#i love their relationship and i wonder if they somehow kept in touch while dazai was off the radar

[purrfectlycontent]

reason #539 why i should reread the bsd manga: apparently dazai drew a self-portrait of himself on the wall in his office and it was so grotesque that elise thought it was done by an enemy

[mccnglade]

many reasons; dazai osamu

DAZAI OSAMU X READER

In hindsight, you should have realised that running after Dazai was not a good decision on your part...

WORD COUNT: 1.8K words

WARNINGS: mentions of suicide, abuse (not reader's), angst (if you squint), fluffy ending. MILD SPOILERS FOR BUNGO STRAY DOGS SEASON 3

(e/c) - eye color

A/N: sorry if the formatting is a bit wonky!! i'm posting this on mobile because tumblr doesn't work on my stupid, old laptop.

this fic is really super, self-indulgent because dazai is my favorite in bsd and i love when situations like the one in this one shot happen in anime, so i combined the two things and wrote this. this was actually going be a scene in a dazai fic i'm thinking of posting on my wattpad, but i decided to scrap it and write it as a oneshot. i hope you all enjoy reading this!!

Also shoutout to @neonghxst who wanted me to finish this one shot hehe. thanks to her, i got the inspiration to actually write this and finish it.

"Are you sure we should have left him like that?"

You fiddled with the ends of your coat sleeves. Upon hearing about Atsushi's new case and the end result, you immediately wanted to give the boy a hug and never let him go. He had been through so much these past few weeks and hearing about the death of that abusive headmaster of his old orphanage must have been incredibly painful.

But Dazai had promptly pulled you away, after saying exactly what needed to be said. (He always knew what to say in any kind of situation and that made you feel jealous a lot of times)

"Things like that are meant to be dealt with alone. Atsushi-kun will manage," Dazai answered with a cool tone. "You worry too much, (Y/N)-chan."

He tried to ruffle your hair but you slapped his hand away with a huff.

"I have every right to worry, you know," You crossed your arms, angrily staring at the ground. You and Dazai had already left the port area and now were back in the city, walking next to each other. "He and Kyouka just...I just wanna give them both a hug and adopt them as family."

This time, Dazai successfully managed to ruffle your hair."You are very funny, (Y/N)-chan."

"I'm not being funny! I'll actually adopt them, just you wait and see."

"As amusing as that would be, I'm gonna stop you there."

"Why?"

"Well, it's nighttime now. And we are almost near the river. The moon's pretty bright today. Which means one thing and one thing only."

"What, Dazai?"

"It's the perfect time for a double suicide!" 

Dazai suddenly grabbed you by the waist and spun you around. You felt your face grow warmer as he kept his hands on your waist, meanwhile going on about the benefits of a double suicide.

"D-dazai! Let go!" You physically tried to struggle out of his grip, knowing that your Ability was useless in this situation. "Just let go, dumbass!"

"Nope, not gonna." 

Dazai let go of your waist, but then immediately grabbed your hand. But you managed to pull it away. He stuck his tongue out at you. "You are no fun, (Y/N)-chan."

You glared at him. "How many times do I have to tell you no, you bandage squandering idiot?!"

"Ahh!! You sound so much like Kunikida-kun! Why didn't you tell me you were so great at impersonating others?"

"Huh?! What's that supposed to mean?" You went to shove his shoulder but he dodged it,  jumping aside with his annoying (endearing) laugh. You tried to hit him again, but he dodged this time too and started running.

"Oi, Dazai! Come back here, you idiot!"

You ran too, trying to catch up to him so that you could, at least, flick his forehead before slapping him. Why was he so annoying, you always wondered. 

'Isn't this why you like him?' Your heart whispered to you.

'Shut up,' You told it.

You kept on running. Even as you did, the sun had almost set, taking its red and orange hues and replacing it with the dark, navy blue of the night sky. The running brought you to the river bank, a spot where both you and Kunikida had to drag Dazai out of. For some reason, he declared this spot and drowning as his top favorite for a double suicide.

It was incredibly annoying, but at the same time, also incredibly saddening and you wished you knew more about why he was like this.

Finally, you caught up with him. 

In hindsight, you should have realised that running after Dazai was not a good decision on your part. 

