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robronsecretvalentine · 6 years ago

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In the Palm of Your Hand Flutters My Breath

Dear Vix, @nooneelsecomesclose17 happy Valentine’s! I was deliberating which story to write for you and eventually decided to go with one that will involve Aaron’s chest and Robert’s hands. I hope you enjoy it!

Inspired by a real story. Summary: Aaron’s CF is getting worse and he urgently needs respiratory physiotherapy. But Robert’s fingers are scorching fire into Aaron’s chest, ironically making it harder and harder to breathe. Even through his shirt, it’s impossible not to feel the heat of those long, nimble digits, the confident press of the large, capable palms and God help him, but instinctively Aaron wants those hands on him in all the wrong ways.

God help him. If only. If God would have been willing to help him, Aaron wouldn’t have had to figure out what to do about any of this shite in the first place. Being born with cystic fibrosis sucked and he wasn’t willing to be the poster boy who’d smile for the comfort of others and quote to people some optimistic slogan that would make them feel better about their own unjustified good fortune, nor marvel at how much better modern medicine is at dealing with CF nowadays compared with even just twenty years ago. He was even too angry to praise the god who had allowed him to live long enough to experience this progress in comparison with his childhood. It was true, there have been enormous strides that were made in the treatment of his condition as he could personally testify. But that had little to do with any deity, real or imaginary, and none of it was going to wipe away the terror this disease had inflicted on Aaron during his early and teenage years. It had forced him to grow up with the constant fear of dying, knowing every one of his days was a fateful toss of dice. It inflicted on him too many nights of waking up alone and in the dark, desperately gasping for air. He was asked more than once to play precisely that role. Several times, reporters have tried to stick him in front of a camera and get him to gush and be brave and grateful and inspiring, all the things that good poster boys were meant to be. Content, despite everything, for the feel good benefit of the viewers. Fat chance. Aaron knew he was a worthy news story, that he made a photogenic, intriguing headline even in a relatively small community of people suffering from a rare and potentially fatal from a young age disease. But he never learned how to smile for anyone like a trained monkey, regardless of the presence of cameras, and he had no desire to, either. He always refused to play along when a news team would contact him and the journalists always settled for interviewing a more cooperative CF patient. He also refused to get a respiratory physiotherapist. He could make due without the added annoyance of hippy, new age bollocks. He’d been doing just fine so far, thanks. Doctors kept suggesting it and he kept refusing, proving them wrong with each morning of being alive and still breathing, as strenuous as that sometimes proved to be. He saw no reason why he couldn’t go on doing exactly what he has been and if it worked so far, it would continue to. Or so he insisted again, when his doctor made it abundantly clear: he’s running out of time. “You really are, Aaron,” Doctor Jutla repeated herself for emphasys, her voice too calm to betray her concern, but her care coming through all the same. She’s known him for so long and he liked her for never acting like her word was divine law. Some doctors took his refusal to sometimes cooperate with their instructions as an offense against their person and the balance of the kosmos would surely strike him down for that. It was their way or he was lost. Dr. Jutla, Manpreet as she insisted he call her, was never like that. She would always speak to him and deliver her conclusions calmly, but never coldly, even when he was no doubt proving to be the most stubborn of her patients. She would hear him out, lay out her rationale and at the end of the day, do her best to assist him with whatever choice he was sticking with. If she had suddenly turned insistent, detailing the reasons that brought her to the conclusion he could no longer avoid daily sessions of respiratory physiotherapy, Aaron knew it must have been true. The coughing, she reminded him, was getting increasingly worse. The medications were not as effective in helping him as they used to be. The inhalation sessions were a bit more efficient, but they weren’t enough without physiotherapy exercises to accompany them and the ones he’d been doing independently were limited in how much they could help since he couldn’t perform them on himself while simultaneously using the inhaler. “Aaron,” she said with a determined tone, but not the berating one he used to get from the doctors he had before her, “you’re gonna have to accept this help”. More than anything else in that moment, what he wasn’t prepared for was how instantly he found himself believing her. A lot of people might think a chronic patient is supposed to be accustomed to any demand imposed on them by their illness, but the idea of agreeing to getting help from a stranger invading the privacy of his own home was a new and foreign concept to Aaron. He might have been born sick, he might never have known what it meant to lead a normal, healthy life, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t also a damn proud man and as fiercely independent as anyone with his condition could hope to be. Then again, he had to become independent early on. After all, no one really helped him all that much when he was growing up. Forget the wretched disease, nobody prepared Aaron for life. It just happened to him, out of the blue and all too soon, as the adults in his life were too busy screwing up theirs. His dad was the first link in the chain to break, having walked out on Aaron and Chas as soon as the reality of cystic fibrosis and the condition’s incurability became clear. His mum wasn’t much better, pawning Aaron off on her uncle and his wife as soon as she could. Lisa and Zak were alright in their way, but they had their own problems, with quite a few challenging family members to take care of, an unexpected newborn of their own, a whole bunch of pigs to raise for their living and the occasional crazy plan from Zak meant to make things better and usually resulting in additional problems that had to be resolved. They simply didn’t have the time and energy required to look after Aaron or to note that he was struggling with more than oxygen intake. He held on, tooth and nail, powered through everything that troubled him, physically or otherwise, like a bull charging ahead because there was no other choice. He didn’t have much generosity left in him after that, though. By the time Chas returned a few years down the line, there was little for her to appeal to when she swore that she wanted to make amends and be present in his life again. It was a short while after the end of another one of her doomed romances and she was begging for a second chance to be a good mother. It was something he was secretly dreaming of the entire time, in a part of his heart that he had closed off and denied even to himself. That she would regret her horrible mistake, proving he wasn’t so easy to abandon, like she had made him feel. He wanted this so badly and there was some tinge of victory to it, but not as much as he thought there would be. That tiny bit of triumph didn’t fix years of hurt. It didn’t guarantee he could trust her now. It couldn’t change the hardened young man he had become. On a more basic level, the truth he discovered in this conversation with her was that nobody teaches an angry kid how to forgive and move on, not even when a part of him wanted to. He was still in his teens and madder at the whole world than he could express and at her most of all. He left Chas sitting alone in the cafe in which he had agreed to meet her, too upset at the knowledge he was once more going to be denied a mother’s love, because he just couldn’t accept her back as easily as she seemed to find walking in and out of his life to be. As it turned out, Lisa thankfully intervened after that. First she encouraged Chas not to give up and to put in the work of being there for Aaron even when he rejected her. Earn his trust back by proving the sincerity of her statements. Later, when he wasn’t giving way, Lisa also talked to him, pointing out that his mum was a teenager herself when she had him and was even younger than him, all alone without the man who was supposed to be there and help her with the challenges of raising a child, especially one with a serious ailment. Men were always her problem, Aaron angrily spat out having heard Zak talk of her exploits enough over the missing years, and for a second he resented Chas even more for how she had always looked to them as if they were her solution. But then that night he tried to imagine what would he have done if he were in his mum’s situation. He didn’t think he would have walked away like she did, he would have struggled through that as well, but for a brief instant he could imagine just how lost and overwhelmed she must have felt. It didn’t make any of it right, but it helped him understand a little more and he ended up agreeing to her coming round to Wishing Well. She did make an effort, like she had promised him and Lisa, though it was clear at first that she was struggling with how awkward things were between them. But she was consistent and even though he didn’t say it, he appreciated that. A few visits in and some things started creeping their way back to the surface, memories and sentiments that made way for banter and allowed them to be more at ease with each other. Weirdly enough, when Chas started dating another man, it actually helped instead of making matters worse. Probably because Aaron got to see she wasn’t relying on the poor sod to solve all her problems and she wasn’t looking to him for financial help. Paddy was a vet, so he wasn’t making that much to begin with. How anyone gave that stuttering blob of nerves permission to treat any living creature though, human or not, was a mystery to Aaron. But every so often, they found themselves discussing interesting things like dogs and medicine. Paddy never seemed to look down on him as feeble-minded or incapable because of the CF, like some have. When he wasn’t making terribly lame jokes, the bloke was sort of alright, especially since he treated Chas well and respectfully. After a few months of dating, he even suggested the two of them move in with him and for a second there, Aaron thought to himself, home. He knew it would never be quite that, Chas has left too much of a scar for him to be able to feel that with her and so he intended to move out into his own place as soon as he could, but it was a nice thought all the same. Not that any of the progress Aaron made with his mum helped when it came to his social life. He had become too rude and grumpy for most of his schoolmates’ liking pretty early on, not exactly what they expected from a poor, sickly kid. He knew he would have gotten more sympathy from them if he had played that part, but he wasn’t interested in their pity anyway. Instead, most just kept their distance and on occasion, he’d even get a remark about him milking his condition, since he got to miss more classes than the rest of them. It only served to prove him right in keeping his prickly attitude towards them up. One exception was Adam, who came by one day with his dad when John brought in a sick, newly birthed lamb he needed Paddy to urgently examine on a Sunday morning. Adam started asking questions and appeared undeterred by Aaron’s curt answers. Instead of being put off by either the rudeness or the disease, he came across as intrigued. He kept coming by daily, pestering Aaron, but once when he had a cold and stayed at the farm, he was also weirdly missed. Annoying as he was, Aaron had to resentfully admit to himself that somehow he got stuck with a farm boy for a friend. Coming out as gay when also living with CF was, in a sense, both harder and easier than Aaron imagined it would have been if he were healthy. At least, as much as he could judge based on some movies he happened to catch on TV. Those young gay people on his telly screen, with their lively social circles, they were always presented as figuring all of it out by means of drama. That wasn’t the case for him. Magazines, shows and films supplied him with enough images of good looking men and women for him to find it pretty easy to tell which ones he fancied. Adam also helped in a way when he started coming round with this Scarlet girl that he liked. Aaron quickly realised that if he would have wanted to date only one of them, then even though Scarlet was pretty enough and despite his friend’s many glaring flaws, it would have been Adam. Maybe it was the threat of death hanging over Aaron’s head, present in every breath. He didn’t have time to be dishonest with himself when it came to matters like figuring out what, or who, he liked. Another thing that was less challenging for him was the prospect of telling his mum and Paddy, at least in one sense. Most parents, even if they were sworn homophobes, wouldn’t openly reject their gay child if that son or daughter also happened to have a terminal disease. Gloomily, however, unlike most other young people coming to terms with a different sexual orientation, he already had the experience of having parents who had rejected him for the way he was born. If Chas and Paddy turned out to have some major issue with homosexuality, he could expect even less empathy from them and a harsher reaction than for unwittingly being born with an incurable disease. He’d particularly find himself unable to cope whenever he tried to map out what a response from Chas might be like. He would then struggle to breathe in a whole different way. Even if things didn’t turn out quite like the worst possible case, well… a lack of rejection was still not the same as being accepted and truth be told, he craved having the latter. In a way, he wanted that more than he might have precisely because his mum had walked out on him once before, when she had felt that he was too much for her to handle. For once, he needed her to be sincerely and completely alright with who he was, much as he knew the odds for that were flimsy at best. That was probably why despite not planning to, he ended up telling Paddy first. Or not quite telling, so much as Aaron nodded quietly in response to a question, blinking away his tears before they can become too noticeable. Spur of the moment courage drove him to inform Paddy one evening that they needed to talk, but as soon as Aaron did that, he already felt drained by the task at hand. When it was clear that he wasn’t able to follow up on his initial request to talk, it was Paddy who guessed correctly what was weighing down on him and asked if he felt that he liked boys. That was the point of no return and Aaron couldn’t bring himself to lie, so he simply nodded. “Well, tha-that’s alright then,” was the stuttered, but reassuring response. “Nothing’s changed. And I want you to know, I’m not worried about you. I mean, I’m, I’m sure my life would have actually been so much easier if I could have dated Marlon…“ Paddy’s attempt at hilarity trailed off with that silly giggle he always let out whenever he thought he was being genuinely funny and Aaron groaned at him in both annoyance and relief. Stupid, lame jokes. Stupid, wonderful Paddy. That exchange turned out to help Aaron with his coming out to Chas more than he initially thought it would. As he later discovered, his bumbling, loving fool of a dad had started dropping hints for her to understand that there was something very serious she needed to discuss with her son. His mum decided to take him to a fair. “No, no arguing, love, it’s for all those times I didn’t get to take you to one when you were younger,” she said while they were sat there on a bench, between one ride and the next, licking ice cream from a cone and after he had just thanked her for this day. The experience they were having wasn’t quite as nice as his fondest childhood memory of that time they had gone to the beach together, the last day that they had gotten to spend together before she walked away. Nothing would ever be that nice again, he has come to accept that since he would never again be as innocent as he was back then. Still, this visit together to the fair was perhaps the nicest thing they got to share since she had returned. After all, it was already more than what he could have dared imagine for quite a few years that he might one day get to have with her. Catching melted drops of ice cream before they had the chance to sully his clothes, he wanted to tell her right then and there what has been on his mind, but couldn’t help the fear that if she didn’t take to the news kindly, he would spoil the lovely memory they were forming. Just in case there wouldn’t be another one, he chose not to say anything just yet. It was when they got home that he blurted out without giving himself room to overthink it, “I’m gay”. The way he threw the words out at her both reluctantly and forcefully, it was like someone was blackmailing this confession out of him. She was too stunned to speak for a second and his mind was racing with all the possible retorts she could next offer, conjured up by fear and his past hurt, each one worse than the previous scenario. “Oh, sweetheart,” she said when she finally spoke, touching his cheek softly, “honestly? I wish you weren’t. I can’t help it, I’m your mum and I wish you didn’t have another burden to carry. But don’t you dare doubt for one second that you are still my beautiful boy,” she said that with more emotion and conviction than he allowed himself to hope for, “and I love you more than anything.” Aaron fell into her embrace, closing his eyes and simply treasuring the way that she pronounced ‘beautiful’, unintentionally elongated by emphasis and like she was somehow in awe and truly proud of him. Sometimes Aaron was tired of the constant battle that his life with CF had amounted into, but whenever he thought of that precious moment with Chas, he knew with certainty that he’d never let her down by giving up. He might have toyed for a second in Dr. Jutla’s office with the idea of letting his time peacefully run out, but he couldn’t do that to his mum. A respiratory physiotherapist it was, then. He looked around the flat he had moved into as soon as he could and waited for the bloke to show up. To himself, Aaron had admitted that he was struggling quite a bit with the idea of opening his home to a complete stranger. This was the little piece of independence which he had earned and having no choice but to admit in someone he was totally unfamiliar with felt like he was giving a part of that away. Worse yet was the idea of having to submit his body to the sweaty kneading of this person. Aaron wasn’t the most physically affectionate of people at the best of times, only rarely agreeing to a hug from his mum, Paddy or Adam. Anyone else wasn’t even an option and that included quite a few relatives, people he had known his entire life and actually liked. If he tried to, he couldn’t picture himself liking that sort of physical interaction too much had he been healthy either, but he was sure the CF made him more reserved still. There was something about other people’s touch that made him too aware of his own body, failing and treacherous. He preferred not to have this additional reminder. That was a part of why coming out didn’t change Aaron’s dating profile by much. Sure, the idea of a romance was appealing, but the reality of one made him grimace to himself. It didn’t take him too long to come to the conclusion that celibacy might not sound great, but he was used to it already and internet access coupled with a box of tissues were enough to sort him. It was certainly better than the anxiety that the mere thought of being touched caused him on the few occasions when he had looked at a dating app. Any minute, the physiotherapist was supposed to show up and considering these reservations, Aaron still had no idea how he was going to get through the first session. When it was becoming clear that the man was running late, Aaron couldn’t figure out how he felt. A part of him welcomed the possibility no one will show up at all and he’d be exempt of having to go through this ordeal. Another part kept coming back to the inevitability of these sessions and that having that day’s cancelled only meant Aaron would have to go through all of this anxiety again on another date, so it might be better to get it over with and not have to repeat this. The one thing he had no doubt about was his increasing irritation with the irresponsible twat who was assigned to him, who couldn’t just show up when he was supposed to. When the doorbell finally rang, Aaron was ready to explode. He went over and opened the door, about to bite the man’s head off. It took less of a second to register that the guy standing on his threshold was gorgeous, which only pissed him off more. Of course the therapist would be, the universe would have that sick sense of humour at Aaron’s expense, after all. “Cheers,” the man said with a smile so wide, he practically radiated with it. “You’re late,” Aaron replied, having no intention of indulging this awful cheerfulness and apparent lack of remorse. The man’s eyebrow rises, but his smile doesn’t falter. “I know, I’m sorry. There was an accident on the road from Hotten, so traffic was not…” the guy actually rolled his eyes, “inexistent, like I was told it usually is.” Aaron shrugged at this. He was not in a forgiving mood, despite recognising that an accident wouldn’t have been this man’s fault. “I’m Robert, by the way,” the man at least had the decency not to attempt a handshake. “Aaron.” It was stupid, Robert was sent to him as a carer and would know this already, but what else was there to say to that introduction? “You’re in a right mood, aren’t you?” Robert continued to grin at him. “First time doing this and not much into it, ey?” “What gave it away?” Aaron asked drily. “Your chart, actually,” the therapist winked. “Speaking of which, I had a look through it and I’m pretty caught up on your medical history as recorded. Is there anything you believe I should know that isn’t included?” Aaron pursed his lips together, turning down the corners of his mouth and shook his head to indicate there wasn’t anything like that. “Right, then I think we can get to it. We only have an hour and I don’t want us to waste a minute more,” Robert declared, before he leaned in and whispered conspiratorially, “I’m only doing this until I make my first million, you know. And I’m sure you have better things to do with your time as well.” His breath was warm and his big, bright eyes didn’t flinch for a split second from Aaron’s, like he was honestly curious to hear what his client likes spending his time on. Why was that suddenly difficult in a way completely different to earlier fears? Instead of being overcome by a desire to avoid all touch, a pang of want jabbed Aaron in the stomach. He was not over being angry, but now he was also weirdly intrigued, as well as confused. “The sofa and PEP device are over there,” he said and started walking in its direction. It wasn’t a big sofa, but for their purposes, it would do. Aaron had prepared by covering it with a sheet and placing there several pillows they’d be able to move around for comfort. It was utterly wrong when he entertained the notion of what a completely different use he may end up needing one for. “Yeah, this should do,” Robert said and Aaron nodded, sitting down on the sofa. “Right, do you wanna use this opportunity to take some of your antibiotics as well?” He did and he couldn’t help but feel a little pleased that they were thinking similarly on this one. He next laid down on his back with his head on the biggest of the pillows. This was utterly ridiculous, he chided himself, having this kind of reaction to a good looking bloke when he was fairly uninterested in pursuing anything with anyone. This was nonsense and he was going to concentrate on making the most out of the physiotherapy. He looked up exactly when Robert was leaning down, all eye lashes and freckles and skin begging to be touched. Damn this. “We’re going to start with something simple, alright? You’re going to use your PEP and I’m going to apply pressure to your chest to coincide with your breathing cycle. Whenever you need to cough, tap my hand and we’ll stop for as long as you need. If at any moment you feel discomfort, same. We stop and you tell me what’s wrong, we’ll figure out together how to correct it and we won’t continue until you’re good with it. Agreed?” Aaron nodded. He couldn’t speak when those eyes were fixed on him. It wasn’t just how beautiful they were. It was the warmth in them, too. Even though the smile had already made way for professional earnestness, there was a sense of warmth in that gaze nonetheless. Foolish thought, this was how Robert must look at all of the client he was treating, but it tickled something inside Aaron’s chest all the same, a second before he felt the physiotherapist’s hands placed gently, carefully over the exact same spot. But Robert’s fingers are nothing less than fire where they touch. The tempo of Aaron inhaling and exhaling is a calm one, much like Robert’s tone when he talks them through the exercises. They have to pause here and there, interrupted by a cough, but Aaron is doing his best to hold those in for however long he can. His therapist notices and commends him for it, pointing out that the longer he can go between coughs, the more effective the exercise will prove to be. That’s not why Aaron does it, though. He’s stealing a few more seconds of looking up at Robert, of feeling the tender, yet firm pressure from the palms of his hands against him, strong and burning and comforting, he feels all of that at once and more than that and not enough. He wants. Aaron can’t help himself, he wants, the rational part of him gone, placed under a spell and rendered incapacitated. He wants more than he’s ever wanted anything in his life, which is saying something given his rich experience of wishing for seemingly impossible things. Robert fits into the category without a shred of a doubt. Despite how warm his eyes continue to be, in spite of how right his hands feel on Aaron, instigating a crave for that feeling on every patch of his body. Despite how there’s even a fleeting instant when Aaron wonders if his own flesh has a similar effect on his Robert. In a way, it was exactly the vulnerability caused by his disease that led him to spend hours at the gym, building up his chest muscles to an impressive girth. He even wants that, to believe his physiotherapist is unable himself to stay indifferent to the contact between them. But that’s madness, Aaron knows it is when that’s the only thing that this, whatever this is, could ever amount to: an impossibility. The thin band of gold on Robert’s left hand makes that perfectly clear. ~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~ Their first session is over, an hour that lasted forever, but was gone within a second. When Aaron reflects on it, he’s pretty sure