#i love my silly little side tangents i am always the yapper about some other shit

[radioactive-mouse]

i think the thing about the way grian deals with grief is that he only operates in absolute extremes.

like. losing scar fucking. destroyed him. he literally decided he’d rather be dead than keep going after that (in a season that was the first and therefore had no precedent of anyone coming back) and then in last life something. happens. he spends the entire season trying to claw his way back to mumbo’s side and then just. slaughters him in cold blood. granted i think part of that is due to his absolutely wild paranoia spiral he was going through in last life (which is another thing i could talk about for ages, but like. see him murdering jimmy and mumbo in a situation where it was clear they weren’t going to attack and were actively fleeing the situation and then crying self defense as my Just Trust Me Bro evidence for now) but i also think the way he immediately turns to martyn for reassurance (“back me up here martyn, they went for me” literally exactly the first words he says after mumbo’s down) is extremely indicative of the way he will just. kill his ability to grieve at a moments notice. hell, i think the way he treats scar like shit in last life is part of this too! losing scar destroyed him so thoroughly that he literally couldn’t live with himself and i think for grian, when presented with the option to either open himself up to that kind of pain a second time or shut him out and bite and snap to make sure he never has to go through that again, obviously he’s going to choose the latter.

it’s the same thing every time. the horror with which he reacts to bigb’s death, vs him preemptively planning to jump ship the second joel and jimmy go down. secret life admittedly didn’t give him much room for grief, but i think that’s ultimately why he came out of it relatively unscathed and is able to start wild life out on a high.

and now mumbo and skizz. total obliteration or complete shutdown and move on. he cannot find a middle ground. he’s damn near catatonic as he marches his way down the mountain and tries to explain to skizz what happened, but now he knows better, knows it was stupid to think this wouldn’t happen again, and this time he’s ready. to him, skizz was already dead the moment mumbo’s body hit the ground.