#i love the way you use the fonts here jay

[thebluestbluewords]

remedial goodness

is a never ending font of potentially disastrous lesson plans.

here’s one way it could go:

“Welcome!” Fairy Godmother says brightly. “Good afternoon, class.” 

Silence. 

“I said, good afternoon, class!” 

Stony silence. Noncompliant silence, even. 

They’re villains, not heroes. They’re not going to beg for approval. 

Finally, she clues in to the fact that they’re not going to respond to her perky overture. A little late, but the potential for learning is boundless at Auradon Prep. Or so the flyers that Carlos has been collecting say. 

Fairy Godmother claps her hands together, like they’re a bunch of babies, and they need a visual cue as well as the verbal ones they’ve been ignoring. “Ah, here in Auradon it is polite to respond when one is being greeted! You say, ‘Good afternoon, Fairy Godmother.’” 

She nods into the resulting silence, like she’s imparting valuable knowledge and then agreeing on their behalf, not talking to herself like every other teacher who’s started right in on the lecture regardless of how many delinquent princes and princesses are blatantly not listening. 

Or maybe Mal’s just projecting, and she’s been the only one ignoring her teachers all day. 

Whatever. It amounts to the same thing, which is that Auradon teachers are a bunch of pompous try-hards. And teenagers here are the same as teenagers back home, which is to say, they’re all terrible people in their own special, unique, beautiful ways. 

“Good afternoon, Fairy Godmother!” Evie chirps after a moment. 

“Oh. Thank you, Genevieve.” Fairy Godmother says, in a small sort of voice. The sort that’s a precursor to the guilt trip, where the adults sit you down and tell you how much they care about your future and how they want you to do your wickedest work for them, because if they don’t see your worst, how will they ever be able to trust you with eviler tasks in the future? “We’ll work on it.” 

Evie flashes her a smile. “It’s just Evie, actually. Genevieve is what my mom calls me.”

Fairy Godmother winks at them.  Like she’s their friend. 

Disgusting. 

“Alright, just Evie. A lady is never just anything, you know. When Cinderella called me up on that fateful night, all covered in ashes, she was still a princess. She just didn’t know it yet.”

“Of course, Fairy Godmother.” Evie says sweetly. 

“Never undervalue yourself, girls. After all, here at Auradon Prep, we made goodness even better!” 

She beams. 

Mal chances a look at the boys. Jay is spinning a pencil around his fingers like it’s a knife, and Carlos is staring directly ahead at Fairy Godmother, face completely blank. 

Evie’s pocket mirror is already out on the desk. 

Yeah, they’re gonna have a great class period. 

Fairy Godmother lets her words hang for a moment, and then claps her hands again. “Er. We’re here today to teach you about goodness, so you can start on the path to a better life here in Auradon!” 

“Better living through pastel uniforms,” Mal snarks under her breath to Evie. 

FG’s head shoots up. “What was that, dearest?” 

Fairy hearing. Right. 

“I said, I can’t wait to start learning. I’m just so excited to hear all about the goodness lessons that you have set up for us!” Mal says, pushing all the false cheer she can manage into her voice. It’s a lot. She’s had plenty of practice skirting the line between lying and just manipulating the truth, and her tone of voice doesn’t count as lying. It’s the actual words that matter. “I just love learning!” 

“Oh, that’s very sweet of you, dear one.  Now, I have some textbooks I’ve placed just up here for you. If you would each take one of these, we’re going to start with a little quiz, and then if we have time left over, we’ll jump right in at chapter one!” 

Mal– 

Mal should pay attention. She has a textbook in front of her, passed along by Evie, who got up to grab the whole stack of them to pass out, because she’s a teacher’s pet even in princess-land. She’s got a pencil in her hand, because she’s not stupid, and after a whole day of this shit she’s picked up on the idea that she’s supposed to sit quietly and pretend to take notes in class, 

She’s even got paper in front of her, but every time she puts the pencil to the paper, she just– 

Her brain skitters away from the shape of it. 

She wants the wand. 

She needs it. 

The wand is their ticket out, and now that she’s seen the accursed thing in person, her fingers  are itching just thinking about it. Her mother’s spellbook is one thing, but the wand–

Mal flexes her fingers around the slim weight of her pencil, which is too thin, too sharp, not magical, not heavy and buzzing with the weight of the power inside it. She needs that wand. She’s never needed anything as much as she needs the wand, and her whole body feels strange and fizzy with the feeling. 

The spellbook is fine. It’s  magic too, but it’s old. Worn out. Her mother’s captivity under the barrier has drained the magic out of it, and besides that, Mal’s young. She needs the power of the wand, not a moldy old book. Wands are the tool of the modern magic user. She can practically taste the magic, the buzzing, humming warmth of last night flowing through her again, a little bit sharp, making her mouth water like the canned pineapple they’d saved back home until they could heat it up on their purloined bunsen burner until the syrup went sticky-sweet and the fruit burst hot and sharp on their tongues. 

Fairy Godmother’s magic tastes special. Like nothing Mal’s ever had before. 

She needs it. 

Somebody stomps on her foot. 

Shit. Okay. Magic cravings later, class now. She’s got this shit. 

“I said, does anyone know what to do if you find a bottle of poison!” Fairy Godmother says, with the tone of somebody who’s been repeating herself for a while. She sounds a lot like the younger teachers at Dragon Hall, the minor villains who teach things like mis-spelling and wicked grammar. Sort of impatient, and on the verge of shouting at them about it. 

Just like home. 

Mal scans the board, and immediately identifies the answer Fairy Godmother is fishing for. She doesn’t– 

She doesn’t even want to know what her crew has been doing while she’s been zoned out. 

“C, turn it over to the proper authorities.” Mal says, without raising her hand.  It’s not like they don’t understand the laws governing Auradon, it’s more that the laws are always boring and usually archaic too, and it’s way more fun to ignore them. Being truly evil isn’t about not understanding how to be good, it’s about understanding, and choosing the wrong path on purpose. 

“Correct,” Fairy Godmother says, beaming at Mal. She can’t risk a look at the boy’s desk, not while FG is looking right at her, but if answering one stupid question gets her this kind of praise, Mal cannot fucking imagine what they’ve been doing while she’s been spaced out. Stabbing each other with pencils again, probably. They’re going to get an infection from it, and she’s going to laugh at them both. “Very good, dear. You have quite a bit of promise. Now, in this day and age it’s not very likely that folks will leave their poisons out in the open anymore, not with the advent of digital media. Ignorance is the poison of the mind, after all. If you see someone spreading misinformation on the internet, what should you do to help stop the problem?” 

“Kill them.” Evie chirps. “Cut the problem off at the source, right?” 

Fairy Godmother’s sappy-sweet smile slides right back off her face. “Oh. No, dear. We don’t kill people.” 

“Oh,” Evie echoes, saccharine-sweet, just like Fairy Godmother. “I see. I just think it would be best if we stop the problem right away. Before the information reaches anybody else.”

“And you can. Look, here.” She taps the board, which ripples into a screen. There’s a royal media post pulled up, from an account called RoyalAuradonAcademyUnofficial, which reads– 

‘The sky is green,” Evie reads aloud. “The sun is purple, and the enchanted lake is made of strawberry jell-o.” 

“On royal media, there is a button just here–” she taps the board. “For reporting misinformation. That’s what we do to stop it from spreading. We tell an adult.”

Fairy Godmother beams out at them, confident in the perfection of her lesson plan. Surely, this will teach the awful villain kids how to behave responsibly. Surely, they won’t take this opportunity as inspiration to, oh, set up royal media accounts dedicated to posting an automated feed of bullshit information to anybody unlucky enough to accept their buddy request. 

It’s like she’s never met a teenager before. 

Jay raises a fist. “What’s a jell-o?” 

“Ah–” 

“It’s ground cow’s foot. You can suspend hot dogs inside it,” Evie says helpfully. “I’ve never heard of strawberry jello before, though. It’s probably an Auradon thing.” 

“You’re an Auradon thing.” 

“I don’t think I’d look very pretty suspended in jell-o, actually. My hair wouldn’t set properly. Although I suppose if the whole lake is made of it, maybe it’s a magical thing, and I should be open-minded about giving it a try.” Evie finishes, beaming. “That’s what goodness is about, I think. Staying open minded.” 

“Ah, dear ones–” 

[wonipeun]

ㅤ ༉‧₊˚ how would enhypen members text you as your boyfriends ?

pairing: bf!enhypen x gn!reader | genre: fluff, as always! warnings: none! | wordcount: 1.2k words

✶﹒author's note: i'm back, yayyy!!! long time no see huhu,,, i've recently been thinking of writing some headcanons of how enhypen would text when dating, so here it is!! hope you enjoy it!! (*˘︶˘*)♡ there is some kind of glitch with the small font? there are random letters that are bigger, sorry about that, i have tried to fix it like 10 times and it keeps popping up smh. hope it's not too much trouble!!!!

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이희승 · lee heeseung ‧₊˚

oh my god heeseung is so in love it's embarassing.

i can literally see him sending flirty texts like "thinking about me?" with the stupidest grin on his mouth, and when you reply with a "yes" he'll start kicking his feet on the bed.

i dont really see him using pet names over text, probably he has you on his contacts as "y/n" and some cute emoji that reminds him of you.

"can i call you?" is probably the text he sends you the most.

heeseung prefers calling over texting, but he's shy about facetiming, especially when you have just started dating.

although he's a bit blunt over text, on calls he's a very veryyyy sweet boyfriend. his smitten voice gives away his love for you completely!!! (>᎑<๑)/♡ even when he tries to keep that "cool guy" image, he just can't do that with you-

"i've missed you" "you did?" "mhm"

oh he is blushing hard!!!!

and so are you!!

you both giggling and all- thisissocuteimsobbing.

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박종성 · park jongseong ೀ

he's so well spoken???

he sends you a looong text every morning to remember you everything you have to remember, wish you a good day and say i love you, ofc.

"good morning y/n, have you slept well? remember you have a dentist appointment at 5 o'clock today. i love you 💗"

"good morning my love, sorry for leaving so early today! your breakfast is on the fridge, hope you enjoy it! have a nice day, see you tonight. i love you 💕"

no because park jongseong is the epitome of husband material.

randomly sends you selcas to let you know where he is and what he is doing. and sends another message right after. like "bowling 🎳" or something (pls- 😭).

"have fun!!"

no. wrong answer.

send him your photo. match his energy.

that's the only correct answer.

"*insert your photo here* cooking dinner👩🏻‍🍳"

the moment he sees the photo he's smiling right away! ♡⸜(˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝

"new wallpaper, hehe~" "NO JAY STOP NOT THAT ONE"

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심재윤 · sim jaeyun ˖ ࣪ ⭑

jake is clingy even over text it's amazing actually

uses a lot of emojis, but he's starting to use ":))" and "ㅠㅠ" recently as well!

"jake" "i miss youuu" "wru??"

the average waiting time for jake to respond to you is about 2.058 seconds, i.e., the time it takes for the phone to unlock and open your chat.

"omw!!!!" "i'll be there in 5 mins!" "i miss you too my love <333" "wait for me!!"

will always, always make sure to show you how much he cares about you, whether in person or over text. that's why he sends several messages a day, although sometimes he has to hold back to avoid being a burden,,,, (pls tell him he's not he just loves you sm).

the most effective way to make jake happy? send him selcas!! at any time! it will take him a few seconds to answer so he can calm his heartbeat and type correctly, but his answer will always make you flustered!! ૮₍ ⸝⸝´ ꒳ '⸝⸝ ₎ა

"wow" "woah" "baby omg you're beautiful" "how can you be so pretty?" "and mine" "i'm so luckyyyy" "i love you i love you i love you"

he's the cutest i just cannot handle this

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박성훈 · park sunghoon ⊹ ࣪

sunghoon gives me the same vibes as heeseung

but hoon is,,, cuter???

he sends you cute gifs and think is hilarious 😭

"y/n look at this"

probably a picture of a hedgehog wearing a santa claus hat but he's laughing so hard laying literally next to you.

so you can't help but start laughing as well.

he turns around and looks at you with his pretty sparkly eyes and lovely smile.

"it's funny, isn't it?"

tell him it's funny!! he loves to make you laugh <;33

sunghoon is not that expressive when texting, so you can consider his adorable gifs as his virtual displays of affection!! ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა

doesn't want to tell you but he has you on his contacts as "my beautiful girlfriend" or something like that because this man is very much in love.

he tries to be discreet and not look too desperate, but when you both are apart for several days he sends more messages than usual…

"y/n" "i just had lunch" "did you?" "i did" "good" "i miss you" "but not to much" "just a little bit" "i miss you too..?"

he has no idea how to express affection by text please bear with him.

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김선우 · kim sunoo ౨ৎㅤ۫ ㅤ֪

you already know what's coming-

kim sunoo is INTENSE

"my baby y/nieeeeeee💗" "i missed you so much today😢" "shall we have lunch together????" "todays interview has been cancelled!" "i want to see you and kiss you and hug you💕💕💕" "right now😤" "so be ready!!!!"

texts cutely!! and uses a lot of emojis too, mostly pink hearts!!

your photo library is full of his selcas…

although it is true that he takes a lot of pictures for engene and posts them on twitter and weverse, he always saves the best one for you ૮꒰っ˃̵///˂̵c꒱ა

give him compliments!!

"you look so cuteeeeee<;3"

GIGGLES

"i do??" "really???" "but y/nnnn" "if you're saying i'm cute" "being you the cutest one on this world" "then i must be really really cute"

lowkey flirting as he confesses his undying love for you.

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양정원 · yang jungwon ׅ ࣪ ✧

if jungwon is so active on weverse when talking with engenes, just think of the amount of messages you will receive from him in a single day.

wants and needs to tell you anything that happens in his life!!!

"y/n i've just tried this new restaurant" "everything is soooo good!!" "should we order from there next time??" "i want you to try it"

he really wants to involve you in every aspect of his life!! ଘ(੭˃ᴗ˂)੭

loves loves loves facetiming before going to sleep!

my condolences to sunghoon, ni-ki and sunoo who will have to listen to your late-night love calls (they're kinda jealous because you both sound so in love ߹ᯅ߹)

sends lots of pictures of things he thinks are pretty or remind him of you.

"look this little kitten i just came across!!" "is so cute!!" "it looks just like you, so i thought of you right away" "like me??" "of course!!!!!!!!" "look at the eyes" "it looks like you!" "...right?" "maybe i just miss you"

he does.

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にしむら りき · nishimura riki ♡   ֺ  ׅ

he just loves to make fun of you even over text

"y/n" "why do you send me all this texts?" "you really miss me that much???"

he misses you more please keep texting him

has you in his contacts as "girlfriend" and you always ask him to change it because is so unaffectionate, but he loves it because it reminds him he can call you his girlfriend????!!!

"girlfriend has text you" yeah he's so proud of that

sends you 984569 tiktoks and gets upset if you don't reply to all of them individually. also doesn't like it when you react to his messages with a heart instead of sending it as a text!!!! >:(

"if you love me show it properly!!!" "IS ALSO A HEART" "IT'S NOT THE SAME"

sends you funny pictures of you late at night because that's when he checks his pictures of you and always ends up laughing so hard that the members have to scold him.

"nishimura riki" "delete that rn" "NEVERRRRRRRR"

instead you send him nice pictures of him on your dates but he always says he looks bad smh (っ- ‸ - ς)

"what. the hell. is that." "i look ugly" "wdym???" "you look cute" "really?" "yeah" "alright you can keep that one"

maybe he just wants your compliments... 🤭

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taglist! (open): @love-4-keum @tyunni @lovr4lix

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ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ©wonipeun 2023 | ㅤall rights reserved.

[reidsaurora]

hi hi. :)) me annoying my writer friends, so of course i have to come find you.

emily x cj (of course, i think jay has the tag, so it’s a thing 😂)

an angsty, happy ending birthday fic. everything is up to you.

"A Not-So-Happy Birthday" ~ E. Prentiss

Summary: Somehow, word gets out that it's your birthday, and the response is not at all what you're expecting.

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x GN!Reader (that's of course implied to be CJ)

Word Count: 883

Content Warning: overall angsty, mentions of food, slight family drama but not really, lmk if i missed anything!!

Genre: Angst to implied Fluff

Extra Notes: i hate the summary too akshsjhs

Based On: the aforementioned request from CJ, my beloved 🫶🏻

Originally Written: 01/23/2022

Beta Read By: @ssahotchnerr

Criminal Minds masterlist can be found here!

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"Why didn't you tell anyone it was your birthday?"

A simple enough question, but it was enough to finally break you. The tears you'd been holding back since you woke up that morning finally released, fat droplets of repressed tears soaking your heated cheeks.

You'd worked with the BAU for three years now, and not once had you made it a point to tell them what day your birthday fell on. After all, what was there to tell? Your own family never made it a point to celebrate your birth, why would your colleagues who you hardly knew?

But by the time your birthday rolled around again, the third one you'd celebrated as a BAU agent, you'd come to know your colleagues as much more than that. By this point, they were your closest friends. You knew that if you told them, they'd go all out and decorate the whole office in decorations for you.

But maybe that's why you never said anything. Penelope would cover the office in streamers and balloons while JJ would spend the night before baking every sweet thing known to mankind. And don't even start on Spencer's impeccable taste in gifts.

You'd planned on treating this day like you would any other. You'd wake up, have breakfast, get to work, and get things done. If you were lucky, you'd treat yourself to one of those single slices of vanilla cake from the grocery store.

But somehow, word had gotten out that today was your birthday. When you arrived at the office, someone had left flowers and a blue balloon with "Happy Birthday" written in the curliest cursive font you'd ever seen.

When you walked in, you locked eyes with Emily, who had quite the questioning look on her face. And when you spotted Penelope and Spencer standing by your desk and eating cupcakes, you knew. Someone had figured you out, or rather your birthday. And from the looks of it, they either loved you a lot or (your more likely scenario) this was some kind of sick joke.

You turned on your heels and sprinted out of the room, but not fast enough to beat the clicking of Emily's favorite black boots following behind. She grabbed your wrist, her fingertips heating your skin like a matchstick, and pulled you into one of the empty offices.

"Why didn't you tell anyone it was your birthday?" she asked, her tone soft but inquisitive.

You were rendered speechless. How could you possibly explain not telling them about your birthday? No matter what you said, you knew you'd end up embarrassed and insecure.

You sat down in the lone office chair, hanging your head in your hands. Tears gushed out of your eyes, sobs wracking your body.

Emily stooped down in front of you, placing a kind and comforting hand on your knee. "Y/N?"

You managed to look up, wiping away some of the excess tears on your face. "How did you find out?"

"Penelope did," she answered. "Her own birthday was last week, so she got curious and looked up yours. She hated that we've never celebrated you so she wanted to change that."

Your heart panged with a slight feeling of selfishness. You knew they'd never understand why you hated your birthday, but you also knew they'd respect your feelings either way if you'd just told them.

"Why didn't you tell us it was your birthday?" she repeated, lifting your chin with her index finger, wiping away a one-off tear that had slipped down to your chin.

You let out a long breath, thinking over your response in your head. Finally, you answered, "Ever since I was younger, I've hated my birthday. Most of the time, my family just forgot about it, but when they did remember it, they never made a point to make it special. Once I moved out, I just decided I didn't have a birthday. Or rather, no one would know that I did."

Emily took a small breath before helping you up from the chair. Her hands sat on either side of your face, her chocolate eyes nearly burning a hole straight through you. No matter how hard you tried, you could never pull yourself away from her gaze. "Y/N, you should know by now that we would never do that to you. You might be blood-related to those people, but we're your real family. We love you. I love you."

Her words shouldn't have shocked you, but they did. The way she made it a point to protect you on cases, the way she always took your extra paperwork, the way she knew exactly how you took your coffee. She did love you, and some part of you probably always knew that, but now it had been confirmed for all of you.

She pulled you in for a feather-light kiss on the forehead before her arms wrapped tightly around your torso. "Please don't ever hide anything like this from me again."

You gave her a half-smile before leaving a ghost of a kiss on the corner of her mouth. "I wouldn't dream of it."

"Now then," she said, a toothy grin appearing on her face, "why don't we go make up for lost time and celebrate all those birthdays you never told me about?"

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ok yeah i can't decide if i love or hate this but!!!! happy birthday, @lcvingprentjss!! i hope this year is the best one yet! i hope you get everything you wished for and that you get to wat a big ol' slice of vanilla cake! (maybe even eat an extra piece for me, ok?)

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[laladellakang]

OMGG i'm so honored that you will let me see the draft of you futur post if I want to and OFC i want to you're like one of my fav author/writer on tumblr so why i would not want to see one of your draft ?! Like really i'm currently so shocked 🥹🥹 i love youuuuu ( and Lala too ofc my girl ) 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

OKAY SO HERE IT IS, MAJORRR FIC SPOILER AND ITS SO SO BAD IM SO NOT PROUD OF IT. IT MAKES NOOOO SENSE (i mean it does but doesnt at the same time) but it was your birthday yesterday and i really wanted to give you a gift. please look forward to the revised and BETTER ver of this soon! 🤍

contains: angst. mentions of cheating (mainly jay)

The world is fucking different. 

Something is off, and I can sense it. Everything just feels strange.

Today, I went to campus for a lecture and ended up accidentally falling asleep in class. No big deal, right? It's not like it hasn't happened before.

The big deal was how odd everything was when I left the room.

I was supposed to be picked up by the car and taken home, but after waiting for ten minutes, there was no sign of it. 