he felt the little wedding ring through his shirt from the get go. Not enough to put out the fire that engulfed him, but it definitely was there, a small stripe of cold. He doesn’t want to delve into it, prefers to distract himself from shiny things that he can never have. That tactic has worked quite well in the past. It wasn’t instantly, but eventually it did and he stopped praying for a healthy body, a happy childhood or a fair world. He learned to settle for what he had. It’s worked before, it will again. Only he also hopes it won’t. As much as it would be easier to forget, it feels good to want. Why can’t he have at least that? Temporary permission to long for Robert, maybe for an afternoon or two before he has to bid this feeling goodbye. Maybe one quick and dirty hand job, before the smell of his hands fades away from Aaron’s shirt. Why can’t he permit his imagination to go a bit wild with what it would be like if he got to have Robert’s hands roaming all across his shirtless chest, all over his naked form, worshipping Aaron, forcing him to discover for once that despite all its shortcoming, there are very real pleasures that his body can provide him with? He wanks himself off to the thought of sucking Robert’s digits into his mouth, catching them both by surprise, but then refusing to let go. He’s masturbated countless times in the past, but when he comes now, it’s more intense than he can remember it’s ever been. He shakes so hard with it that he loses track of everything else, lying there and letting it all wash over him. A phone call snaps him out of it. He quickly zips up his pants, even though it’s clear he can’t really be seen by the caller, and answers. The routine nature of it brings him down and the familiar voice on the other side of the line helps clear the haze. He feels wretchedly stupid, a drug addict coming out of a narcotic-induced hallucination. Maybe he’s scared, too. They’ve met no more than once, the man’s annoying and married. Robert shouldn’t hold such power over him. “Yeah, I’ll be right over,” he promises before he hangs up. Looking for his flat key and jacket, he concludes he’s had his fill of fun. He’s gonna be better by their next appointment and his physiotherapy won’t suffer because of this. Several hours pass before Aaron registers that he went through the entire session without feeling the kind of discomfort he originally feared would keep him from being able to have more than a handful of meetings at most. ~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~ Robert is gorgeous. That’s a fact of life that Aaron has to contend with. As it turns out, he’s also not as annoying as he initially appeared to be. He’s pretty punctual when he shows up for their next sessions. His smile doesn’t come across quite as smug as during their first meeting. He asks questions like he really cares and they’re not just about the effectiveness of the exercises. Sometimes he sounds fully professional, on other occasions he’s practically flirtatious, but no matter what, that warmth Aaron feels radiating from him never goes away. When Aaron is lying on the sofa, looking up while Robert is leaning down, entrusting his body to his touch, his well being to his care, it’s all but smoldering. And throughout it all, despite his reservations and skepticism, Aaron has to admit that the daily physiotherapy sessions are improving his condition. Robert is helping him breathe. They got to talking about his personal life, too. Robert started it, really. He asked about who’s helping Aaron and that conversation was only meant to be a simple mention of Chas, but then it unexpectedly evolved. As it turned out, it wasn’t so easy to mention Paddy and not get into more details that helped explain who he is and why and how he means so much. At least, that’s the way it went when someone was sincerely interested in hearing more about it and presented an unassuming string of questions which helped talking about those sensitive issues. Two or three sessions later and Robert knew everything about the major hurts that Aaron had collected along his path. He has this mischievous glint in his eyes, Aaron’s noticed, whenever he’s about to ask something personal, as if hearing more about yet another client of his is nothing less than a prize which Robert is managing to win when he’s not supposed to. Then when he’s listening to the answers, it gradually slips away and his expression transforms into something softer. On occasion, he even offers a few bits of information about himself too, like stories about his siblings. When he opens up a little more about the circumstances of his mother’s death and his adopted brother’s complicity in that, how it led Robert away from Emmerdale and he ended up settling in Hotten, of all places, Aaron is oddly moved. It’s not just that he wishes he could have hugged young Robert, assure him that things would get better for him, even if it would take years for that to come about. It’s also that he’s allowed a peak beneath the cheery facade this man walked into his flat with. Aaron’s sure his physiotherapist has shared these stories with other clients before him, but it still gets under his skin. These interactions, it appears to be a reasonable assumption that they are what makes this guy a good therapist, his ability to convince his clients that he really cares and values gaining an insight into their lives even though it has less to do with the physical aspect of his work and Aaron does admire him for it. Robert’s got that rascal expression on once again, looking ready to pounce Aaron with another question while they stand in the kitchen, waiting for the brew to be ready. It’s just a part of his job, Aaron reminds himself, but he can’t avoid the sense of being pleased by Robert’s interest as he amusedly braces himself for the incoming inquiry. They’ve been discussing his social life, he recounted a few anecdotes from his friendship with Adam and he expects to be asked about that huge doofus a bit more. “So, is there a bird that’s caught your fancy?” Robert asks, closing the gap between them a little. For whatever reason, Aaron wasn’t ready for this question. It might be a natural progression when exchanging information, but he honestly didn’t expect to be asked something along these lines. Maybe because it was too close for comfort, or because it carried with it the potential of a threat, in more ways than one, he ended up choosing to ignore that this might come up. He certainly didn’t anticipate it at this point and that gives rise to a suspicion in his mind over why Robert was asking him about this just then. “It isn’t any of your business, mate,” he answers, trying to infuse his voice with bite, to cover up for everything else he’s feeling. “It’s alright,” Robert isn’t backing down, “you’re allowed to fancy whoever and I promise I won’t tell anyone.” “Yeah?” Aaron asks, his anger growing dangerously. “That’s quite big of you, only everyone that matters already knows I’m gay.” Those hands he’s come to know so intimately rise almost of their own accord in a defensive gesture to match Robert’s stunned expression. “Whoa there, no need to get mad, I were only teasing, I didn’t mean…” “What, you didn’t stop to consider that option? Or did you guess and wanted to humiliate me by dragging it outta me? Wanna tell me I’m a freak of nature or some such, ey? Or ya gonna calm me down, tell me that I can like whoever ‘cause no one’ll fancy me back anyhow and I’m too pathetic for an actual relationship, is that it?” “Hey, I didn’t say…“ “No, you didn’t need to say, pal. You better be off then, before I decide to call someone to make a complaint about homophobia displayed during treatment.” Robert’s face is overtaken by a horrible paleness the way it contorts enhances the nausea Aaron was already feeling. He wants nothing more than to have this over with. “Just do one. Now.” He walks over to the door and opens it wide to make his point. Robert starts to recover, his features smooth over as he takes a couple of steps in that direction. “D’ya even stop to take into account you might be making a massive mistake?” Aaron shrugs and figures there must be some choice words that the man’s holding back as Robert looks at him searchingly. Whichever conclusions he draws from that, he’s out the door the next moment and Aaron can close it behind him. ‘Good riddance’, he’s meant to say to himself, but it’s distinctly not how he feels. He wonders how long it will take him before he can forget what Robert’s eyes look like when they’re completely devoid of any warmth. ~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~ It’s the third morning since Aaron’s called the clinic to cancel all of his appointments with Robert and this one starts with a coughing fit as well. “I don’t like the sound of that,” Dr. Jutla says over the phone in response to hearing him struggle for air. His worried mum on her end and the clinic on theirs had both contacted her and as soon as she could, she called him up. That supplied her with further testament to the quick deterioration he’s been experiencing with his breathing. “It’s nothing, I’m fine,” he tries to tell her, but it isn’t lost on him that his laboured speech contradicts his expressed sentiment. “Of course you are,” she says, her professional tone not quite covering up her sarcasm. “Can you tell me what the issue was with the physiotherapist you were assigned? I was under the impression that things were working out well?” They were, he agrees inwardly with sorrow. Or so he believed. But if that would have been true, Robert wouldn’t have mocked him like he had the other day. With a bit more distance from what had happened, Aaron is not above admitting that he might have overreacted to a degree. At least in his own head he can own up to that, out loud is a different matter. The homophobia accusation was out of order, he supposes, since it was based on a hunch and an assumption more than on anything else and he can see that now. The mocking, however, wasn’t. There was no way Robert hadn’t made out that Aaron’s romantic status was a pitiful one and that to question him about it with that sort of gleeful attitude was mockery. The seething hurt at the pit of Aaron’s stomach conveyed that enough for him to know he couldn’t go on being treated by Robert, so he had to cancel all of their appointments. He swallows around the bitter taste that the necessary decision left in his mouth. To not see Robert again. If the physiotherapist was the one in the wrong, why is it that Aaron is the one left feeling like he’s being punished? Things between them were off to a good start and for once in his life, he was close to having something precious of his own. Even if he was just a client, his tentative relationship with Robert woke up a part of him he hadn’t realised was dormant. The man mattered to him and brought Aaron closer to feeling like a regular bloke than anything else he’s had until that point. It’s only been three days, but he already misses it, all of it. The way he felt that he was coming alive under Robert’s touch and gaze, how good talking to the man made Aaron feel about himself, even the fact that the treatment seemed to be more efficient than a skeptic like himself had expected. “Aaron?” Dr. Jutla needs an answer. If he tells her his suspicion, that Robert might have guessed his celibate status had something to do with a different sexual orientation, she’d be horrified on his behalf. She’d stop badgering him about this issue and let him move on. She’d call the clinic and have Robert punished, possibly even fired from his job. He won’t get to flirt with clients to buy their trust, nor lay a trap for them to mock them later on. “Yeah, it just wasn’t the right fit. It took me a minute to catch on.” Aaron’s lungs do their best, but he’s wheezing his way through the sentence and it’s the best he can do. “Not the right fit? Aaron, I can’t pretend to accept that vague explanation, but I understand you don’t want to tell me what happened. Well, I’m your doctor and it’s important that I be informed,” she says firmly, but the following sentence is slightly softer in tone, maybe without intending to be. “On the other hand, I can hear you’re having difficulties speaking and I don’t want you to make too much of an effort. I also imagine this feels like an interrogation when it isn’t and shouldn’t be. You’re supposed to be willingly filling me in. Aaron, anything can have an effect on your wellbeing, by which I don’t mean strictly your lungs. I can’t correctly assess if this is one of those things without you telling me the truth. So I’ll leave you be on this subject, at least until we see an improvement in your condition. But once we get there, I hope there are no doubts, I expect you to give me the real answer to my question which I need in order to do my job and help you. Is that understood?” “Yes,” he feels oddly defeated, but also grateful that he has her caring, plus a temporary reprieve. “Good, I’m glad. Until then, you can’t continue without respiratory physiotherapy. You need it and immediately. My suggestion is that I call the clinic and use my pull there to reinstate all of your cancelled appointments, but with another physiotherapist. Acceptable?” She’s right, he knows it, but he still finds that he’s reluctant to agree. The memory of Robert leaning over him floods his mind along with the sensations he had when they were physically connected where the man’s hands burnt through a thin layer of cloth into his flesh, excited it, soothed it, awakened Aaron, took his breath away while pressing down to help oxygen flow in. How does one let go of that? ~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~ Aaron gets off the bus in Hotten, too unfocused to take in his surroundings as he walks the well memorised route to his destination. His feet take him there of their own accord, through the automatic doors and the lobby entrance, where he nods at the guard. He’s arrived later than he intended to be there, but his mobile hasn’t rung and there was no other indication that anyone has tried to contact him. He goes right into the locker room and begins changing his attire. It’s a good thing he’s got a way of distracting himself. He hopes the day will turn out to be an eventful one, he’d welcome the respite from being trapped in his own head and the doubts gnawing at him over that one text message he’d sent out earlier. Adam is already there, prepared and grinning at him. “You alright, mate? Ready for this?” “Yeah,” Aaron replies absentmindedly as he takes his shirt off. He hesitates on whether to pose a question regarding what he wants to find out. It’s not something that he’d usually clue anyone in on, his best friend least of all, but this time he’s compelled to. “Has anyone come ‘round here to see me?” “To see ya?” Adam’s expression, a mix of surprise and nosy, delighted curiosity, is exactly why Aaron was loathe to say anything. “No one’s been here asking for you. Why, who’s supposed to come and see you?” Aaron shakes his head in exasperation and annoyance. “No one, forget it.” He shifts his attention back to the clothes he’s putting on and hopes that would put an end to it. “Nah, mate… there’s something you’re not telling me? Me, your best pal in the whole wide world? I’m hurt. Don’t you trust me?” Aaron carries on with his task, doing his best to ignore Adam, who is clearly more incessant than hurt. Why couldn’t he have had a less ridiculous bloke for a best friend? Or at least one with a basic understanding of boundaries and the tact to take the hint and respect it? “Did you hear that!?” Adam exclaims so suddenly that it forces Aaron to snap his head around in his direction, only to take in the sight of Barton melodramatically placing his hands over his own chest. “It’s the sound of my heart breaking over your lack of trust, is what it is. C’mon, you really gonna leave me hanging here without an answer?” Aaron turns his gaze back to his own locker, placing the last of the possessions he won’t need for the upcoming hours in it. “Life’s a bitch… and then you die.” He’s said this before, not too often, but when he’s felt particularly grumpy. He means it more than ever today and does his best to ignore the barrage of protests and attempts to sway his position which Adam fires his way in favour of mulling over what he had just learned. No one’s come looking for him. His text message went unanswered. He decides that’s fine. He knew that might be the result and if he doesn’t like it, he’s simply gonna have to take responsibility for his rash stupidity and tough this out. He puts the few things he does need - mobile phone, keys, including the one to his locker - in the pocket of his trousers and turns back to Adam without meeting his eyes. “Let’s go,” Aaron lets out as he leaves the locker room with Barton following closely in his wake, for once keeping quiet and settling for glancing sideways in his direction. They exit the building through the side doors and spot their assigned vehicle in the parking lot. Walking over to it, they maintain their tense silence. Aaron feels bad about it, but not enough to break it. He prefers it over having to explain himself. They’re almost there when they hear a shout coming from behind them. “Oy!” It’s Robert’s voice and it pierces Aaron right through the heart to hear him shout, recognising the sound so instinctively and feeling it like the ghost of a chest imprint left by Robert’s hands. He jogs up to the two of them as they turn to him and maybe it’s just a cruel trick of memory and desire, but he’s somehow even more gorgeous than before. “You’re alright?” he asks and it comes out urgent, but also surprised and confused. “You said to meet you at this hospital, I was sure something bad has happened to you…” “Is that why you didn’t call me? I thought you weren’t showing up.” “I came as fast as I could, went right over to A & E. No one had any information about a patient with your name. I was freaking out there, to be honest. I started yelling that I’d never seen such incompetence and I was about to promise I’d make sure they’d never work again when one of a few nurses who heard all the noise and came over pointed out that she knew a Red Cross volunteer medic by that name.” The front ambulance door swings open and Lydia, their driver for the shift, chastises them. “I don’t mean to rush ya, but you should be legging it here. We could get our first call in at any moment.” “Yeah,” Aaron replies, “we’re coming and I’m bringing a guest.” He motions with his head for Robert to follow while he drags Adam along into the vehicle. Thankfully Barton is too floored to do anything other than make puzzled faces meant to convey that he’s gonna want the entire story later on, with as many details as possible. Aaron ignores that and straightens his back a bit more than he usually does, hoping the RC medic uniform is doing his physique a bit of justice. He shoves Adam towards the seat by the driver and climbs into the back, together with Robert. “Is this not against protocol?” Lydia’s whisper to Adam is loud enough, despite her attempt at discretion, for Aaron to hear. “Normally, but I have special permission today. This is my respiratory physiotherapist,” he informs her, “he needs to see what I do here to better understand how he can help me.” ~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~ Two hours later, Lydia makes a stop by Aaron’s flat. He’ll go back to pick up his stuff from his locker another day, he reassured her when he requested this unconventional drop off. What he didn’t mention was that going back to the locker room inevitably meant dealing with Adam’s interrogation and that was not an option today. Not when there was something else coming up that would require all of his strength. He didn’t have much of that left as it was, not after this shift. As it turned out, his wish for an eventful day was fulfilled. It wasn’t anything major, nothing above his and Adam’s ability to help with, but a minor accident on the Hotten bypass, two home injuries and a medical emergency at a shopping centre where a cancer patient had fainted were more than they had to handle during most shifts. He unlocks the door to his flat and lets Robert in. The adrenaline that courses through Aaron during his volunteer work and helps him complete it has begun wearing off already and he heads for the sofa as soon as the door’s locked behind them. He lays down on it and almost instantly, Robert is by his side, pulling up a chair and sitting down next to the sofa. He looks like he desperately wants to speak, but can’t. A little boy, lost and in awe at the same time. It’s easy to let go of any lingering anger and want to hug him, way too damn easy. That impulse and the temptation to start the conversation must be resisted. Robert’s not getting off the hook that easily. “Well, that was a rush, weren’t it?” An obvious statement to break the silence with. It’ll do. Aaron does his best to shrug while lying down. “It was routine, nothing more.” Robert sits up slightly. “But it was still important enough for you that I witness it.” “It’s gonna be harder for you to see me as oh so pathetic and useless now, won’t it?” “Aaron, I never did.” Everything about Robert’s efforts at honest innocence is far too persuasive. “I’m still not sure how you got that idea stuck in your thick head.” “Is that why you dashed like crazy to the hospital today? Because you don’t see me as a weakling?” Aaron tended towards the cynical, but he never realised he had a good amount of harsh sarcasm in him, as well. “I was terrified for you, yeah. I’m not gonna apologise for that, you idiot. I’ve been checking up on your treatment at the clinic and I know you didn’t reschedule any of your appointments with another therapist. How am I supposed to not worry when I’m aware of that? I contacted Dr. Jutla and she told me it wouldn’t be a good idea for me to try and convince you to try again with someone else. She’s rightly reminded me that you’re as stubborn as a mule.” “You talked to her?” All of that effort that Robert didn’t have to make once their appointments were over… for Aaron? Why? “Of course I did. You can’t go on without daily sessions, you know that, right?” “She might have mentioned that.” “Aaron, please. I get that I let you down when I used your treatment to try and find out if you’re available, but you can’t harm yourself because I ruined your faith in physiotherapy. I promise, the clinic can find you someone else to continue your sessions with and practically any other therapist is going to restore your trust as a clent. They’ll be one hundred percent professional, whoever is assigned to you next.” He babbles on, but Aaron doesn’t really listen to most of that, having been caught off by what he guesses was an unintended confession. “Wait, you what? If I’m available?” Robert blushes and his voice, which was raw and earnest in his attempt to be convincing, grows smaller, more closed off. It’s as if he didn’t register while he was talking how vulnerable he was making himself by putting the truth out there and making admissions he wasn’t supposed to. His next words have notes of strain in them and the colour never leaves his cheeks. “You’re not some pathetic nobody. I’ve never seen you like that. I’ve met a lot of people who’ve had to deal with more shit than anyone should. And somehow, you’re still the strongest person I know. It’s something about your attitude, the way you never seek to make things easy for yourself, you just want things to be right and… you take my breath away.” It’s clear he doesn’t want to say these words, but in a way, that makes them come across as even more sincere. “I shouldn’t wanna ask you out, I shouldn’t have used our sessions to pry into your dating status, but I did and that hurt you. I’m sorry, I really am.” Aaron’s limbs, which felt heavy and sagging but a few minutes ago, are refilled with energy and they move him into a sitting position to confront Robert without him giving it a single thought. He searches the man’s face for any sign of hidden malice or covert mockery. He doesn’t find any, only that the colour of those bright eyes is deeper than ever and is pulling him in. “Ask me out? How can you do that if you’re married?” “I’m…” Robert looks stunned for a second, then he holds his hands up. They’re completely bare. “You mean my wedding ring?” The skin is a little paler where it used to be. Aaron frowns. “You took it off?” “Yeah. That was long overdue, you helped me realise that. My wife, Chrissie… my ex wife. She was gorgeous. And smart, rich and driven. Everything I always thought I’m meant to want. She wasn’t very forgiving, though. She ran into this bloke I used to fool around with and that’s how she found out I’m bisexual and hadn’t told her before our wedding. I think it wounded her pride to find out there was something other people were aware of about me that she wasn’t. Told me she could never have faith in me again if I was capable of hiding from her a part of who I am. She filed for divorce, but I didn’t want to accept that. It felt like too much of a failure, to have my marriage be over because of a small, insignificant issue.” “She didn’t get how difficult it is to own up to a part of yourself that you don’t like. And you didn’t want to admit that part of you is significant.” Robert’s eyes were cast downwards and he seemed caught up in reliving his tale, but at this, he looks up at Aaron. “That’s exactly right.” “But if that’s where you are, how could you think of asking me out? I’m connected to that part of who you are that you don’t like.” That was met with a head shake. “That’s what it would seem like, wouldn’t it? I’ve wanted to be with guys before and I always hated myself for that. And I never liked them. Their bodies maybe, but that was it. Not now, though, not with you, Aaron. I like you. I more than like you. Do you know how hard it’s been to touch you and hold back? To lean over you, look down at your lips and not kiss you? I probably should be more ashamed of myself than I was about any of those other blokes, but… I’m not. You’re the best person I know, so if there’s a part of me that wants ya… I think it might be the best part of me.” Aaron closes his eyes and reopens them. And this was the man he threatened with accusations of homophobia, he thinks to himself. He looks at the spot where Robert’s hands have been dropped back onto his knees, as motionless as he sounds hopeless with his confession. He isn’t trying to gain anything here. He’s perplexed and apologetic and trying to make sense of his world shifting on its axis. There are so many ways in which they both have been wrong, about and for each other. Aaron’s done with that now. He’s gonna be that brave man Robert believes him to be. He’ll go with his gut on what’s right and shut out everything else. He picks up one of those hands that has driven him near crazy, lightly squeezes it in his own, lets himself feel it as he brings it to his lips and kisses it with great care. He looks up to meet Robert’s gaze, full of wonder. He smiles at it and slowly, because admissions don’t come naturally to him either, he shares, “I couldn’t agree to anyone else being my therapist, no matter how much pressure they put on me to do that. I want you, and only you. You’re the only one who can help me breathe.” He leans forward and Robert, who looks like he’s moving without even fully processing what’s going on, meets him halfway for a scorching kiss.

