#i love the yeom siblings so much

[quieteclipse]

finished reading Uncanny Charm!

it honestly might be one of the only series where i really, truly feel so bad for the villain/main antagonist. like all he wanted was to not be fucking lonely and yeom-oh just kept drawing a line between them and outright pushing yeom-ra away 😭

and like, i get it, yeom-oh had his own shit going on, but everything could've been avoided if he had just opened his heart a little. although, yeom-ra's breakdown probably would've been worse had he and yeom-oh actually grown closer and yeom-oh still ended up collapsing and dancing with death......so maybe how it went was for the best.

side not about yeom-oh, i do ship him with hyun-jo, like a lot. it's one of the reasons i'm glad yeom-ra and yeom-oh didn't end up having any sort of real romance between them. mainly because i think yeom-ra deserves better ngl fjsndjdj no offense to yeom-oh, but really.

besides them, i kinda wish yoon-jae and beom-jin's relationship didn't progress so quickly. like on one hand, i loved how simple it was, but on the other, they kind of developed into the sort of couple i kinda hate where it's like they become so enraptured in each other it's like nobody else matters in the slightest (and the only grace they'll give is towards each other, kind of).

i kinda hate how the cat becom irrelevant, i thought he was gonna be a way bigger part of the story (but i guess his increasing lack of relevance towards the end is somewhat related to my point above).

same with yoon-jae and yeom-oh's relationship. i just kind of got the feeling that their relationship felt.....empty? and it's interesting, because on one hand, i do kinda prefer a more realistic(?) sibling dynamic than one that's overly affectionate to the point where it starts to get weird. i know they aren't real brothers, and the only reason they're even acquainted with each other is because of yeom-oh's desperation to save his younger brother, so it does make sense that their relationship feels shallow, but i still think a bit of that emptiness stems from the heavy importance placed on yoon-jae and beom-jin's relationship.

(yeah, i do have a lot of beef with couples in series that seemingly don't have lives outside of their partners. it's so boring to me!!! give them friends they love!!! let them be interested in other people!!!)

all in all, though, the story was pretty enjoyable. it made me laugh a lot, the characters were fun, and i like that it didn't feel like it dragged too much on one particular plotline. i kind of slowed down around chapter 60 or so and it took me a couple of days to get back into the swing of things, but finishing it wasn't so bad.

i thought the ending was going to be a bit more epic or engaging, but i feel like it made sense with the whole vibe of the story, so i'm not disappointed.

[kianbe]

[  🌱  ]   𝑯𝑬𝑳𝑳𝑶, 𝑯𝑬𝑳𝑳𝑶, 𝑯𝑬𝑳𝑳𝑶 !!  i’ve been hoping for this moment for so long now and it’s finally happening !! it’s just me, 𝒋𝒂𝒄𝒆 ( h / h, 21+ ), the typist behind sr media trainee yeom sarang, as well as local menace cho jindallae, and i’m here to introduce you all to a beloved muse of mine that i’ve missed writing so much !! so, without further delay, here’s 𝑲𝑰𝑴 𝑲𝑰𝑨𝑵 [ h / h, b. 2004 ] and i hope you all grow to love him as much as i do. he was born to a family of musicians here in seoul, and his entire life has revolved around music. dad owns and operates a music shop that also offers instrument repairs, his mother is a music teacher, and his three older siblings are all involved in the industry somehow !! there are more details about him on his statistics page, which can be found right 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆, and there’s some more info below the cut, as well. for plots, 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒂 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 and i’ll im you !! 🥰

[  🌱  ]   𝑻𝑹𝑨𝑱𝑬𝑪𝑻𝑶𝑹𝒀.

01.   kian was born and raised in seoul, south korea, specifically the mapo district, and honestly? he’s had a relatively “normal” upbringing. his mom and dad have always been extremely supportive, loving, and incredible to him and his siblings. they were the black sheep of their families, and they never wanted their kids to feel the same judgment they felt from their parents, and that heavily influenced their parenting style. it did him so, so well to have them as a foundation to grow from, and there’s not a whole lot of pitfalls or tragedies to note in his background because of it. he’s just a cute kid in a huge city that partook in his family’s shared love of music, and lived a simple childhood.

02.   as a kid, he was the singer of his family band. they would play every weekend at the shop, and over time, his parents helped craft him into a talented vocalist—one inspired by all types of music, all types of voices, and who really listened to everything he could. not only that, but he took to the guitar and the piano, but dabbles in other instruments here and there. for being so young, his knowledge of music and its theory is vast, and huge, and wide, thanks to his parents. he often prioritized music and band rehearsals over school, and was a bad student, but he never planned on doing anything with academics anyway and his family never put pressure on him to do so, to be honest.

03.   nowadays, he’s boppin’ around mapo ( and the city at large ); trying his best to get into an entertainment company, but until then, he’s working at his family’s shop, writing a ton of music, performing at open mic nights, following stray cats around, skateboarding, and living the dream, really. his life is so simple, and he’s taking it so easily, and he’s a beam of light in all of his friends’ / loved ones’ lives. if you ever need someone to help put a smile on your face, kian is definitely the person to go to. he’s so sunny and happy-go-lucky, and there’s more on his personality below if you’re interested in reading.

[  🌱  ]   𝑫𝑰𝑺𝑷𝑶𝑺𝑰𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵.

