#i love it when a long running series has a drastic change in style for one episode or two it's refreshing

[watermelonstick]

[nateorr25]

After talking about my opinions on artists and comic series' I'm not familiar with I wanted to share my three favourite Comic series'. First is Radiant Black, I found this series while scrolling through Instagram and saw a post recommending it to anyone who likes Spider-Man and Invincible, I liked both of those at the time and still very much do so I went to a comic shop and bought the first volume which contains the first four issues and loved it, it has a very quip-y humour similar to Spider-Man and the story and Characters of Invincible with also a bit of Power Rangers too, I like the regular art style it has with nice line work and bright colours that go well with the panel layout and the scenes but there's also parts in the series where they speak to a great ancient figure named 'The Radiant' and when that happens they get put into a very abstract colour world made of purples, yellows and reds as well as an occasional glitching effect.

Secondly is Invincible, I found the Invincible series after watching the show of the same name and after watching it, I learned it was based of a comic run and immediately bought the first issue off of amazon and read it in an hour. I loved the show a lot and the characters, story and feel, I like how there's a lot of space adventures and backstories as well as incredible fights but the characters arch's and relationships are what I love most. The comics are very similar to the show but with some drastic changes too, one minute you could be reading the comic as well as watching the show and just be seeing the same thing exactly and another could be something that was completely taken out of either the show or comic and that's what I like when a story of some kind gets adapted, I want to see certain things play out in animation but I also don't want to see a word for word remake, I want change and differences and this series does it perfectly.

And lastly, quite a different series, The Adventure Zone is a fantasy series based off of a podcast which I haven't listened to where a group of brothers and their dad play dungeons and dragons and that was turned into a comic, I like this series because after picking up the first issue years ago just as something to read on the plane on my holiday, I was invested, there's a long overarching story but with each book being a very different story, one book the character's are in a murder mystery on a train and then they're stuck in a time loop in a western cowboy town, but the most recent book has a very big plot twist and only one book left to go so I'm very excited for that to come out. I highly recommend this series for anyone who likes fantasy and crude humour.

[scooby-review]

The New Scooby Doo Movies Season 1 Episodes 1 - 4

No iteration of Scooby Doo lasts too long, with the longest running series being Mystery Incorporated, Be Cool Scooby-Doo and Scooby-Doo and Guess Who? all with fifty-two episodes. 

The New Scooby Doo Movies is no different, lasting a total of two seasons with a total of twenty four episodes, just one less than Where are You? 

This series makes two huge and notable changes from its predecessor. Firstly, the episodes are doubled, now forty two minutes in length. Secondly, every episode features a guest star, rotating through a slew of celebrities and fictional characters, this selection being bizarre to say the least. 

Airing in 1972, just two years after Where are You? the show followed a cycle of reruns of the original series! Cartoons like Scooby Doo are built on the image of reruns! They are easy to pick up, they are entirely episodic and need no introduction, one can simply understand the structure, the characters, and therefore, less episodes can be made, and they can be aired in any order. Despite this iteration adding an additional twenty four episodes to this possible cycle of reruns, as far as I can tell, CBS opted instead to air reruns of Where are You? instead, doing so until their contract ended and the franchise shifted networks, although I’m not certain on this - finding information about broadcasting habits in the 70s isn’t easy! 

Other than the two major changes, the show's formula remains the same, following the five original members of the gang solving mysteries!

1. Ghastly Ghost Town

At the time of writing this, I have pretty much finished watching season one, and I regret to report, I pretty much hate this iteration of the franchise. I’ll try my best to provide a nuanced look into the episodes, but this is a warning that I don’t love this series, for a myriad of reasons!

Ghastly Ghost Town follows the gang meeting The Three Stooges, aiding them in solving the mystery of who is scaring away customers at their ghost town theme park. 

Weirdly, this episode feels very different to the rest of this season, almost leaning on being a parody of what is to come despite being the first episode. 

For starters, the intro to this show is amazing, maybe even better than Where are Yous! It opens on such an eerie vibe that doesn’t even match all that well to the tone of the show, before growing into this more vibrant sounding and appearing intro! There’s two versions of it that are aired, this coming as a result of copyright disputes with certain celebrities or characters in the show, therefore, a version cutting out many characters is used when the show airs now. 

In fact, the aforementioned copyright issues came from the Addams estate, of course owning the Addams Family. This has led to the episode being scarcely available, most notably only on two region exclusive VHS tapes, which I couldn't find being sold anywhere. However, as of around a week ago, the entire series was dropped onto Max, where this episode is inexplicably present.

The three stooges were a vaudeville act, best known for their short films, composed of Moe Howard, Curly Howard and Larry Fine. Although some aspects of their slapstick style is still present here, the characters were heavily toned down for the show, with Moe’s character being changed drastically from a malicious bully to a pretty nice guy. By the time the episode aired, the actors were all either retired or had passed away. 

I don’t love the three stooges, the closest thing I’d seen to them before watching this was Scooby Doo Meets the Boo Brothers, who I honestly love, but I just didn’t care about these guys - I had no reason to. Also, I imagine for fans of the three stooges this couldn’t have been all that great either, given the characters toned down personalities. Yet, every episode acts like you know these people, sometimes they are shown throughout the episode to be unique and interesting, but here they feel like devices for gags, completely void of any interesting character or personality. 

Like I mentioned before, this episode almost feels like a parody of the show, a weird concept given it’s the first episode in this series, but it almost appears reflective on its past, making fun of how serious Where are You? felt. For example, in one scene early on Daphne grabs onto Fred’s arm, it’s a detail that feels like it’s commenting on the idea of them being romantically paired, something never even hinted at in Where are You, yet, I assume fans had already gravitated to the concept. It’s as if it’s making fun of itself, poking holes in the original’s formula but having nothing of substance to do or say, made all the more baffling by the fact that nothing like this happens again. It just feels different, something only emphasised by a later scene where we see the writers have given Fred a new character trait! He’s a misogynist now! It’s done in a “I hate my wife!” kind of way, he jokes about women talking lots, it’s very of its time and something now seen as a parody in on of itself, yet, we again don’t see this new character quirk return. Every other episode removes this from him, placing him back into a blank slate once more! 

As for this episode's villains… I think the best way to explain it is that I had to search who the monster was three quarters of the way through. Given the episode’s ghost town location, we see the villains of the Gunslinger and Geronimo, a cowboy and Native American respectively. This, of course, falls into every single stereotype you’d expect it to. Both villains are statues, amusements placed around the park that have seemingly come to life. 

I think the gunslinger is the more active villain here anyway, and therefore, the better one. This episode has a particular stand out scene where Scooby has a duel with him, and it rules, there’s a reason it appears in the intro! It’s perfectly crafted and one of the best scenes in the entire season!

The villain’s just don’t take an active role in the episode, and as we shall see in future episodes, this is not a one off occurrence. This, in my opinion only emphasises New Movies weakest element: that run time. Nothing of use is done with the extra time, it instead just highlights that many of these characters are frail, that Daphne and Fred really haven’t got much going on yet, and it grows egregious with how long scenes can drag on for and how little is done with the time it has. My hope was that the mysteries would be given actual depth, a chance to be the focal point, but no. I truly cannot explain what this extra time is spent doing, and in many episodes, segments are cut down or omitted completely in modern reruns. The pacing here is dreadful, these episodes are truly a drag to get through, and it dilutes any positive and interesting aspects. 

There’s a lot going on here, and yet, hardly any of it works, it’s a poor start and one of my least favourite episodes of the entire franchise let alone the show itself!

Also, there’s a scene where Scooby has the tiniest waist. That’s all! 

2. The Dynamic Scooby-Doo Affair

Growing up I had the Scooby-Doo meets Batman VHS tape, and I would watch it fairly frequently, and while I couldn’t remember much, I did remember enjoying it! Alongside the Harlem Globetrotters DVD, this is all the experience I’ve had with

This episode features Batman, Robin, The Penguin and Joker, the former pair aiding the gang in solving a mystery of a plane crash and clown toys stuffed with counterfeit money. 

Despite liking this one a whole lot more than the previous episode, it’s still just okay to me, it suffers from similar pacing issues that plagues this series, but it manages to still be entertaining a good chunk of the time. 

I think the best way I could describe this episode is convoluted, which is a whole lot better than boring, but if I was given a few more words, boring would eventually end up there. It sucks because this one could be great, but it’s padded to hell, it’s again a victim of the runtime. I think that without the long middle section of this episode, the gang attempt to thwart The Joker and Penguin, which I described in my notes as a “Scooby-Doo episode maker”, where they use a myriad of traps, all with the classic shows aesthetic. Like, it’s fine, but it’s too long without any substance, which could be said for the entire episode. So many aspects here I enjoy, but it’s all too long, every scene feels like it could be shaved in time, it’s so frustrating. 

The voice actors here are particularly fun, with Cassey Casem, the voice of Shaggy, voicing Robin, their voices just similar enough for you to tell, but Robin feels like he’s secretly Shaggy here, a more well put together Shaggy. I also really enjoyed Larry Storch as the Joker, who I felt had an air of Mason Verger to him. And in a similar vein, I really enjoyed Batman’s dialogue, he talks so matter of factly. 

A few particular moments are great in this one, such as where Fred chokes out this masked individual in a scrap-yard, Shaggy and Scooby nearly getting crushed to death and the way the episode transitions using the bat insignia. The final act is pretty enjoyable too, where I especially love the fake-out villains. 

Throughout the episode, we are led to believe that The Penguin and Joker are the villain’s, but no, it’s instead the hooded individual we see early on who’s been masterminding everything this whole time, being the sweet old lady we meet early on, Mrs Baker. I love this twist even if the actual design of the villain is whatever, the purple colour scheme is great, but they really have nothing else going for them. It’s not a great sign when different places list different costumes and villains for an episode, but this entire series sees this happening, with nobody entirely agreeing on who counts and who doesn’t. Generally, this comes down to the uninspired designs, and their lack of a presence within the episode. Take the previous episode for example, where some sources list a cactus costume we see as one of the villains, while others don’t, and in this episode it is disputed whether or not the Penguin and Joker’s disguises, The Living Skeletons, are separate villains or just alternate costumes they wear. Despite every episode having a villain, they aren’t always the monster’s we see in Where are You, instead they can be anything, but their designs are frequently dull, lacking much flair or character, a hooded individual is boring when done like this, we see this disguise for such a short period of time that it’s never something you’ll remember looking back on the episode. Focus now is shifted to the guest cast, which means an episode can be made or broken based on who appears, while the mystery is placed on the backburner. Although Where are You never truly put effort into making an interesting mystery, the difference is the length of time we spend in the mystery and the villain’s opposite them! Everything here feels so uninspired and drear, and although there are some seriously egregious examples later on, reused sounds such as the phantom's (Where are You, episode 3)  laugh are seen in this episode, and it removes any personality that the character’s could have had. 

Moving on to the living skeletons, they’re just fine. They act as disguises for the Joker and Penguin, they do their job fine being basic horror archetypes, and I enjoy the cheeky grins they both share.

This episode is notable for having the first female culprit also!

Overall, this is simply a fine episode, it could be good if it were shorter, but the guests here are enjoyable to watch, there’s a reason Scooby-Doo and Batman are still crossing over to this day, both in several movies and even more recently in a comic run. 

3. Wednesday is Missing

Despite this episode having what is one of the worst Scooby-Doo villains, I kind of like this one! 

Wednesday is Missing follows the gang becoming house sitters for the Adams Family while Morticia and Gomez go on their second honeymoon, an already tense situation that’s only exacerbated by Wednesday’s sudden disappearance. 

Much like the previous episode, the guest stars are what make it, the Scooby gang just fit so seamlessly into this world, it makes watching it a delight, seeing how they interact with different characters and aspects of the Addams Family’s life. I love this episode so much because it’s the characters entering the world of the Addams Family, they’re driving along and stop by their house, and for me, that’s so much more interesting than them driving into the fictional ghost town theme park the three stooges have. In fact, my favourite episodes in this show tend to be ones where the gang enter the world of the guest stars, or the guest stars join in on a mystery, effectively planting themselves into the world of Scooby-Doo. 

To skate past the worst of this episode, I hate the villain. He’s a giant vulture, piloted by a group of old housekeepers. The villain is so dull, and it’s so frustrating to have a villain like this in the episode that takes place inside the gothic house of the Addams Family. Alongside that, a little nitpick I have is that the Addams Family are described as being TV characters by Shaggy, which just opens a whole can of worms as to what that means and what the gang are doing here if that's the case. 

Mostly, I enjoy this episode because of the way the two worlds interact, it feels like a crossover more so than a guest starring episode, and therefore, it feels so special. I’m not the biggest Addams Family fan - I have vague memories of seeing the 1964 show on TV as a child, I’ve seen the first movie and a production of the musical - yet the styles blend perfectly, the character’s reactions write themselves. The house acts as a more fantastical Where are You setting, it’s a huge gothic manor house that oozes with style, every room unveils a new horror. 

The mystery doesn’t settle into the episode until just over halfway, and truthfully, the mystery is just a vehicle to get the gang searching through more of the house, to push them into new horrors that the family lives inside of every day. They surround themselves in the unusual and supernatural that the gang always attempts to explain. 

Every character here radiates with personality, everything so fully realised, it’s a shame there isn’t another episode with these characters! There’s a few guests who appear more than once, and I would have loved to see more of them! 

This episode is so fun because of the atmosphere it creates. Truthfully, it’s just as long and drawn out as the previous two episodes and I can’t confidently say it does much different other than appealing to my tastes better! Sure, I love the dynamic between the gang and Batman and Robin, but here we get to see the characters in the world of the Addams Family too - I think that aids in my enjoyment! 

4. The Frickert Fracas

I think this episode is one of the most tedious in the show, it’s a shame given how much I usually enjoy both a farm setting and a scarecrow as a villain! Yet here nothing flows, every second feels doubled, every scene too long with no substance to back it up. It’s not bad, it’s just dull, it pushed me into a state of boredom, which is maybe worse than some episodes in the series I outright disliked. 

We follow the gang as they drive guest star Jonathan Winters to his friend's farm, but on the way they find two people attempting to steal the formula to her secret rooster enlarging drug. 

I don’t love Jonathan Winters as the guest star, he’s playing a very specific style of character here, and that character is certainly one that is defined and clear, you always know how he will act. However, he talks so slowly and his dialogue never worked for me, but I think that comes down to personal taste. In real life, he was a jack of all trades, being a comedian, actor, author, TV host and artist, although he’s probably best known for his work as an actor. 

He’s mostly paired with Scooby and Shaggy here - often the single guests will be paired off with a set of characters for the majority of the episode - which is where I start to have a few problems. The scene in the barn stands out to me as especially egregious, it’s tedious and not that funny, with later reruns cutting out sections of the episode to streamline it. This is something that can be seen across several episodes!

The villain here is fine! Something I hoped going into these was that the extra length would be used to flesh out the mysteries, but these villains and mysteries almost always feel miles weaker than anything coming out of Where are You. Here we hardly see the villain until halfway through anyway, a common trope within these episodes, before that we usually sit through a series of gags and jokes surrounding the guest meeting the gang, an extended set up for the final twenty minutes. 

This scarecrow has a mostly brown and tan design, he has a jacket, a hat, the usual scarecrow attire, however, his face is a powder blue, it stands out starkly against everything else, and not in a positive way. As a design, the blue face just feels out of place, it clashes so poorly with all the other colours and it’s the only hint of blue in the design, it truly is just curious as to why this colour was used, because sure, it stands out, but in no way does it do so positively. 

I really have nothing else to add on this one! Very whatever episode.

Episodes Ranked:

Wednesday is Missing

The Dynamic Scooby-Doo Affair

The Frickert Fracas

Ghastly Ghost Town

Villains Ranked:

The Scarecrow

Gunslinger

Living Skeletons

Hooded Man

Vulture

Geronimo

Previous Review: Every Scooby Doo Where are You Episode Ranked

Next Review: New Scooby Doo Movies Season 1 Episodes 5 - 8

[fusionflare]

I havent said before, cause I dont really make posts like this, but if you want to see Pokémon as a series Get Better, You have to stop buying into it. Let me explain...

Pokémon has been doing the "1 step forwards, 2 steps back" thing when it comes to almost every modern game since Sun and Moon. They get rid of welcome changes to the series, replace it with something else that serves as a one time gimmick, all while crunching the employees.

With Scarlet and Violet having Just released Not even 3 years after SWSH, chances are you will witness Firsthand how thrown together these games are. They're practically coming apart at the seams.

Dont get me wrong, the devs do deserve all the credit to the work they put out. But it just doesnt meet expectations. It barely even reaches them. Visually, SV, is very poorly optimised, and the design direction for the games style has Drastically changed since SWSH, when that game had fantastic art direction (not graphics. The style itself)

Why? Crunch time. CEOs trying to push out a game every 2 years, seldom lets the love these developers have for the series to be fully baked. This is a huge problem when it comes to the quality of this series in the long run.

When you say "yeah, its not perfect, but it still looks fun!", "These games look lackluster but the gameplay is good!", "The story is great, but the game runs poorly and I encounter a glitch every 20 minutes. Its fine though!" This is part of the problem!! If the CEO sees that people will still buy their product because of a Brand name, it will just incentivise the devs getting worse and worse treatment, because as long as something is labeled with "Pokémon", no matter how poor the quality compared to previous entries, will sell. The CEOs will see this and be like, "oh! People bought and enjoyed Scarlet and Violet despite its flaws! Maybe that means we can get away with mistreating our workers more for our next title!"

As a long time Pokémon fan, and an aspiring game dev myself, this is mortifying. The decision to settle for less, because 1 aspect of a game is tolerable, is absolutely terrifying to me.

It takes more than just 1 good aspect to make a good game. Good games, for example, old gen pokémon games consist of Good Aspects (good art direction, story, gameplay, polish, music) all around. It doesnt skimp out on one or two, It tries its best to go the full distance to make the players time feel worthwhile.

But its not like that anymore! I constantly see people settling for less with this series as new games come out, with less and less of those aspects that make a good game. SWSH gameplay and story was lacking, it coasted along on art direction and music, and people still bought it, because those are pretty important aspects to having a good game. Not required of course, but should at least tried to meet a standard. Scarlet and Violet is pushing this concept further. Scarlet and Violet, as they are at release, lacks EVERY aspect besides story and music. This doesnt constitute for a very worthwhile experience in my opinion, especially not for the price tag of $60.

"You're complaining just to complain! You sound like a genwunner!" Im sorry for having standards of what to expect in a Pokémon game, and having standards for what the devs have to go through to make them?

I care about this series and its lifespan. I care about it a lot. But seeing poor business practice affecting the product, the games, itself, I dont want to buy into it. Im not settling for letting these devs get increasingly shittier conditions just because I convinced their CEO that i will still buy when their workers are suffering and the product is stunted. Money talks, and im not talking anymore. I cant stand the poor treatment anymore because it leaks into the series itself. I dont understand how people can just... let that happen. How they can settle for the devs being treated like this. How they can say "yeah, the devs were treated horribly while working on this and it shows, but I still find it fun!" and feel okay with that? If anything that just shows me that people will be complacent Consumers if it benefits them in the slightest, because its "new" and a "breath of fresh air". It just appeals to having instant gratification.

IF you want a new Pokémon experience, but dont want to shell out $60 for a buggy product that devs were crunched to make, There are Plenty of options!

Consider Fangames (Pokémon Insurgence, Pokémon Wilds, etc.) ! These are games that have taken more than 5+ years of development, and a lot of passion goes into making them. Not to mention, theyre free! Just as good, if not better, from an experience perspective.

Support creators by showing them that you care about their treatment. Dont buy into something and settle for less just because its new. The games industry is already tough enough on creators as it stands right now. Save your $60. Dont show them that you dont care about their devs as long as you get a product. They deserve better, and so do you.

[liptonsbabe]

Chains of a family [B.W]

Bill Weasley x Grant! reader

Chapter 1,

Chapter 2,

Chapter 3,

Chapter 4,

Chapter 5, 

Chapter 6

Summary: The Weasley family have traditions about marriage and Bill has to respect them if he truly wants the reader become his wife. In the attempt to respect his family wishes the weasleys have to visit reader’s grandparent Tim Grant who has a lot of things to say

Word count: 5K TOO LONG I’M SO SORRY

Warnings: none(?

A/N: Hey! part 6 of this thing. I’m so sorry to update this late but it was a complicated chapter and the longest so far. I’ll try to make small chapters from now on and the wedding is aproching, you guys!! i’m sooo excited to publish that part but we have to wait a little more for that.

So, as i’ve said in the last chapter, i changed some things from de canon like Bill being attacked by Grayback and such. it’s just for the plot of this series ok? hope you don’t mind guys.

Anyways, like always, english not my mother language so pls let me know if somethings wrong. Enjoy!

Chapter 6: Your life is not enough

You needed a couple of weeks to fully recover, even if it meant having Bill on your back every hour and taking you away from your duties with the Order. The mission that Remus Lupin gave you had to wait until further notice, all for William's excessive concern about your wounds

The task of keeping you away was complicated, more so when the Death Eater attacks had gained strength that no one expected. The members of the order spent twenty-four hours a day on watch with no time for breaks, even Bill went three days without sleep until you, still recovering , left the room and dragged him back with you regardless of his constant complaining. Molly supported you in the decision - thank god - telling her son not to worry that the rest of the Order would keep their eyes fully opened and he could rest comfortably next to you

The drastic change in Mrs. Weasley's behavior confused you because there was no reason for it, but the relief helped make your recovery quicker and less painful. The healer who  you the morning after the accident with the Death Eaters took too long to close the wound as it was a curse wound and it needed a counter spell to heal properly, but not having one, he used other tactics and Dittany to help it heal. However, the help had come too late, and the scar was a throbbing fact that stung terribly when you made the slightest move. The healer said the burning and discomfort would go away with time, but the redness would stay forever. You thought that would be the last of your problems until you got your first glimpse of the result of the attack.

It was a disastrous thing, but it could have been much worse. You sighed as you looked at your disheveled image in the bathroom mirror. You had just taken a shower and Bill was still dressing in the bedroom. You took off the robe Ginny had given you a night before, watching the scar glisten across the valley of your breasts ending above your ribs. You sighed again, if you didn't consider yourself pretty before, at that moment you felt awful.

A new figure appeared in the reflection accompanied by a bright smile. William wore his white shirt tucked into his pants, his bow tie dangling from his collar and his suspenders placed perfectly flush against his shoulders. You smiled, looking at him through the mirror.

“Getting used to your dazzling new short hair?” You asked as you noticed Bill's nervous hand run over his head for the fifth time after the shower. Bill groaned, burying his face in your neck.