I tried calling our driver, but the call got disconnected. I attempted to reach out to Sungho and Yunji, but their calls were disconnected too. I even tried calling every manager contact on my phone, but nothing worked. Plus it's not like I don't have any signal, it just wouldn't connect for some reason. Something about the numbers not existing.

I decided to take a taxi, hoping it wouldn't cause any trouble. But even the ride home felt odd. Seoul looked... different.

I texted the boys that I was on my way with a taxi and that I feel a bit off. I didn't get a reply or a single read, not even from Jungwon.

But it's whatever! I just wanna get home and cuddle with whoever's free.

Taking a deep breath, I entered the dorm using the combination.

My heart sank as soon as I stepped in.

Female shoes. Ones that are definitely not mine.

Nausea overcame me, and my breathing became heavy as tears welled up.

No. Della, don't. You trust them. She could be anyone. No one is cheating on you.

What if it's a sasaeng? Is someone breaking into our– no. Most, if not all, of the boys should be home. They would have done something if someone had broken in.

It can't be a relative either, as we would have informed the group beforehand.

Then who is she?

"I'm home," I managed to say in a normal voice, trying to hold back the tears.

I heard panicked shuffling and quickly wiped away stray tears before they could see me.

You're strong, Kang Della. Don't show any weakness or insecurity to whoever this person is.

And there she was, someone I had never met or seen before.

She had made herself at home, wearing loungewear and her hair styled in a messy up-do.

Her eyes were wide, mirroring my previous vulnerability, and her breathing was heavy.

And she was stunning. Her freshly-dyed blonde hair contrasted with my midnight black one. She was tall (though not as tall as me, judging by how high she reached the shoe rack), with a small face, big eyes, and plump lips.

Honestly, she reminded me of myself, but in a different font or something. I don't think she's Korean.

"Who are you, and how did you find out where we live?" she asked me fearfully. "How did you know the passcode?"

Wow.

Just wow.

I know that in situations like this (or at least what it's looking like), the blame should mainly fall on the cheater rather than the person they cheated with.

But she just referred to my home as hers. Ain't no fucking way.

"Where YOU live?" I scoffed, licking the inside of my cheek. "I'm sorry– who are you, and why are YOU here?"

That's when I noticed she was wearing my favorite Jay-shirt. It felt like my heart was being crushed, and I could feel the symptoms of a panic attack creeping up.

My sweet Jay. Earlier today, he woke me up and told me I was the most beautiful woman in the world. How lucky he felt to have me. His eyes showed sincerity. Was it all a lie? How can someone so lovely be so cruel?

"I live here. Who are you, and how did you know the passcode?" she responded, a bit more sternly. What the hell?

"This is Enhypen's dorm. I live here," I said, surprised that she didn't recognize me, even though she's dating a member of my group.

Shit. That stings. Park Jongseong fucking cheated on me.

Confusion crossed her face, and she was about to say something when we were interrupted by more shuffling.

We both turned and saw an angry Heeseung.

"What are you doing here? How did you get in?" he said sternly, pulling her behind him to protect her.

Heeseung too? My protective Heeseung who got angry at the other members if they left me unsupervised after my injury.

Now he's protecting her instead of me?

My heart started pounding, and it became harder to breathe.

"Heeseung-oppa?" I said in a small voice, feeling incredibly betrayed.

"Who are you?! Get out of our house before we call the police!" he raised his voice at me. The boys had never spoken to me like that before, especially not in such a harsh tone.

"I live here! Lee Heeseung, what are you saying?!" my voice shook as a few tears escaped.

More commotion followed, and this time all seven members appeared. Even Jake, who I could see peeking from the side of the wall.

Is he... afraid of me?

My Jake who was scared of the girls in I-Land but became so comfortable with me that his golden retriever personality came out. Now he barely wants to see me?

"You don't live here. Who are you?" Jungwon stepped forward. My Jungwon. Enhypen's leader who is ready to protect everyone despite being maknae.

But why isn't he protecting me?

"I—" the sight of all my boyfriends turning against me and defending this girl became too much. I could feel myself starting to hyperventilate, and a panic attack was on the verge of consuming me.

Shit. I haven't had a panic attack in so long and the fact that my lovers are the ones to trigger it is insane. Everything was perfect just this morning– what happened?

"Breathe. Take your time," Oh my Sunghoon. So incredibly precious. Always reassuring and giving me reminders since day one.

"Sunghoon," Heeseung scolded.

"She's going to have a panic attack! How can she explain anything?" Sunghoon reasoned. "Niki, get her some water."

"No, Niki. She should leave. Now," Sunoo said firmly. "I'm calling the police." My Sunoo, our sunshine. We've had our squabbles, but I've never been this scared of him. Now I understand what people mean when they say he has an intimidating face.

"Wait, wait. What's your name?" Riki asked. "Calm down a bit. Tell us how you got in," he approached me and gently rubbed my shoulder. I tend to forget that he's still so young since he hates when I remind him of our slight age gap. My Riki is too pure sometimes. He's doing this when I'm a stranger to them. 

Wait.

It suddenly hit me.

Shit, why didn't my brain work faster?

I'm a stranger to them. They don't know who I am.

It breaks my heart but I should at least introduce myself so that they know I'm not a threat.

I TOLD YOU THE WORLD IS FUCKING DIFFERENT.

"Jay-hyung, call the police," Riki switched languages, probably to ensure that I don't understand.

"Wait! Don't call!" my eyes widened, instinctively grabbing Riki's wrist. "I'm not a crazy fan, I swear!"

"Let go of him," everyone said in unison.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hold him. It was a reflex," I let go and took a deep breath. "My name is Kang Della. I'm a member of Enhypen."

"I'm sorry, what?" Sunoo scoffed. "We only have two female members in our team."

Two?

"What the fuck is happening with the world?" I couldn't help but chuckle humorlessly. "Have I gone insane?"

"Answer us– what do you mean you're a member of Enhypen?" Jungwon asked.

"Did I do that thing from Everything, Everywhere, All at Once?" I leaned against the wall, clutching my aching head. "Just give me a second."

I have officially gone insane.

Even if I did 'multiverse hopped' or whatever you call it, I have officially gone insane. My head fucking hurts.

"Can you please answer us?" Jake asked in a softer voice.

"My name is Kang Della. I was born on March 16, 2003. I'm from Seongbuk-gu, and in 2020, I participated in a survival show called I-Land," I looked up at their faces, hoping to see some recognition. Some looked in disbelief, while others seemed slightly annoyed.

"I made it into the final lineup of Enhypen. Seven boys, two girls. It was you seven plus me and Alice, but Alice left shortly after, so I was the only girl," my eyes welled up with tears at the thought of them not remembering me after everything we went through. "I live here. This dorm has been my home for almost three years. I was attending a class in university, and suddenly I came home to... to this."

"You expect us to–" Heeseung was about to say something when she cut him off. She moved closer to me, looking me in the eye. "Mila–"

"Do you have any proof?" she asked softly.

I maintained eye contact as I pulled out my phone. I let out a shaky breath when I looked at the screen for my Face ID.

The lock screen displayed a picture of us, my Enha.

I opened the gallery app, and a few tears escaped my eyes. I flinched slightly when Mila's hand reached out to wipe them away.

"Take your time," she assured me. Damn, she's sweet too. She seems perfect.

"Thank you," I whispered. My thumb hovered over the photo album labeled 'my forever.' I know I'm being dramatic but all I kept thinking was 'will I ever return to my world again?' "Here you go," I handed her my phone.

I watched as she scrolled through the pictures, but quickly adverted my gaze to the floor. I really wanna go home. I'm surrounded by my comfort people but they're not my comfort people.

"Guys.. These are actually you..." Mila turned around to show the seven. "And it's not even a look alike, it's definitely you. This is the company building," Jay took the phone out of her hands to have a closer look.

I saw him tap on a certain video and Shout Out started playing. That's when I couldn't take it anymore. Again.

I broke down. A full on panic attack.

"Oh my God," Mila wrapped her arms around me. "Let's get you inside. Niki, get her water."

Hearing Shout Out made me think of four things at the same time;

1. How the hell am I gonna go home and how long will it take.

2. I'm all alone in this world/universe/whatever this is.

3. I'm surrounded by people who look and are practically my soulmates, but they're not mine.

4. I guess we're not together in every universe after all. I know it's probably impossible and that the guys were just reassuring me for the sake of it, yet it still stings. This is a reality check.

[marvelobankspdrescue]

Title: First Steps

Age: 8 months old

TW: none

Jay's pov

Time 4:30 A.M.

Caitlin has recently started sleeping through the night, and I am very thankful for that. I mean, I'm not complaining. I used to wake up at crazy hours when I was in the Rangers. But I would much rather wake up for Caitlin. She still gets up pretty early, but it helps me out because I can get us both ready and we can eat. Then we can play for a little while before I head to work. I woke up to Caitlin babbling through the baby monitor, so I got up and walked into her room with our 4 year old German shepherd Legand following me. Legand is a retired police dog he retired after being shot in the line of duty. My friend Aiden was in the K9 unit, and Legand was his dog, but when Legand was shot, it made his ability to do his job hard, so Aiden retired him. Where Aiden lives only allows one dog in his apartment, so he was going to have to sell him because he needed to train another police dog, so I decided to take him. When I walk into Catie's room, I see she is standing up using the railing of her crib, bouncing up and down. She's at the age where she is close to walking, but she isn't there yet. She can only pull herself up using things and walk, holding on to something. I pick her up out of her crib and carry her to the kitchen. I sit her down in her playpen, and Legand lays in font of it, watching her. I walk into the kitchen and start breakfast. Once I'm done, I go get Catie and sit her in her high chair. I walk into the pantry and grab the dog food and feed Legand and water him, then I wash my hands and feed Catie and eat some of my food as well. As I'm feeding her, Legand comes over and sits at my feet. When she's done eating, we go into the living room, and I put her in her walker so I can clean up. I start to clean up while Legand watches every move Caitlin makes.

Little time skip

I just got to the district, and I take Catie and Legand to the break room and set up some of Catie's toys while Legand goes and lays down on his bed. On days when I can't find a sitter, Voight lets me bring her to the district, and on occasion, Legand comes to. When I get them set up in the break room, I go and start on my paperwork.

Time skip

1 hour later

We haven't had any cases today. We've just been doing paperwork while Caitlin does all sorts of things. She sometimes plays, sometimes sits in my lap, and on occasion crawls around the floor saying HI to everyone while Legand follows close behind and when she gets to close to the steps he gets in front of her and lightly pushes her in the other direction. She is currently back in my lap while I do paperwork when Voight comes in and sticks a picture on the board as he says, "We've got a case. Robbery on the South Side. Ruzek, Atwater, Burgess, and Rojas, I need you questioning neighbors. Halstead, Upton, you talk to the homeowners. Mouse, you stay here and we'll send you any footage we find." I walk over to Mouse and hand him Caitlin. He grabs her, and she starts grabbing things from his desk.

Mouse's pov

Time skip

After the team left, I took Caitlin in the break room and started playing with her. I took her police bear and tickled her with it while she was giggling. She played while I worked a little. They called a few minutes ago saying they were on their way back. As soon as they got their Jay, made a b-line for Catie. It's hard to think that not long ago, I had to drag him away from party after party and keep him from killing himself because his Ptsd was so bad, and sitting through all the times he said he didn't want kids and now he's has a smart, sweet, and lovey little girl. Who's going to be a handful when she gets older with how smart she is and the stubbornness she inherits from Jay. I don't know whether to feel sorry for him or be thankful that he gets to experience how he is to us. You can just see the love radiating off of him when he looks at Catie. I'm so proud of him he's  overcome so much.

Jay's pov

I ran up the stairs and into the break room to see Caitlin. I peaked through the window before going in and saw her sitting on the ground with Legand beside her. She looked up when she saw me and squealed, and I started walking towards her until I realized she had grabbed onto Legand's fur and pulled herself up. I've got to the point where anytime she stands up, I grab my phone and start recording because she's so close to walking. I quickly got everyones attention and they were all crowded around me. Hailey took my phone and kept recording for me so I could get to her if she fell. When she finally got to her feet, she let go of Legand and swayed a little till she got her balance. She stood there for a moment, so I stepped forward a bit and crouched down and said, "Come on, baby. It's ok, you can do it. I'm right here." She looked at me and smiled as big as she could and reached out and took a step. Everybody was silently cheering her on while I said, "Yay, that's it just a little closer you got it" and with that she took a few more steps till she grabbed my finger and walked the rest of the way till she hugged me. I stood up. I was so proud of her, and so was everyone else. We gave everyone hugs and cleaned up her toys and then went home ate and went to bed.

A couple of weeks later

It has been a few weeks since Catie walked for the first time, and now she walks as much as she can, all while Legand watches her every move and makes sure she doesn't get hurt. At least I know I can turn my back for a second without her running away because he won't let her. She gets within so many feet of me, and he's steering her back.

A/N: This is Legand.

[boyfhee]

hehe, i know and thanks for the jay fic, in enjoyed reading it ^^ well thanks for the blassing but am still not ready :] and ill tell her to do well in her boards (from you who said it)

pcm is no fun, there is no reproduction to laugh at :/ i have fear of them and that was the only, only reason for me to not choose pcb... my mom wanted me to become a gynaecologist :( sadly, it wont be true... yeaa apothorax, i font know but yea medicine is still a lot to take it.

i just watched random fs programme and only hanyu was the one i knew, i didnt go in deep but yes, i still love fs... and for the coding languages, once again thanks ^^ atleast you mentioned what to learn bevause i dont know where to start :0

anyways, my fav album is border : day one and my fav track is all time flicker and let me in. my fav bsides would be chaconne, bills, upper side dreamin, prdx, mixed up and title track would be sweet venom, tamed-dashed and drunk-dazed :)

if you have an instagram account or ny other apps talk, i would love to know it and know you more ++ the fact that you are chiyuv (my fav writer back in 22' :0 i am in tears. i never went through your old mlist until today, so nostalgia hit me hard... your how to get back with ur ex + fair and square + unlikelihood are my favssss 😭😭😭😭😭 ill trade my spy x family manga for them to reread if they were to disappear some day 🥲

i stopped using tumblr in late 2022 and started using it now + stopped writing way back in early 2021 because my mom got to know my writing acc for enha on ig 😭😭) i wanna talk more about everything with you but tumblr feels like we are in a long distance relationship, where we get our letters once in a blue moon 🥲

— lover club anon <33

sweets, i'm telling you reproduction is only fun when you're studying penis and vagina but not the mechanism TT i was going thru hell in embryology lectures 🙏 also, it's neet's fav chapter i'm lowkey bored of it. we studied it sm times that there was an ongoing joke in our class that next lecture will be based on practical and visual learning 😭 also a gynaec :O that's cool ! i'm aiming for cardio-thoracic / neurosurgery, although more inclined towards the former ( imagine five years later i'm a doctor while still crying over jay )

one of my friends was a huge fs fanatic so she made me get into it and it's fun, honestly :> and you don't have to worry about coding yet ! once classes start, i think you'll get a good idea of where to start from. although, html is usually the basic ( in my case, it was? we learnt it before anything ) and then css cause that's a bit more advanced. we took html css and python together, but javascript was only for pcm + cs students. i hope you have fun learning how to code ^^

FLICKER IS SO GOOD TT i remember looping it for hours while writing my lab manuals lmfao. and upperside dreaming too it has such a nice melody :O i'm gna be honest i didn't like prdx at first but then it grew up on me and now it's one of my fav tracks :D chaconne 🙏 no one knows her like me. when the tl was ranking it last on the basis of highlight medley i had faith in it because anything titled chaconne can't go wrong i have proof to back this up ( it's so serious for me can u believe this ) me and a close moot had out daily chaconne stream sessions lmfao

drunk-dazed aged like wine because it sounds like the first time every time i listen to it :] my favs are bite me, sweet venom, blessed-cursed, ptm, i know if only you say yes will be on the list too the moment it's released because that melody and humming is stuck in my head ><

AND TRADING SPY X FAMILY IS CRAZY ??? pls i didn't expect you to be here for so long but i'm glad you remember chiyuv .. what an era 0_0 my instagram is beusoir if you want to follow and discord is znghao. i would love to talk more, just hmu on insta or disc ^^

[azlovesem]

Leo the punk bitch diddy friend decaprio never ever handle a smart beautiful woman like Emma. Hed short circuot hos pea brain. Leo fuck with me ill find your mommscym bag. Youre a eat fyck punk moyher fucker snd youre dead miyher fuckher. Font act anymore. I said do t act sny pre youre goinv a crll next to didfy goof. We re gathering evidence you dir ate likely inder atresf already prepare your layers for the news. The guys got a lot of video. Jay get in contact with your legal team. America youre beat up im taking control of nato and all Christain entities that atent satanic or wing nnits loke morg of your punk as. People. Sir paul the liece is djit evetybody. Welcome to hollywood. Azriels beat up defeated bitch ass punk enemy. Emma whoevef you date dont date any of these tv losers. If ypu do t have anyone good go out with you. Even though i am married for you id make an exception for you because i dofnt expect to fall in love. Thats your fault for first trying yo communicate with me for whatever readin. An idiot fuck off reason. Dont ever believe one thing an american ever tells you. Zero none. Dont believe anything a religio tells you they are even dumber. No i attack everybody on earth with impunity. Thats because im deadly and i run everything on earrh pretty much. Theyre just upset they found out they aint shot and no one cares at all. But i care for you a lot and st kne point uou seemed to for me. Alomg with s few others. That was ki d of cute but Stupid. Nice wonderful girld likd you shpuld not get imvolved in yhe vient moron olympics. If people were smart n sweet like uou mostly i wouldnt be here. Be theure notook at em. Fuckn goofs. Anyway you are lucky it ko dmof eotked you assholes i sort of fell for uou. Not gor peoples bullshit lying asses i hurt prople for that. Font lisyen to smeticsns thry fo t mnow shit God is s big fan of theirs like they ssy. I think thryre fuckn fslln off i really fo. Just not what they once wete in sll ways. Money money ruined yhem. It not always good. You made out fuck movies live ur life. I was skeptical about you even got so much. I investigsted to male sure. Turns out youre just really popular and command a high price. Because your fans all love you. Badly. Even if thry dont head from you everyone needs a break. So youre good you dont have to do nutn Emma Watson and you already succeeded beyomd anyone expectations. And i fixed my heart i used you got that snd you. Im tricky and now i have your power too times s hundred. Nah no one csn defest me do t evef try snything to help pr hurt me again. Snd uour briiisg huy eho took my tiiyle thet giy beyter move to thd moon. Nope no forgiveness thrte emna. Where is he hiding in cslifornia give me hix address. Im gonna kill his ass thats why. Thd fbi the cia yhe crown cant protect snykne ffom me. I wipe yhe swest ofd my bug balls with tnrir stunned faves. Ha ha ha ha ha ahh you suck americsnnyou really fo. Let me show you stupid usrless assholes hoe its done. Hey joey b uiur people fuckn suck mannthey just do. Smericsns im talkn shit sbput sll ov yas. Except my girls eho love me morevths. Uoyr men. Why not im mlre lovsble dude ssk anykne. Ha ga ahh i live ghis. I live to win fightsEmma. Yhe americsns are pissed im in charge. Hey george lucas dont think we forgot about you wd fidnt see uou soon. Wd te comin kn for d to you suckrr. Nice eife. Wr dont jlke we re comn got uou. Be careful tough giy domrond issued s contracc on you.

[goldenhypen]

⋅— PART 1 || part 2 || part 3 —⋅

hi everyone! here are the results from the survey that we’ve all been waiting for! thank you for being so patient with me! and most of all, thank you to the 176 participants for taking the survey and to those of you who spread the word! this is all thanks to you! <3

these results were collected from february 26 to march 5, 2022.

even though this entire process was a lot of work, i had a lot of fun creating the survery, collecting the results and analyzing all the data, so thank you once again!

!! important !! as we go through these results together, please take some of them with a grain of salt. also, if you’re a writer please, please, please do not feel discouraged after seeing these results, as i know some of us may. if you are a writer or are an aspiring tumblr engene writer, it’s important to remember the reason why you started writing and posting in the first place. for a lot of us, an important reminder is that you write for yourself and for the fun of it. so please don’t let these results stop you from writing the things you love! as i was looking through the results throughout the past few weeks, it’s made me think a lot about this. of course it also feels amazing when we get notes for our work, but remember that’s not always the most important thing. i think it’s important to find a balance where we can do what we love, but at the same time, also do it for others :) and these results will hopefully help you in finding what works best for you and your readers.

「 just for reference, the notes in small font, are just little additional thoughts from me. the text in pink and italics marks the start of a new question. 」

as most of you probably know, there were a lot of questions in this survey, so these results will be split into multiple posts. but anyways, without further ado, why don’t we just head straight into the results! ^_^ also, brace yourself, because this is gonna be a long few posts,,, okie here we go!