#nooneelsecomesclose17 #robron #robron secret valentine #robronsecretvalentine #robron fanfiction #fanfiction

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tombeane-blog · 3 years ago

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It's Never Too Late To Change

The Internet thinks I'm a Transvestite. Or maybe it thinks I'm a young single career women looking to attract a mate... In today's multigendered world, maybe the Omniverse has come to the conclusion that I need to begin identifying as a young, healthy, girluptiously attractive female trapped in a slightly paunchy, somewhat baldy, middle-aged man's body. (78 is the new 45.) Perhaps I should step back and explain. Some time in the past few weeks I must have clicked on a link to a link or something. Maybe I was closing out one of those ads that pop-up over and over on every site you visit these days and while attempting to close it, I mis-clicked my mouse and I opened the ad instead. Happens to the best of us. Whatever the cause, now it doesn't matter what I'm browsing for or what links I go to, my screen is constantly filled with pop-up ads for Sexy Frilly Women's Unmentionables! At first I was like, "That's cute." but soon it changed to, "What the?" I hoped after a few weeks the Metaverse's attention would be diverted by something else I clicked on - lawnmower ads or specials on ammo. I even clicked on a Youtube video of John Wayne more than once. But no dice. The Digital Universe stays insistent on identifying me in its own way. I cannot seem to convince the Internet that I'm still that same macho, manly, grizzled male I've always been.

"C'mon Man! I joined the Navy for Cripes sake! Life on the line - stuff like that. I was even at that big alcohol fueled brawl at the NATO club in Naples in 1963. Been there, got the T-shirt. I proudly own an 80 lb working dog instead of one of those pansy purse puppies that women like." "I check all the boxes!" I shout into the void, "Plug these facts into your "Tom Knowledge Base 78.11.21" and give me back my dignity you virtual bozo! The void responds with silence.

Could I be the one in the wrong here? How much does the Internet know about me and how accurate is it? Answering these two questions requires some serious look seeing. Let's give this some hard core scientific analysis. Let's give it a real fact based once over. Forget clicked on sites. Let's do a deep, detailed dive into personality specifics that no one but we know about. The things we can't hide from, the things we can't fake. The kind of identables that no one admits to themselves even when all alone, at home, in the dark.

That's right, we are going to research what the Planets and Stars know about our core identities, our selfs, our I. Seems like the logical thing to do. After all, the Planets and Stars were aligned there the day we were born and have known us all our lives. Let's get started shall we? According to one horoscopical site - I am a, "Visionary, progressive soul who loves to spend time thinking about how things can be better. Quick to engage with many friends...making the world better collaboratively." Hmmm. Encouragingly accurate. But I need a second opinion from another site....."Original. Brilliant. Witty. Cuddly. Creative and Unique. Slightly Odd." Now that is dead on except for that "Odd" bit. No way that's true - but now I'm a little less skeptical. Maybe there's some sound science behind this Planet Alignment stuff after all. For the real acid test, I decided to ask the Planets and Stars about you. According to the all the ones and zeros in the Digitized Cosmos, you are, "Adaptable. Intelligent. Kind. Direct and honest. Somewhat materialistic and likes the good things in life. Reliable, patient and loyal to friends." Wow! Do we need any more proof? Turns out the Artificial Intelligence Algorithms on the Internet really do know us down to a T - probably better than even our friends and family know us. But in my case, I don't think it could have gotten information this accurate from a few browses and clicks. I'm suspecting that Alexa has been snooping on me as well. "Alexa, have you been snooping on me?" "Alexa?......Alexa?......Alexa!" Alexa may think she can ignore me but it's not over between the two of us.

Regardless, the fact of the matter is - now I'm really confused. If the Electromagnetic Whereververse knows me better than I know myself.....well.... who or what am I? My scientific research seems to strongly suggest that the Internet is right and I am wrong. So what should I do about it? Only one way to find out. Finish the research. That's the only way I'll ever really know for sure.

"Hello, Amazon?" I'll start with something basic - maybe in black - not too sexy - and then see where it goes.

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pharaohsparklefists · 7 years ago

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Episode 105, part 1: we should all get an AWARD for sitting through this duel tbh

At the beginning of the episode, Jounouchi helpfully recaps in two sentences what it took me three whole posts to do, that is, he started to duel ~Judge Man~...

Love the way “bit too” is emphasised. It makes me hear it in like a dorky British comedian way, like Richard Ayoade or something.

Anyway, Jounouchi presses on, cleaving tight to his ultimate strategy:

[voice=advertisement] Dueling and it’s not going your way? Lacking a coherent strategy? Unsure how to win? From an experienced finalist of both the kidnapping extravaganza, Duelist Kingdom, and the massive corporate overreach, Battle City, comes the ultimate strategic Duel Advice(tm): Don’t bother thinking about it!! [/voice]

Jounouchi’s not doing great but he’s sure he can turn it around by using Devil Dice to reduce Judge Man’s monster’s attack points. The dice initially lands on a six, comes to a complete stop, then suspiciously RISES UP OFF THE GROUND, SPINS WILDLY, AND LANDS ON A ONE

Yes, Jounouchi, A ONE.

No one points this out as being OBVIOUSLY WILDLY SUSPICIOUS. Against the nature of dice, and physics, and games, and everything. Easily explained by the fact that Jou’s opponent can change his own appearance, make entire courtrooms appear, etc etc, because THEY’RE IN A VIRTUAL REALITY.

But no. No one comments. Except this fucko. In his head. Like a loser who wants to be an ~~eeevil mastermind~~.

Once again. Why. Did he change into Judge Man. When he could use. An equally virtual simulacrum of his real body?????????

Anyway! Jounouchi’s not worried. He got quote-unquote unlucky with Devil Dice, but Angel Dice will sort him out! If he can raise the attack of his OWN monster, that’s just as good!

... It’s a one-in-thirty-six chance, Jounouchi. Exactly the same chance as both dice landing on six, which they both did, before Judge Man intervened.

I wonder if -- going with the idea that the Virtual World is sort of pliable, and Judge Man is just exerting his will on the digital reality, as perhaps Yami did when he walked on the water -- Jounouchi did it too, unconsciously, willing the dice to land on six? And Judge Man took it a step further then, moving the dice after they already landed, which Jou “can’t” do because he doesn’t realise it would actually work if he only tried?

Anyway, the cheer squad is appalled -- APPALLED -- by this statistically unlikely but not impossible event:

Judge Man continues the duel, drawing Pot of Greed, to which Jounouchi, with the swiftness and inevitability of a lethal superheated cloud of gas and tephra obliterating everything in its path as it flows at up to 700km/hr down the side of an explosive andesitic volcano #pyroclasticflowjokes, replies:

“Whatever does it DO????”

Faced with TWO WHOLE NEW CARDS FROM JUDGE MAN’S DECK, Jounouchi decides to do the only thing he can do, really really lean in hard on the gambling deck:

This fuckin card is literally just called Gamble. (Or rather, gyanburu.) You gamble on it.

It’s the gamble card.

Look, where the hell are they getting these silver coins with the Eye on one side??? No one comments on them, they’re not a VR thing, they must already have them. It made almost no sense that Yugi had one, it makes even less sense that Jounouchi has one.

Also I want one.

Jounouchi places his faith in one last draw gamble

Is there? Do we think there is? Is this a real thing? I thought it was a metaphor but now he seems genuinely worried that “she” has abandoned him. Like demi-gods are canonically real, in their universe. I wonder if Pegasus trapped her in a fucking card for their fucking card game...

And Judge Man gets all judgey... #quellesurprise

Look, fucko, like, broadly speaking, I agree with you. The gambling gimmick is kind of crap, and is clearly powered by the engine of Plot, and is a super weird choice for Jounouchi specifically (”raised” by an abusive, alcoholic gambler in the manga, leaving him with maladaptive coping mechanisms). But you didn’t LURE HIM INTO IT. He had literally one card left in his hand, OF COURSE he used the Gamble card. He’s running a fucking gambling deck. What was he supposed to do? Summon new cards from the ether? I mean, MAYBE. That’s the kind of shit you might be able to do in VR, but Jou doesn’t know that. Whatever.

Speaking of “maladaptive coping mechanisms”, where are the Kaiba bros?

Taking a break from shouting at the sky, Seto listens to Mokuba shout at the sea.

Really, Mokuba? Why? Why did this identical door make you think that it wouldn’t be like all the other identical doors, which have so far just led to startlingly beautiful landscapes or terrifyingly accurate recreations of your own memories?

After calling Noah a jerk who pisses him off #hardsame, Mokuba goes in for the killing blow

Seto: Ah, so you DO admire him?

Mokuba: ???

Anyway then, I swear to god, Seto just goes RIGHT back to shouting at the sky, and Noah...

... gets some kind of creepy-ass kick out of it, idk.

Let’s check back in on the duel:

Ah, a fine contender for Out Of Context Yu-Gi-Oh! Bullshit

Oh, by the way, were you wondering if Judge Man kept up the ridiculous judge roleplay shit throughout the duel?

HE SURE DID (actually only intermittently, which is funny, because he would switch pronouns: he uses kimi (you, informal) for Jounouchi mostly but switches to anata (you, formal) when he’s Judging)

Jounouchi busts out the last line of defense, the stalward veterans of dicey situations, the tried-and-true self-sacrificing heroes...

ADORABLE FUZZY GOAT-BABIES

Judge Man slices through them in two consecutive turns using his two active monsters and I didn’t bother screencapping it because (a) it was boring and (b) it was even boringer the second time, which was reused animation with the goats re-coloured #smh

Jounouchi’s friends are chinnily worried and Yugi is specifically suspicious...

Yami is also suspicious...

“He didn’t lose, Yugi. He failed.”

The writing on this show is truly scintillating.

Just as Yugi and Yami blotchily agree that something Suspicious is up, an Angel from On High shines the Divine Light of Heaven unto the duel arena with the most glorious of news...

Halle-fuckin-lujah!

#spoiler alert: it is not actually cancelled #T____T #episode 105 #sparklefists watches ygo #Yu-Gi-Oh!#Jounouchi Katsuya #yugi #yami yugi #Anzu Mazaki

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thedoodlezoo · 7 years ago

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Brownies (Michael x Heere!Reader)

A/N: Requested by anon!! Gender neutral, too. I realized a few of my works are gender neutral, I’m prolly gonna mark them next time I do my masterlist! Enjoy my first Michael oneshot :))

W/c: 1758 ———-

The Three Musketeers. The Golden Trio. The Three Amigos.

That was always you, your brother and Michael Mell, for as long as you could remember.

You guys had matching costumes every single year on Halloween, played Mario Kart every day after school, and camped out in the Heere backyard eating junk food whenever someone had a bad day. You were only a year younger, but they never treated you as such. Michael and Jeremy viewed you as an equal; they even let you be player one, once in a blue moon.

It was a dream come true.

Then they “grew up”. Jeremy started to dismiss you when Michael came over when he was 14. You still hung around for the occasional round of Apocalypse of the Damned or helped with a math problem every so often, but most days were spent at home while your brother got stoned in Michael’s basement.

Even so, your brother’s best friend still gave you butterflies when he made an appearance. ———–

“Dude… dude, do you smell that?” Michael inhaled again, taste buds watering and lips curling into a goofy smile.

“Oh, [name] is probably just making brownies. Does that when they’re nervous,” Jeremy shrugged, obviously used to it.