“I hate this style”

“And why did you cut it off, then?”

“Mom made me," he stated, tightening his hands around your waist, "She wants me to make a good impression, and for once I wanted to please her in something”

“Wow, your mom wanting to impress my family? That's new”

“Well, not every day you get to visit Lord Voldemort's brother," you gave him a bad look, smacking his hand, "Too soon for a joke, sorry”

You shook your head, escaping from Bill's embrace putting perfume behind your ear, on your wrists and neck. You gasped when a small drop of perfume touched your wound, reddening it. Your eyes lost in the scar again, knowing that even if your dress managed to cover most of it, the initial edges would be exposed like the body of a worm crawling through your clothes. Bill discovered your discontent. He hugged you again, running his fingertips over your sore skin as he kissed your bare shoulder. Maybe you couldn't see it, but for Bill you were perfect. Not just for the way you looked, but  the beautiful heart that, even if he didn't deserve it, you had given him without any qualms. You deserved to be appreciated by the rest of the world, not just by him.

“I love you. You know that, don't you?”

“Even with the scar?”

“With the scar even more. It shows how brave you are and you should be proud of it. You saved Mad-Eye”

“The others will see it”

“It's their problem, not yours. You're still the most beautiful woman in this world.

You smiled, stroking the short hair of the man behind you.

“Not as much as that”

“You're right. I stand corrected. You are the most beautiful woman in both worlds”

“William...”

“I'll help you get dressed," he said, noticing that you were blushing up to your ears. William smiled without understanding why a sweet comment could make you blush, but not the fact that he was looking at you naked from the waist up. He picked up the dress hanging on the dresser reaching over to help it over your head pulling it down gently so as not to hurt you. Then, he zipped up your back leaving a wet kiss on your neck.

Bill's false calm didn't go unnoticed by you. As you smoothed the folds of your dress you noticed the trembling in his hands and the way his feet drummed on the floor. He was playing with the zipper of your dress pulling it up and down, trying to calm his nerves

“Bill, it's not necessary to do this”

“It is!” He replied looking up. You turned to him, crossing your arms around his neck, "I want to respect the traditions, to do things right. I want to show everyone that we mean business. It's just that...”

“My grandfather scares you?”

“What? No” You raised an eyebrow “Okay, maybe a little”

“You don't need to talk to him. He'll understand”

“I want to”

You gave in to Bill's pout. A few days ago, just after he asked you to marry him, Arthur Weasley spoke to his son asking him how he would go about keeping the traditions of the family. Bill didn't seem to understand what he was referring to when his father explained that the Weasleys used to always, always, visit the bride's parents' home right after the engagement to ask for their approval. Offerings were usually brought in a show of respect and the parents in question would respond by offering dinner for the guests. Bill's eyes widened, was that a real tradition?, he didn't know, “why didn't you ever tell me about it!” he questioned his father in a shout. Arthur knew about his son's untimely ignorance, returning the accusation, “Would that have made any difference on your desire to have her as your wife?” Bill didn't have to think too hard. “Of course not!” he shouted and his father laughed, patting him on the shoulder. His son was brave and would have asked for his bride's hand even from Voldemort himself. Bill was lucky tho cause he only had to talk to the old alchemist Tim Grant.

Your grandfather was the only one in the family who seemed to be neutral in the war caused by his brother, but above all he was the person who loved you most as you had both been banished from the Grants for standing up for your own convictions. Maybe Tim wasn’t an active member of either side, however, the blood connection with his brother Tom Riddle sent shivers down the spines of those around him. The man isolated himself in the Galapagos islands dangerously close to a volcano, where he was sure his brother wouldn’t dare to look for him. The Weasleys, hearing the story from your lips didn’t understand why.

You used a portkey to get to your grandfather's house. Arthur had communicated with Tim hours earlier and the two of them managed to establish a connection undetected for the ministry thanks to  the old Grant's powerful magic and his skills as an alchemist.  You couldn't hide your excitement at seeing your grandfather again, which encouraged Bill's eagerness to formally introduce himself to his next.... grandfather-in-law?

“Well then, but you don't have to worry. Grandpa is a very understanding man”

“Yeah, I'm sure he is”

“Bill Weasley, who knew talking to an old man would make you so nervous?”

“Very funny” he rolled his eyes, gluing his forehead to yours “I just want him to like me, (Y/N)”

“He likes everyone”

“That doesn't make me feel any better.”

“It will when you talk to him and see there's nothing to be afraid of” You stood on your tiptoes cause even with your high heels you couldn't reach his height. You kissed his cheek, snatching a warm smile from him “He's not like the rest of my family”

“I didn't mean to imply that, I'm sorry”

“It's all right, I know you didn't mean it. Now let's go downstairs, your mother must be going crazy”

“As if she wasn't already”

You slapped his arm as you descended the stairs. You didn't want Molly to hear them and relive her recently dissipated discontent with you

The rest of the family were already near the portkey with their arms full of baskets with offerings for your grandpa and the twins carrying some strange ornaments. Bill's sister Ginny greeted you with a smile, handing one of the baskets to her older brother. Molly and Arthur approached their children, both hanging on the opposite arm dressed in their best sunday clothes to make a good impression. You smiled without waiting for Bill's mother to smile back.

After the accident at Little Whinging Molly's rudeness disappeared. Not that she accepted you with open arms, but she stopped making bad comments and avoided looking at you in a bad way. Bill didn't know what Mad-Eye said to his mother that night when he told everyone how you had saved him knowing how much he owed you, but Bill didn't understand the size of the changing till he saw his mother offer you a piece of litchi pie the night after the attack when you were recovering from the wound. It was not that big of a deal really, but it had left you with a permanent smile on your face.

It was Molly herself who had taken the initiative to encourage Bill to fulfill the family tradition. If a Grant was going to come into their home as their son's wife then she should do it the way they knew. Her first piece of advice to her son was cutting his hair to a normal length. Bill was horrified by his mother's words cause he knew she was taking advantage of the moment to make him suffer with his precious mane. He did it anyway, because there wasn't anything in the world he wouldn't do for you

It was a drastic change, but it was worth it. Molly saw your eyes sparkle at the sight of her son so changed, with his hair cut short and his beard shaved. Your fingers danced over his face appreciating the effort Molly, not yet convinced of your influence at home, had made for you. Molly stifled a smile, unaware even to herself, that you were slowly beginning to win her heart.

You touched the shuttle at the same time falling precipitously in the sand and Harry helped you up  with a smile. Then you walked straight appearing in front of a huge house that was sheltered by the foothills of the bubbling volcano on the other side of the island. The twins, like the rest of the family, let out an exclamation of astonishment as Ron, harried by the huge spiders hovering in the sand, ran for the door.

The smell of freshly cooked food escaped through the cracks in the door before it was opened. The twins' eyes widened as they recognized the delicious smell of cooked prawns and coconut sauce wafting over their heads. You knocked on the door three times, then stopped and resumed the knocking four more times. The Weasleys watched you, did you have a special code to communicate with each other?

"Come in" You gave way to them closing the door behind you and sealing it with an unknown spell. Bill waited for you at the threshold as his family was already making their way to the table where a very well dressed Tim Grant was waiting for them sitting in the main chair. Bill looked at him from his position, shaking “We still have time to run away” you joked “If you're not ready...”

“I am," he said confidently.

“Okay”

You both walked toward the dining room. Tim was greeting the rest of the family enthusiastically. Bill sighed. At least Tim seemed to get along with his parents, so that was good. They all filled a seat, with Tim occupying the head and Arthur the opposite end; Molly sat on Tim's right side and you sat on Mr. Weasley's right side. The twins, Ron, Harry and Ginny took the middle seats leaving Bill the only vacant spot on Tim's left side. Bill took a breath before taking the seat and receiving a curious look from the man.

“Ah, how wonderful is to have more people to fill the empty spaces! A table this big doesn't serve any purpose unless it's fully occupied, does it? That's what I always say!”

“Don't you usually get many visitors?” asked Molly, breaking the ice. Bill felt sweat trickle down his back. Tim guffawed, patting the back of Molly's hand on the table.

“I’m afraid so. I think that is cause I'm the only one crazy enough to live near an active volcano and my family's fame doesn't help me much either, I'm generally a lonely man. Most of the time it's frustrating, but I can deal with it. You are a big family from i can see, are they all yours, Arthur?”

“Only the redheads," he replied. You recognized in his tone of voice a slight pride “The other one is...”

“Harry Potter” Tim Grant's eyes sparkled with recognition. He looked at Harry with a smile, bowing his head to him in respect. Harry did the same “I know him. He's the guy who's been giving my brother headaches”

Tim's laughter echoed through the house being followed by the twins and you cleared your throat to get his attention. Tim spotted you from across the table waving his hand dismissively.

“Grandpa, please”

“A little joke to lighten the mood, my dear, oh, are these for me?” he questioned, bringing closer the baskets offered by the Weasleys resting on the table. Bill's basket was in front of him waiting to be properly delivered, so he stood up and did as he should. Tim Grant gladly received it, complimenting the selection they had made “What a cute boy, did you see him, dear,? he's gone red!”

You let out a chuckle, nodding at your grandfather's words. Bill's face was flushed as he returned to his spot and looked down at his hands. Tim guffawed again and banged the table.

“I appreciate the gifts, Arthur, I've never been part of a tradition like this before”

“It was important for my son and the rest of us to do it, to introduce ourselves properly”

“Sure! It's what a family with honor does. I'm not surprised. No, not at all. The Weasleys were in the book of the sacred twenty-eight for a long time until they were struck off the list. Tell me, that was quite a blow, wasn't it?”

“Not so much, my family has never cared about that sort of thing”

“Of course! It never did, I could see it up close. Did you know I was friends with your grandmother, Lysandra Yaxley?”

Arthur's eyes widened.

“Really?”

“Really. My family also once belonged to the most important pureblood families until I was born, of course. Lysandra and I became friends because her family also got kicked off the list when Cedrella, your mother, married your father Septimus Weasley. Even your grandfather Arcturus was removed from the Black family tree which was an embarrassment for him being that the ancestral Black family is too proud and such. Anyway, that's part of life, right? Creating new families, bringing people together...”

“Was your family always purebloods?” Fred asked. Tim shook his head

“It was. As I mentioned, before I made my appearance in this world”

“Why?”

Tim was suddenly silent. You scanned your grandfather's face waiting for an answer. Dinner plates flew in from the kitchen and positioned themselves at each guest's place setting while a huge chocolate fountain was set up in the center accompanied by a plate overflowing with assorted fruit. The baskets took a turn and took a place on your grandpa's shelves. Tim sighed, looking at the Weasleys asking to begin dinner.

“I’m the son of a witch, but not of a pure blood wizard”

“Don't you and Lord Voldemort share the same father?”

“Harry...”

”It's all right, Molly, I can answer that” Tim rubbed his chin, thinking “I understand your concern boy, being hide here doesn't make me ignorant to what's going on out there and I know better than anyone what you're going through. You need weapons against my brother and you do well. Tom is a big threat, a very big threat indeed. You're right, Tom and I don't share a father, but that doesn't make him any less my brother.

“I think we're straying from the subject that brought us here” mentioned Arthur feeling a sudden warmth. You supported him, but Tim continued to speak

“I was the son of Merope Gaunt and Aleister Grant. My father was a famous son, grandson and great-grandson of brilliant alchemists, and unsurprisingly he was one himself. Merope Gaunt was...  a direct descendant of Salazar Slytherin and a Parselmouth. She had a brother named Morfin and my grandfather was Sorvolo Gaunt. My parents met when the Gaunts had just moved to Little Hangleton after their exile and needed a place to stay. They became the owners of a squalor ridden shack on the edge of town and well, my father was a young alchemist who lived near the Gaunt abode”

You sipped from your wine glass as you listened to your grandfather speak. Never, even with the rest of the family, had he ever struck such a chord as he was doing with the Weasleys. The truth was that you didn't understand why he was telling them all that, however, you weren’t interested in interrupting the story as you knew your grandfather had a purpose with him.

“Those of us who are dedicated to alchemy have never enjoyed an enviable reputation because our transmutation abilities are mostly underestimated by the things that magic in general can produce and it makes a science like alchemy reserved for muggles in their attempt to approach the power that the wizards possess. Personally I think there is something right about that, precisely cause the transmutation in the Muggle world is divided into subjects they taught in schools like chemistry or physics, but alchemy goes beyond that, it’s a connection between the wizard and the spirituality that each one possesses...” the man's gaze was lost in a place at the table, pausing the story. Harry settled back on the seat waiting for him to continue “But it's very difficult to erase the deep-rooted ideas about it, so the best is ignore that and continue doing what we believe is right. Anyway, ah! I got off topic, didn't I? Okay, okay, well my parents ended up meeting and my father fell in love with my mother as fast as my socks get cold at night, but that infatuation wasn’t well regarded by my uncle and even less by my grandfather, of course, for the fame of the alchemists at the time”

“So what happened?” you asked. Tim smiled at you, taking a bite of the rye bread on his plate.

“My mother was treated worse than a house- elf by her father and Morfin, so she decided to run away with my father to France where he had several alchemist friends who could protect them. The Gaunts might have been exiled, but they were still dangerous and to be honest I think my father was terribly afraid of uncle Morfin. They eventually made it to France, but they encountered an infamous muggle who tried to hurt my mother”

Everyone stopped eating to pay attention to Tim as he drank his third glass of wine. You thought that your grandfather wouldn't even be able to stand up by the end of the night.

“He was known as Gilles De Rais. He was a sadistic muggle who tried to become a wizard even though he wasn't born a wizard and used my father to tell him secrets of alchemy. One night they were having a conversation when my father revealed him that there were certain amounts of gold in people's bodies. Gold is a very valuable component, as you already know, so the man's greed didn’t take long to show itself and he questioned my dad how it could be obtained. My father told him that the only way to obtain the gold was by draining the blood and dividing it with a very complicated procedure, however, the gold of an ordinary adult was quite scarce. The real wealth was in the blood of children of no more than ten years old because they possessed a great amount of gold and other components that could be transmuted into riches. The muggle did so, and when he learned that my mother was a real witch, he wanted to know if golden blood ran through her veins, which would make him richer than he already was. My father refused, and decided to leave the place before he hurt us, because they knew she was already pregnant. The muggle went mad and unleashed in him a fury that spread throughout France”

The Weasley twins chorused an astonished murmur as the others moved up to the table so as not to miss a word of the story. You sent a glance at Bill as he hadn't stopped sweating and going over his words all evening.

"They wanted to go back to Little Hangleton but my uncle and grandfather were still in a rage waiting to see them arrive, so my father sent my mother alone while he found another place to stay as he could not expose her to the cold streets of France while on standby, so they had no choice but to leave her with her family avoiding revealing my existence to them. Uncle Morfin didn’t want my mother back, but my grandfather convinced him because they needed someone to take care of the house and their needs. Time passed, my father didn’t come back and I was born in the garden of the house while my mother watered the plants”

“My birth was a surprise to everyone because my mother knew how to hide me well until my father's arrival but, as that didn't happen, I couldn't stand it any longer and made my triumphant appearance on my grandfather's favorite bushes. Uncle Morfin was furious and even tried to get rid of me immediately, but my mother clung to me like a lioness.

“Really?”

“Really," he replied with a broad smile, "I think a part of her was still holding on to my father showing up at some point and getting us out of there, but again that didn't happen. Mom had to endure her brother and father's abuse for me and that's a debt I can never repay”

The whole table fell silent, thinking. Dinner continued as a heavy thunderstorm rumbled overhead, accompanying old Tim Grant's story as if it were yesterday. The man paused to eat and the others did the same with no desire to miss a word. Harry's eyes sparkled in wonder and Mr. Weasley's strong hand on yours helped to soothe your fervent anguish.

“I guess that's what mothers do, isn't it? Anyway, the years passed and I had to live under uncle Morfin's shadow and at the mercy of his growing wrath. When I turned five I started helping the market men with their chores in exchange for a couple of pounds which we had to exchange later for galleons and sickles to survive for two weeks. Mom helped bring money into the house, but it wasn't enough. Then, at seven, the Dream Messengers showed up one night telling me I was required to study at the Uagadou magical college in Africa so I couldn't refuse”

“Wait, Uagadou takes students from the age of seven?”

“Oh I see," the man settled back in his chair, wiping the corners of his lips with a napkin as he stared at Ron, "I forgot that the rest of the magical schools aren't very well known around here, are they? Well, yes, some schools take in very young students as is the case with Uagadou or the Japanese school. It depends a lot on the traditions in each region i guess, because in the African school they select only descendants of alchemists or who have had at least someone  in their bloodline whose spirituality helped them to become one. It wasn't all as easy as that, of course, because each student had to pass a test before having a permanent stay, but....

“What kind of test?” Harry questioned when dinner was over and they start dessert. The twins were the first to help themselves a piece of fruit, playing with the chocolate fountain in the center of the table.

“One that only wizards with alchemist ancestry could pass, Mr. Potter. I passed the test so I had no choice but to move to the castle immediately. I didn't want to leave my mother alone, but she convinced me to do it. Going to Uagadou was a great opportunity for me and for her cause it meant I could follow in my father's footsteps” Tim's face suddenly darkened as he pushed away the overflowing plate of fruit Molly offered him. He folded his hands on the table and thought for a long moment. The twins continued to play with the chocolate fountain but a fierce look from their mother made them stop. Then Tim Grant sighed, wiping the sweat from his brow with the handkerchief on his coat “I regret that decision to this day. I could have gone to Hogwarts like any other wizard, but I suppose my ambition got the better of me. Maybe... if I hadn't left Little Hangleton she never would have met Tom Riddle”

You tensed as you felt the pressure of Mr. Weasley's hand on yours a little too tightly. One glance at the others was enough to understand the dread the name struck their nerves. You even caught a glimpse of the hiss on Molly's lips and saw the sting in Harry's scar. Tim let out a chuckle, taking another drink from his wine glass.

“My brother’s father. I didn't hear from him until a couple of years later, when my mother wrote to me saying that uncle Morfin was in Azkaban and that my grandfather had died. She didn't give me many details, however, she did very vaguely mention the presence of a muggle who was quite striking to her. For better or worse, my mother was already forgetting my father, believing that he had abandoned her or, at worst, that he had dropped dead somewhere in France. I didn't believe the same, but it was logical that she got tired of waiting. I would never have grown tired, at least not having loved the way they did”

Your gaze rolled to meet Bill's eyes as he looked back at you. He smiled at you, causing you to blush. Then you both looked back at your grandpa who was sipping a new glass of wine.

“It was a couple more years before I stopped hearing from my family. Mom never wrote again and with uncle Morfin in Azkaban there was nothing that could be done. When I was eleven i returned to Little Hangleton only to find that my mother had married Tom Riddle, got pregnant and he had thrown her out on the street like a dog. She was left with nothing, unable to return to her father’s old house, and was forced to wander in the streets for months, until one rainy december night she went into labor in the middle of an alley. I helped her as much as I could, dragged her to the door of an orphanage where my mother no longer even had the strength to save the three of us. She had her wand in her hand, but she never used it. She gave up in front of me, the baby was born and asked me to name him after his father. She put him in my arms, the door of the orphanage opened, but mother had already died”

“Grandpa-”

“As you can understand, it's kind of hard for me to remember all that," Tim Grant's reddened eyes closed, choking back tears, "I was just a little kid taking care of a baby and I didn't do my best job of raising him. I was upset with my mother for a long time after she died, but I don't judge her now. After living an almost totally miserable life, my mother had no hope and not enough courage to make her want to keep trying, even for the sake of her newborn son. That decision had a considerably negative impact on Tom's psyche as he was growing up I suppose cause I had to go back to school and I couldn't take him with me, I would have! Of course I would have. I tried, but Tom wasn’t descended from any alchemist and there was nothing I could do about that. I tried, Merlin knows I did. I felt the need to leave him in that orphanage. I visited him whenever I could. For a year I went back and forth from continent to continent to see him, but that wasn't enough for Tom to grow up feeling loved. Orphanage life is hard, dear friends, we shouldn’t judge others too harshly, much less a lonely mother” Tim Grant's irritated eyes were fixed on Harry, reflecting deep pain “She was weakened by her long suffering and she never had Lily Evans’ courage. Everyone sacrifices for those they love in different ways, and my mother did it in her own way”

“Why didn't you ever talk about this?” you asked from across the table. Everyone looked at you “when dad asked you so-”

“Your father didn't need any more reasons to support Tom's follies” Tim shook his head “My brother is a very convincing person not only with his family members but with anyone who gets in the way of his plans. He has a very affiliated serpentine tongue, he inherited the gift of gab from our ancestors and your father grew up under his influence”

“We're very sorry for what you had to go through, Tim, but there's nothing that can be done about you-know-who and all that's left for us to do is to fight him”

“I understand, Arthur, but that doesn't stop me from blame myself. I did what I could, but an eleven-year-old can't take the place of his parents. When I graduated from school and wanted to take care of him Tom was already at Hogwarts and completely disappeared from everyone's eye," he lamented, scrunching his eyelids together, "That was the last time I saw him as the real Tom and not the ghastly grayish mass he is now”

The twins and Ron laughed at the comment and were immediately silenced by their father. Tim scrunched up his eyes, took a breath and let out a laugh looking around the room.

“Well, enough whining, that's not what you guys are here for, is it?” Bill, that had kept silent, denied when the man turned to see him, "What's done is done, and lamenting won't do any good, but I hope that what I've just told you will help you to see Tom's human side if he still has it, which I doubt it very much”

“Thank you, sir”

“You're welcome, Harry, dear, well? What was you wanted to tell me, my boy?”

Tim Grant turned his full body towards Bill, almost climbing up on the table fixing his huge opaque eyes on Bill's. Bill held his gaze noticing that the man was drunk since the beginning of the evening. He looked to you for help, but you were too busy watching Mrs. Weasley's reaction to hearing the reason for your visit.

“Come on, boy, don't be shy”

“I... well, I wanted to-”

“Oh, Arthur, your son is so cute!” he shouted as he squeezed Bill's cheeks. His brothers and Harry laughed and even Molly hid a mischievous smile by putting a piece of apricot in her mouth “Poor frightened boy. But, come on! I'm not going to make it harder for you, I know you're here to ask for my granddaughter's hand in marriage, aren't you?”

“Yes, that's right, sir”

“Well, that's a great gesture of you, but this is a job for (Y/N)’s parents”

“It is, but you understand that under such circumstances we couldn't pay a courtesy visit to the Death Eaters," Arthur interjected with an amused smile.

“Indeed”

“So...”.

“So..." repeated Tim. You sighed, "You love my granddaughter?

“Yes, sir”

“How much?”

“A lot”

“Are you going to protect her, take care of her, and love her?”