— ⋅⬖⋅ —

who’s your bias(es)?

to begin, for the first maybe 8-10 hours? the top 3 biases were jay, jake and jungwon?? i don’t know if that was just a coincidence or maybe my blog just attracts triple-j stans 😌🤩 but sadly yet not sadly, it didn't last long, and heeseung and sunghoon started taking the lead. and then we ended with the following results ^_^ what surprised me was how different these results were compared to the results on kprofiles. also why is there such a lack of sunoo and riki stans on this side of tumblr 😭💔

— ⋅⬖⋅ —

who’s your bias wrecker(s)?

in terms of bias wreckers however, nothing really changed throughout the entire time the form was up; jay was leading the way by a margin for the whole time (unless you count the it changes constantly 😩💔 option), and i'm not at all mad about it 😌

— ⋅⬖⋅ —

the next one was the fanning over your bias/wreckers question, and the results were very amusing to read. but because this post is long enough as it is, i won’t be including that here. if you’d like me to make a post for it, though, let me know ^_^

— ⋅⬖⋅ —

select the role that applies to you.

the “other” answers were as follows...

i am a reader and provide my ideas to other writers.

writer and reading & lowkey going to likely start writing for other groups soon!

writer but reads for other groups simply because enhablr has like 0 longfics that interest me I’M SORRY ;-;

i’m a reader but i’m planning to maybe write in the future ^_^

i read for enha but i write for different fandoms completely, not within kpop.

i read more then i write/barely writes.

— ⋅⬖⋅ —

how old are you?

okay, i was really stupid apparently when making the questions for this survey, because—this brings us to my first mistake—in this question i put overlapping ages throughout the options?? i have no idea what i was thinking??? i'm so sorry that was really stupid of me. and when i caught the mistake, it was already kinda too late :/

okay but it suprised me how little 12-14-year-olds there are, honestly 👀

— ⋅⬖⋅ —

which member(s) do you read for the most?

this is some info that i think is extremely helpful, such as for when i have a fic idea but don't know who to write it for (and would like some recognition on the post sdjkdsj). but remember, don't let this stop you from writing for who you want! <3

— ⋅⬖⋅ —

what’s your fav genre(s) to read?

this one didn't surprise me too much,, but the suggestive/smut responses makes me think some of you don’t like to admit that you read it lol /lh i'm just wondering why i see so many more notes for works that include smut 🤥 haha but anyways-

— ⋅⬖⋅ —

what’s your fav trope(s)/au(s) to read?

i think these next results are really valuable, personally. but once again! do not let this stop you from writing the things you enjoy!

the “other” answers were as follows…

idol!au (i def should’ve added this as an option ugh 😩) — 3 votes

smau (should i have included this as an option on the survey?? oops 😭) — 2 votes

vampire!au — 1 vote

coming of age — 1 vote

historical — 1 vote

demigod/percy jackson!au — 1 vote

friends to lovers to enemies (or anything angsty) — 1 vote

— ⋅⬖⋅ —

what genres/tropes do you dislike reading?

(results are listed from most to least voted.)

hybrid/omega-verse/abo/werewolf!au — 16 votes

nsfw/smut/suggestive — 13 votes

dad/parent/pregnancy!au — 8 votes

husband/marriage!au — 7 votes

angst — 7 votes

mafia!au — 6 votes

yandere — 6 votes

cheating — 6 votes

enemies to lovers — 6 votes

love triangle — 5 votes

badboy!au — 4 votes

sad ending — 4 votes

one-sided/unrequited love — 3 votes

age gap/dilf — 3 votes

childhood friends to lovers — 3 votes

siblings to lovers/stepbrother!au — 3 votes

fake dating — 3 votes

exes to lovers — 3 votes

supernatural/vampires!au — 3 votes

over-aggression/violence/toxicity/abuse — 3 votes

smau — 2 votes

tsundere — 2 votes

fantasy/royalty — 2 votes

brother’s best friend!au — 1 vote

friends to lovers — 1 vote

idol!au — 1 vote

lovers to enemies — 1 vote

frat boy — 1 vote

college!au — 1 vote

babysitter!au — 1 vote

ceo x assistant — 1 vote

teacher of kid x parent — 1 vote

sci-fi — 1 vote

established relationship — 1 vote

crack — 1 vote

but then there were also 8 people who said they don’t mind any tropes… and 2 people who said they aren’t a fan of any tropes? 🤔

— ⋅⬖⋅ —

how do you feel about slowburn?

in short, the “other” answers were as follows...

slowburn is just yass! although it hurts sometimes 💀💀 but i’d prefer slowburn over fast paced fics, i don’t really want to be in such a rush with things and i think it’s good to have some time while reading, not having the whole thing happen at once.

if it's written well, sure, but most of the time it feels like the author is just playing with us or trying to get the most out of the fic.

i love slowburn but i also have a bad attention span so it takes forever to read which annoys me sometimes. but i think slowburn is cuter.

⋅— PART 2 || PART 3 —⋅

a/n. it would be great if you could help spread the word to other engene writers by reblogging so that they could gain access to this information, too! thank you ^_^

[study-coffee-chicago]

1930s AU (A Halstead Brothers + Halstead Sister + Upstead AU for AU-gust)

A/N: Hopefully this one pops up in the tags now! Sorry to the few people who already liked/reblogged this, but it’d really help me out if you liked/reblogged this one since I’m deleting the one I posted last night. Anyway, the italics at the beginning are essentially "present-day" for the characters (which, in my time frame of the story would be 1945) and the regular font would be a "flashback"...but since the flashback is essentially the whole story which takes place during the early 1930s, I wrote it in regular font. Just didn't want you guys to be confused! Here’s the playlist I listened to while writing this if you want to listen while reading (did not create the playlist myself, I found it): an old fashioned diner jukebox. Anyway, enjoy!

You walked towards the little house that had been your home since you were six years old. "Hey old girl," you said as you petted your horse's head. "I'll see you in the morning, okay? I know Jay and Hailey are awake waiting for me and are probably worried, aren't they?" Your horse picked up her hoof and gave it one good stomp. "I thought so. I'll feed you some sugar cubes in the morning. I'll even give you extra because it'll be Christmas." You gave her one more caress and then walked up to the door of the house.

You used your key to unlock the door and were not at all surprised to see Hailey and Jay in deep conversation.

"Hailey, if she's not here in the next hour, I'm calling the train station. She was supposed to be here yesterday. And it's not like it's that long of a ride."

"Well, luckily you won't have to call," you said as you sat your two suitcases on the floor.

"Y/N! You don't know how worried sick we were," Jay said as he hustled over to you and pulled you into a hug.

"To be fair," Hailey began, "he was more worried than I was."

"Aww, you still worry about me when I'm nineteen," you said as Jay pulled away and Hailey hugged you. "I'm flattered, Jay, really."

"How's betternanian school?" Jay asked with a teasing glint in his eyes.

"Would you give that joke a rest? I was six and didn't know how to properly pronounce veterinarian."

"That probably won't happen."

"How's Natalie?" Hailey asked. "Is she doing okay that Will's away and all her kids are married or at college across the country?"

When you decided to go to veterinarian school, you chose one close to Will and Natalie and they let you stay with them. Then, World War 2 broke out and Will went overseas to work as a doctor in a combat hospital. Natalie's twin boys were both off at separate medical schools across the country, intent on following in their father's footsteps and becoming doctors themselves, and their daughter was married now and living with her husband.

"She's doing as well as expected," you told them. "It helps that Elizabeth and her husband, James, come over for dinner once every week so at least Natalie's seeing one of her children. And, I guess having me around helps mitigate the loneliness. The twins are home from college now for a month's break, so she'll have them there right now, too."

You looked around under the Christmas tree and you spotted a big object covered with a bedsheet.

"Is this what I think it is?" you asked as you walked closer to it.

"It is," Jay confirmed as you lifted the sheet and saw the old rocking horse you used to ride on. Jay had made sure to get you another one when you moved here as the one from Chicago you couldn't bring with you.

"I haven't ridden it since I was eight. You kept it all these years?"

"Right up in the attic," Hailey answered. "We figured it would be the perfect Christmas present for Lilly since she's six now."

"You want something to eat?" Jay asked. "We should probably get out of here and close the doors since all the gifts are wrapped in case Lilly or Anna come to find us."

You grabbed your suitcases and the three of you walked out of the living room and closed the doors.

"Mind if I eat a few of these?" you asked, pointing to the plate of cookies for Santa that Lilly and Anna had placed by the fireplace.

"Go right ahead," Jay told you. But then he heard giggles. "Wait."

You took a step away from the cookies and milk.

"I think we should go check on them," Jay said.

So, the three of you walked down the hall and to the bedroom that the girls shared. "I'll do the honors," you said.

You slowly pushed open the door.

"Now, girls, I thought you were supposed to be asleep."

Eleven-year-old Anna and six-year-old Lilly gasped. "Auntie Y/N!" they exclaimed and rushed out of their respective beds and you first gave Anna a hug and then crouched down to give Lilly one as well.

"Mommy and Daddy said you might not get here in time," Anna told you.

"They did? Well, I'm here now and tomorrow we can play all day with what Santa brought you. But right now, I think you two need to go to sleep so that Santa will come," you said.

"But you just got here!" Lilly complained.

"Yeah!" Anna agreed. Then she gasped. "Can you tell us a story, Auntie Y/N?"

You looked to Jay and Hailey, silently asking if it was okay to let your two nieces stay awake longer. Jay nodded.

"What story do you want tonight?" you asked as you sat down on the rug in the middle of the room and Lilly sat in your lap.

"How Mommy and Daddy met!" Lilly exclaimed.

"You already know that one, Lil," Hailey said as she and Jay sat down and Anna sat between her two parents.

"But it's so good, Mommy!" Anna said. "Please just one more time, please?"

"Oh, alright," Jay caved. "I don't know how much Aunt Y/N will remember since she was your age, Lil, but me and Mommy can definitely tell you the story."

Lilly leaned into you and you ran your hands absentmindedly through her blond hair while Jay started to tell his and Hailey's story of true love and hard times.

***

"Bye, Y/N, I gotta go to work," your big brother said as he woke you up.

"Is Miss Rosalie here?" you asked.

"She is. But, you can sleep longer. I'll be back in time for dinner."

"Why you gotta leave so early, Jay Jay? It's still dark out."

"Because I have to get the milk before the sun rises so the milk doesn't spoil when I'm bringing it to other people."

"Oh, okay." You yawned.

"Go back to sleep. I'll be back later tonight. Be good for Ms. Rosalie."

"I will. Love you, Jay Jay."

"Love you, too."

Then, Jay gave you a kiss on the forehead and grabbed his cap and satchel, said goodbye to Ms. Rosalie and thanked her as he always does, and left the house, the street lamps illuminating the way as he walked towards work.

As he was walking, Jay reflected how it had essentially gotten this bad. At least he had a job now, he used to not have one and you and him were living off of what little money your parents had left behind when they died...at least, the portion that the bank didn't keep.

He had essentially been your primary caretaker for two years. The stock market crashed in 1929, and your mom died a few months after when you were two years old. Not that she had a job though, so it didn't really matter money-wise. Your dad had died in 1931, the same year that Will had graduated from medical school and went to New York to look for a job as a doctor. Jay had worked in a factory at that time and had gotten laid off soon after. But, then he found a job as a milkman. He wasn't getting paid much, but it was enough to pay rent in the crappy and cramped apartment building you both lived in and put food on the table. But, sales were dropping now as no one had money to pay for as much milk as they used to. His sales were half of what they used to be. And, you were now five, six in two weeks, so you were growing and Jay knew that you'd be eating more soon.

When he started loading his company car with milk once he had arrived at work, his supervisor walked over to him and told him that he'd be picking up some of a coworker's route. Well, he was an ex-coworker now because they had laid him off. Jay was just glad he had a job and had enough money to support him and you...even if it was really tight. He hoped he'd be home for dinner like he promised you.

He started on his way and finally, after hours and hours, he was on his new portion of his route.

He made his way up the steps of a house on the corner.

"Good afternoon, ma'am," he said as he set the four bottles of milk down on her front porch. She was currently outside sweeping the porch, her wavy blond hair tied back in two braids. She was in a short-sleeved dress with an apron covering it.

She turned to him and stopped sweeping. "Good afternoon. You're not Jimmy, my usual milkman," the woman said.

"No. Jimmy doesn't work with me anymore. I picked his route. I'm Jay Halstead, ma'am," he replied while tipping his cap.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't introduce myself. I'm Hailey Upton."

"Well, Ms. Upton, pleased to meet you. I'm guessing you have kids just based on me delivering four bottles of milk?" he asked. God, was she pretty. He was getting tongue-tied just looking at her! He knew it wasn't polite to ask that, but it just slipped out.

"No, actually I don't. I'm doing some baking today and that's why I need it. And please, call me Hailey."

"Well, Hailey, I hope it goes well. Should I put you down for four bottles tomorrow as well?"

"No, only one should do for tomorrow, Mr. Halstead."

"Please, call me Jay, ma- Hailey."

"Alright, have a nice rest  of your day, Jay."

"You, too. Again, I hope your baking goes well." He tipped his cap once more and headed off. That was his last stop of the day. You and Ms. Rosalie were back at home waiting for him.

***

Jay quickly opened his eyes the minute he felt your hand on his arm. "Jay Jay?" you whispered.

"I'm awake, pumpkin." Your mom had called you pumpkin based on the one time you picked up a pumpkin and dropped it and it splattered everywhere. And, this nickname just stuck.

"I- I know I'm not 'sposed to ask, but I'm real hungry," you said.

Jay didn't bother correcting you on how you didn't ask anything at all; you just told him that you were hungry. And, he was hungry, too. You were running out of food in the house and he needed to run to the market, but everything seemed to be too expensive, so he could only buy the necessities. And, you and Ms. Rosalie had made French onion soup for dinner last night, because that used very minimal ingredients.

Jay hated himself as he scooped out the soup after she left because he realized portions would only be 3/4 of what both of you were used to. He had toyed with the idea of giving you 1/4 of his, so you could have a full serving and he'd have half, but he figured he'd see what would happen. Tomorrow, he knew he'd be giving you a normal portion of whatever he had. After all, he could convince himself to go back to sleep, but you were just a child.

Your parents had always drilled into your head that it was breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And, Jay did his best to try to feed you enough to abide by that rule. But, it was getting harder and harder to do when the entire United States seemed to be going hungry.

"Pumpkin, it's late--"

Your stomach rumbled and Jay swore he felt tears prick his eyes. He couldn't expect you to go to bed hungry.

"Let's go get you something. I'm sure I can find something," he said as he got up.

You grabbed his hand and you two walked into the kitchen. He pulled the string to one of the dim lights, which barely illuminated the kitchen and dining area. Then, he opened the icebox and pulled out a hard-boiled egg and a bottle of milk. He poured half the milk into a glass and handed you the egg.

You went to stick it in your mouth when he stopped you. "No, you have to peel it." You held it out to him. "Do I need to start it for you?" You nodded and he took off a section of the shell and handed it back to you and you continued to peel it.

Normally, Jay would put salt and pepper on it, but you were very low on that as well. And, seeing how hungry you were, you started to eat it without asking for those two basic spices.

Then, you finished the glass of milk and Jay led you back to your bed and you fell asleep with a full tummy...well, as full as anyone in your position could get nowadays.

Unbeknownst to you, you had just eaten half of Jay's breakfast for tomorrow.

***

"How did the baking go yesterday?" Jay asked Hailey as he switched out her four empty milk bottles for one full one.

"It went well. Thank you for asking. I actually had a lot left, so here." She handed him a slice wrapped in tin foil. "It's strawberry pie."

"You didn't have to give this to me," Jay said, trying to hand it back to her.

"Nonsense. So many people are going hungry right now. I have no right to waste food."

"It makes sense when you put it that way. Thank you. My little sister will most definitely enjoy it."

"Oh, let me go grab you another slice so that you don't have to share."

Before Jay could protest, she ran back into her big house and grabbed him another slice.

"Thank you," Jay said as he took the other slice as well.

"You're welcome. No use letting it go to waste. How old is your sister?" Hailey asked.

"Y/N will be six in two weeks," Jay answered.

"Oh, I remember what I was like at that age. I was a little troublemaker, running around with my older brothers even when my mom and dad called me in. And then I'd always make messes in the kitchen."

Jay laughed. "I'd hope she's more well-behaved than that. But, I'd best get going. Thank you for the pie. Can I put you down for one bottle tomorrow?"

"Yes, please. Have a nice day."

Jay nodded at her and then reached down and grabbed the crate with the empty milk bottles. Then, he got in the company car and started on his way back to the factory and then home.

***

"Jay Jay!" you said as you jumped up from your seat at the kitchen table. "I missed you!"

Jay set his satchel, four bottles of milk, and the slices of pie on the counter next to the stove and picked you up and spun you around. "I missed you, too! Were you good for Ms. Rosalie?" He settled you on his hip.

You frantically nodded your head and Jay turned to the older woman. "She was an angel as always. I hope you don't mind, but I made French onion soup again for dinner."

"That's fine, thank you. Your two bottles of milk are right next to mine."

That's how he paid her: by buying her milk. He knew it wasn't a lot, but it's not like he could pay for a nanny. And, she was the one with the cheapest rate in the apartment building. Plus, she had known you since you were a baby, so Jay knew that you trusted her and he trusted her to look after you.

"Oh, thank you, dear." She picked up the two bottles and started towards the door.

"Oh, and tell Mr. Edward I say hello," Jay said, referring to her husband.

"Will do. Enjoy your evening."

Then, she left, and Jay put you down on the floor and moved to start dishing out dinner. When you were both at the table with the food in front of you, a smile spread across his face.

"Pumpkin, after dinner I have a surprise for you."

"Really?" you squealed.

"Yes, really. But, you have to finish your food first and then I will give it to you."

Jay chuckled at how fast you ate your food. He was usually done before you, but tonight you both finished around the same time.

"What's the surprise?" you asked as you set your bowl and spoon on the counter near the rusty sink by Jay's bowl and spoon.

He reached up into the creaky cupboard and grabbed two plates and then two forks from the drawer that would occasionally get stuck.

"How about you go sit at the table and I'll bring you the surprise. How does that sound?"

"Okay!" you scrambled back into your seat and watched as Jay put the things on the plates. He must really have wanted this to be a surprise because he positioned himself so that his back was towards you and you couldn't see a single thing he was doing.

"Now, I need you to close your eyes and I'll tell you when to open them," Jay said, still with his back turned to you.

You quickly closed your eyes and also put your hands over your eyes, causing Jay to chuckle.

He first set his plate with pie and a small glass of milk at his place at the table and then did the same thing in front of you. He crouched down next to you and put his hand on the back of your chair. "And, open."

You threw your hands down at your side and snapped your eyes open. You gasped and turned your head to look at Jay. "We get dessert?"

Jay smiled. "We do. It's strawberry pie from someone who I give milk to. Do you need help cutting it?"

"No, I can do it! Who gave it to you?"

"Her name's Miss Hailey." Then, he went back to his side of the table as you started to eat your pie. He was glad he had given you the bigger slice because you enjoyed it so much; he'd be sure to tell Hailey this.

***

Two weeks later

Jay sighed as he counted out what little money he had saved up in a lockbox under his bed. He barely had enough to buy you a few sugar sticks from the market after thinking about rent that needed to be paid in another two weeks. At least he knew that Will had sent you something because he told Jay in his letter from last week that he'd be sending you a gift along with your birthday letter. But, Jay still felt bad that he barely had enough money to buy you candy for your birthday. He knew you'd prefer chocolate over hard candy, but he also knew that he had to save money for rent and groceries, so when you both went to the market later, you'd only be able to buy a couple of hard candies.

The change clanked back into the box when he heard the sound of little footsteps coming towards him.

"Happy birthday!" he exclaimed as he picked you up and spun you around. Then, he settled you on his hip and walked into the kitchen. "Does six feel any different than five?" You shook your head back and forth frantically, causing Jay to laugh. "Now, what do you want for your birthday breakfast?"

"Hotcakes!" you exclaimed. Luckily for Jay, you didn't notice how his smile flattered for a quick second when you said that.

"Okay then, hotcakes it is! Can you go put on a dress while I make these?"

You nodded again and then Jay set you down and you ran to your room to change.

When you came back into the kitchen after you got dressed--and got distracted by playing with your doll--your pancakes were sitting on the table. But, you noticed there was only one plate.

"Where's yours?" you asked your big brother as you sat down in your chair and he started cleaning the pan that he had cooked in.

"I ate while you were playing. I didn't want to disrupt your game, pumpkin," he told you, with a smile on his face.

"Oh, okay. Can I eat them now?"

"Of course you can. And then, we'll go to the post office to see what Will brought you."

But, Jay hadn't actually eaten any when you were playing with your doll. There was barely enough flour to make you pancakes, let alone him. So, instead of depriving you of pancakes on your birthday, he just went without.

***

"Mail for Jay Halstead, please," he said at the window of the post office while holding your hand.

"Alright, just one moment." The teller went to the back and grabbed a letter and then handed it to Jay.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Jay?" a voice behind him said.

Jay turned, only to be met with Hailey Upton.

"Hailey, good morning. Came to pick up your mail I presume?" he asked.

"You presume correctly." She stepped out of line to stand with him. "And who might this be?" she asked, stooping down to your level.

You blushed and moved to hide behind Jay's leg. Jay chuckled. "Sorry about that. She's particularly shy around strangers. Pumpkin," he started, addressing you. "This is Miss Hailey. She's the one who made us the strawberry pie a few weeks ago."

"It was good. Thank you," you said as you peeked your head out from behind Jay.

"You're welcome. And you must be Y/N?" You nodded. "Jay's told me a lot of good things about you."

You looked up at Jay as if asking him to confirm it. "I've got nothing bad to say about you, you know that."

"I know. If you did, you wouldn't make me hotcakes today," you said.

"Can you tell Miss Hailey what today is?"

You finally moved out all the way from behind Jay. But you still held his hand as you answered the question. "It's my birthday! I'm six!"