Both of you stumbled down the river bank, holding onto each other because there was nothing else to grab onto. The slant river bank ended and they were on flat ground again.

But...but, both of you were in a rather compromising position. 

Usually, you were a pretty confident and self-assured person. But when it came to situations like these (or any romantic situations)…well, you were still pretty inexperienced. So inexperienced actually that you hadn't kissed anyone in a long while, almost two years to be exact. Relationships had always seemed like a waste of time to you, but being in such close proximity of the man you currently yearned for was doing wonders for your heart. (In a good way and a bad away)

Dazai's arms were on your shoulders, pinning you to the ground. He loomed over you, his brown eyes staring right into your (e/c) ones. 

You swore you could detect something there before it was hidden behind his mask again. 

No longer were you able to keep the warmth away from your face. You knew you probably resembled a tomato right now. You wanted to get out of this position quickly, but deep down, your mind and your heart both resisted. And you felt like agreeing with them this time. You wouldn't get a chance like this ever again.

So you decided to speak.

And immediately regret it.

"Your eyes are pretty," The combined forces of your heart and mind make you say something stupidly embarrassing and you immediately want to cover your face. But you can't. So you continue.

Even the darkness of night couldn't keep the redness of your cheeks hidden. 

"I mean, they're not just an ugly brown color. They have this amber-like quality to them. And everytime light hits them, they almost shine and it makes them more beautiful than I ever thought. Like seriously, you have really beautiful eyes. Personally, your eyes are your best feature and they're one of the many reasons I fell for you."

(You wanna crush your own stupid heart for that last bit.)

"Oh?" That was all Dazai said, that stupidly endearing smirk on his face. "Many reasons? What are they again?"

"Um, uh," You hesitated, turning your head to the side. This was more embarrassing than any other situation you had ever been in. There was nowhere else to go and while you could have kicked Dazai away with ease, truth be told you really didn't want to do that. How many chances like this would you ever get? "I don't even know when I started liking you. And maybe it's a stupid thing because nothing is ever going to come out of it, but yeah. I have feelings for you, Dazai Osamu. Truth be told, I can sort of understand why you ask women to commit a double suicide with you. You want someone to be by your side, right? You don't want to be lonely when you die. I guess I can understand that, though I wish I could show you the joy in living. But I don't think I'll ever be able to change your mind."

You laughed nervously, looking anywhere but at Dazai's face, where his smirk had been replaced by a more serious look. "I went on a totally different tangent there, didn't I? You can forget that last bit but to sum up everything, I have feelings for you. I don't expect you to return them anyways so...yeah."

Now, you looked at Dazai. His expression was unreadable. You couldn't understand what emotions were written on his face. You didn't even know what he would do next. Would he reciprocate your feelings? Would he reject them? What would he do? You wanted answers and you weren't getting them.

Then again, it was partly your fault also. You suddenly sprung these feelings on him. You shouldn't expect him to answer quickly. 

(Secretly, you also thought that Dazai wasn't the type of person who'd ever truly  love someone. It was just your stupid luck he was the person you fell for.)

Unexpectedly, Dazai suddenly moved off you, giving you the opportunity to finally sit up and contemplate your next moves.

'Should I just run away?' You thought, thinking about the pain of rejection. You'd deal with it. Somehow. 'It's the coward's way out. But what more can I do?'

"If you're thinking of running away, don't," Dazai suddenly said, meeting your eyes with a stare so intense that you swore he could read every single thought in your mind. 

"That was not what I was thinking," You clearly lied, crossing your arms. 

"You know, I can tell that you're lying, my Belladonna," Dazai put his hand on your cheek, his slender fingers brushing away the stray strands of hair on your face. "You are not a very good liar."

"D — wh-what?" You froze up completely. Because as much as you would like to deny, even an action like this left you wanting more. His hands were inexplicably warm and strangely soft. You couldn't even think about running away now. Dazai put his other hand behind your back, pulling you close to him. Close enough that your noses were almost touching and you could see the little flecks of amber in his pretty brown eyes. 

"D-do you also h-have feelings f-for me?"

What the hell was wrong with your voice? You wanted to ask your question again, but your words died in your throat. 