“With my life, sir”

“Your life is not enough for me, William” Tim smiled at him, tapping Bill's chin with one of his fingers “My granddaughter is still a Grant, descended from very powerful wizards. My hand will not tremble to revenge the suffering you put her through, am i being clear?”

“Y-yes, sir. Crystal clear”

“Good boy," he replied, patting his cheek. Then he turned to Molly, took her hand and kissed the back of it, giving her a beautiful smile. The woman blushed, but it didn't last long because the man turned to her husband and bowed his head in respect. Arthur pressed your hand on the table and also kissed the back of your hand, making a promise “Well, then. Arthur, your son has my blessing to marry my granddaughter”

Mr. Weasley raised his glass, offering it to Tim.

“Thank you, Tim. We promise to take care for (Y/N) as a member of our family”

“I hope so." The man rested his chin on his hands, watching the huge smile form on your lips and kissing Arthur's cheek. He turned to Molly lightly patting her shoulder offering her a sweet roll which she accepted with a giggle “It's nice to see you accepting my (Y/N) so well” Molly wrinkled her nose “Since who she is and coming from a family as complicated as ours...it was hard for me to believe that someone from the outside could fall in love with her someday. I always knew my little girl was different from everyone” Tim's brown irises clouded over. Molly fell silent “You could put her in a basket of rotten apples and she'd make them blossom, so I'm glad to hear you've taken her in as one of yours. Being a Grant is a very complicated task, i never had a problem with people speaking shit about me, i was never ashamed to be recognized as Lord Voldemort's brother, but my yoke should not fall on my granddaughter” Molly Weasley listened carefully “I have always been a faithful supporter of being judged individually and not by the others actions, that would be like punishing children for their parents mistakes, wouldn't it? That wouldn't be fair and it wouldn't make us any less guilty than my brother, isn't that what he’s doing? Punishing Muggle-born wizards just because they weren't born under Merlin's blessing? I like you, Molly, I know you understand.

A pain in her chest made her look down, embarrassed. But then Tim lifted her chin at just the right moment for her to catch the moment her son rose from his place to walk over to you and lock you in a breath-stealing hug. Arthur was at your side watching you and then his attention focused on his wife giving her a beaming smile, the kind she hadn't seen in a long time. Even the rest of their children had joined in the celebration and Harry rose to congratulate you while you and Bill happily sealed your engagement with a kiss. Tim moved Molly's chin towards him, their gazes colliding.

“Yes," Molly whispered, "I understand.

“Good” Tim let out a laugh, pulling away from Molly to toast. The woman watched you as she smiled thinly ”Then my story was useful somehow”

Tag list:

@purple-vodka-99

@vampirestrawberries​

@accio-remus-lupin

@pennyllanne

[tobiasofarkham]

Where did God come from?

I posted earlier about a possible hint in a canon scene as to Prime’s origin and motivations. It’s a pretty fun one. I like it. But I don’t actually have a personal preferred HC as to Horde Prime’s origin. There’s just too many possibilities with how vague everything was left. Just for fun, here’s a few more options that come to mind:

Eldritch God

This interpretation fits whatever the hell happens in the series finale better than him starting from humble, mortal beginnings and becoming something different gradually. It's very appealing to think of him as an incorporeal, ageless, evil monster who maybe destroyed the rest of this particular species and chose one specimen to represent him. Why he chose this one in particular is anyone's guess, but spacebats are hot and have the cutest ears, so he certainly had good taste! In any case, it raises interesting questions - Was it even an existing species he stole or did he bioengineer it from scratch? Why did he stick with it for so long and were there others before? Are his motives incomprehensible to us? What is the full extent of his strangeness?

I won't go into this one more because others have given it more thought and put it infinitely more eloquently.

Nothing supernatural here - just a dude

While I was watching, I assumed that all of it is based on technology, including the hive mind and his "possession" of his slaves. The intuitive conclusion for me was that some sort of transhumanist project turned a narcissistic man into a monster in the long run. So when the finale rolled around I was like "uh, ok, so this will be hard to explain with technobabble".

Humans growing and living among other humans develop (to my knowledge) dark triad traits pretty early on. But in the context of having lived for centuries and transferred your consciousness from vessel to vessel who knows how many times... A person could have been anything and become anything for all we know. I know not everyone has love for the cyberpunk style "losing humanity and needing therapy to retain it" approach to cybernetics, but it's an interesting concept to apply to Prime.

I think of it kind of like Theseus's ship - us humans have our entire body replaced eventually, but at a very slow rate. It happens naturally, it's all organic. We're "designed" to deal with that. We are tough and can endure drastic loss and change in our bodies and minds and adapt. We can keep that thread of a singular identity that grows and changes in a way that makes sense to us. But what Prime is doing to himself is on a whole other level. He's replacing all of it at once, and not just with identical-but-not-quite, biological bodies, but ones with cybernetic enhancements that just keep getting more and more advanced every few swaps. Whatever he does to those brains to inhabit or become them must be incomprehensibly advanced. I'm guessing the transfer would have to happen at the quantum level, so something going awry could have some drastic consequences. And he does this over and over and over again! If he doesn’t remain unscathed, who even is he?

It's exciting to think of his psyche getting corrupted in the long run - amplifying his worst qualities and stripping away compassion and will to collaborate. Maybe, once upon a time, he began his conquest for some different reason that is long forgotten, and not much remains of the person who started it anymore.

Egghead

One possible type of dude is a brilliant and dedicated researcher and the last survivor on board a highly advanced science vessel stranded in deep space. The engines were damaged and he only had rudimentary knowledge or navigating, so, without the option of turning it into a generational ship, he had to clone himself to keep doing his solitary (and probably not ethics board approved) experiments. He just hung out with his own clones and, with hard work and a lot of luck, discovered how to transfer his consciousness to one - or at least a temporary container, if he needed to reserve resources (I have so not thought this through lol).

He was already a bit loopy from having spent so many lifetimes alone on that ship when he eventually came across the first civilization. He found he was far more advanced than them. The power of being able to do anything he wants with them went to his head. The scientist without a god found god in his pursuits - only that god was himself and it's a cruel and evil one.

Or, I don’t know, maybe this all just started with nerd rage. He was too smart for everyone so he turned himself into a demigod.

Singularity

This is a really cool one! It follows the same logic of this being the work of mere mortals, but in this scenario it really is a collective effort rather than the doing of one individual... initially. The spacebat society is less homogenous, not only comprised of clones, and have more "normal" leadership.

Ours is the only frame of reference we have, but scientific progress appears to be exponential. Once we remove the obstacle of distance with portal technology and teleportation and consider the immense computing power of a collective of that size and sophistication, technological advances (and their conquest) are going to accelerate rapidly. Inevitably, it reaches singularity.

I imagine this new form of intelligence swallowing this civilization whole and cannibalizing it for its own purposes. Horde Prime is born.

[mnemo-li]

Calebros: A Rant About My Favorite VTM NPC

I do love the newer Vampire: the Masquerade content, but sometimes the writing leaves a lot to be desired. A prominent example is - what in my opinion is - the butchery of Calebros’ character in Beckett's Jyhad Diary.

While I do love seeing the more brusque side of Calebros’ personality, I don’t think I’ve ever recalled him being this vulgar in the original Clan Novels. He was definitely not dropping the f-bombs left and right, and even his gruff manner had more to do with dry humor, sarcasm, and keeping up the dignified image fit for a clan leader. I do realize that this series of chat is set much after his whole ordeal as Prince of New York is over, so maybe the experience really changed him. However, the in-universe explanation of his drastic shift in personality is lacking– it is most likely the result of a change in writers which led to inconsistent writing and characterization.

Here are some examples of scenes that presents his characterization in a more nuanced light.

Scene 1: The Nictuku Accusation

“They would have eaten me, I tell you!” “I believe you, Jeremiah,” Calebros said in a forced, calm tone. He was tired of nodding politely, of reassuring his clanmate. Jeremiah could be a difficult person to like at times. This was rapidly becoming one of those times. “Don’t you humor me!” Jeremiah snapped. “I’ve been coming to you about this for weeks now.” Seems more like years, Calebros thought. “And still you’ve done nothing. Nothing!” Jeremiah paced around, gesticulating wildly. There was no second chair by Calebros’s desk, and for this very reason. He mostly didn’t like guests, didn’t want guests, didn’t want to encourage them to sit down, to take a load off and stay for a while. Most anyone who had reason or inclination to visit Calebros was irate, complaining, or tiresome. Jeremiah happened to be all three presently. “That is not true,” Calebros assured him. Jeremiah snorted in disgusted. “What, then? Tell me. What have you done?” “I have considered quite carefully your report.” “Ha! Like I said, nothing. ‘Considered my report…’” Jeremiah repeated contemptuously. “This is what I think of you and your reports—” he said, grabbing a handful of papers from the nearest stack on Calebros’s desk. Jeremiah made to fling them into the air— Instantly, Calebros’s hand shot out and latched around his visitor’s wrist. Talons pricked undead flesh ever so slightly. “Believe me,” said Calebros evenly. “You do not want to do that.” They faced each other for a moment, one monstrous creature restraining the hand of another. Jeremiah’s fingers, biting into the papers, were long and grotesquely thin, little more than needles of bone. His entire body was thin and hard and covered with knots, bulging masses of hardened tissue, like an old, gnarled swamp tree. Finally he stopped resisting Calebros and returned the reports to the desk. “I’m sorry,” Jeremiah said and resumed his pacing, just as intently if less frenetically.

This is from the Nosferatu clan novel. Here, Jeremiah is trying to get Calebros to believe that there truly are Nictukus dwelling in the sewers. Calebros is, frankly, tired of hearing the folk tale especially when he has other pressing matters to deal with. Yet, even with his patience paper thin, he does not lash out at his broodmate. He is shown to be deeply introverted, anti-social perhaps, but he does not let his own nature affect his duties. As the Nosferatu primogen - as the leader of the clan - he has to listen to the concerns of his family, no matter how absurd. He knows when to express his authority, and he never abuses it. Again, no f-bombs dropped.

Scene 2: The Salt Lake

“Geez, what am I, your mother?” Emmett asked. “No,” Calebros said. “You are my brother, my broodmate.” “Brood, litter, whatever. We were both chosen to suck the old blood tit, so who am I to ask questions?” Calebros sighed. Blood tit, indeed. “That’s not how you remember it.” Now it was Emmett’s turn to sigh. “Don’t do this. Don’t get all… You always do this, get all touchy-feely we’re-all-brothers-in-the-blood, when you soak your head, blah, blah, blah…” “Make light of it if you will—” “I will. Thank you very much. Got enough salt here?” Emmett flicked some at Calebros.

This is from the Nosferatu clan novel. Here, Calebros has just came up from his meditation within the mud hole / salt lake. He is shown to be introspective and even sentimental. In terms of character voice, his more poised speaking style and inner monologue is contrasted against Emmett’s rough, colloquial style.

Other Sources

In the Calebros graphic novel, a similar scene is shown where Calebros is depicted to be trying and failing to remember his past before he became a vampire, losing his mind as he mixes up imagination with false memories. His inner dialogue in the graphic novel shows him saying:

“Do I tell him that his prince, his... compatriot?, is losing his mind? Never.”

This very much reflects his true nature. In Vampire: the Masquerade, there is a system of nature vs demeanor. According to his character sheet, his demeanor is that of a “director” while his nature is a “martyr (penitent)”.

Director: To the Director, nothing is worse than chaos and disorder. The Director seeks to be in charge, adopting a "my way or the highway" attitude on matters of decision-making. The Director is more concerned with bringing order out of strife, however, and need not be truly "in control" of a group to guide it. Coaches, teachers, and many political figures exemplify the Director Archetype.

Martyr: The Martyr suffers for his cause, enduring his trials out of the belief that his discomfort will ultimately improve others' lot. Some Martyr simply want the attention or sympathy their ordeals engender, while others are sincere in their cause, greeting their opposition with unfaltering faith in their own beliefs. Many Inquisitors, staunch idealists, and outcasts are Martyr Archetypes.

Penitent: The Penitent exists to atone for the grave sin she commits simply by being who she is. Penitents have either low self-esteem or legitimate, traumatic past experiences, and feel compelled to "make up" for inflicting themselves upon the world. Penitent Archetypes aren't always religious in outlook; some truly want to scourge the world of the grief they bring to it. Repentant sinners, persons with low self-esteem, and remorseful criminals are examples of the Penitent Archetype.

All of these quotes, if feel, matches very much with the Calebros I knew from the clan novel saga. Below are also a set quotes detailing Calebros’ inner dialogue in his graphic novel.

“As prince, only I can save them, only I can keep them from looking where they shouldn’t. A force exists underneath this city, sleeping, and it must remain so, lest we all perish.

“Augustin, my sire, left us to investigate the Nictuku, and came back to me with this information. Could this be Gehenna? The Final Nights? When the Ancients awake to devour their errant children? Can it be stopped? Should it be stopped? Everything that is done is a hope of staving off the inevitable. Why?”

“My embrace into this world was a foregone conclusion, made for me by Augustin. It is no different for anyone else. Why then do we not welcome the coming Armageddon? Exchange one world for another. It sounds almost painless, except I would never accept such a course, neither would my fellow Nosferatu. Neither would my fellow Kindred, for that matter.”

He is incredibly contemplative, and determined too, willing to fight against the inevitable apocalypse of the vampires. As long as his clan and the Kindred as a whole does not give up, does not give in the the despair of Gehenna, he too will be willing to fight for the survival of others.

Scene 3: Against a Master Manipulator

The character of Hesha is... complex. I see him as sort of a sweet-talking, cunning, charismatic cult leader. Here is a dialogue between him and Calebros.

“No harm was done,” Hesha said softly, his voice still the slightest bit scratchy from the ordeal he’d undergone. “As you say,” said Calebros, not looking up and continuing to write furiously. “You concede without agreeing.” Hesha laughed quietly. Calebros’s head whipped up. Angry words were ready on his lips, but the Egyptian’s smile was not mocking. The Setite obviously realized the weakness of his position, physically and strategically, as well as the fragility of their alliance. “Candor is important between friends,” Hesha said. “Otherwise, perceived insults take hold and fester.” “I am quite accustomed to festering,” Calebros said curtly. “I fear that I’m growing so as well,” Hesha said, squeezing one of the boils that stood raised about one of his many open wounds until the canker popped, and frothy pus ran down his arm. He laughed quietly again. Calebros punctuated a written sentence with a particularly violent period. “Your woman willfully disobeyed her instructions.” “She exercised discretion,” Hesha countered. “She blatantly disregarded the safety of my people.” “If anything had gone wrong,” Hesha said, “it would be Pauline lying torn on the ground. Your people would have faded into the night, none the worse for wear.” Calebros fumed. Probably Hesha was correct—but the Nosferatu was not about to admit as much. “I will speak with her,” Hesha said reasonably. “She has not encountered those of your clan before. She’s not aware of how strongly your predilection for…” “Cowardice?” Calebros suggested accusingly. “Prudence, I was going to say. She’s not aware of how strongly your predilection for prudence runs.” Good choice of words, Calebros thought. But, then, Hesha always chose his words carefully, always seemed to know just the right thing to say. It was discomforting in a way, how easily the Setite could alleviate tension with just a few words. Go ahead, Eve. Take a bite of the apple. Adam might like some too. But it seemed that they needed one another—and that outweighed their natural and mutual tendencies to distrust one another. Just barely.

Hesha’s actions managed to get under Calebros’ nerves, as seen in his curt speech, his furious writing, his accusatory reply to Hesha. He is angry for the safety of his clan (which, as seen from all the other sources, is something very dear to him). He is even shown to be stubborn, refusing to admit that Hesha was correct. Even still, he keeps his head rather than loose his cool completely. He also realises Hesha’s smooth words for what they are- manipulation. He is willing to compromise and form a sort of alliance with Hesha too, despite of his distrust and personal feelings.

Calebros and Ramona

I found the strange friendship Calebros had with the Gangrel Ramona to be incredibly touching, and tragic due to the turns it took towards the end (which I won’t spoil). Below are some excerpts from the Nosferatu clan novel showing Ramona’s initial meeting with Calebros and his later assessments of her character.

Neither Pauline nor the other girl, Ramona, had been subjected to the full brunt of facing a Nosferatu. Not until now, that is, when they were brought into Calebros’s presence. He did not hide his true appearance from them. And he could read the dismay, the fear and disgust, on their faces. Of the two, Pauline made the worthier attempt, attempt, to maintain her demeanor of professional detachment—perhaps Ruhadze had taught her well. The Gangrel, unsurprisingly, was not so couth. She gawked, both at Calebros and at Hesha in his current condition, and she hid her revulsion quite poorly, if she tried at all. […] Ramona looked at Calebros again, a more measured look this time, trying to see through the deformities. Good girl, Calebros thought. Young and brash, but not stupid.

Ramona reached for a calendar on Calebros’s desk, but tossed it back when she realized it was from 1972. “That’s still a whole month, and nobody knows where Leopold was that whole time. He could have gone back to the cave.” Smart girl, Calebros thought. He was leading her along the same path of reconstructing events that he had followed.

He compliments her intelligence again and again, and seems genuinely fond of her. Which I believe is why, after he became Prince of New York, he allows her a private audience with him to which he offered her a safe passage out of town which she rejects, viewing his actions as a betrayal. Below is an excerpt from what I think is the Clan Brujah novel.

The hunched form stepped forward, leaning heavily against the seatbacks as he came. Ramona kept straining to pick out the sound of broken gasps that must accompany such labored progress, but the air did not stir. "You had requested an audience, my dear. A private audience. I have gone to some pains to secure a place where we might be alone. Privacy is such an indulgence here. All too often, I find myself unable to justify the expense of importing it. And there is always someone else jealous of such decadence. But you have not come to hear of my distractions. Sit here, next to me, and tell me why you have come.”

[…]

“Calebros chuckled low, a sound like an engine turning. "No, I don't imagine you would. I will miss your straightforward style, Ramona. I find it refreshing. But already you know that there is no longer any place for you here. In the midst of battle—against the Sabbat and later, against Leopold and the Eye—we could afford certain marriages of convenience. But these partnerships will not survive the challenges of peacetime. Your associates, Mr. Ruhadze and Mr. Ravana, they found themselves in much the same position. Each has already left New York.”

[…]

“Calebros was silent for a time, letting her wind down. "I'm sorry I couldn't help you with the Eye, Ramona. And I'm sorry you will have to leave us. Believe me, I would like nothing better than to find a place for you here. I will have sore need of people who can be relied upon in the nights ahead. But you know what you would be up against if you remained here— the posturing, the none-too-subtle snubbing, the outright backstabbing. You are a rarity among our kind, Ramona. But because you are different, you will be hated and eventually destroyed if you stay among the society of the damned. Know that I will remember our time together fondly. If I can be of any assistance to you in relocating..." "No, I understand. It's 'thanks for your help; here's your bus ticket.' Well, I don't need any of your favors. I don't like the strings attached to them. And I resent the fact that you think I'm so stupid that I'll let you screw me over and then thank you for it." "Ramona...”

Again, even during his tenure as Prince of New York he is so damn eloquent, I definitely can’t fathom the word fuck ever slipping out of his mouth. He is compassionate, helping Ramona perhaps for future gains too, but mainly I believe he genuinely wants to do something right, give her the happy ending she deserves for once.

Moreover, I have a soft spot for this quote of Calebros pondering about Ramona’s nature, why she’s always so angry at the world, why every word out of her mouth sounds like an accusation. It showcases well his world-weariness, a cynical attitude that hides his concerns for others.

What have you seen that makes you so angry, so bitter, little one? Calebros wondered. Family killed? Have you been betrayed? How many times, I wonder. You’d best get over it, if you hope to survive.

So... yeah. I’d pay money to see an accurate portrayal of Calebros in a newer media otherwise I might have to write my own fanfic pairing my OC with him

[elminx]

Energy Update: October 2021

October is a “6” Universal Month {10(October) + 5 (2021) = 15 = 1+5 = 6}. For most of us, the quiet introverted energy of the number 6 is going to be a deep breath of relief after September which with its 5 energy made us feel like we needed to scurry, hurry, and do away, even when there was nothing left to do.

6 Energy is in perfect alignment with the harvest season as it encourages home, support, empathy, and even stillness. 6 carries to pause of expectancy, much like you experience within the Inguz rune. Within the 6 energy, perhaps, we can find the balance we would otherwise be sorely lacking this Libra season.

The Setup

The Sun, Mercury, and Mars are all in Libra heading towards a stellium (conjunct of three or more planets) that will peek slightly after our Libra new moon. Venus is ahead of the gang in Scorpio. Mercury, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto, and Chiron all begin this month in retrograde. This is the nadir of retrograde season. The air is hazy, perceptions may be a bit off. Sink into the 6 energy by spending time in your home – go deep with your space. That will be an antidote to this energy all month long. This is a great month to do a deep seasonal clean. Donate the things that no longer serve you. Hold a seed, plant, or clothing swap. Get together with your loved ones to have a good meal. Stay close to home. Mercury retrograde in Libra is going to bring a lot of the retrograde tension into our relationships to remember to make space for conflict and try to find a solution that fits all people involved. Watch out for stickler issues around people-pleasing and unhealthy compromises. You can refer to my post about Mercury in retrograde for those details.

There are big shifts happening this month, we will end the month with the Sun and Mars in Scorpio, Venus in Sagittarius, and with Pluto, Saturn, Jupiter, and Mercury stationed direct. When the planets stand still while they station, it can feel like life is also standing still. We will be going into and out of this retrograde fog until Mercury and Jupiter station direct on 10/18. I reiterate: you may feel helpless to affect anything outside of your immediate home right now, but you can always have an effect on your home. Tap into the 6 energy to make your home a perfect haven for you and your others.

As Saturn begins his ascent forward again, he will tighten the ongoing square with Uranus in Taurus – this is our force paradox beginning to re-exert the vice grip we’ve been stuck in all year long. If you feel like you can’t make any headway, know that you are right on time.

The Nitty Gritty

This month we are being asked to sink deep into the root of it. We are at the end of a cycle, during the new year our lunar nodes will transition from the Gemini-Sagittarius axis to that of Taurus-Scorpio. Something deep inside all of us needs to shift to accommodate these changes that are happening all around us. This is a time to go slow and really tune in to your own rhythm.

This month has a lot going on: we will experience two cardinal T-squares between Aries-Libra-Capricorn, 1 Air Grand Trine between Moon-Mars-Jupiter, 1 Air stellium of Sun-Moon-Mercury-Mars in Libra, three planetary ingresses, and four planets that station direct and out of retrograde. Every one of our planets are fully engaged in this transformative moment.

