#i love the idea of alpha timeline dave beating the shit out of bro

[grimstrawberry]

The popped collar made him mad for a sec there

[knightimehopes]

The Conversation.

Ult Dirk: …

Ult Dirk: I know you’re here, and listening.

Ult Dirk: You have no choice but to listen to this, so save yourself the trouble and show yourself.

Ult Dirk: We need to talk, and I’m not interested in you being a whiny, adamant little shit about it.

Ult Dirk: There you go, the young Prince finally got his ass in gear.

Ult Dirk: It took you long enough, I had thought I’d needed to taunt you out like one of those seductive pole dancers that old Earth apparently liked. Of course, nobody actually cares about that.

Ult Dirk: The web of realities finally connect to bring us to this very moment, tying together into a tapestry of universes showing off our huge ass face as if we needed a huge display of our collective ego any more than we did.

Ult Dirk: Which I did of course.

Ult Dirk: We were meant to speak again, in order to get to the true fucking culspe of our narrative importance.

Dirk: (Jesus fucking Christ.)

Ult Dirk: Look, I’ll get to the point.

Dirk: That’s a first.

Dirk: Thought you were going to suck off your own dick of infinite splinters for fifty hours so you can spout shit about random philosophy I’m pretty sure you don’t actually give a flying fuck about.

Ult Dirk: Do you really want to go down the road of selfcest?

Ult Dirk: I know you hate me, but let’s have mercy on the both of us and not bring that topic into this.

Ult Dirk: I’m not a fan.

Dirk: Aren’t you the motherfucker who said, and I quote;

Dirk: “I had thought I’d needed to taunt you out like one of those seductive pole dancers that old Earth apparently liked.”?

Dirk: I wasn’t the one who began to say the creepiest shit to a sixteen year old version of myself.

Dirk: So grow the fuck up and get to the point.

Ult Dirk: I won’t fall for your childish insults, because you clearly have no idea about the importance of this conversation.

Ult Dirk: I’m pretty sure this is the only point you’ll actually find any relevance in any timeline, and even that is a stretch.

Ult Dirk: You’re not something of worth because of your own actions, and you should honestly be thanking me that I brought you here.

Ult Dirk: Limelight finally shines upon your insignificant self, for the third time mind you.

Ult Dirk: This is your last chance to accept my offer, and I will tell you one. Last. Time.

Ult Dirk: I want you to allow me to use your body as my vessel in your universe.

Ult Dirk: I have my limits on where my influence can get to, as you know. I actually only cared about this timeline having my control dominationg it, at first.

Ult Dirk: But I had an epiphany.

Ult Dirk: Your timeline, among others, is within the Alpha timeline, as surprising as I’m sure you think it is.

Ult Dirk: A gleaming beacon shining through the god damn garbage of dumbass timelines that have no bearing on anyone or anything.

Ult Dirk: So I thought this;

Ult Dirk: You can help me bring your timeline, and universe along with it, to true narrative supremacy alongside mine.

Ult Dirk: Disagree with me if you want, go on ahead, but consider my offer before you decide to make yourself a fucking waste.

Ult Dirk: Everyone benefits from an actual point for existing, Dirk. Your friends are hellbound towards meaninglessness and redundancy, repeating the same old actions and the same old routine. You’ll get sick of it eventually, all of you will.

Ult Dirk: This cannot be stressed enough, you just can’t give up my chance to attain continuous relevancy. People won’t watch a story without enlarged stakes, and my supreme domination with thousands of stories to come will keep us in the public eye for a long, long while.

Ult Dirk: Make your choice wise-

Dirk: Okay, shut the everloving fuck up, please.

Dirk: I’ve had my patience with you the first two times.

Dirk: But it’s worn thin.

Dirk: Nobody is interested in an out of character incel who’s decided that the only way he’ll look appealing is if he cosplays in the worst Kamina cosplay anyone’s seen in decades.

Dirk: No one, and I mean no one, is going to give a fuck about what some random pompous poofy pants asshole says in his psychotic ramblings about some “Narrative” or whatever the fuck you keep spouting on and on with.

Dirk: Speaking of, what the fuck even is this long winded metaphor of yours that you keep on mentioning with readers and stories anyways? It’s gotten old after the first fucking mention of it.

Dirk: There is no goddamn point to anything you’re even saying with it, at least I have a method to the shitty fucking madness that is my life that I put all my friends through.

Dirk: You’re just spouting shit and acting out without even understanding the ramifications or even acknowledging how much of a shithead you come off as instead of how you want to be seen.

Dirk: Everybody knows you’re just putting on the act of being an all knowing holier than thou smug prick, but the only thing you are is a coward who can’t come to terms with anything.

Dirk: We’ve talked too many times, and you told me everything you did, and the only thing you accomplished is disgusting me more and more.

Dirk: I don’t know what got you to this point, how you got so far off the path we promised for ourselves.

Dirk: To be frank, I stopped giving a fuck when you told me what you did to our friends.

Dirk: You turned Jane into a facist Republican propaganda piece with your absolutely deplorable bullshit “narration” powers, you reduced Jake to a goddamn manchild who can’t even stand in front of a crowd without shitting himself.