Instead, your heart chose to speak. You tilted your head slightly, barely brushing your lips against his. Even this small action sent volts of electricity coursing through your body. But then, your courage fizzled out and you tried to move back. 

Key word; tried. 

Dazai put his hand at the back of your head and pulled you closer, finally,  freaking finally, kissing you. 

You wished you could describe what you were feeling, but you really couldn't. Your mind was completely shut down and all you could really think was, that you were floating. And since it was your one of the few kisses you had in your life, you didn't know what to do. So you kept on pressing your mouth against Dazai's, trying to have more; trying to feel more of him. 

It was strange, it felt so strange. But kissing Dazai felt incredibly…amazing. Yeah, amazing. Just him and you and nothing else. You felt like you could touch the stars now and you didn't want it to end. You wanted to keep on doing this forever, or as long as both of you could. 

But then, Dazai suddenly ended the kiss, pulling back with a lazy grin.

You stared at him, breathing heavily. And then, you let your head fall onto his shoulder, grabbing onto to the front of his cream-colored trench coat. 

"Does that answer your question, (Y/N)-chan?" He asked with a sing-song voice, suddenly hugging you. 

"So you do like me?" Your voice was muffled by his coat, but you knew he heard you clearly. 

His lips were pressed onto your neck, moving with his answer. You understood it immediately. Releasing his coat from your hands, you hugged him back.  

You knew this moment wouldn't last very long, but you would revel in it for now. 

It was going to be the only thing on your mind for a very long time.

a/n: i hope this was a fun read! with this quarantine, i've been thinking of attempting to write more character x readers because they are good practice for writing a multi-chapter fic. so you might see more bsd, haikyuu and bnha content on here. I might also post about DC so let's see.

My wattpad

[tartagilicious]

Heyy I saw that you write for the guys from ikemen vampire?Could I please get a Theo x mc where even though he seems super confident, inside he doesnt feel worthy of mc's love, and one time Arthur says something provoking (as he does) so Theo lashes out at him and leaves somewhere, and nobody knows what happened so mc goes to him and finds him having a breakdown and she has to calm his nerves telling him she loves him and that he's worth it and so on.. I hope this isn't too confusing! Thank you!

lol ~as he does~

don’t worry about it, it’s not confusing at all! if anything, it’s actually better if you spell it out for me. complicated requests are the best in that way, because it tells me exactly what I have to do.

Also question: what does Arthur call her? I forget and can’t figure it out, so I just resorted to him calling her ‘my lady’ when i needed to. (like Leonardo calls the MC cara mia, Napoleon nunuche, etc-?)

and warning: there are some major (but briefly mentioned) spoilers for theo’s route

— 

If there was one word to describe him, it would be ornate. His personality was a labyrinth in a lot of ways; but overall normally just annoying to some and thrilling to others with no surprises. Then, in an unseen third outcome, she had come to find his usually edged personality endearing. And he was less than used to the blank spaces she gave him.

It was easy to figure people out if you knew what to expect, but her, she’d thrown him off the moment she said a word to him. Hell, she’d done so the moment she stepped through the mansion’s doors. And she continued to throw him off, no matter how deep their relationship went, no matter how intimate their touches grew to be, she was always his anomaly.

He tried his best to cast it off, to tell himself that he didn’t need to pick and choose a personality for the woman that loved him for who he was, but unfortunately, nothing had ever been that easy. He hid his doubts and fears with unanimous words, and his concerns with equally haughty smiles,

Yet, she continued to be his anomaly still. No matter how much his personality wavered, she stuck by his side with a smile and her own equally sarcastic words to put him in his place. She always supported him whether she noticed it or not, and he had felt bad that he hadn’t realised sooner.

She truly was an angel. His salvation came with her actions that just seemed to be her second nature, and she pulled him closer to heaven with every touch on his body. But he couldn’t help but wonder if she had ever felt the same.

She had come to him from a time unknown to him, with such lavish opportunities and luxuries that he was almost positive she wouldn’t have any trouble finding a man that was better than him. her love for him was an anomaly in itself, and he constantly found himself doubting if he was the one meant for it after all.

She was as pure as silk, while he was comparable to the darkest sea.

“A fine morning to you,, ___!” Arthur greeted her one day as she walked into the dining room with his usual sly smile and blurry intentions. “You seem awfully chipper today.”

