#i love him. and his uterus shaped emoji

[compher]

YESSSSSSS !!!! THE DROUGHT IS OVER 🫎🫎🫎

[kairiscorner]

I couldn't get the link to copy, so here's my first (and probably terrible) attempt at doing an image ID

A light mode tweet by aphorafterdark[black heart emoji]🔞. It reads: "It's possible to ruin a fictional man's pussy AND do an intellectual deep dive into his character trauma and motivations, and I'm sick of seeing takes implying that us horny bastards aren't also serious scholars of a canon." The tweet has 1,932 retweets, 175 quote retweets, and 5,559 likes. End ID

I hope this helps

OHHHH THANKS !! lmao yeah miggy does have the right to be horrified 😭😭😭 i'm sorry if this isn't what you asked for, but i do hope you enjoy it !!

original ask: "So you know that screenshot of a tweet that complains about horny fans not being taken seriously by the rest of the fandom? So my idea is this: a y/n who's from a universe where Miguel and the like are fiction, and she's scrolling through her dash when Miguel walks past and sees it. He's slightly horrified, and his reaction's absolutely hilarious for y/n who isn't even fazed by the screenshot. IDK if this is completely in your boundaries, but since the iffy stuff is only mentioned, it shouldn't hurt to ask. If you're not comfortable doing it, could you point me in the direction of an author who is?"

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

content warnings! mild mentions and suggestions of... not so family-friendly stuff ^^

"what in the–puta madre, what is that?" miguel asks as he squints and asks lyla to fetch his reading glasses for him. the AI summons them immediately on his desk and he scrambles for them as he looks at what you showed him on your phone. you chuckled at miguel's reaction, it was just like yours when you first happened upon tweets of people from all kinds of dimensions that know about the dimension you and the others lived in, it's just that to these netizens, you guys were fiction–imaginary works.

you happened upon them again as you went through your feed, and miguel glanced over at what you were looking at because you chuckled a little at the tweet. he got curious, and because you were such a nice friend, you showed it to him all nonchalantly. "'i want miguel o'hara to blank me in the blank until i memorize every vein, until my uterus is the shape of his blank, until i see different galaxies, and comfort him about his traumas. i can psychoanalyze this motherfucker while giving him the best head ever'–what the fuck is wrong with these... ay, puta." he read aloud as you erupted in peals of laughter.

"man, earth-1218 is crazy. i love how much they love you, miggy." you teased him as miguel tiredly walked over to his desk and muttered to lyla if him finding that tweet and all these forms of suggestive, horny, perverted yet somehow sympathetic, comforting, and rational media out there on the internet of earth-1218 is a canon event, to which she said, "big shock yeah man, it had to happen."

miguel sighed as you found even more interesting things on your feed, and all of it was about miguel's less traumatic, but still very horrifying, canon event of discovering internet people want to fuck with and discuss all about his character. "am i just that, a character on a screen, on a comic book for these... desperate, horny, yet so... insightful people?" he asked underneath his breath as you showed lyla some interesting 18+ art if him. "looks like they tried to get it right, though i know you're... a lot bigger than that." "not another word." he said as he said as he ran a hand across his face and sighed deeply.

looks like he won't be visiting earth-1218 for a while.

tags !! @miguelswifey04 @binibinileonara @fiannee @jrrantss @fictarian @yuridopted0 @luvstarrstruck @maxoloqy

[imusedtoitipromise]

I feel like I’m generally pretty good at beginning posts but this one I’m struggling with. There’s no easy way to broach the subject or ease into it, so I guess I’m just going to go for it. 

I had an abortion

I’m in no way shape or form embarrassed or upset with my decision. In fact, I knew that this was the absolute right choice for me. What I am worried about is that it’s a very touchy subject. I know that different people have different beliefs and I think I’m mostly afraid of upsetting someone else. At the end of the day, it was my decision. I’m happy, I have no emotional attachment to the situation, and I can only hope that writing about my experience and help others. When I set out to find information about both procedures I had a very hard time finding personal stories and experiences.

You know how when you get that feeling? The feeling that maybe something is off, something bad is going to happen, or you know that your gut instinct is right? I just knew. My period is very regular. It always has been, ever since my fist one when I was 10. My best friend and I generally have very close cycles. We do this dumb thing where we send each other the same emoji 3 times with confetti. This means, “hurray! I got my period, I’m not pregnant.”  Except neither of us had sent or received our special coded message. I messaged her and she said “oh yeah, I just forgot to send it. I’m 3 days in.” That’s when I knew.

