#i love how im actually lesbian irl but have only male fictional crushes lol

[his-ghostly-wife]

Make fun of me based off of my crushes 😭 PT 2!

[anaryllis]

thank you ange!! okay so I'm recently coming to terms with being an nb trans guy despite id-ing as an nb lesbian previously. i've known for a while, but i'm just now telling people who are important to me for the first time and pursuing transition. my gf has been super supportive. i love her deeply. i KNOW i'm into women and many nb people, but lately i've been questioning if i like men or not. i know that since becoming more comfortable with my transmasc identity i've been fantasizing (1/4)

about situations with men, specifically other transmascs, and sometimes fictional / celeb men somewhat incessantly. like it's my go to fantasy right now. but i'm not sure i've ever been like attracted to a real guy irl. in fact i'm actively repulsed by many men. i guess all the transmascs in my life (my bro, my best friend) have only ever been in same gender relationships since coming out and i don't know if i'm genuinely into men or if like being mlm is just how i understand trans (2/4)

identity bc of the people in my life. like on one hand i really want for a guy to be attracted to me as a guy and care for me, that sounds so pleasant and gender affirming. the thought makes me happy. but it's also v possible that bc i identified as a lesbian before this i'm just sort of biased against heterosexuals and i'm not mentally prepared for the transhet label. like maybe being a straight guy in a ""queer"" relationship is too confusing to me. idk. me and my gf are openly polyam (3/4)

so i don't know if this desire to pursue men is like genuine potentially bisexual attraction or just some last ditch effort for gender affirmation or to escape straightness. i know on one hand it's not really that important but it's just so hard to categorize these thoughts and feelings and i was curious if you (or maybe any followers) had any thoughts about that. thank you so much. really (4/4)

hi yeah!!! first of all congrats on the new Gender, i hope its giving you all the joy & peace u deserve! & im especially glad u have ur gf to support u thru all of this. from my experience at least the switch from lesbian to well, not that, felt particularly difficult & having the positive ppl in my life rly made a big difference

this ended up rly long so under a cut it goes

like u said before u can rly only answer these questions for urself BUT i can tell u what happened for me & what i rly asked myself! my attraction to women has like, pretty much never been in question. i realized i liked girls age 12 and since then the fluctuations have been based on whether men were involved also lol. during my strongest time identifying as a lesbian, i definitely still had some attraction to men - but it was typically in the context of unattainable men & fictional characters, which sounded like comphet to me so i just didnt worry about it. most men disgusted me & i didnt rly have any close male friends. the closest man in my life was a recent ex that i had difficult feelings surrounding so i preferred to just, ignore it lol. i felt especially disgusted by the idea of being with a man while i identified rly strongly as a woman - both b/c of a revulsion to str8ness lol and also just like. discomfort w the way men see women u know? not to mention i was nonbinary even as a woman, and i had faith that women i dated would see that - i didnt have that faith in potential men i’d date

the real Crisis thing for me was actually developing a crush on my then guy best friend / now boyfriend lol! i didnt understand how i could be feeling so strongly about him when i was supposedly a “lesbian”. i’d already been questioning my gender for a time and that just added more confusion for me & i did a lot of rly long & hard thinking about it, reflected on my own interests (previous partners/crushes, unattainable crushes, etc.), how my own gender played into it, etc. the conclusion i came to was: 1. my attraction to men (irl, attainable ones) is rly dependent on trust. the fact of the matter is ive just never been in that many close, trusting relationships with men so crushes rarely developed. but when they did it rly v obvious it was genuine so i believed it was true, and 2. i do think my gender has a lot to do with it! i feel a lot of the same gender euphoria ur talking about when it comes to my relationship with my boyfriend. idk if id call myself transmasc truly but that element of my identity is rly tied to my attraction to men. aand 2b. i think a lot of my stress surrounding relationships with men in the past (like i talked about with dating them as a woman) has been about dysphoria. i didnt feel like it was possible to be with a man before that wouldnt be dysphoria-inducing - but instead it gives me gender euphoria!! which rules!! 3. oh and also like. when it comes to unattainable men im into cis & trans men, but of ppl ive known/been into personally its p much always been trans guys. i felt a lot of guilt around that before, but i do think that just has to do with t4t feelings & that feeling of trust! so unpacking that as being ok also made a difference for me

i do get ur concern about avoiding straightness - i havent had that specific concern, but i do think i was rly moralistic about my attraction to men. like, i felt like being bi didnt fit with my feminist politics, you know? and im definitely bi, so that was bad for me. so i do wanna say: if youre not into men, thats okay!! being a trans guy who loves women is wonderful in its own way, and i dont want u to have to feel shame about that. that said, in my experience i think having Gayness at the core of your attraction makes perfect sense. if exploring your gender as a guy feels linked to being attracted to guys, ive felt the same and you wouldnt be alone in that!