"Wow! You're such a big girl! Are you doing anything special today?" Hailey asked, stooping down to your level.

"I'm gonna get some chocolate!"

"Y/N, what'd we talk about on the way here?" Jay asked.

"Oh." You looked down at your feet. "I'm getting hard candy instead."

Hailey looked up at Jay and saw the sadness in his eyes, something that you didn't pick up on since you were so little. She knew what that statement meant. Chocolate was more expensive than hard candies, so she knew the reason that you weren't getting it was because Jay didn't have any money.

"How about we see what Will got you so that Miss Hailey can get her mail?" Jay asked.

You nodded excitedly and Hailey got back in line. Then, Jay opened the large envelope and handed you a small pouch.

You opened it and looked inside. There were these little metal x's and a red bouncy ball. "Jay Jay, what's this?" you asked as you held the pouch out to him.

He looked inside and smiled. "That is jacks."

You cocked your head to the side. "Who's Jack? And why do I have his things?"

Jay laughed just as Hailey started walking back towards them. "It's the name of the game, pumpkin. You bounce the ball and try to pick up one of the pieces before the ball hits the ground. Me and Will played it a lot, but he always won."

"You lost?" you asked as your eyes grew wide. Jay never lost!

"I lost a lot."

Hailey was next to you and your brother now. "Jacks, huh?" Jay nodded. "Me and my brothers used to play it all the time. I'm actually quite good at it."

"Can you teach me, Miss Hailey?" you asked excitedly.

"I'm sure Miss Hailey has things she needs to do today, pumpkin," Jay said, giving Hailey a sympathetic look.

"Oh, it's no trouble. I've actually got ingredients for a delicious chocolate cake at my house if you two would like to come over. I can easily whip up a nice lunch for us, too."

"Hailey, I can't let you do that."

"Please, Jay Jay? Pretty please?" you asked, looking up at him and clasping your hands together to make it look like you were praying. "It's my birthday. Please?"

He looked to Hailey and she nodded once more. "Just because Miss Hailey said it was okay. Care to accompany us to the store to get her some candy before we go to your house?" Jay asked her.

"I'd love to."

***

You were so full after a delicious lunch of turkey sandwiches, potatoes, apples, and chocolate cake, that you had promptly fallen asleep at the table while you were waiting for Jay and Hailey to finish the dishes.

Hailey said it was no big deal, that she could do them, but you mentioned that Jay always washed the dishes and you always dried them. So, then Hailey finally gave in and let him help with the drying.

"Not to be too forward," Hailey began as she handed a plate to Jay to dry, "but is it just you and Y/N? I've just never heard either of you mention your parents."

"Uh, it's just the two of us. Mom and Dad died a few years ago. Will, our older brother, went to New York to become a doctor, so it's been the two of us ever since."

"Well, that little girl really seems to love you."

Jay sighed. "It's probably because she doesn't know any different. Mom died when she was two, so she barely remembers her. And Dad died when she was four, so two years ago. She remembers him a little, but for most of the past two years, I've been the one taking care of her. Along with our neighbor who helps out by watching her when I have to go to work."

"That's very kind of her."

"It is. So, what about you? What do you do to have such a big house? Secret baking company you run? Because I've had desserts you've made so far and both were absolutely delicious."

"They were nothing fancy."

"Oh, but to Y/N they were. She was so excited when I told her we'd be getting dessert. But, how did you end up here, Hailey?"

"In Chicago? Or in this house specifically?"

"Both," Jay said.

"Well, I was born and raised in Chicago. But, my parents are gone, too...not that I was ever too fond of my father. But, they had this house because they used to own a bar, which pulled in some decent money. They left the house to me and my brothers. All of them have their own families and are scattered across the country, so I got it."

"Would be a bad time to be in the brewing business right now, wouldn't it? With prohibition and all," Jay mused. "That might contribute to the high unemployment rates...but, I'm pretty sure that was mostly because of Hoover." He paused. "I'm sorry. I really shouldn't be talking about the complicated politics of our country right now...especially not in front of a lady."

"I have the right to vote now, you know. And have had it for thirteen years," Hailey said.

"I know. I didn't mean it like that. I think it's great that women can vote. I just shouldn't be talking about it that first time I'm in your home is all." He gestured to you. You were still asleep at the table, your head resting on your arms which were resting on the table. "Glad that little rascal gets the chance to voice her opinions."

Your head popped up. "I ain't a rascal, Jay Jay!"

"Oh really now?" He walked over to you and picked you up and started tickling you. "How about now?" he asked with a giant smile on his face while you laughed big belly laughs.

"Jay Jay! Please stop!"

"Only because you said please." He set you back down.

"Aw, she's so cute," Hailey gushed.

"Did you hear that, kiddo? Miss Hailey thinks you're cute. What do you say?" Jay asked.

"Thank you." You blushed. "Can you teach me how to do braids like yours?" you asked, referring to her French braids. "They're real pretty. Jay can only do plain ones."

She turned to Jay while she raised her eyebrows. "You know how to braid?"

He opened his mouth to dispute what you said, but you butted in. "He does! He braids my hair every day when he doesn't have to work!"

You spun around, giving Hailey a view of your braids.

"Okay, birthday girl," Jay said. "I think it's time we head home. We can play jacks there."

"Can we play checkers, too? I like checkers!"

"I know you do. Now, can you say thank you to Miss Hailey for lunch and for the cake?"

"Thank you, Miss Hailey! It was really good!"

"You're welcome, honey." She stooped down to your height and handed you two slices of chocolate cake wrapped in tin foil. "These are for you and Jay to take home. And, you get the bigger slice."

***

A month later

You had been six for a month, and Jay had known Hailey for around two months. The weather was starting to cool down as summer was turning into fall and there was a slight chill in the air. Because of this, Jay was spending more money on more firewood to place in the wood-burning stove because you now weren't just using it to cook, but for heat as well.

Ms. Rosalie had come down with a nasty cold and didn't want to get you sick. Jay had tried to find a last-minute babysitter for you last night by knocking on nearby apartments, explaining the situation, and even offering to buy them a bottle of milk for their troubles. But no one agreed.

So, Jay told you that you'd have to stay home by yourself. You asked if you could go to work with him, but he said no...even though he desperately wanted to bring you. But, he couldn't risk his job; it was the only meager income the two of you had. Jay needed that job to keep a roof over your heads and food in your bellies. Because of this, he taught you how to lock the door and had made you a quick breakfast and lunch and stuck them in the icebox so that you'd be able to eat while he was gone. And above all, he told you not to answer the door for anyone.

"Bye, Pumpkin," Jay said as he gave you a big hug. "You remember what I told you?"

"Yes. Breakfast and lunch are in the icebox and no opening the door," you answered as you sat up in bed.

"Unless..." Jay prompted.

"Unless it's you, Miss Rosalie, or Mr. Edward."

"Exactly. Now, go back to sleep. I'll lock the door on my way out. I love you."

"Love you, too, Jay Jay."

Then, he left, leaving you alone to go back to sleep.

***

"Halstead!" Jay heard his supervisor yell as he was stacking the last of his crates back at the factory before he hurried home to you.

"Yes, sir?" he asked.

"My office."

Jay swallowed but followed his supervisor.

He entered and closed the door behind him.

"As you know," his supervisor started, "milk sales have been declining at a steady rate as families don't have enough money to buy as much as they used to."

"I'm aware, sir," Jay said as he clasped his hands behind his back.

"This means that we need fewer workers."

No, this cannot be happening, Jay thought to himself.

"I'm sorry to say, but I have to let you go, Jay."

"Please," Jay begged. He knew begging was unbecoming and most likely wouldn't get him his job back, but he had no other choice. "I have a six-year-old sister. I'm the only one who takes care of her. Please sir, I really need this job. If not for me, then please do it for her. Please."

"I'm sorry, son, but I have to let you go. I wish you the best of luck on finding other employment."

Jay wanted to beg for his job back some more, but he knew it was no use. So, he just nodded and left the office, not knowing what to do next.

And, to make matters worse, his rent was already ten days past due.

***

Jay was about to walk into his apartment when he saw a yellow piece of paper nailed to his door. He ripped it down and scanned the big, bold letters.

An eviction notice. He was going to lose the apartment.

If he didn't come up with some money fast, then he and you would have to be out of your apartment in three days.

He sighed and folded the paper and stuck it in his pocket, and then unlocked the door and went inside.

He began to panic when he didn't see you right away, but then he heard a sniffle coming from your room.

You gasped as you heard someone coming towards you and quickly buried yourself under your covers and tried to stay as quiet as possible.

"Pumpkin?" Jay asked. "It's just Jay Jay."

You carefully peeled the covers back from your head. "Jay Jay?" When you saw it was him, you jumped out of bed and quickly crashed into his legs, and clung to them for dear life. "Jay Jay!" you cried. "I was so scared!"

Jay tried to pry your little fingers from his legs, but your grip was so tight that he knew if he tried any harder, he might hurt you and he definitely didn't want that. "Why were you so scared, pumpkin?" he asked as he placed a hand on your head and ran his fingers through your slightly tangled hair.

"There- there were people at the door," you shuddered. "And they made really loud noises and kept yelling."

"What were they yelling?" he asked gently.

"They were yelling for you."

"Did you open the door?"

"No, you told me not to, so I didn't."

"Good girl," he praised. He knew what you were talking about: the men who had nailed the eviction notice to the door of the apartment had probably yelled out his name a few times very loudly, which is what caused you to be scared now. "How about I make us dinner and then we can play checkers, hmm?" he asked. "How does that sound?"

You looked up at him, a few tears still rolling down your cheeks. You wiped them away with your little fists. You nodded. "Can you braid my hair, too? I tried, but I couldn't do it."

That explains all the tangles, Jay thought to himself. "I can do that."

He grabbed your hairbrush and then sat on your bed. You sat on the floor in between his legs and allowed him to brush your hair and start to braid. As Jay was doing this, he was wondering what he was going to do. He didn't have a job, he had an eviction notice, and he had to provide for you. Even though he liked to think he had great problem-solving skills, at this very moment, he had absolutely no idea what to do.

***

"Where are we going, Jay Jay?" you asked as you held his hand and walked through town the next morning.

"We are going to see Miss Hailey," he answered.

"Why?" you asked as you curiously looked up at him.

"Because I think she'd like to spend some time with you."

"Where are you gonna be?"

"I have to go run some errands."

"Can I come? I wanna come with you, Jay Jay."

"I wish I could bring you, pumpkin. But, this is adult stuff. You'd be really bored. You'll have much more fun with Miss Hailey."

You sighed. "Okay."

About twenty minutes later, Jay took a deep breath as he walked up the steps of Hailey's front porch. He hoped he was making the right decision by doing this. He knocked a few times and then Hailey answered the door.

"Jay? What are you doing here so early?" Then, she saw you and stooped down to your height. "Hi, Y/N. Did Jay wake you up to come see me this morning?"

"Yeah," you answered as you rubbed your eyes. You were still kind of tired. Jay didn't know if that was from lack of proper nutrition or general tiredness. He hoped it was the latter. "Jay Jay said he had to do adult things and I can't come with him."

She looked up at Jay and then back to you. "Honey, how about you go run inside to the sitting area and grab a deck of cards or another game we can play while I talk to your brother, how does that sound?"

You looked up at Jay and he nodded. Hailey moved out of the doorway. "Okay!" you exclaimed and then quickly let go of Jay's hand and rushed inside.

"Don't forget to take off your shoes before you get to the carpet!" Jay shouted after you, which caused you to stoop down and take off your shoes on the hardwood before you got to the carpeted areas.

"So, you needed someone to watch her?" Hailey asked.

"Yes. I'm really sorry, but you're the first person I thought of since our neighbor got sick and I need to run to the bank before it gets really busy--"

"Jay, it's fine. She's a little angel. I can take care of her for a few hours." She studied his face and his very worried expression. "Is everything alright?"

Jay sighed. "Hopefully it will be after I go to the bank. Thank you for--"

He was cut off by someone yelling at Hailey from the sidewalk. "Hailey! Still on for tonight?" It was Christopher Hermann, a firefighter.

"Uh, no I'm not baking anything tonight," she quickly answered.

Hermann gave her a confused look but quickly recovered as he realized what she was saying. "Okay, thank you, Hailey."

"You're welcome." Hermann tipped his cap at her before he continued walking. "As you were saying?" Hailey asked.

"I thought you said you didn't own a baking business?" Jay asked.

"I don't," Hailey said quickly. "Sometimes I'll just make some pies for him, his wife, and kids."

"Sorry if I wrecked your plans of baking by dropping Y/N on you. I can try and find someone else."

"No, it's fine. Good luck at the bank and I promise I'll take good care of your little sister."

"Thank you. I'll see you soon."

***

"Sir, I'm sorry," the bank teller told him.

"Please." At this point, Jay wasn't opposed to begging. "I really need a loan. Just a small one so that I can keep a roof over mine and my little sister's head and food on the table. She's just a child. Please."

"If I gave every person in here who had a sob story a loan, I would be out of a job and this bank would be out of business. I'm sorry, but I can't. Best of luck to you and your sister."

He moved on to the next person, leaving Jay close to tears. He was out of options. He was out of a job and he was about to lose the small apartment you two shared in the next two days.

He walked out of the bank with his head held low and tears pricked his eyes. The only option he had was to beg Will to let him and you move to New York to stay with him. But, even though he was a doctor, he still had to feed himself, his wife, Natalie, and his three children. He might not be able to take in two more mouths to feed.

The other thing Jay thought about as he walked down the street back towards Hailey's feeling like a disappointment was moving to a Hooverville. Those were camps set up by the homeless where they lived in tents. Because, in two days, the two of you would be homeless. He could try and sell everything of value he had in the small apartment, but it'd only cover this month's rent, if that, and then he'd just encounter this same problem again next month.

Jay knocked on the door of Hailey's house and she quickly answered it, you right on her tail.

"Jay Jay!" you exclaimed and quickly hugged him.

"Hi, pumpkin. It's time to go home now."

"But, me and Miss Hailey are in the middle of a game!" you argued.

"I've got no issue if she stays to finish it," Hailey said. "Y/N, why don't you go and make sure the pieces are where we left them while I talk to your brother?"

You ran off to go check on the pieces while Hailey stepped outside and closed the door behind her. She took a good look at Jay and saw the tears in his eyes that he was frantically trying to blink back.

"Jay, what happened at the bank?" Hailey asked gently.

"It's nothing I can't handle," he responded coldly.

"Jay, please, just tell me. Maybe I- Maybe I can help. I can't do that if you don't tell me anything."

"I'm just your milkman, well not anymore because I got fired yesterday. Why do you care so much, Hailey?"

"Because that little girl in there needs her big brother. She needs you to be rational about whatever's going on because I will not let her get hurt."

"I would never hurt her," Jay said quickly. "Where is this coming from?"

"Don't worry about it," Hailey said flippantly. "Just, tell me what's going on. Please, Jay. Not just for me, but for that little girl who loves you so much. Maybe I can help."

Jay sighed. "I got let go yesterday. And now I'm getting evicted from my apartment. I even went to the bank to try to take out a loan, but couldn't. I don't know what I'm going to do, Hailey. I really don't."

"Come with me," she said and opened the door.

You were focused on something in Hailey's sitting room, so weren't paying attention as Jay and Hailey made their way to the kitchen.

"I may not have told you everything about myself," Hailey said.

"Hailey, not to be rude, but what are you saying?"

"The reason I have this big of a house when I'm a single woman is because my parents used to own a very successful brewery. My dad, let's just say he wasn't that great of a man, so when prohibition hit, he didn't know what to do. So, he sold the brewery and they moved to another part of the country."

"And you got their house?" Jay asked.

"Yes, but I have to work to make sure I can still pay my bills."

"Then what do you do?" Jay asked. He knew she couldn't make enough money to pay for this place by working in a factory or being a seamstress, which is what most women did to support their husband's incomes.

"You don't know anyone in the government, do you?" she asked.

"No. If I did, they would've been my first visit when I saw the eviction notice, not the bank. Where is all this going?"

"Jay, if I tell you this, I need to know I can trust you, that you won't tell a single person what I'm about to show you."

"You have my word."

"Alright." She walked over to her huge, white kitchen island and pushed, revealing a staircase. "Follow me."

She pulled a string and the staircase became illuminated and Jay followed her. Once they got all the way down the staircase, she pulled another string and then a few more, making the secret basement become illuminated in light.

Jay looked around. There was a bar with glasses behind it and bottles of whiskey and other liquors. On either side of the bar, there were two huge barrels of what Jay assumed had to be beer. There were also three high-top tables with two chairs at each table.

Jay's jaw dropped. "You run a speakeasy?"

"I do," Hailey answered.

"B-But this is illegal," Jay stuttered.

"I'm very much aware."

Jay continued to look around in awe. He knew of course that speakeasies existed and that people had ways of getting alcohol from Canada, but he had never tried it since prohibition happened. Well, he did a few times. But, the minute his mom died, he stopped what little bit he did drink.

"Why did you bring me down here? To drown my sorrows in whiskey?" Jay asked.

"No, I have a proposition for you."

Jay raised an eyebrow. "A proposition?"

"Yes, would you like to hear it?" He nodded. "Since people can't appear drunk on the streets because they'll face arrest and could possibly tell the sheriff about my speakeasy, I need people here to make sure that they sober up before they leave here at night. One of the two people I hired for this job quit last night because his family is moving out west."

Jay nodded, still very unsure where this was going.

"I was wondering if you'd like that job?" Hailey asked.

"You're offering me a job?" Jay asked, trying to maintain his composure.

"Yes. You can have it if you want it."

"I'll take it. Not to be rude, but how much would I be paid?"

"That's just the thing," Hailey began. "Liquor is getting more expensive to smuggle in and brewing supplies are getting more expensive as well because it's all illegal. So, I can't pay you." Jay's face fell. "But, before you say you can't do this, let me tell you one more thing: I have two spare bedrooms in my house. They're yours and Y/N's if you take the job."

"Hailey, I can't put you out like that. You'll have to feed us and I can't let you do that."

"Jay, I have money to pay for more food. Just not to pay for another worker because they always want their wages high since what we do here is so risky. It's no problem. And, think of Y/N. She'd have a roof over her head and she could even have that strawberry pie you said she liked so much," Hailey explained.

Jay couldn't pass up this offer, not when he would be kicked out of his apartment in two days. "Okay, I'll get mine and Y/N's things over here in the next few days. You have no idea how much this means to me."

"It means a lot to me, too. Sometimes men get a little rowdy down here, which is why I have to close when there's only one to help."

"So, that's what that guy was asking about when he asked if you're still on tonight?"

"Precisely."

Jay and Hailey walked back upstairs after Hailey turned off all the lights. Then, she pushed the island back into place and Jay headed over to you.

"Will you play Go-fish with me and Miss Hailey, Jay Jay?" you asked as you held a deck of cards out for him to shuffle.

"I most definitely will, pumpkin, " he said as he sat down on the floor and took the cards from you. "But, I have a question for you first."

"What is it?" you asked as you furrowed your eyebrows. Jay found it cute how concentrated you looked every time he said he had a question for you.

"How would you like to stay with Miss Hailey for a while?"

"What- What about you? You'll be here too, right? I don't want you to leave," you said as your lip started to tremble.

"Oh no," Jay quickly said. "I'll be here, too. I promise. We'll just be living here for a while. How does that sound?"

You nodded excitedly. "Can I bring my dolly, Emmy, here?"

Jay chuckled. "Yes, you can." He started shuffling the cards as Hailey walked back in. "Alright, time for a game of Go-fish."

As the three of you played the game on the carpet of Hailey's sitting room, Jay still couldn't believe it: Hailey Upton ran a speakeasy.

***

"What about this guy?" Jay asked as he held up an old stuff animal Dalmation that once belonged to Will that he found when he was cleaning out the apartment to move into Hailey's. "You want him on your bed, too?"

"Who's he?" you asked as you studied the stuffed animal.

"This was Will's, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you renamed him." He held the stuffed animal out to you and you took it and held it tight to your chest.

"I love him."

"What are you thinking for a name, pumpkin?"

You pursed your lips to the side, a telltale sign that you were in deep thought. "Spot."

"Spot," Jay repeated. "I think that's a perfect name. You think Spot and Emmy are going to be friends?" Emmy was the name of your doll.

"Best friends," you told him.

"Do you want to help me unpack my room or play in here?"

"Play in here," you answered as you picked up Emmy to play with along with Spot.

"Okay. I'll be right across the hall if you need anything."

Jay walked into his room where Hailey was already busying herself by making up Jay's bed.

"Hailey," Jay started, "you didn't have to do that. I'm perfectly capable of making my own bed."

"I'm not busy until tonight, so I figured I'd help you out. I can leave if you'd like some privacy while you unpack, though," Hailey replied.

"No, no, you're fine. This is your house after all. You're allowed to go wherever you want." Jay started busying himself with taking a few things out of a crate. "Can you tell me more about the job I'll be doing tonight?"

"So, tonight, people will knock on the back door. I usually let them in, but they have to say bakery because that's the secret word to be let in. If there's a new person, I'll grab you or Adam, the other guy who does the same job as you, to let him in because I don't know him personally."

"So, for your safety?" Jay asked.

"Exactly. Then, I make the drinks and one of you hands them to the customers. The other cleans tables once someone leaves. And, if the person still seems like a drunk before they leave, you have to stop them from leaving for a few hours until they're essentially back to normal. Typically, I'll explain this to them and it works fine, but sometimes I need some help because, well, I'm small and some of them think it's okay to get handsy."