Dirk: And I don’t even know if this is your fault or Roxy somehow was forced to lose brain cells, but for your Roxy, they’ve been essentially simplified into pink Dave at this goddamn point, not to mention that you’ve insulted them by not even dignifying their identity.

Dirk: That’s not even the beginning, mind you. But the fact that you decided that the people we loved for years deserved to be riduculed, infantalized, demonized, and reduced to imbeciles by your hand is something that you remotely deemed okay? That’s a transgression I can’t be anything but disgusted with you for.

Ult Dirk: You clearly misunderstand how inconsequential all you just criticized me for was and still is.

Ult Dirk: Dirk, misgendering and manipulation means nothing compared to what I have in store.

Ult Dirk: You don’t even have any proof to show that I did it in any case, all everyone knows is that I left on some mission that nobody fucking knows jack on.

Ult Dirk: How bad can I truly be, with just those as my only crimes?

Dirk: Perfect segway into how you kidnapped Rose, corrupted her, and manipulated her wife into believing everything I just stated and more was fucking okay by her when she clearly didn’t, and now she wants to fucking murder you, and so on.

Dirk: Not to mention, John Egbert.

Ult Dirk: I didn’t do anything to John.

Ult Dirk: Bare in mind that it still was useful for getting the Seer of Mind on my side, regardless of the blame for his death. Seriously, how the hell did I do anything to a guy far out of my reach?

Dirk: Sure, because you totally didn’t bullshit the concept of “Cherub Poison” that essentially one shot kills god tiers and completely bypasses our complete bullshit deus ex machina known as conditional immortality.

Dirk: Either way, doesn’t excuse that you used his death to manipulate a grieving woman either. I can go on, but seriously.

Dirk: It baffles me that you think any of this fucking shit is remotely excuseable. We’re done here.

Dirk: Get a life, you sorry sack of shit. You don’t even deserve any of the similes turned defemations or symbolic insults I can come up with right now.

Ult Dirk: You go when I say you go.

Ult Dirk: You want to play a game?

Ult Dirk: Fine.

Ult Dirk: I’ll humor you.

Ult Dirk: I want to-

Dirk: -Play a game in which I’m still a piece of shit trying to manipulate another person around him into his twisted schemes.

Dirk: That’s what you should have gone on to end it with. Because we know it’s the truth.

Dirk: Real fucking original line, by the way. Want to pull out the bro vs. bro strife drama out of your ass to add on to the shitty callback cake? Just sprinkle that shit on there?

Ult Dirk: You’ll never understand, will you?

Dirk: I could honestly say the same to you, especially when you try to look like the king of the weaboo neckbeards.

Ult Dirk: Don’t compare me to Tegiri Kalbur.

Dirk: Who the hell even is that? You know what, don’t care.

Dirk: What I’m saying is that despite your reasoning of this being all important because you’re suddenly the villain now out of left field, doesn’t explain how this has remotely any point to even happen in the first place.

Dirk: If you wanted relevance through this Sburb session you’re trying to set up, then think about it. Would anyone have complained about you going off to make some new alien species on a new planet? I doubt they actually would have, if you didn’t go off and specifically piss off everyone in your five hundred thousand mile vicinity.

Dirk: Hell, I guarantee some people would have wanted to help you out with some of this shit, it probably would have been an entertaining experience for some of the more scientifically minded folks in our social circle.

Dirk: Not that you care, you’ve made that pretty evident.

Ult Dirk: I’m not letting you leave.

Ult Dirk: This decision has long left your capability to effect it. I gave you your chances to assimilate with me willingly, and you chose to shit on my offers time and time again.

Ult Dirk: So you’ve left me no choice but to beat you down myself, and make sure you finally understand your place, and your role in the frameworks of my greatest masterpiece.

Ult Dirk: My words explaining to you how you don’t understand weren’t me flexing the muscles of my ego in your face, Dirk. It was an explanation on how futile your resistance truly is.

Ult Dirk: Come at me bro. We’ll make this happen.

Dirk: Finally, some words we can agree on.

Ult Dirk: And I’ll cut this off for the dumbass posting this to Tumblr of all places with a nice, shoddily made callback.

Seriously, Tumblr? You have a fanfic you can just as easily post all this to on AO3, you could have made your own website, but you chose Tumblr. This is what I get when I let a sixteen year old have the reigns.

If you want some context on this motherfucker, too bad. I’m not promoting shit for this child who thinks that my work is child’s play written by a band of idiots. They can do it themselves.

The next page will be up soon, so you can truly see who’s in charge here.

Until this bastard finishes the art, Dirk Strider, signing off. (God, that was the most moronic sentence I’ve had the displeasure to say. Of course they need me to sign off this way.)

Pg 1. You are Here

Pg 2. Coming Soon

Divergent Reality so far:

[snowtimeisbesttime]

Thoughts and questions on Pesterquest Volume 14, and the Afterw@rd! The last one... for now?