“Still? I haven’t seen them do that since we were in, like, seventh grade. Remember, before that big spelling bee?” Michael smiled at the memory. “I’ve never seen so much stress in such a small body,” he shook his head. “Old habits die hard, I guess,” Jeremy leaned to one side, eyes glued to the screen as his fingers glided across the controller. He didn’t have another word on the subject, and Michael dropped it while making a mental note to get some brownies at a later time.

After intensely playing (and flunking) level nine of Apocalypse of the Damned for what seemed to be the millionth time, Michael decided he needed to stretch his legs.

“I’m going upstairs. Need anything?” He tilted his head, rubbing his eyes.

“How about a healthy sleep schedule or motivation to complete mundane tasks?” Jeremy yawned, too tired to monitor his satire.

“Um, how about a Coke instead, buddy?” Michael offered his best friend with a chuckle. Jeremy was already curled up on his beanbag chair, drifting slowly into a state of sleep.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. That’ll suffice,” he mumbled with a sleepy grin.

The creek of the floorboards alerted you of somone’s presence as you took the brownies out of the oven.

“Well, look who finally came put of the basement! You want a- oh!” You smiled, putting the tray on the counter. “Hey, Michael,” you waved as he came next to you. He’d gotten taller since you last compared your heights, and his signature hoodie had more patches than you remembered.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” he chuckled lightly, leaning against the granite island in the center of the kitchen.

“Oh, no, I was just expecting Jeremy,” you shrugged. “You’re a pleasant suprise,” you nodded, meeting his eyes. The familiarity of them made you melt- they hadn’t aged a day since you first looked into them, and you loved them endlessly.

“So, why all the sweets?” Michael raised an eyebrow, shoving his hands in his pockets to resist touching the hot tray of goodies.

“Sophomore year,” you sigh. “It really takes a toll on ya,” you say dramatically with a giggle. Michael couldn’t help but smile.

“That’s what has your stomach in knots? It’s only September!” He scoffed, though he understood completely. High school is hell.

“I mean, yeah. Tenth grade? That’s like, double digits! There’s drama, too. Loads,” you insist.

“Don’t I know it,” Michael muttered, taking a chunk of brownie in his mouth.

“Relationship trouble, too. Seems as if the world is only turning if there’s trouble in that department,” you groan, and it got Michael’s attention.

“Is Mini Heere in a relationship? Does Jeremy know?” He teased, trying to keep jealousy from slipping into his voice.

“Nope, no relationship to tell about,” you sigh, taking your own brownie. “I guess that’s the problem,”

Michael bit his lip in thought.

“Ya know, you don’t have to be in a relationship. Dating is whack, anyway. Guy, gal, other, doesn’t matter. Being single isn’t all that bad. I mean, look at me!” He laughed a little, and you couldn’t help but join him. Michael was good like that- he also knew how to make you laugh.

“Do you remember how we ‘dated’, for like two days?” You nudged him gently. “Back when you and Jer were like, twelve?” You reminisced, cheeks pink.

“How could I forget? Jeremy wouldn’t look me in the eye for a whole thirty minutes,” Michael nodded. “and then we ended it two days later because I wouldn’t let you cut in front of me in the ice cream line at lunch,” he added.

Michael’s hand wandered to the tray the same time as yours, hands touching. His hand lingered, but he pulled it away hastily after the realization hit him. In all honesty, he was more afraid of making you uncomfortable than embarrassing himself.

“S-sorry,” you grab the tray and hand him the last brownie without making eye contact.

“It was an accident, don’t be silly. It’s no big deal,” Michael raised an eyebrow in confusion as he leaned against the counter.

“Right, why should it be?” You climbed up on the counter next to the sink, mindlessly rearranging the letters on the fridge.

“[Name]…what is it? I know you’re stressed and all, but my dude, I personally promise you that you’ll make it out of sophomore year alive. You’ve got the Michael Mell guarantee.” He grinned, accompanying the promise with two thumbs up.

“Its nothing, really,” you insisted with a giggle. “I’m worrying about things I don’t even need to worry about right now. Like, what if I say something dumb in class or make a fool of myself, and then no one will want to take me to prom, even though that’s a whole like two years away, they’ll-”

“If it means that much to you, I’ll go to prom with you,” Michael looked up at you, eyes full of sincerity. “I mean, you know, if you don’t have a date by that time.” He remedied.

“You would do that for me?” You leaned back a little.

“Of course I would, [name]. You’re part of the Dream Team. We always look out for one another,” he said.

“Thank you, Michael,” you hopped down from the counter and threw your arms around him. The boy reciprocated, lost in thought as various memories flooded his head.

Michael’s bedroom underwent many changes since then. The cheap fluorescent stars on the ceiling gradually fell off, the collage of pictures on the wall got bigger, and even the Spider-Man sheets on the bed took their leave eventually. You, Jeremy and Michael and been hanging out on that February afternoon, celebrating your science fair win with a game of Monopoly.

“M-Michael!” You were in a fit of giggles on the floor.

“Say it, [name]!” He tickled you mercilessly, and you fought to catch your breath.

“F-fine! You were right, the bottle rocket wasn’t l-lame!” You admitted, and he ceased tickling you.

“Was that so hard, dude?” Jeremy propped himself up on his elbows, rolling the dice.

“Shush, dorkface,” you stuck out your tongue. Your ten year-old self was glowing with pride at such a quip.

Jeremy stuck his tongue out in return, getting up with a groan.

“Two mixed berries and an apple juice?” He asked, earning a nod from you and Michael. With that, he went downstairs, leaving you and Michael in the silence.

“Mikey, is it true?” You turned to him, speaking in a hushed voice. “Did Jer seriously kiss someone? For real?” You were in shock, but admittedly impressed.

“They just, like, collided on the playground. He wasn’t looking where he was going, and CRASH! Right into Chloe Valentine. He swears they kissed then and there,” Michael shrugged.

“Hey, Mikey?” You looked at the floor, admiring his Batman socks.

“Yeah, [name]?” He smiled a toothy smile, sticking his tongue in the gap between his teeth out of habit.

“Have…have you ever kissed anyone?” You looked up, watching his expression change from bliss to immense thought.

“Nope,” Michael shrugged again, popping the ‘p’. It wasn’t really on his immediate to-do list.

“Do you wanna?” You scooched a bit closer.

“I mean, I guess. If someone were to offer,” he was trying to piece together where you were going with this.

“What if we kissed? Just for like, a second, just to know what it was like!” You suggested. You were curious, and were crazy for Michael Mell, and found it to be a win-win situation.

He nodded. “Yeah, I guess,” He didn’t really think romance at a young age was a necessary thing, and didn’t plan on his first kiss until he was maybe twenty at least, but he was curious. Was it really everything people made it out to be?

The two of you both shut your eyes painfully tight, leaning toward each other as your lips touched gently. It seemed to be over before it even started, both of you pulling back immediately after making contact with the other.

Michael’s hands brushed against his lip as you returned to your spot on the carpet.

“Juice boxes, anyone?” Jeremy held them up aa he came through the door, oblivious to the silence.

Michael felt a tap, and he was ripped from his train of thought.

“You okay?” You raised an eyebrow, looking up at him with your arms still around him.

“Hm? Oh, yeah.” He nodded. “[Name]? Can I, like, kiss you?” Michael looked down at you, taking your face in his hands.

“Go for it,” you tried to sound casual, but to no avail.

Michael pressed his lips to yours, smiling gently. It was a rollercoaster compared to your first. His lips were rougher, more eager for you. You felt… wanted.

You felt your face heating up as your hands ran through his hair, and his hands made his way to your waist.

Both of your eyes flew open as you heard the fizzle of a soda can, and the two of you flew apart to see Jeremy sipping his Coke with a smitten face.

“Dad owes me twenty bucks,” your brother closed the fridge, going back downstairs without another word.

#michael mell #be more chill #bmc #bmc imagine #michael x reader #bmc x reader #be more chill x reader #be more chill imagine

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fmlfpl · 5 years ago

Photo

Lineup Lamentations - DGW24

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week!

—

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Vardy, Pereira, Dendoncker

IN (for -4 points hit): Haller, Gomez, Mahrez

Time to move it around and shake it up.

***Disclaimer though - I only did the defense move as of the time of this writing. I want to see if there is any news when I wake up but if not these will be my moves.***

After spending the rest of Sunday bugging out, broadly speaking, about what to do with Periera I decided after further consultation to just get Joemez. The money seemed like it was needed elsewhere and ultimately I didn't feel that the 1.2m was best spent in looking for VVD goals. As shouted on the pod..cheapest route into the clean has always generally a good rule of thumb to follow. After that is where my brain melted.

Obviously I was extremely hot in the pants for Mahrez...and I did the Joemez with half a mind to do Tony M to Mahrez the following day. Then I realized that there were so many more doors before my very eyes!

My 11th starter has been really problematic for quite a while...mainly since I brought Kun in and have all these cheap fucks at the edge of my squad. I will be on suicide watch when Vardz bangs against Wet Spam but ultimately he felt like someone I could do without given their difficult incoming fixtures. Turning him and a dead spot on my team into two real things feels very solid for the immediate term and will let me bench defenders with questionable fixtures who I otherwise would have had to start.

Haller is really just a Dings placeholder...and feels very fun in this moment. Didn't really look at him until Monday but he's low key been putting up good underlying stats recently. Sure the DGW are rough on paper fixtures but who knows....I want to feel alive. I owned him earlier in the season and I don't really remember it being that bad? Or it was so bad that I blacked it out of my memory. Who is to say for sure?

Dings has Palace and Livp these next two...with a shout to be rested tomorrow to boot. Haller has Brighton GW25 so it seems like a pretty low cost punt for these two to maybe get lucky. I'm backing my eye test of Leic looking fucked up and binning Vardz although I am fully aware of the risk here. Could end up being a catastrophe..he's still really highly owned...but if he does blank against West Ham I expect a fire sale ahead of their difficult run.

Mahrez in is just..so good. The feels are strong with him and I'm rolling triple City attack right now. We'll see if this has me fly or plummet.

GK:

Schmeichel (WHU)

Woodman god I hope Woodman is in the actual Prem soon I love him so much. He'll keep the spot warm for the long eight day gameweek while Kasper thinks about what he's done on the bench.

Fucking hate watching him..just sits on his fuckin line all game like DDG. Not expecting a clean at all this week.

DEF:

Finally only throwing three defenders out for the first time in what feels like maybe all fucking season. Dunno.

Alexander-Arnold & Gomez (wol, whu)

Back on double Livp defense after I conveniently got rid of Robbo right about exactly before they started their run of infinity cleans in a row like the genius that I am. Trent and Joemez in for the double..nothing really to say here.

Willians (BUR)

Alongside is another red - baby Will has a home banker against Burnley.

As long as they can keep their noses clean on set pieces a clean at home feels pretty good to me. Bwill can fucking chill and running up and down the wing against the likes of Hendrick or whoever the fuck will feel like a walk in the park compared to having to deal with Mo last game.

MID:

Salah (wol, whu)

Speaking of Mo, hi Mo. GLHF Mo.

Martial (BUR)

Tony M stays...I really had a hard time with him..but ultimately he's still playing up top and is now presumably on pens..for a sortakinda top six team.

I still feel like he'll trickle in points with goals here and there even though their fixtures are pretty mixed. Again, I still don't know what "good" fixtures look like for United nor do I expect to. As long as Martial is fit and starting he scores in this league. Looked good against Livp and has a home banker this GW. He stays.

Mahrez & De Bruyne (shu)

New boy Mahrez joins old friend ging god Kevin for the double up in mid on City.

Mahrez pretty sexy guy lately and it would've felt dirty to have been going so insane about him on the pod and not to buy him in my team. SheffU away is a rough fixture but the way he has been looking lately I back him to get points against anyone.

FWD:

Maupay (bou)

Neal..oh Neal. I don't even know anymore with Neal. Another good fixture but ugh he's been frustrating. Another almost goal at the end of the game for him this weekend I was having flashbacks to that Everton chance a few games ago. He's still sooo good eye test and build up and IRL stuff but it's just not there yet for FPL points. The team doesn't create a ton in open play and he's a concern. Fixtures turn soon so he's on borrowed time. Would be nice if he could put up one nice score before I bin him. At Edward is always a good time and place to start.

Agüero (shu)

Kun feels hard to drop right now but who knows what his fitness levels are like. Either way he's on song and is going nowhere.

Haller (lei, LIV)

Last guy is Sebby Haller. As mentioned earlier has been putting up very solid stats lately and really just rolling the dice here on the big man up top with two games this gameweek. Stranger things have happened and I'm going with the high ceiling play in the DGW.

TRIPLE CAP:

Salah (wol, whu)

Mo.

Derek, that sweet summer child, really just put me in my place on the pod when we discussed this topic. When he uses the triple cap he wants “to go for it.”

Simple words from a complex and cultured man.

Mo has hat trick potential every game he walks on the pitch.

Sure, Trent has a pretty high ceiling also...but assists from corners and goals usually from direct frees are hard to predict. Mo is Mo...it was always going to be Mo.

—

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Guilbert, Sarr, Jiménez

IN (for -4 points hit): Alexander-Arnold, Grealish, Haller

Fuck it man I don’t know.

I didn’t need to hit at all I’m doing it for pure fun with the chance of spiking something.

Guilbert and dead Sarr to Trent and Jack is very easy and obvious and good - I feel like I do not need to address those transfers at all.

Jim on the other hand my nemesis needed to be fucked off. I just can’t stand looking at him in my team at all anymore. He has home Liverpool same as Haller so basically cancels out there and then Haller has the additional fixture and the way better fixture next week too.

I might Wildcard next week but I don’t know, I’m living in the now and right now I want my big french love of life Haller to do some things.

Hitting while on a loss in the FML FPL Cup is probably very stupid but I am also probably definitely very stupid and bad at FPL... Don’t really know what I’m doing at this juncture and sorta don’t really care.

Come on Haller.

GK:

Ryan (bou)

Whatever fucking Mat with one T just cannot get it done anymore.

Cleans in GWs 1-15: 4

Bonus points in GWs 1-15: 11

Cleans since I got him GWs 16-23: 1

Bonus points in GWs 16-23: 0

Feels bad man.

DEF:

van Dijk & Alexander-Arnold (wol, whu)

Delightful double.

I called that VVDong on last week’s lambs which is cool. I wish this game was H-O-R-S-E rules and I got a bonus for calling my shot but alas it’s not and it’s horrible... Well Hammers and Wolves aren’t as bad as Man. Utd. at set piece defending but they’re not great either so maybe Virge will be in the mood again and propel me to the moon?

Trent needs no words.

Hoping for the double clean and anything else is a bonus boner.

Söyüncü (WHU)

Still very cleanable but is anything really cleanable for Leicester anymore? TBD.

Is this GW1 darling SoyBoy’s final game in my side? Possibly. And if I Wildcard then definitely.

So much TBD.

MID:

Salah (wol, whu)

Mo hitting some form. He looks great lately.

De Bruyne (shu)

We just hold Kev.

Maddison (WHU)

Another of my Leicester triple to be fucked off next week if I Wildcard and Maddo may still go even if I don’t Wildcard... he was flying for a while and then getting demolished by City and Liverpool back to back may have fucked this team up.

Grealish (WAT)

Lol @ Me shouting Jack for GW1 team and the not having the confidence or balls to actually do the thing.

Here we are it’s GW24 and I’m just getting him for the first time when he’s already bagged a few double digit hauls and over 100 points. Fucking Lol @ Me that’s my season in summary.

FWD:

Vardy (WHU)

One last hurrah? Another Fox another chopping block as far as I’m concerned.

It’s been not really a fun ride since everyone had Vardz and everyone capped Vardz almost every week so it’ll feel good to fuck him off soon.

Home Hammers come on go make a statement Leicester COME ONNNN.

Calvert-Lewin (NEW)

Backed the marriage of stats+eye-test and got paid for it with 8 points last week. Still love DCL for these next three fixtures NEW wat CRY - team looks pretty good and he looks good. Like the kid.

Haller (lei, LIV)

It’s a punt. Nothing more then that.

It’s also a stupid punt draining 4 points from my team but it’s 4 points I’m willing to gamble with clearly.

Maybe he does a thing. Ya never know. Leicester been the opposite of solid since the Ndidi injury and Liverpool I mean again - ya never know.

He’s class and his stats are great just need those to turn into some points come on Seb.

Allons-y! Alonzo!

TRIPLE CAP:

Salah (wol, whu)

Ride together, die together.

We’ve always been Mo boys gotta say.

I don’t think either of us have owned Mane in actually years (the s makes it plural). It’s not smart but we’re just Mo boys I don’t know what else to say. Did you see his bod? I mean...

Pens and form and eye-test and maybe it’ll be a 4231 with him up top vs. Wolves like it was last time which would also be great for us.

The machine... go on... it’s fucking time...

Got some catching up to do in the Golden Boot race too.

It has to start somewhere. It has to start sometime. What better place than here? What better time than now? All, hell, can’t stop us now.

—

NOT RANDOM SLACKER OF THE WEEK: Barik G9

The words of Random Slacker are not officially endorsed by this website nor any employees of FML FPL LLC.

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Abraham & Hayden

IN: Greenwood & Moura

Time to stop being a passive little bitch and spend the transfer I've been floating since I WC'd in GW13.

I suppose I haven't had too many fires to put out considering I've been floating for actual 10 GWs, but Tamela looking like a ball-fumbling fuck and the death of Marcus Rashford (F) is enough to push me into a new 3-5-2 formation for the first time this season.

Is 90% of the reason I'm getting Lucash because I'm a Mou fanboy? I sink so. I like the 7.1 for a forward shout, even on a team looking diabolical. After all, I have Tony too, don't I?

Wait, do I have 5 strikers now? Seems good.

GK:

Ryan (bou)

Ryan has been pretty awful since Alon killed him by bringing him in, but let's see how he gets on against a relegation zone Bournemouth.

I've stopped expecting cleans from him altogether, how about some saves pls? Kill for a 4 pointer from the 3 point merchant.

DEF:

Stephens (cry)

I got on the Stephens train last week and now I'm giving him the start ahead of Soyboy amidst a horrific Leicester team that can't defend for its life without Ndidi. Go on, Jack. Clean against Woy's boys one time.

Gomez & Alexander-Arnold (wol, whu)

The double festivities begin.

