#i love him ur honor sound the wedding bell pls

[scarameownya]

so... about that self harm wanderer hc...

[ obvious trigger warning for self harm, self destructive behaviour (physically AND mentally) and self hatred ]

i think scaramouche hates looking into the mirror, everytime he does, all he sees is the replicate of the woman that has left him behind, abandoned him to fend for himself and to leave what he thought was once his only chance to fit in.

yet he cant help but keep looking at it everyday.

its like a drug, an obsession, suffering from withdrawal as he knows how much it hurts him, how much it pains him to be reminded of the circumstances of his birth and how despite being made for what was once greatness, it was never to come. the sigil hes wearing on his chest is a constant ache, a reminder of what he has to do and what and who has hurted him, it hurts him deep inside his core and yet he just can't let it go.

to exhaust his body everyday, knowing it doesn't matter because what is clay if it can't be fixed, what is a puppet if it can't be used ? no matter how battered, how much cuts and scars and no matter how much energy was drawn out of him... he just can't seem to stop going back for more.

in his core, he tells himself, it was for the sake of revenge, all the pain inside his heart is there to tell him what his goal should be and how far hes willing to go, his physical pain is nonexistent and he can only rely on his emotional pain to pull him back from the reality of a broken, wiltered puppet that he is.

even after getting his second chance at life, he still struggle to look in the mirror, he has come to accept this body is his, his own to use and his own to handle but sometimes his reflection is still a silent reminder of his origin, and one bad day was enough to pull him back to all the years of pain and suffering he went through.

but for some reason, he doesn't hate his reflection in niko's eyes.

for some reason, seeing his own face, his own battered flesh in those brown hues, seems different. he just can't bring himself to look away, it was mesmerising, was he always this pretty ?

being told pretty by everyone else doesn't hit the same if its not coming from the one guy with the same battered and tired brown hue, it's reflection isnt as clear as a mirror, isnt as sparkly and pretty as the lake, yet he can't help but think it looks just like him.

his body, his face, his mind... his emotions. so much he has continously pushed away, in favor of what he thought he could be, how much better it'd have been if he was just given what he so rightfully deserved.

but now, in this moment, he is being treated exactly how he needed to be and cared for, by someone he can unapologetically be his true authentic self in.