She didn’t give it much thought, though, just smiling back. “Do I?”

His eyes narrowed slightly as his smile grew. “Yes, of course. And it would be rude of me not to ask about the bloke behind such brilliance.”

She turned to him, her lips slightly pouted and her brows equally furrowed.

“How do you know it’s a person? I didn’t say anything to you, Arthur.”

Arthur just laughed, the sound bringing colour to the tips of her ears.

“Why, of course it’s a person, ___.” His voice was subtly softer as he tilted his head. “Who else besides our dear Theo would be responsible for such a smile?”

She didn’t answer as she handed him his traditional english breakfast of cold bread, boiled eggs and chilled stew, but the pigment of her cheeks was enough to tell him that she had in fact heard him loud and clear. He enjoyed teasing her very much, but found no pleasure in discomfort, so he just picked up his bread with a cheeky smile and remained silent until the man of the hour walked in minutes later.

She smiled over her shoulder as she heard the unmistakable thump of his heavy boots on the hardwood. “Morning, Theo.”

He gave her a tired but grateful smile as she slid his breakfast into a place, a slightly more modern mix of hotcakes and rookwurst.

“Wouldn’t you greet your beloved in a more, say, amatory way?”

Arthur and Theo weren’t exactly a dream team, to put it lightly, but thankfully, Theo didn’t find it necessary to push out an elaborate insult at that moment.

“It’s nine in the morning, you oaf. It’s not like I have to greet her like that every time I see her.” He grumbled, his eyes trained on the way she poured syrup onto his pancakes. It had been slightly over a month since she’d started working around the mansion under Sebastian, and she’d somehow managed to catch onto everything impressively quick even if she had been scared out of her wits for the better part of her first week.  

All of the little quirks everyone had, insignificant things that no one but her would trouble themselves to remember, it had made her a well loved member of the household . She had somehow managed to take every little detail into account, down to how much syrup to pour on his pancakes.

And he was glad she’d caught on - perhaps if she hadn’t, nothing would’ve changed and she would’ve gone back to her own world by the time the sand in the hourglass fell.

His gaze flickered up to hers as she turned away. He’d spent hours staring into her eyes, and it was scary to think that he could’ve been deprived of that if she’d made one choice differently. She was incredible. Incredibly brave, incredibly smart, incredibly beautiful - he always wondered what made her want to stay with someone like him.

“You know, ___.” Arthur smiled as he twirled his spoon around and about in his stew. “I’m sure that if I were your lover-”

She cut him off without even turning back, her voice curt. “Don’t mess around, Arthur.”

His grin was growing, she could tell as much from his voice alone as he continued, “By Jove, why yell at me for telling the truth? I’m sure anyone else could spare a hello for such a lovely lady-”

“You idiot,” She turned around just in time to see Theo’s fist clench around the fork in his hand. “You don’t know when to shut up, do you?”

Arthur spared nothing but a patient smile as his eyes narrowed.

“I’m afraid it’s only natural.”

As Theo’s confidence crumbled under the oblivious tone of Arthur’s patronising words, he stood up with nothing more than a grumble and threw his fork down on his plate with a clang.

She took a step towards him as she realised where the situation was leading, but before she could even get a word out, Theo had already turned on his heel and left the room in a cloud of irritation.

“Arthur,” She huffed. “Do you have to tease him like that? Would it kill you to leave him alone?”

Arthur gave her an innocent look, before melting into a laugh. “Don’t fret, he’s just a bit miffed. Give him a little bit to cool down and he’ll be in tip-top shape again, my lady.”

Her expression was irresolute before her lip curled into a slight frown. “Fine. I will, but quit being so mean. You didn’t have to drag me into it, too.”

He nodded, his smile turning genuinely apologetic at your words.

“I apologise, ___.”

She walked out of the dining room as Arthur turned his focus on his food once again, using the opportunity to slip out while his attention wasn’t on her. She respected Arthur wholeheartedly as an author and as a friend, but his teasing could be awfully relentless, especially for Theo, someone who tended to take every word to the heart. So, because of that, she decided to disregard Arthur’s fair warning and visit his room in hopes of talking to him.