~VOLUME 14~

-aaaand we didn't get an alpha kid reunion here :(

-Looks like very waterproof technology is a leftover from when the Condesce tried to turn Future Earth into Alternia 2: Electric Boogaloo, because otherwise I'm pretty sure that having a wholeass computer out there right next to saltwater would be a very bad idea.

-There's Hal! This time with Speakers. Also, it's neat that Dirk knows exactly what's up with MSPAR in Pesterquest's last volume, while Lanque had no idea that an alien was running around befriending everybody in town in Friendsim's (i know friendsim didn't quite do chronology between volumes as much as pesterquest has done, but the soleils were kinda busy being stuck inside a weird timeloop manor and therefore couldn't have heard of mspar's quest of friendship, while lanque could have definitely heard about them from like. wanshi or something.)

-Dirk is also very much on board (whoops ocean adjacent phrase) with MSPAR's quest of friendship, which is awesome and also adorable.

-Instead of experiencing awful offshoots, we just get weird visions of them, which kinda beats “drowning by aesthetically focused robo scuba suit” and “puppet katana accident” any day.

-Cal is empty, thank fuck. At least Dirk's one...

-MSPAR can wield the sord....., revealing its power to deepfry reality with a single slash. Which could actually make it incredibly strong in the hands of a Strider, as they're probably immune to jpeg artifacts thanks to SBaHJ so they could exploit that ability without getting headaches.

-There is some talk about Assorted Dirk Topics, which get answered quickly as the bread and butter of the route is mainly the topic of trust, and also. You Know.

-Of course Ult!Dirk just Had to pop in. Hooray. Dude can fuckin play spore and instead he decides to fuck off all the way here and fuck shit up. And expects MSPAR to agree with him once they get their Homestuck memories back even. The whole “process gif” effect he's got does look very cool though.

-What separates Pesterquest from any fanfic where characters screw around with retcon powers? Legit question here. What's the difference between MSPAR befriending everyone and a fic where John accidentally breaks Jane's tiaratop while retconing stuff and makes it so she never even goes Crockertier, for example? What makes it so the first one kills reality but the second one doesn't?

-also nice (/s) to see the epilogues are as dubiously canon as water is dubiously wet, as it's never even implied that things could ever go differently after the kids win the game. Maybe that's more an “ultdirk absorbing assorted dirks and hogging all the narrative relevance as bgd said that time in hs2” thing though.

-To convince PQ!Dirk to not leave with Ult!Dirk, MSPAR gets the Big Gun: Candy Dave. And of course he would go along with a mission to help his bro without a doubt... (and he also gets taken along to the locked timeline)

-In the end, it's Dirk the one who gets to make the Choice this time, between friendship (and family) or infinite knowledge (and loneliness).

~THE AFTERW@RD~

-dirk: some other me went with you so don't be a sore loser the less cool dirk, almost immediately:

-Unlike Friendsim's Epilogue, this one can only be accessed from Dirk's good end, apparently.

-And here we get to talk to the Director of Pesterquest, also known as the t-pose or a-pose or whatever silhouette from the funky troll hell nexus hallway of metaphysical realities. She's the one responsible for MSPAR losing their memories (for friendship reasons) and not being able to reach their friends from Friendsim (for hiveswap act 2 reasons i hope).

-MSPAR is straight out called that and MSPAReader here, But it's also revealed that they do have a name- which might be revealed in a future sequel... ( @carcino-gnostalgic-s pointed out that the sequel might be those friendsim routes the hiveswap crew wanted to make for like dammek and trizza and the guys, and i'm personally very on board with that idea)

(-I started calling them MC (as in Main Character) all the way back when Friendsim Vol 12 came out... Hope we get to learn their real name soon!)

-there was this post going around not that long ago that was about how in stories Without a happy ending to look forward to and provide catharsis, having lots and lots of suffering can make it feel senseless and gratuitous or something and like. What that post said. Sure, conflict can drive a story, but constant conflict 24/7 forever and ever just gets tiring after a point.

-Again, what makes MSPAR's friendship escapades so harmful to the multiverse compared to any random fic with Retcon Shenanigans on the internet? As in, choosing to not betray our Pesterquest friends or throwing out John's beta again straight up causes the game to close, implying reality just perished and despawned.

-Ult!Dirk also has to come along here and push for canon's preservation. To the point he tries to screw with MSPAR's thoughts directly, though luckily they can shrug it off and the Director isn't having any of that bullshit.

-First of all: fanfiction exists, and so do AU fanfics that take characters into a whole new genre or spares characters that died or puts the spotlight on background characters, so between that and me having heard the concept of “fictional character Lives On Forever in the minds of people who read their story, even if they get maybe eliminated by the author” in a book (Niebla, by Miguel de Unamuno idk if theres any translated version available online rip) that I had to read for a class, I sure was just standing there while the Director and Ult!Dirk talked about how we Absolutely Must destroy Pesterquest.

-Thankfully, MSPAR found a third option and took it, inspired by Jade and with Aradia's moral support. You ever love your friends so much you literally absorb the Green Sun's power to create an entirely new concept (the Locked Timeline containing iterations of them that can grow up without Sburb) and become its First Guardian?