#i love michael and camerons discussion. Eats it

[wtnvwiki]

have not listened to wtnv for a bit bcos this work week has been Hell On Earth but... next week... huntokar...

[aboysbestfriendishismum]

Chapter 61 - Shirts, questions and the Fonz with a moustache

In the previous chapter: Jerry goes on his blind date and meets Heather. Surprisingly, she too reveals that she's not interested in meeting guys at the moment. Realizing that they are very similar and in the same situation, she convinces Jerry to pretend that the two of them are dating so as to be left alone by their respective friends. During a question-and-answer game between Stone and Grace, the two discuss how she hasn't let him sleep with her in her bed yet due to her insecurities. In the end Stone manages to calm her down and convince her to take this step with him. Eddie and Angie finally manage to spend an evening together, with pizza and horror movies. Eddie tries again to make her change her mind about Cameron Crowe's film and reveals that for him it's a special occasion: exactly one month has passed since their first kiss. Angie feels guilty because she hadn't thought about the anniversary at all, not being used to this type of things in her past relationships.

***

He fills me up, he gives me love More love than I've ever seen He's all I got, he's all I got in this world But he's all the man that I need

To a casual observer this scene might seem surreal, I must admit. If my life was a TV series and today's episode began with this scene from this morning, as a viewer, a thousand alarm bells would go off for me, ranging from "It's an alternative reality resulting from time travel gone wrong” to “A catastrophe is just about to happen.” Because me, Angie Pacifico, making pancakes on a Wednesday morning, still in my robe despite having class in just over an hour, dancing to the top 100 on the radio and singing (destroying) Whitney Houston is not something you see every day. I actually turned the volume up for Eddie because I suspect that I-never-sleep-I-only-live-at-night-in-san-diego-I-went-surfing-at-the-crack-of-dawn guy has no intention of getting out of bed. This morning I opened my eyes before my killer alarm clock and I promptly deactivated it to let him rest. I took the fastest and quietest shower ever and now I'm here. Since we are always in a rush and don't spend time together regularly, it seemed like a nice thing to prepare a nice breakfast to spoil him a little and be able enjoy a few more minutes together, sitting at a table, talking and joking, rather than sharing the usual quick bye and go each their own way. And I'm also including Meg in this because, with the end of school approaching, the tattoo thing and all the side jobs she's taking on to supplement her income, even having a nice chat with my roommate has become complex. I thought the smell of breakfast and coffee would be enough to give Ed a sweeter good morning than my hated alarm clock, but I was wrong. I pour another big scoop of dough into the pan and smile when I hear the sound of the shower water running, thinking that my melodious chanting has done its duty, but I immediately change my mind when I hear Meg's voice singing along to the chorus of Freedom 90. Well, if I didn't make it, she'll take care of throwing him out of bed with the help of George Michael.

I take the plate with all the pancakes and put it in the center of the table, the bottle of chocolate syrup is already there. Since I don't want to be seen as someone who only eats junk, I decide to also get some yogurt and fruit, which always goes well on pancakes. I head towards the fridge dancing, but not before shouting EVERYBODY DANCE NOW! together with the radio. I stick my head into the fridge and when I back up and close the door I almost have a heart attack and almost project yogurt and berries on to the ceiling.

"EDDIE!"

"Hey," he says to me, leaning against the doorframe, sleepy and smiling.

"WHAT THE FUCK" I leave everything on the table safely and regain color.

"Good morning to you too, kitten"

"Fucking kitten, you appear like this out of nowhere, you scared the fuck out of me!"

"Forgive me, I didn't want to scare you. It's just that… you were all focused on dancing, I couldn't interrupt you" he explains with that adorable stupid face that… nothing, I have class in an hour, I can't think about these things .

“How long have you been there?”

"A little while" he's still standing at the kitchen door. Still standing there in just his boxers and his black and red plaid button down shirt. I repeat, Angie , YOU CAN'T THINK ABOUT THAT NOW.

"You could have found an alternative and gentler way to announce your presence, right?" I go back to the unlit stove and pretend to turn it off, then move to the sink and pretend to fiddle with something else until I feel his hands on my shoulders.

"And miss this show? I'm not that stupid" he kisses my cheek and then rests his chin on my right shoulder.

"The ideal show for a traumatic awakening. Hey, be careful or you'll get burnt, it's still hot" I warn him when I see him reach out for the pan, perhaps to put it to wash.

"I'm already on fire anyway" he puts everything in the sink and then hugs me from behind, leaning on me again.

"Eheheh what?"

“Do you have any idea how sexy you were?” he whispers as his fucking grabby hands do the work.

"Am I sexy in the kitchen? At the stove? In one of the stereotyped roles in which the most vulgar sexism imprisons women?" I turn towards him in an attempt to get him off me, but with little success.

“I actually meant dancing in a robe, but honestly this is even fucking better” very poor considering now he's just grabbed at my ass and his mouth is getting dangerously close to my sweet spot on my neck.

"Oh ok so… years of struggles for women's emancipation reduced to a fetish? Feminism that exists only for the sexual gratification of you, straight white man?"

"Stop it or I'll have to fuck you here and now" he backs away from my neck just long enough to point this thing out in my ear, and then goes back to his actions.

"Eheh, you can't anyway" I push him away perhaps too impulsively, I turn around again and start filling the sink with water and then take the dish detergent.

"Why?" please, Eddie, you're not helping right now.

"Because… because Meg is over there…" and again, his hands on my hips "And then we have to eat and I have to go to class"

"Ok, wait," Eddie turns off the tap, takes my hand and, pushing me into a sort of pirouette, forces me to turn towards him again "point A"

"Haha, you even have points ready first thing in the morning!"

"I was born ready. Point A: Meg is over there, she's not here" first he looks towards the door, then directs his eye back towards me and winks.

"But she can arrive at any moment" I reply, but I'm not as quick to fight against his hands, which start unbuttoning my robe.

"We just need to pay attention when we hear Mariah Carey coming over," he jokes, making fun of the song she's singing now.

"What if we're too distracted?" I close a button, he unbuttons two.

"Point B:" he continues, not caring about my objections, "we can still eat... after..."

"After what?" he just looks up to smile at me, without a word.

"Point C: I'll give you a ride to class so you won't be late" and there go two more buttons.

"But-" I try to protest, not so strongly. He silences me by kissing me, softly, but with a certain firmness, and now my robe is completely open.

"Come on, let's go to your room, five minutes"

"It will never be five minutes, Eddie"

"Wanna bet?" my robe is on the floor and his hands are under my pajama top, threatening to send that flying too. Until a detail belatedly catches my attention.

"Eddie, da-… um, sorry, but what are you wearing?"

"I'm overdressed, right? I'll fix in a sec!" he wiggles his eyebrows like an idiot, starts to take off his shirt, but I stop him.

"No, I mean, don't you see what you've got on? Didn't you notice?" I start laughing and this very moment he start to give in a little and lets go of me. I take the opportunity to pull myself together and retrieve my dressing gown from the floor.

"What is it? Did I put it on backwards?" he looks at his shirt without understanding, and then looks at me, sulkily, when I put my robe back on.

"No, you put it on just right, but it's mine, can't you see?" I reveal by caressing his chest (Jesus!) with the excuse of pointing out the pockets on the front of my checked shirt, very similar to his "Yours doesn't have these"

"Oh shit, in the daze of waking up I must have taken yours instead of mine, they look the same"

"How did you not notice? Can't you see that it's a girl's shirt? The buttons are on the other side" I button up a couple of them and in doing so I notice how comfortable my shirt looks on him. Very comfy. Too comfy. He swims in it. It's obvious he didn't notice, if I was a nice size SMALL or EXTRASMALL he wouldn't be able to fit a single arm in this fucking shirt. But no, he didn't pay attention to it, because his girlfriend is a heavyweight. Well he should have noticed for the opposite reason, that is that he could fit his whole band in that shirt.

"Ah! That's why I couldn't fucking button it up! I felt stupid, for a moment I thought I was stoned or was having an aneurysm or something hahaha"

"You're insane" I shake my head and take the plates to put them on the table, turning my back to him to not to show him my face, darkened by the previous thoughts. Why does my brain always have to ruin the best moments?

"I know, I know. Anyway it's comfortable and it smells like you, I think I'll keep it. Can I?" I turn around in puzzlement and when I look at him he takes the hems of the shirt and closes them tightly over his chest, miming a hug. Then he shoves his nose against the fabric of the sleeve and pretends to be inebriated by my perfume, emitting a dramatic satisfied sigh.

“Which shitty romantic comedy did you come from, can you explain?” I look at him perplexed and on the inside I thank him for making me forget my fucking negative thoughts in a second.

"I'm not romantic and I'm not funny" he replies very seriously.

"And in any case the cliché should be the other way around: in any self-respecting romance flick, it's the girl who gets up in the morning and puts on her man's shirt or t-shirt. And he obviously enjoys the view"

"And since when do you respect gender clichés? Why is it always the male eye only that needs to be pleased?" he leans back on the kitchen counter and as he does so the edges of his shirt widen again.

"Shut up or I'll have to… um… jump on you here and now" I half-quote his line from earlier.

"...said the girl, giving him an excellent reason not to stop at all." Eddie walks up to me again in a threatening way (yeah, okay…), but this time it goes badly for him. I think I've never loved and hated Mariah Carey at the same time as much as now.

"Somedaaay Hey Heeeey! Oh hi guys, good morning" Meg enters the kitchen and I don't know if she doesn't notice me and Eddie because her attention is all on the table or if she's just pretending.

"HI"

"Good morning Meg" Eddie and I drift apart like two magnets placed in front of each other. He turns around trying to fasten the remaining buttons on his/my shirt, even though they're backwards, while I dedicate myself to distributing the pancakes on the plates.

“Did I interrupt something?” I correct myself, she noticed and doesn't even pretend she didn't, while she squeezes chocolate onto her pancakes.

“Yes, a debate about feminism” Eddie gives me a flying kiss on the cheek and sits down at the table.

"You can't just flirt like normal couples, huh?" Meg winks at me as I sit down too, resigned to her comments.

"We're not normal individually, let alone as a couple" observes Eddie and he's not entirely wrong. He also goes for the chocolate syrup, so the only one who will give a change to the yogurt will be me, obviously.

“Anyway, when are you going to ask him him to move in here with us?” Meg looks at me first and then, this time, the wink is for Eddie.

"What??"

"So we'll have the cool breakfast every morning"

"If you want pancakes, just ask, no need to get Eddie involved" I mutter as he and Meg laugh loudly at my expense.

“Did you call Crowe?” Meg gives me another jab when she's halfway through her pancakes and it's clear that I'm her favorite target this morning.

"No, I didn't call him"

"And when will you call him?"

"Well, I don't know, I-"

"If you want, I'll take care of it," Eddie saves me in every sense, intervening in the conversation and pouring me some more coffee into the half-empty cup, "I'll tell him when I see him"

"You tell him Angie accepts?!" Meg remains with her fork in mid-air in front of her open mouth and is about to have a bitter surprise.