That evening was filled with anxiety. I suppose it started to make sense why I had been so damn tired recently. Why I was a bit more sensitive than normal. Which, I suppose does fluctuate due to the whole Bipolar 2 situation. The next day was Saturday. Now I usually spend the weekend at my partners house. I usually come over Friday after work and then I leave Sunday afternoon. That Friday I just happened to be too tired from work and due to it being a 40-50 minute drive I just stayed home. The next day I went to his house. We planned to go to the Zoo. I felt like I was more quiet than normal. It was also very hot outside. The other zoo guests were terrible people in general. (I ended up alerting their guest services area that there were some teenage boys harassing the goats, if that gives you an idea of how people were behaving.) We fed the giraffes, walked around, looked at most of the animals and then left. 

Before I arrived at his house I stopped at a grocery store and bought a few things, among those was a boxed pregnancy test, which contained two tests. The box advertised that it gave early results, which I’m sure is very helpful if you’re trying to conceive. After we got home from the zoo we kind of hung out. I was very quiet and I’m sure I had a concerned look on my face. At some point he asked if I was okay. “Soo my period is late and I think I might be pregnant.” I was absolutely terrified of telling him. Now, he and I had discussed what we both wanted in our lives, politics, beliefs, and what not in the past. We’re more or less on the same page for everything, including not wanting children. I knew he would have the same feelings about abortion that I did. I was afraid of him deciding he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I was afraid of him deciding he was done immediately and that was that. I told him I bought the test and that I was afraid to take it. He said it was going to be okay.

I sat on the bed for a few more minutes and said “okay well... I guess I should go do the thing.” I went to the bathroom, read the instructions 3 times, and then took the test. I was too afraid to look, so I flopped on the bed and I asked him to look for me. I feel like at this point I already knew. He walked in to the bathroom and once he returned he very calmly said “there’s two lines.” This means the test was positive. It was confirmed that I was pregnant. I told him about my fears and that I was afraid to tell him. He held me close and said that none of those things would happen. He took the news so calmly and it was such a huge relief. We played a few video games, cooked dinner, and then I took another test several hours later. It came up positive immediately, as in less than a minute. I came back to the living room area, sat on the floor, and just cried. He held me, assured me everything was going to be okay, and then we began to look at our options. 

Because it was now Saturday night we couldn’t make any phone calls so we did all of our research online. We found out that there were two options- Medical (pill) and Surgical (surgical procedure performed by a doctor in an office) After reading about both online I decided that I wanted to have the surgical procedure. The pill had way more potential and longer lasting side effects. The stories I had read were not very positive and due to my already high anxiety, I decided I would feel safer at an actual doctors office. The procedure would be over 1,2,3 and that was that. 

I spent all of Sunday sleeping with the exception of a few hours of being awake  for dinner. We decided to make a list of all of the things to ask my insurance company and Planned Parenthood. I slept probably until 3 pm on Monday afternoon. I ended up calling PPH first, they said that they do take insurance, to call my provider, and ask about elective abortions. The insurance told me they covered the procedure. I called back PPH, gave them my insurance information, and booked my appointment. They told me that they would call me 24-48 hours before the procedure and give me the total cost.

I ended up staying at his place until Tuesday. I came home told my roommates what was going on and let them know that he would be staying with me for the weekend and that I would be taking a medical leave. My appointment was scheduled for Friday at 1:20pm. The week felt like it crept by, being constantly tired didn’t help the situation, either. My partner came over Thursday night. I barely slept and I was beyond nervous. However, there was a problem, we never heard back from PPH about the cost. We decided to call them. It turns out they actually didn’t accept my insurance so the procedure would cost $595. That was money that neither of us had to spend so we decided to make a few more phone calls and do some more research.I also set up my short term disability and medical leave. We ended up finding a clinic that was much cheaper even though they didn’t accept insurance. Our new appointment was set for 10:30 the following day, which was a Saturday.

Saturday morning I woke up and was beyond nervous. We arrived at the clinic and there were a few protesters. I wasn’t phased by them even though they were relentless. One of the women said “oh your mother must me so proud of your decision.” my response was “your mother should have swallowed”. I was quite pleased with that. We made it inside and it was PACKED. I began my paperwork. 10 minutes after signing in they called me back for a urine test. They never told me what order things were going to be happening in. Every place that offered these services said to plan on being at the clinic for roughly 3-5 hours. I returned to my paperwork, nervously filling it out. 10 more minutes and I was called back again. This time they were taking my blood pressure, heart rate, my iron levels, and checking to see if my blood was Rh negative or positive. My blood is Rh positive (if you have negative you have to have a short in order to have a successful pregnancy) my iron levels were good. My blood pressure is always fantastic, thankfully. Though, they had to check it twice because my heart rate was roughly 128bpm due to the anxiety. 