01.   for those who are like me and very into astrology, kian’s a triple pisces ( sun, moon, and rising ), so i ask that you all please pray for him since now. 🤣 he spends most all of his time within the caverns of his mind, and has a very hard time escaping the makeshift world he’s created; one that’s far more idealistic than the one that’s around him. whenever the harsh realities of life creep up on him, he’s known to retreat from them; to hide from things that harsh his mellow or down his vibe. he often chooses to do this by holing himself up in a room and just writing / composing for hours upon hours upon hours; coming up with song after song at a speed that seems almost insane, but when he really gives himself into his feelings, and into his music, there’s almost no stopping him when he’s on a roll. he often avoids basically everything else when in these states, too; tunnel vision to the extreme. it’s caused his parents concern a few times before.

02.   he’s been described recently as a “skate park peter pan” and it’s pretty accurate, to be honest. there’s something very childlike about him, and that’s both good and bad. it’s good in that his worldview is rather wholesome and sweet, and he sees so much good in people, and has a hard time seeing the negative sides of life, or recognizing when people aren’t so good. that’s where it becomes fairly bad. he’s very gullible, very easy to lead astray, and he has to be really careful with who he surrounds himself with because things could go south very fast. he’s naturally rather submissive in personality, he follows instead of leads, so it’s imperative that he makes friends with those who won’t take advantage of this quality about him. another reason his childlike demeanor is “bad” is because he SUCKS when it comes to normal adult responsibilities, and likely will always be bad at the “practical” sides of life.

03.   his heightened sensitivity, as well as his habit of self-sacrificing, make him a great support system for people. i kind of like to think of him as a cat who notices their owner is upset, so they go cuddle up on their lap, or their chest, or wherever cats lay and soak up all their problems. this, though, can sometimes become overwhelming to / for him because he’s known to take on way too many problems that are not his own. many people find comfort in talking to him, or hanging out with him, and he loves that he can make people smile, but he needs to take it easy on that sometimes to recover or he’ll suffer burnout.

04.   trouble seems to follow him wherever he goes. i wouldn’t necessarily call it bad luck, but it’s more that he’s so flighty and kinda careless, and very trusting, so he ends up in these cartoonishly hilarious situations rather often. since he was a kid, he’d blame the trouble he’d cause on imaginary fairies that were following him around, and even now as an adult, he blames them. mostly for fun nowadays, but you know. if he can get away with it, he 100% will.

05.   as mentioned in his profile, he collects really useless fun facts all of the time. he’ll tell them to you whether you want to hear them or not. that, and he’s also highly intrigued with metaphysics. he buys more into that than most other things, and he wants to get into tarot cards, fortune telling, and palmistry, but he’s yet to put his energy fully there yet. he’s so, so focused on music, and making it a career, that it’s totally taken him over for the time being.

[reinventingkeigh]

🎬 My Liberation Notes

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Plot Synopis: Three siblings, exhausted by the monotony of day-to-day adulthood, seek to find fulfillment and freedom from their unremarkable lives.

This is a slow burn drama about three siblings trying to figure out life even when they're already in their 30s. They're normal people like us who are still trying and thriving in life. It's very relatable. I love the rawness of this series that you just want the siblings to achieve the life that they ought to have and be happy.

I cried so much when their mom died. I just felt how empty their house became when she left. Their mom was always in the background helping everyone, always serving them. But when she left, you'll really notice her absence.

Then I thought how do we handle when we lose someone we love later in life? Where does those memories go? Where does love go? How do you grieve for that person whom you love so much?

Though their mom's death is really saddening, this triggered changes in the lives of the siblings.

This is a series that slowly grows on you. It's giving you hope to live despite challenges, even when you have no more reason to live. As what Yeom Mi-Jeong told Mr. Gu, "find something that makes you happy for a second and make it a goal to be happy 5 minutes every single day. Now you have a reason to live.

Since I watched the first half in 2023 and the second half just recently, I forgot that the start of the series was Mi Jeong feeling lonely and making up this special someone in her head to be happy and the end at ep 16 was her being with Mr. Gu. Okay. Got it. It was a romantic drama afterall.

But what really hooked me first is the rant about work and travel. When I started watching this way back in 2023, we just got back to the required back-to-office set up. It was hell. 2-3 hours commute going to work and 2 hours back home. You just wasted 5 hours of your life. Then you go home around 8PM and sleep then wake up again at 5AM to prep for office. It's always like this before. I was almost always ranting that time and Liberation Notes make me feel heard and seen since our office are not considerate enough to even listen. But later on the ranting paid off and we're on a hybrid set up now. Lol.

That's it for now. Watch this series if you're struggling or trying to figure out life. :)

~ Keigh

[sarangbe]

[  🌹  ]  𝖉𝖊𝖆𝖗 𝖘𝖊𝖚𝖑𝖌𝖎...

𝖓𝖊𝖝𝖙 𝖌𝖊𝖓 𝖘𝖊𝖆𝖘𝖔𝖓 𝖔𝖓𝖊 /  LETTER SOLO— 𝖙𝖑𝖉𝖗 /  SARANG PENS A LETTER TO HIS BROTHER TO READ ALOUD IN THE INTERVIEW ROOM — EP 5 ! 𝖒𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓𝖘 /  HIS OLDER BROTHER, YEOM SEULGI. 𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖉 𝖈𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖙 /  WRITTEN IN ROUGHLY 𝟕𝟏𝟓 WORDS.

while he currently lives with his older brother and sees him very often, sarang sometimes thinks that he doesn’t express how grateful, and lucky, he is to have him in his life. literally all of his early memories, even the very first ones that he can recall, involve seulgi in one way or another. every time he took a fall and scraped his knees, seulgi was the one that dressed his wounds and kissed them better. whenever he was having a hard time with math homework, seulgi sat beside him and helped him work out each equation. all of his tears were wiped away by seulgi, all of his meals were lovingly made by seulgi, and seulgi was the first ever “model” he had—being a trooper while sarang draped him in old curtains, and sheets, and blankets in an attempt to make “garments” like the fashion designer he’s always dreamed of becoming. if it wasn’t for his sibling, he has no idea what kind of existence he would’ve led. it’s not secret to either of them that their parents aren’t great, and in all honesty, they’re more like devious phantoms than actual fixtures in their lives.

that, though, is for the better, and now that they’re on their own and able to freely pursue their goals, he’s never been more happy, and he wants seulgi to know that his current state of mind is all because of his love. so, as he settles down to read the letter he wrote to him, he’s ready to pour all of his heart into it—wanting the public to know that he has the best big brother in the world; that there’s genuinely no contest.