"Actually, no. I mean, I understood no, or maybe I'm wrong?" Eddie looks alternately between my roommate and me.

"No, you're not wrong, as I already told you, I have decided to refuse" I reassure him and prepare for hell.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Meg drops her fork on her plate and looks at me reproachfully.

"Because, as I already, told you multiple times, it's not for me"

"And you? Don't you have anything to tell her?" Eddie, who evidently appreciated my culinary efforts because he has already cleaned his plate polishing off every crumbs, pauses for a few seconds, keeping the napkin over his mouth before speaking.

"Um? Me? Why? What should I say?"

"What should you say?! Convince her, right?" Meg looks at both of us like we're idiots.

"Well, we talked about it. Personally I think it's a great opportunity, but if Angie doesn't feel like doin'g it, then she shouldn't do it. I don't want to put pressure on her or anything like that." Eddie gets up, puts the plate in the sink along with the cup, after finishing his coffee.

"I, on the other hand, really wanna put all the pressure on you. I mean, without an external push you would never do a damn thing, you wouldn't even be here! And then I think you're making a huge mistake by saying no! And you should tell her too, if you care about her" my friend shuffles in her seat, she didn't expect to find herself in the minority.

"I do care. And since I care I want her to be free to choose what to do. If she took part to the movie just to make us happy, it would be useless. At least, that's what I think." Eddie explains his thesis and then approaches me again and gives me another quick kiss on the lips "I'm going to shower and get dressed. With the right clothes this time"

I look at him dreamily as he leaves the kitchen and walks away, until I meet Meg's questioning gaze.

"Hehe it's because he wore the wrong shirt, he wore mine instead of his... because in the dark they looked the same to him eheh"

"This is not the explanation I'm looking for"

"What do you mean?"

"What did you tell him?"

"Him who?"

"Eddie! He's suddenly so careful not to offend your feelings, what did you say to him?" he crosses his arms and looks at me defiantly.

“What makes you think I said anything to him?”

"I know you. And, even if a little less, I know him too"

"Can't it be that he just believes what he said?"

"No. He didn't believe it when he forced you to play basketball with the band, play drums at Cameron's party, go up the Space Needle, make out in front of an entire club full of people for two hours. I don't see why he would have changed his mind now, unless you intervened in some way" Meg aggressively counts my adventures on her fingers.

“Aren't you going to finish your pancakes?”

"No, I won't give you the slightest culinary satisfaction until you speak" and she knows that it bothers me a lot, she's using strong methods.

"But I have nothing to say"

"What did you tell him?"

"Nothing"

"What did you really tell him?"

"Hahaha NOTHING!"

“Did you promise him sexual favors?”

"He's my boyfriend, he already has my favors, I don't need to promise anything to him"

"Maybe favors that are... a little kinkier than usual?"

"No!"

"Just tell me then or these pancakes are gonna end up in the bin" Meg takes the plate, gets up and stands in front of the dustbin.

"You wouldn't dare"

"Wanna bet?" maintaining eye contact with me, she slowly puts her foot on the bin's pedal and the lid opens up with a click.

"Well, it's not like I told him anything specific…"

"HA! You did say something to him, then?!" the lid closes, but she doesn't move.

"I talked to him about the fact that I wouldn't be comfortable being an actress"

"Mmmm"

"And that I would have too many lines to memorize"

"And?"

"That the presence of Tim Burton would have put me in difficulty"

"Okay... and?"

"And that I would have been hypercritical and would never want to see that film again if I had been in it… Maybe, due to the trauma, I would never set foot on a movie set again"

"Only that?" Meg's little foot still rests on the pedal of the dustbin.

"Only that?! I basically told him that it could put my entire career at risk."

"Okay. And then, what else did you tell him?" Meg doesn't give up and I feel I'm about to capitulate, I have no other choice.

“And well, I may have added some plot details…”

"THERE YOU GO. Tell me about these details" Meg realized she finally had me in her under her thumb and she sits back down at the table, placing the plate in front of her.

"I might have told him that, while skimming through the script, I had read of something I didn't feel like doing"

“What the hell of a story did you make up, Angie?” my friend shakes her head and grabs her fork again.

"I didn't invent anything! I just told him that at a certain point I thought I saw a scene with…"

"With…?"

"With a kiss"

"A KISS?!"

"A kiss, a very long one"

"AHAHAHAHAH YOU'RE SUCH A BITCH!" Meg doesn't hold back and laughs holding her belly.

"Look, it's true! There is a kiss! There are several! Just, um, not exactly in my scene"

"WHAT A BAD BITCH!"

“And since I mentioned this to Eddie, he suddenly became very understanding of my insecurities.”

"YOU DON'T SAY?! Who knows why?" Meg dives back into the pancakes, but not before adding some more chocolate syrup.

"You won't tell him anything, right?"

"Look, I would be tempted because for me you are a fool to refuse a part in the film and I would involve anyone to convince you, but…"

"But?"

"But I love your perfidiousness in this thing too much to let you get caught"

"I'm not evil!"

"No, you're just a little budding manipulator who cunningly uses someone else's weakness for her own gain… Little Angie is growing up! I could almost start crying" Meg feigns emotion and wipes away some fake tears with her napkin.

"Ahaha I didn't manipulate Eddie"

"You used his jealousy to make him do what you wanted, how do you call it?"

"I just striked some chords…"

"You pulled the right strings!" Meg gets up and puts the plate in the sink with the rest.

"I don't know if you're trying to play with my conscience to get me to tell Eddie the truth and accept the part or if you actually appreciate my little dishonest ploy."

"Mmm a bit of both!" Meg leaves the kitchen and retrieves her jacket and bag, I join her at the door "Anyway, in the end, even if manipulated, Eddie is right: it's you who decides. It's just that... I would have loved to brag a bit and say Hey, my friend is in that movie!"

"Half the people you know will be in that movie. Anyway, once I become a successful author, you can say Hey, my friend wrote that!"

"I can't wait! Alright, see you tonight at Roxy's"

"Ok see ya"

"Did you follow me to the door to say bye or to make sure I wouldn't go and tell Eddie"

"Hahaha to say bye! You would never do that. At least, not now that he's in the shower"

"Well, I could if I wanted to, you're not the jealous one in the couple" he winks at me and opens the door.

"Bye Meg"

"Besides, I've already seen him in his underwear, so" she's about to leave, but she comes back and shrugs at me.

"BYE" I close the door in her face as a joke and she holds it open with one foot.

"And my friends' boyfriends are all like women to me"

"JUST GO IT'S LATE, SEE YOU TONIGHT!"

The woodworm that Meg has just tried to put in my head about my unfair attitude towards Eddie doesn't even have time to creep into my thoughts when the phone starts ringing.

"Hello"

"…" on the other side just silence.

"Hello?" I repeat and actually I seem to hear noises through the receiver. It's not a noisy line, it's mora like someone is waiting in silence with the receiver in their hand.

"Is anyone there or not?" the moment I clearly perceive a breath I freeze. I look around to figure out where Eddie is, because I can't hear the sound of the shower water anymore, but I don't see him around. I go peek in my room and it's not there, so he's probably finished the shower, but he's still in the bathroom.

"Is it you?"

"…" still nothing.

"Do you need anything? Do you need money?" I ask in a low voice, but without getting any answer, except for an abrupt termination of the phone call.

I exhale deeply, as if I've been holding my breath for a while, and maybe I really have. I drop the phone on the table, take my plate and put it in the sink along with everything else. I glance at the clock. No, I don't have time now, I'll wash them later today.

A new ring of the phone makes me jump, I look at it for a while without doing anything, but then I decide to answer, if only to prevent Eddie from becoming suspicious and coming out here to see what's happening and why no one answers the phone.

"HELLO?!"

"Hey, good morning to you too! What happened? Did you wake up with a bad case of the grumpies this morning?" the response on the other end, this time, puts me in a completely different mood.

"Hi mom! No, everything's ok"

"I mean, it sounded like you wanted to maul whoever was on the other end of the phone…"

"No, it's just… there's someone having fun making prank calls this morning. They call and don't speak, without even a bit of imagination, at least they could come up with something more articulated"

"Like, if you have to bother me, at least use creativity"

"Exactly"

"Okay, how are you? Sorry I'm calling you this early, but at least I'm sure I'd find you"

"No problem, you did well. In fact, you barely found me because I have to go to class soon" I walk up to my room to get the clothes to put on, waiting for Eddie to come out of the bathroom.

"That's it, exactly. I'll end up having to make an appointment to talk to you on the phone"

"Don't worry, I still have time, we can have our fulfilling mother-daughter conversation"

"Good girl. So how are you? How did your holidays go?"

“Well, I worked a lot!”

"It's a shame they're called holidays…"

"Okay, I also rested and did a lot of things that I've had pending for ages! I defrosted the fridge, I cleaned the chandeliers, I washed all the carpets…" I go back to the corridor while I recall all the steps of the great house cleaning.

"What a strange concept of rest"

"Ugh, I went out with Meg and the others too, I haven't been home all day"

"I had no doubts. And how is Eddie?"

"Eddie is-" he almost caught me off guard "Why are you asking me about Eddie? And more importantly, how do you know him?" yeah, how do you know the guy who just came out of the bathroom covered only by a short towel tied not very firmly at the waist that could fall at any moment and who winked at me before slipping into my room.

"Oh your father told me about him"

"Did he tell you about him? What did he tell you?" the guy who slips into the room without closing the door, takes off the towel and… NO, ANGIE, YOU DON'T HAVE TIME AND YOU'RE ON THE PHONE WITH YOUR MOTHER, FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

"Yeah, I mean, he told me that you have a friend called Eddie and that he met him."

“It happened months ago, why are you asking me about my friends now?” and why Eddie, would be the real question. But I don't want to get too carried away and make her suspicious.

"No, I'm just looking at the photos your father took when he came to visit you…"

"Ah, the famous photos that I haven't seen yet" I lock myself in the bathroom and put it on speakerphone, so I can brush my teeth in the meantime.

"Well, because he only developed them now! Forgive him, he's been very busy with work, I've barely seen him too"

"I know, I know, it's just that he told me he would send them to me"

"In fact, he's going to send them to you exactly this morning. Which would also be the reason why I called you, to tell you this"

"Oh great! Thank him"

"And… you know, since I have a photo of you with Eddie right in front of me right now, he came to my mind, just like this"

"Totally random"

"Right. Anyway, how is he?" He's fine, mom, thanks. He spent the night with me and now he is naked in my room.

"Good! From what I know, at least. I mean, the band is recording the album, I don't see them as often as before" well done, Angie. Plural. Go with plural.

“But you told me earlier that you hung out with the guys during spring break.”

"Yes, of course, but I haven't seen them in a while now. However, they're happy, Stone told me that everything is going well." Was using Stone as a diversion from Eddie a good move?