I returned to the waiting room finishing my paperwork, I turned it in to the window and they told me to have a seat. An hour later they called me back for the ultrasound. They couldn’t find anything because the pregnancy was so early, around 4-5 weeks. The ultrasound technician made me feel pretty stupid. I also found out my uterus is flipped downward which also made it harder to detect anything. She told me that I would have to have a vaginal ultrasound or I could come back in two weeks. 

I went back to the waiting room and then I was called back again. I assumed this is when the procedure would be happening. They would not let my partner come back with me and this made my anxiety even worse. Fortunately this was just the consultation. The nurse that helped me was amazing. She was so patient and kind. She explained EVERYTHING that I had questions about. She really went above and beyond by taking her time with me. After talking with her I decided that I would like to have the Medical (pill) procedure, especially because my partner could not be with me for any of the scary parts. The next step was to wait for the doctor to arrive.

They told us the doctor would be coming from a city that its roughly an hour and a half away at most. We decided to go and get something to eat. I wasn’t very hungry so we just went to get some donuts and an icee. We also got to stop at a very important memorial that commemorated a horrible act of hate. It was my first time seeing the memorial since the event two years ago. It really filled my heart that there was an abundance of love there. You could just feel it. 

We arrived back at the clinic 30 minutes later and the doctor still hadn’t arrived. It was probably close to 2:30. To spare you all the details we waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, on the doctor. I wasn’t seen until 5:30, which is fine. Only 7 hours after the initial appointment. I finally see the doctor. He does the ultrasound, finds the pregnancy, and he told me how the pills work. He gave me a note excusing me from work for 3 weeks, due to the post procedure instructions. I took the first pill, which stops the pregnancy and was instructed to take the other pills to expel everything 24 hours later. I was also prescribed percocet for the pain. The doctor said because it was such an early pregnancy, the abortion would feel like a strong period. He prescribed me birth control and asked if I would like a copy of the ultrasound. I said yes, took my things, and was on my way.

We stopped to get food, went back to my partners house and I just fell asleep. I’ve done a lot of sleeping in the past week and a half. I ended up sleeping through the night. We ended up leaving his house around 3pm. We stopped at the pharmacy, dropped off my medical leave paperwork, and then made our way to my place.

I cleaned up the kitchen and my room. I also put my bedding in the wash. Around 5pm I took the percocet and at 5:30 I put the misoprostal in between my cheeks and my gums and let them dissolve. They tasted like bitter, chalky, paper. Within 25 minutes was in excruciating pain. I can absolutely say that it was the worst pain I have ever experienced. I went to the bathroom and told my partner that I wouldn’t be locking the door in case I needed him. 5 minutes after I had been in the restroom I messaged him and asked for water. At this point I was sitting on the toilet doubled over in pain. I thanked him for the water and he left. A few minutes later I messaged him with the word “help”. I was in so much pain I couldn’t speak. The most I could stammer was “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” 

He brought a small portable fan into the bathroom and made sure it was blowing on me. He sat on the edge of the tub and held my hand. The door was left open and my sweet dog came in and placed his head on my arm. He also didn’t leave my side. I ended up getting off the toilet and laying on the floor. I was whimpering in pain and trying to breathe through it the best that I could. I eventually got up and made it into my room. I curled into a ball on my bed, continuing to breathe and whimper through the pain. I also asked for a cool wet wash cloth for the back of my neck and that seemed to help. He got me another percocet, made sure I had something to drink, and made sure I was as comfortable as I could possibly be. I ended up going in and out of sleep. 

The evacuation process did not being until about 3 hours after I had taken the misoprostal. I mentioned that I wish I had something bland like crackers. I eventually decided on wanting soup so he left to get me some. Shortly after he left the pain got VERY intense. I went into the bathroom and that is when the evacuation process began. The cramps came back in waves and while they were strong, they were nowhere near as bad as they were in the beginning. I’m sure taking more percocet helped with that tremendously. He was gone for roughly 20 minutes and by the time he returned the miscarriage had happened. I laid back in bed, he brought my fan in, and I slept for a bit longer. 

I woke up about 30 minutes later and relocated to the couch to eat my soup and we watched some TV to take my mind of everything. I was finally feeling much better, but I still felt very hazy. Around 1:30 he made my bed, made sure I was comfortable and we went to sleep. He woke me up the next morning, made sure I took another percocet, and then I fell back sleep.

I woke up several hours later and was finally feeling more like myself. All in all I have no emotional attachment to the abortion itself. I have no remorse, no guilt, and I 200% know I made the right decision.  I’m glad we had this option available. Even though it was painful for a few hours I’m glad I went through with this. I think if he could have come with me and I was further along I would have chosen the surgical procedure. The clinic itself was just okay. I wish the doctor would have been more punctual but I’m glad it’s finally over and done with. 