The MVP for the month is going to be Pluto in Capricorn. Here we see echoes of all of 2020 but most specifically last Autumn when Mars went retrograde in Aries and squared off with Pluto in Capricorn. Now, one year later, in the opposite sign, Mars will do so again alongside the Sun and Mercury. Pluto is also, ironically, the first of the planets to move out of retrograde. He also rules one of our two cardinal T-squares of the month. Some outdated form or structure needs to die. Agreements are being tested. Loyalties are being questioned.

Mercury and Pluto clash twice more this cycle: they square off while they are both retrograde on 10/1 and then later when they are both direct on 11/2. These are part of a series of ongoing cardinal squares we’ve been experiencing since the very beginning of 2020. The Sun squares Pluto on 10/17 and Mars squares Pluto on 10/23. Additionally, our full moon in Aries on 10/20 is overshadowed by an intense cardinal T-square as the moon in Aries squares off against Pluto in Capricorn and opposes retrograde Mercury in Libra. All of these dates should be approached with a reasonable amount of caution. Pack your patience and expect some explosions. Pay special attention to when Mars and Pluto square off in the sky – those are fighting words. It may be difficult to escape the adrenaline rush of quick reactions but it is wiser during this time to step back and sit with things before leaping.

Again, the 6 energy of October can really support Sun and Mars in Libra’s ideal of everybody getting an even slice of the pie. Dig into this. Where are you taking too much? Where are you not giving enough? Start small this month – look at your own body. Think about how you take care of yourself. Or, if you are more inclined, take a deep look at how you are taking care of your living space. Check on all of your plants. Do a roommate-style check-up with any humans that you live with. Spend some time with your pets. Come back to center by grounding yourself in your safe home, in your body, in this moment.

Mercury makes two additional trines to Jupiter in Aquarius during its retrograde cycle while both are retrograde on 10/3 and later when both are direct on 11/1. This is a fast-moving transit but can provide insight and luck when needed.

As the first full week of October progresses, the Sun, Mercury, and Mars fall into line for a stellium that lights up the sky when joined by the moon on 10/6. This is a big power day. If you have been looking for a day to find your new path, this one is it. Just remember, Mercury is still in retrograde so you may see your path only to have it obscured in the mists again. Look towards 11/6-11/7 when Mercury will again conjunct Mars (this time in Scorpio) for a day to put this new path into action.

On 10/7 Venus enters Sagittarius and the mood will get marginally lighter. Venus in Sagittarius is mutable fire energy – she wants you to let your heart roam. You might find yourself more interested in trying new things and going on adventures while Venus is in the sign of the archer. The excitement of Saggy bear energy will get tamped down quickly by the retrograde haze so don’t expect to follow through on those beautiful but whimsical plans anytime soon.

The weekend of 10/8-10/10 is a great time to take one big cosmic pause. Stay home. Say no. Take a bath instead. The Moon, Venus, and the South Node will make a brief conjunction at 02° Sagittarius just as Venus goes out of bounds. A planet is considered out of bounds when it goes above the tropic of Cancer, or, in this case, below the Tropic of Capricorn. These points reflect the plurality of the solstices and Summer-Winter connection. Planets that are out-of-bounds can be hard to reach – you may find it harder to access your feelings of empathy or may be down on yourself more about your physical appearance while Venus is out of bounds. This may be especially rough for our Venus-ruled Libras who are already undergoing an intense Mercury retrograde transit in their chart.

Be wary here. There’s a lot of prickle to the world these days and something about Venus going out of bounds right now reminds me a bit of checking out instead of dealing with what is going on in your own life. That won’t cut it through this year – through these hard aspects – you really need to settle in and do the work. There is so much to be gained right now by showing up and staying aware with yourself through these adjustments.

What is coming up during this time needs to be addressed. With so many personal planets involved, something close to home needs attending to. This weekend and really the whole month would be very counter-indicated for going away. Watch for who runs rather than showing up. On Sunday, Saturn stations direct at 06° Aquarius – this immediately reactivates our Saturn-Uranus square and tensions will begin to rise a bit. This is a long-term aspect that doesn’t resolve until the end of the year so there’s not much to do other than observe it now.

We experience our second cardinal T-square on 10/12 as Mercury retrograde in Libra squares off with the Moon in Capricorn and opposes Chiron retrograde in Aries. This is a major pain point, something that has been brought to light during this Mercury retrograde cycle.

This Mercury-Chiron oppositional peeks on 10/18 and will continue strong for another week or so. Mercury’s post-shadow stretched through the rest of October and into November, remember that we need to retrace our steps back through Libra before the lessons of this retrograde cycle will be fully revealed.

Mercury is joined by Jupiter going direct also on 10/18 – this is a go day. Do it. Make a difference. Make a plan. Make a list. You are supported.

The energy should shift drastically as the Sun enters Scorpio on 10/22 and Mars follows on 10/30. We might feel a bit like we’ve jumped from one deep pool to another as Scorpio season hints immediately at its own depths and the eclipse season that comes with it.

Our sweet Air Grand Trine happens on Monday 10/25 when the Moon in Gemini lines up briefly with Mars in Libra and Jupiter in Aquarius. This is another go day. Think big. We are starting to feel the pull of forward momentum now that some of the retrograde fog has lifted. The last week of October holds the lightest energy of the month – again, ironically.

As if we are walking this month backward, like Merlin. Spirit reminds me that he was another traveler who walked the low path.

All in all the energy of the month is going to be dense and prone to internalization. How you perceive that and how comfortable it makes you have a lot to do with your personal chart and comfort with self-reflection. Watch out for emotional regulation or disassociation especially around any of those harsh aspects between the moon, Mercury, Mars, and Pluto. Watch out for denial and rose-colored glasses – the world is trying to tell you something for a reason – it’s time to stop ignoring your gut instincts. It’s the time for you to show up every day, as often as you are able, for yourself.

Good Days: 10/2, 10/6, 10/8, 10/13, 10/16, 10/18, 10/25 Caution Days (Saturn square Uranus): 10/14, 10/21 Caution Days (Cardinal squares): 10/1, 10/3, 10/12, 10/17, 10/20, 10/22 Fuzzy Days: 10/6, 10/10, 10/18, 10/26

The Aspects

Please keep in mind that most aspects have an effect for a number of days before and after the day of exactitude, listed below. I have bolded aspects the require particular attention.

10/1 – Mercury Rx in Libra square Pluto Rx in Capricorn, Mars in Libra opposed Chiron in Aries 10/2 – Venus in Scorpio sextile Pluto Rx in Capricorn – sweet days 10/3 – Mercury Rx in Libra trine Jupiter Rx in Aquarius, Sun in Libra opposed Chiron in Aries 10/6 – Dark Moon at 13° Libra conjunct Mercury Rx and Mars, Pluto SD 10/7 – Venus enters Sagittarius 10/8 – Sun conjunct Mars 15° Libra – where do you need to move forward in your life? What motivates you? How can you be the best version of who you are right now? 10/9 – Sun conjunct Mercury retrograde, Mercury retrograde conjunct Mars, Moon square Jupiter Rx, Moon sextile Pluto Rx, Moon conjunct Venus and the South Node 2° Sagitarrius, Venus OOB – here you may really see where you are out of alignment with your path here. You may have to return to something you think that you’ve outgrown (Venus conjunct South Node). See warning above about Venus OOB 10/10 – Saturn SD 10/11 – Mercury opposed Chiron begins – this close aspect will last for the next 15 days, its a pain point that is being reactivated by this Mercury retrograde cycle – these to planets will stay within one degree of conjunction from 10/15-10/20 10/12 – Moon in Capricorn square Mercury Rx in Libra, Cardinal T Square – CAUTION – this is another one of these days that is going to light up that long-term fight. You know the one. 10/13 – Venus in Sagittarius sextile Saturn Rx in Aquarius 10/14 – Sun in Libra trine Jupiter Rx in Aquarius, Moon conjunct Saturn in Aquarius, Moon square Uranus – CAUTION – the Sun meets Jupiter while the sky is tense with our Saturn-Uranus square. Don’t pick that fight. 10/16 – Mercury Rx in Libra sextile Venus in Sagittarius – a way through, seek out freedom for everybody 10/17 – Sun in Libra square Pluto in Capricorn – CAUTION – go slow 10/18 – Jupiter SD, Mercury SD, Mars in Libra trine Jupiter in Aquarius, Mercury opposed Chiron – go days – get it. 10/20 – Full Moon at 27° Aries, T Square between moon in Aries, Pluto in Capricorn, and Mars in Libra – CAUTION. Take things slowly today. Watch your temper. Remember to pick your battles. 10/21 – Moon square Saturn, Moon conjunct Uranus – CAUTION, go slow 10/22 – Mars square Pluto – CAUTION, go slow. Take a break. Stay home. 10/23 – Sun enters Scorpio 10/25 – Air Grand Trine between Moon in Gemini, Mars in Libra, and Jupiter in Aquarius – go days, get it. think big. 10/26 – Venus in Sagittarius square Neptune Rx in Pisces – foggy 10/30 – Sun in Scorpio square Saturn in Aquarius

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[luna-loner]

Kanzaki Yukiko Character Analysis

So yesterday, I saw @nuggxxt's post asking if anyone's done an analysis on their favorite characters. I've done one myself for Kanzaki, but never actually wrote it here. Then, I had a dream that I made an analysis here....guess that means subconsciously, I want to share my analysis. (Plus more Kanzaki content, yay!) 

Okay, I'll make that dream come true.

Note: Very long post. (Because once I start talking about best girl, I can’t seem to stop)

Kanzaki Yukiko

Words fail to express how much I love this girl,so I’ll settle with a simple *chef’s kiss*

What’s intriguing is that in Episode 7, we actually get two Kanzakis:

When we first got to meet Yukiko, we met the graceful and elegant class idol who has most boys fawning over her. A very kind and seemingly perfect girl.

But later in the episode, we see another, contrasting side: A rebellious gamer girl, albeit, in flashbacks only. Here, we realize that there’s more to Yukiko than meets the idea.

So the question on my mind was: Who’s the real Kanzaki Yukiko?

It was just one question that got me breaking down her character, scavenging for the tiniest of details, all just to get to know this girl.

Background:

Yukiko comes from a conservative and high class family. She had a strict upbringing coupled with countless expectations from her lawyer father. 

We should note the kind of relationships she shares with her family members. Her older brother is kind to her, her grandmother was the one who introduced her to video games, and relationship with her mother is unknown. (In fact, barely anything is mentioned about her mother other than the fact she works at her husband’s law firm). 

So really, she only has a terrible relationship with her father.

At some point in her life, Yukiko’s grandmother fell ill and Yukiko was the one who tended to her until the end, and because of the grateful look she received from her, Yukiko became aspired to be nurse for the elderly.

However, her father had other plans for her. He wanted her to excel at school and earn a prestigious title. He actually wanted her to follow in his footsteps and become a lawyer. And since frivolity was frowned upon in their society, she had to hide her gamer side as it wasn’t suitable for a girl of her status. 

In her second year, she was unable to handle the pressure anymore. She wanted to run away from it all and be her own person, so what does she do?

She changes her appearance and frequently visits arcades with complete disregard for her studies. That eventually landed her in E Class, and Yukiko does regret her actions, and rightfully so because, while reason for her rebellion is understandable, neglecting your studies is irresponsible. 

Generally, Yukiko is responsible, and a good example of that would be when she tended to her sick grandmother (presumably by herself). However, at the end of the day, she’s still young and bound to make mistakes. Ryuki mentioned that the photo he had of Yukiko is from last summer, meaning Yukiko was still 13 at the time (She was born in March, making her  one of the youngest in class).

After landing in E Class, she starts attending to her studies again and although she and rest of her class fail to reach the top 50 in the first trimester midterms, she is ranked 85th place, which is actually a good grade and would place her in C Class. (Each main campus class has 40 students, so the first 120 students are A, B, and C Class combined)

Also, she is among the best 5 in class on the girls’ side, right after Kataoka. Kayano and Korosensei mentioned how she is diligent and that’s demonstrated when puts together an itinerary all by herself and researches Gion.   

As she narrates her story to Kayano, we see the regret painted all over her face. At this point, she’s lost all hope, even saying she doesn’t know where she belongs anymore.

“Be they in a clear stream or a muddy river, the fish who swim forward turn out the finest.” (Note: This is the actual quote from the sub)

Korosensei’s words were what Yukiko needed to break away from her guilt and depression. They made her realize that it doesn’t matter what happened in the past; what’s important is to keep on moving forward, and that’s exactly what she does later on in the series. 

Post-Kyoto

For most part, Post-Kyoto Kanzaki remains the same, expect for a few things.

For starters, she is much more confident in herself and no longer cares what others think. She also gains the confidence to stand up to her father by flipping him off and stating she will become a nurse rather than a lawyer. 

Her gamer side becomes public knowledge to the class. First, we see her happily playing in front of her friends in Episode 8. Next, Takebayashi gives her the code name “Mistress/Grandmaster Kanzaki” (Which according to @ansatsu-database​, is a reference to the famous gamer, Toshiyuki Takahashi.) Also, during the Civil War, Chiba remarks how she is a champion in an online war game. 

So, yeah, Yukiko grows much more comfortable in her own skin. We also see her grow stronger as demonstrated when she stood up to Takaoka even though she had seen how violent he truly is. We also saw how deadly she can be such as when she elegantly held up a pencil to Ren’s eye, and in both scenarios, she does it with an elegant smile.

My own thoughts:

Okay we are no longer in canon territory. Here, I’ll be talking about some of my theories and interpretations:

The first is Yukiko’s fashion style. When I first saw her gamer look, it made me wonder which kind of clothes is Yukiko truly comfortable in.

Looking back, that was a stupid question because the goddamn answer was in the roll book!

Irina notes how Yukiko is conscious about dressing up modestly and her tights are an essential part of her attire, be it her school uniform (Both winter and summer) or her street clothes.

Heck, in the first episode of season 2, Rio tells Irina if she wants to attract Karasuma, she needs to more “neatly dressed” just like Yukiko. 

So, why would she dress drastically different from her usual, neat style?

Here’s my theory, and it has to do with her line “I don’t know where I belong anymore”

Gamer girls have it rough. Everyone has their own idea of how a gamer girl “should be like”...how they should act...how they should look like....and if a girl doesn’t mean this criteria, then she’s simply not a  “real” gamer.

Yukiko, with her girly style and elegant demeanor would be considered the furthest thing from a “real” gamer. She probably felt the need to change her appearance (Maybe her personality as well, given that uncharacteristically hard look we saw on Ryuki’s phone) o fit into the gaming community. Plus, she wanted to run away from her prestigious lifestyle so by dressing differently, it was like she was separating herself from her family.  

Remember, Yukiko does mature after Kyoto, and she becomes more assertive (Even if it’s not shown that much), if she can flip off her strict father and no longer care about how others view her, then she can dress in whatever style she wants.

But she doesn’t, she still dresses elegantly and modestly. In fact, she doesn’t even bother changing her style anymore when she hits the arcades:

She no longer feels the need to fit others’ idea of what a gamer girl should be. She’s a gamer girl no matter how she acts or dresses, and if someone’s got a problem with that....well, they can always step in ring against her.

Honestly, I feel like there’s a tendency to understatement her due to her soft, gentle appearance. I imagine she likes this since this gives her the element of surprise. Remember the Civil War? No one expected her of all people to score three kills, even being the first on Blue team to do so.

In the roll book, Karma feels like Yukiko is very confident in her gaming prowess, to the point, she feels like she’s better than everyone else. I’m not sure if it’s just Karma, or if Yukiko really is that confident (Maybe to the point of being consider arrogant?), but I think the latter is possible. Maybe she got a little too confident?

Conclusion:

Between the elegant class idol and the rebellious gamer girl, I feel like Kanzaki Yukiko is somewhere in between, though she seems to lean more towards the former.

She is the sweet girl we met early in Episode 7, but by no means does that make her weak. She’s mostly quiet, but can stand up to herself. She’s kind and compassionate, but can be deadly when she wants to be. But most importantly, she’s confident in herself and doesn’t care what others think.  

***

Honestly, I feel like I got carried away, but it can’t be helped, I just love this girl to death <3

Also, this is actually my first time doing a character analysis, so...I’m not sure if everything I mentioned was necessary. There were more things I wanted to talk about, but I wasn’t sure how relevant they are. Maybe it’s probably a good thing I didn’t put them because this is by far, the longest post I’ve ever written.

[purplesurveys]

1267

cds.

do you still buy physical copies of cds?  I stopped for many years but recently started again.

have you ever listened to a cd for the first time and loved every track?  I was like this with Petals for Armor, Flowers for Vases, and After Laughter; I’m just a super big fan of anything Hayley Williams and Paramore put out.

name an artist who always comes out with great albums:  I mean I’m gonna be biased and say Paramore...

how long can you listen to a cd without getting sick of it?  I don’t really listen to CDs per se, I guess, so I dunno if I can answer this. When I want to music, and a particular artist, I usually pick a playlist composed of songs from different albums.

do you know any good places on the internet to get free downloads of whole albums?  I wouldn’t be able to refer you to one, come to think of it.

what was the last cd you bought?  My Butter/Permission to Dance set.

have you ever gotten a cd signed by the artist?  Nope.

name cds that are in your car right now or would be in your car if you had one: I don’t keep CDs in my car just because I get my music played by connecting my phone to the Bluetooth; but I believe for the longest time I had a Beyoncé album in the CD slot before I took it out. 

your hair.

describe your hair style:  It’s wavy and layered is the most I can say about it. I don’t style it often.

when was the last time you got a haircut?  Around the start or mid-August, I think? I don’t remember when exactly; but it was very recent.

is your hair the only thing you drastically change?  I never do drastically change it to begin with. The only things I do with it are 1) let it grow out, 2) have it trimmed to my collarbones once a year.

would you rather have brown, blonde, or black hair (not your natural)? I have black hair, but it would be interesting to go brown.

what's the shortest you've ever had your hair?  Up to below my ears.

have you ever had bangs?  I currently have bangs and am more than sick of them already ath this point.

if not, do you plan on ever getting them // if you have them, do you plan on growing them out?  Yeah, for the latter.

fantasies.

what do you fantasize about most often?  How my life could’ve turned out if we weren’t in a pandemic is definitely one of them. Would I have been able to get the same job? Remain in the relationship I used to be in and maybe have even gotten better at handling it? What cities could I have possibly already traveled to with my own money?

if your last fantasy came true, how happy would you be?  That would be traveling to South Korea, and I would be over the moon.

how much do you fantasize?  Mmm not very often since my work takes up most of my headspace. I usually daydream before bed, I think.

or am i the only one who does?  Definitely not.

have you ever told anyone who has been in your fantasy about it?  I mean, I just always tell Angela and Reena that I can’t wait to go to Korea with them. But I don’t fantasize about irls in the way that I think you mean.

would you rather fantasize about your ex or the hottest teacher in your school for the rest of your life?  I don’t ever want to think of my ex in that way anymore and I’m not in school.

do you often find yourself fantasizing about things/people you know you shouldn't?  I mean I will fantasize about certain celebrities but idk if that falls as a should/shouldn’t thing.

your ex.

who did the most damage in your preexisting relationship?  I think we both showed our worst weaknesses towards one another. But by the end of it, I will say she inflicted more damage onto me.

if you were/are single, would you have sex with them?  Um at this point, no. I barely think about sex anyway.

would/did you give this person your virginity? I did. My feelings for her today aside, I don’t regret it; I trusted her in that moment and I wouldn’t take that away from me.

do you still miss the good times with them?  Only in the sense that she used to be my best friend for an extremely long period of time and nearly all the great memories from my past were made with her. do you still talk often? how often?  Oh not at all. I haven’t kept in touch since the last day of 2020. did you make a big deal about the break up?  Yeah, I was definitely the more reactive one and it lasted for a couple of months. She bounced as soon as she got out of the relationship and I wish I had gotten the hint sooner.

how long did it take you to get over them?  Around 6 or 7 months. I really thought it would take so much longer.

if you could tell them one thing, what would it be:  I have nothing to say.

the song you're listening to/the song that's stuck in your head/any song you want to talk about

favorite lyric in the song:  “Where there is hope, there is hardship.”

what is the song?  It’s a song called Sea.

artist:  BTS.

how'd you get introduced to this song?  It was briefly played in one of their docu-series; I just can’t remember which one. Anyway, I instantly took a liking since it isn’t their usual sound, so I wanted to look it up; and it made a lot more sense when I learned it was initially meant to be a solo for one of the members.

if you could perfectly play this on any instrument, which instrument would it be?  Oh this song would be perfect on a violin.

would you have sex with the artist/anyone in the band? Why does everything always revolve around sex for some people?? < LOL same question but to answer it anyway, hahahahaha yes

can you relate to the lyrics?  Not in the manner in which it was written, but I do have my own interpretation of it that I am able to relate with a lot. The song definitely gets me emotional.

name a friend that you think would like it:  Angela, only because I know she already does like it hahaha. In general, though, K-Pop is still quite polarizing so idk if any of my friends outside of the K-Pop bubble would appreciate it.

would you rather have sex to this song or witness your dad singing it to your friends?  Uhm, maybe the latter because I think it would be adorable in a very dorky way

favorite restaurant.

how many times have you been to this place?  Countless times, but they were always with my ex. I need to revisit that place just by myself lol.

where is it located?  It has multiple branches across the metro but the one I used to frequent is the one at UPTC.

when was the first time you came here?  I have no idea but I think the first time was with my mom and siblings actually. A rough guess would be...2016? or maybe 2017.

what's the name of the restaurant?  Yabuuuu.

what kind of atmosphere does it have?  On the sophisticated sidde but still casual and homey, especially since it offers unlimited rice and sides and you can always just call on a server to dump a scoop of rice or lettuce or whatever when you’ve run out of them haha.

does it have a bar? No, but if I remember correctly they do offer a few alcoholic drinks.

have you ever been here for a birthday?  Yes, for my 21st birthday. I went with Angela.

what do you order when you're here?  I get their rosu set, which is katsu with a strip of fat.

are they famous for any drinks?  No.

have you ever gone here with your significant other?  Many times. It was our favorite restaurant.

if it shut down (if its a chain, the entire chain) permanently, how sad would you be?  That would soooo shitty. I’d order a meal everyday until it disappears forever lol.

would you work here?  No. I love the brand, but not so desperately so as to work for them haha.

favorite teacher

(I don’t really have one, but I’ll refer to the first good professor that popped in my head.)

how old is this person?  I have no clue but I would guess he’s anywhere in the mid-20s to early-30s range.

name:  HAHAHAHAHA I don’t actually remember his name anymore...oh no...but he was my prof in my international relations class.

are they married?  I know he has a boyfriend, not sure about his relationship status. That’s not of my business to know.

would you marry them?  Well, no.

do they have kids?  I’m fairly certain he doesn’t.

have you ever seen them out of school?  Not me but I know some of my college friends have. It’s how I heard he has a boyfriend lol.

what's so great about them that makes them your favorite?  He was clearly very passionate about our subject and he was able to explain concepts helpfully and in a way that anybody can appreciate, considering I wasn’t even majoring in the course he taught.

are they more laidback about teaching or strict?  Laidback.

do they run any clubs or coach any sports?  Not that I know of.

what's their personality like?  Approachable, friendly.

if they weren't a teacher, what do you think would be a good profession for them?  Political analyst.