"Ah! So you've seen Stone more than Eddie!" no, it's not good at all.

"I saw them equally, mom, don't get any strange ideas, I thought I made myself clear enough at Christmas" I snort and start taking off my dressing gown and pajamas.

"Very clear! You know what? The pictures are very beautiful, you'll see. Now I'll get dad for you, he has to tell you something"

"Okay?" my father? What does he have to tell me? He won't ask me about Eddie too, will he?

"Bye Angie, call me next time so I don't bother you, okay?"

"You're not mad because I'm talking to you while getting ready and doing something else in the meantime, are you?" I get dressed quickly, the only thing I forgot to take are the boots, but I can put them on later.

"No, but call! Okay, here's your father"

"Bye"

"Hey Angie!"

"Hi Dad"

"Today I'm sending you all the photos I took when I came to Seattle. Sorry if I'm late but it's been a mess. I've practically been living in the darkroom for weeks"

"Don't worry. How did they turn out?" I put my pajamas in the laundry hamper, throw my robe over my shoulder and, with the phone still on loudspeaker in my hand, I leave the bathroom.

"Not to brag, but they turned out great! Both the ones from the concerts and those from the beach party. I got a nice box here, ready to be shipped"

"Fine, now come out of the dark room and spend some time with mom" when I enter the room I waste no time, I put my dressing gown on the chair and run to cover Eddie's mouth before he can make any sound.

"Don't worry, I'll do that!"

"Did you want to tell me something else? Mom already told me about the pictures" when I'm sure he understood and he nods at me, I release my grip on Eddie's mouth and go and sit on the bed to put on my boots, with my back towards him.

"Yes, I wanted to ask you: do you know Nirvana?"

"Yes, they are a band from around here, I even saw them twice in concert"

"Not as a band, do you know them personally?"

“Um well, not really.”

"What do you mean? Do you know them or not?"

"I know them by sight! Mostly the drummer…" damn, why did I say that?? I quickly turn around and see Eddie has stopped right in the middle of zipping up his pants and is glaring at me "and I exchanged a few words with the bassist, I know who the singer is but that's it"

"Oh because they know you"

"What? And how do you know?" Why do I feel he's not about to tell me anything good? And why the fuck did I keep it on speakerphone? I can't take it off now or it would look like I want to hide things from Eddie.

"They played here in Boise a few days ago"

"Really?"

"At The Zoo" the management guys must have thought it was a real zoo and wanted to send Kurt there, for sure.

"And you went to see them? Weren't you busy with work?" after eternal moments I start tying my boots again and Eddie finally zips up his fly.

"You know what they say, too much work and no play…"

"Yes, and then you end up chasing your family with a hatchet"

"Exactly. Great concert anyway, pure energy! I took few photos unfortunately. The next day I bought the album. They also played some new tracks from the album which has yet to be released"

"And what do I have to do with all this?" if he bought Dave a drink too, I swear I'll scream. What the fuck is that? Does my dad have some kind of radar for my exes now? And he has to talk about it right now with Eddie listening?

"Oh because at one point on stage the singer said something about how it was their first time playing in Idaho and that so far they didn't know anyone from around here, except for a girl who's actually from our town. And he said that he will have to find another nickname for their friend, but it was a quick and rather cryptic conversation that I didn't quite understand. Do you know anything about it?"

"Mmm I have no clue honestly" Eddie looks at me and bursts out laughing, I signal him to be quiet and he covers his face with his hands.

"But you're the friend, aren't you?"

"I don't think so," a friend of that jerk?? I'd rather gouge my eyes out with my bare hands "I wonder who he was talking about, there must be other people from Boise who moved to Seattle, I'm not that special, you know?"

"That's why I asked you if you knew them…"

"Yes, but only by sight and they don't know where I'm from, they don't even know my name eheh" Eddie uncovers his face and makes a noise as if to say Yes, of course!

"Oh well, it's just a coincidence then"

"Of course it is"

"Ok, I'll leave you now. I'll go to the post office and then to the editorial office"

"Okay. Bye and good luck with your work"

"And say hello to Meg"

"Alright"

"And Eddie" Eddie looks at me and explodes into a toothy smile, while he waves hello with his little hand in the direction of the phone.

“Go-why Eddie?”

"No reason, he just came to my mind"

“Let me guess: you got one of his pictures right in front of your eye right now, right?” well, now Eddie will think that in my house there is a little altar with a picture of him, flowers and candles and that my parents pray on it every single morning.

"Hehe, actually yes! Say hello to him when you see him, ok? He's a good boy"

"I will. Bye dad"

“Bye Ray,” Eddie replies to himself as soon as I hang up.

"If they had heard you, I would have killed you!"

"Pff overreacting as usual…" now fully dressed, he comes and sits next to me on the bed.

"Ha! Don't even think about it, it's late and we have to rush to the university"

"I don't know what you're talking about, I just wanted to get this" all cocky, he reaches under the bed and pulls out his backpack.

"Sure"

"I'm a good boy"

"Okay, if the good boy is ready, it's time to go"

"Ok let's go"

*****************************************************************************************************

"How do you say Can I have your number in Swiss?"

"There's no such thing as Swiss, Mike" the girl from the staff just opened the door to the dressing rooms, just long enough to tell us Soundcheck in zehn Minuten, and that idiot has already fallen in love.

"What do you mean? So what do they speak in this hell of a country?"

"Where are we now, that is Zurich, they speak German" I just give him the key concept, we have a soundcheck to do and I'm not in the mood to explain Swiss multilingualism to my bass player.

"Okay, how do you say it in German?"

"Ask them in English, you'll see they understand you anyway" Layne gets up and motions to Starr, the only one sitting, to do the same and follow him.

"The whole world speaks English" says Sean the wise.

"You should have learned it by now, after the shitty show the other night in Düsseldorf" Layne opens the dressing room door and goes out, followed closely by us, remembering our nice little mishap the day before yesterday, when Mike al most got us killed. A typical Alice in Chains Monday night, in short.

"AGAIN? Look, I made a fucking comment in a fucking bar full of people, I thought you barely heard me, let alone those guys!" Mike isn't entirely wrong, there was an absurd mess in that karaoke bar. I don't know how the fuck we ended up there, I think it was just the closest source of alcohol on the way between the concert venue and the place we were sleeping at. We were all shitfaced when a guy in a leather jacket and sunglasses, who had just destroyed The show must go on on stage, passed by us. The very second as Mike noticed an unexpected resemblance.

"We all thought he didn't look anything like Freddie Mercury, but we kept it to ourselves instead of shouting it from the rooftops!"

"But it was so him! It was the Fonz with a moustache! What the fuck did I say? I said nothing bad, I didn't call him an idiot"

"Actually the exact words were Such an asshole, rather than Freddie Mercury, he looks like the Fonz with a mustache ah ah ah"

"Okay, he only heard the second part though"

"And thank goodness, otherwise he and his friends would have kicked us all the way inside the hotel, instead of stopping outside"

We arrive on stage and start with the rehearsals without getting lost in further chatter. We're here to play four songs in front of a couple of thousand people who don't give a shit about us and who can't wait for us to get off our balls and enjoy the Megadeth concert, of which we are the support band. But for us it's fucking life, playing is playing, as long as they put us on a stage, we'll do it with anyone and in front of any audience. I mean, we've opened for everyone from fucking Poison to Iggy Pop in just the space of one year. In this Andy and I were really on the same wavelength. I remember the nights spent fantasizing about our imaginary future concerts in stadiums and temples of rock. "Madison Square Garden? I'll even go there with the fucking Warrant just to play there!" I can still hear him say. I miss him so fuckin' much. Well, at least I like Megadeth even though maybe neither they nor their fans like me. We are at the fourth date of this European tour and we still haven't even exchanged a word. Let's say we almost didn't even see them. And the people? Well, if they're cold that's fine, when it's bad then they'll just throw shit at us on stage. If Angie were here, she'd suggest we put up a protective net like in the Blues Brothers… Well, thank goodness the soundcheck is over because I'm getting melancholic as fuck and I need a fucking beer. Without speaking we all leave and go out in the same direction, straight towards the nearest bar, hoping this isn't karaoke too. When I see a phone booth on the other side of the road, however, I can't help but take action and take a small detour.

"I have to… um I have to make a phone call, see you later"

“Can't you call from the bar? I'm pretty sure they have a phone there too”

"Oh no, Mike, he can't! Can't you see the young gentleman here doesn't want to be heard? It's so obvious!" Sean is already on the starting blocks of taking the piss out of yours truly.

"But who do you have to call? The same girl from yesterday?"

"From yesterday and the day before yesterday…" continues the drummer.

"But what about minding your own business?"

"And who is this girl? Aren't you going to tell us?"

"Layne knows her, she's a friend of Dem" Kinney is super informed on the facts, as I imagined Layne held back, but not completely and let the minimum slip. Excellent.

"I cultivate the noble art of minding my own fuckin' business, so I don't know anything"

"Well done Layne!" I pat my buddy on the shoulder and start to walk away again.

"Well done my ass, we're worried about you!"

"Speak for yourself, I'm very calm and I just want the booze" and this too was predictable from Sean. By now I could write everyone's parts in our dialogues, I know them like the back of my hand.

"Don't listen to him, you are our brother! You just miraculously emerged from the disaster with Angie, you know... and now you're going to get yourself in trouble in yet another serious affair with someone else??"

"Who told you this is serious?"

"If it's worth three intercontinental calls, it's serious for me"

"Come on, she's someone he's just met, she's fresh and he wants to keep her interested, right?"

"I see you already know everything so I have nothing else to add, see you later" I walk away amidst the shouts and whistles of my companions and I see them proceed shuffling towards the bar from inside the booth.

I take the small address book from the inside pocket of my jacket and obviously I open it to the first page, to the letter A. I know I should flip on through it, but I can't, it's as if I'm stuck, as if I'm short-circuiting for a few seconds . I put what I think it's the equivalent of our tonight's salary in coins into the phone and dial the wrong number on purpose. What time will it be the now? Like 9 or 10 in the morning, maybe she's not even home.

"Hello" but she's fucking there instead.

"Hello?" she repeats and at that point I realize that I haven't spoken, because in reality I thought I'd answered and told her that it was me and that I'm in a break between soundcheck and concert and that I called her because, for a change, I was thinking about her .

"Is anyone there or not?" I think I can hear myself telling her about the Fonz with the moustache, about the more than necessary protective net for our stage, about Mike who last night was about to pick up a girl who told him she was in her third year at Gymnasium, thinking it meant she was a gym freak, before I saved him by explaining that she was a fucking high school student.

"Is it you?" I'm panicking because I got caught like an idiot. After all, who else would call her and then give her the silence treatment? And from abroad too… I'm such an asshole.