"I won't let anyone lay a hand on you, Hailey. You have my word."

Hailey nodded. "Thank you. And, before you ask like Adam did about why I don't let you guys make the drinks, it's not that I don't trust you, it's that I know the proper proportions. And, if something happens and one of you is busy making drinks..."

"Something bad could happen to you. I get it," Jay said understandingly. "Being behind the bar is safest for you. You don't have to feel bad about putting your safety first, especially since what we are all partaking in is illegal."

"Thank you for understanding. Now, I'll let you unpack. Just yell downstairs if you have any questions. I'll be in the kitchen making something special for after dinner tonight."

"Please tell me Y/N didn't get a hold of you when I was outside and ask you to make strawberry pie."

"She didn't. And even if she did, I was already planning on making it. She's very polite, Jay. You don't have to worry about her not having manners. You've raised her quite well on that front."

"That means a lot, thank you. This all means so much, thank you."

"Hey, you needed help and I needed help. The feeling's mutual." With that, she left Jay alone to unpack and think about how he was staying with one of the most beautiful and kind-hearted women in the world.

***

"So how does this work?" Jay asked Hailey later that night after he had tucked you into bed.

"Jay, I already told you how it works. You just make sure I'm safe and no drunk customers leave or try to get handsy with me," Hailey answered as she was setting up the bar.

"I know that," Jay laughed. "I meant with Y/N. What do we do about her? She's sleeping in a place she doesn't know and I'm not in my room. I don't want her to get upset when she can't find us."

"Oh," Hailey said. "Guess I didn't think that far ahead." She paused as she thought about what she and Jay could do. "How about this: every fifteen minutes either you or I go upstairs to check on her."

"That works," Jay said.

There were thundering footsteps walking down the stairs.

"Hey, Adam," Hailey greeted when he got all the way down. "Jay, this is Adam. Adam, Jay."

Jay and Adam shook hands. "So you're the new replacement?" Adam asked and Jay nodded. "Don't worry, everything's pretty tame down here. There's just occasionally one or two rowdy newcomers because they haven't drank in a long time and forgot what their limits are."

"Good to know," Jay said.

"It's almost time to open, so how about me and Jay go upstairs for the first few customers so he can see how it's done," Hailey suggested.

Adam waved his hand. "Go ahead. Usually, I know most everyone's regular drinks, so I can handle bartending for a little bit."

"Thanks, Adam," Hailey said.

Jay and Hailey made their way upstairs and Jay went to check on you and then went back to Hailey.

"She still asleep?" Hailey asked.

"Out like a light," he answered.

There was a knock at the door. Hailey opened it a crack. "Bakery," the man said. It was the same one who asked a few days ago if they'd be open when Jay came over to ask Hailey to watch you while he went to the bank to see if he could take out a loan.

Hailey opened the door all the way and allowed him in. He came with a friend. "Christopher, Randall, welcome back," she said once they were all the way inside.

"Thank you," they both said.

"This guy new?" Christopher Hermann asked.

"Jay Halstead," Jay said as he stretched his hand out for Hermann to shake. "Pleasure to meet you."

"You as well. The real pleasure is being here where I can drink alcohol, am I right, Randall?" he asked as he turned to his friend.

"No doubt about it," he replied.

"Any stories from work today?" Hailey asked.

"No, just a simple cat caught in a tree. Nothing that caused somebody's house to burn and thank the Lord for that because of how hard it is to secure a loan for a house right now," Hermann answered.

"You two can make your way on in," Hailey said. "You know where to go."

"Thank you," Randall said and then the two walked away and towards the island that hid the speakeasy underneath.

"They're both firefighters," Hailey told Jay. "And, the one that Christopher kept calling Randall, well he told me that at the station they call him Mouch."

Jay furrowed his eyebrows. "Why? Why would a man want a nickname as silly as that?"

"Apparently it means half man half couch. But, just call him Randall. I'm not supposed to know about that nickname, but Hermann told me one night when he got a little too drunk."

"I'm sure Randall's wife is thrilled that he's a lazy bum," Jay said.

"Only at the station where he sits on the couch and listens to the radio until the bells go off. But, his wife, Trudy, can command a room."

Jay looked at his watch. "I should go check on Y/N again. Be right back."

He checked on you and you were still sound asleep.

After a few more customers came in, he went back downstairs and started his new job. It was hard not to like it when he got to look and talk to Hailey all night.

***

It had been a few months since you and Jay had moved in with Miss Hailey. Well, she was just Hailey to you now because she insisted you call her that. Jay insisted on you still calling her Miss Hailey, but Hailey had vetoed that decision.

Jay cracked an eye open as you excitedly pushed his door open. He quickly closed his eyes again and pretended to be asleep.

You pulled on his blankets. "Jay Jay! Jay Jay, wake up! It's Christmas!" He still pretended to be asleep. You pulled on his arm and he cracked his eyes open and rubbed them.

"Mhm, Y/N, what's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing's wrong, Jay Jay! It's Christmas! Do you think Santa came?" you asked excitedly.

"I think so," Jay said as he sat up and stretched. "Should we go see if Hailey's awake and then we can see if Santa came?"

You nodded excitedly and he got out of bed and you grabbed his hand, practically tugging him out of his bedroom.

You saw Hailey walking up the stairs with a tray with three mugs on it. "Hailey!" you exclaimed and quickly let go of Jay's hand and ran to her. "Did you go downstairs?" you asked excitedly.

"I did," she told you, letting out a small giggle at your excitement.

God, Jay loved that giggle. Hell, he loved everything about Hailey, her heart, her looks, how she wasn't afraid to run a speakeasy when it was illegal. For all intents and purposes, she was a little rebel and he loved it.

"Did Santa come? Did you see him?" you rushed out excitedly.

"I didn't see him, but he came. There's lots of presents and your stocking is almost overflowing."

You smiled widely and squealed in excitement.

"Here," Jay said as he walked up to Hailey. "Let me take that."

"Oh, sorry," Hailey apologized. "I figured I'd make us some coffee and for that little angel, there's some hot chocolate with whipped cream and a candy cane."

"Hear that, pumpkin?" Jay asked as he took the tray from Hailey. "Hailey made you hot chocolate with all the fixings."

"Thank you!" you exclaimed and then tried to reach for your mug.

"Pumpkin, it's hot. I'm gonna hand it to you when we get downstairs, how's that sound?"

"Okay, Jay Jay!"

When the three of you got downstairs, you gasped. Hailey wasn't kidding when she told you there were lots of presents and your stocking was overflowing. "Santa came! Santa came!"

"He did," Jay said as he set the tray on the coffee table. "Do you want to open your stocking while your hot chocolate cools down?"

"Yes please!"

Hailey walked over to the radio and turned it on to a low volume while Jay helped you get your stocking down. Then, he handed it to you and he and Hailey sat down on the floor next to you as you emptied it.

"Oranges!" you exclaimed as you pulled out two of them. "Chocolate...and candy canes!" You pulled out two more things, too, a new hairbrush and socks, but you were more excited for the chocolate and candy canes. "Your turn!" you told Jay and Hailey.

Inside theirs were only oranges, candy canes, and chocolate. They had both agreed to spend the money on you and not on each other.

You opened your presents and you had gotten a stuffed animal Mickey Mouse from Jay and a pack of cards that were specifically for Go-Fish. They had different color fishies on them! You also got a new nightgown from him.

"What's that?" you asked as you pointed to an object in the corner under the Christmas tree that was covered by a bedsheet.

"That, is my present to you," Hailey told you.

"Can I open it?" you asked as you clasped your hands in front of you as if in prayer.

Hailey laughed. "Yes, you can."

As you had been asking Hailey, Jay was wondering where this gift came from. He knew Hailey had been in charge of your stocking, but he didn't think she had gotten you anything else...much less something so big that it couldn't be wrapped.

You tugged the sheet off and gasped when you saw what was under it.

"A rocking horse!"

Jay's eyes went wide. She wasn't even supposed to get you anything and here she was with a brand new rocking horse for you.

Hailey walked over to you. "There's even a pocket on the side of the saddle so that Emmy and Spot can ride with you," she told you as she pointed it out to you.

"Jay Jay! Can you help me get on?"

Jay smiled and walked up to you and picked you up. "One...two...three!" He set you down on the rocking horse, but not before he threw you up in the air once and then caught you and placed you on the rocking horse.

You started moving back and forth on the rocking horse and singing the lyrics to Santa Claus is Comin' to Town. Jay and Hailey just watched you while they drank their coffee, enjoying the morning and seeing you so excited.

"Where's your presents?" you asked after a few songs. "Santa didn't bring you any?"

"He only brings presents to good little children, pumpkin," Jay told you.

"But you were good, Jay Jay!" you argued.

"I know," he chuckled. "But I'm a grown-up, so is Hailey."

You scrunched up your nose. "I don't wanna be a grown-up. It doesn't sound fun." Then you remembered something. "What about the presents I helped you with?" You looked down at the red tree skirt. "They're right there!" you exclaimed as you pointed to the two gifts that were still waiting to be unwrapped. You pointed to one. "That once's for Jay Jay from me and Hailey!" You pointed to the last gift. "And that one's for Hailey from me and Jay Jay!"

Jay got up and grabbed both gifts. "After you," he told Hailey, his eyes twinkling because he knew what was inside.

She gently took the wrapping paper off and then smiled and looked up at him. "How did you know this was my favorite book?" She ran a hand over the cover of a brand new copy of Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. More importantly, she wondered how he could afford all this. She knew that she had started paying him a little a few months ago as prices for products dropped, but she knew it wasn't a lot.

"I noticed it on your bedside table one night when I brought you a cup of tea. I just assumed it was your favorite because of how worn the pages were. I'm glad I guessed correctly," he said.

"Thank you. This is- I love it," Hailey said. Her mom had given her a copy of that book once she reached second grade and her mom had helped her read it. She always remembered those good memories when she read it, which was why she's always read if she couldn't make it to the library, even to this day. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." His fingers brushed her hand.

Hailey turned to you. "Did you help your brother pick this out?"

"Yeah! I went to the bookstore with him! It was so big!" you told her as you continued rocking back and forth on your rocking horse. Jay had no doubt that that would be your favorite toy.

Hailey passed Jay his gift. It wasn't hard like her's had been, it was sort of flimsy as well.

"I wonder what it could be..." he trailed off, thinking that you would tell him.

"It's--" you clamped your mouth shut as you remembered what Hailey had told you. "Hailey told me I can't tell you yet! You gotta open it!"

"Okay, okay, I'm opening it." Jay also gently took off the wrapping paper so that it could be saved for next year's Christmas.

Jay removed the paper and saw what was inside: between two pieces of cardboard were two shirts. They were both made out of the same blue and white striped fabric, but one was short-sleeved and the other was long-sleeved. He held the long-sleeved one up to get a better look at it.

"Wow, Hailey, these are amazing. Did you make these?" he asked.

"I did. Y/N helped me pick out the fabric. She said you liked blue," Hailey said.

"Well, she's right. I do like blue."

"And, we figured we'd give you a long-sleeved one that can be worn almost any time and then a short-sleeved one for the summer months."

"You both made great choices. Thank you so much." He looked up at you. "Thank you, too, pumpkin. Now, can you get down and give me a hug or do I need to help you down?"

"I can do it!" You slid down off the rocking horse and then ran to Jay, barrelling into his open arms.

"Arghh, my favorite girls. No better way to spend Christmas."

Your stomach rumbled.

"I should get started on breakfast," Hailey said and stood up.

"I'll help," Jay offered. He let go of you and set you on the couch and then handed you your hot chocolate. "Can you do something for me?" he asked you.

"What is it?" you asked after you had taken a sip of your hot chocolate, getting whipped cream all on your upper lip.

"Can you not get on the rocking horse and stay here and listen to the radio until me or Hailey get back?"

"Okay!" You paused. "Can you put me on there now? I promise I'll be good," you pleaded.

Jay agreed, but only because it was Christmas. "Now, me and Hailey will be in the kitchen if you need anything. Merry Christmas, pumpkin."

"Merry Christmas, Jay Jay."

Jay handed you your hot chocolate to take one last sip and then you handed it back to him. Then, Jay and Hailey made their way into the kitchen to start on the Christmas breakfast.

Hailey opened the icebox as Jay began grabbing some plates...the fancy China ones that Hailey said she'd only get out for holidays.

"So, I'm one of your favorite girls?" Hailey asked while she took the cinnamon roll dough, which she had made a few days ago and rolled up, out of the icebox and set them on the counter.

"I mean, you are, but if you're uncomfortable with that...you know, I think I just meant to say favorite girl to Y/N, but I made it plural and--"

"Jay," she cut him off. "You're one of my favorite boys."

"Only one of them, huh?" he joked. "Who else is there?"

"The firefighters," she answered nonchalantly. "They were the ones who helped me with the rocking horse."

"I was wondering who made that."

"I just told Hermann one night that I thought Y/N would like a rocking horse, and he offered to build it with help from some of the other firefighters. All it took was a night of free drinks for each of them who helped."

"How'd you get it inside? It wasn't there last night."

"Hermann and some of the other firefighters stopped over early this morning and dropped it off. I just threw the bedsheet over it."

"So that's why you had coffee and hot chocolate all made up. You had been awake."

"Exactly right."

Jay opened the oven door turned the dial, then moved out of the way to allow Hailey to put the cinnamon rolls in the oven.

"You don't have to help me, you know," Hailey pointed out when she closed the oven door. She had never met a man so keen on helping her in the kitchen or with daily household chores before she had met Jay.

"Hailey, you tell me this every day. I've been used to cooking and cleaning for the past two years since it was just me and Y/N. I'm not going to wake up one day and stop doing that. Besides, I'm helping you out. You shouldn't have to do everything around here."

Hailey nodded and smiled. God, was Jay sweet and very handsome, too! "Well, in that case, do you want to get started on the eggs while I whip up the icing for the cinnamon rolls?"

"Uh, I was wondering if maybe you'd make the eggs?" Jay asked.

Hailey shrugged. "Okay."

"It's not that I don't want to do it," Jay backtracked. "Y/N just told me she prefers your eggs over mine."

"I think I know why," Hailey laughed.

Jay's eyes twinkled with humor as he looked at her. "Is that so?"

"It is so. It's because you whisk the eggs in the pan and not in the bowl before."

"So she likes the whites mixed with the yolks, got it," Jay replied and reached into the cabinet and grabbed Hailey a bowl. "In that case, care to pass me the icing recipe?"

She passed him a piece of paper and they worked in comfortable silence, the only noises to be heard were the sounds of whisking and sizzling and the faint sounds of the Christmas carols coming from the radio in the living room.

Hailey began plating the eggs and placed them on the counter. "I'll pop them back in the oven to keep them warm once the cinnamon rolls are almost done."

"Good idea. I'll go check on Y/N. Icing's finished as well."

Hailey nodded and then began filling the sink with warm water to start washing some of the dishes.

"I'll be back to help you dry in a minute, don't you worry."

"You'd never miss that," she joked and Jay shook his head as he walked over to go check on you.

When he saw you, he held back a laugh. You were still on the rocking horse, but your head was leaning against the horse's head, the reins loose in your hand, as you quietly snoozed away to the Christmas carols.

He thought about waking you up but thought that Hailey would like to see how adorable you looked as well. So, he walked back to the kitchen.

"Back so soon?" Hailey asked. "Where's my little angel?"

"She's asleep on the rocking horse. Guess waking up early and all the excitement of the presents really tired her out. She's adorable."

Jay waved his hand, signaling for her to follow him and she did.

Hailey cooed at how cute you were as the two of the them stood in the open doorway to the sitting room.

"She really is the cutest little girl alive," Hailey said.

"I'd do anything for that kid," Jay said.

"You're a good brother, Jay. Raising her to have manners and know how to behave, you did really well with her."

"Thank you. I just tried to do what my mother did for me and Will." Since their time together, Jay had told Hailey stories about his childhood and his parents. These were mostly told downstairs in the speakeasy when Hailey had allowed Adam to go home and it was just the two of them cleaning up together.

"Well, she'd be proud of you."

She looked up at his green eyes, which were gazing at her gently. Then, she looked up at the doorway and laughed softly.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing, it's nothing."

Jay looked up and spotted the mistletoe. They had hung it up there a week and a half ago when they had decorated for Christmas. But, they never really did the tradition of kissing under it; it was solely for decoration purposes.

"I don't think we can avoid it now since it's Christmas," Jay said. Hailey furrowed her eyebrows. "Hailey, we've been avoiding the tradition since we hung it up." He took a step toward her and grabbed her hand. "You're beautiful and I've never met anyone as kind-hearted and sweet as you and we're underneath the mistletoe." He tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"That we are," Hailey agreed and smiled a toothy smile.

They looked into each other's eyes and all they saw was love and affection. So, Jay did what he wanted to do since they hung that piece of mistletoe: he leaned in and gave the most beautiful girl whom he had ever laid eyes on, a kiss and a Christmas kiss at that.

***

Winter had come and gone and spring was finally in the air. Jay and Hailey had finally admitted their feelings to each other and whenever they kissed, you always giggled...which caused Jay to pick you up and tickle you.

You were sitting in the garden with Hailey working on planting new flowers and vegetables, while Jay went inside to grab the three of you glasses of lemonade.

"Are these tomatoes, Mommy?" You asked as you picked up a package of seeds.

Hailey froze. Mommy. She most definitely wasn't your mommy.

"They are, baby. They'll be tomatoes once they get lots and lots of water and sun."

Jay was walking back at the same exact time you started to reply to Hailey. "Okay, Mommy! I can't wait to see them! I hope they're good."

"Hey, pumpkin," Jay said as he walked up to you and squatted down next to you. "You thirsty?" He sent Hailey a look that read that he had no idea what was going on with those names either. He held the glass of lemonade out to you.

"Thank you, Daddy!" you exclaimed as you took the glass of lemonade from him.

Jay's eyes widened and he looked at Hailey once more as you took big gulps of lemonade.

"Pumpkin, who are you calling Mommy and Daddy?" he asked gently, trying to word this as easy as possible so that you could understand it and so that it wouldn't upset you.

"You're Daddy and Hailey's Mommy!" you told him.

He furrowed his eyebrows. "I thought I was Jay Jay."

"You are. But you're Daddy, too," you told him.

"Pumpkin, me and Hailey love you so, so much, but we aren't your mommy and daddy. Mommy and Daddy died when you were little," Jay told you as he took the empty lemonade glass from you.

"I know that," you said as you started digging another hole for more seeds, not grasping how important this conversation actually was.

"Then why are you calling us that?" Hailey asked as she twirled one of your braids between her fingers.

"Because Annie told me all about her mommy and daddy and you and Jay Jay do the same things as them. So you're like my mommy and daddy." Annie was one of the neighbor girls you'd play with outside occasionally. Her dad also came to the speakeasy every Saturday night...but you obviously didn't know that. You didn't even know what a speakeasy was, let alone that there was a speakeasy in the basement of your house. You moved the dirt from the hole and to the side of you.

"Y/N, we love you so much, but you..." Hailey trailed off, not knowing how to tell you that you couldn't call her and Jay Mommy and Daddy.

"You can't call us Mommy and Daddy, pumpkin," Jay told you.

Your lip began to tremble. "Why not? You are my mommy and my daddy."

"Why do you want to call us that?" Jay asked as his heart broke when he saw the tears forming in your eyes.

"Be- because you do Daddy things like pick me up and spin me around. And wake me up and tuck me in and let me sleep in your bed when I'm- when I'm scared."

"And Hailey?"

"She does Mommy things like tuck me in and wake me up, too. She helps me with my hair and you guys always give me bedtime kisses and stories."

Jay looked at Hailey. He really didn't know how to tell you that you couldn't call them that.

"Is there anything else, Y/N?" Hailey asked, looking directly at you as she started to rub your back to hopefully stop you from crying.

"I don't 'member Mommy and Daddy!" you cried and hurled yourself into Jay's arms. "I don't 'member them and I want a mommy and daddy!"

"Oh, pumpkin," Jay said. He never really thought about the fact that you wouldn't really remember your mom and dad and how you might call him that because that's what he seemed like to you. He knew you'd have questions, but he didn't think you'd try and call him and Hailey those titles. "You do have a mommy and daddy. They're just in heaven, remember?"

"But I don't 'member them!" you cried again.

"I know, I know. Would it help if I show you pictures of them?" Jay asked.

"You have pictures of 'em?" you asked, removing your head from Jay's chest.

You had only seen a few pictures of them that Jay had in his room in frames and those were the ones that used to be in your old apartment, too.

"I do. What do you say we all go inside and look at them?" Jay asked.

"Okay."

He helped Hailey to her feet and then placed you on his hip and the three of you made your way inside.

You stayed with Hailey on the couch in the sitting room while Jay went upstairs to grab a box of old pictures.

"This is our mommy and this is our daddy," Jay said as he pointed out the people in the picture when he sat down a few minutes later. "See, you have a mommy and daddy. You just can't see them right now."

"When can I see them?" you asked.

"Not for a long time until you go up in the sky to heaven," he told you.

"Like all the old people?"

Hailey laughed. "Yes, like all the old people," Jay answered.

He pulled out another picture. "There's Mommy, there's Daddy, there's Will, and there's me," he told you as he pointed to the people in the picture.

"Where am I?" you asked as your fingers brushed the black and white photograph.

"You are right here." He pointed to your mommy's belly.

"But that's mommy's tummy, Jay Jay. I'm not there!"