“to my big brother,” he begins, a fond smile tugging at one corner of his mouth. he’s not the type to get flooded with emotions, but he already feels warmth swelling in his chest—his eyes threatening to burn with tears, but are thankfully still dry as of now. “first of all, if i haven’t told you lately, please know that i love you so much.” sarang pauses, takes a steady breath, then proceeds. “for as long as i’ve been alive, you’ve been there to hold my hand whenever i was in need of support. whether it be giving me pep talks before going to school, or bringing me little gifts whenever i was feeling down, or nursing me back to health when i wasn’t well, you’ve always taken care of me, even when it wasn’t your job to do so.” that statement creates a lump in his throat, but he breathes through it; not wanting to get overwhelmed so soon.

“you have sacrificed so much of your life to raise me, and all i can hope is that i’m able to repay you somehow. whenever it is i can reach my goals, and make my dreams come true, the first thing on my to-do list is to ensure that you’re living as comfortably as possible; that you’re able to kick your feet up and relax after living a life that’s put so much weight on your shoulders.” a delicate frown contorts his countenance, and as he fights off the urge to become emotional, he lifts a hand and dabs away the single tear that falls down his cheek. “i know it hasn’t always been easy for you, and for us, but there’s nothing i want more than to help you carry the weight you’ve been sustaining all alone; to support you like you always support me.”

refusing to sob in front of the microphones and cameras, he remains composed as he utters the last of his letter; hoping that seulgi hears him. “thank you for everything you’ve ever done for me, and for everything you continue to do for me. i couldn’t ask for a better brother, role model, and guardian, and i’m so lucky that i get to go on life’s journey alongside you. remember, if you ever need anything from me, i’ll always be there for you, too. i love you so much. with love, your bratty little brother, ddarang.”

with that, he bows to the staff present in the room, then finds the nearest mirror to touch up his face—not wanting any of the other contestants to see him sweat.

[czares-tea]

Drop that line and slide an ice cream to Mijeong.

My Liberation Notes (2022)

This is not just a kdrama, this is a way to live.

[samuoni]

i love how each one of the yeom siblings is relatable but in completely different ways. and relatable not in the "i do this (sometimes)" sense but "it feels like someone ripped open my chest and looked inside" sense.

there's gi jeong with her irrational fear of embarrassment, driving her to the point of faking an accident. nothing makes me feel more seen than the visual representation of me wanting to get hit by a truck every time i feel like i've been perceived. why can't you, the world, shut your eyes off to me existing? feeling tired to the core, all day every day without a valid reason to back it up. wanting to take off your arms and legs for a moment, wishing for someone to carry you and scrub your back. analogies that never sit right with anyone. i'm sorry i told you that i would pick up my lover's severed head, do you still think i'm hot? guilt soaring so high in your system that you're on your knees, bowing down to what? you don't know yourself. but bowing down nonetheless - i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry - as the moonlight creeps in.

chang hee with his lack of direction in life, living from one day to the next in itself can be be a chore at times and he's felt it. how do you expect me to peer into the future when i barely managed to survive today? why can't that be enough? realization dawning upon you that you might be the very thing you hate and wanting to slap the wits out of yourself because of it. in constant search for an elder male figure to validate you because you never received any from the one whose blood and bones are your very own. tell me i worked hard. tell me to rest. giving up on persuing romantic interests because you know, just know, that you will not be enough.

and mi jeong. mi jeong my beloved. no character has touched the inner workings of my soul as much as her. not feeling like you belong in public settings, forcing yourself to smile and nod because that's what they've told you will make you worthy of acceptance. wondering how people living on top of the world don't just jump off, thunderstorms making you comfortable because all you've ever wanted is for the world to end. never finding the strength in yourself to fight back, never being able to free yourself from the familiarity of attachments, never feeling complete. she's exactly what the personification of daily life existentialism would look like, neither happy nor sad, stuck in a repetitive state of being. how do you not want to coddle her in your arms? frogs getting torn to shreds, bad-mouthing your senior at work, biting into the flesh of what you adore - discovering that loving is listening, loving is saying out loud whatever comes to mind.

i will take this reassurance - you, too, can live the life of a main character - down to my grave.