It's hilarious to watch people trip themselves over whether Gomez is a good pick, worrying about his place in the team when he's getting points for fun. Was said on the pod this season that sometimes people go into "wait and see" mode when they should be getting the player in and squeezing the points while they can. Is 5.2 for a player that cleans every week good?

He's nailed and first choice alongside VVD until proven otherwise.

As we say in the South, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

*laughs in clean sheet points*

And what can I say about Trent? He assists like a midfielder with the right foot of a forward and the clean sheet points of a defender.

Trent is a god and if you don't own him you probably enjoy watching other people do your partner.

MID:

Mane (wol, whu)

Do I wish this said Mo instead of Mane? Perhaps.

Do I want to be like my ML rival schmuck who's spent 4 (FOUR) transfers this year switching between Mo and Mane like a coked up fiend? Absolutely not.

While I reckon Mo is the slightly better pick right now based on pens and my personal eye test, that only happened recently.

Mane has been on another level for a while now and I expect them to keep trading points throughout the upcoming amazing run.

Go on Sadio, double gameweek me into glory.

De Bruyne & Mahrez (shu)

Goddammit, as I type this why are all of my players away?

Our resident ginger goes to one of the toughest places in the league. Hopefully he'll do some Kev magic to break them down and not play DM.

And sometimes in life the stars just align perfectly, like transferring in Algerian legend Riyad right before he hauls for a 17 pointer and cuts my rank in half.

Shoutout to my boy Al on Slack who followed me on the punt that everyone wants to take now.

Even though he got a 1 pointer last week, he's still averaging 9 in my team if my math is correct, is that good?

I'm happy to own Mahrez for at least a few more, because truth be told he's even a shout to return off the bench when he doesn't start. It's happened before this season and it could happen again.

Stats are through the roof and eye test off the charts.

C'mon Mahrez, do the best you can under Fraudiola's audacity to ever bench you.

Martial (BUR)

I finally get to write about a home fixture and it's Manchester United. Fuck.

I'm not in the soothsayer game, so I'm not gonna try and predict how they look without Rash.

Instead, I'm just gonna hope that Tony keeps Tony'ing which means constantly dancing in and around the box like the beautiful French boy he is when fit.

I still believe.

Moura (NOR)

Finally, a home banker.

Queue Tottenham lose 1-0 and Mourinho blames the color of the match ball.

Hoping Norwich get absolutely duon (if Spurs 2.0 without Kane are even capable of such a thing) and Lucas is in and around the points. Doesn't get much better than this fixture wise.

FWD:

Vardy (WHU)

Still a steady hold for me until it's absolutely obvious to get rid.

Bring your vodka and your charlie because WHU are diabolical.

Ings (cry)

3 blanks from 11 starts in my side.

How much trouble will I be in if I name my first born Daniel?

What was at first going to be a ride-the-fixtures absolute punt is now easily a season long hold. Just knocked on wood so he can stay fit all season and keep ticking along.

TRIPLE CAP:

Alexander-Arnold (wol, whu)

The novelty of triple captaining a defender was too much to resist. When will this ever happen again? A defender is actually explosive enough to TC, playing for one of the best teams in PL history, with 2 good fixtures in a double gameweek and a 6 day break. Perfect storm.

This isn't just any defender, it's a guy who starts every game with a base score of 6 + any assists/dongs he gets. With 13 returns on the season, he gets a lot.

If City had this double and Trent played for them exactly the same way, perhaps I'd TC my City attackers. They're a relentless attack that wants the sixth when they're up 5-0, whereas Livp are content with turning cruise control on when they're up a goal or two. For those reasons, and the clean sheet potential, I personally see more upside going for Trent than Mane.

Here's the worst-average-best case scenario I envision:

Worst case: 8 points from a clean and blank. Surely they clean once at least, right?

8 x 3 = 24.

Not ideal.

Average case: ~12 points from two cleans or a blank and a double return game.

12 x 3 = 36.

Respectable.

Best case: Fuck me x 3 = triple fuck me.

Flying.

Feels weird to be putting my faith in someone even younger than me but here we are, I'm TC'ing a defender, and now it's on lambs which means no going back.

I've never felt more alive.

#lineup lamentations

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allronix · 7 years ago

Link

I’m following up from the posts of @artsyneurotic and @gay-jesus-probably However, I’m spinning off my own post because I know my fandom meta posts are ridiculously long. (And I’m probably going to cross-post this stuff on A03, along with the rest of my meta dumps for this fandom). Also, this is kinda specific to the scenario I work with, which is a fusion of 2.0 and Legacy canons. All quotes are from those fanfics.

Prior to The 1982 Film

Crown got up and began pacing. “Alan Thomas Bradley. Born September of 1950. Married Doctor Lora Baines in June of 1982. One son, Jethro, that currently works at Encom as a game designer, though he often goes uncredited on his work. Rather...ambiguous relationship with the departed Kevin Flynn. Was the CEO after Flynn's disappearance, but bumped to 'executive consultant' several years later.”

He had a conventionally white, lower-middle class Midwest background. Mom was a homemaker, Dad was a low-level foreman in a factory (having worked his way up from the line). Things were comfortable. He was enrolled in the Boy Scouts and will happily point out he’s an Eagle Scout if anyone tries to use the term disparagingly. The only real catch? His parents couldn’t have biological kids. He’s adopted. No real desire or interest in finding the birth parents, but his parents were significantly older than everyone else’s parents, he looked so different from them that there was no way in hell they’d ever be able to pass him off as their biological son even if age wasn’t a factor, and this was the 50′s-60′s, where the stigma of being an adoptee was even worse than it is today. Kids are cruel, adults are crueler (but far more insidious), and even his parents didn’t quite rise above the stigma. So he internalized the message of “You are damaged goods, lucky that anyone picked you up at all. Be quiet and don’t complain.” There was also the added pressure (half self-inflicted, this is Alan we’re talking about) to be a “good” and dutiful son in every way.

“No family,” he had to admit. “My parents...well, they couldn't have any of their own, and I was adopted when they were older...” Another glass of that punch was looking like a good idea, come to think of it.

Because his parents were much older when he was born, their health deteriorated rapidly when he was in his teens and college-age. He was their caretaker before finishing high school (graduating valedictorian), making the doctors’ appointments, paying the bills, running errands. So the way he shows someone he loves them is by making sure everything is squared away - all they have to do is show up, and all of it is taken care of. He’s planned everything out to the last detail, prepaid down to the last cent. Both of his parents died before his college graduation, so he was on his own much sooner than most people. The responsibility killed off the expected adolescent/young adult social life before it had a chance to develop. And the internalized “damaged goods” idea didn’t help matters when it came to making friends or dating. Heck, the Computer Science major alone was enough to get girls (and guys) making pleasant conversation before looking for other prospects. That was fine by him, really. He didn’t feel ready to be so vulnerable with anyone, and fully expected he would remain alone for the rest of his life.

His hard work and attention to detail got the attention of Gibbs, who hired him on at Encom’s R&D division, and while the hours were long and difficult, Alan came to look at Gibbs almost as a second father, investing all that loyalty in the old man and the company he built.

Lora Baines

Okay, assessing the facts. She had figured Alan was taken, gay, or both. None of the above turned out to be the case, and he just admitted he had a crush on he that he was just too painfully shy and honorable to do anything about.

The winds changed a bit for him when Gibbs brought aboard a new intern. Grad student, finishing up her Ph.D. Alan noticed she was incredibly brilliant...and incredibly hot. On his end, it was love at first sight. After all, this IS a Disney flick. And I’m basing this on how his software put his deity on hold to go and rescue Yori. That’s Rory Pond-level “born married.”

One problem; she had a boyfriend. That flashy, mouthy asshole with an ego the size of a small planet and all the raw talent and charisma Alan knew he didn’t have. Alan already didn’t like Flynn much, but this...this sure didn’t help. Add that to the “damaged goods” message he internalized, and that’s not helping either. So he resigned himself to keeping his mouth welded shut about that crush he had on Lora, and decided it would go no further than walking her to her car and making sure she got off company property safely. While it’s not his proudest episode, Alan was relieved when Flynn was run out the door and dumped by Lora. It meant that he didn’t have Mr. Flashy and Charismatic as competition any more. Lora pried out the truth at the Christmas party, and was expecting a one-night stand/fun rebound. What she wound up with was the most stable, steadfast husband material anyone could ask for.

I suspect that Lora and Alan had their own harrowing nightmare during the break-in while Flynn was stuck in cyberspace. There’s the scene where Dillinger is watching the trio via the cameras and Master Control scolds him “Get those programmers out of the system and get me that Chinese language file I requested. End of Line.” So, Dill Pickle and MCP KNEW that the trio were there. Master Control decided to try and kill Flynn, but...c’mon guys. Master Control and Dillinger HAD to have tried to kill Alan and Lora to keep them from disrupting the plan. This is one of those fanfics that NEEDS writing. At the very least, I figure Dillinger hired some mercenaries to infiltrate building security, and Master Control used everything from the building elevators to the fire suppression system to try and make sure Alan and Lora did not survive the night. Unfortunately for the bad guys, all three did survive - narrowly, but they survived.

They had the nice June 1982 wedding (Gibbs stood in for parents of the groom), and they had wanted to start a family right away, so Jethro was already en route (born December 21, 1982). They were planning on a quiet life together with a small army of kids. However, when Gibbs died and Encom shut down the Shiva Laser, the only people interested in continuing the research was the DoD. (Yay! We can teleport bombs anywhere!) So Lora left for what should have been a 6 month contract...that just kept getting extended. Worse, in 1994, there was an accident in the lab. Lora was digitized for six hours. She doesn’t remember what happened. But she didn’t come back “right” - she has chronic pain, and her body is breaking down on her. It’s a terminal condition, and the best the doctors can do is forestall the inevitable. However, the doctors who treat her are in Washington DC, which continues to keep her away from Alan and Jet. As Jet grew up, the kid suspected his parents were just married “on paper,” or pretending they still loved one another for his sake. This hits Alan very hard because nothing could be further from the truth.

If he wants to be honest with himself, he still feels he didn't earn his good fortune. He is anything but flashy, flamboyant, and charismatic. In his darker moments, he wonders if she didn't just pick him because he was just the “safe and sane” man who was more interested in fidelity and starting a family. The long separations don't help his doubts, but he loves her too much to hold her back, and she would never think of ripping him from his duties, either. They both owed Gibbs and Flynn that much.

So, he’s desperate. He’s already lost Flynn. He’s lost Gibbs. He can’t really hold the line at Encom. He can’t lose Lora, too. She’s his one and only, and he doesn’t even want to think about outliving her - it’s just too painful and lonely. So, he’s working on rebuilding the Shiva, taking advantage of the fact McKay is a moron who can’t think past stock tips. He’s going to rebuild the correction algorithms that allow organic matter to be digitized. Using those to correct the damage done to Lora would be his last roll of the dice to save her life. Even if it fails, it validates her life’s work. No, he still does not plan on outliving her by much - just enough to put his affairs in order. This is why he’s riding Jet so hard to have a secure future.

Kevin Flynn

Jet took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Tell me about him, Pop. I know the legend, the books, the guy who set up my first computer...there's only so much you understand when you're seven. What was he really like?"

Alan closed the book, looking at its fading cover. "He was...visionary, brilliant. The legends are understating it, Jet. They don't go into a quarter of the stunts that were pulled after-hours. I've never known anyone that could channel all that intelligence and charisma. He was a genuinely caring and generous man – easy to love, impossible to hate when you were in the same room with him. To him and Gibbs, Encom was never about the money. It was about innovation, pushing the boundaries of what technology could accomplish for the human condition. Profit was one of those happy accidents."

"There's a 'but' in there, Pop," Jet said.

"There is. The problem with Kevin Flynn was that he always had some kind of mask in place. It got progressively worse after Jordan passed away, until all you saw was the persona. Only the very, very lucky could catch a glimpse of the man. Your mother and I thought we were among the fortunate few who did..." He reached in his jacket pocket, pulled out the archaic beeper, and set it on the table. "Even then, who knows?"

As for Flynn? Well, nothing like risking death, jail, and six felonies in a night to make a fast friendship. And Gibbs wisely decided that Flynn needed Alan’s stability while Alan needed Flynn’s energy. Alan confessed to Jet that he considered Flynn to be the younger brother he never had. An older brother had the responsibility and duty to protect his younger brother. But Flynn kept secrets. Alan could never figure out in time what all those secrets were. Alan also blames himself for Flynn’s disappearance. If he had been more vigilant, asked more questions, found some clue that had been overlooked...

Yes, there are rumors - persistent ones - that there was some kind of menage a trois going on, or that Lora and/or Jordan were beards, or that Alan killed Flynn because he was tired of being in the shadow. Alan just tries to keep his mouth shut and rise above the rumors.

Jethro Bradley and Sam Flynn

Sam scowls and slams his beer on the counter. “When did you turn into your old man?”

“Don't start. He's been pushing for me to take some level six position and I've had to 'disappoint' him.” Jet grimaces. “Not looking forward to that lecture. Might be a moot point after tonight.”

“They don't know that you've been my silent partner during my visits, do they?”

“Dad suspects it, but he doesn't have proof,” Jet admits. “And I'm a little old to get grounded. But...things haven't been easy since...you know. It's like I'm losing him, and having to lie just makes it worse.”

Sam nods and puts a hand on Jet's back, silent support and understanding. “Yeah.”

“I guess part of me took the job so that I could keep an eye on him,” Jet says.

Alan did a lion’s share of raising the boys. There were just a few problems. A few BIG problems. First order of business was Sam. Now, Alan totally knew what the whole “my parents didn’t love me enough to stay?” felt like. Unfortunately, the way Alan chose to deal with that (stoically working harder to prove himself worthy of love) was so not going to fly with Sam, who unfortunately got Kevin’s flashy tendencies, rotten temper, and knack for causing trouble along with some severe anger management and abandonment issues. So that kept Alan’s hands full. And he was holding the line for Flynn and Gibbs at Encom. Oh, and a sick wife a coast away and the whole Flynn Lives movement, and...

Not now, Jet. Your dad’s busy. No, really, Jet. You need to be watching Sam. Jet, please. You HAVE parents. Sam has no one. Jet, can’t you be grateful? Now, your dad is very busy and needs to get his work done. Be quiet. Damn it, Jet, I expected better from you...

Yeah. Putting a seven year old in charge of an emotionally compromised six year old is going to end well. Telling a seven year old over and over again to shut up and be grateful he has parents? Yes, it’s true. It’s just not helpful, especially given that his mom is thousands of miles away and dad’s working triple overtime. Add in that Jet’s talents and inclinations don’t run in the same direction as his parents. I also took note of his parenting style in 2,0 canon and Tron’s “parenting” in Uprising canon. Alan’s a good man, but not a very good father. Yes, Alan managed to raise a kid with even lower self-esteem than he has. And Jet acts out because it seems to be the only way to get Alan’s attention. (Yes, it even got to the point of a suicide attempt, though Alan doesn’t learn it was a suicide attempt until the F-Con incident) Alan is angry because that really was a stupid thing to do and disappointed because damn it, he expected this out of Flynn’s kid, but not his OWN kid. Jet stuffs down his feelings until they try to talk, and then it’s an argument in five sentences or less...Alan just didn’t realize just how profoundly screwed up Jet was until the F-Con incident.

Worse, he’s shown Jet and Sam how much he loves them the best way he knows how - by making sure their futures are all set up. Signed, sealed, delivered. Sam’s got the CEO seat as soon as he walks in and claims it. Jet needs to be in some Level 6 position and work his way up the company to something more secure and respectable than games so he can support Sam. This is for their futures. This is the best thing for them and for Encom...so why aren’t they seeing that?

So this is where I have him at the start of Tron:Invasion (a Legacy-compliant adaptation of Tron 2.0, setting it 7 months prior to Legacy). This is going to help patch up a few things with Jet, but it also gets him seeing cyberspace, realizing how dangerous it is, and realizing F-Con was complicit, if not a contributor to Flynn’s disappearance. So, once Sam makes him Chairman, all but saying Kevin’s dead (and he finds the logs to confirm it), I know Alan’s going to snap. I know he’s going to try and do something very regrettable and drastic to try and “protect” his loved ones from the danger cyberspace and Programs represent, but I’m not entirely sure yet what form that would take.

#tron #tron legacy #tron 1982 #fandom meta #alan bradley #Headcanon

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bolatangkaslove-blog · 6 years ago

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10 Casino Games to Play Online

To play casino games there's not any need to have all dressed these days. You do not even need to leave the home, in case you do not feel like it. Casino games are available online and may be performed in the comfort of your home, 24 hours per day, 7 days per week.

The majority of the time that a one-time casino software download is essential, if you wish to play casino games on line. The program is generally directly on the internet casino site of your own choice.

Nowadays some casinos provide flash games that do not need a download. Personally I find the downloadable casinos much more practical as you do not need to start a browser every time you need to playwith. You merely play directly from your desktop computer.

All these are 10 casino games you can play on the internet:

1. Blackjack

Arguably among the most well-known card games on earth is Blackjack. The intention of the game is to acquire a hand mix closest to 21 as you can, without going over (busting).

The 2-10 cards are worth their numerical value. Face cards are valued at 10 and Aces could be worth 1 or 11. With time you will learn the likelihood of your hand breaking p trader's hand.

It essentially is a really simple game to learn to perform with, and worth investing some time around as it's likely to develop some fantastic skills that will significantly increase your winning chances in this sport.

2. Craps

Craps is a really exciting dice game. It is the quickest moving game in the casino tables using a massive selection of gambling and wagering choices. Even though a craps table may look pretty intimidating once you watch it for your very first time, but it's simpler than it seems. It is ideal to adhere to the basic stakes, as the more complicated ones the majority of the time don't provide you better winning chances.

3. Roulette

Largely two kinds of roulette are provided to gamers online: American Roulettes and European Roulettes. Since the American roulette wheel includes an additional 00 area, the European wheels have marginally better winning chances.

Within this arbitrary number game players might decide to put stakes either on a single number or a range of amounts, the colors red and black as well as the odd as well as ranges. The croupier spins the roulette wheel, which comprises coloured and numbered pocketsin 1 way, while he spins and releases just a tiny ball in the opposite direction on the round track of this wheel. After the ball finally loses its rate and drops into one of those (37 or 38) pockets of the wheel, then the winning amount (and consequently winning color and quantity range) of this round is set.