"Do you need help? Do you need money?" at this point it's as if I wake up from some kind of fucking hypnosis and suddenly hang up the phone. Money? Why would Angie think I'm calling her for money? The answer is simple: she didn't catch me at all and she thought I was someone else. But who? Who could call her in the morning asking for money? What kind of mess did she get herself into? When I leave the phone booth I remember that I forgot to call Heather like we agreed, but who cares after all? The guys think I did it, in the end it's the gesture that counts. I join the band at the bar counter with a head full of questions.

The questions run through my head until the concert and even during and after that. In the end the show didn't go bad at all, apart from a few painless coins thrown, the audience also reacted well. You can see that the Swiss are more polite! And I was proven wrong twice tonight because, as soon as we got off the stage, we were immediately intercepted by David Elleffson and Marty Friedman of Megadeth who complimented us, confessing that they had no idea who the fuck we were before they heard us and that in their opinion we rock the asses, even if our name doesn't sound very good to them. We all spent the evening together drinking, smoking and talking bullshit, especially them, because at a certain point Marty said that they want to propose us as the opening band for the mega tour they will do with Slayer and Anthrax once they return home and in my opinion it was the drugs talking. Not that we don't deserve it, on the contrary! Well, I'll wait and see what happens, it would be cool, but I don't want to day dream for nothing. I prefer to take things as they come, day by day. But who the fuck calls you to ask you for money first thing in the morning? Maybe it's just a friend in need that Angie is helping because she always has to help everyone? Or maybe not…

[chiefnooniensingh]

I Won’t Hesitate (for you) Chapter 13

Chapter 13: You bring out (the devil in me)

In this chapter: A month before departure, the final plans are made for the murder. In the present day, a choice is made.

A/n: I told you this would be the epilogue didn't I? I'm such a liar no I'm just chaotic. THIS is the last chapter and the NEXT chapter is the epilogue. I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it!

As always, a special thanks to Aileen (@acomebackstory), Callie (@callieramics), @hm-arn, @royalshadowhunter, @ladymajavader and May (@eddiediazs) over on Tumblr for their continued support and cheerleading. I don't know if I would've finished it without you guys!’

@hmd23 guessed it, last week's chapter title was, of course, THE Malex Reunion song; When The Truth Hunts You Down by Sam Tinnesz. Fitting, I thought, with the truth finally being revealed.

Can anyone guess this week's?

also on: ao3

other chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

Early September, 1935

They had all met in Arturo’s restaurant. It was far out the way of everything most of them knew, and Isobel could pretend to scout the place for future events. It was private, it was perfect, and to Liz, it was home. Her dad had made his famous pancakes with whipped cream, and despite the dark cloud of their plan hanging over them all, they were all eating enthusiastically.

She and Max had weirdly, morbidly, connected through all this. He was the only one outside her immediate family who had understood immediately the pain and the suffering she had been through. And more important, what she needed to put an end to it.

Liz looked around the table, a warm feeling blooming in her chest for all of them. They were all here for Rosa. Rosa had somehow touched every single life in this restaurant, touched them so deeply that they were willing to commit a mortal sin for her. To finally put her spirit to bed. Liz looked up to the ceiling, for a second having the illusion that Rosa was floating right there, looking down at them all and smiling. Liz smiled, too.

“Hello, everyone!” Isobel pranced into the room (Liz wasn’t sure the woman could walk any other way), holding a big envelope, followed by a fierce young woman in a leather jacket. Liz frowned, but Isobel seemed to read the room immediately. “This is Jenna Cameron. Max introduced us, she is going to help us with our identification issue.”

Jenna grinned at every one of them, taking out a smaller envelope from her jacket and taking out several documents. “Isobel has explained the situation best she could, and I agreed to help. I have new identification papers for the Ortechos,” she tossed some papers to Liz and Arturo, “for a Mr Valenti �� oh, hello, don’t you look fine – and for Mrs Bracken. I have removed your maiden name so as to not alert any detectives to your relationship to Max. Mrs and Ms DeLuca, your relation to the girl can be easily explained by coincidence, it can be considered reasonably distant.”

Liz opened her papers and saw a new name ‘Beth Otto’. She smiled. It was close enough to her own name that she could respond quickly if someone addressed her as such, but far enough that people weren’t going to put two and two together.

Isobel, meanwhile, had taken her seat at the end of the table, had accepted a plate of pancakes and was digging in happily, while shoving her own envelope across the table. “There’s the train tickets, there’s one for each one of us, except Michael of course, who is going to be stationed on the train on the ride in question. I have filled the last spot with Jenna, so we have complete control over the carriage, there’s going to be no outside influences.”

Liz nodded, taking out her ticket and putting it with her identification papers.  “Now, is everyone absolutely clear on the plan? Let’s do a round. We board the train at 10:15AM on the 19th of October.”

Max, next to her, continued. “We pretend we don’t know each other, don’t greet each other, don’t make any contact.”

Michael went on, “At around 10PM, after dinner, I’ll bring by a tea tray, which Isobel will then spike with Barbital.”

“At 4:25AM, we will all move silently towards Isobel and Noah’s cabin. Isobel will let us in,” Liz’s dad continued.

“We will each take Michael’s knife and…stab him – Noah – once, and only once, then make room for the next person,” Maria said, swallowing thickly. Liz understood. It had seemed rather distant, the murder they were planning, but it was becoming rather real.

“Liz will deliver the final blow, straight to the heart, and will then hide the knife in her cabin” Mimi continued, her eyes fiercely determined.

“I will open a window to let the cold air in,” Kyle said, looking as though they were discussing a standardized case at the hospital.

“And I will lock the door behind you, go to sleep and then wake everyone up with my screams and cries a couple of hours later.”

Liz nodded. “And remember: no contact of any kind. No talking, no communicating with each other in any other way than co-passengers, exempting of course me and dad, and Maria and Mimi, as we are already going as parent and child.” She looked around them all, and each face stared back at her with fierce determination. “We’ve been working towards this for years. Waiting, following, trying to move on. But Rosa’s death demands justice. And if the system won’t give it to her, then we will come and get it. I know it’s going to be hard. We are all going to have to live with what we’re about to do. But remember why we’re doing this. Remember that bright little girl that loved to make everyone laugh and held your hand if you were sad. Find strength in her radiance. Remember Rosa Ortecho.”

They all raised their glasses in the air and chimed together. ���For Rosa!”

“For Rosa,” Liz whispered.

Present day, 1935

Alex stepped out of the train in a blaze of sunshine. It was wonderfully warm and safe, as if the entire horrid train ride hadn’t happened. That wasn’t true, of course, it very much had happened, and Alex could feel the weight of his decision settling on his chest, making it difficult to breathe. He wondered if it would ever truly leave.

“Alex?” Alex turned and watched Michael disembark, pulling their suitcases out with him. “Are you okay, my love?”

Alex shrugged, gesturing helplessly to his chest. “I’m going to have to live with this for the rest of my life.”

Michael nodded, taking Alex’s hand and squeezing it gently. “We all do,” he said, nodding to the train door.

The passengers of the Istanbul-Paris car were disembarking the train slowly, stepping into the sunlight, just as Alex had, and stopping for a second to feel the warmth on their faces. Alex looked at every single one of them. Liz and Mr Ortecho disembarked first, helped with their luggage by Max. Liz looked absolutely exhausted, as if she hadn’t slept in years. Her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, and Alex knew she had been crying for a great deal of the night; he had heard her sobs through his cabin wall. Mr Ortecho looked ten years older than he had the day before.

When they saw him standing on the platform, they came over to shake his hand. “Thank you, Mr Manes. It’s been…interesting.”

“That it has. Let’s make sure we never meet under these circumstances again, yes?” Alex said, giving Liz an encouraging smile.

She gave him a watery smile. “Don’t worry. It was a once-in-a-lifetime situation.”

“I would think so,” Alex said.

Isobel laughed and kissed him on the cheek, and then Michael. “Bye, Alex. Bye, Mikey.”

The two of them moved away, and Michael stared after them, half-annoyed, half-amused. “Mikey?” he called after her, and she just waved him off. Michael shook his head and Alex laughed.

Max came over to hug them both. Alex was a little caught off guard by the sudden show of affection from the man, but then again, they were kind of family now.

“I hope we do see each other again, Alex. You have made Michael happier just in these few days than I have seen him in the past two years.” He gave Alex a playful punch in the shoulder, and Alex let out a laugh. “Means you’re family now, Manes.”

“Thanks,” Alex said with a grin as Michael giggled, “that really means a lot, Max.”

“Alright, see you around. Bye, little brother.” He and Michael hugged, before Max quickly followed his girlfriend off the platform.

“He looks intimidating but is actually a very cuddly bear,” Michael said, shaking his head at his brother’s retreating back. Alex burst out laughing again and pressed a kiss to Michael’s temple. It felt amazing that he would just…get to do that from now on. They were on their way to being good again. There was still a lot to talk about, a lot of things that went unsaid that definitely need to be said, but for now, this was enough.

“Alex.” Kyle appeared in front of them, having just disembarked the train. He looked exhausted too, but also lighter somehow. It seemed that solving Rosa’s murder had relieved him of an always present anguish. “Thank you. I wish we would’ve met under different circumstances. I think we really would’ve gotten along.”

“We still did,” Alex said, taking Kyle’s outstretched hand. “I know you want to put this behind you, but if you’re ever in Paris, don’t be afraid to look me up. We can talk about the most recent medical advances.”

Kyle cracked a smile that lit up the station. “I would enjoy that. You’re staying in Paris, then?”

Alex nodded, glancing at Michael, who was smiling broadly all of the sudden. “For now, at least. I had a case lined up in New York, but after this week I need a vacation. And I hear Paris is quite liberal.” He took Michael’s hand in his to show his meaning and Kyle grinned again.

“I hope you get everything you want, Alex Manes. You’re an amazing human being.” And with that, Kyle took off as well.

He was immediately replaced by Maria and Mimi, who pulled Alex in a bone-crushing and soul-warming hug. “Thank you, Mr Manes. And I’m so sorry for all we put you through,” Mimi DeLuca said, taking his hand in her small ones, holding them like a mother might hold his hand. Alex immediately felt a lump form in the back of his throat.

“I would say ‘my pleasure’ but I think we all know that would be a lie,” Alex said gently, causing the two women to burst into laughter. “But thank you, Mrs DeLuca. You are an amazing woman.”

“Bye, you two.” Maria waved at them both and then supported her mother out of the station.

The only one who remained now was Isobel, who had clearly intentionally waited for last. First, she wrapped her brother in a tight embrace. “Take care of yourself, Michael. When I’ve got my life back on track, I’ll come visit you and Alex.”

“I would love that,” Michael said, squeezing his sister against him tightly. “Are you going to be alright, Iz?”

“I’ll be fine. I’ll have to deal with the aftermath, of course. Your version of events cleared me, of course,” she said to Alex, a grateful smile spreading on her face, “but now I have to deal with funeral arrangements and telling the people what a monster he was. I will show that cursed box to the world. I will show everyone that there is one less murderer roaming free. Nobody will mind, I think, that he is dead.” She turned to Alex. “I cannot thank you enough for what you have done. I know it can’t have been easy. I’m forever in your debt, Alex Manes.”