do whatever feels good to you & explore however. but imo my advice is basically: if/when you pursue men romantically, i feel like you’ll Know if its genuine or not. if you’re wanting to be particularly cautious, i’d say like leave the dating field open for guys even if ur not Actively pursuing them, and if the right one comes along that you feel that attraction for him, then i think thatd be wonderful!

sry for the. incredibly long answer but TL;DR: only you’ll know for sure, but it sounds to me like a potential attraction to men is worth exploring for you! so be gentle & patient w urself but whatevr conclusion u come to will be good. and ALSO u can always change ur mind!!!! theres not a max amount of identities u can have, u can change and rethink whenever. best of luck to u!!!!

[zesbian]

hi! im a baby lgbt+ kid (i dunno what to call myself, rip) i get really worried because irl i would never want to be with a man because they are gross and scary but i get crushes on fictional male characters more than I do female? is this weird? am i straight? i like girls a lot but i rarely fantasize about them? i can see myself with a husband at all, and most of my crushes are on girls. i worry all the time that im not a 'real' lesbian (sorry to bother you, any advice is appreciated!!!)

hey there! well to me that sounds a lot like how I viewed my sexuality during high school- full of compulsory heterosexuality. yeah Zayn Malik was cute and all, but literally any man who got near me I’d be like BLEGH GROSS. I also had this belief that I COULD marry/date a guy like if I had to. I also had a huuuuge list of standards for men, and if they didn’t fit the whole list then I wouldn’t even look at them. All of those situations require a hypothetically perfect situation and had me acting under the impression that relationships with men weren’t something that I should be looking forward to, but rather just something that will eventually happen that I guess I could do. but like, marriage and relationships DONT HAVE TO HAPPEN IF YOU DONT WANT THEM TO!! ALSO!! if a man is like a celeb or a fictional character then he’s what I like to call a “safe crush”. a safe crush is a guy who I KNOW I’d never have a chance with, who I may just find attractive (just like anyone of any gender can find anyone nice looking, regardless of their sexuality lol); but then if I were to actually meet this guy and he were to ask me out, or if I were to say, grow up with him as one of my friends, I’d be repulsed by the idea of like hooking up with him or dating him. so to me, that was a pretty big indicator of being a lesbian. here’s a post I love that talks a lot about what you seem to be dealing with: http://thatdiabolicalfeminist.tumblr.com/post/164526814159/common-experiences-of-lesbians-who-dont-knowNow when it comes to the whole “fantasizing” thing, you mentioned you were a kid (idk if you meant like actually a kid or just someone who recently realized they were gay), so that could just be that you might be too young to rly be thinking hardcore about that kinda stuff lol (and if you are young then, as a 20 year old, I think it would be a bit inappropriate for me to give advice on that 😅). But the main thing I can tell you is that because of compulsory het, a lot of lesbians sorta have to re-wire how they view women in a romantic or sexual situation, so maybe that could be the issue. I dated a girl for 2 months that I was intimate with who I STILL ever now and then had doubts about; it’s a pretty common lesbian experience. and to finish (unless I find more helpful links which ill add on later, which I’ll comment below) I’m gonna let you in on a little secret: TUMBLR IS DUMB ABOUT WHO CAN AND CANT BE A LESBIAN. do you think you like only girls? boom. lesbian! do you (and this is what I did) currently ID as bi, but think you might be a lesbian so you just want to try out the title for yourself and only date girls for a while? boom. lesbian! literally all it requires is that you like girls. (there are even ace lesbians!) so take your time, there’s no rush, and remember that I, and many many other lesbian users on here, support you while you’re figuring this all out. (PS: also it’s totally cool to go from one sexuality to another. there’s no sexuality police ((yet)) and no one is gonna flip out if you go from like bi to lesbian to pan or whatever. it’s your life, you get to label your attraction however you see fit.)