#i love the way we can derive so much subtext from each plot design

[booktrashme]

Another analysis, if I may

So, it's been established in 5x01 that Eddie's panic attack was brought on by the conscious idea of a future with An*. Speaking as someone with anxiety, I can't believe I didn't make this connection sooner.

The first thing most medical people tell you to do in the midst of a panic attack is to find an anchor point. The whole idea of this is to detract focus from what has triggered you and coax you back into reality. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Panic attacks don't generally last that long but the emotional repercussions can affect you even hours after.

Now, what's interesting about this is how the writers are structuring Eddie's arc for this season. He exhibits clear signs of PTSD (something I'm also intimately familiar with) which we've known from S3. However, Eddie's character is designed around a person who dismisses their problems because (a) they don't have time to deal with them, (b) there are more important things [Christopher, work, being a single parent, establishing a romantic relationship], or (c) because they consider the problem trivial and therefore it does not need attention to be dealt with. We know why Eddie has PTSD. We have a basic idea of his triggers, which I'm sure will develop more in upcoming episodes. What we don't know is what brings Eddie back from the brink - and no, video game therapy only gets you so far.

Considering Eddie's past for turning to unhealthy outlets for trauma (underground fighting rings, impulse purchasing, verbally lashing out) and not finding clinical therapy effective, the writers have made it clear that things do not help Eddie recover. So, what does that leave? The answer is simple: people.

We've seen Eddie slowly open up to the 118 over the course of S3+. While a great portion of S4 was dedicated to Buck's arc, we still see Eddie confiding in his best friend as an open channel of communication (reuniting with An*, concern about advancments in technology and how they affect his family's security, challenges of being a parent). Being Captain and the oldest, Bobby has already been established as the 118's 'father figure'. We've seen Eddie confide in him and seek life advice in a mentor-mentee relationship dynamic - and by extension, Athena as a 'mother' figure ("can't really ask him what he knows without revealing there is something to know"). We've seen Eddie converse with Hen and Chim on personal but still family-friendly matters. These relationships are all significant as part of Eddie's support system, but who is the foundation? Who was his first connection in the 118? The one Eddie revealed the first piece of personal information to (that he has a son)? Buck.

Buck has always been the cornerstone of Eddie's LA support system. He linked Eddie in with Carla for Christopher's sake. He drove Eddie to pick Chris up after the earthquake while reassuring him all day that schools had been upgraded to protect their students during natural distasters. He's clued in when Eddie's acting off ("There's definitely something going on with her. Eddie too." , "Eddie's sleeping with her but he's lying about it. It's like he's having an affair with his own wife."). He's the one looking after Chris when Eddie's goes on a date with An*. He's risked his life multiple times to save Eddie. He even knew about Eddie's therapy before he did his own sister's. Which brings me to the point that Buck is more than Eddie's cornerstone. He's Eddie's anchor to reality. Hear me out:

Eddie's panic attack is featured early on in 5x01. We've already established in 4x06 that his love language is closer to touch (and acts of service), so it makes sense that he grounds himself through physical connection, right? He may not like leaning on anyone emotionally but there is certainly physical support via Buck. Don't even get me started on how many times they do rope rescues or manoeuvres on a harness and how metaphorical that is for tying oneself to another in more ways than one.

When Eddie is shot, the entire sequence is filmed in a specific way to capture physical expression. The close-ups between Buck and Eddie (which is how the episode ends) are extremely intimate and foretelling of how Eddie brings himself back - physically and emotionally. He stretches his arm out toward Buck, not in a physical 'please pull me to safety' way but rather the emotional 'I'm slipping, please ground me here' way. Interesting, then, that Buck responds to this silent plea with the befitting "I'm gonna come! I got you!" which reads like 'I won't let you slip away' in his endeavour to physically touch Eddie and pull him from harm's way. "Stay down!" then also works as 'stay grounded, because I'm coming to get you'. Note here, also, how Eddie has already closed his eyes (read: resigned to his fate) before Buck reaches him, but when Buck finally pulls him under the truck, Eddie is startled awake again and brought back to consciousness (read: reality). Yes, this would be from the sudden and immense pain response, but this response would only occur if something triggered it, such as the grip on reality Eddie needs: Buck, in more ways than one. Buck, who continously tells Eddie, "I got you" (read: I've physically reached you) and "just stay with me" (read: I'm here, don't slip away). It's only appropriate then that Eddie asks "are you hurt?" because if his cornerstone is hurt, what does that mean for Eddie? What does that mean for them if they can't support one another? Judging from the law suit arc, I'd say it wouldn't work out well.