[fewwordsdotrick]

spoilers for my liberation notes

i just finished my liberation notes. it all felt so brutally realistic. the monotony, the pressure to match up to your colleagues, the fact that you see your family around so much that not saying a word to each other won’t ruin anything. this show was basically screaming déjà vu for me because when you see it all happening in front of you, it’s a different story. i almost felt called out.

there was one thing that i realised which is that the family lacked physical touch, or even opening up for that matter. not once in the whole show did i see the siblings hugging each other. when gi-yeong comes home after being rejected by tae-hoon, she’s sobbing. mi-jeong has tears looking at her sister so miserable but doesn’t say much because she doesn’t know how to tell her that it will be okay. even when they’re waiting for the bus, right after their mom’s passing and gi-yeong begins to cry. mi-jeong doesn’t say much but tells her the bus is coming. there’s no words of wisdom as such. reminding her that the bus is coming is basically letting her know that she needs to pull it together.

the chemistry between gu and mi-jeong was unmatched. i mean they were barely touching each other before they meet in seoul a few years later. yet it all seemed so perfect. there were factors like family being around and the fact that they wanted it quiet. they wouldn’t even hold hands, not even when they were alone in his house. but then in seoul, it all just blossoms. the complete shift in characters, they’re laughing, he’s easily hugging and cuddling her, he’s looking at her with so much love, it put an instant smile on my face. gu seemed so in love with her, the expression on his face which screams “YEOM MI-JEONG IM NEVER LETTING YOU GO” made my heart melt. every time he looked at her with a smile, it felt beautiful.

i’ve binged this show to the extent where i dreamed out what the next episode will be like. i even found myself sitting like gu, looking aimlessly. but god, such a beautiful drama.

the only complain i have is there wasn’t another kiss between gu and mi-jeong. that one kiss on the hill wasn’t enough for my heart.

[marktuansvevo]

how got7 reacts to the sight of mistletoe

warning(s); cursing, a tiny bit of suggestive content in youngjae’s drabble. 

happy december first loves  ♡

mark; smug

mark knew how easy it was to make you red in the face. if he was being honest, it was his favorite thing to do. he just adored teasing you, and the tradition of mistletoe would help him embarrass you.

the two of you were holiday shopping, hand in hand as you looked for presents for the boys and for your siblings. you were having a blast until you went to get ice cream, where of course the local shop had to have mistletoe. you wanted to ignore it, didn’t want to bring attention to yourself. you tugged on mark’s hand, knowing he was amused already. 

“what are you doing? we’re holding up the line,” you whined. 

“y/n, there is no line,”

“I just really want ice cream,” you sputtered as he pulled you into his chest to kiss you oh so softly. you blushed as soon as he pulled away as the teenaged workers whooped and whistled at you, not wanting to look at mark’s shit eating grin. 

“you’re so cute when you’re red, baby,”

jaebeom; playful

jaebeom loved mistletoe because it gave him an excuse to kiss you more. 

one night while you were out with your friends, he stopped at the dollar store and bought a bunch of mistletoe. he hung it from your bedroom door, the front door, the back door, the opening to the kitchen and the dining room...even the door to the bathroom. it was all over your apartment now. he just wanted to kiss you anytime he could :(

he sat in the living room waiting up for you, not realizing you and your friends would be out so late. he was nodding off as you walked through the door. jaebeom stirred, flinging himself off the couch and into your arms. you immediately started giggling.

“what’s going on?” he didn’t say anything and pointed up, waiting for you to look at the pretty plant before diving in for a kiss. now both of you were giggling. 

“aren’t you thirsty from a long night out? let me get you some water,” now you were confused. he lead you to the kitchen and looked above the entryway, looking shocked. 

“ooh, mistletoe!” he kissed you again. 

make no mistake, this would be how things would going for the rest of the month.

jackson; extra

as if he would be anything else. you would dread seeing mistletoe when you were with your boyfriend. especially out in public. it didn’t matter where you were, you could be at the mall, a restaurant...your bedroom. he would make it a big show. jackson would absolutely dip you and kiss you full on the lips, smirking against your lips. “a kiss for my christmas angel,” he would always say. and you would always cringe. he got a kick out of people watching him show you off, the voyeur.

one time, he actually dropped you on your head (on accident, of course). the two of you were out dancing at a bar when a bartender came over and held mistletoe over your head, making you groan. “please don’t encourage him,” you’d say as jackson got up off the barstool he was sitting on and took your hand. he was giggling now. 

“my honey, i need to kiss you,” he said before puckering his lips. you got off the stool and let him dip you, waiting for it. what you got was him dropping you on accident.

“y/n!!!” he yelled before very ungracefully fell on top of you to give you a proper, albeit drunk, kiss. you were fine, just drunk and giggling and so, so happy. now maybe he’d stop dipping you.  

(who were you kidding? the man would never stop showing you off).

jinyoung; cheeky

would make some many jokes to make you laugh. when the two of you went to your mothers to visit for the holidays, the two of you would mingle with your relatives and eat cookies before dinner. your mom invited the pair of you into the kitchen, to presumably help her set the table, but that’s not what she wanted.

you walked hand and hand into the kitchen, where your mom was waggling her eyebrows and pointing to the pretty mistletoe above you in the threshold. she wanted to get a picture of you two, but you were just embarrassed. jinyoung let out his signature laugh before thanking your mom. “thank you so much for this opportunity, she never kisses me at home,” he would tease, making you slap him in the chest before you let him kiss you. the photo your mom took of you would inevitably become your christmas card.

youngjae; reserved

youngjae thought mistletoe was a cute tradition, I mean, any time he had an excuse to kiss you, he’d take it. he loves sharing affection with you, so of course, he tapes some mistletoe over your doorway.

“jae!! come here!!” he could hear you giggling from your shared bedroom.

“what’s up baby?” he asked as he crawled onto the bed with you before pecking you on the lips.

“we’re in a youtube tea channel,” you were laughing hysterically. “remember those girls who were videoing us at starbucks?” you handed your phone to him.

earlier in the day the two of you went to get coffee after a long day of christmas shopping. while you were picking your drinks up, you noticed there was mistletoe hanging above you. youngjae noticed too, and gave you a simple kiss on the mouth before heading out. it wasn’t a big deal, just a cute simple peck on the mouth.

but apparently it was a big deal with youngjae’s fans.