4. Mini Baccarat

Can be a card game using the specific same principles as conventional Baccarat, with the exception that gamers don't take turns being the banker. Six or seven players may be seated in a miniature Baccarat table and you will find 3 gambling spots each player equivalent to player and tie bets.

The intention of the game is to get as close to 9 as possible using two or three cards dealt to every player. 2-9 value cards signify their precise face value, and 10 and confront cards worth 0. The rating of the hand is the perfect digit of the total of those cards. As an instance, if both cards are an 7 and 8, which stinks 15 the worth of this hands is 5.

This is an enjoyable and fast paced game of pure chance.

5. Online Slots

Online slots are among the easiest online casino games you can playwith. When you begin the match you pick the amount of your wager (often 0.05$/$, 0.10$/$, 0.50$/1 or $ $/$ per spin) and the number of lines you'd love to playwith. Then you press the button to spin the reels.

Different slot machines offer different payouts for distinct image lineup mixtures. You may determine which pictures, and also just how many in a row allow you to win, at the cover tables of this slot machine you're playing on.

6. Online video poker

Video poker essentially is a poker based slot machine. The essentials of poker supply the basis for this match, and so the intention is to acquire any of the winning poker hands combinations.

It's among the most popular casino games now as it combines both the excitement and ability of poker using the rate of slot machines and a number of the top winning chances of any casino game.

7. Pai Gow poker

Pai Gow poker can be known as Double-hand poker. It's a variant of this Chinese Pai Gow domino game, played with cards bearing poker hands worth. The sport is played using the standard 52 cards regular such as a joker, which can be utilized as an ace, or to complete a straight, a flush or a straight flush. And the dining table has been set for 6 players and a trader.

The intent is to make two poker hands (a five-card hand along with also a two-card hand) from the seven cards you're dealt. The five-card hand value should transcend the two-card hand value.

8. SicBo

SicBo is just another dice game which may be performed online. The game originates from early China and entails 3 dice and a dining table with many different betting options. The intention of the game is to guess the results of the roll of the dice.

The dice have been rolled from the trader employing a unique box, known as the SicBo shaker, and the result is concealed before all bets are put. Winning amounts and mixtures light on the dining table, along with the dealer pays out the winning stakes. True, the game board appears quite intricate but the sport is in fact quite simple playwith.

9. Keno

Keno is a lottery type game that's quite much like the much better known game known as"Bingo". It revolves round a round glass enclosure, known as a'bubble', including balls numbered from 1 - 80. Twenty of those 80 balls will be drawn every draw, as you've indicated your amounts of selection on a sterile keno ticket.

Once attracted the computerized Keno system computes and determines the consequence of the game. Just how much you win is dependent upon how a lot of the drawn amounts you'd selected.

10. Online Poker

Internet poker is ragingly popular nowadays, fueled by the large international online poker tournaments where players frequently amateur players play together with pro poker players. Examine the poker bonuses over the various internet poker websites as often it's possible to win seats to get into large global poker tournaments.

Poker is a card game of chance, but if you exercise and develop your own abilities, your likelihood of winning will be hugely improved.

Various kinds of poker are played in online casinos, however the current favorite is Texas Hold'em. The purpose of Hold'em would be to create the finest possible five-card poker hands with any of your two pocket cards (dealt to you face down) and the five community cards (dealt on the table face up).

There are many distinct kinds of casino games nowadays and the majority of these you can discover online too. So if you want the experience of visiting some real-life land based casino or you would rather play casino online in the comfort of your house, these favorite games are all waiting to be played and appreciated by you. Want to know more info click bola tangkas online

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ecotone99 · 5 years ago

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[SF] Outside

It was a roll of the dice that changed the world, heralding the end of what we'd lovingly call the Last Great Era. As far as our best minds can tell, had the genetic sequence finished A-G-T instead of G-A-T then SARS-CoV-2, the Coronavirus -- covy to the likes of you and me -- would have gone down in the history books as nothing more than an unexplained and short-lived lethargy observed in populations of domesticated pig.

From where I'm sat on my formafoam couch, staring blankly at a wall-filling Standard Display that's doing it's best to convince me I'm in the Austrian Alps, it's pretty clear that at some point, one-hundred and fifty-six years ago, God decided to try his hand at playing dice.

My job feed terminal chimes a flutter of cheerful bells that have no doubt been crafted to coax a dopamine response from whoever hears it. The irony isn’t lost on me as I drag its screen towards me, the articulating tube that it’s mounted to squeaking in a way that sets my teeth on edge. The chimes are somewhat discordant with the work that’s on offer. Data cleaning. Three petabytes; immediate start.

It’s the kind of grunt work I’ve come to expect and I’m used to it now. I figure it’s pretty much what the old sanitation workers used to do back in the Great. Y’know, those guys and girls who cleaned the streets. But instead of cleaning up after someone who couldn’t be bothered to find an appropriate refuse point, I’m cleaning up after a group of Domain dev-heads who couldn’t be bothered to dee-com their redundant broadcast nodes.

I know what it’s going to be: four hours of gloves-on, elbow-deep groping through the Domain’s equivalent of a corporation's asshole. If I’m lucky, I’ll spot the nodes that are tainting the rest of the data and filter them out with one or two partial intelligences I’ve got hanging around that just love this kinda work.

I reach over to the job terminal keyboard, worn predictably blank by too many keystrokes and even more routine. I click accept.

Did they know? Back in the Great? When this all started? I’ve watched pretty much everything the 21st century had to offer. News bulletins, parliamentary debates, documentaries, exposé’s, talk shows, comedies. You name it. Hell, I even watched a bunch of Domain advertisements to try and gauge sentiment. I’ve run them through every iteration and permutation of socioeconomic simulation I can imagine. I even managed to call, well, trade in a favour and run my sims on the tertiary adjunct to my local unimatrix. That's big boy's toys. Cost me almost eight minutes to tell me what I already knew.

But did they know it would lead to this? The real people of the time. It’s a splinter. A piece of grit under the skin, whatever that feels like. No matter how many times I run the sims, no matter how many trillion facets of life I emulate; no matter how mundanely accurate I try to model things, they will always be just that. Models. Simulations. Eerily accurate approximations of what went before, but approximations nonetheless. I’ll never, truly know what it felt like to be there. To feel the tug of history all around you. Feel the weight of the machine of State grind its massive gears whilst being helpless to resist. The fear. The hope. The isolation.

The Outside.

That infinite blue sky. The endless chatter of birds. The smell of so much green. It’s a drug. One that we can’t live without; one that we can’t live within. When covy hit, the industrialised world was slow to respond. But eventually reality won out around the globe, and even the most orange-faced effluent-geysers couldn’t pass off the rising body count as ‘fake news’. So we went indoors. And there we stayed for what must have seemed like an eternity at the time but was, in retrospect, a three month weekend compared to what came next.

Well, if I was being accurate I’d say ‘what three things came next’. And since I’ve got enough EdMerits to make me a social scientist, and the fact I spend most of my life in a windowless box with roughly 50 square metres of floor space, I’m going to be accurate. Humour my inner, failed, academic if you will:

Firstly, and best I can tell, the people’s imagination was captured when an innocent post from an emissions monitoring company posted about how much the air pollution had dropped over mainland China since their lockdown. I mean, it's fine now, but back then the state of the environment had people worried. I guess this is the part where some commentators call it things like zeitgeist.

Second thing was the Great Ingress of 2020 and the subsequent transformation of all commercial activities to Domain-compatible. Everything went digital after covy, fuelled by the primitive proxies for presence that folk back then put up with; flat, low quality streams and pathetic audio. Apparently all we needed to do was see a smile and that made the world feel just right.

And finally covy’s mutation, bifurcation and subsequent mutations. This was the kicker. With the combined brainpower and focus of the entire freaking planet, we were churning out vaccines and antigens faster than ever before and solving a whole bunch of other, minor problems along the way. Like Ebola, HIV and even the common cold all fell to the medical onslaught. But covy? Nah. Every time we knocked her down three more of her would get up and start swinging back.

My terminal gives me another hope-filled chime, breaking my brood to tell me I’m halfway through my job download and I’ll be able to start working in ‘less than five minutes’. Another irony that’s not lost on me. Time is what I’m working for. One of the more subtle changes that worked their way in since the Great. I’ve read a bunch of lit’ from back then, too. Time is money they used to say. But they got the emphasis wrong. Time is money. It’s the ultimate currency and the cheapest commodity; everybody’s got some to give. Over the years it surpassed every other natural or manufactured resource to become the lifeblood of our metastasized economic system. But I, and a couple billion others spend our time gladly to get some outside.

Outside.

They took it for granted back then. Couldn’t they see? The gradual restrictions in movement. Why didn't they resist? The control over who you can meet. They could have stopped this. Forcing you to communicate digitally. Reducing the places you can go to. Controlling what you can buy and how much. Even taking on the job of paying you for your work. It was the largest coordinated peacetime high jacking of a civilization in history. But they did it with some serious freaking deftness. I’m talking a subtlety of manoeuvring that’d make an Icer weep. And those guys don’t make face salt easy. I mean the sharing of resources is one thing. Yeah, we’re all people under one banner and that kind of crap. International cooperation must have been a huge morale boost to the cats getting used to their cages. And when the third strain came out and we gladly, globally signed off on consolidating national powers, oversight and coordination to an international body, well the United Nations would have looked like the perfect fit.

Desperate times, I guess. And no one back then could have seen the fifty years of misdirection and positioning that had taken place, infiltrating what should have been the highest, most benevolent authority we had. So we handed them the keys and a full tank of gas. And a century and a half later, I’m sitting here in a thermosteel block called 'home' a mile off the ground with around twenty thousand other gen-pops trying to scratch out a living for… For what? A slightly larger box near the ground floor, where you get real outside breeze? Maybe I’ll get a Workers Union promotion and move to a whole new tower, even. Or stay here and save some more. What was it they used to say? ‘Do some travelling’. Ha!

I bring up the job details, my fingers navigating the screen subconsciously. I select the title and expand the details. Data cleaning required for three petabyte facility management control system. Blah. Alphabet Enterprises. has a fantastic opportunity. Blah; everything’s AE in this part of the world. I keep scrolling, listening to the emulated ambience of the alpine sublime about me, my eyes absently searching for the paragraph I’m looking for.

Remuneration: 00:18:00

Eighteen minutes. Of pure outside. To spend how I like. And I can take it in advance. If I add that to the two hours thirty I’ve tucked away over the past couple of months then I may just have enough...

I switch my attention from the terminal to the Standard Display. It senses my intent and brings up a chat box with my most recently contacted first. I scroll down a little past the recent work-related calls I’ve had to make until I see a name and user id that’s almost as familiar as seeing a face. Nervous, I open a line, speaking to the room and letting the chat intelligence do the whole talk-to-type thing; speaking and writing are different things, and will always be it seems. I sound like me, but it’s not how I speak.

Things have changed. Just got some time. Let's go for a walk. Now.

I send the message. It’s abrupt, I know. But real walks are. And I don’t have a huge amount of time to play with. I know I’m gonna have to split the time between the two of us if I’m to even have a chance of executing my plan. But that’s why I saved. That’s why I spent all these months wallowing in the crud. All for this. Now is the time.

Before I let my doubts get the best of me, I look down at the antique, silver-and-diamond ring nestled in the cushion of an old, threadbare velvet case. Allowing myself a rare smile of something that feels more genuine and real and meaningful than anything in this world, I send a follow-up:

Don’t worry, babe. The walk’s on me.

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mredwinsmith · 7 years ago

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Coaching Peaks and Valleys Pt 2

Phoenix. 2012 US OPEN. Colorado Springs, Colorado.

The last time I was in Colorado my college career ended in the semifinals; the two tendons running from the bottom of my shin to the top of my left foot felt like shooting pool with a rope. I should’ve known better. A day into the tournament, there was a four-way tie for second with Riot, Phoenix, Showdown, and Molly Brown all at 2-1. Scandal was 3-0 after having upset Riot in the opening round 10-6. Following rounds 4 and 5 on day two, Scandal was way out in front at 5-0, while Riot and Phoenix were 4-1 and Showdown was 3-2. During the first set of games in round 6, lightning halted play and after a lengthy delay the first foursome had their games called and decided: making Riot 5-1, and Scandal 6-0.

Phoenix vs Showdown and Ozone vs. Safari had to wait until the next morning to decide their 6th round. Now, four teams have to make up round 6 at 9:30 in the morning, whereas four other teams wait to finish the last round and the last round, is staggered with games at noon and 1:30. The semis is scheduled for 4:30. Riot at 5-1 is waiting to play Ozone (1-4). Scandal at 6-0 is waiting to play Phoenix at 1:30. As Scandal sleeps in, Phoenix arrives to make up the 6th round with a 4-1 record. We have Showdown and Riot in front of us and are guaranteed the semis as forthcoming games and overall records have that mostly decided. Only Showdown could possibly tie Molly Brown for fourth, but they’d have to lose to Aerosol who are 0-6.

Open up the lines vs Showdown, I say. Let’s self-sub or work in pods half to half and use Showdown like practice dummies and forget about the outcome. It’s a free game. Likewise with Scandal – throw every play in the playbook at them and every defensive ploy we can throw at them as well and disregard the outcome. Open the lines and play 3-3-1 and pull rollers every point. Or play them both close for a half and then open the lines up for the second halves. After all, we have a roster of 25 plus who have traveled 6,000 miles and they all want playing time. Following these two games we have at least one, and maybe one more to play for real-real. If we go 0-2 to finish pool play, we get Scandal again in the semis rather than Riot, and I see playing Scandal back to back as a plus more-so than having to play Riot who are so far in our heads the is game already over.

Meeting with the captains that morning, collectively they weren’t impressed. I guess it was like Aesop’s fable The Wolf and The Ass: they wanted to kill and not cure, that’s what they were there for, and it was put to me quite bluntly: we don’t lose to f-ing Showdown.

Flash forward to Nationals in Sarasota months later: Sunday morning 5 am and as I’m steering the rental van out of the driveway, others are just getting in after their night out as also-rans in Siesta Key. I’m returning the van to Tampa and from there driving a rental car to Orlando – to meet my family at Disney, for Halloween, where my son will get lost. One passenger in the van is one of the aforementioned future Callahan winners, the other is missing the final day to attend her grandmother’s funeral. I’m quietly waiting for the conversation and only my groggy inner chatter is talking, actually singing – wake up, wake up you sleepyhead, and trying to break down what went wrong, hoping never to see Mr. Big’s 19th Hole or the Daiquiri Deck ever again, but later, at the mercy of the Disney machine and waiting for a table at a restaurant in the Animal Kingdom Lodge, I’d regret dismissing Mr. Big’s and would almost welcome a watered down daiquiri.

Though by then I was on my own and recapping my last six hours and trying to explain why I first drove to Tampa, why no one else could return the van, why I lingered at the airport until I was certain their flights were on time. Why? Why? Why? There’s no name for it. You can’t explain it. It’s what we do. As tired as I was and with nothing to inoculate me against the Disney freak show, I only repeated myself: “It’s about the Constant Huddle and seeing it through.” And for a second, I expected Rafiki to appear and tap me on the shoulder with his walking stick and nod with approval and pride, but it was only the waitress, her eyes pinwheels not unlike a Manson girl, explaining it will be another forty-five minutes, and I may as well have been speaking another language. Which I was.

Back in the van and sensing the finality of it all, it doesn’t take my passengers long to speak up. Unlike the ride down days before, no one is dialing out with earbuds. This was the first time in four seasons we didn’t make quarters. And this is the biting issue, as if it were a birthright to ascend.

At this early hour with barely any sleep, it’s difficult to not be blunt and not point fingers. “Mention the wind, mention adjustments, and you can walk to Tampa.” Nervous laughter, but they understand. Our postseason circle hijacked by no-shows and coy indifference, they know that this is as good as it gets. Steering with one hand and holding a pin that could pop the beauty of the constant huddle if I let it, I leave it alone because with Tampa looming ahead of us, it’s this moment that makes all the investment worth it and makes the constant huddle so precious, and writing this here and now I think about all those airports, all those hotel rooms, all those rental cars and vans, all those road trips, all those discussions suspended over the open road, I think about driving back from Team USA practice in April of 2005 and getting lost in Augusta looking for James Brown’s statue, the same weekend my man DQ attended the Beth Coltman Memorial Tourney at Cape Henlopen, Pony’s first tryout, and with his car broken down – he just gives it to the guy there at Snookies Auto Sales and figured out a ride back to the city later – because this is what we do – and it was, of course, DQ who called me on that first day of March back in 2014 and asked me if I’d heard, and then I buckled and braced myself against the kitchen table, because more-so than UNCW, UCSC, UCSB, Fury, Riot, Bravo, Ring, Phoenix, Sockeye, etc, it is.

Carleton – love ‘em or hate ‘em – that transcends the idea of the constant huddle and takes it to a whole other level and I of course cannot help but think about those Carleton players setting out their cleats, their jerseys, their socks, the things they carried to a tournament they never made it to, and how that huddle remains suspended over the open road, and how fortunate you are to squeeze the juice out of this sport and ride the peaks and valleys for as long as you can.

“Mention the wind, mention adjustments, and you walk to Tampa. You showed up and played ultimate and when it was time for something else, you didn’t show up. And few things are worse than not showing up.” They stare at I-75 rolling past us. What they didn’t know and what they could not have known were the numbers. Minus Fury and Riot, the numbers I needed to see were already in. Phoenix went 4-3 and in 7 games played scored 89 points, finishing 13th overall and 8th in total points scored. Fury would be the only team to go through without a loss and of the other fifteen teams, only two stayed above double digits in ALL of their losses: Traffic with five losses and 8 games played; and Phoenix with three losses. We scored points, but somewhere the system was fractured, callow. Breathing holes weren’t enough. In pool play it went like this:

Opening round vs. Nightlock: 4-1. 6-2. 9-3. 11-5. 14-7. 14-13. We score on our second try for 14-7. We don’t see the disc on the next point, and then give up 5 straight breaks before finishing the game on our O’s second try for 15-13. Second round vs Showdown and the D2 vs D3 matchup. Our D has possession one time for 7 all downwind, but gives their O the upwinder for half. Our D has possession for 9 all downwind and again gives up the goal upwind. We break for 10 all. Showdown holds for 10-11. Despite our O’s shortcomings and the eventual finger-pointing, the O did what they had to do when they had to do it: they scored upwind in one possession to even the score at 11 all. We had the disc one time to break downwind for 12-11, but no dice. After that, we scored one time on six tries and Showdown scored three times on six tries, breaking for the game upwind on their third try and we lose to f-ing Showdown.