Alex inclined his head, politely, but was thrown off balance when she hugged him too. “Take care of my brother, Alex. He needs a little extra love,” she whispered in his ear.

“Yeah. We’re both fucked up people, but we’ll take care of each other. I promise,” Alex whispered back.

Isobel kissed him on the cheek, hugged her brother one more time, and then pranced off. Michael stared after her, his hand taking Alex’s on instinct. “She’s remarkable,” Michael said, love and affection for his sister pouring out of every pore.

“That she is,” Alex agreed. He was watching his father disembark with the police. He had not been happy with the explanation Alex had given the police an hour earlier, but in front of the officers, he hadn’t been able to do more than just grind his teeth. But Alex had left the fear for his father on that snowy cliff. Even though he knew Jesse Manes was about to come over, he felt no trepidation or nerves. He was ready for whatever Jesse Manes threw at him, because, at the end of the day, his father was a pathetic man who lived his life in bitterness and hatred. Alex saw now how weak that made the man.

The police officers nodded at Alex as they passed, and Alex nodded back. They hadn’t been particularly happy with the explanation either, but Alex’s reputation had lent credibility to his words. The murderer got away, lost in the snow and the dark. They would probably never catch him.

Jesse Manes spotted the pair of them standing there and Alex saw his face harden. His father paced over to them and stopped right in front of them. Michael and Alex looked back at him, holding hands, stronger together than Jesse Manes was, all on his own. “That story was absolute bullshit, Alex.”

Alex raised a cool eyebrow. “Oh? You’d rather I would’ve said ‘Arturo Otto did it, officer, because he is a Mexican’? Don’t answer that,” Alex cut across his father as the latter opened his mouth, “I know you would have. But that is simply not the truth. You see, dad, any person is capable of doing terrible things. You’re a white man and you’re still the most terrible person I have ever come across. And I deal with murderers on a regular basis.” Jesse Manes went red instantly, and Michael stifled a laugh in his hand. Alex pressed on. “My ‘story’ is the only sound theory that I was able to come up with. None of the people on that train are guilty. I’m sorry it denied you the opportunity of seeing someone dragged away.”

Jesse Manes sputtered for a while, then his eyes landed on Alex and Michael’s clasped hands. “At least have the decency to act normal in public!” he hissed.

Alex looked down at their hands, back at his father, and grinned. “Okay,” he simply said. Before either Jesse or Michael could say anything, Alex had yanked Michael towards him and captured his lips in an absolutely filthy kiss. People around them…paid them absolutely no mind. It wasn’t an uncommon sight in Paris, two men kissing on a train station. Hell, most Parisians had seen more intense stuff on the streets. They didn’t care. The only one who cared was Jesse Manes, who fumed and cursed and yanked his son away from Michael. Alex spun around and landed a blow right to Jesse Manes’s jaw. Pain shot up through Alex’s knuckles, but he ignored it as he watched Jesse Manes stumble backwards.

“Never touch me again,” Alex said, menacingly. “You cannot ever lay your hands on me again. I’m tired of being afraid of you, tired of trying to be a ‘Manes man’. I’m Alex. I’m gay. I love Michael and he loves me. And you are just a guy I used to know.”

And taking Michael’s hand in one, and his trunk in the other hand, he turned around and walked towards the exit. Michael was still grinning when they arrived in the main hall. “That was fucking brilliant!” he said, holding tightly to Alex’s hand as they navigated their way through the crowds of people.

Alex grinned at him. “It felt really good. It’s everything I’ve wanted to say and do since before I knew how to fight.”

“You were amazing,” Michael said, his voice laced with awe and wonder and love and just a tiny bit of sex. Alex felt his spine tingle and immediately decided to find a nearby hotel. The catching up would have to wait, first they had to release some energy. “So are you really staying in Paris?”

“Well, it depends,” Alex said, shrugging a little.

Michael slowed to a halt and pulled Alex to a stop as well, turning him so they were facing each other. Michael’s face was suddenly very serious. “On what?”

Alex released his trunk and lifted his hand to touch Michael’s cheek gently. “On wherever you go.”

Michael blinked for a second, absolutely thunderstruck, but then pulled Alex in for a kiss. “You are such a sap,” he whispered when they parted.

“You love it.” Alex nipped lightly at Michael’s bottom lip.

“So you’re not a ‘Manes man’, huh?” Michael said, and Alex blinked at the sudden change of subject.

He pressed another kiss to Michael’s lips, then pulled back. “No, I don’t think I am.”

“No more Alex Manes.” Alex nodded. Michael fidgeted with Alex’s fingers, as if suddenly nervous, but he looked into Alex’s eyes, steady and unafraid. “So you wanna be Alex Guerin?”

Alex’s jaw dropped, the question taking him completely by surprise. He stared at Michael for several seconds, in which Michael had time to completely second-guess himself and in addition scold himself for being so damn stupid. Alex saw it all happening on his face, so when Michael opened his mouth to apologize, Alex covered it with his hand. Michael stared up into his eyes with surprise, as Alex leaned forward to touch his forehead to Michael’s. “More than anything in the world,” he whispered, and he instantly felt Michael relax. He dropped his hand and let Michael kiss him, sweep him off his feet and spin him around. Alex laughed into the kiss, surprised at Michael’s strength and feeling the happiness bloom from his heart, spreading through the rest of his body.

“I love you,” Michael said after he put Alex gently back on his two feet.

Alex kissed Michael once more, softly this time. “Love you, too.”

“Wanna get out of here?” Michael said, his voice laced with suggestion.

Alex’s smile spread into a feral grin and picked up his suitcase. “Let’s.”

So the two of them walked towards the exit, hand in hand, towards the busy Parisian street flooded with sunlight, and towards a future that was completely theirs.

[theiceandbones]

tagged by @aconissa in this thingy but didn’t have the chance to do it till now so *mario voice* here we go (ty!)

1) Relationship status: taken

2) Lipstick or chapstick: you really only need some lipstick for a quick snazzy makeup look (plus chapstick makes my lips feel...cakey? Just not good.)

3) Three favourite foods: Japanese, quesadillas, and right now my homemade rice bowls!!

4) Song stuck in your head: The Rose Captain by Sea Wolf. it’s such a pretty song and I love Sea Wolf

5) Last movie you watched: Russian Ark. a 90-minute Russian film shot in one take and easily one of the most aesthetically-pleasing films I’ve ever watched in my life. Please do watch it if you get the chance!!

6) Top three shows: so the thing is I suck at keeping up with most shows so obviously The Terror is absolutely number one, then I suppose we have The Haunting of Hill House, and uh..does FMAB count?

7) Books I’m currently reading: Frozen in Time by John Geiger and Owen Beattie- this book is a need for every Franklin Expedition enthusiast. It starts by giving background on the expedition and other polar ones in the past, then it discusses in-depth the journey in the 1980s to KWI and Beechey Island and the exhumations of Torrington, Hartnell, and Braine. It is SO GOOD. Please read it. I’m also currently reading Erebus by Michael Palin  (yes that one) which is also terrific (I may or may not have become emotional from time to time while reading it)

8) Last thing I googled: Fahrenheit to Celsius conversion (I don’t think I’ll ever learn degrees F i’m sorry)  

9) Time: 15:36

10) Dream trip: I’m not picking just one: The Arctic; especially places like Beechey and KWI. Then Japan; I don’t think I have one thing in particular about Japan, I really just want to experience it all. I’ve always wanted to go to Yamanashi though, and eat so much local cuisine in every prefecture. Also a road trip across Canada.

11) Anything you want?: Some food, and to be finished school and on a clear career path.

Tag fifteen people: @plaidmax @franklins-leg @mannisbaratheon @matt-fuckin-cameron @sneez @myfavoritedemons @ishmaelis @arcticelves @mourninglilies @siggyunlimited @layingdownsomebatfeets @somdomite @radiojamming @indifferent-century @blasted-heath (if you wanna)

[muthur9000]

Here’s the highlights

Is it an "Alien" prequel or what? That's a joke. Sort of. Here's my actual serious question. We all know this script began as very much a clear prequel to "Alien," so what was stripped out to turn it into what it is today? Were there facehuggers throughout the original script you got? Basically how would you say you Lindelof-ized it?

It has indeed been a kick to see a lot of conversation now that "Prometheus" has landed (that's the tagline of the movie and Fox pays me every time I use it even though that particular line of dialogue is never spoken by anyone in the film itself) and I am always curious to hear what people are saying — even when they hate me and accuse me of destroying their childhood. To which I say, "Your parents brought you to see 'Alien' when you were a CHILD?!? And you're upset with ME?!?"

To answer your burning question that is sort of a joke but not really, allow me to finally put the "Is it a prequel?" issue to rest by saying once and for all, finally and definitively, that the answer is "Maybe."

The script I got was written by Jon Spaihts. He is a wonderful person and a great writer and his script reflected both. However, he had been tasked with executing the very specific task of making the story very "Alieny" (not a word) and it was rife with eggs, facehuggers, chestbursters and the Xenomorphs they grew into. If memory serves, the eggs show up around the end of the first act and the familiar progression of fertilization and gestation begins, at which point, all hell breaks loose.

Although I would be careful to ever use the term "Lindelof-ized" (such a phrase could just as easily be defined as "the process by which an ending is made completely unclear and/or f---ed up all together") my job was to strip out the familiar "Alien" stuff and rebalance the plot mechanics so that stuff felt more like the RESULT of the story as opposed to the catalyst. I also became obsessed with David as the central character of the piece and did everything I could to think of the movie through the robot's point of view. Mostly because robots are awesome, but also because robots are awesome.

I'm afraid you've opened Pandora's box. I do in fact have some more questions. By the way, I didn't stay through the end credits of "Prometheus." Does Pandora's box get opened? And is the tesseract in there?

You mentioned Michael Fassbender (and his penis). Yes, he loves talking about his member. When you guys get together for the DVD commentary I highly recommend staring at his crotch and giggling, "I know what's down there!" He LOVES that.

OK, back to relative seriousness. I'm completely obsessed with Fassbender's David. I've got two questions about his character. Was his preoccupation with Peter O'Toole circa "Lawrence of Arabia" in the script or something Fassbender suggested? And getting down to the nitty gritty ... when David communicates with one of the Engineers late in the film, what the hell does he say to get them so angry? Did you actually script what that dialogue would have been in our language?

Jim Cameron will sue anyone who uses the word "Pandora," so we stayed far away from the box to which you refer. And since you asked, there was originally a post-credits scene where Fassbender eats shawarma, but when he swallows, it comes out of the hole in his neck.

But seriously.

Yeah, the "Lawrence of Arabia" stuff was in the script. Ridley and I are both [director David] Lean fanatics and it seemed appropriate thematically. Also, I got to steal great dialogue because no one can hear quote marks when actors speak plagiarized lines. Hint: "Big things have small beginnings" is one of them. As to your other query:

Yes. David's dialogue with the Engineer has an English translation, but Ridley felt very strongly about not subtitling it. I spoke at length about this on my DVD commentary. And speaking of length ...