“this looks like a loveless relationship, let’s replay the clip,” one of the girls said. youngjae just looks bewildered at you. “she just pecks him. I mean, if youngjae were my man, i’d be all over him. i’d have mistletoe hanging all over the place. but noooo, y/n just gives him a peck like a grandma gives her grandkid.”

“i literally kissed you,” jae muttered. “i literally leaned down to kiss you!!!”

“we’re in a loveless relationship because  we don’t make out in public. should we break up? those girls seem to be a better fit for you,” you teased as you climbed your way into his lap to kiss him.

“god, maybe you should kiss me with tongue and the love will pop back into our relationship,” he giggled as you sucked hickeys into his neck.

“maybe if we go back to starbucks and I shoved my tongue in your mouth, they’d be satisfied?” you hummed as he pulled your top over your head.

“im sure they’d make another tea video calling you out.”

bam; dramatic

bam is always silly, sometimes when he sees mistletoe, he’ll pull you into his arms, old hollywood movie style, saying some nonsense like “kiss me, my love, or surely we will be cursed,” and makes a big, big deal of it. this is what mostly happens, he just loves to see you laugh. and he loves kissing your pretty full lips.

on the flip side, he could be annoying about it.

you were going out to jaeboems for a christmas party and had politely asked your boyfriend to change his outfit — only because it clashed with yours. you both surely couldn’t wear plaid, it wouldn’t look right. he huffed and puffed about it but did change his flannel for a sweater instead.

you walked through the door to see a piece of mistletoe above you. you moved to kiss him, and he dramatically ran away from you, making jaeboem giggle. “I don’t want to kiss you!! you have mean girlfriend cooties!!”

“fine!! I’ll have jaeboem kiss me then!”

he looks stunned at you, before running over and kissing you on the cheek. “there you go you meanie.”

yugyeom; embarrassed

oh yeom, such a big baby. he would just blush at the sight of the festive plant. yugyeom would always let you take the lead, being too embarrassed to be dramatic like bam or over the top like jackson. he followed your lead always.

you lead him into your brothers house, where you were going to babysit your niece and nephew while your brother and sister in law could go out on a date.

you knocked on their door before your niece opened and squealed. “you brought uncle yugy!!!” you looked at your boyfriend who was already blushing. “of course!!”

“hey guys!”

“yeom, there’s mistletoe!” your sister winked at him, knowing how to embarrass him.

“mommy!! don’t make them do it!!” your nephew wailed.

“but honey it’s a tradition!!” you told him before getting on your tiptoes to kiss your boyfriend, laughing as the kids screamed — your nephew fake vomiting. yugyeom was so red, hiding his head in your chest. 

“I swear to god, every piece of mistletoe I see, I’m going to rip down so I don’t have to deal with that ever again,” he whined.

[littlefangirlfantasy]

This kind of fear Ch.2

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 2

Chang-kyun [Helen's ex-boyfriend] (Monsta X) 

Kim Yug-yeom [Yuggy] (Got7) 

🍋

Jackson hadn't visited me anymore and Jeong-guk hadn't shown up in English lecture for the rest of the week. Every single day went on without me communicating with anyone other than my family who I called on every Thursday, asking them about their well-being and their day.

I had a younger sister, an older sister, and an older brother, so I could have never called myself lonely in all the 17 years I had lived with them back home in a small town in Korea. There hadn't been a day going by without somehow interacting with people I cared about. I had always enjoyed annoying my older siblings with my younger one for example. Planning pranks and surprising them when they least expected it, I had always had a weird way of showing my affection towards others.

My loving father had often told me crazy and funny stories about his childhood and him doing the same thing, only that he had stood as the oldest sibling. He always supported my liveliness. Not that my mother didn't. There was a reason after all why she was still married to her husband. Still, she was more on the calmer side; polite, friendly, and very ladylike in all kinds of situations. It must have been hard on her raising such a bold brat like me. And still, she had never complained about it, ever.

Since my mother was such an honest human being, she had educated all her children on how telling the truth was a number one rule under her roof. To this day, I worshipped Mom's principle everywhere I went. It was a piece of her I carried around with me all the time. Partly to make up for all the trouble I had given her by bothering my older sister and brother throughout my childhood. Thankfully both of them took after our mom and never failed to forgive me for all the weird phases I had gone through. Especially when I had hit puberty. Though Theodor, my brother, who was six years older than me, didn't need to deal with it after he had gone to college when I was twelve years old.

Unlike my older sister, Helen, with whom I was only three years apart. I still remember that one particular moment I had embarrassed her in front of her first steady boyfriend. Chang-kyun had been such a nice guy though and cared very little about all the cringy stories I had revealed about Helen. I must have been sadder than my sister when both of them agreed to break up after one year. Chang-kyun had graduated earlier at high school—being one year older than my sister—and decided to go abroad after. His departure had been the end of their romantic relationship.

And then there was my little sister, Evelyn, who had to put up with my bullshit just like Helen. I'm pretty sure she had learned a lot from my mistakes: She never got in trouble, generally socialized, and behaved around her superiors. With her 15 years, she sometimes acted more like an adult than I would have ever been capable of. But that was okay. As my lovely mother's saying went, 'Every human being is different. There's plenty of time to figure yourself out and take everything at your own pace.'

I truly missed my family on days like these, when I was trying to cook a proper meal while listening to emotional movie soundtracks. Yes, indeed, I was a true nerd at heart, appreciating good music.