This whole experience ended up being very positive for me. I think a great deal of it had to do with having a partner who supported me every step of the way, didn’t leave my side, and made sure I was as comfortable as possible. Also knowing that this was exactly what I wanted to do made a big difference as well. As far as post procedure goes, I’m not having heavy bleeding or extreme cramping. If anything I’m happier and I feel like a stronger person as a whole.

[canelainnyc]

As I still try to figure out what my voice/tone for this blog should be, I’m still struggling to muster up the energy to even want to write on the daily. My mood is like a kaleidoscope—coming at me in different waves, shapes, colors, especially during That Dot time of the month. Yeah, yeah, yeah, call me dram-dramz Yesi, but it’s the truth, “being a female is so stressful.”—my aching/throbbing uterus

The other day, my father drunk called me. I still smile when I think about it. My dad rarely drinks and when he does, he’ll go on and on about how much he still wants to travel the world. He’ll talk your head off about how much he needs to fix the roof, how great God is, or how much he loves his three children. I am totally my father’s daughter. The other day he Stevie Wondered me--called just to say he loved and mentioned he and my mom plan to visit during Christmas. With watery eyes, I tried to clear my throat and replied with, “really? That would be awesome! I love you, too.” I faintly heard Spanish music in the background and my brothers laughing. It was then that it hit me, “my dad has been drinking.” –insert unimpressed emoji—

“Yeah dude, dad was tipsaaayy yesterday. We were having a BBQ in the backyard,” was the text message from Charlie. Whatever, you know what they say! “People speaketh the truth when they’re drunk.” I should have stuck long enough on the phone to have helped him book the flights.

I want to take this moment to really give technology a shout-out: I can’t imagine dealing with homesickness without FaceTime. Half the time when my parents and I FaceTime I’m looking at nothing but their lips, nostrils or chin. Totally laughing out loud right now. My mom, however, will look straight at me the second we’re officially connected and tells me in Spanish how excited she is to be seeing my freckled face. Makes me smile hard, every single time. When my nephew and I FaceTime, he’ll first go on about how exciting school has been, what new YouTube channel he’s gotten into, gives me an update on the day’s weather, takes a deep sigh and will ask, “so tia tell me, how are you doing?” IT MAKES ME TEARY EYED EVERY SINGLE TIME. One of my other favorites is FaceTiming with my best friend, Monica and my nephew Liam (who’s not even one by the way) AND THE WAY that he stares right at the phone’s screen, smiles when I talk to him, makes me truly believe he’s recognizing my face. Mi corazon se explota. 

Aside from dealing with different mood swings, the past week was somewhat exciting because I went on yet another date with a very intellectual handsome man (yes, I’m going on dates or whatever. Stay tuned for another post about said topic…maybe) and I’ve been having the most vivid dreams since I’ve moved here. Both of these events are exciting because (a) one is an ego booster (b) means I’m actually getting sleep. I can’t tell you how much sleep I’ve lost since I moved to NYC—with the time change, emotional transition, noise pollution (compared to Monterey County), and stress levels dealing with finding a new job. These dreams have been so vivid I still remember every single one (there have been four):

1.     The first two dealt with me moving to NYC; half way through the dream I realized I already had a place in Brooklyn and instantaneously felt so relieved. The depth of my REM sleep was so real because I seriously felt the intensity of relief knowing “wait, my life in NYC has already kicked off.” The only downside to these two dreams was both times it took me about ten seconds after waking up to realize I was waking up in Brooklyn and not in Salinas. –sigh—

2.     Big bodies of water have always been a reoccurring thing in my deep slumber. This dream dealt with me working at the Aquarium back in Monterey and having to swim across a very calm Pacific Ocean in order to get to a new exhibit (fun/sad fact about me, I don’t know how to swim). I was so confused as to why the ocean was so calm because in the past dreams that dealt with big bodies of water always involved a tsunami or me drowning. In the end, calm bodies of water are interpreted as, “you currently have control of your life.” Now whether or not that is true, I’m taking that fact, holding on to it so tight and running with it!! Can’t catch me, Shiiiieeeettttt.

3.     I can’t recall what city this dream took place in, but you were there. I haven’t seen you since last Labor Day weekend (2016). I’ve talked to you plenty since then but seemed to have lost touch when I told you I was moving to NYC and not San Diego. I woke up smiling because your hug and smile was on some 4D experience, it felt so real. When my left arm wrapped around your back, it felt the same as it did the night you walked me to the front of my hotel room, in the Gaslamp, to kiss me good night. Now I don’t even know if you read these entries, but I’ll always wonder what would have happened had I moved back to San Diego. I still think of you often.