[Insert mandatory Fassbender schlong reference here]

I'd let you sleep but feel it's only just that I keep you up a bit more as "Prometheus" is surely doing the same to the masses (oh those poor pregnant women that see the film unawares...).

You'll be happy to know I went to see the movie a second time last night.

A. I wanted to see how well it held up a second time (I'm still here, aren't I? Still loving it).

B. I wanted to do my best to ensure that your box office beat the third installment in a franchise about talking animals.

We talked a bit about David but let's concentrate on Vickers for a second if we could. Like David, her motivations remain mysterious for much of the film. And certainly her resemblance (look, icy mannerisms) to David is interesting to say the least. Janek asks the question directly so I shall as well. Is she a robot?!? Also, I couldn't help but notice we never actually see her die. Am I just hopelessly desperate to see Charlize perform more half-naked push-ups in a sequel or did you leave the door purposefully open?

Gotta run and hit the gym. If my abs don't look like the Engineers' by July 4th I'm not leaving the house.

Thanks for going a second time, but it is clear those cute zoo animals have soundly defeated us. Maybe the next time I try to convince Noomi Rapace to wear a rainbow-colored afro wig, she'll listen to me.

Vickers. Yes, she does look like David. Yes, this was intentional.

What better way to piss off your daughter than to build the male equivalent of her? But enough about daddy issues (seriously, Lindelof, we get it!), allow me to answer your question. Is she a robot?

She is not.

But did Vickers somehow survive being smushed by the gigantic rolling horseshoe that was the derelict ship? Could her scantily-clad push-up training have saved her in that final moment of crushitude? And more importantly, WHY DIDN'T SHE JUST RUN ZIG-ZAGGY OR SIDEWAYS TO AVOID IT?!?

I don't have the answers to these questions, Josh. I'm just the writer.

My answers are below, in bold. So that you can tell the difference.

Damon, you have been extremely patient with me this weekend so I'm going to let you finally go on your way. But before you redirect my e-mail address to your spam folder I'm going to throw a few final questions at you in the hopes that I've worn you down to the point of revealing all. Rapid-fire style.

Is this like a rap battle? AWESOME.

Why did David poison Charlie? Was he hoping he'd impregnate Elizabeth or was that just a nice bonus?

In the scene preceding said "poisoning" (but WAS it?), David was chatting with someone in cryo-sleep via headset that we can safely assume is Weyland. If I were a betting man, I'd say something happened in that conversation that very specifically directed David to spike Holloway's champagne. And yes, it was a safe bet that Holloway would have sex with Shaw soon after. Which is why in space, you should always wear a condom!

Did you and Ridley and Jon discuss who created the Engineers?

Yes. But the more fascinating question is this: Do the Engineers KNOW who created them?

Have you guys worked out the answer to Elizabeth Shaw's burning question, i.e. why did our creators turn on us?

Golly, I'm all for ambiguity, but if we didn't know the answer to THAT one, the audience would have every right to string us up. Yes.

There is an answer. One that is hinted at within the goalposts of "Prometheus." I'll bet if I asked you to take a guess you wouldn't be far off.

What the hell does that final shot in "Inception" mean?

It means that Leonardo DiCaprio can make a top spin for a really, really long time. Is there ANYTHING that guy can't do?

It's Khan, right? It has to be Khan.

Would you believe me if I told you that Cumberbatch was playing Cumberbatch just so we could have a credit in the movie that read, "And Benedict Cumberbatch as himself?" You wouldn't? Well then SCREW YOU! I'M GOING TO YELL NOW AS A WAY OF NOT ANSWERING THIS QUESTION!

Congrats again. You are a gentleman.

I am no such thing.

[justgotham]

Spoilers ahead: The following discusses plot points from the April 24 episode of Gotham, “Heroes Rise: How The Riddler Got His Name.”

There is no question about it, The Riddler has finally made his entrance on Gotham. In tonight’s “spring premiere” of the show, Edward Nygma donned all green, took to wearing a bowler hat, and, lest we forget, went on a killing spree in an attempt to find his intellectual equal (and perhaps shed the ghost of his best friend Oswald).

The evolution of Ed from GCPD lab rat, to psychopath, to Arkham inmate, to Penguin’s consigliere, and now, at last, to the quizzing villain, has been a long one – but also well earned, and enjoyable to watch, courtesy of the performance of Cory Michael Smith.

At a recent press screening of the episode, Smith said Nygma has called himself The Riddler, but the story now continues about what that exactly means, and who this new person is that constantly struggles with identity.

“Now begins a whole new journey of a new identity for him,” he said.

On that note, I spoke with Smith – coincidentally on the same day he wrapped filming on Season 3 – about the episode “How The Riddler Got His Name,” and what might be next on the journey of Nygma/Riddler.

At the end of this episode, is Nygma free of Penguin? Has he shed that Penguin ghost?

No. I think he thinks he is, and wants to be. But the sort of symbolic gesture of letting go of this short-term addiction to drugs. They took out a scene that explained why I was doing that, which is that all of the mayoral duties I’m covering, and I’m taking them to stay awake. It is essentially speed. I think having context of why I was taking pills would have helped. But getting rid of that, and saying goodbye to him, is moving.

But the problem is, Oswald isn’t really gone.

He is essentially a co-dependent character.

Edward is constantly defining himself based on how people perceive him, react to him, how people rank him – if he’s funny, charming, mainly if he’s intelligent. While he’s quite a loner, and quite independent – more so than most people – he is very dependent on people’s perceptions. It dictates what he does next.

Are his riddles a defense mechanism to prevent getting to know who he is?

I think riddles for him are an investigation of someone’s intelligence. I think it is a way of testing people, tricking people, making sure he is smarter than them, and measuring if someone is potentially an equal. In the future, once he gets going with the games of riddles, then it becomes about finding someone who is an interesting competitor – who ends up being Bruce Wayne; he is remarkably intelligent. But is like a guy playing chess in Washington Square Park: They don’t want to play against some amateur. They’re sitting there, waiting for the real guy to come and sit down, and really give them a run. He wants to have fun.

Does it eat away at him that Bruce Wayne solved his question in the Season 2 finale?

Oh, yeah. Especially because he’s a juvenile. I thought it was captured well the moment Lucius gets it; that Edward is actually excited by that. He is not necessarily intimidated by it, or pissed someone answered his riddle. He wants people to answer his riddles. It is kind of exciting.

When he finds someone on his level, what’s his goal? To kill them? To join them?

I think that’s the changing variable as Riddler moves on in his life. It certainly changed throughout the comics. When it started, it was all fun and games. Today, it is quite demented, and murderous. The Riddler in Earth-One is jacked, and has a question mark tattooed on his face. It is a completely different kind of mind-and-body meets Batman, not just the mind. But I like the idea of him right now being more of an adventurer, showman, and puzzle artist – and just tricking people. I don’t think he’s remarkably homicidal.

Does it nag at him that Barbra Kean, who he probably views as insane, figured out Penguin killed Isabella, and he was meanwhile duped?

Yeah, and it actually happens to him more than he would like. Other people figure stuff out before him, and that is the ultimate frustration, and embarrassment. I filmed something today where he’s utterly humiliated because he was completely outdone. It is just the lowest for him. He is not trying to run Gotham – not yet at least. He is just trying to be the smartest dude out there. And, ideally, to be the great havoc Gotham has seen. He wants to be known, and respected, and regarded as a remarkably intelligent man.

Would he be an interesting pairing with Cameron Monaghan’s Jerome? One wants to create chaos, and the other wants to do it, but intelligently.

Oh, gosh. I know. The thing about Jerome is the lack of predictability. I got along with Oswald because I could figure Oswald out. I knew what motivated him, what he wanted, how to help him get what he wanted, how to do backroom stuff, and deliver what he wanted. Jerome is not satisfied by anything. He just wants mayhem and anarchy. I think Edward is a bit more logical, and purposeful. I don’t think he would trust him.

Will you discuss the journey as actors you and Robin Lord Taylor have been on this season?

It’s amazing. I love Robin, and having spent so much time with him is so cool. It is the richest relationship on the show, for me personally. I have never done anything like this, long-form TV. We now made 66 episodes of television. To have let these people grow this much, and to have this many experiences with another character? It feels like a genuine relationship. We, as actors, come into a project – you do a movie that’s two hours long, and you build a backstory. It is work you do, and part of the craft. Here, it is being done for us because we are living through it in real time. It is incredible we have this other relationship we are living through. It has been a blast, and the way we end is … the antagonism is really intense. And it is setting up some cool s*** for four. I don’t know what they’re going to do with it, but there is a lot of potential between he and I.

[bookclub4m]

Episode 092 - Arts (Non-Fiction)

This month we’re discussing the non-fiction genre of Arts! We discuss “capital-A” art, creating, consuming, and destroying art, library hold-list hacks, Video Game Club for Masochists, woo woo, and scraping ideas off of the sides of artist Faraday cages.

You can download the podcast directly, find it on Libsyn, or get it through Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Google Play, Spotify, or your favourite podcast delivery system.

In this episode

Meghan Whyte | Matthew Murray | RJ Edwards | Kaya Fraser

Things We Read

Old in Art School: A Memoir of Starting Over by Nell Irvin Painter

Born to Be Posthumous: The Eccentric Life and Mysterious Genius of Edward Gorey by Mark Dery

The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron

Musicophilia: Tales of Music and the Brain by Oliver Sacks

Me Artsy edited by Drew Hayden Taylor

Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert

Gorey's Worlds by Edward Gorey

Elegant Enigmas: The Art of Edward Gorey by Karen Wilkin

Ascending Peculiarity: Edward Gorey on Edward Gorey by Edward Gorey

La Bande Dessinée by Benoît Mouchart

Other Media We Mention

Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art by Scott McCloud 

The Last Days of New Paris by China Miéville

Graphic Annotations of China Miéville’s The Last Days of New Paris

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde (Wikipedia)

Girl with a Pearl Earring by Tracy Chevalier

Girl with a Pearl Earring painting by Johannes Vermeer (Wikipedia)

The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown

I Like to Watch: Arguing My Way Through the TV Revolution by Emily Nussbaum

Stardew Valley (Wikipedia)

Krobus: “He is a shadow person who lives in the sewers.”

Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

Halo (franchise) (Wikipedia)

Mass Effect (Wikipedia)

Book Club for Masochists

Episode 003 - Technology (non-fiction)

Episode 064 - Video Games

Trailer for Take Me (a short film Matthew’s mom wrote)

The Gashlycrumb Tinies by Edward Gorey

Three Books From The Fantod Press by Edward Gorey (are they zines? Maybe?)