Becoming roommates with Lisa was pretty much the same as living alone. The first few weeks she had been at home, we had cooked a lot together and went out sometimes to watch a movie or to even attend house parties. That girl knew every street corner and additionally a lot of people since she had grown up in SM Town. She had been my biggest help in settling in a completely new home and had never failed to make me feel welcomed. That was what I called an actual blooming friendship, unlike that thing that had gone on between me and Jeong-guk for a whole month.

Then Lalisa started disappearing to God knows where. Sure, I didn't ask her, so she wasn't coming up with many explanations, but it was obvious that she was involved in shady matters.

That guy Jackson was enough evidence for that theory. Everything about him screamed danger. And yes, even in dangerous situations I still let my big mouth get the best of me. And yes, now rather than one thug, I had two thugs plotting my death. But then again, they probably didn't give a shit about an irrelevant first-year student like me.

I sighed, measuring the rice and water before putting it in a small pot and positioning it on the burner. Soon the boiling vegetables would be ready to be served and it seemed that the salmon which baked in the oven was also almost fully cooked. I leaned against the kitchen counter for a moment, sliding my phone out of the right front pocket of my sweats. I had already opened social media when all of a sudden a loud thud sounded at the entrance door. My phone had almost fallen out of my hands as I winced at the loud noise.

What the hell was that? I immediately stopped the music on the small electrical device and waited.

It had sounded as if someone had run against the white doorframe, trying to break in. I gulped as that possibility crossed my mind. Someone suddenly started fidgeting with the lock, which made me freeze until I heard a feminine voice curse behind the door. It must have been Lisa who thought I hadn't locked up at first which explained the loud thud that had followed. Now she tried to open the door without any success. Did she forget her key by chance?

I cautiously strode to the door and turned the lock. I grabbed the handle and was about to pull the doorframe when it was torn from my grip by a fast and sudden movement and could only be hindered from banging against the next wall by the convenient doorstopper.

A young woman with shoulder-length rosé colored hair and blue eyes stood before me. She pushed me without warning and quickly shut the door behind her. Then the young woman looked at me, breathing heavily as if she'd been running a marathon. Her face looked very similar. If she hadn't changed and cut off her blonde hair and put blue lenses over her originally brown eyes, I would have realized from the start that it was my roommate, Lalisa. Without waiting for me to adjust to the new situation, she suddenly grabbed me by my shoulders and shook me.

"You need to leave!" she panicked. "Hurry! Grab your backpack and some spare clothes!"

"What?" I could only bring through my lips, totally shocked about her strange behavior.

The thin girl rushed past me and headed towards my bedroom.

"Wait!" I automatically reacted and followed her. "What is going on? Lisa?"

She rushed to my closet, opened it, and rapidly went over all my clothes, pulling pieces out of the secured place and throwing them randomly on my bed. I stared at her from the doorframe, not daring to interfere and raise the possibility to make her break out in complete madness. I didn't know how Lalisa reacted to small provocations when she was in a panic mode after all.

"Hurry! Grab your schoolbag and a toothbrush!"

Although I was very much confused and shocked by everything at that moment, I still obeyed. I went over to the bathroom, grabbed my pink toothbrush, my hairbrush, and all the facial products I used for my bad skin. Well, my face wasn't that bad anymore but I still used the creams so I wouldn't have drastic breakouts. Thankfully these beauty products worked just perfectly, so I brought them with me wherever I went.

Back in the bedroom I stuffed them into my backpack and grabbed my phone charger from my desk. Lisa put all the clothes she randomly picked out for me in a paper bag and then threw them at me, so I had to catch them.

She then practically pushed me out of the apartment and then quickly handed me over a piece of paper while I rushed to get my comfortable sports shoes on my feet.

Everything happened too fast. I wasn't able to keep up at all.

"What's this?" I asked her, my eyes trained on the piece of paper, even though there were a lot other more important questions I needed to know the answers to at this point.

"You can use Google Maps or whatever useful App you have on your phone to find this address. Just say that I'm the one sending you and that you desperately need a roof over your head for one night at least," she explained and gave me my jacket next.

"Why? What happened?" I asked her since I was very confused about her plan. I put down the paper bag, so I could put my forest green jacket on and zip it.

"I'm going to call you and explain everything later! Just write to me when you're there and reassure me that you're taken in for the night. Then everything's fine and I can forgive myself for putting you through this right now," she told me.

Now that I had the opportunity to look at Lisa's face, I immediately took notice of the dark circles under her eyes and her tired and worried gaze. There was no smile, no jokes, no over-dragged 'gurl'. Nothing seemed to remain of the once happy and funny person that she had been.

"Okay," I agreed. In my head it was a different story, of course, crazy thoughts crossing each other and creating even more insane theories about the current situation I was in.

"Okay," she repeated, relaxing a little bit at my approval. Lisa put a hand over her right cheek while slowly inhaling and exhaling. My roommate had lost some weight based upon her more defined face and the way her bomber jacket looked bigger on her compared to the last time I had seen it on her. Her hopeless and pained facial expression was also quite alarming since I had gotten used to her smiling face and sparkling eyes. It hurt me more than I wanted to admit. Sure, I hadn't known her for that long but I didn't need to. There had been an ultimate connection between us from the start. Although I had been skeptical about anyone approaching me I wasn't like that with her. I trusted her.

"I'm so, so sorry, Odi. Believe me, I've never wanted to involve you with any of this. I'll do everything in my power to make it up for you one day." Her apology made my heart clench.

"That's what friends are for. You can rely on me," I reassured her as I grabbed after her shockingly cold hand and squeezed it softly. Sometimes she acted like a loner as if there was nobody to turn to when she felt lost and sad.