This brings us to the Eddie's panic attack and ultimately, An*. Some of you have already pointed out the significance of how we see An*'s face blurred when she's trying to reach Eddie admist the chaos of his panic attack compared to Buck's clarity when Eddie is lying injured in the street. For me, this definitely reads that An* can't reach Eddie the way Buck can, but it's more still. If we're to hold on to the theory that Buck is Eddie's reality in some form or another, then it makes sense that he panics thinking of a *supposed* reality with An*. Why? Because she's not reality. She's a fantasy. She's what Eddie is *supposed* to want because she fits into what has clearly been broadcasted to Eddie by his parents of the perfect heteronormative family. However, we've already seen Eddie begin to chip away at the teachings of his youth by making Buck Christopher's legal guardian in the event of Eddie's passing. I know very little about Eddie's culture so I'll leave that for others to interpret but I get the vibe that his parents wouldn't entirely be accepting of their children straying from a heteronormative path. Just look at the way they picked apart Shannon for everything, and she was a woman. The thing about a fantasy is that they're fun. They're products of our idolisation. What they're not supposed to be is real, or at least easily attainable. Eddie has An* but she's reaching for a future he's learning maybe he doesn't want. Judging from his reaction to her tie suggestion (and getting a new suit altogether when it's made clear twice he didn't need one), An* is trying to design her own image of a happy family. There's nothing wrong with that, except it doesn't fit Eddie's, which means they need to go their separate ways. This is only reinforced in the subsequent hospital scene ("well, it wasn't a heart attack" "it sure felt like one") when it becomes clear that Eddie's used to feeling things that may not contain actual truths, such as deluding himself into having feelings for An*. If that's the case, then it's no wonder he needed her reassurance that "everything has been great, right?". Eddie sees her as a 'right now', unaware he's been subconsciously making plans for a different future already. So, we come full circle back to Buck.

The thing is, that small hand-on-the-shoulder-gesture in 5x01 mattered because there was a truth in it. I know we're still just feeding on crumbs right now but we're well aware this isn't the first time Eddie's reached out to Buck for some form of comfort to channel between them - no matter which one of them needed it. It's no coincidence that Eddie's second panic attack was onset during a call where elevated stress levels as the result of a near-death/panic experience led to three air traffic controllers passing out. The only reason Eddie's attack diminishes is because Chim reminds him he has a job to do. This stops the attack, but the feelings are still coursing through Eddie. It'll only take a hairline trigger (at this point) to re-activate those feelings in the form of a full-blown panic attack. So, Eddie does his job, but his mind still isn't in the clear. What does he need to do? Stabilise himself. Bring some focus back on reality. Sure enough, that's when Buck appears beside him. What are Buck's first words during the scene? "It's okay. Just breathe. You had a heart attack". Yes, he was talking to the patient, but he was well within Eddie's earshot, who was recently convinced he had a heart attack. The only difference with the first time was that Eddie didn't have the person who grounds him there beside him. But he does now. So, what does Eddie do? He acts on his need to stabilise himself emotionally by reaching out and touching Buck - a feeling of comfort and home, because Eddie (whether he knows it or not) has built a home for him and Chris around Buck. But that's not all. Note how (and yes, I'm getting very specific here) Eddie actually touches Buck just as he begins to notice another employee feeling unwell? We're literally seeing a heart and/or panic attack about to resurface. With Eddie's anxiety still humming beneath his skin, of course he's going to need that instant reassurance before another one comes. The air traffic controllers may be the ones having heart attacks, but it's definitely meant to reflect Eddie's situation like a crystal-clear mirror.

So, with the framework of 5x01 in mind, it's pretty clear where the writers are taking Eddie's narrative for S5. Even if Buddie doesn't become canon, there is a clear trajectory for where EddieAn* is headed. In extension, we've already been given a preview into what is sure to escalate a tenfold on the BT front and their issues, what with Buck ready to maintain an authentic, romantic connection with someone and T focused on her career. I'm certainly not going to ever shame women being strong and motivated in the professional sphere, but I cannot see how this relationship is going to play out in the long run any more than EddieAn*. The writers have already laid the groundwork from 2x01, and I think they're finally read to build that skyscraper, beginning with Eddie's recovery arc.