Redburn: His First Voyage by Herman Melville

This is the one with the cover by Edward Gorey featuring some sailors

Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats by T.S. Eliot, illustrated by Edward Gorey

Dracula (1924 Play) > 1977 Revival (Featuring art design by Edward Gorey)

Nine Inch Nails - The Perfect Drug

Real Artists Have Day Jobs: (And Other Awesome Things They Don't Teach You in School) by Sara Benincasa

Red: A Haida Manga by Michael Nicoll Yahgulanaas

21 Things You May Not Know About the Indian Act: Helping Canadians Make Reconciliation with Indigenous Peoples a Reality by Bob Joseph

Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

Me Funny edited by Drew Hayden Taylor

Me Sexy: An Exploration of Native Sex and Sexuality by Drew Hayden Taylor

The Secret by Rhonda Byrne

The Creative Independent

The Art of Process with Aimee Mann and Ted Leo

The Curse of the Blue Figurine by John Bellairs and illustrated by Edward Gorey

The Coasters - Searchin’ 

Wikipedia article on the song

Links, Articles, and Things

Paradise, Nevada (Wikipedia)

“Paradise is an unincorporated town” (it’s for tax reasons, of course…)

David Datuna (Wikipedia)

“Known for: Sculpture, installation; consuming the banana from Comedian”

Love is in the Bin (Wikipedia)

Banksy artwork that was shredded after auction

Twitter thread from Stephanie about books they read in their art book club

Shia LaBeouf's extremely loud motivational speech, explained

Rupi Kaur Is the Writer of the Decade (Instagram poetry)

Matthew’s analysis of the Goodreads top graphic novels of the year

CinemaSins (Wikipedia)

Suggest new genres or titles!

Fill out the form to suggest genres!

Check out our Tumblr, follow us on Twitter or Instagram, join our Facebook Group, or send us an email!

Join us again on Tuesday, January 21st we’ll be talking about our 2020 Reading Resolutions!

Then on Tuesday, February 4th we’ll be discussing the romance subgenre of Chick Lit!

[thrashermaxey]

The Journey: Fast Rising Prospect Forwards December 2018

Welcome back, readers!

It’s crazy to think that we’re already at the middle of December. By now, we’re starting to get a really good idea of which prospects have actually turned a corner in their development, and in particular, which way. Today we’ll have a look at four young players who seem to have made a right turn and are trending in the right direction.

Matt Luff, Los Angeles Kings | OCT 2018 – 320 | NOV 2018 – 195 (+125) | NOW – 124 (+71)

The Los Angeles Kings don’t score a lot of goals. Matt Luff scores a lot of goals.

Relatively speaking of course, the former Hamilton Bulldog has been lighting the lamp since his first ever NHL instatement. The 21-year-old who had never scored more than 27 goals in his OHL career is on pace for 27.33 over the course of an 82-game season, in this, his rookie NHL campaign.

The young sniper is off to a rocketing start for the Kings who have, as a whole, struggled to put pucks in the net. Unfortunately for Luff though, his trend of filling the basket is due to drop off quite abruptly, despite now being deployed regularly on the man-advantage.

Not all of his success can be attributed to luck though, Luff has obviously made some improvements to his game which already beginning to surface in his play with the Ontario Reign prior to his recall. While his six NHL goals appear to be inflated, the same notion shouldn’t be applied to the hot start he was having in the AHL. Luff contributed at a meaningful pace in his first year with Ontario, but has tuned his game to a new level this year that seems to suit the professional pace a little better. He’s a speedy forward who can find open ice, however tends to abandon the defensive zone prematurely. So far, that style of play seems to be working for the Kings, who have a sturdy defensive core and have allowed for Luff to focus on providing the team with much needed offence.

A 30-goal slate would likely be the absolute ceiling for Luff, however he is more likely to be a 20-25 goal type of player if his opportunity with the Kings remains.

Conor Garland, ARI | OCT 2018 – 294 | NOV 2018 – 169 (+125) | NOW – 120 (+49)

Back on November 25, when the ‘Yotes sent a pair of young skilled forwards to Chicago for Nick Schmaltz, John Chayka accepted that he creating a deficit in terms of numbers in Arizona’s forward lineup. The move was made with the knowledge that the organization has a budding farm system which is quickly beginning to boil into the NHL. Chayka first called on veteran forward Mario Kempe to fill the void of Perlini, while Schmaltz took over for Strome. Sooner rather than later, however, the injury bug struck in the form of a five and a half foot twig to the face of Michael Grabner – enter Conor Garland.

With the Coyotes PK specialist out of the lineup with an obvious eye injury, Garland was recalled to eat up some ice time, although not particularly on the penalty kill. Garland possesses a boatload of talent with the puck, and moves his feet particularly quickly, thus he hadn’t struggled to create offense in junior. Where the former Moncton Wildcat has struggled to overcome the professional threshold, however, is in the department of his decision making and hockey IQ. The Massachusetts native found an abundance of offensive success in the QMJHL by making ankle-breaking plays, and deceiving defenders with his agility, but his success from the junior level did not immediately transition. In his first two annual assignments with the Roadrunners, Garland was limited in terms of development opportunity and struggled to create significant offense. In a league where physicality is an even larger factor than in the NHL, the diminutive forward’s skill was abruptly shut down.

The opportunity presented by Garland’s recall could prove to open a gaping window for the skilled playmaker who has, in his third professional season, begun to click. In an 18-game season-opening assignment with Tucson, Garland was off to his best professional start yet, contributing at a pace more than double either of his two previous seasons. His change in production is an indication that the 5’9” forward is, indeed adaptable and willing to learn. While the exact style of play that led to his consecutive 120+ point seasons in the QMJHL may never work at the pro level, the new Garland could still prove to be a productive depth force in the NHL.

While Garland appears to have finally begun to see the light of the big league, the NHL will surely prove to be a new challenge. Should he fail to take advantage of this window, he could find himself back on I-10 to Tuscon for further refinement.

Alex Barre-Boulet | OCT 2018 – 196 | NOV 2018 – 160 (+36) | NOW – 119 (+41)

For the last number of years, the now dominant Tampa Bay Lightning have been supplied with a seemingly endless supply of top-notch players by their farm system. Well… stay used to it, because the rest of the league seems content with allowing it to continue.

In the midst of breaking out with a 53-goal campaign in the QMJHL, the undrafted 20-year-old agreed to a three-year entry level contract with the Lightning. The signing came shortly after then General Manager, Steve Yzerman traded Brett Howden to the New York Rangers, essentially making Barre-Boulet a free replacement. Now, if you’re thinking to yourself “Well, that’s not even fair anymore”, you’d be quite right. Any team could have attempted to sign Barre-Boulet thoughout the course of his breakout campaign with the Blainville-Boisbriand Armada… but the Lightning were largely uncontested. In fairness to other organizations, the Quebec native hadn’t yet proven anything outside of the “Q”, and came under extra scrutiny due to his size. That being said, 116 points isn’t something to scoff at regardless of a player’s size, and surely other organizations could have presented a better opportunity.

Fairness and logic aside, Barre-Boulet is now under contract with the Lightning, and having an outstanding rookie campaign with the Syracuse Crunch. The Lightning scouting staff have proven once again to be a highly competent bunch as Barre-Boulet makes an immediate impact on the organization. While in the case of several other small-statured forwards (as seen above in the case of Conor Garland) the transition to the AHL can prove to be a daunting task where skill alone is often not enough to break through. Barre-Boulet’s success has been possible largely due to his outstanding compete level which is put on display whenever he is on the ice. Despite his size deficit, the rookie is able to create havoc in front of the oppositions net, as well as win puck battles in the corners of the ice which often lead to production.

While projections may have been slightly more conservative for Barre-Boulet at the time of his signing, this early success makes his future look significantly brighter. At his current pace, the Lightning will be hard pressed not to give him an opportunity in the NHL before the end of the year. If given an opportunity, his adaptive style of play bodes well for a favorable debut even in a limited role.

**Bonus**

This players was briefly discussed on the DPR podcast that will be coming out this week. Keep your eye out for it and listen in on why I think he was an important addition for the Oilers.

Cameron Hebig | OCT 2018 – 469 | NOV 2018 – 202 (+267) | NOW – 188 (+14)

Not a first round pick, you say? Quite the opposite in fact. The undrafted CHL free-agent might be just what the doctor ordered for the Oilers’ farm system. While Hebig has been cast as a center through the duration of his major junior career, the Oilers desperate need for skilled wingers could motivate a transition to the wing.

After signing with the Oilers at the end of his fourth full season in the WHL, Hebig joined Edmonton’s farm team in Bakersfield. While the Saskatchewan native was always a relatively productive player at the major-junior level, Hebig had struggled with injuries, and never really jumped off the stat sheet. His work ethic has played a large role in what has made him successful thus far in Bakersfield though, and what is getting him into the conversation as a legitimate NHL prospect.

Thanks for tuning in again this week! If you have some personal thoughts on any of these players I’d love to have a discussion on Twitter @olaf1393.

from All About Sports https://dobberhockey.com/hockey-home/the-journey/the-journey-fast-rising-prospect-forwards-december-2018/

[junker-town]

Here’s everything Tennessee fans on Twitter are promising to do if Jon Gruden takes the job

Vols are promising tattoos, nights at Gruden’s beloved Hooters, streaking, child re-namings, and more.

For the past decade, Tennessee has been bombarded with rumors of former Tampa Bay Buccaneers head coach Jon Gruden taking the Vols job. These are otherwise known as #GRUMORS. Seriously, it’s been going for a full decade.

This time around, fans are going as wild as ever, in part because there seems to be an actual chance this time. Thursday, thousands of fans watched a fruitless livestream of an airport parking lot, and that’s just one example.

Vol fans have been so persistent on Twitter, that they’ve made numerous promises as to what they’ll do if Gruden takes the job, whether out of sheer joy or as offerings to the Almighty or what have you.

I took it upon myself to search out all of these claims just to show you how badly fans want him in Knoxville.

Some Tennessee fans made some harmless promises, like these individuals:

If Jon Gruden himself said he’d coach at Tennessee if I never ate an Oreo again then I’d never eat an Oreo again. https://t.co/Nv3TyNzTpo

— Brayden McMahan (@brayden_mcmahan) November 16, 2017

Others promised to be loyal to Hooters and Corona, two brands Gruden has done commercials for, during his non-coaching days:

If Gruden gets spotted at TYS, I’m running down to the football complex and awaiting his arrival. Then, me and my guys are heading to Hooters for dinner. Followed by a night of #Titans football and Corona Lime.

— Curtaz (@CurtleThaTurtle) November 16, 2017

If Gruden takes the job I am applying for a Hooters franchise

— Its About Time (@loganwtaylor) November 15, 2017

If we snag Gruden I will exclusively drink Corona

— Daniel Turner (@drichturner) November 13, 2017

I would drink nothing but Coronas and eat nothing but Hooters for the rest of my life if it means Jon Gruden is Tennessee’s next head coach

— jk (@jknight11) November 15, 2017

If we hire Gruden I will only drink @corona at tailgates.