Third round vs Traffic: 12-7. 12-15. A five-point lead and quarters bound became suffering an eight-point run and getting bounced from the power pool. Playtime for players rewarded for being good sideline players is suddenly a tie game (insert Chris Rock logic here). At 1-2 and minus 6 in the loss column, point diff was not on our side. Either was psyche. This team was not the same Phoenix team who in 2010 was also 1-2 after the first day. Playing up from the bottom on Friday, that team rolled two for the win after being tied at 13s vs. Safari; rolled two for the win after being tied at 13s vs. Bent; then in the prequarter at 10-7, scored five on seven tries to bounce Molly Brown 15-10; and had Fury 7 even in the quarters (with no observers).

Back at the US Open and we’re down 4-6 to Showdown. Our O gets 5 on the board we run a 3-3-1 for three straight points for half 8-6. 10-7, and then they roll two for 10-9. We trade from here with neither team breaking, but Showdown scores in the hard cap to finish the game and we win 12-11. 23 total points played and we score 12 points on 25 tries in a game that goes to hard cap, and Scandal’s been in the hotel watching Wimbledon (Our first two days consisted of late mornings and Wimbledon and me watching Phoenix work on crossword puzzles and later explain how they were challenging once, until I sat beside KD at 30,000 feet en route to Potlatch and watched him destroy the New York Times crossword – in ballpoint).

Scandal came in seeded fifth among eight teams. The previous season at Nationals they lost to Phoenix in the quarters and then would go on to lose the 5th place game and 7th place games to Showdown and Molly Brown. In our quarterfinal that year, we were kicking the pants off of them until 12-6 when they came zone and our three college handlers blinked. Not so suddenly it’s 14 all and we roll the next two, breaking for the win 16-14. Later that evening at Mr. Big’s all of us reduced to also-rans, a Scandal player when told Phoenix are lining up car bombs, remarked: F Phoenix! Exactly. In 2012, there was no love lost between these two, a post-game circle was unheard of and with a 6-0 record and looking to sweep the pool, Scandal was flexing.

Despite the grind to defeat Showdown, and contrary to the strategy proposed earlier, the call was to beat Scandal and beat them by enough points to win the pull and win the tie with three teams at 6-1. So we’d see Showdown in the semifinal, the team we just tried our hardest to beat by one point. Losing, we’d still see Riot in the semis. Kill or Cure? Down a break at 2-3, we roll two for 4-3. They get back on serve for 5-6. We have the disc one time on D for half 8-7, but they score on their second try keeping the game on serve. At 9 all we earn possession one time with our 3-3-1 for the lead but turn in their red zone and it’s 9-10. On the ensuing point, our O had the disc 4 times for 10 a piece, but they break for the win and at 5-2 we moved on to play Riot in the semis.

Our first match vs Riot on the first day began competitively enough for 3/4s of the game, but with us at 2-0 and them already with a loss, suffering another upset was unlikely in the Riot camp. We hung around for a bit, down two at half, and after rolling 2 for 8-9, had four chances to tie at 9s but those missed chances quickly turned into an 8-12 hole. Final score: 9-12. Before the weather delay, Phoenix defeated Molly Brown 13-9, and Safari 12-7. We won the games we had to win to stay above 500. After the first two games the third day, we were 1-1 with a difference of 3 points in those two games and 43 total points played. Riot went up 6-0 before we knew the game had started. Our offense was 0 for 10 on six points played. Our defense did manage to gain possession the five times that we did pull, but we never managed a break. After scoring 21 points our previous two games that day, we came away with 4 to Riot’s 15. Riot went on to defeat Scandal in the finals 15-10.

Kill or Cure? When does one or the other set the standard for things to come? And how do you know when to make that call and can you deal with the immediate or long-term backbiting? I can’t say. That’s part of the fun in coaching. You take those risks and you roll the dice. Change the force to backhand at the end of the game, and a sure-handed O just might turf the around reset, on double game point. You don’t know, but you take that risk and you take bigger ones. After the US Open, Phoenix finished the year 17-5 before Nationals; won regionals on two breaks to one; and lost to Scandal at Fusion by one after dropping the break to win, but would Phoenix at 4-3 rather than 5-2 and playing Scandal in the semis and back to back hours apart have been better off over the long haul? Well, it’s like this: The day after the US Open, connecting in Atlanta in the dreadful D concourse, the loudspeaker announced last call for Wilmington, North Carolina. I wouldn’t make it. I was pinned down in a stall with altitude sickness, wiping foam and spittle from my chin. I spent the next five hours on standby and dry heaving before getting the last flight out that day. But I wish I had that weekend back.

“The early Stones were in a constant huddle, dissecting blues songs in front of the speakers and playing them back for each other and then for their few fans. They thought of themselves, not even as a band, really, but as a way of distributing music the radio never played.” Dan Chiasson. New York Times Review of Books. March 10, 2011.

The post Coaching Peaks and Valleys Pt 2 appeared first on Skyd Magazine.

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martechadvisor-blog · 7 years ago

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Making Email Marketing Work

EVOLUTION

There was a time when there was just mail. There was a time when emails were just text. There was a time when emails were closed platforms – meaning you could only email people who were on the same email platform as you. Much like todays chat apps or even social media apps for that matter. (you can’t post to someone’s Facebook wall from Twitter, or WhatsApp someone from Facetime or Skype, for instance). There was a time when there was email, but no email marketing. But, ever since email turned into email marketing, the level of innovation has been exponential. Emails with visuals, videos, GIFs? Emails with audio? Emails with links and widgets? Emails that are customized on your browsing behavior? Emails that know what you are thinking? Yes. All of that and more.

Email has evolved and how. It is well established as the granddaddy of all digital communication, and its set to grow older and wiser

Personalization, customization, interactivity, shareability, relevance, entertainment, emotional quotient, ecommerce – emails deliver all that today. Are they as glamorous as their younger counterparts? Social media and apps and chatbots and what not? Perhaps not. Effective? Yes. Email marketing delivers results. We’ve all seen the statistics. (See box if by some off chance you missed them!) Today, email marketing is not only the most high-performing digital marketing tactic, but it should be among the first initiatives for any B2B just starting out on a digital marketing quest. It’s among the rare marketing channels you fully own and control. It’s reasonable compared to some of the insanely priced lead generation options out there.

But, if you want your stats to look anything like the ones in the box, you’d best commit yourself to follow email best practices from the get go, no compromises. It may seem slightly harder, and slower, but that is only an illusion. Email marketing KPIs have gone way beyond the ‘delivered, opened, clicked’ metrics. Following best practices sets your email strategy up for sustained success in the long run, wins you the respect of your audiences and of course, contributes to your strategic goals in multiple ways. But let’s start at the very beginning.

THAT TIME WHEN YOU REALIZED EMAIL WORKS

You lead digital marketing for an SMB that sells video conferencing solutions to other companies. You are a relatively young company, and are still building both – a credible reputation and a credible client base. You are tasked with leveraging digital marketing to generate plenty of qualified leads for the Sales guys to close, as well as building brand awareness, reputation and engagement across key target segments. So far, you have been winging it, DIY, a real trooper. But now, 10 qualified leads a month are just not enough. The scale is bigger, the scope is bigger, the risks are bigger – every investment needs to directly impact the business and deliver results. But, there is one thing that hasn’t gotten bigger – the budget. Forcing you to think about what and how much to DIY versus getting the right partners in for execution, technology and measurement.

This is your first major martech investment as a senior executive in a modest albeit fast growing firm. As you start educating yourself about what it takes to build your marketing stack, the emails begin. The ones that tell you ‘why you need marketing automation’, ‘how to integrate sales and marketing goals with technology’, and ‘how to select a marketing automation stack on a budget’. “It’s mildly annoying,” you think, “that marketers can track your online searches with the right tools but hey, some of that info was really useful to me. I’m glad it came along at the right time when I was trying to build my business case.” When you finally choose the platform vendor that you think deserves your business, you reflect on what won them the deal. And, here is what you will find.

The crux of the email strategy is the database

Your email strategy should be about quality over quantity.

If you have no database yet, then you must start somewhere, and while building your own database organically should be the goal, starting an awareness campaign to a suitable list where at least the profile meets your target group is not a bad option. It’s like cold calling but probably cheaper.

Don’t expect a great hit rate, though you may get lucky – the buyer profile may be right, but there is no guarantee that they are in the market for your solution

Undoubtedly, the sales cycle for such leads will be longer than to someone who has opted-in to receive contact from you. Also, you need to be aware of the laws and the spam filters that apply to email marketing. It is advisable to buy or rent lists only from accredited sources, who comply with all the legalities and are registered and legitimate database vendors. Such vendors will have the tools to slice, dice and segment the data to meet your specific requirements and reduce the risk of spamming or spray-and-pray.

In parallel, from the start, your focus should be on building your own database of prospects organically. Create great content, invest in search and social media, leverage tools that help build organics databases. The goal is to get those at the start of their buying journey to see you or a mention of you; find it useful or credible; and track you down / sign up / share some contact details. At this time, you must make it easy for them to contact you.

This is a moment of truth – will they share their email ID or contact details (social media handles or phone number) with you or not? There are several ways to entice them, of course – from exclusive content and surveys or study findings; inviting them to join a special interest group or receive your newsletter, free passes to an exclusive live event or webinar, follow you on social media etc. But, unless your social presence and content have done the heavy lifting of building credibility and saying something that is relevant and useful, it’s unlikely they will feel compelled to share their contact details.

For the ones that get away, there is always retargeting. An annoying yet surprisingly effective way of following prospects around online till they finally reconnect with you by clicking or responding in some way.

A good email marketing platform will have a robust database management functionality to build and manage your database optimally.

Timing, relevance and personalization are 3 critical success factors for emails

When you do have contact, then the ball is really in your court. What you make of it will decide the difference between converting and losing the lead. Here’s how to make that first response as meaningful as possible.

Be quick. Respond in a timely manner to someone who has just contacted your brand. In digital, striking when the iron is hot is surely an apt metaphor. People move on to other things or get distracted very quickly. The faster you move, the higher the chance of solidifying the contact into a conversation.

Be relevant. You have enough on them to try and make the content meaningful, so they can feel a sense of connect. It shouldn’t sound or feel like a mass auto responder. Whether it’s a welcome mailer or a mailer delivering the piece of content they requested, try and say something memorable that will leave them with a reason to come back to you.

Be personal. Be culturally appropriate and respectful obviously. Try and use first person for both you and the prospect. Bring your tone and manner as close to a real conversation as possible. And, go beyond the obvious obviously. Personalization means more than using the first name – the better your data insights, the better you can use indicators from user behavior, psychographics and demographics to ‘personalize’ your communication.

This is the second moment of truth. They found you interesting enough to make contact. You responded. Now, will they want to continue the association? Will there be active engagement that moves them along the buyer journey or will it be a passive (increasingly dormant) record in your database that just couldn’t be bothered? What signs will they give you that they are interested to continue talking to you? How will your email platform track that?

A good email marketing platform will have excellent segmentation functionality – putting the right records into the right prospect segments (based on demographics) enabling the right communication flow to ensue. It will also leverage integration with other aspects of your digital strategy – be it social, search, content, PPC etc. to ensure the new prospect has a seamless brand experience (for example, stop the retargeting, welcome them on social media etc.)

Emails don’t have to be boring

If you don’t get unsubscribed with that first contact, then you have a shot at creating some real engagement. This is where it’s important to really get imaginative without losing track of whom you are talking to, and why.

With all the advancements and innovations in email marketing technology, at the base level, you can create very attractive emailers from templates without having a single creative bone in your body. But beyond that, you can now use video, interactivity, GIFs, links, even audio to enrich your emails and really engage prospects. To avoid coming off as gimmicky, keep the sensibilities of your industry and your audience in mind while using the many filters, tools and functionalities available in email platforms today, to jazz up your email.

Either way, everyone loves receiving engaging content. The nature of what is labelled creative may vary, but there is still a lot you could probably come up with if you immersed yourself in what truly matters to your audiences. If they happen to see the email and something grabs their attention (from the subject line to a GIF or a graphic in the body), then it is well worth it, as it may make them open the mail and read what you really have to say. This is the B2B marketer’s chance to really explore and test the creative elements that work. Humor, for example – satirical and witty illustrations – is always a hit with me. I cannot resist opening an email that has a line with a potentially witty line in it. I always take the bait.

A good email marketing platform will make it easy for marketers to not just be creative with the template and content but also save significant time and effort making that happen, while reducing dependence on outside agencies for the creative element.

Email marketing is one of the few digital channels that work at almost every stage of the buying journey. Its effectiveness grows as the association and comfort level with the brand grows

This next stage is usually called ‘nurturing’ by email marketers. Your communication will be a combination of informative content (newsletters talking about what’s new in the industry, in your brand etc.), feel-good (festive and birthday greetings) and offers (free and or exclusive invites or content etc.) but not about blatant sales pitches for your product or solution. The idea is to remain on the top of a prospect’s mind by being helpful, informative and pleasant during the consideration phase of the buying journey.

Again, it is important to have clarity on indicators of forward movement in the buying journey and switch tracks when such indicators arise and put them on the relevant drip for the next stage. This will obviously, avoid missed opportunities.

On the other hand, if no movement is occurring over time, avoid stagnating the conversation into a one-way street to the point where your newsletters just become a blind spot in their inbox. Either try to revive their interest with emails specifically designed to do that, or reduce the frequency of emails and try to reassess what may matter to them at their unique stage of the journey.

There is no excuse for a ‘one size fits all’ approach in email marketing in this day and age. A good email platform will provide for easy switching between different tracks based on prospect behavior and response or segments. This includes moving people who unsubscribe at any point out of the active database as well as constantly scrubbing the base for bounced IDs.

Remember, it’s not database-driven marketing, its data-driven marketing

With time, email marketing should deepen the meaningfulness of the association for the prospect. As they get closer to a buying decision, you cannot afford to be complacent. The entire ‘nurturing’ phase is meant to enrich your insights about the prospect, so that your communication can get increasingly valuable. Soon, it will be time for the next big moment of truth – has all your effort paid off? Will they call you for a demo or a meeting or a pitch or a discussion or anything that indicates a buying mindset? As you lead up to this phase, it is important for sales to get involved. The timing of handing over a lead from marketing (automation) to sales (person) is crucial. It can’t be too early or too late obviously. This needs to be well thought out based on the nature of your industry. Now is the time to really get sales persons to send emails with references, testimonials, customer success stories etc. Social engagement at a personal level is also a good backup to the email strategy.

A good email marketing platform will integrate multiple engagement platforms, ensure intel flows, and that the data-driven insights are being incorporated into the communication.

Email marketing is as good for keeping as it is for getting

While lead generation is one of the core goals of the email marketing strategy, customer retention, lifetime value optimization and loyalty are also realistic goals where email marketing can pay rich dividends.

Email may be the best and most cost-effective way to stay in an active and engaged relationship with existing customers. It is almost like Sales hands the reins back over to marketing after the conversion, so they can be communicated with at a brand level

For example, existing customers may be sent a different newsletter than prospects. After all, the goal with them is upselling and cross-selling, and the tone and manner must be different as well. They may be initiated into a relationship program or a preferred group; emails may go from the Customer Success Manager or even the CEO every once in a while, invitations to participate in exclusive surveys with a promise of an advance copy of the results etc. Email has the power to impact renewal rates, repeat purchases, higher value purchases, and even the inclination of the customer to act as an advocate. Joint planning between sales and marketing is obviously a must.

A good email marketing platform will have distinct KPIs and metrics for each segment of customers, and help marketing teams to track results over each segment based on the investments made. In terms of innovation, emails are progressing towards integrating with ecommerce, so existing customers could even re-order directly from an email, potentially changing the game for email ROI entirely.

EMAIL MARKETING BEST PRACTICES

Let’s face it, everyone we know sends email. Most are so bad and poorly thought out that almost all email marketers get bundled into the same basket of ‘junk mail’ or spam. With email filters only getting more powerful, landing in the junk folder is as good as money down the drain. Following email best practices during the database management, creation, sending and following up of emails is one way to minimize chances of landing in the bin and building a sustainable email marketing strategy that will work today and tomorrow.

Database currency and quality: Data decay is a real problem for B2Bs, especially given the high employee turnover rates in business (30-40% in corporate America, according to the US Department of Labor). Dirty data can cost B2B marketers dearly. Zoominfo calls it the 1-10-100 rule: It costs $1 to verify a record as it’s entered, $10 to scrub and cleanse it later, and $100 if nothing is done.

Even if you are delighted at having built up a great big database, you need to work hard to keep it current. While you cannot do much about defunct or non-existent email accounts or opt-outs (apart from deleting them from your system), there is a lot you can do to reactivate or re-engage email IDs that are just being unresponsive at the moment. If nothing works, put a stone on your heart and bid the email ID goodbye (with a parting email!) Follow the principles of permission marketing in letter and spirit.

Metrics, KPIs and Measurement: Email marketing KPIs are evolving beyond ‘opens’ which is not a reliable metric for measuring engagement. Metrics for a campaign should depend on the goal and objectives of that specific campaign – there is no blanket list applicable to every email marketing initiative. As per the DMA (UK), the top metrics for email marketing are:

Delivery rate (plus hard and soft bounce rates)

Open rate

Click-through rate

Conversion rate

ROI

Other metrics relevant to B2Bs can include:

Click-to-open rate (how many opened the email versus how many opened and clicked on something)

List Growth rate

Unsubscribe / opt-out rate

Reactivation rate

Share rate (forward or share on social media)

In-mail interaction rate

Automation: You cannot execute email marketing manually, period. Not unless you have absolutely nothing else to do, and even then, it would be an unbelievable feat if you got all aspects right. Automation, if done right, need not come at the cost of authenticity, creativity, personalization, customization or response. A comprehensive guide to automated email marketing workflows can be found here. Reading it would be a great investment of your time if you are a B2B company starting out on email marketing automation.