[yurimother]

LGBTQ Manga Series Review - Kiss and White Lily for My Dearest Girl

The tenth and final volume of Kiss and White Lily for My Dearest Girl is finally out in English, and honestly, I expected this moment to feel more climatic. This long-running series debuted in 2013 and quickly became one of the most consistently popular Yuri works in the current era. However, perhaps because of its relative longevity, it always felt like the background; The consistently safe and trope-filled home I could return to after exploring new and exciting Yuri works. There is often something comforting about home, and many of the cute kisses and relationships featured are joyful and entertaining.

Kiss and White Lily for My Dearest Girl is a Yuri manga series by Canno. It follows numerous couples at Seiran Academy, a fictional middle and high school with a sister university. The common themes and tropes of the Yuri genre riddle the work. Some are seen in individual couple’s stories, while others, such as the all-girls school, style of uniforms, and repeated girl meets girl then love narrative. While these tropes are by no means a negative, being a fan of this genre would be impossible if they were, they are such old hat for Yurijin that they become dull, and Kiss and White Lily does little to forward or subvert them. In this way, the series feels like a showcase of the genre, a series I can thrust at people and say, “you want to learn about Yuri? Then read this” (an honor I usually reserve for Whispered Words). In short, the series is enjoyable but tiring and predictable.

Before I get into the spoiler-filled breakdown of each couple, there are a few overarching elements to note. It is achingly sweet, not in a heartwarming way, but an “I just a bit down on cake and have a cavity” way. Nothing in the first few volumes has any real consequence or impact; it is just cute and stupid. Now I like cute and stupid, but it has to be fun and enjoyable to read, and at first, this is not. Many characters lack chemistry, and often, the drama is caused by their own nonsensical choices rather than from the complications that come with relationships or friendships. If I do not like these characters together, I do not want to see them hugging and kissing and being cute.

You may have noticed that I spoke of how I enjoyed the series but then went on a rant about how weak the plot is. Fortunately, as the series goes on, the writing improves drastically. Characters who are in or are moving towards relationships, mostly, have compatible traits, and with stakes grounded in some form of reality. The What’s Behind the Story!? Sections, single pages devoted to the perspectives of random other characters and couples, are another welcome addition. Here, the lack of consequence or chemistry works, as each is given only a few moments to give a one-liner or snapshot of service. 

The artwork in Kiss and White Lily suffers from a similar problem as the plot. It is too adorable for the sake of being adorable. Kurosawa reacts with a huge smile and sudden anthropomorphic ears far too often in the early volumes. There are other inconsistencies also, mainly in tone. For example, in the first volume, there is a moment where one character is being introspective and dramatic, when suddenly, in a moment of metaphoric imagery, another is holding a gun to her head. This scene is awkward and unnecessary. No other moment uses such visual tricks to illustrate emotional conflict, and it is completely removed from the rest of the work. Finally, the artwork is cluttered. Almost every panel has so much crammed into it feels overwhelming.

However, just as the problems with art and story are similar, so are the solutions, time. As Canno continues, the art drastically improves. It takes on a more consistent tone, relies less on visual tricks, and quickly becomes one of the series’ highlights. Seeing the characters be gentle and affectionate will put a smile on all but the most begrudged reader’s face, especially with the more likable characters. Canno also makes frequent use of beautiful double-page spreads, many of which I have bookmarked so I can refer to them when I need a smile.

Now that I have gotten those points out of the way, I can get down into the meat of Kiss and White Lily for My Dearest Girl, the couples. There is an explosive plethora of pairings in this series, and I love it. Each feels unique, has a compelling story (mostly), and a satisfying conclusion. Every reader will easily find their favorites or see their own life reflected in one of these cute couples.

Ayaka Shiramine and Yurine Kurosawa are the principal couple of Kiss and White Lily, and their courtship spans all ten volumes. Unfortunately, they start out as one of the weaker couples in the story. Shiramine is the model student, working hard, helping out at the school, and getting high grades. However, she is consistently ranked second in all tests (teacher’s side note here, publicly posting student’s grades has been shown in research to be horrible for student achievement by multiple studies) behind Kurosawa. However, unlike Shiramine, Kurosawa does not try at all; she usually sleeps through class and does not participate in school activities, and succeeds only by her “genius.” Kurosawa’s effortless achievements anger Shiramine, and she confronts her about it. However, Kurosawa is pleased by the notion of Shiramine beating her and begins to aggressively pursue a relationship (the aggressive gay woman is the worst trope. Consent and enthusiasm are a central part of romance).

In what seems to be a running theme for this series, Shiramine and Kurosawa’s relationships improve as the books go on. First, Shiramine becomes less of a stereotypical tsundere character, as her motivation for being the best is revealed, a cold and frankly awful mother who scoffs at her daughter’s achievements. Likewise, Kurosawa, who starts incredibly inconsistent, moving from peppy to cruel to bored within the span of a few pages, settles down into a more calm character, with her enthusiastic love for Shiramine intact.

The beginning of their romance was weak, mainly due to their personalities and lack of chemistry, but the end conclusion was incredibly satisfying. Kurosawa realizes that she came to love Shiramine because she thought the perfect student could beat her and make her a normal girl, not a genius. However, in the end, she realizes that it was not their grades, but the ways Shiramine drew her out of her shell and THE FRIENDS SHE MADE ALONG THE WAY that made her a better person. Shiramine changes too, becoming more courageous and finally standing up to her horrid mother, thus breaking the spell the woman had over her and freeing Shiramine of her burdens.

In the final volume, Shiramine realizes that she likes being with Kurosawa and that their rivalry was her favorite part of the school. These feelings are all admitted in a fantastic speech she gives to the incoming students. I was smiling throughout the whole second half of Volume 10 as their relationships reached its inevitable conclusion, and for that, I offer praise.

Mizuki Senoo is the star of the track team where Moe Nikaidou, her longtime friend, is the manager. These two are one of my favorite couples, but they also have the most problems of any. Both girls are entirely captivated by and devoted to each other, so much so that they become codependent. However, the way they address this codependency is horrible. Moe suddenly stops talking to Mizuki, which severely distresses the athlete and leads to poorly written angst. There is no logic, only nonsense choices made for the sake of plot. Of course, they resolve the issue, everything is happy and pleasant, and they decide to be together forever. And then (and this is my favorite part) they graduate and go to university and live together! This action is perhaps the one time that Kiss and White Lily manages to forgo the conventions of the genre and begins to approach queer representation. Mizuki and Moa are no longer bound by the walls of the high school, the confines of Catholic school style uniforms, the tropes of Yuri, but they are free adults who love each other and are together. It is a perfect ending, which does not excuse the atrocious middle. 

Volume 2 introduces to Chiharu Kusakabe and her roommates Maya Hoshino and Ai Uehara. These three are close and live together perfectly. However, as Maya is older than Ai and Chiharu, she will be graduating soon and leaving them behind. Chiharu struggles with her conflicted feelings for her senpai, with whom she has fallen in love. On the one hand, Chiharu wants Maya to be happy and go to a good university; on the other, she selfishly wants her to stay close. Chiharu begins to close herself off, but then she meets the stubborn (idiot) Izumi Akizuki.

The two girls start a sort of reluctant friendship, where Chiharu waits outside the school each morning to chastise Izumi for riding her bike, which is against school rules. However, Izumi does not stop riding her bike, and Chiharu never reports her. They grow closer, and Izumi helps Chiharu reconcile her relationship with Maya. Eventually, they start dating. It is all cute and wholesome. As these two get together early in the series, the reader has lots of time to enjoy them being together as they appear frequently. The conflicts in their relationships are grounded in reality, and working through them together has a clear positive effect on the character. The only complaint I have is that after they start dating, they mostly keep it a secret for no reason.

Towako Mita and Yukina Ooshiro are one of the worst couples in the manga. They are the only members of the gardening club, although they eventually recruit Kurosawa. As the club is so small, it is always on the edge of dismantlement, as the student council wants to move resources elsewhere. While Ooshiro works to save it, Towako is actively working behind her back to end the club. Her reasoning, she does not want things to change. That’s it, full stop, it is complete nonsense. Of course, they make up and decide to be together with an equally illogical apology. If characters are going to hurt others and then be forgiven there must be effort, reason, and care put into them, traits all lacking in this story. It is all awful.

The fourth volume is a mix: containing some of the series best moments and its worst, by which I mean, most boring. Moe and Mizuki’s romance reaches the spectacular crescendo previously referenced. But, half the volume is spent depicting Kaoru Machida, Kohagi Inoue, and Momiji Shikama. The relationship between these three is focused more on friendship than sexual or romantic desire (cough cough S). Actually, I do not mind this at all, but they. Are. So. Boring. I honestly forgot they existed in the first draft of this review and had to reread Volume 4 to remind myself of them. The fact that I am writing about this process instead of the actual characters says a lot about their lack of appeal.

Sawa Itoh and Itsuki Nishikawa are equally forgettable. They are easily the most mundane romantic couple in the series. The two knew each other long ago, but Sawa forgot about their friendship, much to Itsuki’s disappointment. However, they bond again as high school students and vow to make up for the lost time. Their story ends with Itsuki confessing her feelings for Sawa. Sawa returns those feelings in kind FIVE VOLUMES LATER. That is far too long to wait for a dull ending. NEXT!

Ryou Hiramu, Nina Yuunagi, and Amane Asakura make up Kiss and White Lily’s only three-person relationships and is one of the best. Polyamory is not everyone’s cup of tea. Still, in the context of fiction, their relationship works well and develops excitingly, complete with a healthy dose of melodrama. Hiramu begins to grow close to Asakura, much to the anger of Asakura’s roommate Yuunagi. Yuunagi wants Asakura all to herself, a point made abundantly clear to Hiramu. However, things get more complicated when Hiramu realizes that Yuunagi is an online friend of hers.

Yuunagi feels incredibly lonely, and her only real friend is Asakura. But, when Hiramu shows her kindness, Yuunagi begins to fall for Hiramu. Yuunagi feels incredible guilt over this, swearing that she should only need Amane and not wanting to compete for Hiramu’s affection. Their tale ends when a distraught Yuunagi runs away before being confronted by Hiramu and Asakura. There, in a tearful confession, she released her jealousy, her guilt, and her confusion. Despite being overblown, it is one of the most relatable and truthful emotional moments in the manga. The solution, Yuunagi does not have to choose; she can have more loves. It is a mature answer that, while not ideal for most, makes sense here and is healthy for all the characters.

The next volume focuses on Haine Aoi and her close in age aunt Aika Yukimura (who is more like her sister). Before anyone breaks out the pitchforks or plants this volume next to Citrus on their bookshelf, the relationship is not sexual. This intention is explicitly shown in a scene where Aika contemplates kissing her sleeping niece (creepy) but decides against it, saying, “I don’t actually want to kiss her.” This moment deliberately and awkwardly setting the parameters of their relationships as not sexual. However, there are clear romantic implications. As the two struggle with the idea of drifting apart as most “sisters” do, they decide that this will not happen to them, and they will only grow stronger together. Ultimately, they declared themselves to be soulmates, albeit platonic ones.

This relationship is the most divisive of the series. There will be some, such as myself, who can acknowledge the apparent class s ties and the familial relationship yet can still enjoy the wholesome and grounded story. However, many others will understandably have difficulty overlooking these aspects of the narrative. I invite readers to give this volume a look and decide for themselves. Even if it turns out that Haine and Aika’s storyline is not for you, Shiramine and Kurosawa are at their best here and will save the volume for you. However, whether or not you like this couple, can we all agree that the decision to feature a major story act about a piano player (Haine) and NOT include a piano duet is INSANE!! Canno is not at all coy with Yuri tropes in this series, and this exclusion will not stand!

Nagisa Tatsumi and Hikari Torayama are rivals, opponents in the student council president election, and secretly roommates. The two live together by necessity, with their adorable kitten. Neither one can stand the other. However, when given the opportunity to separate, they decide they would prefer to continue living together. There is not much here. Even though one is labeled as “nice” and the other “mean,” Nagisa and Hikari have the same personality. The other “tsundere” type character in Kiss and White Lily, Shiramine, works because she is given time to grow and develop as a complicated character and because she is paired with someone different than here. Unfortunately, aside from some cute trope-filled moments like an accidental kiss, these two are insignificant. But. perhaps I am too hard on them, as I am conditioned to expect Yuri featuring characters named Nagisa and Hikari to be far more dramatic, grandiose, and interesting

Asuka Sakurada and Mikaze Hagimoto are the final couple introduced, as the next and final volume is only concerned with wrapping up previously established relationships. A shame, as they are the single most problematic and dysfunctional couple presented. Sakurada and Hagimoto are both cosplayers, which is how they meet, and the younger Hagimoto quickly asks Sakurada out. Sakurada is awful. She is cruel, detached, and rude to almost everyone. After an injury forced her to repeat her final year at Seiran Academy, causing her to be somewhat jaded, to say the least. What little the reader sees of their romance, which last all of a dozen pages, is appalling. Sakurada is mean and unaffectionate, and Hagimoto attempts to force her into activities she does not want to do. They break up quickly, and the rest of the volume plays out like a tragic love story, as Hagimoto pines for her senpai, and Sakurada says dramatic lines about how she “can never go back.” Of course, by the end, they have made up and are together again.

Not only are we giving this vile relationship, but excellent moments of emotional distress are wasted on them. For example, Hagimoto delivers a tearful and moving speech on a train platform. There is also a rare moment of clarity from Hagimoto, where she realizes that she did nothing to make the relationship work, followed by an admittance from Hagimoto that she just wanted to be more like Sakurada. Now, characters realizing their mistakes and faults to move forward and become better, as individuals and a couple is incredible; however, there needs to be a solid foundation. The unfortunate truth is that such tragic and dramatic relationships take time and investment. The reader needs to want to see these characters get better and make up, something notably lacking here. This awful partnership tarnishes the beautiful scenes present.

Fortunately, Volume 9 is not a total loss, far from it. Shiramine and Kurosawa complete their personal arcs described previously in this review, thus clearing the way for Volume 10 to finally have them get together, perform a quick survey of the other characters, and tie up any dangling story threads in a bow covered with cute kisses and gentle service.

Kiss and White Lily for My Dearest Girl is an incredibly mixed bag of a series. It gives a wide variety of couples and tropes for the reader to enjoy, but many of the relationships suffer significantly from weak characters or uninteresting storylines. Its mediocre start does not help the series. Early outings are noticeably lacking in all categories from plot to artwork, which provides a difficult barrier for entry. However, there is a lot to love here. It is a spectacular showcase of Yuri and an absolute classic of the genre’s current era. Kiss and White Lily is THE YURI MANGA, a title that bears both the great and terrible of the genre.

This series concluding publication feels appropriate for the genre’s centennial. The tropes it features, which have paraded the genre for the past hundred years, will not go away. But, the conclusion of Kiss and White Lily feels, at least for the moment, like their last hurrah before stepping back to let a new century’s worth of newer and queerer works make their mark in the genre.

Ratings: Story – 6 Characters – 4 Art – 7 LGBTQ – 8 Sexual Content – 2 Final – 5

Kiss and White Lily for My Dearest Girl, Vol. 10 review copy provided by Yen Press ( @yenpress​ )

You can get the series digitally and in print today: Kiss and White Lily for My Dearest Girl, Vol. 10 - https://amzn.to/34k8sAj

[crunchykiwibby]

Core Four

Hi! After days of my antics i had decided to show my drawings for my redrawn Descendants next to outfit clarification/ idea for my fanfiction (+ analysis because I love fashion analysis! I watched one episode of the topic and I'm hooked now-) also sorry about the poor camera quality I'll digitalize it soon 😭

So here's them all together:

So what they have in common is the use of patterns and somewhat baggy(ish?) clothing whether it's from the top, ( Carlos, Evie) or by the pants ( Jay, Mal). The next use is pictures or patterns which is pretty predominant in Mal's side of town ( The inner city/ a good most of the Isle except anywhere near the coast. Which is known to be Uma's side of town.) 9 times out of 10 you would see a lot of painted clothes with patterns or designs, pieces of leather or cloth in clothing that can form a pattern or pictures. It is very popular on the Isle to wear gloves, bandages, and something you can at least move in because sometimes certain areas get congested and you might have to jump from a building time to time, run away from a troll, or fight. Also it's good to wear clothes that hide stuff you stole or hide weapons compared to Uma's side of town where you kinda just casually have a dagger or sword out. The inner city fashion is a mix of military, grunge, and goth depending on where you are. And it also reflects in the fanfiction in their Auradon fashion which I'll describe later. Their outfits together all clash but it's unified in one shape or pattern which also presents their friendship.

MAL

So Mal doesn't have fear as she usually doesn't worry about being randomly shanked out of nowhere. Seen here I kept her purple/ green aesthetic but I used a very minium of pink which was her top which was magenta. Her outfit is quite girly tomboyish. Her top is a repurposed binder that she cloth dyed and painted green flames on. I did this changes because she's more of the rambunctious one in the group next to Jay so her clothes are fitted in the purposes of movement next to the fact of her always stealing and running away which I felt that the leather jacket limited her upper body in her og design, I do love the leather don't get me wrong! But it's more practical in fall/winter (assuming that it's pretty tight) than spring and summer which is when my fanfiction takes place. However the use of leather is shown in her pants as the her pockets is dyed leather. Her hair is more blunt like cut and a deeper purple more toward her hair in D3 (Which was the color I like the most) but it's not a long asymmetrical bob it's just a blunt cut bob and she keeps it that way for a while. She aims for that casual militant fashion a lot, as some of her outfits won't look like what is the one above since she's not jumping place to place in Auradon would lean towards edgy and militant for a while until Coronation and later in the series where it leans more like EGIRL/Prep as her hair gets longer and is just plain black and cut again so she would wear a baggy clothes with combat boots in darker shades of purple and green while some of her shoes consist of designs of her own graffiti in the earlier parts and eases slowly into more to skinny jeans and a shirt that's stuck in with some canvas shoes. You notice how her outfits would present a very dominant leader energy because her outfits would stand out a lot when she stands with the group. Reflecting her always in control and assertive role as leader in the group. Whether in maybe the graphics on her shirt or the pattern until later where her and the core four all equally stand out in their own ways but not clash with one another and she's not trying to outshine any of them. So her style choices in the beginning reflects how she sees herself more of a pawn to her mother and more of someone was placed in charge due to her mother's orders which makes her prone to have a harder time shifting from that mindset in the beginning.

EVIE

Her outfit is very male gaze oriented, intentionally as presented on how she was raised so how she dresses is out of place for normal people on the Isle that live more in the inner city as she dresses more for fashionable and what the Isle consider Auradon like. However don't get it twisted because her outfit is quite practical than one thinks. Her outfit is a dress with attached shorts that is hard to see due to her dress because she dresses in a way for the male gaze. Her sleeves are utilized in a way that she can keep weapons. Any weapon. Same applies to her dress skirt the cut is makes her capable of sneaking in a knife or something same rules don't apply to her purse as it just keeps makeup and a mirror in hand for quick access. Her dress is pretty tight at the waist as her mother always say "tinier the waist the better" and the closest thing of love she got from her mom is that she complimented her waist so her outfits then on compliment her waistline. Her colors are still blue and red as her mother thinks that what works because Snow White but later on she will have mementos of her mother's colors of red, black, purple, greens, and gold albeit jewelry or clothing pieces. Her shoes aren't made for any parkour. Most of her shoes are heels. Mother says a girl in heels fluctuate the legs. Her hair is in the braid as it makes her face pop out more, it represents also the strict beauty guidelines she follows due to her mother's influence so her hair will always be up and tight until later on she starts wearing it loser to present how confident she is in her skin. Her hair leans towards a black blue color it's has a blue shine if you see it in the sun which has a slight color reference to her D1 hair mixed with D3. As a result her Auradon fashion can be formed with ease as it's a easier transition since she dresses like that before going to Auradon so her outfits would be very reflective of what's popular in Auradon without the prep, so she would wear dresses but they would be in darker colors and have a few spikes. Of if she was wearing a skirt it would be a synthetic leather. Her fashion is edgy prep until later in the series where it's still edgy but has a color tune up a bit. Her outfits will very much reflecting of fitting in Auradon as much as possible and try to appeal to the male gaze in Auradon as she would try to look more modest and muted compared to everyone in the group until later on she's comfortable of being herself as she dresses more for herself and wears what's fashionable and what makes her comfortable than what her mother thinks. Her outfit choices reflects more of her needing to be approved by others which makes her have a wavering confidence in what she wears forming into her wearing clothes she would never be caught dead wearing but has to so she gets her mother's and other's approval until she realizes that she lives for her not anyone else.

JAY

This dude knows he's a little shit. So he dresses like one. His is simple and it reflects that he needs to have places to store a box cutter and a cheap necklace. He's all about practicality. He hates and I mean HATES anything that prevents him from moving in absolute precision. There is no leather on him besides his pants which are similar to Mal's with the leather accents. Now his hair is long and just up until later he wears is down often and is just styled. So his Auradon outfits will reflect Mal in some form, it's different because it leans towards athlesiure, jock, and skater in many different ways until later he leans towards athlesiure and jock with a sprinkle of skeeter fashion with brighter colors and more simplicity so not a lot of patterns or graphics. His earlier outfits will always be outshined by Mal. No matter how similar it can be it will always be outshined by Mal. His outfit choices shows how he just goes along with Mal because that's who he knew the longest next to the fact that he doesn't crave the same need for power and leadership as Mal does he just in it for the loot and his mindset isn't about teamwork it's just what works for enough for him to get his share until he notices that he gets and works enough to get his share but...he isn't noticed that also made sure everyone get theirs, just somewhat ran over just because everyone assumes he doesn't care when he does or take it for themselves so they get brighter and become separate and drastically different from Mal making him shine.