But, there was no response when she knocked on his door.

The mahogany door was one she’d opened and closed many times, but the cold feeling of the brass doorknob that rushed through her skin upon contact told her there was no use doing either. Theo wasn’t there.

She turned away with a dispirited sigh. Theo was an art dealer, someone who could go around the city multiple times in a single day. He knew the streets and alleys like the back of his hand, and at that moment, he could be anywhere. She wished desperately in that moment that she would have spared her own wishes to chew out Arthur and followed theo instead, because if anything, she could at least see him.

“Theo,” She sighed to herself as she walked around the mansion with hidden purpose, casually asking anyone she came across if they’d seen the man in question recently.

There were no results from Issac, who had been working in the library, Leonardo, who was on his way out already, nor Napoleon, who was coming in from god knows where. But, finally, after coincidentally meeting Dazai as he was coming in through the window, she learned that he had headed off into the forest just minutes before.

So, she thanked him and excused herself with the excuse of having to find Sebastian. Of course, she needed nothing with Sebastian at the moment, and Dazai seemed to know that without her physical words. But, she still felt better giving an excuse rather than flagrantly saying her real intentions aloud.

Taking a detour from the hall that lead from the kitchens to one of the doors in the back was thankfully easier than she’d thought. She managed to avoid running into anyone thus far too, and she thought that as long as she kept her thoughts calm and her steps casual, it should stay that way.

She’d hate to be stopped just because her anxiousness was caught by someone too perceptive.

But thankfully, everyone was too busy off doing their own thing to pay attention to wherever she happened to be going, so she saw herself out with no trouble. Though she wasn’t exactly familiar with the forest’s trails and such, she still managed to make her way to where her gut told her to go without circling back too many times. And it paid off, because as she finally pushed the last branches out of the way, there sat Theo, sitting on a rock with his shoulders hunched.

Her brows knitted as her eyes moved over his back. The man was incessantly still, completely motionless other than the tremor in his hands and the unsteady breathing clawing at his chest. On the outside, there was nothing around him but the wind, but on the inside, he was drowning. In nerves or sorrow he couldn’t tell, but whatever he felt, it held onto him stubbornly.

She took hesitant steps forward, making sure that her footsteps were quiet before she reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. He barely gave a reaction other than the slightest tilt of his head, but she could feel him relax under her touch regardless.

“Theo…?”

Her voice came out soft, and the tone made his eyes shut tightly. She was obviously worried about him, and he didn’t know how that should make him feel. He was teetering on the edge, and the angel and devil on his shoulder were doing little but dividing his thoughts.

Her hand went up to duck into his hair, her thumb rubbing soothing circles into the nape of his neck as she asked, “Are you okay?”

He didn’t answer, his breathing levelling as the soothing feeling of her fingers in his hair sent calm through waves in his body. Her lips thinned at the reaction, but she didn’t give up, nonetheless.

“Did what Arthur say bother you that much…?” She trailed off, her eyes searching the side of his face as the question sunk into both of them. She hardly thought that a snide comment like that could get to Theo, but they had nothing else to go on, so it was her best guess.

His response was nothing more than a low mumble as he shifted his chin in his palm. “He was right, though,”

The moment the words came out, she let go of him for a split second before using both her hands to take his jaw and turn his face to hers. His eyes were wide, but they showed no sign of being upset, so she continued.

“You’re here because Arthur said he would be a better lover to me, is that right?” She asked quietly, watching his eyes change. They were unreadable, yet she still felt like she was staring into his very soul.

She looked down for a moment as she said, “Even if that were true, do you believe that I would choose anyone over you? After you were so caring to me, and you almost died in my arms after protecting me? Do you believe I would go back on my promise to stay with you? Because, Theo, since then, I can promise you that I haven’t loved you any less-”

“I found love where it wasn’t supposed to be, ___” He avoided her eyes diligently.” Anyone could be a better lover than me.”

“There hasn’t been a day that I’ve regretted my promises to you. I chose to stay here with you because I love you, Theo. Even if you think someone else could be better, that doesn’t mean you aren't still good enough. So, please, remember that I’ll always choose you.”

She swiped her thumb over his cheek with a tender smile before leaning in close and whispering, “I promise.”