just smiles at her. She rolls her eyes and turns back around, making a vague waving gesture to signal to Harry that she wants her to continue petting her. She does.

It’s when Louis can hardly keep her eyes open that Harry’s fingers slide back down to her neck, tracing something into her skin. It brings goosebumps to her skin, warm and cold at the same time before she slides her fingers to the back of Louis’ ears. It’s soft and vulnerable there where she’s gently thumbing over, hidden to the rest of the world and it feels like some kind of metaphor, beautiful and sweet and unheard of. She can’t stop smiling.

She falls asleep there, between the legs of the sweetest girl she’s ever met, lips turned up and eyelids fluttering under Christmas lights.

Waking up, for the first two seconds she thinks she’s home with her family, Mum waking them up and sending them to their room with a few soft words and a goodnight kiss. When she realizes it’s only Anne, the world comes startingly into focus, Christmas lights blaringly bright where before it was only a hazy glow. She gives Anne a smile, and doesn’t lean against Harry’s legs again.

“C’mon, you lot, off to bed,” she says, proper mum, and ushers them up the stairs. It’s not until Louis was halfway up that she catches herself.

“Oh, Anne, sorry. I’ve better be heading home,” she starts, blinking rapidly, confusion and all kinds of emotions tangling up in her chest.

“Nonsense,” Anne tuts and continues to bat them up the stairs. “Harry sleeps over all the time, it’s no problem.”

This makes Harry laugh and Louis joins her, “Well, I mean- she’s your daughter,”

Anne only shrugs. Despite Harry being right behind her, she can’t bring herself to look at her. She doesn’t want to be sad in Harry’s presence. She straightens her back resolutely and flinches any time she thinks Harry might come close to touching her, scared that if she does, she’ll feel the melancholy thrum under her skin. It doesn’t make any sense, but knowing Harry she’ll find a thread of sadness and tug on it until Louis falls to pieces like the string pinatas Anna’s told them about.

Anne opens the door to a one bedroom room, and Louis pointedly ignores the very subtle smirk Harry’s mum gives.

“Alright, girls?” she says, with a smile and winks as she closes the door.

Louis plops face first on the bed, spreads her arms out, tries to deflect her awkwardness and tries not to acknowledge how small the bed is. She rolls onto her back and kicks off her shoes, doesn’t meet Harry’s eyes, tries to ignore how loaded the situation feels.

“Are you gonna get in bed, you fat lump, or are you gonna stand there all night? Sleep like a horse,” she says this all with her eyes closed, elbow over her eyes and tries to make the situation lighter than it is.

She hears Harry snort from across the room and listens as the bed springs creak under the weight of her jump onto the bed. They squirm around trying to get under the covers, trying to escape the chill of the unused guest room.

They’re cold toes brush each other under the flannel sheets and Harry giggles.

“Get your cold toes away from me, you git,” she says and pushes her own feet against Louis’ legs, nearly shoving her clear off the bed.

“You menace,” Louis gasps, and swipes her cold toes under Harry’s fleece pajama pants, pushing the material up to her knobby knees.

“Lou!” she shrieks, “You cut me with your toenails!” she whisper shouts.

“You cut me with your toenails!” the girls dissolve into giggles and settle against each other, legs tangling resting against each other.

“Your leg hair tickles,” Harry whispers suddenly.

“Ah- Harry!” Louis responds, surprised and incredulous. She rolls over and hides her face in Harry’s shoulder.

“You’re so stupid,” she groans and rolls back over. The only thing to do is act normal, push away any possible thought of sadness. She’s more, now than usual, anything she would normally do now heightened to about ten and that includes her affection for Harry. It’s a bit conflicting, her usual instinct to hide her fondness for Harry and the instinct to deflect, hide her emotions from her.

“This used to be my room, you know,” Harry says into the dark.

“Yeah?”

“There weren’t any alpacas or anything back then,”

“No, that was all you,”

“And how do you know that, Louis Tomlinson?”

“They’re your alpacas, Harry. They worship you,” she whispers, and so do I, she thinks.

She wakes up the next morning pressed into the delicious warmth of another body. Her cheek rubs against an impossibly soft sweater and she nuzzles deeper into the lovely coziness. Her grip tightens involuntarily where it’s holding Harry’s side- Harry. Louis has somehow managed to sneak her hand inside Harry’s shirt and grab hold of her smooth, warm skin.