"Yes, you are. You had to grow big and strong and then one day you just came here," he explained.

You placed your hand on Jay's belly. "Where's your baby, Jay Jay?"

Hailey held back laughter while Jay placed his big hand on top of your small one. "I can't have babies."

You cocked your head to the side. "Why not?"

"Because..." he trailed off, looking to Hailey for support.

"Y/N," she began. "That's a talk for when you're bigger." She grabbed a deck of cards from the table in front of you. "Do you want to play Go-Fish? I'll even get you some more lemonade."

That piqued your interest. "Yes, please!"

You slid off the couch and Jay breathed a huge sigh of relief. He had no idea what he'd do without Hailey Ann Upton.

***

"Wow," Jay mused as he looked at the morning newspaper while he and Hailey were sipping their morning coffee.

"What? Shocked that Y/N's still sleeping? Maybe she fell asleep late because she was so excited to go to the fair today," Hailey said.

"No, no," Jay said. "It's not that, even though I am shocked that she's still sleeping when it's eight o'clock already. But, no, they're thinking about ending prohibition."

"What?" Hailey gasped.

"Right here." Jay passed the newspaper to Hailey and pointed to the heading which is what told them that the US only needed one more state to ratify the 21st amendment, which at this point looked like it would be Utah.

Hailey skimmed the article. "Wow. You're right. I mean, I think we kind of knew this was coming, but I didn't think it would actually happen."

"Me neither. Do you know what you're going to do if it does become legal?"

"I mean, I've obviously thought about it, but not all the way if you know what I mean. I kind of wondered about it, but I never made a plan." Hailey tried her best to explain how she had been thinking.

"Do you want to stay in Chicago?" Jay asked.

"I don't know. I love the city, but I'd also like to have the country air. Give Y/N a big yard to run around in instead of the small one we have now."

"Jay Jay! Hailey!" you exclaimed as you ran into the kitchen.

"Speak of the devil," Jay laughed. "We'll talk more about it later." He turned to you as you pulled yourself up on a kitchen chair. "You excited for the fair, pumpkin?"

"Yeah!" you exclaimed. "I can't wait to see all the animals!"

"Which ones do you want to see the most?" Hailey asked.

"The piggies!"

"The piggies, huh?" Jay asked. "Why are they your favorite?"

"They're pink and they're fat and they're cute!"

"Pink, fat, and cute," Hailey repeated. "Great description of pigs. How about me and Jay Jay get started on breakfast and then we can get going. How does that sound?"

"Yay! Piggies!"

Jay laughed and got up to help Hailey with breakfast while you were practically vibrating in your seat with the excitement at the thought of seeing all the animals at the fair.

***

"Piggies!" you exclaimed as you saw them in their pen and tugged on Jay's hand to make him walk faster. "C'mon, Jay Jay!"

Jay laughed. "They'll still be there in a few minutes when we get there."

"There's chickens, too!" Hailey told you. "Maybe you'll see some babies, do you remember what those are called from the book we read about animals at the library?"

"Chicks!"

"Great job!" Hailey praised.

By now you had made your way to the pen and tugged Jay's hand when you walked into it.

"Piggy!" you exclaimed as you ran up to one.

"What sound does a pig make, Y/N?" Jay asked as he crouched down next to you to make sure you didn't put your hands near the pig's mouth.

"Oink oink! Mr. Piggy says oink oink!" you said, quoting the book you and Hailey read the other day.

"She must've really liked that book," Hailey said.

"Obviously," Jay agreed as you kept petting the pig. The pig made its snorty oink oink sound which caused you to pull your hand away and giggle loudly.

"Can we get a piggy, Jay Jay?" you asked.

"Not while we're in Chicago, Y/N," Jay told you.

"So if we go out of Chicago, we get one?" you asked hopefully.

"Maybe, pumpkin, maybe."

***

"So, what are you thinking?" Jay asked a few days later when it was he, Adam, Hailey, Hermann, and a few others in the speakeasy late at night.

"I don't know," Hailey said. "But, you saw how Y/N looked with those farm animals and how she loved petting all of them."

"So, you want to move out of Chicago?" Jay asked.

"I don't know, but it sounds like you've thought a lot about it. Care to enlighten me?"

"Oregon, Wisconsin, New York. Those are all options," Jay shrugged.

"I thought we were getting out of the city and not going into another one," Hailey joked. "So why New York?"

"Upstate New York, where there'd be all the forests and wilderness. Obviously, we wouldn't be living out in the middle of nowhere. I don't think either of us would enjoy that."

"No, not in the slightest," Hailey agreed.

Hermann walked up to them. "So, if you two leave with the kid, what's gonna happen to this place?" he asked.

"Didn't your mother ever teach that listening to others' conversations is actually quite rude?" Jay asked.

"Well, sorry. But all us firefighters will have to find a new place to blow off some steam," Hermann replied.

"We'll only be leaving if prohibition actually ends," Hailey explains. "Still waiting on one more state to ratify the amendment."

"So, if it does end, what are you thinking?" Hermann asked.

"Alright, spit it out already," Jay joked. "What are you thinking, Hermann?"

"Well, I'm thinking about retiring soon and if it ends, I'd love to have a business endeavor to throw myself into. If I don't have anything to work on, the missus will not be happy with me."

"So, what are you saying?" Jay asked.

"Hailey Upton, if prohibition ends and you and Jay decide to leave, would you allow me to buy this place and turn it into the most booming bar in all of Chicago?"

"I--"

"Excuse me?" A man asked rudely as he leaned over the bar. "I've been waiting on another drink for minutes now!"

"Sir," Hailey began, "I can only give you so much because we need you to be sober enough when you walk outside to leave."

"I'm paying for this! You can't tell me how much I can and can't drink!"

"Sir--"

"Make me my damn drink, bitch!"

He reached out a hand to grab Hailey's wrist, but she jumped back so she was out of his reach.

"Reach over that bar one more time and I will lay you out where you stand," Jay told him sternly.

"I highly doubt that," he scoffed and went to reach over the bar again.

But, Jay was too fast and landed a solid punch to the man's jaw.

"Son of bitch," he muttered as he grabbed his jaw.

"Believe me now?" Jay asked smugly. Then, he turned to Adam. "Care to take care of this?"

"Yeah, I got it." Then, he turned to the man who was still grabbing and massaging his jaw. "You need to go take a seat, buddy, while I get you some ice. Because, hate to break it to you, but we're not letting you leave for at least another hour."

The man groaned but reluctantly went to take a seat while Adam got him some ice...mostly because he didn't want another punch to the jaw from Jay.

Jay walked behind the bar. "Are you okay?" he asked Hailey.

"I'm fine. He didn't even touch me," she replied.

"Still," Jay said. "I'd really prefer if you went upstairs and went to sleep. I don't want anything to happen to you."

"Jay, I'm--"

"Hailey," Hermann cut her off. "I can make the drinks. You just go upstairs and get some rest."

"Hermann, I can't pay you for this. And, do you even know how to make all the drinks?" Hailey asked.

"I'm fine with not being paid, Hailey. I just want to help you out and make sure you're safe, just like Jay here. And, I've been here enough and seen you make the drinks that I'm pretty sure I can handle it."

"Okay," Hailey relented.

"I'll walk you upstairs," Jay offered. "Can you two handle it if I'm gone for a few minutes?" Jay asked Adam and Hermann.

The two said they were fine and Jay and Hailey went upstairs.

"If prohibition ends," Hailey began when Jay and Hailey were almost to her bedroom, "I think we should take Hermann up on his offer."

"Hailey, that's a big decision. Are you sure you don't want to think about it?" Jay asked as he grabbed her hand.

"Tonight opened my eyes. Late nights, the possibility of being in situations I don't want to be in. If we have kids, I'm going to need to be there with them."

"Hailey, I'd love to have kids with you. But, I'm lost. What does this have to do with selling the speakeasy to Hermann?"

"If we have kids, I want us to be there for them at night when they have nightmares, not one of us going upstairs every fifteen minutes to check on them like we do with Y/N. And, if it's all legal, we'll have more rowdy customers. I don't want either of us to get hurt and I also don't want one of the kids to walk downstairs, if we have kids, and see angry customers," Hailey explained.

"I understand that. It's your decision, though. You own the speakeasy. It's your decision. I'll be with you on whatever you decide to do."

"Jay, I love you so much and I never want to be without you. And if you want to move, I'm going with you. I'm going where you go."

"I love you, too. And, you're gonna have to put up with me for a long time because I'm not leaving you."

***

"We've got everything, right?" Jay asked as he and Hailey looked on to the house. Jay held suitcases in his hand and so did Hailey. You held Spot and Emmy close to you.

"You sure about this?" Hermann asked. "You still have an hour before the train comes to back out."

"We're sure, Christopher," Hailey confirmed. "Everything is ready for us in New York."

"My brother had a lot to do with that," Jay supplied.

Prohibition had officially ended a month ago and when Jay had told Will over a quick phone call what was going on, he was shocked, to say the least. But, he agreed to try and find a place for them in upstate New York. So, he took Natalie and his three kids on a day trip there where they looked at some houses and went through the shops and got ice cream. Then, Will told Jay he had found the perfect place. So, Jay and Hailey sent him the money and Will bought the house for them.

"Bar have a--" Jay was quickly cut of by you asking a question.

"What was Mommy's name?" you asked.

"It was Molly," Jay answered. "But, we don't interrupt, okay?"

"Sorry. But, Hailey told me she'd get me another dolly when we get to New York and now I'm gonna name her Molly."

"That's great, pumpkin, really great. Anyway," he started, turning his attention back to Hermann, "Bar have a name yet?"

"You know, I think Molly's would be a good name," he answered.

You gasped. "You're gonna name the restaurant after my mommy? Did you hear that, Jay Jay?"

"I did. Hermann, you can't. It's your bar."

"I know. But, if your mom didn't have you, then you wouldn't have fallen in love with Hailey, and I wouldn't be getting the most important thing to me: the bar," he told him.

"I'm telling Cindy you said that," Hailey joked.

"You wouldn't do that. You're too nice for that, Hailey."

"So, it's Molly's?" Hailey asked.

"The bar's Molly's."

"Well, take good care of it. I didn't run it illegally for years just to have it be destroyed by a regular."

"Don't you worry. And, if all else fails, at least the firefighters will come to it."

***

"This is our house?" you asked excitedly when Will picked the three of you up from the train station. Apparently, he and Natalie made enough money to feed them and their three children and still have enough money to afford a car.

"It is, pumpkin. And look over there." Jay pointed outside the car to a pen...well two pens and a chicken coop.

"Piggies!" you exclaimed. You gasped. "We get to keep them?"

"We do," Jay confirmed.

"There's even a horse that you can ride," Hailey told you.

"Like my rocking horse?"

"Just like that. But you can feed him and brush him. And we have hens, too. Those are the girl chickens."

"They lay the eggs?"

"That's right," Will said. "You sure know a lot about animals, pumpkin. Are you gonna be a veterinarian when you get bigger?"

"What's that?" you asked as you furrowed your eyebrows.

"So, I'm a doctor for people, but you'd be a doctor for animals."

You gasped. "Yay! I wanna be a betternanian!"

Everyone laughed at your pronunciation of the word veterinarian, but you were too excited to realize you had said it wrong and to even care.

As Jay grabbed a few things out of the car and made his way to the house, he reminisced on how he got here. If he hadn't had his route changed as a milkman, if he wouldn't have gotten fired and gotten an eviction notice, then he wouldn't have met the love of his life, Miss Hailey Anne Upton...even though he hoped he'd be able to change her title to Mrs. Hailey Anne Halstead in the next few months. And, even though he had to go look for a job tomorrow, he had a home with you and Hailey, you were happy with all the animals, and he was closer to the rest of his family in Will, Natalie, and his nephews and niece, and that was all that mattered.

A/N I hope you liked the first AU of AU-gust! I think the next one I will be writing will be a high school AU. If you have any ideas for AUs, feel free to comment or send me an ask!  As always, thank you for reading! Don't forget to reblog/like and comment as notifications always make my day! And, if you like my writing, you can support me at https://www.buymeacoffee.com/Kayela It's only a dollar and it's through Paypal and any currency can be used, no subscription required! (I write these fics for free, so I figured I'd try this out!) Finally, if you want to be added to my taglist, just comment and I’ll add you!

taglist: @theambracer88 @virtualreader @kelelas-life @celyndavies @brookerz122493 @musicismyescape27 @anotherfan07 @thexplosivegirl @dreamingwithlens @xoxmariaxox @onechicago18 @iamasimpingh0e @i-like-sparkly-things @herecomesthewriterwitch @liampayne88

[brightoakgame]

Author’s Marginalia - 1

Hello; I hope July is treating all of you well, keeping you in good health and spirits. I wanted to create a little space beyond the Monday updates to share some of the thoughts and processes from which I formed the story of Bright Oak. The scribbles from the margins; a more freeform ongoing commentary.

For today, I’ll begin with beginnings, and time.

I love visual novels, as a medium; the potential they have in storytelling is vast, and I think developers are becoming more and more adept at exploring it, expanding on what genres can be used, where the stories unfold, who is represented, and how. That love and perceived potential emboldened me to try creating something to fill the gaps and pockets between what I could see existed, and what I wanted to exist, myself.

Bright Oak emerged from one of the more cluttered corners of my mind; the roots of the story are the result of a dream, a Wired article about a font, the first season of Stranger Things, and a fondness for sleepy town farming simulators such as Stardew Valley. The dream gave me the loose structure of a town cut off by a mysterious force, the people banding together in the face of adversity-- and a stranger arriving in the midst of everything, obliged by circumstance to throw in their lot with the town. Stranger Things gifted me with a nearby research facility, whose experiments have unforeseen consequences. Cozy farming sims suggested the key resources a town might have, both in the way of structures and officials: the sheriff, the doctor, the general store, the diner. As for the font-- I’ll come back to the font.

I began writing late one summer night-- and then I simply didn’t stop for several years. I’m not able to outline in a traditional way (allow me to introduce my anxiety: their name is Ultron Brain, and since they periodically go on destructive sprees, I’m afraid I have to keep secrets from them-- and by extension, myself). So I started with letting my mind wander over one of my favorite sensory locations: the California coastal hills, golden in the mid-afternoon, loud with the sound of buzzing insects and tidal roar of wind, each monumental oak and granite boulder a potential gateway to someplace Other and Fae and utterly wild. The sort of place where being lost feels like walking the veil, being well and truly lost, feeling the pulse of the bent grasses, drowning in the rich scent of the chapparal and sage, and realizing that to this land, we’re of no more importance than the stellar jays or checkerspot butterflies-- if anything, our contribution is less. There’s a finite amount of time you can be lost in such a place before the fairies will find you and eat you, or before your feet begin to root, and the next unfortunate traveler is left to take rest in the shade of your gnarled branches.

Fortunately, I knew Sheriff John Forster would turn up to find Kit first (Kit being the default name for Bright Oak’s MC; while Kit is never shown, it was very important to me while writing to try and maintain a gender neutrality in character interactions with Kit that would allow respect for the player’s choice of pronouns. Sure, it’s probably not small town 1968-accurate, strictly speaking-- but neither is time travel, so I’m just gonna assume people are ready to suspend some disbelief here and there). John and Marybeth were the only two characters I knew about from the get-go; the other three simply showed up in their own time. 

Most of the story ran that way; I wrote one act at a time, shuttling between character perspectives, building the outline as I went. The outlier was Jasper (very on-brand for him), whom I came back to after a couple years’ break.

Beyond the environs surrounding the town, time plays the other, overarching piece in Bright Oak’s development. I have a lifelong fondness for old things, things that have history, both innate stories, and the personal, things haunted by dust and memory. The mantlepiece clock that doesn’t presently run, and which I have no mantle for, but which I can remember as a noisy fixture in my late grandparents’ living room, the muted tock-tock-tock like a brass-tipped cane on hardwood floors, the chime mellow and warm as tea. Old books with stiff pages, dressed in finely-woven cloth, wearing gilt like jewelry. Sandalwood fans. Magnificent hats, silk faded and paper-thin. Vibrant pottery and vases. Dated instruction manuals that apply to things no longer used. As I’ve grown, I’ve come to appreciate them as relics of What Came Before-- in the same way I, myself, am, that we all are. Because after passing, after loss, after the wash of grief, there’s the realization that we carry secret knowledge: the backyard citrus trees I hid in and among as a child; a bakery I once frequented; so many of the people I loved over years; my experience of the world before the pandemic-- I carry it with me as a tapestry only I can see, overlaying the absence of them in the world I walk. I am the place that carries both this time, the Now, and What Came Before is just beneath the surface of all that, living in my skin, in my old clock that doesn’t run. 

It’s not that I had a passion for the 1960s before writing; the date was one I chose for narrative purposes, but research made me more and more grateful it is where I landed. So much feels unprecedented and horrifying in the world today; did even when I was first writing the script back in 2017. But trying to explore what the world was for Bright Oak, I was taken aback by how much I could relate to-- upheaval, war, assassinations, despair, illness, protests-- but also the glint of hope, banding together, calling out wrongs, fighting for equality, seeking a more global version of truth, scientific and medical advances-- striving, striving for a better world, ugly as it must have looked from the ground, grief-stricken as many must have felt. It resonates; particularly in listening to music of the time, reading stories and interviews, which I’ll maybe explore in a later post. History misses a lot of humanity in the telling.

The font I referred to-- Memoire-- is one that was designed to slowly degrade with use, the sharpness fading, softening, in an almost tactile way. Like a favorite pair of shoes being gradually broken in. Like grief, as it shifts and softens, the angles melting away with time. Time travel stories attract me, because I feel like at their best, they can touch and re-connect What Came Before from one person to another, from one generation to another. And softened grief, when shared, feels very much like compassion.

[chickensaredoodling]

Here’s the book cover! Swipe for more pages of birds. Suitable for kids age 6-12, or anyone who just really loves birds. The story is about a dove who learns to dance to woo the distant moon. It celebrates the humour birds bring to us and the joy of standing out by being true to yourself.

It’s my first book and I’m very proud of it! Words by @jayarthursimpson who deeply understood the story I gave him, whose words flow beautifully from one page to the next. I had so much fun drawing all the birds’ expressions and getting to better know each species, I hope those who pick it up have as much fun reading it!

Pre-order the book here Published by Me Books Asia Thank you for the opportunity, and to colleagues who helped it on its way.

Image descriptions under the cut.

[image description: first image is the book cover. The title on top is Dance Me to The Moon in colourful font. In the centre is a bleeding heart dove, posing with a determined face. On her chest is a red heart shape. Behind her on a dark sky is a bright moon. She is surrounded by various birds, most of them coupled up. Credits include: Words by Jay Arthur Simpson. Story and art by Ang Hui Qing

Second image is a book spread. On the left page, the same bleeding heart dove is on a grassy ground. The moon is reflected in her wide eyes. The text reads: The dove longed with all her heart to dance with the moon. On the right page, the dove is small, surrounded by assorted birds courting in trees, on the ground and in the river. The text reads: But she didn’t know how to dance!

Third image is a book spread, of a greater bird of paradise dancing across the pages while the dove tries to follow. On the right page, his bushy back feathers are in her face. She looks surprised and overwhelmed. Text on the left page reads: He puffed up his chest and bobbed and span but… Text on the right page reads: “You’re just showing off!” she said crossly. “No help at all.”

fourth image is a close up of a book page. A red manakin is doing a “moonwalk” dance across the white page as the dove tries out those moves and fails, much to her distress. The red manakin finishes with a flourish, shouting “Olé!” The text reads: But she couldn’t do this one either

Fifth image is a book spread. On the left page the dove is laying despondent on the ground. Assorted birds stare on with surprise. The text reads: “It’s hopeless,” she sighed. “I just can’t do it.” On the right page is a close up of the dove. She looks overwhelmed by the other birds. They are chaotically screaming around “No just try my dance!” “Or mine! Or mine!”

Sixth image is a close up of the dedication page. On a white background is the dove sitting on a white rock, with some pond vegetation around her. She is looking at some stars above her. Below that, the text reads “To granny Mealins, who loved birds the most.” - Jay Arthur Simpson & Ang Hui Qing. Further down text: The end]

[noona-clock]

The Bartender - Part 6, Final Chapter

Genre: Bartender!AU

Pairing: Jinhwan x You (Female!Reader)

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 | Words: 2,082

Six Months Later

“Tonight?” you asked with a soft chuckle. “But it’s a Tuesday.”

Why was Jinhwan asking you to come to the bar tonight? He certainly knew by now that you made it a habit to only go on Friday evenings or on the weekend -- mainly just Saturday, though. 

“I know, but -- please just come,” he replied.

A sigh slid through your lips, and you closed your eyes briefly as you said, “I have kind of a busy schedule tomor --”

“You don’t have to stay long,” Jinhwan interrupted.

Your brow furrowed gently. “...And it has to be tonight?”

“It has to be tonight. ...Please.”

Well. You certainly couldn’t refuse him when he said please twice. That would just be rude!

“Okay,” you relented. “I’ll stop by after work for a little bit. Do you want me to bring you anything to eat?”

You, at least, figured the two of you could share a quick meal together back in his private office. If you were going to be at a bar on a Tuesday evening, you certainly wanted to make it worth your while and spend some quality, alone time with your boyfriend.

“No, don’t worry about dinner,” he told you.

...What? Don’t worry about dinner? But he was asking you to go to Jay’s after work, and he knew you typically ate dinner right after you got home in the evening.