"I don't deserve such a good friend like you" she had said before she pulled me into a desperate and hesitant hug. "Thank you for not giving up on me."

With the piece of paper clutched tightly in my hands, I wrapped my arm around her tiny body and lay my head on her shoulder. She was a little bit taller than me. However, her slim figure often made her look smaller and fragile. Lisa wasn't weak though. She had been the strongest and bravest girl I had ever come across. Wrapped in each other's arms, we had stayed in that position for some time since both of us didn't want to let go. Although I tried very hard to blank out all the negative thoughts, I couldn't help but feel as if this was the last time I would ever get the chance to embrace this person.

"Please be careful," Lisa said as we managed to part. "The streets are even more dangerous at night," she added thoughtfully while wiping her eyes with both of her palms. Seeing her upset like this truly pained me.

"You don't need to worry. I can take care of myself," I reassured her. There was nothing else I could say or do.

She acknowledged my words, however, they didn't hold the power to calm her down. Whatever it was that had forced her to send me away, it was stressing her out a lot.

"I can't thank you enough for putting up with such an annoying and selfish human like me. I've made far too many demands from the start and expected you to always follow my wishes. This will be the last time I ask you to do something for me."

The last time. Why did it sound like a goodbye?

"No matter what happens, don't come back here until I give you the okay sign. Promise me, Odi."

It didn't feel right at all, leaving her behind in such a critical situation. My heart told me not to follow her wishes and stay since it clenched at the mere thought of fulfilling her wish. It wasn't my place to make decisions though. If she wanted me to leave I needed to respect her plea. How I felt and what I wanted didn't matter in this situation. It wasn't my place to go against her ideas and plans. Lisa was the one to deal with her problem after all, not me.

"I promise."

If leaving would make her feel better then there was nothing holding me back.

A hopeful smile spread over her face at my answer. She finally smiled. I did too although my heart still ached and my eyes stung. It hadn't been the right answer for me but it was certainly for her, and that was enough for me.

Without saying another word, I flung my backpack over my back and grabbed the paper bag. Lisa looked like she wanted to say something else, opening her mouth but then decided against it and closed it again in the end. She just stood there with glazing fake blue eyes and her right hand gripping her left upper arm.

With the crumpled piece of paper in my hands, I turned around and stepped out of the doorway into the cold night. Feeling like I betrayed her, nausea spread in my stomach, making me almost throw up as I strode away from her and went down the stairs.

"Gurl!" the voice of Lisa echoed around the small apartment complex, making me stop in my track and look up to the terrace where the thin girl stood. She gripped the railing as she looked at me from above. I could merely see the outline of her silhouette since the light was coming from behind her, so her facial expression stayed hidden. "We won't ever let us be oppressed by the king of shit!"

I was surprised by her words at first. After all, I said the same to Jeong-guk in that café one week ago.

Find the one who caused this mess and put him behind bars...I had thought I was the only one romanticizing that naïve idea.

"Damn right! Let us kick him from his shitty throne!" I shouted back after some time. Suddenly the guilt and pain weren't nagging at my nerves anymore. Moreover, I didn't feel as if I would leave her behind. Her hearty laugh filled the silence, making the hairs on my arms stand up. My heartbeat quickened as the sweet sound filled my ears, blocking out all my worries and pain. All the memories of us laughing and joking took over my thoughts, creating a false feeling of security and ease.

For a moment I stood there zoned out and still under the illusion of the world revolving in peace around me. The silhouette didn't move as well, maybe because she was under the same circumstances. Lisa was a girl who shone brighter than the sun when she smiled and her eyes sparkled like the sea when she talked. And as I imagined her looking at me like that, I turned away and set off.

I used my phone flashlight to be able to read the address on the piece of paper while walking. The street name was unknown to me, but then again, I hadn't been that familiar with SM Town yet. While going down the stairs I unlocked my smartphone and opened Google Maps, typing in the address. The place was 30 minutes away by foot from our apartment. I sighed yet again, Lisa still on my mind.

There were still many questions I needed answers to. I grabbed tightly onto the paper bag and held it firmly to my upper body while I held my phone up, so it could lead me the way. While walking faster I prayed that nothing dangerous lingered in the dark that would jump at me and kill me.

I flinched as suddenly a bush rattled near the silent road. Immediately, I directed my flashlight at the groomed plant and watched out for anything weird. It was only a black cat that quickly ran away when it had been hit by the bright light of my phone. I had muttered a quick apology before continuing to walk down the narrow street the map had colored out for me.

Maybe I was being too paranoid or had just simply watched too many Horror Movies, but I truly felt as if someone was watching me. Now, I didn't believe in ghosts or any kind of creepy monsters that lingered in the dark. My fear was a little bit more logical and rational than that—or so I had liked to think. There was something that made my skin crawl and created an uncomfortable feeling in my guts. I tried very hard not to point my flashlight in all the shady-looking directions and make me additionally look like a madwoman who had big problems with her sanity.

I didn't care about what others thought about me,  though I never had. Sure, my big mouth had led me to minor conflicts with former teachers, students, and even strangers—that had always made me reflect on my behavior—but all in all, I had never been afraid to show my true self. It was more about what I thought about myself as weird as it probably sounded. I didn't want to let my scaredy-cat side show. And maybe it was stubborn of me to always try to hide all my insecurities but I hated to feel scared and vulnerable. I always forced myself to be brave, so I could train myself to be fearless.

It didn't work although I often told myself the opposite. To manipulate oneself wasn't as easy as to manipulate others.