— Zach Stinnett (@zstinnett) November 17, 2017

COUNTERPOINT:

Y’all are out of your god damn minds if you think Gruden is going to leave free Corona and free chicken wings from Hooters to coach at Tennessee.

— Evan Jordan (@EvanJordan) November 13, 2017

Several fans pledged to get a tattoo of Spider 2 Y Banana (which became a meme after he discussed it with Andrew Luck on ESPN) on their buttocks. No, I mean we have a good amount, folks:

If the VOLS get Gruden I️ will get SPIDER 2 Y BANANA tattooed on my ass with a POWER T underneath it. #GRUMORS

— Mitch Andress (@MitchMan315) November 16, 2017

If Tennessee lands Gruden I will get “Spider 2 Y Banana” tattooed on my ass.

— Kyle Tasman (@Tasman247) November 15, 2017

If we hire Jon Gruden as our coach I’m getting Spider Y-2 Banana tattooed on my ass

— Pablo Freshcobar (@TheVerboss) November 16, 2017

If we land Gruden, @ErikAinge3 has to pay for a power T to be tattooed on my butt.

— StoneColdSteveAustin (@JakeLloydMiller) November 16, 2017

If Gruden become the next head football coach of the University of Tennessee Volunteers, I’m getting a ass tat. Idk what yet, but I’m getting one. #Vawls #Grumors

— J Colston (@JTvols_) November 16, 2017

On a related Spider 2 Y Banana note, a Virginia Tech fan joins in:

If Jon Gruden takes the Tennessee job, I predict Spider 2 Y Banana will be in the playbook.

— Eric Barnes (@ericcbarnes) November 16, 2017

Some promised tattoos elsewhere:

if tennessee gets gruden i’ll get a t tattooed on my arm

— เชลบ์ (@shelbiefran) November 16, 2017

If this goes down, i will consider my FIRST tattoo being of a Jon Gruden theme......

— Brian K Whitehead (@whiteybk) November 16, 2017

If Gruden comes, I’m getting a Chucky tattoo. Remember this tweet.

— send me your grumors (@samvfl_) November 16, 2017

My favorite part of this was how many Vol fans promised to NAME THEIR FIRST-BORNS AFTER HIM! Look at all these future Jons and Chuckys and Grudens!!

I’m naming my first son Jon, if Gruden comes to Tennessee

— Nathan Seged (@nathanseged) November 16, 2017

if Jon Gruden comes to knoxville, my first born child will be named “Jon Gruden Swann”.

— joey swann (@JoeyCswann) November 16, 2017

If Currie gets Gruden I will name my first born Jon Gruden and my second born John Currie.

— Cameron Snodgrass (@gucci_mink) November 16, 2017

If Jon Gruden becomes our next head coach, I'll name my first unborn son after him!

— Valery Hernandez (@val_hernandez01) November 16, 2017

If Gruden will come to UT, I will name my firstborn Gruden. She may not like it since she’s 16 already and likes her name but dang it I’m willing to make that sacrifice! #Grumors #Gruden #VFL #GBO #JustJoking #OrAmI

— Nicole Morrell (@NicInTheER) November 15, 2017

If UT hired Jon Gruden my first born will be named Jon Gruden Dawson, male or female

— Bring Gruden Home (@NoahDawson4) November 15, 2017

Other promises involved eating in celebration. My favorite involved asking Wendy’s for ideas:

@Wendys what should we order if @Vol_Football hires Jon Gruden as the next football coach

— Stone Cold UT (@StoneColdUT) November 16, 2017

Grown men will cry.

If we get Gruden I’ll cry real tears of joy

— Gabe Williams (@GJW_2) November 13, 2017

If we get Jon Gruden, I will be in tears. If we don’t get Jon Gruden, I will be in tears. One way or the other, this grown man is going to cry. #GRUMORS

— Ben Horton (@thaBenHorton) November 16, 2017

If we have Gruden I am going to cry tears of joy

— Drunk Vol Fan (@DrunkVolFan) November 16, 2017

These are claims that I most definitely want to see on video:

Lexington get ready—if we land Gruden I’m running through Hartland naked wearing only orange paint. #GrudenToTheHill #GrumorsSZN

— bazelwood (@bazelwood) November 16, 2017

If John Gruden is the next coach of Tennessee I will preach in an orange suit. I will sleep outside. I will run to town hall. I will hang glide off lookout mountain.

— Kevin Wallace (@rttnpastor) November 16, 2017

I’ll do a 100 yard sprint in a pair of orange checkerboard briefs at Neyland in January if Gruden is the guy. Make it happen.

— Swoop Loper (@joshloper) November 16, 2017

Even non-Tennessee fans are getting in on the fun, sort of.

If Jon Gruden gets hired I'm investing everything I have into the visor market making a HUGE comeback http://pic.twitter.com/uI130onZRD

— El Dutch Snyds (@eldutchsnyds) November 15, 2017

I will chew a hat if Gruden coaches UT.

— SomeoneHasToSay (@SomeoneHasToSay) November 12, 2017

If UT gets Gruden I will eat a hat

— B. Chisenhall (@Average_Beau_) November 13, 2017

If Jon Gruden is hired as the next head coach at Tennessee, I will eat a Peep at Easter. That’s how serious I am about this

— Brandon thinks it’s stupid to allow long names (@BecomingBrandon) November 14, 2017

If I have to eat a Peep because of Tennessee … … … It will be worth it to watch the glorious explosion that will be Jon Gruden trying to coach college football https://t.co/vPbieovjxf

— Brandon thinks it’s stupid to allow long names (@BecomingBrandon) November 16, 2017

Some members of the college football media joined in from the opposite perspective, and you can bet they will be held accountable if Tennessee lands its guy:

If Jon Gruden takes the Tennessee job, I'll sing Rocky Top in the town square of Madison, Georgia on Christmas Eve

— Mark Schlabach (@Mark_Schlabach) November 16, 2017

Now that I’ve had time to think about it, I’ll probably do an impression of @Mark_Schlabach singing Rocky Top on Christmas Eve even if Tennessee doesn’t hire Jon Gruden.

— Andy Staples (@Andy_Staples) November 16, 2017

I'll go a step further. If Gruden takes the Tennessee job I'll sing Rocky Top with a Peyton jersey on in the middle of LA Live. I might even let a Mississippi State fan handle my Twitter for a day https://t.co/GkUBvkj1QF

— Edward Aschoff (@AschoffESPN) November 16, 2017

A Georgia Tech fan takes Schlabach up a notch:

If Jon Gruden leaves a kush, "highest paid TV personality at ESPN" job to coach again I'll eat flaming chunks of concrete while juggling homemade hand grenades. https://t.co/DowMUNK9jD

— Sherwin (@PregameEngineer) November 16, 2017

I’m genuinely concerned for the safety of a few individuals, y’all.

If Tennessee actually hires Jon Gruden I might need to be rushed to the ER

— Logan (@Logan_Delk) November 16, 2017

If Gruden is on the plane, I’m going on a week long drunk with @eab_29 #grumors

— Bobo697 (@Nej_Dewars) November 16, 2017

Drinking bleach if it’s not GRUDEN

— Dawson (@Spider2YBananer) November 16, 2017

Some of these tweets during my search were just so out there that I had to include them, so you can fully grasp with what we are dealing with.

I’m going to bed if something happens @ me send nudes knock on my door whatever it fucking takes to let me know gruden is finally home

— The Depressed Vol (@BadNewsVols) November 16, 2017

If Gruden becomes the next headcoach... the Bieber hair is coming back out. #Grumors #GrumorSZN #VolTwitter

— B.J. Elliott (@B_elliottjr) November 16, 2017

Of course there was a reference to the 2016 presidential election in these, guys. Why wouldn’t there be?!

If UT hires Gruden it will have something to do with the Russians.

— Michael Simpson (@MrSweeneyT) November 16, 2017

IF Gruden Doesn't Come I'll Know What All Those Hillary Supporters Felt Like!

— VolBandit (@beanohenry) November 16, 2017

Some of these made me genuinely sad:

If Gruden ends up turning us down, it’s going to be the same type of heartbreak as your mom telling you she doesn’t love you anymore. #Grumors

— Drew McMillan (@drewmcmillan_44) November 16, 2017

This is my husband right now. If Gruden says no, it’ll be more disappointing to him than if I turned down his marriage proposal https://t.co/PLoD0Q1bJy

— Kris Budden (@KrisBudden) November 16, 2017

If Gruden says no, I’ll never watch Monday night football again. Because you don’t play with people like this!

— Austin (@Ajade97) November 16, 2017

And, welp, it’s arson time:

If Gruden says no he must flamed with impunity. http://pic.twitter.com/nCUluSgk4w

— P D Dodson (@PatrickDDodson) November 16, 2017

If Tennessee doesn't hire Gruden I say we riot and burn mattresses like we did when Kiffin left... #KuckFiffin

— Nathan Holland (@Stuartholland19) November 16, 2017

@TonyBasilio if Gruden says no we need to flame him. http://pic.twitter.com/ppjDY6Xukq

— P D Dodson (@PatrickDDodson) November 16, 2017

One of the more overwhelming things I noticed, outside of what fans will do if he gets hired, is how quickly they’ll turn on him if he doesn’t.

So basically, it’s either Christmas morning or Gruden is dead to Vol fans forever (until the next coaching search). It’s just hilarious to me that it’s either one extreme or the other.

If Gruden is bullshitting us.......... http://pic.twitter.com/E8gNq4hwfx

— Good Ole Zippty (@ZipptyDooDaa) November 14, 2017

If Gruden says no for the 2nd time in 6 years I never wanna hear a vols fan speak his name again

— Zach Breazeale (@breazeale31) November 16, 2017

Gruden can eat shit if he doesn't accept. I'm prepared to love him if he does accept though

— Andrew (@Whyte_Bread) November 16, 2017

Hopefully, you enjoyed this ride through the depths of #GRUMORS on Twitter as much as I did.

Stay strong over these next few days, Tennessee fans.

Also, if you’re still wondering just why UT fans want this guy so badly, answers are over here:

The connection is there -- Gruden was a graduate assistant at Tennessee in the late 1980’s, and his wife Cindy, was a cheerleader at Tennessee. Gruden and his son also went to the South Carolina game last month. He’s been out of the coaching game since 2008, though.

Terry Lambert, the editor of SB Nation’s Tennessee blog, Rocky Top Talk (which maintains an extensive timeline of years and years of GRUMORS), gave me some interesting details from inside the Vols’ fan base.

“Alabama, Tennessee's biggest rival, returned to powerhouse status with one single home run hire,” Lambert told me. “Tennessee has gotten it wrong three straight times. Fans are craving that ‘Saban moment’ hire. A lot of fans believe Jon Gruden is Tennessee's Saban.

“The Gruden-UT connections are obvious. Fans know that Tennessee has the money and boosters to make it happen. They just want to see the school swing for the fences, for once.”