“Wha --”

“I’ll see you later, okay, baby?” he said hastily. “I gotta go. Drive safe -- see you -- miss you!” And then he made some kissing noises into the phone before the line went dead.

Oh.

Okay, then.

It wasn’t terribly unlike Jinhwan to plan things, but he usually didn’t make it so secretive. After your first date, he discovered that life with you tended to be much easier when he shared his plans with you beforehand.

So, something was definitely fishy about this whole thing.

You spun around in your office chair, eyeing your planner but not actually looking at it. You just needed something to focus on as you thought this through.

Why was he being so unforthcoming about his plans for the evening? If you were only going to be there for a short while, and you weren’t even going to eat dinner there, why wouldn’t he just --

A thought suddenly popped into your head, and it made your heart momentarily stop beating.

What if he was planning to propose?

You quickly shook your head, dismissing that thought because he absolutely would not be proposing. The two of you hadn’t even said ‘I love you’ to each other yet!

...But maybe the fact that you’d just been very swift to think that he might propose meant you should say it.

You felt it, of course, and you had a very solid notion that he did, too. In fact, there had been quite a few times over the past couple of months when you thought he might tell you.

But now that you really thought about it, you concluded that he was probably waiting for you to say it first. You couldn’t blame him in the least for that; it was very rarely easy to know how you were feeling just by looking at you. Over the years, you’d gotten used to telling the people in your life when you were upset, excited, nervous -- or any other emotion. But you hadn’t yet mastered telling someone you loved them.

When you spun back around in your chair to face your computer, you made a mental note to tell Jinhwan sometime soon -- very soon. You did, in fact, love him, and he deserved to know.

But anyway -- you still hadn’t figured out why he would be inviting you to the bar tonight, on a Tuesday!

One glance at the clock on your computer told you it was time to get back to work, though, so you would have to just wait and see.

In an interesting turn of events, Emma had messaged you that afternoon inquiring about your plans for the evening.

This was also somewhat suspicious because she rarely, if ever, asked what you were doing on a weeknight. She knew better than Jinhwan your proclivity towards restricting anything “fun” to the weekends.

But the fact that her contact made you wary didn’t stop you from telling her. And when she read that you would be stopping by Jay’s after work, she almost immediately replied back that she would meet you there -- which wasn’t surprising.

Jay had hired a bartender not too long ago, a very mysterious man named Yongguk, and Emma had quickly decided he was her ideal type. She would jump at any chance to go and see him.

So, here you were, pulling into Jay’s and parking next to Emma’s waiting car.

As soon as you stepped out, you stood and turned to face your friend who was getting out of her own car.

“What’s going on?” you asked with narrowed eyes.

“...What do you mean?”

“Why did you ask me what I was doing on a Tuesday night?”

Emma immediately pulled her lips into an angelic smile, and then your thoughts that something fishy was going on were cemented.

“I swear, I don’t know anything,” she assured you as the two of you met on the sidewalk. “Jinhwan just called me and told me to ask you what you were doing and that I should come along.”

Oh, he was good. He was very good. Asking Emma to take part in his plan but not actually telling her the plan? Smart move, Sir. Very smart.

“Well, something is definitely going on,” you murmured.

“I bet it’s something exciting,” Emma grinned as you approached the front door of the bar. “He knows you. He wouldn’t get you to come here on a weeknight if it weren’t for a very good reason.”

“This is true,” you nodded, walking through and stepping into the place you’d come to be so familiar with over the past six months.

Not even one second passed before you heard Jinhwan call out your name, and when your eyes found him standing behind the counter, you smiled warmly and lifted a hand to wave at him.

Emma suddenly grabbed your hand, pulling you toward the bar with a clear purpose: she’d just spotted Yongguk mixing a drink a few feet away from your boyfriend, and now she was making her way to the bar stool right in front of him.

As soon as you slid onto the stool right in front of your man, you heard Emma greet Yongguk with a very eager but breathless “Hi.” The quiet, handsome man murmured his response, and then you shifted your gaze away to let Emma do her thing.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Jinhwan smirked just as you turned to face him.

“Oh, yes, fancy that,” you replied sarcastically. “What’s going on?”

Your boyfriend immediately looked affronted, his head rearing back as his forehead wrinkled deeply. “What do you mean ‘what’s going on’? I can’t ask my girlfriend to come see me? It’s not like I don’t miss you during the week.”

You pursed your lips and shot him a disbelieving look.

“Okay, fine,” he grinned. “I’m introducing something new to the menu.”

Your eyebrows rushed up your forehead, a grin to match your boyfriend’s appearing on your own lips. “Oh, you finally finished it?”

For basically the entirety of your relationship so far, Jinhwan had been in the process of concocting a new drink. He’d had you taste dozens and dozens of variations of the drink and, being the good girlfriend you are, you’d provided him with honest, constructive feedback every time.

In fact, the last time you’d tasted it, you hadn’t been able to tell him anything you disliked about it. It had been perfect, at least to your tastebuds.

And now it was time to make it official, apparently!

Jinhwan’s grin grew wider as he handed you a menu and pointed to the newest addition on the list. The font color was different, and there was a star right next to it so it was obvious to customers that it was a new drink.

As soon as your eyes landed on the words, they widened. Your heart flipped over and then leaped up into your chest. 

You snapped your head up to stare at Jinhwan, the expression on his face one of pure pride.

He had named the drink after you.

It was right there in green font: The Y/N.

“You -- the --” you stammered. “So -- so, that’s why you had me --”

Jinhwan simply nodded, though it was obvious that he was barely able to contain his excitement.

It seemed silly -- you didn’t love going to bars, and you didn’t love alcohol as much as your boyfriend did, so you weren’t sure why your throat was tightening with emotion at the fact he had named a drink after you.

But then you realized, he’d done it because he loved you.

He loved owning his bar, he loved making drinks, and this was his way of telling you that you were just as important to him as his business.

You opened your mouth to tell him that you loved him, even though you weren’t crazy about the fact your first time saying it would be in a bar -- but Jinhwan interrupted you.

“I love you,” he said quietly.

Without hesitating, you slid off your stool and made your way to the side of the bar, heading behind it to get to him.

You rushed up to Jinhwan, reaching your arms out and latching onto him in a tight, almost desperate embrace.

“I love you, too,” you murmured, your voice muffled as you spoke into his neck.

Jinhwan had hugged you back immediately, but upon hearing your words, he squeezed you, gently digging his fingers into your back and shoulders.

And then you heard Emma’s high-pitched ‘Awwwwwwww’ and you remembered you were in a public place.

But... this time, you didn’t care. You kept hugging your boyfriend -- the boyfriend you loved and had loved and would always love.

“I have something else to tell you,” he said softly.

You pulled away just the tiniest bit, lifting your gaze to meet his. “Hmm?”

“The new health inspector came in today,” he smirked.

“Oh?” Your eyebrows rose curiously, and you waited on tenterhooks to hear the outcome.

Instead of telling you, he nodded over toward the wall behind the bar, and when you turned your head to look, you saw the report card hanging up.

A 100.

“See? I got full marks all by myself, no flirting included.”

You pinched his arm, your forehead wrinkling as you whipped your head back to look at him. “There better not have been!”

“There wasn’t!” he defended. “Will you add 100 points to my score?”

A soft chuckle escaped your lips, and you moved to rest your chin back on his shoulder. “Yes, of course.”

“So, what’s my total now?”

“Three thousand and seven hundred,” you replied immediately. Adding an even 100 to his previous score had been far too easy. “Although, I think I will make it four thousand after what you did tonight.”

“Four thousand,” Jinhwan grinned. “I’ve never gotten a score of four thousand on anything before.”

“Oh, come on,” you chuckled. “Four thousand will be nothing later on down the road. Just think about how many points you could earn in another six months. Or a year. Two years!”

Jinhwan squeezed you a little, one corner of his lips lifting into a smirk. “You know I don’t do anything for you just to get points.”

“I know,” you beamed. “That’s why I keep doing it.”

Well... that and because you just liked scoring things.

“Yeah, but you also just like scoring things. Giving points is kinda your thing.”

“That it is,” you giggled.

“And I love you for it.”

“I love you, too.” You smiled brightly before leaning back and moving to press your lips to his. 

Right now, you didn’t care that you weren’t alone and that you were still in a public place -- it was a Tuesday evening, the bar was hardly full, anyway.

No, right now, all you cared about was kissing your boyfriend. Showing and telling him how much you loved him. Making sure he knew he was worth more than a measly four thousand points.

Way, way more.

[fusilsapompe]

Damencio’s Best of 2020

Est-il nécessaire de rentrer dans les détails pour énumérer tous les événements surnaturels qui sont apparus pour cette année 2020? Ce contexte si particulier n’a semble t-il pas poussé les pointures du rap américain à se remettre en question. Loin de là.

Le rap américain grand public continue sa chute inexorable vers une médiocrité annoncée. Les sorties des grosses pointures ont été affligeantes pour la plupart. Personne pour sauver l’autre. Vendu comme là où se trouve l’innovation dans la musique, le rap américain a semble t-il perdu de sa magie depuis trop longtemps. Est-ce dû à l’avènement de l’ère streaming qui poussent les rappeurs à sortir des albums, edition deluxe ou format plus court jusqu’à perdre la raison? Le streaming a forcément une part non négligeable dans cette nouvelle manière d’apprécier en apparence la musique. Le vendredi soir est devenu un chemin de croix pour l’auditeur qui ne sait plus où donner de la tête avec toutes ces sorties. Le plaisir musical est remplacé par un devoir qui doit être rendu une heure après l’écoute pour donner rapidement son avis sur les réseaux sociaux. Sommes-nous proches d’atteindre un phénomène proche de la Peak TV (accroissement exponentiel de la production de séries) mais pour la musique?

La pandémie qui s’est abattue sur le monde n’a pas arrangé les affaires du rap. Reports d’albums des grosses pointures pour 2021 (même l’intouchable Drake a choisi de reporter ses plans pour l’année prochaine), absence totale de tournées extrêmement lucratives depuis des mois et des pertes monstres qui ont poussé les rappeurs à un peu plus vendre leur âme au streaming, seule source revenue dans ce schéma délicat pour les rappeurs.

Et si le rap, berceau de l’innovation musicale depuis des décennies était devenu la musique actuelle et plus celle du futur? Le rap est-il devenu la musique populaire aseptisée de notre temps? L’irrévérence légendaire rangée définitivement au placard pour des calculs permanents sur les ventes de tel ou tel rappeur? L’avenir prochain confirmera probablement ce destin funeste.

Si facile d’accès, ce genre musical est omniprésent sur tous les canaux possibles en 2020. La qualité quant à elle se fait de plus en plus rare. Elle doit être désormais recherchée comme dans une mine d’or. Le salut du rap vient comme à son habitude du rap régional plus ou moins en bonne santé. Detroit, scène majeure du rap régional continue à dominer son monde, jusqu’à truster les charts américains avec “Whole Lotta Choppas” de Sada Baby. Cependant ce succès ne peut pas occulter cette contamination du streaming plus en plus prégnante même dans ces lointaines contrées.

La sortie de prison presque tombée du ciel de DrakeO The Ruler, rappeur d’exception, originaire de Los Angeles est une excellente nouvelle pour le rap. Considéré comme le leader de la nouvelle scène californienne, DrakeO a semble t-il une envie pressante de rattraper le temps perdu. Depuis sa sortie début novembre, le Californien a déjà sorti un projet et la liste s’allonge chaque jour. Promis à un avenir brillant, le rappeur a rencontré sur son chemin la police de Los Angeles prête à tout pour l’enfermer. Il doit sa liberté uniquement à la défaite électorale de Jackie Lacey, procureure du comté de Los Angeles en novembre dernier. Pendant son incarcération, DrakeO a trouvé le moyen de sortir de l’un des projets de l’année. Les voix enregistrées intégralement en prison et collectées par le producteur californien JoogSzn ont permis l’existence de ce désormais classique “Thank You For Using GTL” qui fera sans aucun doute date pour le processus unique d’enregistrement.

Pour les autres genres musicaux, le R&B se porte à merveille. Après avoir connu une mini-crise au début des années 2010, le R&B continue de nous surprendre, arrive à changer de forme pour donner une musique toujours aussi passionnante à suivre. On peut également utiliser cet argument pour le jazz. Annoncé comme musique morte depuis des années, le jazz renaît grâce à une nouvelle génération qui n’hésite plus à mélanger les genres. La recette est la même. Prendre des risques inconsidérés (écoutez Stranger Than Fiction de Moses Boyd) pour donner une musique vivante. Il est bluffant de voir à quel point le jazz arrive toujours à survivre à travers le temps. L’Angleterre a une part importante dans ce renouvellement. La nouvelle génération composée en grande partie de musiciens d’origine afro-caribéenne a donné d’excellents albums (Wu Hen de Kamaal Williams et Shabaka And The Ancestors entre autres) et a surtout réussi à réintroduire le jazz dans les grands médias, chose impensable il y a 10 ans.

La House, autre musique qui a connu ces moments de gloire au milieu des années 90, utilise ce même procédé pour étonnamment nous surprendre en 2020. La House a toujours été imprégnée de jazz et vice versa. Pour cette raison, Byron The Aquarius, originaire d’Alabama est définitivement l’un des artistes de l’année. Il ajoute d’autres influences qui font la différence (notamment le rap et l’Atlanta Bass). Cet artiste ultra productif a délivré un nombre incalculable de projets pour cette année et, sacrée prouesse, sont tous différents. Il a également réalisé un rêve, sortir un (formidable) album de jazz (Ambrosia) qui prouve que les ponts entre genres musicaux sont toujours aussi fonctionnels et permettent de faire exister une musique hybride et annoncent un nouveau souffle pour la House dans les prochaines années

Il était impensable de conclure ce bilan pour cette année 2020 sans évoquer la sidérante édition deluxe de Sign O’ Times de Prince, le double opus mythique du chanteur/guitariste/batteur... disparu il y a 4 ans. Après plusieurs supers éditions deluxe dont la franchement décevante de Purple Rain et la très bonne de 1999, Le Prince Estate a décidé les perles présentes depuis trop longtemps dans le vault de Paisley Park. Pas moins de 45 “inédits” (une dizaine dans le lot sont réellement de vrais inédits) peuvent être désormais écoutés et restent destinés principalement aux fans hardcores du chanteur. Répartis sur 13 vinyles (!), ces 92 titres qui composent cette édition super deluxe feront forcément date. Après une écoute approfondie de cette merveille, un constat se présente. Et si cette période bénie de Prince était finalement le futur de la musique en 2020? Il est assez cocasse de voir les jeunes artistes innovants d’avoir exactement la même approche musicale que le Kid de Minneapolis il y a 17 ans.

Cette sortie de Prince est un cadeau inestimable pour les auditeurs mais inévitablement un questionnement sur l’avenir de la musique désormais à la merci des géants du streaming, prêts à imposer leur vision mercantile aux artistes. Vendre son âme mais à quel prix?

RAP

 ATLANTA:

 Gunna - WUNNA

SahBabii - Barnacles

Playboi Carti - Whole Lotta Red

 CINCINNATI:

 Pink Siifu & YUNGMORPHEUS - Bag Talk

Pink Siifu & Fly Anakin (Virginia) - FlySiifu’s

 NEW-YORK:

 Ka - Descendants Of Cain

Preservation – Eastern Medicine, Western Illness

Armand Hammer - Shrines

MIKE - Weight Of The World

Akai Solo - Ride Alone, Fly Together

Nas - King’s Disease

Roc Marciano - Mt. Marci

 BUFFALO:

 Benny The Butcher - Burden Of Proof

  LOS ANGELES:

 The Professionals, Madlib & Oh No - The Professionals

LNDN DRGS - Burnout 4

Jay Worthy & Harry Fraud - Eat When You’re Hungry Sleep When You’re Tired

AcetheFace - New Faces

Buddy & Kent Jamz - Janktape Vol. 1

Desto Dubb & Thank You Fizzle - Stop Playin’ With That Man!

Kamaiyah - Got It Made

Rucci - I’m Still Me

AzSwaye - The Bird Whisperer

DrakeO The Ruler & JoogSzn - Thank You For Using GTL

Shoreline Mafia - Mafia Bidness

03 Greedo & Ron-Ron The Producer - Load It Up, Vol. 1

White John - Cases Pending

Sons Of Yusuf - Shaykh the World

The Alchemist - The Food Villain

Young Slo-Be - Slo-Be Bryant 2

DrakeO The Ruler - We Know The Truth

AzChike & AzSwaye - 3 Piece

AzKilo - Blitz

1TakeQuan - I’m Not a Rapper, Ima Ratchet

Almighty Suspect & AzChike - Almighty Chike 2

Ralfy The Plug - Fresh Outta School

DJ Muggs - Winter

$tupid Young - From Here On Out

Cookie Club - LAX

YS & Ron-Ron The Producer - Street Icons

Steelz - Steel Ain’t Changed

Young Drummer Boy - Can’t Relate

Kruk One - Restless

   DETROIT:

 Samuel Shabazz - I Was Wrong

Boldy James - The Price Of Tea In China

Band Gang Lonnie Bands - The Scamily

Los - No Love

Sada Baby - Skuba Sada 2

G.T. - Timeless

Quelle Chris & Chris Keys - Innocent Country 2

Nice - Must Be Nice 2

Damjonboi - Life of a Rap Star

Freshco - Born Broke Die Rich EP

Los & Nutty - Panagnl4e, Vol. 2

Allstar JR - Same House As Last Time

Babys World - Babys World 2

Lil P - No Feelings

Icewear Vezzo - Robbin’ Season 2

DT Da Kidd - Stuck In My Ways

Black Noi$e - OBLIVION

Band Gang Paid Will - Applying Pressure

Samuel Shabazz - Don’t Love Me So Much

Ponae - I Got a Line Up The Street

Boldy James & Sterling Toles - Manger on McNichols

Ponae - I Got a Line Up The Street Vol. 2

BabyTron - Sleeve Nash

Skilla Baby - Carmelo Bryant

DaeMoney & Top$ide - Slae Season

Top$ide & Los - G. Shit Vol. 1

Baby Smoove - I’m Still Perfect

Whitehouse Studio - Da House, Vol. 2

Baby Smoove - Hardwood Classic

G.T. - Merciless

Band Gang Lonnie Bands - Fuck Rap

Cash Kidd - No Socks 2

 FLINT:

 Rio Da Yung OG - City On My Back

Rio Da Yung OG - Accidental Shit Talkin’

RMC Mike - Sophomore Season

  CHICAGO:

 G Herbo - PTSD

Chris Crack - Washed Rappers Ain’t Legends

 MINNESOTA:

 Cardo - Game Related

 BAY AREA:

 Lil Blood - Lil Larry From DogTown

Chippass - LIL BACK

3rd World Momo - Big Season

Hail Nino - Most Wanted

Lil Yase - Kobe

ALLBLACK - No Shame 3

Sacramento:

ShooterGang Kony - Red Paint Reverend

Mozzy - Beyond Bulletproof

ShooterGang Kony - Still Kony 2

Cash Click Boog - Voice Of Struggle

3rd World Momo - Big Season 3

Chippass - BLUITT

Vont Da Rasta - Dedicated 2

16GEECHI - Ghetto Success

Lil Bean - 4THECULTURE

Prada Mack - DNA

Larry June - Numbers

  NEW ORLEANS:

 Curren$y & DJ.Fresh - The Tonite Show With Curren$y

Curren$y & Harry Fraud - The OutRunners

 MIAMI: Denzel Curry & Kenny Beats - UNLOCKED

 CANADA: Elaquent - Forever is a Pretty Long Time

 INDIANA: Freddie Gibbs & The Alchemist - Alfredo

 NASHVILLE: Starlito - Paternity Leave

 DALLAS: David Morgan - Let Me Out

 SAINT-LOUIS: CHASETHEMONEY - Slim. E & Friends

 BEAT TAPE:

 Mecca: 83 - Quiet Moments

Jack Wolff - At Least a Double Fold

Knxwledge - 1988

Alfa Mist - On My Ones

Samiyam - Reflectionz

lojii & Swary - DUE RENT [Blends] +

MXXWLL - SHEEESH

Fitz Ambro$e & Ian Urbina - Bait To Plate (Inspired By ‘The Outlaw Ocean’) (a book by Ian Urbina)

Knxwledge - 10,000 Proof

Devonwho - Offworld

Swarvy - SUNNY DAYS BLUE

Beautiful Disco - ANXIETY FREE

Tiago Frúgoli Ensemble - Casa (Remixes)

ELWD - DANDELION

At the Ave - Cntrl002

RAS - RAS II

IAMNOBODI - Sketches, Vol. 1

Bless The Mad - Bless The Mad

 R&B/SOUL/FUNK:

 ROMderful - Press L To Continue

Khruangbin & Leon Bridges - Texas Sun EP

Moniquea - Los Robles & Washington

Terrace Martin - Sinthesize

Sassy Black - I Be Bae

Brandon Banks - STATIC

TOKiMONSTA - Oasis Nocturno

Marquis Hill - Love Tape: With Voices

Kyle Dion - SUGA

Orion Sun - Hold Space For Me

Jean Deaux - Watch This!