A group of men caught my attention as I was walking past them. They sat on the sidewalk with lit cigarettes between their fingers and smoked. I immediately held my breath and growled internally. I hated the smoke. The guys were all quiet which I thought was strange at first but my brain was soon filled with other inspections. Loud bass boosted music flooded through the dim-lit street and I immediately noticed on my phone that the address I was trying to get to was only a few blocks away. It didn't surprise me that Lisa had sent me to someone who lent their home out for parties and big get-togethers.

Why wouldn't there be parties? It was Saturday night. The only time students could have fun carelessly was on the weekends since they had to concentrate on learning on the other days. Well, if they took college seriously that is.

I sighed as I came to a halt in front of the building that held the address. A lot of dancing young people could be seen through the big windows. I had never been here before. Not that I went to parties alone. I only stayed at home in my free time and studied. And if I didn't learn for college, I listened to music, watched movies and TV shows or read books as well as online stoes, and researched about current political issues. That was the moment I realized how unsocial I truly was—an outsider if you will.

People scared me nowadays to be completely honest. Back in my hometown, I had been able to peacefully talk to anyone. There hadn't been any unwritten rules and there had certainly been no danger that involved you getting beaten up by people you called your friends only because you said something about the growing issue with criminals. Rapidly growing violence must have been the start of everything.

When I had turned 15 the only thing we, the civilians, had been able to see on the News and hear on the radio was the uprise of gangsters around Korea and also the massive increase of illegality. My poor mother still to this day couldn't believe what the world had come to. My father, on the other hand, seemed to slowly accept our county's fate and had simply told me and my siblings to stay away from trouble, so we could lead a calm and peaceful life while letting the trouble unfold itself around us. That had probably been the main reason why I didn't socialize and didn't let myself fall into the unpredictable world of parties and the bad influence of strangers.

I shook my head to clear it from all my wild thoughts and rang the doorbell. It had made a sharp sound though I almost didn't hear it through the buzzing of the loud music. Then finally, the door opened and revealed a tall young man with light brown hair. The lamp on the wall made his hair look golden.

"Come in, come in," he had immediately said before his dark eyes roamed over my shorter frame. "I hope you know that this party is not meant to be a sleepover though," he added, a humorous smile on his pretty face. I felt very awkward at that instant. He probably made that joke because of my sweats and my oversized pullover under my jacket. And of course because of the big paper bag and my backpack.

"I'm not here to attend the party," I told him, slowly taking my steps towards him but stopping just before going up the stair to the front terrace. His expression became puzzled and urged me to explain further.

"Can I maybe talk to the host?" I asked the guy, gripping the paper bag tighter to my chest.

"Yes, that would be me," he answered. Then suddenly realization seemed to hit him and his dark eyes widened. Since I had focused on his chocolate-colored orbs, I noticed a small mole sideways under his under-eye.

"Oh, I understand now! We're sorry for being so loud. We'll try to tone it down a little bit," he assured me although that hadn't been my intention at all.

"Oh no! I'm not here to complain! I don't even live in this neighborhood. Lisa has sent me here," I quickly corrected him.

His eyebrows raised, and mouth slightly open he made a surprised face.

"Lisa?" he asked.

"What's up, Yuggy?" another male voice interrupted him which sounded very familiar to my ears.

"Kookie," the young man greeted the other one who then also appeared in the doorway. It was Jeong-guk. I wanted to facepalm myself. Of course, he would be here. He was more of an outgoing person than me for sure.

My fellow student's relaxed stance immediately vanished as he had also noticed me. His dark eyes narrowed at me for a moment but then he just shook his head and pulled at the door, so it was wide open.

"Come in," he said. Well, it sounded more like an order anyway.

"But—," I began but got immediately interrupted.

"I know," he simply said. "You can stay the night."

Yuggy or whatever his name was looked a little bit taken aback and gave his friend—calling him Kookie was enough to sign—a confused look. Jeong-Guk ignored him and kept his gaze on me. I only nodded, feeling even more uncomfortable. Sleeping under a tree on a clear night didn't seem like a bad idea suddenly.

But rather than running away and doing exactly that, I followed the Korean man into the house. All the areas were packed full of people dancing, drinking, and talking. It was a bit hard to move between them as Jeong-guk led me up to the staircase. I felt less awkward when we were up on the first floor, leaving all the people behind. The guests seemed to respect the bedroom area since there had been no one on the floor.

"You can use this room for the night," Jeong-guk instructed, as he opened one wooden door and switched on the lights. A small and messy came into my view.

"It's our third roommate's. He won't be back until the day after tomorrow, so you can take over his couch," my fellow studebt instructed. He nodded to me, a sign that I should enter the room. How kind, letting me pass through. I immediately noticed the piece of furniture in the corner of the room with a lot of different stuff laying on it. From diverse clothing pieces to random computer games and even porn magazines. How...comfortable.

"Well, then, goodnight."

He was about to close the door when I stopped him midways.

"Why?" I asked.

"Why what?"

"Why are you helping me?"

After all the awful things I've said, I wanted to add but then couldn't bring it through my lips.

"I'm not helping you," he disagreed after a while. "Everything I've done until now hasn't been for you. I was in debt and now I've paid enough to compensate for it." He seemed to want to close the door for sure this time but then halted again. This time it had just been him.

"She could've asked me for anything," he stated. "And yet she used all her wishes on you. You're not even worth it."

And then I was left alone with all my thoughts and worries and also a sudden ache in my heart. Sure, there had been people in my life before who had tried to hurt me through mocking words but no one had been this harsh with me before.

Chapter 3