CARLOS

His outfits are practical yet fashionable like Evie's but simple. He wears anything that makes him blend in blend in. He blends in so hard that Evie stands out more than him. His clothes are very two sided like his mom's hair but he only literally have one outfit since being on the Isle and what was in his bag of stuff when he went to Auradon was like a few inventions and games and some pictures and his oversized jacket and finally getting new clothes given by Evie and some new friends he makes as seen worn here because he doesn't really go out. His hair remains the same and just gradually gets longer and he can place it in a ponytail. Which if posted on his friend's stories just looks like a maltese ponytail. His Auradon outfits are simple and blends in more better in Auradon than Evie's. He mostly wear button up shirts with some pants or sweater. He just is scared and a lot of his clothes represent security in the beginning so some of clothes would be bagger than others until later he becomes more secure and wears clothes that reflects his newfound happiness and security which is more fashionable and what's popular with Auradonian boys while being himself. As with such with the two-sided clothing from before it also presents what his personality is like really in real life, and his oversized jacket is washed its a pure white jacket. He's witty and comical and iconic while also being anxious and terrified. So his outfit choices reflects him coming out of his shell show what more of him meets the eye making him be the iconic king he is.

I hope that this analysis makes sense 😭 please let me know if it doesn't! Also i would like to hear some suggestions because ironically fashion is also not my strong suit and I'm worried that I made them too ooc but know disney i probably wasn't far off smh-

[twentiethcenturymoviesandtv]

M*A*S*H: A Product of the Times

At first, it doesn’t really seem all that obvious like M*A*S*H was a show of the 1970s.

Being set in the 1950s in a military hospital gave some leeway when it came to hairstyles and clothing (Mostly military uniforms).  Even the discussion of the news and pop culture (although occasionally inaccurate for individual years) that happened around camp placed the show firmly in a period past, another in a string of television shows and films made in the 1970s that were set in the 1950s.  Even some things, like attitudes towards women and the minority of non-white cast members seems to place the show so firmly in the 1950s, it might be hard to pick out that this is a ‘70s show.

But in reality, M*A*S*H might not have been made if not for the 1970s.

Coming on the heels of the 1960s, the ‘70s were quite a period of change.  Following the Civil Rights movement, American culture was beginning to be more integrated.  Disco was big on the scene, and styles were quickly becoming…a lot.  The digital revolution began as video games and personal computers began to become a little more prevalent, and thanks to movie directors like George Lucas and Steven Spielberg, the blockbuster became a staple of every movie season.  As for television, edutainment shows like Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood and Sesame Street took off while Star Trek experienced its first reruns, gaining the audience it’d never had during it’s runtime.  Game-shows experienced a comeback, and cop shows replaced the westerns as the most-watched action shows of the decade, and family dramas took up another chunk of the airwaves, while variety shows and increasingly daring sketch comedy filled up the rest.

Throughout all this, sitcoms like Happy Days enjoyed incredible success, along with more ‘issue based’ sitcoms like All in the Family, Good Times, and even The Mary Tyler Moore Show.  And it is here that M*A*S*H sits, filling in a slot as one of the ‘issue’ based sitcoms…but why here?  Why in the 1970s, could this show work the best?

As wild and crazy as American culture was becoming after the unrest of the 1960s, one thing held over that had not yet been resolved: America’s involvement in the Vietnam war.

Starting in November of 1955, and ending in April of 1975, the Vietnam conflict was one that occupied much of the world, and much of the American population’s minds.  Between the protestors and people who genuinely supported the effort, the country was torn in two by people who thought we shouldn’t have gotten involved, and people who thought the opposite.

Why does this matter?

Because when the characters on M*A*S*H talk about war, they aren’t just talking about Korea.  Indeed, they aren’t even just talking about Vietnam.  They’re talking about all wars.

But it was very important that this was a show made during Vietnam, rather than before.

Before shows like The A-Team and Magnum P.I. began using the Vietnam conflict as part of backstories of characters, shows like M*A*S*H were still processing the American attitude during the war.  Much like Korea, Vietnam was never officially declared ‘a war’, and was regarded as a ‘police action’.  Much like Korea, a draft recruited soldiers, some just out of high school, into a conflict that blew up into a political struggle.

The difference was, in 1951, Americans were all for Korea.  In 1972, the enthusiasm had waned.  America turned against the war effort, and there lies exactly why M*A*S*H could not have been anything but a ‘70s ‘topical’ sitcom.

When you watch M*A*S*H and listen to the characters speak about the war, the attitude isn’t hard to pick out: anti-war, anti-US involvement, anti-military.  They shouldn’t be here.  They want to go home.  They tried to duck the draft.  One character spends almost all of his time on the show attempting to get discharged due to insanity.  The only characters who are for this war are treated as antagonists.

This wasn’t the attitude of the Korean war.  This was an attitude that could only have existed after Vietnam, if not specifically about Vietnam.

So, the show isn’t dated from a 1950s sense…but that does leave the question of whether or not it’s dated in a 1970s sense.

Ironically, being set in a decade not your own can actually help a series (or film) in the long run.  By not showing contemporary life and creating a world that had already ‘disappeared’, these shows were able to not become relics of the time they were made.  However, in the case of M*A*S*H, some might argue that the show, while groundbreaking and revolutionary in the 1970s, may not hold up so well today.

While not having the traditional troubles of hairstyles, technology and pop culture dating it, M*A*S*H does have a few different, more important issues that might render it a little uncomfortable to modern audiences.  Let’s start with the women.

At first, it may seem almost impossible from a modern standpoint to approach a show where the only major female character is nicknamed Hot Lips, and even if you get past that enough to start the show from the beginning, it doesn’t get much better.

In early seasons of the show, Margaret Houlihan existed primarily as a woman defined by the men she had been with, her attractiveness to her male coworkers, and her stickler army attitude.  Mostly serving as a partner-in-crime to her lover, Frank Burns (who was married), Margaret’s past involvements with many members of high-ranking army brass was a bit of a running joke, as was her level of desirability to her coworkers.

Thankfully, as the show matured, so did the writing for Margaret’s character.  As time went on, Margaret ended up losing not only the nickname, but her intimate relationship with Frank Burns, and even the jokes about her previous relationships disappeared.  After her marriage to Donald Penobscott, and subsequent divorce, Margaret remained unattached for the remainder of the series, as well as the only major female character in the show.  (Pun intended.)

The other female characters appeared in small doses, most notably Nurse Kealani Kellye, a relatively prominent Japanese-Hawaiian nurse.  Most of the nurses tended to be interchangeable, with small parts that (in early seasons especially) tended to rely on the men of the episode.  While there were exceptions (notably “The Nurses”), especially as the show went on, for the most part, the focus of the show tended to be on the male characters.

And it was even worse for characters of color.

Of the main cast, only Klinger (Lebonese) and the aforementioned Nurse Kelleye were not Caucasian.  Early on in the show, a black character by the name of Spearchucker Jones was omitted by the end of the second season (due to writers mistakenly believing that there were no black doctors in the Korean war.

There are other things that date the show: Klinger’s cross-dressing as a gag would likely be looked upon more unfavorably today, as would a few instances of sexual harassment looked over for comedy’s sake.  Korean characters were often portrayed (especially in early season) in rather stereotypical fashions, and were never played by actors of actual Korean descent (though admittedly, there were not many Korean actors in Hollywood at the time).  

In other words, the show wasn’t perfect.  And it certainly was a product of the 1970s.

But, the good news is, it’s not all bad.

M*A*S*H was, overall, a fairly progressive show for its day.  Despite its problems writing women, by the end of the show, Margaret Houlihan was one of the best-developed female characters on television.  The writing for Korean characters improved drastically by the eleventh season, and Klinger’s ‘crossdressing’ gag was never played at his own expense.

And, more importantly?  The characters, attitudes, and interactions, for the most part, ring just as truly now as they did then.

M*A*S*H was definitely fair for its day.  For the 1970s, it was up-to-date, discussing attitudes and problems that were prevalent for the time, and slowly improving in the areas it was somewhat lacking in.  It’s not really a surprise that the show still has a fanbase (and a young one, at that) to this day, full of fans who can recognize the problematic elements of the show, appreciate it’s growth, and enjoy its characters and situations to this day.  These characters still captivate people just as well as they did in 1972, a primary reason that this show, despite its occasional differences from modern ideas, remains so beloved even today.

Thank you guys so much for reading!  If you have a thought, suggestion, or question, don’t be afraid to leave a comment, I’d love to hear from you.  Please join us next time as we look at the facets of M*A*S*H.  I hope to see you there!

[tiger-manya]

So, my Miraculous Ulysses AU.

I was genuinely surprised how many people responded to this (which is like… ten, but still). Thank you everyone, @furryhamlet in particular. I don’t know how serious I am about this, but does anybody really?

First, let us take a moment to establish the main similarities between Ulysses, a modernist masterpiece by James Joyce, and Miraculous Ladybug, a (debatably metamodern?) kids show:

puns;

the revolutionary new trope of main hero having a dead mother and the resulting father issues (never done before or after);

farts and bathroom humour (more prevalent in Ulysses, of course).

I think everything is quite clear.

And now, without further ado, Miraculous Ulysses AU:

It’s still Dublin, it’s still 1904, but now there’s also magic. And superheroes.

Stephen Dedalus has a black cat miraculous; Buck Mulligan has a bee miraculous; Simon Dedalus has a butterfly miraculous (not because I think it suits him, but because someone has to); Leopold Bloom is the guardian, but he doesn't do a very good job; Molly is often Ladybug, but it's not like she cares a lot.

All of them, of course, have different names for their alternate personas, but I'm not clever enough with names and not skilled enough with English language. Let's just say: Simon doesn't bother; Bloom comes up with a name for every person he gives a miraculous to, but none of them use those; Stephen has a million names, all very deep and clever, but the only one that stuck is whatever Mulligan mockingly called him that one time; and I don't know what's Bee!Mulligan name is, but it's inappropriate for general audiences.

I’ll have some placeholder names to make it easier for myself. Stephen may remain Chat Noir (he would probably name himself after a cabaret, at least to honour his teenage rebellion against church); Simon Dedalus can be Moth Daddy; Buck is… idk, Hornet? Hornet will do.

May Dedalus, Stephen’s mother, died not from cancer but from the misuse of the damaged peacock miraculous. After her death, Simon started akumatizing people into villains. He’s aware of the wish, but at this point it’s mostly about revenge to Chat Noir.

(Chat Noir might be the one who damaged the peacock miraculous in the first place, but it never said outright.)

He, of course, doesn't know anything about his son being Chat. Stephen, however, knows everything about his parents, but has no idea what to do with this information. It's a source of his resentment, but he can't bring himself to properly sort out his feelings.

Mulligan and Stephen know nothing about each other’s alternate identities. Stephen is friends with Mulligan mostly because his father doesn't want it. He actually resents Mulligan a lot, but is sympathetic towards Hornet because sees him as someone similar to him, someone who could actually understand his world-view and take it seriously. Chat spends some efforts to turn Hornet to his side but to no avail. Mulligan, on the other hand, thinks Chat Noir is a pretentious prick, but has a lot of genuine admiration for Stephen, even though he hides it under the layers of sarcasm and cynicism, as he doesn't want to be seen as weak. And that is your love square, everybody.

Hornet starts out as an independent party, but at some point begins working for Moth. Naturally, Simon finds out his identity and that’s the main reason he doesn’t want to see him anywhere near his son.

It’s Bloom who deals with the most akuma emergencies. He often recruits different dubliners to his side, but almost none of them stick to the job. Chat helps time to time, even though this help is often incidental, and he’s a lot more interested in Hornet shenanigans. Bloom is aware of Chat, but they never have time to properly talk to each other. Bloom wants to meet him; Bloom is searching for him.

The guardian duties tire him a lot. Bloom inherited the miracle box from his father with three miraculous already missing. Later he lost the fourth one, the bee miraculous, which he considers his greatest mistake. His relationship with Molly is not that great either. She used to regularly take a role of Ladybug, but after her singing career took off, she started losing interest. Nowadays Bloom often gives the ladybug miraculous to other women. Gerty is one of them.

Boylan is there somewhere. There’s probably an episode where he gets akumatized and Bloom and Molly are the ones to deal with it (very awkward for all parties).

Just so you know, the masturbation scene is still there.

There are a lot of Odyssey themed akumas. For instance, local back-seat political expert The Citizen is turned into Cyclops.

There was one person Stephen tried to tell about Chat Noir. A few years ago, before his run off to Paris, he tried talking to Cranly about the ring. He immediately got excited about the possibilities, insisted he and Stephen could work together as a superhero team. Stephen tried to explain himself, but ultimately saw that Cranly wouldn't ever understand. He brushed the whole thing off as a joke and never returned to it. At some point, Stephen thinks he should reveal himself to Mulligan, but then remembers Cranly and decides against it.

Haines’s dream about panther hunting is still there and now it cuts even deeper.

There’s a Chat Blanc type episode. It’s called Pangur Bán and it’s about the horrifying alternate reality of Stephen staying in Ireland (it’s not that bad, actually, but Stephen has a meltdown).

Ultimately, Stephen finds out Hornet is Mulligan. That's what seals his betrayal to Stephen, so there is nothing he could do but go to the brothel and get drunk. What led him to this discovery is that during their last encounter Hornet reused one of Stephen's aphorisms only Mulligan could know at that point. (He also grossly misquoted it and twisted the meaning.)

It’s in the brothel that Bloom recognizes Stephen (who is severely drunk at this point) as a son of his friend and saves him from the trouble he’s about to lead himself into. That’s when he notices the ring and realizes that Stephen is Chat Noir.

Bloom is happy beyond belief. He’s finally met someone he could share his guardian duties with. He buys Stephen some food and lets him sober up a bit, afterwards he invites him to his home and proposes a plan. Stephen could live in Bloom’s house with a better, more stable job. Bloom could share all his guardian knowledge with him, so he could better control his powers. They could work together as a team to finally bring Moth and Hornet to justice and end all this mess. Finally, Stephen could become the next guardian and have a miracle box all to himself. He responds to this with silence. Bloom apologizes and says he understands it’s a lot to take in, so he tells Stephen to think on it until morning.

Bloom falls asleep near his wife, full of hope for the future.

Before dawn, Stephen leaves Bloom’s house with his ring and his wallet. He plans to spend his last money on a ticket to France.

Before we end, a few things about an ideal media format for this AU:

It’s an animated tv series, at least 3 seasons long.

The style and quality of animation varies drastically from episode to episode, sometimes suddenly changing in the middle of one. There are at least 9 studious working on this, the communication between them isn’t great.

It all takes place in one day, 16 June 1904, but the viewers can’t tell that for sure until the last episode. This revelation might frustrate them at first, but once they’ll look back, they realize it kind of makes sense, as there is hardly any change of weather or time of day during the vast majority of episodes.

Unfortunately, it will be very hard to look back at, as all the episodes are aired out of order.

The series is broadcasted in many countries, each of which has its own order of episodes. And none of them has a full translation. Actually, nobody can have a full translation, until the thing becomes public domain. Until then, there are only automatically generated and machine translated subtitles. And fansubs, I guess.

Not to mention it gets banned really quickly in a lot of places.

The fans lose their mind, trying to establish continuity. There are multiple theories and theme tables to make sense of it all. The meaning also can change drastically, depending on the order you watch it in, so there are full-blown fandom continuity wars. People go mad. People die. It feels like a fever dream.

But once it all put together?

Absolute masterpiece.

Thank you for reading. Sorry for any mistakes or awkward English. 

Was this necessary? No. Will I stand by it? Well, yes I said yes I will Yes

[vanchlo]

The Firsts / #4, “The First Time Meeting The Old Best Friend“

*not my gif

---> NEXT BLURB: November 16th at the lastest, hopefully.

READ THE ASSISTANT, AKA WHAT CAME FIRST

SERIES MASTERLIST          

READ ON WATTPAD

LEGEND:

+ : a break in the story; a time jump.

sorry i forgot italics in this one, it’s just too much sometimes to go back through and do

WARNINGS: Swearing?

WORD COUNT: 9k words

SONG: If I Didn’t Have you from Monsters Inc. (CLICK TO LISTEN)

                          * SNEAK PEEK, DUH BC ALWAYS *

The irony that sits in the possibility of replies sickens me, because there’s little else I want more than to sit down and have dinner with him. The normalcy and the ignorance to how things have so drastically changed, and so quickly.

I wonder if I have enough time to leave, but no, I can’t. He’s noticed, and knows that I’m home. He’s expecting me. If only he could know how that same feeling has overflown inside of me, and been pushed back down each and every time, a hunger that was never fed. I hang my coat, place my keys on the ring beside his, and leave my ankle boots on the mat by his chestnut brown chelseas, just like every other time. In every way I still find it dreamy, but it’s not the same, no matter how much I wish that I could pretend that it is.

“When I love, I love for miles and miles. A love so big it should either be outlawed or it should have a capital and its own currency.”

- Carrie Fisher

*

His humming pulls me from the lines of text growing hazy and forgotten in front of me. Tearing my eyes from my lap, I find him kneading his bottom lip between his fingers. A corner of my mouth greets my cheek as I observe him flip a page and his eyebrows sink closer to his pair of greens, concentrating. 

“What are you humming?” I ask, cocking my head to the side and narrowing my eyes. The sound stops and his eyes shoot over to me, brows still hugging his eyes, now in confusion. 

“Hmmm?” 

“What song are you humming? I don’t recognize it,” I explain, standing from my seat. The smooth, tiled floor is a welcomed cold against my bare feet that plod a path towards his tall bookshelf. 

“Oh, that. Um, Junk by Paul. God, I love that song. ‘ve been listenin’ t’ him loads with tha concert comin’ up. You should too, babe.” 

“I will, thanks for the reminder,” I tell him, winding my arms around his neck and pecking his cheek. Watching the dimple fall into it, a happy hum radiates through my chest. 

“Whatcha wanna do fer dinner t’night? We could eat those leftovers from last night, or I dunno, heat up a can o’ soup. Perfect weather fer it right now, ‘d say.” 

“Both sound good. You can call it, but I’m going to go and refill our teas,” I answer, leaving another kiss on his stubbly cheek. 

“Oh, thank you, love. I hardly noticed, been so engulfed in this bloody book.” 

His smile matches mine when I look over my shoulder, his empty mug in hand as I slide my flats back on. Voices trickle out of the doors I pass on my way to the breakroom. Excitement leaks from them, questions, hushed whispers, and then, a name I recognize. 

“Can you direct me to the office of Harry Styles?” a blonde woman asks Amelia at the front desk. With a hand on the door, I turn back around to watch. 

“Yes, of course. And your name was?” Amelia asks in her sing-song voice, hands poised on the computer keyboard, probably checking the schedule. 

“Penelope-.” 

“Oh, hey, Becky. Filling back up too, I see,” somebody says, drowning out the rest of the woman’s words.

“Why does that name sound familiar?” I mumble to myself and only her, watching as Amelia types away. “Sorry, what’d you say, Ash?”

“I just saw you’re getting a refill too. After you,” he almost wheezes, but I don’t take note of it, my eyebrows still in a dip after what I just saw. 

“What’s that look for, huh? Is somebody not happy to see me?”

“Of course not, Ash. I just saw- I dunno what I even saw,” I confess, setting down my pink mug I pluck from the cupboard, and Harry’s black one in front of the electric tea kettle. 

“Everything okay? You look a little lost, or something.” 

“Yeah, fine,” I say slowly, trying to remember if Harry had said anything about wanting coffee instead, but he’s already had two cups, and tries to stick to only two these days. It’s already almost time to go home for the day, anyways. Sighing, I pull open the tea drawer and pluck out an English Breakfast and a Peppermint. 

“I heard you and Harry nabbed that huge McConnell case that everybody’s talking about. Congrats on that,” Asher comments, sticking a hand into the drawer after I moved to the side, ripping open the tiny packets. 

“Oh, thanks. No pressure, or anything.” 

“You’ll do great, don’t worry about it. If anything, it’s a good thing you have Harry. If the bloke is good at one thing, it’s winning cases,” he insists, and I only nod along as I free the string from the bags to place in the mugs. 

A mumbled confirmation leaves my lips as the steam from the scalding hot water wafts over my face, filling the mugs, one and then two. 

“We still on for lunch tomorrow?”

“Yeah, sure thing, Ash. Talk later,” I smile at him, pushing my back against the door and turning around to walk down the hallway. 

Juggling the two, steaming cups in my hand, I take my time walking back to Harry’s office. Quickly, I find that I’m not the only one on my way there, and soon, I pass Amelia on her way back. Smiles float between us, but mine falls away for some reason, and in only a matter of moments, I’d have so many reasons why. 

His head is bent over that same book, and a hand missing that summer glow rubs over his tired face. I can see him from down the hallway, and my vantage point would end up being regrettable, if only I’d known. 

“I didn’t know running your own firm was so tiring, Styles,” the frosty-blonde girl says when she stops in his doorway, and he immediately perks up. 

No, that’s my nickname for him, I think immediately, stopping a few paces behind her. 

“Nelly?!” Harry exclaims with absolute sunshine radiating from his face. “Hell, look at you. T’ what do I owe tha pleasure, love?” he continues in a voice brimming with astonished happiness, standing quickly to hold out his arms towards her.

“I was in the neighborhood and figured I might as well finally come and see you and My’s firm. It’s about time, sorry it took me so long,” she giggles in her posh accent, walking right into his arms where he holds her against him for several moments. Something twinges in my chest at the sight of it while I try to remember when I’ve heard him speak about her. I know he brought her up once, or somebody else did, but I can’t remember what they’d said. Who is this person?

“Yer bloody right ‘s ‘bout time, only took ya years and years. How’ve ya been? Ya look good, thirty looks smashin’ on you, y’know. Married Ben yet?”

“Thanks, but I reckon it looks far better on you, Styles,” this woman laughs and it sounds like a song, but I’m not sure if it’s one that I like. From the appearance of his crinkly-eyed smile, Harry likes it. “Nah, we split a few months back.” 

“Damn, ‘m sorry t’ hear ‘bout that,” he remarks softly while she picks up and looks at things on his desk. His eyes roam over her, but I can’t blame him, because so do mine. They drift over her cropped, curly hair and the long-sleeved, polka dotted dress. Polka dots have never been my thing, but somehow she makes them look sexy and far from childish all at the same time. 

I watch as she picks up the framed pictures sitting on his desk and when she grabs the largest of them all, something flits across her face before she hastily places it down. I only wish I could’ve seen what it was. Shaking my head, I lift a foot to turn around while her voice wanders over to me, and then his. 

“I heard you’ve found somebody new, no longer with Amber, I see.” 

“No, we’ve been split fer a few now. Ya, that’s Becks,” he comments warmly, and the next few of his words I can’t make out, until I hear some that I can’t ignore. “There she ‘s now. Hey, babe, c’mere. There’s sumbody I wantcha t’ meet!” Harry calls down the hallway to me. Gulping, I look up and down the other side of the hallway before turning around to find the smile of my boyfriend. One of my favorite sights, if not a little duller now.