Testing: Even though it multiplies your work, A/B testing can multiply response rates as well. It’s worth it. Test everything, from subject line to CTA, time of sending, day of sending… everything. And, scale up what works. I’d hate to be the one to say, ‘Assumption is the mother of all….’ Additionally, send the test email to yourself first – preferably on multiple devices – to ensure everything works and looks as it should.

Mobile-optimized: Depending on the statistics you trust, between 40 and 60% of emails are now read on the mobile phone. That number is only growing. And yet, I still get emails every day that are not designed to fit my iPhone screen, images that don’t load and videos that don’t play. Enough said.

Design related:

Ensure the personalization is relevant and not meaningless or repetitive

Relevant, succinct, non-click-bait subject lines

Pleasant and easy to read on any device

Authentic brand voice

Provide links and make it easy to get to the next step

Copy check, proofread and link test

Make it easy to share interesting bits of your email on social media

Avoid spam filters (by not spamming):

Manage the frequency of outgoing emails optimally

Send only what you promised to send when collecting their email ID. Never send emails from your other brands, if they signed up for contact from one of your brands.

Check (and abide by) the laws of the land

Make it easy to unsubscribe

Integration and optimization: Email marketing obviously cannot exist in a vacuum. Successful email marketing needs to be preceded by a successful content, search, social and web strategy. It also needs to continually draw insights from the analytics platform. Integration with the Data Management Platform is a no-brainer. Aside from all the benefits of integration for the email marketer, it also delivers a seamless brand experience to the prospect or customer across multiple channels of contact – from social media to live events.

TRENDS AND THE FUTURE OF EMAIL MARKETING

Here are some of the trends that got me excited about the future of email marketing:

Dynamic personalized content: For example, emails that retrieve content on the day they are opened rather than on the day they were received. Or, emails that retrieve content on the recipient’s web behavior at the time of opening. Emails are going to get more contextual.

Triggered emails (based on each prospect or customers’ unique action) will grow in relation to broadcast emails (‘mass customized emails’).

Deeper integration with the omnichannel customer experience will be a focus area for marketers to deliver a seamless user experience of the brand across all media.

Email ecommerce is an area worth celebrating – making purchases without ever leaving the inbox could change the game for email marketing ROI.

The rise of ABM will see email marketing used in newer and more exciting ways.

Read this for more exciting and fun predictions for email marketing in 2020!

How about you? Got any predictions that you think will come true? Or, any wish list that you’d like to see come true? Let me know

OBSTACLES AND THREATS FOR B2B’S EMAIL MARKETING STRATEGY

Email marketing seems set for the long haul. So, what’s the catch? While it’s not going to go obsolete anytime soon, successful email marketing is under threat from several quarters, most notably from within the marketer’s team itself.

Cultural considerations and other sensitivities are ignored, especially when marketers enter new markets. Global companies may not be able to master local languages across markets

Inbox filtering is as big a threat as ad-blockers

Chat and messaging apps may take over the numbers from email, especially as they get more secure, skip directly to being ecommerce enabled, and rope in the millennials.

Data decay and lack of data / adequate opt-ins is a very real threat, pushing over the entire ROI towards doom. Solving this needs a massive overhaul of the entire ecosystem starting with content, search and social strategy.

Internal resources committed by the marketer maybe inadequate to do justice to a truly engaging email marketing strategy. At the end of the day, machines cannot write creative emails. Further, having disconnected teams without data access control runs the risk of customers getting disconnected emails from multiple teams, ruining customer experience (another point in favor of automation).

Not approaching email marketing as a strategic building block of long-term customer engagement goals: not connecting email marketing to the omnichannel marketing strategy will minimize the possible ROI as well as customer engagement levels. Investing in the right dynamic personalization technology can make emails both strategic and profitable. It must be weighed against the cost of a prospect hitting unsubscribe and making herself permanently inaccessible to your messages.

CONCLUSION

Having a database is no longer a competitive advantage obviously – it’s what you do in terms of the content, engagement, timing, offer relevance, and technology which will drive the outcomes of an email strategy. The fact is, that it’s not hard to understand or imagine what customers or prospects want. They want information, advice, solutions and if possible a good deal, great service, positive buyer experience, after sales support and respect. Loyalty goes both ways. But, email marketing is slow, and quality driven. The ROI is high, but numbers are low. It requires laborious work on building content, social identity and search performance. It requires subtlety in terms of branding and sales messages, especially during the consideration (or nurturing) stage.

The technology and innovation in email marketing may not be as ‘sexy’ or glamorous as some of the other digital options, but they are exciting nonetheless, especially for B2B marketers who have fully committed themselves to building and maintaining quality databases for the long-term sustainable results they offer

There is a gap between knowing what customers want, and delivering it; especially when there is so much pressure on marketers to share their brand message and generate leads quickly. Email marketers need to find their balance to have their cake and eat it too.

This article was first appeared on MarTech Advisor

#martech #marketing #technology #business #cmo

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brendagilliam2 · 8 years ago

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30 brilliantly creative resumés

We all know finding work in the creative industry is extremely competitive, even if you do have a killer design portfolio. With so many talented people in the world, just getting noticed is a job in itself. So creatives all over the world have been coming up with unusual strategies for job resumés to gain an edge in the hunt for employment. Here are 30 brilliant examples of creative resumés to help you reinvent your CV.

01. Portfolio mail package

You’d be all over this if it turned up in the post

This portfolio mail package created by Robynne Redgrave, a Canadian graphic designer based in Helsinki, is a real attention-grabber. It contains not only her CV but a whole load of stuff including a hand-bound portfolio book, a letter of intent, application form and certificates.

02. Animated Curriculum Vitae

An animated CV is a bit of a risky proposition, but Livia Natalie’s effort really pays off. It’s beautifully animated, covers all the salient points that prospective employers need to know about her, and it’s done and dusted in just over a minute, which makes it a lot more likely that people will sit through the whole thing.

03. SkateRésumé

What happens if the recipient uses it and breaks their neck?

We’ve seen all manner of CVs printed on unlikely objects (and featured some of them here), but this is definitely the first time we’ve seen a resumé printed on a skateboard. Well played, Jairo Alzate. It can’t be particularly cost-effective, but still, well played.

04. Curriculum 3D

Benjamin Benhaim’s 3D CV really stands out

Inspired by this great-looking flat CV from Jimmy Raheriarisoa, Paris-based art director and motion designer Benjamin Benhaim set to work and made this stunning 3D rendered resumé. Created using Cinema 4D, Octane and After Effects, it covers all the bases and features plenty of playful touches, and each image took around seven minutes to render. Time well spent!

05. Hire the Donald

What are the chances, eh?

Turns out that even if your CV shows you to be racist, sexist, arrogant, exploitative and fraudulent, not to mention woefully inexperienced and utterly unqualified, you can still get the job. Go figure.

06. The whole package

Although this one isn’t on an actual packaging – but it displays Sid Santos‘ expertise perfectly – conceptual design, illustration and package design (all seen in the text) are skills demonstrated, along with an obvious proficiency with numerous digital art softwares. His previous CV was no less impressive – prospective clients could print it off and create their very own 3D helpbox, courtesey of some innovative design.

07. The Flowchart

Craig Baute created a helpful flowchart as part of his resumé, so that his potential employer could easily decipher why he was the man for the job. The technique was so successful he landed an interview with Apple. Although he never worked at there, he has built a successful career for himself, so perhaps some crafty arrogance is a-okay when it comes to a CV!

08. Facebook Feed

Sabrina Saccoccio took a new, yet undeniably familiar approach to her curriculum vitae. We are all told Facebook is the new resumé and like it or not employers will find yours – but what if you just fed it to them straight off? Sabrina’s approach definitely captures the imagination while being easy to read in a format we are all more than familiar with – and she even added a quirky comments section!

09. Illustrated book

Lucia Paul has used her resumé as a showcase for her illustration skills by creating an intricately doodled book. The freelancer created the entire thing from scratch, from the simple but effective frontcover and spine to the detailed illustrations within. Lucia has landed jobs with Smart (as in the cars), Lycra and Staples to name but a few, so she must be doing something right!

10. Gameboy

Robby Leonardi is a multidisciplinary designer based in New York City. Specialising in illustration, graphic design, animation, and front-end development, he has worked with the likes of Fox, Speed TV, FX Networks, myNetworkTV, and G4. His incredibly fun interactive design resumé will have you scrolling for hours!

11. Box of chocolates

Life is like a box of chocolates for designer Rob Jervis

“I handed out and emailed way more conventional CVs than I can remember, and got a response from about two or three of those,” recalls designer Rob Jervis. “So I redesigned my CV and turned it into a box, learning how to make the chocolates inside as well (Oreo truffles, peanut butter cups, amaretto ganaches, etc).” LFH called Jervis up an hour after receiving his chocolate-themed resume and offered him a paid internship, which led to a full time job.

12. Personal portfolio

Scott Duffey wanted to leave a lasting impression, placing this at the back of his portfolio

Designer Scott Duffey created this desktop scene to use in the back of his portfolios as his resume. “I wanted to end my portfolio in a way that would leave an impression,” explains . “I wanted to be remembered by my interviewer, so I needed to deliver key information whilst also giving a feel of my personality.”

13. Branding box

We love the little touches with this adorable branding box

“Rather than sending a covering email and a CV, I posted multiple self promotional mailers to companies I would like to work with,” explains designer Emma Hopkins. Packed full of adorable badges and an entire catalogue featuring her work and skills, this is a package any agency or client would be lucky to receive.

14. Medication

Relieve your creative pain with this fake medication CV

Designed by Cai Griffith of She Was Only, this fake medication résumé design for copywriter Jon Ryder is pure genius. The leaflet inside explained that the medicine could be used for the ‘short-term treatment of acute, moderate creative pain’, detailing how to store it, all known interactions, side-effects and whether or not it can be used while operating heavy machinery.

“The active ingredients in Jon Ryder are creativity, originality and typing. Together, they form a powerful painkiller (analgesic) that works by eradicating stress that naturally occurs in agencies during busy times. it works by increasing the flow of ideas through the system.”

The leaflet adds: “Drinking alcohol with Jon Ryder will not cause any adverse effects. Mixing Jon Ryder with moderate alcohol consumption after the end of the working day may improve effectiveness.”

15. Carton of milk

Potential employers are offered up a creative lunch box with a milk carton CV

“I decided to create a Milk BOX with my CV on it, so I could send it to the agencies inside a ‘Creative Lunch Box’,” explains designer Miguel Rato. Using the ingredients to showcase his skills, such as ‘High Calories for Photoshop’ and ‘Medium Calories for HTML and CSS’, it’s a truly innovative way of getting the right kind of attention.

Next page: 15 more brilliantly creative resumes to inspire you…

16. The Game of Design

Will a potential employer play the game of design?

This would certainly catch a potential employer’s eye. Created by a designer with work woes, ‘The Game of Design‘ includes instructions and dice as well as research, client, visual communication and composition cards.

We know it is said that employers only look at résumés for a matter of seconds but we hope that they would take some time with this one. Working in a creative industry, you would assume that they would relish a résumé such as this. We certainly do!

17. The infographic

A simple and inventive approach to the résumé design

Singapore-based student Chen Zhi Liang was set a task by his graphic design tutor to create an inventive résumé that would make him stand out from the crowd. The semester-end assignment was to create an infographic résumé and we think he’s come up trumps with this design.

Showcasing the all-important qualifications and skills, the résumé is eye-catching without being overwhelming. Liang’s minimal approach is perfect for an overcrowded job market. We’d definitely hire him!

18. Sewn fabric

Showcasing her sewing abilities, Melissa produces a truly unique offering

What a way to show off your design skills! Here, Melissa wanted to showcase her sewing abilities to potential employers, so decided to create this beautiful sewn résumé. Crafted during her senior year in college, she wanted to represent her affection for sewing and including handmade elements in her design work for a more intimate feel.

It was such a hit that Melissa did infact, get the first job she applied for out of college. We certainly wouldn’t toss this offering in the trash!

19. Billboard

Féilim received a huge response from employers willing to give tips and advice

In response to mass unemployment and the prospect of having to emigrate, Féilim Mac An Iomaire spent his entire life savings on this billboard. Placing the ad on a busy road in South Dublin, the billboard sees the marketing graduate staring at a number of instantly recognisable landmarks with the tag line ‘save me from emigration’.

20. The Creative Relocation Program

Matt Stafford was in a bind. Already employed at a well-known agency, he was looking for a new challenge, and wanted to create a web-based campaign that would showcase his talent to creative directors at leading shops, hopefully getting him hired. But how to do it without his current employer finding out, and giving him the HR equivalent of a Chinese burn?

Here’s how. Matt created an alter ego, Miguel Jackson, who – via The Creative Relocation Program – contacted creative directors via anonymous video messages, where he gave them one chance to contact him via Skype (Matt would remain disguised behind a balaclava at all times, inlcuding ‘face to face’ meetings, until he was offered a job). Seven out of nine creative directors responded, one of whom hired him on the spot. And Matt may have inspired others to follow suit …

21. The Creative Ransom

This stunt comes to us courtesy of creative team Andrew Grinter and Lee Spencer-Michaelsen. The duo decided against a traditional approach to job applications and instead opted to send mysterious notes, using letters cut out of a magazine, to top creative directors in Melbourne.

The notes directed each to a URL that held a digital ransom note. Their demands? Simple. Arrange an interview or the site gets it. And it worked! The idea landed the duo an interview with no less than seven directors, each of which they met wearing traditional kidnapper balaclavas. The pair are now working at digital marketing firm DT Digital/Ogilvy. Pure genius.

22. Vintage Pixar resumé

We bet the guys at Pixar had never seen a job application like this before!

Getting your foot in the door at animation giant Pixar is a tough job, so in order to get his resumé noticed among the thousands of others, creative artist Brian Moose created this gorgeous vintage package to house his application.

Inside, the Pixar hiring team would have been delighted to find a old-school film case, which housed a notebook featuring gorgeous illustrations and notes detailing Moose’s skills and previous employment history. We don’t know if it worked but it’s a brilliantly presented and genius idea.

Also read: How to get a job at Pixar Studios

23. Google job experiment

Copywriter Alec Brownstein‘s goal was to secure a position working for a top creative director in New York. While Googling his favourite creatives, Brownstein noticed they had no sponsored links attached to their names.

Seeing an opportunity, he purchased five directors’ names on Google AdWords, meaning whenever someone ran a search for one, the following message appeared at the top of the results page: “Hey, [creative director’s name]: Goooogling [sic] yourself is a lot of fun.”

He recieved calls from all but one of the creative directors whose names he purchased, and was offered a job by two. He now works for Young & Rubicam New York. And it cost him a total of $6.

24. QR code resumé

When applying for internships at communications agencies, French creative Victor Petit quickly realised that the hardest part of the process was getting an interview. So he decided to spice up his paper resumé with the inclusion of a QR code.

One side of his application features a pretty standard resumé design. The other is a close-up of Petit’s face, with a QR code in place of his mouth. Prospective employers scan the code, which then plays a YouTube video, featuring Petit’s mouth and transforming his paper application into a talking resumé.

25. Lego resumé

Writer Kendra Wiig created this brilliant model of a company’s mascot and sent it, together with her resumé

Okay, so this idea didn’t get Kendra Wiig the job she was after, but it’s still a cracking idea. After finding an opening for a company working on a Lego-themed game, she built a model of its mascot in the famous little bricks and put her resumé in the fish’s jaws.

Despite not being successful, the idea still attracted Wiig a lot of attention, with the hiring manager sending her back a personal email thanking her for the model. She was also sent details of positions they expected to open up in the near future. Bet she had a great time building it, too!

26. Twitter job hustle

Knowing that many creatives spend a lot of time seeing what others are up to on Twitter, freelance creative team Bas Van de Poel and Daan van Dam decided to use this to their advantage. Their brief was to ‘land a job at an awesome agency’.

The duo created five new Twitter accounts and uploaded different letters as profile pics that would spell out ‘HIRE US’. They then followed creative directors from AKQA, BBH, Sid Lee and Boondoggle so the message appeared on their Twitter pages. Each letter linked to the team’s portfolio on their Twitter timeline. The nifty idea did the trick too, with the duo landing themselves a job with Boondoggle.

27. ‘Vick’ cereal box

Designer Victor Rodriguez came up with this quirky concept while eating his breakfast, unsurprisingly

When Canada-based web and graphic designer Victor Rodriguez was looking for work, his design for a resumé was reached by thinking outside of the box. Literally.

Inspired by his morning meal, Rodrigues based his concept on a cereal box, featuring a bright, eye-catching design on the front and his personal information down the side. His skills were awarded percentages, much like the nutritional information listed on traditional cereal packets.

28. Google Map CV

Ed Hamilton’s Google Map resumé uses personalised placemarkers to highlight his skills and experience

When London-based copywriter Ed Hamilton was out of work, he decided to put his time to good use and develop a creative way to stand out to prospective employers.

Using Google Maps’ My Maps feature, Hamilton mapped his resumé, using different coloured pins to create personalised placemarkers, each accompanied by explanatory text. The brilliant design includes pins for where Hamilton lives, his interests and his previous employment.

29. Resumé in lights

HR specialist Liz Hickok used the festive season to her advantage in her search for employment

Now this is the kind of resumé Clark Griswold would be proud of! And with Christmas just around the corner, we just had to include this resumé in festive lights. Known for her Christmas light show, HR specialist Liz Hickok decided to modify her display slightly by adding a sign to employers that she was on hunt for a HR job.

The resumé, lit up on the front of her house, read ‘My wish, HR job, Liz Hickok, Linked In’. In addition to many appreciation messages on LinkedIn, Hickok also landed four interviews as a result of the lights.

30. This is Erika

The 90-second video by Miguel Durao showcases his model girlfriend Erika, whom, he explains, is not just a pretty face but also does charity work, is caring, sensitive and has been dating Durao for six years. There’s a brilliant pay off at the end, in which the whole scenario becomes clear.

Off the back of it, Miguel had several interviews and job offers from big name agencies, a series of freelance jobs, and a permanent position which he’s had for a year now. Well done that man!

Contributions: Jim McCauley

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