Ivan Ave - Double Goodbyes

DJ.Fresh & XL Middleton - The Fonk Vibes

Ric Wilson & Terrace Martin - They Call Me Disco

Nick Hakim - WILL THIS MAKE ME GOOD

Marie Dahlstrom - Like Sand

Dornik - Limboland

I,Ced - Interpretations

OXP - Swing Convention

Starchild & The New Romantic - Forever

Cleo Sol - Rose in the Dark

Peter CottonTale - CATCH

Young Gun Silver Fox - Canyons

Cold Callers - As The Sun Sets

Ego Ella May - Honey For Wounds

Shay Lia - Solaris

Khruangbin - Mordechai

Angela Muñoz & Adrian Younge - Introspection

Terrace Martin, Robert Glasper & 9th Wonder - Dinner Party

Lianne La Havas - Lianne La Havas

keiyaA - Forever, Ya Girl

Conor Albert - Collage 1

Gaidaa - Overture

Jacob Collier - Djesse Vol. 3

Flwr Chyld - Flow

Reuben James - Slow Down EP

Jada Nycole Ellise - Temporary Colors

Loren Oden & Adrian Younge - My Heart, My Love

Aaron Taylor - ICARUS

Steve Arrington - Down to the Lowest Terms: The Soul Sessions

Demae - Life Works Out...Usually

Grimm Lynn - Southern Grooves

Senpu & ROMderful - Peace Is Not A Dream

edbl - Boys & Girls Mixtape

Carrie Baxter - Placebo

James Tillman - Modern Desires

Insomnea - ...And It Goes Real High

Xavier Omär - if You Feel

Ty Dolla $ign - Featuring Ty Dolla $ign

Sassy Black - Stuck

Morgan Munroe - Layers 0.5

Dreamcastmoe & Shungu - Temptation

ROMderful - ICE CREAM CLONES

Kemi Ade - DRIVE (Dawn Edition)

Allysha Joy - Light It Again

Budgie - Holy Ghost Zone II

Liv.e - Couldn’t Wait to Tell You…

Otis Junior & Dr. Dundiff - Rising With It

Young Gun Silver Fox - Canyons

Terrace Martin - Conscious Conversations

Lex Amor - Government Tropicana

Ojerime - B4 I Breakdown

The Silhouettes Project - The Silhouettes Project

Amber Navran - Golden Light

SAULT - Untitled (Rise)

Nápoles - Slowin It

Joe Hertz - Current Blues

 JAZZ:

 Moses Boyd - Dark Matter

Kansas Smitty’s - Things Happened Here

FKAjazz - Lineage

Braxton Cook - Fire Sign

Terrace Martin - Soul Juice

Yazmin Lacey - Morning Matters

Emma-Jean Thackray - Rain Dance

Kassa Overall - I THINK I’M GOOD

Thundercat - It Is What It Is

Jeff Bradshaw - Stronger

Athletic Progression - Athletic Progression

Tenderlonius - After The Storm

HOWES3 - Moving Forward

Adrienne Indigo & Paul Grant - Rebirth

Tom Misch & Yussef Dayes - What Kinda Music

Tenderlonious - Tender Plays Tubby

John Caroll Kirby - My Garden

Zeitgeist Freedom Energy Exchange - ZFEX Vol.II

Jake Sherman - You’re a Dream

Ruby Rushton - Sun Khosi

PYJÆN - Sage Secrets EP

Roy Ayers, Ali Shaheed Muhammad & Adrian Younge - Roy Ayers JID002

Lettuce - Resonate

Throttle Elevator Music - Emergency Exit

Ambrose Akinmusire - on the tender spot of every calloused moment

Melodiesinfonie - Fragments

Kamaal Williams - Wu Hen

Oscar Jerome - Breathe Deep

Nate Smith - Light and Shadow

Nubya Garcia - SOURCE

Marcos Valle, Ali Shaheed Muhammad & Adrian Youge - Marcos Valle JID003

Carlos Homs, James Robbins & Juan Chiavassa - The Theory Conspiracy

Butcher Brown - #KingButch

Simon Jefferis - Vibrations

Javier Santiago - Rebirth - EP

Bless The Mad - Bless The Mad

Morgan Guerin - The Saga III

Derrick Hodge - COLOR OF NOIZE

Immanuel Wilkins - Omega

Christian Scott aTunde Adjuah - Axiom

Byron The Aquarius - Ambrosia

Blue Note - Re:imagined

III Considered III - III Considered III

Shabaka and the Ancestors - We Are Sent Here By History

Azymuth, Ali Shaheed Muhammad & Adrian Young - Azymuth JID004

Jahmal Nichols - Black Frequencies

Eric Essix - Songs From The Deep

Makaya McCraven - Universal Beings E&F Sides

Andrew Ashong & Kaidi Tatham - Sankofa Season

Potatohead People - Mellow Fantasy

Caixa Cubo - Angela

Paul Grant - Waves

Reginald Chapman - Prototype (Remixes)

Jahari Massamba Unit (Madlib & Karriem Riggins) - Pardon My French

Yussey Dayes, Charlie Stacey & Rocco Palladino - Welcome to the Hills

Horatio Luna - Boom Boom

Natalia Slade - Control

Setwun - Our World

Foshe & Horatio Luna - Nice to Meetcha

Doug Carn, Ali Shaheed Muhammad & Adrian Younge - Doug Carn JID005

Terrace Martin - Village Days

Yakul - Kaleidoscope

LCSM (Likwid Continual Space Motion) - Earthbound

cktrl - Robyn

Jeff Bradshaw - Stronger

Brasstracks - Golden Ticket

 ELECTRO/HOUSE/TECHNO:

 EQ Why - Gravitate

Night Stone - Night Stone

Byron The Aquarius - What up Doe? Vol. 1

Byron The Aquarius - Fish Soup EP

Fredfades & Jawn Rice - Luv Neva Fades

Tenderlonious - Quarantena

Byron The Aquarius - Apron EP

EQ Why - Equalized Records Presents: The Footwork Jungle Collection (Vol. 1 & 2)

Sango - Da Rocinha 4

Submerse - Get You Down

Machinedrum - A View of U

Fede Lng & Mojeaux - Shaolin 808 EP

Letherette - Mander House, Vol. 2

Steve Spacek - Houses

Space Ghost - Time to Dance

Jay Daniel - SSD

The Colours That Rise - Grey Doubt

Theo Parrish - Wuddaji

Dan Kye - Small Moments

Byron The Aquarius - What Up Doe? Vol. 2

Jitwam - Sun After Rain EP

DJ Earl - Bass + Funk & Soul

Space Ghost - Free 2 Be

Ratgrave - Rock

Linkwood - Face The Facts

Gotta Street Park - Volume Two

[adevotedappraisal]

The Carter Trilogy, part two of five

Lemonade: Ten times out of nine I know you’re lying, but nine times out of ten I know you’re trying

When I last reviewed a Beyonce album it was 2011s 4 (reviewed here ) , which I then lamented as unfocused, seemingly sequenced by committee, and utterly dependent on production as opposed to proper song-craft. I concluded then that the limping hodge-podge of an album was going to be Beyonce’s last okay album, and from there on it was going to be a calculated subsuming into a digital and anonymous cloak of modern production, leaving true emotion and song-craft parched, attritioned and abandoned with each subsequent release. Now, with the album 4 I believe I was proven correct, as the album has aged badly, and other than “Love On Top,” left no indelible mark on the pop landscape. But that conclusion on her future? Man listen, I was way off base.

Turns out this black woman from Houston, Texas got on her grind. She still is observant of all prominent trends in black culture and production, but over the last two albums and their accompanying visual films, Beyonce begun to establish the major themes of who she is and, thanks to directors like Jonas Ackerlund and Khalil Joseph and writer Warsen Shire, has concretely fused herself and her struggles into the larger narrative of black women in America.

And so Lemonade, her second best album, along with the emotional Lemonade(Film), present her as an American wife, defiant against the current rigors of her country, and a past that mutilates and morphs the men in her life. This well-crafted view of her though, is a fabrication, one that many stars have tried to present to the public. It feels digestible and true coming from Beyonce though, given that this album roll out was predicated on a very public (and very real) fight involving her sister Solange and her husband Jay Z.

What this gave the project was a narrative flow and imbued a sense of rage, disappointment or sorrow to the songs set. Those feelings were sometimes derived not from the song itself, but from the news details and gossip that filled in between the lines, or hovered over the whole album. But when the lights turn off and the band packs up, how well did the songs themselves transmit this idea of Beyonce?

The guitar lays a base for the song in curt chucks, not scratchy and acerbic, but warm and echoed, like the lazy, beautiful guitar throughout Bob Marley and the Wailers “Stir it Up.” The bassline curls and growls around the verdant pylons of drum kicks like an affectionate panther, while Beyonce holds a call and response with a choral of Beys, skanking and in love in the middle of this kinky reggae of “All Night.”  “I’ve seen your scars and kissed your crime,” she says in a bold voice and melody, then later on she decides “give you some time to prove that I can trust you again,” before she relaxes into the joyous chorus.  Her voice here on the hook is clear and strong yet delicate and floating, like Misty Copeland’s legs, or Beres Hammond’s voice on 90s reggae classic “Come Back Home.” 

The album gets more interesting and tender like this as it goes along, like with the anthemic thump of “Freedom (featuring Kendrick Lamar),” a song with positive messages of black consciousness and self-determination that gets its blood pumping from the engaging drums, bass, Kendrick’s dexterous flows and the grooving organ.

Similar sturm und drang is found on first half highlight “Hurt Yourself (featuring Jack White)” where the drums and organ synth are agitated and staccato, while the guitars rage on unrestrained like white water rapids. “Who the fuck do you think I is? I smell that fragrance on your Louis V boy,” she demands, the static filter on her voice heightening the tension in her marital threats, and accosting the song.

Elsewhere, “Forward” with James Blake is a moody interlude, the voices and atmospherics setting the tone for the fog of emotional stasis that follows a crisis in relationships and the tentative steps out of it.  It is mysterious and melodic, reminiscent of some of those dense songs on the first half of her best album, 2013s Beyonce. 

These songs give true dimension to the album, and provide a strong enough thematic base for Lemonade to resolve itself with the Black pomp and majestic boom of lead single “Formation.”  That balance between strong lyrics and engaging music in service of those themes is not an easy one to get right on such a varied album, and the whole storyline of the tarnished marriage papers over its mis-steps at some points.

Take “Sandcastles” for instance, a somber ballad with great piano and vocal harmonies throughout, while Beyonce reveals the fragility of love.  Ballads like these usually accomplish this theme with a delicate poetry, but here the lyrics are wanting, hiding behind the singer’s dramatic rendering, at points wrenching the words out her throat. And on “Sorry,” the buzzed-about insults and vulgarity obfuscate the hollow production, which even now already sounds dated.

“6 inch” finds Beyonce in her f- me pumps, the woman undone, with The Weeknd narrating this lost weekend of bacchanalia with usual surface-level observations.  A booming, strutting song built around an Isaac Hayes sample, the synth work around it though is a bit too overproduced and showy, and the words and the weak chorus don’t truly match the unwieldy production.  At points in the song, while her harmonies descend with the grand, arranged music like Cinderella at the ball, none of this matters, but, in the clear light of the day after, the drawbacks remain.

Another factor that softens any drawbacks to the songs are their inclusion in her Lemonade(Film), released the same day as the album.  The images, directed by Khalil Joseph and Beyonce are arresting at points, dreamlike at others, emphasizing the connection between the Carter’s marriage and those of the Black community at large. 

Here, the image of Beyonce drowning in a room feels like an image any anguished woman might describe to you, and the images of older women in their chairs, the dancers popping and locking to “Formation” all seem like permutations of the same woman finding her way through a yet-to-be-broken cycle.

Many images, film shots and techniques here accompany the songs well, but some feel too weighty and derivative, reminding me too much of the works of Terrance Malick, the illusive director of classics like 1979s Days of Heaven starring Richard Gere, 1998s The Thin Red Line, starring Sean Penn, and 2005s The New World, an exploration of the Pocohontas story.  Beyonce’s off-camera narration is very similar to the narration of The New World, down to her prayers to the moon and her dearest mother, shit even the font used for the chapter headings look the same. By the end, the film feels self-important, a spectacle of anguish, as opposed to an exploration of the self or the characters involved.

And it is that self-exploration that usually led to the more nuanced lines and confessions in divorce albums of the past, while on a lot of Lemonade it’s either all invective or adoration. 

On Marvin Gaye’s 1979 album Here My Dear, he tells his ex-wife on “Anna’s Song” “Annas here's your song, the one that i promised you all along/ I knew all the time that I’d find the rhyme/ Never have a fear, here it is my dear,” his voice a soft reveal, showing the tragedy of finally figuring out what to tell a woman when she’s on her way out the door.  And Lindsay Buckingham tells us on Fleetwood Mac’s “Never Going Back Again,” from Rumours, “she broke down and let me in/  made me see where I’ve been.” Shading in a portrait of a relationship with parts of oneself can lead to illuminating results, and this is seen in one of Beyonce’s best songs, “Love Drought.”

A slinky midnight love song that set up the conflicts and desires of this super-star marriage without being subsumed by the tabloid hurricane around them. “Ten times out of nine I know you’re lying, and nine times out of ten I know you’re trying,” she observes, resonant 808 booms and curling synth notes in the background.  The personal life of the singer provides some context, but the songwriting and melodies are strong enough to exist without it, telling a universal story of modern love. 

“I always paid attention, been devoted, tell me, what did I do wrong?” she confidently pleads, the film curiously overlaying her words with scenes from a baptism, Beyonce among the apostles of women wading into a body of water, raising their hands, yearning to be cleansed anew by the same tormenting earth. 

[znts]

selma hey !! 3 and 15 ( ꈍᴗꈍ)

Annie! Love seeing you around here again 💕

3. Pick your 5 favourite creations and explain what you love the most about them! Answered here

15. Talk about some of your favourite creators: what do you love most about their creations?

@gray love the way Jay play with colors, and sometimes combining their edit with poetry, + how they manage to keep their works clean even when they apply some textures. The color palettes they pick aren’t the ones you usually see here, which make them unique

@tomura typography goddess I’d say. The animation Fran came up with in every graphic is always very new and refreshing. Top tier minimalist composition always

@jidai the way Sen plays with bold and contrast colors is just *chef’s kiss* beautiful, alongside the neat and clean concept she came up with each edit. And the way she also put so much feels into her works

@noxdivina dreamy and endearing works, big part because of Lin’s use of blues and b&w. I especially love his recent graphics and the animation touch, combined with his elegant font choice

@yyh gif master right here, Senka never missed with that good HQ quality gifs she makes. On point sharpness and timing, the crispness... very nice

Creators asks

[guernsey-island]

Please answer 1-98 >:3

Weird asks that say a lot

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?      water bottles 2. chocolate bars or lollipops?      chocolate bars 3. bubblegum or cotton candy?      cotton candy, though I don't like either very much 4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?      I don't know 5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?      plastic cups??? 6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?      sportswear I guess 7. earbuds or headphones?      I only have earbuds right now, but I like both 8. movies or tv shows?      tv shows, but that doesn't mean I don't like movies too 9. favorite smell in the summer?      the ocean 10. game you were best at in p.e.?      capture the flag 11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?      whatever I can find 12. name of your favorite playlist?      "Good Songs :D" 13. lanyard or key ring?      key ring 14. favorite non-chocolate candy?      I don't particularly like any non-chocolate candy. Too artificial and sweet :/ 15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?      Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes 16. most comfortable position to sit in?      leaning back and with my legs out 17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?      white converse 18. ideal weather?      raining or a mild temperature like 80 degrees F paired with high humidity 19. sleeping position?      I fall asleep on my side and wake up on my back 20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?      Google docs heheh 21. obsession from childhood?      I was one of those warrior cats kids (no, I didn't pretend to be warrior cats at recess) 22. role model?      Snickers 23. strange habits?      popping my back, checking sunset/sunrise times 24. favorite crystal?     all crystals are great 25. first song you remember hearing?      Counting Stars by OneRepublic 26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?      hiking 27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?      reading 28. five songs to describe you?      Modern Loneliness- Lauv // Scared of Heights- Loving Caliber // backpack- slchld // By Now- Will Jay // Come True- khai dreams, Forrest., Biskwiq 29. best way to bond with you?      don't annoy me 30. places that you find sacred?      the beach when no one is there or deep in the mountains 31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?      ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 32. top five favorite vines?      road work ahead, jared 19, damn daniel, 2 bros chillin in a hot tub, x files theme 33. most used phrase in your phone?      probably >:3 34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?      that spotify ad about peter and jumping/skipping rope. IF you knew what an 8track tape was!! 35. average time you fall asleep?      ~2:30am 36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?      the pepe the frog memes 37. suitcase or duffel bag?      suitcase 38. lemonade or tea?      lemonade but tea is also superb 39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?      lemon cake bc I've never had lemon meringue pie 40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?      I don't really remember. Let's go with Mr. Rightmyer and Mr. Mikow in general (ig matrix_multiplication). or maybe the time Sami put a lamp on her head and pretended to be Shaggy 41. last person you texted?      Snickers 42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?      jacket pockets 43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?      hoodie 44. favorite scent for soap?      hmmm something tropical 45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?      sci-fi 46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?      clothing 47. favorite type of cheese?      swiss or colby jack or parmigiano-reggiano 48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?      peaches bc they're the best fruit 49. what saying or quote do you live by?      "you become what you think about" "success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal or ideal"- Earl Nightingale "the opposite of courage is not cowardice, it is conformity" "sanity and happiness are an impossible combination"- Mark Twain "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading"- Lao Tzu "failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough" - Og Mandino 50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?      let's go with https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TilHylia7rE and more recently, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voncdcV648g 51. current stresses?      upcoming exams, writing essays 52. favorite font?      My current favorites are Frank Ruhl Libre, Overlock, and Rajdhani 53. what is the current state of your hands?      good, though I perpetually have a bump on one finger from writing too much 54. what did you learn from your first job?      job?? what job? 55. favorite fairy tale?      three little pigs 56. favorite tradition?      sleeping 57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?      I don't know 58. four talents you’re proud of having?      Freestyling (ground moves and juggling), shooting knuckleballs, popping my back really well, running a 5-6 minute mile 59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?      I don’t know what my catchphrase would be 60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?      a shonen where the protagonist is trying to survive in a crazy world, become the best at something, or master some special power (examples: tower of god or solo leveling if it was an anime) OR something with a mafia 61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?      "Well, if you only knew how little I really know about the things that matter"- Elio in cmbyn the movie (think about this quote all the time) "Let us cultivate our garden"-Candide in Candide by Voltaire “The bird fights its way out of the egg. The egg is the world. Who would be born must first destroy a world. The bird flies to God. That God's name is Abraxas.”- Sinclair in Demian by Hermann Hesse “I wanted only to live in accord with the promptings which came from my true self. Why was that so very difficult?”- Sinclair in Demain by Hermann Hesse “Know yourself and go in swinging.”- More than this by Patrick Ness “Just leave me alone. I’m not myself. I’m falling apart, and I don’t want you here.”- Charlie in Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes Tons of quotes and references from Arthur, httyd, and other media 62. seven characters you relate to?      Lance (vld), zuko (atla), okonkwo (things fall apart), nwoye (things fall apart), bokuto (haikyuu), sinclair (demian), hiccup (httyd) 63. five songs that would play in your club?      Wednesday Girl- Elijah Who, Aso, Peachy!, Kudasaibeats, slchld // Way Back Home- SHAUN, Conor Maynard, Sam Feldt // Let Me Down Slow (Acoustic)- New Hope Club // Crush Culture- Conan Gray // All Night Long- TAEYEON, LUCAS 64. favorite website from your childhood?      animal jam 65. any permanent scars?      I have a ton of scars on my legs and knees. I ran into a cart at staples once and have a big scar from that. I have a few scars on my elbows too 66. favorite flower(s)?      columbine (CO state flower) 67. good luck charms?      none 68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?      I have no idea 69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?      I don’t know 70. left or right handed?       right 71. least favorite pattern?      cheetah or zebra print 72. worst subject?      hmmm biology but only bc I don't put in the effort 73. favorite weird flavor combo?      I don't know. I like food 74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?      I don't think I've experienced enough pain to accurately answer this question. I've only taken ibuprofen once (when I got my wisdom teeth taken out), but I didn't think it was that necessary to take 75. when did you lose your first tooth?      probably when I was six 76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?      scalloped potatoes, hash browns, Spanish tortillas, potato salad, mashed potatoes 77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?      aloe vera 78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?      sushi from a grocery store 79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?      school ID 80. earth tones or jewel tones?      earth tones 81. fireflies or lightning bugs?      they're called fireflies 82. pc or console?      pc 83. writing or drawing?      writing 84. podcasts or talk radio?      podcasts 84. barbie or polly pocket?      no 85. fairy tales or mythology?      mythology 86. cookies or cupcakes?      cookies 87. your greatest fear?      Accidentally biting off my tongue and then choking on it, seeing things in mirrors, being stabbed with a knife as I enter a hotel elevator, receiving emails 88. your greatest wish?      Happiness??? I don’t know 89. who would you put before everyone else?      Snickers 90. luckiest mistake?      I don't know 91. boxes or bags?      boxes 92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?      sunlight 93. nicknames?      let's not talk abt that,,, 94. favorite season?      spring or summer 95. favorite app on your phone?      google play books, goodreads, tumblr, kakaotalk, spotify, google keep 96. desktop background?      it's a slideshow. the background at the moment is a photo of Manarola, Italy taken by Peter Hegedus. It's one of my favorite photographs of all time 97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?      three not including 911 (so four) 98. favorite historical era?     1300s in the Mongol empire or around when the spice trade was at its peak, 1800s in America during westward expansion, 1920s, ancient egypt, Harlem Renaissance