The few moments it takes me to walk to his office are awkward, knowing that they’re watching me and my movements. I suddenly wonder if I need to touch up my makeup, fix my hair, or how this new, black dress really does look on me. 

“Thank ya, love,” Harry smiles when he takes the black mug from my hands to sip from. My own lips fall when she plucks the pink mug from my hands with a similar notion, completely devoid of any apology or embarrassment, and neither is Harry. What the- “Nell, this ‘s me girlfriend and colleague, Becky Holte. She worked here as an assistant o’ mine befo’ she finished uni, and came back last January fer an associate position. She’s me mentee and ‘m her mentor fer tha next few years while she finds her footing, workin’ primarily with me on cases, includin’ tha new McConnell one.” 

“I heard about that, Harry, congratulations. That’s very exciting . . for the both of you,” she grins from behind her mug of tea. My mug of tea. 

“Oh, sorry. Becks, this ‘s Penelope Hautten, or as we fondly call her, Nelly,” he introduces, and she offers a small wave and an awkward smile. Yeah, you have no bloody idea how awkward this is. “We met in uni fer law in our cohort, same with Rose and Rory.” 

“Hi, it’s great to meet you. I’d love to say I’ve heard loads about you, but it’s been a minute since I’ve spoken to Styles over here,” she says, holding out a hand tanned from fake tan that I reluctantly shake when I hear her next comment made in laughter. “I’m sorry we had to meet like this, I’d be upset seeing another woman being all over my boyfriend, too.” 

“No, you’re okay,” is all I say at first, feeling a little better when I feel Harry squeeze my arm after swinging one around my waist. “It’s nice to meet you too, I think I’ve heard Harry mention you before. He sure has a lot of good things to say about all of his fun in uni.” 

The words bring loud laughs to both of their lips, and for a moment, I think that I need to as well. I find it awkward to not be laughing, but by then, it’s far too late to begin. 

“I just wanted to stop by to say hi and congratulate you on getting this case, it’s a rather big one. Actually, maybe we could talk some more about it over dinner? I was just on my way to Lenny’s on this side of town,” Nelly says, and yes, I do see the little glance you give to me before you bat your eyes at Harry. 

“Thanks, Nel.’ ‘d actually love t’ pick yer brain ‘bout tha case, and over a sandwich and soup sounds fantastic, ‘specially with this cold weather comin’ in. Great timin’, ‘m starvin’,” he remarks with an eager smile, rubbing a circle into my back before it falls. “Becks, you don’t mind, d’ya? Maybe ya could see if Rose needs help with anythin’,” Harry comments after setting down his tea, raising an eyebrow at me. He nods almost instantly, walking around his desk to grab his Northface off the back of his chair to pull on. 

“Yeah, I’d love to consult on it with you, Harry.” 

“Y-Yeah, sure,” I mumble, lifting a hand in a lousy wave as they’re already walking down the hall and away from me. Their loud and happy laughter floats back to me as the image of her arm hooking around his waist burns in my eyes. 

“Was that . . ?” somebody says, breaking into my thoughts. Blinking and turning my head, I see Rose standing in her doorway, down the hallway. “Oh god, was that Penelope?” she groans with a shake of her head, stopping when she sees me standing there. 

“Yep, in the flesh. She took my tea,” I say with a turn of my palm to the sky, taking slow steps until I arrive at her side. I join her in watching them get on the lift with smiles stretching their lips. “And my boyfriend.” 

“I never liked her.” 

“Why not? Wait,” I ask and then pause, furrowing my brows as thoughts race around behind my eyes. “Was she the one in your friend circle in uni who- No, please tell me that’s not the one who had a crush on Harry?”

A sigh is all that graces my ears while she tucks a daring lock of hair behind her ear. “Yes and yes,” she answers.

“God,” I groan, losing a hand in my hair. “And she just stole my boyfriend for a dinner date, when we were just going to go for our Taco Tuesday. What the fuck?” I exhale, letting my hand fall with a slap! to my leg. 

“You better keep a short leash on him when she’s around, that’s all I’ll say.” 

“Rose-,” I begin, turning to look at her. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to scare you, love. I’m sure everything will be fine, it’s been years since all of that happened, she’s bound to have changed, or so I hope.”

+

“You said everything would be fine, and you know what, it’s not fine!” I exclaim, dropping my bag onto the chestnut colored chair in front of the desk. Inhaling, the breath passes my lips shakily, and I turn away to look around the office. 

“Becky, what’s the matter, love? What are you talking about?” 

“Her. Penelope . . She’s on the McConnell case with Harry, instead of me,” I reveal gently, but the words falling from my lips feel like anything but that to my heart. Sniffling, I swipe a hand across my cheeks. 

“What, how do you-.” 

“I just saw him in the break room. You know what, I didn’t see him all last night. He didn’t come home until late. I went to sleep in an empty bed, and woke up later around eleven when he came in, and didn’t say a word to me. But in the break room, I run into my boyfriend, my mentee, my boss, who are all the same person, and all he has to say to me is that he’s switched me to your case and her to his. He didn’t have time to say anything more, because what’s-her-face slinked in and stole him from me. Again. Rose, I-I don’t like this, what the fuck is going on?” I finish, spinning around to look at her through the hazy tears sitting in my eyes. 

“Oh, Becky love, I’m so sorry,” is all she says before pulling me into her arms where I let the tears fly. 

“Am I stupid for getting so upset over this? I dunno if I am, because I looked her up on Insta last night and her stories were of them getting dinner and drinks together and she put hearts all around him on it. T-Then, this morning he barely kissed me on the cheek before breaking the news to me, and nothing more. No ‘I’m sorry for replacing you at dinner last night’ or ‘I’m sorry for coming home late and not responding to any of your texts last night,’” I cry, catching whiffs of her floral based perfume, feeling her sigh before hearing it. “I’m not going through another fucking Amber phase with him, she was one and done for me. I don’t like this, I just want him back.”

+

“Come ‘head, love, time for our weekly team meeting.” 

I remain silent, staring at the laptop screen unblinkingly, wishing it was the voice of another now saying my name. 

“I don’t want to . . she’ll be there . . with him,” I answer, switching tabs and scrolling through my search results on the Silver Net database. 

“Becky-.” 

“I can’t, Rose, okay?” I nearly retort, turning my head to look at her patient, brown eyes. “You didn’t hear the stuff she said to me yesterday.” 

“What’d she say to you?” she hurriedly replies with concern, sitting down on the chair next to me, pulling it over so she’s facing me. 

“It’s what she didn’t say,” I respond, closing my laptop but nervous to meet her eyes. “With just my luck, I ran into her in the break room yesterday, just when I was starting to feel better the day after getting dropped from Harry’s case. She was asking me about him, and well, me. How long I’d known him, how long we’d been dating, blah blah. Then she couldn’t shut up about how she’s known him for over ten years, how they’d have all of these late study nights in the library together, and how they took their Bar together. Then, he came in and she just continued, rattling off the cases they won together in the beginning when they got their first real lawyer jobs. She knew what she was doing and so did I, she was showing how much better she is for him, and how I’m . . not.” 

“As if anybody fucking asked her,” Rose tuts, shaking her head vehemently and getting to her feet. “You stay and keep checking on those statements we got, okay? You don’t have to come to the meeting, I’ll just debrief you when I get back.” 

Nodding, I lift the lid of my laptop again and switch to Docs. 

“Becky?” 

“Yeah, Rose?” I say, my eyes flitting to the door where she stands with her hand on the doorknob. 

“You’re sure you aren’t going to talk to him about this? I think the sooner the better.”

“I would, if I could get him alone, but I can’t. It’s like she’s always there, even outside of work, he’s out doing something with her. I dunno, I give up.” 

“I’m really sorry, love,” she frowns, emphasis in her voice and the bend of her eyebrows. 

“Thank you, Rose,” I answer with a small smile, watching her return it and leave the room. I almost jump when I hear the ding of my phone, and scrabble to pry it from my pocket, only to be disappointed with a text from Skye. As well as the memory staring back at me, teasingly, from my lock screen.

If only I could go back to that day, or just rewind life by a few.

+

The flecks of snow leave cold puddles in my hair as my fingers wrap around the cold handle. Gulping, I don’t twist it, and instead, I just stare and listen. I listen to the happy hum of music I hear coming from the other side, and to the obnoxiously nervous thrumming of my heart. He’s home, and for the first time in three days, it’s before eleven o’clock. I want to savor it, but the repressed thoughts have turned sour in my heart, building upon each other throughout the prior days. 

The new cold that has embedded itself into the wind and the trees around me, is what brings me inside. Maybe there’s an ounce of wanting to see him, or a contradicting whole lot, but it’s the sudden cold that I can’t handle anymore, and how it’s much too like the same absence that’s grown in my chest. 

“Ya hungry, babe?” he calls to me, the sound of the door opening something I’ve only gotten used to recently, but he’s mastered by now. Breathing in, I chase a deep breath, but it’s lost. Wasting the time until I have to walk past him, I sink down onto the bottom step to pry off my shoes. “I was gonna make sumthin’ fer dinna, but ‘m not sure what. Anythin’ sound good t’ you? Oh, I was wonderin,’ why weren’t you at tha team meetin’ t’day? Ev’rything’ alright?” he continues, despite my lack of an answer. The irony that sits in the possibility of replies sickens me, because there’s little else I want more than to sit down and have dinner with him. The normalcy and the ignorance to how things have so drastically changed, and so quickly. 

I wonder if I have enough time to leave, but no, I can’t. He’s noticed, and knows that I’m home. He’s expecting me. If only he could know how that same feeling has overflown inside of me, and been pushed back down each and every time, a hunger that was never fed. I hang my coat, place my keys on the ring beside his, and leave my ankle boots on the mat by his chestnut brown chelseas, just like every other time. In every way I still find it dreamy, but it’s not the same, no matter how much I wish that I could pretend that it is. 

“Becks?”

“I’m not hungry,” I softly decide on a few moments later, padding into the kitchen where he still stands in his work clothes from today. The shiny black number adorned with velvet edges now absent, and my ever favorite, the leopard button up. The pain still sings behind my ribs at the appearance of it in its lonesome, untucked from his slacks. 

“How are ya not? ‘s five o’clock, love. I know ya have yer lunches at one, so ya must be starvin,’” Harry comments, but how would he even know? The fridge makes that noise it always does when it opens, the soft pop before the whoosh of the refrigeration. “Hey, where are ya goin’? I could make a pizza, or some spaghetti fer us.” 

The words that he requires to his questions escape me, and in their place, sit the impatient ones that have been patient for far too long. Yet, I can’t find the right ones to say that feel right, but then again, all of this feels so wrong. Not one moment from the last few days has felt anything close to right. 

“Becks,” he says, urgency laden in his voice, and I wonder why I didn’t just walk up the stairs and away from him when I had the chance. “Hey, why’re you ignorin’ me, love?” 

If that didn’t do it, his hand on my shoulder, soft as can be, does. I try my hardest to not melt into putty in his hands, but he sidesteps that entirely, and walks around to stand in front of me. 

“What, it’s only okay when you do it?” I bite back, but the fervor isn’t there in my voice. No, not yet, but it’s not what does it for him when he sees my face. It’s barely there, but the way his eyes widen, and his lips part tells me that he too feels the tears warming up my cold-bitten cheeks. 

“Becks, I dunno what yer talkin’ ‘bout. What’s tha matter, love?” 

“Please, don’t lie to me,” I begin, a sob near and not too far. A swallow to wet my voice is anything but that, and I know it will only get worse as his eyebrows fall into the deepest V I may have ever seen. 

“‘m not lyin’ t’ you, bug,” he insists, cocking his head. A whimper sounds from my lips when I pull my arm out of his grasp, and the effect is immediate, firstly in his eyes. 

“You forgot about me, Harry. Our Taco Tuesday date . . watching the new episode of American Horror Story last night . . watching FRIENDS every night at dinner . . reading Harry Potter together every night before bed,” I say, the sob beginning its place behind my lips. “Ever since Nelly walked into your office on Tuesday, it’s been all about her! We’ve hardly spoken the last three days, and when we do, it’s ‘Nelly this,’ and ‘Nelly that.’ I’m your girlfriend, Harry, and I got fucking demoted by you, again!” the exclamation is dry, and yet with the sadness that leaps from my insides, no longer patient. 

“Honey, ‘m sorry,” he tries with sorrow and everything else sewn into his features, but unlike every other time, I don’t want to take it and run. I don’t want to give in, or settle. 

“Sorry doesn’t always cut it, Harry, you know that. You dropped me from your case without even asking me so you could have her help you! When we were talking about taking the case, you told me that it would be such a great learning experience for me. My first murder trial, and you gave it away to her! She’s seen how many murder trials, how many courtrooms, and known you for how long, Harry? It’s like I didn’t matter anymore the second she walked in your office. You didn’t answer your calls and texts, or if you did, it was hours later. I saw you on her Instagram story getting dinner and drinks every night this week, instead of having dinner at home, with me,” I explain, the tears wetting my lips chapped from the cold wind. “I don’t understand, Harry, what did I do or what didn’t I do? What does she have that I don’t?” 

“Becks, please-,” he starts with a sadness in his voice that I don’t want to place or take ownership of. 

“She loves you, Harry, I know it,” I say, and then, it all changes. His face does, and so do his words. He changes. 

“What? What would make ya say that?”

“Don’t play dumb, Harry, I’ve seen it. I’ve only known her for a few days, and I see it. I see it in the way she looks at you, how anytime I’ve tried to talk to you at work this week she steals you back from me, and how much she sells herself to sound like you . . how she’s so much better for you than I am,” I tell him, the emphasis at last arriving in my voice. The bravery. 

“She doesn’t feel that way ‘bout me, she never has. We’re jus’ good friends, ‘s all.” 

“P-Please, I said don’t lie to me,” I stutter, squeezing my eyes shut at the sound of his words. The sting of the denial. “She does, even Rose told me she has ever since uni, Harry! Why can’t you see that?” 

“There’s nuthin’ to see, Becks, ‘s jus’ best friends reunitin’ afta a few years. Ya wouldn’t understand . . ,” he spits back, disdain heavy in his voice, and now in my heart. 

“I’m supposed to be your best friend, Harry, but I guess, not this week.” 

“Jealous much?” he tuts with a shake of his head, his upper lip curling as his face takes on the look of . . somebody else. “Y’know what, ‘m sorry I dropped you from tha case, and yer all bitchy ‘bout that. I wanted t’ work onn’a case with me best friend fer ol’ time’s sake. I don’t see what’s so wrong with that! There’ll be how many mo’ murder cases, if that’s what yer really upset ‘bout. Nelly, she’s not in love with me, so stop bloody sayin’ that. Fookin’ f’get dinna, I don’t even wanna be ‘round you right now, yer bein’ pathetic and all jealous,” he retorts, and any words I had to say are drowning in the tears that crowd my cheeks. 

“Harry, please. Don’t,” I beg him, turning to watch him walk away and shove his feet into his boots by the door. 

“No, Becks. ‘m goin’ out fer dinna . . with Nelly. ‘ccordin’ t’ you, that’s all ‘m good at as of recent,” he says, and his voice drops when he says her name. So does my heart, and I’m sure it shows on my sleeve, because a hint of My Harry appears on his face just for a moment. Only a moment of regret and realness. I don’t wait to see if it remains, and dash past him to take the stairs two at a time until I find the guest bedroom, wishing that I could collapse onto our bed without it hurting me all the more. 

It’s a few choked breaths until I hear the door to the garage slam, his car start, and then leave. 

I guess I got my wish, afterall, to be alone.

+

The slamming of the door is what I hear next, and what lifts my heavy head from the pillow. Muffled curses pricks at my ears while I rub at my heavy eyes, a yawn leaving my lips. Blinking slowly, my eyes begin to fall shut and the pillow greets my head once more. Licking my lips, I grasp at the edges of the striped pillowcase, the remnants of my dream coming back to me. The sounds around me soften and so does the rest of my body, unbeknownst to me the hour, or the memory of the fight earlier. Nor did I know of the man who nervously climbs the stairs with a hole in his heart, searching for me. 

“There you are,” he says, but I hear it in my dream, or so I think. Opening my eyes slowly, sleep is all but lost as his steps creak across the floor after opening the door noisily. “Oh, shit. ‘m sorry, I woke you up.” 

I’d fall back asleep, ignoring him and it all, but I can’t after I hear the way the words fell from his lips. The subsequent sniffling and whimpers that adorn his words. Lying there staring into the darkness, my eyes slowly start to open more and so does my mind, and perhaps my heart. Having slept in another bed that wasn’t mine, I want more than anything to not have to fall asleep in an empty, cold bed tonight, without him. I just want things to be okay again, and to be normal. I had never before coveted the normalcy that we had only days ago, and how unknowingly happy I was living amongst it. 

It pulls me to my feet and across the room blindly, and into his arms. For the first time in days, the tears don’t find me, but as I breathe in his smell, they belong to him now. 

“Becks,” he cries from above me, his chest shaking under my touch. Sighing, all of the unspoken grievances spend themselves onto his skin, and hopefully, out of my heart. Little did I know. 

“I don’t want to fight anymore, Harry, it’s okay.” 

“‘s not okay, Becks, ‘s really not,” Harry continues, and as if in slow motion, I pull myself away from him. The glow of the streetlamp illuminates his features painted with sadness, and their rivers. 

“Harry,” I begin, afraid of the words mounting on his lips as he presses his palms against his eyes. 

“You were right,” is all he says and I’m stepping away, muttering frantic ‘no’s until I touch the bed, and sink onto it. His hands fall and in the scattered light amongst the darkness, I see the impending words weighing on his lips. “S-She kissed me . . t’night at dinna, we had been drinkin’ and . .” 

The ‘no’s are lost entirely within moments, and my head falls into my hands. An emptiness that had been building within my gut over the last few days only intensifies, and if I’d eaten anything for dinner, it would have been lost by now. 

“I stopped her, Becks, believe me. Please. I-I told her that she can’t, and I didn’t do it, too. I didn’t kiss her back, baby, I promise you that. ’m sorry, Becks, ’m so sorry,” Harry weeps. The floor creaks, but I’m too far away to know what it means, until his face falls into my lap. “I pushed her away, and told her that yer tha one I love, it could never be anybody else. I could never feel that way ‘bout her, I said that too, and how I love you so much and ‘ve been tha worst boyfriend t’ you ever since she came here . . . I-I made her leave, Becks, I swear. S-She’s gone and ‘m so fookin’ sorry I let this happen, baby, ‘m so goddamn sorry. I love you. I love you so fookin’ much, and ‘s only you. ‘s only ever been you.” 

With a choked sound, I stand up and hardly feel the carpet pass under my feet, or the wooden steps that come next. I hear my name, the one that he gave me so long ago, and only swears by. Again and again, it comes, and I listen, but I don’t. After a while, the sobs bursting from me cover his voice, but they could never silence it. No, not my favorite sound in the entire world, and yet, at this moment, it’s the one that I hate most, because of the words it said. 

“Becks, don’t. Baby, please,” he begs when I grab the keys and pull on my shoes. “Don’t leave. ‘m sorry, I promise she’s gone and isn’t comin’ back. You can’t leave anyways, ‘s a blizzard out there. They’re sayin’ people shouldn’t be drivin’ in it, ‘s tha first snowfall like this in October in a hundred years. I don’t want sumthin’ t’ happen t’ you.” 

Stopping, my hand freezes on the handle, just like it did only hours before. Only then, things weren’t nearly as bad as they are right now. Sniffling, my shoulders fall and shake harder than before, and so do my words, “I don’t want to be here,” I sob, helplessly. 

“I know, ‘m so sorry, Becks. ‘m so sorry,” he continues from behind me. I wait for the sound of his footsteps but they don’t come, and I’m not sure of my own, either. 

Standing there, I’m uncertain of how much longer I can do it, to stand. Our cries fill my ears, and the ache of all aches weighs in my chest. With every second, it feels as if my legs are going to forget me, but there I keep standing, for how long I’m not sure. 

“‘ll go, ‘ll leave you be. ‘m gonna pack a bag and stay at Myles’ down tha road . . Eat, babe, please. Have sumthin’ fer dinna,” he announces, and I swallow, past all of the anger and upset living in there. Blinking, the tears waiting in the dugout leave, and I see the cream of the door. I see all of the memories that happened even just there - the nights tripping in from too many drinks, the first nights at his place together, coming in after walks around the neighborhood, or surprising him after work with takeaway. They play before my eyes until freezing at the feeling of his lips on the crown of my head, and I close them. I wish that it could be like any other time, but the trembling of my lips tells me otherwise. “I love you, so much, Rebecca Ann. I love you, love you, love you,” he whispers before another peck, and then, he’s gone. 

I don’t remember leaving him, or making my way to the downstairs study, falling into a fitful sleep on his futon with the sights and smells of him dancing around me. I only remember wishing that this was all a nightmare that he could wake me up from, and to not have to wake up to it, again.

+

The shrill sound of my alarm is what brings my eyes open the next morning, instantly groaning. Turning over, I press Snooze on my phone screen, again, and catch the picture that I haven’t been able to get myself to change. I could place it anywhere - a visit to The National Gallery to see Monet, Harry’s recent infatuation. It was a selfie gone wrong in front of the painting, Bathers, and instead features our large smiles in a blurry photo. 

The time continues to tick away on the wall, and with every second that passes, life comes back to me, and walking back into my heart. I lay my head back down on the pillow and watch how the early morning sunlight peeking in through the shades dances across his study. The spines of his favorite books filling the shelf on the wall. Reflections painted on the screen of his trusty iMac. The ghosts stare back at me from the framed pictures around the towering object. His mum, sister, grandparents, the team at the firm, and then, there’s me. It’s the shiniest of all, absent of dust, and is in the biggest frame. He’s not even in it, like the others, because it’s just me. The pink and brown, patched quilt falls to my waist when I sit up quickly, squinting with my contactless eyes to see it. I had no idea he had printed it and framed it, to have in here, a snapshot of me from my birthday with a bedhead and a tired smile after opening presents. The accompanying frames hug the sides of his computer, but this one- no, not this one. It almost obscures the monitor itself, it’s so close, and it makes me wonder all the more if that says anything for how he holds me in his heart.

+

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I mutter under my breath, stabbing at the lit up number amongst the rows. Dragging a hand through my hair, sighs fill the air whilst I smooth down my wrinkled slacks, hoping I don’t look as shitty as I feel, like I know I do. 

Not soon enough, the office comes into view, and I rush in. “I’m so sorry,” I apologize profusely, shaking my head as I set down my things in her closet where hers sit as well. “I just- I had a really terrible night, I know it’s no excuse, but-.” 

“Would you stop apologizing? You overdid it when you rang me on your drive here, don’t worry so much, love. We all oversleep sometimes. I’m just glad you didn’t miss the team meeting, come on then.” 

“God, another one? That has to be like two too many this week . . why?” I groan, following her out of the room with slumped shoulders. The realizations and realities don’t hit me until the second before I step foot into the conference room, searching for him. He’s nowhere to be found, and of course, it only makes me feel all the worse. I snoozed my alarm too many times and overslept, missed breakfast, forgot makeup, and now, my boyfriend I’m fighting with is MIA from work. 

Could this week get any worse? Hmm, perhaps I shouldn’t jinx it, now. 

“Where’s your lover boy at?” Rose taunts, but when my eyes stop their investigating, I find that she’s looking around with pinched brows, too. 

“I’m wondering the same thing,” I answer softly, watching as more people fill the room, plucking bagels and muffins from the platter in the middle of the table. It would be calling my name typically, but no, something else is right now, somebody else. 

“You go and find him.” 

“But, Rose, they’re going to start-,” I begin, until Myles’ booming voice interrupts me from the front of the room. 

Her firm green eyes don’t shy away from their answer, “It’s okay, go, Becky. He doesn’t usually miss these things, anyways. He’s gotten good at actually showing up to them for once,” she says with a soft smile, patting my arm and nodding at me to follow her words. 

Nodding with a grateful smile, I weave around the cluster of familiar lawyers finding seats, and slip out the door. Searching the halls nearby is the first thing I do, but I’ve never been very lucky with that, and I’m not this time, either. I think I have it in the bag when I push open the door to his office, but despite the warm light pouring in from the windows and the ceiling lights, it’s a ruse. Harry’s not here, either. 

Whirling around, I take a step towards the door until my mind catches on something. With careful steps, I turn back around and walk over to his desk, and I notice it. The mess. It hasn’t been this unorganized since well, when I worked as his assistant. He’s always kept it clean since I started working with him again, always having a place for everything, and keeping it that way. This is odd. 

That’s pitched back onto the pile, forgotten, when the sun glimmers on something reflective. With another step, I catch sight of it, and like the other one did so perfectly, the guilt starts to bead inside of me. Inhaling suddenly, a smile lopsides my lips as I reach out to touch it. It’s just like the other one, and yet it isn’t, and in the best of ways. 

As if it’s a mirror, my face stares back at me, and in so many ways. My staff picture for the firm that he took of me on a pair of steps on a walk together during lunch. Me riding the carousel when I had to be four or five. Pigtailed primary age me kicking a football along the field in a yellow jersey. Chubby-faced me smiling at the camera with only a few teeth to call my own, drool running down my chin. A candid of me at a staff party, and one that was long ago, when I was just his assistant. One to remember, a shot of me moments before my very first case with Harry, all dolled up in my lawyer attire. In the center of them all, they sit taped to a larger picture of me smiling so hard my dimple popped, in front of a path of autumn trees. A day only just a week ago if that, I realize, while admiring it. 

Sighing, I reach a hand to brush underneath my eye, but I bump his white Apple mouse in the process. It wakes up his iMac and the sight of his screen is soon clouded with tepid tears. They fall, tasting briny against my lips, and heavy with guilt. In all of my time working with him, before, I had seen his computer. I had seen his laptop background. I had even seen his lockscreen, and it was never of somebody. No, it was a painting, song lyrics, a grocery list, or a sample background. It was never of a girl, but this time, it is. It’s him and me, some secret snap from a hike with Robbie this summer, overlooking the peak but smiling at each other while the sunset colors wash the sky. 

God, I really do need to fix this, right now. And if I had any plans for what that would be like, they’re stolen away by the wind when I look up. 

“Hey,” he says softly, worrying away at his bottom lip. His warm gray suit flutters when he stuffs his hands into his pockets, and if it weren’t for the lip thing, I know from this too that he’s nervous. Anxious or not, he looks unforgettable in that suit - the very one he donned for our first date, and I requested for so many more that he finally told me ‘no,’ because he had so many others. 

“I was looking for you,” I reveal slowly, my voice shy and distant, although I try so hard. 

“I was jus’ lookin’ fer ya too.” 

Silence falls into the space between us and claims it, separating us all the more with the desk in between us, and his figure across the room. Words fill me to the brim, and I didn’t know it a moment before, but these ones are impatient too. They grow heavy and needy when I see the glassy look to his eyes, and then disappear altogether when the first tear drips down his cheek. 

“‘m so sorry, Becks. I know I fooked ev’rythin’ up, and I understand if ya wanna break up- I-,” Harry weeps, his voice giving out on him. His dingy, flat curls move when his head shakes from side to side. My heart aches with each beat, and only sinks further when those pretty greens run away from me to hide in his hand. 

“Harry,” I begin in the worst of sighs, my rushing feet not quick enough to get me over to him. “You didn’t fuck everything up, you’re not even capable of that. Breaking up hasn’t crossed my mind, I promise.” 

“What?” he breathes, his hands falling at last. They’re slick with tears when I wrap them up inside of my own. Shock paints his face and stills the tears in his eyes that glue to me immediately. 

“Just shut up and kiss me already, big head,” I refrain, freeing his hands and grabbing his face until my lips touch his. Surely, I’ve surprised him, but it’s only seconds until he kisses me back. Her face pops into my head, and I kiss him harder. The thought of her kissing him comes next, and I lose my fingers in his hair. I try to find my ground by focusing on the feeling of his stubble underneath my fingertips, and his smell. It smells like home. 

“Baby, ‘m still so sorry,” he mumbles against my lips in between kisses. 

“It’s okay,” I assure him, pressing pecks to his mouth with hurried breaths. The image of his wet green eyes find mine again, and it’s like my heart didn’t just get sewn back together in the last minute like I’d thought. 

“‘m sorry, Becks, fer ev’rythin’ this week. Ignorin’ you, droppin’ you from tha case, comin’ home late, and our row last night,” Harry starts with tears growing in his eyes. Shaking my head, I pull him against me, and find his neck with my nose. “I was such a prick t’ you, I can’t believe it. Ya don’t deserve tha way I treated you or talked t’ you. ‘m so sorry.” 

“I know, Harry, it’s okay. I forgive you, it’s okay,” I coo, trailing my nails against the back of his neck, catching the soft curls there. “I was to blame too, I should’ve talked to you right away, and not waited. I-.” 

“No, don’t, Becks. ‘s not yer fault, none o’ it, it was all me,” he insists with a sob. I shush him, and lay my head on his shoulder, wishing to know how I could make this all go away. Hushed ‘it’s okay’s fall from my lips as I rub hearts into his back, wishing I could rub and rub until it was all better. Finally, the silence feels comforting, and no longer dangerous. 

The sniffles have slowed and almost stopped once I pull away, catching a tear budding on the end of his nose. A corner of his mouth greets his cheek as he catches one under my eye. 

“I’m sorry I got so upset last night over that stupid kiss. I know that you’d never do something like that to me . . it wasn’t your fault, Harry,” I say, brushing my thumb over his untidy stubble along his cheek. 

“Thank you . . ‘m sorry I didn’t believe ya and got all defensive ‘bout whatcha said. Yer me girl, nuthin’ will ever change that,” Harry hums, sponging a kiss to my forehead. “I got so excited t’ see Nelly at first, but she kept tryin’ t’ keep me away from you, and I shouldn’t have ignored it.” 

“It’s okay, it’s all over and done with.” 

“Mmmhmm,” he hardly smiles, looking down at me. 

“I’m your girl, huh?”

“Always, baby,” he confirms, his lips slowly spreading to shine that sunshine on me. “Hey, why tha tears when I came in, bug?” Harry shushes, leaving kisses along my face until I’m giggling. 

“Your pictures,” I say amongst the attack of kisses, hearing his confused ‘hmm?’ from somewhere on the other side. “Nothing, I just- I know. I really know, now.” 

“Good, silly girl, wantcha t’ never f’get that. Yer all mine,” he nearly sings, his lips drifting to my jaw and then my neck. “Love you, love you, love you.” 

“I love you more,” I sing back in reply, but then my breath catches when his giggle tickles my ear. “Don’t you dare! Harry!” I chuckle.

“Do what, love?” he asks, the mischief sparkling in his eyes when his lips leave my skin to smile at me now. 

“I swear to God, Harry Edward,” I titter, my words collapsing into laughs. 

“I love you most,” he claims with a loud wheeze, tittering into the corner of my neck soon, making us both laugh. 

“That’s my line!” 

“Seems I got t’ steal it this time, bug, and fook, did it feel good t’ finally get t’ say,” he comments, earning a dramatic sigh from me. “So, what d’ya say t’ skippin’ tha team meetin’ like ‘d planned, and orderin’ brekky and catchin’ up on that show o’ ours?”

“Perfect.” 

“Good answer,” he smirks, touching his lips to mine before pulling me in to wrap me up in my favorite place in the whole wide world, his arms.

+

“Are you ready yet? God, I swear you take longer than me, Harry, and I’m the gender who’s said to take the longest in the bathroom!” 

“Ya well, ‘s not very hard t’ bloody braid yer hair, throw on some gym clothes, and a hat, now ‘s it, Ms. Holte?” he calls back, and I shake my head, crossing my arms over my chest. With a sigh, I take a seat on the bottom step and let my chin fall into my palm. 

“Oh, would you stop? All you had to do was spray your hair and spike it, and write some words on your face with eyeliner.” 

“Be nice t’ me,” he remarks from above me, his voice coming closer. Cocking my head, I see a glimpse of him until at last, he comes into view. His grumpy face doesn’t last very long when he sees the dimple fall into my cheek, and soon, so are his. “How do I look, Ms. Green?”

“Great, Mr. Geller. You really nailed the nineties spiked hair,” I say, my words falling into a giggle that he shakes his head at. 

“Why thank you, ‘m rather proud o’ it too.” 

“I still can’t believe who you said we should go as instead.” 

“Keep teasin’ me and maybe we will go onna break,” Harry jokes, arriving at the bottom stair and soon returning to sit beside me with his pair of Old Skool vans in tow. 

“Hush,” I retort, knocking shoulders with him. Smushing the hat back against my head, my head falls onto his shoulder and I wind one of my arms around his. “You did good on the whiskers, I like them,” I note, dragging the back of my finger against his baby-smooth cheek. 

“Thanks, babe,” he mumbles while pulling on his shoes. Turning to me, the fake, black whiskers are obscured by his lovely dimples. “Ya really did do a great job with yer costume too, love, and t’ think we jus’ used what we had. We’re rather nifty, ‘d say,” he says, tapping a finger against my nose. 

“Thanks. I can’t wait to see how cute we look together.” 

“Then let’s go look, shall we, Rachel?” he asks with a raise of his eyebrows, and I nod as he kisses my forehead. 

Taking his hand, I stand up and follow him through the house until we arrive in the main floor’s bathroom, staring into the floor to ceiling mirror. A laugh immediately sputters from my lips and one from his too. 

“God, we look stupid.” 

“I hope that means we did good with our costumes,” he titters, inspecting his hair until I softly swat at his shoulder. “Ya really outdid yerself with tha pigtails, babe. Me black cap looks great on you, as does tha rest o’ yer outfit that’s mine. Ya always blow me away by how sexy ya look in me clothes.” 

“Okay, bud, would you chill out?” I chuckle whilst he sponges kisses down my neck from behind me now. “Harry, we haven’t even left for the party yet and you’re going to mess up your makeup.” 

“‘s okay, ‘s supposed t’ look a li’l messy since Ross was drunk in that episode.” 

“Harry, stop it,” I giggle when his lips wander to below my ear and his hands to my ticklish waist. “Kissy time can wait until later, mister.” 

“Hmmmph, yer no fun.” 

“I’m sure we’ll both be loads more fun when we’re tipsy later,” I note, taking his hands in mine and leaning into him. 

“Oooo, don’t tempt me, babe. Already wanna kiss all over you, yer not helpin’.” 

“Harry, I’m dressed as Rachel from the football episode in nothing but sweats. How in the hell is that sexy?” I wheeze, squirming when his fingers find just the right place on my ribs, because he’s gotten it memorized by now. 

“Told ya that ya look like sumthin’ else when ya wear me clothes. Plus, there’s never a time where ya don’t drive me mad with how beautiful ya are.” 

“Harry,” I sigh happily, opening my closed eyes to watch him litter kisses along my face in the mirror. “You know, I bet we’ll even win best couples costume.” 

“Hmmm, ya think?” he wonders aloud, lifting his head to look back at us, and in my eyes. Gently yanking on my pigtail, I giggle as I turn around and thread my arms around his neck. “Y’know what, reckon we look cute t’gether even as Ross and Rachel, but always as Harry and Becks.” 

His sunshine spreads a wider smile on my face as I hide my blushing face in his neck. The olive green button down of his slips under my fingers from behind his neck, and then again, I see the cat face scribbled on his face and ‘Ross’ written on his forehead from that one episode of FRIENDS. 

“We make a good team, huh?” I ask him, my fingers dancing over his beaming face. 

“Ya, we sure do, babe. And we’ll make a better one if ya don’t mess up me makeup I took far too long t’ put on.” 

“Okay, fine,” I relent, my thumb drifting along his cheekbones before it finds his bottom lip. “How’s this spot?”

“That works just fine.” 

“Oh, you don’t say?” I snicker, pulling down his warm lip only to have it spring back against his teeth. 

He shakes head with red cheeks while humming a response, but it doesn’t go very far until I envelope his lips with mine, sure that I’m screwing up his makeup but neither of us care. The kiss only grows sweeter when I think of the last Halloween that we spent together, and how this one is already starting off miles better.

We really have made it, haven’t we?

[palettepainter]

(IMPORTANT UPDATES) Look back at 2019

Big changes for 2020! Hey there everyone! 2019 has come and gone, another year passed and a new chance for me to try and improve myself when the new year starts! As far as I know me and my family don’t have plans to celebrate New Years other then of course spending time together, but I want to post this now just so that it’s out of the way it’s posted and I won’t have to worry about. If I can be honest, 2019 towards the last few months of the year has been a real punch in the face..multiple punches. I’ve broken off connections with people who treated me wrongly in the past, had random breakdowns at school (don’t worry they weren’t seriously bad), had trouble with siblings - it’s been overall, a very up and down year for me, but sadly towards the end and in the running up to Christmas, it was mostly down. But hey, 2020 means the start of a new year and a new chance to grow stronger as a person and an artist!..Seriously though 2020, please be kind to me- As you can probably from what’s in the title, there are going to be a few big changes to my characters and stories going into 2020. I’ve been thinking about this stuff a lot ever since mid August, it’s been something I’ve mentioned to one or two people, but ultimately I had to make the choice. And now with 2019 gone and done and 2020 being the opportunity to start fresh, I think it’s a good time to make these announcements. I understand that this may upset a few of you and yes it is going to make things a bit confusing for my NGAU, but this is my choice and I’m confident that making this choice will lead to me being much more happier with what I make. 🔸I will not be continuing my Zoophobia: Next Generation book series To anyone new who doesn’t know what I mean, Zoophobia: Next Generation was a book series I started back in December 2018, which included my own NG’s and one or two OC’s from the fandoms Zoophobia and Hazbin Hotel. Since the first book the series has since gained a lot of attention on Wattpad, and believe me when I say that I am truly grateful for how much positive attention the series got! It was my first time ever writing something on my own and it felt really special to know so many of you liked what I was doing! But as the series went on, I slowly began to loose my drive to continue writing. This is something I’ve admitted to close friends, but now that I’m older and I’m more aware of errors in writing and certain ways in which writing can be written to be better, I realise that the series isn’t up to my current standards. The story itself isn’t one that I’m proud of, and as my first book series, I feel like I was biting off more then I could chew when I first started writing this series. Ive realised that the story line I had in mind would be too hard to work into both Zoophobia and Hazbin Hotel without me having to make very big changes to either of those fandoms current stories and/or certain characters personalities, and though yes it is my own AU so if I wanted I could change the characters to fit better with my story, but honestly, I don’t want to change the characters. The characters from Zoophobia and HH I absolutely adore and there isn’t much I want changed about them, so I don’t want to alter the characters drastically to the point where they become an entirely different character. The main drive of the story with the main characters didn’t pick up till around the second book, and when I first started writing, the story line wasn’t even finished, I was just going with the flow and linking one thing to the other, hoping people would like it just as much as I did at the time. And lastly, this is probably the biggest reason why I’m no longer going to be continuing the series, but the first couple of chapters of the first book where too heavily inspired by another book series: I don’t want to continue to create something, when I feel as if it’s been too heavily based around someone else’s work. I want to create my own stuff and I feel as though the first book just isn’t that, it’s not my own work, and that’s leaded to me viewing the first book as my least favourite. This means that from now going forward, any events that took place in the book series is now no longer cannon. Some headcannons will be changed and altered due to this, for one Eve’s Headcannon will be changing as she will now most likely be alive in my NGAU now, so the stories I had planned for her such and the stories I already posted are no longer cannon either: I will say also that this also counts for my Eve X Hatchet NG Diego, he will remain cannon and will most likely be alive also. As for the characters that where involved in the books such as Lucy, Maggot and Bumbuss, I’ll figure out what to do with them. I defiantly want to keep Lucy as she was the very first OC I ever made for the Zoophobia fandom that wasn’t a NG, but I’m unsure on what to do with Maggot and Bumbuss. As much as I now don’t enjoy the series, it was fun to write while it lasted, and I cannot stress enough how grateful I am too everyone who ever read, liked, or commented on the series! But from now on, I won’t be returning to the series. I held off on announcing this and the reason it took me so long to decide this was because I didn’t want to leave you guys without a conclusion to the story, the series was only one book away from completion and I didn’t want to cut off the series so close to it being finished. But again, the book series isn’t something I enjoy anymore, so I hope all of you can understand and will hopefully look forward to the further projects I have planned 🔸New books to come Though my main book series will now be ending, I have a lot of ideas for new book series. Since the second and third book I had been having ideas for stories that could take place after the series, and the reason I kept doing the series for as long as I did was because I really wanted to start work on the stories that would take place after the series was finished. One of my goals for the new year is to try and push out more stories and book series for you guys, I feel like I’ve defiantly been lacking in the story department, mostly because I couldn’t find any ideas for illustrations to go with the story, and because I always felt too tired to ever finish any stories or illustrations. None of these story ideas yet have fully scripted out story lines, so far they’re just ideas and until I can get a script done for them, I won’t be starting work on them. I want these books to be as great and they can be, and not only do I want to make something that I can be proud of, but something that you guys will enjoy as much as I do. These ideas are in no particular order, and I haven’t decided if I’ll defiantly be doing all of these just yet, but here are some ideas I’ve had for books/book series for the future: -A book with my NG Box explaining her past before she came to live with Ribbon -A book with my OC Willem and how he discovers another hybrid like himself -Nidra’s story as she grows up to accept a new family, while letting a beloved friend go to persue their own life -Junior reapers: a story/series of stories involving Lotus, Charcoal, Parfait and Rae as they go on a quest to become junior reapers Maybe a MHA + Dragonous story *Dragonous is a Villainous dragon AU created by shabiest (Instagram), I will need to get permission from them if I want to write a book with this AU* Recently I got into My Hero Academia, and you can all blame that on my cousin When I first saw the series I kinda rolled my eyes at it, I’ve never really been a big anime fan the style never grabbed me when I was younger: and all I can say is that I should defiantly have given the series a try sooner MHA is a series I’ve come too really enjoy and love, I love the characters the story the dialogue, everything about this show! I’ve said this before but what I love about the show is how it’s great at showing us a large range of characters without straying too far from the main plot, and how this show makes me feel: there have been times where this show has had me emotionally frustrated, sad and happy, and if a show or a movie can make me feel a powerful emotion (angry sad or other), then I’m down for it. I’ve since made a few OC’s for the fandom, and I’ve been thinking about making a book about it. It’s not scripted out yet, and some of my ideas play into some events in season 4 - but if you guys enjoy MHA and you enjoy my OC’s, please let me know your thoughts! And Dragonous, a Villanious AU I’ve come to adore! I’ve always been a big fan of dragons, they where my favourite mythical creature growing up! (And still are to this day), with the creators permission I’d like to create a book with the few OC’s I’ve made, this one may not happen because again I need permission, but tell me your thoughts! Merch Again, something I’ve mentioned before, and something I’ve been really wanting to do! Me and my dad have made a shirt design with one of my OC’s, so far it’s only black and white (we’ve decided to go simple black and white since it’s my first time making merch), and hopefully if all goes well we can start to make more colourful merch However this all depends on you guys: I may be opening up commissions in the future, though I can’t say when, but this will depend on you: I have a PayPal and a KoFi if you guys wish to support me and my work (no pressure though!), every little bit counts and it would mean so much to me if you guys would consider supporting me and my work, even if it’s something as small as a pound! 🔸Collabs/art trades/design trades/RP’s There’s nothing really big to say about these things, but I have decided that from now on that I will only do these kinds of things with close friends.

Finally, I want to say a big BIG thank you to everyone who has stuck around on this crazy train ride to support me. This year as I said at the beginning, has not been the best for me towards the end, and I am so grateful to all the support you guys gave me. I know that I'm not very good with replying to comments/messages, and I'm so sorry if I never got round to replying to your message or comment, but I do read the comments, I do see the wonderful things you guys say, and it's absolutely delightful to see the nice things you guys say!  I want to give a big big BIG thank you to these wonderful people who have been there for me, whether it was to geek out over a show to if they where there for me when I needed support: @hazbinextgeneration​   - You've been an amazing pal right from the beginning, you where one of the very first people I met when I first got into the Zoophobia and HH fandom and you've been an absolute gem! You've been there for me when I was down and you've listened through out all of my nerd outs about characters and shows, and to have someone listen to me meant so much! You comment on nearly every piece of my work and you're always so kind and giving! Not only to me but to so many others! You've made me a lot and fanart and I'm sorry I don't nearly do enough for you in return, going into 2020, I want to change that!  @cosmic-artzz​   - If you hadn't been there to listen to me and help me out, I honestly don't know what kind of situation I would be in now. You helped me cut off ties with people I honestly wasn't happy talking with, and despite being dragged into my drama over and over again, you where still there to listen to both sides of the argument and give advice on how I could make things better. You've always been a delight to talk to and I'm so happy we had the chance to become friends! I'm so sorry you get dragged into my troubles as much as you did dude! Going into 2020, I promise you I'll be more confident in putting my foot down when I feel as though I'm not being treated fairly! And lastly, I want to thank all of you! For sticking with me on this crazy journey! Here's to 2020 and hoping its a wonderful year!!